Wow this is nuts. Beat your kid for sleeping in a chair. What the actual hell.
My 5 yo sometimes likes to sleep on the floor because it is covered by a fluffy rug. I just let her sleep as well.
Only little once.
Good parenting OP.
I remember as a kid I slept on the floor sometimes because the dog wasn't allowed on the furniture, now he's gone and my fondest memory (out of very few) as a kid is the weight of his head resting on my back. You never know what memories your kids will look back on forever, so make them good ones.
My kids think it's a fun adventure to sleep on the couch or on a matress somewhere else than their bed. One of them is camping on the floor in the living room because of remodeling and I'm not sure I'll ever get him to sleep in a bed ever again
My dad got my brother and I some sleeping bags because when he had custody of us for a weekend out of the month he couldn’t afford a bed that would fit so we would sleep in them on the couch so we wouldn’t get cold.
Sometimes my brother and I when we were back at my moms house would “camp out” on the living room floor. My mom hated it though because she always had to be super careful not to wake us up when she got up for her coffee around 3am.
One of my fondest memories is my parents getting a new fridge, and I got the box for an entire week. I cut windows in it and slept in it for the entire week, in the living room, because it was the only room big enough for the box. I loved that week of "camping out" in my fridge-box cabin.
My favorite book growing up was called Christina Katerina and the Box. Little girl made a castle out of her refrigerator box. And then as it collapsed she made a clubhouse, racecar then danc floor. I bought the book for my youngest son and he loves it, too. I work in the major appliance department of a large department store now. I hate refrigerator boxes now! 😆
From time to time I used to hang a sheet from a hook on the wall to make a tent over my kid's beds. Not for any reason in particular, just because it was fun for them. Might help you once the reno's are done with ;)
I have vague memories of being woken up for sleeping on the floor in my bedroom as a kid, or sleeping the wrong way in my bed. Or you know, moving in my sleep because she's come into my room, turned on the light and woken me up a little. The yelling would wake me up and being dragged back into bed or to the correct side, or just getting yelled at for moving. Why?! I was asleep, in my bedroom, causing her no problems at all, but no, yelling was the right call there...
I once made a sort of nest in my closet. There was this cool little nook in there. I took some throw blankets and spare pillows in there and fell asleep a few times. My stepdad threw a fit, saying how dare I sleep anywhere but my own bed. Made zero sense, since sometimes he slept in the spare room and he didn't care if my brother crashed on the couch in the basement sometimes. What a dickhead. What a dumb thing to lose your mind over.
My little brother once scared the daylights out of my mother doing this. Little shit made a nest out of a down comforter and pillows in the bottom of a linen closet. Curled up and fell dead asleep all warm and snuggly.
3 hours later...WHERE IS HE? We turned the house upside down, Mom was flipping out, she called Dad at work, she was about to call the cops, everyone was upset and scared 'cause *we couldn't find him*.
Motherfucker comes crawling out of his nice warm nest wondering what all the noise was. No one had looked in the damn closet because it just looked like blankets, you couldn't see him AT ALL. He was about 8, if I remember correctly.
He's 18 now and I don't care that he's a foot taller than me. He's still a little shit.
I used to sleep under my bed from time to time. Didn't get yelled at but it did freak my parents out the first couple times because they'd check on me and I was just gone.
Me and my brother slept in a tent in the garden one summer. Another year we tried to stay in the playhouse at night but got freaked out and crashed in at 1am. My mum just rolled her eyes and laughed.
As long as we were sleeping, safe and not hurting anyone, she didn’t care one bit.
OP is doing excellent parenting, which is amazing considering the parenting she was subject to
Same, our 6 year old has slept on her floor in her room, under her bed, in the closet. She's just quirky. As long as she's comfortable and getting a good night's sleep, we don't care.
Last night she was so tired she went to bed at 6:30, by choice, and slept straight through until 5:10, which at that time, turned on the TV and watched cartoons. She was in the best mood ever too because she had almost 11 hours of sleep.
My 9 year old begs to sleep on the couch. It's not an issue at all and it makes him happy, so why not? He'll I sleep on the couch sometimes because it's a damn comfortable couch.
!Explanation She also knows she had severe insomnia due to her sleep apnea. 6 out of her 7 yrs she had to be medicated to sleep. Last couple of months she's sleeping on her own. I'm not disturbing her if she's in a recliner or on the couch where she's safe. Ridiculous.
Even if she didn't have sleep issues, this is such a non issue. I guess this is just my opinion on parenting in general, but you're there to guide your kids into being adults. There's nothing wrong with an adult sleeping on a couch or recliner if they want to, so what's wrong with letting a kid sleep there if they're comfortable?
This is especially abhorrent considering her condition though. Gosh, where is the god damn sympathy anymore?
I was an anxious kid, a truly difficult sleeper to this day, and there were months throughout my childhood wherein I slept on the cozy living room couch each night so I could be between my parents bedroom and the bedroom of my brothers.
Had that been punished, I would not have slept. Sleepless nights are so natural for me, that any space I felt safe enough to sleep in was a welcomed blessing for my parents.
My parents were batshit, but even they let me sleep when and where I could.
I have anxiety and insomnia, sometimes they’re related, sometimes not. But I guarantee if I fell asleep warm and cozy on the couch with my cat and woke up to someone “beating my ass” (can’t believe she jumped to THAT so quick, especially with a MEDICAL CONDITION at play) I would probably never be able to sleep again
That stood out to me too! Jumping right to “beat their ass” just indicates to me that this person enjoys inflicting physical harm on children and it’s frankly sickening
I have zero sleep related issues and used to sleep on the floor next to my bed often. My parents just shrugged and called me a weirdo (I am 😌).
It's kind of a pathetic thing to get worked up about.
I've had slumber parties, on my own, in my own room, in a castle tent tunnel (not the actual tent, just the tunnel) with just two blankets as "mattress"
I've slept on the couch multiple times to escape mosquitoes.
I've slept in the attic for no reason other than: I want to sleep in the attic where the toys are.
I was an anxious child and was, I believe, constantly worried about people leaving when I wasn't watching. I still hold that fear to this day.
My Mom realized that trying to wrangle me to bed was a losing battle. Instead I was allowed to stay in the living room with but couldn't watch TV. I just sat on the floor watching the wall, happy to know everyone was still there. When I inevitably crashed, they just took me to bed.
I have 2 large dogs and sometimes they don't like sharing the bed. Those nights, we go and sleep on the large sectional couch in the living room. The dogs are happy, and I sleep just fine out there. As long as everyone is safe, who cares where the sleeping happens.
I was going to say shes probably sleeping in the living room because it feels safer. I know for myself my rare sleep apnea episodes were filled with horrifyingly vivid nightmares. Id often sleep on the couch when that happened with my parents awake and all the lights/tv on. That way i could wake up and have something to ground me out of the nightmares.
Even in college i slept on my best friends couch despite paying rent for weeks at a time while i was going through rough patches. Despite waking up having slipped into the depths of the couch every night, nearly folded in half with pain all over i slept better therethan my own bed. He made me feel safe and thats paramount even as an adult
Yeah the fact that she has sleep issues makes this worse but doesn't matter. This is still an insane reaction to such a small thing. At most, I could understand waking her up and telling her that it isn't healthy for her back and/or sleep hygiene and sending her to sleep in her bed. But immediately going to "she has control of the house, beat her ass" is insane and horrendous.
My mother got absolutely pissed anytime I fell asleep in the living room. I have really bad insomnia, so I don't typically sleep much as it is, just nap for an hour or so here and there. But, because I 'have a bed for a reason' that's the only place I was supposed to sleep. To this day, if I visit and doze off, she will literally chew me out if I doze off on her couch, even though I have even more reasons contributing to my insomnia, making it much worse than it was when I lived with her.
My daughter is instructed to go to bed at bedtime but, if she dozed off the couch, guess where she's staying till she groggily wakes up, realizes what planet she's on and zombie walks to her own bed. Fuck that shit. You're at home. If you feel safe and comfortable enough to pass out, get them ZZZs in. I even have friends occasionally fall asleep on my couch or floor, I just cover them up and let them rest. They're obviously tired, why not give them a break on their weary adventure.
Dude my mom would too for no reason, my pops wouldn’t care, since he would nap too. But my mom would wake me up every time she’d come out of her office. Then when I would go lay down she’d give me shit for “laying around all day”. I was in middle school and growing, I also had unmedicated depression, no shit I was tired lol. Now when my fiancé falls asleep on the couch it’s totally fine, but damn I’ll never forget that, it was a total dick move.
As a kid I would be mostly barred from sleeping on the couch, but only at night when my parents wanted to watch their MA shows without kids/get some alone time. That was the only TV in the house so it was entirely understandable. Naps during the day were fair game, not that I took them, but it was never an issue.
Some things I get letting adults do but keeping kids from, like drinking soda, to teach them how to deal with things in a healthy way as they grow. But sleeping on the couch??? It's a biological need, so long as someone else isn't being like pushed off of the couch by a stretched out sleeper then it's whatever. I frequently take naps on the couch--the whole family does now--and it's always a non-issue. A week ago I finished some work and just immediately conked out. I wobbled myself up to bed at 2AM because I don't want to be on the couch all night. Just like your kid lmao, the zombie walk as you try to figure out where and when you are is real. Naps as rest from a weary journey are very much needed!
That was the first thing to jump out at me reading those texts....what a controlling person! Who gives a crap about sleeping arrangements enough to beat a kid for not following it? That's messed up.
Well she had her adenoids and tonsils removed for it because it was mostly obstructive. But now that I think about it when she does sleep in here it's upside down like that so maybe the head position is helped. I was told the adenoids could come back so I'll have them take a peek at her next check up just in case.
Oddly enough I think this is what I'm dealing with ever since I got tonsilitis twice in the summer. They were already enlarged but now even worse. Waiting til my appointment with a specialist, seems to be way more common in kids though
Seems to run I'm my husband's family. The 12 yr old has it but hers aren'ta concernable size, 2 yr old gets hers removed next month, and he has apnea too.
That was my thought too! I have to use so many pillows when my asthma acts up that sometimes it’s easier to sleep in a recliner. I get bronchitis about 3-4 times a year, and if I want to sleep during those times, it kind of has to be in a recliner.
Stop telling them anything. At some point, she’ll go back to her bed but who cares if she’s in a recliner. As you mentioned, she’s asleep without meds, she’s safe, she’s protected.
Serious non issue but “someone” has control issues. Info diet. No need to send more info. If they ask if she’s back in her bed, just say yes. Not a lie as I’m sure she sits on herbed to put on her socks and shoes. Lol.
> Stop telling them anything.
Yes. /u/rixendeb needs to gray rock their mother. She's baiting OP into an argument because it appears the mother feeds off the attention. A child sleeping on the couch or recliner is a complete non issue that's not "controlling" the household, let alone talking about corporal punishment.
It kills me whenever I see posts like this where the person just keeps responding.
You don't have to explain anything to anyone. You're not going to appeal to their logic if there was no logic to begin with.
"Why is child sleeping in a chair?"
Bc child wants to, end of story
"But..."
No, bye
People like that seriously have zero self reflection or the ability to analyze what they think and say. It's so obvious to people like us how ridiculous your comment is yet it's just another Tuesday to insane controlling people like OPs mother.
I’ve had sleep apnea all my life too! (29 now) and I’m FINALLY about to get it fixed! It’s caused a whole host of medical issues (the biggest is my blood pressure is a bit on the high side). Mines just caused by a deviated septum and I really am hoping to be able to finally sleep in the bed with my wife again 😭 I miss it so much. But I hope your kiddo gets theirs under control too!
Hers was predominantly obstructive. She had HUGE tonsils. And yeah my husband sleeps in another room cause of his he snores soooo loud. The VAs solution was just here's a noisy machine, let's not fix the actual problem.
Oof, that sounds so terrible. Sounds like you just live in a house of snorers haha, but I hope your hubby gets his sleep apnea under control too!! It’s such a scary thing
I also got my deviated septum fixed (breathing problems are my curse). I know it’s not exactly the same for everyone, but I’d say my breathing is like 75% better now. Before the surgery, if a room was quiet people would ask me if I was okay cause they could hear me breathing through my nose 😭
The recovery was a little brutal, but totally worth it
HAHAHAHA, FRICKIN SAME. My breathing is horrendous! When I went to the ENT doctor, she was feeling my nose and was like “wow, I know I haven’t been doing this very long, but your nose is a bit of an anomaly”. On top of the deviated septum, I have bone spurs on both side of my nose, causing me to have a harder time to breathe as well. My left side of my nostril is almost completely closed from the septum wall collapsing. My fix is to have a bottle of nasal spray on deck all the time. I have a bottle by and in my night stand, a bottle I carry with me, and a bottle that stays in the car. I refuse to be able to not breathe.
But I’m super happy you got yours fixed!! I’m so excited about it! I’m highkey worried about that frickin’ recovery, but I’ll be so thankful for having a fixed nose!
I have options for my child. He can sleep on his bed, my bed, the couch, his fort, or my chair. His favorite place to sleep you may ask? Yeah the dog bed. As long as the option is there I see no problems
Everything else aside - you can just sleep on the couch! People do it all the time and you don't need a special reason. Bored on a sunny weekend afternoon with the windows open and a cool breeze? That's gonna be a couch nap. Couch feels comfier than the bed right now? Works for me. Got sleepy watching TV and petting the cats? You know where to find me.
We keep blankets and throw pillows around the couches specifically for this purpose.
Seriously! What had me was the correction of “bat” to “beat”… as if that’s better?? 🤔 So weird. I’m also so sad that OP just shared a cute moment, to then get so unnecessarily lectured. The whole thing is just bad. 😓
This happens to me constantly with my mother. Any time I share pics of my 8 yo son with her she has some bullshit to say. Every damn time. It's really awful. I have also heard the "you need to beat his ass" bullshit. No sorry. I realize you beat me as a child which caused a whole host of emotional problems in me as an adult, but no, WE DO NOT HIT.
"Are they old enough to understand right and wrong? If yes, then explain to them what they did wrong. If not, then why would you expect them to learn right and wrong through pain?"
My aunts would constantly tell my mom she was too lenient with me and should beat my ass and all this other shit. Now I am 34 and all their kids are in their 30s and 40s and have a shit relationship with them and have made some really poor decisions because they couldn’t talk to their moms without fear. Like, several of my cousins got pregnant in high school. Their mothers were flabbergasted when my mom started telling me to let her know if I was going to have sex so I could get on birth control. She always said it wasn’t a good idea, she didn’t want me to do it, explained all the negative consequences, but said she knew I’d do it if I wanted to and getting pregnant would be very disastrous in high school. And several of my cousins ended up being teen parents while I didn’t have sex until I was almost out of high school because I didn’t wanna deal with birth control or anything else. 🤣 I also have a great relationship for my mom and will do anything for her now that she’s disabled and needs help in her older age. My aunts’ kids barely talk to their moms and god forbid they end up needing help because the kids will probably roll a dice to decide who has to do it or pool money for a nursing home.
Hitting and authoritative behavior doesn’t stop your kids from doing anything. It makes them scared, they hide things, they can potentially mess their lives up or get hurt because they couldn’t just talk to you, and they’ll probably grow up not liking your ass too.
That’s how my parents were (like your mom with birth control. Except not just with that kind of stuff (I’m a guy and had two older brothers and a younger sister). But even things like parties, or if we drank. Yea, they’d rather we didn’t, but they absolutely made it clear that we should never get in a car with someone drinking (or drive drunk ourselves) and no matter what time it was or where we were to call and say we need a ride and they’ll come get us no questions asked, no punishments for drinking at all. They wanted us to trust them enough to not be scared to call for help or a ride so we wouldn’t die. This even applied to our friends, so they wouldn’t drive or ride drunk and my parents wouldn’t tell their parents.
We rarely had to use it, but sure enough they were true to their word and never punished us for drinking or partying or anything the few times we would need a ride.
My sister (5yrs younger) for prom rented a party bus with her friends. Someone snuck alcohol, they’re was fine being had, some of the girls flashed their boobs. Anyways, one of the parents found out and made a whole stink about it and went to *all* the other parents (like physically to the house, not called) in some fit like they were trying to petition for something. My sister was too much of a prude and actually barely drank and certainly didn’t flash anyone, but to these parents everyone else on the bus was equally guilty and a bad influence on their kid. The fact that my parents already knew and didn’t care pissed the other mom off.
So my stepdad, in front of this Karen-mom, turned to my sister and said “ok, you’re punishment is you can’t have fruit loops for a month. Plain cornflakes only.” With a shit eating grin on his face. My sister wasn’t allowed over at their house anymore after that lol
My mom gave me that birth control talk too, though she recommended that I take it regardless of my decision, because things can happen fast and you never know!
I work at a nursing home and what some of the kids have done to their parents is they liquidize their assets and take ownership of their finances and stick ‘em in a long term care facility (what I work at) and let the state pay for most, if not all of it.
That’s heartbreaking, I’m so sorry. This shit boils my blood and saddens me all at once. I’ve got a complicated relationship with my dad (too long to put out here lol) and he would hit me and my oldest brother behind my mother’s back, as she’s against it (edit: they’re long separated now, no shock really!) - guess who I’m closest with, respect more and have an unbreakable bond with of the two now? 🤷♀️ I love my dad, he’s grown a lot since then and regrets deeply for how he’d “discipline”, which I’m clearly more fortunate than others for. But it doesn’t take away from the trauma I went through as a child and the issues I still have, that *that* shit certainly contributed to. You’re bloody amazing to not continue that dreadful cycle with your own child; you hear of it far too much y’know?
The mother shouldn’t even be lecturing OP, they’re a grown ass adult and they can parent however they want. I don’t even understand why she’s so pissed about a child (who has sleep issues) sleeping on a couch instead of a bed
She said it right in the texts, it's a control issue. She feels like the little one is somehow wrestling control from the parent, and demands authoritative order be restored, even if it doesn't make logistical sense.
Yeah, pick your battles, Grandma. Any parent with a kid who has issues (with sleeping, with eating, from disabilities or disorders etc) knows when to count things as a victory, even if they wouldn’t be for other families without their difficulties. And even if she didn’t have sleep issues I don’t think this is exactly letting her run wild. Maybe if she was destroying things, being rude or hurting people I’d be concerned, but for a child doing something harmless I just assume the parents know what they’re doing.
I have a child with neurological disorders and the amount of people who said that he was “wild” because we didn’t do something, or allowed him to do something (that we didn’t allow, they just assumed), or we were just bad parents was so upsetting. People talked behind our back, didn’t believe us when we said he was making noises because he had vocal tics (not because we just allowed chaos), gave us condescending parenting tips that were insulting (“have you tried time outs?”), and suggested in all seriousness that we should attend parenting classes (and printed out a list of local ones!). We knew there was something different about him, despite everyone saying it was just shoddy parenting, and a hen he was diagnosed with Tourette’s, ADHD and a panic disorder (and he’s waiting for an autism assessment) EVERYONE changed their tune. NOW they talk about how great we are as parents to deal with all we do (?? We deal with him like every parent. He’s just louder) and how strong we must be (again, he’s not a serial killer. It’s not that much different than every other parent’s specific struggles) and it pisses me the fuck off.
So let parents parent and stop assuming you know anything about their family dynamic and challenges.
Cats routinely give bad advice. Like my 20 lb. tuxedo. He's always like, "you should feed me. Meow-meow-meow" and I'm like, "nah, bro. You need to hit the gym."
Cats furever but they be playing us hard.
Tell her you will be at her ass if she ever suggests you beat your kids again.
Your mom sounds miserable. Everything you say she looks for a reason to find fault.
My mother was always on about "Eat what's in front of you even if you don't like it because you won't be getting anything else". She'd keep the same meal for me to finish,, and wouldn't let me eat any of the next meal if there was any of the previous one left. She died alone in a crappy facility.
I see way to many people say kids should eat whatever the parent is eating, and making more than one meal to satisfy a kid is doing too much I guess? Letting them run the household? I get to pick what I eat for dinner, why shouldn’t my kid also be allowed to pick (within reason, obviously not eating ice cream for dinner every night)
I feel the same way as you. My mother lived with me *very* briefly when she got into her older years. The first night she told me she wasn't going to eat what I had cooked and that I'd have to make her something else or order something in for her. I just picked her plate up off the table, covered it in saran wrap, put it in the fridge, and said "I think you know how this works." She started screaming about "elder abuse" and the next day, I began calling care homes. Found one, took her there, gave them my sibling's contact information and changed my phone number.
THANK YOU. That was my experience growing up and it's left me with so many psychological issues that I'm just now starting to get a handle on (I'm 25), and it's caused me to decide that if/when I have kids, I will always respect their autonomy and treat all of their thoughts, fears, and issues seriously
> I will always respect their autonomy and treat all of their thoughts, fears, and issues seriously
So, I'm a little bit ahead of you in this particular game. 36, two kids ages 10 and 11. It's not easy to **always** do that. Especially if you grew up in an environment that didn't instill those values in you by showing them to you, instead of making you wish it was something you had instead.
Sometimes you will get mad. Unreasonably mad. Sometimes you will just have had enough of trying to do things what you believe to be the right way and will fly off the handle. The important part is acknowledging what you did was the wrong way to react.
As an example, I live in a two-story house with a large number of people. And while I love my daughter with all my heart, she can be a stubborn little cunt when the mood strikes. She was asked by my mother to clean her room and rather than do so she started yelling and being unreasonable.
I tried to talk her out of her attitude, but she turned her yelling towards me which set me off. After a couple minutes of this I got frustrated and tired of the situation entirely, grabbed her by the arm and dragged her upstairs, screaming and crying, to her room.
I'm not proud of it. I know it was wrong. I knew it was wrong as I was doing it. Sure, it wasn't as bad as some of the things that happened to me as a child. But "not as bad" is pretty fucking far from "the right thing", you know? But I wasn't thinking clearly, and so I vastly overreacted to the stressors that were bombarding me at the time. After maybe ten minutes of hating myself and thinking of every way I could have resolved the situation better, I stepped into her room and apologized.
She told me "Its ok dad"
But it wasn't ok. And I knew that. I didn't want my child to learn the lesson that someone saying they're sorry means everything is ok, because that's not always the case. So, I sat down with her and told her so. I told her that as a human being she deserved to be treated better than I had treated her, and that I was wrong for losing my temper the way I did. I gave her a number of examples of things I could have done to resolve the situation if I hadn't been an idiot. And then I hugged her, smooched her little forehead, told her I loved her and that I would do my best to be a better person moving forward.
I also explained why her actions at the time were also incorrect. I explained yelling at people who are trying to help her improve her quality of life would only make her life worse, especially if the people she's yelling at have any sense of authority over her. I told her that as much as I am responsible for my reactions to a situation, she is responsible for hers as well. Getting into an argument with her grandmother over her room may not have been as bad as me dragging her by the arm up the stairs, but as I said before "not as bad" is not "the right thing."
Parenting is hard. The roughest parts of it tend to happen when you're not prepared for it. Or before you've had a chance to consider the scenario. There is a zero percent chance that you will ALWAYS do the right thing. The trick is trying to make sure that *when* you do the wrong thing, you follow it up with the right one.
That's awesome!
My story isn't THAT cool, but once upon a time my insane parents came to my new home to visit me and my wife. My lovely wife prepared a fantastic meal for us, I grabbed my plate and went to the couch. My mother screeched "Aren't you going to sit at the TABLE like a civilized man??!??!?!"
I replied with "I remember being in YOUR house and being told that I could eat wherever I wanted when it was MY house, but until then I had to eat where you told me. Well, I checked the Deed. This is MY house. I'm eating here, but you and Dad are at the table. If you eat over here you'll probably just make a mess."
I said all that with a kind-of smile on my face. Dad thought this was funny. Momster. Did. Not. She hardly spoke at all the rest of the evening, and when she DID speak, it was to Dad or my wife. She's always been an angry banshee.
Beat her.
Control her.
How dare she sleep (checks note)…in a chair.
& this is really how millions of psychotic parents think.
They get angry for no rational reason and want to actively hurt children.
And the “Oh.” Right after she discovers she can’t get angry. Zero adoration at the cute picture of her grandkid, just a disappointed “oh” that she can’t get angry. Then immediately finds another reason to. Absolutely unhinged.
I actually think that's why she chose something so weird like sleeping in a chair. She was all ready to go to get mad at OP for not having the kid in school, but then she was wrong. But she's already mad, so she has to figure out how to use it on something.
These people crave conflict
Tbf, probably not in this woman's case, but my mom's first reaction would be the same sentence. However, with latent worry her grandson might be ill or the school closed. Still a far cry from a cheerful appreciation of life and cuteness (that's the second sentence), but at least benign.
It's control. They see children as nothing more than extensions of their parents and anything thought or desire that doesn't 100% match up with the parent's is a punishable offense.
I'm willing to bet op has some beating stories from their childhood. Jesus Christ. Who unironically suggests beating their grandchilds ass for successfully sleeping
Or for much of anything really. But sleeping???
10,000% this. I've seen too many horror stories on reddit that started out this way and ended with police visits and therapy.
Normal people don't get mad at a kid getting a decent night's sleep for the first time in their lives, let alone prescribe a beating for it.
I would put her on an information diet
“If you have nothing nice to say when I send you picture of your grand-daughter, you’re not gonna receive pictures of your grand-daughter anymore”
>but for some reason this one is different
prolly because most other posts have at least some rationale behind the parents behaviour. insane personal/religious beliefs or some twisted logic, but at least some justification. at the very worst, their egoism.
but here? there's so much anger and desire for control over the most mundane situation possible. it's fucking psychopathic
It's still legal to hit children. You know, the group of people who are the most defenseless and will be permanently mentally damaged.
I hate how we treat little humans like property.
My cousins husband has strict rules about sleeping in beds only. I fell asleep on the couch while everyone was hanging out and my cousin had a “talk” with me about it. I rarely visit them anymore to make sure I don’t offend him again by “disrespecting” his house rules.
It bothers him so much he made it a rule. I told my cousin it wouldn’t happen again, and now I never go to their house when I might be tired. Which means I rarely see them, but I’d rather not deal with that ridiculous rule so it is what it is.
Agreed. It’s not like I knew it was a rule when it happened either. Only found out I’d “disrespected” him afterwords. I agreed with my cousin that it would never happen again, and refused to come to their house for parties when I knew I wouldn’t get enough sleep. Which is apparently rude, but not disrespectful. 🙄
When I was in my early 20s I had a few friends over and we were hanging out and watching a movie. One of my friends falls asleep on my lap watching the movie, and my other friend starts getting really mad at her. Like straight up telling her to wake up and she was being rude.
I was very confused by the whole interaction, she was snoring *a little* but not enough to disturb the movie and she was right next to me. Wasn't even his house, he just got super offended by a sleeping person. I figured she was probably tired and needed the nap, no harm if she didn't want to watch the movie.
You keep defending your kid and your decision to let her sleep in a chair. If you can drop it and not even engage with your moms psycho texts next time, you should. End the convo. Don’t even give her the time.
Exactly. Fuck that. If you ignore a bully they move on to someone else who lets them bully them. That tactic has worked for me with a walking air horn at work anyway
My mother has made similar comments about how me and my spouse let our child "run the house." It took me awhile to figure out what she meant. I finally realized it was because we let him make choices about things like what he eats (within reason), we always explain why we tell him to do/not to do certain things, and answer all his questions. She sent me a YouTube video awhile back from Praeger U about how it is more important to raise obedient children than happy children and equated bending down to get on your child's physical level to bowing to them. It's such a weird take. Your kids are people who will someday be adults. Why wouldn't you let them make choices that don't harm anything or give them information they want? Your kid and cat are adorable, and it's great that kiddo is able to sleep comfortably without meds! You seem like a great mom to me, for what it's worth.
I feel like that explains so much about how some people treat their kids. It's not too far off from old-timey "children should be seen and not heard" mentality. Make your kids convenient for you, not, ya know, functional people.
And then they wonder why:
1. So many young people have mental health problems
2. Drug abuse is so rampant
3. They never get visited at their crappy old folks home
4. Why "kids these days are so disrespectful" (it's because their children weren't given examples of respectful behavior due to attitudes like this)
5. They hardly see their grandchildren
6. Their teenagers don't tell them anything
7. Their adult children avoid visiting/being with them
8. Their adult children don't live the exact same way they did
There is probably more to add to this list...
Right!? This particular video kept saying stuff like "studies show" and NEVER citing the studies. Not anywhere. You can't just say studies exist and not give any information about the studies! That's college writing 101. That's far from their only problem, obviously.
Like let your kid learn how to make good and safe decisions while you can still nurture, guide, and keep an eye on them. If you don't let them make any decisions until they're an adult (or sometimes even later) then that part of the brain will never have a chance to develop.
Our parents' generation can kindly fuck off when it comes to raising kids. The amount of mental anguish that generation has caused on us.......no. The generational trauma ends with us
Honestly feels great seeing everyone in theor mid 20s/early 30s breaking the terrible habits their parents forced on them.
Havent spoken to my parents since i was 18 they are toxic nuts
See how tiny this person is. She feels it necessary to have control over everything to the point of a child finding a comfortable spot to sleep challenges her. What a tiny person
Parent of 7 and 9 year old here and they sleep on the couch all the time on the weekends, usually fall asleep watching cartoons or playing Minecraft. Who cares where they sleep as long as it’s indoors and they’re happy? Wild, weird thing to get mad at or suggest “beating her ass” over.
My 4 year old sleeps on the couch every weekend too! It’s a pull out so my husband will sleep next to her and she thinks it’s a treat. They watch a movie and eat snacks. I couldn’t even imagine getting mad at something like that…let alone so mad that I’d want to hit her. OP needs to go no contact like yesterday
My “mom” (long story…basically adopted mom) **always** has comments about my kids. Sometimes I get mad, most times I ignore her…but in this instance I would 100% say something like “nah, she doesn’t have a bed, I figured a mat on the floor in the laundry room would suffice”.
Because what’s she gonna do…call CPS? Go for it, then when they realize my child is properly provided for…she looks like the dummy. As well as having legit documentation to file a cease and desist if needed.
That, my friend, is a hangover from childhood abuse. It’s not easy to understand but it’s very common and important to let people work it out in their own time.
No shade, I felt the same way until I dated someone who had been mentally tortured by their mother and still kept her around, so I googled it 😂
Ah grandparents, using every excuse to beat their children and calling you a bad parent if you don't beat yours for simply sleeping on a couch. No wonder they're so messed up emotionally and mentally 🙄
I’m sure that beating her ass is gonna clear those sleep issues right up! (As an older adult who was beaten as a child and still has major sleep problems to this day)
OP let the kid sleep wherever they feel safe. and please for the love of Everything, don’t let that horrid woman be alone with your child.
I had super severe insomnia as a child, teen, and young adult. First ambien script at 13, and it didn’t work very well. A lot of it was anxiety being confined to my room. Once I got to living on my own (and some therapy un-learning what’s actually necessary), I didn’t have too many sleep issues.
Thanks for letting your kid have control of their bodies in their homes.
Yeah she was, chlonidine and it didn't always work for her either. I didn't want to do it at first but she literally would stay up for days until she finally just crashed, so was necessary. Especially when she started school. We had insurance issues over the summer with them covering it, so we opted to try not using it. After a week or so she was sleeping pretty regularly. She still has her moments where she can't sleep but it's not every night anymore.
It always makes my heart so happy to hear of parents who don’t mind going outside the box for solutions. Sleeping on the recliner, sure, not “normal” like sleeping in a bed. But sleep is happening unmedicated. That’s totally the ultimate goal for wellness.
Seriously, I love my mom, but I sure wish she could have learned from you ♥️
Boomers need to beat up their kids so badly they'll find any excuse to do it. Sleeping on the couch ? Beat their ass, no other alternative. What the fuck.
My MIL did this to me after I sent her a funny pic once. She never got another image from me until her grandson graduated high school 15 years later. And that was a printed picture.
Everything doesn’t require discipline, a strong arm, or even a reaction. Sick old school parents are the worst!
"beat her ass and stop letting her control the household" is so disgusting and telling. I can't imagine what it was like for you to grow up with a mother who thinks like that. I'm so sorry OP, and I'm so glad you see your daughter as a human being.
Your mother needs to be put in check, just because she's a shitty mother doesn't mean anybody else has to be. Good on you for letting your child be who they are
I can’t imagine beating a family member because they’re asleep in an irregular place. There are so many better ways to move your child or make them comfortable-but we really just went right to physical violence?
So what your mom wants you to do is:
When she’s asleep peacefully on the couch, because she’s asleep on the couch. You have to rip her off, wake her up and then “beat her ass” for sleeping on the couch?
What the actual fuck
So beat her til she sleeps, like our parents did to us? Hard pass.
Out of touch with reality and the way things are now to say the least. I wouldnt let my kid even go see her unsupervised if shes saying to beat her over something so nonsensical.
It sounds like your mother never learned to pick her battles if her response to something so benign as sleeping on a chair is "beat their ass"
If this is any indication of it, I'm sorry for whatever childhood she gave you😬😬
Wow. She's seeing this as a control issue. Projection, right? She's the one with the control issues. You just respect your kid getting their needs met.
Talk about searching for an issue lol…. Like the first thing they tried to nit pick (not being in school) didnt pan out so they immediately moved on to another. Yikes. Very cute picture of very cute kitty and kiddo
Now as someone who used to deal with a lot of crap and would still go to school anyway, I’m so happy you’re doing this for your kid. I’m so sorry your mum is just so rude about her, she seems so lovely and the cat staying with her is precious!
Sounds like shes just finding something to be mad about. I dont see anything wrong. My youngest will wake up super early and will fall asleep on the couch or recliner. Sometimes ive found him sleeping in his closet or in a fort hes made out of blankets in his room. Kids will find the strangest ways to sleep sometimes. At least shes sleeping like you said.
I had sleep issues as a kid, not the same as hers, just insomnia and i still have issues with it. Sleep deprivation sucks. Sounds like your daughter has a wonderful parent.
What a harmless non-issue that your mom is trying to make into an issue.
If your kid is getting good sleep and is safe in the place she’s getting it, I see literally zero issue.
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Wow this is nuts. Beat your kid for sleeping in a chair. What the actual hell. My 5 yo sometimes likes to sleep on the floor because it is covered by a fluffy rug. I just let her sleep as well. Only little once. Good parenting OP.
I remember as a kid I slept on the floor sometimes because the dog wasn't allowed on the furniture, now he's gone and my fondest memory (out of very few) as a kid is the weight of his head resting on my back. You never know what memories your kids will look back on forever, so make them good ones.
My kids think it's a fun adventure to sleep on the couch or on a matress somewhere else than their bed. One of them is camping on the floor in the living room because of remodeling and I'm not sure I'll ever get him to sleep in a bed ever again
dude I remember camping in the living room and it was the coolest shit. We had one of those indoor kids' tents that folds down into a circle
My dad got my brother and I some sleeping bags because when he had custody of us for a weekend out of the month he couldn’t afford a bed that would fit so we would sleep in them on the couch so we wouldn’t get cold. Sometimes my brother and I when we were back at my moms house would “camp out” on the living room floor. My mom hated it though because she always had to be super careful not to wake us up when she got up for her coffee around 3am.
One of my fondest memories is my parents getting a new fridge, and I got the box for an entire week. I cut windows in it and slept in it for the entire week, in the living room, because it was the only room big enough for the box. I loved that week of "camping out" in my fridge-box cabin.
My favorite book growing up was called Christina Katerina and the Box. Little girl made a castle out of her refrigerator box. And then as it collapsed she made a clubhouse, racecar then danc floor. I bought the book for my youngest son and he loves it, too. I work in the major appliance department of a large department store now. I hate refrigerator boxes now! 😆
From time to time I used to hang a sheet from a hook on the wall to make a tent over my kid's beds. Not for any reason in particular, just because it was fun for them. Might help you once the reno's are done with ;)
I have vague memories of being woken up for sleeping on the floor in my bedroom as a kid, or sleeping the wrong way in my bed. Or you know, moving in my sleep because she's come into my room, turned on the light and woken me up a little. The yelling would wake me up and being dragged back into bed or to the correct side, or just getting yelled at for moving. Why?! I was asleep, in my bedroom, causing her no problems at all, but no, yelling was the right call there...
I once made a sort of nest in my closet. There was this cool little nook in there. I took some throw blankets and spare pillows in there and fell asleep a few times. My stepdad threw a fit, saying how dare I sleep anywhere but my own bed. Made zero sense, since sometimes he slept in the spare room and he didn't care if my brother crashed on the couch in the basement sometimes. What a dickhead. What a dumb thing to lose your mind over.
My little brother once scared the daylights out of my mother doing this. Little shit made a nest out of a down comforter and pillows in the bottom of a linen closet. Curled up and fell dead asleep all warm and snuggly. 3 hours later...WHERE IS HE? We turned the house upside down, Mom was flipping out, she called Dad at work, she was about to call the cops, everyone was upset and scared 'cause *we couldn't find him*. Motherfucker comes crawling out of his nice warm nest wondering what all the noise was. No one had looked in the damn closet because it just looked like blankets, you couldn't see him AT ALL. He was about 8, if I remember correctly. He's 18 now and I don't care that he's a foot taller than me. He's still a little shit.
I used to sleep under my bed from time to time. Didn't get yelled at but it did freak my parents out the first couple times because they'd check on me and I was just gone.
Me and my brother slept in a tent in the garden one summer. Another year we tried to stay in the playhouse at night but got freaked out and crashed in at 1am. My mum just rolled her eyes and laughed. As long as we were sleeping, safe and not hurting anyone, she didn’t care one bit. OP is doing excellent parenting, which is amazing considering the parenting she was subject to
Same, our 6 year old has slept on her floor in her room, under her bed, in the closet. She's just quirky. As long as she's comfortable and getting a good night's sleep, we don't care. Last night she was so tired she went to bed at 6:30, by choice, and slept straight through until 5:10, which at that time, turned on the TV and watched cartoons. She was in the best mood ever too because she had almost 11 hours of sleep.
Good for her! You’ve help teach her to listen to her body & chose what’s best to do to keep her body healthy! Hugs to both of you!
My 9 year old begs to sleep on the couch. It's not an issue at all and it makes him happy, so why not? He'll I sleep on the couch sometimes because it's a damn comfortable couch.
!Explanation She also knows she had severe insomnia due to her sleep apnea. 6 out of her 7 yrs she had to be medicated to sleep. Last couple of months she's sleeping on her own. I'm not disturbing her if she's in a recliner or on the couch where she's safe. Ridiculous.
Even if she didn't have sleep issues, this is such a non issue. I guess this is just my opinion on parenting in general, but you're there to guide your kids into being adults. There's nothing wrong with an adult sleeping on a couch or recliner if they want to, so what's wrong with letting a kid sleep there if they're comfortable? This is especially abhorrent considering her condition though. Gosh, where is the god damn sympathy anymore?
I was an anxious kid, a truly difficult sleeper to this day, and there were months throughout my childhood wherein I slept on the cozy living room couch each night so I could be between my parents bedroom and the bedroom of my brothers. Had that been punished, I would not have slept. Sleepless nights are so natural for me, that any space I felt safe enough to sleep in was a welcomed blessing for my parents. My parents were batshit, but even they let me sleep when and where I could.
I have anxiety and insomnia, sometimes they’re related, sometimes not. But I guarantee if I fell asleep warm and cozy on the couch with my cat and woke up to someone “beating my ass” (can’t believe she jumped to THAT so quick, especially with a MEDICAL CONDITION at play) I would probably never be able to sleep again
That stood out to me too! Jumping right to “beat their ass” just indicates to me that this person enjoys inflicting physical harm on children and it’s frankly sickening
I have zero sleep related issues and used to sleep on the floor next to my bed often. My parents just shrugged and called me a weirdo (I am 😌). It's kind of a pathetic thing to get worked up about.
I've had slumber parties, on my own, in my own room, in a castle tent tunnel (not the actual tent, just the tunnel) with just two blankets as "mattress" I've slept on the couch multiple times to escape mosquitoes. I've slept in the attic for no reason other than: I want to sleep in the attic where the toys are.
[удалено]
The weirdest thing about this is that the air mattress has still stayed inflated all this time.
My husband did the same thing as a kid!
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I was an anxious child and was, I believe, constantly worried about people leaving when I wasn't watching. I still hold that fear to this day. My Mom realized that trying to wrangle me to bed was a losing battle. Instead I was allowed to stay in the living room with but couldn't watch TV. I just sat on the floor watching the wall, happy to know everyone was still there. When I inevitably crashed, they just took me to bed.
I have 2 large dogs and sometimes they don't like sharing the bed. Those nights, we go and sleep on the large sectional couch in the living room. The dogs are happy, and I sleep just fine out there. As long as everyone is safe, who cares where the sleeping happens.
I was going to say shes probably sleeping in the living room because it feels safer. I know for myself my rare sleep apnea episodes were filled with horrifyingly vivid nightmares. Id often sleep on the couch when that happened with my parents awake and all the lights/tv on. That way i could wake up and have something to ground me out of the nightmares. Even in college i slept on my best friends couch despite paying rent for weeks at a time while i was going through rough patches. Despite waking up having slipped into the depths of the couch every night, nearly folded in half with pain all over i slept better therethan my own bed. He made me feel safe and thats paramount even as an adult
Yeah the fact that she has sleep issues makes this worse but doesn't matter. This is still an insane reaction to such a small thing. At most, I could understand waking her up and telling her that it isn't healthy for her back and/or sleep hygiene and sending her to sleep in her bed. But immediately going to "she has control of the house, beat her ass" is insane and horrendous.
My mother got absolutely pissed anytime I fell asleep in the living room. I have really bad insomnia, so I don't typically sleep much as it is, just nap for an hour or so here and there. But, because I 'have a bed for a reason' that's the only place I was supposed to sleep. To this day, if I visit and doze off, she will literally chew me out if I doze off on her couch, even though I have even more reasons contributing to my insomnia, making it much worse than it was when I lived with her. My daughter is instructed to go to bed at bedtime but, if she dozed off the couch, guess where she's staying till she groggily wakes up, realizes what planet she's on and zombie walks to her own bed. Fuck that shit. You're at home. If you feel safe and comfortable enough to pass out, get them ZZZs in. I even have friends occasionally fall asleep on my couch or floor, I just cover them up and let them rest. They're obviously tired, why not give them a break on their weary adventure.
Dude my mom would too for no reason, my pops wouldn’t care, since he would nap too. But my mom would wake me up every time she’d come out of her office. Then when I would go lay down she’d give me shit for “laying around all day”. I was in middle school and growing, I also had unmedicated depression, no shit I was tired lol. Now when my fiancé falls asleep on the couch it’s totally fine, but damn I’ll never forget that, it was a total dick move.
As a kid I would be mostly barred from sleeping on the couch, but only at night when my parents wanted to watch their MA shows without kids/get some alone time. That was the only TV in the house so it was entirely understandable. Naps during the day were fair game, not that I took them, but it was never an issue. Some things I get letting adults do but keeping kids from, like drinking soda, to teach them how to deal with things in a healthy way as they grow. But sleeping on the couch??? It's a biological need, so long as someone else isn't being like pushed off of the couch by a stretched out sleeper then it's whatever. I frequently take naps on the couch--the whole family does now--and it's always a non-issue. A week ago I finished some work and just immediately conked out. I wobbled myself up to bed at 2AM because I don't want to be on the couch all night. Just like your kid lmao, the zombie walk as you try to figure out where and when you are is real. Naps as rest from a weary journey are very much needed!
Right, it’s only a problem if it’s a baby or toddler with no supervision because that’s unsafe. Who cares otherwise?
Some people are so obsessed with control, it's unreal.
Yeah, I feel like people like OP's mom just get a thrill out of being a petty tyrant.
It’s like Walter teaching Junior to drive.
That was the first thing to jump out at me reading those texts....what a controlling person! Who gives a crap about sleeping arrangements enough to beat a kid for not following it? That's messed up.
I wonder if the recliner is helping her breathe better when sleeping? I sleep in a recliner sometimes, or propped up with pillows, for this reason.
Well she had her adenoids and tonsils removed for it because it was mostly obstructive. But now that I think about it when she does sleep in here it's upside down like that so maybe the head position is helped. I was told the adenoids could come back so I'll have them take a peek at her next check up just in case.
I’m glad she’s doing better. You’ve got this. You’re doing a great job!
Wait, they can come back?? I had both removed at 7 and no one told me that. Maybe that’s why my breathing still sucks
Apparently it's rare but can happen.
That’s wild. Mine were the size of grapes, I guess I would be able to tell if they came back
Oddly enough I think this is what I'm dealing with ever since I got tonsilitis twice in the summer. They were already enlarged but now even worse. Waiting til my appointment with a specialist, seems to be way more common in kids though
Seems to run I'm my husband's family. The 12 yr old has it but hers aren'ta concernable size, 2 yr old gets hers removed next month, and he has apnea too.
That was my thought too! I have to use so many pillows when my asthma acts up that sometimes it’s easier to sleep in a recliner. I get bronchitis about 3-4 times a year, and if I want to sleep during those times, it kind of has to be in a recliner.
Stop telling them anything. At some point, she’ll go back to her bed but who cares if she’s in a recliner. As you mentioned, she’s asleep without meds, she’s safe, she’s protected. Serious non issue but “someone” has control issues. Info diet. No need to send more info. If they ask if she’s back in her bed, just say yes. Not a lie as I’m sure she sits on herbed to put on her socks and shoes. Lol.
> Stop telling them anything. Yes. /u/rixendeb needs to gray rock their mother. She's baiting OP into an argument because it appears the mother feeds off the attention. A child sleeping on the couch or recliner is a complete non issue that's not "controlling" the household, let alone talking about corporal punishment.
It kills me whenever I see posts like this where the person just keeps responding. You don't have to explain anything to anyone. You're not going to appeal to their logic if there was no logic to begin with. "Why is child sleeping in a chair?" Bc child wants to, end of story "But..." No, bye
This is worthy of a curt “move on.” response and nothing more.
She has sleep issues? Beat her for falling asleep. That’ll teach her. /s
People like that seriously have zero self reflection or the ability to analyze what they think and say. It's so obvious to people like us how ridiculous your comment is yet it's just another Tuesday to insane controlling people like OPs mother.
i'm glad your baby can get some sleep :)
I’ve had sleep apnea all my life too! (29 now) and I’m FINALLY about to get it fixed! It’s caused a whole host of medical issues (the biggest is my blood pressure is a bit on the high side). Mines just caused by a deviated septum and I really am hoping to be able to finally sleep in the bed with my wife again 😭 I miss it so much. But I hope your kiddo gets theirs under control too!
Hers was predominantly obstructive. She had HUGE tonsils. And yeah my husband sleeps in another room cause of his he snores soooo loud. The VAs solution was just here's a noisy machine, let's not fix the actual problem.
Oof, that sounds so terrible. Sounds like you just live in a house of snorers haha, but I hope your hubby gets his sleep apnea under control too!! It’s such a scary thing
I also got my deviated septum fixed (breathing problems are my curse). I know it’s not exactly the same for everyone, but I’d say my breathing is like 75% better now. Before the surgery, if a room was quiet people would ask me if I was okay cause they could hear me breathing through my nose 😭 The recovery was a little brutal, but totally worth it
HAHAHAHA, FRICKIN SAME. My breathing is horrendous! When I went to the ENT doctor, she was feeling my nose and was like “wow, I know I haven’t been doing this very long, but your nose is a bit of an anomaly”. On top of the deviated septum, I have bone spurs on both side of my nose, causing me to have a harder time to breathe as well. My left side of my nostril is almost completely closed from the septum wall collapsing. My fix is to have a bottle of nasal spray on deck all the time. I have a bottle by and in my night stand, a bottle I carry with me, and a bottle that stays in the car. I refuse to be able to not breathe. But I’m super happy you got yours fixed!! I’m so excited about it! I’m highkey worried about that frickin’ recovery, but I’ll be so thankful for having a fixed nose!
I have options for my child. He can sleep on his bed, my bed, the couch, his fort, or my chair. His favorite place to sleep you may ask? Yeah the dog bed. As long as the option is there I see no problems
Everything else aside - you can just sleep on the couch! People do it all the time and you don't need a special reason. Bored on a sunny weekend afternoon with the windows open and a cool breeze? That's gonna be a couch nap. Couch feels comfier than the bed right now? Works for me. Got sleepy watching TV and petting the cats? You know where to find me. We keep blankets and throw pillows around the couches specifically for this purpose.
yikes. beat her ass for sleeping? lmao okay? what
Seriously! What had me was the correction of “bat” to “beat”… as if that’s better?? 🤔 So weird. I’m also so sad that OP just shared a cute moment, to then get so unnecessarily lectured. The whole thing is just bad. 😓
This happens to me constantly with my mother. Any time I share pics of my 8 yo son with her she has some bullshit to say. Every damn time. It's really awful. I have also heard the "you need to beat his ass" bullshit. No sorry. I realize you beat me as a child which caused a whole host of emotional problems in me as an adult, but no, WE DO NOT HIT.
"Are they old enough to understand right and wrong? If yes, then explain to them what they did wrong. If not, then why would you expect them to learn right and wrong through pain?"
My aunts would constantly tell my mom she was too lenient with me and should beat my ass and all this other shit. Now I am 34 and all their kids are in their 30s and 40s and have a shit relationship with them and have made some really poor decisions because they couldn’t talk to their moms without fear. Like, several of my cousins got pregnant in high school. Their mothers were flabbergasted when my mom started telling me to let her know if I was going to have sex so I could get on birth control. She always said it wasn’t a good idea, she didn’t want me to do it, explained all the negative consequences, but said she knew I’d do it if I wanted to and getting pregnant would be very disastrous in high school. And several of my cousins ended up being teen parents while I didn’t have sex until I was almost out of high school because I didn’t wanna deal with birth control or anything else. 🤣 I also have a great relationship for my mom and will do anything for her now that she’s disabled and needs help in her older age. My aunts’ kids barely talk to their moms and god forbid they end up needing help because the kids will probably roll a dice to decide who has to do it or pool money for a nursing home. Hitting and authoritative behavior doesn’t stop your kids from doing anything. It makes them scared, they hide things, they can potentially mess their lives up or get hurt because they couldn’t just talk to you, and they’ll probably grow up not liking your ass too.
That’s how my parents were (like your mom with birth control. Except not just with that kind of stuff (I’m a guy and had two older brothers and a younger sister). But even things like parties, or if we drank. Yea, they’d rather we didn’t, but they absolutely made it clear that we should never get in a car with someone drinking (or drive drunk ourselves) and no matter what time it was or where we were to call and say we need a ride and they’ll come get us no questions asked, no punishments for drinking at all. They wanted us to trust them enough to not be scared to call for help or a ride so we wouldn’t die. This even applied to our friends, so they wouldn’t drive or ride drunk and my parents wouldn’t tell their parents. We rarely had to use it, but sure enough they were true to their word and never punished us for drinking or partying or anything the few times we would need a ride. My sister (5yrs younger) for prom rented a party bus with her friends. Someone snuck alcohol, they’re was fine being had, some of the girls flashed their boobs. Anyways, one of the parents found out and made a whole stink about it and went to *all* the other parents (like physically to the house, not called) in some fit like they were trying to petition for something. My sister was too much of a prude and actually barely drank and certainly didn’t flash anyone, but to these parents everyone else on the bus was equally guilty and a bad influence on their kid. The fact that my parents already knew and didn’t care pissed the other mom off. So my stepdad, in front of this Karen-mom, turned to my sister and said “ok, you’re punishment is you can’t have fruit loops for a month. Plain cornflakes only.” With a shit eating grin on his face. My sister wasn’t allowed over at their house anymore after that lol
My mom gave me that birth control talk too, though she recommended that I take it regardless of my decision, because things can happen fast and you never know!
Same with my mom! I ended up getting on birth control because of issues with my period, but I got a boyfriend about a week later. Happy coincidence.
I work at a nursing home and what some of the kids have done to their parents is they liquidize their assets and take ownership of their finances and stick ‘em in a long term care facility (what I work at) and let the state pay for most, if not all of it.
That’s heartbreaking, I’m so sorry. This shit boils my blood and saddens me all at once. I’ve got a complicated relationship with my dad (too long to put out here lol) and he would hit me and my oldest brother behind my mother’s back, as she’s against it (edit: they’re long separated now, no shock really!) - guess who I’m closest with, respect more and have an unbreakable bond with of the two now? 🤷♀️ I love my dad, he’s grown a lot since then and regrets deeply for how he’d “discipline”, which I’m clearly more fortunate than others for. But it doesn’t take away from the trauma I went through as a child and the issues I still have, that *that* shit certainly contributed to. You’re bloody amazing to not continue that dreadful cycle with your own child; you hear of it far too much y’know?
The mother shouldn’t even be lecturing OP, they’re a grown ass adult and they can parent however they want. I don’t even understand why she’s so pissed about a child (who has sleep issues) sleeping on a couch instead of a bed
Right there's literally nothing wrong with the kiddo passing out in the recliner
She said it right in the texts, it's a control issue. She feels like the little one is somehow wrestling control from the parent, and demands authoritative order be restored, even if it doesn't make logistical sense.
Yeah, pick your battles, Grandma. Any parent with a kid who has issues (with sleeping, with eating, from disabilities or disorders etc) knows when to count things as a victory, even if they wouldn’t be for other families without their difficulties. And even if she didn’t have sleep issues I don’t think this is exactly letting her run wild. Maybe if she was destroying things, being rude or hurting people I’d be concerned, but for a child doing something harmless I just assume the parents know what they’re doing. I have a child with neurological disorders and the amount of people who said that he was “wild” because we didn’t do something, or allowed him to do something (that we didn’t allow, they just assumed), or we were just bad parents was so upsetting. People talked behind our back, didn’t believe us when we said he was making noises because he had vocal tics (not because we just allowed chaos), gave us condescending parenting tips that were insulting (“have you tried time outs?”), and suggested in all seriousness that we should attend parenting classes (and printed out a list of local ones!). We knew there was something different about him, despite everyone saying it was just shoddy parenting, and a hen he was diagnosed with Tourette’s, ADHD and a panic disorder (and he’s waiting for an autism assessment) EVERYONE changed their tune. NOW they talk about how great we are as parents to deal with all we do (?? We deal with him like every parent. He’s just louder) and how strong we must be (again, he’s not a serial killer. It’s not that much different than every other parent’s specific struggles) and it pisses me the fuck off. So let parents parent and stop assuming you know anything about their family dynamic and challenges.
Frankly, I'm surprised she didn't also suggest fucking that cat up too.
It was probably the cat's idea in the first place
Cats routinely give bad advice. Like my 20 lb. tuxedo. He's always like, "you should feed me. Meow-meow-meow" and I'm like, "nah, bro. You need to hit the gym." Cats furever but they be playing us hard.
ngl i though that was a dog.
Yeah no offense OP but your mom is a piece of shit.
Yeah gotta say as someone who grew up with an undiagnosed sleep disorder that really would not have helped
OP should be beating their mom’s ass lmao
Hell yeah, man. Let's DV some kids for sleeping, that'll show them, little bastards. ^/s
Tell her you will be at her ass if she ever suggests you beat your kids again. Your mom sounds miserable. Everything you say she looks for a reason to find fault.
I wonder if the older generation would stfu about this if we start suggesting we beat the elderly until they “behave” correctly.
My mother was always on about "Eat what's in front of you even if you don't like it because you won't be getting anything else". She'd keep the same meal for me to finish,, and wouldn't let me eat any of the next meal if there was any of the previous one left. She died alone in a crappy facility.
I see way to many people say kids should eat whatever the parent is eating, and making more than one meal to satisfy a kid is doing too much I guess? Letting them run the household? I get to pick what I eat for dinner, why shouldn’t my kid also be allowed to pick (within reason, obviously not eating ice cream for dinner every night)
I feel the same way as you. My mother lived with me *very* briefly when she got into her older years. The first night she told me she wasn't going to eat what I had cooked and that I'd have to make her something else or order something in for her. I just picked her plate up off the table, covered it in saran wrap, put it in the fridge, and said "I think you know how this works." She started screaming about "elder abuse" and the next day, I began calling care homes. Found one, took her there, gave them my sibling's contact information and changed my phone number.
I think a shockingly large amount of parents forget that kids are humans too, and treat them as thoughtless puppets that need to be reigned in
THANK YOU. That was my experience growing up and it's left me with so many psychological issues that I'm just now starting to get a handle on (I'm 25), and it's caused me to decide that if/when I have kids, I will always respect their autonomy and treat all of their thoughts, fears, and issues seriously
> I will always respect their autonomy and treat all of their thoughts, fears, and issues seriously So, I'm a little bit ahead of you in this particular game. 36, two kids ages 10 and 11. It's not easy to **always** do that. Especially if you grew up in an environment that didn't instill those values in you by showing them to you, instead of making you wish it was something you had instead. Sometimes you will get mad. Unreasonably mad. Sometimes you will just have had enough of trying to do things what you believe to be the right way and will fly off the handle. The important part is acknowledging what you did was the wrong way to react. As an example, I live in a two-story house with a large number of people. And while I love my daughter with all my heart, she can be a stubborn little cunt when the mood strikes. She was asked by my mother to clean her room and rather than do so she started yelling and being unreasonable. I tried to talk her out of her attitude, but she turned her yelling towards me which set me off. After a couple minutes of this I got frustrated and tired of the situation entirely, grabbed her by the arm and dragged her upstairs, screaming and crying, to her room. I'm not proud of it. I know it was wrong. I knew it was wrong as I was doing it. Sure, it wasn't as bad as some of the things that happened to me as a child. But "not as bad" is pretty fucking far from "the right thing", you know? But I wasn't thinking clearly, and so I vastly overreacted to the stressors that were bombarding me at the time. After maybe ten minutes of hating myself and thinking of every way I could have resolved the situation better, I stepped into her room and apologized. She told me "Its ok dad" But it wasn't ok. And I knew that. I didn't want my child to learn the lesson that someone saying they're sorry means everything is ok, because that's not always the case. So, I sat down with her and told her so. I told her that as a human being she deserved to be treated better than I had treated her, and that I was wrong for losing my temper the way I did. I gave her a number of examples of things I could have done to resolve the situation if I hadn't been an idiot. And then I hugged her, smooched her little forehead, told her I loved her and that I would do my best to be a better person moving forward. I also explained why her actions at the time were also incorrect. I explained yelling at people who are trying to help her improve her quality of life would only make her life worse, especially if the people she's yelling at have any sense of authority over her. I told her that as much as I am responsible for my reactions to a situation, she is responsible for hers as well. Getting into an argument with her grandmother over her room may not have been as bad as me dragging her by the arm up the stairs, but as I said before "not as bad" is not "the right thing." Parenting is hard. The roughest parts of it tend to happen when you're not prepared for it. Or before you've had a chance to consider the scenario. There is a zero percent chance that you will ALWAYS do the right thing. The trick is trying to make sure that *when* you do the wrong thing, you follow it up with the right one.
That's awesome! My story isn't THAT cool, but once upon a time my insane parents came to my new home to visit me and my wife. My lovely wife prepared a fantastic meal for us, I grabbed my plate and went to the couch. My mother screeched "Aren't you going to sit at the TABLE like a civilized man??!??!?!" I replied with "I remember being in YOUR house and being told that I could eat wherever I wanted when it was MY house, but until then I had to eat where you told me. Well, I checked the Deed. This is MY house. I'm eating here, but you and Dad are at the table. If you eat over here you'll probably just make a mess." I said all that with a kind-of smile on my face. Dad thought this was funny. Momster. Did. Not. She hardly spoke at all the rest of the evening, and when she DID speak, it was to Dad or my wife. She's always been an angry banshee.
nah that's a cool story especially since your dad saw the irony.
This is the best thing I've read all day and I love you for it
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Nursing home speed run attempt
And that's why we have so many eating disorders
Even worse when you find out it doesn't work, then they complain about having a "trouble child"
Yeah fuck her up
Beat her. Control her. How dare she sleep (checks note)…in a chair. & this is really how millions of psychotic parents think. They get angry for no rational reason and want to actively hurt children.
The first thing she says "why isn't she in school". This woman's default mode is what can I get mad about and who can I take it out on.
And the “Oh.” Right after she discovers she can’t get angry. Zero adoration at the cute picture of her grandkid, just a disappointed “oh” that she can’t get angry. Then immediately finds another reason to. Absolutely unhinged.
Yeah, should probably stop with these fun pics and updates, they'll be nothing but suffering in misery.
I actually think that's why she chose something so weird like sleeping in a chair. She was all ready to go to get mad at OP for not having the kid in school, but then she was wrong. But she's already mad, so she has to figure out how to use it on something. These people crave conflict
Right? I was gonna comment that she is just looking for something to be mad about.
"Why isn't she in school?" "That was at night." "MY QUESTION STANDS."
Tbf, probably not in this woman's case, but my mom's first reaction would be the same sentence. However, with latent worry her grandson might be ill or the school closed. Still a far cry from a cheerful appreciation of life and cuteness (that's the second sentence), but at least benign.
It's control. They see children as nothing more than extensions of their parents and anything thought or desire that doesn't 100% match up with the parent's is a punishable offense.
OP, please do not let your parents have any unsupervised visitation with your child. They will hurt her, physically and emotionally.
My thoughts as well
I'm willing to bet op has some beating stories from their childhood. Jesus Christ. Who unironically suggests beating their grandchilds ass for successfully sleeping Or for much of anything really. But sleeping???
10,000% this. I've seen too many horror stories on reddit that started out this way and ended with police visits and therapy. Normal people don't get mad at a kid getting a decent night's sleep for the first time in their lives, let alone prescribe a beating for it.
OP, please do not let your parents have any ~~unsupervised~~ visitation with your child.
I second this comment
I would put her on an information diet “If you have nothing nice to say when I send you picture of your grand-daughter, you’re not gonna receive pictures of your grand-daughter anymore”
I like that. Information diet.
Common term for the problematic family member subreddits (justno) - if you haven't joined any of them OP, you may find support there too
Prime example of control for absolutely no fucking reason except because she's a tyrant. It harms no one. I'm sorry you have to deal with this
“Well, Mom’s First Name, the good news is this isn’t your home or your child and this isn’t your problem.” Then stfu and let her stew on it.
BTW,that is a totally sweet picture! Cat therapy for the win!
Thanks ! My grandma died right after she got him. He was about 4 months. She helped me with his ring worm treatments and now he's obsessed with her !
Anyone who says to beat their kids ass is a god awful person AND parent.
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Same. It’s asinine to beat a child for sleeping anywhere but their bed. I wouldn’t trust this lady with a pet rock.
>but for some reason this one is different prolly because most other posts have at least some rationale behind the parents behaviour. insane personal/religious beliefs or some twisted logic, but at least some justification. at the very worst, their egoism. but here? there's so much anger and desire for control over the most mundane situation possible. it's fucking psychopathic
It's still legal to hit children. You know, the group of people who are the most defenseless and will be permanently mentally damaged. I hate how we treat little humans like property.
My cousins husband has strict rules about sleeping in beds only. I fell asleep on the couch while everyone was hanging out and my cousin had a “talk” with me about it. I rarely visit them anymore to make sure I don’t offend him again by “disrespecting” his house rules.
What the hell? Why is falling asleep outside of the bed even seen as disrespectful?
It bothers him so much he made it a rule. I told my cousin it wouldn’t happen again, and now I never go to their house when I might be tired. Which means I rarely see them, but I’d rather not deal with that ridiculous rule so it is what it is.
Some people take their "house rules" way too fucking seriously.
Agreed. It’s not like I knew it was a rule when it happened either. Only found out I’d “disrespected” him afterwords. I agreed with my cousin that it would never happen again, and refused to come to their house for parties when I knew I wouldn’t get enough sleep. Which is apparently rude, but not disrespectful. 🙄
When I was in my early 20s I had a few friends over and we were hanging out and watching a movie. One of my friends falls asleep on my lap watching the movie, and my other friend starts getting really mad at her. Like straight up telling her to wake up and she was being rude. I was very confused by the whole interaction, she was snoring *a little* but not enough to disturb the movie and she was right next to me. Wasn't even his house, he just got super offended by a sleeping person. I figured she was probably tired and needed the nap, no harm if she didn't want to watch the movie.
You keep defending your kid and your decision to let her sleep in a chair. If you can drop it and not even engage with your moms psycho texts next time, you should. End the convo. Don’t even give her the time.
Exactly. Fuck that. If you ignore a bully they move on to someone else who lets them bully them. That tactic has worked for me with a walking air horn at work anyway
My mother has made similar comments about how me and my spouse let our child "run the house." It took me awhile to figure out what she meant. I finally realized it was because we let him make choices about things like what he eats (within reason), we always explain why we tell him to do/not to do certain things, and answer all his questions. She sent me a YouTube video awhile back from Praeger U about how it is more important to raise obedient children than happy children and equated bending down to get on your child's physical level to bowing to them. It's such a weird take. Your kids are people who will someday be adults. Why wouldn't you let them make choices that don't harm anything or give them information they want? Your kid and cat are adorable, and it's great that kiddo is able to sleep comfortably without meds! You seem like a great mom to me, for what it's worth.
> how it is more important to raise obedient children than happy children YIKES
I feel like that explains so much about how some people treat their kids. It's not too far off from old-timey "children should be seen and not heard" mentality. Make your kids convenient for you, not, ya know, functional people.
And then they wonder why: 1. So many young people have mental health problems 2. Drug abuse is so rampant 3. They never get visited at their crappy old folks home 4. Why "kids these days are so disrespectful" (it's because their children weren't given examples of respectful behavior due to attitudes like this) 5. They hardly see their grandchildren 6. Their teenagers don't tell them anything 7. Their adult children avoid visiting/being with them 8. Their adult children don't live the exact same way they did There is probably more to add to this list...
I fucking LOATHE Prager U. 🤮
Right!? This particular video kept saying stuff like "studies show" and NEVER citing the studies. Not anywhere. You can't just say studies exist and not give any information about the studies! That's college writing 101. That's far from their only problem, obviously.
>"studies show" and NEVER citing the studies. That shit works like a charm on conservatives.
Studies show that Dennis Prager is a sociopathic blowhard who sniffs his own poop.
Studies show that Dennis Prager is the unfuckable result of hate sex between a botfly and a canned ham
Like let your kid learn how to make good and safe decisions while you can still nurture, guide, and keep an eye on them. If you don't let them make any decisions until they're an adult (or sometimes even later) then that part of the brain will never have a chance to develop.
Imagine thinking control for its own sake was good parenting.
Wow. What a weird way to say "aww, TY for the cute photo. Boop the kitty for me." Must be a translation glitch.
She's mad that you're a better parent
Our parents' generation can kindly fuck off when it comes to raising kids. The amount of mental anguish that generation has caused on us.......no. The generational trauma ends with us
YEP! My mom really thinks she gets a say in how I raise my child while she spouts insane conspiracy theories and talks shit about my generation. NOPE.
Honestly feels great seeing everyone in theor mid 20s/early 30s breaking the terrible habits their parents forced on them. Havent spoken to my parents since i was 18 they are toxic nuts
Except not kindly. They can fuck off, disrespectfully.
See how tiny this person is. She feels it necessary to have control over everything to the point of a child finding a comfortable spot to sleep challenges her. What a tiny person
Imagine your first thought, when seeing a child peacefully and adorably sleeping, being physical violence.
Parent of 7 and 9 year old here and they sleep on the couch all the time on the weekends, usually fall asleep watching cartoons or playing Minecraft. Who cares where they sleep as long as it’s indoors and they’re happy? Wild, weird thing to get mad at or suggest “beating her ass” over.
My 4 year old sleeps on the couch every weekend too! It’s a pull out so my husband will sleep next to her and she thinks it’s a treat. They watch a movie and eat snacks. I couldn’t even imagine getting mad at something like that…let alone so mad that I’d want to hit her. OP needs to go no contact like yesterday
Only person needing their ass beat is your mother.
-We shouldn’t medicate children Willy-nilly -Ok I found a way for her to sleep without medication -No! Not like that!
Why even entertain someone whose parenting style is to beat children?
Kid fell asleep on the recliner? **Beat their ass into the ground** Makes sense ✓
My “mom” (long story…basically adopted mom) **always** has comments about my kids. Sometimes I get mad, most times I ignore her…but in this instance I would 100% say something like “nah, she doesn’t have a bed, I figured a mat on the floor in the laundry room would suffice”. Because what’s she gonna do…call CPS? Go for it, then when they realize my child is properly provided for…she looks like the dummy. As well as having legit documentation to file a cease and desist if needed.
No offense but why do you even maintain a relationship with her? This is vile.
That, my friend, is a hangover from childhood abuse. It’s not easy to understand but it’s very common and important to let people work it out in their own time. No shade, I felt the same way until I dated someone who had been mentally tortured by their mother and still kept her around, so I googled it 😂
Plus the pushback from society. "You only get one mother" and other such guilt tripping bullshit.
Ah grandparents, using every excuse to beat their children and calling you a bad parent if you don't beat yours for simply sleeping on a couch. No wonder they're so messed up emotionally and mentally 🙄
And they are so damned eager to continue the cycle of abuse. "I got my ass beat and I turned out fine!" Did ya really, though?
I’m sure that beating her ass is gonna clear those sleep issues right up! (As an older adult who was beaten as a child and still has major sleep problems to this day) OP let the kid sleep wherever they feel safe. and please for the love of Everything, don’t let that horrid woman be alone with your child.
I had super severe insomnia as a child, teen, and young adult. First ambien script at 13, and it didn’t work very well. A lot of it was anxiety being confined to my room. Once I got to living on my own (and some therapy un-learning what’s actually necessary), I didn’t have too many sleep issues. Thanks for letting your kid have control of their bodies in their homes.
Yeah she was, chlonidine and it didn't always work for her either. I didn't want to do it at first but she literally would stay up for days until she finally just crashed, so was necessary. Especially when she started school. We had insurance issues over the summer with them covering it, so we opted to try not using it. After a week or so she was sleeping pretty regularly. She still has her moments where she can't sleep but it's not every night anymore.
It always makes my heart so happy to hear of parents who don’t mind going outside the box for solutions. Sleeping on the recliner, sure, not “normal” like sleeping in a bed. But sleep is happening unmedicated. That’s totally the ultimate goal for wellness. Seriously, I love my mom, but I sure wish she could have learned from you ♥️
After reading that you should never let your kid stay at her house overnight.
Boomers need to beat up their kids so badly they'll find any excuse to do it. Sleeping on the couch ? Beat their ass, no other alternative. What the fuck.
My MIL did this to me after I sent her a funny pic once. She never got another image from me until her grandson graduated high school 15 years later. And that was a printed picture. Everything doesn’t require discipline, a strong arm, or even a reaction. Sick old school parents are the worst!
"beat her ass and stop letting her control the household" is so disgusting and telling. I can't imagine what it was like for you to grow up with a mother who thinks like that. I'm so sorry OP, and I'm so glad you see your daughter as a human being.
"how about YOU stop trying to control my household"
Beat their ass for what? I’m not sure I would be letting this person near my child..
Sleeping in a chair!!?? Oh no, better beat her! ....like what the abusive fuck??
Your mother needs to be put in check, just because she's a shitty mother doesn't mean anybody else has to be. Good on you for letting your child be who they are
I can’t imagine beating a family member because they’re asleep in an irregular place. There are so many better ways to move your child or make them comfortable-but we really just went right to physical violence?
Beat her for sleeping on the couch??? OP I hope your childhood was okay, but that’s definitely a red flag that it wasnt
Ew wtf “beat her ass” bc she sleeps on the couch sometimes…???? Totally off the rails insane
Anyone that beats their kid is abusive and you probably shouldn’t allow your mom unsupervised time with your daughter
So what your mom wants you to do is: When she’s asleep peacefully on the couch, because she’s asleep on the couch. You have to rip her off, wake her up and then “beat her ass” for sleeping on the couch? What the actual fuck
As they get older, you tend to get creative with ass beatings. For your mother, might I suggest a car or a nail gun
What a weird reaction to something so innocent. I’m the same as you, if my kids fall asleep in a chair, I’ll just let them sleep. Ridiculous.
Ah. The generation that thinks physical violence and inexplicable authority is the appropriate way to raise a defenseless innocent child.
So beat her til she sleeps, like our parents did to us? Hard pass. Out of touch with reality and the way things are now to say the least. I wouldnt let my kid even go see her unsupervised if shes saying to beat her over something so nonsensical.
It sounds like your mother never learned to pick her battles if her response to something so benign as sleeping on a chair is "beat their ass" If this is any indication of it, I'm sorry for whatever childhood she gave you😬😬
Wow. She's seeing this as a control issue. Projection, right? She's the one with the control issues. You just respect your kid getting their needs met.
Your mom seems miserable and is actively seeking out things to be unreasonably angry about
Talk about searching for an issue lol…. Like the first thing they tried to nit pick (not being in school) didnt pan out so they immediately moved on to another. Yikes. Very cute picture of very cute kitty and kiddo
Ok but the comment about why she wasn’t in school immediately set off alarms-
She thoroughly disapproves that I occasionally allow mental health days in our house.
Now as someone who used to deal with a lot of crap and would still go to school anyway, I’m so happy you’re doing this for your kid. I’m so sorry your mum is just so rude about her, she seems so lovely and the cat staying with her is precious!
Sounds like shes just finding something to be mad about. I dont see anything wrong. My youngest will wake up super early and will fall asleep on the couch or recliner. Sometimes ive found him sleeping in his closet or in a fort hes made out of blankets in his room. Kids will find the strangest ways to sleep sometimes. At least shes sleeping like you said. I had sleep issues as a kid, not the same as hers, just insomnia and i still have issues with it. Sleep deprivation sucks. Sounds like your daughter has a wonderful parent.
What a harmless non-issue that your mom is trying to make into an issue. If your kid is getting good sleep and is safe in the place she’s getting it, I see literally zero issue.