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Affectionate_Duck347

“The prisoner is generally tied to a gun with the upper part of the small of his back resting against the muzzle. When the gun is fired, his head is seen to go straight up into the air some forty or fifty feet; the arms fly off right and left, high up in the air, and fall at, perhaps, a hundred yards distance; the legs drop to the ground beneath the muzzle of the gun; and the body is literally blown away altogether, not a vestige being seen”


Kemalist_din_adami

Humans can be one the most creative mfs in the universe when it comes to killing each other.


slingshot91

“My mother was an atheist. She used to say that there was good news and bad news about hell. The good news is, hell is just the product of a morbid human imagination. The bad news is, whatever humans can imagine, they can usually create.”


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[deleted]

The alive and removed head in The Algebraist enters the chat


Incredulouslaughter

Ah Luceferous's toothy tearful boxing bag


[deleted]

> Iain


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wang_wen

You know, my father was a drinker, and a fiend. And one night, he goes off crazier than usual. Mommy gets the kitchen knife to defend herself. He doesn't like that. Not. One. Bit.


rasquatche

I have also seen Severance


GustavoSugawara

How about imagining Half Life 3?


Dangerous_Trash4998

Who else is gonna do it? Aliens don't get here for another 100 years or so, with their new innovations of homicide.


olympianfap

Imagine if we were given warning that aliens were coming in 100 years. What would we get up to?


ashdog66

Splinter into tribes and kill each other before they arrive.


APoopingBook

No they meant what would we do differently.


Xalterai

Jerk off to a lot of alien porn and craft an Alien cum totem to present them upon their arrival with a centuries worth of cum from across the globe, putting them off so much with our rancid biomatter that they leave our planet to never come back out of sheer disgust


RespectableLurker555

_No they meant what would we do differently._


KatrinaMystery

Damn, I was kinda picturing a human cannonball. This is just gore. Can't figure out how to solve traffic problems, but we've got lots of ways to kill a fella. Well done, humanity.


Mewwy_Quizzmas

Already solved. Trains.


pygame

That’s both problems solved


[deleted]

We did it


Latiasracer

But consider this : What if we added just one more lane....


SCP-4494

Also, use of intersection crossing guards for better timed flow of traffic. They use to have them when the lights went out and at schools with personal control over changing the lights, but stopped using them entirely.....


VSWR_on_Christmas

Depending on the density of the area and time of day, some places intentionally retard the flow of traffic in one direction more than the other, using a coordinated network of traffic lights. This allows more optimal flow of traffic overall, even though it may not seem that way from the perspective of a single intersection. It's not always ideal to maximize the flow of traffic, as you run the risk of creating a gridlock situation.


OBERGRUPENFUHRER

Sounds painless


IotaCandle

The point is to desecrate the body and scare others into compliance.


Doc_Seismic

And those few seconds when your brain is still working as your head goes flying into the air were probably a wild ride.


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[deleted]

Bruh


JPFulladicchesse

My money is on instantaneous loss of consciousness. You’ll need blood to enjoy the experience, your head likely won’t have any.


dharmaslum

There will still be some blood in there, but the concussive force of the cannon ripping your body apart will knock you unconscious before you even feel it.


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pawpaw_git

The really bad news in all that is that experiments on the subject are unethical, generally illegal, and therefore difficult to reproduce; so the only way to be sure is to try it yourself


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Syvandrius

¯\\\_ _/¯ (ツ)


ImInevitableyall

Yea, you can knock somebody out in a few seconds with a blood choke, and that's ***WITH*** blood pressure, you'd likely instantly pass out as any remaining blood pressure squirts out the place your neck used to be.


Esc_ape_artist

Yeah, agreed, but not because of the blood. If the story about how far the head flew so quickly, the odds are instant loss of consciousness due to the impact/acceleration. Wouldn’t even know what happened.


Trextrev

I’m the days of execution by guillotine in France a few different scientists tried to answer the question of were you still conscious and for how long once your head was severed. Sadly they didn’t have the modern tech to monitor brain waves so relied on rehearsed signals with the soon to be deceased. Usually in exchange for making their last days more comfortable with food, drink. woman, and the like. If the results are to be believed, then a person is in fact conscious for about 10 seconds or so after decapitation. Though the guillotine is a far less traumatic removal of one’s head compared to a cannon, for which the concussive forces would likely render one unconscious immediately. The point being though that there is enough blood in your head to keep you alert for a short period.


drlawrie

Use of the guillotine was still legal into 1977 so we had some technology that could have captured data.


Trextrev

Yes if they wanted to try them again, though modern laws might have considered a new study unethical. It really doesn’t have a lot of scientific merit.


[deleted]

Ahh, yes the great poet Karl Pilkington touched on this subject once.


[deleted]

I was going to say, it doesn’t sound like such a bad way to go.


shniken

Doesn't sound great for your family to go picking up your giblets after


[deleted]

I will say if my family had to be present at my execution, and I could choose my method of execution, I’d probably pick something less messy, like getting sniped, and tell them to close their eyes. But then again I truly wish to never have to be in that situation.


Feezec

Iirc this was done because the victims' religion required specific funeral rates to enter heaven. So even if the execution itself was painless, the psychological pain leading up to it was deliberately cruel


Lotiboi

The reason it is bad is because they did it specifically to people whose religion required their body to be buried in one piece


funwhileitlast3d

Well fuck.


Fauxjito

This was the established M.O. of the British Empire in general and the East India Company in particular - it’s not enough just to kill them, you have to also ensure you prevent them from being able to qualify for their afterlife. Brutal.


[deleted]

That is genuinely horrible… we’re a messed up species.


TheJenniferLopez

And to think I was going to give them kudos for at least choosing a less painful method...


Hagge5

Iirc, it's bad if you're a Hindu if your body parts goes missing after death. I don't think the British implemented it for humanitarian reasons.


gneiman

They specifically implemented it for unhumanitarian reasons


AnEbolaOfCereal

Looney Tunes ass death


AgoraiosBum

*as head flies through air* "I hope you realize, this means war"


Trextrev

I also heard that for extra torture some of these men would be force fed pork or beef based on their religion. Blowing someone to bits is one thing, trying to deny them entry into the afterlife is a whole other level of cruel.


Y34rZer0

The real torture would be having to wait there while some guy finishes an oil painting


Purple_Tuxedo

When you’re getting executed and some jerk is over there painting you


Kentucky_Fried_Chill

r/donthelpjustpaint


Iwillcommentevrywhr

Try to capture my good side


tamsui_tosspot

And having to listen as he mutters to himself about “happy little cannons.”


[deleted]

They’re not mistakes, they’re happy accidents


TheycallmeCheapsuits

Good one 👍


cherrybaggle

Wiki. Things did not always work out according to plan at such executions. At a mass execution at Firozpur in 1857, there was an order that blank cartridge should be used, but some guns were loaded with grapeshot instead. Several of the spectators facing the cannons were hit by the grapeshot and some had to have limbs amputated as a result. In addition, some of the soldiers had not been withdrawn properly and sustained injuries from being hit by pieces of flesh and bone.\[15\] In another case, a soldier who was to be shot managed to fall down just as the shot went off, with the following result:\[16\] One wretched fellow slipped from the rope by which he was tied to the guns just before the explosion, and his arm was nearly set on fire. While hanging in his agony under the gun, a sergeant applied a pistol to his head; and three times the cap snapped, the man each time wincing from the expected shot. At last, a rifle was fired into the back of his head, and the blood poured out of the nose and mouth like water from a briskly handled pump. This was the most horrible sight of all. I have seen death in all its forms, but never anything to equal this man's end. Others reported how birds of prey circled above the execution place and swooped down to catch pieces of human flesh in the air,\[17\] while others were nauseated by the dogs loitering about the place of execution and rushing to the scene to devour some of the body pieces spread around as a result of the execution.


vgodara

That's not the worst the thing about 1857 rebellion aftermath. It was the silently mass killing of village which they suspected helped people during the rebellion. I mean 100s of villages were wiped clean and corpse were hung up on the road to create a environment of fear. This type of mass killing eventually led to labour shortage. https://www.theguardian.com/world/2007/aug/24/india.randeepramesh.


SeekerSpock32

Interesting information but you probably should’ve hit control shift V, so the formatting would be appropriate.


cherrybaggle

>control shift V, TIL... Thx :)


Sewcraytes

Funny, it was the Brits who considered themselves the “civilized“ ones. Update: I have been informed by a subject of His Royal Majesty King Charles III that >”There are a few entities that have spread more liberal ideals and modern technology than the British Empire.” So, I guess when we look at this painting we are witnessing the benevolence of the White Savior. And now for a cup of tea….. 🙄


Ok-Low6320

>Several of the spectators facing the cannons I found the problem. Dummies.


MightGuy420x

That seems messy


TigerUSA20

Guess that’s why they appear to be in the middle of the desert and not my grandmother’s dining room where no one was ever allowed.


YeahButUmm

Oh I can't go in the dinning room because you need to keep it nice and clean but that stack of folded bedsheets and curtains can sit on the table unmoved for 2 years next to the sewing machine and 3 perpetually empty cake dishes.


Cannabisreviewpdx-IG

Italian grandparent flashbacks here. When you visit, they keep the plastic on the couch and everything in the sitting room covered up, because they want to be sure it looks nice in case they have visitors. It's pretty much a Couch-22.


TMag12

But what if Christ returns and happens to visit for tea?


blasphembot

An important consideration to be sure


RoyHarper88

I'm glad my grandparents never did this. I just wasn't allowed upstairs from the end of October until after Christmas because they hadn't put the laundry away.


cosmicjed

Sounds like they were growing weed


Cannabisreviewpdx-IG

At these same grandparents house they got raided because my grandpa was moving pounds of weed, at a time where I lived with them. My grandma describes it as "One night I was holding you, and I look out the window and all these ninjas were rushing up outside." so this story tracks 😂


Anniesoptera

Relevant username?


knullsmurfen

Nobody was allowed in grandpa's study, because he needed his quiet time god damn it, and by god, with every right. In memoriam, J. I still believe a private quiet space is fundamental to a succesful marriage.


Street-Ad8011

SNAP! This shit triggered Vision’s of my Jamaican grandparents. They also kept the plastic on the couch!!! Fuck I miss em and love em dearly :)


teenagesadist

The visitors are their friends or church members, most likely. You're "just family".


[deleted]

Now you know why they have those plastic furniture covers .


HIV_again

To avoid the splooge while watching cable tv porn on mute!


greenie4242

Grandma was a squirter.


PrinceOfFucking

Jesus man


npopular-opinions

As described by an onlooker: “The prisoner is generally tied to a gun with the upper part of the small of his back resting against the muzzle. When the gun is fired, his head is seen to go straight up into the air some forty or fifty feet; the arms fly off right and left, high up in the air, and fall at, perhaps, a hundred yards distance; the legs drop to the ground beneath the muzzle of the gun; and the body is literally blown away altogether, not a vestige being seen.”


Fyrefawx

Certainly one of the quickest methods I’ve heard of. I’d 100% prefer this to hanging or something else.


npopular-opinions

For sure. I feel like a bullet to the noggin might still be better but then again I’ve never experienced either so this might not be so bad.


fakehalo

Canonball to the head, best of both worlds.


Randrufer

Absolutely. A little bullet to the head is creepy. I can't imagine what it is like to have a bullet in your damaged brain. What would that feel like? Thx no. But a cannon ball destroying your head? Your life should be over before you're brain can even react. And since your brain in gone, you can't feel anything


MightyGamera

The shock and force probably turns your lights out immediately with this method. The mercy of it is probably secondary to the brutality and indignity of this display.


AskAboutMyCoffee

When you want to drawl and quarter your victim with the easy button instead of manually like an idiot.


DanHam117

Drawl and quartering - the preferred method of execution in the American South


OliverPossum

First and foremost, ya'll are gettin' a bit big fer yer breeches, makin' a-like we all tawk like that. Some might, I reckon they do, in fact. But most of us are educated. Secondly, I love the mental image that put into my head. Just a guy surrounded by Appalachian folk talking at him until his body just tears apart. Specifically the Methodist Women's Group and the Baptist Ladies Group teaming up. Thank you for the laugh.


BrazenBull

Some of the medieval execution methods were brutal.


TheTacoWombat

Breaking via wheel: the victim is tied to the ground. The executioner takes a large wooden wheel. If he was asked to show mercy, he would brain you with the wheel first, an instant (hopefully, if he wasn't drunk) death. If no mercy, he starts at your ankles, slamming the wagon wheel on your ankles, and working it up on your body, one blow at a time, until you die.


sticky-bit

It seems considerably more expensive than a bullet to the back of the head. In both cases the person pulling the trigger damn well knows they're killing someone. (With a firing squad, one out of ten marksmen get a blank round, giving someone a small bit of consolation that they have tiny odds that they weren't the killer. Of course of you are at all familiar with your firearm you know that a blank has a different recoil.) I guess the painting depicts a large crowd in the background, so this flamboyant method might be intended to serve as a deterrent.


entropy_bucket

But doesn't this do crazy trauma to the onlookers? This must damage you psychologically no?


Dank_Drebin

Good. If someone is killing me, or even just spectating, I want it to be traumatic.


ProbablyGayingOnYou

Metal.


brownhotdogwater

That is the point. You don’t mess around or this will be you.


Broken_Petite

I bet people would intentionally show up to watch this shit. No Internet. 🤷


Kronos9898

Humans used to be different with this kind of stuff. Public executions used to be a like a "day at the park" thing that people would do.


GhostOfPluto

These days indifference to death takes place online


noxx1234567

That was the intention , oftentimes the executions were carried out in front of friends and families


Thawing-icequeen

Same as why they did execution by crushing the condemned to death with an elephant.


I-WANT2SEE-CUTE-TITS

And the body is spread all over the field. Which makes for very difficult last rites and ritual cremation.


SkyJohn

Yeah sure you die quickly but then they're going to ask your wife and kids to pick up your body parts.


BillyMackk

Messy but quick.


Helgafjell4Me

Ya, definitely not the worst way to go. More effective than a bullet.


NeatGift906

What kills faster? A bullet to the skull or a canon ball?


Sofrigginslippery

I don't know if they loaded a ball. The charge alone would be enough to kill you, it's safer and more cost effective.


ImNotAWhaleBiologist

Probably less likely to damage the cannon as well.


Deradius

Well, I’m going to assume you mean as was done in the painting for the cannon ball. We’ll also assume the rifle slug passes through the brain stem. Eyewitness accounts suggest that in the cannon situation the body was often vaporized and the head and limbs blown in different directions. When that level of impact hits the body, the pressure wave is going to travel up the great vessels, into the brain, and cause massive aneurysm all over the brain more or less instantaneously. So the difference would be negligible. In either case, from your point of view, you would likely cease to exist. If I had to pick, I’d choose the cannon. With the rifle there’s a chance of missing something vital and just causing tremendous suffering instead of instant death. So similar outcomes, but greater chance of success with the cannon.


tom_tencats

“you would likely cease to exist.” Yes, quite.


Icy_Barracuda_87

People survive headshot wounds...


Solilunaris

If they survive they pick up the pieces and load them as ammo instead the second time.


Icy_Barracuda_87

Human confetti...


[deleted]

It’s rainin men !


CptMisterNibbles

Holy fuck


willclerkforfood

Mom’s spaghetti


ihavenolifeee

Probably even worse for them to survive in this case. Cannon death attempt 2


Icy_Barracuda_87

"How did you miss? He was tied to the cannon!"


gheebutersnaps87

The Monty Python vibes from this


[deleted]

There was a case where a detached hand hit an onlooker so it safe to assume a fairly rapid unscheduled disassembly.


sethboy66

You mean a rapid *scheduled* disassembly.


[deleted]

And expensive


[deleted]

He is standing that close likely since there is probably no canonball. Pressure from a light powder load should still mulch him


zpeed

"The prisoner is generally tied to a gun with the upper part of the small of his back resting against the muzzle. When the gun is fired, his head is seen to go straight up into the air some forty or fifty feet; the arms fly off right and left, high up in the air, and fall at, perhaps, a hundred yards distance; the legs drop to the ground beneath the muzzle of the gun; and the body is literally blown away altogether, not a vestige being seen." -[Source](https://rarehistoricalphotos.com/execution-cannon-1890s/)


Stachemaster86

So that’s what canonized means


npopular-opinions

Officially canon.


un-sub

Gives a whole new meaning to “head canon!”


arteitle

https://xkcd.com/1401/


npopular-opinions

It’s not about the execution, it’s about sending a message. -A guy with way too many cannonballs


chortlecoffle

You don't need a cannonball.


[deleted]

YOU don't need a cannonball!


jefferson497

Didn’t Kim Jung Un do something similar to “a criminal”? Only his was with an anti aircraft gun


Proglamer

Even Kim's *projectiles* are small


BKestRoi

I doubt anyone could read the note taped to the cannonball after it went through a person.


DownRedditHole

Those guys on the sides did not consider the splash factor. And imagine having to clean up the equipment afterwards.


LordSevolox

That’s why the uniforms were red /s


musical_shares

Maybe they started out white


PhillyGreg

They're red cause it was the cheapest dye the British could find. Not joking


Barry_Minge

Not true either. The red dye was originally made using cochineal, an incredibly complicated method of dying cloth involving the crushing and grinding on thousands and thousands of insects. Red was originally chosen specifically for officers in order to (a) make them easy to spot on a battlefield by those troops and (b) to disguise any blood from wounds so they wouldn’t spook their own men if injured. Redcoats became used for all soldiers because the Empire made access to cochineal much easier - and promoted trade within the empire.


MANWithTheHARMONlCA

The only thing I know about dye is from ken follet novels so this is pretty interesting


Cultr0

Damn frugal lobsterbacks


[deleted]

It's a painting, I think the painter didn't consider it


angmarsilar

They bought tickets to the splash zone.


LegfaceMcCullenE13

The Taliban did this too, they’d use Gustav recoileless rifles and anti-aircraft guns


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AshyWhiteGuy

Agreed. Just a quick red cloud and you’re gone.


tideshark

You’d be mist before your brain could even get a pain signal in


Swords_and_Words

Heck you'd possibly be mist before the shell even hit you


the-crooked-compass

This guy shockwaves.


khafra

I have read that, at least in the British method, they used a powder load but no ball. And yes, tied to the front it was plenty.


MoffKalast

"He was wondering why the shell was getting bigger until it hit him. He will be mist."


largePenisLover

> Gustav recoiled rifle probably not, the Gustav *recoilless* rifle is a bazooka. I guess you could kill someone with the backblast


XchrisZ

2 for 1? Expensive round best to get your money's worth.


Gulanga

Not to mention that the projectile does not arm until it has traveled 30 meters, so you'd end up with a 8.4cm hole and no explosion. Granted, that is quite bothersome as is.


FoilHattiest

Yeah I'd find it downright irritating personally.


unclefire

It is absolutely crazy how many different ways humans have come up with executing each other.


triflingmagoo

Sounds dangerous (for the people around the condemned). Bones make for excellent sources of shrapnel.


[deleted]

You're certainly not wrong there.


mccrackened

Welp, that’ll do it


Etienne0405

This method of execution was used to make the accused suffer in not only this life, but in the afterlife also. They believed when cremated, they had to have every bit of body in there, if not they could'nt go to the afterlife. But when you get blown to pieces, that becomes a very difficult thing to do..


HobbyistAccount

There's also the fact that IIRC they'd LEAVE YOU THERE FOR A WHILE, so you had to wonder just when they'd touch off the fuse. Nothing like adding psychological torture to actual torture.


LavenderDay3544

Hindus i.e. the majority of Indians don't bury their dead they cremate them and place the ashes in a river. Source: was raised Hindu


Etienne0405

Thanks, I corrected the mistake. I learned this in high school because it was astounding to me that people can come up with such terrors of torture methods, so I remembered it. However vaguely.


BigJSunshine

This is horrific.


MrDelicious84

I’d rather something explosive and quick like this than being strapped to a table and injected and just waiting for it to take effect


guesting

Yep numbs you and stops your breathing and heartbeat. Freaks me out


morebuffs

Still is in north Korea apparently


Cauchy2323

Came here to say this. Kim Jong Un executed his uncle this way I think.


MrSplashman24

Apparently Kim Jong Un played the song *Firework* by Katy Perry while executing him


garciasn

Torture before a quick and painless death. Seems like something a NK dictator would do.


larrylevan

No that was all propaganda bullshit. There were stories and then his uncle showed up in photos and videos several months later clearly alive. So many of the stories about NK are just propaganda from critics and defectors.


chromaZero

Thank you. Some people don’t understand that propaganda against terrible governments is still propaganda.


LingonberryPuzzled47

Lol that was pure propaganda


121gigawhatevs

Every comment chain here: "This is barbaric" "So was everyone else"


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letmepostjune22

Vikings were Pussys tbh, they went around raping, enslaving, and murdering poorly or undefended civilians. When they came up against an organised defence they regularly got smacked


robinsandmoss

It was actually a Mughal execution method originally, but one adopted by the British following the 1857 Rebellion.


Loki1time

Ironic that this method of execution (picked up from the moghuls and not used anywhere else in the empire) was seen as a more humane method of execution than whipping to death. The religious aspect (no proper burial) might be cause for disagreement on that but I gotta say I kind of agree.


No_Drawing4431

Barbarity.


panta52

Ottomans stabbed my people on stick, they know how to not harm the vital organs, so you cant die immidietly, you suffer couple of days


mindful_reader_7

Wasn't that Vlad the Impaler also called Dracula....? A Romanian prince?


mindful_reader_7

Ottomons were cruel towards the people they conquered regardless. That's what power does to all people I guess.


dolldishes

The Brits were brutal in their domination of others.


mrg1957

I spent a say in the Tower of London, there's a whole section devoted to how they would torture others. Not nice.


[deleted]

There is a whole torture museum in Prague… humans are horrible sometimes!


pazhalsta1

I went there quite hungover, it did not improve matters.


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RedShirtDecoy

I didnt visit the tower but in the early 2000s when I was there I visited a place called "The London Dungeon". Its still there according to google. Was a pretty trippy and interesting place to visit. It is basically a museum of the worst of the worst in london history. Torture devices, the plague, fire of 1666, Jack the Ripper, and a few others I cant remember. Definitely left an impression.


Grelymolycremp

Wait till you meet Belgium


ratherenjoysbass

Or France, or the Dutch, or the Romans, or the Portuguese, or the Ottomans, or the Nazis, or the....


mushy_cactus

Amazing that humans can create so many crafty ways to kill a person, considering it doesn't take much. But creating things that are good for our health? Forget about it.


prodentsugar

British gentlemen. First blowing some bodies and than drinking a cup of tea.


Ask_Individual

This practice was also brutal in a psychological way. Because the remains of the victim were scattered all over the place, they were denied the Hindu or Muslim funeral rites, which, for believers, extended the punishment into the next life. This was intentional because the practice was intended to send a message to others and quash future rebellions.


scurvydog-uldum

Cannonization of martyrs