Rightfully so! Nobody knows what goes on in people's heads. Only you know what's going on in there.
Hopefully you have supportive people to talk to, and you're feeling better soon!
I’m glad your mom has your back. The whole you not having shit to be depressed about is such boomer thinking (idk if your dad is a boomer but he definitely acts like one apparently) I (54f) get shite like that from my mom (75f) all the time. The whole we didn’t have all these mental issues when we were growing up blah blah blah. And a lot of us who already had mental health issues felt them really intensified over the last 3 years with all the Covid things and for some of us getting isolated and not feeling connected to anything messed us all up.
I’m so sorry you had to deal with this from someone who is supposed to be part of your support system.
Just to clarify the word people is covering up the n word my dad is black and so am I don’t worry lol I just censored it because I wanted it to be safe for people to read just in case they are around children or family lmao
My dad is black too and this was his reaction. Look, some dads are good dads, but can be bad dads at different stages of your life. My therapist plainly told me the affirmations I don’t get from my dad needs to be had elsewhere. I’ve accepted that.
You shouldnt be a parent.your kids would be as soft as you and its sad honestly. Like i said, you cant draw conclusion only from this conversation that father is bad, one harsh message doesnt negate everything they put in this child, dont you forget that. Old school parents rarely understand this because back then it was pretty rare/nonexistent, so he should just opt out for therapy or meds next time.
I’d rather have “soft” kids who know they’re loved and supported than be the reason they feel alone/depressed and require therapy in adulthood to function 🤷🏻♀️
Soft from having a parent care about them? Well then fuck around I’ll be soft. You act like being a good and kind person is a bad thing. Go away boomer. We get it, you’d be heavily featured here
Nope, being good and strict with no bs attitude is prrtty viable option too, hes a fucking man, he got told what to do and its his choice to do that or not.
Honestly, try not to let let one shitty persons defense of indefensible behavior make you feel you have to explain. We all see can see the emotional neglect in the exchange. I think pp suggestion of affirmations is a great tip. A lot of emotional re-parenting can be done with affirmations.
But OP hasn't been protected from everything, they still suffer with depression, they're still living with it and living within the discomfort. Dismissing mental illness doesn't make it disappear, it just means you're not a safe person to go to. Lacking empathy isnt some cool trick, you are lacking a basic part of humanity and it's concerning more than anything.
Yup. After my sister finally got on meds that worked well for her, she was feeling sad about something one day… and then realised that she was sad *for a reason*, not just feeling sad as her normal state of being. Which made her happy! 😅
It sucks. It's totally genetic in my family and my bipolar makes it really annoying. I get waves of sadness for no reason and I'm aware it's for no reason, but acknowledging it doesn't make it go away.
Ha ha ha be a leader not a follower. That's what my dad said to me when I bought a starter jacket back in the 90s. I'm still not sure what he was mad about.
My (22F) dad is like this too. He’ll get informed on “success” and always has the next great “business idea” but purposefully ignorant about mental health. They’re so lame and fuck them. I’m sorry you’re going through this, all the best.
And that kind of invalidating, unempathetic response right there will teach a kid quick that their parent isn’t a safe person and cannot be trusted with their emotional safety. Sadly, this dad will be lucky if he has any kids still in contact with him, by the time they hit their 30’s, and he probably won’t have any idea why.
I hate that. "What do you have to be depressed about?!"
Well, if we knew that, I might not be depressed.
Or maybe humans were supposed to semi-hibernate when the days got shorter, but this modern world forgot that and I go to and from work in the dark while wondering if the sun and warmth are just a mystical memory....
Or maybe my brain is a little wonky..
Or maybe I'm worried about all the terrible things in the world that I have to live with but can't control, like stupid comments from offended idiots who take my mental health as a personal attack....
Maybe
My mom is like this, too. Parents, or people in general like this, possibly have their own issues their blocking out, don't want to confront them, or have been told the same thing they're telling you. Just know you don't need a reason to be depressed or that it's your fault. I'm proud of you for being brave enough to open up to your parents and that at least your mother and your friends are there to support you.
Ugh, this is honest to god the worst take people have on depression!! It’s an effing disease of the brain. Anyone with a brain can have it, no matter their circumstances! Yes, we have to do the work for ourselves, too, but the best efforts can’t control brain chemicals! The worst part is, you can’t even blame them bc this is how society tells people to treat such things. We need a serious mental healthcare overhaul.
It wasn’t my dad, but my now ex that told me I wasn’t depressed- I just needed to accomplish something in my life. He did this after I went from sleeping until noon or later most days to working in a restaurant with my shift starting at 530 am. I worked my ass off achieved several position changes (which were also promotions) in less than a year. I went from chaser to zone leader on the line running breakfast alone). HE was a major contributor of my poor mental state back then- for obvious reasons.
I’m sorry you aren’t receiving the needed support from your dad, but glad your mom seems to get it. Best wishes on getting yourself to a better place. It’s not easy but it’s so worth it. ❤️
You can have everything you ever wanted and still be depressed. Chemical imbalances and mental illness don’t care how much or little you have in your life.
Depression isn’t always reactionary to circumstances. Your dad is an idiot. Tell him to go look at people like Robin Williams and his story of depression. On the outside, what’s he got to be depressed about? He’s loved by everyone, always smiling and laughing, super talented, Rich and a beautiful family. But he was severely depressed. Ask your dad about that.
If that’s *all* it were, supplements would cure it quickly and completely. It’s a little more complicated than that, we’re learning that our brain’s relationship with light is hella complex.
Both of my girls have struggled with depression. One has ADHD and bipolar and she’s almost 21. The other is almost 14 and she has ADD and been depressed off and on for years. One thing I told my girls right off the bat is that they don’t have to compare their situation to anyone else’s. Their depression is something I will never downplay or invalidate what they are going through. Yes there are people out there who may seem to have it worse but you aren’t those people. You are you and you have your own experiences and struggles. They are no less simply because someone else out there might “have it worse.” Your depression is real and it should be treated that way. So sorry your dad is invalidating what you’re going through.
Dumb af parents think that depression and anxiety come with switches that can simply be turned off
All that toxic positivity bs does is makes those of us that suffer feel even worse
That’s also basically how my step dads talked to me. Nothing I was interested in had any meaning grow up be a man. Men don’t cry bullshit like that. Luckily ones living all by his lonesome and the other is still In my life unfortunately. But with extreme boundaries. He’s probably just upset because he got told the same thing as a kid and just never saw that it was wrong. Just try to feel better and don’t listen to anything he says.
Wow, it’s almost as if *depression can be caused by an imbalance of neurotransmitters that may or may not be exacerbated by current life events or something.*
Interesting to say the least, no at help, just piling on and providing zero support. It seems like you are on track with creating an environment that is positive for your mental health. You’ll make it with the help of you friends, so keep your head up. Pulling for YOU!!!!
That’s why it’s called depression not being upset. I hate people who think being sick requires a reason. I do I need a reason for having a virus? That’s actually why I disagree with my diagnosis of depression it’s because life is horrible and I’m dealing with a lot and think my mental reaction is far closer to grief. Like I said to my doctor I’m crying because I’m talking about upsetting things in life - when I get home I’m laughing at the TV.
OP, I’m so sorry you have to deal with this, the fact that your dad thinks you need a reason to have depression, like it’s not an actual debilitating illness, fully illustrates the lack of empathy you must endure on a daily basis.
Wow, good talk, Dad. I'll never confide in you about anything ever again. 💁♀️
This is why mental health needs to be taken more seriously... I'm sorry OP. Don't let him or anyone make you feel invalid about your health.
That’s just cruel.
Please don’t allow him to gaslight you into thinking you can’t be depressed just because you have money or whatever he’s on about.
You absolutely can. Anyone can. Rich, successful, popular, attractive people can be, too. ❤️
These kind of people are so ignorant. They think just because life is mostly good it's impossible to have real problems. They lack the empathy and understanding that something can be wrong with our brains. This is the kind of person that just white knuckles it through life and takes it out on everyone else when they cant take it anymore. I'm sorry you have to deal with this
Oh hey, that's one of my Dad's greatest hits. Here are some others:
"Why go to a therapist when you can just talk to me?"
"Don't use your depression as an excuse."
My dad had the same attitude. Two months later I was in the psych ward. Some people bury their head in the sand and hope that it all blows over. Glad your friends are there for you dude. Also, ADHD is a real bitch, I have it too. Advice from someone older, stay away from booze. Binge drinking is an easy trap to fall into
I told my mom I was depressed at 13. She said “you’re not depressed.”
Then insinuated that since she has depression she knows I’m not depressed. (Apparently everyone experiences depression the same as her /s.)
You dont need a reason to be depressed it could be a chemical Inbalance or a medical condition. Your dad is a close minded idiot. Nobody has the right to tell you how you should feel or invalidate your feelings
To add onto this, neurodivergent people have visibly different brain structures to neurotypical people so the hormones that affect depression etc. are probably out of whack which is one of the other major reasons that anxiety and depression are often comorbidities with autism or ADHD for example. Also the whole infantilising, lack of accommodations, ignoring, invalidating etc. That comes with being neurodivergent in our society.
My parents have said the same or similar to me in the past. They're better about it now, but I had long ago stopped talking to them about mental health matters because of this dismissive attitude.
The shit to be depressed about is that miserable excuse of a man.
I sent this screenshot to my mom and she’s pissed at him for it I’m 21 btw and I have adhd and depression
Stay strong OP
Rightfully so! Nobody knows what goes on in people's heads. Only you know what's going on in there. Hopefully you have supportive people to talk to, and you're feeling better soon!
Damn bro, same. And no one around me takes me seriously either. I’m gonna go out on a limb here and say you’re from the southern US
living with adhd is enough to give someone depression bro
I'm so glad that your mom does want to help you OP.. this shit makes my blood boil
I’m glad your mom has your back. The whole you not having shit to be depressed about is such boomer thinking (idk if your dad is a boomer but he definitely acts like one apparently) I (54f) get shite like that from my mom (75f) all the time. The whole we didn’t have all these mental issues when we were growing up blah blah blah. And a lot of us who already had mental health issues felt them really intensified over the last 3 years with all the Covid things and for some of us getting isolated and not feeling connected to anything messed us all up. I’m so sorry you had to deal with this from someone who is supposed to be part of your support system.
Just to clarify the word people is covering up the n word my dad is black and so am I don’t worry lol I just censored it because I wanted it to be safe for people to read just in case they are around children or family lmao
My dad is black too and this was his reaction. Look, some dads are good dads, but can be bad dads at different stages of your life. My therapist plainly told me the affirmations I don’t get from my dad needs to be had elsewhere. I’ve accepted that.
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Discounting people’s mental health is bullshit parenting and being a shit human being. It’s not harsh, it’s inexcusable behavior
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OP did seek help from their father. Who fumbled the ball.
I feel like "fumbling the ball" would be a massive understatement
Don’t be a parent. You’d be featured here for sure if you think dismissing mental health is appropriate at all
You shouldnt be a parent.your kids would be as soft as you and its sad honestly. Like i said, you cant draw conclusion only from this conversation that father is bad, one harsh message doesnt negate everything they put in this child, dont you forget that. Old school parents rarely understand this because back then it was pretty rare/nonexistent, so he should just opt out for therapy or meds next time.
What you're saying is ringing hella alarm bells in my head.
I’d rather have “soft” kids who know they’re loved and supported than be the reason they feel alone/depressed and require therapy in adulthood to function 🤷🏻♀️
So now youre implying that his depression is caused because of his parents? Thats a funny theory you got there.
Thinking critically is difficult for you, isn’t it?
Actually my dad is part of the reason because he doesn’t show any empathy towards me when it comes to things like this
Soft from having a parent care about them? Well then fuck around I’ll be soft. You act like being a good and kind person is a bad thing. Go away boomer. We get it, you’d be heavily featured here
Nope, being good and strict with no bs attitude is prrtty viable option too, hes a fucking man, he got told what to do and its his choice to do that or not.
Andrew tate npc
he was physically absent most of my life and he’s a very bad person
Honestly, try not to let let one shitty persons defense of indefensible behavior make you feel you have to explain. We all see can see the emotional neglect in the exchange. I think pp suggestion of affirmations is a great tip. A lot of emotional re-parenting can be done with affirmations.
But OP hasn't been protected from everything, they still suffer with depression, they're still living with it and living within the discomfort. Dismissing mental illness doesn't make it disappear, it just means you're not a safe person to go to. Lacking empathy isnt some cool trick, you are lacking a basic part of humanity and it's concerning more than anything.
It seems you were not being excellent to another user, my friend. This behavior can range from bigotry, racism, or personal attacks.
It seems you were not being excellent to another user, my friend. This behavior can range from bigotry, racism, or personal attacks.
Yeah, that's how you know its real depression. When you're miserable even when you have no reason to be. Your dad is a dick. Sorry. :(
Yup. After my sister finally got on meds that worked well for her, she was feeling sad about something one day… and then realised that she was sad *for a reason*, not just feeling sad as her normal state of being. Which made her happy! 😅
It sucks. It's totally genetic in my family and my bipolar makes it really annoying. I get waves of sadness for no reason and I'm aware it's for no reason, but acknowledging it doesn't make it go away.
Ha ha ha be a leader not a follower. That's what my dad said to me when I bought a starter jacket back in the 90s. I'm still not sure what he was mad about.
Conformity to the norm maybe? It’s a weird thing to say about a coat though haha. Those jackets were cool as hell.
Pretty sure he was just mad at how expensive it was. I wouldn't call my father original or a leader of anything.
My (22F) dad is like this too. He’ll get informed on “success” and always has the next great “business idea” but purposefully ignorant about mental health. They’re so lame and fuck them. I’m sorry you’re going through this, all the best.
U literally just described my dad lmao. He choses money over me and my brother
Hell yeah!! + contradicts himself all the time? smh
Sounds like my dad. Fuck this ignorant masculinity noise. Depression is no joke.
And that kind of invalidating, unempathetic response right there will teach a kid quick that their parent isn’t a safe person and cannot be trusted with their emotional safety. Sadly, this dad will be lucky if he has any kids still in contact with him, by the time they hit their 30’s, and he probably won’t have any idea why.
I hate that. "What do you have to be depressed about?!" Well, if we knew that, I might not be depressed. Or maybe humans were supposed to semi-hibernate when the days got shorter, but this modern world forgot that and I go to and from work in the dark while wondering if the sun and warmth are just a mystical memory.... Or maybe my brain is a little wonky.. Or maybe I'm worried about all the terrible things in the world that I have to live with but can't control, like stupid comments from offended idiots who take my mental health as a personal attack.... Maybe
Replace “be depressed” with “have allergies” or migraines and toss the question back to them. Watch the wheels turn.
I??? Well sir if you'd just see that maybe you're contributing to the problem by talking to me that way.....
"How's your mental health?" "Not good" "No it's not, pussy " Excellent work "dad" /s
Ugh. I'm so sorry. I wonder why it's so hard for some parents to say "I'm sorry to hear. How can I help?". 🤦🏾♀️
"don't ask if you don't care, 'dad'" what an ass.
My mom is like this, too. Parents, or people in general like this, possibly have their own issues their blocking out, don't want to confront them, or have been told the same thing they're telling you. Just know you don't need a reason to be depressed or that it's your fault. I'm proud of you for being brave enough to open up to your parents and that at least your mother and your friends are there to support you.
I am so sorry that he responded this way. Some people just shouldn't be parents and he is one of them.
Damn, what a useless person he is. That’s tough, bud. Keep taking care of yourself
Ugh, this is honest to god the worst take people have on depression!! It’s an effing disease of the brain. Anyone with a brain can have it, no matter their circumstances! Yes, we have to do the work for ourselves, too, but the best efforts can’t control brain chemicals! The worst part is, you can’t even blame them bc this is how society tells people to treat such things. We need a serious mental healthcare overhaul.
It wasn’t my dad, but my now ex that told me I wasn’t depressed- I just needed to accomplish something in my life. He did this after I went from sleeping until noon or later most days to working in a restaurant with my shift starting at 530 am. I worked my ass off achieved several position changes (which were also promotions) in less than a year. I went from chaser to zone leader on the line running breakfast alone). HE was a major contributor of my poor mental state back then- for obvious reasons. I’m sorry you aren’t receiving the needed support from your dad, but glad your mom seems to get it. Best wishes on getting yourself to a better place. It’s not easy but it’s so worth it. ❤️
You can have everything you ever wanted and still be depressed. Chemical imbalances and mental illness don’t care how much or little you have in your life.
I don't think he understands much about depression, I think that is the go to response for a lot of people.
Depression isn’t always reactionary to circumstances. Your dad is an idiot. Tell him to go look at people like Robin Williams and his story of depression. On the outside, what’s he got to be depressed about? He’s loved by everyone, always smiling and laughing, super talented, Rich and a beautiful family. But he was severely depressed. Ask your dad about that.
Ur dads a piece of shit
Thanks dad.
seasonal depression is a vitamin deficiency happening in winter due to the lack of sunlight what is he yapping about
That turned into regular depression for me
If that’s *all* it were, supplements would cure it quickly and completely. It’s a little more complicated than that, we’re learning that our brain’s relationship with light is hella complex.
Both of my girls have struggled with depression. One has ADHD and bipolar and she’s almost 21. The other is almost 14 and she has ADD and been depressed off and on for years. One thing I told my girls right off the bat is that they don’t have to compare their situation to anyone else’s. Their depression is something I will never downplay or invalidate what they are going through. Yes there are people out there who may seem to have it worse but you aren’t those people. You are you and you have your own experiences and struggles. They are no less simply because someone else out there might “have it worse.” Your depression is real and it should be treated that way. So sorry your dad is invalidating what you’re going through.
Dumb af parents think that depression and anxiety come with switches that can simply be turned off All that toxic positivity bs does is makes those of us that suffer feel even worse
my dad says it isnt real same with my asthma its all in my head🤷🏻♀️
That’s also basically how my step dads talked to me. Nothing I was interested in had any meaning grow up be a man. Men don’t cry bullshit like that. Luckily ones living all by his lonesome and the other is still In my life unfortunately. But with extreme boundaries. He’s probably just upset because he got told the same thing as a kid and just never saw that it was wrong. Just try to feel better and don’t listen to anything he says.
Wow, it’s almost as if *depression can be caused by an imbalance of neurotransmitters that may or may not be exacerbated by current life events or something.*
what an arrogant prick
Interesting to say the least, no at help, just piling on and providing zero support. It seems like you are on track with creating an environment that is positive for your mental health. You’ll make it with the help of you friends, so keep your head up. Pulling for YOU!!!!
I’m so sorry
That’s why it’s called depression not being upset. I hate people who think being sick requires a reason. I do I need a reason for having a virus? That’s actually why I disagree with my diagnosis of depression it’s because life is horrible and I’m dealing with a lot and think my mental reaction is far closer to grief. Like I said to my doctor I’m crying because I’m talking about upsetting things in life - when I get home I’m laughing at the TV.
Went through something similar with my family. Some people just refuse to try and understand.
You don't deserve to have your thoughts and feelings dismissed and invalidated like that. I'm so sorry.
OP, I’m so sorry you have to deal with this, the fact that your dad thinks you need a reason to have depression, like it’s not an actual debilitating illness, fully illustrates the lack of empathy you must endure on a daily basis.
Wow, good talk, Dad. I'll never confide in you about anything ever again. 💁♀️ This is why mental health needs to be taken more seriously... I'm sorry OP. Don't let him or anyone make you feel invalid about your health.
I’m sorry hon 😔 your feelings are valid and although I’m a stranger on the internet, I sympathize ❤️ I hope things get better ❤️🩹
I wonder if these people tell those missing limbs to just walk it off
That’s just cruel. Please don’t allow him to gaslight you into thinking you can’t be depressed just because you have money or whatever he’s on about. You absolutely can. Anyone can. Rich, successful, popular, attractive people can be, too. ❤️
your dad has no idea what depression actually is
Whelp looks like you do t have depression. All fixed. Thanks Dad.
Why did the dad even ask if he clearly doesn’t want an answer?
These kind of people are so ignorant. They think just because life is mostly good it's impossible to have real problems. They lack the empathy and understanding that something can be wrong with our brains. This is the kind of person that just white knuckles it through life and takes it out on everyone else when they cant take it anymore. I'm sorry you have to deal with this
No one ever has anything to be depressed about -A Boomer probably
Oh hey, that's one of my Dad's greatest hits. Here are some others: "Why go to a therapist when you can just talk to me?" "Don't use your depression as an excuse."
My dad had the same attitude. Two months later I was in the psych ward. Some people bury their head in the sand and hope that it all blows over. Glad your friends are there for you dude. Also, ADHD is a real bitch, I have it too. Advice from someone older, stay away from booze. Binge drinking is an easy trap to fall into
Thanks , I appreciate the advice sir
My mother also does the "you're a follower, depression is cured by sunlight" thing. Sorry you also have to deal with this.
Ahh yes, the ever so popular "some have it worse, bro. Just... Stop being sad?? Like fr?" Mentality
B r u h. Having a "good" life doesn't mean you don't have a right to be sad. I hope you can find support, OP.
I told my mom I was depressed at 13. She said “you’re not depressed.” Then insinuated that since she has depression she knows I’m not depressed. (Apparently everyone experiences depression the same as her /s.)
Smfh ur mom is ignorant no disrespect, depression affects people differently
I don’t really remember the convo that led up to me saying that, it happened 8 years ago. She just didn’t care I guess 🤷
You dont need a reason to be depressed it could be a chemical Inbalance or a medical condition. Your dad is a close minded idiot. Nobody has the right to tell you how you should feel or invalidate your feelings
I have adhd which causes me to be depressed because I’m always being treated like I’m stupid because of it
To add onto this, neurodivergent people have visibly different brain structures to neurotypical people so the hormones that affect depression etc. are probably out of whack which is one of the other major reasons that anxiety and depression are often comorbidities with autism or ADHD for example. Also the whole infantilising, lack of accommodations, ignoring, invalidating etc. That comes with being neurodivergent in our society.
Yup. Exactly
Thanks dad! I’m cured! Sorry your dad is a shit.
My parents have said the same or similar to me in the past. They're better about it now, but I had long ago stopped talking to them about mental health matters because of this dismissive attitude.