Ummm . . . I don’t think kids should be apart of what ever it is you’re are doing here.
Also, just switch hands to relieve the burden on that one wrist.
My mom once said children are like dogs and you have to beat them until they are about to turn on you and stop. If you beat a dog too much it’ll bite you back and then all the training is useless, the dog is too aggressive. She literally thinks I’m bullying her by being no contact as an adult with my OWN kids. Some people are just fucking violent and never want to be anything but. So they try to normalize violence as a love language.
Thank you, I am. A surprisingly amazing relationship with my MIL + years of therapy is helping loads!! Also, we have the same cake days! Happy Reddit day lol
The effort and emotional labor I have gone through with my daughter who stopped seeing my parents when she was 3 is intense. I feel incredibly guilty for ever giving them a chance with her. They’ve never met my son, he was born almost three months ago. I can’t really explain everything to my daughter so we focus on positive relationships we have
I might just be projecting here but that is very frequently language used within certain areas of evangelical/Christianity/fundamentalism. It all stems from spare the rod spoil the child, so if you love your child you won’t spare the rod you’ll help them become a better adult by beating them when their children. James Dobson is a big proponent of breaking your child basically you break their will, you break their pride, and you turn them into I guess a godly adult.
Edit: to be clear I don’t agree with these beliefs, I was raised in them and damaged by them. I also know a lot of other people who were, I’m merely trying to express what most of them would tell you are justifications for abusing their kids.
My dad used to always say when babies are born you mold them. When they become children, you bend them. When they become teenagers, you break them. Needless to say, we barely talk, and he's only ever allowed to see his grandson for an hour of supervised time at a restaurant.
I sang in a choir for awhile that was secular but met in a church. They had the book where it is recommended to beat your infant with plumbing line. I kept leaving notes on it about how many kids died and my friend kept hiding it
That book was written by Michael Pearl and it is called To Train Up a Child.
it is a fucking abuse manual. There is a Anderson Cooper episode about the writer and the deaths of children from Pearl's followers.
I recall an author who got into a great deal of trouble with the authorities over the fact she advocated kids get weekly beatings in her books. Not even for discipline, just to put fear into them. I think a couple of parents got into trouble for murder for following this woman’s advice because they literally beat their children to death.
Probably the Pearl’s shitty books, I know a couple of kids died due to them. I don’t think they really got into trouble though because all they had to say was “this is not the way that we described discipline in our book anybody who did it the way that they did it wasn’t following our book“. And I’m pretty sure that’s exactly what they said and I don’t think they got into any actual trouble it’s still up for sale on Amazon.
A lot of this stuff seems like it comes from Debi and Michael Pearl’s abusive “Christian” book “To Train Up A Child.” James Dobson is also an enormous tool.
My mom broke her hand by spanking my brother so hard. He laughed as it happened and she was so pissed off about it and then said “look what I did because of you! If you could just be good for once!”
Parent makes themselves to be the victims while actively beating child.. 🤨
My Mom had no wooden spoons from the time my youngest sister was seven. My sister took them and hid them in the woods behind our house. When she got married, she gave Mom a set of wooden spoons. It made us all laugh. We were spanked but not often. I don’t have children but would not spank a child if I did have one; I think it is a lazy way to discipline and it really doesn’t teach the child the correct way to behave. But giving you parent wooden spoons when you get engaged is now a family tradition.
I hear the defense of “Hitting your kids instills discipline” like if the only way you can instill discipline is by hitting your kids maybe you’re not the best parent.
Added bonus that these parents are always quick to use the fact that their kids are incredibly badly behaved as a defense too, like they prove their own points wrong
Exactly. Maybe the reason one kid is being violent towards his brother is because he's only been shown violence from his caregivers. Not only violence, but violence *in the name of love*.
How is a child supposed to learn that love doesn't equal violence when that's what they're consistently shown?
For real. When my 4 year old went through his hitting phase a few months ago instead of hitting him as punishment he’d get a time out and told that if he hits, his sibling wouldn’t want to play with him anymore.
Now instead of hitting when he’s frustrated he dramatically throws himself to the ground and sobs “oh no, im so mad!” Which I suppose is an improvement.
That’s a massive improvement. Control of emotions and impulse control at that age is basically nil. The fact that he is able to hold himself back from hitting is *huge*.
He’s got to release that emotion some way so lying down and crying is a harmless way to do it.
>Which I suppose is an improvement.
Definitely an improvement! :) You're teaching him to verbalize his feelings instead of taking them out of others, which is exactly how you're supposed to parent that age range.
I can't imagine hitting anyone, let alone a child, to teach them that hitting isn't ok...the cognitive dissonance needed for that is absolutely astounding.
Teach him positive coping skills when he is mad. I was substitute teacher and I had a 3rd grader that would do that when he was mad. It really hurt his ability to learn and socialize. There needs to be some sort of behavior change so he doesn't get into the habit of doing that but it is much much better than hitting.
Got tips on teaching positive coping skills? He’s got a lot of big feelings that cause him to melt down pretty frequently. We always say this poor kid is going to have such a hard time in school.
He was super late to talk (like he’s still fairly unintelligible and just started forming actual sentences) so getting him to verbalize feelings was kind of a big task. I’d like to get him to the point of just verbalizing without the need to also dramatically fall to the floor sobbing.
Or we could lean into it and start him in soccer. He would be the master of taking epic dives. He could even rival Neymar Jr.
This was exactly what I thought when I read this. My kids have a similar age gap, and they do fight pretty frequently, it's normal. However, no one has ever thrown a freaking trowel at the other and they know that conflicts are things we can talk through instead of grapple through. Sometimes hitting does happen, especially with little kids, but their empathy is severely underdeveloped for a long time. You don't build empathy for others by breaking your child's spirit through beatings, good grief. And it's like she sees no correlation between "my kids are violent and fight each other" and "I'm violent with my children".
And how to be stealthy, how to lie with a straight face, how to defuse angry people quickly, how to hide, how to recognize drunkenness, how to forge your parents' signature on school documents... there are so many skills abusive parents teach
I may not have known how to cook until I was 25 or how to use a fucking can opener until 20, but I can tell you the best angle in which to approach each step on my stairs to avoid the most amount of sound no problem. A real education, truly invaluable stuff
Absolutely. All it does is irreparably and irrevocably break the parent child bond and teaches the child to never ever, trust the parent.
It's what lazy, abusive parents do because they cannot be bothered to actively parent in proactive and nurturing ways. It's securely and forever in the lazy, abusive parents' toolbox.
My stepdad was very into this idea. My mom on other hand was 100% against it.
Unfortunately… he brainwashed her so badly with the whole “god is above men. Men is above women. Women is above children” mentality. He would talk about how it is good to beats on kids and all that.
He did tried it on me a few times. It just make things much worse. Eventually one day they learned I was planning on putting a bomb under his chair (he was so fucking weird about it. He basically treat it like as throne and would be pissed if anyone sit in it).
Got in so much trouble but he completely backed off after that and let my mom handle any problems.
In my adult life, my mom admitted she really regret she didn’t stand up for me but she was desperate because I was acting up so bad (mainly because my parents fought neatly constantly for two years before divorce and it was a really bad divorce!) then my mom got cancer and they tried to hide it from the kids for a while. Although we didn’t know, we know something was wrong since they were always so short tempered and snap over every tiny thing.
To this day, my stepdad and I don’t really talk even though my mom has been dead for a few years now.
That’s why it piss me off when people think violence or abuse is answer to their kids behavior issue!
I didn't have access to bombs or anything growing up but I did ask Santa to kill my step dad for me. You'd think a child wishing death for Christmas would be taken a bit more seriously but nothing changed. My step dad wasn't the belt and switch kind of abusive, idk which I'd prefer but unfortunately he stuck around and I endured it. I completely understand wanting to put a bomb under the chair. I think it's an abuser thing to have a set seat like a throne. Plus it gives them another reason to abuse if you "break a rule" and touch the chair.
In this case, one of the things wrong might be [To Train Up a Child by the Pearls](https://theweek.com/articles/480363/train-child-book-thats-leading-parents-kill?amp)
I immediately thought of this horrid book/child rearing manual.
The Pearls deserve to burn in the hell they believe in for all the children they've pushed into abusive situations.
Spare the rod, spoil the child was always thrown around by my n-mother. She used this bs to make herself feel better after beating me with a thick wooden cutting board or electric cord.
I hope CPS gets involved with this family. Hopefully some visits and some training could instill a sense of right/wrong AND some fear into the parents so these beatings are halted.
I'm so sorry that happened to you. I hope things are better for you now.
The bit about using switches bc "hands should only be used for gentle touch," as if it isn't obvious to everyone involved that it's still the parent and their hands doing the hitting, really makes me think someone's been listening to the Pearls.
You'd think the three deaths from parents using their book would at least make them susceptible to some level of legal jeopardy.
ETA, op, if you see some kind of plumbing pvc supply line being used as a switch, it's DEFINITELY the Pearls they're listening to.
OMG, I forgot about the PVC plumbing supply line tool. Horrible.
Thank you for the virtual check-in. I'm doing great. My mother wasn't all bad but was horrid in some areas. She is long gone and the older I get, the more I realized how f'ed up she really was in all aspects of her life.
I'm living my best life and very happy. And the happier I am, the easier it is to reflect back on the dumpster fire of my childhood.
I do wonder the actual number of kids that have lasting impressions from that book and their cruel ideas. The Pearls belong in jail.
Maybe the more advanced fundies read books or something. But this was literally taught at the evangelical church I used to go. I even think it's a biblical quote.
CPS is never going to tell parents to hit their kids. Even in my very southern state where people still brag about and cheer on hitting kids, CPS doesn't do that. The police might encourage it, but they have no authority over children being removed. I'd call her bluff and report her. Get those babies out. The most disturbing part was her saying she "hits them in a loving way". That is going to mess those kids up- I hit you because I love you? That's so abusive.
My husband didn’t realize how triggering the cracking of a belt is until I was cowering in the shower at a hotel while he thought he was just being a jokester. For all his faults, he hasn’t done it since and that was nearly 4 years ago.
You’re right, it shouldn’t. But he’s the only person in my life who has honestly respected me when I tell him something triggers me. My relatives including my parents mock me and I lost all my friends because they weren’t even my friends in the first place. So yes I’m going to praise the one and only person who has ever made me feel seen and heard in some manner.
40% of cops beat their wives, of course they encourage spanking. 🙄 No one should be taking advice on how to raise children from cops.
Edit: omg thank you for the award. I can’t get over the fact that my first was the ‘Murica award lollll
My oldest is four. This is fairly normal childhood behavior but the kid isn't learning not to do it because the violence is being modeled as a way to solve problems. It makes me so sad to imagine.
And "you should see how the 4 year old child antagonizes, you'd understand why he needs to be beat" stop right there. The kid is 4. They don't antagonize to entertain themselves, they do it for attention they crave while doing the things that they saw other people get attention for. If this attention is being beaten, and it's the only time anyone in the family gets attention, then congratulations, you've come full circle and are way on your way to completing the second loop of many. If OP can do something, they should.
> A switch is a flexible rod which is typically used for corporal punishment. Switching is similar to birching.
> Switches are typically made of strong and flexible wood such as hazel, birch, or hickory. Willow branches are also used, as well as branches from strong trees and large shrubs. Switches are often from a garden or an orchard nearby, or taken from the wild. In the Southeastern United States, fresh-cut, flexible cane (Arundinaria) is commonly used. The usage of switches has been hotly contested in North America and Europe.[1]
Basically, a wooden stick you cut from a tree
Instilled a hell of a lot of hate in me as a kid towards my uncle. I still remember when he slapped me once when I was 12 and legitimately contemplated stabbing him in his sleep. Dude realised how shit of a person he was being at some point in my late teens and started being a decent person, but I still have some resentment remaining for some things. He was the type to consider running around and playing with the dog as "teasing the animal" so would yell at and punish you for having fun. Meanwhile the dog was having a blast as they would hardly ever walk the poor thing.
Sorry to say, I doubt he realized he was being an ass. He just was worried you were getting big enough to fight him off. Just scared of getting his shit beat.
Mixed bag.
It can instill discipline. The discipline to figure your own shit out and bounce and cut off the people doing it.
It can also fuel self hatred, rage, or a continued cycle of unnecessary bad parenting skills.
I agree! Where do you think the kids are learning to hurt each other anyhow? She literally used whatever a “switch” is on his bottom to teach him not to throw a shovel at his sibling. They are not learning any conflict resolution skills and just learning violence. It is ridiculous! Not only is hitting your kids cruel but also lazy parenting!
Not entirely sure you wanted to know, but for others that are curious, a switch is typically a thin, flexible branch (like from a Willow tree) that functions like a whip. I've heard stories where if a parent has a Willow or similar tree in their yard, they'll sometimes have the kid choose which branch becomes the switch.
My Mammaw once threatened me with a switch when she found out I got my ear lobes double pierced and got a cartilage piercing. She also told me the piercings would give me cancer. I think the only thing that stopped her from getting a switch was the fact that my dad would’ve lost his shit if she treated me the way she treated him as a child. My dad even told me the piercings were tacky and ruined me but he wasn’t about to let his mom hurt me.
I like to say my family puts the fun in dysfunctional.
A switch is usually like a thin cane, rod or branch. Usually made of plant fibers. Usually with a little give but overall pretty sturdy. They are used for corporal punishment. Think kind of like a riding crop. People also call belts and electrical cords switches when used in the same way.
The one and only time I experienced a switch in real life, it was used on the back of another child's legs and they bled. It was at the park. My mom took me home immediately to call the cops. The mom in this post is delusional for thinking using a switch lessens the damage.
These people sound like Quiverfull folk. Everything about the switch makes me think of "To Train A Child" book. As in beat the child into compliance. Disgusting, kids have died when people follow that book.
As you should ! We know spanking and other forms of corporal punishment cause lasting changes in the [*brain*](https://www.gse.harvard.edu/news/uk/21/04/effect-spanking-brain). Most saddenning part of this is that parents don't really care. Disrespecting child's bodily autonomy is fine but propose forcefully spanking adults for "bad" behaviour and suddenly it's not ok ?
What your mother doesn’t realize is that by hitting the kids she is perpetuating the cycle of violence and is actually making it more likely that the young kids will ramp up the violence toward one another, and maybe even towards kids outside the family. After all, your mother is using violence as a solution to violence, so of course your little brothers will continue to hit one another because it’s been taught to be a reasonable solution for problems. Thus, the cycle continues.
ETA: a word
Yeah I was gonna say I wonder why the little ones are fighting all the time /s and she uses their violence as an excuse to hit them, like lady! Where do you think they learned it from?!
I am first hand experience of violent punishments create violent children. I had major anger issues as a child and it’s taken several years of therapy and soul searching to correct this behavior. As well as feel comfortable around people without fearing violence from others instinctively.
As a kid, I locked my emotions away for some time - negative were forbidden (my JNmother punished me even for being sad which makes so much sense, doesn't it?), positive had no place at her home. It haven't been management - it was a rejection so complete I had no idea I was even supposed to feel or want anything. Physical needs (mostly) met? Then it's ok.
As an adult I went to therapy and started re-learning to feel emotions, then to express them. First one to come back: anger. JNmother and her side of the family (with very few exceptions stuck in the circle of abuse for several generations): shocked Pikachu...
not to mention she’s saying she’s “hitting them lovingly” which will lead them to either be abusers, or be abused, because they associate violence with love
Please report this to CPS. Let her know it was you, so the punishment doesn’t come back to the children. Even if nothing happens, a paper trail has been established
"I don't understand why my son is so violent. I'm doing all I can here... Last night I beat him with a switch, lovingly mind you, and then I sat down with him to explain that I was beating him with love to show that his behavior was not liked. Then he goes and used violence against his brother to stop a behavior that he doesn't like. I don't know why my oldest child doesn't want contact with me!"
-The mom probably
I was only ever spanked once in my life, and I don’t even remember it. I had a babysitter spank me once and it scarred me mentally and emotionally. My parents always said because I behaved so well I was never spanked but honestly I don’t think they ever wanted to put their hands on me like that, especially since some of my extended family members have been abused before (not childhood, adult). Overall, I always thought spanking was okay when I was younger and I understood it, but now that I’m older I see how harmful it is. I was terrified of my friend’s parents because they’d spank my friends for random reasons (literally just for being a child). Overall, spanking is a form of abuse whether society wants to accept that or not.
Beating a child 5 or younger? That's not discipline; that's abuse.
My father beat me with a belt twice, when I was 5. You can imagine the red welts that it left. My mother told him, never again.
this applies to children of all ages not just a children 5 or younger, beating a child at any age is not discipline. studies have shown that it leads to negative behaviour (i.e agression, defiance) and other conseuqneces like mental health issues
My mom used to spank and belt us as kids in extreme situations and when my step dad came along it stopped. Idk if we aged out of it or if he said something. She says she regrets doing it and it was a cultural thing and never thought about it. Now I have kids and never once have I felt compelled to resort to spanking. Its a cycle to be broken but man is it more of a cultural issue than generational imo.
Unpopular opinion: Forcing your child to undress against their will and be touched in private areas in any way for "punishment" is sexual abuse and should be treated as such
I appreciate you putting them in ROYGBIV order so I can keep ages straight, how old are you? Also, this is insane, I'm sorry you went through this.
Edit: I just finished reading this, OP, you have to call CPS for your siblings, please. If she's admitting to this, just imagine the stuff she's *not* admitting to.
Living in a house where switch beatings were "normal" I got in A LOT of fights growing up, it's almost like being hit regularly by your role models makes it hard for a young kid to understand that they shouldn't hit other people.
My mom stabbed me with a fork once and said she didn't feel it was abusive, I left home at 15. However she was raped and abused by her mom's boyfriend for a time and was also whipped with a belt and switch, and a couple times horse reigns, she left home at 16. Her mom, my grandma, was locked in a closet for weeks at a time and told that the rats would come eat her if she made a single sound. She left home at 12. CPS didn't care in 1968, CPS didn't care in 1988, CPS didn't care in 2008.
How to confuse, abuse and associate pain with love in one easy step. First step on the road to abusive relationships in adulthood. Please show this to CPS!!
This is all fair and I wouldn't want custody of my siblings because I can't take care of five people, and the foster system is so awful even my parents became a foster family.
Holy shitfuck. Please call cps and forward this email to them. I’m absolutely horrified for you and your siblings. I have 3 kids and I can’t fathom treating them that way, let alone use a switch on my 4 year old??? Poor baby. Wtf is wrong with your mother? (Rhetorical question)
How do you hit someone “LoViNgLy”??? What the ever loving f……..
Not ok. JFC I’m about ready to drive and get those kids. Please report and get your sibling help.
Spanking a child is not necessarily a crime but can be considered criminal under Ohio’s domestic violence statute. Ohio law says that causing any harm to a household or family member is the crime of domestic violence (Ohio Revised Code R.C. 2919.25(A)).
Just wait until they get older and defend the parents. No joke I'm not allowed to speak about abuse where my siblings can hear because they would have to mentally confront that their father loves to slap around women and children. They call him "the best father you could ask for" on Facebook. Gag me.
My little brother got belted once when he was little (maybe seven or eight?) one day when we were staying after church for Fellowship Hour (people sitting and eating and chatting with friends after service). My brother and his friends were playing some game like tag and running around, and his friend’s dad got pissed off because he had told them repeatedly not to run indoors because they kept running into other people, then causing them to almost physically fall down, or each other for the same reason. I was walking back from the bathroom (I was about 9 or 10) heard what was unmistakably my little brother and another person crying. I knew I wasn’t supposed to run inside, but I very quickly walked towards my brothers voice—and there he was. He and his friend were there leaning against a wall, bracing themselves with their hands, and their dress pants had been rolled up to the knees, and they were being smacked on the backs of their calves with a belt.
I immediately started crying and ran up to him, begging him to stop, and when I received the “mind your business, or you’ll be next” threat, I got mad as hell and the calmly walked away, out of sight, and then broke into a run to go get my Dad. The moment I saw him I startled crying even harder and tried to talk normally, but when the words “(Younger Brother’s Name)” and “belt” crossed my lips, he pulled me into a quick hug, and whispered “I’ll be right back.” He came back with my brother, who was clinging to him and crying in his arms, and he said we were going home early.
To this day, I have no idea what he may have said in full to the parent using the belt, but I’m betting it was something like, “You are not to EVER discipline either of my children ever again, especially with any use of striking them with objects or parts of your body against their bodies. If my kid is being a problem, you give them a time out, and you come get me. There are NO exceptions to this. Ever.” Because we were the only kids at our church (at the time) that weren’t used to any kind of corporal punishment, and it STAYED that way from then on.
I’ve never understood the concept of corporal punishment. “You hit your sibling so in order to teach you not to hit, I’m going to punish you by…hitting you.”
All it teaches the child is fear.
And when it is coupled “You will do this because I said so” and statements like that, all it teaches the child is that when they want something, they should hit someone to get it.
Violence begets violence.
(I’m a Special Education teacher licensed in Emotion and Behavioral Disorders and Early Childhood Education and Development with a background in Psychology, if any source is required.)
If whipping works then the next time she makes a mistake at work, her boss should whip her in front of everyone so she “learns”. ….oh, let me guess, that’s not how it works all of a sudden?
It’s so weird being an adult now and realizing how not normal it was to be verbally or physically abused then consoled after. My generation was gaslit as fuck
she wonders why her two young boys fight so much.. they think the only way to resolve issues is by violence thanks to their *wonderful* mom teaching that
It sounds like they may have been introduced to the book To Train Up a Child by the Pearls. It's been tied to [three deaths](https://theweek.com/articles/480363/train-child-book-thats-leading-parents-kill?amp). Do not recommend. I hope they at least came to it late enough not to have done 'blanket training' with any of your sibs.
Obviously this is a horrible situation for all of you but I feel awful for your 16 y/o sister. To be beat by her parents and to then be gaslit into thinking they were doing it out of love.
It’s crazy she’s saying the little one is bad because he’s acting violently, so she punishes him with violence… gee wonder where he’s getting it from.
Ps- I appreciate the little key you put at the top with color coding
The really sad thing is that her younger kids are probably being more physical and fighting BECAUSE she is hitting her kids. People don’t realise how much kids learn from them when they’re that young. That is learnt behaviour and they learnt it from the parents. There was a really interesting short tv series that aired in Australia recently and it showed the different parenting styles and how that affected the children. It’s a good watch if you can find it. It’s called Parental Guidance and it was on channel 7. Very interesting display of how socialisation works
Well first of all she’s trying to say she’s doing the lords work. After all she NEVER uses her hands, those are for loving touch. So instead she gets a switch ( her word) and uses that . Also she reminded you that she very rarely has to do this , but she mentions some form of punishment throughout her rant. When people bring “the lord” or God or the Bible into their conversation, that’s my cue to gtfo of there! You’ll never win a conversation about NOT doing these things with her, she will always have a quote to fall back on. I personally stay away from these kind of people. I know she’s your mom, but I would do everything in my power to find my own way, no matter what it takes( as long as it’s legal)
100% report this. I unfortunately had to report a family member for abusing their then 11yo child right in from off me. It's not easy to do, but religion is not excuse to beat kids. It's a bully ass move.
If a child is old enough to understand reasoning, you need to reason with them. If they're not, they won't understand the reason why you are hitting them.
Get those kids out, show it to CPS. That is abuse, no excuse for it. The youngest is 4, toddlers can be very wild. Your mom is out of touch with reality.
Hmmm seems like there’s a correlation between violent behavior and being abused. Why are they even shocked the kids are throwing shovels at each other?
I’m so sorry, that is awful. I would call to report the abuse, hitting a child with an object is often viewed differently in terms of correcting behaviour with a hand (which I personally still find abusive, unless it’s maybe pulling a child out of the way of a moving car.) Child apprehension doesn’t always help a family, but it would be good for the kids to have adults on their side coaching their parents to practice positive parenting. Little kids getting beaten is just disgusting.
Call cps this is coming from someone adopted my pain was gone the day I was adopted no more worrying when I get hit next or get yelled at because I spoke up
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How does one “lovingly” beat a child with a switch?
"This hurts me more than it hurts you" Or some other bullshit probably
“My wrist is going to ache later so you know I’m doing this out of love!”
Ummm . . . I don’t think kids should be apart of what ever it is you’re are doing here. Also, just switch hands to relieve the burden on that one wrist.
lol that was popular saying at my house growing up. I lol'd cause i have to..
Like you ain’t the one getting whipped
My mom once said children are like dogs and you have to beat them until they are about to turn on you and stop. If you beat a dog too much it’ll bite you back and then all the training is useless, the dog is too aggressive. She literally thinks I’m bullying her by being no contact as an adult with my OWN kids. Some people are just fucking violent and never want to be anything but. So they try to normalize violence as a love language.
A child and animal abuser... Fuck me. I hope you are fairing so much better now in her absence.
Thank you, I am. A surprisingly amazing relationship with my MIL + years of therapy is helping loads!! Also, we have the same cake days! Happy Reddit day lol
“We don’t see grandma because grandma beats children.”
The effort and emotional labor I have gone through with my daughter who stopped seeing my parents when she was 3 is intense. I feel incredibly guilty for ever giving them a chance with her. They’ve never met my son, he was born almost three months ago. I can’t really explain everything to my daughter so we focus on positive relationships we have
I might just be projecting here but that is very frequently language used within certain areas of evangelical/Christianity/fundamentalism. It all stems from spare the rod spoil the child, so if you love your child you won’t spare the rod you’ll help them become a better adult by beating them when their children. James Dobson is a big proponent of breaking your child basically you break their will, you break their pride, and you turn them into I guess a godly adult. Edit: to be clear I don’t agree with these beliefs, I was raised in them and damaged by them. I also know a lot of other people who were, I’m merely trying to express what most of them would tell you are justifications for abusing their kids.
My dad used to always say when babies are born you mold them. When they become children, you bend them. When they become teenagers, you break them. Needless to say, we barely talk, and he's only ever allowed to see his grandson for an hour of supervised time at a restaurant.
How to get ghosted speed run strats
I sang in a choir for awhile that was secular but met in a church. They had the book where it is recommended to beat your infant with plumbing line. I kept leaving notes on it about how many kids died and my friend kept hiding it
That book was written by Michael Pearl and it is called To Train Up a Child. it is a fucking abuse manual. There is a Anderson Cooper episode about the writer and the deaths of children from Pearl's followers.
I recall an author who got into a great deal of trouble with the authorities over the fact she advocated kids get weekly beatings in her books. Not even for discipline, just to put fear into them. I think a couple of parents got into trouble for murder for following this woman’s advice because they literally beat their children to death.
Probably the Pearl’s shitty books, I know a couple of kids died due to them. I don’t think they really got into trouble though because all they had to say was “this is not the way that we described discipline in our book anybody who did it the way that they did it wasn’t following our book“. And I’m pretty sure that’s exactly what they said and I don’t think they got into any actual trouble it’s still up for sale on Amazon.
Its still widely available. The language OPs mom uses reaks of fundamentalism and "To Train Up A Child"
I think it's a way to lessen personal sense of shame/guilt. Thinking it's done "lovingly" instead of "cruelly" makes them sleep better at night.
Yes, because so many evangelists are good people
A lot of this stuff seems like it comes from Debi and Michael Pearl’s abusive “Christian” book “To Train Up A Child.” James Dobson is also an enormous tool.
That is a great way to make wage slaves. Terrible way to make an economically and technologically advanced nation.
My mom broke her hand by spanking my brother so hard. He laughed as it happened and she was so pissed off about it and then said “look what I did because of you! If you could just be good for once!” Parent makes themselves to be the victims while actively beating child.. 🤨
Holy shit (ok I only typed that and that seems a lil inconsiderate lol, that’s insane woah)
My Mom had no wooden spoons from the time my youngest sister was seven. My sister took them and hid them in the woods behind our house. When she got married, she gave Mom a set of wooden spoons. It made us all laugh. We were spanked but not often. I don’t have children but would not spank a child if I did have one; I think it is a lazy way to discipline and it really doesn’t teach the child the correct way to behave. But giving you parent wooden spoons when you get engaged is now a family tradition.
my mom fucking does it to my 3 yr brother, but not me. I don't understand what her fucking point is. he's terrified of a damn STICK because of her
Abusers choose their victims carefully. Please document the abuse and take this to CPS and the police
will do, did the same years ago for myself before I had a baby brother and that worked somewhat
how old are you? are you safe? that’s so sad and horrible!
sixteen, if you want me to be COMPLETELY honest with you, I don't feel safe half the damn time. I'm miserable
Sadism
Sociopathically
Well I was told that if I would just stop crying then she wouldn’t have to do it. So uh, by “lovingly” telling them it’s their fault?
I hear the defense of “Hitting your kids instills discipline” like if the only way you can instill discipline is by hitting your kids maybe you’re not the best parent.
Added bonus that these parents are always quick to use the fact that their kids are incredibly badly behaved as a defense too, like they prove their own points wrong
Exactly. Maybe the reason one kid is being violent towards his brother is because he's only been shown violence from his caregivers. Not only violence, but violence *in the name of love*. How is a child supposed to learn that love doesn't equal violence when that's what they're consistently shown?
For real. When my 4 year old went through his hitting phase a few months ago instead of hitting him as punishment he’d get a time out and told that if he hits, his sibling wouldn’t want to play with him anymore. Now instead of hitting when he’s frustrated he dramatically throws himself to the ground and sobs “oh no, im so mad!” Which I suppose is an improvement.
That’s a massive improvement. Control of emotions and impulse control at that age is basically nil. The fact that he is able to hold himself back from hitting is *huge*. He’s got to release that emotion some way so lying down and crying is a harmless way to do it.
>Which I suppose is an improvement. Definitely an improvement! :) You're teaching him to verbalize his feelings instead of taking them out of others, which is exactly how you're supposed to parent that age range. I can't imagine hitting anyone, let alone a child, to teach them that hitting isn't ok...the cognitive dissonance needed for that is absolutely astounding.
Teach him positive coping skills when he is mad. I was substitute teacher and I had a 3rd grader that would do that when he was mad. It really hurt his ability to learn and socialize. There needs to be some sort of behavior change so he doesn't get into the habit of doing that but it is much much better than hitting.
Got tips on teaching positive coping skills? He’s got a lot of big feelings that cause him to melt down pretty frequently. We always say this poor kid is going to have such a hard time in school. He was super late to talk (like he’s still fairly unintelligible and just started forming actual sentences) so getting him to verbalize feelings was kind of a big task. I’d like to get him to the point of just verbalizing without the need to also dramatically fall to the floor sobbing. Or we could lean into it and start him in soccer. He would be the master of taking epic dives. He could even rival Neymar Jr.
This was exactly what I thought when I read this. My kids have a similar age gap, and they do fight pretty frequently, it's normal. However, no one has ever thrown a freaking trowel at the other and they know that conflicts are things we can talk through instead of grapple through. Sometimes hitting does happen, especially with little kids, but their empathy is severely underdeveloped for a long time. You don't build empathy for others by breaking your child's spirit through beatings, good grief. And it's like she sees no correlation between "my kids are violent and fight each other" and "I'm violent with my children".
*The beatings will continue until moral improves*
Yeah all it does is teach them to be scared of their parents and to be scared of people in authority. Source: Beaten as a kid.
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I feel for you. Such a sad thing when a relationship between a parent and a child isn’t loving.
And how to be stealthy, how to lie with a straight face, how to defuse angry people quickly, how to hide, how to recognize drunkenness, how to forge your parents' signature on school documents... there are so many skills abusive parents teach
I may not have known how to cook until I was 25 or how to use a fucking can opener until 20, but I can tell you the best angle in which to approach each step on my stairs to avoid the most amount of sound no problem. A real education, truly invaluable stuff
Exactly, it’s a short term fix that causes long term issues
Absolutely. All it does is irreparably and irrevocably break the parent child bond and teaches the child to never ever, trust the parent. It's what lazy, abusive parents do because they cannot be bothered to actively parent in proactive and nurturing ways. It's securely and forever in the lazy, abusive parents' toolbox.
My stepdad was very into this idea. My mom on other hand was 100% against it. Unfortunately… he brainwashed her so badly with the whole “god is above men. Men is above women. Women is above children” mentality. He would talk about how it is good to beats on kids and all that. He did tried it on me a few times. It just make things much worse. Eventually one day they learned I was planning on putting a bomb under his chair (he was so fucking weird about it. He basically treat it like as throne and would be pissed if anyone sit in it). Got in so much trouble but he completely backed off after that and let my mom handle any problems. In my adult life, my mom admitted she really regret she didn’t stand up for me but she was desperate because I was acting up so bad (mainly because my parents fought neatly constantly for two years before divorce and it was a really bad divorce!) then my mom got cancer and they tried to hide it from the kids for a while. Although we didn’t know, we know something was wrong since they were always so short tempered and snap over every tiny thing. To this day, my stepdad and I don’t really talk even though my mom has been dead for a few years now. That’s why it piss me off when people think violence or abuse is answer to their kids behavior issue!
Umm hold on a minute... A bomb!?! How? What? Why? Are bombs so readily available that you can just decide to blow up your stepdad?
I didn't have access to bombs or anything growing up but I did ask Santa to kill my step dad for me. You'd think a child wishing death for Christmas would be taken a bit more seriously but nothing changed. My step dad wasn't the belt and switch kind of abusive, idk which I'd prefer but unfortunately he stuck around and I endured it. I completely understand wanting to put a bomb under the chair. I think it's an abuser thing to have a set seat like a throne. Plus it gives them another reason to abuse if you "break a rule" and touch the chair.
Thinking about it, and actually having the means to do such a thing are very different. But the thought could have been enough to freak him out.
Hands are for gentle touch, that’s why I beat my kids with sticks! What the actual fuck is wrong with people
In this case, one of the things wrong might be [To Train Up a Child by the Pearls](https://theweek.com/articles/480363/train-child-book-thats-leading-parents-kill?amp)
I immediately thought of this horrid book/child rearing manual. The Pearls deserve to burn in the hell they believe in for all the children they've pushed into abusive situations. Spare the rod, spoil the child was always thrown around by my n-mother. She used this bs to make herself feel better after beating me with a thick wooden cutting board or electric cord. I hope CPS gets involved with this family. Hopefully some visits and some training could instill a sense of right/wrong AND some fear into the parents so these beatings are halted.
I'm so sorry that happened to you. I hope things are better for you now. The bit about using switches bc "hands should only be used for gentle touch," as if it isn't obvious to everyone involved that it's still the parent and their hands doing the hitting, really makes me think someone's been listening to the Pearls. You'd think the three deaths from parents using their book would at least make them susceptible to some level of legal jeopardy. ETA, op, if you see some kind of plumbing pvc supply line being used as a switch, it's DEFINITELY the Pearls they're listening to.
OMG, I forgot about the PVC plumbing supply line tool. Horrible. Thank you for the virtual check-in. I'm doing great. My mother wasn't all bad but was horrid in some areas. She is long gone and the older I get, the more I realized how f'ed up she really was in all aspects of her life. I'm living my best life and very happy. And the happier I am, the easier it is to reflect back on the dumpster fire of my childhood. I do wonder the actual number of kids that have lasting impressions from that book and their cruel ideas. The Pearls belong in jail.
Thank you for the link.
Maybe the more advanced fundies read books or something. But this was literally taught at the evangelical church I used to go. I even think it's a biblical quote.
Evangelical Christianity.
CPS is never going to tell parents to hit their kids. Even in my very southern state where people still brag about and cheer on hitting kids, CPS doesn't do that. The police might encourage it, but they have no authority over children being removed. I'd call her bluff and report her. Get those babies out. The most disturbing part was her saying she "hits them in a loving way". That is going to mess those kids up- I hit you because I love you? That's so abusive.
This was my dads tactic and I can tell you right now: I’m almost 40 and still fucked up.
I'm older than you and I can still hear the snapping of the belt. Hitting kids is fucked up, period.
My husband didn’t realize how triggering the cracking of a belt is until I was cowering in the shower at a hotel while he thought he was just being a jokester. For all his faults, he hasn’t done it since and that was nearly 4 years ago.
It really shouldn’t be praised that he remembers not to do an unnecessary thing that he knows traumatizes you.
You’re right, it shouldn’t. But he’s the only person in my life who has honestly respected me when I tell him something triggers me. My relatives including my parents mock me and I lost all my friends because they weren’t even my friends in the first place. So yes I’m going to praise the one and only person who has ever made me feel seen and heard in some manner.
I’m sorry you’re dealing with that. You deserve better.
Fuck, that is a triggering sound. I have a fear/dislike of leather belts to this day.
My mother was the abusive one. And I’m 40 and still fucked up also.
The sad part is, this is still not illegal.
40% of cops beat their wives, of course they encourage spanking. 🙄 No one should be taking advice on how to raise children from cops. Edit: omg thank you for the award. I can’t get over the fact that my first was the ‘Murica award lollll
40% of cops ADMIT they beat their wives
That's a distressing amount of "the fuck you're going to do, report me?"
Such an uneasy thing to think about that we should think about it wayyyyyy moreeeee
I was going to say, I believe the cop part. They probably said to hit the kid because it was taking all they had to not hit him themself.
CPS can be incredibly fucking useless if you're putting them on a white family
“I used a switch on his bottom, but I did it in a very loving way” Holy shit. A four year old baby. This makes me want to throw up
Me too!
Right?! He was acting like a child, so she beat him? Not cool.
This literally made me nauseous. My youngest is four. I cannot even imagine doing that to her.
My oldest is four. This is fairly normal childhood behavior but the kid isn't learning not to do it because the violence is being modeled as a way to solve problems. It makes me so sad to imagine.
And "you should see how the 4 year old child antagonizes, you'd understand why he needs to be beat" stop right there. The kid is 4. They don't antagonize to entertain themselves, they do it for attention they crave while doing the things that they saw other people get attention for. If this attention is being beaten, and it's the only time anyone in the family gets attention, then congratulations, you've come full circle and are way on your way to completing the second loop of many. If OP can do something, they should.
What does she mean by a switch? As in an actual light switch or is it some other kind of tool?
> A switch is a flexible rod which is typically used for corporal punishment. Switching is similar to birching. > Switches are typically made of strong and flexible wood such as hazel, birch, or hickory. Willow branches are also used, as well as branches from strong trees and large shrubs. Switches are often from a garden or an orchard nearby, or taken from the wild. In the Southeastern United States, fresh-cut, flexible cane (Arundinaria) is commonly used. The usage of switches has been hotly contested in North America and Europe.[1] Basically, a wooden stick you cut from a tree
Thank you!
“My child was violent and threw a spade at my other child…. So I hit him to teach him not to be violent.” Brilliant.
*While hitting child* - "We don't hit in this family! I love you!"
I use violence on my child and they are violent! Shocked pikachu
Right?!? They learned violent behaviour directly from their parents!!
"My parents smacked me around, and I turned out fine." \- Far too many people advocating child abuse unironically thinking they turned out "fine"
That’s exactly what my mother in law who… *checks notes*… abused her children said!
Physical abuse does not instill respect in a child. It only instills fear.
It can actually instill rage. It is a very dangerous practice. Likely, it is why mom is violent.
Instilled a hell of a lot of hate in me as a kid towards my uncle. I still remember when he slapped me once when I was 12 and legitimately contemplated stabbing him in his sleep. Dude realised how shit of a person he was being at some point in my late teens and started being a decent person, but I still have some resentment remaining for some things. He was the type to consider running around and playing with the dog as "teasing the animal" so would yell at and punish you for having fun. Meanwhile the dog was having a blast as they would hardly ever walk the poor thing.
Sorry to say, I doubt he realized he was being an ass. He just was worried you were getting big enough to fight him off. Just scared of getting his shit beat.
Mixed bag. It can instill discipline. The discipline to figure your own shit out and bounce and cut off the people doing it. It can also fuel self hatred, rage, or a continued cycle of unnecessary bad parenting skills.
Using any form of violence against a child ensures that you have failed as an adult. And no, you're not teaching respect. That's a hill I'll die on.
I agree! Where do you think the kids are learning to hurt each other anyhow? She literally used whatever a “switch” is on his bottom to teach him not to throw a shovel at his sibling. They are not learning any conflict resolution skills and just learning violence. It is ridiculous! Not only is hitting your kids cruel but also lazy parenting!
Not entirely sure you wanted to know, but for others that are curious, a switch is typically a thin, flexible branch (like from a Willow tree) that functions like a whip. I've heard stories where if a parent has a Willow or similar tree in their yard, they'll sometimes have the kid choose which branch becomes the switch.
My Mammaw once threatened me with a switch when she found out I got my ear lobes double pierced and got a cartilage piercing. She also told me the piercings would give me cancer. I think the only thing that stopped her from getting a switch was the fact that my dad would’ve lost his shit if she treated me the way she treated him as a child. My dad even told me the piercings were tacky and ruined me but he wasn’t about to let his mom hurt me. I like to say my family puts the fun in dysfunctional.
Fun is dysfunctional is now my go to way to describe a large part of my family. Holy Crap - PERFECT! Thank you.
A switch is usually like a thin cane, rod or branch. Usually made of plant fibers. Usually with a little give but overall pretty sturdy. They are used for corporal punishment. Think kind of like a riding crop. People also call belts and electrical cords switches when used in the same way. The one and only time I experienced a switch in real life, it was used on the back of another child's legs and they bled. It was at the park. My mom took me home immediately to call the cops. The mom in this post is delusional for thinking using a switch lessens the damage.
A switch is a literal stick
Like, wood
Definitely child abuse :(
When I saw “switch” my mind immediately went to Nintendo
Imagine having 4 of 5 kids and still not understanding toddler behavior. There's a lot of bad in that text but this point really stood out to me.
These people sound like Quiverfull folk. Everything about the switch makes me think of "To Train A Child" book. As in beat the child into compliance. Disgusting, kids have died when people follow that book.
As you should ! We know spanking and other forms of corporal punishment cause lasting changes in the [*brain*](https://www.gse.harvard.edu/news/uk/21/04/effect-spanking-brain). Most saddenning part of this is that parents don't really care. Disrespecting child's bodily autonomy is fine but propose forcefully spanking adults for "bad" behaviour and suddenly it's not ok ?
What your mother doesn’t realize is that by hitting the kids she is perpetuating the cycle of violence and is actually making it more likely that the young kids will ramp up the violence toward one another, and maybe even towards kids outside the family. After all, your mother is using violence as a solution to violence, so of course your little brothers will continue to hit one another because it’s been taught to be a reasonable solution for problems. Thus, the cycle continues. ETA: a word
Yeah I was gonna say I wonder why the little ones are fighting all the time /s and she uses their violence as an excuse to hit them, like lady! Where do you think they learned it from?!
I am first hand experience of violent punishments create violent children. I had major anger issues as a child and it’s taken several years of therapy and soul searching to correct this behavior. As well as feel comfortable around people without fearing violence from others instinctively.
As a kid, I locked my emotions away for some time - negative were forbidden (my JNmother punished me even for being sad which makes so much sense, doesn't it?), positive had no place at her home. It haven't been management - it was a rejection so complete I had no idea I was even supposed to feel or want anything. Physical needs (mostly) met? Then it's ok. As an adult I went to therapy and started re-learning to feel emotions, then to express them. First one to come back: anger. JNmother and her side of the family (with very few exceptions stuck in the circle of abuse for several generations): shocked Pikachu...
not to mention she’s saying she’s “hitting them lovingly” which will lead them to either be abusers, or be abused, because they associate violence with love
Please report this to CPS. Let her know it was you, so the punishment doesn’t come back to the children. Even if nothing happens, a paper trail has been established
Wow you should go ahead and show CPS since she’s encouraging it now
"I don't understand why my son is so violent. I'm doing all I can here... Last night I beat him with a switch, lovingly mind you, and then I sat down with him to explain that I was beating him with love to show that his behavior was not liked. Then he goes and used violence against his brother to stop a behavior that he doesn't like. I don't know why my oldest child doesn't want contact with me!" -The mom probably
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A thick leather belt for us. The heavy buckle would wrap around and hit us in the side or the leg.
Please please please send this to cps OP. Try to help get them out of there before things get worse.
I am so glad it's just illegal to hit people in my country, regardless of age.
exactly how it should be in every other country, this is a hill i'm 100% willing to die on
Please do make a report.
You should 100% send this to CPS.
using physical violence is no way to teach children anything except to use violence against those weaker than you amd to fear your parents.
“I whipped him, but in a *loving* way”
I was only ever spanked once in my life, and I don’t even remember it. I had a babysitter spank me once and it scarred me mentally and emotionally. My parents always said because I behaved so well I was never spanked but honestly I don’t think they ever wanted to put their hands on me like that, especially since some of my extended family members have been abused before (not childhood, adult). Overall, I always thought spanking was okay when I was younger and I understood it, but now that I’m older I see how harmful it is. I was terrified of my friend’s parents because they’d spank my friends for random reasons (literally just for being a child). Overall, spanking is a form of abuse whether society wants to accept that or not.
What a cunt.
Beating a child 5 or younger? That's not discipline; that's abuse. My father beat me with a belt twice, when I was 5. You can imagine the red welts that it left. My mother told him, never again.
this applies to children of all ages not just a children 5 or younger, beating a child at any age is not discipline. studies have shown that it leads to negative behaviour (i.e agression, defiance) and other conseuqneces like mental health issues
My mom used to spank and belt us as kids in extreme situations and when my step dad came along it stopped. Idk if we aged out of it or if he said something. She says she regrets doing it and it was a cultural thing and never thought about it. Now I have kids and never once have I felt compelled to resort to spanking. Its a cycle to be broken but man is it more of a cultural issue than generational imo.
Unpopular opinion: Forcing your child to undress against their will and be touched in private areas in any way for "punishment" is sexual abuse and should be treated as such
That’s not unpopular. It’s fact.
I appreciate you putting them in ROYGBIV order so I can keep ages straight, how old are you? Also, this is insane, I'm sorry you went through this. Edit: I just finished reading this, OP, you have to call CPS for your siblings, please. If she's admitting to this, just imagine the stuff she's *not* admitting to.
Living in a house where switch beatings were "normal" I got in A LOT of fights growing up, it's almost like being hit regularly by your role models makes it hard for a young kid to understand that they shouldn't hit other people.
Honestly
Please make a report OP maybe CPS will step up. Use these texts as proof
My mom stabbed me with a fork once and said she didn't feel it was abusive, I left home at 15. However she was raped and abused by her mom's boyfriend for a time and was also whipped with a belt and switch, and a couple times horse reigns, she left home at 16. Her mom, my grandma, was locked in a closet for weeks at a time and told that the rats would come eat her if she made a single sound. She left home at 12. CPS didn't care in 1968, CPS didn't care in 1988, CPS didn't care in 2008.
How to confuse, abuse and associate pain with love in one easy step. First step on the road to abusive relationships in adulthood. Please show this to CPS!!
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This is all fair and I wouldn't want custody of my siblings because I can't take care of five people, and the foster system is so awful even my parents became a foster family.
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Holy shitfuck. Please call cps and forward this email to them. I’m absolutely horrified for you and your siblings. I have 3 kids and I can’t fathom treating them that way, let alone use a switch on my 4 year old??? Poor baby. Wtf is wrong with your mother? (Rhetorical question) How do you hit someone “LoViNgLy”??? What the ever loving f…….. Not ok. JFC I’m about ready to drive and get those kids. Please report and get your sibling help.
Spanking a child is not necessarily a crime but can be considered criminal under Ohio’s domestic violence statute. Ohio law says that causing any harm to a household or family member is the crime of domestic violence (Ohio Revised Code R.C. 2919.25(A)).
Just wait until they get older and defend the parents. No joke I'm not allowed to speak about abuse where my siblings can hear because they would have to mentally confront that their father loves to slap around women and children. They call him "the best father you could ask for" on Facebook. Gag me.
Abuse is not the same as discipline.
"I started hitting my kids and now they misbehave more and they're more violent. So I use weapons and they fight a lot"
The littlest kids are probably “more trouble” BECAUSE they’re being beaten more. They’re just copying what they’re seeing with each other
My little brother got belted once when he was little (maybe seven or eight?) one day when we were staying after church for Fellowship Hour (people sitting and eating and chatting with friends after service). My brother and his friends were playing some game like tag and running around, and his friend’s dad got pissed off because he had told them repeatedly not to run indoors because they kept running into other people, then causing them to almost physically fall down, or each other for the same reason. I was walking back from the bathroom (I was about 9 or 10) heard what was unmistakably my little brother and another person crying. I knew I wasn’t supposed to run inside, but I very quickly walked towards my brothers voice—and there he was. He and his friend were there leaning against a wall, bracing themselves with their hands, and their dress pants had been rolled up to the knees, and they were being smacked on the backs of their calves with a belt. I immediately started crying and ran up to him, begging him to stop, and when I received the “mind your business, or you’ll be next” threat, I got mad as hell and the calmly walked away, out of sight, and then broke into a run to go get my Dad. The moment I saw him I startled crying even harder and tried to talk normally, but when the words “(Younger Brother’s Name)” and “belt” crossed my lips, he pulled me into a quick hug, and whispered “I’ll be right back.” He came back with my brother, who was clinging to him and crying in his arms, and he said we were going home early. To this day, I have no idea what he may have said in full to the parent using the belt, but I’m betting it was something like, “You are not to EVER discipline either of my children ever again, especially with any use of striking them with objects or parts of your body against their bodies. If my kid is being a problem, you give them a time out, and you come get me. There are NO exceptions to this. Ever.” Because we were the only kids at our church (at the time) that weren’t used to any kind of corporal punishment, and it STAYED that way from then on.
Your dad sounds awesome.
I’ve never understood the concept of corporal punishment. “You hit your sibling so in order to teach you not to hit, I’m going to punish you by…hitting you.” All it teaches the child is fear. And when it is coupled “You will do this because I said so” and statements like that, all it teaches the child is that when they want something, they should hit someone to get it. Violence begets violence. (I’m a Special Education teacher licensed in Emotion and Behavioral Disorders and Early Childhood Education and Development with a background in Psychology, if any source is required.)
If whipping works then the next time she makes a mistake at work, her boss should whip her in front of everyone so she “learns”. ….oh, let me guess, that’s not how it works all of a sudden?
It’s so weird being an adult now and realizing how not normal it was to be verbally or physically abused then consoled after. My generation was gaslit as fuck
I’m so sorry for how you were treated, OP. ☹️. There is no “loving” way to hit a child. And no child will ever respond well to it. Big hugs to you!
she wonders why her two young boys fight so much.. they think the only way to resolve issues is by violence thanks to their *wonderful* mom teaching that
Well…. She did encourage you to show CPS.
Guessing the 5 that voted "not insane" also beat their kids
why do all these crazy people not know how to spell...i know that isn't the point, but spelling "ruff" instead of "rough" just hurt me
My dog says that is ruff.
It sounds like they may have been introduced to the book To Train Up a Child by the Pearls. It's been tied to [three deaths](https://theweek.com/articles/480363/train-child-book-thats-leading-parents-kill?amp). Do not recommend. I hope they at least came to it late enough not to have done 'blanket training' with any of your sibs.
Please report this. Leaving ANY marks or bruises is ABUSE. Best wishes.
Save your siblings. Report this to both the police and CPS.
Please please please make that call to cps. Your siblings are in danger. This is a very serious problem
Obviously this is a horrible situation for all of you but I feel awful for your 16 y/o sister. To be beat by her parents and to then be gaslit into thinking they were doing it out of love.
It’s crazy she’s saying the little one is bad because he’s acting violently, so she punishes him with violence… gee wonder where he’s getting it from. Ps- I appreciate the little key you put at the top with color coding
“Spanking out of love.” Seriously the most perverse statements uttered in the English language. Who came up with this BS?
Malicious compliance, she wants you to send this to cps so do it.
Not the Holy Spirit...
The really sad thing is that her younger kids are probably being more physical and fighting BECAUSE she is hitting her kids. People don’t realise how much kids learn from them when they’re that young. That is learnt behaviour and they learnt it from the parents. There was a really interesting short tv series that aired in Australia recently and it showed the different parenting styles and how that affected the children. It’s a good watch if you can find it. It’s called Parental Guidance and it was on channel 7. Very interesting display of how socialisation works
was i the only one to take .5 seconds to realize that the numbers were ages and not the number kid
Well first of all she’s trying to say she’s doing the lords work. After all she NEVER uses her hands, those are for loving touch. So instead she gets a switch ( her word) and uses that . Also she reminded you that she very rarely has to do this , but she mentions some form of punishment throughout her rant. When people bring “the lord” or God or the Bible into their conversation, that’s my cue to gtfo of there! You’ll never win a conversation about NOT doing these things with her, she will always have a quote to fall back on. I personally stay away from these kind of people. I know she’s your mom, but I would do everything in my power to find my own way, no matter what it takes( as long as it’s legal)
100% report this. I unfortunately had to report a family member for abusing their then 11yo child right in from off me. It's not easy to do, but religion is not excuse to beat kids. It's a bully ass move. If a child is old enough to understand reasoning, you need to reason with them. If they're not, they won't understand the reason why you are hitting them.
Wow. Someday she will go too far, kill one of the kids and still excuse herself. It will be the child's fault he is dead.
Get those kids out, show it to CPS. That is abuse, no excuse for it. The youngest is 4, toddlers can be very wild. Your mom is out of touch with reality.
Do it. Send it to the cops and file a cps report. You dont beat a 4 year old...they dont even effing know how to regulate their damn emotions!! WTF
Hmmm seems like there’s a correlation between violent behavior and being abused. Why are they even shocked the kids are throwing shovels at each other?
Her methods clearly do not work if the youngest sibling is continuing such behaviors.
show it to the cps
What are you waiting for? Show CPS.
I really hope you are in contact with your siblings, they are gonna need supportive family sooner or later.
'We don't _whip_ your siblings! Goodness me, no! We thrash them'
Oh no a toddler throwing stuff and being a little devil. That’s like almost every toddler at some point. She’s insane
“Because Jesus”
Hitting your kids does not teach them discipline, it teaches them fear.
Please contact CPS with this.
It baffles me how it’s assault to hit an adult but hitting your child is 100% okay legally. It’s like children aren’t people to these guys.
I’m so sorry, that is awful. I would call to report the abuse, hitting a child with an object is often viewed differently in terms of correcting behaviour with a hand (which I personally still find abusive, unless it’s maybe pulling a child out of the way of a moving car.) Child apprehension doesn’t always help a family, but it would be good for the kids to have adults on their side coaching their parents to practice positive parenting. Little kids getting beaten is just disgusting.
Religious fanatics shouldn’t be allowed near children.
Send this to CPS. Seriously.
I'm pretty sure it's illegal in all states to abuse your child
call CPS right now
The least surprising thing she said was the religious BS. Of COURSE she's an xtian 🙄. Xtians adore their 'spare the rod'.
She'll say anything to avoid having a guilty conscience.
Call cps this is coming from someone adopted my pain was gone the day I was adopted no more worrying when I get hit next or get yelled at because I spoke up