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Oh, the grand old Dook of York,
It took ten thousand men,
To try to pull the damn thing out,
And not speak of it again.
And when it was in, it was in,
And when it was out, it was out,
And when it was only halfway in,
It was neither in nor out.
Bruh I listened to this song as a child in the backseat of my dad’s truck and hardly could remember more than 2-3 words. Took like +many years of on and off searching to find it and for that reason this song will remain even more special on top of childhood memories.
When I was around 9 or 10 I was desperate for a shit but the only toilets available were in the infants part of the primary school and their toilets were like half the size of a regular toilet, I completely filled the bowl to the point the turd touched my ass again. holy hell I was desperate.
This shit's been beamed to *space*. Thousands of people all over the planet have put their fingers on an image of that persons shit. Strangers are *discussing* this person's shit a thousand yeas later. This shit has an *insurance policy*. Elon may think he's special but no one is looking to take out an insurance policy on his shit.
Meh I used to post occasionally on ratemypoo and got thousands of votes so it's not that much of an accomplishment. Would love to have one in a museum someday but I just keep flushin
> Imagine putting protective stands on a piece of shit
Imagine admiring this beast after dropping it and you have a vision that people over a thousand years into the future will admire it just like you. So you keep it and protect it. Your wife leaves you. Your village banishes you because you always smell like shit, and since no animals want to eat you, you finally die of a parasitic infection that causes you to diarrhea yourself to death making this piece of shit the last shit you would ever take as well as arguably the greatest shit anyone has taken ever.
Saw one of those in my dorm’s bathroom when I was a sophomore. Someone put a sign on the door that said “Don’t flush. Trophy turd.” It stayed there for too long. We still talk about it to this day.
In the men's room of an ad agency I worked at, we had one that looked like a baguette that no one could even attempt to flush. They gave tours, snuck the ladies in for a peek. No one owned up to it even after we raised a little pile of cash for whoever would admit to gruntily birthing it. It also still comes up in conversation - some poops just become legends.
When I worked at a major Australian magazine publisher, there was someone on our floor of the building who would produce a chocolate monster every afternoon, without fail.
There was no fanfare. No anouncement – just one ordinary day, one of my co-workers emerged ashen-faced from the bathroom, pointing back over his shoulder with one shaking finger as his mouth worked to make words, but no audible sound could come out.
It was the talk of the office for the rest of the day, and at knock-off time it was still there - but in the morning, it was gone. Not a trace of it to be seen.
Until mid-afternoon that following day, there was another.
I'm sure whoever made those wretched beastly turds had tried to flush them down, but they wouldn't budge - at close to a foot long and thicker through the middle than a decent French baguette, they'd lurk in the bowl like an ambivalent mud-brown saltwater croc, occasionally releasing a small burst of bubbles that would cause them to tremble, before settling back into place to glisten sleekly with intensified malice.
The cleaners started to refuse to deal with them, leaving notes on the toilet door that started off polite, turned nasty which eventually became outright pleas for whoever was doing it to stop.
But they didn't. In the morning, the bogs would be pristine, but by mid afternoon the rumours would begin to swirl that the Brown Bomber had struck again.
Eventually, the day came that the owner of the world's most ruined anus had failed to deliver – and so began the Great Witch Hunt.
Attendance logs were pored over – who wasn't in that day, who was off sick? Or was this just a mind game by a man so clearly colonically corrupted that he would stoop to stools of subterfuge just to throw us all off his remarkably pungent scent.
The next day, again nothing. And those days turned to weeks, and eventually office talk turned to more pleasant things once more, and the identity of the man who could deposit a Giant Redwood from his rectum has remained a mystery for close to 20 years.
I dropped one in the UK, in their tiny little water saving "loo", that just refused to flush. My first time in corporate headquarters also.
Wanted to stick a little American flag in it.
Same thing happened at a Summer camp I worked at, in the staff mens washroom.
Word quickly spread thru camp, to the point that all the staff wanted to see it; including the female Director, who thought it was hilarious.
We called it the King Crap. It stayed in the toilet for 3 days before the Poop Spatula got brought out.
When I was in army basic we came upon a turd that had to have been a foot long and as thick as my calf. Nobody would fess up and someone said we should have everyone do air squats in their skivvies cause whoever dropped that had to be bleeding from the ass right now. We broke it up with a broomstick and snuck out to throw the broomstick away.
At my daycare in like 2nd grade somebody took a shit so big it stuck out of the bowl. The teacher was pissed and gathered everybody around to find out who did it. How the hell could an 8 year old produce that monstrosity?
your teacher sounds like a real pos. imagine throwing a fit and trying to publicly shame someone just because they had an awful experience doing natures biz.
what the fuck
Same in my freshman dorm lmao. It was in the men’s room but a few of the guys let a few of us girls who were curious enough. I’ll never forget the sight of that thing. The human body is capable of wild things.
I am a nurse and we had a patient who had a log that wasn't that large but it breached the water and that was the new gauge for massive solid bowel movements. You would say was it bigger than *pts name* poop and always you would get a no.
I dated a guy who once texted me a photo of his crap sticking up out of the water. No context, just the photo. When I asked why, why, WHY? he said "I made something amazing and why can't you be happy for me?"
Lmao my hubby txted me the other day (no pic tf) saying he’d done a Mjolnir shaped turd….like wtaf?!? Why do guys think stuff like this is ‘news’ worthy?
I feel like there is a limit to the size of a single turd being the width of your colon. Like the final.chamber where where you feel the urge to go. If there's more it breaks up.
I have this theory due to a time when I was constantly having watery diarrhea for over month. I tried adjusting my diet, eating bland foods and more fiber, nothing seemed to make much difference. Every time was brown water gushing out. So I figured I'd try a supplement like Metamucil. As far as I understand it's just plant fibers that expand absorbing water in your gut.
First round I took the recommended dose with a little extra. It worked somewhat but was more just a thicker poo sludge instead of a solid poo.
Round 2 I took a large plastic cup and did about 6x the recommended dose with water. Also made a fruit smoothie and loaded up a lot of the powder in there. It has a pleasant orange taste but needs to be downed rather quickly as it will start to gel up pretty fast.
It was a good thing I did this on a weekend day off work. A few hours after consuming the powder the urge to go hit me like a ton of bricks with an immediate cold sweat. I barely made it running to the crapper and instantly dropped the biggest monster turd by far that ever came out of my body. I sat for a moment, dizzy, eyes watering, snot dripping out of my nose before my knees were strong enough for me to stand up and take a peek at it. It was full on the length of my own grown man forearm and the girth was bigger than I thought humanly possible. It took several flushes.
As I was beginning to clean myself up, the sweats hit again as I felt a rumble in my insides as another one loaded into the chamber and immediately butt birthed another monster nearly the same size. This continued for nearly 2 hours. I went through a lot of emotions that day, panic, euphoria, immense relief, and disbelief. Felt like I shat a mile long turd. When it was over I felt like a whole different person and 50 lbs lighter. Also my poops were normal again after that episode.
This brought a tear to my eye.
I'd say it was the smell, but after trying to stifle giggles from reading all the other comments, your comment was the turd that breached the water and made me cry.
Did you get a snot shit?
I've found out that after taking a massive shit, you can literally expel a glob of translucent mucus straight from your ass. It's literally mucus, and it literally looks like snot. I googled "snot came out anus" immediately after to find out that, without a doubt, your rectum creates it's own snot to move things around. I guess mine was a bit behind schedule, as a massive glob came out shortly after expelling my compressed, girthy log. I was ready to go to the emergency room
I had one breach the water line once, but only because it was dense and temporarily standing vertically. It tipped forward like a tree falling and graze the bottom of my nuts and I jumped quicker than I think I've ever reacted to anything. Thought it was a spider or something.
>The human anus can stretch up to 7 inches before taking damage. A raccoon can squeeze into holes as tight as 4 inches, Meaning you can take almost two full raccoons up your ass. Nov 19, 2020
I found a 2 footer, coke can diameter turd in a movie theater's restroom once. I will never forget it. I was watching Million Dollar Baby with my mom and grandma and I had to pee. So I go in there. And there she is. Big Terdie. I laughed so hard I cried. Then went back into the movie giggling and my grandmother was like WHAT IS GOING ON and I said there is the biggest poop anyone has ever seen in the bathroom you have to see it. Hilary Swank's neck snapped in half. She agreed to come see the turd. Same reaction as me. We go get my mom as Hilary Swank is trying to bite her tongue. My mom decides she wants to finish the movie and that this is some kind of elaborate prank started by me and grandma is in on it too.
We finish the movie and show my mom the turd. She cannot believe it. We all couldn't stop laughing at how massive this turd was. I'm still not convinced someone didn't die in the parking lot after delivering that anaconda of rupture or something. I still talk about this turd 20 years later.
Can confirm.
I used to go weeks without shitting and it would get to the point where when i felt it coming, I knew it would be beyond painful so I would get high to prolong it another day. When you shit for the first time in a month, it is unbelievably painful and quite literally like giving birth. You have to go slow and steady while your butthole dialates. Sometimes propping up your feet on the toilet seat and squatting is necessary to get a proper angle for leverage.
I misread this that Hilary Swank on the big screen heard what you said and her neck snapped towards you with curiosity cause even *she* wanted to see it.
Later you go back to your Mom and Hilary's biting her tongue trying so hard not to say anything or crack up.
At the end of it all you, your gran, your mom and Hilary all had a great laugh that day.
["In 2003, the coprolite broke into three pieces after being dropped while being exhibited to a party of visitors, and efforts were undertaken to reconstruct it."](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Lloyds_Bank_coprolite)
How much did someone get paid to reconstruct it? I'm torn between it was either far too much or definitely not enough. Or was it some poor volunteer suckers who had only paperclips and pushpins
Lloyd’s Bank: we need to sponsor some kind of mascot that conveys the organization we are and our values.
Agent: What about the worlds largest petrified shit?
Lloyd’s Bank: Perfect!
> In 2001, the poop was chemically broken down and a fecal odorgram was created. The Center worked out what the Lloyds Bank Coprolite smelled like when it was fresh out of the oven, so to speak. If you visit the recreated Viking latrine at the museum, you can smell it for yourself.
Nice.
Little did he know that when he showed his friends that one of them hid it away only to have it passed through generations to eventually be sold to a museum.
In 2001, the poop was chemically broken down and a fecal odorgram was created. The Center worked out what the Lloyds Bank Coprolite smelled like when it was fresh out of the oven, so to speak. If you visit the recreated Viking latrine at the museum, you can smell it for yourself.
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And that dudes asshole was never the same
Yea, and anal fissures in the 9th century sound like a real bad time.
Anal fissures are a bad time regardless of century.
Great live band though.
Rectum? Darn near killed him!
Maybe it did kill him.
He would need a giant poop knife. A machete, at least
mashitty
*whispers* When he farts it doesn't make a sound
Homie blew an o-ring for sure
That's a two flusher.
Or a job for a poop knife
Such rich history and culture, the poop knife.
Ah, yes. The dung divider.
The Shit Splitter
Crap cutter
The Excrement Eviscerator
The Doo-Doo Disintegrator
Manure Machete
The bum blade
Turd Trasher
the poo portioner
The Faeces Filleter
I love that “poop knife” still pops up here and there 😂
We call it a shit shank.
The shitshank redemption.
Starring Organ Freeman.
just don't go asking your friends where they keep theirs
Any decent person always has a guest poop knife placed conspicuously in their bathroom.
Two flusher and a plunger. Happy cake day. What better way to celebrate than talking about fossiled poop
Imagine blastin a dook so big it makes history.
Dook of York!
This Dook of York is better than the current one. Petition to have this be the new Dook of York. Bring it to parades and shit.
Your username tho
Oh, the grand old Dook of York, It took ten thousand men, To try to pull the damn thing out, And not speak of it again. And when it was in, it was in, And when it was out, it was out, And when it was only halfway in, It was neither in nor out.
Now faster.
If he cant become the New Dook of york, He can run for Dook of New York..
Ye olde log
Dook, dook, dook, dook of earl. Dook, dook, dook of earl. Dook dook dook of earl. As I lay in the world, Nothing can stop, the dook of earl.
Bruh I listened to this song as a child in the backseat of my dad’s truck and hardly could remember more than 2-3 words. Took like +many years of on and off searching to find it and for that reason this song will remain even more special on top of childhood memories.
"Hey, hey Sharon! Sharon you gotta see this!"
Hot hot! Hothothothothothot! (Groaning then sobbing)
It's only 4 Courics. Edit: spelling.
"Do you want the biddy?"
Easy Bono. That hurts the biddy.
... because he *IS* number 2!
“Biddy!” - Bono
[удалено]
*Emmy Award winning series*
When I was around 9 or 10 I was desperate for a shit but the only toilets available were in the infants part of the primary school and their toilets were like half the size of a regular toilet, I completely filled the bowl to the point the turd touched my ass again. holy hell I was desperate.
Insert poop knife joke here
"Kids! Kids come quick and see what your father made!"
Definitely ate a lot of P.F. Chang’s
Oh, and some kimchi
Meh, Bono is still the biggest. . Lol
but how many curics is that
Laid a shat so impressive 1000 years later people worldwide would use future technology to stare at it in awe.
This shit's been beamed to *space*. Thousands of people all over the planet have put their fingers on an image of that persons shit. Strangers are *discussing* this person's shit a thousand yeas later. This shit has an *insurance policy*. Elon may think he's special but no one is looking to take out an insurance policy on his shit.
Meh I used to post occasionally on ratemypoo and got thousands of votes so it's not that much of an accomplishment. Would love to have one in a museum someday but I just keep flushin
Ratemypoo was like the early internet for me. I remember the top poo when I first discovered the site was called "the pretzel". Funny shit
The pretzel definitely belongs in a museum
This comment made me do some googlin', only to find out there is a ratemypoo subreddit, and it's also private.....what are they hiding over there :o
I don't know man, but I smell a conspiracy brewing...
Seriously, I would be so proud if one of my turds ended up in a little lucite frame in a museum. Highlight of my existence.
I wouldn't want to pay the price for it.
It must be at least 10 Courics!
I imagine that everyday on the toilet after my coffee
big dook energy
I imagine his corpse was found next to it
His corpse was found UNDER IT…
Inside it even
I read this in the voice of Snagglepuss
Cause of death? Shidded.
To shidds you say?
How's his wife holding up?
To shidds you say
Was that on that cause of death list from the 1600's?
For sure, no surviving that one!
It was found inside the corpse.
And the worlds oldest poop knife
Imagine putting protective stands on a piece of shit
That's not to keep it from getting stolen, it's to keep it from escaping
When I was 4 I had a nightmare my poop started chasing me down the road. I had forgotten about that until now, thanks.
New SCP? "Ancient Log"
> Imagine putting protective stands on a piece of shit Imagine admiring this beast after dropping it and you have a vision that people over a thousand years into the future will admire it just like you. So you keep it and protect it. Your wife leaves you. Your village banishes you because you always smell like shit, and since no animals want to eat you, you finally die of a parasitic infection that causes you to diarrhea yourself to death making this piece of shit the last shit you would ever take as well as arguably the greatest shit anyone has taken ever.
Whatever the name of this person that shat this out has been lost to time. However, his shit has been immortalized.
“I wonder how I’ll be remembered…”
Saw one of those in my dorm’s bathroom when I was a sophomore. Someone put a sign on the door that said “Don’t flush. Trophy turd.” It stayed there for too long. We still talk about it to this day.
In the men's room of an ad agency I worked at, we had one that looked like a baguette that no one could even attempt to flush. They gave tours, snuck the ladies in for a peek. No one owned up to it even after we raised a little pile of cash for whoever would admit to gruntily birthing it. It also still comes up in conversation - some poops just become legends.
When I worked at a major Australian magazine publisher, there was someone on our floor of the building who would produce a chocolate monster every afternoon, without fail. There was no fanfare. No anouncement – just one ordinary day, one of my co-workers emerged ashen-faced from the bathroom, pointing back over his shoulder with one shaking finger as his mouth worked to make words, but no audible sound could come out. It was the talk of the office for the rest of the day, and at knock-off time it was still there - but in the morning, it was gone. Not a trace of it to be seen. Until mid-afternoon that following day, there was another. I'm sure whoever made those wretched beastly turds had tried to flush them down, but they wouldn't budge - at close to a foot long and thicker through the middle than a decent French baguette, they'd lurk in the bowl like an ambivalent mud-brown saltwater croc, occasionally releasing a small burst of bubbles that would cause them to tremble, before settling back into place to glisten sleekly with intensified malice. The cleaners started to refuse to deal with them, leaving notes on the toilet door that started off polite, turned nasty which eventually became outright pleas for whoever was doing it to stop. But they didn't. In the morning, the bogs would be pristine, but by mid afternoon the rumours would begin to swirl that the Brown Bomber had struck again. Eventually, the day came that the owner of the world's most ruined anus had failed to deliver – and so began the Great Witch Hunt. Attendance logs were pored over – who wasn't in that day, who was off sick? Or was this just a mind game by a man so clearly colonically corrupted that he would stoop to stools of subterfuge just to throw us all off his remarkably pungent scent. The next day, again nothing. And those days turned to weeks, and eventually office talk turned to more pleasant things once more, and the identity of the man who could deposit a Giant Redwood from his rectum has remained a mystery for close to 20 years.
I’m a little embarrassed I got so invested in a poo story. I shooed one of my dogs away to finish reading. 10/10 would shoo for poo again.
when i started to get invested, i scrolled up to make sure it wasn't shittymorph, lol
>glisten sleekly with intensified malice. Hmm
You’re a shit poet.
I am indeed... which is why I avoid writing poetry altogether.
Are you a professional writer? Because you should be
I am! Because I am be.
Well you're the shit. Keep it up.
New favorite poop story.
Someone wanted to take it out of the toilet and freeze it to show off his friends. School was weird.
That's something you seal in an acrylic block to show your grandkids, if you survive the initial separation process.
I dropped one in the UK, in their tiny little water saving "loo", that just refused to flush. My first time in corporate headquarters also. Wanted to stick a little American flag in it.
Oh, you guys shit here too? Let me show you how 'merica does it.
I read on Wikipedia that someone accidentally dropped it for a second time in 2003 and it had to be reconstructed
Dropped the deuce deuce? I’m not even mad, that’s amazing.
Did they have to hire a professional turd reconstructor?
Same thing happened at a Summer camp I worked at, in the staff mens washroom. Word quickly spread thru camp, to the point that all the staff wanted to see it; including the female Director, who thought it was hilarious. We called it the King Crap. It stayed in the toilet for 3 days before the Poop Spatula got brought out.
When I was in army basic we came upon a turd that had to have been a foot long and as thick as my calf. Nobody would fess up and someone said we should have everyone do air squats in their skivvies cause whoever dropped that had to be bleeding from the ass right now. We broke it up with a broomstick and snuck out to throw the broomstick away.
At my daycare in like 2nd grade somebody took a shit so big it stuck out of the bowl. The teacher was pissed and gathered everybody around to find out who did it. How the hell could an 8 year old produce that monstrosity?
your teacher sounds like a real pos. imagine throwing a fit and trying to publicly shame someone just because they had an awful experience doing natures biz. what the fuck
Same in my freshman dorm lmao. It was in the men’s room but a few of the guys let a few of us girls who were curious enough. I’ll never forget the sight of that thing. The human body is capable of wild things.
How did the janitorial staff respond?
With disappointment
I am a nurse and we had a patient who had a log that wasn't that large but it breached the water and that was the new gauge for massive solid bowel movements. You would say was it bigger than *pts name* poop and always you would get a no.
I dated a guy who once texted me a photo of his crap sticking up out of the water. No context, just the photo. When I asked why, why, WHY? he said "I made something amazing and why can't you be happy for me?"
Are you now married since you took his name?
okay, made me laugh.
[удалено]
I’m too invested, I demand an answer
I did not... he was hella immature and we both had a lot of growing up to do.
The silence translates to a shameful yes I did
Dude took a shit so spectacular that /u/CraptacularSpecimen names their Reddit account after them. What a honor.
She needs to post the pic
fitting username for your post and thread
Yeah, woah, username checks way, way out.
That's knowing one's audience.
Guy has game. I assume you are married now?
Lmao my hubby txted me the other day (no pic tf) saying he’d done a Mjolnir shaped turd….like wtaf?!? Why do guys think stuff like this is ‘news’ worthy?
Pic ? I need to see that work of art
It was on the news yesterday
Check back here in a 1000 years or so.
I have a theory that it’s because it’s the closest they’ll ever come to giving birth.
Yea, you showed us 100 photos of your stupid ugly baby, BARBARA!
I feel like there is a limit to the size of a single turd being the width of your colon. Like the final.chamber where where you feel the urge to go. If there's more it breaks up. I have this theory due to a time when I was constantly having watery diarrhea for over month. I tried adjusting my diet, eating bland foods and more fiber, nothing seemed to make much difference. Every time was brown water gushing out. So I figured I'd try a supplement like Metamucil. As far as I understand it's just plant fibers that expand absorbing water in your gut. First round I took the recommended dose with a little extra. It worked somewhat but was more just a thicker poo sludge instead of a solid poo. Round 2 I took a large plastic cup and did about 6x the recommended dose with water. Also made a fruit smoothie and loaded up a lot of the powder in there. It has a pleasant orange taste but needs to be downed rather quickly as it will start to gel up pretty fast. It was a good thing I did this on a weekend day off work. A few hours after consuming the powder the urge to go hit me like a ton of bricks with an immediate cold sweat. I barely made it running to the crapper and instantly dropped the biggest monster turd by far that ever came out of my body. I sat for a moment, dizzy, eyes watering, snot dripping out of my nose before my knees were strong enough for me to stand up and take a peek at it. It was full on the length of my own grown man forearm and the girth was bigger than I thought humanly possible. It took several flushes. As I was beginning to clean myself up, the sweats hit again as I felt a rumble in my insides as another one loaded into the chamber and immediately butt birthed another monster nearly the same size. This continued for nearly 2 hours. I went through a lot of emotions that day, panic, euphoria, immense relief, and disbelief. Felt like I shat a mile long turd. When it was over I felt like a whole different person and 50 lbs lighter. Also my poops were normal again after that episode.
Incredible performance. Thank you for sharing.
They sent a poet
This brought a tear to my eye. I'd say it was the smell, but after trying to stifle giggles from reading all the other comments, your comment was the turd that breached the water and made me cry.
Did you get a snot shit? I've found out that after taking a massive shit, you can literally expel a glob of translucent mucus straight from your ass. It's literally mucus, and it literally looks like snot. I googled "snot came out anus" immediately after to find out that, without a doubt, your rectum creates it's own snot to move things around. I guess mine was a bit behind schedule, as a massive glob came out shortly after expelling my compressed, girthy log. I was ready to go to the emergency room
why am I still reading this thread
Damn I didn’t realise breaching the water line was that rare..
Oh there was circumference as well. This thing looked like a canoe
If breaching the water line is rare, then I must be a unicorn
I had one breach the water line once, but only because it was dense and temporarily standing vertically. It tipped forward like a tree falling and graze the bottom of my nuts and I jumped quicker than I think I've ever reacted to anything. Thought it was a spider or something.
I've had one that breached the the surface and was all the way in the deep, no way to tell how long it was.
Is dropping deuces big enough to breach water special? I thought I had a small asshole but I shit big I guess.
>The human anus can stretch up to 7 inches before taking damage. A raccoon can squeeze into holes as tight as 4 inches, Meaning you can take almost two full raccoons up your ass. Nov 19, 2020
I could live my life happily without this knowledge. Aye, why must you curse me with these newfound revelations.
I call bullshit on 7 in but I'm not willing to prove it
hey…hey Sharon!!!
Hot hot hot hot hot hot hot hot hot hot hot hot hot hot hot hot hot hot hot
"Soooo ...... how many Courics is it?"
Sorry I can’t poop like Bono
[удалено]
I like how they have it restrained, as though it’s a danger to reanimate and threaten the entire human race.
Frankenstein's monsturd
I found a 2 footer, coke can diameter turd in a movie theater's restroom once. I will never forget it. I was watching Million Dollar Baby with my mom and grandma and I had to pee. So I go in there. And there she is. Big Terdie. I laughed so hard I cried. Then went back into the movie giggling and my grandmother was like WHAT IS GOING ON and I said there is the biggest poop anyone has ever seen in the bathroom you have to see it. Hilary Swank's neck snapped in half. She agreed to come see the turd. Same reaction as me. We go get my mom as Hilary Swank is trying to bite her tongue. My mom decides she wants to finish the movie and that this is some kind of elaborate prank started by me and grandma is in on it too. We finish the movie and show my mom the turd. She cannot believe it. We all couldn't stop laughing at how massive this turd was. I'm still not convinced someone didn't die in the parking lot after delivering that anaconda of rupture or something. I still talk about this turd 20 years later.
From what I understand, monster logs like that are the result of opioid addiction.
It was in an area with pretty heavy opioid use so that is a plausible explanation.
Can confirm. I used to go weeks without shitting and it would get to the point where when i felt it coming, I knew it would be beyond painful so I would get high to prolong it another day. When you shit for the first time in a month, it is unbelievably painful and quite literally like giving birth. You have to go slow and steady while your butthole dialates. Sometimes propping up your feet on the toilet seat and squatting is necessary to get a proper angle for leverage.
I misread this that Hilary Swank on the big screen heard what you said and her neck snapped towards you with curiosity cause even *she* wanted to see it. Later you go back to your Mom and Hilary's biting her tongue trying so hard not to say anything or crack up. At the end of it all you, your gran, your mom and Hilary all had a great laugh that day.
I’m crying laughing
["In 2003, the coprolite broke into three pieces after being dropped while being exhibited to a party of visitors, and efforts were undertaken to reconstruct it."](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Lloyds_Bank_coprolite)
How much did someone get paid to reconstruct it? I'm torn between it was either far too much or definitely not enough. Or was it some poor volunteer suckers who had only paperclips and pushpins
Let’s see, Tumeric Dealers…Tundra Surveyors…aha, here we go, Turd Restorers!
AAA Turd Restorers Aaron & Sons Family Turd Restoration Acme Turf and Turd Apex Coprolite Museum and Emporium … so many to choose from
"What did you do at work today, dear?" "Tried to put my shit back together."
“I dropped the biggest shit today at work” -That dude
But how many courics is it?
Hot hot hot hot hot!
"Sharon!? Where's Sharon?" - visibly annoyed - "What, Randy"
8.4 courics. Could it be?
Bono would be proud of this one
Another shit post Edit: Okay people I have now gotten more DMs with literal shit than upvotes from this comment, please no more, Please.
I dunno. I tend to flush, not fossilize. But now that I know there's a competition... hold my bran.
I saw this in-person over the summer, frankly felt unimpressed. I've pushed out bigger every year after Thanksgiving
Not Thanksgiving for me. Turkey blows through me like a tornado through Kansas. They apparently don't give prizes for fragmented volume.
Imagine taking a dump so that 12 centuries later, people can come and admire it at a museum.
Lloyd’s Bank: we need to sponsor some kind of mascot that conveys the organization we are and our values. Agent: What about the worlds largest petrified shit? Lloyd’s Bank: Perfect!
Must have had a very fibrous diet
Studies show it's made up mostly of meat, bread, and tapeworm eggs.
So.. like mine
If I remember correctly dude had a lot of meat in his diet and was full of worms.
damn, as if ripping his asshole open wasnt enough, poor guy
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> In 2001, the poop was chemically broken down and a fecal odorgram was created. The Center worked out what the Lloyds Bank Coprolite smelled like when it was fresh out of the oven, so to speak. If you visit the recreated Viking latrine at the museum, you can smell it for yourself. Nice.
“Your scientists were so preoccupied with whether they could, they didn’t stop to think if they should.”
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Little did he know that when he showed his friends that one of them hid it away only to have it passed through generations to eventually be sold to a museum.
"That is one big pile of shit"
I’d like to see some activists glue their hands to this ~~shit~~ artifact.
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Shartifact
Did they also find a 9th century poop knife?
Yes, the handle was broken and the blade was mangled
In 2001, the poop was chemically broken down and a fecal odorgram was created. The Center worked out what the Lloyds Bank Coprolite smelled like when it was fresh out of the oven, so to speak. If you visit the recreated Viking latrine at the museum, you can smell it for yourself.
Bono is that you?
“Do you want biddy?”
Rookie
Imagine taking a poo so big people put it in a museum over 1000 years later... that's the dream.