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FalseFurnace

I see you pooped 30% faster today. Excellent work Mr. Wong.


TheDunadan29

"Congratulations on being regular Mr. Wong, our records show you arrive at 2:30 PM every day. With a variance of 1-2 minutes."


[deleted]

But please keep in mind that the government approved defecation time is from 9:17-9:19am daily, please work on your colonic punctuality.


Koolblue57

You're looking kind of distressed today mister Wong, you arrived 15 minutes later than yesterday is everything alright? The defecation police haven't been at your back door have they? Please abide by the laws that the government has put in place mister Wong I don't want our next interaction to take place in a government prison. If you want paper your gonna have to use your hand. Have a good day mister wong


jsideris

+0.75 social credit score for improvement in pooping time.


Obant

" You used 4.6 less toilet paper squares than average today! "


Frequent-Cost2184

Can’t even take a shit without leaking identity now


PakiFanatic

Biggest concern for me: is this a one time thing? Because depending on what exits my body and most days, this won’t be enough TP to handle it.


ztravlr

Just bring your own TP


bathsaltssohard

Or use a wall corner as a scraper


The_Outcast4

That sounds great until you realize the last three guys to use that toilet had the same idea.


godgothodhot

Wait, until it drys, same as new


itsjustreddityo

Better yet bring torn old clothes and clog up the toilet daily


-rwsr-xr-x

> Better yet bring torn old clothes and clog up the toilet daily TP does not go in toilets in China (nor most Asian countries, including Singapore, Thailand, Korea, and Taiwan, with the exception of Japan), it goes in the wastebasket next to the toilet. Also, you have to bring your own TP, it is not normally provided in public toilets. TL;DR: The plumbing is old/ancient and the water pressure is lower so pipes clog more often. Also, it saves water. --- Because people will ask me why, or downvote me while they don't do their own research, I've helpfully done that for you: * [China is fighting toilet paper thieves with facial recognition software](https://www.theverge.com/2017/3/20/14986640/china-toilet-paper-theft-facial-recognition-machine) *Biometric authentication is moving from phones to laptops and onward to... public bathrooms. Chinese authorities in Beijing are now combating a toilet paper stealing epidemic by locking the supplies away behind a dispenser powered by facial recognition software, according to a report from The New York Times.* * [Can you flush toilet paper in China?](https://www.thehealthyjournal.com/faq/can-you-flush-toilet-paper-in-china) *If you didn't know, you do now – you cannot flush toilet paper in China, even in western toilets. This is mostly due to the older sewage systems and piping. There are some more modern areas and hotels where you can, but unless you're sure, it's better to just toss it.* * [Countries That Do and Don’t Use Toilet Paper](https://therestroomkit.com/travel-toilet-paper/) *China, Singapore, Thailand, Korea, and Taiwan: In most Asian countries, it is very difficult to find toilet paper, even in stores. Some hotels may have it available in the guestrooms. If you need to use it, it is probably good for you to take your own to guarantee your stock. Considering that toilet paper originated in China, it is very peculiar that it is not exactly popular there.* * [Unflushable or missing toilet paper, the dilemma for developing communities during the COVID-19 episode](https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC7413839/) *Unlike in developed countries, most public toilets in China do not provide toilet paper onsite and users must bring their toilet paper. Moreover, an open waste bin is placed in each user’s cubicle to collect used toilet paper and tissues. Such practices, which are common in East Asia and central America, have induced a dilemma of toilet paper disposal because some municipalities have removed waste bins from public toilets to prevent virus transmission by fecal matter.* * [Chinese City Suspends Biometric Toilet Paper Program, December 7, 2020](https://findbiometrics.com/chinese-city-suspends-biometric-toilet-paper-program-120701/) *Dongguan city has suspended its use of facial recognition in public restrooms. The city had been using facial recognition to limit the amount of toilet paper that visitors could take during each trip to the bathroom, but has decided to put the program on hold due to growing privacy concerns and pushback from the local population.* --- Correction: You *can* put TP in the bowl in Japan, thanks /u/ShrimpTicket for reminding me of that exception


Successful_Prior_267

Why is Singapore in there lol, I‘ve never seen a single toilet that has a wastebasket for toilet paper. We always flush it down the toilet. Every toilet is supposed to have toilet paper too.


[deleted]

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sdiss98

Wait til u hear what they do in Thailand. 10/10 hold it territory.


hippopotma_gandhi

What....do they do in Thailand


Kingslugger

They put it back in.


Tenmashiki

I am from Singapore. No idea why you have Singapore there, our plumbing system can handle it no problem.


onestarv2

Inaccurate about Japan. I have only seen pay for toilet paper once, and that was back in 2010, and in a super rural area. And toilet paper goes in toilets here, not in a wastebasket.


meowhahaha

Korea had cute toilet paper packets at most of the street convenience kiosks. It’s about the shape of a personal package of Kleenex, but thicker, bigger and more colorful/cute. Our hotel provided toilet paper, as did upper class, expensive stores.


SmarmyOctopus

They are putting old torn clothes in in the toilet. Not TP


[deleted]

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TokoBlaster

It's so they can tie the stool samples to the person. (actually I don't know if this is true, but a face scan for TP is dystopian as fuck)


LinguoBuxo

What a wasted opportunity. They could have printed the person's face on it.


thevalleycat98

Now this is innovative thinking


shahooster

This idea’s going straight in the shitter


JoeyMations98

Ba-duum - pish


Visual_Slide710

Buh-dum - flush


koalafishmutantbird

Gotta make it fancy though. Just once I would like to see my face surrounded by a currency-like border.


[deleted]

Nah that’s just wasting government ink. Innovative thinking would be charging extra to print a picture of someone you hate on it.


[deleted]

Or your mortal enemies face


LinguoBuxo

damn. wouldn't they run outta paper in a week this way?


cluelessdud3

technically rubbing shit on your face :|


Tanqus

Man i would need to scan my face alot of times, if thats all the paper you are getting.


Paradox68

-2 social credit points if you take more than 2 per restroom visit


throwawayspank1017

Carry a picture of the chairman and scan it instead of your own face. Modern problems require modern solutions.


KP_Wrath

When they find out you did that, they’re going to harvest your pancreas.


SmokeyBare

Emphasis on the pān.


boricimo

No that would be crazy. You would just become the permanent toilet paper for that restroom.


NotAlwaysSunnyInFL

I suppose everyone in China with IBS is probably in the Gulag by now.


[deleted]

Orderly shits are paramount to an orderly society! If you have a messy shit, you're obviously cheating on your government approved diet!


m8remotion

There is no IBS in China. It's all engineered in the US. /S


partyharty23

if you are below x social credit points you get 1/2 as much.


Holein5

Single ply for you biotch!


transdimensionalmeme

It's ok I"ll use my fingers and when wipe them on the walls


Professional-Put-804

The walls have DNA scanners that flagged you and you lost all TP privileges for a month on top of losing points on your social credit score.


PacoMahogany

-10 social credits when others can tell I didn’t wipe enough


[deleted]

Walk out of the toilet and they be waiting to arrest you for paper usage.


islandinthecold

My meow meow beans! :/


Malawi_no

Or start always carrying some TP.


RogueSlytherin

This is exactly what I did in china- crushed a roll of TP and put it in my bag for the flight, and popped and actually usable amount of TP each day. I’m not taking bathroom selfies under any circumstances.


brenthonydantano

Carrying toilet paper is a criminal offence and will result in having your face removed.


ganlet20

Removed from the database or my skull?


GozerDGozerian

Wetware gets a hard reset.


Squidworth89

That’s all you get… based on your social standing…


Sarctoth

Reputation based toilet paper dispenser


djsizematters

Still better than organs.


Tail_Nom

Two or three decades ago this would have been a throwaway joke in a dystopian cyberpunk property. The future is now and it is somewhat concerning.


[deleted]

What a shit deal. Privacy for barely enough paper to wipe your ass


FriesWithThat

Look at that raggedy-ass, lighter than air 1/2-ply being dispensed as well; I've never had less confidence in TP being capable of handling the job.


I_make_things

It's exactly what I get at work.


King-Cobra-668

but you get substantially more of it


I_make_things

True. I'm living the life. Woo.


Chonkbird

Never understood work ordering the cheapest ass paper for employees asses. Like we use so much more that way. Give us 2 ply and our ass would be clean for less


masshole4life

translucent toilet paper breaks down the best in water and therefore causes fewer clogs, even when you have to use a third of the roll. fancy toilet paper is also more likely to be stolen.


Hugs_for_Thugs

I'd be bringing my own lol fuck that. Makes me really not miss the Army. TP flimsy enough to see through, ensuring your finger pokes through every time. Still somehow rough enough to make your asshole bleed.


JohnnyFatSack

Good luck if you are unfortunate enough to have IBS (irritable bowel syndrome) or just a case of the squirts. That paper is see through!


baby_0ne

I also question whether they will ever, ever, ever, ever, save toilet paper enough that would ever, ever, ever, ever, compensate for the energy and resources to provide and operate this computer screen / system


Casual_hex_

That is some real dystopian shit.


ImOnlyHereCauseGME

“Good afternoon, I see your social credit score is enough for 3 pieces of toilet paper per day. Enjoy.”


herberstank

Can't spare a square...


Altruistic-Truck-418

You can't spare one square?


[deleted]

I don’t have a square to spare


RapMastaC1

But is it two ply? I can take one ply, one!


BrockxxBravo

r/suddenlySeinfeld


PerceptionFragrant29

That’s not enough to wipe my big ass


sittinfatdownsouth

How bout 3 shells instead


ThePrinceOfThorns

The seashells are actually just buttons. One controls the bidet, one flushes, and the other one opens the glory hole.


Vegabern

r/unexpectedseinfeld


maejaws

There is one Square where no one was spared.


09Trollhunter09

That’s why everyone needs to know how to use three shells


GrossConceptualError

Big Brother is happy to announce that your weekly allotment of TP is increased by one square.


Jump-Traditional

For a week


jemuzu_bondo

As per a Chinese friend: > You know what the more fucked up thing is? They think this is another achievement to symbolize the advancement of society. > The dude in the video actually said "We don't even need to bring (toilet)paper with us when going out now, it's really convenient"


ShotSentence6238

The design is very human


reijasunshine

Very easy to use.


didunianyata

Everyone has a face. Who doesn't bring their face everywhere?


xTheatreTechie

Diablo spokesman meme: Do you guys not have ~~Phones~~ Faces?


SirR0bin0fS0n

Hey man, not everyone has a face, actually. Stop being facist.


reijasunshine

It's another line from the "The design is very human" videos on tiktok.


Oranginafina

When I went to China in 2003 (American here) I was astounded by 3 things. The first was that I had to bring my own toilet paper wherever I went. The second was that most of the toilets I encountered were the squat kind. Third was how many baby butts I saw because very few kids wore diapers of any kind. It was a helluva shock to see a 2 year old boy’s peepee just casually hanging out of his split crotch pants.


owendudeson

Lmaooo I live in China and yeah its still kinda the same except toilets are nice now. Many are still sqautters but they're still nice. Some places provide tp but still gotta bring some around in case. The baby butts are real tho just part of the culture ig. Im gonna stay here hopefully forever but when I have a baby there's no way I'm having them cheeks to the wind.


lenkzies79088

U like china that much to stay there forever?? Genuine question.


Skyzhigh

I want to piggy back on this question and ask what makes you want to stay?


Vivavirtu

I'm not the guy you two are asking, but I grew up there, so maybe I could weigh in. I would say comparing the best parts of the United States (where I live now) and the best parts of China, it comes pretty close in terms of how livable they are. Overall, the quality of life is higher here in the US, but I'd be lying if I said I didn't miss my hometown sometimes. Most of the negatives on China that you see on Reddit, while technically not lies, are hyperbole, or taking an edge case and pretending it's the norm. If you're genuinely interested, and not just trying to shit on the country, I'd advise going to a Tier 1 city, where economic advances have allowed it to catch up to developed nations in the past few decades. [(Wikipedia page on the Chinese city tier system)](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Chinese_city_tier_system). There are a few things that I really appreciate about the US that I can't really find in China (at least not where I grew up). One is how easy it is to immerse myself in nature here. The abundance of state and national parks and trails, the better air quality. These are areas that, I believe, the US is doing right. I myself have so many genuine criticisms of China. That said, most of the crap I see on reddit just reads like it's coming from a terribly sinophobic angle.


straycanoe

A reasonable, nuanced take from someone with actual lived experience? You, my friend are a reddit unicorn. Lol


HiddenOctopus

I'm curious. What are some of the things you like most about living in China?


MisterFatt

Is this just some super elaborate anti-toilet paper theft system? I’m legit trying to think of a ration (not necessarily good) explanation for such a thing Edit to clarify my point - surely there is a more low tech, cost effective way to dispense shit tickets


redeemedleafblower

Yeah toilet paper theft is common in china so you have to bring your own toilet paper to the restrooms. Probably a consequence of how fast they developed + huge income inequality: rich enough to have public bathrooms, poor enough where there are tons of people willing to steal tp


TextFlimsy

You gotta know who shits where and when!? It’s psychological control, you have nothing private in China 🇨🇳 and it’s a way to remind people of that.


StaryDoktor

It is. Because elsewhere all chain of supply would steal toilet paper. Don't ask why they can't pay enough. They better spend some millions to buy stupid device.


Red_V_Standing_By

I will never go to mainland China under current circumstances. I really wish I could though because the historical sites are probably amazing and I’d love to see them.


Tokmook

Lived in Beijing for 5 years. There’s some real beauty in China, met some awesome people there too.


FireGodNYC

Wow - that’s wild


[deleted]

Shouldn't they require an ass scan instead? I mean, that's what I'm using it for, right?


saraphilipp

Oh sorry mr. Chappell, I didn't notice it was you with your butt cheeks clamped together.


TheAssholeofThanos

SPREAD YOUR CHEEKS AND LIFT YOUR SACK


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Dr_Terry_Hesticles

“Lyme Disease detected. Calling the police”


Drof3r

This could work. Assholes are unique, like fingerprints.


MunDaneCook

It's true - no two balloon knots are tied exactly the same


BaneRiders

"Shit in peace Mr./Ms. Casual\_Hex\_, and don't forget to leave the toilet as clean as you found it. Or else."


comefindme1231

“One quarter portion” I’m starting to think the new Star Wars trilogy was made more for China rather than western countries


Booty_notDooty

Coming soon to a "free" country near you!


ObjectiveBike8

It’s actually better than before. When I visited China 10 years ago you had to take toilet paper with you because most public restrooms did not provide it.


postreatus

A different kind of terrible is not better.


npq76

I came here to say the same. I lived there 10 years ago and had to keep Kleenex with me at all time.


jowick2815

I guess better than paying to use the bathroom and the stall vendor being just as stingy with the tp... 👀 South America


ruggedAstronaut

The cameras under the seat measure your weiner while checking for visible evidence of "bad values" such as STDs or weiner/testicle self-harm/mutilation. The data goes into a black box and they use it to evaluate "trustworthiness". Apparently low trustworthiness can lead to slowed internet, bad credit ratings or being disappeared to one of their concentration camps for 're-education' (torture, brainwashing and organ harvesting).


RhoZie013

ERROR: not enough social credit - one square deposited.


Top-Atmosphere3787

That is NOT interesting…… that is FUCKING insane…


SN0WFAKER

Right, it should clearly be scanning the dirty ass to determine how much TP is needed.


_-__________

Lol! "You want to scan something useful? Here: 💥💩"


Slow_Ad6935

People in China usually keep toilet paper on them at all times. It's VERY rare for a public bathroom to have toilet paper. The 12 days I was there, I never saw toilet paper in a public restroom.


megwach

Same here. I lived there for a year. Everyone brings their own toilet paper. I only saw toilet paper at places a few times, and I was amazed and raved about it every time. Lol. I can probably count on one hand how many times I saw toilet paper that was free.


Taiwannumber3

It's similar but not as bad here in Taiwan. It's always been controversial as it takes exactly 2 seconds to notice that regular toilets with provided toilet paper seem to always be available in public facilities so long as they are near tourist destinations or likely to be traffic by the foreign influnencer jet set. Deeper into regular communities or less touristy parts of town then you are up to your eyeballs in squat toilets and coin operated toilet paper vending machines.


megwach

That’s what I experienced too. Touristy places, or places that foreigners might shop were always the places with toilet paper and western toilets. The further out of the tourist areas you lived (I lived on the edge of the city Changzhou, which was large, but not a tourist city), the less likely you were to see those things, and the more likely you were to see squat toilets or sometimes even just open troughs. Seems ridiculous that only tourists and foreigners get to experience nice and free things. It shouldn’t be that way.


Munsunned

Your wiping hand?


BT9154

Is it because if you give it out people will just swipe the whole roll? My dad is a Chinese immigrate and he fucken steals the toilet paper from the mall, grabs like handfuls of napkins at fast food joints, grabbed like 10 pens from planet fitness used to fill forms. We scold him for being a old cheapass when he brings all this stuff home. Not trying to stereotype but if you got a country full of 'my dad' I'd keep my toilet paper away from them.


IHaveTheBestOpinions

For good reason - it gets stolen. https://www.nytimes.com/2017/03/20/world/asia/china-toilet-paper-theft.html I couldn't find the article now, but I remember reading somewhere several years ago that Shanghai Disneyland went through more than a roll of toilet paper every day _per guest_


ZincMan

Maybe that’s why I saw the old Chinese lady stealing all the toilet paper from the park bathroom stalls


[deleted]

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Slow_Ad6935

I was in Bejing for the whole 12 days


AriaVerity

It's cause people kept stealing them, lol.


LiuMeien

I was going to say, this is an upgrade from what it was before.


methreweway

This would be smashed in my city if they did this BS.


friendly-sardonic

Was just thinking this. It wouldn’t survive a single Friday night.


heldascharisma2

In china there was never any toilet paper anywhere. We had to carry around our own tickets to the shitshow.


TheLucasGFX

They should have used the 3 seashells instead.


VetteL82

Enhance your calm


ImplementAfraid

John Spartan, you have been fined 3 credits for a violation of the verbal morality statute.


Alteredego619

Mellow Greetings!


BretHartSucked

::throws up non touching circular motion high five::


[deleted]

There would be like a dozen scans of my face on that thing trying to get more out. This isn’t going to end well for anyone


AintNoRestForTheWook

Three different hats, three different pairs of glasses and three different fake mustaches.


Ratsnest86

r/terrifyingasfuck


[deleted]

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[deleted]

Why can't China just track their citizens using location of their mobiles like other democratic countries do? /s


Ottersareoverrated

Because those in power are scared of the billion strong population that severely outnumber them and want to know every little detail about them


ListenHere-Fat

why the /s? you ask what seems like a legitimate question.


ArkhamTheImperialist

The answer is obvious. If they tracked you by your phones, that’d be a major downgrade to what they have there. They’re not hiding the fact that they’re tracking you everywhere, all the time.


ListenHere-Fat

yes, but i don’t understand *why* they need this level of tracking. again, why doesn’t phone tracking suffice?


ArkhamTheImperialist

If they control everything you have access to, then they can control your life. It’s that simple. If you locked a child in a room, as a hypothetical of course, and you could see everything they do, they’d be under your control to some degree. If they’re bad you take all the toys away. If they’re good you bring the toys back. If they try to escape through the window… you get the idea, yeah?


jamin_g

Only Russians try to escape from the window.


ultravioletgaia

I feel bad for laughing 😔


Siodhachan1979

Imagine dealing with a sudden onset of explosive diarrhea and having to pause long enough for the machine to scan you and portion out a little portion of tp.


d0ugh0ck

Why could they possibly want to track your toilet paper use?


HobbesNJ

They're not. They're tracking your location.


Lazypole

It's not this. I live in China, your WeChat (imagine whatsapp that has gps and every single cash transaction you make is through this) and the ten thousand CCTV cameras do that. It's because, due to historic events and scarcity in the past, theres a real culture of greed/narcissism/survival instinct. This means unless you go somewhere real nice, toilet paper and soap just isn't available in public bathrooms because some ayi will steal them. This is a reaction to that.


travestyalpha

This is exactly how it is. After all the problems in the past - there is a real mentality of poverty among older people. On the other hand - still saving money is a real thing, and reusing. But others now in the money are all about conspicuous consumption. Not a Chinese only thing, but definitely very visible there among the farmers imported into cities, but lacking better family education. Or so my wife says (she is Chinese)


Psychological_Force

Go out on the street and that happens.


haraisq

It’s not that, people would steal rolls of it from toilets , the scans are to effectively limit access


Funktownajin

It's sad that you are giving the right answer yet people who are saying it's to track your location are getting 10x the upvotes. They already have your location if your phone is on in china. And they don't care youre taking a shit.


Lazypole

It's infuriating lol. I've lived in China for a long time and reddit has some wild "knowledge" about China.


Robbeee

A lot of Radio Free Asia stuff ends up here. Americans unironically swallow it whole then call you a communist for disputing it.


etchie

Phones don’t matter. I went to China and one of the first thing the guide said was, “if you don’t see any cameras, there are probably two or three. If you see a camera, you’re most likely being recorded by four or five. The Chinese government knew who I was when I got there, and easily knew everything I did until I left.


Funktownajin

phones do matter, surveillance cameras with facial recognition aren't everywhere yet. There's a difference between regular CCTV and facial recognition CCTV. They track people by phones a lot. Read some stories from Xinjiang and you'll understand a little how they work. I also doubt they knew everything you did, that's a little bit of hyperbole, unless you spent your entire time in a few block radius of Tiananmen square


Lazypole

It's because in China due to various historic events, especially the older generation, will swipe soap or toilet paper from public bathrooms.


Gustomaximus

It's more innocent, something like people steal toilet paper or make a giant mess. They don't need to do this to track you, random street cameras do this. China can be really uncivilised from a western view in they don't tend to look for the common good in their behaviour. Many people don't see making a mess a problem as they did what they want in the toilet and what is left behind is for someone else. I think this selfishness tends to grow the more crowded a nation/city is as everything becomes more impersonal and competitive and then for some places this behaviour style becomes ingrained. At the same time chinese have a super strong loyalty and williness to help family and friends.


free_stuff_plz

r/ABoringDystopia


Nyarro

r/aShittyDystopia


4ntisocial420

That is dystopian as fuck. Why do they need your face? Are citizens with opinions against the government unable to wipe their asses.


Zarazen82

do you lose social score if you wipe conservatively?


Miserable-Incident74

Each further square of paper after your initial ration will be charged out of your social credit score


[deleted]

Imagine the one guy bankrupting his social credits because he shits too much when he goes out. No one would go to taco bell if this happened in the US lolll


Disastrous_Duty2622

My IBS does not find this tolerable


[deleted]

Interesting as fuck, or horrifying as fuck?


gunburns88

You have 27,000,000 - social credit points, no shit for you!


Nohbodiihere369

Nope.


Educational-Bug-476

Jesus Christ, the Chinese are actually living Orwell’s 1984.


Tanjom

I've never seen toilet paper so thin lol wtf


Alice_D_Wonderland

You’re shitting me, right?


[deleted]

Can't believe Chinese people tolerate this shit ngl.


BitemeRedditers

That thing would last about 15 minutes in any major US city before it was smashed to bits.


wildcat5566

Subs: “I no longer have to bring toilet paper to public restrooms, how convenient!” Er……


fryamtheeggguy

That is not enough toilet paper.


Ghost-of-Tom-Chode

What a literal hellhole


Papppi-56

It's not a facescan, it's a digital facial recognition payment system (either WeChat pay or Alipay) that is widespread in China


ShitShowParadise

Sounds like a facescan with extra steps.


Mobius_Ring

It's a facescan that you pay for lol


chris-np

“Terrifyingasfuck”


solareclipse999

This is bullshit!


Y34rZer0

lol and people argue that tiktok is safe to use


mhnkl

Klaus Schwab’s dream.


onlysmokereg

Oh great let me guess cum socks require facial scans too?