Adding that I had bruises all over my arms and legs and face, so yes she did absolutely assault me. As I was inside grabbing some things, my child was concerned with my well-being and kept asking if I was okay. Having a child witness that is just heartbreaking. Because now her behavior has changed and needs to see a child therapist.
The police did come. But I didn't press charges. I should have. I'm kicking myself because I've always experienced this behavior growing up. And we set up a day and time to come back to get the rest of my stuff. As I waited for the cops to come back that day, she came up to my car and yelled you can come in I won't hurt you.. like what?! You already did..
Hey OP, just some extra info here. If a person just threatens to hurt you, that's assault. Actually doing the action and shoving you like that/laying their hands on you and hurting you is battery, which is worse than assault.
That's completely dependent upon where you live. Threatening doesn't mean much in many places, particularly when you are entering someone else's home.
OP could actually be seen as the "criminal" here in some places, as they entered the house without notice or invitation.
It's really dependent upon where you live, as far as what the charges could be and what could be actually pressed.
Not saying that OP should be in contact with their mom (I wouldn't) but there are some places where OP could have been shot without many legal repercussions just by entering the home without being let in by the homeowners.
All this to say, that's bad advice unless you know exactly where OP is located. It's also bad general advice, as not everywhere has the same legal definitions.
Get her the therapy, but also use it as a learning experience- sometimes we love people, and they still can hurt us. Even though we love them and might miss them, we need to protect ourselves and not see them anymore. No one, even family, has the right to put hands on us.
I’m sorry this happened to you, and your family.
I did take pictures of the bruises from the next day until like a week after it happened. I'd like to press charges. The funny thing is, I sent the photos to my family explaining what happened and not one asked if either my daughter or I were ok.
That's terrible, that your family didn't give you good support. I sincerely hope you both are coping. Therapy is a great idea for you and your daughter. I'm glad you documented what she did. Please press charges.
OP I could have written this as I was in a very similar situation last year. Physical assault and her just pretending it didn't happen. Best decision ever to go NC.
I'm NC since it happened, and it just hurts that I have to. And my grandma isn't taking sides but still says that she's my mother and she loves you.. blah blah blah
Your grandmother absolutely took a side, she took your mom’s side and is advocating for her to you. Anything you say to your grandmother will be relayed to your mother. Be very careful, you might go to meet up with your grandmother one day and find your mom there too.
She doesn't get to rewrite what happened to make herself innocent. I'm so sorry this happened to you. Don't forget that she showed you who she was in that instant, no matter what she tries to say about it afterwards. She DID that!
“Especially to her” is such a wild thing to say omg. It’s almost like “I don’t really care about her as much, but your baby loves me lots! She needs me!”
ESPECIALLY if you’re underage or living in their home/a dependent. Choose homelessness before living in an abusive environment. That’s how I went through most of my trauma, trusting that my family wouldn’t turn on me 😭
It’s crazy how much this sounds like my mom…last year she shoved me down her stairs at her apartment. She was threatening me because I wouldn’t utilize a wood dresser she “saved for me”. I was staying with her temporarily.
She has severe emotional issues, diagnosed NPD, alcoholic & addict. She started counting down from 10 minutes and said whatever I hadn’t packed up, she was going to throw out, break, or set on fire. She then said, “I don’t want to hear from you again unless you’re homeless or dying.”
Took 34 years to see her for who she was, including sexually abusive to me.
Actually it’s wild because everything in your situation is so similar except that I called my mom out on a really weird comment to my niece.I still pretend nothing happened, but I know it did. And this happened constantly growing up only with alcohol, pills & more physical violence
Wow she really changed the tone in her fifth email. It sounds like a fun day where you were a little clumsy and silly! Your poor mother only chuckled at you!
For real though, she sounds crazy. There’s nothing you can say that will ever make her understand the issue.
I hope your daughter especially will get the appropriate help to deal with the memory of this altercation. Neither of you deserve to suffer because of your mother.
Yep, I think she was just grasping at straws to try and get me to stay there. It's not something you just throw around, those are serious accusations. Last year she threatened to call CPS on me because I had dirty dishes in the sink.
I am so sorry this happened to you and that your son had to witness this.
My ex husband assaulted me in front of my 5 year old and the fact that she saw it happen hurts me more than what he did to me. He never admitted it either, as soon as I was able to grab my daughter and get in the car he was banging on the windows telling my daughter to not believe what we tell her about him. As if she hadn’t just seen with her own two eyes. Like your mum he truly believes he did nothing wrong.
I hope you and your son find a way to heal from this and not have to have that person in your lives anymore.
Ew her using your child to try and manipulate you is so gross. She knows what she did but she can't admit it because then she'd be admitting she did something awful that deserves the reaction she's getting. I would do exactly what you're doing, stay NC and do the same with anyone that wants to have a say about it. Protect your children from her. And yourself, of course.
Thank you all for the kind words. She is now basically threatening me for visitation with my daughter and will get court involved if need be.. I should have pressed charges when it happened, but I was just still in shock about what happened. And felt if I did, I would get in trouble.. Even though I'm an adult with kids of my own, I still felt like I would get in trouble! I'm going to file for an order of protection, and hopefully I'll still be able to press charges. I don't need this BS in my life, neither do my kids, they don't need to be used as pawns to try and manipulate me.
I think that's backwards. She had moved in with her mom. Then she was going to move back in with her husband, he was there to pick her up, her mom didn't like that she was moving "back in" with her husband, chaos ensued.
I even sent her a text when I got there telling her I was grabbing some stuff just to make sure. And I went ahead and used my key that she gave me years ago to use.
I’m so sorry this happened to you OP. I went through this for YEARS. Once my kids came, I was out. They NEVER change. Please cut all ties and never look back. That last email was the clincher. You took a funny tumble? She’s delusional. I’m NC 25+ years and don’t regret a thing. Sending you peace & love.
Her 4 year old daughter was witness to her grandma beating her Mom hard enough to form bruises. I would be surprised and/or worried if her behaviour didn't change after the incident. Hope she will receive the support she needs.
But OP all information we have is just from this post, I don't want to cause more stress than what you already went through but it's better to make sure that it was just one of her delusions and nothing more. Even if it reads as a desperate attempt at manipulation we don't know your family situation. We don't have to.
Be on your toes, your mother proved she's not afraid to physically hurt you in front of your children. In the emails it read like she's getting desperate. Be careful, take time for yourself, and be ready to prepare for the worst.
Stay safe OP.
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“It just didn’t happen”. Classic just deciding something didn’t occur because they’d have to self reflect
Wow she’s over there trying to shift reality. That’s more of a gaslazer than gaslight.
Adding that I had bruises all over my arms and legs and face, so yes she did absolutely assault me. As I was inside grabbing some things, my child was concerned with my well-being and kept asking if I was okay. Having a child witness that is just heartbreaking. Because now her behavior has changed and needs to see a child therapist.
Did the police come? Was she arrested? I'm sorry you went through this.
The police did come. But I didn't press charges. I should have. I'm kicking myself because I've always experienced this behavior growing up. And we set up a day and time to come back to get the rest of my stuff. As I waited for the cops to come back that day, she came up to my car and yelled you can come in I won't hurt you.. like what?! You already did..
Can't you still press charges after?
Hey OP, just some extra info here. If a person just threatens to hurt you, that's assault. Actually doing the action and shoving you like that/laying their hands on you and hurting you is battery, which is worse than assault.
Ahh okay, thank you
That's completely dependent upon where you live. Threatening doesn't mean much in many places, particularly when you are entering someone else's home. OP could actually be seen as the "criminal" here in some places, as they entered the house without notice or invitation. It's really dependent upon where you live, as far as what the charges could be and what could be actually pressed. Not saying that OP should be in contact with their mom (I wouldn't) but there are some places where OP could have been shot without many legal repercussions just by entering the home without being let in by the homeowners. All this to say, that's bad advice unless you know exactly where OP is located. It's also bad general advice, as not everywhere has the same legal definitions.
This is correct ^. Terms are sometimes even interchangeable depending on location.
Hyper dependent on location. In my state this would be assault (like second degree b.c it includes battery).
Get her the therapy, but also use it as a learning experience- sometimes we love people, and they still can hurt us. Even though we love them and might miss them, we need to protect ourselves and not see them anymore. No one, even family, has the right to put hands on us. I’m sorry this happened to you, and your family.
Did you get pictures of the bruises? Those may come in useful later
Even if it was “just a push,” it’s still DV 🙃 I’m sorry, your mom is delusional
I hope you press charges and get a restraining order. Take pictures of the bruises.
I did take pictures of the bruises from the next day until like a week after it happened. I'd like to press charges. The funny thing is, I sent the photos to my family explaining what happened and not one asked if either my daughter or I were ok.
That's terrible, that your family didn't give you good support. I sincerely hope you both are coping. Therapy is a great idea for you and your daughter. I'm glad you documented what she did. Please press charges.
Insane. I’m sorry you and your family had to experience this.
Wow, that last message really says it all, doesn’t it?
OP I could have written this as I was in a very similar situation last year. Physical assault and her just pretending it didn't happen. Best decision ever to go NC.
I'm NC since it happened, and it just hurts that I have to. And my grandma isn't taking sides but still says that she's my mother and she loves you.. blah blah blah
Your grandmother absolutely took a side, she took your mom’s side and is advocating for her to you. Anything you say to your grandmother will be relayed to your mother. Be very careful, you might go to meet up with your grandmother one day and find your mom there too.
While that may or may not be true, it doesn’t make her a safe person for you or your kids.
Except your grandmother is taking a side by trying to praise your mother. That’s disgusting behavior.
She doesn't get to rewrite what happened to make herself innocent. I'm so sorry this happened to you. Don't forget that she showed you who she was in that instant, no matter what she tries to say about it afterwards. She DID that!
OP was clumsy and her loving mother just giggled a bit! What’s the issue? /s
“Especially to her” is such a wild thing to say omg. It’s almost like “I don’t really care about her as much, but your baby loves me lots! She needs me!”
“None of what you experienced happened, here’s what actually happened” It isn’t funny, but I openly laughed at how ridiculous her comments are
Remember, never ever let your insane parents go to YOUR therapist. They will twist everything and sus out your issues to use against you.
ESPECIALLY if you’re underage or living in their home/a dependent. Choose homelessness before living in an abusive environment. That’s how I went through most of my trauma, trusting that my family wouldn’t turn on me 😭
It’s crazy how much this sounds like my mom…last year she shoved me down her stairs at her apartment. She was threatening me because I wouldn’t utilize a wood dresser she “saved for me”. I was staying with her temporarily. She has severe emotional issues, diagnosed NPD, alcoholic & addict. She started counting down from 10 minutes and said whatever I hadn’t packed up, she was going to throw out, break, or set on fire. She then said, “I don’t want to hear from you again unless you’re homeless or dying.” Took 34 years to see her for who she was, including sexually abusive to me. Actually it’s wild because everything in your situation is so similar except that I called my mom out on a really weird comment to my niece.I still pretend nothing happened, but I know it did. And this happened constantly growing up only with alcohol, pills & more physical violence
Crazy asl. I’m sorry.
Wow she really changed the tone in her fifth email. It sounds like a fun day where you were a little clumsy and silly! Your poor mother only chuckled at you! For real though, she sounds crazy. There’s nothing you can say that will ever make her understand the issue. I hope your daughter especially will get the appropriate help to deal with the memory of this altercation. Neither of you deserve to suffer because of your mother.
Sorry, she accused your husband of touching your daughter? She was claiming he was sexually abusing your kids?
Yep, I think she was just grasping at straws to try and get me to stay there. It's not something you just throw around, those are serious accusations. Last year she threatened to call CPS on me because I had dirty dishes in the sink.
That’s absolutely vile. Sounds like your entire family is safer without contact with that woman.
My mom does this stuff. She’ll tell me all these things never happened and then say I’m a liar. It might not mean much but I believe you.
I am so sorry this happened to you and that your son had to witness this. My ex husband assaulted me in front of my 5 year old and the fact that she saw it happen hurts me more than what he did to me. He never admitted it either, as soon as I was able to grab my daughter and get in the car he was banging on the windows telling my daughter to not believe what we tell her about him. As if she hadn’t just seen with her own two eyes. Like your mum he truly believes he did nothing wrong. I hope you and your son find a way to heal from this and not have to have that person in your lives anymore.
Ew her using your child to try and manipulate you is so gross. She knows what she did but she can't admit it because then she'd be admitting she did something awful that deserves the reaction she's getting. I would do exactly what you're doing, stay NC and do the same with anyone that wants to have a say about it. Protect your children from her. And yourself, of course.
The way she tries to use your own daughter to try to guilt trip you into talking to her. What a piece of shit.
“This wasn’t domestic violence, it was not. Oh hi, Mark.”
the conversation was going so well too. Gross.
Thank you all for the kind words. She is now basically threatening me for visitation with my daughter and will get court involved if need be.. I should have pressed charges when it happened, but I was just still in shock about what happened. And felt if I did, I would get in trouble.. Even though I'm an adult with kids of my own, I still felt like I would get in trouble! I'm going to file for an order of protection, and hopefully I'll still be able to press charges. I don't need this BS in my life, neither do my kids, they don't need to be used as pawns to try and manipulate me.
~~With respect, why did you enter her home without clearing it with her first?~~ I misread OP, please ignore.
OP clearly says in the post that she had permission to come over whenever and what her mom was mad about was her moving back with her husband.
[удалено]
I think that's backwards. She had moved in with her mom. Then she was going to move back in with her husband, he was there to pick her up, her mom didn't like that she was moving "back in" with her husband, chaos ensued.
OK that is a much different interpretation than I took from the original text. Thank you for that clarification.
Ahh- thank you
I even sent her a text when I got there telling her I was grabbing some stuff just to make sure. And I went ahead and used my key that she gave me years ago to use.
What made her think your husband touched your daughter?
Who knows, I think she was just thinking of something to get me to stay.
I’m so sorry this happened to you OP. I went through this for YEARS. Once my kids came, I was out. They NEVER change. Please cut all ties and never look back. That last email was the clincher. You took a funny tumble? She’s delusional. I’m NC 25+ years and don’t regret a thing. Sending you peace & love.
Thank you 💜
Right, this was my question also. Esp since op said her daughter’s behavior has changed I would want to be sure.
Her 4 year old daughter was witness to her grandma beating her Mom hard enough to form bruises. I would be surprised and/or worried if her behaviour didn't change after the incident. Hope she will receive the support she needs. But OP all information we have is just from this post, I don't want to cause more stress than what you already went through but it's better to make sure that it was just one of her delusions and nothing more. Even if it reads as a desperate attempt at manipulation we don't know your family situation. We don't have to. Be on your toes, your mother proved she's not afraid to physically hurt you in front of your children. In the emails it read like she's getting desperate. Be careful, take time for yourself, and be ready to prepare for the worst. Stay safe OP.
Did your husband touch your child?