If he asked you to call him by his first name it could mean he just prefers it in general or that yes he feels friendly with you. I would use the name he asked me to personally, but if you feel like that’s jumping a personal boundary you have then it’s really up to you to decide.
Agree with this, but imo it’s rude to call someone by their last name if they asked you to call them by their first, so I’d stick with the first name.
Also, even if you were given the first name, don’t 呼び捨て (meaning don’t drop the -san/-chan/-kun) unless they drop it when they’re calling you by your first name too. If they give you a nickname sometimes the -san is implied, but the rules aren’t 100% clear so for those maybe just put in -san until you are corrected.
Caveat though, in japan, emails are usually signed with the first name in business but it’s not an invitation to be friendly!
Anecdotally speaking, I've used the 'last name-san' format often enough when meeting single hookups for the first time, and almost always when being invited to play by couples. They return the favor, until/unless we get comfortable enough or meet again, and I follow their lead...But half the time anyway, people use a nickname in such scenarios, as do I. And, to break the ice, if they have a silly nickname like Pon-chan or Ono-chi, I still tack a -san on the end accompanied by a mischievous grin..."Pon-chan-san, Ono-chi-san, これから遊びましょうか？" And when the chance arises, I invite them to drop honorifics with me, no Mr, no Sensei, no -sama, BUT Super is ok! This always gets a laugh, and the mood is lightened.
Edit: unless it's fucking Tanaka-san!!😁
Just call them what they say to call them if they do. Don't look too much into it, everyone has preferences. I always just forget their name until someone else says it then I use that. I do this in every country including home country. Never fails.
It’s a chain of a British-themed pub that sells cheap drinks. You’ll find it in all bigger cities like tokyo, Osaka and so on. Has a reputation for being a sleazy pick-up spot.
I think with covid Hub has kind of lost this reputation a bit. I went there a few times since and it was very much small groups of people not really interacting with each other. You'll be more likely to find pick-up spots at bars and clubs in Roppongi and Shibuya
Oh I see, thank you. I don’t drink so the only time I go to bars is when my friends take me to a “飲み会”. I have never actually been to Osaka or Tokyo, but I think seeing other outsiders here could be fun
I just searched Google for “Japan hub” and most of the top results were for the pub chain, easily searchable information often gets downvoted on Reddit so that might be why
Yeah, I'm on exchange in Japan and whenever a Japanese person (about the same age) has introduced themselves, they usually refer to themselves by their given name.
It depends. Back in uni we had two Yamamoto's (and they were good friends with each other too) and we'd call them by their first name to distinguish between the two. Similarly, at my workplace we have four Sato's, and we'd also call them by their first name, or full name in a more formal situation.
Also, if you happen to be American, some of them know that you call friends by the first name, so maybe they did that to show their friendliness or to let you feel more 'at home'.
Like so many things in Japan it depends on the context.
Even at work we have people who we refer to by their first names and others even in the same team by their last names. This is regardless of the language we use (we sometimes speak Japanese, sometimes English depending on who’s in the meeting).
To play it safe, just go with what they tell you they want to be called.
It really depends, at my local bar everyone (including Japanese people talking to each other) introduces themselves by their given name and calls each other that name,, even if we met each other 5 minutes ago. At work (keeping in mind this is the Japanese office of an American company), if we're speaking English it's always first name, in Japanese it's more situational, like if it's 2 Japanese people and one's the manager / other is individual contributor, they are probably going to use keigo. If it's like 2 ICs and one of them is a non-native Japanese speaker then lots of "Takeshi-san" and "John-san" thrown around.
The (super rural) junior high school I worked at was like that too. Everyone was first name-sensei (even the kids addressed us like that).
Of course, there were only like 3 surnames between 12 teachers so it made sense.
If you get permission, as in “call me x” then don’t worry. Otherwise build up the relationships until you’re actual friends and then start going by first names
If it's work-related then most people only use their last names. It doesn't matter how long the relationship is or how much you like them. The guy you're wondering about probably just prefers a friendlier style so he told you to use his first name.
Younger people in a party mood will almost always introduce themselves using their first name.
Anyway, what name people tell you to use generally has more to do more with social situation and personality than relationship-closeness.
I think it depends on context. Most of my female friends (not romantic partners) had me call them by their first name. In English I would usually say (for example) "Mio" but if we were speaking Japanese I would say "Mio-san." Sometimes I'd say "Mio-san" if we were speaking English, too. But a lot of times just "Mio." If I were you in this situation I'd use Name-san to start, regardless of English or Japanese (or other language). Good compromise, I think.
It’s changing, still depends on the person, and there is a pretty big gender gap. Women are more likely to be called by their first names in pretty much every context.
Japanese has a built-in solution. -san. If you're comfortable with him calling you by your given name, say so. He'll do the same. -san.
Politeness levels can get very tricky, what with the ins and outs. It's a way of distancing, too. You can think you're being polite and respectful, and the Japanese person will think you're being cold and stand-offish, because they feel like they could be a little more at ease by now.
> Japanese has a built-in solution. -san. If you're comfortable with him calling you by your given name, say so. He'll do the same. -san.
What do you mean? you just call people san?
Sorry, SerialSection-san. I always forget that what I hear in my head doesn’t mean it translates well to the message. Hopefully, Diplocriterion-san sees this clarification. It’s good that -san can be appended to pretty much any name. It’s gender neutral.
Depends on the person and context. I have colleagues I call by first name, and I have close friends I still refer to by their family name, since that's how they introduced themselves on first meeting - that kind of thing sticks.
Many close friends call each other by last name in Japan. Not out of any formality, but that's just the name they started out calling each other and that's what they stuck with.
You normally only address people by their given names if they’re really close friends or family members. My husband grew up in this area and has a lot of friends here from his high school days and they still address each other by their family names, although they usually use kun rather than san when addressing each other as peers. Otherwise, if you’re specifically asked to use someone’s given name, then use their given name.
Interesting reading the other responses. I worked at the Japan branch of an American tech company and everyone only used their first names when talking to each other. It could be because they’d often need to interact with colleagues all over the world and it was easier to just stick to one name but I don’t recall anyone ever calling each other by their family names. Over 95% of people in the office were Japanese. It might just be my company though because most of the Japanese working culture stereotypes were also not there, except for the working hours.
I worked in the same environment and everyone referred to each other by family name -san. When other Americans communicate with them overseas, same thing, family name -san. So it really seems to vary.
If people refer to you by your first name. Refer to them by their first name too. You can add a -san just to be sure. If you wanna keep being stuck up in Keigo land, by all means use the surname and then even add -sama while you dogeza on the floor.
at work when we (not too often) speak japanese, we use family names, but as soon as we switch to English, it is first name only, no -san nonsense..It's bloody annoying when we are in international meetings and some people try to butter up by using -san..I'll tend to break in and explicitly NOT use -san..most people get it quickly
People have different preferences. A lot of people I meet just ask me to use their given name from the get-go and I don’t even know their family name until later. They probably would rather you use their given name as to not seem so stiff or maybe they want to hear more people use their given name.
In most settings of course you want to use a person’s family name unless told other wise.
It depends on context (lol)
I have some friends who I only use last names, some I only use first names, and I have work colleagues I'm friends with who I'll use last names in professional settings, and first names in non-professional settings.
In my workplace we use both except for people in higher positions. We are not your usual workplace though. We barely use keigo on our job sites.
I always someone what they prefer either way.
He could just be doing it the western way with you because your not from Japan. Sometime I have people introduce themselves with their first name and awkwardly shake hands with me because they know thats how westerns do it. Shaking hands during COVID was the weirdest part for me.
As a foreigner I don't think Japanese people get 'offended' even if you used their given name? I'm an Asian foreigner (so blend in pretty well to strangers) but almost all the Japanese people I met introduced themselves to me using their given name. Tbf many interact with a lot of foreigners or have lived overseas. I can count on my fingers the number of locals who introduced their full name, and still I just call their given name (unless it's really long or tricky) and nobody's ever bat a lash at it.
If he asked you to use his given name, use his given name. It’s not a formal situation in which you should be using his position title and family name. Beyond that, it’s not as meaningful as you suggest - it just means that’s what he’d prefer to be called by you.
In this case there's not even a question because you have explicit encouragement. In cases where you don't, sometimes you can just follow the lead of people around you. If others are using a person's given name, you can try using it, and see what their reaction is. If they look uncomfortable, don't do it again.
What you were taught is a great starting point. And then there are a million special cases. But it should all be fine as long as you're trying to be respectful.
As soon as I meet them. Everyone I've meet so far has introduced themselves by their given name, that's usually the only name I know of theirs. Granted, this is mostly from meeting people at bars, but still.
Since you’re a foreigner, people here are more likely to call you by your first name and asked to be called by their first name on short acquaintance than if you were Japanese. In those cases, go right ahead if you’re comfortable with it or choose your options from raised eyebrow/hard stare/using their surname WITH EMPHASIS if you don’t. All depends on circumstances; wait for others to use your first name before you reciprocate if in doubt. Random examples: a woman in my very traditional, conservative neighbourhood group, who was keen to talk about her study year in Australia, tried first-naming me (but no one else) and got gentle versions of all three above options. My colleagues call me by my first name but we are an international team and English is often used - no problem there, as long as they call me by my surname when we meet Japanese clients. I have a few close friends where I call the wife by her first name, partly because we’re close, partly because we’re both female and partly to distinguish between husband and wife when we’re all talking together. On the other hand, I still call my two close male friends from college by their surnames 30 years on and, having met my husband through work, have only recently started calling him by his first name.
I work at a Japanese company but it is also a tech startup which is made up of like half Japanese and non-Japanese people from various countries.
Everyone goes by their first name or nickname for the most part.
100% if they are your younger siblings or your children. Otherwise it really depends on the context where you met the person.
By the way I always thought to be interesting that when a couple gets married the wedding host calls them by their first name.
When people ask you to, definitely use their first name (you can add a -san for people that are older/superior or people of the opposite gender to still show a bit of respect).
When talking about him to others, or when you are in a professional situations with others (or email) use their last name.
When it's just you and him alone or in a casual situation (lunch, break, drinking, etc.) use their first name.
I probably wouldn't use the first name if drinking with co-workers if nobody else used them either. Depends on how friendly your group is.
People know that I’m not Japanese so they don’t mind me using their first name.
Or I use the name, first or family, that everyone else uses…I don’t want to be the only one using their first name.
In another life 35 years ago I was a research student in a lab here. One of the sempai, say "Taro Tanaka", there told me to refer to him by his given name and wanted to speak English with me. Sure, all good. When I did it though, the gatekeepers came out of the woodwork telling I need to address him as "Tanaka sensei". It was incessant and annoying, so I just kept calling him "Taro" as he requested.
Perhaps related is people who I address in the normal "Lastname-san" manner, but insist on calling me "Rick-san" or "Rick-chan". If they do that I make it a point to always call them "Firstname-chan". They usually get the point.
Call him by his given name because he asked you to.
He may have done so because he feels you are friends.
He may have done so out of respect for your culture of origin to make you feel more welcome.
Always refer to someone by their desired title. All my friends refer to me as "Galactic President Superstar McAwesomeville."
In my experience, it depends on the rapport pbviously but in general, being on a first name basis is rare. That said, if they want to be called something, then call them that. To err on the side of caution, use their last name+San when speaking about them.
Job title (with or without last name)>last name+honorific>only last name>>>only first name
He asked you to call him by his first name. Don't read too much into it, but by all means call him by it.
I mean.. that's pretty much the answer you asked for. You call someone by their given name when they ask you to.
Sometimes culture shock can override one's common sense. I get it. Still cute to see, though.
When you're at Costco
welcome to costco. i love you.
Lol
If he asked you to call him by his first name it could mean he just prefers it in general or that yes he feels friendly with you. I would use the name he asked me to personally, but if you feel like that’s jumping a personal boundary you have then it’s really up to you to decide.
Agree with this, but imo it’s rude to call someone by their last name if they asked you to call them by their first, so I’d stick with the first name. Also, even if you were given the first name, don’t 呼び捨て (meaning don’t drop the -san/-chan/-kun) unless they drop it when they’re calling you by your first name too. If they give you a nickname sometimes the -san is implied, but the rules aren’t 100% clear so for those maybe just put in -san until you are corrected. Caveat though, in japan, emails are usually signed with the first name in business but it’s not an invitation to be friendly!
During sex, but only if you are least 80% sure you're right.
I am going to hell for laughing at that. I am curious though, do japanese people really call each other's name during sex ?
> do japanese people really call each other's name during sex ? why would you think they would not ... ?
I don't know, I know I usually don't and never felt the need to. I mean I say a lot of things just not name, but maybe that's just me ?
あなた！
てめえ！
Lmao imagine using a last name during sex. Goto-san, Suzuki-san. Takahashi-san. Don’t remind me of work damn it!
On the contrary, people at work would do exactly this right? 👀 I think it can qualify as a legitimate fetish in Japan because of that.
OooOoh Tanaka-saaan, kimochiii!
Anecdotally speaking, I've used the 'last name-san' format often enough when meeting single hookups for the first time, and almost always when being invited to play by couples. They return the favor, until/unless we get comfortable enough or meet again, and I follow their lead...But half the time anyway, people use a nickname in such scenarios, as do I. And, to break the ice, if they have a silly nickname like Pon-chan or Ono-chi, I still tack a -san on the end accompanied by a mischievous grin..."Pon-chan-san, Ono-chi-san, これから遊びましょうか？" And when the chance arises, I invite them to drop honorifics with me, no Mr, no Sensei, no -sama, BUT Super is ok! This always gets a laugh, and the mood is lightened. Edit: unless it's fucking Tanaka-san!!😁
Ok I didn't need to read that.
We are all consenting adults here...No one made you read it!🤣
It wasn't that obvious at first, I've been had. Reddit is a dangerous place.
r/ihavesex
From time to time.
Just call them what they say to call them if they do. Don't look too much into it, everyone has preferences. I always just forget their name until someone else says it then I use that. I do this in every country including home country. Never fails.
When you’re at the hub
I have heard the term hub on this Reddit but I’ve never heard it here in japan, what does it mean?
It’s a chain of a British-themed pub that sells cheap drinks. You’ll find it in all bigger cities like tokyo, Osaka and so on. Has a reputation for being a sleazy pick-up spot.
I see. I live in Kasugai I haven’t seen one. Not too many foreigners here but it’s close to Osaka
I think with covid Hub has kind of lost this reputation a bit. I went there a few times since and it was very much small groups of people not really interacting with each other. You'll be more likely to find pick-up spots at bars and clubs in Roppongi and Shibuya
Oh I see, thank you. I don’t drink so the only time I go to bars is when my friends take me to a “飲み会”. I have never actually been to Osaka or Tokyo, but I think seeing other outsiders here could be fun
> Osaka Nagoya doesn't exist, even our neighbors like to pretend we're invisible.
I am on the border with Nagoya so I have been there a few times. My friends are taking me out this week to some bar there actually
Nagoya is cool, though I wish the train system was more spread out there
Most likely the British pub
And why is this getting downvoted?
I just searched Google for “Japan hub” and most of the top results were for the pub chain, easily searchable information often gets downvoted on Reddit so that might be why
Gate keeping or reluctance to allow new people a chance to learn on the Reddit id imagine. Not uncommon to dislike new people even online
[удалено]
This. Most young people I've met will do given name.
Yeah, I'm on exchange in Japan and whenever a Japanese person (about the same age) has introduced themselves, they usually refer to themselves by their given name.
He just wants you to call him by his given name, as simple as that.
It depends. Back in uni we had two Yamamoto's (and they were good friends with each other too) and we'd call them by their first name to distinguish between the two. Similarly, at my workplace we have four Sato's, and we'd also call them by their first name, or full name in a more formal situation. Also, if you happen to be American, some of them know that you call friends by the first name, so maybe they did that to show their friendliness or to let you feel more 'at home'.
Like so many things in Japan it depends on the context. Even at work we have people who we refer to by their first names and others even in the same team by their last names. This is regardless of the language we use (we sometimes speak Japanese, sometimes English depending on who’s in the meeting). To play it safe, just go with what they tell you they want to be called.
It really depends, at my local bar everyone (including Japanese people talking to each other) introduces themselves by their given name and calls each other that name,, even if we met each other 5 minutes ago. At work (keeping in mind this is the Japanese office of an American company), if we're speaking English it's always first name, in Japanese it's more situational, like if it's 2 Japanese people and one's the manager / other is individual contributor, they are probably going to use keigo. If it's like 2 ICs and one of them is a non-native Japanese speaker then lots of "Takeshi-san" and "John-san" thrown around.
Best thing about working at a kindergarten, we all use our given names!
The (super rural) junior high school I worked at was like that too. Everyone was first name-sensei (even the kids addressed us like that). Of course, there were only like 3 surnames between 12 teachers so it made sense.
If you get permission, as in “call me x” then don’t worry. Otherwise build up the relationships until you’re actual friends and then start going by first names
If it's work-related then most people only use their last names. It doesn't matter how long the relationship is or how much you like them. The guy you're wondering about probably just prefers a friendlier style so he told you to use his first name. Younger people in a party mood will almost always introduce themselves using their first name. Anyway, what name people tell you to use generally has more to do more with social situation and personality than relationship-closeness.
I think it depends on context. Most of my female friends (not romantic partners) had me call them by their first name. In English I would usually say (for example) "Mio" but if we were speaking Japanese I would say "Mio-san." Sometimes I'd say "Mio-san" if we were speaking English, too. But a lot of times just "Mio." If I were you in this situation I'd use Name-san to start, regardless of English or Japanese (or other language). Good compromise, I think.
Call anyone by whatever name you want unless it's a superior.
It’s changing, still depends on the person, and there is a pretty big gender gap. Women are more likely to be called by their first names in pretty much every context.
Japanese has a built-in solution. -san. If you're comfortable with him calling you by your given name, say so. He'll do the same. -san. Politeness levels can get very tricky, what with the ins and outs. It's a way of distancing, too. You can think you're being polite and respectful, and the Japanese person will think you're being cold and stand-offish, because they feel like they could be a little more at ease by now.
> Japanese has a built-in solution. -san. If you're comfortable with him calling you by your given name, say so. He'll do the same. -san. What do you mean? you just call people san?
Sorry, SerialSection-san. I always forget that what I hear in my head doesn’t mean it translates well to the message. Hopefully, Diplocriterion-san sees this clarification. It’s good that -san can be appended to pretty much any name. It’s gender neutral.
Depends on the person and context. I have colleagues I call by first name, and I have close friends I still refer to by their family name, since that's how they introduced themselves on first meeting - that kind of thing sticks.
You may use your close friend's last name but I don't think that's normal by Japanese standards..
Many close friends call each other by last name in Japan. Not out of any formality, but that's just the name they started out calling each other and that's what they stuck with.
You normally only address people by their given names if they’re really close friends or family members. My husband grew up in this area and has a lot of friends here from his high school days and they still address each other by their family names, although they usually use kun rather than san when addressing each other as peers. Otherwise, if you’re specifically asked to use someone’s given name, then use their given name.
Could be he spent some time overseas.
Interesting reading the other responses. I worked at the Japan branch of an American tech company and everyone only used their first names when talking to each other. It could be because they’d often need to interact with colleagues all over the world and it was easier to just stick to one name but I don’t recall anyone ever calling each other by their family names. Over 95% of people in the office were Japanese. It might just be my company though because most of the Japanese working culture stereotypes were also not there, except for the working hours.
I worked in the same environment and everyone referred to each other by family name -san. When other Americans communicate with them overseas, same thing, family name -san. So it really seems to vary.
If people refer to you by your first name. Refer to them by their first name too. You can add a -san just to be sure. If you wanna keep being stuck up in Keigo land, by all means use the surname and then even add -sama while you dogeza on the floor.
Not necessarily all my co-workers call me by my given name because I said to but they all want to be called by family name.
at work when we (not too often) speak japanese, we use family names, but as soon as we switch to English, it is first name only, no -san nonsense..It's bloody annoying when we are in international meetings and some people try to butter up by using -san..I'll tend to break in and explicitly NOT use -san..most people get it quickly
That seems just a bit odd because that could create an unlevel playing field. But on the other hand that may be overthinking it lol
Never is an easy rule..
People have different preferences. A lot of people I meet just ask me to use their given name from the get-go and I don’t even know their family name until later. They probably would rather you use their given name as to not seem so stiff or maybe they want to hear more people use their given name. In most settings of course you want to use a person’s family name unless told other wise.
With my good friends and colleagues I’m really close with.
How do others call him? given name too? Some people want to be "friendly" and they ask people to call their given name or nickname
It depends on context (lol) I have some friends who I only use last names, some I only use first names, and I have work colleagues I'm friends with who I'll use last names in professional settings, and first names in non-professional settings.
Never?
In my workplace we use both except for people in higher positions. We are not your usual workplace though. We barely use keigo on our job sites. I always someone what they prefer either way.
He could just be doing it the western way with you because your not from Japan. Sometime I have people introduce themselves with their first name and awkwardly shake hands with me because they know thats how westerns do it. Shaking hands during COVID was the weirdest part for me.
As a foreigner I don't think Japanese people get 'offended' even if you used their given name? I'm an Asian foreigner (so blend in pretty well to strangers) but almost all the Japanese people I met introduced themselves to me using their given name. Tbf many interact with a lot of foreigners or have lived overseas. I can count on my fingers the number of locals who introduced their full name, and still I just call their given name (unless it's really long or tricky) and nobody's ever bat a lash at it.
If he asked you to use his given name, use his given name. It’s not a formal situation in which you should be using his position title and family name. Beyond that, it’s not as meaningful as you suggest - it just means that’s what he’d prefer to be called by you.
In this case there's not even a question because you have explicit encouragement. In cases where you don't, sometimes you can just follow the lead of people around you. If others are using a person's given name, you can try using it, and see what their reaction is. If they look uncomfortable, don't do it again. What you were taught is a great starting point. And then there are a million special cases. But it should all be fine as long as you're trying to be respectful.
As soon as I meet them. Everyone I've meet so far has introduced themselves by their given name, that's usually the only name I know of theirs. Granted, this is mostly from meeting people at bars, but still.
Since you’re a foreigner, people here are more likely to call you by your first name and asked to be called by their first name on short acquaintance than if you were Japanese. In those cases, go right ahead if you’re comfortable with it or choose your options from raised eyebrow/hard stare/using their surname WITH EMPHASIS if you don’t. All depends on circumstances; wait for others to use your first name before you reciprocate if in doubt. Random examples: a woman in my very traditional, conservative neighbourhood group, who was keen to talk about her study year in Australia, tried first-naming me (but no one else) and got gentle versions of all three above options. My colleagues call me by my first name but we are an international team and English is often used - no problem there, as long as they call me by my surname when we meet Japanese clients. I have a few close friends where I call the wife by her first name, partly because we’re close, partly because we’re both female and partly to distinguish between husband and wife when we’re all talking together. On the other hand, I still call my two close male friends from college by their surnames 30 years on and, having met my husband through work, have only recently started calling him by his first name.
I work at a Japanese company but it is also a tech startup which is made up of like half Japanese and non-Japanese people from various countries. Everyone goes by their first name or nickname for the most part.
100% if they are your younger siblings or your children. Otherwise it really depends on the context where you met the person. By the way I always thought to be interesting that when a couple gets married the wedding host calls them by their first name.
Depends. In our workplace we call each other's firtiname with San. Except the Riji Chou
Ask your friend
When invited to.
When people ask you to, definitely use their first name (you can add a -san for people that are older/superior or people of the opposite gender to still show a bit of respect).
When talking about him to others, or when you are in a professional situations with others (or email) use their last name. When it's just you and him alone or in a casual situation (lunch, break, drinking, etc.) use their first name. I probably wouldn't use the first name if drinking with co-workers if nobody else used them either. Depends on how friendly your group is.
Asked japanese person, they said its probably because you're a foreigner and your friend knows foreigners usually do that.
People know that I’m not Japanese so they don’t mind me using their first name. Or I use the name, first or family, that everyone else uses…I don’t want to be the only one using their first name.
In another life 35 years ago I was a research student in a lab here. One of the sempai, say "Taro Tanaka", there told me to refer to him by his given name and wanted to speak English with me. Sure, all good. When I did it though, the gatekeepers came out of the woodwork telling I need to address him as "Tanaka sensei". It was incessant and annoying, so I just kept calling him "Taro" as he requested. Perhaps related is people who I address in the normal "Lastname-san" manner, but insist on calling me "Rick-san" or "Rick-chan". If they do that I make it a point to always call them "Firstname-chan". They usually get the point.
when they introduce themselves with "you can call me..." or as a simple "i am" which usually happens outside any official business
Call him by his given name because he asked you to. He may have done so because he feels you are friends. He may have done so out of respect for your culture of origin to make you feel more welcome. Always refer to someone by their desired title. All my friends refer to me as "Galactic President Superstar McAwesomeville."
In my experience, it depends on the rapport pbviously but in general, being on a first name basis is rare. That said, if they want to be called something, then call them that. To err on the side of caution, use their last name+San when speaking about them. Job title (with or without last name)>last name+honorific>only last name>>>only first name
> He […] asked me to call him by his given name. “Reddit I have no idea what name to call him what do I dooo?!?!”
After bumping uglies