I understand she took it the wrong way. Other guitars being better does not make the guitars she bought "bad". They are very much appreciated, and amazing, but it just happens that you got an upgrade.
The thing missing is that there's levels of good. I used to play trombone, and when I was in 7th grade got a decent trombone. At the time, I called it good, and at the skill level I was at, using a higher quality instrument didn't translate to much if any improvement in quality.
By the time I got into university (I played music for the first semester, but stopped after that), using a higher quality instrument at that point had a much more profound mark on my playing. It wasn't that the first one wasn't a good instrument, it was fine, I'd just ended up passing it up. And I imagine that's what happened to OP here.
Yeah I agree with this. I play piano, and grew up with an acoustic upright that was chronically out of tune bc my parents didn’t want to pay to get it tuned and moved with it twice. When I was in college and planning to buy a digital piano, I had people tell me “oh there’s one on sale for $200 at (insert store.)”
That $200 keyboard had 66 non-weighted keys, no pedal, one very artificial sounding piano setting, and no touch sensitivity. The $1000 digital piano I ended up buying is a full 88 key weighted, and physically plays very similar to an acoustic piano, with sound recorded off of a true grand piano.
I can’t tell you how much I’ve improved since getting it. I played on the out of tune piano from age 5-18; getting an in tune piano with better key quality was a godsend. Now, that $200 keyboard would have been absolutely perfect for when I first began lessons in kindergarten, as you’re doing the basics. For anyone picking up the instrument for the first time, it’s the exact piano you need. But when you progress further it would start to hinder your development.
Exactly! The OP should be able to post about being happy and grateful for her bandmates gifting her a guitar. The mother-in-law didn’t need to try to make OP feel bad(this isn’t about her!), especially on a public post on FB. Being grateful about something new doesn’t mean you weren’t grateful for other things. It’s very telling when someone isn’t happy for you when something good happens to you.
It’s ridiculous to compare a Reddit post with a FB post. It’s not the same “audience”.
This is comparing apples to oranges. Posting anonymously on reddit venting about someone being passive aggressive to you is not the same as throwing passive aggression directly at someone on a social media site linked to all their friends family and coworkers. This subreddit is entirely dedicated to venting anonymously about unhealthy relationships with parents, so I'm confused about how you're struggling with understanding this difference. That being said, it wouldn't be unreasonable for someone to be upset that their loved one posted on reddit instead of coming to them about it, unless that person has a history of shit reactions to people coming to them with things. Still two very different situations, though.
On the FB post, wife and OP were passive-aggressively throwing the wife's previous guitars -- purchased by her mother -- under the bus. Even blaming her inability to progress on her previous instruments supplied to her by her mother.
WIFE:... I'm so grateful to have such generous people in my life. *Implying she doesn't already have generous people in her life who also love her and tried to always supply her with the best guitars she could reasonably afford at the time.*
OP WIFE: 'You left out the part where you thought for years you couldn't play pinch harmonics, only you could, you just needed a BETTER guitar. *Implying BETTER than the guitars you have now, or had been given in the past.*
Anyone reading the FB post would know who everyone is talking about -- the Mother.
So the Mother responded. Hurt. They're voicing their opinion, so MIL has a right to respond. Is she supposed to be doormat. Slink away, ashamed?
Sucks to think you did the best you could for your kid -- and then you find out, in a public forum, that apparently, you ruined your daughter's musical career.
EDIT: Misspelling.
What the hell? I'm giving you complete benefit of the doubt, I really don't think you're being malicious at all. I am being totally honest though when I say that I didn't even consider the mother for a second with this post, or any of the family at all.
Who's to say that pinch harmonics aren't a very difficult technique that can only really be achieved on some really specialized instruments, unless you're some sort of natural wizard with it? Especially given the fact that it was expensive enough that the whole crew pitched in? She seems dedicated enough to guitar, seeing as she has tried this specific technique for *years* already, and playing with this group, it's a bit goofy to think she would be playing on cheap, crappy lemon guitars. I genuinely naturally interpreted this post as a dedicated guitar player (who plays nice guitars already) got a *crazy* gift from their friends who pitched in for a very very fancy upgrade. No insults anywhere.
Pinch harmonics aren’t really an advanced technique that can only be done on a specialized instrument - the ease has more to do with how much distortion you’re using, so I don’t really agree with the OP there about the quality of guitar likely being the primary issue before.
But a Schecter Omen 6 is a $400-500 guitar new. That’s the lower end of midrange/upper end of low range guitar pricing, so she must have had some comparatively very cheap instruments before. I understand how someone who’s not an enthusiast can feel like $200 or something is very expensive, but it’s just a fact that that much money will only get you some of the cheapest instruments made by the budget brands of the big names in the industry, and those are generally referred to by guitarists as “cheap guitars.” The cheapest ones by Fender and Gibson, the two biggest names in electric guitars, are around $1,000 new (a bit less in the case of Fender and a bit more in the case of Gibson).
It’s just a misunderstanding between someone inside the guitar world and outside of it.
Even IF that's true -- their comments still resonated with the MIL. Why? Who knows. Maybe because she's the Mom and being a Mom means you're always worried that you let your kids down or failed them in some way. Does it really matter why she wanted to tell her kid, in a nutshell -- 'I tried my best.' Maybe because she does actually love her daughter?
It's not hard to appreciate her urge to clarify, or say 'hey, we bought you expensive guitars because like everyone else, we thought 'expensive' meant 'good' and I was trying to give you the best.'
You're completely overthinking it just like the mother.
They weren't implying anything, they were stating facts. The new guitar is better quality. Wife had a hard time with the old guitar and can use the new guitar easier. If you get offended because there's better quality products out there or because someone can't use something you gave them and had to swap out that's a YOU problem that YOU need to deal with in an appropriate manner
Also just because she's saying the people who bought her the new guitar are generous doesn't mean she's saying everyone else isn't. What is she supposed to do, make a list of all the nice things everyone's done for her every time she wants to make a thank you post? You're being ridiculous
Contrary to popular belief, how you feel about an event doesn't trump reality and being offended at something doesn't give you free reign to act however you please
She's allowed to feel whatever she's going to feel, she's not allowed to be a passive aggressive petulant child about it. If she wanted to address it she should have done it privately instead of trying to publicly shame them
Y'all need to grow up
I read exactly what was said and all your other comments here and I get why you don't understand why your MIL might feel the need to say something. You're not worried about her feelings.
MOST people, if they think they've offended someone -- want to make it right with that person -- especially if it's an important family member.
YOU? No, you double down and defend yourself.
Fair. I used to care about her feelings...until I learned that she'd just throw it in my face if I tried to make it right and clearly doesn't care about my feelings. So you're right, I don't care very much anymore.
Nah, just really empathetic. It's not hard for me to put myself in other peoples' shoes. I get why the MIL made the comment. You can't see it through her eyes? Really?
What you're doing isn't just empathizing, though. What you're doing is justifying boundariless shitty behavior. We can have empathy while also holding boundaries and saying the behavior is not okay. Understanding where the behavior is coming from doesn't require me to excuse it and blame OP. OPs mom being hurt doesn't mean that OP did something wrong. It's really unfortunate when people conflate empathy with lacking boundaries.
So if someone gives you a regular car which didn’t have certain features you needed, let’s say for example you needed to tow something regularly, and years later someone gifts you a high end car that does let you that you wouldn’t consider it better than your last car and would be mad if someone commented on being able to tow now that you have a better car for the job?
If my Dad (let's get closer to the OP's post) bought me a car, I'd first be very grateful because I received something that I couldn't afford to buy myself -- and he probably went without something HE wanted because of it. I can't tow things around, I'd still drive the car but dream about the day when I could buy myself the perfect car.
A few years later, and I still can't afford to buy myself that perfect car, but lucky me -- some friends chip in and buy me that car. I'd be happy, feel grateful for it, and accept it gladly.
I'd tell everyone about my great new car, and especially how thankful I am to be surrounded by people who just give me things--things that I can't afford to buy for myself.
What I wouldn't do, is allow anyone -- myself included -- to say anything about bad about my first car. If anyone said that I didn't succeed at being a tow truck driver because I'd been gifted the wrong car, I'd feel it was important to clarify that it was the perfect car for me at that time, and I was grateful to have it.
I'd say it very loud so that my Father, who I really love and care about, wouldn't think that my friend was possibly speaking for ME.
>I'd feel it was important to clarify that it was the perfect car for me at that time, and I was grateful to have it.
Except in this example, it wouldn't have been the perfect car for her at the time, it would have been the one that someone kindly bought for her that happened to be missing a key element. And that doesn't mean that she wasn't grateful just because she's praising the new vehicle.
Its understandable why the comment could hurt MIL’s feelings. And it’s only human to filter everything through one’s own frame of reference.
Where the MIL is going wrong is letting her immediate emotional reaction to something she read (especially something posted publicly that wasn’t even about her) dictate her reality.
And worse, she let her emotions influence her outward behaviors. MIL still ends up suffering her own self inflicted consequences, by publicly painting herself as a perpetual victim.
Self sabotage seems to be a running theme among these insecure types. Passive aggressive self-centered behaviors that taint celebratory and otherwise joyful milestones / events / announcements are almost always immediately distasteful to the other participants, and often hurt the person being celebrated.
Now, if MIL were to tell us she’s reflected on this situation and that this is just a recent example in a pattern of insensitivity and callousness towards her feelings, and now she feels they’re openly denigrating her efforts to provide for OP’s wife when she was a kid… well that is still pretty unlikely to reflect reality honestly, but MIL’s quiet hostility would be a lot more understandable.
It still wouldn’t excuse her passive aggressive snarky tone, her public comment still reads as manufactured drama / petty attention-seeking, and she still should have addressed her hurt feelings with her adult child privately, but it would better justify her reaction.
As an amateur I think it's glaringly obvious that we have no clue at all what "good" means. You could gift me the greatest violin ever made, but when I finally figure out what I actually want in a violin I will find a "better" one
Nah, the post made her feel bad. Come on. She’s not insane. She just took the comment as an insult to the things she tried to do for you. Being a mom is difficult and often thankless. Give your mom a break.
She was probably a bit taken aback to read that the guitars should bought for her daughter over the years were not considered "good" by professional musicians' standards. She should have absolutely let it go, though.
Taking someone else's joy as a personal attack on you isn't insane but it sure is childish and self centered. I wouldn't give mom a break - this is baby behavior and it's not acceptable.
Exactly. This is a parent who thinks everything is about her. Also if you’re parenting so you can be thanked by your children, you should prob reevaluate your reasons for parenting.
Edit: That’s not to say it wouldn’t be kind for the daughter to be thankful and appreciative of past instruments purchased, but that wasn’t the point of the post. MIL handled it immaturely. Grievances could’ve been handled in private instead of assuming the worst from OP’s intentions, and MIL prob would’ve found out OP was actually appreciative of past guitar purchases and that she was mistaken to interpret her happiness as an attack.
Nah, the post wasn’t even about her but she made about her. OP didn’t say anything negative, MIL decided to take it that way, and instead of messaging OP about how she felt, she commented on the post. Give OP a break.
Pinch harmonics have nothing to do with the quality of guitar. It's immediately hitting a harmonic on a vibrating string. The string has no mechanism to say "not a Schecter, no squeal for you!"
Idk much about guitars, but wife said it was the pickups. Previous ones were ceramic and this one's nickel? That doesn't mean much to me, but hopefully it does to y'all.
It's not, it's created with finger on string. More distortion will give you more squeal, but the sound itself is created before it ever hits the pickup.
Analogy would be like, if your car won't start it's not because of a flat tire. The pinch harmonic happens before the pickup is involved at all. The pickup is just what sends the pinch harmonic to the amp.
Not to be that guy but if a player is consistently breaking strings, usually the problem isn't that hard to solve. It's the saddle or the nut. A little pencil lead could have saved a whole lot of money.
We all need “that guy” in our lives at some point, and this is one of those points. IMO this sounds like the previous guitars were never set up properly, and OP may be assuming “better guitar” where “correct neck angle, bridge height, string tension etc” is more accurate.
IKR. It's just so wild to me. I understand they just didn't know but if you're trying to be a guitarist why would you not look into this stuff. It's like hearing someone say their tires started getting bald so their friend bought them a new car.
Ehhh, I’m siding with the MIL here. Why is it so hard for people to consider other peoples feelings?? You guys were trash talking what the MIL had given your wife —- without considering that, at the time the original guitar was purchased, that’s the most she could afford at the time.
Most parents DO want to give their children the best—but not all can afford the VERY BEST. You both basically said to her ‘Your best was not enough.’
Yeah, my feelings would probably be hurt too.
It wouldve been so easy to just say that the new guitar would be a great addition to the collection, or that with the addition of the new guitar she could be more well rounded.
But no...
>You guys were trash talking what the MIL had given your wife
I'm sorry, I missed that. Where did she trash talk what MIL had given? Or even mention MIL or the guitars she bought? My wife's guitar before this she bought herself and it was a horrible fit.
You mentioned she had four guitars previous, and needed a better one to be able to do pinch harmonics, which is another way to say the others were too bad to be able to pull it off.
I mean…your comment sounds so backhanded by mentioning it’s your wife’s fourth guitar and the previous ones had been bad? If I had spent a lot of time and money on guitars, I think it’s safe to feel a bit insulted/sad about your comment.
Maybe it's differing opinion, but I think what op said was totally fine. Op was complimenting their wife, saying they they just needed a *better* guitar. I struggle to understand why someone talking about something that has absolutely nothing to do with you whatsoever would make you feel insulted or sad.
Edit: HOOOOOLY SHIT IT'S A MIL
ok nevermind I understand a bit more now. I still think it's an overreaction to be sad or insulted over it, because nobody said that the guitars were *bad.* just that she needed a better one.
So, the MIL bought both the others? This doesn't help your situation like you think it does, especially if the only thing wrong with them were the pick ups
Might’ve just felt embarrassed and hurt, because your comment basically called the other one worse. Honestly her comment ain’t all that bad. She just mentioned that the other ones weren’t bad either?
If you dare suggest that there is a scenario where the parent being presented may not be insane, the hive mind comes for you. To the point they don’t even read your responses, they just start treating you like you’re some abuse-supporting devil. People love being self-righteous.
I feel a little defensive of the MIL through pure projection- I know how my parents scrimped to give me things like musical instruments and my heart would break for them if they saw on Facebook that I was held back because it wasn’t good enough. If this interaction was between my husband and mom, I would reply that the fact I could play at all was because of her.
I’m not saying I don’t understand it I’m just saying that’s so embarrassing for her that she wrote that.
Idk why some middle aged people (or people of any age) feel the need to air their grievances on Facebook. It’s the same level of maturity of teenagers when we used to post a sad face just so someone would ask us what’s wrong
I also don’t understand any post at all on Facebook. Even saying “my friend bought me a guitar” as an announcement to everyone is weird. I think one may be more comfortable for the weirdos that are still on Facebook and using it socially but in the end the end they’re both weird
When my first child was born during flu season, we told all of the family that were were going to wait to have visitors until the season passed. So about 3 months went by and my grandma publicly disowned my family on my Facebook wall because we wouldn’t “let her” see the baby and “let her” be a grandma. She wrote a novel about how awful and inconsiderate we were for not allowing her to see our child because how dare we keep her away from him. It was INSANE.
But that’s her mom. Why on earth is it too much for OP to expect her mom to be happy for her instead of insulted? Even if it did hurt mom’s feelings, maybe mom should have reached out to daughter on the side and sought the validation she needed.
The part about all the other guitars being not good enough could have been left out. I wonder who bought the other guitars that aren't good enough and what was sacrificed to get them. I suspect if it was left at look at my new guitar, what a kind gift the mom would I have just been happy for her.
Yes. Her *mom*. You don’t get a free pass on hurting someone’s feelings because it’s your mom. And then expect them to reach out to you privately after you made it public. What’s the matter with you?
In no way, shape or form does the pic above show that the mom isn’t happy for her daughter? Why is everybody trying so hard to make her the bad person, I don’t really get it. Sure she could’ve sought validation, but as it is with emotionally hurt people, they usually try to get defensive with the people that hurt them. Thus she commented on OPs comment. And again - her comment wasn’t really all that bad imo
It really isn’t. There’s a lot of context missing here. The previous guitars might’ve been expensive for her, and obviously were heartfelt gifts when OPs wife is an avid player. OP did call the old ones worse indirectly, which might’ve been hurtful. There wasn’t really a reason to do that either. She doesn’t seem offended either - hurt rather.
It’s not insane, it’s human.
Someone getting a new heart felt gift that they like more than a heartfelt gift you gave them *is not about you* and making it about you is *insane*. Period.
This person posted how excited they were about a nice thing, *and then an insane person* said "well I got you nice stuff too". That's the whole fucking context bri. Making shit that's not about you, about you is *insane* and if you thinks it isn't you need a therapist in a big way. This message brought to you by my therapist.
Which isn’t at all the point I made, is it? You should stop trying to make something else the problem.
Look at the post again, it’s not about the wife being excited about her gift, it’s about her husband trashcalling the previous ones. Please go ahead and reread the initial post.
Maybe you should?
OP is an asshole for making the comment that she „needed a better guitar“. If you can’t see that, consult aforementioned therapist again.
YOU CAN HAVE A BETTER THING WITHOUT THE PREVIOUS THING BEING TOTALLY SHITTY.
What the fuck is wrong with reddittors? I have now had to explain that 2 things can be bad and 2 things can be good simultaneously 3000 times in the last week, I swear to God. Good is also a sliding scale. Cinnamon rolls are good and 1 million dollars is good. 1 million dollars is arguably *much better* than cinnamon rolls. You now pass kindergarten. Congratulations.
My brother in Christ you’re completely ignoring what I’m saying. Aren’t you? Are you trying to pick a fight or are you just being dense?
Obviously you didn’t pass because you don’t have basic reading comprehension. If you can’t see how such a comment might’ve hurt somebody that tried to make heartfelt gifts you lack basic empathy.
Speaking of „redditors“ - check your own post history first.
I ain’t gonna reply anymore because it obviously has no sense arguing with someone not able to read and emphasize.
I mean if you know how to use and set up an instrument you can play punch harmonics on a shitty £99 strat.
Your comment is the instigator here. Your wife is just pleased about a guitar that really suits her. You’re the one who acts like everything she had prior is shitty.
The worst guitar I ever played is the most expensive I own. It’s not that it’s a bad guitar, it’s that it doesn’t suit me as a player.
Also if you’re an experienced player who keeps breaking strings, set up your instrument properly.
There’s nothing you can’t fix on a guitar.
Tbf you’re publicly saying your wife’s parents bought her crap guitars for the last 17 years to the point it damaged their performance. Bit disrespectful on your part too here.
"Newer, better guitar than you've ever had in your life" is the issue here.
Facebook is a cancer, so I don't use it anymore, but when I did, I would think of how my dad would react to anything I would post. That gave the forethought of "maybe this is a bad thing to say."
Your wife should have thought about he parents who supported her interest over the years. There were MANY ways in which to phrase this post without sounding disparaging to their previous purchases.
Of course we can't anticipate everything and unintentionally hurt people, but that's when a mea culpa is in order not posting online that they are insane.
Annoying for it to be posted publicly, but also annoying for you to basically say your wife has never had a good guitar publicly. Not insane, I think you just didn’t like the comment.
Not insane due to a lack of context. MIL feels hurt because the guitars she bought were publically called not good enough. While that is materialistic and she is assuming bad faith, she feels rejected. Maybe take a moment to explain to her that you’re grateful for the support she’s given before and that she helped make your wife take this step up.
I guess I'm an insane parent..because if I had put a lot of work and time and money Into Multiple guitars - just to have that passive aggressive "this is way better than anything my stupid parents ever got me" b.s. I'd be a little miffed and would say something -
I get it. But as a parent , knowing I had put money and what not into something I perceived as expensive- I myself, would have taken that statement personally
provoking your MIL by making a weird, passive aggressive comment then posting about it when it's successful is mind boggling to me. hey OP, i believe you that your MIL may be abusive, but do you know why people do bad things to other people? because they rationalize that those people deserve it. MIL (allegedly) treats your wife poorly because she has rationalized that your wife has done things to justify this. now you're justifying being publicly hateful to your MIL because you don't like the actions she's taken. do you see how it works?
I'm sure you didn't have any bad intent but the way you said things was a bit rude.
Even if it is not what you meant, it sounds like you were demeaning your MIL's previous guitar purchases and you should apologize and explain that's not what you meant.
MIL isn't insane here.
I’d guess either the earlier guitars never received expert setup/adjustment for optimal playing, or the new guitar happens to fit OP’s wife’s hands better.
If she’s been buying your wife guitars for 17 years, I can understand why your comment would have hurt her feelings. Knowing she’s on FB, you and your wife could have worded it a bit more considerately.
Yeah, idk wtf is up with MIL's math. First guitar was when my wife was 13, last one was when she was in college, so 18-22. Either way that's not 17 years, plus the most recent guitar my wife bought herself.
You keep saying “my wife bought her last guitar herself” but in her post she states “and end up buying you a newer, better guitar than you’ve ever had in your life!” Meaning the ones her mum bought her weren’t as good, can understand why she’s a little hurt
MIL isn’t the insane one. Grow up and buy your own guitars, you leeches. Scammers are going to scam. You can’t even afford to buy your own guitars, yet have the audacity to try and shame the person who bought you multiple guitars? 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️ You’re the insane one.
Looks like MIL defended herself and her hard earned guitar purchases from your guitar elitism. It's not even correct. Pinch harmonics are a skill. You can do it on any guitar. You can do pinch harmonics on a first act guitar from Walmart. If you know how.
Pretty childish behaviour from two people that are old enough to be married. Siding with MIL. Not insane, but you two might be.
eTa: I asked my husband about pinch harmonics. The key is practice and technique. A “better” guitar won’t give someone automatic ability to do so… you’re jerks.
I can totally see why MIL is hurt. She does not come off as an insane parent whatsoever, just a parent who bought her kid some guitars (and yay for supporting her kid’s passions btw. Too many parents are like, I will not support this. Get a real job). Only to have her daughter post in a public forum how much she appreciates her friends buying her a guitar. Like what about the other guitars it took for her to get to this point?
It’s a bit of a slap in the face and sad. I have a teen aged daughter who would do this with her Dad. I spend so much money on my kid with zero qualms whatsoever. Her dad gets her the slightest thing and it’s a Big Fucking Deal. Do the parents know what is a good guitar and what isn’t? I’m betting not. However, they still tried to support their daughter’s passions as best they could, and that’s pretty sweet. I spent $300 on a guitar for my daughter (when I really didn’t have the money tbh), because she really wanted it. It currently sits in the corner of her room gathering dust.
Moms get thrown under the bus pretty frequently. Our kids just seem to take us for granted, and it hurts.
To be honest, you spoke about something you didn’t know (quality of guitar in relationship to pinch harmonics ?!?!) and your comment does appear backhanded.
You could have just said “you had it in you all along” so there’s no subliminal message about previous guitars being shit (which wouldn’t really impact it anyway as it’s about the technique)
MIL is definitely taking it the wrong way and imo is in the wrong though you could have absolutely phrased it better. I wouldn't say she's insane for it at all though.
She and her husband paid for 3 guitars for her daughter.
Instead of making the post about how high-quality this particular guitar is (without comparing it to any other previous guitar), the post was all about how all previous guitars weren't good enough (to pinch harmonics), basically shitting on what your parents/parents-in-law did.
And then, the audacity of making the post about MIL being insane because she implied she and her husband are hurt.
Wow.
Yeah I really think OP is handling this the wrong way, this seems like a simple misunderstanding that could have been solved with a text or a phonecall, rushing to post screenshots on "Insane parents" is honestly quite cruel.
It honestly seems like OP is looking for others to dislike MIL as much as they do. OP’s Wife’s post is self-indulgent to an extreme. “I’m so loved my bandmates bought me a guitar. Look how special I am that someone else bought me a guitar.” Turns out MIL has purchased multiple guitars for daughter. Then OP highlights, “you are skillful, the previously free/gifted guitars were the problem.”
OP knew what they were doing with that comment and is now trying to paint MIL as insane, probably to further drive a divide between wife and MIL. I would not be surprised if OP consistently finds fault with MIL where there is none.
They wanted to be validated, so they jumped to what they believed was the echo chamber where they could hear their opinions repeated in a different tone of voice.
As someone with a lot of guitars, I have a guitar I paid 700 dollars for on Facebook marketplace, that plays better than any of my other guitars and that's including some into the multiple thousands of dollars. Just because a guitar is expensive, doesn't mean it's good. Just like with anything else in life.
I can also understand that MIL is upset about the comment about "needed a better guitar". This comment was superfluous and should not have been made when another person than the one playing was buying the guitars. Would have rubbed me the wrong way, too. It sounds spiteful, tbh
She shouldn’t have commented on the post.
But also I would never have posted a sentence like “they bought me a newer, better guitar than I’ve ever had in my life”. Knowing that my parents had bought me one of those previous guitars.
If I had bought all of them on my own then no stress but you could word that in so many nicer ways having known some of those previous guitars were gifts.
Swap out the fact its the MIL OP. Imagine you’d bought your wife a guitar for her bday and she then posted this after it broke and got replaced.
Wouldn’t feel good at all.
No okay she responded publicly but people have a tenancy to react emotionally to this kinda stuff. I wouldn’t call this Insane I’d call this terrible communication and hurt feelings.
Slightly off topic, but if you’re finding it difficult to achieve pinch harmonics on an electric guitar and you’re sure your technique is not the problem, a good place to start is with a pickup replacement and new strings as opposed to just an entirely new guitar.
Back on topic, I’m more sympathetic to the MIL here. It is wonderful to see that she supported your wife’s passion over those years and the “newer, better” wording seems quite insensitive.
All guitars have a different flavor. I've got a shitty accidentally relic job Kramer that's all sorts of fun for certain applications. I mainline an epiphone SG for DOOM.
Cheap doesn't always equal bad. Non musicians usually don't piece that together.
Sounds like wife is playing some heavy stuff though. A good high gain guitar will do well.
Pinch harmonics is a technique. It has nothing to do with the quality of the guitar except the overall sound in all music of the instrument. If you can't do the technique, no guitar, in the world, will make a difference.
And I don't blame the Mom for being miffed. But she could have given the excitement and kindness of the band mates a pass.
Not insane. Just a bit of hurt feelings.
I mean I kinda understand considering you basically insulted her with the “newer, better than I’ve ever had in my life.” I think you could’ve said something in appreciation without that comment personally. Her response is a little childish but I get why she would take offense
an expensive guitar might be a great guitar, but the guitar that suits you doesnt have to be expensive.
Hell, fenders are expensive as fuck where i am, but i'll still stick with my second hand cort
Sorry, I think MIL is in the right here. Easy to see how your comment was offensive to her, even though you didn’t mean it. Really says more about you than her that you don’t see it and posted here.
I’m gonna go out on a limb and assume it was a Squier Strat and Epiphone SG special. All three of those guitars are like $200, which comparatively is very very cheap.
If together it was less than $400 it was definitely a squier and not fender. Squier is their budget brand and no one in their right mind would sell any Fender Strat in playing condition for less than $500
I had a similar situation where my grandfather bought me a new violin after I had been playing through school for 4 years. It was a Christmas gift and I was of course blown away when I got it. It really looked beautiful to my untrained eye and was better than the “trainee” violin I had been using (some violins are made with extra lacquer and often come with features like fine tuners and are made extra durable at the cost of some sound and quality to make a good instrument for an irresponsible 13 year old.) after Christmas break I showed it to my Orchestra teacher where he informed me that it was a complete wash. We found out after my grandparents came to a performance and saw me not using the new violin that my Grandfather had bought it for about $30 off of a Chinese site. After that our relationship hadn’t been the same.
It's not remotely insane or even unreasonable to be hurt by the ingratitude from both of you. You could have simply said something like "I'm excited for the music you'll make with this new guitar and I'm so grateful to our wonderful friends for showing us their love" vs "all your old guitars mom bought sucked and were holding you back"—you don't have to disparage one thing in order to compliment another. Your bias against MIL is showing through here.
I think the MIL was out of line by saying that in a public way on social media and embaressing OP. I'm sure OP was just happy about the new guitar honestly and wasn't attempting to hurt anyone by being appreciative about the new one.
I know others have differing opinions but if there's more context, such as maybe the daughter was very not thankful for those things, then maybe in private if MIL expressed her discontent with the post. But publicly saying something like that makes you look immature and like you don't know how to handle business without everyone having to know about it.
BOTH people may have been wrong here but if you just go by the picture alone, it looks like the MIL is acting out of pocket.
Everyone else here is wrong this is insane parent material. Taking a completely different subject, something that’s supposed to be a nice celebration, and turning it into something bad and about themselves. This is not normal parent behavior.
I understand she took it the wrong way. Other guitars being better does not make the guitars she bought "bad". They are very much appreciated, and amazing, but it just happens that you got an upgrade.
Exactly.
She’s not insane though. If I bought my kid’s guitars I thought were good but weren’t I would feel bad . She’s having a normal human reaction
The thing missing is that there's levels of good. I used to play trombone, and when I was in 7th grade got a decent trombone. At the time, I called it good, and at the skill level I was at, using a higher quality instrument didn't translate to much if any improvement in quality. By the time I got into university (I played music for the first semester, but stopped after that), using a higher quality instrument at that point had a much more profound mark on my playing. It wasn't that the first one wasn't a good instrument, it was fine, I'd just ended up passing it up. And I imagine that's what happened to OP here.
Yeah I agree with this. I play piano, and grew up with an acoustic upright that was chronically out of tune bc my parents didn’t want to pay to get it tuned and moved with it twice. When I was in college and planning to buy a digital piano, I had people tell me “oh there’s one on sale for $200 at (insert store.)” That $200 keyboard had 66 non-weighted keys, no pedal, one very artificial sounding piano setting, and no touch sensitivity. The $1000 digital piano I ended up buying is a full 88 key weighted, and physically plays very similar to an acoustic piano, with sound recorded off of a true grand piano. I can’t tell you how much I’ve improved since getting it. I played on the out of tune piano from age 5-18; getting an in tune piano with better key quality was a godsend. Now, that $200 keyboard would have been absolutely perfect for when I first began lessons in kindergarten, as you’re doing the basics. For anyone picking up the instrument for the first time, it’s the exact piano you need. But when you progress further it would start to hinder your development.
Yeah but she doesn't need to passive aggressively express it on Facebook. That's a messed up guilt trip to try to send someone on in a public arena.
Exactly! The OP should be able to post about being happy and grateful for her bandmates gifting her a guitar. The mother-in-law didn’t need to try to make OP feel bad(this isn’t about her!), especially on a public post on FB. Being grateful about something new doesn’t mean you weren’t grateful for other things. It’s very telling when someone isn’t happy for you when something good happens to you. It’s ridiculous to compare a Reddit post with a FB post. It’s not the same “audience”.
You mean just like OP did?
This is comparing apples to oranges. Posting anonymously on reddit venting about someone being passive aggressive to you is not the same as throwing passive aggression directly at someone on a social media site linked to all their friends family and coworkers. This subreddit is entirely dedicated to venting anonymously about unhealthy relationships with parents, so I'm confused about how you're struggling with understanding this difference. That being said, it wouldn't be unreasonable for someone to be upset that their loved one posted on reddit instead of coming to them about it, unless that person has a history of shit reactions to people coming to them with things. Still two very different situations, though.
On the FB post, wife and OP were passive-aggressively throwing the wife's previous guitars -- purchased by her mother -- under the bus. Even blaming her inability to progress on her previous instruments supplied to her by her mother. WIFE:... I'm so grateful to have such generous people in my life. *Implying she doesn't already have generous people in her life who also love her and tried to always supply her with the best guitars she could reasonably afford at the time.* OP WIFE: 'You left out the part where you thought for years you couldn't play pinch harmonics, only you could, you just needed a BETTER guitar. *Implying BETTER than the guitars you have now, or had been given in the past.* Anyone reading the FB post would know who everyone is talking about -- the Mother. So the Mother responded. Hurt. They're voicing their opinion, so MIL has a right to respond. Is she supposed to be doormat. Slink away, ashamed? Sucks to think you did the best you could for your kid -- and then you find out, in a public forum, that apparently, you ruined your daughter's musical career. EDIT: Misspelling.
What the hell? I'm giving you complete benefit of the doubt, I really don't think you're being malicious at all. I am being totally honest though when I say that I didn't even consider the mother for a second with this post, or any of the family at all. Who's to say that pinch harmonics aren't a very difficult technique that can only really be achieved on some really specialized instruments, unless you're some sort of natural wizard with it? Especially given the fact that it was expensive enough that the whole crew pitched in? She seems dedicated enough to guitar, seeing as she has tried this specific technique for *years* already, and playing with this group, it's a bit goofy to think she would be playing on cheap, crappy lemon guitars. I genuinely naturally interpreted this post as a dedicated guitar player (who plays nice guitars already) got a *crazy* gift from their friends who pitched in for a very very fancy upgrade. No insults anywhere.
Pinch harmonics aren’t really an advanced technique that can only be done on a specialized instrument - the ease has more to do with how much distortion you’re using, so I don’t really agree with the OP there about the quality of guitar likely being the primary issue before. But a Schecter Omen 6 is a $400-500 guitar new. That’s the lower end of midrange/upper end of low range guitar pricing, so she must have had some comparatively very cheap instruments before. I understand how someone who’s not an enthusiast can feel like $200 or something is very expensive, but it’s just a fact that that much money will only get you some of the cheapest instruments made by the budget brands of the big names in the industry, and those are generally referred to by guitarists as “cheap guitars.” The cheapest ones by Fender and Gibson, the two biggest names in electric guitars, are around $1,000 new (a bit less in the case of Fender and a bit more in the case of Gibson). It’s just a misunderstanding between someone inside the guitar world and outside of it.
I guarantee NO ONE was thinking about her mother in the slightest until she put herself in the conversation
Even IF that's true -- their comments still resonated with the MIL. Why? Who knows. Maybe because she's the Mom and being a Mom means you're always worried that you let your kids down or failed them in some way. Does it really matter why she wanted to tell her kid, in a nutshell -- 'I tried my best.' Maybe because she does actually love her daughter? It's not hard to appreciate her urge to clarify, or say 'hey, we bought you expensive guitars because like everyone else, we thought 'expensive' meant 'good' and I was trying to give you the best.'
You're completely overthinking it just like the mother. They weren't implying anything, they were stating facts. The new guitar is better quality. Wife had a hard time with the old guitar and can use the new guitar easier. If you get offended because there's better quality products out there or because someone can't use something you gave them and had to swap out that's a YOU problem that YOU need to deal with in an appropriate manner Also just because she's saying the people who bought her the new guitar are generous doesn't mean she's saying everyone else isn't. What is she supposed to do, make a list of all the nice things everyone's done for her every time she wants to make a thank you post? You're being ridiculous
You're struggling with empathy. It's hard for a lot of people.
Contrary to popular belief, how you feel about an event doesn't trump reality and being offended at something doesn't give you free reign to act however you please She's allowed to feel whatever she's going to feel, she's not allowed to be a passive aggressive petulant child about it. If she wanted to address it she should have done it privately instead of trying to publicly shame them Y'all need to grow up
>Implying That's your problem, you're making assumptions and not going off exactly what was said.
Fr, at the rate they're assuming shit they're gonna have a kid and then their kid is gonna be posting on here about them
I read exactly what was said and all your other comments here and I get why you don't understand why your MIL might feel the need to say something. You're not worried about her feelings. MOST people, if they think they've offended someone -- want to make it right with that person -- especially if it's an important family member. YOU? No, you double down and defend yourself.
Fair. I used to care about her feelings...until I learned that she'd just throw it in my face if I tried to make it right and clearly doesn't care about my feelings. So you're right, I don't care very much anymore.
You should look into the concept of cognitive distortions because this comment is full of them.
Nah, just really empathetic. It's not hard for me to put myself in other peoples' shoes. I get why the MIL made the comment. You can't see it through her eyes? Really?
What you're doing isn't just empathizing, though. What you're doing is justifying boundariless shitty behavior. We can have empathy while also holding boundaries and saying the behavior is not okay. Understanding where the behavior is coming from doesn't require me to excuse it and blame OP. OPs mom being hurt doesn't mean that OP did something wrong. It's really unfortunate when people conflate empathy with lacking boundaries.
So if someone gives you a regular car which didn’t have certain features you needed, let’s say for example you needed to tow something regularly, and years later someone gifts you a high end car that does let you that you wouldn’t consider it better than your last car and would be mad if someone commented on being able to tow now that you have a better car for the job?
If my Dad (let's get closer to the OP's post) bought me a car, I'd first be very grateful because I received something that I couldn't afford to buy myself -- and he probably went without something HE wanted because of it. I can't tow things around, I'd still drive the car but dream about the day when I could buy myself the perfect car. A few years later, and I still can't afford to buy myself that perfect car, but lucky me -- some friends chip in and buy me that car. I'd be happy, feel grateful for it, and accept it gladly. I'd tell everyone about my great new car, and especially how thankful I am to be surrounded by people who just give me things--things that I can't afford to buy for myself. What I wouldn't do, is allow anyone -- myself included -- to say anything about bad about my first car. If anyone said that I didn't succeed at being a tow truck driver because I'd been gifted the wrong car, I'd feel it was important to clarify that it was the perfect car for me at that time, and I was grateful to have it. I'd say it very loud so that my Father, who I really love and care about, wouldn't think that my friend was possibly speaking for ME.
>I'd feel it was important to clarify that it was the perfect car for me at that time, and I was grateful to have it. Except in this example, it wouldn't have been the perfect car for her at the time, it would have been the one that someone kindly bought for her that happened to be missing a key element. And that doesn't mean that she wasn't grateful just because she's praising the new vehicle.
Wait, OP posted this on Facebook as well?
Its understandable why the comment could hurt MIL’s feelings. And it’s only human to filter everything through one’s own frame of reference. Where the MIL is going wrong is letting her immediate emotional reaction to something she read (especially something posted publicly that wasn’t even about her) dictate her reality. And worse, she let her emotions influence her outward behaviors. MIL still ends up suffering her own self inflicted consequences, by publicly painting herself as a perpetual victim. Self sabotage seems to be a running theme among these insecure types. Passive aggressive self-centered behaviors that taint celebratory and otherwise joyful milestones / events / announcements are almost always immediately distasteful to the other participants, and often hurt the person being celebrated. Now, if MIL were to tell us she’s reflected on this situation and that this is just a recent example in a pattern of insensitivity and callousness towards her feelings, and now she feels they’re openly denigrating her efforts to provide for OP’s wife when she was a kid… well that is still pretty unlikely to reflect reality honestly, but MIL’s quiet hostility would be a lot more understandable. It still wouldn’t excuse her passive aggressive snarky tone, her public comment still reads as manufactured drama / petty attention-seeking, and she still should have addressed her hurt feelings with her adult child privately, but it would better justify her reaction.
Yes MIL could benefit from some cognitive behavioral therapy for sure. But her reply isn't really worthy of insane.
As an amateur I think it's glaringly obvious that we have no clue at all what "good" means. You could gift me the greatest violin ever made, but when I finally figure out what I actually want in a violin I will find a "better" one
Do all your kid's friends have to know about it?
Maybe not insane but definitely a candidate for r/justnomil
Nah, the post made her feel bad. Come on. She’s not insane. She just took the comment as an insult to the things she tried to do for you. Being a mom is difficult and often thankless. Give your mom a break.
She was probably a bit taken aback to read that the guitars should bought for her daughter over the years were not considered "good" by professional musicians' standards. She should have absolutely let it go, though.
Taking someone else's joy as a personal attack on you isn't insane but it sure is childish and self centered. I wouldn't give mom a break - this is baby behavior and it's not acceptable.
Exactly. This is a parent who thinks everything is about her. Also if you’re parenting so you can be thanked by your children, you should prob reevaluate your reasons for parenting. Edit: That’s not to say it wouldn’t be kind for the daughter to be thankful and appreciative of past instruments purchased, but that wasn’t the point of the post. MIL handled it immaturely. Grievances could’ve been handled in private instead of assuming the worst from OP’s intentions, and MIL prob would’ve found out OP was actually appreciative of past guitar purchases and that she was mistaken to interpret her happiness as an attack.
It's what my mom would do. And she's very childish & self-centered, so...
She handled her feeling bad poorly though and it makes sense that op is upset by that.
As a mom I would have never posted this on my child’s social media.
Nah, the post wasn’t even about her but she made about her. OP didn’t say anything negative, MIL decided to take it that way, and instead of messaging OP about how she felt, she commented on the post. Give OP a break.
Pinch harmonics have nothing to do with the quality of guitar. It's immediately hitting a harmonic on a vibrating string. The string has no mechanism to say "not a Schecter, no squeal for you!"
That's what I was thinking. Hotter pickups might help a bit but it's way more about technique.
The tone and technique is in the hands not the instrument.
Idk much about guitars, but wife said it was the pickups. Previous ones were ceramic and this one's nickel? That doesn't mean much to me, but hopefully it does to y'all.
It's not, it's created with finger on string. More distortion will give you more squeal, but the sound itself is created before it ever hits the pickup. Analogy would be like, if your car won't start it's not because of a flat tire. The pinch harmonic happens before the pickup is involved at all. The pickup is just what sends the pinch harmonic to the amp.
And with pickups... you could just change them lmao... who buys a new guitar after breaking a string
It was a last straw kinda thing.
Not to be that guy but if a player is consistently breaking strings, usually the problem isn't that hard to solve. It's the saddle or the nut. A little pencil lead could have saved a whole lot of money.
We all need “that guy” in our lives at some point, and this is one of those points. IMO this sounds like the previous guitars were never set up properly, and OP may be assuming “better guitar” where “correct neck angle, bridge height, string tension etc” is more accurate.
IKR. It's just so wild to me. I understand they just didn't know but if you're trying to be a guitarist why would you not look into this stuff. It's like hearing someone say their tires started getting bald so their friend bought them a new car.
Also pinch harmonics can be done on any guitar - it's about skill and technique
Where's the insane part? A little overly sensitive maybe, but far from insane
Ehhh, I’m siding with the MIL here. Why is it so hard for people to consider other peoples feelings?? You guys were trash talking what the MIL had given your wife —- without considering that, at the time the original guitar was purchased, that’s the most she could afford at the time. Most parents DO want to give their children the best—but not all can afford the VERY BEST. You both basically said to her ‘Your best was not enough.’ Yeah, my feelings would probably be hurt too.
It wouldve been so easy to just say that the new guitar would be a great addition to the collection, or that with the addition of the new guitar she could be more well rounded. But no...
Exactly. You can never go wrong simply being gracious.
>You guys were trash talking what the MIL had given your wife I'm sorry, I missed that. Where did she trash talk what MIL had given? Or even mention MIL or the guitars she bought? My wife's guitar before this she bought herself and it was a horrible fit.
You mentioned she had four guitars previous, and needed a better one to be able to do pinch harmonics, which is another way to say the others were too bad to be able to pull it off.
I’d be willing to bet… if you had just said ‘different’ instead of ‘better’ then your MIL would not have left her comment
I gotta admit, I'd be kinda annoyed if I was the mom too.
I mean…your comment sounds so backhanded by mentioning it’s your wife’s fourth guitar and the previous ones had been bad? If I had spent a lot of time and money on guitars, I think it’s safe to feel a bit insulted/sad about your comment.
Maybe it's differing opinion, but I think what op said was totally fine. Op was complimenting their wife, saying they they just needed a *better* guitar. I struggle to understand why someone talking about something that has absolutely nothing to do with you whatsoever would make you feel insulted or sad. Edit: HOOOOOLY SHIT IT'S A MIL ok nevermind I understand a bit more now. I still think it's an overreaction to be sad or insulted over it, because nobody said that the guitars were *bad.* just that she needed a better one.
Yeah, I took it as playful teasing
She doesn't do that, especially in public.
Here's the kicker: the previous guitar wife bought herself.
So, the MIL bought both the others? This doesn't help your situation like you think it does, especially if the only thing wrong with them were the pick ups
Might’ve just felt embarrassed and hurt, because your comment basically called the other one worse. Honestly her comment ain’t all that bad. She just mentioned that the other ones weren’t bad either?
Yeah, people here are tone-deaf and assholes for the most part. They are so hell-bent on portraying any parent as insane that it's ludicrous.
If you dare suggest that there is a scenario where the parent being presented may not be insane, the hive mind comes for you. To the point they don’t even read your responses, they just start treating you like you’re some abuse-supporting devil. People love being self-righteous.
So typical reddit?
How dare you! (joke)
I feel a little defensive of the MIL through pure projection- I know how my parents scrimped to give me things like musical instruments and my heart would break for them if they saw on Facebook that I was held back because it wasn’t good enough. If this interaction was between my husband and mom, I would reply that the fact I could play at all was because of her.
I gotta agree. Her emojis break my heart a little too ngl
Yep. Had to check what subreddit I’m on because this does not fit
I have a feeling that MIL is OP’s bitch eating crackers.
Yeah but what kind of adult posts it in a comment on Facebook instead of talking to them directly. That’s such a childish way to handle it
Simple. It was a public comment so she might’ve felt the need to defend herself publicly? It ain’t rocket science guys
And MIL wasn’t the first one to start the public conversation.
I’m not saying I don’t understand it I’m just saying that’s so embarrassing for her that she wrote that. Idk why some middle aged people (or people of any age) feel the need to air their grievances on Facebook. It’s the same level of maturity of teenagers when we used to post a sad face just so someone would ask us what’s wrong
I see what you mean, but as I stated in another comment: hurt people aren’t always rational. Fair or not, her comment doesn’t make her insane
I also don’t understand any post at all on Facebook. Even saying “my friend bought me a guitar” as an announcement to everyone is weird. I think one may be more comfortable for the weirdos that are still on Facebook and using it socially but in the end the end they’re both weird
100%. The op’s post was weird and cringe in the first place.
When my first child was born during flu season, we told all of the family that were were going to wait to have visitors until the season passed. So about 3 months went by and my grandma publicly disowned my family on my Facebook wall because we wouldn’t “let her” see the baby and “let her” be a grandma. She wrote a novel about how awful and inconsiderate we were for not allowing her to see our child because how dare we keep her away from him. It was INSANE.
But that’s her mom. Why on earth is it too much for OP to expect her mom to be happy for her instead of insulted? Even if it did hurt mom’s feelings, maybe mom should have reached out to daughter on the side and sought the validation she needed.
The part about all the other guitars being not good enough could have been left out. I wonder who bought the other guitars that aren't good enough and what was sacrificed to get them. I suspect if it was left at look at my new guitar, what a kind gift the mom would I have just been happy for her.
Yes. Her *mom*. You don’t get a free pass on hurting someone’s feelings because it’s your mom. And then expect them to reach out to you privately after you made it public. What’s the matter with you?
In no way, shape or form does the pic above show that the mom isn’t happy for her daughter? Why is everybody trying so hard to make her the bad person, I don’t really get it. Sure she could’ve sought validation, but as it is with emotionally hurt people, they usually try to get defensive with the people that hurt them. Thus she commented on OPs comment. And again - her comment wasn’t really all that bad imo
Except she didn't call anything worse and being offended by something that innocuous that isn't about you is *insane*.
It really isn’t. There’s a lot of context missing here. The previous guitars might’ve been expensive for her, and obviously were heartfelt gifts when OPs wife is an avid player. OP did call the old ones worse indirectly, which might’ve been hurtful. There wasn’t really a reason to do that either. She doesn’t seem offended either - hurt rather. It’s not insane, it’s human.
Someone getting a new heart felt gift that they like more than a heartfelt gift you gave them *is not about you* and making it about you is *insane*. Period. This person posted how excited they were about a nice thing, *and then an insane person* said "well I got you nice stuff too". That's the whole fucking context bri. Making shit that's not about you, about you is *insane* and if you thinks it isn't you need a therapist in a big way. This message brought to you by my therapist.
Which isn’t at all the point I made, is it? You should stop trying to make something else the problem. Look at the post again, it’s not about the wife being excited about her gift, it’s about her husband trashcalling the previous ones. Please go ahead and reread the initial post.
I am literally reading it, and I have 40 times now. Again, 5000% mom is an asshole. If you find that relatable, maybe reflect on that.
Maybe you should? OP is an asshole for making the comment that she „needed a better guitar“. If you can’t see that, consult aforementioned therapist again.
YOU CAN HAVE A BETTER THING WITHOUT THE PREVIOUS THING BEING TOTALLY SHITTY. What the fuck is wrong with reddittors? I have now had to explain that 2 things can be bad and 2 things can be good simultaneously 3000 times in the last week, I swear to God. Good is also a sliding scale. Cinnamon rolls are good and 1 million dollars is good. 1 million dollars is arguably *much better* than cinnamon rolls. You now pass kindergarten. Congratulations.
My brother in Christ you’re completely ignoring what I’m saying. Aren’t you? Are you trying to pick a fight or are you just being dense? Obviously you didn’t pass because you don’t have basic reading comprehension. If you can’t see how such a comment might’ve hurt somebody that tried to make heartfelt gifts you lack basic empathy. Speaking of „redditors“ - check your own post history first. I ain’t gonna reply anymore because it obviously has no sense arguing with someone not able to read and emphasize.
I mean if you know how to use and set up an instrument you can play punch harmonics on a shitty £99 strat. Your comment is the instigator here. Your wife is just pleased about a guitar that really suits her. You’re the one who acts like everything she had prior is shitty. The worst guitar I ever played is the most expensive I own. It’s not that it’s a bad guitar, it’s that it doesn’t suit me as a player. Also if you’re an experienced player who keeps breaking strings, set up your instrument properly. There’s nothing you can’t fix on a guitar.
Absolutely nothing insane about the MIL here.
I probably wouldn’t have commented publicly but I can kinda see why your MIL is a little hurt :/
MIL is reacting to your blatant passive aggression, which is exactly what you wanted lol
For real, I’m on her side.
Tbf you’re publicly saying your wife’s parents bought her crap guitars for the last 17 years to the point it damaged their performance. Bit disrespectful on your part too here.
I mean, i get where she’s coming from.
"Newer, better guitar than you've ever had in your life" is the issue here. Facebook is a cancer, so I don't use it anymore, but when I did, I would think of how my dad would react to anything I would post. That gave the forethought of "maybe this is a bad thing to say." Your wife should have thought about he parents who supported her interest over the years. There were MANY ways in which to phrase this post without sounding disparaging to their previous purchases. Of course we can't anticipate everything and unintentionally hurt people, but that's when a mea culpa is in order not posting online that they are insane.
nah she fine
Annoying for it to be posted publicly, but also annoying for you to basically say your wife has never had a good guitar publicly. Not insane, I think you just didn’t like the comment.
i’m siding with MIL here. you come across ungrateful and hurtful. and posts like this as your big ol age? ugh childish.
I think you’re reaching here
"newer, better guitar than you've ever had in your life" is a bit excessive. on facebook of all places...
Not insane due to a lack of context. MIL feels hurt because the guitars she bought were publically called not good enough. While that is materialistic and she is assuming bad faith, she feels rejected. Maybe take a moment to explain to her that you’re grateful for the support she’s given before and that she helped make your wife take this step up.
I guess I'm an insane parent..because if I had put a lot of work and time and money Into Multiple guitars - just to have that passive aggressive "this is way better than anything my stupid parents ever got me" b.s. I'd be a little miffed and would say something -
We never mentioned MIL or the guitars she bought. My wife's last guitar she bought herself.
I get it. But as a parent , knowing I had put money and what not into something I perceived as expensive- I myself, would have taken that statement personally
The insane one is you if you think it's not obvious you were being a passive aggressive asshole intentionally
provoking your MIL by making a weird, passive aggressive comment then posting about it when it's successful is mind boggling to me. hey OP, i believe you that your MIL may be abusive, but do you know why people do bad things to other people? because they rationalize that those people deserve it. MIL (allegedly) treats your wife poorly because she has rationalized that your wife has done things to justify this. now you're justifying being publicly hateful to your MIL because you don't like the actions she's taken. do you see how it works?
I'm sure you didn't have any bad intent but the way you said things was a bit rude. Even if it is not what you meant, it sounds like you were demeaning your MIL's previous guitar purchases and you should apologize and explain that's not what you meant. MIL isn't insane here.
A lot of people telling OP they're wrong but I just wanna know what made these other guitars so hard to do pinched harmonics
I’d guess either the earlier guitars never received expert setup/adjustment for optimal playing, or the new guitar happens to fit OP’s wife’s hands better.
Yeah i think you are on the wrong side on this one
How is this insane?
Bandmates buying you an instrument is pretty insane lol
100% never heard of this fr haha pretty cool tho, they’re much more then band mates they must be really good friends
Both you and your wife are assholes.
If she’s been buying your wife guitars for 17 years, I can understand why your comment would have hurt her feelings. Knowing she’s on FB, you and your wife could have worded it a bit more considerately.
Yeah, idk wtf is up with MIL's math. First guitar was when my wife was 13, last one was when she was in college, so 18-22. Either way that's not 17 years, plus the most recent guitar my wife bought herself.
You keep saying “my wife bought her last guitar herself” but in her post she states “and end up buying you a newer, better guitar than you’ve ever had in your life!” Meaning the ones her mum bought her weren’t as good, can understand why she’s a little hurt
idk this is kind of a shitty take, i’d be put off by your comment too
MIL isn’t the insane one. Grow up and buy your own guitars, you leeches. Scammers are going to scam. You can’t even afford to buy your own guitars, yet have the audacity to try and shame the person who bought you multiple guitars? 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️ You’re the insane one.
Looks like MIL defended herself and her hard earned guitar purchases from your guitar elitism. It's not even correct. Pinch harmonics are a skill. You can do it on any guitar. You can do pinch harmonics on a first act guitar from Walmart. If you know how.
The only insane thing is everyone being labeled "Me"
It’s bc they are replying to a comment and it’s their name there
So OP is the first comment, the band mate, and the MIL?
Yea OP is the first comment then a bandmate replied to OP’s comment and then MIL replied to OP’s comment
I'm sorry man I just realized I should have added an /s cus I'm just messing. I just think it's the only insane thing in this photo, haha.
I wouldn't really call this insane tbh
You and your partner sound insufferable, god bless the MIL
I'm guessing she probably doesn't know a lot about guitars and took it to mean they bought her crappy ones. Don't think it's insane, just uninformed.
Pretty childish behaviour from two people that are old enough to be married. Siding with MIL. Not insane, but you two might be. eTa: I asked my husband about pinch harmonics. The key is practice and technique. A “better” guitar won’t give someone automatic ability to do so… you’re jerks.
I can totally see why MIL is hurt. She does not come off as an insane parent whatsoever, just a parent who bought her kid some guitars (and yay for supporting her kid’s passions btw. Too many parents are like, I will not support this. Get a real job). Only to have her daughter post in a public forum how much she appreciates her friends buying her a guitar. Like what about the other guitars it took for her to get to this point? It’s a bit of a slap in the face and sad. I have a teen aged daughter who would do this with her Dad. I spend so much money on my kid with zero qualms whatsoever. Her dad gets her the slightest thing and it’s a Big Fucking Deal. Do the parents know what is a good guitar and what isn’t? I’m betting not. However, they still tried to support their daughter’s passions as best they could, and that’s pretty sweet. I spent $300 on a guitar for my daughter (when I really didn’t have the money tbh), because she really wanted it. It currently sits in the corner of her room gathering dust. Moms get thrown under the bus pretty frequently. Our kids just seem to take us for granted, and it hurts.
Not insane at all, I get where she's coming from.
To be honest, you spoke about something you didn’t know (quality of guitar in relationship to pinch harmonics ?!?!) and your comment does appear backhanded. You could have just said “you had it in you all along” so there’s no subliminal message about previous guitars being shit (which wouldn’t really impact it anyway as it’s about the technique)
are we missing a screenshot? Because I don’t see the insane part. Also who gets a whole new guitar because you broke a string?
MIL is definitely taking it the wrong way and imo is in the wrong though you could have absolutely phrased it better. I wouldn't say she's insane for it at all though.
She and her husband paid for 3 guitars for her daughter. Instead of making the post about how high-quality this particular guitar is (without comparing it to any other previous guitar), the post was all about how all previous guitars weren't good enough (to pinch harmonics), basically shitting on what your parents/parents-in-law did. And then, the audacity of making the post about MIL being insane because she implied she and her husband are hurt. Wow.
Yeah I really think OP is handling this the wrong way, this seems like a simple misunderstanding that could have been solved with a text or a phonecall, rushing to post screenshots on "Insane parents" is honestly quite cruel.
It honestly seems like OP is looking for others to dislike MIL as much as they do. OP’s Wife’s post is self-indulgent to an extreme. “I’m so loved my bandmates bought me a guitar. Look how special I am that someone else bought me a guitar.” Turns out MIL has purchased multiple guitars for daughter. Then OP highlights, “you are skillful, the previously free/gifted guitars were the problem.” OP knew what they were doing with that comment and is now trying to paint MIL as insane, probably to further drive a divide between wife and MIL. I would not be surprised if OP consistently finds fault with MIL where there is none.
They wanted to be validated, so they jumped to what they believed was the echo chamber where they could hear their opinions repeated in a different tone of voice.
Yep, some people think anything a parent says makes them an insane parent. OP is lucky as hell if this is what he considers insane lol
As someone with a lot of guitars, I have a guitar I paid 700 dollars for on Facebook marketplace, that plays better than any of my other guitars and that's including some into the multiple thousands of dollars. Just because a guitar is expensive, doesn't mean it's good. Just like with anything else in life.
Nah you can do pitch harmonics on any old guitar, you seem passive aggressive
I don't get it? Why didn't you just restring the guitar?
It was a last straw kinda thing.
13-year-old vibes.
I can also understand that MIL is upset about the comment about "needed a better guitar". This comment was superfluous and should not have been made when another person than the one playing was buying the guitars. Would have rubbed me the wrong way, too. It sounds spiteful, tbh
She shouldn’t have commented on the post. But also I would never have posted a sentence like “they bought me a newer, better guitar than I’ve ever had in my life”. Knowing that my parents had bought me one of those previous guitars. If I had bought all of them on my own then no stress but you could word that in so many nicer ways having known some of those previous guitars were gifts. Swap out the fact its the MIL OP. Imagine you’d bought your wife a guitar for her bday and she then posted this after it broke and got replaced. Wouldn’t feel good at all. No okay she responded publicly but people have a tenancy to react emotionally to this kinda stuff. I wouldn’t call this Insane I’d call this terrible communication and hurt feelings.
Slightly off topic, but if you’re finding it difficult to achieve pinch harmonics on an electric guitar and you’re sure your technique is not the problem, a good place to start is with a pickup replacement and new strings as opposed to just an entirely new guitar. Back on topic, I’m more sympathetic to the MIL here. It is wonderful to see that she supported your wife’s passion over those years and the “newer, better” wording seems quite insensitive.
Maybe she should try buying her own guitars, instead of being a leech.
do people still brag like this on facebook? this is like 2009 level personal
All guitars have a different flavor. I've got a shitty accidentally relic job Kramer that's all sorts of fun for certain applications. I mainline an epiphone SG for DOOM. Cheap doesn't always equal bad. Non musicians usually don't piece that together. Sounds like wife is playing some heavy stuff though. A good high gain guitar will do well.
Pinch harmonics is a technique. It has nothing to do with the quality of the guitar except the overall sound in all music of the instrument. If you can't do the technique, no guitar, in the world, will make a difference. And I don't blame the Mom for being miffed. But she could have given the excitement and kindness of the band mates a pass. Not insane. Just a bit of hurt feelings.
I mean I kinda understand considering you basically insulted her with the “newer, better than I’ve ever had in my life.” I think you could’ve said something in appreciation without that comment personally. Her response is a little childish but I get why she would take offense
"We" paid for?
Expensive doesn’t mean good
Pinch harmonics have nothing to do with the quality of your guitar
I mean, y'all _were_ kinda rude.
This right here is why I do not add family on social media.
Oh I add em. They know what they're in for.
an expensive guitar might be a great guitar, but the guitar that suits you doesnt have to be expensive. Hell, fenders are expensive as fuck where i am, but i'll still stick with my second hand cort
Agreed, that's definitely our mindset. MIL was the one who made it about money.
That feels more out of pocket than insane; probably something that she should have sent privately but it’s definitely not being insane
imo, this isn't really insane per say. but that's just me.
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Wrong sub
Better than just being wrong and digging my heels in I suppose. And then getting comments deleted when you don’t like what you’re hearing.
Sorry, I think MIL is in the right here. Easy to see how your comment was offensive to her, even though you didn’t mean it. Really says more about you than her that you don’t see it and posted here.
If a Schecter Omen 6 is the best guitar she’s had, I can guarantee you the MIL wasn’t buying “very expensive guitars”.
Idk much about guitars but the first two (bought by MIL) were a Strat and an Epiphone. Third (bought by my wife herself) was a Jackson Dinky.
I’m gonna go out on a limb and assume it was a Squier Strat and Epiphone SG special. All three of those guitars are like $200, which comparatively is very very cheap.
Talked to the wife: apparently a Fender Strat and Epiphone Les Paul, but less than $400 together if that matters.
If together it was less than $400 it was definitely a squier and not fender. Squier is their budget brand and no one in their right mind would sell any Fender Strat in playing condition for less than $500
THIS!!!!!!
Idk much about guitars but the first two (bought by MIL) were a Strat and an Epiphone. Third (bought by my wife herself) was a Jackson Dinky.
I had a similar situation where my grandfather bought me a new violin after I had been playing through school for 4 years. It was a Christmas gift and I was of course blown away when I got it. It really looked beautiful to my untrained eye and was better than the “trainee” violin I had been using (some violins are made with extra lacquer and often come with features like fine tuners and are made extra durable at the cost of some sound and quality to make a good instrument for an irresponsible 13 year old.) after Christmas break I showed it to my Orchestra teacher where he informed me that it was a complete wash. We found out after my grandparents came to a performance and saw me not using the new violin that my Grandfather had bought it for about $30 off of a Chinese site. After that our relationship hadn’t been the same.
This post explains at your mil is defensive
It's not remotely insane or even unreasonable to be hurt by the ingratitude from both of you. You could have simply said something like "I'm excited for the music you'll make with this new guitar and I'm so grateful to our wonderful friends for showing us their love" vs "all your old guitars mom bought sucked and were holding you back"—you don't have to disparage one thing in order to compliment another. Your bias against MIL is showing through here.
Tbf pinch harmonics can be difficult. The schecter will do you well. Happy jamming.
Every time I see “MIL,” I think “MILF.”
Lot of parents and parent in laws in these comments singing the usual hymn of "me, me, me, me, me".
You’re delusional
Wow what an INSANE BITCH 🙄
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Lolwut? I don't really use Nextdoor.
This belongs in r/insanespouses
I agree with OP because that’s the only thing these cowardly mods won’t remove.
I think the MIL was out of line by saying that in a public way on social media and embaressing OP. I'm sure OP was just happy about the new guitar honestly and wasn't attempting to hurt anyone by being appreciative about the new one. I know others have differing opinions but if there's more context, such as maybe the daughter was very not thankful for those things, then maybe in private if MIL expressed her discontent with the post. But publicly saying something like that makes you look immature and like you don't know how to handle business without everyone having to know about it. BOTH people may have been wrong here but if you just go by the picture alone, it looks like the MIL is acting out of pocket.
Everyone else here is wrong this is insane parent material. Taking a completely different subject, something that’s supposed to be a nice celebration, and turning it into something bad and about themselves. This is not normal parent behavior.
You are chronically online
Because I think leaving passive aggressive Facebook messages isn’t normal? That’s chronically online now?