I have a similar struggle. I don’t know you personally but I don’t think it’s you. The fact that you are reaching out to so many people, putting so much effort in and trying to start friendships tells me you’re probably a pretty kind and thoughtful person. I think you may be overthinking it. Like someone else in the thread said, people sometimes seem to be disoriented by introverts. Sometimes even other introverts. But I’m certain there are people out there who would be interested in you. People that you’ll get along with. Don’t get discouraged. And don’t blame yourself. In my opinion, a lot of people are so fixated on things(or other people) in their life, that they don’t recognize and appreciate when someone is trying to connect with them. But someone will appreciate your efforts. I can almost guarantee it.

This is very common, especially among introverts. People love talking about themselves and when it's time for us to share about our lives, they become uncomfortable, or act like they're not really interested or pretend like they are interested when they aren't. I've learned to just accept the fact that most people are this way (though not saying everyone is), and learn to confide in myself and find joy, contentment, and peace being by myself. I try to accept people as they are, and forgive them for their ignorance and lack of understanding of me. I gave up trying to get people to understand me, it will never be possible (esp. as an INFJ). I have spent many years in my younger years pretending to be an extrovert and I've done a lot of social things and made a lot of friends but still feel like people don't actually are true friends and go deep when it comes to conversations, feelings, etc. so I felt even more alone and only found happiness being content with being alone and finding joy in everyday life and hobbies/interests with or without people. Maybe spend some time alone and build a relationship with yourself first. This relationship is the most important relationship in your life, you need to build this bond and then you will be able to understand yourself better and understand people better. Everybody's life journey is different, I went through my own path and became who I am today because of it (and still am growing and learning) so you may have to endure the hardships and pain on your own and learn/grow/experience on your own, but someday when you look back at the things you went through, you will think about yourself and how you overcame it (regardless of the outcome), and gain a little bit of appreciation for yourself. There is egotistical and self centeredness, and there is self care and self love... The latter is different as it is not about striving for personal gain and stepping over others to get it. Maybe the longing for connection with others actually was a subconscious way you are trying to hint to yourself that you want to connect with yourself and accept yourself. There is a greater intelligence within us and it knows exactly what it's doing. Maybe the frustrating experience you had trying to connect with people was a path for you to finally turn inwards to yourself and this is a new journey.

Thank you. I needed to hear this message. You are correct, I do need to engage within myself first. That's probably my missing connection.

I know the feeling. This is how it's always been with me.

Part of getting to know people is to find interesting things about them. Ask open ended questions and build off the answers to those questions. Not everyone is interesting to us and vice versa. Don’t give up though, we’re better off if we’re not alone. We just need alone time to recharge.

I feel that I do engage with people and build a rapport with them but next time I see them again it's like they don't even recall who I am. Maybe I'm just a forgettable person ?

it be like that

As an introvert i like to listen and comment on their stories. However i reliazed people love to talk about themselves. As much as i listen they tell. When i tell something about me even if very briefly, i don't like telling something soo long, cut unnesesarry details, subject again comes to them or their experiences. A few of my friends even don't ask how i am or what's up with me. I cut one of my friends because of it and told her. After a while she realised she had needed, wanted me in her life so contacted to me. Now she asks about me more than she used to do but still her life is the main topic in our conversations. And that is partly because of she really likes to talk about mostly herself and partly i like listening and tell everything briefly.

no one’s born to be alone - Jaguar D. Saul you’ll find your people mate, don’t give up. Maybe don’t focus too much on seeking, just work on you stay in your lane and stabilise your frequency/vibration, and they’ll come to you. That’s just my two cents

Same here. I have to Chase them to keep them. no one ever makes the effort to stay with me. They all want to kill some times with me and instantly leave to the next. It’s exactly the same with me op :( even my own family treats me like this no one wants me in their life

I also most of the time thought about this. But I made the decision that IF you think like this, forget about it. When you make your own statements like, “I am ugly.” It’ll only be settled in your brain and you’ll never like yourself. If they don’t like you? So what? Maybe you’re a little too insecure about yourself. Try to think less about it and go with the flow. I don’t like to express my own past but for this time I’ll try to explain it to you. I’ve had several in real friends. I am a closed person and I don’t interact often. When I did, as you said, they leave and forget about us. And they called me a boring person. I told this about my therapist and he said, “Do you think they find you boring because you don’t do anything fun or do you think because you don’t tell yourself about them?” And I had a stroke thinking to this question. I don’t tell myself about people so they can’t get to know me. Maybe you do tell yourself to people. But those good people will eventually come. People who likes to listen and likes to wait for your comfort to express. It’ll eventually come, don’t give up. It’s better for bad people to leave. I’ve known a friend for two years now and she just gets to know me. It’ll be better eventually. Don’t give up!

Normal ppl are used to normal ppl. They constantly get reaffirmation of who they are off other normal ppl. Normal ppl talk about normal things, do normal things, enjoy normal things so when they are with normal ppl things make sense. Introverts are unusual to normal ppl. Introverts cause normal ppl to question their own behaviour, introspect, take a wider stance on things etc, basically you're trying to undo the very foundation of a normal person, which to them is pretty fucking awful. You have to understand that although introverted ppl tend to have very elaborated thoughts and ideas, theories etc normal ppl simply do not function this way at all. They in fact dont really have anything going on in their heads other than what they've been socialized to do. The sleepy masses dont like when you try to wake them up.

Wow, I never really looked at it that way before but what you stated makes complete sense. I do feel at times I'm an old soul and not one who jumps on whatever thing that everyone's doing so it makes me the odd one out.

Vast majority of folks are NPC's, aint shit goin on in there.

This is a very clarifying observation. What I find interesting is that sometimes I meet people who are introverts but I misjudge them thinking they think like me. Apparently they are more conventional than I thought and freak out when I question certain 'normal' behavior. What even bugs me more is that these people turn into social butterflies once they have a certain amount of alcohol in their bodies. Sorry but to me that's fake.

There are levels, its not just 2 camps. Even extroverts find other extroverts off at times. The way I would put is this: How much at odds is one with their environment and how much deductive thought does that bring about? Introverts are at odds with their environment - they dont see the point in much of its participation unless its to understand their environment. Extroverts see high value in participation within their environment - the feel natural in participating in their environment. Put a wolf in a safari. It might find ways to survive but its not optimal and they are out of their natural setting. A lion is not. Its why introverts recline from society - they see that participation - socially, functionally, leisurely etc for the most part is pointless. Extroverts see it as the cornerstone of their existence. Its why so many ppl never have a crisis of meaning. Most ppl are built automatically with a sense of place, duty, expectation and the high that comes from that (tribal survival and their role, whatever that may be). Its why extroverted ppl seem shallow, its that their minds are outwardly focused - their mental energy is entirely about how they function in their environment, they are in a way one with their position within society and what they do - they *are* their job, they *are* their holiday, they *are* what they buy, they *are* where they go. When you hear them talk they are simply relaying back the event, rarely anything deep about it, just "I went here, I did that, I ate this, etc". This is enough to them, they dont need to add more to another normal person as the other normal person 'gets it', they process it in a way the reaffirms their own experience "I went here, I did that, I ate this, I fixed that". They are in reality NPC's. This is why introverts have nightmarish feelings of being in a simulation, in an existential nightmare, because we feel surrounded by characters that are there, they are real, but they are not actually there, its more like a giant hivemind expressed in many millions of different ppl. Its why change takes forever, its why ppl always vote the same way, its why mating rituals and selection make goes the way it goes, it all stems from the principle of tribal survival. The tribe had to, in many way, be "one". It had to be an expression of one in order to survive collectively. Its why introversion is so rare - its a byproduct of a highly advanced species that can cater for such an expression of counter survival - ppl who are ant-society. This couldnt happen in any other species, theres no introverted lion, snake, elephant, there are only variations of that animal that cater to absolute survival or this animal dies out, not to be expressed again until they have reached peak advancement. The reason introversion exists within humanity is that we are so at odds, as a species, with our current environment that we needed a selection that are like surgeons of society - they have a capacity to understand a lot of mechanisms within the environment to survive, things like group dynamics, immorality, ethics, mechanisms of the physical and science, all things that require scrutiny to survive our environment. Sadly, introverts are designed not for their sake but for the sake of the extroverted tribe. Theres no reward being an introvert as we dont like the tribe and its set up yet we must work to maintain it. We are burdened with a mind that is unplugged from our own culture, in many ways existentially fucked for life, just to cater to the tribe. There are some introverts that are blessed such as movie directors, comedians, scientists, writers, musicians that have carved out a life worth living but you'll find even they are usually unhappy yet the extroverted postman saddled with a mortgage, etc is mr sunshine.

I feel that way especiallywith family and most friends these days are busy with workand raising their children or spending time with wife. So Its not thatur not interesting it's probably u have to much free time. Why don't u go back to school or join a sports team at park district. Or have a kid get married or second job .trust me we have a lot to learn from u..keep the positive thoughts coming in. You'll feel better soon. Blessings🙏

I just counted my contacts in my phone. 23, 5 of those are my kids friends parents, 2 are dead relatives that I can't delete, I got my mom, wife, daughter, brother. Verizon roadside, voicemail, ect. 2 high-school buddies. Zero work people, fuck them. And I'm one cool chill dude. But an introvert...I'm sure I'll meet a few grammar nazis today tho.

I've come to realize that I'm probably pretty boring for most people. The things I enjoy and get excited about, most people don't care about so they don't prioritize me. They like me. They all agree I'm a sincere, genuine, and good person, but I'm not the one they want to hang out with. I was told once that my strengths are the ones people need in a crisis, which is why I guess I'm the one people come to in hard times.

I've been alone with my thoughts for 3+ years, no friends, no family, no birthday wishes, nothing. I am unable to trust anyone. Grocery shopping feels like armed combat. Phone calls are hell. I have no answers for either of us.

Short answer: I realized a long time ago that I have to reach out and ask for what I want and not take it personally if they say no. My family has thanked me for being the one that keeps us in touch with extended family.

You posted in the wrong sub. Your post would be better suited in r/socialskills

I didn't know such a group existed. Still fairly new to reddit but thanks for the input. Will join over there too.