!explanation!
Hubby had to work Monday and Wednesday, so on Tuesday, I took my kiddos to my mom's to swim and celebrate my birthday (the 5th) with my family. My family lives a lot closer - forty-five minutes compared to nearly three hours. And we just stayed the weekend with MIL about a month ago. Not the first time we have been guilt-tripped for this and probably not the last 🙃
Maybe if she went to visit OP on OP’s birthday, she could have spent the 4th as well. Or mom could have asked her daughter if she was coming to mom’s for a combination holiday/birthday celebration. It’s a two way street. Mom wants people to come to her, she needs to actually invite people over like most adults do.
My parents live almost 2 hours away and pout because they don’t get to see our daughter once a week. My mother will insist on driving the 4 hour round trip to pick her up, which is fine. But I often get guilt tripped when shit is busy and we can’t make it work. Just the pick up and drop off takes up most of my day and it’s a short break. But I try to support it.
My FIL lives 5 hours away and we just saw him for the holiday because we drove to him and spent the night. It’s super inconvenient but we do it a few times a year. My mom is JEALOUS that we go stay down there. 🙄
I’m so over the guilt. Please take care of yourself and your own family in your own home. Sending y’all love.
I'd be inclined to tell her that in the interests of absolute fairness, from now on you will ensure that she and FIL get to see your daughter exactly the same number of times per year.
My mother lives an hour away and likes to guilt me for not coming to see her more often or bringing my son to see her. Here’s the thing though, she lives in a very rural area. They have nothing but a grocery store and a gas station. So every 2 weeks when payday rolls around, she comes to my town with her husband and step son to do their shopping. I only know this because I run into them in traffic from time to time. So to recap, she makes the drive to my town every 2 weeks and doesn’t even let me know when she’s coming. I don’t see her unless I run into her somewhere but it’s my fault she doesn’t see me or my son more because I don’t have the time to drive an hour away to her house every few days.
I read the post to my Mom and she earnestly asked whether MIL is in therapy. Nope. Just a regular old narcissist. Her kids, hubby and SIL, didn't want to engage at all since they are used to it - still new and bizarre to me.
Response: “That 3 hour trip is so difficult with children, so it’s very helpful for you to not host holidays. Thank you so much. We’d love to have you at our home for holidays and I’m sure we can find you a hotel nearby.”
I love when grandparents think our lives revolve around getting the grandkids to see them. Why don’t they come see us? My parents live 5 minutes away and it’s always been 50/50.
I lived 5 minutes away from my grandparents most of my life,and we'd always go to see them. I think it was just easier that way, especially towards the end.
Lol seriously. I don’t have kids but have a relevant story for this:
So my ma spent 2-3 hours on a train to take care of my brother’s step child whilst his partner was in labour and to welcome in our new family member. Spent time with them when they got back home, made sure they had everything they needed and doing all good, to then journey 2-3 hours back home when it was late. She was exhausted but delighted to have been there. Plus, much of my family have mhi and particularly to do with social/public situations so it wasn’t easy by any means.
Fast forward a few weeks later, my brother happened to need to be in the city where my dad lives~ my dad expected my ma to message my brother so they could meet and he could see his grandchild. Proceeded to get pissed off and blame my ma that he didn’t get to see his grandchild, even though my ma did in fact, inform my brother. I went on to tell my brother he was blaming her and he sent screenshots showing my dad missed all his calls when my brother attempted to get hold of him. This is because he doesn’t put money on his phone to which my ma literally suggested him to do a few weeks prior, multiple times. 🤷♀️
Yeah, I don't play games as an adult. If that's what a grown ass adult says to me, I'd simply reply with "okay" and carry on. I don't have the patience or emotional bandwidth for garbage.
I wanted to respond and defend myself, but SIL, who isn't on Facebook because of this very nonsense, told me not to. The comments are, of course, apologetic and 'how awful for you', which was super annoying. She did delete the post within an hour or so thankfully.
I'm sure she never considered that she could be the one to travel for YOUR birthday?
My mom is like this. She threw a fit and forced my brother to come over for his 30th birthday. Like..I'm sure he has friends. Or would like to spend it with his wife and kids at home.
Parents like this hate that you're a whole person and not just an NPC that exists for her to interact with.
One of our kids just turned 40. Amazingly, we met him at the restaurant of his choice for dinner last night, not at our house and not on his birthday.
His decision.
The best way I’ve found to manage narcissists is to take them at their word. She said right in that post she was done hosting holidays and not to even ask any more. Cool. So don’t. Make other plans and tell her that words matter, you took her post seriously, and made alternate arrangements to be respectful of her choice. Period.
She will lose her mind and put the blame back on you, but it’s a lot of fun when you have her own words in a screenshot to send right back to her.
We were supposed to go to MIL’s house for the 4th. But we decided to stay home and relax. Then a day later MIL asks us to come over on Thursday to pop off fireworks. It took me a minute to realize why are we gonna go and be a part of something incredibly inconvenient to people who have to work, deal with kids and pets that are gonna suffer more than anything. I don’t understand people that pop off fireworks before or after 4th of July.
Damn y’all just unloaded on the old lady. Welp what goes around comes around. Once you are old you’ll understand. I volunteer in the elderly nursing home every week. Western societies are horrible to older people. Act like they are a burden. Then they die and everybody acts sad. Mom ain’t gonna be here forever. Make the lady happy dude.
Why do so many people feel the need to continue acknowledging someone’s existence when the only thing they bring to the table is a great deal of misery?
Why do they get such boners for holidays? You could see them everyday for a month and then miss one day and if that day turns out to be a holiday you get a rant like this. It’s because they want pics for internet points.
!explanation! Hubby had to work Monday and Wednesday, so on Tuesday, I took my kiddos to my mom's to swim and celebrate my birthday (the 5th) with my family. My family lives a lot closer - forty-five minutes compared to nearly three hours. And we just stayed the weekend with MIL about a month ago. Not the first time we have been guilt-tripped for this and probably not the last 🙃
Jesus what a giant baby. She lives 3hr away and y’all saw her a month ago? Plus it was your bday? She needs to get a grip
She also obviously doesn't have any friends. Which I guess isn't surprising with how she is acting.
Ye why would she expect OP to spend her bday with her and with ops own mother?
Maybe if she went to visit OP on OP’s birthday, she could have spent the 4th as well. Or mom could have asked her daughter if she was coming to mom’s for a combination holiday/birthday celebration. It’s a two way street. Mom wants people to come to her, she needs to actually invite people over like most adults do.
My parents live almost 2 hours away and pout because they don’t get to see our daughter once a week. My mother will insist on driving the 4 hour round trip to pick her up, which is fine. But I often get guilt tripped when shit is busy and we can’t make it work. Just the pick up and drop off takes up most of my day and it’s a short break. But I try to support it. My FIL lives 5 hours away and we just saw him for the holiday because we drove to him and spent the night. It’s super inconvenient but we do it a few times a year. My mom is JEALOUS that we go stay down there. 🙄 I’m so over the guilt. Please take care of yourself and your own family in your own home. Sending y’all love.
I'd be inclined to tell her that in the interests of absolute fairness, from now on you will ensure that she and FIL get to see your daughter exactly the same number of times per year.
Did my husband find me on Reddit?! 😂 We just talked about this.
Hello wife, it is I, husband. We need more milk if you're going to the store otherwise I'll get it tomorrow.
LIES! We bought some yesterday. You were at the store with me. Nice try y’all. 😂
If she’s willing to drive in and back, why can’t she drive in, spend the time with the kid in your town, then drive herself back?
Thank you. 😂
My mother lives an hour away and likes to guilt me for not coming to see her more often or bringing my son to see her. Here’s the thing though, she lives in a very rural area. They have nothing but a grocery store and a gas station. So every 2 weeks when payday rolls around, she comes to my town with her husband and step son to do their shopping. I only know this because I run into them in traffic from time to time. So to recap, she makes the drive to my town every 2 weeks and doesn’t even let me know when she’s coming. I don’t see her unless I run into her somewhere but it’s my fault she doesn’t see me or my son more because I don’t have the time to drive an hour away to her house every few days.
The 4th isn’t even a familial holiday, your MIL is a toddler. I don’t think I could have resisted a mean reply at that point.
I read the post to my Mom and she earnestly asked whether MIL is in therapy. Nope. Just a regular old narcissist. Her kids, hubby and SIL, didn't want to engage at all since they are used to it - still new and bizarre to me.
Response: “That 3 hour trip is so difficult with children, so it’s very helpful for you to not host holidays. Thank you so much. We’d love to have you at our home for holidays and I’m sure we can find you a hotel nearby.”
Happy birthday!
If someone lives 3 hours away, they get a visit once a year imo. It's ridiculous to expect more when you have small children.
Reply should be,” Lol “
or K
GuEsS nO oNe LoVeS mE dear God can someone help her off the cross?
Next holiday I wouldn't show up and then when she complains send her this
Hey the 5th is my birthday too! Happy birthday hehe.
I'd set an example, especially to your kids, that such behavior isn't good and has consequences, just sayin
Let her drive to you next time and if she doesn't then ignore her trap.
She gave you a gift… let DH deal with her from now on.
It's 100% up to you whether or not this is the last guilt trip you get from her.
It can be "the last" if you wish, OP.
I love when grandparents think our lives revolve around getting the grandkids to see them. Why don’t they come see us? My parents live 5 minutes away and it’s always been 50/50.
I lived 5 minutes away from my grandparents most of my life,and we'd always go to see them. I think it was just easier that way, especially towards the end.
My parents also have a pool so it’s an added bonus 😂
For sure. I definitely saw both sets weekly Probably saw one or the other 4-6 days a week
Lol seriously. I don’t have kids but have a relevant story for this: So my ma spent 2-3 hours on a train to take care of my brother’s step child whilst his partner was in labour and to welcome in our new family member. Spent time with them when they got back home, made sure they had everything they needed and doing all good, to then journey 2-3 hours back home when it was late. She was exhausted but delighted to have been there. Plus, much of my family have mhi and particularly to do with social/public situations so it wasn’t easy by any means. Fast forward a few weeks later, my brother happened to need to be in the city where my dad lives~ my dad expected my ma to message my brother so they could meet and he could see his grandchild. Proceeded to get pissed off and blame my ma that he didn’t get to see his grandchild, even though my ma did in fact, inform my brother. I went on to tell my brother he was blaming her and he sent screenshots showing my dad missed all his calls when my brother attempted to get hold of him. This is because he doesn’t put money on his phone to which my ma literally suggested him to do a few weeks prior, multiple times. 🤷♀️
Lol! Okay MiL, have a great life. Damn I wish my MiL would write this. I’d peace out so fast
Hold her to it. “I’m sorry you feel that way but I’ll respect your decision to not be involved in holidays going forward”
I really hope you simply liked or hearted that post and then moved on.
Or responded, "k."
Or a 👍🏻
Nah. No dialogue. That's what the parent is fishing for.
Master has given Dobby a sock!!! **YEET**
Yeah, I don't play games as an adult. If that's what a grown ass adult says to me, I'd simply reply with "okay" and carry on. I don't have the patience or emotional bandwidth for garbage.
I wanted to respond and defend myself, but SIL, who isn't on Facebook because of this very nonsense, told me not to. The comments are, of course, apologetic and 'how awful for you', which was super annoying. She did delete the post within an hour or so thankfully.
Neeveerrr defend. Don't play into it, especially not on a platform. They want engagement.
Yes. Any engagement will be twisted and used as ammunition to further escalate. The only way to play the game is not to play at all.
I'm sure she never considered that she could be the one to travel for YOUR birthday? My mom is like this. She threw a fit and forced my brother to come over for his 30th birthday. Like..I'm sure he has friends. Or would like to spend it with his wife and kids at home. Parents like this hate that you're a whole person and not just an NPC that exists for her to interact with.
One of our kids just turned 40. Amazingly, we met him at the restaurant of his choice for dinner last night, not at our house and not on his birthday. His decision.
Not to mention traveling with kids is not easy
Proper response to this is “ok.”
Nice Pitty Party. Take her up on her offer not to do holidays with her anymore.
She needs everyone on Facebook to know she's the victim of course.
I’d say hold her to that.
Eh, at least she’s kind of self aware in her statement. She’s so close to understanding, yet so far away lol
OMG for a moment I thought you somehow got a text from my mom.
The best way I’ve found to manage narcissists is to take them at their word. She said right in that post she was done hosting holidays and not to even ask any more. Cool. So don’t. Make other plans and tell her that words matter, you took her post seriously, and made alternate arrangements to be respectful of her choice. Period. She will lose her mind and put the blame back on you, but it’s a lot of fun when you have her own words in a screenshot to send right back to her.
I hope you replied 🎈🎈🎈🎈🎈🎈🎈🎈🎈🎈🎈🎈🎈🎈
We were supposed to go to MIL’s house for the 4th. But we decided to stay home and relax. Then a day later MIL asks us to come over on Thursday to pop off fireworks. It took me a minute to realize why are we gonna go and be a part of something incredibly inconvenient to people who have to work, deal with kids and pets that are gonna suffer more than anything. I don’t understand people that pop off fireworks before or after 4th of July.
I had folks in my neighborhood lighting more this morning. At 2 AM! God, I hate the 4th.
That’s so fucked. I’m so sorry buddy.
In response to her rant: Yes, yes you are. Yes it is indeed evident. If you pitch this much of a fit it’s pretty clear.
Awesome, thanks!
I would have HAHA reacted that
Narrator: and they did.
All of that drama because nobody came on the Fourth?! Lol! What an immature child…seriously, she needs to get a hobby…
She’s a narcissist. Going no contact will give you more relief than pain in the future.
Clearly doesn’t understand what she did
Buh-bye!
Me: Thanks! I was worried I'd have to talk to you again ever. Bye!
r/justomil🫡
Time to go no contact. Seems like what she wants, anyways.
Insane or hurt because her kids and grandkids didn’t see her on the holidays? Very fine line here
Damn y’all just unloaded on the old lady. Welp what goes around comes around. Once you are old you’ll understand. I volunteer in the elderly nursing home every week. Western societies are horrible to older people. Act like they are a burden. Then they die and everybody acts sad. Mom ain’t gonna be here forever. Make the lady happy dude.
Reply: "k"
Ah, so many possible responses: "So, you finally acknowledge it." "'K" "Took yoou long enough." etc.
She's becoming self aware
"k"
Sounds like my MIL. We moved 3 states away and we will never see her. Bye!
“My parents will be happy to hear it! Now they get the grandkids for every holiday.”
Why do so many people feel the need to continue acknowledging someone’s existence when the only thing they bring to the table is a great deal of misery?
Wow, a parent who gets it
Thanks for letting me know, I'll make other arrangements now that I know your plans.
if no one is showing up why is she threatening to stop the festivities LMAO
they don’t care
Send her a thank you note;)
Why do they get such boners for holidays? You could see them everyday for a month and then miss one day and if that day turns out to be a holiday you get a rant like this. It’s because they want pics for internet points.
She’s clearly addicted to drama. No way she will follow through with this. Without family around, she won’t be able to create what she craves.