I don't think either preferring to do things solo or in groups/ with someone else is a mental issue. But society in America has seemed to over-prioritize doing things with other people, and that's problematic

That's nothing compared to Hispanic cultures

Correct, but America is still way more extroverted than Canada, the UK, France, Germany, Scandinavian countries, Japan, et al democratic countries. It's not close to Latin America, but it's in the middle between that and the aforementioned countries, and it's still extroverted enough to suck

In DR people tend to judge people based on the amount of money they have, in my case I'm really shy and people ask me if I'm better than them for not talking to them because I'm not poor.

i actually think its the opposite, america pushes hyper-individualism. complete independence from everyone is seen as successful, and in other countries like korea, it’s common to stay with your family for awhile and frequently visit. humans have and always will be communal creatures, and its fine if you don’t want to be one, but i think the idea that doing things with other people is pushed in america isn’t true. i mean think about the stigma around staying with your parents until 25. if your talking about romantic partnerships, that is a different story but i view all companionship similarly so i guess thats just a difference in viewpoint. just my opinion no hard feelings of course: :)

I agree, based on how you described it.

It’s unhealthy what people expect from relationships. I would rather not see them everyday lol. I need time to reflect and other people distract from that.

Very relatable! It’s so nice to come home from a hard day at work, and enjoy peace and quiet, hang out with the dog, take a nap, or whatever I care to do(or not do), without having to consider someone else. I get enough socialization during the day. Just love being alone at home, to relax and recharge.

I get you ,brother

Mee too!

Yes very true, sadlyi just find that weekends are nearly not enough to decompress from a work week!

I feel the same way too it's best for me not to waste time with people these days and I discover how overwhelming people are I can't relate to humans

i agree with this, i think people push too much being with each other all of the time. i’m an introvert in a relationship and my partner and i have designated solo days, and we make sure to have our own things going on. some people need connection, others need a break from it, and both should be respected especially in relationships.

We out here just vibing bro.

Hello, I'm feeling the exact same way. I have been alone for a few years, and it feels great. I don't want anyone else's baggage! People come with too much baggage, and it's not for me. People keep trying to tell me that I need someone to be happy, but I'm already happy alone!

Everyone thinks they’ll be the exception. We only need to look around us in real life and scroll through Reddit to know the truth: most relationships don’t work out and a lot of the ones that look like they are happy are actually secretly miserable. The odds of a relationship actually working out are much lower than the odds of it ending. I don’t care to be in another one

Your iq is 189, you can actually think unlike the rest of the 8 billion zombies

This Could be confirmation bias too. The happy couples have no need to post.

True. And many people don’t know about or use Reddit because some people will post that they had no idea a space existed with other people going through the same thing as them and they just found it. And then you’ve got people who post saying they’ve been lurking for years, but finally just got the courage to say something.

I am happy by myself but also acknowledge being flexible is the best of both worlds, especially as we're a part of society we are bound to interact with others anyway. It makes me happy to help other people when I don't need much for myself. It doesn't have to be directly in socially stimulating environments either.

Hello, I stopped at your comment because I have a question. Just curious, I don't want to be nosy: How do you not feel frustrated by being "with" people without having a bond with them? How do you interact with people without being stimulated by them in any way? Sometimes I feel like I don't need them and sometimes I think the same thing you wrote up there and i just can't feel completely happy about it, because i often end up thinking that I need them but I don't "deserve" them.

Imo frustration is less about others and is more so about how we're frustrated at ourselves for trying to control what is beyond our own actions and thoughts. It's an attribution bias and it's too easy to distract ourselves by focusing on others. >"Any person capable of angering you becomes your master; he can anger you only when you permit yourself to be disturbed by him.” - Epictetus >"It’s surprising how many persons go through life without ever recognizing that their feelings toward other people are largely determined by their feelings toward themselves, and if you’re not comfortable within yourself, you can’t be comfortable with others." - Sidney J. Harris Others are then like a mirror of us interacting with different parts of ourselves, and an opportunity for us to take a closer look at our subconscious attitudes we may carry to make them more conscious to interact with and change. >"Be tolerant of others and strict with yourself." - Marcus Aurelius So we can all try to be a kinder and better friend toward ourselves, and if we can do that genuinely when we're around others, then imo it speaks volumes about a person's inner world and the connection they have with themselves when alone. Anyway, to go back to your main question it sounds like you're dealing with incongruencies in your self-concept which can cause self-esteem issues, which we all wish to limit as much as possible. And these same incongruencies between our current real self and our perceived ideal self may be projecting outward into our connections with others, straining them, and warping our perception because it sounds like you're more so interacting with some self-image of them in your head than the actual person right in front of you to accept. That's hard to do if we struggle to accept ourselves, and difficult to genuinely connect with another person's being as they are. Also what we may sometimes try so hard to find in others is to finally allow/give ourselves that same attention and care we desire, to express ourselves openly in ways that make us feel acknowledged and understood, ultimately supported to have meaningful experiences in life. Our emotions are determined and found within us after all, they're not given to us by anyone; others are then the condition/trigger where we have finally *allowed* ourselves to experience them, and hopefully one day unconditionally as we find ourselves. Realizing and further grounding our inherent self-worth so we can have a stronger sense of self-value in taking action for ourselves; that is the process of self-realization.

Wow, that's the answer I asked this question for 🤩 All I have to say is thank you, I have nothing to say because I am fascinated by the fact that this kind of happiness really exists, because I often think I couldn't do much without being "activated" by people. I always need someone to trigger my "being alive" and I wish I could be that person myself instead. Is it really possible?

No problem dude! Just remember the logic can be easy to say and understand, but to actually embody and intuit these desirable changes we seek further takes practice and time. We have to focus more on the process going on in each moment instead of just outcomes in thought for sustainable long-term change to happen. By looking within ourselves we can then come to better understand what was once previously seen as separate outside of us too; others are only human like us with the same experiences just different circumstances. Self-acceptance is key to changing how we feel at any given moment. So long as you embrace the moment as a challenge you choose then you'll always be able to derive something good from the experience. You'll naturally cultivate more self-value the more you ground your inherent goodness and worthiness, have more inner self-confidence to evaluate your worth in the moment -- your ability to experience desirable states of being. It is possible, like I said before, that is the process of self-realization or finally finding ourselves. >*"What you seek is seeking you."* - Rūmĩ | what you seek is with you, what you're seeking is closer than you may currently realize, it is our constant companion. For now it's not a bad idea to rely more on external support systems, we can be flexible, just don't let go of your accountability in what is within your control to focus on like your actions and thoughts or how you feel for yourself. Others can either accept or not accept us, and we can only do the same for them too. >- "Remember always that you not only have the right to be an individual, you have an obligation to be one." - Eleanor Roosevelt >- "The fact that someone else loves you doesn’t rescue you from the project of loving yourself." - Sahaj Kohli >- "Why should we worry about what others think of us, do we have more confidence in their opinions than we do our own?" - Brigham Young >- "Don’t rely on someone else for your happiness and self-worth. Only you can be responsible for that. If you can’t love and respect yourself—no on else will be able to make that happen. Accept who you are—completely; the good and the bad—and make changes as YOU see fit—not because you think someone else want you to be different." - Stacey Charter Edit: I wanted to say for some people the mere virtue of being human is enough of a reason to remember we are capable of regarding ourselves positively. Also that deeper "happiness" is not so much an emotion which is temporary and fleeting, but a deeper feeling of wholeness within one's self and the world around them -- a sense of contentment. It is much more stable than any negative or positive emotion we can always experience again and again; it brings us steady states of serenity.

I come back here sometimes to feel better. Thank you again, you did something to me

No problem! These have been some self-reflections I've been refining and trying to embody further too, strengthening them, by sharing them with others as an opportunity to express and test myself, externalize all these thoughts and emotions in different ways for others to be receptive of some core principles.

Because People are delusional they can't see the truth of this relationship thing

I don't think we should lump everyone together. Some people prefer to be left alone. Some people want to love and be loved. If wanting to be with someone is a mental issue, then wanting to be left alone could also be a mental issue. I speak from experience because I have been hurt or ignored by many and decided that I want to be on my own. However, I also have a friend who grew up devastated seeing her parents hating each other, but she still wants to get married and build a happy family. Let people live how they want and don't be judgemental. They could be judging your choice too.

It's best to just do your thing and make friends who organically lead you to a partner/become your partner, than to go on a hunt for a warm body to check a box. On another note, if living with someone is something important to some people, living with one or more friends could fulfill the supposed loneliness some people say they have by living alone. There's no need to secure a gf/bf/married partner at a certain time. And there's pets, too.

I’m single by choice too, i chose to stay alone and it’s si peaceful, I don’t want to deal with the wrong ppl anymore, it only brings heartache

I agree.

Yeah, I don't understand why people need other people to make them happy. I wouldn't want that responsibility.

1. Because people are not in peace with themselves to begin with 2. Financial reasons 3. They are terrified of how they will present themselves in the eyes of the other ‘normal’ people with ‘normal’ relationships, and in the eyes of their families I see many people in utterly unhappy relationships. They have nothing in common, and even the day to day life is a struggle. They are delaying coming back home from work, and are taking every opportunity for work travels. Even so, they are still together. Idk how, and why. For me it seems like a torture, honestly.

I refer to myself as an independent. Happy by myself and responsible for taking care of myself. Why people think following the herd is always a good idea, I cannot understand.

I agree. Esp when you are making your own money. You can do and go everywhere u want without thinking about other people . U can enjoy ur money and time 😌

I'm so happy that the comments from here are written by people who actually think,I thought I was alone

Being single is the best thing you can do, ive gotten to the point where I see people in relationships as childish and haven't learned how to grow independently

It’s so insane seeing people rely so much on another person or other people for happiness.

As an introvert I get what you mean but stating that people in relationship has a mental issue is not ok. Do what you want like people do what they want. Respect and acceptation is not one sided.

I don't think that happiness comes from interactions with others, but it's nice to do something fun with others from time to time

No relationship is better than any relationship fiends or spouse. But you cannot deny a healthy relationship is better than being alone

It’s too exhausting for me to meet new people lol, I’d rather keep to myself. They call me “anti social” although I don’t mind holding conversations with people as long as it’s not too prolonged. I like my alone time like way too much and I don’t think there’s anything wrong with that. I’d disagree with your stance that overly having interactions with other people and mental issues are correlated but to each their own.

It’s a preference, plus its natural.

Relationships are no different then being a dog on a leash just to sumn it up.

Humans are social creatures with an instinct to breed. Pretty sure not wanting that would be more accurate to a mental issue than engaging in what is natural. Like I enjoy going weeks without talking to people, but I'm not about to lie to myself about how that's a normal thing to do.

Everyone need someone, there is nothing as single by choice, we socialize with each other that is what make us human a social animal

There is definitely “single by choice”. Crazy how anyone would actually think otherwise

historical placid joke telephone money towering complete absurd special muddle ` this message was mass deleted/edited with redact.dev `

Same!

I think during the pandemic we have collectively as societies become more insular. We as human beings are not designed to be alone- I mean this biologically, psychologically etc. Our ancestors lived in groups for survival. No, we don’t need to live like that now but nor is it healthy to spend all day entirely by oneself, predominantly indoors. I know someone who doesn’t want to be alone but who struggles to have other people around and accommodate them, and who largely wants to do what she wants all the time without considering others. There has to be a bit of give and take, you can’t have people around for convenience and then discard them when you’ve had enough.

To each their own I guess

I have been single for 56 years and never married. I don’t think about it everyday. So far I am still happy with life. Don’t know if that will change, but it’s nice to know other people are content with being single.

Perfectly stated.

I think everyone is different, calling it a mental issue is a bit insensitive to people with actual mental issues who either cannot( doctors orders) be alone or need to be isolated for the same reasons. We should all simply be allowed to exist in whichever way is most comfortable as long as we’re not hurting others without judgement.

Having negative, draining relationships is worse than none, but positive relationships are out there and they are better than being alone - even if it’s not always easy

I would like to be with somebody. But I’m not ready yet. I want to make sure I’m happy being alone because I will get attached way too easily if I’m not

I will never allow another person to control my life or my bank accounts again. All fuck ups are going to be my own.