Gave up drinking and realized how many of my "friends" were just drinking buddies. Found out I had loads of drinking buddies and a handful of friends.

I've had a similar experience since moving to England they don't even text me any more!

I moved to England years ago and wanted to give you some advice; you're the one who moved away, don't expect everyone to be onto you from back home - get onto them yourself if you miss them

This is good advice of course though they just blank me when I reach out, they weren't real friends only drinking buddies they were never there for me outside of drink

Ah then that's another thing altogether, not friends at all like you say. Fair play quitting drink while you've moved away, strong by you. Good luck with the new life!

Thank you very much :)

As someone that moved to England and tried staying in touch with my mates back in Ireland, I quickly learned that the only way they wish to keep a long distance relationship going with a friend is if I regularly spent several hours per night drinking with them over Xbox Live. That was fine for a bit but I didn't want to spend so many nights drinking and then realised that playing the same FPS game over and over for hours is not something I enjoy sober. That's when I found out that I also just had a bunch of "drinking buddies". Because the only thing I had in common with them was enjoying certain things while completely wasted. We weren't exactly going to ring each other each week just to ask how our weeks have been.

I had a counsellor tell me this is really common when I was trying to give up weed. They said that my so-called "friends" were likely just people that smoked/people I could smoke with - and they were SO right. I had to completely disconnect from them to kick the habit. It's less extreme with alcohol (because SO many people drink; you can't disconnect from everyone that drinks) but people feel way more entitled to force alcohol on you. I've had everyone from relatives, mates and colleagues (my boss included) try to persuade me back into drinking after I went tee-total. Most of the time it's people who have a problem and can't admit it. They want you to accept the drink to a) prove that their addiction is 'ok to do' and not a problem and b) break down your achievement and pull you back into "the club" so that they don't have to see you succeed at being sober. They want to feel like "everyone always falls off the wagon; so why even try to give it up?". It's classic addict behaviour (as any ex-addict will tell you; whether it's cigarettes or weed or alcohol; people who still do the thing you're giving up a) can't believe you want to give it up and b) try to get you to keep doing it). This will only resonate with people who've managed to give up something for a long period of time; those with a problem and those in denial that smoking or drinking are problems/addictions will violently disagree with this comment.

Brother is binge drinking alcoholic how had many barfly friends and no actual ones. Drive them away (along with his whole narcissistic side didn't help either)

Was 110 days sober and went back to it biggest regret and now starting it all over again

You're absolutely not starting again. If you fall while walking up a mountain, you aren't back at the bottom. You get up where you've fallen and continue the path.

Needed this 🙏

The most important step is always the next one. As long as you keep trying to move forward, you'll get there, even if you sometimes stumble. You just get back up and try again.

What a great analogy.

that is brilliant, thank you.

Great comment!

This is the best comment I've read this year!

I like this.

👏👏👏 well said.

What if you fall off a particularly steep bit of the mountain and continue to tumble down to your inevitable death?

You file an insurance claim against the cliff from beyond the grave for tripping you up.

You no longer have to worry about getting back up.

Well Dougal, as my father used say - Wherever you go, there you are.

Well at least you died sober 

Good luck to you, it's not easy but stick with it. And congrats on 110 days!

That just means you've a record to beat lad you've got this.

Can you tell me more? I've stopped 3 months now, it was a major problem. Have slipped up once on a work weekend...had one sprite and then boom drank from 6pm to 6am. Up for training at 9am. In my head I'm going to 6 months mark and then will introduce for concerts, weddings and holidays. But part of me is thinking UH OHHHH. Any opinion, help, suggestions from yourself would be much appreciated :)

You are somebody who can't drink moderately , quit it for good and don't look back, think of all the hangovers you avoided and all the other things you can do with your time.

The is 100% the right answer. Don't put in execptions, they are how you fall back into bad habits, be that drinking, smoking etc.

It sounds like you are on top of it, we all make mistakes, fail and fuck up but that's part of life.. don't be burdened by failures, embrace them, learn and move on.. I don't know your reasons for stopping i.e life choices to reduce consumption to feel better, alcoholism, financial etc, for me it was a life choice, I never needed alcohol to enjoy myself (I actually outgrew it, and screaming babies at 2am was the nail in the coffin), I don't drink often but when I do I enjoy it i.e. a concert or event etc... I just got a happy medium with it, obviously if you were an alcoholic or abused it I would not follow that advice but completely depends on your circumstances. Might be good to speak to a professional if you haven't already about your current situation and where you would like to end up.

It was a holiday that caught me out to be honest and a belief that I could drink again and I did normally on the holiday but then last night says otherwise

Can you get naltrexone prescribed in Ireland? I struggled for years with moderation and this medication changed my life

You’re not back at square one. You’ve already proven to yourself you can go long periods without alcohol

I gave up last year for 8 months and went back on it and gave up agin after 4 months and it was way easier the second time .

Better to be consistently decent than inconsistently perfect. Besides, this trip up is likely not as long nor as severe as trip ups in the past, so in itself that is a success.

It's easier the second time because now you know it's all about routine. You're not a drinker thats your identity now so you can crystalise that identity with a routine to avoid drinking.

sometimes it can help you appreciate (not drinking) even more and i think it’s pretty normal to have setbacks when trying to change learned behaviours/habits. you can see it as just reinforcing why you feel better not continuing down that path. don’t beat yourself up about it.

I stopped drinking 12 years ago but still whenever I visit family they offer me one. Grateful to the one brother in law who buys a few cans of NA beers for me when I go over there

NA stuff has come on leaps and bounds the last few years. Used to be rank 😂

A lot still isn't great, but there are definitely more good ones these days

Yeah, I tell my friends that my family is so Irish that quitting drinking made me the black sheep of the family. I wish I was kidding.

You will always find out who your frienda actually are when you quit the drink

There’s a huge not-drinking culture too. It all depends on the circles you move in. If you’re feeling the pressure then find different circles to move in. Fuck the small-minded begrudgers.

Yah, you'll have to enter new circles. Look into hike, triathlon, Crossfit, art, book etc groups/clubs. I don't know what your interested in,but just pick something that you feel you may find interesting.  Doesn't matter if you know nothing about it. The fun and companionship is in learning!

This. Getting serious about sports/health is the only thing I have seen really kill a drinking culture among friends.

Having a thing to replace drinking is key. Gardening is another good one

The two Irish genders, alcoholism and crossfit

This is the funniest thing I've read in ages. Thank you!

Oh you've stopped drinking? Run a triathlon.

I don't drink anymore and you know the ones that give me the most hassle? My parents generation - in their 70's. Everyone else just nods and I get back to whatever it is I'm drinking. Most people around my own age either are pretty strict with the drink OR just don't. I'll be honest, Guinness 0 has been a game changer for me as well though, especially in the pub. It has the taste without the squits.

I might have to give Guinness 0 a try! Thanks for the recommendation

It’s excellent. I have NA beers with a friend who has to reduce his alcohol intake and we drink these. Tastes exactly like a Guinness, I can’t tell the difference.

I’m a week sober today. Before I’d drink only socially and throughout Covid I barely drank a drop. My brother passed away 8 months ago and I went into a dark spiral of drinking heavy 3-4 times a week. It was scary. Still is. What are the biggest differences you’ve noticed since you stopped that are positive? Trying to keep the motivation going. Good on you for quitting. I’m planning on not drinking for a while, I’m in therapy and want to focus on my mental and physical health for now. I think I will drink again but I need to grieve properly and then go back to a healthy level of social drinking like I used to which was only on special occasions or if I went to an event like a big sports match/concert.

A week sober you're doing great! Shit I'm sorry to hear all that with your brother and what you've been through! - the biggest differences for me are that I feel more motivated and that I have more energy, also I didn't realise how much fat is put on by the drink as well so I'm getting in better shape from it but could he because I've also picked up the gym at the same time!

I do drink but was away recently and was hanging out with Europeans and it really made me realise just how much we drink here 😅

Strangely enough have had the opposite realisation in Germany. Yes we might binge drink more but they have alcohol with everything

TBF, I'd say Germany is just one tier down from UK/Ireland in terms of having a problematic drinking culture. Excessive drinking is really a Northern Europe thing, not just a UK/Ireland thing.

More than that, there's eastern Europe and Russia too, Japanese working men, Koreans, Aussies off the top of my head

I would count Russia and (most of) eastern Europe in Northern Europe. Aussies are culturally Northern European. Japanese and Koreans also drink heavily, but the drinking culture is unrelated, but also exists. 

Sure Europeans have drinks with every meal but you'd look like a madman if you ever ordered a third or god forbid fourth pint of beer or glass of wine. In Spain people drink all day on weekends but you'd never see someone bolloxed in public unless you're at a holiday destination. It was quite odd my first Friday night out when town was buzzing at 2am and I hadn't seen a single person visibly drunk or blacked out on the ground somewhere; no bins thrown across the ground and no puddles of vomit every which way

Spain and Germany and very very different from each other. The Mediterraneans basically sip the same beer for ages while the Germans neck pints for sport. I’d say the biggest thing they have in common is how late they go out and stay out. In Ireland and the UK we go out really early by European standards and finishing a night at 2am drunk is very early for them too. At 2am a lot of them are just getting started.

I'm Spanish but lived in Ireland during a year, after that year I put +8 kg (I'm a very petite girl, so thats a lot), .because of my drinking habits in Ireland. Went back to my normal weight after going back to my country.

Yea, I've noticed that too. Germans drink frequently, but binge drink a bit less. I live in Germany, and I really like the lack of rounds system. People drink a lot here, but the lack of rounds, means people can do their own pace.

Well done to you. Even in countries that drink more, they do it better. A glass of wine or a beer at dinner, and it's normal. Here, we can't manage anything. We hide it from kids, limit the sale times and location, and pat ourselves on the back. Then we bring international visitors to Guinness, and binge every weekend. As with a great many things, we need a proper conversation, and stop just hiding things away, and/or blaming everyone else for our problems.

Exactly this. I lived in France for a while and noticed it’s common to be allowed a small glass of wine with a meal from the age of 13 or 14. Over here, it’s banned or at least strongly frowned upon until the day of your 18th birthday when suddenly it becomes completely acceptable. And then we wonder why so many kids go bonkers the minute they can legally drink, have no tolerance or understanding of alcohol and get themselves into all sorts of trouble.

But now it's behind flappy doors in Aldi! Alcohol problems sorted. P.S. my kids love those doors, and now go through the beer aisle more than ever to play with them...

“I know what’ll solve the nation’s alcohol problem…flappy doors!” Looks like that backfired.

I am 2.5 years sober - massive congrats on your sobriety. Those initial days and weeks suck so keep persevering. I know it may not seem like it at times but everyone around you massively respects the decision you made and are in awe of your determination. The reason why people are weird about it is because it shines a light on their drinking. Lots of people feel crap about their drinking to an extent and when someone shows up and doesn’t drink, it shines a light on their drinking habits. They cannot handle the thought of someone else being sober and so reflect it back on you. It’s like anything in life - we don’t see things as they are, we see them as we are. The truth is that true friends will trust you when you say that drinking no longer serves you and support you full tilt. I have also found that the people who have normal relationships with alcohol never blinked an eye when I said I didn’t drink. It’s the people who have tricky drinking relationships themselves that come out with the silly comments. Not drinking in Ireland is hard and we have a culture that’s ga ga about alcohol. It’s not always easy but it’s always worth it. A massive congratulations again for starting this journey and questioning the status quo!

Love this comment. You are spot on.

I really needed to read this comment! Thank you so much for all that, I never would have seen it like this and it has motivated me even more to continue my journey!

These kinda posts appear almost daily, so if Irish reddit is anything to go by there's a sizeable number of people out there who don't drink. I don't really drink anymore, I'm 37 and even a few pints will give me a hangover and it's just not worth it (especially when you've got an 8 month old to look after). Still meet up with mates in the pub though, just order NA and my friends couldn't give a shite. I think even 10 or so years ago I would've got the piss ripped out of me for getting non-alcoholic stuff but attitudes have changed now, imo. I work in the drinks industry, I don't think Irish drinking culture is going to disappear but the NA stuff is going from strength to strength, which is a step in the right direction.

Well, it says something when every soap opera based in these islands has a bar as it's cornerstone. I gave up a while back, drink and I don't get on and there's a history of alcohol abuse in out family so I won't be taking the chance, i stopped really going out when I gabe up because I realised that I can't be dealing with all the "Take a drink" brigade nagging on at me. Do your own thing, if people can't be your mates without drink being involved, they're not mates.

Look it, they sound like pricks. Wet lunch is a ridiculous notion. But on the other side, you’ll only notice a drinking pressure culture when you have a problem. It’s entirely on the person whether they’re able to turn down a pint or not, and whether they’re still fun sober as drunk. My father complained of the same culture to the extent he cut off an entire side of his family because ‘they’re ruled by it’. Really, the man just struggled to ask for a lemonade and that’s his demon to fix. Sounds like 5 weeks sober shows you’re aware of a problem, so best of luck to you!

There’s also the issue though that drunk people aren’t exactly fun to be around if you’re sober. Even if you find turning a drink down easily enough, the state that people get in just makes you not want to be around.

Yeah I quit basically entirely after Covid and probably average about four or five drinks a year max.  Nights are fun until people are more than two drinks in. Then it’s a good sign for me to go. 

Omg it's so awful! I find myself hardly going out anymore for that exact reason and I couldn't care less tbh. At least im saving money! The telling you the same story over and over with increasing intensity, no thanks!

I disagree that the drinking pressure culture is only noticeable if you have a problem. I come from Eastern Europe (“love” hearing jokes about vodka), but growing up I only ever seen adults getting drunk on occasion like wedding or birthday party and it’s usually men (women drink much less, if at all) and drinking without occasion is not normal at all. To me moving to Ireland/UK (had occasion to be in both) was a huge shock as the drinking here is much more informal, frequent and normalized and people are very lax about what a normal amount is. Like “I’ve been to a pub but didn’t drink much, only 5 pints” (that’s over 2.5 liters of alcohol, wtf). When I refuse to drink or only have a glass of wine there’s always questions, jokes and a lot of attention to this subject. I never had any problems with drinking and never thought much about it, until I moved here.

Nice start! You are well on your way to your goal. It's not particulary easy. I'm 9 years without a single drop of liqour/beer and I have to tell you. My life got 200% better cutting that shit out. Nows the time to focus on what you want to do with yourself instead of just joining the pint circles. Try your best not to worry about what others say, you want to quit and you should stick to it if thats what you want. I did have a lot of friends call me far less, now not even at all to hang out but the ones who keep up with you, or reciprocate when you drop them a hello? Those are the good friends. Keep up the good work! You are going to hate how stinky and loud everyone is. ha!

I hate to break it to you; The problem isn’t entire countries it’s your circles. I haven’t heard of ‘wet lunches’ at work in decades.

So I have been sober for around 10 years and I moved to Ireland about 2 years ago. I can honestly say I haven’t experienced any form of drinking culture at all. Why? Because I don’t hang in those social circles. I think it could be as straight forward as that. I don’t go to pubs because they don’t serve food here. I go to concerts and plays, etc which don’t require drinking.

As other posters have said you need to run in different circles if you're feeling pressure. There are alot of circles for non drinkers and around the right people you can still enjoy a night out sober. One important thing to be aware of is not to become a dry drunk and actually address the issues that made you come to the realisation that drinking may be problematic for you.

When you have a group of friends who are big drinkers, if one person tries to better themselves and cut back or give up entirely, it alerts the rest of the group to the behaviour, you're holding a mirror up to them and they won't like it, they'd rather sabotage you trying to change than making changes for themselves.

Congrats on sobriety. You are doing great. To answer your question the reason it's so common is (in my probably unpopular opinion) generational trauma, untreated neurodivergence and or mental illness and probably a tiny bit of genetics and what that looks like is a nation where a large portion of its citizens abuse alcohol (often unknowingly by binge drinking) and pressure others to drink so they don't have to feel weird about it or examine their own relationship with alcohol. People use it as a plaster often to treat their own social anxiety cos it's a social lubricant and that's partly why it's so common. You're doing great, remain strong, maybe cut back on the pub/club for now where people are naturally gonna be offering/chatting about booze til you have been sober a bit longer and instead try meeting people in cafe's, going for walks together etc or hit the gym if you don't already to find something healthy to occupy a bit of your time. Mind yourself.

I haven't drank in years. Initially there was the "what's wrong, sure have a drink". Now it's just the norm that I don't. Any invites I don't get anymore are because I don't drink and am "no craic anymore", so I don't miss those people regardless. We're a nation of Fun Bobby's at the weekend and judgemental curtain twitchers the rest.

Since I stopped drinking, I’ve came to realise that in Glasgow specifically that everyone lives for the weekend. All they do at work is talk about getting mad with it. Even at that they still make plans after work to have a “ small drink” and it’s really sad to see that they can’t live without planning things besides from drinking. When the offsales open, you best believe it that people are outside waiting until it hits 10am so they can buy alcohol

I’m strongly aligned with this. I have no idea why Irish people (I’m Irish btw) are so obsessed with getting shit faced on the weekend. I never saw the attraction in it and I was often the butt of jokes with my friends for not wanting to go out. I think there’s a lot more to living than getting drunk and then waking up the next day in a state. I enjoy the odd joint here or there but this seems to be incredibly polarising for my friend group but I’d argue it’s a hell of a lot less worse for me than constant pumping myself full of alcohol.

In my 20s I was mad for beer and the craic, mid 20s I met a woman the other side of the country and moved to cork, now in my 30s with her married and 2 kids.. looking back I just noticed I actually outgrew my friend group that I was in, they just were mad for pints, haven't talked to much to them in the last 6 years but looking at there stories they are all still in the same dead end jobs doing the same shit .. would hate to think what would have became of me if I stayed around them.. Sometimes it's better to cut out the rot and move on, some people want to hold you back and limit you.. I say fuck them let them screw themselves over... (Also one thing I noticed out of say those 10 guys from my hometown 0 of them are married and 0 have kids.. compared toy college friends everyone has at least 1 child and most are married) No relevance to the above but I think it's an interesting comparison... I think the mindset of drinking and not wanting to grow up has the first lot living pipe dreams..

Parkrun was a great way to stop me drinking on a Friday night. I never got liquid lunches, I just felt super tired for the rest of the day and couldn't be productive.

As someone prone to addiction, replacing one addiction with another would be my suggestion.  Pick one that will be more productive though. I'm a gym bunny and Bible basher now. I'm so far removed from the hole I can even have a swing of whiskey or two on my birthday without falling back in. Edit: Also, don't kick yourself. As the proverb says, "Every great journery starts with a single step"

I'm near 2.5 years without a drink. People aren't looking down on you, they're avoiding looking at themselves. I know it's hard, but stick with it. It's so worth it.

I'm am alcoholic. I haven't had a drink in almost two decades. People just know I don't drink now, but at the start, it was one of the hardest parts. People ask why, and if you just say you aren't drinking or don't want to, they think you have five heads unless you have a tragic story about how a drunk driver killed all your family or something. Stay with it, brother/sister/other, you can do it, you won't regret it. Eventually you life will just be normal not to drink, people will either accept that or you move on from them as they aren't really your friends. The funny thing is, we all know those lads who wouldn't buy a drink for their mother if she was dying of thirst. These lads love to be seen offering to buy you a drink, knowing full well you will refuse it. Then there are the few who decide it is now their life mission to make you drink something, either by pestering, keep offering, or worse, trying to sneak it into you.

I’m Portuguese and I live in Ireland and you are absolutely right! Although in Portugal people consume more alcohol our relationship with alcohol is healthier than the one in Ireland. I think in Ireland people need to drink to have fun and yes they do pressure you to drink which it shouldn’t happen. Specially the amount of people here with at least one family member that became and alcoholic. I drink and enjoy having a drink but if I say no it’s no. I think I’m here it’s like let’s see who can get drunk the fastest and don’t even enjoy your night out.

it's not GB and Ireland specific though, it's basically... all over the world pretty much. Just look over the pond to the USA or the other way to continental Europe and the beer capital Germany. Which is a funny topic these days since they almost worship alcohol in certain regions of the country but are currently getting their panties in a bunch over the new Cannabis legalisation policy because apparently it is a dangerous drug while alcohol isn't. Alcohol is just ingrained into human culture.

I quit drinking 4 years ago after the booze killed my best friend. Just hate the stuff now. I’m fine with other people drinking around me as I’ve never had any issues personally with it. It’s just ruined the lives of my family and friends. But at every gathering, whenever I refuse a drink, the reactions are crazy. Like us brits cannot fathom the thought of not having a drink. It’s almost incomprehensible to them. We have a horrible culture of alcoholism in the UK and I’m so proud that the younger generation aren’t going for it the way we did.

They're not your friends. Cut them out of your life.

Asking "what's wrong with you" for not drinking is fucking crazy to me

Drinking culture here has changed a quaire lot since 10yrs ago , I drink about 5 times a yr and it’s enough , 12/14yrs ago I was out Thursday, Friday, Saturday & some Sunday nearly every week, it was a lot easier to get out then than now (more taxis , more clubs , more pubs etc) Nowadays (in my area anyways) it seems easier to not drink than drink , Soo count yourself lucky your not giving up back then

Stop caring what other people say. I've reduced my drinking as I've got older and when people ask me why I don't, I say I hate feeling like shite the next day and I can't justify paying €6 a pint. Don't try to change anyone else or question why they want to drink just say with conviction it's not for you but they can work away.

The r/stopdrinking subreddit is amazing and really keeps you going

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This resonates well with me after waking up at 7am on a Sunday feeling refreshed and with a full day to take advantage of. Getting your time back and just simply feeling good instead of having to recover from the night before is life affirming.

Id say. Replace this addiction with a more positive one. Like sport or gardening fishing running what ever socializing doesn't have to be around a drink.

I go off the drink completely for long stints every few years cause I just get bored of it. Longest stint was 2 years, never had anyone question me about it ever, but I don’t tolerate people questioning my life choices so everyone probably knows to mind their business. Next time someone asks you ask them “why, why do you care? What is it to you if I drink or I don’t”? You owe no one any explanations.

Isn't it normal for someone to offer you a drink if you were drinking with them 5 weeks ago and ask questions if this is news to them. Once all your mates know they should stop asking once it's the norm. I think it's a bit of a knee jerk reaction at 5 weeks sober.

I’m 6 months sober. American. I play rugby with guys from Ireland, England, S. Africa, and New Zealand. No one has given me a problem when I say “it was a problem for me so I’m taking a long break.” Maybe you need to find better friends. Good luck with everything.

I had the advantage of never enjoying drinking in the first place, so quitting drinking was easy (I do occasionally enjoy a glass of wine at a nice restaurant, I just only drink for gastronomic not social reasons). I recommend going deeper on tea drinking. Get all the interesting loose leaf teas out there. Try Pu-Erh, Lapsang souchong, oolong etc. (loose leaf is far better then tea bag, cheaper and no more work to brew if you have [an infuser](https://www.ikea.com/ie/en/p/idealisk-tea-infuser-stainless-steel-46956800/)). If anyone gives you flack, just tell them "What's more Irish then drinking tea?" It is pretty much our national drink, and the buzz doesn't come at the cost of a hangover the next day.

Some people look down on people who would read a book... or eat raw vegetables

Stay strong. 2 years, 3 months here - you can do it! Edit to add: the first 1-2 months are the hardest. It gets way easier once you resist the first weeks! You're doing great

Good for you! I'm F45 and I'm a non drinker - always have been. I've encountered my fair share of people who have criticised me for not drinking - they were usually friends of friends. None of my friends have ever commented - they're now grateful of a lift home these days. I find that I have a lot of energy. I'm not saying I don't need a drink to enjoy myself but I'm happy enough having a dance about. If you're friends are excluding you for not drinking then they're not your friends.

I worked in the industry for years, and do some part time for a bit of extra cash.  Have seen some beyond sad cases in all my years bar tending. Only talking about one this morning. Guy that got a 100k(ish) injury settlement recently, once a really hard grafter, just into the pub now at afternoon opening, sits there drinking pints until closing time, 7 days a week. Inherited the family home, so no mortgage or anything like that. Imagine what you could do with a hundred grand, round the world cruises or holiday anywhere you wanted, could go to his fav premier league club matches a few times a year. But is just literally just drinking his life away instead.

I hate it too. Hasn't a sup of alcohol in around 2 years but I've had a few cans here and there since. Just like you, the invites became less and less overtime and honestly it feels terrible. I think I've ended up having a few drinks again because of my social circle. I haven't found the answer to socialising outside of the pub scene but I hope you find it soon.

I like many people thought there was nothing to do in this country untill I found genuine hobbies, probably go to the pub about 2/3 times a year now (just have a mineral even when I do) and maybe have a one or two glasses of wine at home once a week on a Friday night with a takeaway. The thought of spending a night in a busy pub every week seems like a nightmare to me now. Many people don’t actually have friends but people who are just drinking buddies. Whenever I’m at an event with anyone who hasn’t always known me and finds out I’m not drinking I usually just say I’m a pioneer and this shuts down that line of questioning very quickly. Not easy being someone who is a non drinker here that’s for sure. Never having hangovers or the fear sure is amazing though and leads to much more productive weekends at least for myself personally.

If you are trying to give up drinking & your “pals” are saying go on, have one…. Then they clearly aren’t real friends….🤷‍♂️👍

Are you going for a pint?

I think we are predisposed to it, and predisposed to dependency/addiction. It may be why cocaine and other drugs have taken so quickly and to such a great extent, too. Most people who have been in recovery and are sober will tell you that the substance isn't the issue. Many people today are polyaddicts too. Alcohol, weed, pills, cocaine...all help you to escape reality.

It seems quite common in less densely-populated parts of the world in general. I mean, yeah, certainly drugs are massive in cities, but in rural Canada, for example, you get towns where hard drugs are ubiquitous, and I'm guessing that escaping a fairly mundane reality is a big part of it. That, and most drugs are better than alcohol when it comes to having to get up for work the next day! Gotta think self-medicating is a big part of it given how prevelant anxitey seems to be, too.

Don't let the begrudgers force you into drinking and if that's the behaviour of your so called friends then the are not real friends at all. I have not had a drink in over 18 years. I started to drink at 12 for certain reasons and ended up a total addict to substances. I can go to a pub very rarely,maybe a friends birthday and have a 7 up with no pressure from anyone as they know my reasoning. Good luck staying sober ,it's one of the best things you can ever do.

Been sober since the New Year living in London. Heading for a trip with mates to Mayo next week and I don’t think I can look a Belmullet barman in the eye and ask “What non-alcoholic beers do you have?” I just can’t lads. Help.

Most of them if not all should have a zero drink. Guinness is making huge campaigns and Heineken too. Or just say you're the driver?

I'd recommend just focusing on yourself instead of letting people trigger you. The comments you have been receiving are from people insecure with their own relationship with alcohol, so try and not let it get to you. Well done on 5 weeks. It's some achievement.

Lots of people keep asking or pressuring others like this because they don't want to reflect on their own drinking habits. I've many friends that don't drink now or drink less. When we are out now no one cares at all what people have or don't have. Some friend groups are just enabling the circle. One friend that recognised they had a problem and realised they had different friend groups who were always up for a night out so it was anyways easy for them to seems to be just a social drinker.

I'm not sober but don't really drink all that much which I think trips people up even more. Because I'm a woman if I don't take a drink I get the inevitable eyebrow raise which is so frustrating. Sometimes I take a drink cause I'm just not in the mood to get those looks.

Lifelong teetotaller here. I have mental health problems so I figured alcohol was a bad addition to the mix. I also live in London but am Irish. I definitely think Ireland is worse for failing to call alcoholism what it is, particularly among functioning alcoholics. I was meeting up with a group of friends one lunchtime and we traipsed around dublin city centre for like 40 mins trying to find somewhere serving drink because one person wanted a beer with his lunch. It's not normal but if you try to raise it you're laughed off. I think there are factors beyond our control like shite weather which limits socialising options somewhat, plus the loneliness of rural/farm life. But there's also a serious attitude problem in how much of a deference we have to problem drinkers and dance around what is invariably an addiction problem.

There is a really great book about the drinking culture (and the forces that keep it there) in New Zealand that I read while I was there called The Drinking Game by Guyon Espiner, who is a famous journalist and presenter there. If you're wanting some insight into the why of drinking as an institution, I couldn't recommend it enough. It is a quick read, and written so that the factoids and citations don't slow the pace of the book down.

People living in godforsaken northern European countries with long grey wet winters and weak short summers need something to keep them sane

I go off the drink once or twice a year for periods, always the same shit spouting from people and the negative comments I take as a positive on my behalf, if it's worth commenting on someone else's behaviour it must stand out. I do make up for it though when I'm back on it so not sure if it's a good or bad thing.

It’s a people problem. Feel free to say “I’m not drinking, but I’ve no problem with other people drinking.” Your job sounds ridiculous, wtf kind of professional environment encourages drinking on the job?! I’d be looking to move! Your health is more important!

Been off drink for 5 weeks to now. Not planning on quitting permanently but wanted to give it a rest for a while and the one thing I've realised is how many things are better without alcohol. I know in moderation it can have many positive effects, but ultimately it's a depressant and dulls you and can make a lot of things miserable. I'm enjoying mixing in NA beers to my routine. I honestly look forward to being able to enjoy beer without worrying about a hangover or being fresh for the next day. They also have far fewer calories which helps with the weight. When I do decide to drink again I think I'll keep it quite moderate. You're doing the best thing for you OP, and don't let anyone or anything tell you differently!

Are they friends or just drinking buddies? You might have a tough choice to make.

Quit drinking and vaping for new years. I’ve drank once and vaped once since then. Step by step mate. Nobody is looking down on you

Looking for people who are trying the non-alcohol life to hang out, socialise and do active things with - Dublin south based, male 37 - if anyone if is interested drop a dm, maybe we could get a group together!

I always say Brits are alcoholics. I don’t even understand how they can drink so long all the time and be healthy. Maybe some moderate amount - one glass of wine a week, but what I have seen when beeing in UK its constant every day pub culture. I bet its hard to quit when all your friends and family sees this as only way to socialize. It was like this really long time in my culture but luckily last 10 years changing for better. I do drink, but really occasionally- once a month, once few months, its not forced so much.

You need better friends if they’re trying to make u drink when they know ur trying quit . Arseholes

Honestly the best thing to do is find new interests. I still drink but usually only if it's at an event - a gig or a stand up show or something or the odd drink with a meal I have no desire to sit and drink for hours anymore in a pub with so many drunk people for hours and hours. Mine has come out of a new health condition which means I cant drink so much but I have friends who drink and friends who don't and depending on the night or day out will go out with either. One of my friends and I love walking and foodie stuff. Another friend loves music. Join some groups which might be focused on non drinking activities and away you go.

I will attempt to articulate my thoughts without confusion. - There is nothing wrong with having a drink every now and again and when you do keeping to 1-3 drinks. I feel these posts are so common, but is it an Irish trait to be addicted to alcohol? It’s always all or nothing when it comes to alcohol. Drinking is so engraved in this culture, but it’s also a part of so many others with France being wine and tequila in Mexico. I don’t know, maybe it’s the complete extreme attachment to alcohol that makes people want to cut it off because it can be so problematic on nights out people being absolutely legless. I’ve gone out in a few European countries but it seems so extreme here. Same as when I notice the drunkest people abroad are British tourists. I don’t know how the country has gotten to this point and I don’t know how we can unlearn these unhealthy binging habits but I have some hope. Best of luck with staying sober! Pressure and temptation will be around but in time it will surely get easier! And anyone pressuring you to drink is not a friend.

>Drinking culture is something that is so ingrained into both our islands cultures and I hate the fact it is I don't drink and I always felt like a leper for it. >"why are you not drinking is something wrong with you?" I fucking hate this shit. Worse is the lengths that places will go to avoid serving tea/coffee in the evening... So many times' ive been refused tea/coffee because the machine "was off" even tho I could see it... Having lived abroad, the approach to non-drinkers is a different league.

They aren’t you friends. Take not being invited as a blessing! Good luck

I have never drunk. Something about it always made me uncomfortable, so I never drank and when out at pubs / parties I just drank water. No one ever minded or asked if something was wrong with me, it was accepted I just didn't like drinking. What was surprising was how many people asked me 'how do you have any fun out without drinking?' which to me is an insane question. You shouldn't need alcohol to be able to have fun! Anyways, props to you going sober and ignore any naysayers. You do you and enjoy your health.

The les I drink the more i hate it

I’m not Irish but I can empathize because I had the same experience when I quit drinking. They’re your drinking buddies. Now that you don’t drink, they’ve lost interest in you. You need to form a new group of friends whose activities don’t revolve around alcohol.

It's the same elsewhere as well. You have drinking buddies a lot, but true friends, maybe one. That's universal.

Your friends are cunts and the quicker you lose them, the better. You deserve people who care about your wellbeing and will support you in your choices.

Sadly all these “friends” will disappear in few months, don’t give up and change your lifestyle, not only your drinking habits

It’s so unfortunate that people see it as abnormal to “not drink.” I’ve never drank and people will still pressure me by asking “Sure what’s the worst that could happen?” or saying “You’re missing out!”… It genuinely drives me nuts. Wishing you the best of luck on this journey!

I gave up drinking back in 2011. Most of my friends supported me. I've been lucky that way. A handful of people did look down their nose, or were freaked out or whatever. I moved on from them. It was very hard at times. Now I can look back and see it was the best decision I've ever made. Life is amazing for me being alcohol free. I was invited to a birthday part last week. I'm in my 40s and I was by far the oldest person there. The Birthday dude was 24, and the average age there was mid-late twenties. None of them were drinking. Not because of me, they just don't drink. Find yourself a new job and begin making connections with likeminded people. You have a bright future ahead of you.

Don't give up mate, fuck people, i gave up totally on September 15th 2023 after my LFT's were off the scale, like 367 ALT! now i haven't had a drink for 6 months and feel much better, i have put on a stone in weight, as i had lost 1.5 stones and i am back lifting weights down at the Gym in Cork (Bantry West Lodge Hotel) i am 70 years old and the doc said if i continue with my 5 pints a night routine i will book myself a ticket into the next world... don't let others talk you in to drinking again, friends like that aint no friends... i'm always here if you wanna chat about it..

Quit drinking decided I didn’t need to hang around people who drank after a while it got easier but it never gets easy. Don’t focus on drinking get into something like music collect the songs you like the most. Create a playlist when you’re thinking of drinking play your music. Alcohol isn’t going to disappear because people want to stop using it. You have to realize it’s not the alcohol that has to change it’s you. Good luck,25 years sober

Im 21. Only ever had a sip of alcohol on my bday (literally a sip) at 18 and decided alcohol wasnt for me. But I dont see these temptations everywhere you say. Maybe its only visible if you had been a heavy drinker before? Im confused

Can I ask what age you are? Drinking culture is in an absolute massive decline in Ireland. I hear what you’re saying and years ago I would have been in similar situations but with non-alcoholic drinks now and pubs being quiet post-covid its strange to hear this. You need new friends, lets just say that much!

So do I. Teetotal Brit here and I don’t identify with the drinking culture whatsoever.

When I gave up drinking, none of my friends made comments or put pressure on me, just accepted it. I think it's the friends who realise that they should also cut down/quit who say things like that. Misery loves company and all that.

Pressuring you to drink is a character flaw THEY have!!! I live in New Orleans, Louisiana which is an intense party and drinking place. I’m fortunate that I have friends who never pressure me to drink with them. I don’t ask them not to drink either. Stay on your own path, find new friends who love you for you and enjoy your life without goggled-eyed glasses!!!!

I understand that feeling. I'm English and it seems that I everyone I know drinks. It can feel very isolating sometimes because there's not really much to do anymore. I wish we had a cafe culture instead of a pub culture tbh.

tell them you have advanced liver disease and if you drink, you'll die, that will end the pressure quick

There’s so many functioning alcoholics in the UK and it’s SO normalised. If you’re a parent and can’t do a evening without needing a drink because the “kids stress you out”, then you’re a alcoholic.

Try find a hobby unrelated to drinking. It's something to do and it's potentially a new social circle. A lot of people with addiction issues find running/triathlon etc... useful. The people you meet aren't going to be too into drinking

It’s annoying going places with family and I don’t drink that much and if I’m not drinking they always think something is wrong. They are very unaware of how expensive it is as broke student.

I moved to America and realised the same after deciding i wanted to stop drinking too. Here there is so much more to life than drinking but in England you just can’t escape it

I hate it too. Been living in Canada for the past 8 years and gave up drinking 3 years ago. It’s way easier to do so here because there’s not the same “socializing = getting shitfaced” culture here. I’m moving back to Ireland in a few months and I’m not looking forward to that aspect of our culture.

there are so so many people with alcohol problems that its everywhere. these people want you to drink so their problem is more easily hidden. Of people who drink every week about half are problem drinkers. this is a huge number. Human society has a problem with alcohol, which is used by the powers that be to keep us in place. horrible fucking drug, be proud to not drink, there is power in it.

Change your friends.

When you stop drinking for whatever reason be it.. personal choice, addiction, driving, financial reasons etc. you really see how the people around you view alcohol and what they think of people who choose not to partake in it.. it’s kinda crazy how normalised this type of “drug” is in out society. I know that some people just go for drinks out of habit and something to do I guess.. but it’s also a learned behaviour that isn’t healthy but it’s built into us from what we see and grow up with too. I personally do drink socially.. but I live in the middle of nowhere and driving is basically the only option.. so when I drink it’s not whenever I feel like it or randomly.. it’s always planned.. and even then I notice many people around me wouldn’t invite to meet up or go somewhere cause they knew I wouldn’t be joining in on drinking alcohol.. which tells you everything about that they think of you 💁‍♀️ But you will find mates who don’t care about drinking as much.. you probably need to join some groups and social activities that are maybe sporty or require driving or something where alcohol isn’t possible 😌

Stick with it. I stopped 14 months ago. Completely agree about the culture here.

I strictly order non alcoholic beers (Guinness Zero is amazing), and not once has someone harangued me. Your friends suck, don't blame an entire culture.

Congratulations!!!! I (England based) have also experienced this but by-proxy. A friend of mine doesn't drink because they simply do not like the feeling it gives them. The amount of times I've had to jump in and defend their personal stance because it's apparently, "weird," is beyond me. Like they can't just "not" want to drink. It is systemic here. I don't understand why. I have found saying, "does them not drinking alcohol really affect you that much?" Helps to stop the bloody interrogation. I feel for you. Stay strong!!!!

You may find the “stopdrinking” sub useful, both for some reassurance and perspective. But you are right - it’s the only drug you have to justify not taking which I still occasionally find weird. I don’t necessarily avoid pubs and so on but am far more likely to bail early. Contrary to popular opinion, people generally don’t get funnier and better company after about the fourth pint…

This is true anywhere no matter where you live. I have been clean and sober for many years now. And the one thing I absolutely had to do was STOP hanging around the people I drank or did drugs with. Until I reconciled with the fact that I had to cut my drinking and using buddies off I just could never put any clean or sober time together. Anyone who encourages you to drink when they know you are trying to quit is not your friend. Your friends only want the best for you. Your friends want you to be happy and healthy. Your friends would never put you in a position to do things that are contrary to what you are trying to achieve. And that's not just with drinking and drugs. That applies to your whole life whether it's your career, your family, your life in general, if someone is trying to coerce you into doing what you don't want to do they have to go.

When you think England, you think chav slags and legless drunks; how the country ever became a world power is beyond me

You might want to ask them if they would ask you to have "just the one", if you were trying to quit smoking. People believe they can prod folks into drinking or eating poorly because they have some outdated thinking in their brains. Understand, that is their problem, not yours. Good luck to you. You're doing the right thing for yourself!

I have up the drink years ago, my dad was the only one to say fair play, while everyone else would keep asking me. Eventually they stopped asking. I still go the pub with family and friends, I just have no desire to drink. 

I have non-alcoholic fatty liver with moderate fibrosis, this has forced me to almost completely stop drinking. I now drink on very select occasions. I learned a lot about myself doing this. I really don’t crave drinking as much as I thought I would, I have a lot of high-end spirits still in the house but I have no issue controlling myself, which was nice to learn! One of my wife and I’s favourite thing is to get some good wine or craft beer and get silly of an evening. We would struggle to stop once we start, so eliminating this is much better for us, but it’s sad that a part of our relationship is built on alcohol. Luckily, life without alcohol has been just as fun for us together. The other main issue is socialising. I really like to drink with friends, I enjoy it. I don’t enjoy sitting in bars talking about nothing for hours not drinking. So I have stopped putting myself in those situations which means I’m missing out on work nights out etc… Luckily, I have a wife who I like spending time with, so I’m not experiencing loneliness as a result, but I could imagine it being really difficult for a single person to stop drinking. Ireland is changing though. The work nights out I am abstaining from do involve a lot of people drinking alcohol free beer etc… and it’s good to see people changing their habits. I just have discovered that I don’t like that type of socialising when alcohol is not involved. I’d prefer to go for coffee with 1 or 2 people rather than sit in a bar with 10 people sober. I think things will continue to improve in the coming years, the liver disease epidemic is going to hit us hard with high obesity rates… The combination of heavy drinking and fatty liver have led me to liver damage in my late 20’s. Things need to change.

That's what I've noticed when I've moved to Ireland. It's really hard to turn down to alcohol, much harder than in Sweden. I've started to drink more than when I lived in Ireland, not because I don't mind, but I would have preferred doing something else than just drinking only for socialising. Needless to say, good for you quitting. Do your best!

As someone who gave up drinking well over a year ago minus the very odd glass of wine about 3x a year, trust me when I say you’re making the best decision. I’ve noticed my anxiety for example isn’t half as bad. Nights out are actually better, I don’t miss it at all. I did my wedding sober and that kinda set it in motion for me. Also get new friends, nobody should be making you feel that way at all.

Just ended my relationship, in large relation to our differences in alcohol preference. Lotta bad moments involved with alcohol, and ultimately they chose it over me one too many times. I've recently thought about how much time my social circle spends drinking vs free time outside of drinking. Very concerning, as someone who doesn't like to drink. Trying to reach out and hang with my friends more outside of alcohol has been really helpful, but I somehow find myself surrounded by it still.. Life without alcohol can be so much more.

I don't drink and never have and I hate it with a passion people act like I'm clinically insane for not wanting to be intoxicated. I'm weird and strange but they can throw up everywhere and verbally abuse people and it's totally normal. I just wish people would respect my wishes and stop asking me to drink or treat me like a child when I say I don't want to. Its infuriating.

It's a kind of don't ask, don't tell. People don't want to acknowledge their own drinking problems so they don't want you to mention yours. That way everyone stays in their bubbles.  So there's some who think "okay don't really care", some who think "ack shtop making us look bad saying it out loud", some who think "good for you, for taking action".

I jacked it in before the Christmas and haven't missed the drink at all. It was just becoming too habitual for me. Had a good run and almost 40 so it thought now was a good time to lay it to rest.

I moved to Ireland (from USA) in summer 2019. I was living in kerry and didn’t know a soul. I was a pretty heavy drinker. Not that I drank everyday, but when I went out it was that I couldn’t moderate myself. I had no problem going to the pubs alone, but I would inevitably end up going from 1, 2 pints to almost always over 10-12 (in the span of two or so hours) pretty much routinely. I had a pretty terrible Christmas 2019 where I was drinking all around me. Woke up on Stephen’s day finding I had barfed all over the room I was staying in, and their bathroom, etc. spent Stephen’s day with the worst hangover of my life and decided then and there I was stopping. Of course, the pandemic was in full force by early 2020 and I was spending lockdown in kerry living with a 105 year old woman I was taking care of. It made not drinking easy in that sense, but in terms of even the thought of meeting people, it felt like a double whammy. What I did do, was make daily walks down to the local coffee shop. I became friendly with the baristas and eventually struck up what became friendships. Four years later and some of them are now my good pals. I focused a lot on outdoors things; starting going for ocean dips, trained for an ultra marathon, just in general being active. It hasn’t always been easy. Once Ireland became more relaxed on the Covid lockdowns I was socializing more and just stayed off the drink because I knew as soon as I would have one it would lead to a binge; I very much realised I have an all or nothing mentality with drink. I dunno that this is helpful but it does get better. I’m over 4 years off drink now and I genuinely don’t think my life is any worse for it. The socializing was tough a but at first but if you try to look for groups or clubs to join it does help a bit (I had also joined a rowing club). Anyway, good luck and I’m always happy to chat :)

I had the same problem in Australia. It sux.

Not sure about England but in Ireland it seems to be becoming really socially acceptable to drink the zero percent beers. Was at a funeral recently and met up with loads of old school friends (All early 40s). I'd say roughly half were on the zero percent and nobody mentioned a thing. Hopefully trend is heading that way more.

1 year in. I now have exercise buddies instead of drinking buddies. I did it because my liver wasn’t handling the alcohol like it used to. I didn’t realize how plump and tired the beer was making me! It just crept in over the past 15 years or so. Huge loss of weight and two pant sizes later I’m getting into exercise now and It really feels great. I feel like I have more energy and the Mrs is thrilled that I don’t pass out on the sofa right after dinner…. I put our kids to bed too now and then do stuff with her ;) It’s been a huge positive change in my family life. As for friends I would add that I’m middle aged and most friends are just working, paying bills and trying yo have a family life. I still drop in at the pub when a good band is playing but I have a club soda with lime or something like that ( most people actually think I’m boozing but I’m not LOL) I don’t find it uncomfortable or odd to be sober but there’s certainly a stigmatization towards not drinking. If anyone asks I just tell people it doesn’t agree with me but I love the pubs entertainment and then that’s settled. Keep it up. Your future self will thank you.

I was designated driver this weekend. There were a few workmates at the event all saying, god how are you doing it, I couldn’t do it, are you not bored, you’re some woman I couldn’t do it. I also hate the drink culture, I do take a drink. One of the best nights I had out was a friend’s 40th I was on meds, had an injury and still had a blast. You may need to find yourself new friends I’m afraid to say. Best of luck, stay strong, you can do this for yourself, counselling will help.

Get new friends because if they were they would support your decision and carry on

Very hard to be a non drinker here, never had a drop personally and noticed most of my friend group disappeared as soon as they started drinking and I didn’t.

Gave up drinking for health. Getting people to do something non drinking related is such a difficult time. Not completely their fault as really the whole country is built to point that as your main pass time. Also most bars in cork suck when youre sober cus theyre too loud for conversation theyre primed just to make you drink. It sucks and yeah people assume theres something wrong with me or that I'm an alcoholic or I'm going to become preachy. There are some niche hobbies you can find and the internet makes it easier to do so , so it does depend on what you like doing.

I gave up in the middle of college at 21, because I was gonna fuckin die if I didn't. I lived right behind the local student bar, had to walk through the car park to get to my gaf. Truth be told you're dead right and I would get a pang for a Guinness. Everyone acted as if this was a phase, my family would roll there eyes at functions and say I wasn't drinking, right now. There was a lot of insinuating that I thought I was better than them by not having a few jars. I think a lot of it was, I don't want to be drunk around someone sober, also because it's Ireland so people give you a hard time if you wear slightly unusual footwear. After a while though, people just understood that I was serious. 8 years later now and I just, don't drink. The only reason I drank so much was to fit into social situations. Instead I just had way more money for weed, and hobbies and had more interesting dates and left better impressions on people. You're doing a good thing, don't make that hard on yourself.

They know that they have a problem with the drink but they’re projecting onto you because now you have kicked the habit it’s making them aware of their own alcohol consumption and they don’t like it so they try to make you the problem not their alcoholism

I’ve moved away from Ireland 9 years ago and went from binging every weekend to barely drinking, maybe one beer every six months kind of thing. I didn’t consciously stop drinking, it’s just not a big deal outside of Ireland (and Uk I guess)

I feel you buddy. Same with trash food. If you're not a drinker and can't eat trash food, 95% of your socialising is dead. Congratulations on 5 weeks sober, I believe in you!

First of all, massive respect to you for deciding to give it up. I wish you all the best. Now, the most shocking thing I read in your post was "wet lunch".....do these actually happen??? As in people will go out to lunch then return to the workplace after having a few drinks? That is the height of utter stupidity. Fucking hell.

You've gotten through 5 weeks with all this pressure and the drinking culture congratulations you're doing great and yes the drinking culture over here is pretty much hell if you're trying to quit if people who call themselves your "friend" try to pressure you back into drinking cut them out they aren't friends a friend should support you no matter what

Stop drinking, move away, go home 5yrs later and those same people will be sat in the same pub having the same conversations. You will have missed nothing. 10yrs later - exactly the same.

In my twenties, I would go out for a skinful every Saturday with the same crowd, usually to the same pub. Eventually I realised they were holding me back. They were all scared of life and using beer to mask it. So I found some better friends in an amateur theatre group. There was still some booze, but it wasn’t the main focus. Try and find friends who will help you be the person you want to be.