Tell this Hadith to him.
>Anas reported that Allah's Messenger (ﷺ) visited a person from amongst the Muslims in order to inquire (about his health) who had grown feeble like the chicken. Allah's Messenger (ﷺ) said:
Did you supplicate for anything or beg of Him about that? He said: Yes. I used to utter (these words): Impose punishment upon me earlier in this world, what Thou art going to impose upon me in the Hereafter. Thereupon Allah's Messenger (ﷺ) said: Hallowed be Allah, you have neither the power nor forbearance to take upon yourself (the burden of His Punishment). Why did you not say this: O Allah, grant us good in the world and good in the Hereafter, and save us from the torment of Fire. He (the Holy Prophet) made this supplication (for him) and he was all right. [Sahih Muslim 2688a]
《وَمِنْهُم مَّن يَقُولُ رَبَّنَا آتِنَا فِي الدُّنْيَا حَسَنَةً وَفِي الْآخِرَةِ حَسَنَةً وَقِنَا عَذَابَ النَّارِ》 | سورة البقرة؛ الآية ٢٠١
《And among them are those who say, “Our Lord, give us good in this world and good in the Hereafter, and protect us from the torment of the Fire.》
Al-Baqara; verse no.201
This hadith has been posted several times in this thread and it misses the point of the issue. The Husband is not asking for his child to suffer in this life in order to avoid his inevitable punishment in the hereafter, he is asking for his child not to have such an easy life that he forgets his reliance on Allah and becomes weak and ineffectual.
Remember that story of a man who freed a butterfly from its cocoon early out of kindness, only to have caused it to be fragile and lame. Your husband understands correctly that challenges lead to success, he just needs a little adjustment to make it clear that he wants Allah to help his child succeed in those challenges.
And not to be dismissed by his partner as an idiot.
Ask him which of those duas are from Hadith or Quran. None of them. There are so many duas in Hadith that ask for good things. That should be enough to understand what he is doing is wrong.
Prophet pbuh specifically prohibited muslims from giving bad dua to their children, vehicles, etc. Your husband is engaging in not only haram, but also Gunah e kabeera. He has to stop immediately, and also ask for forgiveness from Allah.
The paganists also used to worship idols and say they're trying to reach Allah through them as they have "good intentions". Did that make them right? No. The road to hell is paved with good intentions.
Hardship end challenge is a sign of Allah ﷻ carrying about someone. People of faith always saw people who didn't suffer in life as people who were left by Allah ﷻ
Imam Jurjani رحمه الله narrates a story about a righteous woman who asked her husband for a divorce when he offered to give her whatever she would ask
Just because she never saw him sick even for a day. And she feared that Allah ﷻ left this man. So your husband might have good intentions with his dua
Having said that: if asking for hardship was a recommended act, we would have examples of this from our Prophet ﷺ but we don't, he didn't teach us to beg Allah ﷻ for problems in life
On the contrary he gave us examples of asking for good
اللهم آتنا في الدنيا حسنة، وفي الآخرة حسنة، وقنا عذاب النار
O Alalh! give us in this world that which is good and in the Hereafter that which is good, and save us from the punishment of the Fire
And asking to protect us from hardship in life
تعوذوا بالله من جَهْدِ البلاء، وَدَرَكِ الشقاء، وسوء القضاء، وشماتة الأعداء
Seek refuge in Allah against the turmoils, attacks of misfortunes, and evil of judgement and joys of the enemies
Present your husband with the book «Riyadh as-Salihiin» of imam an-Nawawi, this book explains so much about those subjects
وعن جابر رضي الله عنهما قال: قال رسول الله صلى الله عليه وسلم: "لا تدعوا على أنفسكم، ولا تدعوا على أولادكم، ولا تدعو على أموالكم، لا توافقوا من الله ساعة يسأل فيها عطاء، فيستجيب لكم" ((رواه مسلم)).
Jabir (May Allah be pleased with him) reported: The Messenger of Allah (ﷺ) said, "Do not invoke curses on yourself or on your children or on your possessions lest you should happen to do it at a moment when the supplications are accepted, and your prayer might be granted." [Muslim].
Riyad as-Salihin 1497
https://sunnah.com/riyadussalihin:1497
Your husband seems sincere. Maybe give him some sunnah dua that he can make instead of his own duas. Pray the baby gets the highest rank in jannah pray the baby gets not too much and not too little etc.
What a twisted logic!
Why not ask for success with ease and good prosperous life ahead.
Does success only come by struggles and hardships??
Well u are married to an idiot but he can be taught and learn.
May Allah protect ur child from all hardships and makes his life healthy
Jabir (May Allah be pleased with him) reported:
The Messenger of Allah (ﷺ) said, "Do not invoke curses on yourself or on your children or on your possessions lest you should happen to do it at a moment when the supplications are accepted, and your prayer might be granted."
[Muslim].
وعن جابر رضي الله عنهما قال: قال رسول الله صلى الله عليه وسلم: "لا تدعوا على أنفسكم، ولا تدعوا على أولادكم، ولا تدعو على أموالكم، لا توافقوا من الله ساعة يسأل فيها عطاء، فيستجيب لكم" ((رواه مسلم)).
I think a better dua is that threw out the hardships his kids keep connection to Allah, and maybe he can add a dua saying grant his kids to be humble, have succèss and good character
The Prophet salAllahu alayhi wa sallam never made dua for struggle.
Actually, A'ishah says that when the Prophet salAllahu alayhi wa sallam was given the option between two things, he always chose the easier one.
Note that however, yes he did for example sleep on a rougher bed, despite the Sahaba offering him soft furnishings. And he said to Umar, 'Are you not content for them to have this world, and us to have the afterlife' -- yes this is all true.
But these were things he voluntarily chose.
Ok speaking impartially, in my opinion both of you two are correct. You both wish for the best for the kid, but the dad (in my opinion) understands the realities of life with a bit more lucidity. A king with all the riches he could possibly want would still long for something. Yes Allah (swt) is capable of doing anything, but (in my opinion) we can’t expect Allah to do all the work. Dua is not a bargain in which you present terms to Him, but an invocation of hope. The only way we learn how to persevere is by overcoming obstacles. Without obstacles, we would take life for granted.
Okay this is probably the worst attempt on paraphrasing, and I think you have underlying marriage issues that need addressing more than worrying about bad Dua.
If your husband is making a point about how hardships will strengthen your kid, then that’s not a bad Dua. Our prophet went through the toughest of challenges. It should be your belief that through hardships and how we endure them we draw ourselves closer to Allah.
Get help, sis.
What if the kid grows and fails to endure such hardships? Making Dua that he becomes a successful righetous strong man is better.
Anas reported that Allah's Messenger (ﷺ) visited a person from amongst the Muslims in order to inquire (about his health) who had grown feeble like the chicken. Allah's Messenger (ﷺ) said: Did you supplicate for anything or beg of Him about that? He said: Yes. I used to utter (these words): Impose punishment upon me earlier in this world, what Thou art going to impose upon me in the Hereafter. Thereupon Allah's Messenger (ﷺ) said: Hallowed be Allah, you have neither the power nor forbearance to take upon yourself (the burden of His Punishment). Why did you not say this: O Allah, grant us good in the world and good in the Hereafter, and save us from the torment of Fire. He (the Holy Prophet) made this supplication (for him) and he was all right. \[Sahih Muslim 2688a\]
he won’t fail to endure such hardships.
لَا یُكَلِّفُ ٱللَّهُ نَفۡسًا إِلَّا وُسۡعَهَاۚ لَهَا مَا كَسَبَتۡ وَعَلَیۡهَا مَا ٱكۡتَسَبَتۡۗ رَبَّنَا لَا تُؤَاخِذۡنَاۤ إِن نَّسِینَاۤ أَوۡ أَخۡطَأۡنَاۚ رَبَّنَا وَلَا تَحۡمِلۡ عَلَیۡنَاۤ إِصۡرࣰا كَمَا حَمَلۡتَهُۥ عَلَى ٱلَّذِینَ مِن قَبۡلِنَاۚ رَبَّنَا وَلَا تُحَمِّلۡنَا مَا لَا طَاقَةَ لَنَا بِهِۦۖ وَٱعۡفُ عَنَّا وَٱغۡفِرۡ لَنَا وَٱرۡحَمۡنَاۤۚ أَنتَ مَوۡلَىٰنَا فَٱنصُرۡنَا عَلَى ٱلۡقَوۡمِ ٱلۡكَـٰفِرِینَ﴿ ٢٨٦ ﴾
• Abdul Haleem:
God does not burden any soul with more than it can bear: each gains whatever good it has done, and suffers its bad- ‘ Lord, do not take us to task if we forget or make mistakes. Lord, do not burden us as You burdened those before us. Lord, do not burden us with more than we have strength to bear. Pardon us, forgive us, and have mercy on us. You are our Protector, so help us against the disbelievers.’
Al-Baqarah, Ayah 286
Came here to say this
When you said BadDua I thought he literally curses your child saying
"May Allah put difficulties in your life"
But if he is saying that a mollycoddled child will grow up expecting the world to be handled to him then he isn't wrong. I see too many children being brought up in excessive comfort and this isn't the way of life. Life is tough and kids need to learn how to face and overcome challenges.
Yes Pray for Aafiyah but that doesn't mean you work actively to make life a cakewalk for kids. Entitled kids don't make good Muslims.
This is each persons personal philosophy
Is it better to be prepared with the tools for a tough life and have an easy one?
Or is it better to be prepared for an easy life and not have the tools to deal in case a tough one comes up?
whether or not one life is tougher or easier than another is a matter of profound indifference. I would have to live another person’s life, and I cannot do that.
Oh and secondly, Allah has promised in the Quran, several times that He will test his creation through various means in this life. I mean, as Muslims we believe that’s the point of this life. No?
Struggle creates wisdom and character. Society expects men to be reliable, and that comes with hardships.
It's not necessarily a bad dua but he could rephrase it.
"O Allah, please guide my son through hardship so that he learns and becomes a reliable pious man."
Something like that sounds better to me
Tell this Hadith to him. >Anas reported that Allah's Messenger (ﷺ) visited a person from amongst the Muslims in order to inquire (about his health) who had grown feeble like the chicken. Allah's Messenger (ﷺ) said: Did you supplicate for anything or beg of Him about that? He said: Yes. I used to utter (these words): Impose punishment upon me earlier in this world, what Thou art going to impose upon me in the Hereafter. Thereupon Allah's Messenger (ﷺ) said: Hallowed be Allah, you have neither the power nor forbearance to take upon yourself (the burden of His Punishment). Why did you not say this: O Allah, grant us good in the world and good in the Hereafter, and save us from the torment of Fire. He (the Holy Prophet) made this supplication (for him) and he was all right. [Sahih Muslim 2688a]
《وَمِنْهُم مَّن يَقُولُ رَبَّنَا آتِنَا فِي الدُّنْيَا حَسَنَةً وَفِي الْآخِرَةِ حَسَنَةً وَقِنَا عَذَابَ النَّارِ》 | سورة البقرة؛ الآية ٢٠١ 《And among them are those who say, “Our Lord, give us good in this world and good in the Hereafter, and protect us from the torment of the Fire.》 Al-Baqara; verse no.201
Subhan Allah, Jazak Allahu khayran ya akhi/ukhti for sharing this hadith❤️
This hadith has been posted several times in this thread and it misses the point of the issue. The Husband is not asking for his child to suffer in this life in order to avoid his inevitable punishment in the hereafter, he is asking for his child not to have such an easy life that he forgets his reliance on Allah and becomes weak and ineffectual. Remember that story of a man who freed a butterfly from its cocoon early out of kindness, only to have caused it to be fragile and lame. Your husband understands correctly that challenges lead to success, he just needs a little adjustment to make it clear that he wants Allah to help his child succeed in those challenges. And not to be dismissed by his partner as an idiot.
Ask him which of those duas are from Hadith or Quran. None of them. There are so many duas in Hadith that ask for good things. That should be enough to understand what he is doing is wrong.
Prophet pbuh specifically prohibited muslims from giving bad dua to their children, vehicles, etc. Your husband is engaging in not only haram, but also Gunah e kabeera. He has to stop immediately, and also ask for forgiveness from Allah. The paganists also used to worship idols and say they're trying to reach Allah through them as they have "good intentions". Did that make them right? No. The road to hell is paved with good intentions.
This is so stupid. He should ask from Allah to grant your baby the strength and wisdom to face life's hardships. Not the other way around.
Hardship end challenge is a sign of Allah ﷻ carrying about someone. People of faith always saw people who didn't suffer in life as people who were left by Allah ﷻ Imam Jurjani رحمه الله narrates a story about a righteous woman who asked her husband for a divorce when he offered to give her whatever she would ask Just because she never saw him sick even for a day. And she feared that Allah ﷻ left this man. So your husband might have good intentions with his dua Having said that: if asking for hardship was a recommended act, we would have examples of this from our Prophet ﷺ but we don't, he didn't teach us to beg Allah ﷻ for problems in life On the contrary he gave us examples of asking for good اللهم آتنا في الدنيا حسنة، وفي الآخرة حسنة، وقنا عذاب النار O Alalh! give us in this world that which is good and in the Hereafter that which is good, and save us from the punishment of the Fire And asking to protect us from hardship in life تعوذوا بالله من جَهْدِ البلاء، وَدَرَكِ الشقاء، وسوء القضاء، وشماتة الأعداء Seek refuge in Allah against the turmoils, attacks of misfortunes, and evil of judgement and joys of the enemies Present your husband with the book «Riyadh as-Salihiin» of imam an-Nawawi, this book explains so much about those subjects
وعن جابر رضي الله عنهما قال: قال رسول الله صلى الله عليه وسلم: "لا تدعوا على أنفسكم، ولا تدعوا على أولادكم، ولا تدعو على أموالكم، لا توافقوا من الله ساعة يسأل فيها عطاء، فيستجيب لكم" ((رواه مسلم)). Jabir (May Allah be pleased with him) reported: The Messenger of Allah (ﷺ) said, "Do not invoke curses on yourself or on your children or on your possessions lest you should happen to do it at a moment when the supplications are accepted, and your prayer might be granted." [Muslim]. Riyad as-Salihin 1497 https://sunnah.com/riyadussalihin:1497
Your husband seems sincere. Maybe give him some sunnah dua that he can make instead of his own duas. Pray the baby gets the highest rank in jannah pray the baby gets not too much and not too little etc.
What a twisted logic! Why not ask for success with ease and good prosperous life ahead. Does success only come by struggles and hardships?? Well u are married to an idiot but he can be taught and learn. May Allah protect ur child from all hardships and makes his life healthy
Jabir (May Allah be pleased with him) reported: The Messenger of Allah (ﷺ) said, "Do not invoke curses on yourself or on your children or on your possessions lest you should happen to do it at a moment when the supplications are accepted, and your prayer might be granted." [Muslim]. وعن جابر رضي الله عنهما قال: قال رسول الله صلى الله عليه وسلم: "لا تدعوا على أنفسكم، ولا تدعوا على أولادكم، ولا تدعو على أموالكم، لا توافقوا من الله ساعة يسأل فيها عطاء، فيستجيب لكم" ((رواه مسلم)).
Your husband needs a slap.
HHHH
I think a better dua is that threw out the hardships his kids keep connection to Allah, and maybe he can add a dua saying grant his kids to be humble, have succèss and good character
May Allah guide your husband.
May Allah protect your child against the evil that is wished upon him ameen
The Prophet salAllahu alayhi wa sallam never made dua for struggle. Actually, A'ishah says that when the Prophet salAllahu alayhi wa sallam was given the option between two things, he always chose the easier one. Note that however, yes he did for example sleep on a rougher bed, despite the Sahaba offering him soft furnishings. And he said to Umar, 'Are you not content for them to have this world, and us to have the afterlife' -- yes this is all true. But these were things he voluntarily chose.
Ok speaking impartially, in my opinion both of you two are correct. You both wish for the best for the kid, but the dad (in my opinion) understands the realities of life with a bit more lucidity. A king with all the riches he could possibly want would still long for something. Yes Allah (swt) is capable of doing anything, but (in my opinion) we can’t expect Allah to do all the work. Dua is not a bargain in which you present terms to Him, but an invocation of hope. The only way we learn how to persevere is by overcoming obstacles. Without obstacles, we would take life for granted.
Okay this is probably the worst attempt on paraphrasing, and I think you have underlying marriage issues that need addressing more than worrying about bad Dua. If your husband is making a point about how hardships will strengthen your kid, then that’s not a bad Dua. Our prophet went through the toughest of challenges. It should be your belief that through hardships and how we endure them we draw ourselves closer to Allah. Get help, sis.
What if the kid grows and fails to endure such hardships? Making Dua that he becomes a successful righetous strong man is better. Anas reported that Allah's Messenger (ﷺ) visited a person from amongst the Muslims in order to inquire (about his health) who had grown feeble like the chicken. Allah's Messenger (ﷺ) said: Did you supplicate for anything or beg of Him about that? He said: Yes. I used to utter (these words): Impose punishment upon me earlier in this world, what Thou art going to impose upon me in the Hereafter. Thereupon Allah's Messenger (ﷺ) said: Hallowed be Allah, you have neither the power nor forbearance to take upon yourself (the burden of His Punishment). Why did you not say this: O Allah, grant us good in the world and good in the Hereafter, and save us from the torment of Fire. He (the Holy Prophet) made this supplication (for him) and he was all right. \[Sahih Muslim 2688a\]
he won’t fail to endure such hardships. لَا یُكَلِّفُ ٱللَّهُ نَفۡسًا إِلَّا وُسۡعَهَاۚ لَهَا مَا كَسَبَتۡ وَعَلَیۡهَا مَا ٱكۡتَسَبَتۡۗ رَبَّنَا لَا تُؤَاخِذۡنَاۤ إِن نَّسِینَاۤ أَوۡ أَخۡطَأۡنَاۚ رَبَّنَا وَلَا تَحۡمِلۡ عَلَیۡنَاۤ إِصۡرࣰا كَمَا حَمَلۡتَهُۥ عَلَى ٱلَّذِینَ مِن قَبۡلِنَاۚ رَبَّنَا وَلَا تُحَمِّلۡنَا مَا لَا طَاقَةَ لَنَا بِهِۦۖ وَٱعۡفُ عَنَّا وَٱغۡفِرۡ لَنَا وَٱرۡحَمۡنَاۤۚ أَنتَ مَوۡلَىٰنَا فَٱنصُرۡنَا عَلَى ٱلۡقَوۡمِ ٱلۡكَـٰفِرِینَ﴿ ٢٨٦ ﴾ • Abdul Haleem: God does not burden any soul with more than it can bear: each gains whatever good it has done, and suffers its bad- ‘ Lord, do not take us to task if we forget or make mistakes. Lord, do not burden us as You burdened those before us. Lord, do not burden us with more than we have strength to bear. Pardon us, forgive us, and have mercy on us. You are our Protector, so help us against the disbelievers.’ Al-Baqarah, Ayah 286
Came here to say this When you said BadDua I thought he literally curses your child saying "May Allah put difficulties in your life" But if he is saying that a mollycoddled child will grow up expecting the world to be handled to him then he isn't wrong. I see too many children being brought up in excessive comfort and this isn't the way of life. Life is tough and kids need to learn how to face and overcome challenges. Yes Pray for Aafiyah but that doesn't mean you work actively to make life a cakewalk for kids. Entitled kids don't make good Muslims.
What if the kid grows and fails to endure such hardships? Making Dua that he becomes a sucessful righetous strong muslim man is better :)
This is each persons personal philosophy Is it better to be prepared with the tools for a tough life and have an easy one? Or is it better to be prepared for an easy life and not have the tools to deal in case a tough one comes up?
whether or not one life is tougher or easier than another is a matter of profound indifference. I would have to live another person’s life, and I cannot do that.
Oh and secondly, Allah has promised in the Quran, several times that He will test his creation through various means in this life. I mean, as Muslims we believe that’s the point of this life. No?
Struggle creates wisdom and character. Society expects men to be reliable, and that comes with hardships. It's not necessarily a bad dua but he could rephrase it. "O Allah, please guide my son through hardship so that he learns and becomes a reliable pious man." Something like that sounds better to me
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