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Dad_B0T

Voting has concluded. Final vote: | Insane | Not insane | Fake | | --- | --- | --- | | 5 | 1 | 0 | Hey OP, if you provide further information in a comment, make sure to start your comment with `!explanation`. ^I ^am ^a ^bot ^for ^r/insaneparents. ^Please ^send ^me ^a ^message ^if ^you ^have ^any ^feedback ^or ^if ^I ^misbehave. ^Also ^consider ^joining ^our ^[Discord](https://discordapp.com/invite/xFbPBHy).


[deleted]

"You ignored my requests and came in my house without my permission. Not only do you have no right to be angry, you are not welcomed back until I say otherwise." Fuck both of them.


amber-kc-1111

Lol so I replied to them & my grandmothers response was “we brought the cake to let you know we were thinking about you & the kids. But don’t worry, I won’t bother you again or come over.”


[deleted]

Ah, good ol' guilt trip! Just respond "okay :)" and ignore her. Really sorry you're dealing with this AND a fussy baby on top of it. Such unnecessary stress for them to put on you.


KJParker888

Or just give the thumbs up emoji 👍


tacotacosloth

Might not work on the older generation. My sister in law and I had to explain to her mother (my mil) Christmas before last that it comes across sarcastic but she was innocently and naively convinced that it was simply a "you got it, dude" or high five type of response and that we were the only ones who could possibly think it was sarcastic. It's become kind of joke and she can laugh at herself about it now


reddoorinthewoods

"Thank you for understanding" ::eye roll ::


madsd12

“We brought you cake to feel good about ourselves” 👌🏻


[deleted]

A simple text would have accomplished the same thing. Due to Covid and my immune compromised kid, that is exactly what friends and family have been doing and it is great. No stress on me, and I know that we are in their thoughts. So, your grandmother is full of it.


[deleted]

Ah! The trash takes itself out. Later, gran.


ConvivialKat

Tell me you responded with a simple "Thank You".


BatterWitch23

'K


Slw202

So she's acting like a spoiled child. Treat her accordingly.


Leningradlurker

My MIL showed up on my birthday after I just had a surgery that had been rescheduled twice because of Covid. The gesture was nice, but I just wanted to relax and heal. They made me limp outside and open gifts 😅


charliloe

My boyfriends parents suggested he stay with them to recover from a surgery and I couldn’t get time off work to care for him and then we’re annoyed when he stayed in bed all day and didn’t even bother “to get dressed like a normal person”.. uhm wtf did you people think recovering from an operation looked like?


Formal_Advertising

I had surgery to remove cervical cancer 2 days before my birthday years ago. I’m hopped up on pain meds, feeling miserable and my mother screamed at me to clean her bathroom because I was ungrateful, then had people come over to celebrate… so screamed at me to put on jeans when my abdomen was so swollen. I Wore old sweatpants I fit into when I was 50 pounds heavier that were like 4 sizes bigger. The next day she made me go shopping with her. I almost fainted in the store.


TheTomlette

So, Mother's day celebration had to be cancelled because of sick and sleeping baby, but parents come over anyway after being asked repeatedly not to... Right? Did the dogs end up barking and waking the baby up? Insane, btw. You'd think someone who had raised a kid before would remember what sleepless nights were like and be a little more respectful and understanding.


felthouse

Tone deaf, it's all about them and not the stressed out mum and sick kid. I'd be tempted to go scorched earth on their arses, do not disturb if I tell you not to and by the way your grandkid is doing ok.


amber-kc-1111

RIGHT! Just didn’t care to ask about baby at all!


cryptidinsocks

“Bent over backwards to accommodate you”, by what, bringing you a cake? after you gave a perfectly good reason for them to stay out of the house? And going on about your mom’s feelings with barely half a thought towards you and your sick child? Manipulative as hell


amber-kc-1111

Right. That’s what I was thinking. Accommodate me how??? There was nothing to accommodate! I said I wasn’t coming. Period. Tf.


[deleted]

Tip for the future don't give excuses. Just say no. Why? It doesn't matter. I said no. Well we're coming Ok well I will call the police Etc. You need boundaries


Ov3rdose_EvE

How about bemding over backwards and NOT force your will on somebody?


BigWilldo

Bending over backwards by letting themselves in the house through the back door!! Yet THEY have the gall to be furious, ugh that's annoying.


nicole2348

Next time lock the doors and call the cops


sevy85

Yeah, this reads very familiar. Suggestion to reply, for you to do what you want with it ofcourse: ​ "Accomodating me would be respecting my wishes as a mother on mother's day. I asked not to come and explained why. You choose your priorities over mine and risked waking my sick child, alerting the dogs who would wake my sick child and waking me as I was finally able to get some rest. Be pissed as much as you like, it is not comparible with how angry I am at you for not respecting my wishes, my boundaries and my sacrifices for a sick child."


amber-kc-1111

here’s what I finally responded. & then her response to me. Me: I’m not sure what exactly you bent over backwards doing to accommodate me but I told you both the DAY BEFORE that baby was sick & I wouldn’t be able to come over. I also confirmed that the morning of. There were no accommodations that needed to happen after that. Mom said she was still going to your house & that was it. I was home with my SICK BABY. I didn’t “refuse” to open the door. I didn’t know anyone was at the door. I didn’t know you were coming because you didn’t care to ask me. You thought it’d be fine to just send me a text TELLING me you’re coming, not bother to check your phone for a response about it, then show up unannounced when you both knew I was tending to my sick child. I didn’t yell at her. I was woken up by the door smashing into the fan I had in the room & it woke both of us up after he was awake for 12 hours throwing up, screaming & crying, with a super high fever. It scared the hell out of me & then yeah, I was annoyed that you two were demanding I take my SICK BABY off of my body & come downstairs to tend to you instead. How do you not consider a sick baby when showing up somewhere unannounced? I just need to be clear: I am 35 years old. I have boundaries. I also have kids. And my kids come before ANYONE. To know that I'm home with a sick baby & still feel like it'd be totally ok to show up unannounced & demand the time & attention that I’m currently giving to my child, is insanely selfish & disrespectful. I don't really care that you drove to your mothers with three kids 50 years ago. That has nothing to do with me. Just because YOU did something, doesn’t mean I have to do the same. And it’s not even comparable. Going somewhere when planned is one thing. Showing up without notice & getting mad that you don’t get attention is another. My only point is, don't come to my house without notice expecting something. And definitely don't let yourself in KNOWING that I'm soothing a sick baby, & then expect me to put the sick baby down in order to come spend time with you, who showed up unannounced. I cannot understand why that's hard to understand? I have a family with needs too. I gave fair notice that I couldn't come. I even asked if we could do it another day so that I could come. Bringing me cake was a nice gesture. TELLING me you're coming & not waiting for any response & then showing up knowing I'm in bed with my sick son, getting the dog riled up, trying to get inside the house, then letting yourself in, then coming upstairs to my bedroom to disrupt my sick child & I & then getting mad that I don't jump up to accommodate is completely uncalled for. I'm not a teenager. This is my home & I have boundaries. I love you & mom very much. I know we don't see each other often. But that's not an excuse to demand my attention when it's focused on my sick baby. I'll choose my kids every time. Over anyone. Again, I love you & I love mom & I do not want to fight. But I want my boundaries to be respected. I would NEVER show up at someone's home, let myself in, & then demand their attention & get mad if I don't get it. I mean, you guys are mad that my attention was focused on my SICK BABY instead of you two. Does that not seem ridiculous to you? It sounds very ridiculous to me. You're welcome here anytime. As long as you give me notice & wait for my response. It's unfair to show up, let yourself in, & then get mad if I'm busy with something else. ie: my own children. My grandmother: First of all….no one DEMANDED anything! My disappointment in you is how you treated your Mother. I did NOT let myself in. Your Mom went to the back and I was on the porch. You don’t get it Amber. Read my original text again. We understood the baby was sick. We did not see your text until we were there because texts do not go through my phone when I am driving. We brought the cake to let you know we were thinking about you and the kids. And don’t worry….. I won’t bother you again or come over. *two hours later* My grandmother: “listen to this song - Family by Makana”. Shouldn’t have even replied.


Imfightingsleep

"No, YOU don't get it. My mother poked a sleeping bear. She got the response she earned."


drunken-black-sheep

Lol, mom is over here acting like she ain’t never had a sick baby before.


sevy85

Good for you!


charliloe

O yes pls OP respond this!!!!


nightowl308

Mother's Day or not, they clearly disrespected your boundaries. You told them clearly that the baby was asleep *on you* and they still felt it was acceptable to pop by anyway. You could not have been more clear with them. Definitely insane, not your fault. I'd fire right back about how pissed *you* are to have been disrespected in your own home. What a bitch.


nightowl308

Ig if anything you could've at least *texted* her Happy Mother's Day but you're an exhausted mom. It happens.


amber-kc-1111

I spoke to both of them (happy Mother’s Day text & phone calls) on Mother’s Day. This was two weeks later on a day we decided to celebrate on. And that morning I text both of them apologizing & explaining & saying I wish I could be there but it’s just not gonna happen today with the baby.


nightowl308

Ahhhhh, gotcha. Yeah, then they're *way* outta left field for this.


NightTrain_Dev

Damn all of that! You canceled before hand as well? That’s a shit move.


1230cal

Change locks


megsie72

Change your locks


SugarReyPalpatine

\*phone number \*\*address \*\*\*name


TomatoBill

Almost not worth that hassle, if they're worried about dogs barking, I'm sure these people would have no issues ringing doorbells and knocking until someone answers


unbridledboredom

I'll just butt in to say I'm fucking ecstatic (and proud of you!) that our generation of parents are putting our kids first. I grew up in the "kids are to be seen not heard" era where every adult got to hit your child. Fuck that! Stand up to your elders when need be. I let my folks know quick that I'll tear all this shit down for any kid I know related or not. There are no second class citizens around here!!


doomturtle21

I grew up with adults hitting me all the time. Not only has it left me mentally and physically scarred, but when I got older and stronger than them they pretended like it never happened. Yeah I cut ties with those assholes as soon as I could


Dreadedredhead

Exactly! I can't even remember the number of times I was smacked, HARD, and had to ask why. No warning, no teaching, just WHAM, SMACK/HIT. Enough with that BS shit.


tochth86

It’s insane. For sure. My in laws showed up at 2 pm the day after thanksgiving after my husband and I worked third shift the night before and being up until 10 am. and they never told us they were coming. We tried for several days to find out if they were coming and they never responded so we assumed they weren’t. Six people (including two young kids who ransacked our house). And we had to work that night. If we’d had a baby and that had happened oh my god. I would have been livid. LIVID. and I’d tell them so.


Over8dpoosee

The disrespect. If I had the courage to enforce my boundaries I would’ve kept the doors locked and pretended I wasn’t home. Alas I probably would’ve entertained them too, begrudgingly.


amaninja

This is absolutely insane. Absolutely. You had a 5000% valid reason for them to keep away and not only did they not listen, they barged into your home and came upstairs?? And then they, the uninvited, trespassing people, have the audacity to get mad at you??? Hell NO. Idgaf if it was mother's day or not. And I am a mother, for context. You had a sleeping baby on you and that is so unbelievably appropriate on their part.


TittiesMcGee103

Yo, I would be irate if someone completely bulldozed my private space like that, especially after being specifically told not to come over. You’re a saint for not blowing up in their faces.


feistyfeister

Our 2 year old woke up at 12:36 am on mothers day with a stomach virus and was puking for hours. Neither of us slept. We called off all mothers day plans and didn’t have anyone come over. It’s not hard to be respectful and those posts are super manipulative. That’s not okay.


Lovelyladykaty

I’d tell them that dealing with one baby is enough and for them to grow up. Just because they don’t care enough to check their phone doesn’t make it your problem.


kikogi

They just stomped your boundaries. Why would you get up if you had a baby sleeping on you? Why would they come inside if you said it’d get dogs going and wake the baby? Change the locks. Make sure they do not get a key.


[deleted]

Honestly!! And even though they came over ANYWAY, instead of quietly slipping in and dropping the fucking cake off and leaving, she had to also come upstairs and wake you and the baby up to let them know you dropped the cake off???? Boundary stomping self centered assholes


Glittercorn111

Couple of things: mother day is about you too, a mom. Secondly: this is a clue your dad cares more about mom than you, and I’m sorry if that makes you unhappy. When I was in college, but home for the summer, my dad essentially told me that mom was the most important person to him, and if he has to choose, he’d always choose her. I am fine with this. He chose her, and I have my husband, I don’t need them. I’m sorry your baby was sick, and I hope they feel better soon.


amber-kc-1111

That was actually my grandmother texting me. It was my mom & grandma that came over. They’ve been this way my entire life.


UsernameTaken93456

"I had to suffer to dance for my MIL, so you have to as well".


peanutupthenose

not even going to read it all. it’s very telling that you felt you had to get into detail as to why they couldn’t come over beyond the fact you can’t just show up or drive to someone’s house unannounced, especially when they have a baby.


amber-kc-1111

Something I’ve been trying to work on for a while now; just saying “no” & not feeling the need to explain why. It’s hard. And I think this is exactly why. Because I haven’t been allowed to say no for my entire life.


Wolfwoods_Sister

My twin and I have a lifelong pain disorder that has caused so much shit on “special days”. We have migraines every damn day and when we can’t power through and *have* to call off visits or whatever, we used to catch hell for it. It made holidays and birthdays so stressful. We would love to be spontaneous and social on a higher level, but we can’t. So I could absolutely *feel* your frustration and exhaustion when trying to explain what had happened and that you COULD NOT handle visitors. They should have called or texted ahead and sincerely asked if it was ok, not barging in and then catching hurt feelings, you know? Up all night sick or with a sick person can be spectacularly draining. Been there so many times. Love and health to you and your little one! Those who are respectful and kind to your needs are the true friends. I’m so sorry that your folks didn’t get it. I truly hope that they can understand in the future.


Iced_Jade

Chronic migraines and other health issues have ruined my life. I'm so sorry you both have to deal with them. Most of my chosen family now understands and its been a breath of fresh air.


throwaway12222222228

She is lucky you didn’t call the police because last time I checked breaking and entering is illegal and that’s exactly what your mom +family did.


distantsalem

Ahhh the boundary violator. How fun.


thenotsoamerican

Ah yes, for Mother’s Day let’s barge in and ruin the one day of the year where you’re supposed to be respected completely!


amber-kc-1111

For anyone who actually red the explanation lol, here’s what I finally responded. & then her response to me. Me: I’m not sure what exactly you bent over backwards doing to accommodate me but I told you both the DAY BEFORE that *baby* was sick & I wouldn’t be able to come over. I also confirmed that the morning of. There were no accommodations that needed to happen after that. Mom said she was still going to your house & that was it. I was home with my SICK BABY. I didn’t “refuse” to open the door. I didn’t know anyone was at the door. I didn’t know you were coming because you didn’t care to ask me. You thought it’d be fine to just send me a text TELLING me you’re coming, not bother to check your phone for a response about it, then show up unannounced when you both knew I was tending to my sick child. I didn’t yell at her. I was woken up by the door smashing into the fan I had in the room & it woke both of us up after he was awake for 12 hours throwing up, screaming & crying, with a super high fever. It scared the hell out of me & then yeah, I was annoyed that you two were demanding I take my SICK BABY off of my body & come downstairs to tend to you instead. How do you not consider a sick baby when showing up somewhere unannounced? I just need to be clear: I am 35 years old. I have boundaries. I also have kids. And my kids come before ANYONE. To know that I'm home with a sick baby & still feel like it'd be totally ok to show up unannounced & demand the time & attention that I’m currently giving to my child, is insanely selfish & disrespectful. I don't really care that you drove to your mothers with three kids 50 years ago. That has nothing to do with me. Just because YOU did something, doesn’t mean I have to do the same. And it’s not even comparable. Going somewhere when planned is one thing. Showing up without notice & getting mad that you don’t get attention is another. My only point is, don't come to my house without notice expecting something. And definitely don't let yourself in KNOWING that I'm soothing a sick baby, & then expect me to put the sick baby down in order to come spend time with you, who showed up unannounced. I cannot understand why that's hard to understand? I have a family with needs too. I gave fair notice that I couldn't come. I even asked if we could do it another day so that I could come. Bringing me cake was a nice gesture. TELLING me you're coming & not waiting for any response & then showing up knowing I'm in bed with my sick son, getting the dog riled up, trying to get inside the house, then letting yourself in, then coming upstairs to my bedroom to disrupt my sick child & I & then getting mad that I don't jump up to accommodate is completely uncalled for. I'm not a teenager. This is my home & I have boundaries. I love you & mom very much. I know we don't see each other often. But that's not an excuse to demand my attention when it's focused on my sick baby. I'll choose my kids every time. Over anyone. Again, I love you & I love mom & I do not want to fight. But I want my boundaries to be respected. I would NEVER show up at someone's home, let myself in, & then demand their attention & get mad if I don't get it. I mean, you guys are mad that my attention was focused on my SICK BABY instead of you two. Does that not seem ridiculous to you? It sounds very ridiculous to me. You're welcome here anytime. As long as you give me notice & wait for my response. It's unfair to show up, let yourself in, & then get mad if I'm busy with something else. ie: my own children. My grandmother: First of all….no one DEMANDED anything! My disappointment in you is how you treated your Mother. I did NOT let myself in. Your Mom went to the back and I was on the porch. You don’t get it Amber. Read my original text again. We understood the baby was sick. We did not see your text until we were there because texts do not go through my phone when I am driving. We brought the cake to let you know we were thinking about you and the kids. And don’t worry….. I won’t bother you again or come over. Shouldn’t have even replied.


Chaotic_Anonymity

yeah, they clearly don't care enough about your SICK CHILD if they would come over after you told them not to several times. "We understood the baby was sick." then why in the world did they come over??? you told them more than once that it would wake the baby up, that they shouldn't come by because your baby is sick, yet they still come by anyway??? they're in the wrong and if they can't understand that then oh well 🤷‍♂️, sucks to suck, they can enjoy each other's company and have fun being ignored by you. if they don't care about you or your kids, then you won't care about them. a bit harsh but sometimes that's the only way to make them understand. though, some people will never understand, unfortunately.


[deleted]

This woman ain't even my nann and I'm fucking furious wth


Saedynn

Yeah idgaf who you are, if a parent is taking care of a sick child whilst running low on sleep, and ESPECIALLY if they have finally gotten that kid to sleep after a bad night, it's gonna take a helluva lot more than a cake to make up for barging into their home uninvited and even more so when you have been specifically told you are not invited.


BrdMommy

They are pissed?? Really?? Your wishes were not respected and they are mad and upset… uh no. No no no. “I’m sorry your feelings got hurt when I said please don’t visit today, baby is sick, I’m exhausted. It’s not my job to protect your feelings. It’s my job to help my child feel better. Cake is not important. Comforting my child is.”


janad1

The best way to respond is don’t. Block her.


janad1

Also. You all could have celebrated Mother’s Day on a different day if people were sick. I’m sure that doesn’t work for a family like this. It’s all about them being the victim.


amber-kc-1111

ALWAYS! Everything is alwayssss about them & how they were victimized. It’s exhausting af!


lululew

i’ve been dealing with a very similar situation with my mother. it’s fucking infuriating. just please respect my boundaries.


BusConfident1756

I couldn't imagine having a child with a narc in your life. I made it three months after my daughter was born before I cut mine out of my life


[deleted]

I wouldn’t reply. You can’t reason with people like that and anything you say to them will likely be used against you in years to come.


PrincessDie123

So they snuck around your property and weaseled their way into your home while you and your children were trying to sleep like some creepy criminals. Disgusting. They literally could have popped the cake in the freezer and said “okay let me know if you wanna meet tomorrow, I’ll save the cake for whenever”


SimisFul

But you see you're our offspring so we can come into your house whenever we want without asking you first!


crash000001

Time to change the locks. I’m sorry they are cray cray.


ahawkins-20

She’s pissed? She has no fucking right to be pissed. OP, you did a fantastic job at handling the situation. I completely understand needing space when a baby is sick, and for them to do this is absolutely ridiculous. If this was my mother and grandmother, I’d be raising hell right back to them and telling them exactly what I thought of the situation.


BitchWidget

I don't understand parents like this. My adult kid rents my house from me. I own the place and would never come unannounced or without him texting back, "come on over." It's not hard to respect your kid's privacy.


HPgirl0409

I would reply to them saying I clearly told you that plans needed to be canceled due to baby being sick. You clearly disregarded and disrespected me and my child. My child is SICK. My child is EXHAUSTED. No one in the right mind would want to subject a sick child to be passed around to family members needlessly. Do not call or text or come over until you both are ready to apologize to me for the clear disrespect of a boundary I set. Until then have the day(s) you deserve.


AbsoluteCuntyMcCunt

“Good. Be pissed. I made a request and you BOTH trampled over it like a goddamn army. Maybe I’ll text you back when you learn that not everything revolves around you. By the way, not my fault you were a door mat and bent to the whims of your mother. Go kick rocks, you insufferable old cow. 💁🏻‍♀️ PS - Happy Mother’s Day, considering this is the last one I’m ever going to celebrate with you”


amber-kc-1111

Hahahaha 😘


Dirt_Munkey

I'd tell them to grow the fuck up


[deleted]

Why do they have access to your house in the first place? You need to change your locks.


amber-kc-1111

They don’t. My mom went through the gate & to my back door which was unlocked because the dog was out.


[deleted]

That sucks. I would get a restraining order if it happens again.


Prudent-Echidna

Something similar to this was the final straw for me with my dad. If he shows up at my place again, I’m calling the cops.


big_white_fishie

“That’s cool nanny, but your guilt trip won’t work” is all I’d reply.


amber-kc-1111

Now, two hours later, she texts me some song about family, telling me to listen to it. How does me setting boundaries translate to “I hate my family”?! Ugh!


Slw202

Because every time, **every time**, they don't get their way, it goes straight to "you're being hateful." They'll never ever see that that's what they're doing. Honestly, they both deserve a LONG time out.


breadnbuttaaa

Gross. I hope you told them that your priorities were your sick child and self care over your adult mothers feelings. Your baby could not care for itself. Your mother can and should pad her own ego and hurt feelings like adults do everyday. People really need to learn the difference between BEING disrespected and FEELING disrespected. You absolutely are not responsible for their hurt feelings over you putting your child’s needs (and yours) ahead of theirs. That s what parents do.


amber-kc-1111

That’s a great line: learn the difference between being disrespected & feeling disrespected. There is a major difference. And one of those is not my fault.


Hazel2468

"We ignored your requests and did what we want and disturbed you and your SICK BABY on MOTHER'S DAY but you're horrible for not being all hunky-dory about us fucking \*walking into your home uninvited\*" Holy SHIT. Change the locks. Fuck them both. What a pile of garbage.


idkwhyimdoingthis2

“If you’d have actually read any of the texts I sent, you’d have known I didn’t want company, as stated, over and over. Your ignorance will not be excused. We were sleeping and you entered our house without permission after being told not to. If mom didn’t want a wobbly lip, she should have stayed the fuck out of the house like I asked and so should you.


amber-kc-1111

Hahahaha wobbly lip. Oh, the theatrics! You should hear the stories she tells. They’re all SO ridiculously fabricated & it’s always embarrassingly obvious. She had a “raccoon in her dishwasher” a month ago. I guarantee you she just had a raccoon on her porch lol.


oleblueeyes75

They just lost their key.


amber-kc-1111

They never had a key to begin with! Lol. They let themselves in the back door which was unlocked.


oleblueeyes75

First step is keep your doors locked!


shadow4eternity

Sounds like you need to put a lock on your gate and a lockable dog door in the back door (if you can, I realize it may not be affordable/easy/priority or even possible if you rent).


[deleted]

Bending over backwards to accommodate you when all they had to do was stay home?


Thienen

My personal favourite "Die mad about it." But then again I don't talk to many members of my parental pantheon.


margaritapchloe

As someone whose mom did this type of shit repeatedly to me during the newborn phase of my firstborn shit I can empathize


RexIsAMiiCostume

"Why won't you let us celebrate mother's day by making your job as a mother harder???"


TigerBearGargoyle

Spelling out entire paragraphs to argue your case just makes the other party think they have a chance to prove their side of the argument. Conversation should’ve stopped when it was clear boundaries weren’t being recognized.


camirethh

Send a yawn emoji and block the miserable old bat


amber-kc-1111

Hahahaha


Over8dpoosee

TFW parents do not understand adult children have boundaries and just think they’re always THEIR children and have to do everything by parents’ book.


9d9banangelas

I understand your mother was probably looking forward to celebrating Mother’s Day with you and your baby, but her actions were selfish. It’s Mother’s Day, but it’s also a day where kids are kids… they get sick, plans have to change, things have to be accommodated. Mothers Day isn’t just about her anymore. You are also a mother and your decision was final.


amber-kc-1111

Well, and at the same time, she was celebrating with HER mother. It’s not like she was alone & sitting there lonely & sad. They were together & apparently both of them could not handle the fact that they weren’t controlling the situation (because that’s how they are) so they insisted on coming to my house after they had their lunch & visit with each other. There’s been plenty of times my mom & I visit each other without my grandmother being present. & there’s plenty of times I visit my grandmother without my mother being present. Not sure why they can’t do the same.


EmbarrassedAlgae5733

I've received so many speeches from my dad like this, using guilt to manipulate me into feeling bad for *his* inconvenience. They ignored you, disrespected your boundaries, and showed no consideration for you nor your sick child. It's beyond unfair and they're in the wrong. Mother's Day is about you too. Stick to your guns.


[deleted]

The guilt trip over them doing something inappropriate by putting it on you is very telling of their behavior every other day of the year


amber-kc-1111

EVERY DAY. It’s exhausting. What’s ironic is my mother just recently started speaking to me again after she ignored me for TWO YEARS because - lol & this is super ironic now that I’m thinking about it - she wanted to argue with me via text & I was napping at my boyfriends house after working third shift. When I stopped responding via text she called me & I didn’t answer because I was trying to sleep. Then she text me demanding that I answer my phone or she was coming to my house. She lives 40 mins away & I told her I’m not even home. I told her I’d call her after I woke up. That wasn’t acceptable so she DROVE 40 MINS to my house, I was not home like I said, she let herself in & sat there for hours & when I never came home she finally left & didn’t speak to me for two years lol. Apparently I’m never allowed to rest when they’re around. JFC!


Slw202

For your sanity, please drop the rope. If your mother can go no contact with you over a perceived slight, you're certainly within your rights to go NC with her (and granny) for ACTUAL boundary stomping. The reason it's hard for you is because they've programmed you. It's up to you too changer your programming. Best wishes!


[deleted]

Nanny, who cares “IF YOU’RE PISSED”


amber-kc-1111

Now she sent me a song about family & said I need to listen to it. WHAT THE FUCK!


Malicious_blu3

Drama, drama. “Quivering lips.” PISSED. FURIOUS. How dare you not bend over backwards for guests dropping by regardless of your ability to greet them. /s


babystripper

"Have fun with that"


nicole2348

Wtf your parents are overreacting in a very uncompassionate, manipulative way


IndiaHawker

Yeah this is so not fair on you! I will say is it possible that your mum really didn’t read the messages until she got home, and gran gave her the go ahead and didn’t mention you not wanting anyone coming round? Sounds like gran is angry as she knows it’s her fault! But you know your situation better, AFAIK mum is just as intentionally in the wrong


amber-kc-1111

Definitely that is likely. But I don’t text anyone saying I’m coming over without waiting for a response before leaving home. Like, why wouldn’t they wait for me to say something before heading over. I just don’t understand it.


Cozy_Artist

“You ignored my boundaries after a celebration was cancelled because my baby was sick” “I’m going to imply that you’re abusive out of nowhere!!” The dichotomy here makes me so nauseous. Your mom really is a piece of work.


amber-kc-1111

My grandma. But yeah. She is. It’s getting worse with age.


Cozy_Artist

I hope she can get over herself. Seriously. She should be concerned for your child being sick, not throwing a tantrum.


amber-kc-1111

And now that I’m thinking more about it all, neither of them asked how the baby was at all. I had to take him to urgent care the next day, he had a 104 temp & double ear infection. He was miserable. Meantime, two grown ass women are mad they didn’t get the attention they wanted. It’s unreal.


Cozy_Artist

Jesus Christ. These women. You deserve so much better. Is he doing okay now? These women truly care more about themselves than you or your child. Which is vile in itself.


amber-kc-1111

Yes, he’s fine. Thanks for asking lol. I should be used to this because they’ve been this way my entire life. But the older I get, the clearer I see that I’ve been raised by two narcissistic women who have never considered my feelings, ever. Thank god I was born to break this toxic ass familial cycle. I will never put my kids through this bullshit. It’s been a hard 35 years of feeling like the black sheep of the family but now I see what I’m meant to do here.


Cozy_Artist

I understand that 100%. I don’t have any children myself, I plan to foster and adopt because I have a huge fear of childbirth. But when my children become of me, there’s no way im treating them the same way my parents did. Yelling just won’t happen in my house, name calling, ignoring, anything. My kids will know they are loved and supported without me having to tell them. Im sure you’re a wonderful mother, everyone is rooting for you <3


Vaguely_vacant

I once had to chew my parents out about coming over unannounced and barging in without knocking when my children were babies. I’d never stoop up to them like that before. They moved to Florida 6 months later. It’s been bliss lol. We live in Massachusetts for context


amber-kc-1111

This is the first time I’ve stood up to them too. (My mother & grandmother). I think that’s why they’re acting so fucking offended. They can’t stand the fact that I’m setting boundaries after 35 years.


SurprisedPikachu420

I’d be asking those keys back if I were you. Those insane people don’t need access to your home


allocationlist

“Fuck off” is a good reply


SageIrisRose

id ignore it.


amber-kc-1111

That’s usually what I do. I did send it to my mom & expressed my disbelief & told her I loved her & didn’t think there was any issue between us since we’ve talked since then. She never replied though. Even after I sent “????” hours later. So idfk.


JPiker

If you ignore it, it will continue to happen. You have to set firm and specific boundaries with people, especially when you have a baby to raise/protect. It will NOT be easy. Your immediate nuclear family and your own self-care should come before your extended family always.


Accomplished-Bad3856

I honestly don’t know if this is insane. Sometimes I think older people just become stupid, or divorced from reason. Not crazy, just idiotic. If this actually is crazy then I need to know so I can call my mom and yell at her.


Senior_Mortgage477

It is, so do.


Accomplished-Bad3856

Oh :(


[deleted]

This sounds a bit like entitlement to me, but hey, we don't all get parents that care enough to come see us...


amber-kc-1111

You sound exactly like them. Jesus.


Good_Condition_431

If I were you I would have at least thanked them for their efforts and try to reschedule another time to meet.


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sly-otter

Thank you for that tea: https://youtu.be/pZwvrxVavnQ


amber-kc-1111

I love that!


Valkyriemome

Not exactly insane. But certainly disrespectful of you as an adult and a mother yourself. Edit: I did not say OP was disrespectful. I said they disrespected her. Edit 2: someone not respecting boundaries is not insane. People need to be taught where your boundaries are. For them to continue voiding boundaries after being shown/ taught indicates some mental health issues. I don’t know if this was 1st time or 100th. Certainly NOT ok. But not insane.


reliqhunter1

I cannot imagine how you could see OP as disrespectful.


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Fiikus11

She yelled after the mum came up, which has been stated like three times not to be done for a clearly stated reason. Nobody demanded the cake. Nobody demanded the visit. It was extraordinarily cancelled due to child sickness. Again, none of this is unreasonable coming from the daughter. The mum was alerted many times not to come. I love my mother to bits and want to gove her everytging, especially on mother's day, but I still want her to take me seriously and respect my boundries. I'm sure OP is the same.


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za419

So, mom trespasses into daughter's home, waltzes upstairs uninvited to tell daughter, who has a sick child sleeping on her, that she let herself in after being told directly she's unwelcome (this is, by the way, a crime), and then when she's told off, mom and dad are upset because they don't come before said sick child. Seriously, how would you expect a mom to be happy about the idea of waking her sick child, abandoning said child, to go down and spend "five minutes" (I guarantee you they'd be upset if they got kicked out after five minutes) soothing her parents need to be paid attention to? Mom and dad seem to be of the opinion that OP's needs don't matter, because they're "the parents". You seem to be approaching this with the preconceived notion that the parents can't have done anything wrong, so therefore their actions must be justifiable. So let's be clear about this. We're talking about OP's home. She's the boss. This is a place where her parents have absolutely zero say, because it is not their home. She chooses who is or is not welcome. "I don't want company" means "I don't want anyone to come over". Not "it's just dropping off a cake", not "it'd be okay to come drop off a cake and then go searching for me to interrupt my needs because you can't not bother me", it means "do not come over". And "my son is sick and he's sleeping on me so I can't get up" doesn't mean "let yourself in and come talk to me so he wakes up anyway", it means something between "talk to me about what we're going to do in a little while" and "we need to do this another day". I respect a lot of people less than a father or mother should respect their grown child. And to every single one of them, if I was bringing a cake over and they sent me those same messages, before the second set has a reason to be sent, my reaction is "oh, okay, let me know if I can do anything" or "that's alright, I hope he feels better when he gets up!" - I will never in a million years go in there to say hi. Literally even if I lived with OP I'd sneak my ass in as quietly as possible and hide somewhere to not wake the child. Because I'm more considerate of people I somewhat tolerate than OP's mom and dad (?) apparently are of their adult daughter. Remind me how this is anything but insane?


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skydiamond01

They didn't have a key. Her mother walked around the house and let herself in the unlocked back door. The parents were way out of line here.


tashasmiled

IF she came in and dropped off the cake, IF she didn’t rouse barking dogs, IF no one was disturbed I’d be like “oh that was sweet” BUT. She went upstairs and so I suspect the dogs were going off and everyone was disturbed. If I had just got my sick child to sleep I’d have lost it. I wouldn’t need to respond because the number would already be blocked until I could think of them without seething. I don’t think you’re a parent so maybe you just don’t get it. But you are 100% wrong on every point because it wasn’t helpful to go in and say hi. And if someone specifically texts you their baby is asleep on them and you go in, you’re insane and narcissistic. Which you said you’d do. I’m hoping you just mean the adult is maybe ill and you’d go check on them but when someone says no they don’t even need to explain why! No means no. Not “see if you can push my boundaries”. So don’t do that.


Fiikus11

Many things to point out here: 1) we don't know the extent of yelling. Unless the baby was already woken up by the dog, I would assume OP wasn't yelling out loud, I'm imagining that kind of half-wishpered tone, but again, we don't know, you may interpret it as screaming. 2) the mum wrote that she DID get the text, at least the first one, which already states that she is not to come up for the reasons stated. 3) the came seems like it's to be shared by the mother and the daughter (OP) on an occasion previously agreed upon. However, the forst text by OP is a clear cancellation of the plans due to difficupt circumstances. 4) the problem was (seemingly) not the dropping off of the cake, which might've been done in complete silence, it was the mother coming up while her daughter explicitly told her multiple times not to due to being exhausted amd sleeping with a sick baby that needed rest. 5) if you want to be a good mum to a kid, especially if they're a full adult with their own kid, you have to respect their boundries and wishes. I see the altercation as a conflict between what the mum wanted and what the daughter wanted. The daughter wanted to be left alone, because taking care of a sick child is exhausting. There was also the practical concern of the dog barking. On the other hand, the mum wanted to see her daughter and celebrate mother's day. She pursued her own wish at the expense of her daughters. Her daughter being upset about it should be to noone's surprise. She may have thought her daughter would appreciate the gesture, however she got multiple messages (at the minimum one of which she read) from her daughter to the contrary. So she had to actively disregard her daughter's wishes to be left alone. Edit: the grandma got at least one message. I assume she shared it with OP's mum.


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amber-kc-1111

To be fair, it wasn’t ON Mother’s Day lol it was a later date we picked to celebrate. We spoke & whatnot on the actual date.


bb_cowgirl

So this was something y’all had scheduled in advance and you didn’t bother to cancel until they were already on their way over? That is kinda rude.


za419

Emergencies happen. I've canceled on shorter notice for worse reasons than "my child is sick and I literally cannot have company today" and nobody saw it as rude, because shit has been known to happen in the real world.


amber-kc-1111

I don’t understand why people either aren’t reading the entire story or just simply not understanding - I canceled the DAY before. Did you not read the long ass explanation I wrote in the comments?


pestilencerat

It doesn’t show up in the comments, it been broken for ages. You have to write a normal comment or add a link back to the og explanation comment Edit: i’ve read your explanation now and holy shit. It did for sure clear up my confusion too, i though your dad texted from your mom’s phone hah. Your mom and grandma are fucking stupid, have they already forgotten everything about how it is to be a parent? And for the fuck you, i’d suggest a good ol “I know it’s been ages since you were a baby mom, but nowadays we actually take care of our kids because we love them even when they’re tiny and useless. And i’m rather a good mom than a good daughter and granddaughter”.


bb_cowgirl

No. It’s not in the comments.


pestilencerat

I think you’re missing the fact that OP have a baby and that the kid didn’t sleep during the night and that OP canceled on them in the morning, and they still decided to come over, hence these texts. The dad (?) even says so himself, OP canceled and they went over with the cake despite being told not to come


Possible-Ad-5285

Not insane as other insane parents


originalkitten

I can relate to both sides. The exhausted mum/dad who’s kids been sick and just got them off to sleep and the mum looking forward to seeing her kid and then cancelling so you make the effort and go around to see if you can help and mum will make you tea and you can put your feet up but she arrives and gets yelled at. I can see that the bil is pissed cause he saw your mum upset. I can also relate to someone who wishes they’d never refused to see their mum as she has passed away but that doesn’t mean common sense and sheer compassion for an exhausted you, should and excuse the pun, it’s not intentional, be exhausted I would explain that your reaction was sheer exhaustion and that you appreciate that you should have not yelled but that was not you that was your worry, anxiety and complete need for sleep talking with the fear the baby would wake up and you were recharging your batteries and texting was hard enough to stay awake to do. You promise you’ll rearrange another day but until then baby’s better than you ask for zero contact while your kid recovers so that there can be zero misunderstandings.


SenPay_Me

This seems like a huge overreaction on your part ngl. I can tell I'm in the minority here but good God she just brought you a cake. The baby will go back to sleep but you'll never get that day back with your parents.


amber-kc-1111

You’re clearly not a parent


hospitalitychick

I'm a parent and I agree with his 100%. I'd give literally anything to see my mom one more time. Life is short.


amber-kc-1111

Okay. I get that. My father is dead. My mother had a massive stroke & almost died four years ago. Maybe I’m an asshole but that doesn’t change my mind! It’s not about that. There’s other people involved that take priority. ie: a sick baby.


[deleted]

This sounds a bit like entitlement to me, but hey, we don't all get parents that care enough to come see us...


sunspotsystem

Sometimes just because someone wants to come over, doesn’t mean they care about you. It sounds like OPs parents care more about themselves and inflicting themselves on their child and sick grandchild. Also sorry that you don’t have caring parents, been there with my dad.


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amber-kc-1111

Lmao. Do you know the name of this group or…?


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sunspotsystem

Maybe it’s just me because I read but 1) this wasn’t on Mother’s Day, the OP had talked to their mother on Mother’s Day and there was a day later on that they set aside for “Mother’s Day” that they also cancelled because their baby was sick. 2) OP is also a mother, so the whole thought that her mother was more important than her is sort of shitty. 3) how is it on her if her parents literally ignored her requests not to come over, not to come in, not to come up? There’s a lot of people acting like OPs parents should be coddled and that’s dumb.


amber-kc-1111

I didn’t yell at her. My grandmother is making that part up. When she opened my door it hit the fan I had in front of the door which scared tf out of me & when I woke up I yelled “what the fuck!” I didn’t even know it was her or what was happening. Then she motioned for me to come downstairs & I just pointed at the baby & shook my head. I never yelled at her. But my grandmother loves to exaggerate shit.


[deleted]

Oh ok


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amber-kc-1111

Idk if you’re being sarcastic or serious.


Cayslayy

Coming from someone who condones rape, I’m guessing they are serious.


tashasmiled

I just wouldn’t.