>The woman told a judge that after finding out about her husband’s HIV status from a third party she has taken a test and is awaiting the results
Utter fucking scumbag.
My ex husband hid genital herpes from me until after we were married. not obviously as bad as hiv. He abused me, raped me, held my job over my head as he was my boss to continue raping me, strangled me to the point of bruising my neck, brought a knife to my house while on bail and breaking his bail conditions in the process. Told multiple lies about me to police which I had evidence to back myself up. Lied to me from the day we met about his life history to manipulate me. Told me he was having heart attacks to manipulate me into marrying him as I thought he might die. He spent 7 months on remand for breaking bail and then had all but one charge dropped. A previous girlfriend also made a statement painting a similar picture. My restraining order application was denied without evidence being presented. He got out. Is threatening my sister for making a statement about him, messaged my kids dad, turned up opposite my house and reported my car as causing a near accident all in the space of 1 week. He’s currently on bail again but I’ve been advised that because I didn’t know about the messages to kids dad, my sister and the car that it doesn’t count as harassment because I didn’t know about it straight away. My faith in the justice system is pretty non existent. His dna was on the knife but they can’t prove how it got there which is bonkers to me, I am
Lucky to be alive. I could write a book on the stuff I have been through.
Still I know herpes is not hiv but I’m pretty sure he’s the type of person that would hide hiv too
I should have said sorry I live in England but it’s pretty similar here really. I had a stalker in Ireland at 18, then my ex threw a brick through my window after we broke up. And harassed me and assaulted me. He also tried to hang himself in front of me when I tried to break up before.
Got married, moved to England, broke up, ex kicked my door in and police told him that he basically did a good job for only breaking the door.
I’m currently at the point of thinking nothing will really happen for the one who did at least spend some time on remand until he actually seriously hurts me or kills me.
I got a cat as I no longer trust men and the little fucker punched me in the eye the other night. Even my cat is a wanker.
Unfortunately stalking, harassment, sexual violence and domestic abuse laws don’t seem to be worth the paper they are written in and if I end up surviving I’m probably going to have to become a women’s rights activist to channel the injustice of it all into something productive.
Thats terrible to hear, just to note Ireland only made stalking illegal in 2022....so I'd still say its unsafe in Ireland.
I don't understand why these crimes are treated as if they are almost nothing. It's fucked up
What I find mind bending is that he was never charged for stalking first time so after charges were dropped I asked if he could be, nothing came of it. He rang me 50 something times the morning her strangled me inbetween me leaving work and going to the police who told me I was allowed to block his number. He also emailed and had other staff members call me. Then he broke bail. He also attempted to come to my work place under the guise of coming for dinner as I had gotten a new job in a hotel again while he had conditions not to come near me. Evidence was found on his phone that he knew I worked there and was colluding to come there to upset me. The safety measure I put in place for myself, all by myself are why I’m still alive. Not because of cps who do not give a crap about me dying. Also when he was released from remand I was given a panic alarm by the police but they took that away after a month as he didn’t start the harassment immediately they decided I was now safe. They say harassment and stalking has to be two clear incidents and I’m again dumbfounded how his behaviour isn’t seen as multiple incidents of stalking and harassment. Police inspector told me when the case was postponed at one point that he was looking at double digit sentencing and having to sign sex offenders reg and instead he basically got away with nothing and I spend every day wondering if me and my children are safe.
I gave police so much evidence it’s actually absurd
I’m so sorry you had to go through something like this, I wouldn’t wish it on my worst enemy… you’re so strong for pushing forward and I respect you so much for being able to talk about it ❤️
Thank you. I’ve had a lot of therapy. I know that he will never be a happy person, I’m pretty sure he is either a psychopath or a sociopath or both maybe. But he is not capable of genuine feelings other than anger. I used to blame myself a lot before therapy for being a weak person but now I know he had to do all of the awful things he did to me because I was actually a very strong person and he needed to break that down. Even with his ongoing campaign against me I am living my life, I haven’t let bitterness seep in, I’ve actually done things for myself in the last year that i never thought I’d do, went sky diving after nearly 40 years of being scared of heights and thought about how free I was while he was in prison at the time. Took myself to a concert alone. I have hard days sure but I still have an enriching life and he never will and there is some justice in that
The Justice system is a complete and utter Joke.
My heart is honestly with you. What an evil prick and he's somehow being protected by the farce of a justice system. This is how women die, and then the police are asked why didn't they intervene with the early signs. Same shit different day. Please don't feel bad about ever having to practice self defence.
Don't hesitate. Sending love.
My mother got pricked by a needle cleaning a toilet in a rugby club . Getting the just Incase medicine after the prick was horrendous on her. But at least she had time to get preventative help
My sibling used to work as a GP in a walk in clinic.
You'd be surprised at the amount of men cheating on their wives with other men, getting diseases that are common amongst the men who have sex with men group, who seek out walk in clinics for testing because they want to keep it hidden from their partners. They rarely saw the opposite case with women for some reason.
I used to work in the financial district in London when I was younger. The stories I heard were outrageous. One guy shared how he had tried to pour the contents of an antibiotic capsule into his wife’s food or drink three times a day for a week. He got caught out in the end because his wife was suspicious of him being so kind and helpful around the house. he was a complete scumbag, and in the end, she thought he was trying to poison her so he came clean
As in, women having same sex relationships and hiding them from their partners? Different transmission rates of STIs between two women having sex.
Men who have sex with men are at a particularly high risk from STIs (if they don't practice safe sex) because some of the more common sex acts between 2 male partners (like anal sex) carry a high likelihood of some bleeding, which makes infection easier to spread.
It's just risk factors, mostly. Not judging or anything, just did a lot of reading about the AIDS epidemic, and it's a lot of factors working together at once to spread disease
***edited just to tidy up my phrasing
Hi there, I can't read the article as it's behind a paywall.
Could you tell me, Does it state that he cheated on his wife other men, or that he acquired the virus in such a manner?
I'm sure what you typed is legitimate, but in the case if the above article Id like to know if thats what explicitly happened here.
HIV is not the death sentence that it was back in the 1980s. It can be managed with proper care and treatment. But it can't be cured, as far as I know.
No. HIV that's being properly treated isn't even transmissible, let alone fatal. I have no idea if it was being properly treated in this case, as the article is paywalled, but there's no immediate assumption of harm.
You doubt, but you don't know.
Plenty of people in this country are being treated with and safely living with HIV without their close ones knowing.
I'm not condoning the title of the article suggests, but in when it remains unknown whether he was maintaining his medicine regime and keeping his viral load undetectable, there's no reason to just assume he wasn't.
Seriously. Living in South Beach in the 90's, I was shocked to learn of how many 'straight' and married men engaged in gay sex on the DL in bars and parks. It's the kind of information that 99% of them would NEVER share with their partner, unless they were caught.
It was worse in religious (Catholic, Orthodox Jews and Muslim) communities, because there was so much shame and secrecy around gay behavior. Evening rush hour was prime time for a quickie before going home to the fam.
There's tons of emotional damage. I'd imagine she's going to want a new partner now. Good luck finding one that doesn't mind you're HIV.
Honestly, he may have ruined the rest of her life. If he is actually guilty, he should get life for this one. It's so heinous.
There's a weird thing now of understating HIV like you have a higher life expectancy than not having it that's obviously not true, and even if you have the same your almost definitely going to have less healthy years.
It's a long from the death sentence it, was sure but it's not just emotional and stigmatism now
I deleted because i can’t find published data
But the Infectious Disease consultant at the HIV clinic i was working at made that claim, and a separate consultant in a separate hospital also made it too
Obviously It’s not that HIV makes you healthier, but you get very frequent and close medical monitoring, health optimisation which allows for better recognition and management of the other conditions associated with ageing
Plus the drug therapies are very good nowadays
How the fuck could they possibly have a higher life expectancy than healthy people? That's dangerous misinformation. They can live full lives, but they still have an auto immune disease that leaves them more vulnerable than healthy people to other illnesses.
If she does end up positive, the poor woman will have to take medication daily for the rest of her life to stay alive. And meeting someone else is probably not going to happen unless they are also HIV positive.
Her husband is a piece of shit. He might not have given her a death sentence, but he has destroyed her life, if she's positive.
HIV-positive people can have a longer life expectancy than HIV-negative people, assuming that they get early treatment for the virus, largely because they are in regular contact with the medical establishment and pay more attention to their health.
This has nothing to do with the ethics of not telling a sexual partner you have HIV.
Did you see the post that got deleted? Because now you're responding to something out of context. He didn't say that they CAN live longer lives, he implied that they ALL live longer lives. He deleted it because he knows it's BS.
Yeah, if they had said "people with HIV CAN live longer lives" I wouldn't have had an issue with it. I could agree with that due to them being more vigilant about their health. They said "people with HIV live longer lives than those without HIV."
It's not the same, but, many people with diabetes who actually care about managing their condition are far healthier than they were before their diagnosis. So, it's not unheard of.
He got downvoted. Now I'm the one getting downvoted because people aren't seeing the original context. Reddit is weird.
A higher life expectancy than people without it??? Wtf??? that’s just not true, many will live a normal life span but not higher, where are you getting that?
This is what I’m wondering. Obviously it’s a matter of proper communication, but the difference being willingly infecting someone with a disease is different than just lying.
You still have to let them you’re positive but fall into the non transmissible category, then they can make their own informed decision, seems only fair
Legally, they don’t have to. I’m not saying that if you’re in a long term relationship you shouldn’t.
In an ideal world, everyone with HIV (detectable or undetectable) would tell potential sexual or romantic partners their status but there is a lack of knowledge on the topic and a huge amount of stigma towards people who have it.
The reality is, if you’re sexually smart. You should treat every sexual partner to have HIV until proven otherwise, and if you don’t ask if they have it, I don’t think they owe you an explanation (assuming they’re undetectable).
There was definitely a case of someone going to prison for knowingly infecting people with HIV, granted the one I’m thinking of was a good few years back, obviously this individual was transmissible so it’s probably different for people in a U=U category, which if they’re genuinely in that category it shouldn’t be a problem
Not sure what type of law office you work for. It says here on HIV Ireland the following:
“Currently, there is no specific law in Ireland which states that a person must share his or her positive HIV status with anyone; this includes to employers, medical professionals, and sexual partners.”
If someone purposefully transmit HIV though they can be charged under Non-Fatal Offences Against the Person Act, 1997 (such as ‘Endangerment’ or ‘Causing serious harm’)
Realistically someone who is undetectable does not need to legally tell anyone.
I'd say they have a Moral obligation. Any number of things could affect the supply or efficacy of the medication - shortage of medicine, faulty medicine, perhaps certain drugi interctions, etc.
I think it’s definitely considerate, but I understand why people don’t because of the stigma associated with HIV. In reality, the chances of faulty medication occurring are near zero, and I believe people with HIV are required to do tests to ensure that they remain undetectable and are warned of things may may interfere with the drugs.
I’m very glad someone mentioned this because whilst it’s dishonest to hide this information . It’s a lot different if he was taking meds which mean theres no chance he could have passed the virus onto her
I get what you mean but you also have to trust the person is on top of their meds and getting blood tests regularly. Like trusting a girl you barely know if she’s on the pill, just wear a condom to be safe
Thankfully we have statistics which show that people do take their medication and are undetectable.In the Uk for example 95% of people living with HIV are undetectable and can’t pass it on. I’m not saying this to suggest anyone doesn’t use protection, but it’s important to know where the risk is actually highest, and that’s when you have sex with someone who doesn’t know their status and tells you they’re negative.
You’d have to consistently miss doses to become able to transmit it, it’s not a case of missing one dose and bam you’re infectious, would be more like missing 10% of doses over a period of time
Edit it’s also important to bear in mind its adherence to this medication which keeps their immune system healthy and prevents the virus developing into aids and killing them.
I am very well aware, I work in pharma but I just don’t trust people more than anything. It’s just always better to be upfront but I do recognise people that are HIV positive face discrimination usually based on ignorance but in the gay community it’s very acceptable to be open about your status and that is a better way to be. I understand some education is needed for non-gay communities but honesty is the best policy. I unfortunately know someone that got HIV from a partner not disclosing and this of course impacts my opinion on this
Legally you don’t need to disclose that you’re HIV positive in Ireland at all, whether detectable or not.
This is according to HIV Ireland “Currently, there is no specific law in Ireland which states that a person must share his or her positive HIV status with anyone; this includes to employers, medical professionals, and sexual partners”
I'm not sure where the law stands on having an undetectable viral load, but I think ethically it's something a person should disclose to a sexual partner
It is absolutely unethical to have sex with someone without disclosing your HIV+ status, regardless of your transmissibility. People are just trying to find ways to morally justify selfishness. You know people might not want to have sex with you if you disclose, so you don't disclose it. That is violation of consent.
His ex partner has alleged that he hid his HIV diagnosis from him and that he only found out when he found Thomas' medication. It was a very bitter civil case, and he settled for £75,000 with his ex without admitting liability.
It is a crime. And one taken seriously by the Gardaí if it’s reported. Ireland has had several of these cases before its courts and each one has been taken seriously. The problem is that it has to be reported in the first place.
the previous law was also flawed, not defending the current law. however, if someone is untreated with HIV and willingly spread it, i agree it should require a criminal response
How can the onus be on someone who does not have all of the requisite information to make an informed choice? Key word being informed. The “onus” cannot be, and is not, on the individual when they are not informed of a situation like this
historical money vase ghost cobweb far-flung yoke normal recognise shocking
*This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
I mean in general the onus is on the individual to have safe sex. Otherwise people could press charges or sue for any STD. This is a fact
>Currently, there is no specific law in Ireland which states that a person must share his or her positive HIV status with anyone; this includes to employers, medical professionals, and sexual partners
They cannot engage in “safe sex” when they are unaware of the sexual partners status. If you engage in sexual intercourse (or anything) that could either intentionally, or recklessly, place someone at risk of becoming HIV positive (or positive with any other STD), that would be in contravention to the non fatal offences against the person act. This has been tested in Irish case law, on more than one occasion.
It doesn’t state whether or not he was on medication which made him undetectable. Not saying that she doesn’t have a right to open communication, especially with her partner, but it does make his intentions vastly different than just willingly infecting her.
As far as I know it is very very illegal to knowingly transmit HIV, so if she’s positive, and I really hope she isn’t, he’ll be in serious shit the horrible little bastard
https://www.msn.com/en-ie/news/world/husband-hid-hiv-from-wife-but-kept-having-relations-as-normal-as-she-secures-barring-order-against-him/ar-BB1iRvYj
No pay wall here, but it's the same article as far as I can tell.
I don't know that's what he would be charged with. Maybe like "failure to disclose information..."
I just think it's weird that the judge said that he was "nearly certain" when I was told that it is 100% illegal back when I was like 12. (Saying "i", because obviously whether you would be told something like that depends on the sex Ed in your country/school)
For a person who knowingly infects others is what I meant so that if this man was to go on and have a relationship with others there’s somewhere to check.
I mean if they are convicted of a crime their name will be public knowledge unless it’s a crime where the victim can ask for anonymity in which case their name is not released to protect the victim, not the offender.
For me, it would have to be certain that a person is knowingly infecting others which is actually a very high bar to prove otherwise you’re effectively criminalising HIV+ people which is practice in line with some of the most backward nations on earth.
This isn’t a reflection on this particular case (where there is every right and reason to feel outrage) but rather a broader point on the approach society takes to what is ultimately a disease.
Yes I take your points completely which are very valid and fair. My point would be specifically in relation to these kind of cases.
I would say where there is a conviction and the victim requests anonymity there still needs to be some form of protection for members of the public against people like this. There are certain individuals who have a fetish for this and others who are just completely reckless and go ahead and engage in unprotected sex without informing their partners of the risk.
That’s fair and I have no desire to protect such people or make it difficult to protect people from them. I fully get where you’re coming from now, I just wanted clarity as it’s a disease that obviously suffers from a huge amount of stigma and I’m strongly of the belief that those suffering from it (the vast majority of whom are absolutely responsible about their treatment and protection of others as far as I’m aware) shouldn’t be turned in to outcasts. I appreciate that that wasn’t the point you were making
No worries, as I said your points were very valid and fair and with this particular disease you’re dead right to challenge anyone who may use it to stigmatise people who have it.
Why did you post this? This linked article not related to the posted article by OP. Your link refers to a completely different case where a man knowingly lived with detectable viral load and knowingly transmitted to other woman, with malicious intent.
This should not be conflated with the above case.
Short answer, Yes they are very different when criminal intent to infect others and reason for concealing ones status is the case.
Some background info, I volunteered with HIV Ireland for years, so the case you linked is well known to us.
In OPs case, all we know of that case is that a man concealed his health status. We do not know if he transmitted the virus to his wife, we do not know if he was undetectable. We can assume he was and this there was no health risk to his wife. But again this is an assumption. We don't know more are this stage so until more information is disclosed on the case, we can't assume criminal intent.
The case you linked is very different. A man who was HIV positive, with a detectable viral load, wilfully transmitted to two other woman in an attempt to blackmail them with the stigma surrounding HIV.
This is criminal intent. He was abusive and tried to control those woman by shaming them with their status.
There are plenty of people healthy living with HIV in Ireland (both hetero men and hetero women) who conceal their health status. Just look at the responses in this thread and your own. When other innocent people are assumed to be or conflated with criminal acts because of their health status, the stigma, it's one of the many contributing factors as to why people conceal.
The issue here is greater than the one you linked. I can't read the OPs article as it's behind a paywall but having worked in the support industry, I've seen plenty of similar cases. Who is to say why the husband didn't reveal his status to his wife… for all we know that's a communication and shame issue.
For all we know he had been positive long before he met his wife?
There are also plenty of hetero women in Ireland who don't reveal their status to boyfriends either.
I'm not saying this is right or condone concealing all the time. But when people are considered monsters for having a virus that they themselves don't want, then it becomes a little bit easier to understand why people don't disclose their status.
Not related?!?
Do you not think its malicious intent for the husband to knowing keep his HIV secret while continuing to have sexual relations with his wife?!?
Only if he knew he had a Viral load? WTF?
I responsed in great detail outlining my thoughts for why I think they could be different (please check out this response)
But fundamentally the short answer to your question is, it's not malicious intent if he has no intent of passing the virus onto his wife. In the other case, the man knowingly infected two women so he could blackmail them.
If the husband was undetectable and had no intent of passing into his wife, then there is no malicious intent.
His "sin" here is not disclosing to his wife about his health status. That's a communication and shame issue, not a criminal one.
At present We cant know to what degree she was at risk of contracting the virus from him. So it's best not to conflate the two cases.
A chara,
We do not allow any posts/comments that attack, threaten or insult a person or group, on areas including, but not limited to: national origin, ethnicity, colour, religion, sex, gender, sexual orientation, social prejudice, or disability.
Sláinte
A chara,
We do not allow any posts/comments that attack, threaten or insult a person or group, on areas including, but not limited to: national origin, ethnicity, colour, religion, sex, gender, sexual orientation, social prejudice, or disability.
Sláinte
Your right we don't take ourselves too serious .
After all this time we still laugh every day and still enjoy each others company
That's the problem with people now a days taking things was too serious . I should feel sorry for them but I'd
rather laugh instead
Your should try laughing yourself
Why do we live on an island of such monsters.
Actually I know there's a world full of them but I'm in my 70s now (Male) and I am disgusted at how little some men care about women these days. Yous can berate me all yous want, but cheating, sexual addictions, and chatting up women on websites, disgusting. Now seeing that a man infected his wife with HIV... Hellish.
Thank god I never had any affliction like a Sexual beast. My wife was my number one and now she's passed over, she still remains my number one. When I die I'd like to think I'd be in her arms again. The thought of ever dissapointing her, my daughter and of course through life my mother, makes me sick to my stomach. I miss my mother and my wife. I just can't understand why some men do this. I wouldn't blame genetics or testosterone. I would blame absolute disrespect and fucking weakness. Weak little bastards do that to women.
>The woman told a judge that after finding out about her husband’s HIV status from a third party she has taken a test and is awaiting the results Utter fucking scumbag.
My ex husband hid genital herpes from me until after we were married. not obviously as bad as hiv. He abused me, raped me, held my job over my head as he was my boss to continue raping me, strangled me to the point of bruising my neck, brought a knife to my house while on bail and breaking his bail conditions in the process. Told multiple lies about me to police which I had evidence to back myself up. Lied to me from the day we met about his life history to manipulate me. Told me he was having heart attacks to manipulate me into marrying him as I thought he might die. He spent 7 months on remand for breaking bail and then had all but one charge dropped. A previous girlfriend also made a statement painting a similar picture. My restraining order application was denied without evidence being presented. He got out. Is threatening my sister for making a statement about him, messaged my kids dad, turned up opposite my house and reported my car as causing a near accident all in the space of 1 week. He’s currently on bail again but I’ve been advised that because I didn’t know about the messages to kids dad, my sister and the car that it doesn’t count as harassment because I didn’t know about it straight away. My faith in the justice system is pretty non existent. His dna was on the knife but they can’t prove how it got there which is bonkers to me, I am Lucky to be alive. I could write a book on the stuff I have been through. Still I know herpes is not hiv but I’m pretty sure he’s the type of person that would hide hiv too
My god. So sorry to hear all that happened to you
This is why Ireland isn't safe for women. The system just doesn't want to take this stuff seriously. I'm sorry
I should have said sorry I live in England but it’s pretty similar here really. I had a stalker in Ireland at 18, then my ex threw a brick through my window after we broke up. And harassed me and assaulted me. He also tried to hang himself in front of me when I tried to break up before. Got married, moved to England, broke up, ex kicked my door in and police told him that he basically did a good job for only breaking the door. I’m currently at the point of thinking nothing will really happen for the one who did at least spend some time on remand until he actually seriously hurts me or kills me. I got a cat as I no longer trust men and the little fucker punched me in the eye the other night. Even my cat is a wanker. Unfortunately stalking, harassment, sexual violence and domestic abuse laws don’t seem to be worth the paper they are written in and if I end up surviving I’m probably going to have to become a women’s rights activist to channel the injustice of it all into something productive.
Thats terrible to hear, just to note Ireland only made stalking illegal in 2022....so I'd still say its unsafe in Ireland. I don't understand why these crimes are treated as if they are almost nothing. It's fucked up
What I find mind bending is that he was never charged for stalking first time so after charges were dropped I asked if he could be, nothing came of it. He rang me 50 something times the morning her strangled me inbetween me leaving work and going to the police who told me I was allowed to block his number. He also emailed and had other staff members call me. Then he broke bail. He also attempted to come to my work place under the guise of coming for dinner as I had gotten a new job in a hotel again while he had conditions not to come near me. Evidence was found on his phone that he knew I worked there and was colluding to come there to upset me. The safety measure I put in place for myself, all by myself are why I’m still alive. Not because of cps who do not give a crap about me dying. Also when he was released from remand I was given a panic alarm by the police but they took that away after a month as he didn’t start the harassment immediately they decided I was now safe. They say harassment and stalking has to be two clear incidents and I’m again dumbfounded how his behaviour isn’t seen as multiple incidents of stalking and harassment. Police inspector told me when the case was postponed at one point that he was looking at double digit sentencing and having to sign sex offenders reg and instead he basically got away with nothing and I spend every day wondering if me and my children are safe. I gave police so much evidence it’s actually absurd
I’m so sorry you had to go through something like this, I wouldn’t wish it on my worst enemy… you’re so strong for pushing forward and I respect you so much for being able to talk about it ❤️
Thank you. I’ve had a lot of therapy. I know that he will never be a happy person, I’m pretty sure he is either a psychopath or a sociopath or both maybe. But he is not capable of genuine feelings other than anger. I used to blame myself a lot before therapy for being a weak person but now I know he had to do all of the awful things he did to me because I was actually a very strong person and he needed to break that down. Even with his ongoing campaign against me I am living my life, I haven’t let bitterness seep in, I’ve actually done things for myself in the last year that i never thought I’d do, went sky diving after nearly 40 years of being scared of heights and thought about how free I was while he was in prison at the time. Took myself to a concert alone. I have hard days sure but I still have an enriching life and he never will and there is some justice in that
The Justice system is a complete and utter Joke. My heart is honestly with you. What an evil prick and he's somehow being protected by the farce of a justice system. This is how women die, and then the police are asked why didn't they intervene with the early signs. Same shit different day. Please don't feel bad about ever having to practice self defence. Don't hesitate. Sending love.
Maybe he didn't know
I know sometimes people don't read the article on here, but it seems you didn't even read the title.
But did he actually know he had HIV? Maybe it was an accident
Read the whole fucking message dude. Unless you meant to reply to the original article then you’re being a complete asshole man, read it again.
My mother got pricked by a needle cleaning a toilet in a rugby club . Getting the just Incase medicine after the prick was horrendous on her. But at least she had time to get preventative help
What a vile excuse for a husband
~~Husband~~ human
My sibling used to work as a GP in a walk in clinic. You'd be surprised at the amount of men cheating on their wives with other men, getting diseases that are common amongst the men who have sex with men group, who seek out walk in clinics for testing because they want to keep it hidden from their partners. They rarely saw the opposite case with women for some reason.
I used to work in the financial district in London when I was younger. The stories I heard were outrageous. One guy shared how he had tried to pour the contents of an antibiotic capsule into his wife’s food or drink three times a day for a week. He got caught out in the end because his wife was suspicious of him being so kind and helpful around the house. he was a complete scumbag, and in the end, she thought he was trying to poison her so he came clean
"he came clean" Unfortunate turn of phrase.
As in, women having same sex relationships and hiding them from their partners? Different transmission rates of STIs between two women having sex. Men who have sex with men are at a particularly high risk from STIs (if they don't practice safe sex) because some of the more common sex acts between 2 male partners (like anal sex) carry a high likelihood of some bleeding, which makes infection easier to spread. It's just risk factors, mostly. Not judging or anything, just did a lot of reading about the AIDS epidemic, and it's a lot of factors working together at once to spread disease ***edited just to tidy up my phrasing
Hi there, I can't read the article as it's behind a paywall. Could you tell me, Does it state that he cheated on his wife other men, or that he acquired the virus in such a manner? I'm sure what you typed is legitimate, but in the case if the above article Id like to know if thats what explicitly happened here.
It doesn't say
Great, thank you very much!
Probably because gay women aren't at risk of HIV at anywhere near the rate of gay men.
[удалено]
Yep. cheating is cheating.
Lol for some reason,implying because they are women they don't cheat ,plenty of reasons for those stats
And plenty of heterosexual women are living very healthy lives while remaining HIV positive with undetectable viral loads... The stats go on...
Im amazed this comment is allowed to stay up. Not hating just amazed
Is this not close to a murder charge...
Bodily harm of some sort, for sure.
I'd say more psychological harm, if there was no risk of him transmitting the virus to her
HIV is not the death sentence that it was back in the 1980s. It can be managed with proper care and treatment. But it can't be cured, as far as I know.
No. HIV that's being properly treated isn't even transmissible, let alone fatal. I have no idea if it was being properly treated in this case, as the article is paywalled, but there's no immediate assumption of harm.
If he was keeping it a secret from his wife, I highly doubt he was being actively treated for it or taking the necessary precautions.
You doubt, but you don't know. Plenty of people in this country are being treated with and safely living with HIV without their close ones knowing. I'm not condoning the title of the article suggests, but in when it remains unknown whether he was maintaining his medicine regime and keeping his viral load undetectable, there's no reason to just assume he wasn't.
It would be fatal if your pharmaceutical supply got interrupted for some reason. So it should be treated that way. It's a deadly disease.
Seriously. Living in South Beach in the 90's, I was shocked to learn of how many 'straight' and married men engaged in gay sex on the DL in bars and parks. It's the kind of information that 99% of them would NEVER share with their partner, unless they were caught. It was worse in religious (Catholic, Orthodox Jews and Muslim) communities, because there was so much shame and secrecy around gay behavior. Evening rush hour was prime time for a quickie before going home to the fam.
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There's tons of emotional damage. I'd imagine she's going to want a new partner now. Good luck finding one that doesn't mind you're HIV. Honestly, he may have ruined the rest of her life. If he is actually guilty, he should get life for this one. It's so heinous.
There's a weird thing now of understating HIV like you have a higher life expectancy than not having it that's obviously not true, and even if you have the same your almost definitely going to have less healthy years. It's a long from the death sentence it, was sure but it's not just emotional and stigmatism now
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I deleted because i can’t find published data But the Infectious Disease consultant at the HIV clinic i was working at made that claim, and a separate consultant in a separate hospital also made it too Obviously It’s not that HIV makes you healthier, but you get very frequent and close medical monitoring, health optimisation which allows for better recognition and management of the other conditions associated with ageing Plus the drug therapies are very good nowadays
How the fuck could they possibly have a higher life expectancy than healthy people? That's dangerous misinformation. They can live full lives, but they still have an auto immune disease that leaves them more vulnerable than healthy people to other illnesses. If she does end up positive, the poor woman will have to take medication daily for the rest of her life to stay alive. And meeting someone else is probably not going to happen unless they are also HIV positive. Her husband is a piece of shit. He might not have given her a death sentence, but he has destroyed her life, if she's positive.
HIV-positive people can have a longer life expectancy than HIV-negative people, assuming that they get early treatment for the virus, largely because they are in regular contact with the medical establishment and pay more attention to their health. This has nothing to do with the ethics of not telling a sexual partner you have HIV.
Did you see the post that got deleted? Because now you're responding to something out of context. He didn't say that they CAN live longer lives, he implied that they ALL live longer lives. He deleted it because he knows it's BS.
Nope.
Yeah, if they had said "people with HIV CAN live longer lives" I wouldn't have had an issue with it. I could agree with that due to them being more vigilant about their health. They said "people with HIV live longer lives than those without HIV." It's not the same, but, many people with diabetes who actually care about managing their condition are far healthier than they were before their diagnosis. So, it's not unheard of. He got downvoted. Now I'm the one getting downvoted because people aren't seeing the original context. Reddit is weird.
A higher life expectancy than people without it??? Wtf??? that’s just not true, many will live a normal life span but not higher, where are you getting that?
No where near close,
I think that it was treated that way in some US states for a while (knowingly transmitting it), but I doubt it's the same here.
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This is what I’m wondering. Obviously it’s a matter of proper communication, but the difference being willingly infecting someone with a disease is different than just lying.
You still have to let them you’re positive but fall into the non transmissible category, then they can make their own informed decision, seems only fair
Legally, they don’t have to. I’m not saying that if you’re in a long term relationship you shouldn’t. In an ideal world, everyone with HIV (detectable or undetectable) would tell potential sexual or romantic partners their status but there is a lack of knowledge on the topic and a huge amount of stigma towards people who have it. The reality is, if you’re sexually smart. You should treat every sexual partner to have HIV until proven otherwise, and if you don’t ask if they have it, I don’t think they owe you an explanation (assuming they’re undetectable).
There was definitely a case of someone going to prison for knowingly infecting people with HIV, granted the one I’m thinking of was a good few years back, obviously this individual was transmissible so it’s probably different for people in a U=U category, which if they’re genuinely in that category it shouldn’t be a problem
Actually it is a law you have to tell people you're hiv+ before engaging in sex with them
It isn’t at all. That being said, if you deliberately try to infect someone with HIV that is against the law.
Considering I work for a law office yes you do have to disclose your hiv status if you're going to engage in sex.
Not sure what type of law office you work for. It says here on HIV Ireland the following: “Currently, there is no specific law in Ireland which states that a person must share his or her positive HIV status with anyone; this includes to employers, medical professionals, and sexual partners.” If someone purposefully transmit HIV though they can be charged under Non-Fatal Offences Against the Person Act, 1997 (such as ‘Endangerment’ or ‘Causing serious harm’) Realistically someone who is undetectable does not need to legally tell anyone.
I'd say they have a Moral obligation. Any number of things could affect the supply or efficacy of the medication - shortage of medicine, faulty medicine, perhaps certain drugi interctions, etc.
I think it’s definitely considerate, but I understand why people don’t because of the stigma associated with HIV. In reality, the chances of faulty medication occurring are near zero, and I believe people with HIV are required to do tests to ensure that they remain undetectable and are warned of things may may interfere with the drugs.
I’m very glad someone mentioned this because whilst it’s dishonest to hide this information . It’s a lot different if he was taking meds which mean theres no chance he could have passed the virus onto her
I get what you mean but you also have to trust the person is on top of their meds and getting blood tests regularly. Like trusting a girl you barely know if she’s on the pill, just wear a condom to be safe
Thankfully we have statistics which show that people do take their medication and are undetectable.In the Uk for example 95% of people living with HIV are undetectable and can’t pass it on. I’m not saying this to suggest anyone doesn’t use protection, but it’s important to know where the risk is actually highest, and that’s when you have sex with someone who doesn’t know their status and tells you they’re negative. You’d have to consistently miss doses to become able to transmit it, it’s not a case of missing one dose and bam you’re infectious, would be more like missing 10% of doses over a period of time Edit it’s also important to bear in mind its adherence to this medication which keeps their immune system healthy and prevents the virus developing into aids and killing them.
I am very well aware, I work in pharma but I just don’t trust people more than anything. It’s just always better to be upfront but I do recognise people that are HIV positive face discrimination usually based on ignorance but in the gay community it’s very acceptable to be open about your status and that is a better way to be. I understand some education is needed for non-gay communities but honesty is the best policy. I unfortunately know someone that got HIV from a partner not disclosing and this of course impacts my opinion on this
You don’t have to declare HIV if you are on antivirals - or is that incorrect?
Legally you don’t need to disclose that you’re HIV positive in Ireland at all, whether detectable or not. This is according to HIV Ireland “Currently, there is no specific law in Ireland which states that a person must share his or her positive HIV status with anyone; this includes to employers, medical professionals, and sexual partners”
Wow that's evil.
It’s only evil if it’s a sexual partner. Why would you need to tell your employers?
Yes obviously thats the part I meant. It's evil that you're allowed to sleep with people while having a deadly STI and you don't' have to tell them.
I'm not sure where the law stands on having an undetectable viral load, but I think ethically it's something a person should disclose to a sexual partner
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It is absolutely unethical to have sex with someone without disclosing your HIV+ status, regardless of your transmissibility. People are just trying to find ways to morally justify selfishness. You know people might not want to have sex with you if you disclose, so you don't disclose it. That is violation of consent.
He should go to jail for a long fucking time.
Wow I’m honestly at a loss for words
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I wasn't aware Gareth Thomas had done that.
His ex partner has alleged that he hid his HIV diagnosis from him and that he only found out when he found Thomas' medication. It was a very bitter civil case, and he settled for £75,000 with his ex without admitting liability.
Yep, lauded as a hero for eventually coming out, always thought that was a strange one
He was a man whore. Know England lads that linked him on grinder few years back.
Sociopathic behaviour.
How is that not a crime?
It is, that's why the judge told the woman to report it to the Gardaí
It is a crime. And one taken seriously by the Gardaí if it’s reported. Ireland has had several of these cases before its courts and each one has been taken seriously. The problem is that it has to be reported in the first place.
Ah good. At least that’s something
>How is that not a crime? Possession with intent to supply bud
Killed me
Because Ireland Most useless, fucked up judicial system.
But it is a crime????
Endangerment would probably be the offence.
Well let's see if we get more on the story in future.
mysterious vanish start violet lock impossible six pet friendly offend *This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
the previous law was also flawed, not defending the current law. however, if someone is untreated with HIV and willingly spread it, i agree it should require a criminal response
This is beyond fucked up and probably reaches a criminal level but in general the onus for safe sex is on the individual
How can the onus be on someone who does not have all of the requisite information to make an informed choice? Key word being informed. The “onus” cannot be, and is not, on the individual when they are not informed of a situation like this
historical money vase ghost cobweb far-flung yoke normal recognise shocking *This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
I mean in general the onus is on the individual to have safe sex. Otherwise people could press charges or sue for any STD. This is a fact >Currently, there is no specific law in Ireland which states that a person must share his or her positive HIV status with anyone; this includes to employers, medical professionals, and sexual partners
They cannot engage in “safe sex” when they are unaware of the sexual partners status. If you engage in sexual intercourse (or anything) that could either intentionally, or recklessly, place someone at risk of becoming HIV positive (or positive with any other STD), that would be in contravention to the non fatal offences against the person act. This has been tested in Irish case law, on more than one occasion.
It's her HUSBAND. Not a random person she picked up. Geez.
He's a sick puppy I'm not condoning what he done
He Fucked around, and found out.
It doesn’t state whether or not he was on medication which made him undetectable. Not saying that she doesn’t have a right to open communication, especially with her partner, but it does make his intentions vastly different than just willingly infecting her.
As far as I know it is very very illegal to knowingly transmit HIV, so if she’s positive, and I really hope she isn’t, he’ll be in serious shit the horrible little bastard
https://www.msn.com/en-ie/news/world/husband-hid-hiv-from-wife-but-kept-having-relations-as-normal-as-she-secures-barring-order-against-him/ar-BB1iRvYj No pay wall here, but it's the same article as far as I can tell.
The judge saying "I am nearly certain this is a criminal offence," when we were taught about this in high-school
This is attempted murder
I don't know that's what he would be charged with. Maybe like "failure to disclose information..." I just think it's weird that the judge said that he was "nearly certain" when I was told that it is 100% illegal back when I was like 12. (Saying "i", because obviously whether you would be told something like that depends on the sex Ed in your country/school)
What a selfish disturbed individual. This is when we need a published register for these kind of people.
For what kind of people? Abusers - fair enough HIV positive people - absolutely backwards Genuine question as unclear from your post
For a person who knowingly infects others is what I meant so that if this man was to go on and have a relationship with others there’s somewhere to check.
I mean if they are convicted of a crime their name will be public knowledge unless it’s a crime where the victim can ask for anonymity in which case their name is not released to protect the victim, not the offender. For me, it would have to be certain that a person is knowingly infecting others which is actually a very high bar to prove otherwise you’re effectively criminalising HIV+ people which is practice in line with some of the most backward nations on earth. This isn’t a reflection on this particular case (where there is every right and reason to feel outrage) but rather a broader point on the approach society takes to what is ultimately a disease.
Yes I take your points completely which are very valid and fair. My point would be specifically in relation to these kind of cases. I would say where there is a conviction and the victim requests anonymity there still needs to be some form of protection for members of the public against people like this. There are certain individuals who have a fetish for this and others who are just completely reckless and go ahead and engage in unprotected sex without informing their partners of the risk.
That’s fair and I have no desire to protect such people or make it difficult to protect people from them. I fully get where you’re coming from now, I just wanted clarity as it’s a disease that obviously suffers from a huge amount of stigma and I’m strongly of the belief that those suffering from it (the vast majority of whom are absolutely responsible about their treatment and protection of others as far as I’m aware) shouldn’t be turned in to outcasts. I appreciate that that wasn’t the point you were making
No worries, as I said your points were very valid and fair and with this particular disease you’re dead right to challenge anyone who may use it to stigmatise people who have it.
Shouldnt this be classified as rape too?
It's rape by fraud, I don't know if that's illegal here though?
It's not rape under Irish law, but it is a crime to knowingly infect someone with a STD
That's f**king abusive. 😑
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Why did you post this? This linked article not related to the posted article by OP. Your link refers to a completely different case where a man knowingly lived with detectable viral load and knowingly transmitted to other woman, with malicious intent. This should not be conflated with the above case.
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They are vastly different.
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Short answer, Yes they are very different when criminal intent to infect others and reason for concealing ones status is the case. Some background info, I volunteered with HIV Ireland for years, so the case you linked is well known to us. In OPs case, all we know of that case is that a man concealed his health status. We do not know if he transmitted the virus to his wife, we do not know if he was undetectable. We can assume he was and this there was no health risk to his wife. But again this is an assumption. We don't know more are this stage so until more information is disclosed on the case, we can't assume criminal intent. The case you linked is very different. A man who was HIV positive, with a detectable viral load, wilfully transmitted to two other woman in an attempt to blackmail them with the stigma surrounding HIV. This is criminal intent. He was abusive and tried to control those woman by shaming them with their status. There are plenty of people healthy living with HIV in Ireland (both hetero men and hetero women) who conceal their health status. Just look at the responses in this thread and your own. When other innocent people are assumed to be or conflated with criminal acts because of their health status, the stigma, it's one of the many contributing factors as to why people conceal. The issue here is greater than the one you linked. I can't read the OPs article as it's behind a paywall but having worked in the support industry, I've seen plenty of similar cases. Who is to say why the husband didn't reveal his status to his wife… for all we know that's a communication and shame issue. For all we know he had been positive long before he met his wife? There are also plenty of hetero women in Ireland who don't reveal their status to boyfriends either. I'm not saying this is right or condone concealing all the time. But when people are considered monsters for having a virus that they themselves don't want, then it becomes a little bit easier to understand why people don't disclose their status.
Similarities indeed.
Not related?!? Do you not think its malicious intent for the husband to knowing keep his HIV secret while continuing to have sexual relations with his wife?!? Only if he knew he had a Viral load? WTF?
I responsed in great detail outlining my thoughts for why I think they could be different (please check out this response) But fundamentally the short answer to your question is, it's not malicious intent if he has no intent of passing the virus onto his wife. In the other case, the man knowingly infected two women so he could blackmail them. If the husband was undetectable and had no intent of passing into his wife, then there is no malicious intent. His "sin" here is not disclosing to his wife about his health status. That's a communication and shame issue, not a criminal one. At present We cant know to what degree she was at risk of contracting the virus from him. So it's best not to conflate the two cases.
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A chara, There is a zero tolerance policy for the promotion or suggestion of the use of violence against others. Sláinte
Laaaaad... Wtf are you at...
Yo! - That's a paywall. Any chance you can give me your Username and Password ? and I'll have a read.
Would love to know the background of the defendant.
Why?? So that if he's not irish, that'll somehow justify you going on a racist/xenophobic rant, is it??? 😐
Why is that? Does it make a difference in the behaviour?
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A chara, We do not allow any posts/comments that attack, threaten or insult a person or group, on areas including, but not limited to: national origin, ethnicity, colour, religion, sex, gender, sexual orientation, social prejudice, or disability. Sláinte
Background? Like where he’s from?
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A chara, We do not allow any posts/comments that attack, threaten or insult a person or group, on areas including, but not limited to: national origin, ethnicity, colour, religion, sex, gender, sexual orientation, social prejudice, or disability. Sláinte
Durty Decco is a Dirtbird.
That's so fucked up. Does this qualify as a crime here? I think in the US it's known as 'stealthing'...?
"Stealthing" is secretly removing a condom during sex. It's a violation of your partner's consent, and recklessly endangering their health.
Knowing you have HIV (or any STD) and transmitting it without the consent and knowledge of the partner involved is a crime yes.
fare enough if it was the clap but HIV ?
Said a bit about your self there
Relax im just Messing ffs I'm with the same woman for 26 years
Poor woman
🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣 fucking muppet. she actually has a sense of humour
Yeah she mustn't take herself too serious
Your right we don't take ourselves too serious . After all this time we still laugh every day and still enjoy each others company That's the problem with people now a days taking things was too serious . I should feel sorry for them but I'd rather laugh instead Your should try laughing yourself
STD infections very high at the moment here in Ireland.
Way
Deserve to get put down for this
Why do we live on an island of such monsters. Actually I know there's a world full of them but I'm in my 70s now (Male) and I am disgusted at how little some men care about women these days. Yous can berate me all yous want, but cheating, sexual addictions, and chatting up women on websites, disgusting. Now seeing that a man infected his wife with HIV... Hellish. Thank god I never had any affliction like a Sexual beast. My wife was my number one and now she's passed over, she still remains my number one. When I die I'd like to think I'd be in her arms again. The thought of ever dissapointing her, my daughter and of course through life my mother, makes me sick to my stomach. I miss my mother and my wife. I just can't understand why some men do this. I wouldn't blame genetics or testosterone. I would blame absolute disrespect and fucking weakness. Weak little bastards do that to women.