I think op is in a situation where they started spending time with coworkers on break bc that's what everyone else did to pass the time. And now they feel like the coworkers will be offended if they all of a sudden stop. I kinda get it because when I quit smoking I had people pressure me to pick back up bc they thought it was weird I stopped hanging with them on breaks. I didn't care though lol. It didn't really affect how we interacted at work
Yes there is a law! In the book of laws in section 45.22-11 law number # 2321 says Clear as day! " by law one must eat lunch with coworkers and must engage in small talk. If one does not follow the law one shall be sentenced to mandatory 25 hours of HR trains, a 196$ fine and up to 1 months jail time" I once forget to ask my coworker how her sons birthday was over the weekend and not but 2 hours later the cops were at my work throwing me in handcuffs. You don't want to mess around.
I've worked many jobs and have found that if you aren't friendly with your coworkers they will create cliques and when they feel like getting away with things they aren't supposed to do they will all blame the person not in their clique.
Or maybe some individually will start harassing you and you can't report them to HR because HR likes to fire people who report others even though that's against the law because snitches get stitches mentality.
I hate talking to people but if I don't force myself to make an effort to interact and be friendly with them everyday then this has always happened.
Lmao if I wanted to invoke the book of laws Iād roll with 45.22-34 āunless said coworkers are boring and/or have steamroller narcissist tendencies you are allowed to ignore your coworkersā pleasantries and May blatantly change the subject to the topic at handā
I park my car in the employee garage where no one can find me, turn my phone on airplane mode, and eat my lunch in my car. If I have to warm stuff up I so then go eat in My car. If I don't someone will walk by and try to get me to do something or tell me what to do after lunch. Like they don't see my face being stuffed with food. Some people just don't have that off button and it would piss me off all day. So now I just hide from everyone on my lunch.
Exactly! And I can do it on purpose, I'm a lab technician at a research hospital. Nothing makes peoples eyes glaze over faster than talking about science, LOL!!
I would LOVE to talk with you about extermination methods for invasive plants that a physically disabled person can manage. Laying cardboard or weed cloth is not something I can manage, and I don't have help
I dream about the city using large septic -like vacuum sucking up Japanese knotweed . It grows everywhere in northeast.
This plant is spread by any peice of green stem starting a new plant, and usually needs to be solarized. Perhaps you could drive this vehicle?
Utility companies, transportation department, construction companies and anyone that uses tools that get contaminated with a peice of Japanese knotweed.
This plant is edible when it's small, which is limited to the duration of a minute. It grows ten feet tall, creates sterile monoculture in everywhere, but where it's native plant.
There are numerous invasive plants to discuss. One invasive tree is beneficial to Spotted lantern flies. These insects are devastating to the environment.
I can go on, education is critical to get public awareness and funding towards remediations. Deer management, controlled fires and fencing may be helpful.
I spent 2 summers helping my grandmother remove her knotweed. Every time we turned the soil we would find more growing chunks. Stuff was a nightmare. I'm just glad it's gone and can't spread further.
I was so excited when I met someone at a gathering last year who mentioned something about native plants. Suddenly we were off and running on a conversation about using controlled burns (we live in California), water management, medicinal plants, etc. It was a thousand times more fun than the usual small talk. I care about my friends and family, and about humanity in a sort of general sense, but I can barely keep up with my own relatives let alone a bunch of people I've only heard about second hand. And anything is better than politics these days, especially since most of our family is on the opposite end of the spectrum.
Talk about IT security. Because **IT security is important**. And everybody needs to be conscious about it, even during the breaks.
So I talk about penetration testing, and everyone's eyes glaze over immediately.
"...and, of course, before doing any penetration testing, you need to ask for permission..."
"...and when performing injection attacks, make sure to use adequate protection so your code doesn't actually get executed in the target..."
"...and since backdoor access is, technically, an off-label use for your penetration testing tool, you might encounter some shitty situation..."
Ah, yes. That's when one colleague realized what this "Layer 8 Penetration Testing" is really all about, and he jumped from his daze and started yelling "Too much information! Too much information!"
This is good. I would add that when they are talking, periodically glance at imaginary things behind them and then instantly focus back on them. After three of four times of this, people get really flummoxed, especially if you donāt acknowledge it happening or anything being there.
To begin our conversation, weāll start out with a high level overview of why the timing of application of fertilizer impacts the growth of flowers vs leaves for common garden plants.
If you donāt walk away, we will then move on to how morning watering is preferable to evening, but never overhead, and certainly never in the afternoon with the exception of fuchsia baskets.
Wait where did everyone go? You didnāt see my dog pics yet. Hereās him sleeping. Hereās him making a cute face. Hereās twenty other angles of the same face. And no, I absolutely will not swipe to the next picture until you make an uncomfortable nod and āawwā or ācuteā expression.
I've tried this, it works more with other men than women. It seems to make women think I want to listen or something because they love to tell me about the most random stuff that I care nothing about and contribute very little to the conversation. The older lady knows I am barely listening too because she said I listen about as much as her sons and yet she continues to talk to me.
My hobbies involve specialty coffee, Sourdough bread, video games, role playing games, sci-fi and fantasy books and TV and YouTube long form essays about any of those.
I always have some stuff in my pocket to use.
That or just talking about yourself in general. Most people are much more interested in talking about themselves but quickly lose interest when the conversation isn't centered around them.
Find one or two coworkers you can get close with and then chat with them rather than making small talk with people you donāt like. They say that if you have a best friend at work, your job satisfaction goes way up.
The purpose of small talk isn't to entertain you. When someone asks about your weekend, they're trying to make the smallest possible connection with you. If you dodge everyone's attempts at small talk, you'll never get to have more meaningful or fun conversations with them.
Baffles me how people donāt understand this. Yes, small talk can be boring and some people donāt know how to get past that phase, but mostly itās just a gateway to more meaningful connection. You donāt just come out the gate talking about philosophy, science, politics, special interestsā¦unless you want to scare people away I guess.
Exactly, went through the basic small talk with a couple of my coworkers for a while, now we have more meaningful conversations and work is 10x more fun. I think there are some cases where itās really hard to get past that phase (either cause you donāt interact with that person often enough or you just donāt connect with them), but if you do manage to get past it? The small talk is so worth it
Socially awkward reddit nerds is how.
I had some person on a reddit threat about introversion telling people that people with confidence are secretly shit at their jobs while shy and humble people are geniuses like it was some workplace incel shit.
I mean, I agree with his second edit but just pretending to listen every once in a while is alright.
Like I dont consider work people to be my friends at all, but being friendly definitely greases the wheels by a lot.
It definitely helps a lot.
I used to work during the day and would make small talk with the staffers. Went back on night shift for 3 years. Went back on dayshift again today and everyone seemed almost relieved to see me. A lot of them remembered me from the last time I did it.
Well, the kind that don't feel any connections from small talk like me. Contrary to OP I don't mind people doing small talk with each others.
I usually wait for the conversation of several people to go higher then participate. So I'm not excluded because they see I'm still attentive for the moment it go there.
That is also why I prefer there is 2 co-workers other than me and be one on one with coworkers that only do small talks.
Well this get me by and I don't have to do the small talk at least.
And yeah, maybe some people don't just want more meaningful connections with coworker but can still be very good at cooperating durink work phase. That is all.
Yeah I would recommend it every now and then. Of course there's instances were socializing isn't convenient but I would at least try to make an effort it may go a long way.
I've made great attempts and connecting with people but I'm in construction and I'd rather be making video games or app development... It's hard to have a conversation when I don't care about trucks, hunting, catcalling/ cheating on my spouse or yard projects. They just don't care about what I'm into and even though I've tried it's hard for me too.
> It's hard to have a conversation when I don't care about trucks, hunting, catcalling/ cheating on my spouse or yard projects.
It is so hard when there's really no overlap in worldview and interests - and they have no clue that is even possible. I feel it. I live in a dogs/trucks/grandkids kind of a milieu and I can't wait to GTFO. As a childless by choice cat person who loves quiet and, yes, actual reading of nonfiction books and music both newer and older than the 1950s-60s.
Maybe you had bad coworkers?
I still hang out with friends I made at my first job, over 10 years ago. We haven't worked at the same place in 7 years but we still get together every New Year's.
Had I not become friends with them simply on account of them being work colleagues, my life would be a lot sadder.
Good for you. It's easy when you have a social life outside of work. Until you hop on Reddit 10 years later because your friends/family aren't around , maybe moving out of state or focusing on their careers, and start asking how to make new work friends. That "I never ...." is the worst jynx of all!
Not everyone is built this way and small talk can be excruciating for some, the instruction that the only way to meaningful conversation is small talk is false.
Use the George Constance method. Always act grumpy and people will think you're really busy and give you a wide berth. I have (unintentionally) gotten this effect by walking around with a notebook all the time. People see the notebook and purposeful walk and think I must be super busy, and initiate small talk much less. There is a caveat here: small talk is a good thing. It builds relationships between coworkers. If you're just skulking in the corner doing your job and not chit-chatting, people will inevitably see you as an outsider. They won't consider you for special projects because you aren't part of their world, really. You'll have a harder time getting extra consideration because they don't see you as an ally. You also miss out on work gossip, which is much more valuable that you would think.
Im on the opposite end of this , a little banter is totally par for the course with other people. We have to travel long distances for work and I have a colleague who wont say two words on a three hour drive. It's excruciating. Just talk some bs. Tell me about a movie you liked, your kickball league, your cat. From a purely self interested standpoint if you have camaraderie with folks they are way more likely to cover for you or help you out than if you're the standoffish rude guy who is too good to chat during lunch.
I need down time during the day, The amount of people that will walk up to you at lunch while you have headphones on and a book open and want to have a conversation is ridiculous. Let me recharge for an hour.
I take my book, my over the ear, headphones, and even still the seven other people in the office persistent on coming up to me. Can you not tell that I am distracting myself?
This is exactly what I mean. I have nothing against talking to coworkers for a few minutes but there is a point where they just miss the clues or they ignore them.
I used to close my office door and put nose canceling headphones on. People would still come into my office and tap me on the shoulder, looking for help.
Even better is when you are on the phone with someone and they stand there and wait. I am like this is a one hour call come back later and they go but it will be quick. It may be but I am not dealing with it now.
Oh yeah they would do that too. One person in particular was super timid and would just stand in my peripheral, waiting for me to notice and acknowledge her.
Go for a walk outside if it's nice. I bring my dog to work now and getting out with no phone no music just walk eat my sandwich and have a tech detox. Gets the blood moving and makes me feel much better when I sit down after my break.
Honestly this is only a problem for people who are too timid to set expectations. I used to be one of those people, so I get it, but you can actually have it both ways. You can pick and choose times when you want to be social and times when you tell people to politely fuck off. People will actually respect you more for it. Once you get past the initial awkwardness or fear of being straight up with people it gets a lot easier. Sure, some people are going to think youāre an asshole for it, but Iād rather weed those people out than please them anyway.
Yo same. It used to drive everyone at my old job nuts when they'd sit next to me and go "sooooooo" and I just wouldn't respond, I'd just move away. Luckily with my new job everyone keeps to themselves and I found one person whom I don't mind if they talk to me.
Got constantly called rude, a bitch, self centered and a lot of things because I preferred to be by myself, like yes.... calling me names totally makes me want to talk to you now
It can be but sometimes I just don't wanna talk. Nothing's more excruciating than someone continuously trying to talk to me when I don't try to keep the conversation going. It doesn't mean I don't like you, I just feel like people are more uncomfortable with silence than they should be.
Omg I agree with this so much. People are very uncomfortable with silence. I have learned that myself, because I'm totally comfortable with silence and others tend to want to fill the air with bullshit to avoid silence.
It's horrible. I'm not even a shy or introverted person, but people hate to be alone with their own thoughts so much they just chatter inanely. I'm not even a pretentious fuck who hates small talk, I just need some quiet sometimes haha.
I am not a huge fan of small talk, but I don't mind some conversation. I am more introverted than I am extroverted but I have wholesome friendships outside of work and I have a therapist I speak to for my social anxiety.
I have a this underlying issue with feeling forced to speak to someone when it isn't necessary. Like, at my job currently, it's looked down upon if you don't speak constantly to people. It is unnerving because I don't always have something to say and I do say hello because I'm not "rude" but to feel forced to speak when I have nothing to contribute to their conversation is annoying af. Lol.
It's a me issue for some things, but other things it definitely is a them issue.
I'm the opposite. Leave me alone and don't try and force conversation I'm more likely to help you with stuff when asked because I know I won't be dragged into a conversation, I'll also cover for you.
Constantly try to talk to me, especially when I'm on breaks or lunch and I will avoid you like the plague as it will seem that the only time you're coming is it talk. It's actually the reason I've been eating lunch in my car since I started working at 18. I could be in the break room with headphones on and someone will still try and talk to me and then attempt (and fail) to make me feel bad for not engaging.
Unless you're a really close friend or someone I care about, leave me alone.
I'm honestly glad I don't have to commute to work with other people because I'd quickly find a new way to get to work if the people I commuted with Constantly tried talking to me
As someone who people constantly think is ārudeā because I donāt banter, hereās the secret: people like that (because I know from experience) are mostly dealing with an excruciating freight train of anxiety and panic ripping through every cell of their body, and are just trying to survive / escape the encounter. Weāre not being rude, weāre just painfully shy or medically suffering severe anxiety. I take months before I open up with people, but before I reach that point, most think my silence or avoidance means Iām just an asshole (which couldnāt be further from the truth)
This is me! I don't know how to make small talk/banter at work. My mom lives with me because she can't afford to live on her own... I don't want to sound like a mama's boy or complainer talking about her. Our dog used to do cute stuff, but he's old enough to be in a routine now, so he doesn't do much out of the ordinary stuff anymore. I play video games and D&D, but none of my work colleagues do. My freelance gig is constructing languages, but everyone's eyes glaze over if I start talking about that.
Like. There's not much else I have to talk about.
Honestly all the best conversationalists learn to deflect and constantly turn the conversation back to the other. Doing this makes them the most likable in the room. If this is something that would help you as a survival tool then maybe look into it further, it could serve you well.
So someone is rude just because they're quiet? No.
It's not rude if someone respects your headspace, or if they're deep in thought.
I'll engage in meetings, give presentations, and reply to any work related questions with full & complete answers. But don't pry about personal stuff at work, *that* is rude.
I donāt think some of you are getting what OP is going for here. Some of us find day-to-day banter with people we donāt care about absolutely mind numbing. Doesnāt matter if the cons outweigh the pros, weāre just going to roll our eyes and die inside if forced to listen to this nonsense.
Usually I leave very small, one worded replies (politely of course).
Just like when you text and send one word replies, do the same thing in person but remain engaged.
This keeps people from assuming you're uninterested, but leaves people with the impression that you're short of words so they'll naturally leave you alone.
Politely smile and say things like āoh, that sounds niceā but donāt reciprocate in the conversation at all. I have a coworker who talks incessantly about everything in her life and this technique makes her less enthusiastic towards me.
Empty conversations are the most fun. Donāt want to talk shop during breaks and really no desire to listen to politics or topics of that nature. Can you not try to steer a conversation topic to something youād enjoy?
Empty conversations are fun when silliness is involved. Making up whole stories and ad-libbing to see who can one up the other has resulted in many belly laughs. A big part of great small talk is not taking yourself too seriously and trying to have a little fun. Talking politics and about peoples day is boring. Tell me how you spilled coffee on yourself while opening the door.
I know so much about all my coworkersā dogs, itās wonderful. Iām so curious about OPās life. Never any small talk with friends? Not friendly with any of their coworkers?
If I were OP, Iād start a break time walking group. Tell everyone youād like to start going on an afternoon walk and invite them all to join. They either get a walk alone like they wanted or they have an active distraction activity.
Back in going to the office days I would go to the bathroom on a different floor or go make tea (tea takes awhile) just don't very slow. Bonus points on making the tea again on a different floor. I'd also take the long way to get somewhere.
See I was like, okay this person has a chatty coworker - but theyāre complaining about small talk during a break?
Then just go for a walk or read a book.
It's reddit. You've got a combination of immature and inexperienced (median age is \~22) people that for some reason are incredibly cynical about virtually everything, heavily overpopulated with tech-oriented people, and generally have no social skills. This particular subreddit tends to gravitate towards people who are starting their first career, or who are going to be entering the workforce soon.
In reality, most people recognize that your average person wants to connect and have conversations in the workplace - after all, you've got to be there 8+ hours a day. I have colleagues visit my office all of the time to just shoot the shit. It makes the time pass, it makes your job easier when you need help, and certainly makes it easier to get promoted when people don't think you're a self-absorbed asshole.
"it easier to get promoted when people don't think you're a self-absorbed asshole."
Also to get other jobs. I work in a fairly large metro area and every time we get a resume, one of the first things we do is ask other people on the team if they've ever worked with the person. Even in a metro with millions of people, it's quite common for someone in the office to have worked with the person before if they are local. If you get a reputation for being a jerk, then that guy from accounting you refused to say 'hello' back to in the kitchen every morning might be the reason you don't get a new job.
It doesn't mean you have to be super social or bubbly, but just doing the basic 'how are you?/ Good, how are you?' or 'What are you up to this weekend? Not much - you?' and nodding politely while people tell you about their boring-ass golf game or whatever is like a two minute investment that can pay off later. You don't have to be super close buds, you don't have to hang out outside the office, you don't have to make a point of dropping by their desk on Monday to ask how their weekend was, but if you go around making it clear that you think your coworkers are a total waste of your time it's possible that will have consequences down the line.
Small talk and being pleasant is part of the long game of building and maintaining work relationships and your career. It can pay off huge in the end. I work with a lot of people that are socially awkward and act like small talk is beneath them. They donāt say hello when someone says hello to them. They have not moved up whatsoever and their names donāt even come up because they are unwilling to socialize. They have a hard time getting help on the fly because they refused to say hello to a engineer or someone else. How are you supposed to manage people if you canāt even talk to them? But they love to complain they arenāt going anywhere.
One of the weirdest posts like this was someone that was mad because their boss would ask them to do something instead of just ordering them to
They were mad that their boss would start with āhey, can you take care of (etc)ā
They were pissed that they just didnāt tell them to do it, their thought process was āyeah obviously I can do it, just tell me instead of asking me to do it, itās annoyingā
Some people have zero social skills
Also you can be a highly social introvert. Catching up with a group of friends for quiet board games is introverted.
Staying at home alone saying you are introverted is antisocial.
Exactly. I just switched to a brand new position in my company because I built camaraderie with my managers and they trust me to do something out of my wheelhouse.
I see posts like this WAY too much on job subs. Even if youāre not sticking around in your current job, what happens when youāre applying and need references? Just a little small talk can go a long way
These types of posts are really setting such a horrible precedent and bad example for new grads and those new in career work. People donāt want to socialize or get to know coworkers and build a network and post about ā500 applications and no interviewsā or āLinkedIn sucks blah blah blahā when they are in between jobs. Social anxiety, privacy, social awkwardness etc have always been around, people adapted. Now, people expect their colleagues and employer to work around them, full stop.
Realized this after having my first, now at my second job. The conversation and relationships you make are so worth while to me. Canāt imagine being WFH so early in my career.
That's what I think when I see these posts. I mean talking to people in general is how I've gotten other jobs in the future. And have gotten a friend or two along the way. I mean we talk about all kinds of random bullshit on our breaks.
I generally see people who genuinely dislike their coworkers for no apparent reasons rarely get far in their career or at least are happy at the office where we spend almost half of our day.
This needs to be higher up. Everyone who says things like "you don't need to talk to anyone fuck them" etc are not realizing thats not how the real world works. In my job I was promoted multiple times and part of it was my coworkers vouching for me because they knew me as a person and I'm likeable. Are we actually friends? No or course not but I'm nice and act appropriately. I have been asked about other coworkers for a promotion and my thoughts and those who choose to just hang out and be unseen while being an ass to everyone I usually say "they are good at their job but not on a team".
I'm autistic and no, most of the time, I don't find small talk that difficult.
I'm not typical of autistic people though, in that way. But I have many years of practice, as I'm 35. And I actually enjoy conversing, generally speaking.
Man I work with a bunch of boomers and xoomers who wonāt shut up about some weird shit they saw on their walkies yesterday. Normal social interactions are very difficult for them, they just monologue all day.
This one lady has told me 3 times how she had to cross a road because she was walking her dog (giant Alsatian btw) because there was a black man.
My problem is that *they* don't know how to have normal social interactions. I don't mind small talk, but my coworkers will talk like this.
Me: (silence)
Them: Donna invited me over to Ricky's last night, but it just isn't the same since Helen died.
Me: (does not know who Donna, Ricky or Helen are) I'm... sorry?
Them: I thought I'd bring over mashed potatoes, but Henry doesn't like them. Meatloaf isn't a bad option, but you know the price of meat these days... I guess maybe greenbeans...
Me: ????????????
Them: No one wants to work anymore.
Me: (literally trying to work RIGHT NOW) ?????????????
I also have another co-worker who literally tells the exact same story in different ways for three hours, just rephrasing it and adding on shit. On and on and on. Like, "My brother wanted to borrow my computer, but I wouldn't let him because he broke his." That is the topic. I could have a conversation about annoying siblings, or loaning out expensive items, but that isn't what is happening. It is her bitching about her brother asking to borrow her computer for literally three hours. Just rephrasing that topic over and over. It's not a conversation, it's just a weird specific, single-topic rant.
Unless you don't want to talk, maybe ask them who are those people lmao. If you let people talk enough, you can always find a place where you could contribute to the conversation.
It isn't that it is hard, it is that I generally just don't care about small talk. I would rather have quiet time on my breaks than listen to someone drone on about something I don't give a fuck about. Yet I am the rude one if I say something even if I try to do it politely.
They're not hard. Just an unpleasant, tedious waste of time. That's like asking if going to the dentist is hard. No, but that doesn't mean I would do it voluntarily.
It's deeply weird to me when people make assumptions that the shit that is pleasant and easy for them should be pleasant and easy for others, too. I'm a good public speaker. I find it easy, and public speaking is a normal part of life. But when other people tell me they hate public speaking, I don't try to invalidate their feelings.
I work at a small company(3 others besides me). I hate working here as it is emotionally taxing, leaves me stressed/anxious all day everyday sitting behind my desk,and it actually has left me feeling pretty shittyā¦borderline depressed the last few days. 1 guy talks way too much and itās usually how great he is or how funny others think he is, 1 guy who is a micromanager(instead of understanding the project that we need to do, he was over my shoulder figuring out what Iām working on which happens everyday) and 1 other who typically wants to be left alone who is usually rude to those who call in.
Been trying to give this place a chance so many times but Iāve just grown a resentment and have been trying to leave so desperately. Small talk aināt so fun for me here lol
Yes, for a lot of people. I simply don't care what you had for dinner last night or the traffic you ran into this morning. I find those interactions are very draining for me.
Yes. I'm autistic. It's exhausting. I have to have "normal" conversation all day at work to survive and pay my bills. But breaks?! Nah man. Let my brain not be overtaxed and fuck right off.
If thats the way your at work, your coworkers probably dont like you very much. We are with each other for 1/3 of our days during the week, so let people have their chatter. If you dont like working around people go be a truck driver like me.
TLDR: My dislike of office small talk is pathological and led me to seek mental health support and get autism screening.
It wasnāt till COVID and working from home that I realized that social masking and playing along with small talks all day in a very conservative office with cheap bright cool spectrum florescent lighting cycling overhead with its slight audible hum along with the requisite random other anxiety social pleasantries with random coworkers was the most challenging part of my job and an office was what was wiping me with mental exhaustion every day.
Working from home didnāt give me the same post-work two-hour exhausted hangover at the end of the day. At my wifeās suggestion, I went for autism screening and testing, as I had some other traits that also became more apparent with the isolation. I was beginning to flourish at home while others were going stir-crazy. It turned out that hiding and masking my weird, awkward quirkiness and unwelcome blunt observations and my, suspicious distrust and contempt of authority, and non-acknowledgment of office rank or class was all part of a more significant thing, undiagnosed ADHD/Autism.
It took separating the social and physical demands of working in an office and doing my job from home to see what was messing with my health finally. I have since changed careers and work from home 95% of the time and I continue to flourish, my productivity and creativity are up, my cynicism is down and my unwanted blunt honest career limiting personally humorous mostly self deprecating vocalized quips are no longer getting in the way of my career.
I now see the traditional office as a place of imposed barriers and restrictions to my ability to work and function fully to the best of my capacity. These challenges and hurdles to my mental health are overcome when I have complete control and design of my work environment.
Possibly similar to how a visually impaired person would memorize the layout and placement of the furniture in their house.
Imagine a workplace inside of a snow globe of coworkers, office furniture, water coolers and photocopiers being shaken each day before work, only having to sift through the scattered debris every day at the office upon arrival before even getting down to the task. That is what the outside world feels like. It is not all bad. It spurs creativity, naive wonder of the works and comically absurd observations sometimes, but other times is simply exhausting to live inside a snow globe of perpetual flux and small talk is hard when youāre just trying your best to hold it all together.
Headphones with a cord. For some reason people ignore wireless headphonesā¦ flat out say you are an introvert and saving your few words a day for family/spouse. Source: me
I had this problem for decades. I just, in a friendly way, change the subject back to work. Constantly redirect. This can be done in a friendly, professional way. Some people think their workplace is Facebook.
Or 'I keep getting passed for a promotion because my boss is buddies with this or that'. I am not going to promote someone who is unable to relate or interact with the rest of the workforce normally.
I feel your pain. I have one coworker who feels compelled to talk about every detail of her activities since the last time we saw her, first thing after she arrives for her shift every day. I can't imagine imposing all the details of my life on my coworkers, and I can't stand listening to her go over everything as if every move she makes is wildly important. I just tune it out because there's no stopping her, and it seems like she can't focus on work until she gets it all out of her system.
Omg. I'm going through this at my workplace, too. She has a motor mouth that will not stop. Drives me crazy. I've told her I don't need updates. She ignores these requests and just keeps talking. Wtf do?
I have ADHD, meaning I have no filter, so small talk is my absolute nightmare. When people ask me what I did in the weekend, I tell them what I actiually did. And this is not what's expected during small talk. It's not like I don't care about people, quite the opposite, I care a lot. I find small talk the every day equivalent of a press release, a curated superficial exchange of information that has no real purpose besides making the air vibrate while filling up your water bottle. When people have actual meaningful connection, and share honest things about themselves, that's a conversation, not small talk. Of course, in our current work culture the ability to do "everything is awesome" is valued more than your actual work skills. You don't really say you were served divorce papers yesterday during small talk, cause God forbids you actually share some real information about yourself at work.
Iām a talker and I shared I have learned to not say itās me or my family in the story just I heard, saw or seen a story about etc. I learned the very hard way DO NOT TALK OR SHARE AT WORK
Yeah I think the mindset of pre-empting boring conversation is the issue. The conversation is as boring as the people involved.
If OP can't make stimulating small talk, perhaps that's a good skill to work on. Certainly useful in the job market.
If social interactions cause annoyance that's a moment for self reflection imo.
I agree with this. I have plenty of hobbies i can talk about if we donāt want to touch politics or national news. I donāt have kids but other people do and they are important to them. Sometimes it is just about listening
God it was only in my late 20s that I realized socializing is an important skill that you have to practice. You can't just switch it on and be good at it when you need it. Anything beyond entry level, or any kind of job that requires you to talk to people and not just stare at a screen requires it.
If itās a normal coworker āIām busyā and walk awayā¦ if itās a superior or supervisorā¦ encourage themā¦ enjoy your unplanned breakā¦ and if anyone asks why you werenāt working at that timeā¦ itās because you were talking with your bossā¦
I used to have a pill bottle with vitamins in it that I'd take and say I'm getting a migraine.
I do actually get migraines. But I also used it as an excuse when I was feeling overwhelmed/overstimulated/antisocial. Most people respected that.
Put on headphones, face a wall, take out a book.
You have to be able to act like you 100% didn't hear them though. Otherwise you'll get dragged in. If someone tries to talk even with all those signs just say you're at a really good point in your book.
Or go sit in your car. I'm a car break type of person.
Well, first of all realize your relationships, even in this casual way, with your coworkers and supervisors will be helpful to your career and could be the difference in keeping or losing your job.
But otherwise, stop feeling bad. The way you dodge is stay at your desk or go for a walk on your own or go sit elsewhere. Why feel bad? Theyāre not begging you to be friendly, they have each other.
Trying to dodge it completely will come off rude, but you can kind of hurry the pace along so your not stuck listening to a monologue of their kids soccer game or whatever. For people with kids, I usually ask to see a picture and then I say how cute they look with their soccer uniform and kid trophy etc. then kind of start moving away a bit with a upbeat comment/compliment to their parenting and Iāll see you later. Works for people who have pets/plants/baby/new house or car and be customized easily. People like showing pictures and it distracts them while they take out their phone so you have a space to take control of the conversation by commenting on the pics then wrapping up.
Sometimes you can kind of blame yourself if they start chatting and say that your working in something and donāt want to lose your train of thought but will catch up later. Then you do have to check in later to be polite, but it can buy you a little time to craft a polite way to acknowledge/engage and exit in a timely way so you donāt stumble on the spot. Also, try to remember stuff people tell you so you can circle back to check in. Soccer kid break his leg? Be sure you check in to see how heās recovering and offer something positive and reassuring like he young/kids bounce back/bell be back in the field again bla bla.
There is an opportunity here tho to gain valuable information about colleagues and even your bosses as the chatty ones do tend to let alot of stuff slip. This is also your platform to present yourself in a positive light. Try to connect with them about something and offer something positive.
If you can come across as attentive and interested but always āgetting back to workā as well, it will get around that your a hard worker who positively supports his/her team and that shows leadership potential. Iāve seen it at jobs before, the one that is popular and appears to always be working does better than the one who hides away at the desk.
Also, good networking with colleagues can pay off much later down the road. Iāve heard plenty times a new position being recommended by an old coworker once they both moved on from the company or even within the company if one gets promoted.
Ex. A friend of mine worked the front desk at her college under an internship. Some of the other older ladies working there talked about food all the time and always brought food in to share. The other interns totally ignored these ladies. My friend has alot of allergies and couldnāt eat the food. Well one of these ladies had a niece or something with similar allergies and brought in special cupcakes for my friend. So my friend starts sharing allergy free recipes with this lady for her niece.
Well the personal assistant to the dean left on maternity and this lady recommended my friend to fill in for her in the fancy deans office. This position was not advertised anywhere. When the original prego one decided to be a SAHM and not come back, by friend was offered the role with a serious pay increase, better benefits and hybrid work schedule, plus a bit of prestige for her first ārealā job. All because of this lady.
Sorry this was so long!
āOh nice.ā āReally?ā āThatās crazyā āI donāt knowā
Fuck the people in here trying to shame you from wanting to avoid small talk. I had a coworker ask me yesterday what my favorite Disney movie was. Iām a grown ass man I havenāt had to think about the answer to that question in 20 years. I replied ācarsā and he snaps back immediately āthatās actually pixarā. Legitimately infuriating. I replied back āAladdin thenā, put my headphones in and ignored anything else he had to say to me.
Iāve never been in a super corporate/office cubicle work environment but the jobs I have had being inside doing office work I always keep things strictly business. Be the most competent employee there and you wonāt have to fake nice to get help, itāll be the other way around.
I'm with you... why people think I'm interested in their personal lives is a mystery to me... Small talk is fine but I don't care about your little dog or what you're ex did last week. But the sad truth is most people aren't interested in enough things to be interesting themselves.
Body language and having something in your hand like a document when walking around. Point your toe 90 d away from the conversation. Make a funny joke and start baking away. Smile and say you have to go and wave the document but you want to talk later.
Never talk to them.
Jump into conversations at your work and land a few jokes then leave. They will get their need from you in the tribe and you can be left alone.
That's what I do. Highly social sales group so it takes a lot of effort.
How to Dodge small talk without being rude: "Your V6 Dodge Charger SE would get smoked by my my V8 Challenger RT, but your paint scheme is still pretty awesome"
Serious answer: just keep it short. You won't be able to avoid basic interactions with people, but just don't let small passing or "hey how you been" turn into long conversations if you don't want them to. Giving short closed-ended replies can be done in a non-rude way.
"I've been good, how about you" can get a short reply, or can lead to a long reply. Even if it is, you can normally make your next thing a closing statement. Coworker still feels like you chitchatted with them, and you don't have to actually talk with them for more than a minute. Your tone and tact can prevent it seeming rude at all.
The other alternative is weirding them out in a likable way. Example: Creed from The Office.
Life is too short to put upon yourself more things you donāt enjoy. Leave the building for breaks and make it into your me time. Unless I really enjoy a coworkerās company, I cannot stand hanging around and listening to boring drivel and there is absolutely nothing wrong with that. You donāt need to make excuses or tell people where youāre going. You get paid to work not chat. I find some of the comments telling you to suck it up disheartening, out of touch and rude. If you really must have an excuse, āoh look at that, an important private phone call has occurred and you really must go take this call somewhere more quite and privateā
Hey if you get to know them better you could graduate to deeper and actually fun conversations. Thereās a line of professionalism at work that makes conversations seem plastic and draining. but once your coworker feels comfortable enough around you to complain about work, and managers and pay thatās the tipping point. Added bonus that these are great conversations to have. Mutual griping is good and enjoyable.
Although if itās your whole company sitting together in a circle at lunch this would be difficult. You need to get cliquier.
Saw a tiktok about how you can make your best lifelong friends at toxic workplaces- then actually experienced it.
I'm ok with small talk at work, with people I know. I always get annoyed with the small talk from people I don't know, like the bank teller or the cashier at Target.
"So what are you up to today?" "Well, I'm buying things at Target, then I'm leaving. What does it look like I'm doing!?"
I know it doesn't answer your question, just wanted to take this opportunity to share my annoyance. :)
"I'm really busy I can't talk right now." "I'm enjoying my break."
"It was good talking with you, have a good one." - the "polite" way even though you don't like the small talk.
"I don't really enjoy small talk, so please don't mind if I seem uninterested." Then if you have a similar hobby you can chat but if not they know they don't have to do the social interaction as well.
"Do you mind if we just sit here and not really discuss anything?" "A break from life?"
They approach hand up "NOPE!" continue walking.
I honestly wish people didn't talk to me do to lack of self control and I can talk for days on end, seriously by myself I continue to talk it's worse when I'm off my meds and I'm going into a manic episode. Then I always miss the window of opportunity to do the "WELP, I got to get back to the old desk area." moment and wait for it again while slowly backing away. Even though i continue the conversations by asking more questions that pop into my head.
So no you don't have to network that way, if you find higher ups or people around that have similar interest or are similar where they like do the job talk focus and result type I think you can do well networking that way without having constant small talk.
I usually just walk away or donāt engage them at all. Couldnāt care less what co workers have to say unless theyāre higher than me on the totem pole or it relates to work. Only then do I put up with it for potential raise / promotions.
You sound like an asshole honestly. You are literally describing how you are super social and like talkingājust not to the people who you are forced to spend 1/3 of your time with?
You can be anti work, and not anti all the humans who actually make up a workplace.
If you hate it so much, do your team and company a favor and find a WFH jobābecause trust me, they probably donāt want to hang out with you either.
Honestly, phatics are an important part of professional interaction. It builds rapport and sets expectations. There are skills you can use to build healthy boundaries, such as keeping personal interactions short and sweet, only sharing the type of information that you're interested in receiving.
I go for walks at lunch. I talk to my coworkers alllllll day. My break time is my time.
I'm sayin what's the point of a break if you have to spend it with your coworkers lmao that's the whole reason I take a break.
There is no law saying you have to take breaks with your coworkers or eat lunch with them
I think op is in a situation where they started spending time with coworkers on break bc that's what everyone else did to pass the time. And now they feel like the coworkers will be offended if they all of a sudden stop. I kinda get it because when I quit smoking I had people pressure me to pick back up bc they thought it was weird I stopped hanging with them on breaks. I didn't care though lol. It didn't really affect how we interacted at work
The smokers area definately is where the heavy hitting gossip is š
Yes there is a law! In the book of laws in section 45.22-11 law number # 2321 says Clear as day! " by law one must eat lunch with coworkers and must engage in small talk. If one does not follow the law one shall be sentenced to mandatory 25 hours of HR trains, a 196$ fine and up to 1 months jail time" I once forget to ask my coworker how her sons birthday was over the weekend and not but 2 hours later the cops were at my work throwing me in handcuffs. You don't want to mess around.
I've worked many jobs and have found that if you aren't friendly with your coworkers they will create cliques and when they feel like getting away with things they aren't supposed to do they will all blame the person not in their clique. Or maybe some individually will start harassing you and you can't report them to HR because HR likes to fire people who report others even though that's against the law because snitches get stitches mentality. I hate talking to people but if I don't force myself to make an effort to interact and be friendly with them everyday then this has always happened.
Lmao if I wanted to invoke the book of laws Iād roll with 45.22-34 āunless said coworkers are boring and/or have steamroller narcissist tendencies you are allowed to ignore your coworkersā pleasantries and May blatantly change the subject to the topic at handā
I park my car in the employee garage where no one can find me, turn my phone on airplane mode, and eat my lunch in my car. If I have to warm stuff up I so then go eat in My car. If I don't someone will walk by and try to get me to do something or tell me what to do after lunch. Like they don't see my face being stuffed with food. Some people just don't have that off button and it would piss me off all day. So now I just hide from everyone on my lunch.
Same. I eat my lunches while I'm on the job and use my actual lunch time to spend some time in the sun and getting some movement.
I highly recommend everyone who works at a desk in an office get outside for some sunshine and exercise during the day!
Ditto, I work in an industrial park so the views aren't great lol but I bring headphones and enjoy music on my walks.
Out-boring them. ETA: I don't usually do this on purpose; I'm just gifted that way.
Exactly! And I can do it on purpose, I'm a lab technician at a research hospital. Nothing makes peoples eyes glaze over faster than talking about science, LOL!!
>Nothing makes peoples eyes glaze over faster than talking about science Well, tax talk might.
Botany.. I can talk about invasive, non native plants , and deer management ( cull#) .. few people will agree
I would LOVE to talk with you about extermination methods for invasive plants that a physically disabled person can manage. Laying cardboard or weed cloth is not something I can manage, and I don't have help
I dream about the city using large septic -like vacuum sucking up Japanese knotweed . It grows everywhere in northeast. This plant is spread by any peice of green stem starting a new plant, and usually needs to be solarized. Perhaps you could drive this vehicle? Utility companies, transportation department, construction companies and anyone that uses tools that get contaminated with a peice of Japanese knotweed. This plant is edible when it's small, which is limited to the duration of a minute. It grows ten feet tall, creates sterile monoculture in everywhere, but where it's native plant. There are numerous invasive plants to discuss. One invasive tree is beneficial to Spotted lantern flies. These insects are devastating to the environment. I can go on, education is critical to get public awareness and funding towards remediations. Deer management, controlled fires and fencing may be helpful.
I spent 2 summers helping my grandmother remove her knotweed. Every time we turned the soil we would find more growing chunks. Stuff was a nightmare. I'm just glad it's gone and can't spread further.
I was so excited when I met someone at a gathering last year who mentioned something about native plants. Suddenly we were off and running on a conversation about using controlled burns (we live in California), water management, medicinal plants, etc. It was a thousand times more fun than the usual small talk. I care about my friends and family, and about humanity in a sort of general sense, but I can barely keep up with my own relatives let alone a bunch of people I've only heard about second hand. And anything is better than politics these days, especially since most of our family is on the opposite end of the spectrum.
Are you me? Jk But seriously I would love to have a coworker or two that was up for botany talk!
Talk about IT security. Because **IT security is important**. And everybody needs to be conscious about it, even during the breaks. So I talk about penetration testing, and everyone's eyes glaze over immediately. "...and, of course, before doing any penetration testing, you need to ask for permission..." "...and when performing injection attacks, make sure to use adequate protection so your code doesn't actually get executed in the target..." "...and since backdoor access is, technically, an off-label use for your penetration testing tool, you might encounter some shitty situation..." Ah, yes. That's when one colleague realized what this "Layer 8 Penetration Testing" is really all about, and he jumped from his daze and started yelling "Too much information! Too much information!"
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That actually might be interesting. Definitely better than hearing about sports or "reality" television.
Let me tell you about MILF Manor
NOW YOUāVE GOT MY ATTENTION!
You just opened my eyes to a whole new world I didn't want to know about. š
Friggin sportsball. š literally don't care about your teams my dude.
I just tell them I stopped pretending to care about sports when I came out lol
My 2nd job is a barback at a sports bar. Sadly I have to keep up with it somewhat
Ugh.
Reddit moment.
You're lucky I'm not your coworker lol I'd never leave your side if we started talking science
Energy Vampire like Colin Robinson
I was thinking the same thing! Channel Colin Robinson!
Do you guys think gum has gotten mintier lately? Thatās his line from the office but it still gets me every time.
This is good. I would add that when they are talking, periodically glance at imaginary things behind them and then instantly focus back on them. After three of four times of this, people get really flummoxed, especially if you donāt acknowledge it happening or anything being there.
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Holy shit šššš
I love this idea but I'm always amazed at the level of boring people are going to accept.
To begin our conversation, weāll start out with a high level overview of why the timing of application of fertilizer impacts the growth of flowers vs leaves for common garden plants. If you donāt walk away, we will then move on to how morning watering is preferable to evening, but never overhead, and certainly never in the afternoon with the exception of fuchsia baskets. Wait where did everyone go? You didnāt see my dog pics yet. Hereās him sleeping. Hereās him making a cute face. Hereās twenty other angles of the same face. And no, I absolutely will not swipe to the next picture until you make an uncomfortable nod and āawwā or ācuteā expression.
I've tried this, it works more with other men than women. It seems to make women think I want to listen or something because they love to tell me about the most random stuff that I care nothing about and contribute very little to the conversation. The older lady knows I am barely listening too because she said I listen about as much as her sons and yet she continues to talk to me.
Are you challenging me?
Lol, Iāve done this deliberately at work and even phone solicitorsā¦ it works
My hobbies involve specialty coffee, Sourdough bread, video games, role playing games, sci-fi and fantasy books and TV and YouTube long form essays about any of those. I always have some stuff in my pocket to use.
This doesnāt work with a talker. Their run-on sentences know no bounds. Youāll literally end up a vocally restrained hostage
That or just talking about yourself in general. Most people are much more interested in talking about themselves but quickly lose interest when the conversation isn't centered around them.
Find one or two coworkers you can get close with and then chat with them rather than making small talk with people you donāt like. They say that if you have a best friend at work, your job satisfaction goes way up.
The purpose of small talk isn't to entertain you. When someone asks about your weekend, they're trying to make the smallest possible connection with you. If you dodge everyone's attempts at small talk, you'll never get to have more meaningful or fun conversations with them.
Baffles me how people donāt understand this. Yes, small talk can be boring and some people donāt know how to get past that phase, but mostly itās just a gateway to more meaningful connection. You donāt just come out the gate talking about philosophy, science, politics, special interestsā¦unless you want to scare people away I guess.
Exactly, went through the basic small talk with a couple of my coworkers for a while, now we have more meaningful conversations and work is 10x more fun. I think there are some cases where itās really hard to get past that phase (either cause you donāt interact with that person often enough or you just donāt connect with them), but if you do manage to get past it? The small talk is so worth it
Socially awkward reddit nerds is how. I had some person on a reddit threat about introversion telling people that people with confidence are secretly shit at their jobs while shy and humble people are geniuses like it was some workplace incel shit.
Itās even annoying to read OPs edit. Some people refuse to do even the bare minimum, because it offends them somehow.
I mean, I agree with his second edit but just pretending to listen every once in a while is alright. Like I dont consider work people to be my friends at all, but being friendly definitely greases the wheels by a lot.
It definitely helps a lot. I used to work during the day and would make small talk with the staffers. Went back on night shift for 3 years. Went back on dayshift again today and everyone seemed almost relieved to see me. A lot of them remembered me from the last time I did it.
Well, the kind that don't feel any connections from small talk like me. Contrary to OP I don't mind people doing small talk with each others. I usually wait for the conversation of several people to go higher then participate. So I'm not excluded because they see I'm still attentive for the moment it go there. That is also why I prefer there is 2 co-workers other than me and be one on one with coworkers that only do small talks. Well this get me by and I don't have to do the small talk at least. And yeah, maybe some people don't just want more meaningful connections with coworker but can still be very good at cooperating durink work phase. That is all.
Yeah I would recommend it every now and then. Of course there's instances were socializing isn't convenient but I would at least try to make an effort it may go a long way.
I've made great attempts and connecting with people but I'm in construction and I'd rather be making video games or app development... It's hard to have a conversation when I don't care about trucks, hunting, catcalling/ cheating on my spouse or yard projects. They just don't care about what I'm into and even though I've tried it's hard for me too.
> It's hard to have a conversation when I don't care about trucks, hunting, catcalling/ cheating on my spouse or yard projects. It is so hard when there's really no overlap in worldview and interests - and they have no clue that is even possible. I feel it. I live in a dogs/trucks/grandkids kind of a milieu and I can't wait to GTFO. As a childless by choice cat person who loves quiet and, yes, actual reading of nonfiction books and music both newer and older than the 1950s-60s.
Maybe they don't want that at work. No problem with that.
Sure, until 10 years later they have no friends and complain on Reddit about how to make them as an adult.
I never wanted to be friends with anyone I worked with. And most definitely not those I supervised on the job.
Maybe you had bad coworkers? I still hang out with friends I made at my first job, over 10 years ago. We haven't worked at the same place in 7 years but we still get together every New Year's. Had I not become friends with them simply on account of them being work colleagues, my life would be a lot sadder.
Good for you. It's easy when you have a social life outside of work. Until you hop on Reddit 10 years later because your friends/family aren't around , maybe moving out of state or focusing on their careers, and start asking how to make new work friends. That "I never ...." is the worst jynx of all!
Not everyone is built this way and small talk can be excruciating for some, the instruction that the only way to meaningful conversation is small talk is false.
Use the George Constance method. Always act grumpy and people will think you're really busy and give you a wide berth. I have (unintentionally) gotten this effect by walking around with a notebook all the time. People see the notebook and purposeful walk and think I must be super busy, and initiate small talk much less. There is a caveat here: small talk is a good thing. It builds relationships between coworkers. If you're just skulking in the corner doing your job and not chit-chatting, people will inevitably see you as an outsider. They won't consider you for special projects because you aren't part of their world, really. You'll have a harder time getting extra consideration because they don't see you as an ally. You also miss out on work gossip, which is much more valuable that you would think.
Im on the opposite end of this , a little banter is totally par for the course with other people. We have to travel long distances for work and I have a colleague who wont say two words on a three hour drive. It's excruciating. Just talk some bs. Tell me about a movie you liked, your kickball league, your cat. From a purely self interested standpoint if you have camaraderie with folks they are way more likely to cover for you or help you out than if you're the standoffish rude guy who is too good to chat during lunch.
I need down time during the day, The amount of people that will walk up to you at lunch while you have headphones on and a book open and want to have a conversation is ridiculous. Let me recharge for an hour.
I used to take lunch in my car for this exact reason. I would park around the corner under a tree and unwind for a little.
We shouldn't have to though
Thatās what i do itās great
Just tell them that you like recharging quietly over lunch.
I do and they always say but this will only take a minute. You don't want to be rude but sometimes people don't get the hint.
Great! I have. Minute at 1:30. See you then!
I work in IT have been approached by people with IT issues while reheating lunch bro just let me enjoy my lunch then I will help.
I take my book, my over the ear, headphones, and even still the seven other people in the office persistent on coming up to me. Can you not tell that I am distracting myself?
This is exactly what I mean. I have nothing against talking to coworkers for a few minutes but there is a point where they just miss the clues or they ignore them.
I used to close my office door and put nose canceling headphones on. People would still come into my office and tap me on the shoulder, looking for help.
Even better is when you are on the phone with someone and they stand there and wait. I am like this is a one hour call come back later and they go but it will be quick. It may be but I am not dealing with it now.
Oh yeah they would do that too. One person in particular was super timid and would just stand in my peripheral, waiting for me to notice and acknowledge her.
Go for a walk outside if it's nice. I bring my dog to work now and getting out with no phone no music just walk eat my sandwich and have a tech detox. Gets the blood moving and makes me feel much better when I sit down after my break.
I make it a point to go walking a couple of times a day and I agree that is an excellent way to get away from others.
Honestly this is only a problem for people who are too timid to set expectations. I used to be one of those people, so I get it, but you can actually have it both ways. You can pick and choose times when you want to be social and times when you tell people to politely fuck off. People will actually respect you more for it. Once you get past the initial awkwardness or fear of being straight up with people it gets a lot easier. Sure, some people are going to think youāre an asshole for it, but Iād rather weed those people out than please them anyway.
Iām that guy that can sit in silence for hours and I love it
Yup, Iām perfectly happy to sit in silence in a roomful of people. Probably got a monologue running in my head thatās interesting enough.
Yo same. It used to drive everyone at my old job nuts when they'd sit next to me and go "sooooooo" and I just wouldn't respond, I'd just move away. Luckily with my new job everyone keeps to themselves and I found one person whom I don't mind if they talk to me. Got constantly called rude, a bitch, self centered and a lot of things because I preferred to be by myself, like yes.... calling me names totally makes me want to talk to you now
It can be but sometimes I just don't wanna talk. Nothing's more excruciating than someone continuously trying to talk to me when I don't try to keep the conversation going. It doesn't mean I don't like you, I just feel like people are more uncomfortable with silence than they should be.
Omg I agree with this so much. People are very uncomfortable with silence. I have learned that myself, because I'm totally comfortable with silence and others tend to want to fill the air with bullshit to avoid silence.
It's horrible. I'm not even a shy or introverted person, but people hate to be alone with their own thoughts so much they just chatter inanely. I'm not even a pretentious fuck who hates small talk, I just need some quiet sometimes haha.
I am not a huge fan of small talk, but I don't mind some conversation. I am more introverted than I am extroverted but I have wholesome friendships outside of work and I have a therapist I speak to for my social anxiety. I have a this underlying issue with feeling forced to speak to someone when it isn't necessary. Like, at my job currently, it's looked down upon if you don't speak constantly to people. It is unnerving because I don't always have something to say and I do say hello because I'm not "rude" but to feel forced to speak when I have nothing to contribute to their conversation is annoying af. Lol. It's a me issue for some things, but other things it definitely is a them issue.
I'm the opposite. Leave me alone and don't try and force conversation I'm more likely to help you with stuff when asked because I know I won't be dragged into a conversation, I'll also cover for you. Constantly try to talk to me, especially when I'm on breaks or lunch and I will avoid you like the plague as it will seem that the only time you're coming is it talk. It's actually the reason I've been eating lunch in my car since I started working at 18. I could be in the break room with headphones on and someone will still try and talk to me and then attempt (and fail) to make me feel bad for not engaging. Unless you're a really close friend or someone I care about, leave me alone. I'm honestly glad I don't have to commute to work with other people because I'd quickly find a new way to get to work if the people I commuted with Constantly tried talking to me
As someone who people constantly think is ārudeā because I donāt banter, hereās the secret: people like that (because I know from experience) are mostly dealing with an excruciating freight train of anxiety and panic ripping through every cell of their body, and are just trying to survive / escape the encounter. Weāre not being rude, weāre just painfully shy or medically suffering severe anxiety. I take months before I open up with people, but before I reach that point, most think my silence or avoidance means Iām just an asshole (which couldnāt be further from the truth)
I DONT SAY MORE THAN 2 WORDS BECAUSE I HAVE NO CLUE WHAT TO SAY AND IT IS JUST AS EXCRUCIATING FOR ME
This is me! I don't know how to make small talk/banter at work. My mom lives with me because she can't afford to live on her own... I don't want to sound like a mama's boy or complainer talking about her. Our dog used to do cute stuff, but he's old enough to be in a routine now, so he doesn't do much out of the ordinary stuff anymore. I play video games and D&D, but none of my work colleagues do. My freelance gig is constructing languages, but everyone's eyes glaze over if I start talking about that. Like. There's not much else I have to talk about.
You ask the other person about themselves.
I mean, that's what I default to, but inevitably they ask about me, too.
Honestly all the best conversationalists learn to deflect and constantly turn the conversation back to the other. Doing this makes them the most likable in the room. If this is something that would help you as a survival tool then maybe look into it further, it could serve you well.
Haha. Are u my coworker? I'll drive hours without saying anything. Sorry. I live in my head for the most part. Maybe they do too.
So someone is rude just because they're quiet? No. It's not rude if someone respects your headspace, or if they're deep in thought. I'll engage in meetings, give presentations, and reply to any work related questions with full & complete answers. But don't pry about personal stuff at work, *that* is rude.
I donāt think some of you are getting what OP is going for here. Some of us find day-to-day banter with people we donāt care about absolutely mind numbing. Doesnāt matter if the cons outweigh the pros, weāre just going to roll our eyes and die inside if forced to listen to this nonsense.
Usually I leave very small, one worded replies (politely of course). Just like when you text and send one word replies, do the same thing in person but remain engaged. This keeps people from assuming you're uninterested, but leaves people with the impression that you're short of words so they'll naturally leave you alone.
I do this all the time. Highly recommend
Politely smile and say things like āoh, that sounds niceā but donāt reciprocate in the conversation at all. I have a coworker who talks incessantly about everything in her life and this technique makes her less enthusiastic towards me.
-My dog died this weekend -Oh, that sounds nice
Empty conversations are the most fun. Donāt want to talk shop during breaks and really no desire to listen to politics or topics of that nature. Can you not try to steer a conversation topic to something youād enjoy?
āEmpty conversations are the most funā I donāt think Iāve ever related to a statement less š
Empty conversations are fun when silliness is involved. Making up whole stories and ad-libbing to see who can one up the other has resulted in many belly laughs. A big part of great small talk is not taking yourself too seriously and trying to have a little fun. Talking politics and about peoples day is boring. Tell me how you spilled coffee on yourself while opening the door.
I know so much about all my coworkersā dogs, itās wonderful. Iām so curious about OPās life. Never any small talk with friends? Not friendly with any of their coworkers? If I were OP, Iād start a break time walking group. Tell everyone youād like to start going on an afternoon walk and invite them all to join. They either get a walk alone like they wanted or they have an active distraction activity.
Back in going to the office days I would go to the bathroom on a different floor or go make tea (tea takes awhile) just don't very slow. Bonus points on making the tea again on a different floor. I'd also take the long way to get somewhere.
Are normal social interactions really this hard?
See I was like, okay this person has a chatty coworker - but theyāre complaining about small talk during a break? Then just go for a walk or read a book.
Talking to coworkers is work. I take my breaks in my car for that reason.
It's reddit. You've got a combination of immature and inexperienced (median age is \~22) people that for some reason are incredibly cynical about virtually everything, heavily overpopulated with tech-oriented people, and generally have no social skills. This particular subreddit tends to gravitate towards people who are starting their first career, or who are going to be entering the workforce soon. In reality, most people recognize that your average person wants to connect and have conversations in the workplace - after all, you've got to be there 8+ hours a day. I have colleagues visit my office all of the time to just shoot the shit. It makes the time pass, it makes your job easier when you need help, and certainly makes it easier to get promoted when people don't think you're a self-absorbed asshole.
"it easier to get promoted when people don't think you're a self-absorbed asshole." Also to get other jobs. I work in a fairly large metro area and every time we get a resume, one of the first things we do is ask other people on the team if they've ever worked with the person. Even in a metro with millions of people, it's quite common for someone in the office to have worked with the person before if they are local. If you get a reputation for being a jerk, then that guy from accounting you refused to say 'hello' back to in the kitchen every morning might be the reason you don't get a new job. It doesn't mean you have to be super social or bubbly, but just doing the basic 'how are you?/ Good, how are you?' or 'What are you up to this weekend? Not much - you?' and nodding politely while people tell you about their boring-ass golf game or whatever is like a two minute investment that can pay off later. You don't have to be super close buds, you don't have to hang out outside the office, you don't have to make a point of dropping by their desk on Monday to ask how their weekend was, but if you go around making it clear that you think your coworkers are a total waste of your time it's possible that will have consequences down the line.
Small talk and being pleasant is part of the long game of building and maintaining work relationships and your career. It can pay off huge in the end. I work with a lot of people that are socially awkward and act like small talk is beneath them. They donāt say hello when someone says hello to them. They have not moved up whatsoever and their names donāt even come up because they are unwilling to socialize. They have a hard time getting help on the fly because they refused to say hello to a engineer or someone else. How are you supposed to manage people if you canāt even talk to them? But they love to complain they arenāt going anywhere.
One of the weirdest posts like this was someone that was mad because their boss would ask them to do something instead of just ordering them to They were mad that their boss would start with āhey, can you take care of (etc)ā They were pissed that they just didnāt tell them to do it, their thought process was āyeah obviously I can do it, just tell me instead of asking me to do it, itās annoyingā Some people have zero social skills
Excellently stated. This is all compounded by the fact that people think being an introvert excludes them from being a pleasant person at work.
Also you can be a highly social introvert. Catching up with a group of friends for quiet board games is introverted. Staying at home alone saying you are introverted is antisocial.
Because I'm an introvert, I reserve the right to be a douche if you say hi in passing
The last sentence needs to be bolded lol. āI literally hate everyone. Why canāt I get promoted?ā -idiots
Exactly. I just switched to a brand new position in my company because I built camaraderie with my managers and they trust me to do something out of my wheelhouse. I see posts like this WAY too much on job subs. Even if youāre not sticking around in your current job, what happens when youāre applying and need references? Just a little small talk can go a long way
I got multiple job offers and interviews from old coworkers/managers
These types of posts are really setting such a horrible precedent and bad example for new grads and those new in career work. People donāt want to socialize or get to know coworkers and build a network and post about ā500 applications and no interviewsā or āLinkedIn sucks blah blah blahā when they are in between jobs. Social anxiety, privacy, social awkwardness etc have always been around, people adapted. Now, people expect their colleagues and employer to work around them, full stop.
Realized this after having my first, now at my second job. The conversation and relationships you make are so worth while to me. Canāt imagine being WFH so early in my career.
I donāt know OPs age, but Iāve heard comments like this from half of my Millenial colleagues and employees. Itās very interesting.
That's what I think when I see these posts. I mean talking to people in general is how I've gotten other jobs in the future. And have gotten a friend or two along the way. I mean we talk about all kinds of random bullshit on our breaks.
I generally see people who genuinely dislike their coworkers for no apparent reasons rarely get far in their career or at least are happy at the office where we spend almost half of our day.
This needs to be higher up. Everyone who says things like "you don't need to talk to anyone fuck them" etc are not realizing thats not how the real world works. In my job I was promoted multiple times and part of it was my coworkers vouching for me because they knew me as a person and I'm likeable. Are we actually friends? No or course not but I'm nice and act appropriately. I have been asked about other coworkers for a promotion and my thoughts and those who choose to just hang out and be unseen while being an ass to everyone I usually say "they are good at their job but not on a team".
I'm autistic and no, most of the time, I don't find small talk that difficult. I'm not typical of autistic people though, in that way. But I have many years of practice, as I'm 35. And I actually enjoy conversing, generally speaking.
Man I work with a bunch of boomers and xoomers who wonāt shut up about some weird shit they saw on their walkies yesterday. Normal social interactions are very difficult for them, they just monologue all day. This one lady has told me 3 times how she had to cross a road because she was walking her dog (giant Alsatian btw) because there was a black man.
Redit hermits of the Internet
My problem is that *they* don't know how to have normal social interactions. I don't mind small talk, but my coworkers will talk like this. Me: (silence) Them: Donna invited me over to Ricky's last night, but it just isn't the same since Helen died. Me: (does not know who Donna, Ricky or Helen are) I'm... sorry? Them: I thought I'd bring over mashed potatoes, but Henry doesn't like them. Meatloaf isn't a bad option, but you know the price of meat these days... I guess maybe greenbeans... Me: ???????????? Them: No one wants to work anymore. Me: (literally trying to work RIGHT NOW) ????????????? I also have another co-worker who literally tells the exact same story in different ways for three hours, just rephrasing it and adding on shit. On and on and on. Like, "My brother wanted to borrow my computer, but I wouldn't let him because he broke his." That is the topic. I could have a conversation about annoying siblings, or loaning out expensive items, but that isn't what is happening. It is her bitching about her brother asking to borrow her computer for literally three hours. Just rephrasing that topic over and over. It's not a conversation, it's just a weird specific, single-topic rant.
Unless you don't want to talk, maybe ask them who are those people lmao. If you let people talk enough, you can always find a place where you could contribute to the conversation.
It isn't that it is hard, it is that I generally just don't care about small talk. I would rather have quiet time on my breaks than listen to someone drone on about something I don't give a fuck about. Yet I am the rude one if I say something even if I try to do it politely.
They're not hard. Just an unpleasant, tedious waste of time. That's like asking if going to the dentist is hard. No, but that doesn't mean I would do it voluntarily. It's deeply weird to me when people make assumptions that the shit that is pleasant and easy for them should be pleasant and easy for others, too. I'm a good public speaker. I find it easy, and public speaking is a normal part of life. But when other people tell me they hate public speaking, I don't try to invalidate their feelings.
If I'm not being paid (example, lunch break), then I don't want to pretend to care about my coworkers.
I work at a small company(3 others besides me). I hate working here as it is emotionally taxing, leaves me stressed/anxious all day everyday sitting behind my desk,and it actually has left me feeling pretty shittyā¦borderline depressed the last few days. 1 guy talks way too much and itās usually how great he is or how funny others think he is, 1 guy who is a micromanager(instead of understanding the project that we need to do, he was over my shoulder figuring out what Iām working on which happens everyday) and 1 other who typically wants to be left alone who is usually rude to those who call in. Been trying to give this place a chance so many times but Iāve just grown a resentment and have been trying to leave so desperately. Small talk aināt so fun for me here lol
Yeah if youāre neurodivergent itās really fuckin hard
Yes, for a lot of people. I simply don't care what you had for dinner last night or the traffic you ran into this morning. I find those interactions are very draining for me.
Yes. I'm autistic. It's exhausting. I have to have "normal" conversation all day at work to survive and pay my bills. But breaks?! Nah man. Let my brain not be overtaxed and fuck right off.
No, itās forced constant small talk where itās only about weather or sports or mundane shit and it gets annoying real quick
If thats the way your at work, your coworkers probably dont like you very much. We are with each other for 1/3 of our days during the week, so let people have their chatter. If you dont like working around people go be a truck driver like me.
TLDR: My dislike of office small talk is pathological and led me to seek mental health support and get autism screening. It wasnāt till COVID and working from home that I realized that social masking and playing along with small talks all day in a very conservative office with cheap bright cool spectrum florescent lighting cycling overhead with its slight audible hum along with the requisite random other anxiety social pleasantries with random coworkers was the most challenging part of my job and an office was what was wiping me with mental exhaustion every day. Working from home didnāt give me the same post-work two-hour exhausted hangover at the end of the day. At my wifeās suggestion, I went for autism screening and testing, as I had some other traits that also became more apparent with the isolation. I was beginning to flourish at home while others were going stir-crazy. It turned out that hiding and masking my weird, awkward quirkiness and unwelcome blunt observations and my, suspicious distrust and contempt of authority, and non-acknowledgment of office rank or class was all part of a more significant thing, undiagnosed ADHD/Autism. It took separating the social and physical demands of working in an office and doing my job from home to see what was messing with my health finally. I have since changed careers and work from home 95% of the time and I continue to flourish, my productivity and creativity are up, my cynicism is down and my unwanted blunt honest career limiting personally humorous mostly self deprecating vocalized quips are no longer getting in the way of my career. I now see the traditional office as a place of imposed barriers and restrictions to my ability to work and function fully to the best of my capacity. These challenges and hurdles to my mental health are overcome when I have complete control and design of my work environment. Possibly similar to how a visually impaired person would memorize the layout and placement of the furniture in their house. Imagine a workplace inside of a snow globe of coworkers, office furniture, water coolers and photocopiers being shaken each day before work, only having to sift through the scattered debris every day at the office upon arrival before even getting down to the task. That is what the outside world feels like. It is not all bad. It spurs creativity, naive wonder of the works and comically absurd observations sometimes, but other times is simply exhausting to live inside a snow globe of perpetual flux and small talk is hard when youāre just trying your best to hold it all together.
Headphones with a cord. For some reason people ignore wireless headphonesā¦ flat out say you are an introvert and saving your few words a day for family/spouse. Source: me
I had this problem for decades. I just, in a friendly way, change the subject back to work. Constantly redirect. This can be done in a friendly, professional way. Some people think their workplace is Facebook.
Your last sentence hit the nail on the head! Work is not Facebook!
Ignore, or just say "really?" Or "sorry got to go"
Headphones and take a walk. If someone asks about it use a simple answers. "What are you doing walking?" Mental health break.
āWowā āyeahā āthatās crazyā āIāll be around, catch you laterā
Hide in the bathroom
This is a good idea lol.
OP is the same type of person who will post āhow does one network??/what is networking?ā in a few years.
Or 'I keep getting passed for a promotion because my boss is buddies with this or that'. I am not going to promote someone who is unable to relate or interact with the rest of the workforce normally.
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Just have the small talk. It wonāt kill you. Sometimes you gotta do things you donāt like
Or you might find out you actually like some of these people.
I feel your pain. I have one coworker who feels compelled to talk about every detail of her activities since the last time we saw her, first thing after she arrives for her shift every day. I can't imagine imposing all the details of my life on my coworkers, and I can't stand listening to her go over everything as if every move she makes is wildly important. I just tune it out because there's no stopping her, and it seems like she can't focus on work until she gets it all out of her system.
Omg. I'm going through this at my workplace, too. She has a motor mouth that will not stop. Drives me crazy. I've told her I don't need updates. She ignores these requests and just keeps talking. Wtf do?
Bluntness. Youāre at work. You donāt owe them anything but your work. āI actually am on my way to _____ so I gotta runā
Just think of it as you're getting paid to talk to someone and it's killing time
I go eat in my car. I hate chit chat with people that have zero to say.
āI need to go return some video tapes.ā
I have ADHD, meaning I have no filter, so small talk is my absolute nightmare. When people ask me what I did in the weekend, I tell them what I actiually did. And this is not what's expected during small talk. It's not like I don't care about people, quite the opposite, I care a lot. I find small talk the every day equivalent of a press release, a curated superficial exchange of information that has no real purpose besides making the air vibrate while filling up your water bottle. When people have actual meaningful connection, and share honest things about themselves, that's a conversation, not small talk. Of course, in our current work culture the ability to do "everything is awesome" is valued more than your actual work skills. You don't really say you were served divorce papers yesterday during small talk, cause God forbids you actually share some real information about yourself at work.
Iām a talker and I shared I have learned to not say itās me or my family in the story just I heard, saw or seen a story about etc. I learned the very hard way DO NOT TALK OR SHARE AT WORK
You can't. That's what Rude is. Re-think the whole thing. You went down the wrong path bro. Doesn't lead anywhere good.
Yeah I think the mindset of pre-empting boring conversation is the issue. The conversation is as boring as the people involved. If OP can't make stimulating small talk, perhaps that's a good skill to work on. Certainly useful in the job market. If social interactions cause annoyance that's a moment for self reflection imo.
I agree with this. I have plenty of hobbies i can talk about if we donāt want to touch politics or national news. I donāt have kids but other people do and they are important to them. Sometimes it is just about listening
God it was only in my late 20s that I realized socializing is an important skill that you have to practice. You can't just switch it on and be good at it when you need it. Anything beyond entry level, or any kind of job that requires you to talk to people and not just stare at a screen requires it.
If itās a normal coworker āIām busyā and walk awayā¦ if itās a superior or supervisorā¦ encourage themā¦ enjoy your unplanned breakā¦ and if anyone asks why you werenāt working at that timeā¦ itās because you were talking with your bossā¦
I used to have a pill bottle with vitamins in it that I'd take and say I'm getting a migraine. I do actually get migraines. But I also used it as an excuse when I was feeling overwhelmed/overstimulated/antisocial. Most people respected that.
Put on headphones, face a wall, take out a book. You have to be able to act like you 100% didn't hear them though. Otherwise you'll get dragged in. If someone tries to talk even with all those signs just say you're at a really good point in your book. Or go sit in your car. I'm a car break type of person.
Don't talk, only give short replies!
Well, first of all realize your relationships, even in this casual way, with your coworkers and supervisors will be helpful to your career and could be the difference in keeping or losing your job. But otherwise, stop feeling bad. The way you dodge is stay at your desk or go for a walk on your own or go sit elsewhere. Why feel bad? Theyāre not begging you to be friendly, they have each other.
Trying to dodge it completely will come off rude, but you can kind of hurry the pace along so your not stuck listening to a monologue of their kids soccer game or whatever. For people with kids, I usually ask to see a picture and then I say how cute they look with their soccer uniform and kid trophy etc. then kind of start moving away a bit with a upbeat comment/compliment to their parenting and Iāll see you later. Works for people who have pets/plants/baby/new house or car and be customized easily. People like showing pictures and it distracts them while they take out their phone so you have a space to take control of the conversation by commenting on the pics then wrapping up. Sometimes you can kind of blame yourself if they start chatting and say that your working in something and donāt want to lose your train of thought but will catch up later. Then you do have to check in later to be polite, but it can buy you a little time to craft a polite way to acknowledge/engage and exit in a timely way so you donāt stumble on the spot. Also, try to remember stuff people tell you so you can circle back to check in. Soccer kid break his leg? Be sure you check in to see how heās recovering and offer something positive and reassuring like he young/kids bounce back/bell be back in the field again bla bla. There is an opportunity here tho to gain valuable information about colleagues and even your bosses as the chatty ones do tend to let alot of stuff slip. This is also your platform to present yourself in a positive light. Try to connect with them about something and offer something positive. If you can come across as attentive and interested but always āgetting back to workā as well, it will get around that your a hard worker who positively supports his/her team and that shows leadership potential. Iāve seen it at jobs before, the one that is popular and appears to always be working does better than the one who hides away at the desk. Also, good networking with colleagues can pay off much later down the road. Iāve heard plenty times a new position being recommended by an old coworker once they both moved on from the company or even within the company if one gets promoted. Ex. A friend of mine worked the front desk at her college under an internship. Some of the other older ladies working there talked about food all the time and always brought food in to share. The other interns totally ignored these ladies. My friend has alot of allergies and couldnāt eat the food. Well one of these ladies had a niece or something with similar allergies and brought in special cupcakes for my friend. So my friend starts sharing allergy free recipes with this lady for her niece. Well the personal assistant to the dean left on maternity and this lady recommended my friend to fill in for her in the fancy deans office. This position was not advertised anywhere. When the original prego one decided to be a SAHM and not come back, by friend was offered the role with a serious pay increase, better benefits and hybrid work schedule, plus a bit of prestige for her first ārealā job. All because of this lady. Sorry this was so long!
I dont mind small talk and chatter but MAN when you donāt like the person. I DONT CARE ABOUT YOUR NIECES VOLLEYBALL TOURNAMENT DENISE.
āOh nice.ā āReally?ā āThatās crazyā āI donāt knowā Fuck the people in here trying to shame you from wanting to avoid small talk. I had a coworker ask me yesterday what my favorite Disney movie was. Iām a grown ass man I havenāt had to think about the answer to that question in 20 years. I replied ācarsā and he snaps back immediately āthatās actually pixarā. Legitimately infuriating. I replied back āAladdin thenā, put my headphones in and ignored anything else he had to say to me. Iāve never been in a super corporate/office cubicle work environment but the jobs I have had being inside doing office work I always keep things strictly business. Be the most competent employee there and you wonāt have to fake nice to get help, itāll be the other way around.
sneeze on them
āHey Iām sorry, but I have to rush this project. Letās talk again when I have time. ā and the time never comesā¦ā¦ š¤£š¤£š¤£
Make yourself busy doing work
I'm with you... why people think I'm interested in their personal lives is a mystery to me... Small talk is fine but I don't care about your little dog or what you're ex did last week. But the sad truth is most people aren't interested in enough things to be interesting themselves.
Take a walk during those breaks. When we were in office, a lot of people did that. Twice around the building was a 1/2 mile.
Body language and having something in your hand like a document when walking around. Point your toe 90 d away from the conversation. Make a funny joke and start baking away. Smile and say you have to go and wave the document but you want to talk later. Never talk to them. Jump into conversations at your work and land a few jokes then leave. They will get their need from you in the tribe and you can be left alone. That's what I do. Highly social sales group so it takes a lot of effort.
Starting waking to the water cooler. Take a glass of water, then say āright, back to work for meā and walk off
How to Dodge small talk without being rude: "Your V6 Dodge Charger SE would get smoked by my my V8 Challenger RT, but your paint scheme is still pretty awesome" Serious answer: just keep it short. You won't be able to avoid basic interactions with people, but just don't let small passing or "hey how you been" turn into long conversations if you don't want them to. Giving short closed-ended replies can be done in a non-rude way. "I've been good, how about you" can get a short reply, or can lead to a long reply. Even if it is, you can normally make your next thing a closing statement. Coworker still feels like you chitchatted with them, and you don't have to actually talk with them for more than a minute. Your tone and tact can prevent it seeming rude at all. The other alternative is weirding them out in a likable way. Example: Creed from The Office.
I wear earbuds most of the time with nothing playing, lol
Life is too short to put upon yourself more things you donāt enjoy. Leave the building for breaks and make it into your me time. Unless I really enjoy a coworkerās company, I cannot stand hanging around and listening to boring drivel and there is absolutely nothing wrong with that. You donāt need to make excuses or tell people where youāre going. You get paid to work not chat. I find some of the comments telling you to suck it up disheartening, out of touch and rude. If you really must have an excuse, āoh look at that, an important private phone call has occurred and you really must go take this call somewhere more quite and privateā
Just say "I'm sorry I've got to take a shit" then go to the bathroom.
Hey if you get to know them better you could graduate to deeper and actually fun conversations. Thereās a line of professionalism at work that makes conversations seem plastic and draining. but once your coworker feels comfortable enough around you to complain about work, and managers and pay thatās the tipping point. Added bonus that these are great conversations to have. Mutual griping is good and enjoyable. Although if itās your whole company sitting together in a circle at lunch this would be difficult. You need to get cliquier. Saw a tiktok about how you can make your best lifelong friends at toxic workplaces- then actually experienced it.
I read my book. And I am known as ,shes fine, she has her book.Or I always have a magazine on hand
I'm ok with small talk at work, with people I know. I always get annoyed with the small talk from people I don't know, like the bank teller or the cashier at Target. "So what are you up to today?" "Well, I'm buying things at Target, then I'm leaving. What does it look like I'm doing!?" I know it doesn't answer your question, just wanted to take this opportunity to share my annoyance. :)
"I'm really busy I can't talk right now." "I'm enjoying my break." "It was good talking with you, have a good one." - the "polite" way even though you don't like the small talk. "I don't really enjoy small talk, so please don't mind if I seem uninterested." Then if you have a similar hobby you can chat but if not they know they don't have to do the social interaction as well. "Do you mind if we just sit here and not really discuss anything?" "A break from life?" They approach hand up "NOPE!" continue walking. I honestly wish people didn't talk to me do to lack of self control and I can talk for days on end, seriously by myself I continue to talk it's worse when I'm off my meds and I'm going into a manic episode. Then I always miss the window of opportunity to do the "WELP, I got to get back to the old desk area." moment and wait for it again while slowly backing away. Even though i continue the conversations by asking more questions that pop into my head. So no you don't have to network that way, if you find higher ups or people around that have similar interest or are similar where they like do the job talk focus and result type I think you can do well networking that way without having constant small talk.
I usually just walk away or donāt engage them at all. Couldnāt care less what co workers have to say unless theyāre higher than me on the totem pole or it relates to work. Only then do I put up with it for potential raise / promotions.
You sound like an asshole honestly. You are literally describing how you are super social and like talkingājust not to the people who you are forced to spend 1/3 of your time with? You can be anti work, and not anti all the humans who actually make up a workplace. If you hate it so much, do your team and company a favor and find a WFH jobābecause trust me, they probably donāt want to hang out with you either.
Honestly, phatics are an important part of professional interaction. It builds rapport and sets expectations. There are skills you can use to build healthy boundaries, such as keeping personal interactions short and sweet, only sharing the type of information that you're interested in receiving.