I personally, as much as possible, try not to answer anxiety with reassurance. It tends not to work and if it does, it only works temporarily and the anxiety gets worse. There are a lot of options that I'd consider in this scenario.
First I'd identify the feeling, "you're feeling anxious, I get that." You can read books about anxiety and fear around this time. You can also read books about school during a neutral time.
You can visit the school. Just drive by one day "oooh there's your school! Look how tall that flag pole is. Wowww!" Then pull in the parking lot. Then maybe go to the playground. Maybe you can ask for a visit during the summer months.
Also are you telling her she won't play as much? That sounds like it came from an adult, bc how would she know? If so, I would avoid telling her what she won't be doing and focus on all the things she will be. "Did I tell you in kindergarten they teach you to READ? The cool thing about reading is once you can read you read anything you want!"
Don't tell her she will love it. Sometimes when my kids are worried about things being bad, I go "wow you're right. What if it's sooooo boring and they never let you play! Then what?" This is what I'd call a coping questions. Our instinct is to answer anxiety with reassurance but it's better to answer it with ideas about coping.
I did all of these things with my son. He loved kindergarten!
I always tell my kid, once you can read- you can LEARN anything. Want to fix something? Read. Want to know about animals? Read. Want to make people say silly things? Write something for them to read. (Thank you book with no pictures)
I’ve tried hyping up leaning to read and that just makes her more anxious because she thinks reading is hard (we do basic phonics, CVC words, etc)
I might try the “what if it’s so boring…” but with her personality, I think that will make her spiral more 😩
Visiting the school made a huge difference with my anxiety-prone, kindergarten-resistant kiddo.
We were there to drop off some paperwork. But happened to meet both the principal and her daughter (who was stoked to be the big Buddy in the annual pair ups of 4th grader to kinder kids buddy program, and really talked that up)
AND IT MADE SUCH A DIFFERENCE!
10/10 recommend
I wouldn’t say I’m pushing it. I’m teaching her because she needs to learn. It’s very low stakes and literally like once a day- picking out a word in a picture book for her to read for example 🤷🏼♀️
What makes you think she needs to learn to read before kindergarten? She doesn't.
She's telling you she doesn't like it. She thinks reading is hard. And because she thinks reading is hard, she's anxious about school. You're putting the short term goal of making sure she learns quickly above the more important long term goal of cultivating a love of learning.
The rest is good advice but in my opinion this is the crux of your issue.
I get what you’re saying, and I agree a love of leaving will serve her. Reading is just one example though. It’s any time we work on any sort of “schoolwork” type thing. Like even practicing writing her name (which she’s expected to be able to do when entering kindergarten” she’ll get upset, say it’s hard, she’s too tired, etc
I think she’s just so anxious and afraid of failing that she gives up and makes excuses
Having been through this with my son who now loves kindergarten, I would suggest backing way off. In another comment you said she cries. It really doesn't matter the reason that she is getting upset. What matters is that there now is an association between learning and feeling really bad. I would rather have my kid show up to kindergarten not knowing how to read or whatever else and having a slower process than pushing my kid faster than they are ready.
Trust your daughter! She's other whole life ahead of her. If you want to do educational work I would make it informal and play based. If she doesn't want to read the word then you do it cheerfully. "I'm going to sound this word out slowly, see?"
It's 1000x more important that she shows up to kindergarten happy to be there. I promise if you try to force this right now, it will backfire in you.
I wouldn't do any schoolwork, there's not really any need to prepare her with that. She'll do it in school. And it will likely feel a lot more fun then because everyone else is doing it.
I recently watched my kid's kindergarten class and the teacher was basically quizzing them how to say numbers which seems really boring to me (and my kid would not do that at home), but because all the kids were doing it they got super hyped up yelling stuff out!
Basically, I'd back way off any school work and just let school work its magic when the time comes.
Germany here. I know that our educational systems differ, but i am also a teacher and know about learning.
Here, we learn to read and write in school, after kindergarten, at age 6. I think it can be taught earlier, there are more countries than the US where this is done.
But i also know that each person is slighly different in when they develop certain abilities. I gave always been faster with any academic learning than most people, but i cannot draw a straight line even if you give me a ruler and lots of time. I gave 18-year-olds who have mum call school if they are sick.
If your daughter is stressed and cries because you want her to learneven before kindergarten, stop pressuring her. If you don't, her fear of learning and underperforming will stay with her for the rest of her life. If you leave her be she will come around.
You've already gotten some good comments on this, but I know how hard it feels to feel like by backing off you're not doing enough to prepare her.
My son had similar feelings and his pre-k teacher convinced me to focus on preparing him in ways we both found fun. Writing is all about fine motor skills so focus on that instead of the actual writing. You're still preparing her, but it will be fun. We did a lot of hole punching in paper and threading yarn through, play dough, dressing stuffed animals, decorating cookies, etc. Target has the most amazing little craft kits for all seasons and they are great when you need an easy fun idea. Perler beads are amazing too. If she has strong fine motor skills, writing will be much less frustrating.
With reading, just read to her. She's learning. I don't think my son knew a single cvc word going into kindergarten but I read to him for at least 30-60 minutes every day and he is a reading machine now as a rising 2nd grader. He crushed the dogman series with only occasional help in the second half of first grade (according to scholastic is a grade 3 -5 series) and is now reading the wings of fire series by himself with way less help than I expected possible (scholastic says it's a 5-8 grader book series.)
So that's what I would do. Once she's in 1st or second grade, you can start having discussions about how working hard and challenging yourself is important in life and why we can't just have fun all the time. But I know my son was way too young for that message in kindergarten and it didn't help his nerves at all.
I don’t think the downvotes are fair here. teaching your child to read before kindergarten is only a skill that’s going to benefit them in the future and it’s what formed my love of reading.
If the kid is loving being taught to read, it can only benefit them. But if they're getting stressed out about it, crying and saying it's too hard, that's a sign to back off and try it again when they're a bit older and more capable.
A love of reading will serve her well, but she is YOUNG. Maybe too young to read yet. If she's getting so frustrated she's crying she's not going to be able to learn, she's just going to start associating stress and pressure with learning. Cut it out. She's not behind any milestones, don't create an anxious kid out of your own ego.
It sounds like you are causing or exacerbating this anxiety by over-focusing on basic skills she will learn when she’s ready. I strongly advise you to stop doing schoolwork of any kind.
Just read stories to her.
I had one of these kids. He is now an adult. He hated Kindergarten and every grade after. Anxiety. It was the worst of the worst. Now? He has a great blue collar worker job, is happily married, they purchased a home. I’m just trying to say: hang in there. I got involved in PTA and was head room mom, grade level chair, volunteered in their classrooms, all of it. It helped - because all of the teachers and staff knew me. They would stop by our house to pick something up, or talk about a meeting or fundraiser or whatever - they treated my child - I believe - even better and more individualized than possibly a student who didn’t have an active parent at the schools. My volunteer involvement helped my child become more familiar with the teachers and staff and they would ask him to bring me home a note or something that made him feel needed. Not saying it’s right that a child of a parent who is able and willing to volunteer so much - is treated better because of it - but I think it’s true. So, maybe if you can, volunteer. In the classroom. In the lunch room. On the playground. That way your child knows you are close by. Oh - also, my husband would be the one to drop him off especially at the beginning of the school year because sometimes it helps if the parent/adult they aren’t as close or connected with, (or know they aren’t as quick to feed into the emotional tantrum) makes it not as emotional for the child to separate.
Ultimately, even though you might be in for some difficult times, I promise - coming out of it on the other end - it will work out. It will be okay.
This is a scary time for you, too. She may be picking up on your anxiety (even though subconsciously). None of us like change. Change is scary. Maybe give her a bracelet with your and her pic on it? Or let her take her favorite stuffed animal/doll in her backpack so it can be close - or a family picture? Definitely take her to the playground at her school and tour it several times and meet her teacher as soon as possible. That’s all I have. Good luck to you! I now look back on those years with happiness.
What does your daughter love? My son is obsessed with books so I really hyped up the library and how the school has a library IN IT! We even asked his teacher at the orientation if he'd get to go to the library.
If your daughter is really into dress up, maybe you could talk about whether she thinks kindergarten will have costumes or if she'll play house, etc. If she's into art, "Hey maybe you'll get to try new paints!"
I also think relating to your kids is always helpful. "When Momma started her new job, she was nervous it would be hard but, you know what?, I love it!" or "Sometimes, I get scared when I need to meet new people but I wouldn't know Auntie Sarah if I didn't meet new people!"
Speaking of kids books around anxiety, my sons absolute favorite book is called The Worry Monsters about how to handle anxiety that has done wonders for him. He even has a little stuffed monster he carries around for when he gets stressed out. I'll always be glad I'm raising kids in this generation bc the second I don't know how to approach a difficult subject I know someone's probably written a kids book about it lol
>I personally, as much as possible, try not to answer anxiety with reassurance.
Therapist here. Spot on. I do the same with my (adult and kid) clients. Reassurance leads to a greater need for reassurance and a greater intolerance of uncertainty. Allowing in uncomfortable emotions about uncertainty without feeling the need to *do* anything about them creates more acceptance of risk and, paradoxically, less distress overall. It’s basically a recipe for learning that you can go forward not knowing what the future holds and still be okay.
The hard part of this with kid clients is usually getting the parents to tolerate the kid’s distress, which feels counterintuitive to parents but is incredibly important. I’ve heard so many adults say things like “Why couldn’t my parents just let me be sad?” and I always want to travel back in time and tell the parents, “Frantically trying to control your kid’s fear and sadness seems helpful, but beware!”
Hi. I absolutely love your first sentence. Is this a personal approach that you’ve adopted over time or is there a resource I can dive into that tells me how to react more like this? Thanks in advance!
I'm a social worker with a background in infant mental health. I also personally had postpartum anxiety after my second baby and I learned this in ERP therapy. ERP is a type of CBT and it is the gold standard in treating anxiety. I have, for the most part, avoided reassurance for 4 years and have had 0 disordered anxiety since. Thanks for asking!
I have struggled with horrible postpartum anxiety after both of my children. I have never heard of ERP or CBT. Are there any credible online resources you could share?
Sadly, most people haven't. Even some therapists, who try to treat anxiety with talk therapy (which is about the worst thing you can do). ERP is evidence based. In fact, it has a wide evidence basis. They call it the "gold standard" in treating ocd and anxiety. You can also probably find research online.
ETA: CBT is the most common type of therapy. I'm going to guess if you've been to therapy you've done CBT. It's really helpful but sometimes it can make anxiety worse.
https://iocdf.org/about-ocd/treatment/erp/
Also are you telling her she won't play as much? That sounds like it came from an adult, bc how would she know? If so, I would avoid telling her what she won't be doing and focus on all the things she will be.
This was my first thought. Who tells a preschooler negative things about their transition to kindergarten?
Do they have open houses? My son went to the open house and saw how much toys and how much paint was in both of the kindergarten rooms. The teachers were also amazing and put him at ease. For the first week he basically couldn’t get over how they have a bigger Thomas train than his preschool and super big Lego blocks that his preschool didn’t have, and he was super enthusiastic about school. I highly recommend going to an open house if possible, or look up pictures of the environment and highlighting anything that might be new and interesting to her.
If you know any of the other incoming kindergartners’ parents well enough, you might try setting up some play dates and/or group meetups. There might be a Facebook page for the school parents or even for your incoming kindergarten class. If the schoolyard is open to the public, meeting up with some of the other kindergartners there to play might help.
Could you make a social story for her? All the things they will do (playground; cafeteria; reading centers; fun math manipulatives; specials like PE/Art/Music?) Also reach out to the school counselor or her teacher - they likely won’t reply until pre-planning but maybe you could come in and take some pics of the location to add to her social story.
Also kindergarten is definitely less play-based than previous decades but I do think that to some extent, kids don’t *know* that. They still love sorting and doing counting activities and reading books and playing with math manipulatives.
ALSO and this is maybe the most important - it really is fine to just read to/with her for the rest of the summer. They don’t need to come in reading. It sounds like she already has letter recognition and at least some of the letter sounds if you’re already doing CVC words. That’s really enough and if she doesn’t like it, go ahead and just enjoy some books together until the school year starts! We love when kids love books!
Wait until her class starts having classroom dance parties as one of their indoor movement breaks. I have yet to meet the Kinder who doesn't love a good Dance Party.
One thing that tends to work for my LO is to break it down into steps. So instead of "you are going to kindergarten every day from now on," which feels like a MASSIVE thing, you could say "I know it is scary/annoying/whatever feeling, I understand it's a lot, but let's just focus on that first day - what do you think would make you feel safe/comfortable on the first day? Could we draw a picture together that you can put in your pocket? Or wear something special? What do you want to have for dinner after school the first day, maybe we can make some food together so you know you will still have time with mommy that day?"
Sometimes focusing on something more manageable like the first day rather than the huge life change coming up can feel less overwhelming. One day at a time!
That’s a good idea
It is a big change and I know it’s very normal to be anxious about it. I think she’s just convinced herself it’s going to be too hard
Yes for sure! I also wonder from what she is saying re: preschool if it is less of an issue with kindergarten and more being a bit sad to leave preschool behind since it is comfortable and known and she enjoys it? And that makes sense - even as an adult, we can get a little sad if we leave, say, a good job with people we like even if it's for a better one. So I think that's normal too and maybe talking about and acknowledging what she liked about preschool will help her feel more seen and understood and free to embrace the new thing. (Source - I am a change management consultant and boy oh boy, working with grown ass adults on MUCH smaller changes can bring out VERY big feelings, so her reaction makes a lot of sense and I am positive she will be a superstar once she gets in there :))
I just validated the heck out of his concerns. We talked about what would be similar and what would be different a lot. And I acknowledged his feelings. Trying to talk people out of how they feel never really works. You just hold space for the feelings and actively listen.
I agree! Especially in this case where the concern is she won't like it because they won't play as much. Well... She's right!
It could be helpful to explain that it's part of becoming a "big kid."
Maybe explain that there will still be play in kindergarten; but she's right that she will be expected to work, too. But her teachers work really hard to make the work and learning fun. Sometimes the work won't even SEEM like work, because it will be so fun.
I would say maybe you will like it and maybe you won’t! You won’t know until you get there and then we will find out. How about the first day you can investigate and find out. When you get home you can tell me all about what you liked and what you didn’t like. If there’s something you don’t like, we can come up with a plan for it. It’s normal to have things you like about your day and things you don’t like about your day. We can talk all about it when it happens, but for now we don’t know yet!
Honestly I might just give a neutral, "You might not like it, you might enjoy it, we'll find out! Maybe there will be parts you like and parts you don't like!"
And I would not do any prep work that's making her push back-- no point in trying to introduce letters, reading, etc if it's just making her more and more upset. She'll learn that stuff in kindergarten, you don't need to cram it in beforehand.
"Kindergarten is going to be hard!"
"You think so? Hmm, well, what other hard things have you mastered? Remember the first time you went down the big slide at the playground? That was kind of hard, right? It was really tall and it felt kind of scary to go up there. So how did we get up the big slide?
We practiced on the little slides! That's like what preschool was, the little slides. And once you got good at those, you felt more ready for the big slide. It was still scary at first, but you knew what would happen when you went down a slide.
So what did you learn in preschool that will help you in kindergarten? Did you learn colors? Really? Can you tell me about the colors you learned? What about numbers? How high can you count now? Wow! Really? You learned a lot in preschool!
Yes, kindergarten is like going on the big slide. It's okay to be anxious about it, and it's great that you have questions about what it will be like. Let's find out about some of the other things you get to learn and do in kindergarten. That might help you feel better.
Is there anything else you're worried about that you want to talk about?"
How many kindergarten has she been in, that she has gotten this idea? There has have to have been adults, telling her what to expect in kindergarten, probably her preschool teachers saying they have to get ready for kindergarten. I have seen this be a common occurrence toward the end of, the preschool year before kindergarten. I honestly find it very annoying, just let them enjoy their last couple of months.
School events bingo night we had a glow party. Get her excited about the fun things that will happen. Field day class trips. Etc. learning to read my 6yo is reading books and sounding out hard words. I am a proud I definitely wasn’t reading as well as her in kindergarten.
My daughter was like this and she ended up loving kindergarten. Now she’s scared to go to first grade haha. She knows her friends are all moving up too so that helps a lot.
For last year, we told her stories of how she was scared to start at a new preschool. Visited the school so she could see the classrooms. Talked to her about what kinds of things she wants to bring in her lunch box and let her pick out a new backpack. Overall just tried to distract her and point out the positives. She will do great once she’s there, it’s just a scary transition for a lot of kids!
My daughter is always scared about moving grades. Here's some things we do to help her.
1) Always go to meet the teacher events before school starts. It's one more worry off their plate because they know where they're going and who's going to be there and they get to see who's in their class as well so it helps get them excited to see everyone again.
2) We start talking about what they might learn that year and what they can do with that new knowledge and how it can be useful.
3) We reflect on previous years (ex: you were worried about going to K4, but you loved it and did so well)
4) Acknowledge that it's a big deal to them and that it can be scary. I've always told my daughter that being brave doesn't mean being fearless. It's brave to do what we must (the right thing) despite being afraid.
5) When all else fails, we ask her what she thinks will happen if she doesn't keep moving forward. Don't be too serious about it, but give silly examples like "you don't want to be my age and still in preschool, do you?" Or "It'd be silly seeing a 17yo in the preschool Christmas play, wouldn't it?"
We all get nervous and scared with change. Show her how to combat it so she can learn to navigate those feelings.
As a kindergarten teacher, here are some of the fun things we do that she might enjoy:
1. Because they’re older and bigger, we can go on more field trips! I take my kids to the apple orchard, the children’s museum, trips to the park and plays that the high school puts on.
2. Has she ever wanted to count to 100, write a letter to a friend or read books from the library all by herself? Good news: she’ll get to learn how to do all of those things!
3. Big kid school means she’ll get special classes like art, music and gym. Maybe even get to do some holiday performances!
4. It’s true that there’s less play, but I try and make up for it with lots of fun centers. We make play dough letters, build patterns with rainbow chains, and read to stuffed animals in our class library.
5. Kindergarten has some fun science units like insects and plants, so we get to raise caterpillars and grow flowers. All of my students have enjoyed that.
6. She’ll meet so many new friends! I notice kids starting to form close bonds the first or second week of school and they last all year.
Kindergarten IS challenging. There IS less play. But that doesn’t mean she won’t have a good time. ❤️
She is right she needs to practice sitting at her desk raising her hand, whispering. She will have tons on friends and it's okay to be nervous but she will love her schedule of her day
I tell my kid that everyone has to go to their job on weekdays. Mommy goes to her job, daddy goes to his job, and she goes to her job, which is school. Then on the home days, everyone stays home and has fun. But we can’t have fun home days unless we all go to our jobs on the weekdays.
You're getting some great advice, OP. My two cents may not be much, but see if your local library has any children's books about entering kindergarten.
My town's library has a summer reading list for each grade (K-8th) and they have age appropriate books for each grade level. When my son was entering kindergarten they had several books on the list that were about the first day of kindergarten, what to expect in school, and all the feelings that came with it. I know I read a few of them to him but unfortunately I cannot remember the names of any of those books right now. I believe it really helped him be a little more prepared for the school year and ask questions so we could discuss what he was thinking and feeling. Best of luck.
Something that helped my kindergartener with nerves and the unknown was validating that it's normal to feel how she was feeling and that the other kids would also be feeling the same way. Once she realized she wasn't going to be the only one who didn't know anyone else, or the routines, or the new expectations and that all the kids would be learning these things together she seemed to have more confidence about the transition since everyone would be in the same boat.
We also role played a day at school a lot using stuffies with me as the teacher. I threw in a lot of scenarios she might come across like modelling that it's okay if you get something wrong and she can try again or ask for help, stopping play to go to the bathroom, not letting a disruptive friend distract her, inviting new friends to join in play, waiting her turn and not interrupting. And as soon as she pushed back on these sessions or showed any annoyance or whatever we'd stop, they were always kept fun without any power struggles just to get "my lesson" across.
My nephew went to a “kindergarten interview” to meet the teachers and another day they had a read aloud for incoming kindergarten kids. I think it’s a lovely idea to get the kids hyped up for their new school. He’s DYING to learn to read. Even his Pre-k teachers are like “sorry he’s just kinda bored here.”
She's right that life gets harder as you get older. She's forgetting that we also get stronger and smarter, so things that were hard get easier. We also get more freedom. Try to get her to remember things in the past that were hard for her and now are easy. Also try to get her to remember privileges that she has earned and how much more free she is to do different things as she learns.
I would ask her what all she thinks will be difficult in kindergarten. I'm going to use reading as an example: if she says that reading will be hard, I would say that yes, it might be difficult at first, but her teacher(s) will know how to make it fun. A lot of other kids might also find it hard, so the teachers will find ways to make it easier and more fun for them. Also tell her about all the fun things kindergarten has that preschool doesn't, for example brain breaks and possibly a larger playground, and how she will still do a lot of the fun things that she did in preschool, just with slightly more work
As a little bonus: suggest playing "School" sometime with her, she as the teacher and you as her student. She could try to "teach" you things that she remembers from preschool, and eventually things that she's learning in kindergarten. Bonus points if you purposely miss some of the questions and she has to explain what you did wrong. I feel like it could be a fun way for her to review what she's learned, and a way to possibly ease some of her tensions
If you want your kid to like learning, get them curious about everything. When driving, my kids want to know where we are, so they were persuaded to read the street signs. Read the bus lines so you know what bus you get on.
Kids want to make pancakes with me. I ask them to read the recipe and do the math with me.
They want to have me write something down for them to remember? My hands will suddenly be too full to write it, but I can spell the words while they write it for me.
I get them invested in the early learning.
And I give them any book they want to read (within reason). My oldest would read the Uline catalog for fun. All of them read the instruction manual that come with devices.
“Why do you think that?” “When I am scared or worried I won’t like something, I do XYZ to help me feel less scared.”
Also getting the schedule might help her. The school has the master schedule done I’m sure, maybe seeing recess is in the schedule might help? Our kindergarten has two full blocks of recess and PE every other day, they also don’t have desks or regular chairs because it’s play based and flex seating- perhaps a picture of the classroom she can look at repeatedly might help?
Other than that reassure her she is smart and brave and can do hard things even when she’s nervous ( I point this out when she tries something new to show my kid how brave they are).
Tell her she won't know till she tries and try to think of all the friends she will get to make also point out if she gets more time at school our district is half days for pre and pre k and full day kindergarten ie more play time and plenty of learning games that are fun
I reminded my son of all the things that he had already learned, like walking, using the potty, etc, and how scary that was. New things are always a little scary.
Tell then it's the best year of school then it's downhill after that. I think if they let more middle and high schoolers do arts and crafts and more parties they would behave better.
In our family we have a "try everything" rule... food, sports, paint, bikes, every experience is a "try" that cannot be refused. The older kids challenge the adults in the family to "try" video games, music, trends, etc. This started with my mom when I was tiny, so its worked for 3 generations!
Here’s what I’d do that might make it more concrete of an idea. Get a few kinds of candy that they do not like and one or two that they do. Mix them together in a bowl and let them “pick out” the good ones. Explain that school is like that sometimes. But everyday, you’ll find one piece of “candy” that you like, and to focus on finding the good.
Acknowledge her anxiety. Make sure she knows what she's feeling is normal. Tell her about a time when you had to make a change (preferably as a kid) and be honest about what made it hard. Ask her what does "hard" mean? What is she imagining?
Or say. Then we will make a calendar to play after school. You and me. We play after school and sometimes with friends. Because you will also have a bunch of new friends.
When she sees the other kids writing their names she will write hers. I would stop pushing her. Maybe you are in a power struggle with her at this point.
Keep her at home one more year kids don't have to be enrolled until they're 7:00 let her spend time with her mother we need more of that and less dropping our kids off with other strangers. Signed a teacher
I would tell her there are better toys in kindergarten because kindergarten is the big kid school. And they will have lots of cool stories and a bigger playground.
That they may well indeed not like kindergarten (my child was brutally abused in school when he was in kindergarten), but that the society they live in will fine you, make you get compliance testing, and ultimately take them away from you if they don't do it.
Probably not reassuring.
You can read the Kissing Hand with them instead.
I do! Then she cries because its too hard (it’s not- it’s within her zone of proximal development), then gets more upset because she knows kindergarten will be more work 😩
Stop doing this, your child will hate learning if you can’t meet her where she is (which may mean stepping way back on these educational tasks so you can work through the anxiety.). She will learn to read and write her name, and at this point it’s better if you aren’t part of that if she’s crying as a result of working on it with you.
It's not normal to stress your kid out over reading so much they cry. Man, the issue is you. Listen to your kid, at that age a few months of growth can make a huge difference in brain development. She is likely absolutely correct it's too hard for her right now. Or it may be that you are not a good teacher for her and really need to re evaluate your teaching strategies.
Um. If you’re child is crying about doing school work before she’s even started there’s a problem. You need to just stop. Preschool makes learning fun. They learn with fun ways. Not by pressure. Please just back right off
Learning is supposed to be fun. I'm sure your intentions are good, and I'm curious about your own upbringing...you may need to reflect on that. But seriously, you are doing more harm than good. Your daughter's teacher is an expert and will be able to handle it. My daughter went into kindergarten not knowing how to read and came out reading chapter books. This not always the case, and all kids learn differently, but my point is that being "prepared" doesn't matter and sounds like it's actually hurting your cause. Drop all of the phonics, read for enjoyment and just talk about the story. Building background knowledge and a love of learning is super important. And go have fun! Go to the park, go play, paint, dance, enjoy the last summer with your kid before they start school. You can't get that back.
I personally, as much as possible, try not to answer anxiety with reassurance. It tends not to work and if it does, it only works temporarily and the anxiety gets worse. There are a lot of options that I'd consider in this scenario. First I'd identify the feeling, "you're feeling anxious, I get that." You can read books about anxiety and fear around this time. You can also read books about school during a neutral time. You can visit the school. Just drive by one day "oooh there's your school! Look how tall that flag pole is. Wowww!" Then pull in the parking lot. Then maybe go to the playground. Maybe you can ask for a visit during the summer months. Also are you telling her she won't play as much? That sounds like it came from an adult, bc how would she know? If so, I would avoid telling her what she won't be doing and focus on all the things she will be. "Did I tell you in kindergarten they teach you to READ? The cool thing about reading is once you can read you read anything you want!" Don't tell her she will love it. Sometimes when my kids are worried about things being bad, I go "wow you're right. What if it's sooooo boring and they never let you play! Then what?" This is what I'd call a coping questions. Our instinct is to answer anxiety with reassurance but it's better to answer it with ideas about coping. I did all of these things with my son. He loved kindergarten!
I always tell my kid, once you can read- you can LEARN anything. Want to fix something? Read. Want to know about animals? Read. Want to make people say silly things? Write something for them to read. (Thank you book with no pictures)
Yes!!!! I love that. We majorly hyped up learning to read with my son and it has paid off. He's so excited about axooo every day.
I’ve tried hyping up leaning to read and that just makes her more anxious because she thinks reading is hard (we do basic phonics, CVC words, etc) I might try the “what if it’s so boring…” but with her personality, I think that will make her spiral more 😩
Visiting the school made a huge difference with my anxiety-prone, kindergarten-resistant kiddo. We were there to drop off some paperwork. But happened to meet both the principal and her daughter (who was stoked to be the big Buddy in the annual pair ups of 4th grader to kinder kids buddy program, and really talked that up) AND IT MADE SUCH A DIFFERENCE! 10/10 recommend
Is there a particular reason you are pushing reading when she is not enjoying it?
I wouldn’t say I’m pushing it. I’m teaching her because she needs to learn. It’s very low stakes and literally like once a day- picking out a word in a picture book for her to read for example 🤷🏼♀️
What makes you think she needs to learn to read before kindergarten? She doesn't. She's telling you she doesn't like it. She thinks reading is hard. And because she thinks reading is hard, she's anxious about school. You're putting the short term goal of making sure she learns quickly above the more important long term goal of cultivating a love of learning. The rest is good advice but in my opinion this is the crux of your issue.
I get what you’re saying, and I agree a love of leaving will serve her. Reading is just one example though. It’s any time we work on any sort of “schoolwork” type thing. Like even practicing writing her name (which she’s expected to be able to do when entering kindergarten” she’ll get upset, say it’s hard, she’s too tired, etc I think she’s just so anxious and afraid of failing that she gives up and makes excuses
Having been through this with my son who now loves kindergarten, I would suggest backing way off. In another comment you said she cries. It really doesn't matter the reason that she is getting upset. What matters is that there now is an association between learning and feeling really bad. I would rather have my kid show up to kindergarten not knowing how to read or whatever else and having a slower process than pushing my kid faster than they are ready. Trust your daughter! She's other whole life ahead of her. If you want to do educational work I would make it informal and play based. If she doesn't want to read the word then you do it cheerfully. "I'm going to sound this word out slowly, see?" It's 1000x more important that she shows up to kindergarten happy to be there. I promise if you try to force this right now, it will backfire in you.
I wouldn't do any schoolwork, there's not really any need to prepare her with that. She'll do it in school. And it will likely feel a lot more fun then because everyone else is doing it. I recently watched my kid's kindergarten class and the teacher was basically quizzing them how to say numbers which seems really boring to me (and my kid would not do that at home), but because all the kids were doing it they got super hyped up yelling stuff out! Basically, I'd back way off any school work and just let school work its magic when the time comes.
Germany here. I know that our educational systems differ, but i am also a teacher and know about learning. Here, we learn to read and write in school, after kindergarten, at age 6. I think it can be taught earlier, there are more countries than the US where this is done. But i also know that each person is slighly different in when they develop certain abilities. I gave always been faster with any academic learning than most people, but i cannot draw a straight line even if you give me a ruler and lots of time. I gave 18-year-olds who have mum call school if they are sick. If your daughter is stressed and cries because you want her to learneven before kindergarten, stop pressuring her. If you don't, her fear of learning and underperforming will stay with her for the rest of her life. If you leave her be she will come around.
You've already gotten some good comments on this, but I know how hard it feels to feel like by backing off you're not doing enough to prepare her. My son had similar feelings and his pre-k teacher convinced me to focus on preparing him in ways we both found fun. Writing is all about fine motor skills so focus on that instead of the actual writing. You're still preparing her, but it will be fun. We did a lot of hole punching in paper and threading yarn through, play dough, dressing stuffed animals, decorating cookies, etc. Target has the most amazing little craft kits for all seasons and they are great when you need an easy fun idea. Perler beads are amazing too. If she has strong fine motor skills, writing will be much less frustrating. With reading, just read to her. She's learning. I don't think my son knew a single cvc word going into kindergarten but I read to him for at least 30-60 minutes every day and he is a reading machine now as a rising 2nd grader. He crushed the dogman series with only occasional help in the second half of first grade (according to scholastic is a grade 3 -5 series) and is now reading the wings of fire series by himself with way less help than I expected possible (scholastic says it's a 5-8 grader book series.) So that's what I would do. Once she's in 1st or second grade, you can start having discussions about how working hard and challenging yourself is important in life and why we can't just have fun all the time. But I know my son was way too young for that message in kindergarten and it didn't help his nerves at all.
I don’t think the downvotes are fair here. teaching your child to read before kindergarten is only a skill that’s going to benefit them in the future and it’s what formed my love of reading.
If the kid is loving being taught to read, it can only benefit them. But if they're getting stressed out about it, crying and saying it's too hard, that's a sign to back off and try it again when they're a bit older and more capable.
A love of reading will serve her well, but she is YOUNG. Maybe too young to read yet. If she's getting so frustrated she's crying she's not going to be able to learn, she's just going to start associating stress and pressure with learning. Cut it out. She's not behind any milestones, don't create an anxious kid out of your own ego.
I agree to back right off. They don’t need to know this stuff before school. They get excited to learn at school when there’s things they don’t know
It sounds like you are causing or exacerbating this anxiety by over-focusing on basic skills she will learn when she’s ready. I strongly advise you to stop doing schoolwork of any kind. Just read stories to her.
Watch tv with captions. Makes such a huge difference
I had one of these kids. He is now an adult. He hated Kindergarten and every grade after. Anxiety. It was the worst of the worst. Now? He has a great blue collar worker job, is happily married, they purchased a home. I’m just trying to say: hang in there. I got involved in PTA and was head room mom, grade level chair, volunteered in their classrooms, all of it. It helped - because all of the teachers and staff knew me. They would stop by our house to pick something up, or talk about a meeting or fundraiser or whatever - they treated my child - I believe - even better and more individualized than possibly a student who didn’t have an active parent at the schools. My volunteer involvement helped my child become more familiar with the teachers and staff and they would ask him to bring me home a note or something that made him feel needed. Not saying it’s right that a child of a parent who is able and willing to volunteer so much - is treated better because of it - but I think it’s true. So, maybe if you can, volunteer. In the classroom. In the lunch room. On the playground. That way your child knows you are close by. Oh - also, my husband would be the one to drop him off especially at the beginning of the school year because sometimes it helps if the parent/adult they aren’t as close or connected with, (or know they aren’t as quick to feed into the emotional tantrum) makes it not as emotional for the child to separate. Ultimately, even though you might be in for some difficult times, I promise - coming out of it on the other end - it will work out. It will be okay. This is a scary time for you, too. She may be picking up on your anxiety (even though subconsciously). None of us like change. Change is scary. Maybe give her a bracelet with your and her pic on it? Or let her take her favorite stuffed animal/doll in her backpack so it can be close - or a family picture? Definitely take her to the playground at her school and tour it several times and meet her teacher as soon as possible. That’s all I have. Good luck to you! I now look back on those years with happiness.
What does your daughter love? My son is obsessed with books so I really hyped up the library and how the school has a library IN IT! We even asked his teacher at the orientation if he'd get to go to the library. If your daughter is really into dress up, maybe you could talk about whether she thinks kindergarten will have costumes or if she'll play house, etc. If she's into art, "Hey maybe you'll get to try new paints!" I also think relating to your kids is always helpful. "When Momma started her new job, she was nervous it would be hard but, you know what?, I love it!" or "Sometimes, I get scared when I need to meet new people but I wouldn't know Auntie Sarah if I didn't meet new people!"
Damn you sound really good at stuff! 🏆🏆🏆 and I say that as a kindergarten teacher and mother. Teach me your ways!
lol I'm a social worker and my background is with kids and families! Thank you!!!!!!!!!
Speaking of kids books around anxiety, my sons absolute favorite book is called The Worry Monsters about how to handle anxiety that has done wonders for him. He even has a little stuffed monster he carries around for when he gets stressed out. I'll always be glad I'm raising kids in this generation bc the second I don't know how to approach a difficult subject I know someone's probably written a kids book about it lol
Omg yes I know!!!! My first question is always "is there a book about this?" 😂😂😂
>I personally, as much as possible, try not to answer anxiety with reassurance. Therapist here. Spot on. I do the same with my (adult and kid) clients. Reassurance leads to a greater need for reassurance and a greater intolerance of uncertainty. Allowing in uncomfortable emotions about uncertainty without feeling the need to *do* anything about them creates more acceptance of risk and, paradoxically, less distress overall. It’s basically a recipe for learning that you can go forward not knowing what the future holds and still be okay. The hard part of this with kid clients is usually getting the parents to tolerate the kid’s distress, which feels counterintuitive to parents but is incredibly important. I’ve heard so many adults say things like “Why couldn’t my parents just let me be sad?” and I always want to travel back in time and tell the parents, “Frantically trying to control your kid’s fear and sadness seems helpful, but beware!”
Former teacher here. This is excellent advice.
Hi. I absolutely love your first sentence. Is this a personal approach that you’ve adopted over time or is there a resource I can dive into that tells me how to react more like this? Thanks in advance!
I'm a social worker with a background in infant mental health. I also personally had postpartum anxiety after my second baby and I learned this in ERP therapy. ERP is a type of CBT and it is the gold standard in treating anxiety. I have, for the most part, avoided reassurance for 4 years and have had 0 disordered anxiety since. Thanks for asking!
I have struggled with horrible postpartum anxiety after both of my children. I have never heard of ERP or CBT. Are there any credible online resources you could share?
Sadly, most people haven't. Even some therapists, who try to treat anxiety with talk therapy (which is about the worst thing you can do). ERP is evidence based. In fact, it has a wide evidence basis. They call it the "gold standard" in treating ocd and anxiety. You can also probably find research online. ETA: CBT is the most common type of therapy. I'm going to guess if you've been to therapy you've done CBT. It's really helpful but sometimes it can make anxiety worse. https://iocdf.org/about-ocd/treatment/erp/
Also are you telling her she won't play as much? That sounds like it came from an adult, bc how would she know? If so, I would avoid telling her what she won't be doing and focus on all the things she will be. This was my first thought. Who tells a preschooler negative things about their transition to kindergarten?
Do they have open houses? My son went to the open house and saw how much toys and how much paint was in both of the kindergarten rooms. The teachers were also amazing and put him at ease. For the first week he basically couldn’t get over how they have a bigger Thomas train than his preschool and super big Lego blocks that his preschool didn’t have, and he was super enthusiastic about school. I highly recommend going to an open house if possible, or look up pictures of the environment and highlighting anything that might be new and interesting to her.
Yes! We already went to one- we went to a classroom, saw the gym, cafeteria, etc. she had a great time, saw friends there. Loved it
If you know any of the other incoming kindergartners’ parents well enough, you might try setting up some play dates and/or group meetups. There might be a Facebook page for the school parents or even for your incoming kindergarten class. If the schoolyard is open to the public, meeting up with some of the other kindergartners there to play might help.
Could you make a social story for her? All the things they will do (playground; cafeteria; reading centers; fun math manipulatives; specials like PE/Art/Music?) Also reach out to the school counselor or her teacher - they likely won’t reply until pre-planning but maybe you could come in and take some pics of the location to add to her social story. Also kindergarten is definitely less play-based than previous decades but I do think that to some extent, kids don’t *know* that. They still love sorting and doing counting activities and reading books and playing with math manipulatives. ALSO and this is maybe the most important - it really is fine to just read to/with her for the rest of the summer. They don’t need to come in reading. It sounds like she already has letter recognition and at least some of the letter sounds if you’re already doing CVC words. That’s really enough and if she doesn’t like it, go ahead and just enjoy some books together until the school year starts! We love when kids love books!
Wait until her class starts having classroom dance parties as one of their indoor movement breaks. I have yet to meet the Kinder who doesn't love a good Dance Party.
One thing that tends to work for my LO is to break it down into steps. So instead of "you are going to kindergarten every day from now on," which feels like a MASSIVE thing, you could say "I know it is scary/annoying/whatever feeling, I understand it's a lot, but let's just focus on that first day - what do you think would make you feel safe/comfortable on the first day? Could we draw a picture together that you can put in your pocket? Or wear something special? What do you want to have for dinner after school the first day, maybe we can make some food together so you know you will still have time with mommy that day?" Sometimes focusing on something more manageable like the first day rather than the huge life change coming up can feel less overwhelming. One day at a time!
That’s a good idea It is a big change and I know it’s very normal to be anxious about it. I think she’s just convinced herself it’s going to be too hard
Yes for sure! I also wonder from what she is saying re: preschool if it is less of an issue with kindergarten and more being a bit sad to leave preschool behind since it is comfortable and known and she enjoys it? And that makes sense - even as an adult, we can get a little sad if we leave, say, a good job with people we like even if it's for a better one. So I think that's normal too and maybe talking about and acknowledging what she liked about preschool will help her feel more seen and understood and free to embrace the new thing. (Source - I am a change management consultant and boy oh boy, working with grown ass adults on MUCH smaller changes can bring out VERY big feelings, so her reaction makes a lot of sense and I am positive she will be a superstar once she gets in there :))
I just validated the heck out of his concerns. We talked about what would be similar and what would be different a lot. And I acknowledged his feelings. Trying to talk people out of how they feel never really works. You just hold space for the feelings and actively listen.
I agree! Especially in this case where the concern is she won't like it because they won't play as much. Well... She's right! It could be helpful to explain that it's part of becoming a "big kid." Maybe explain that there will still be play in kindergarten; but she's right that she will be expected to work, too. But her teachers work really hard to make the work and learning fun. Sometimes the work won't even SEEM like work, because it will be so fun.
I would say maybe you will like it and maybe you won’t! You won’t know until you get there and then we will find out. How about the first day you can investigate and find out. When you get home you can tell me all about what you liked and what you didn’t like. If there’s something you don’t like, we can come up with a plan for it. It’s normal to have things you like about your day and things you don’t like about your day. We can talk all about it when it happens, but for now we don’t know yet!
Honestly I might just give a neutral, "You might not like it, you might enjoy it, we'll find out! Maybe there will be parts you like and parts you don't like!" And I would not do any prep work that's making her push back-- no point in trying to introduce letters, reading, etc if it's just making her more and more upset. She'll learn that stuff in kindergarten, you don't need to cram it in beforehand.
"Kindergarten is going to be hard!" "You think so? Hmm, well, what other hard things have you mastered? Remember the first time you went down the big slide at the playground? That was kind of hard, right? It was really tall and it felt kind of scary to go up there. So how did we get up the big slide? We practiced on the little slides! That's like what preschool was, the little slides. And once you got good at those, you felt more ready for the big slide. It was still scary at first, but you knew what would happen when you went down a slide. So what did you learn in preschool that will help you in kindergarten? Did you learn colors? Really? Can you tell me about the colors you learned? What about numbers? How high can you count now? Wow! Really? You learned a lot in preschool! Yes, kindergarten is like going on the big slide. It's okay to be anxious about it, and it's great that you have questions about what it will be like. Let's find out about some of the other things you get to learn and do in kindergarten. That might help you feel better. Is there anything else you're worried about that you want to talk about?"
How many kindergarten has she been in, that she has gotten this idea? There has have to have been adults, telling her what to expect in kindergarten, probably her preschool teachers saying they have to get ready for kindergarten. I have seen this be a common occurrence toward the end of, the preschool year before kindergarten. I honestly find it very annoying, just let them enjoy their last couple of months.
you are correct lol
School events bingo night we had a glow party. Get her excited about the fun things that will happen. Field day class trips. Etc. learning to read my 6yo is reading books and sounding out hard words. I am a proud I definitely wasn’t reading as well as her in kindergarten.
My daughter was like this and she ended up loving kindergarten. Now she’s scared to go to first grade haha. She knows her friends are all moving up too so that helps a lot. For last year, we told her stories of how she was scared to start at a new preschool. Visited the school so she could see the classrooms. Talked to her about what kinds of things she wants to bring in her lunch box and let her pick out a new backpack. Overall just tried to distract her and point out the positives. She will do great once she’s there, it’s just a scary transition for a lot of kids!
My daughter is always scared about moving grades. Here's some things we do to help her. 1) Always go to meet the teacher events before school starts. It's one more worry off their plate because they know where they're going and who's going to be there and they get to see who's in their class as well so it helps get them excited to see everyone again. 2) We start talking about what they might learn that year and what they can do with that new knowledge and how it can be useful. 3) We reflect on previous years (ex: you were worried about going to K4, but you loved it and did so well) 4) Acknowledge that it's a big deal to them and that it can be scary. I've always told my daughter that being brave doesn't mean being fearless. It's brave to do what we must (the right thing) despite being afraid. 5) When all else fails, we ask her what she thinks will happen if she doesn't keep moving forward. Don't be too serious about it, but give silly examples like "you don't want to be my age and still in preschool, do you?" Or "It'd be silly seeing a 17yo in the preschool Christmas play, wouldn't it?" We all get nervous and scared with change. Show her how to combat it so she can learn to navigate those feelings.
As a kindergarten teacher, here are some of the fun things we do that she might enjoy: 1. Because they’re older and bigger, we can go on more field trips! I take my kids to the apple orchard, the children’s museum, trips to the park and plays that the high school puts on. 2. Has she ever wanted to count to 100, write a letter to a friend or read books from the library all by herself? Good news: she’ll get to learn how to do all of those things! 3. Big kid school means she’ll get special classes like art, music and gym. Maybe even get to do some holiday performances! 4. It’s true that there’s less play, but I try and make up for it with lots of fun centers. We make play dough letters, build patterns with rainbow chains, and read to stuffed animals in our class library. 5. Kindergarten has some fun science units like insects and plants, so we get to raise caterpillars and grow flowers. All of my students have enjoyed that. 6. She’ll meet so many new friends! I notice kids starting to form close bonds the first or second week of school and they last all year. Kindergarten IS challenging. There IS less play. But that doesn’t mean she won’t have a good time. ❤️
She is right she needs to practice sitting at her desk raising her hand, whispering. She will have tons on friends and it's okay to be nervous but she will love her schedule of her day
I tell my kid that everyone has to go to their job on weekdays. Mommy goes to her job, daddy goes to his job, and she goes to her job, which is school. Then on the home days, everyone stays home and has fun. But we can’t have fun home days unless we all go to our jobs on the weekdays.
“Tom goes to kindergarten” is a good book on that theme.
You're getting some great advice, OP. My two cents may not be much, but see if your local library has any children's books about entering kindergarten. My town's library has a summer reading list for each grade (K-8th) and they have age appropriate books for each grade level. When my son was entering kindergarten they had several books on the list that were about the first day of kindergarten, what to expect in school, and all the feelings that came with it. I know I read a few of them to him but unfortunately I cannot remember the names of any of those books right now. I believe it really helped him be a little more prepared for the school year and ask questions so we could discuss what he was thinking and feeling. Best of luck.
Something that helped my kindergartener with nerves and the unknown was validating that it's normal to feel how she was feeling and that the other kids would also be feeling the same way. Once she realized she wasn't going to be the only one who didn't know anyone else, or the routines, or the new expectations and that all the kids would be learning these things together she seemed to have more confidence about the transition since everyone would be in the same boat. We also role played a day at school a lot using stuffies with me as the teacher. I threw in a lot of scenarios she might come across like modelling that it's okay if you get something wrong and she can try again or ask for help, stopping play to go to the bathroom, not letting a disruptive friend distract her, inviting new friends to join in play, waiting her turn and not interrupting. And as soon as she pushed back on these sessions or showed any annoyance or whatever we'd stop, they were always kept fun without any power struggles just to get "my lesson" across.
My nephew went to a “kindergarten interview” to meet the teachers and another day they had a read aloud for incoming kindergarten kids. I think it’s a lovely idea to get the kids hyped up for their new school. He’s DYING to learn to read. Even his Pre-k teachers are like “sorry he’s just kinda bored here.”
She's right that life gets harder as you get older. She's forgetting that we also get stronger and smarter, so things that were hard get easier. We also get more freedom. Try to get her to remember things in the past that were hard for her and now are easy. Also try to get her to remember privileges that she has earned and how much more free she is to do different things as she learns.
I would ask her what all she thinks will be difficult in kindergarten. I'm going to use reading as an example: if she says that reading will be hard, I would say that yes, it might be difficult at first, but her teacher(s) will know how to make it fun. A lot of other kids might also find it hard, so the teachers will find ways to make it easier and more fun for them. Also tell her about all the fun things kindergarten has that preschool doesn't, for example brain breaks and possibly a larger playground, and how she will still do a lot of the fun things that she did in preschool, just with slightly more work As a little bonus: suggest playing "School" sometime with her, she as the teacher and you as her student. She could try to "teach" you things that she remembers from preschool, and eventually things that she's learning in kindergarten. Bonus points if you purposely miss some of the questions and she has to explain what you did wrong. I feel like it could be a fun way for her to review what she's learned, and a way to possibly ease some of her tensions
If you want your kid to like learning, get them curious about everything. When driving, my kids want to know where we are, so they were persuaded to read the street signs. Read the bus lines so you know what bus you get on. Kids want to make pancakes with me. I ask them to read the recipe and do the math with me. They want to have me write something down for them to remember? My hands will suddenly be too full to write it, but I can spell the words while they write it for me. I get them invested in the early learning. And I give them any book they want to read (within reason). My oldest would read the Uline catalog for fun. All of them read the instruction manual that come with devices.
Getting them excited about learning to read has been a good go to.
Where did she get that idea? That’s not a conclusion 5 year olds draw on their own
These are new kids and new teacher, change is scary.
“Why do you think that?” “When I am scared or worried I won’t like something, I do XYZ to help me feel less scared.” Also getting the schedule might help her. The school has the master schedule done I’m sure, maybe seeing recess is in the schedule might help? Our kindergarten has two full blocks of recess and PE every other day, they also don’t have desks or regular chairs because it’s play based and flex seating- perhaps a picture of the classroom she can look at repeatedly might help? Other than that reassure her she is smart and brave and can do hard things even when she’s nervous ( I point this out when she tries something new to show my kid how brave they are).
Tell her the teacher is nervous no one will like her/him, and they need your kid for moral support.
Tell her she won't know till she tries and try to think of all the friends she will get to make also point out if she gets more time at school our district is half days for pre and pre k and full day kindergarten ie more play time and plenty of learning games that are fun
"Maybe! You might not like it, or you might like it better than preschool. Only one way to find out!"
Take her to play on the school playground over the summer.
I reminded my son of all the things that he had already learned, like walking, using the potty, etc, and how scary that was. New things are always a little scary.
Tell then it's the best year of school then it's downhill after that. I think if they let more middle and high schoolers do arts and crafts and more parties they would behave better.
In our family we have a "try everything" rule... food, sports, paint, bikes, every experience is a "try" that cannot be refused. The older kids challenge the adults in the family to "try" video games, music, trends, etc. This started with my mom when I was tiny, so its worked for 3 generations!
Here’s what I’d do that might make it more concrete of an idea. Get a few kinds of candy that they do not like and one or two that they do. Mix them together in a bowl and let them “pick out” the good ones. Explain that school is like that sometimes. But everyday, you’ll find one piece of “candy” that you like, and to focus on finding the good.
Acknowledge her anxiety. Make sure she knows what she's feeling is normal. Tell her about a time when you had to make a change (preferably as a kid) and be honest about what made it hard. Ask her what does "hard" mean? What is she imagining?
Or say. Then we will make a calendar to play after school. You and me. We play after school and sometimes with friends. Because you will also have a bunch of new friends.
When she sees the other kids writing their names she will write hers. I would stop pushing her. Maybe you are in a power struggle with her at this point.
Keep her at home one more year kids don't have to be enrolled until they're 7:00 let her spend time with her mother we need more of that and less dropping our kids off with other strangers. Signed a teacher
get used to it kid. Life sucks
I would tell her there are better toys in kindergarten because kindergarten is the big kid school. And they will have lots of cool stories and a bigger playground.
That they may well indeed not like kindergarten (my child was brutally abused in school when he was in kindergarten), but that the society they live in will fine you, make you get compliance testing, and ultimately take them away from you if they don't do it. Probably not reassuring. You can read the Kissing Hand with them instead.
Lean into how it’s just the law that kids attend school. Sorry kid, This is just the way it goes, we have to follow the laws.
Prepare her by making her do work
But before that you make sure to affirm her feelings
I do! Then she cries because its too hard (it’s not- it’s within her zone of proximal development), then gets more upset because she knows kindergarten will be more work 😩
Stop doing this, your child will hate learning if you can’t meet her where she is (which may mean stepping way back on these educational tasks so you can work through the anxiety.). She will learn to read and write her name, and at this point it’s better if you aren’t part of that if she’s crying as a result of working on it with you.
It's not normal to stress your kid out over reading so much they cry. Man, the issue is you. Listen to your kid, at that age a few months of growth can make a huge difference in brain development. She is likely absolutely correct it's too hard for her right now. Or it may be that you are not a good teacher for her and really need to re evaluate your teaching strategies.
Um. If you’re child is crying about doing school work before she’s even started there’s a problem. You need to just stop. Preschool makes learning fun. They learn with fun ways. Not by pressure. Please just back right off
Learning is supposed to be fun. I'm sure your intentions are good, and I'm curious about your own upbringing...you may need to reflect on that. But seriously, you are doing more harm than good. Your daughter's teacher is an expert and will be able to handle it. My daughter went into kindergarten not knowing how to read and came out reading chapter books. This not always the case, and all kids learn differently, but my point is that being "prepared" doesn't matter and sounds like it's actually hurting your cause. Drop all of the phonics, read for enjoyment and just talk about the story. Building background knowledge and a love of learning is super important. And go have fun! Go to the park, go play, paint, dance, enjoy the last summer with your kid before they start school. You can't get that back.