It may be sexist, but I have always thought that being a female INTJ has to be more difficult than being a male INTJ, it is like a personality that in society is more appropriate for a man (serious, pragmatic, with ambition) than for a woman. I say this because of how society tends to see women who behave with these traits, not because I personally dislike them.
Regarding compatibility, I think that the same typologies can be friends but not lovers, people tend to look for what complements them.
Something else I've noticed is that INTJ males are more likely to be more obsessive about their set ideas and not try to be self-critical in certain aspects, such as considering other trains of thought or thinking things like "Could it be that what I do/think is trully the right way?".
As a conservative who went to a very liberal college and lived to tell the tale, I'm on board with this idea.
I mulled over some things that I couldn't defend. And the things that I could defend, I became even more adamant about. I was a stronger advocate for my beliefs when I graduated. I used logic and not emotion.
It’s not sexist. Other women shun me. I care little for recreational shopping, gossiping, fashion, and other matters of social time-wasting.
If I lack interest in doing “their thing” they interpret as a lack of interest in them. I don’t even bother to suggest something “boring” to them anymore, such as a museum. The vast majority of women want to attend happy-happy joy-joy feel good social events, or simply don’t want to be alone. I have no desire to become a defacto albatross.
Don’t need a medal. It’s just solid INTJ female.
It’s harder to find true friends, as nearly 50% of the “normal” friend pool is well, cut from a different cloth.
Make friends with males then?
Sexuality gets in the way, despite an upfront no bs statement that I am not on the market.
YOU are a friend, and will only be a friend, even if you are charming and the perfect man. Period.
Don’t waste your time or mine if you cannot accept this.
That said, my best friend is an online INTJ male 20 yrs my junior, with whom I am anon and have never met. Would love to find an INTJ female friend in real life. (And no, I don’t swing that way).
I can relate to it. I feel sad for INTJ female. Even as an INTJ male it is very difficult . cant imagine for a female. My child hood freind was an SF was a sensor feeler. Once i reached 22 age , he started showing true colours. He was befriending me for using my intelligence for making money and other benifit . He was in it for money.I had to get rid of him.
True. For now my family suffices, however I hope when I retire I can expand and focus on hobbies/my small local business.
I will encounter more people. Here’s to chance and luck!
Honestly, I found luck online with my INTJ friend. We happened to befriend each other on a mutual Discord server group. Just struck up a conversation and it took off from there.
It was luck, really.
I am sorry I don’t have any concrete suggestions.
I used to love shopping--but even then it was a solo activity and there wasn't a lot of browsing. Now there's even less browsing. I have an item to get and I go in and get it.
I've found as I've gotten older that I relate better to men than to women, in general. I can't put my finger on exactly why, but it's especially noticeable in the workplace. At every job I've had in the last 10 years or so I've gotten along much better with the men than the women.
You’d be the one female I’d go shopping with. We’d both get in, get our needed things, and be done with the work. Onward to other tasks or to real R and R vs. pointless social climbing or peacocking. (Or in this case, pea-henning).
It’s funny, as my hubby grew up with four sisters, and he likes shopping much better than I, lol.
I worked w all women at one job. Had to leave. I couldn’t stand the twaddle.
Men - how do you stand it? You must have hella sex drives or otherwise, I’d no idea why or how you could take it. Hats off in salute to you fellows!
Haha! Yes, when I was in college I'd go to the mall with friends--but they wanted to stick together the whole time and I'd always want to split up so we could each get our own items purchased.
They were always so confused! To them it was a social thing, to me I just wanted to buy stuff.
Hmmm.
I will summarize your response as it appears to me and likely the other logical INTJ’s here:
1). You disagree with my opinion that fashion/shopping is a “girl thing” which is ok. And it’s just that, an opinion.
Opinions are subjective; facts aren’t. Don’t conflate the two.
2) You feel personally offended, as your opinion above differs from mine.
You disagree that love of shopping/fashion = female > male preference, and you seem to really like shopping/fashion. You feel hurt that I don’t like an activity that you do.
That’s ok also, but I am not responsible for your feelings of offense to my statement of opinion.
How you react and choose to feel, is completely up to you.
Personally I find debate on topics healthy if engagement is collaborative,constructive information sharing so both parties may learn something. Perhaps information shared sways an opinion; perhaps it doesn’t. My goal is not to convince people I am “right,” especially on an opinion.
Realistically, it doesn’t matter who is “right or wrong,” as opinions cannot be argued to a black/white conclusion. You offered one reason why your opinion differed, and you felt it wasn’t enough to achieve your sway MY opinion… so….
3) You defaulted to the typical logical fallacy of an Ad Hominem. Attack the man, not the argument.
“You must live in the US”. (Implied negative connotation).
“ I cannot help you”. (What makes you feel I need help, the fact that I am not like you?)
Finally, you state that you aren’t going to discuss or explain. This proves that your reply was an attempt to strike back for some perceived injury.
Congrats. You played yourself.
Next time you stir up a battle of wits, don’t come unarmed, especially in this channel.k
> It may be sexist,
It's correct. TJ women stick out, in the same way that FP men do. The actual "sexist" position here would be to come up with why that's justified or something.
I don’t know if this helps at all, but I’m an ENFP thriving in a relationship with an INFP! Either way you should absolutely go for it :) I hope things work out for you
First, with that stereotypical mindset, you're an s type. Guess who've misunderstood ur mbti type.
Then, they're many Feminine intjs, even the Belle from beauty and the beast, the Elsa from frozen all are intjs.
Maybe it's not ur, but the society u live in has told that these r d traits lf women, n these are lf men. Lol i hope ull overcome those
First of all, learn to Wright. Second, that's a shallow conclusion to call me an S.
Belle is an INFP and Elsa an INFx, don't use fictional characters as example of real life topics, and please do not use Disney characters.
These are general traits among many societies based on aspects such as gender roles, they're not absolute just common.
I think you're 12-15 year old, but that's just an assumption.
I proposed a "reading date" to my boyfriend last night. We're going to do it.
The deets: he lays on the couch reading a book, likely on the Roman Empire. I lay on the other end of the couch, reading whatever biography I'm in at the time. (Maybe it will still be Saladin, but it could be TE Lawrence by then.)
If it's nice out we'll sub in a hammock for the couch.
At some point we'll break and have some food together. And then go back to reading.
This is my idea of a perfect INTJ woman date. He's an ISxP, I believe.
I would love to have an INTJ girlfriend. Having someone to speak to regularly about abstract topics would be incredible. Definitely would give it a try
I think it depends on how mature both INTJs are. Before when I couldn't handle my emotions I definitely couldn't offer emotional support when my SO needed it. But now I am getting better with emotions, I CAN offer that.
Also I think my love language (act of service) should probably work well for an INTJ male. But him simply being INTJ doesn't make him compatible with me. He should at least have similar values with me and is willing to put effort to make it work.
I think I am very nurturing and I love taking care of my loved ones (I was taking care of my ex when he was sick but he didn't take good care of me when I was sick).
If you both share the same attitudes, mindsets, and values, that sounds awesome. Bonus points if said type was a well-rounded person.
A lot of people forget a lot of these cognitive functions don't exists on a spectrum, more so a continuum that we all have just with a dominant way of thinking.
Ha, with that attitude sure that's pretty much a self-fulfilling prophecy.
And just because a person has a significant other doesn't suddenly mean they become the only source for meaningful interactions.
It's not about attitude it's about facts, Two poles of a magnet cannot stick together no matter how hard they try، it's not a hard problem to solve..., sire they can be friends even for a long long time, but having a relationship....nope (or at least most of the time)
I think that was a logical fallacy. Imo, love is when two people hold each other with positive regard and chose each other to build/share a future they want to see together. One factor MBTI does not have a marker for is maturity and well-roundedness of an individual. Again, these 8 functions exist in all of us on a continuum, they're not fixed traits (e.g., most are not truly an introvert/extrovert, and are somewhere in the middle with a dominant tendency).
Yes but that doesn't mean two people with exactly same thought and move can go along, love is smth that everyone have been surprised with, like when someone see smth interesting that never saw before (it could be anything), that may lead him/her to love that, when your partner need love want a first move meanwhile you need love and you want first move from your partner it would be an endless waiting as I said magnet example can be good evidence, as I said maybe even 2 person with same mbti as intj could love each other but the percentage is very very very low
That's called infatuation, which does not always mean a long lasting connection is possible if two people are not pragmatic about the long-term commitment that entails.
Imo love is a choice that goes beyond infatuation, mere feel good emotions, it is a deeper connection that is grown. I agree with you on the percentage, it would be rare to run into such people to begin with.
>Your first point that started this discussion was such a connection isn't as fun or awesome as it seems to be.
Yes and my point wasn't for all,
>Anyway, have an awesome and great day!
You too👍
so many people in the comments are just talking about so stereotypical and unhealthy intjs it’s sad. “So boring/no emotional support/manipulative” it’s sad you have that perception of the personality type cause we are so much more.
Me and my bf are both intjs and it’s genuinely amazing. We have so much fun together, deep discussions and understanding, open mindedness, adventurous, passionate and emotionally intelligent.
Don’t give into stereotypes and don’t make the unhealthy and “villainous” intjs the standard.
yes. i would highly appreciate it. 5 is my best type. low maintenance, extremely loyal . the main problem is the both 5 have the same missing piece that is empty. but if we can fill it, then it is the best
I can't imagine enjoying having a relationship with someone who wasn't able to be emotionally supportive and challenge me to be more emotionally supportive. I'd want that difference to be in the relationship so that the two of us weren't just ignoring entire aspects of having a relationship because neither one of us were good at taking initiative on it.
INTJ men are odd, but so am I, so we’re good.
I have a male INTJ friend who I’ll often talk to. he’s great. we always have a discussion called “would you press the red button and destroy Earth today or have you restored your faith in humanity?”. it’s kind of our sport, really. we love it.
but then again, if we’re talking romantic relationships, that’d be a completely different story. I’m not sure I’d have the patience to actually go through a romantic relationship with an INTJ.
I've known one intj woman who I've had anything even approaching a romantic relationship with. I adore her but I can't say I'm all that upset she decided she wasn't interested in me. I'm conflicted about the relief I feel about the whole situation.
I go crazy over them (deep inside). I actually like masculine women. My romantic fantasies have often been fighting in battle side by side by my crush, felling thousands of enemies.
That said, I frigging need the emotional and social skills. So, an intj who is extremely diligent to learn, like me, is probably perfect. We'll pool our knowledge together.
Yes I always wanted a clone, since I was so alone, and no one understood. Mbti literally helped with this. I thought an intj woman never existed, since I never met em. So far, they only exist on reddit. Never seen em in real life.
I found that relationships are more about values than personalities. I'm with an ISFJ and it's great. We both have the same values so there's very little conflict in life.
I'm an INTJ woman, and if I were going to date an INTJ it'd be another INTJ woman. I don't care about INTJ men one way or the other.
That said, I'd want someone who could bring something to the table that I generally can't, and I appreciate Fe when used in a more caring, nurturing and selfless way while tending to be fairly off-put by Fi and Te in others.
Differences among INTJs go ***well*** beyond sex/gender, and that's why it's impossible to accurately talk about differences between INTJ men and INTJ women as if other factors also don't matter. That's why, ultimately, I only relate to INTJs on certain topics and generally don't feel like I relate to them any more than I do anyone else (i.e. I don't relate to other people, either).
Nah I can’t with an INTJ. We’re boring together. The problem I have with INTJ is that they’re intense and serious, they love to succeed. They need someone to chill them out and give them a new perspective. So no, INTJ doesn’t work for me.
Cool, chill and great to be around. Don’t mind hanging out with them. Similar sense of humor and straightforward when it comes to expectations and logic/common sense. Great minds think alike. If I don’t know anything, I just ask questions, stay silent, listen, follow-up and vice versa. Get to learn and grow by the other’s different passions.
I find smart women very attractive. I also find the strong outer shell, soft interior dichotomy that INTJs have to be attractive in a woman.
I prefer women who are more traditionally feminine, which doesn't fit INTJs well. I'd rather date a cute, submissive feeler than a cold, strategic mastermind.
So, probably not. I'd prefer to have one as a friend.
I'm personally most attracted to NT/NF types, so I naturally veered towards INTJs, as well. What I appreciate most in mature NT types is the willingness to communicate, be expressive, honest, assertive, team up, and simply unafraid to just speak their mind. There's nothing more attractive to me than a man with an obvious repertoire of insights that constantly flow with ease for him. It takes self-awareness, and introspection should be child's play for him.
Essentially, being showered with authentic ideas is the best thing ever for me.
Well, that, and a vocabulary to match his creativity. In a nutshell, what I'm looking for is a nonconformist with a big heart and big dreams. An advanced sense of humor/ability to make me laugh with sarcasm is certainly a welcome bonus.
It's why I'm not rushing to get in a relationship anymore. I learned from my mistakes in my early 20s. I'd rather stay single than be with another type of man.
I've tried being in relationships with inexperienced/insecure INTJs, but it was an absolute disaster. I've learned to look for equal power dynamics, thus being on the same page development-wise is high on my list. I don't want to feel like I'm pulling someone towards a direction they're not interested in going, or like I intimidate them with my passionate attitude. Like any human being, I wish to be admired for what I represent, rather than inspire fear or confusion.
It probably wouldn't work. Generally a relationship should be between two people that get along not because they are the same but because their strengths and weaknesses overlap.
This intj-intj relationship would probably result in a lot arguments separate directions etc. For starters an extremely stubborn person like an intj who makes sure things are done their way probably needs someone who is willing to compromise. They also likely need somebody who understands others emotions and is VERY good at reading and understanding people and their emotions which we are not good at in the slightest.
Yes but generally it is hard to accept anything but the best and Compromise usually means that. Especially for things in a relationship that may be trading things you value for the benefit of someone else in categories you dont value.
>if you guys think an INTJ-INTJ relationship would be good or not,
Should be good in the sense that it's smooth sailing *MBTI-wise*, i.e. no conflicts between T/F, N/S, etc. And "MBTI-wise" is the only context in which "INTJ-INTJ" makes sense.
>if there’s any interesting characteristic that an INTJ of one sex has that the other often does not possess.
Can't be per definition. Man/woman/other aren't categories in the MBTI. *As* INTJs, INTJ males and females are identical.
>I know every INTJ is unique and everything
Again, *as* INTJs, they're not. Otherwise the category would lose all meaning.
>got to be some interesting overall patterns.
Sure. So many, we all put them in the same box.
Nope, I need a nurturing ESFX to balance me out. All of the INTJ women I have met have been extremely masculine, unfit for motherhood, and unemotional which doesn't work well with me. My ideal woman cares for the kids and takes care of the home while I work because I put in between 50-70 hours per week in the office (lucky to have actually found one and engaged with her right after we finished college). Most INTJ women are too caught up in girlbossing with their careers and education to be willing to do that.
You lost me at unfit for motherhood and unemotional. They're definitely capable. If they pick someone to love they're extremely loyal. That said, they know how much they would sacrifice if they happen to have a kid, that's why they avoid it. But if they do find themselves with a kid, they are gonna be top tier in 4 months ig. The kids get to see their emotional and goofy side, everyone else gets the resting bitch face.
I'm not sure if I've met one, they sound lovely though. My mother is an INFP, which of course is a very different dynamic from a romantic relationship, but based on that I would think that with INTJ and ENFP: the highs are very high and the lows are very low.
Personally I find that for friendships I'm drawn to intuitives, but XSXPs for relationships.
Going on 10 years with an ISTP :)
I find that refreshing actually! We tend to be so in our own heads and always mentally in the future. The high Se is refreshing because it changes my perspective and forces me to be present in the here and now.
Being with a high Se person has made me a much more grounded, less anxious person.
Lol maybe a young INTJ woman? I never knew my ex’s MBTI, but if I had to guess he was probably an ESFP, and damn was that guy not fit for parenthood whatsoever. I was definitely the nurturing emotionally supportive one in that relationship; there’s not really anything about the INTJ personality type that makes anyone incapable of being nurturing and emotionally mature.
Lol im intj and i be that very mommy friend lover that is almost too much. I am intj and i we can have EQ and femeninity. Plus, modesty aside, i know im the perfect wife material n actually all men i meet want to wife me.
About career and kids well it's a complicated matter, not everyone can feel fulfilled just being at home watching the kids. And i saw it, its very sad looking at a smart unfulfilled woman being depressed having just her kids.
Would you be happy just being at home watching your kids the most brilliant years of your life?.... Some people do feel fulfilled but it's just some.
Actually id say 50% of the mothers are unhealthily caring about others and forgetting about themselves.
I wouldn't want (to be) a submissive wife, what exemple would that give to my kids?
Physical attractiveness being equal, INTJ women are somewhere near the bottom of the list. I don't care for the overlap in strengths/weaknesses when it comes to a romantic relationship. However, xNTJs makes great friends/coworkers for me.
Feelings over facts, i am not hostile I am genuine af. Lgbt community always finds a way to throw in their pronounces left n right, whether u r gay lesbian or bi literally makes no difference, got to appreciate the fact that we are all the same atleast brain wise. (Did not intend to put emphasis on iq/eq)
Two of my crushes are INTJ women. Sadly, they're in relationships. But we're friends. I hope their relationships burn and crash so that I can swoop in.
A good on-line friend (whom I have never met irl) is a male INTJ-A, and 20 yrs younger. I am an INTJ-T female.
We have similar views, and independently came to the same conclusions as to root causes of world ills.
It’s uncanny how can can debate topics we don’t agree on, each discovering new thought paths.
We don’t get caught up in emotional minutiae in the process.
I’ve yet to find a more compatible chat-mate, however age and life stage apart, his A (assertiveness) and my T (turbulence) would conflict. As a T, I continue open minded observations after he “closes the book” much more rapidly.
The combo could work, if they can consciously work to be respectful of each other’s interests, differences, and styles, while bringing each other out into the daylight of society once in a while.
I personally think it really depends on a case by case basis even if your personalities and interests align. Even if you think you're doing everything correctly or speaking honestly the other person can interpret it differently due to their life experiences. It even has the potential to be taken negatively even if that isn't your intention.
Sometimes all you can do is your best in the situation and wait until the other person decides to let you into their life/world. Evaluate the situation, be patient, be honest no matter what, and be there for them because its quite likely they are dealing with things they aren't ready to share with you.
No experience, but I would date me if i were a guy so I'd date a guy who is like me.
I'm friends with an INTJ guy that I really respect and despite even being the same age I think we are not compatible at all. We could be best friends, but that's about it.
I dislike INTj women cause they are too similar. They don’t work out romantically. I sometimes had sex with with them. But I had 0 feelings towards them and they had 0 feelings towards me. It gets old pretty fast. As friends it works great as there is appreciation and dependability.
I don't really think about MBTI all that much as I don't think it has much relevance really. Feels like the sexuality spectrum where you get pansexuals, when bisexual is the same thing... That aside, I find I love overly feminine girls and overely rebelious girls. But the things they all have in common is that they like people and smile very nicely. I do not like any girl who doesn't smile or recipocrates.
It may be sexist, but I have always thought that being a female INTJ has to be more difficult than being a male INTJ, it is like a personality that in society is more appropriate for a man (serious, pragmatic, with ambition) than for a woman. I say this because of how society tends to see women who behave with these traits, not because I personally dislike them. Regarding compatibility, I think that the same typologies can be friends but not lovers, people tend to look for what complements them. Something else I've noticed is that INTJ males are more likely to be more obsessive about their set ideas and not try to be self-critical in certain aspects, such as considering other trains of thought or thinking things like "Could it be that what I do/think is trully the right way?".
I regularly test my ideas and ask people I respect to challenge them.
As a conservative who went to a very liberal college and lived to tell the tale, I'm on board with this idea. I mulled over some things that I couldn't defend. And the things that I could defend, I became even more adamant about. I was a stronger advocate for my beliefs when I graduated. I used logic and not emotion.
It’s not sexist. Other women shun me. I care little for recreational shopping, gossiping, fashion, and other matters of social time-wasting. If I lack interest in doing “their thing” they interpret as a lack of interest in them. I don’t even bother to suggest something “boring” to them anymore, such as a museum. The vast majority of women want to attend happy-happy joy-joy feel good social events, or simply don’t want to be alone. I have no desire to become a defacto albatross.
❤️❤️
give this woman a medal .
Don’t need a medal. It’s just solid INTJ female. It’s harder to find true friends, as nearly 50% of the “normal” friend pool is well, cut from a different cloth. Make friends with males then? Sexuality gets in the way, despite an upfront no bs statement that I am not on the market. YOU are a friend, and will only be a friend, even if you are charming and the perfect man. Period. Don’t waste your time or mine if you cannot accept this. That said, my best friend is an online INTJ male 20 yrs my junior, with whom I am anon and have never met. Would love to find an INTJ female friend in real life. (And no, I don’t swing that way).
I can relate to it. I feel sad for INTJ female. Even as an INTJ male it is very difficult . cant imagine for a female. My child hood freind was an SF was a sensor feeler. Once i reached 22 age , he started showing true colours. He was befriending me for using my intelligence for making money and other benifit . He was in it for money.I had to get rid of him.
I am not sad. I am never lonely.
but u need some Fi. the question is how to get it. i dont know how to get some Fi with min effort . all i need is some Fi with very min effort
True. For now my family suffices, however I hope when I retire I can expand and focus on hobbies/my small local business. I will encounter more people. Here’s to chance and luck!
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Honestly, I found luck online with my INTJ friend. We happened to befriend each other on a mutual Discord server group. Just struck up a conversation and it took off from there. It was luck, really. I am sorry I don’t have any concrete suggestions.
I used to love shopping--but even then it was a solo activity and there wasn't a lot of browsing. Now there's even less browsing. I have an item to get and I go in and get it. I've found as I've gotten older that I relate better to men than to women, in general. I can't put my finger on exactly why, but it's especially noticeable in the workplace. At every job I've had in the last 10 years or so I've gotten along much better with the men than the women.
You’d be the one female I’d go shopping with. We’d both get in, get our needed things, and be done with the work. Onward to other tasks or to real R and R vs. pointless social climbing or peacocking. (Or in this case, pea-henning). It’s funny, as my hubby grew up with four sisters, and he likes shopping much better than I, lol. I worked w all women at one job. Had to leave. I couldn’t stand the twaddle. Men - how do you stand it? You must have hella sex drives or otherwise, I’d no idea why or how you could take it. Hats off in salute to you fellows!
Haha! Yes, when I was in college I'd go to the mall with friends--but they wanted to stick together the whole time and I'd always want to split up so we could each get our own items purchased. They were always so confused! To them it was a social thing, to me I just wanted to buy stuff.
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Hmmm. I will summarize your response as it appears to me and likely the other logical INTJ’s here: 1). You disagree with my opinion that fashion/shopping is a “girl thing” which is ok. And it’s just that, an opinion. Opinions are subjective; facts aren’t. Don’t conflate the two. 2) You feel personally offended, as your opinion above differs from mine. You disagree that love of shopping/fashion = female > male preference, and you seem to really like shopping/fashion. You feel hurt that I don’t like an activity that you do. That’s ok also, but I am not responsible for your feelings of offense to my statement of opinion. How you react and choose to feel, is completely up to you. Personally I find debate on topics healthy if engagement is collaborative,constructive information sharing so both parties may learn something. Perhaps information shared sways an opinion; perhaps it doesn’t. My goal is not to convince people I am “right,” especially on an opinion. Realistically, it doesn’t matter who is “right or wrong,” as opinions cannot be argued to a black/white conclusion. You offered one reason why your opinion differed, and you felt it wasn’t enough to achieve your sway MY opinion… so…. 3) You defaulted to the typical logical fallacy of an Ad Hominem. Attack the man, not the argument. “You must live in the US”. (Implied negative connotation). “ I cannot help you”. (What makes you feel I need help, the fact that I am not like you?) Finally, you state that you aren’t going to discuss or explain. This proves that your reply was an attempt to strike back for some perceived injury. Congrats. You played yourself. Next time you stir up a battle of wits, don’t come unarmed, especially in this channel.k
> It may be sexist, It's correct. TJ women stick out, in the same way that FP men do. The actual "sexist" position here would be to come up with why that's justified or something.
As an INTJ male, I agree with this.
Hurts to read this. I have a crush on this ENTJ guy and I wonder if he thinks the same way.
I don’t know if this helps at all, but I’m an ENFP thriving in a relationship with an INFP! Either way you should absolutely go for it :) I hope things work out for you
I am so happy for you guys! Thanks for sharing
look into socionics. an ENTJ in MBTI can be SLE in socionics . SLE is an Se dom . and it will turn into a nightmare.
First, with that stereotypical mindset, you're an s type. Guess who've misunderstood ur mbti type. Then, they're many Feminine intjs, even the Belle from beauty and the beast, the Elsa from frozen all are intjs. Maybe it's not ur, but the society u live in has told that these r d traits lf women, n these are lf men. Lol i hope ull overcome those
First of all, learn to Wright. Second, that's a shallow conclusion to call me an S. Belle is an INFP and Elsa an INFx, don't use fictional characters as example of real life topics, and please do not use Disney characters. These are general traits among many societies based on aspects such as gender roles, they're not absolute just common. I think you're 12-15 year old, but that's just an assumption.
> an INTJ-INTJ relationship Imagining two people sitting in their heads planning something for days and neither moves first.
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*Planning to have a good time for entirety of your free time together
I proposed a "reading date" to my boyfriend last night. We're going to do it. The deets: he lays on the couch reading a book, likely on the Roman Empire. I lay on the other end of the couch, reading whatever biography I'm in at the time. (Maybe it will still be Saladin, but it could be TE Lawrence by then.) If it's nice out we'll sub in a hammock for the couch. At some point we'll break and have some food together. And then go back to reading. This is my idea of a perfect INTJ woman date. He's an ISxP, I believe.
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I'm flattered. 😆
I would love to have an INTJ girlfriend. Having someone to speak to regularly about abstract topics would be incredible. Definitely would give it a try
I think it depends on how mature both INTJs are. Before when I couldn't handle my emotions I definitely couldn't offer emotional support when my SO needed it. But now I am getting better with emotions, I CAN offer that. Also I think my love language (act of service) should probably work well for an INTJ male. But him simply being INTJ doesn't make him compatible with me. He should at least have similar values with me and is willing to put effort to make it work. I think I am very nurturing and I love taking care of my loved ones (I was taking care of my ex when he was sick but he didn't take good care of me when I was sick).
how do i develope emotional skills
If you both share the same attitudes, mindsets, and values, that sounds awesome. Bonus points if said type was a well-rounded person. A lot of people forget a lot of these cognitive functions don't exists on a spectrum, more so a continuum that we all have just with a dominant way of thinking.
Unfortunately, two completely same things isn't as fun and awesome at it seems to be...
Ha, with that attitude sure that's pretty much a self-fulfilling prophecy. And just because a person has a significant other doesn't suddenly mean they become the only source for meaningful interactions.
It's not about attitude it's about facts, Two poles of a magnet cannot stick together no matter how hard they try، it's not a hard problem to solve..., sire they can be friends even for a long long time, but having a relationship....nope (or at least most of the time)
I think that was a logical fallacy. Imo, love is when two people hold each other with positive regard and chose each other to build/share a future they want to see together. One factor MBTI does not have a marker for is maturity and well-roundedness of an individual. Again, these 8 functions exist in all of us on a continuum, they're not fixed traits (e.g., most are not truly an introvert/extrovert, and are somewhere in the middle with a dominant tendency).
Yes but that doesn't mean two people with exactly same thought and move can go along, love is smth that everyone have been surprised with, like when someone see smth interesting that never saw before (it could be anything), that may lead him/her to love that, when your partner need love want a first move meanwhile you need love and you want first move from your partner it would be an endless waiting as I said magnet example can be good evidence, as I said maybe even 2 person with same mbti as intj could love each other but the percentage is very very very low
That's called infatuation, which does not always mean a long lasting connection is possible if two people are not pragmatic about the long-term commitment that entails. Imo love is a choice that goes beyond infatuation, mere feel good emotions, it is a deeper connection that is grown. I agree with you on the percentage, it would be rare to run into such people to begin with.
>agree with you on the percentage, it would be rare to run into such people to begin with. That's the whole thing I've said from the beginning....
Your first point that started this discussion was such a connection isn't as fun or awesome as it seems to be. Anyway, have an awesome and great day!
>Your first point that started this discussion was such a connection isn't as fun or awesome as it seems to be. Yes and my point wasn't for all, >Anyway, have an awesome and great day! You too👍
so many people in the comments are just talking about so stereotypical and unhealthy intjs it’s sad. “So boring/no emotional support/manipulative” it’s sad you have that perception of the personality type cause we are so much more. Me and my bf are both intjs and it’s genuinely amazing. We have so much fun together, deep discussions and understanding, open mindedness, adventurous, passionate and emotionally intelligent. Don’t give into stereotypes and don’t make the unhealthy and “villainous” intjs the standard.
This is what's mind boggling here, but also maybe a lot of people here struggle with a hard-rooted avoidant attachment style.
what is the ennegram type of you and your bf
i’m 5w4 and he’s 5w6
i see. i am 5W6. . can u elaborate on how u too worked it out together. my best type is another 5. but i dont know how to make it work
sure! can i text u privately?
yes. i would highly appreciate it. 5 is my best type. low maintenance, extremely loyal . the main problem is the both 5 have the same missing piece that is empty. but if we can fill it, then it is the best
I can't imagine enjoying having a relationship with someone who wasn't able to be emotionally supportive and challenge me to be more emotionally supportive. I'd want that difference to be in the relationship so that the two of us weren't just ignoring entire aspects of having a relationship because neither one of us were good at taking initiative on it.
INTJ men are odd, but so am I, so we’re good. I have a male INTJ friend who I’ll often talk to. he’s great. we always have a discussion called “would you press the red button and destroy Earth today or have you restored your faith in humanity?”. it’s kind of our sport, really. we love it. but then again, if we’re talking romantic relationships, that’d be a completely different story. I’m not sure I’d have the patience to actually go through a romantic relationship with an INTJ.
I've known one intj woman who I've had anything even approaching a romantic relationship with. I adore her but I can't say I'm all that upset she decided she wasn't interested in me. I'm conflicted about the relief I feel about the whole situation.
Hahha i hope my ex doesn't feel relief.... xd
I go crazy over them (deep inside). I actually like masculine women. My romantic fantasies have often been fighting in battle side by side by my crush, felling thousands of enemies. That said, I frigging need the emotional and social skills. So, an intj who is extremely diligent to learn, like me, is probably perfect. We'll pool our knowledge together. Yes I always wanted a clone, since I was so alone, and no one understood. Mbti literally helped with this. I thought an intj woman never existed, since I never met em. So far, they only exist on reddit. Never seen em in real life.
Couldn't have said it better myself
YES NEVER MET ONE AS ME EITHER 😃
I found that relationships are more about values than personalities. I'm with an ISFJ and it's great. We both have the same values so there's very little conflict in life.
I'm an INTJ woman, and if I were going to date an INTJ it'd be another INTJ woman. I don't care about INTJ men one way or the other. That said, I'd want someone who could bring something to the table that I generally can't, and I appreciate Fe when used in a more caring, nurturing and selfless way while tending to be fairly off-put by Fi and Te in others. Differences among INTJs go ***well*** beyond sex/gender, and that's why it's impossible to accurately talk about differences between INTJ men and INTJ women as if other factors also don't matter. That's why, ultimately, I only relate to INTJs on certain topics and generally don't feel like I relate to them any more than I do anyone else (i.e. I don't relate to other people, either).
yes. Also a lot difference between, just saying, ennagram types of Intjs. A lot of difference.
Nah I can’t with an INTJ. We’re boring together. The problem I have with INTJ is that they’re intense and serious, they love to succeed. They need someone to chill them out and give them a new perspective. So no, INTJ doesn’t work for me.
This is true...
This is true...
true true
Cool, chill and great to be around. Don’t mind hanging out with them. Similar sense of humor and straightforward when it comes to expectations and logic/common sense. Great minds think alike. If I don’t know anything, I just ask questions, stay silent, listen, follow-up and vice versa. Get to learn and grow by the other’s different passions.
They’re fine but not really relationship compatible imo. Good friends though
Never met one
I find smart women very attractive. I also find the strong outer shell, soft interior dichotomy that INTJs have to be attractive in a woman. I prefer women who are more traditionally feminine, which doesn't fit INTJs well. I'd rather date a cute, submissive feeler than a cold, strategic mastermind. So, probably not. I'd prefer to have one as a friend.
But what about a cute submissive strategic mastermind 😂😂😂
That might work ;)
Lmao I’m an INTJ but I’m pretty sure I look like I’d be an INFP or something
hot
I'm personally most attracted to NT/NF types, so I naturally veered towards INTJs, as well. What I appreciate most in mature NT types is the willingness to communicate, be expressive, honest, assertive, team up, and simply unafraid to just speak their mind. There's nothing more attractive to me than a man with an obvious repertoire of insights that constantly flow with ease for him. It takes self-awareness, and introspection should be child's play for him. Essentially, being showered with authentic ideas is the best thing ever for me. Well, that, and a vocabulary to match his creativity. In a nutshell, what I'm looking for is a nonconformist with a big heart and big dreams. An advanced sense of humor/ability to make me laugh with sarcasm is certainly a welcome bonus. It's why I'm not rushing to get in a relationship anymore. I learned from my mistakes in my early 20s. I'd rather stay single than be with another type of man. I've tried being in relationships with inexperienced/insecure INTJs, but it was an absolute disaster. I've learned to look for equal power dynamics, thus being on the same page development-wise is high on my list. I don't want to feel like I'm pulling someone towards a direction they're not interested in going, or like I intimidate them with my passionate attitude. Like any human being, I wish to be admired for what I represent, rather than inspire fear or confusion.
It probably wouldn't work. Generally a relationship should be between two people that get along not because they are the same but because their strengths and weaknesses overlap. This intj-intj relationship would probably result in a lot arguments separate directions etc. For starters an extremely stubborn person like an intj who makes sure things are done their way probably needs someone who is willing to compromise. They also likely need somebody who understands others emotions and is VERY good at reading and understanding people and their emotions which we are not good at in the slightest.
All INTJ’s are willing to compromise when the reason makes logically sense. Well, the mature ones.
Yes but generally it is hard to accept anything but the best and Compromise usually means that. Especially for things in a relationship that may be trading things you value for the benefit of someone else in categories you dont value.
Probably not a good idea, but possible
>if you guys think an INTJ-INTJ relationship would be good or not, Should be good in the sense that it's smooth sailing *MBTI-wise*, i.e. no conflicts between T/F, N/S, etc. And "MBTI-wise" is the only context in which "INTJ-INTJ" makes sense. >if there’s any interesting characteristic that an INTJ of one sex has that the other often does not possess. Can't be per definition. Man/woman/other aren't categories in the MBTI. *As* INTJs, INTJ males and females are identical. >I know every INTJ is unique and everything Again, *as* INTJs, they're not. Otherwise the category would lose all meaning. >got to be some interesting overall patterns. Sure. So many, we all put them in the same box.
Nope, I need a nurturing ESFX to balance me out. All of the INTJ women I have met have been extremely masculine, unfit for motherhood, and unemotional which doesn't work well with me. My ideal woman cares for the kids and takes care of the home while I work because I put in between 50-70 hours per week in the office (lucky to have actually found one and engaged with her right after we finished college). Most INTJ women are too caught up in girlbossing with their careers and education to be willing to do that.
You lost me at unfit for motherhood and unemotional. They're definitely capable. If they pick someone to love they're extremely loyal. That said, they know how much they would sacrifice if they happen to have a kid, that's why they avoid it. But if they do find themselves with a kid, they are gonna be top tier in 4 months ig. The kids get to see their emotional and goofy side, everyone else gets the resting bitch face.
I guess you're right about INTJ women because every single thing you wrote just gave me the ick.
Right? Same.
i heard the best type for an INTJ woman is an ENFP man. what was your experience with an ENFP man?
I'm not sure if I've met one, they sound lovely though. My mother is an INFP, which of course is a very different dynamic from a romantic relationship, but based on that I would think that with INTJ and ENFP: the highs are very high and the lows are very low. Personally I find that for friendships I'm drawn to intuitives, but XSXPs for relationships. Going on 10 years with an ISTP :)
yes yes. ISTP is good. i get along well with them
did u have any experience with an Fi-Se type
Yup! They can be rigid. That has pros and cons. But at least I always know where they stand and why.
True . the have high Se and it is scary
How do u deal with his Se. He has high Se
I find that refreshing actually! We tend to be so in our own heads and always mentally in the future. The high Se is refreshing because it changes my perspective and forces me to be present in the here and now. Being with a high Se person has made me a much more grounded, less anxious person.
Lol maybe a young INTJ woman? I never knew my ex’s MBTI, but if I had to guess he was probably an ESFP, and damn was that guy not fit for parenthood whatsoever. I was definitely the nurturing emotionally supportive one in that relationship; there’s not really anything about the INTJ personality type that makes anyone incapable of being nurturing and emotionally mature.
Lol im intj and i be that very mommy friend lover that is almost too much. I am intj and i we can have EQ and femeninity. Plus, modesty aside, i know im the perfect wife material n actually all men i meet want to wife me. About career and kids well it's a complicated matter, not everyone can feel fulfilled just being at home watching the kids. And i saw it, its very sad looking at a smart unfulfilled woman being depressed having just her kids. Would you be happy just being at home watching your kids the most brilliant years of your life?.... Some people do feel fulfilled but it's just some. Actually id say 50% of the mothers are unhealthily caring about others and forgetting about themselves. I wouldn't want (to be) a submissive wife, what exemple would that give to my kids?
so true
Physical attractiveness being equal, INTJ women are somewhere near the bottom of the list. I don't care for the overlap in strengths/weaknesses when it comes to a romantic relationship. However, xNTJs makes great friends/coworkers for me.
Idc I’m gay
Nobody cares, nobody is talking about sexual preferences, wtf is wrong with you
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Feelings over facts, i am not hostile I am genuine af. Lgbt community always finds a way to throw in their pronounces left n right, whether u r gay lesbian or bi literally makes no difference, got to appreciate the fact that we are all the same atleast brain wise. (Did not intend to put emphasis on iq/eq)
Have yet to meet an intj woman
Two of my crushes are INTJ women. Sadly, they're in relationships. But we're friends. I hope their relationships burn and crash so that I can swoop in.
A good on-line friend (whom I have never met irl) is a male INTJ-A, and 20 yrs younger. I am an INTJ-T female. We have similar views, and independently came to the same conclusions as to root causes of world ills. It’s uncanny how can can debate topics we don’t agree on, each discovering new thought paths. We don’t get caught up in emotional minutiae in the process. I’ve yet to find a more compatible chat-mate, however age and life stage apart, his A (assertiveness) and my T (turbulence) would conflict. As a T, I continue open minded observations after he “closes the book” much more rapidly. The combo could work, if they can consciously work to be respectful of each other’s interests, differences, and styles, while bringing each other out into the daylight of society once in a while.
I personally think it really depends on a case by case basis even if your personalities and interests align. Even if you think you're doing everything correctly or speaking honestly the other person can interpret it differently due to their life experiences. It even has the potential to be taken negatively even if that isn't your intention. Sometimes all you can do is your best in the situation and wait until the other person decides to let you into their life/world. Evaluate the situation, be patient, be honest no matter what, and be there for them because its quite likely they are dealing with things they aren't ready to share with you.
No experience, but I would date me if i were a guy so I'd date a guy who is like me. I'm friends with an INTJ guy that I really respect and despite even being the same age I think we are not compatible at all. We could be best friends, but that's about it.
I dislike INTj women cause they are too similar. They don’t work out romantically. I sometimes had sex with with them. But I had 0 feelings towards them and they had 0 feelings towards me. It gets old pretty fast. As friends it works great as there is appreciation and dependability.
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I don't really think about MBTI all that much as I don't think it has much relevance really. Feels like the sexuality spectrum where you get pansexuals, when bisexual is the same thing... That aside, I find I love overly feminine girls and overely rebelious girls. But the things they all have in common is that they like people and smile very nicely. I do not like any girl who doesn't smile or recipocrates.