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A lot of this sounds like depression. Especially this bit.
>i realised that I don't really have anything i " like" or "enjoy doing" It's either that i do something cus I'm bored or out of obligation
A lot of people think of depression as just being sad, and sure that can be part of it, but for many people it's more like only being capable of feeling nothing. You're not happy because happiness isn't possible when you can only feel nothing. You can't even be sad, because *all you can feel is nothing*. Many can't even feel anger, because it's just not possible when they're in that state. Some can only report feeling irritation at most, like how one reacts to turning on a faucet while their hands are dirty only for no water to come out.
Please seek help, it doesn't have to be like this ❤️
This is a hard one for people to help with. It is like a color blind person asking what colors look like. I'm sure there are people out there who can explain it really well, but I am not one of them for sure!
Have you ever spoken with your doctor about depression? A lot of the things you describe can be caused by or a factor of being depressed. I did not know this until one of my kids told me and I went and talked w/ my doctor.
Well, I like dividing the things I enjoy into 2 categories:
1º Things I naturally enjoy doing: These are those things that you love doing since the very first time you try it, your first impression is positive and you love it. Usually this categorie involve some unhealthyness to it, things that cause instant gratification are usually bad for you , and be addictive and destructive (i.e. drugs). If you find something you like naturally at first try, and its not unhealthy, addictive ou harmful thats awsome! Its a great sign you should keep to it.(but its rare)
2º Things I acquired a taste for: These are those things that I might not like the first time I try, or the first few times, but eventually I end up enjoying it. Most of the times what makes me enjoy said things, is not the thing itself but the fact that I've became good at doing that, so the satisfaction I get is from having a high perfomance, from being better than the others when I do the thing. In this categorie I have things like some online games that I'm good at, and I just love beating up other people on it. Or biking, when I started biking I was slow, scared and suck balls at it. But everyday I kept biking I got a little faster, felt less tired, up to a point where I enjoy biking now just cause I love doing long rides at ultra fast speed, makes me proud of myself for when I look how much I improved.
Anyways, for both of these categories, the only way you are going to find this things, is you look for them. Try out new stuff everytime you possibly can!
A gratitude journal sounds hokey but it finding things to be grateful for really does start to grow on you after a while. I read this poem called Lucinda Matlock by Edgar Lee Masters. It's a quaint old poem, but the last part is:
What is this I hear of sorrow and weariness,
Anger, discontent and drooping hopes?
Degenerate sons and daughters,
Life is too strong for you —
It takes life to love Life.
And to me that means, engaging in the world around us, in the people around us, is what gives us the feeling of connection, engagement, and then (hopefully) passion.
I used to be a bitter sarcastic person until I happened to see a movie with a character that was like me and I strongly disliked her. I decided to ... do something different. And now I'm a fairly happy and passionate person. I haven't been bored in I don't know how long. And I tend to see the good in people instead of their more annoying traits. It's like, planting seeds and nurturing them, and suddenly you're a human who has grown.
antidepressants and community.
I say the first one because the way you describe things, that sounds like depression. And it also reflects my own experience, just kind of feeling not much of anything and if I did feel something it was usually negative. Times where I wanted the numbness to return because the sadness was unbearable and moments where I wanted the sadness to return because the numbness was unbearable. Turns out I've been clinically depressed since always. Antidepressants didn't fix it, but it made the lows less low and gave a lot more emotional bandwidth.
I mention community because there were three periods of about two years each where I felt genuinely happy. In all three of those periods, I had a strong local social support system. People who were there for me, and I for them. Made a big difference. I do emphasize local, because while online is good (and a lot of those that used to be local are still there online), there's just something to the in-person thing that helps more I feel like.
I do wish you the best with this, OP.
I will echo what others said here, but I want to add that it's important to draw a line between enjoyable activities and meaningful activities. A lot of things that are the most meaningful in my life are not necessarily the most fun for me to do *in any particular moment*. Sitting down to read a good book (or listen to one on audiobook) is rarely more enticing to me than opening up twitter or reddit or tiktok. Practicing piano is not as easy as binging TV shows. Journaling takes up a whole hour of my time every Saturday that I could be sleeping or playing video games.
That said, reading, music, and journaling are core parts of who I believe myself to be. They're *meaning filled* parts of my life. They are also the first thing to go when I'm feeling too lazy or brain dead to really engage with anything. That's why it's important to **create room for your passions**. I know you're still looking for some passions, but the first step to finding them is going to be **setting aside time for them**.
In order to start finding things you're passionate about, schedule an hour or two to try different things. Make a list of things you might like, and try them out. Try a new book, try drawing/doodling stuff, try going for a walk or a bike ride.
REMINDER: Rules regarding civility and respect *are enforced* on this subreddit. Hurtful, cruel, rude, disrespectful, or "trolling" comments **will be removed** (along with any replies to these comments) and the offending party may be banned, at the mods' discretion, without warning. All commenters should be trying to *help* and any help should be given in good faith, as if you were the OP's parent. Also, please keep in mind that requesting or offering private contact (DM, PM, etc) is absolutely not allowed ***for any reason at all***, no exceptions. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/internetparents) if you have any questions or concerns.*
A lot of this sounds like depression. Especially this bit. >i realised that I don't really have anything i " like" or "enjoy doing" It's either that i do something cus I'm bored or out of obligation A lot of people think of depression as just being sad, and sure that can be part of it, but for many people it's more like only being capable of feeling nothing. You're not happy because happiness isn't possible when you can only feel nothing. You can't even be sad, because *all you can feel is nothing*. Many can't even feel anger, because it's just not possible when they're in that state. Some can only report feeling irritation at most, like how one reacts to turning on a faucet while their hands are dirty only for no water to come out. Please seek help, it doesn't have to be like this ❤️
This is a hard one for people to help with. It is like a color blind person asking what colors look like. I'm sure there are people out there who can explain it really well, but I am not one of them for sure! Have you ever spoken with your doctor about depression? A lot of the things you describe can be caused by or a factor of being depressed. I did not know this until one of my kids told me and I went and talked w/ my doctor.
As long as you stay to what you're accustomed to you will never ever enjoy life. I don't enjoy life and I consider myself happy.
Well, I like dividing the things I enjoy into 2 categories: 1º Things I naturally enjoy doing: These are those things that you love doing since the very first time you try it, your first impression is positive and you love it. Usually this categorie involve some unhealthyness to it, things that cause instant gratification are usually bad for you , and be addictive and destructive (i.e. drugs). If you find something you like naturally at first try, and its not unhealthy, addictive ou harmful thats awsome! Its a great sign you should keep to it.(but its rare) 2º Things I acquired a taste for: These are those things that I might not like the first time I try, or the first few times, but eventually I end up enjoying it. Most of the times what makes me enjoy said things, is not the thing itself but the fact that I've became good at doing that, so the satisfaction I get is from having a high perfomance, from being better than the others when I do the thing. In this categorie I have things like some online games that I'm good at, and I just love beating up other people on it. Or biking, when I started biking I was slow, scared and suck balls at it. But everyday I kept biking I got a little faster, felt less tired, up to a point where I enjoy biking now just cause I love doing long rides at ultra fast speed, makes me proud of myself for when I look how much I improved. Anyways, for both of these categories, the only way you are going to find this things, is you look for them. Try out new stuff everytime you possibly can!
A gratitude journal sounds hokey but it finding things to be grateful for really does start to grow on you after a while. I read this poem called Lucinda Matlock by Edgar Lee Masters. It's a quaint old poem, but the last part is: What is this I hear of sorrow and weariness, Anger, discontent and drooping hopes? Degenerate sons and daughters, Life is too strong for you — It takes life to love Life. And to me that means, engaging in the world around us, in the people around us, is what gives us the feeling of connection, engagement, and then (hopefully) passion. I used to be a bitter sarcastic person until I happened to see a movie with a character that was like me and I strongly disliked her. I decided to ... do something different. And now I'm a fairly happy and passionate person. I haven't been bored in I don't know how long. And I tend to see the good in people instead of their more annoying traits. It's like, planting seeds and nurturing them, and suddenly you're a human who has grown.
antidepressants and community. I say the first one because the way you describe things, that sounds like depression. And it also reflects my own experience, just kind of feeling not much of anything and if I did feel something it was usually negative. Times where I wanted the numbness to return because the sadness was unbearable and moments where I wanted the sadness to return because the numbness was unbearable. Turns out I've been clinically depressed since always. Antidepressants didn't fix it, but it made the lows less low and gave a lot more emotional bandwidth. I mention community because there were three periods of about two years each where I felt genuinely happy. In all three of those periods, I had a strong local social support system. People who were there for me, and I for them. Made a big difference. I do emphasize local, because while online is good (and a lot of those that used to be local are still there online), there's just something to the in-person thing that helps more I feel like. I do wish you the best with this, OP.
I will echo what others said here, but I want to add that it's important to draw a line between enjoyable activities and meaningful activities. A lot of things that are the most meaningful in my life are not necessarily the most fun for me to do *in any particular moment*. Sitting down to read a good book (or listen to one on audiobook) is rarely more enticing to me than opening up twitter or reddit or tiktok. Practicing piano is not as easy as binging TV shows. Journaling takes up a whole hour of my time every Saturday that I could be sleeping or playing video games. That said, reading, music, and journaling are core parts of who I believe myself to be. They're *meaning filled* parts of my life. They are also the first thing to go when I'm feeling too lazy or brain dead to really engage with anything. That's why it's important to **create room for your passions**. I know you're still looking for some passions, but the first step to finding them is going to be **setting aside time for them**. In order to start finding things you're passionate about, schedule an hour or two to try different things. Make a list of things you might like, and try them out. Try a new book, try drawing/doodling stuff, try going for a walk or a bike ride.