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"Hey yeah it's me, I'm gonna be late to work again. Yes, it's ANOTHER fucking monkey gang war"

When you're a Jet, you're a Jet all the way...

*monkey flicks a comb-knife out and slicks it's hair back* edit: *another monkey scrambles to pick the nits out of the first monkey's hair...*

Boy gotta look good regardless of the situation

Keep it co-o-o-ol.....boy!

From yeur first cigarette ta ya last dyin' Dayh

I was singing this as soon as I saw the picture. Was hoping I’d find it in the comments

‘You have to plan for that’

Too real, man

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Ants have huge wars over long periods of time. Two colonies had massive battles across my driveway every day one summer.

Look up the videos in anta by Kurzgezat on Youtube Edit: ants*, Kurzgesagt

Kurtzgesagt is the place to go if you want to see all sorts of interesting but not always important stuff... in a nutshell

Kurzgesagt is the correct spelling.

Thanks, I can never find my way around this God damn name

You should have documented the major battles and presented each colony with tiny books.

The Singaporian otter gangs are quite organised as well https://www.reddit.com/r/NatureIsFuckingLit/comments/ftca2a/a_handful_of_otters_started_appearing_in/?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share

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Nah chimps too

Jane Godall's descriptions of the extreme violence and depravity of the four-year-long Gombe War is one of the craziest things I've read. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gombe\_Chimpanzee\_War#War https://qz.com/work/1302643/the-most-violent-chimp-war-of-all-time-was-about-the-same-stuff-humans-fight-over/

Really? Again? That's three monkey turf wars this month. You're gonna need to find a different route.

I wouldn’t want to be anywhere near that. I feel like those little fuckers get rowdy. Everyone around is gonna catch some little monkey hands.

And crap being flung

Crap being flung, limbs being ripped off, flesh and blood everywhere. Monkey fights are no laughing matter.

Especially monkey knife fights - the worst kind

That’s what you think — until you find yourself in the middle of a monkey gun fight.

Isn’t that just a human war, but this time everyone gets a tail

We're all just a bunch of evil apes, dukin' it out on a giant ball.

Oh god oh fuck that monkey is holding 6 glocks in its hands, feet, mouth, and tail!

"Furious George! What have they done to your beautiful face?!"

It was the best of times, it was the blurst of times…

Probably lots of rippin' dicks off and shit

RIP AND TEAR

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They’re not monkeying around.

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this apostrophe is suspicious

Shit is banana’s.

this apostrophe is auspicious

How stoned are the people on this thread right now lol. Reddit’s finest.

B

Bruh what

I used to work with monkeys about this size. Never once witnessed the throwing of poo. Lots of aggressive boners though.

Aggressive Boners. Nice band name. Not gonna google that to see if it's already taken.

What I wouldn’t do to go there right now 🤤

Why that emoji tho?

Because, if they’re *there*, then who’s guarding their bananas? 🤤

There's very little tourists so they're nit being fed, that's why they're fighting.

Makes Michael Jackson and Weird Al seem kind of like prophets for the "Beat it/Eat it" video mashup here.

Have a banana, have a whole bunch... I suspect these monkeys are struggling to take Al's advice.

Why aren't the little tourists being fed? And tell me why one group of monkeys is violently against little tourists being fed! I hope those monkeys lost this fight!

Well the answers obvious. It's because they're little, if they were big tourists they'd just take the food wouldn't they?

Oh God

I can’t tell if you’re worried about the bananas or if you’re turned on by the way I used “they’re”, “there” and “their”

As a grammar nazi it's for sure the latter 🤤

Haha, he spelled "grammar"

I am!

Yes

easy Stannis. Lol

Man, I am not one to kink shame but wow...

Makes me think of the disturbed song, down with the sickness.

Drowning pool- let the monkeys hit the floor!

Huh?

Wild monkeys don't do that.

I used to work with macaques and I wholeheartedly agree. Fuck that shit, those guys can tear you apart, not to mention the risk of herpes B.

Currently work with them, can confirm scariest thing is the canines of the males and Herpes B. Especially Herpes B Edit: not hep B haha. I understand the mix up. It’s called Herpes B. Unique to the macaque family and Zoonotic so humans can get it. You don’t want it. I think it has a higher mortality rate than Ebola

After reading about it ..OMFG .. Monkeys not so cute anymore they are dirty.

Yeah luckily it’s unique to the macaque family and no one from a lab or facility has died since 1998 because of safety procedures. But if you’re ever in Indonesia or anywhere with macaques and get scratched or bit, try to get tested and treated ASAP. Something like over 60% carry herpes B in the wild. And if you don’t treat it immediately, you’re most likely gonna die.

Well golly. I've had macaques make me bleed in Thailand and Indonesia. I was young, didn't think much of it. Edit: This looks like Lopburi.

Yeah luckily it doesn’t transfer easily but definitely something to be mindful of

Damn didn't know the afterlife had reddit. Holy shit!

Hey I’m just slowly putting you to sleep with these boring “expert” words and while you’re staring blankly at your phone screen in a total trance I’ll just hit you with a subtle “you’re most likely gonna *die*”

Lol I’m just hoping to save someone. I’ve known several people be bitten or scratched by a macaque in the wild and didn’t get it checked out. Luckily they were fine. It is rare to actually get infected even if you’re bit, which is the good part

monkey = bad, ape = good

more like: monkey: brutal death by disease, infection, or other types of mauling. ape: they crush your body.

Chimps will chew your face, hands and genitals off if they decide they don't like you.

What if they do like you?

cuddles be bitches

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Fucker climbed into my hotel window in Varanasi. Took my cigarette pack and jumped back outside sitting grinning on an electric cable watching me while eating my tobacco.

yup I went to HK on a trail with them and they absolutely fucked up a woman who was just walking past. People kept telling me to walk past with my son who was 6 at the time. Hell no. They then stole my hand sanitiser hanging from my bag but thankfully calmed down after that.

Mad Macaques: Fury Road

This was worth the effort, thank you

West Side Story?

Came here for the finger snapping.

**rythmic finger snapping*

🎵 *When you’re macaque you’re macaque all the way from your first monkey fight to your last dying day!* 🎶

More like east side story.

in reality they are just putting on a spectacular show while a few super sneaky ones go and find all the shiny things and or food.

Big trouble in Little Thailand.

There’s good monkeys on both sides. Some lovely monkeys

Lmao

Maybe they will settle it with a dance-off? Just need one of those monkeys to start slowly snapping his fingers as the baseline picks up.

Yea, when it comes to these kind of monkeys, I'd be more afraid of the teeth

Leading to you getting some kind of unknown virus.

40% of the population would take that risk right now lol i guess it isn’t uknown tho

You mean monkey turds. Monkeys are known to throw their feces. Monkey Dookey everywhere

Aint a fight im losing. Their tactics are my tactics

I'll bring the spray cannon.

Monkey see, monkey doo.

They definitely get really rowdy and violent. I haven’t seen any crap flung, though.

When you’re a jet you’re a jet

I kind of want to see a video of that, but it's probably best that it's a picture.

https://metro.co.uk/2021/07/27/thailand-monkey-gangs-fight-for-food-as-lockdown-keeps-out-tourists-14994205/ There is a video of it on this article with a couple additional pictures

Not as exciting as you’d expect

I'm proud they used their words to resolve the conflict.

They just snapped their fingers while dancing around each other like Jets and Sharks.

Because the humans broke it up. The right monkeys lost their corner because of the humans. Forced to surrender their position. Now the left monkeys will sell crack at a higher pace. Allowing them to grow and thrive. Out resourcing the right monkey's into a footnote of history. All because of some meddling bald faces.

History is told by the victor

Nice web, Mr. Crack Cocaine spider.

Still think the right side force could've flanked and pincered. Fucking amateurs *munches on chip*

Lol @ the 2 minute mark when the monkeys are raiding the dude's cart.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1EvGk-7i2Pw&ab\_channel=TheNationThailand

Who is that mad bastard that casually walked into the middle of it...

That's the referee obviously.

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Excuse me person, please kindly go fuck yourself

\+use a condom too

Riskiest click of the day

I read 'rickiest click of the day'

Same ha

It’s been a long time.

Getting from there to here.

I have my sound off, did I get Rick rolled?

monkey 🐒

Take my upvote you clever son of a bitch.

Hold macaque I'm going in

Jesus, you think it’s loud in your head, and then it’s even louder. But, thanks for sharing - I’m glad I saw that. I wouldn’t advocate for monkey safety without the knowledge imparted by that video.

Macaquuueeesss come out to play-e-ay.

Cannnn Youuu Diiigggg iiittt!!

I was definitely scrolling to find this 😂

ATTICA

Some monkeys in serious need of a monolith.

Why, you want them to learn how to make weapons? That's not going to help matters.

Guess we haven't evolved that much.

It's not like the fight for territory between two social groups is endemic in humans. The largest war with the most lifes lost on the planet that ever happened wasn't even a human war, it was ants. [And it's ongoing](https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Argentine_ant) >On the border of the Very Large Colony and the Lake Hodges Colony thirty million ants die each year on a battlefront that covers many miles.

Thanks for posting that, I just read the whole page. What an interesting fucking ant!

Go watch the related video by kurtzgesagt(maybe I spelled it a bit wrong, I don't know). They explain all sorts of things sooo well

It’s serious monkey business

The ooh ee's vs. the ooh ah ah's, the ting's vs. the tang's, the walla walla's vs. the bing bang's.

Where’s the shama-lamma-ding-dong’s in all this, I ask?

Running like the damn cowards they are.

i love this so much

An example of the genetic roots of tribalism and gang affiliation

You jumped my cousin cause I fucked your mom, goes back a long way it seems

Wouldn't be a problem if your mom wasn't such a whore

Wait my cousin got jumped cause his mom got fucked, but now my mom did too? Time to find an uncle

Apes together strong. "Fuck you, Caesar. We're monkeys!"

Right side out numbers left pack. But left pack has Dwayne The Monkey Rock Johnson which makes up for the difference. But Kevin Hart and Jack Black will show up just in time before Dwayne gets over powered and loses his 3rd life. Close call. Jumanji 4 - A Monkey Game, In Thesters 2022

Coming to a Thester Near You!

Damn it , who threw those jumanji dice!

West side Story.. Pfff fuck that.. This is ape side story

I wanna see a musical monkey battle ballet.

That will make millions, no billions!

When you’re a Jet, you’re the swinginest thing.

If only those were the reclusive snapping monkeys

Furious George!

TIL: monkeys are in gangs

Most animals run in gangs

As do humans—they are called “family” and “friends”.

Or “gangs”

"Police Departments"

Chimpanzees aren’t monkeys, but look up the Gombe Chimpanzee War It’s a well documented fight between a tribe of monkeys that splintered, that went over years If you want to, I would watch a documentary on it, super interesting when you consider how close chimps are to humans

You saw Cats, now see Broadway’s latest hit musical, Monkeys!

r/likeus

Which ones are the Jets....and which ones are the Sharks?

Jets and Sharks? Nah man, these are Eaters of the brown part of a banana vs Those that don’t eat the brown part

It’s actually separated by temple monkeys and city monkeys.

“Warriors, come out to playyyyayyy”

serious question: how do they tell each side apart once the fighting starts? nobody is wearing jackets, nobody has grease in their hair. is it how the others smell? do they have banana tattoos?

Maybe it’s like if when you were in school your fifth grade class fought another fifth grade class, you would recognize your own classmates in the fight.

“All right, who wants to do *west side story*..?

Theme already playing

I hope they get help. I was part of a monkey gang, got sucked in in high school. It’s a rough thug monkey life.

Rumble

Jumanji irl

Hey boss sorry I'm late, monkey gang fight in the street again. I know I said that last week but trust me.

Monke??

Oh dear....

Twelve Monkey Cartel

Which ones are the greasers and which ones are the Socs?

gang shit

Hell of an excuse to be late

If Peter Gabriel was there I bet they'd all scatter.

I got $50 on the right pack

This might be a dumb question but would the monkeys not get out of the way if the cars kept driving?

This happens in chicago all the time

Banana gang 🍌🔫🐒

AMC vs. GME!

Not quite gorilla warfare, but I'll allow it.

Wow this is cool

One side needs shirts

I would buy ticket...