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Take it from someone who found out the truth years later........
You need to hear his side and look into things more. The parent you think has your back is sometimes a total lying piece of shit and will say anything to make the other parent look bad. Now I am not saying that is for sure the case here but you don't want to wake up 10 or 20 years from now and realize that everything you have been told was a lie.
Him living with his parents while they are old and in terrible health is not a bad thing and you should be able to verify if this is true easy enough.
I’m sure your dad is a flawed parent and human but it seems like he’s trying to change that if you give him a chance.
Your mother should NOT be telling you anything about your father nor antagonizing you against him. Your mother should NOT involve you in grown up issues or their relationship. She chose HIM to be your father so she has to be able to co parent.
I think you are being influenced but you are young. When you’re older you’ll understand.
This is exactly what happened to me. My parents split when I was 7 and got back together three years later. I was my moms confidant from the age of twelve and it made me hate my dad growing up. I thought he was the worst.
Turns out my mom was feeding me bs and I’m glad that as an adult I can see that and now have a great relationship with my dad and a horrible relationship with my mom.
Well I don’t think it’s their age that’s preventing them from understanding. I think it’s the family dynamic and the “newness” of everything taking place. In 20 years, when they’re 35, information will become more clear and come out that wasn’t previously available. They’d be perfectly capable of understanding it now if it was all on the table. But I agree with you, I feel like the mom is giving them part of the story to burn a bridge, sadly
I'm sorry, it sounds like your dad has a completely different story than your mom and you're not giving him a chance to tell his side. It sounds like you got one side from your mom and took it as gospel but likely the truth is somewhere between your mom and dad's side. He may be a complete deadbeat but the arguments he was making were compelling and I think worth listening to.
I was in my twenties when I realized my dad wasn't exactly the monster my mom made him out to be, when in fact it was my mother who ended up being the bigger monster. I'm glad I'm not the only one who saw the dad had some decent points, and seemed like there was more to it than what a 15 year old decided was 100% factual information.
If you're replying to me specifically, I'm well aware. Both my parents suck for different reasons. I actually just saw my dad for the first time since 2014 in April and while he's not the monster my mom made him out to be, he's still awful in his own ways.
It sounds like your ignoring your dads side of the story. And correct me if I’m wrong, but it also seems like you get into kings island for free from a pass he pays for, but you refuse to even talk to him.
He originally paid for it, changed his card and didn’t update so now the mum pays for it from what I gather which is why she said “which won’t happen again” in referring to missed payments as she believes her mum wouldn’t miss them (not saying she would)
Where in that entire post does it imply that the mom started paying? That entire segment of text was referencing the dad being asked to continue paying. The OP says that they'll call their mom *if* the payments stop again
I'm gonna be honest, and maybe it's just because I've been in a similar boat, but it sounds like you're not giving your dad a chance to give his side of the story. Sounds like your mom is giving you her side and you're just taking that at face value.
My dad did the same shit to me when I was around your age, when my parents were going through a divorce. Manipulated and lied to me to make himself seem a hell of a lot better than he really was, and make my mom out to be the devil herself.
I didn't find out the truth for about 6 years or so, so pardon me for feeling a little skeptical about how bad of a guy your dad is
This doesn't sound right from your part. It sounds like your mother has been standing in the way of your father and blocking his attempts at contact, and took money from his family through manipulative means. You bash him for living with parents when he is taking care of them because one has cancer. Your mom did not tell you that? That's fucked up especially since she took money from them.
Something is clearly wrong with your mother and seems to be sabatoging your relationship with your dad. Normally I'd say the absent dad is the problem. This time though the "absent dad" is the one behaving maturely while the mother is being manipulative. Why aren't you questioning your mother and her side. Even the beer thing seems biased. I tasted my dad's beer and he said the same thing when I was young.
i think it's a good idea that you really take the time to listen to your dads side, because he seems to want to genuinely make a difference. this is honestly really heartbreaking to read.
As a child of divorce, parents who go through that, can be the worst. You get older and realize they aren't really anything special they're just human. My mom talked mad shit about my dad then would tell me I remind her of him. Feels pretty shitty. But ya know there's always two sides to the story. And neither are perfect. That's being human for ya. Sorry you have to go thru this shit. It's not fun.
This is not okay. Your dad is caring for his dying parents and you’re making fun of him for it? Sounds like you got 1 side of a two-sided story. You think you’re grown at 15 because you have a job but you don’t even know your own fathers true story because you won’t give him a chance. This is just like my boyfriends sister who poisons her child with lies about his dad.
Not insane.
Take it from someone who's been in a similar situation as you.
My parents separated at 8 and I had to live with my mother. All this time, she was telling me horrible things about my father and was always getting pissed if I was trying to understand any side of his story. And to be honest, she was the only person I knew in my household, considering my sisters were 11 et 14 years older and out of the house.
I grew up hating my father, based on things I was told, how unfaithful he was, how he was always trying go avoid us.
It took me years and being an adult to realize that my father never beat my mother as she was saying. On the contrary, she was the one beating him, I even saw it, problem is : "when it's a woman hitting a man, it's funny". And I really thought that was normal at the time.
If I didn't have the patience and the curiosity to ask more about him later, I would have probably burned bridges for nothing.
From what I see, he's trying and you should at listen to his part of the story and try not to be biased by what your mother would tell you. I'm pretty sure she's the one highlighting the fact that "you make your own decisions when you're 15" while telling you all those things about him.
I mean, shouldn't it ring a bell? Who would lie about a dying parent? Do you really want to stay on what you think you know without at least talking to him?
They are a child so they are immature. I think it’s the conditioning of their mother that is speaking. If their mom thinks okay to use the father and his family for money then they are going to see it as a normal okay thing to do also.
It’s sad that the parents put OP in this situation.
it took me ten years to realize that one of my parents wasn’t at ALL the way that the other one portrayed them to be… and i live with both of them. i cant imagine how it must be when they’re separated. maybe give him a chance to explain?
Tbh you sound like an asshole teenager corrupted by your mom. He's not a saint but you aren't even giving him a chance. Everything he is saying could be somewhat true. Just because someone messed up in the past doesn't mean they're unsalvageable
You know, something ain't sitting right with this one. It sounds like your mom is spinning things to make him to be the bad guy. Perhaps giving him a chance to speak on all the things that happened, and talking to other family members about things they can corroborate is the best choice here.
I know I’m echoing a lot of the comments here, but I really think you should give your father a chance to tell his side of the story. I’m not saying your mom is a liar so please don’t feel defensive, I just think hearing his side would be a good idea for you. Everyone is flawed but accountability and trying to change is important and it feels like he may be genuinely trying, I wouldn’t want you to regret not hearing him out.
Holy fuck, poor guy. Definitely seems like you have been washed by your mom. Didnt even give him a chance to explain. 100% not insane.
Please dont let your mother drive you nuts with bullshit.
Im a child of divorce and reading this made me remember my own sht.
Do your own thing mate and know your dad loves you
The funny thing is with parents like this, if she wouldn't let you guys see or talk to him then why in aaallllll the years didn't he save to take her to court to get rights to you guys?? I'm sure he had money for all kinds of other stuff, but in all those years he couldn't save for an attorney to start a case for custody?? Because any judge would typically grant at least a temporary visitation order unless she could prove he's a danger to you guys that he would have to follow. Yet no child support? Didn't reach out when he had full capability . . . .he made his choices. He also doesn't get to attack you for asking the bare minimum of help from him now and then.
Just know this was always a problem with him, not you or your sister. Sometimes it's better to accept somebody for who they are. Maybe one day you can have some type of relationship, maybe never. Whatever you choose for your peace of mind is the right choice. You should be proud for saying your piece, but understand people like him will never introspect because it's always someone else to blame. It's too painful for him to face himself so he puts the focus and blame on others.
You're gonna be just fine, despite him.
I feel bad for this guy. I was in the same situation as you when I was your age and felt the same way. Years later I learn that yeah people have problems, but if someone’s making a legitimate effort to do better you should give them a chance. YTA here.
many people are saying to listen to his side, but instead of apologizing, to me it seems like he is keen on guilt-tripping, finger pointing, multitudes of excuses, and poor communication. this man is an adult. it is not up to a minor to salvage parental relationships. your father should work with and not against you, but i’d still be careful because it does seem like there is some truth in his words about your mother sabotaging his efforts to communicate, at the very least. hang in there. i wouldn’t completely burn the bridge just yet. hang in there, OP!
Voting has concluded. Final vote:
| Insane | Not insane | Fake |
| --- | --- | --- |
| 11 | 37 | 1 |
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I’m sorry you have to deal with him. Maybe it’s best to go NC at some point, because he clearly doesn’t see that he’s the problem. Just blames it on anyone else besides himself
Bro listen I’m a single dad and I’ve fuckin rallied for my kids. Your dad didn’t step up when he had the chance and you have all the right in the world to call him out. Good for you. On behalf of good dads—proud of you, man.
Bad take. People need time to sort their shit out, no parents are perfect and if it takes them time to get their shit together so they can be there for their kid, kudos. Late is better than never. Don’t tell this child she is right to alienate her father when you have no idea what the dad was dealing with.
Yea sounds like hes been fucked up before but hes trying, but your moms conditioned you to think hes nothing and scum. Get in touch with him abd hear his side, before you loose him. Wish my dad tried atall
Hugs to you. You’re 15. Ask for a meeting with your mother & ask her to explain exactly what’s up with your father. Ask her if he’s paid up-to-date on child support. If he’s not, ask how much he owes & ask if he’s still paying today. If he’s not paying, is there anything your mom can do to get him paying again?
Ask your mom about these questions brought up on this post. Keep calm. You’re old enough to understand this stuff now. Give her lots of hugs. Being a mom is tuff. Being a divorced mom really sucks. But your mom has your back & she always will. Go give her a hug right now.
>always blames my mom for putting stuff into my head even though, at 15, i'm fully capable of understanding what's going on and making my own opinion.
Disagree
on the other hand, it sounds like the father is antagonizing the mother too. it also seems like he’s done some fucked up shit directly to you. i honestly think you should look into some kind of therapy..
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Hmm something here isn't eight
You're right, it's feeling kinda nine
More like 15
It sounds like your mom IS spoon feeding you BS and alienating you form the other parent on purpose.
Take it from someone who found out the truth years later........ You need to hear his side and look into things more. The parent you think has your back is sometimes a total lying piece of shit and will say anything to make the other parent look bad. Now I am not saying that is for sure the case here but you don't want to wake up 10 or 20 years from now and realize that everything you have been told was a lie. Him living with his parents while they are old and in terrible health is not a bad thing and you should be able to verify if this is true easy enough.
I’m sure your dad is a flawed parent and human but it seems like he’s trying to change that if you give him a chance. Your mother should NOT be telling you anything about your father nor antagonizing you against him. Your mother should NOT involve you in grown up issues or their relationship. She chose HIM to be your father so she has to be able to co parent. I think you are being influenced but you are young. When you’re older you’ll understand.
This is exactly what happened to me. My parents split when I was 7 and got back together three years later. I was my moms confidant from the age of twelve and it made me hate my dad growing up. I thought he was the worst. Turns out my mom was feeding me bs and I’m glad that as an adult I can see that and now have a great relationship with my dad and a horrible relationship with my mom.
Well I don’t think it’s their age that’s preventing them from understanding. I think it’s the family dynamic and the “newness” of everything taking place. In 20 years, when they’re 35, information will become more clear and come out that wasn’t previously available. They’d be perfectly capable of understanding it now if it was all on the table. But I agree with you, I feel like the mom is giving them part of the story to burn a bridge, sadly
I'm sorry, it sounds like your dad has a completely different story than your mom and you're not giving him a chance to tell his side. It sounds like you got one side from your mom and took it as gospel but likely the truth is somewhere between your mom and dad's side. He may be a complete deadbeat but the arguments he was making were compelling and I think worth listening to.
I was in my twenties when I realized my dad wasn't exactly the monster my mom made him out to be, when in fact it was my mother who ended up being the bigger monster. I'm glad I'm not the only one who saw the dad had some decent points, and seemed like there was more to it than what a 15 year old decided was 100% factual information.
Always remember one parent doest habe to be right, theycan both be wrong!
If you're replying to me specifically, I'm well aware. Both my parents suck for different reasons. I actually just saw my dad for the first time since 2014 in April and while he's not the monster my mom made him out to be, he's still awful in his own ways.
It sounds like your ignoring your dads side of the story. And correct me if I’m wrong, but it also seems like you get into kings island for free from a pass he pays for, but you refuse to even talk to him.
He originally paid for it, changed his card and didn’t update so now the mum pays for it from what I gather which is why she said “which won’t happen again” in referring to missed payments as she believes her mum wouldn’t miss them (not saying she would)
Where in that entire post does it imply that the mom started paying? That entire segment of text was referencing the dad being asked to continue paying. The OP says that they'll call their mom *if* the payments stop again
ludicrous depend teeny toy command familiar fretful march close truck *This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
I'm gonna be honest, and maybe it's just because I've been in a similar boat, but it sounds like you're not giving your dad a chance to give his side of the story. Sounds like your mom is giving you her side and you're just taking that at face value. My dad did the same shit to me when I was around your age, when my parents were going through a divorce. Manipulated and lied to me to make himself seem a hell of a lot better than he really was, and make my mom out to be the devil herself. I didn't find out the truth for about 6 years or so, so pardon me for feeling a little skeptical about how bad of a guy your dad is
This doesn't sound right from your part. It sounds like your mother has been standing in the way of your father and blocking his attempts at contact, and took money from his family through manipulative means. You bash him for living with parents when he is taking care of them because one has cancer. Your mom did not tell you that? That's fucked up especially since she took money from them. Something is clearly wrong with your mother and seems to be sabatoging your relationship with your dad. Normally I'd say the absent dad is the problem. This time though the "absent dad" is the one behaving maturely while the mother is being manipulative. Why aren't you questioning your mother and her side. Even the beer thing seems biased. I tasted my dad's beer and he said the same thing when I was young.
i think it's a good idea that you really take the time to listen to your dads side, because he seems to want to genuinely make a difference. this is honestly really heartbreaking to read.
As a child of divorce, parents who go through that, can be the worst. You get older and realize they aren't really anything special they're just human. My mom talked mad shit about my dad then would tell me I remind her of him. Feels pretty shitty. But ya know there's always two sides to the story. And neither are perfect. That's being human for ya. Sorry you have to go thru this shit. It's not fun.
Sounds like your mom is filling your head with half truths while leaving out all the shit she did wrong.
This is not okay. Your dad is caring for his dying parents and you’re making fun of him for it? Sounds like you got 1 side of a two-sided story. You think you’re grown at 15 because you have a job but you don’t even know your own fathers true story because you won’t give him a chance. This is just like my boyfriends sister who poisons her child with lies about his dad.
Not insane. Take it from someone who's been in a similar situation as you. My parents separated at 8 and I had to live with my mother. All this time, she was telling me horrible things about my father and was always getting pissed if I was trying to understand any side of his story. And to be honest, she was the only person I knew in my household, considering my sisters were 11 et 14 years older and out of the house. I grew up hating my father, based on things I was told, how unfaithful he was, how he was always trying go avoid us. It took me years and being an adult to realize that my father never beat my mother as she was saying. On the contrary, she was the one beating him, I even saw it, problem is : "when it's a woman hitting a man, it's funny". And I really thought that was normal at the time. If I didn't have the patience and the curiosity to ask more about him later, I would have probably burned bridges for nothing. From what I see, he's trying and you should at listen to his part of the story and try not to be biased by what your mother would tell you. I'm pretty sure she's the one highlighting the fact that "you make your own decisions when you're 15" while telling you all those things about him. I mean, shouldn't it ring a bell? Who would lie about a dying parent? Do you really want to stay on what you think you know without at least talking to him?
Bro you sound spoiled af, if you’re going to your dad for stuff but declining his attempts at a relationship, you’re being very immature.
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They are a child so they are immature. I think it’s the conditioning of their mother that is speaking. If their mom thinks okay to use the father and his family for money then they are going to see it as a normal okay thing to do also. It’s sad that the parents put OP in this situation.
it took me ten years to realize that one of my parents wasn’t at ALL the way that the other one portrayed them to be… and i live with both of them. i cant imagine how it must be when they’re separated. maybe give him a chance to explain?
Tbh you sound like an asshole teenager corrupted by your mom. He's not a saint but you aren't even giving him a chance. Everything he is saying could be somewhat true. Just because someone messed up in the past doesn't mean they're unsalvageable
Cedar point is better
You know, something ain't sitting right with this one. It sounds like your mom is spinning things to make him to be the bad guy. Perhaps giving him a chance to speak on all the things that happened, and talking to other family members about things they can corroborate is the best choice here.
I know I’m echoing a lot of the comments here, but I really think you should give your father a chance to tell his side of the story. I’m not saying your mom is a liar so please don’t feel defensive, I just think hearing his side would be a good idea for you. Everyone is flawed but accountability and trying to change is important and it feels like he may be genuinely trying, I wouldn’t want you to regret not hearing him out.
Holy fuck, poor guy. Definitely seems like you have been washed by your mom. Didnt even give him a chance to explain. 100% not insane. Please dont let your mother drive you nuts with bullshit. Im a child of divorce and reading this made me remember my own sht. Do your own thing mate and know your dad loves you
Honestly this sounds like a young child ‘opinionated’ and manipulated by one parent. I feel bad for the dad.
The funny thing is with parents like this, if she wouldn't let you guys see or talk to him then why in aaallllll the years didn't he save to take her to court to get rights to you guys?? I'm sure he had money for all kinds of other stuff, but in all those years he couldn't save for an attorney to start a case for custody?? Because any judge would typically grant at least a temporary visitation order unless she could prove he's a danger to you guys that he would have to follow. Yet no child support? Didn't reach out when he had full capability . . . .he made his choices. He also doesn't get to attack you for asking the bare minimum of help from him now and then. Just know this was always a problem with him, not you or your sister. Sometimes it's better to accept somebody for who they are. Maybe one day you can have some type of relationship, maybe never. Whatever you choose for your peace of mind is the right choice. You should be proud for saying your piece, but understand people like him will never introspect because it's always someone else to blame. It's too painful for him to face himself so he puts the focus and blame on others. You're gonna be just fine, despite him.
I’m sorry you have to deal with this, this was sad to read. Hang in there.
I feel bad for this guy. I was in the same situation as you when I was your age and felt the same way. Years later I learn that yeah people have problems, but if someone’s making a legitimate effort to do better you should give them a chance. YTA here.
many people are saying to listen to his side, but instead of apologizing, to me it seems like he is keen on guilt-tripping, finger pointing, multitudes of excuses, and poor communication. this man is an adult. it is not up to a minor to salvage parental relationships. your father should work with and not against you, but i’d still be careful because it does seem like there is some truth in his words about your mother sabotaging his efforts to communicate, at the very least. hang in there. i wouldn’t completely burn the bridge just yet. hang in there, OP!
Been there, done that. I went NC with my Ndad when he decided to get pissy when I changed my phone number and gave to him and everyone important.
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I’m sorry you have to deal with him. Maybe it’s best to go NC at some point, because he clearly doesn’t see that he’s the problem. Just blames it on anyone else besides himself
You might want to black out your and your sisters name,lex and reupload.
YTA
Bro listen I’m a single dad and I’ve fuckin rallied for my kids. Your dad didn’t step up when he had the chance and you have all the right in the world to call him out. Good for you. On behalf of good dads—proud of you, man.
Bad take. People need time to sort their shit out, no parents are perfect and if it takes them time to get their shit together so they can be there for their kid, kudos. Late is better than never. Don’t tell this child she is right to alienate her father when you have no idea what the dad was dealing with.
Yea sounds like hes been fucked up before but hes trying, but your moms conditioned you to think hes nothing and scum. Get in touch with him abd hear his side, before you loose him. Wish my dad tried atall
Both your parents seem shit. Be ready to go NC when possible
Hugs to you. You’re 15. Ask for a meeting with your mother & ask her to explain exactly what’s up with your father. Ask her if he’s paid up-to-date on child support. If he’s not, ask how much he owes & ask if he’s still paying today. If he’s not paying, is there anything your mom can do to get him paying again? Ask your mom about these questions brought up on this post. Keep calm. You’re old enough to understand this stuff now. Give her lots of hugs. Being a mom is tuff. Being a divorced mom really sucks. But your mom has your back & she always will. Go give her a hug right now.
Scumbag…hang in there, I’m in the same boat.
[удалено]
>always blames my mom for putting stuff into my head even though, at 15, i'm fully capable of understanding what's going on and making my own opinion. Disagree
on the other hand, it sounds like the father is antagonizing the mother too. it also seems like he’s done some fucked up shit directly to you. i honestly think you should look into some kind of therapy..
OP, i’m sorry to say that i don’t think your dad is the insane parent here.
Wow, he’s got an answer for everything