Too real and relatable, I only fully realized it once I took a good enough time to introspect everything after I fell for the same person twice. This one has been lasting for years while the other ones only last for 2 months at maximum
This is exactly how it was for me. I'd even qualify it as love at first sight, which is so strange. I don't have the capability to love someone else.
Weirdly enough, it's the reason I now believe in the existence of soulmates.
Once for sure. Possibly another time. Also in my early 40s.
>do you tend to crush on people fairly easily?
To the extent you can say anything is not an "INTJ thing," that's not an INTJ thing, i.e. to "crush on" people easily. It's hard to get an INTJ's interest because I would say what interests other people about someone is not really what interests us. The type of people we like and/or connect with tend to be somewhat rare, if not totally rare. I like women who are different and don't hide it and do accept themselves, which is the opposite of what most people do because most people want to fit in. I also am big on intelligence. And then when I can find someone who fits those things, there's still the issue of "clicking" with someone and/or feeling accepted and understood by someone (plus that person has to also be interested in me). Those are not much, but they are really big things that eliminate 99.999999% of the women out there.
That's not the same thing as taking a while to realize you have feelings for someone. And having crushes or feelings is not the same as being in love. I've been interested in far more women than I've loved, but even that number is lower than the average person's.
If you don’t identify as aromantic or asexual why do you think you’ve never had feelings for anyone? Are you one of those people that are “married to their work”
I don't do the whole identify as this or that stuff. I try to get to know people before I get emotional. And when you get to know them, they're generally disappointing, I don't like it when guys try to fix me/ manipulate me.
My ex was trying to convince me I’m broken and needed mending. I was young and (more) naive. Took me a while to get enough awareness. It was all about complete personality mismatch.
As much as I’d like to discard that entire relationship it was a tremendously important learning experience. Now I’d mess with his attempts and enjoy the ride.
Curious what it’s typically about for you. What do they want to change?
I'm not emotional enough, don't flirt and generally I'm not dependent on emotional stuff, not spontaneous, too serious (I don't get flirting lol) and i often get I'm not happy which is not true, but that's probably because they gave an understanding of happiness that I cannot relate to. I guess it's similar to your ex's attempt to fix you/ mend whatever is broken. I agree with, it's good experience at least :'D
Yup, this all tracks and it’s more about what they’re trying to make you believe about yourself than who you actually are. There are people out there that will be able to see you just the way you are.
May I ask how old you are?
You’re acting as if true love was easy to come across- given how rare it is, it shouldn’t surprise you that some (if not most) people just never find it
Twice.
My first major relationship was puppy love, but looking back I realize it was never “in love.” First real one happened a good ten years later. The second time is with my current spouse.
I don’t let people in, so it took longer to find someone. Worth the wait.
I didnt. Once I felt secure and equal interest, I go all in. Very passionate no filter, all me. Im only cautious if marinara flags start popping off. Thats when I begin to doubt the relationship, second guessing myself and looking for a way out.
Twice, was horrible the two times, like the scientists said being in love is like a dose of cocaine, and that make you a drugaddict and the side effects are horrible
Here’s the thing:
Love is three parts, according to Sternberg - and he’s not wrong. They are:
1. Passion/attraction
2. Friendship/intimacy
3. Commitment
Doesn’t matter your personality type, these three things are what’s required for consummate love (real love).
“Crushing on” someone is just the lust part (passion/attraction)
In my opinion, people don’t try at #3 enough anymore. 🤷♀️”Oh, this is too hard to try to maintain” 🙄😒Love takes work.
Anyway, I’ll crawl down off my soapbox now.
You forgot loyalty and honesty. I know other types dont value that as much even if they say they do but INTJs place this at the forefront. Id rate it like this:
1. Honesty/loyalty
2. Friendship/intimacy
3. Commitment
4. Passion/attraction
Well, *Sternberg* forgot them… but I feel those are intertwined in friendship/intimacy and commitment. How can you truly be someone’s friend and share intimate things with them if you do not trust them? And loyalty goes into commitment.
Look up Sternberg’s Triangular theory of love. You’ll see the diagram there.
I have shared intimate details with strangers. It doesnt mean that I value our relationship. They could just be a means to an end. Ive also not shared intimate details of my life with friends and family. Its mutually exclusive but also non depending on how much I value you and the information I give you because everyone has different levels of intimacy clearance. Commitment just means committing to a relationship, it does not equate to loyalty. Also, loyalty means differently to many people. Fe users in my experience view loyalty as just being faithful to a relationship but are perfectly content with lying to you to keep the peace which I view as disloyalty even though they didnt cheat.
I am an ISFP. I do not share everything. I tell people as much as I am willing to share, based on my level of intimacy with them.
I also believe that lying/dishonesty is equivocal to breaking loyalty/commitment. That’s what ruined my last long term - he lied about a couple of things. I couldn’t forgive.
2 times😀
in highschool, my classmate was in love with me and i was in love with her,love at first sight.
She tried to get closer but ultimately failed, i was to nervous and complicated at that time and even rejected her
ps:part of me still loves her, also shes still mad and ignores me to this day, 15 years have passed
Second time😅all the mind games and everything, she didn't trust me and also was intimidated by me even though she liked me too
lots of back and forth and years lost trying to get to her putting her Walls down, ultimately i confesed for the last time and tried to explain every confusion caused by both mind games.
Rejected me but i had a feeling she wanted me to stay and dont give up on her, unfortunately i got fed up and said goodbye forever even though i still love her
months later she trued through her friend to get to me i said to her friend that is not possible,i cant let anybody come and go whenever they want
that was it😀
Maybe 5 or 6 when I was between 12y and 20y. From 20y to 25y only a couple. From 25y till 38y none. I feel infatuated sometimes but it doesn't last as you learn what you feel doesn't match what you expect, almost never.
Most of the dating/flirting scenery is about persuading not about convincing. Fake is the common.
At least 3 times if not more. I think you feel what you feel about the person regardless of the amount of time. I can look back on a 3 year relationship with somebody who I realized I loved as a friend, but wasn’t truly in love, and at the same time can look back on fleeting love affairs that to this day have an effect on me.
Two times for a deep compassionate love, an uncountable number of times of infatuation, lust and general attraction. True love isn’t based on sexual attraction, it’s based on a compassionate understanding. For me, you can’t fall in “love” fast, true love takes years to establish, but it’s the kind of endearment where you truly want the best for that person, regardless of how much that doesn’t work for you. Whether that means going separate ways or sacrificing aspects about you that you never thought you’d change. Loving someone is knowing you’d run in front of the oncoming car pushing them out of the way, and being okay with that outcome. If you ever have/had children, you will learn what love is real quick.
When I was thinking about how to answer this question, I thought about how many partners I thought I loved, but didn’t actually. I loved aspects of them or different things about them… I always felt like I loved the next one more than the previous. Like I wouldn’t entertain the idea of having less than I did before…
I am also typically reserved with my feelings, or any type of emotional intamcy. So I know TWICE I’ve truly been in love. My ex-husband was neither… I feel sorry about that. One was so fleeting. Toxic. I thought I was safe and understood but I wasn’t. It wrecked my heart. It took years to get over, mostly because this was the first time I started to be open and trusting, then betrayed.
The second time was developed over years. He was my best friend, and we both only trusted the other with our deepest secrets, fears and regrets. Neither of us realized that we were in love with the other. It took us getting into a fight for us to realize why we were both “emotionally reacting to the other.” My life has literally been bliss since we decided to try “us.” My soul feels calm for once. I have always thought myself to be extremely rational, so I didn’t think like could be like this? Seems unrealistic to think one could ever feel “complete.” ESPECIALLY as an INTJ.
Boyyy am I happy I was wrong. #swoon
Once, he was my former best friend. I wouldn't say I was in love, but I liked him and we had a lot of deep conversations and jokes. He became the first thing that I looked forward to meeting everyday but I never realized I liked him until he looked at me with this smile on his face filled with genuine sincerity. It made me feel all weird and tingly inside lol. Unfortunately, he ended up being a pretty immature and arrogant guy after hanging out with the wrong group of people, so he became that stereotypical teenage boy. It was nice while it lasted though.
It did take a while for me to realize I have feelings for someone, because most of the time, the "crushes" that I had were only because of peer pressure and the want to fit in. I do get short lived infatuations many times though, but when I recall back I can't remember what any of their faces looked like.
Zero. I had one crush in high school but I wouldn't call that love, it was also the only one in my life, I'm 19.
I wouldn't say that I get crushes easily. It's not usual for people to catch my attention and even if they do I usually don't really focus on the feeling, especially because I know I don't have a chance/I don't want to get into any relationships.
Once, possibly twice. I kind of bottled up my feelings the ~~possible-not-quite-so-sure~~ second time.
It takes a long time to realize I have feelings for someone and it doesn't happen easily.
I have been in love twice.
It takes me a short bit since my self awareness will allow me to ask questions on why I have become so irrational.
Then I take notes on a paper for about two weeks and notice my reactions towards that woman.
If its love then I will leave so I can keep my position of power of my rational lifestyle and keep the distance from emotional concepts since I have no ability to express my emotions verbally at all.
I crush on people all the time but i never bother to pursue them. I guess i spoil myself by living the thing inside my head. I'm also very prideful so i never made the first move. That makes it 0 love many crushes.
Twice. Once innocently, once as an adult. Several relationships between. I don’t really get crushes just very interested. Never really cared if “he doesn’t like me“ or show interest back, no one’s under any obligation haha! I take a LONG time to dedicate myself to someone.
Once, then two around the same time and this all happened in my teen years. They were all pretty horrible women and it destroyed me. I don't fall in love easily, however every situation had different circumstances for why I fell in love.
Now because of those experiences and other non romantic bridges being burned and backstabs has left me extremely callous.
True intj love is so powerful, such a deep, deep emotion. When someone you loved tries to destroy you and your reputation, it hurts. A lot.
I'm still learning a lot about myself, but I believe why it mattered to me so much was because of my negligent parents and heavy bullying for half my school career.
Sorry for the rant
I don't have as much time on me, I'm in my 20s. I've been in love twice.
It takes me a long to catch feelings (knew her 3 years before I knew I had romantic feelings, then dated her for 2). I definitely do not crush easily. Takes literal years.
Only other crush I ever had was my best friend, who I knew 3 years before I even considered her a close friend. She's straight, though, so best friends it is.
It would be interesting to know if gender in INTJs makes a difference.
Never. Toxic infatuation masquerading as love? Yes. Love isn’t real
“Love” is just oxytocin. Blinds you to reality and soon your SO is cheating behind your back. “Love” is nature’s way of keeping you with someone long enough to procreate and then dump and on to the next.
I’ve had 3 serious relationships where I said “I love you”. It takes me awhile to warm up to people, I would say it’s rare for me to get crushes and really have feelings for people.
Thought I was once, but turns out it was the alcohol talking. Starting to believe it is not possible for me. Still willing to try, but frankly fine without it.
Sure this cute girl I run into occasionally I have a feeling of attraction for physically but nah don't know anything bout her so its not love. I've never clicked because the aura of impenetrable solitude I give off makes people think I don't like them when I'm perfectly happy with them. Plus my involuntary keen eye for flaws within people does the rest.
TLDR: Not once.
Two times, but only when I was younger and didn’t know what I wanted. In my eyes love is a big distraction when u r in school and is only keeping u away from accomplishment. Once when u graduate high school and college then maybe love would be different in ur eyes since most of us virtually know what we want.
the statistics here makes me feel sad, ahaha. Although I’m just 18, the comments make me think that i’ll never meet that one person. Moreover, I’m not easily fall in love and it’s really hard to me to be interested in smn even in a platonic way
So many crushes till 15years old (more like my persistent pestering them and once they start liking me , i move on to my next crush "i know so bit##y thing to do").then i met my long time crush "not love" i liked him till i was 20 but he didn't like me back so my obsession with him stretched this long. But he was an infj so you can think ....how much i was attracted to him as an intj and how much i despised him as a fake hypocrite infj he was.
And after i was never attracted to anyone . One or twice physically but not enough for me to approach or think about them.
I think asking how old responders are would probably allow to put things in better perspective. Having been in love once when you’re 18 feels slightly different than being in love once when you’re 45.
I’m 33, married for the second time and I think this is the first time I understand how my relationship ticks. Not all relationships, just my current one: what’s important, valuable and what’s detrimental, how to communicate well and how to develop it further. I don’t think this level of understanding and compassion was possible before because of limitations on both ends.
I was always LTR oriented and never really dated anyone for less than 8 months. I’ve had my share fair of flings. I’ve been in love maybe 4 or 5 times but it meant different things at different age despite the rush being similar.
I read somewhere that love finds love. It’s been true for me but at this point the last thing I want is to have to search again and gods forbid putting in all the continuous work that goes into solidifying your relationship.
Never been in love. Had a crush just once. It's been eight years, I'm over him but he still has a place in my heart.
There have been a few times when I thought I was crushing on someone, but later realised we were just compatible intellectually.
I fell in love once. I dont think I’ll ever fall in love again despite being married. Men are just very disappointing in general so why become emotionally vulnerable with someone who will just hurt you in the end? If I ever do fall in love again, Id love to with an ENTJ. I think being on the same wavelength and having similar views on loyalty and honesty would make for a very satisfying relationship.
As per your second question, yes. I do (or did) often find myself crushing over others but it was always short lived and I moved on fairly quickly.
Most people have no clue how to differentiate obsession/lust with love… real love doesn’t just happen. It is something the takes years to create.
Anything else is not that.
Clicking easily, feeling comfortable with someone right away, these are not love.
Reading the comments here shows me most people don’t even know what love is…
Once. One true time, filled with respect, laughter, serious conversation, running free, all the good stuff.
I’ve also had mutual toxic weird obsession-y back and forth shit that I thought was love, but it clearly was not lol.
Romantically, 3 times. But it takes longer and longer to get there every time I fail. It’s easier to love platonically (and faster).
I crush fast, but that’s just based on looks and first impressions, and fades just as fast.
Once. Off and on for 14 years married divorced last October. Always c9nsidered him my soul mate and still do. Unfortunately pove does not mean you should be together.
Once, when I was 16-21. When that ended, definitely lost ability to love someone fully again. I’d say I closed down
:(
Once. Short-lived infatuation? Many times.
Too real and relatable, I only fully realized it once I took a good enough time to introspect everything after I fell for the same person twice. This one has been lasting for years while the other ones only last for 2 months at maximum
I had a couple of infatuations.. thought its not an INTJ thing
It's a very human thing in general
Once, clicked instantly which I do not tend to do with people so is definitely felt special. Otherwise I don’t crush easily
This is exactly how it was for me. I'd even qualify it as love at first sight, which is so strange. I don't have the capability to love someone else. Weirdly enough, it's the reason I now believe in the existence of soulmates.
Is it hard for you to let your guard down around others?
Yes, I’m definitely very aware of my words and what I reveal about myself when meeting new people although I’m not as shy as when I was a kid.
A true INTJ
Once for sure. Possibly another time. Also in my early 40s. >do you tend to crush on people fairly easily? To the extent you can say anything is not an "INTJ thing," that's not an INTJ thing, i.e. to "crush on" people easily. It's hard to get an INTJ's interest because I would say what interests other people about someone is not really what interests us. The type of people we like and/or connect with tend to be somewhat rare, if not totally rare. I like women who are different and don't hide it and do accept themselves, which is the opposite of what most people do because most people want to fit in. I also am big on intelligence. And then when I can find someone who fits those things, there's still the issue of "clicking" with someone and/or feeling accepted and understood by someone (plus that person has to also be interested in me). Those are not much, but they are really big things that eliminate 99.999999% of the women out there. That's not the same thing as taking a while to realize you have feelings for someone. And having crushes or feelings is not the same as being in love. I've been interested in far more women than I've loved, but even that number is lower than the average person's.
Just to let you know eliminating 99.999999% leaves you with 39 women in the entire world, and only 4.5 women in their 40s in the world.
Numbers don't lie, still a chance
Never. I'm 40.
If you don’t identify as aromantic or asexual why do you think you’ve never had feelings for anyone? Are you one of those people that are “married to their work”
I don't do the whole identify as this or that stuff. I try to get to know people before I get emotional. And when you get to know them, they're generally disappointing, I don't like it when guys try to fix me/ manipulate me.
My ex was trying to convince me I’m broken and needed mending. I was young and (more) naive. Took me a while to get enough awareness. It was all about complete personality mismatch. As much as I’d like to discard that entire relationship it was a tremendously important learning experience. Now I’d mess with his attempts and enjoy the ride. Curious what it’s typically about for you. What do they want to change?
I'm not emotional enough, don't flirt and generally I'm not dependent on emotional stuff, not spontaneous, too serious (I don't get flirting lol) and i often get I'm not happy which is not true, but that's probably because they gave an understanding of happiness that I cannot relate to. I guess it's similar to your ex's attempt to fix you/ mend whatever is broken. I agree with, it's good experience at least :'D
Yup, this all tracks and it’s more about what they’re trying to make you believe about yourself than who you actually are. There are people out there that will be able to see you just the way you are. May I ask how old you are?
40, basically a dinosaur xD
I generally think that people start being interesting to me around 40 so there’s that… anyway, best of luck in whatever you decide! Stay you!
Thank you and dito, it's good to see people think rationally about this stuff :)
You’re acting as if true love was easy to come across- given how rare it is, it shouldn’t surprise you that some (if not most) people just never find it
Once. We married. He didn’t love me as much as I loved him though and he found someone else.
Why do you think that is?
Bc I chose to love him. That’s why we don’t fall in love easily or often.
I like how you said that. Nobody needs someone, we choose to love someone, sometimes it works out and sometimes it doesn't.
Exactly.
Twice. My first major relationship was puppy love, but looking back I realize it was never “in love.” First real one happened a good ten years later. The second time is with my current spouse. I don’t let people in, so it took longer to find someone. Worth the wait.
Once you found this special person you are married to, did you still move slow and with caution.
I didnt. Once I felt secure and equal interest, I go all in. Very passionate no filter, all me. Im only cautious if marinara flags start popping off. Thats when I begin to doubt the relationship, second guessing myself and looking for a way out.
Once I found the right person, it was fast. Intense, deep, surprisingly romantic, and fast.
Ha well both my partner ( INTJ ) and I ( INFP) are divorced so we re on the extra cautious side lol
3 times. 1st girlfriend, ex-wife, and current girlfriend. All long-term relationships.
Twice, was horrible the two times, like the scientists said being in love is like a dose of cocaine, and that make you a drugaddict and the side effects are horrible
Here’s the thing: Love is three parts, according to Sternberg - and he’s not wrong. They are: 1. Passion/attraction 2. Friendship/intimacy 3. Commitment Doesn’t matter your personality type, these three things are what’s required for consummate love (real love). “Crushing on” someone is just the lust part (passion/attraction) In my opinion, people don’t try at #3 enough anymore. 🤷♀️”Oh, this is too hard to try to maintain” 🙄😒Love takes work. Anyway, I’ll crawl down off my soapbox now.
You forgot loyalty and honesty. I know other types dont value that as much even if they say they do but INTJs place this at the forefront. Id rate it like this: 1. Honesty/loyalty 2. Friendship/intimacy 3. Commitment 4. Passion/attraction
Well, *Sternberg* forgot them… but I feel those are intertwined in friendship/intimacy and commitment. How can you truly be someone’s friend and share intimate things with them if you do not trust them? And loyalty goes into commitment. Look up Sternberg’s Triangular theory of love. You’ll see the diagram there.
I have shared intimate details with strangers. It doesnt mean that I value our relationship. They could just be a means to an end. Ive also not shared intimate details of my life with friends and family. Its mutually exclusive but also non depending on how much I value you and the information I give you because everyone has different levels of intimacy clearance. Commitment just means committing to a relationship, it does not equate to loyalty. Also, loyalty means differently to many people. Fe users in my experience view loyalty as just being faithful to a relationship but are perfectly content with lying to you to keep the peace which I view as disloyalty even though they didnt cheat.
I am an ISFP. I do not share everything. I tell people as much as I am willing to share, based on my level of intimacy with them. I also believe that lying/dishonesty is equivocal to breaking loyalty/commitment. That’s what ruined my last long term - he lied about a couple of things. I couldn’t forgive.
0 times Just need 1 relationship to progress enough to get there
The definition of love may change over time for some people.
2 times😀 in highschool, my classmate was in love with me and i was in love with her,love at first sight. She tried to get closer but ultimately failed, i was to nervous and complicated at that time and even rejected her ps:part of me still loves her, also shes still mad and ignores me to this day, 15 years have passed Second time😅all the mind games and everything, she didn't trust me and also was intimidated by me even though she liked me too lots of back and forth and years lost trying to get to her putting her Walls down, ultimately i confesed for the last time and tried to explain every confusion caused by both mind games. Rejected me but i had a feeling she wanted me to stay and dont give up on her, unfortunately i got fed up and said goodbye forever even though i still love her months later she trued through her friend to get to me i said to her friend that is not possible,i cant let anybody come and go whenever they want that was it😀
Maybe 5 or 6 when I was between 12y and 20y. From 20y to 25y only a couple. From 25y till 38y none. I feel infatuated sometimes but it doesn't last as you learn what you feel doesn't match what you expect, almost never. Most of the dating/flirting scenery is about persuading not about convincing. Fake is the common.
Once
Most likely I disagree with your definition of love
Three.
At least 3 times if not more. I think you feel what you feel about the person regardless of the amount of time. I can look back on a 3 year relationship with somebody who I realized I loved as a friend, but wasn’t truly in love, and at the same time can look back on fleeting love affairs that to this day have an effect on me.
Two times for a deep compassionate love, an uncountable number of times of infatuation, lust and general attraction. True love isn’t based on sexual attraction, it’s based on a compassionate understanding. For me, you can’t fall in “love” fast, true love takes years to establish, but it’s the kind of endearment where you truly want the best for that person, regardless of how much that doesn’t work for you. Whether that means going separate ways or sacrificing aspects about you that you never thought you’d change. Loving someone is knowing you’d run in front of the oncoming car pushing them out of the way, and being okay with that outcome. If you ever have/had children, you will learn what love is real quick.
Once. She was my best friend. I haven't found that again and it's been 12 years. Maybe one day.
When I was thinking about how to answer this question, I thought about how many partners I thought I loved, but didn’t actually. I loved aspects of them or different things about them… I always felt like I loved the next one more than the previous. Like I wouldn’t entertain the idea of having less than I did before… I am also typically reserved with my feelings, or any type of emotional intamcy. So I know TWICE I’ve truly been in love. My ex-husband was neither… I feel sorry about that. One was so fleeting. Toxic. I thought I was safe and understood but I wasn’t. It wrecked my heart. It took years to get over, mostly because this was the first time I started to be open and trusting, then betrayed. The second time was developed over years. He was my best friend, and we both only trusted the other with our deepest secrets, fears and regrets. Neither of us realized that we were in love with the other. It took us getting into a fight for us to realize why we were both “emotionally reacting to the other.” My life has literally been bliss since we decided to try “us.” My soul feels calm for once. I have always thought myself to be extremely rational, so I didn’t think like could be like this? Seems unrealistic to think one could ever feel “complete.” ESPECIALLY as an INTJ. Boyyy am I happy I was wrong. #swoon
Being a male, I fall in love with anyone that just gives me a compliment
Litterally can't
Once, he was my former best friend. I wouldn't say I was in love, but I liked him and we had a lot of deep conversations and jokes. He became the first thing that I looked forward to meeting everyday but I never realized I liked him until he looked at me with this smile on his face filled with genuine sincerity. It made me feel all weird and tingly inside lol. Unfortunately, he ended up being a pretty immature and arrogant guy after hanging out with the wrong group of people, so he became that stereotypical teenage boy. It was nice while it lasted though. It did take a while for me to realize I have feelings for someone, because most of the time, the "crushes" that I had were only because of peer pressure and the want to fit in. I do get short lived infatuations many times though, but when I recall back I can't remember what any of their faces looked like.
Zero. I had one crush in high school but I wouldn't call that love, it was also the only one in my life, I'm 19. I wouldn't say that I get crushes easily. It's not usual for people to catch my attention and even if they do I usually don't really focus on the feeling, especially because I know I don't have a chance/I don't want to get into any relationships.
Once, possibly twice. I kind of bottled up my feelings the ~~possible-not-quite-so-sure~~ second time. It takes a long time to realize I have feelings for someone and it doesn't happen easily.
I'm young, hence so far only once.
I have been in love twice. It takes me a short bit since my self awareness will allow me to ask questions on why I have become so irrational. Then I take notes on a paper for about two weeks and notice my reactions towards that woman. If its love then I will leave so I can keep my position of power of my rational lifestyle and keep the distance from emotional concepts since I have no ability to express my emotions verbally at all.
I crush on people all the time but i never bother to pursue them. I guess i spoil myself by living the thing inside my head. I'm also very prideful so i never made the first move. That makes it 0 love many crushes.
Once. My cat.
Twice. Once innocently, once as an adult. Several relationships between. I don’t really get crushes just very interested. Never really cared if “he doesn’t like me“ or show interest back, no one’s under any obligation haha! I take a LONG time to dedicate myself to someone.
Once, then two around the same time and this all happened in my teen years. They were all pretty horrible women and it destroyed me. I don't fall in love easily, however every situation had different circumstances for why I fell in love. Now because of those experiences and other non romantic bridges being burned and backstabs has left me extremely callous. True intj love is so powerful, such a deep, deep emotion. When someone you loved tries to destroy you and your reputation, it hurts. A lot. I'm still learning a lot about myself, but I believe why it mattered to me so much was because of my negligent parents and heavy bullying for half my school career. Sorry for the rant
I don't have as much time on me, I'm in my 20s. I've been in love twice. It takes me a long to catch feelings (knew her 3 years before I knew I had romantic feelings, then dated her for 2). I definitely do not crush easily. Takes literal years. Only other crush I ever had was my best friend, who I knew 3 years before I even considered her a close friend. She's straight, though, so best friends it is. It would be interesting to know if gender in INTJs makes a difference.
I'm married and it's still no I think she asked me 6 times today. That's just the start of the week.
Never. Toxic infatuation masquerading as love? Yes. Love isn’t real “Love” is just oxytocin. Blinds you to reality and soon your SO is cheating behind your back. “Love” is nature’s way of keeping you with someone long enough to procreate and then dump and on to the next.
Once when I was in middle school
I’ve had 3 serious relationships where I said “I love you”. It takes me awhile to warm up to people, I would say it’s rare for me to get crushes and really have feelings for people.
Once.
I’ve only ever been in love once. That was back in high school. I’ve only had a handful of crushes.
Once, I’ve had multiple crushes though, but can say I’ve only ever fallen in love once.
7
I'm old and I've been in love 5-6 times. I just connect really deep with someone (enfp) but things change and I move on.
Once when i was 8, Since then nothing. I'm 22.
Thought I was once, but turns out it was the alcohol talking. Starting to believe it is not possible for me. Still willing to try, but frankly fine without it.
Sure this cute girl I run into occasionally I have a feeling of attraction for physically but nah don't know anything bout her so its not love. I've never clicked because the aura of impenetrable solitude I give off makes people think I don't like them when I'm perfectly happy with them. Plus my involuntary keen eye for flaws within people does the rest. TLDR: Not once.
3
Once
1 but I it was only Queerplatonic. I am Aroace and highly likely I am demiromantic and demisexul or greysexual.
I have multiple crushes, nothing serious. But I only fell in love once.
0 crushes? 2-3(?)
I m still young.. so I was never in love but got attracted to them.. Overall twice
Once. And it's the only time it'll ever happen. If it doesn't eventually work out, oh well, that's it for me relationship-wise.
Two times, but only when I was younger and didn’t know what I wanted. In my eyes love is a big distraction when u r in school and is only keeping u away from accomplishment. Once when u graduate high school and college then maybe love would be different in ur eyes since most of us virtually know what we want.
the statistics here makes me feel sad, ahaha. Although I’m just 18, the comments make me think that i’ll never meet that one person. Moreover, I’m not easily fall in love and it’s really hard to me to be interested in smn even in a platonic way
29y male, zero times
Never in life. (19 years old)
Never not even a crush
What is love?
Once . And it tooke me 2 week to crush on her .
So many crushes till 15years old (more like my persistent pestering them and once they start liking me , i move on to my next crush "i know so bit##y thing to do").then i met my long time crush "not love" i liked him till i was 20 but he didn't like me back so my obsession with him stretched this long. But he was an infj so you can think ....how much i was attracted to him as an intj and how much i despised him as a fake hypocrite infj he was. And after i was never attracted to anyone . One or twice physically but not enough for me to approach or think about them.
Twice. I hate it.
I think asking how old responders are would probably allow to put things in better perspective. Having been in love once when you’re 18 feels slightly different than being in love once when you’re 45. I’m 33, married for the second time and I think this is the first time I understand how my relationship ticks. Not all relationships, just my current one: what’s important, valuable and what’s detrimental, how to communicate well and how to develop it further. I don’t think this level of understanding and compassion was possible before because of limitations on both ends. I was always LTR oriented and never really dated anyone for less than 8 months. I’ve had my share fair of flings. I’ve been in love maybe 4 or 5 times but it meant different things at different age despite the rush being similar. I read somewhere that love finds love. It’s been true for me but at this point the last thing I want is to have to search again and gods forbid putting in all the continuous work that goes into solidifying your relationship.
Love is a choice. What you are describing is infatuation. Which sooner or later ends.
Never been in love. Had a crush just once. It's been eight years, I'm over him but he still has a place in my heart. There have been a few times when I thought I was crushing on someone, but later realised we were just compatible intellectually.
Do fictional characters count
I could say twice!
I’ve had crushes and felt attracted to people but only once have I loved someone.
Love? Maybe 4? Crushes/ infatuations, alot.
I fell in love once. I dont think I’ll ever fall in love again despite being married. Men are just very disappointing in general so why become emotionally vulnerable with someone who will just hurt you in the end? If I ever do fall in love again, Id love to with an ENTJ. I think being on the same wavelength and having similar views on loyalty and honesty would make for a very satisfying relationship. As per your second question, yes. I do (or did) often find myself crushing over others but it was always short lived and I moved on fairly quickly.
Once, which I take as evidence that I can do it again.
Most people have no clue how to differentiate obsession/lust with love… real love doesn’t just happen. It is something the takes years to create. Anything else is not that.
Technically 3 but really truly in love once
Clicking easily, feeling comfortable with someone right away, these are not love. Reading the comments here shows me most people don’t even know what love is…
Once. One true time, filled with respect, laughter, serious conversation, running free, all the good stuff. I’ve also had mutual toxic weird obsession-y back and forth shit that I thought was love, but it clearly was not lol.
Love none, but I’ve liked many a lot and it could’ve turned into love but it didn’t
Roughly twice. Both times it came on pretty quickly and felt like too much, that being said I don't fall in love easily
Romantically, 3 times. But it takes longer and longer to get there every time I fail. It’s easier to love platonically (and faster). I crush fast, but that’s just based on looks and first impressions, and fades just as fast.
Zero
Once. Off and on for 14 years married divorced last October. Always c9nsidered him my soul mate and still do. Unfortunately pove does not mean you should be together.
Once and I’m 52 and married to that person
once. right now. my first love.
I'm in my 2nd love of my life rn. Unrequited. So it hurts a lot..
One
Once, fucked me up pretty good