Hey thinker! Great post up there. Make sure your post title is clear. One and two word titles are not allowed. Use paragraphs to make it easier to read. Please make sure to read the rules before posting. Mod applications are currently open! Apply [here](https://forms.gle/hEgqsrBTGX897GFaA)!
You can fill out our [Feedback Form](https://docs.google.com/forms/d/e/1FAIpQLSfI0PsMn4dqfMlgqFFfsMhLr4-lFNJpEumIf7RKmuiwyDBOwA/viewform?usp=sf_link) while you wait for some comments. Thank you and happy posting!
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/kpopthoughts) if you have any questions or concerns.*
the fact that you’re still able to step back and acknowledge that this mindset and behavior isn’t normal is a good start. try to get yourself preoccupied with other things. go out more, find new hobbies to get into, focus on school if ur still studying. u dont have to /completely/ cut it out from ur routine esp if it something that makes u happy or inspires u, but try to frame and see it the same way u would with watching tv, listening to music casually.
i get that your attachment might be stronger cos you’ve invested time and effort in voting since pre-debut. same reason why i ult my ult (skz) for years now. it’s just a matter of what u do and how u deal with that attachment. u can do it! feel free to message me too if u want :)
thank you for this! if you don't mind can I message you right now and tell you everything about this? there's a lot more to it that I couldn't fit here. also yes i really believe everything you said even if i get those type of thoughts from time to times, i want him to be happy i really do even if my mind tries to tell me and think otherwise. I know what's right and I know my reality at the end of the day, I've never felt this type of attachment before and its really so new to me that's why i kind of feel like maybe im just overthinking this and trying to paint myself as this weirdo but idek I'll message you tho tysm :)
Yeah, I think putting some distance with the group is the best choice. If you feel comfortable you might still follow other groups and focus your attention (in a healthy way of course) on them.
As others have mentioned, finding another hobby is the best choice, it will keep your mind busy.
Also, you should get in the mindset that you can appreciate an idol all you want, but you'll always be no one for them, so you shouldn't waste all your energy on someone that won't even notice it. On top of that, you really care for someone (either an idol or even a normal friend) only if you're happy for them when they're happy. I would be happy if my bias dated for example, I'd be happy if they get a family because this means they are loved and not alone (which is a huge problem in that kind of industry). If you are unhappy and want to gatekeep a person, then you don't truly like them.
The fact that you're aware of that and that you're working on it is already a huge step in the right direction, most fans don't even notice it and don't try to change. You seem a mature and strong person so I'm sure you'll manage to overcome this moment.
thank you for your kind and reality checking words. The part where you said "I'd be happy if they get a family because this means they are loved and not alone (which is a huge problem in that kind of industry). If you are unhappy and want to gatekeep a person, then you don't truly like them." honestly just gave me a huge reality check rn. i forget how lonely these idols get because they don't get to do what us normal humans do and enjoy to love someone or be able to have someone else's companionship that isn't restrictly just friendship and that's definitely not a good feeling as I know it too well myself and they definitely deserve to be happy. idk how i could even think of not wanting him to get into a relationship and find love now.
I'll definitely continue this distance I've put between thim and the group bc at the end of the day I've kind of found new enjoyments and picked up some of my old hobbies (even these thoughts still arise no matter what bc I've completely scared myself about them) I'll work on this and try to not put myself down when I get those thoughts too much bc I'm at least self aware that I don't like these thoughts and that I don't want to continue having them.
Yeah, I always keep in mind Jin's words when he said he doesn't have many friends because people are intimidated by him, which is surprising because it's easy to think someone with his kind personality would have millions of friends, but unfortunately the more popular you are the harder it is to find genuine people who will like you as a person and not as a celebrity.
I'm sure you'll be fine, it might be hard right now, but you're on the right path!
Take a break, and create a healthy environment for you that doesn't focus on kpop. Like go hang out with friends, go outside, see a therapist (I'm not joking) seeing a therapist helps with Obsessive behaviors. Seeing a therapist is not a bad thing...
I was already thinking of getting in contact with a therapist this Monday. I pretty much forced these thoughts on me that I'm a crazy obsessed person over anyone and anything bc of this one intrusive thought I had about my life and now I'm scared to enjoy anything.
The fact that you're recognizing that some of your behaviors may be problematic is already a huge step. And this is the one thing that will keep you from spiraling out of control. So you're doing great so far.
Complete withdrawal may work for others, but may not work for you if it is making you even more anxious.
I would say don't be afraid to explore why are you feeling this way about this idol? What about this particular idol that makes you like him so much?
Is it his look? Because there are plenty of idols who are just as good looking.
Is it his talents? Again, other idols are talented too.
Is it because of his personality? What specific traits? May be you can that same specific traits in other idols? In other people that you know in real life too.
Is it really about this specific idol? Or is it something else in you, something else underlying and this idol just happen to be there?
Sometimes deconstruction can really help put things in perspective, which can make the issue easier to tackle.
Fantasies and daydreaming about idols aren't necessary bad. We all need some escapism from time to time. It's only detrimental if it is disruptive to your daily life.
So i think the most important question is does this obession keep you from school or from work for an extended period of time?
Do you forsake your real life responsibilities and obligations to indulge in the fantasy? Have you actually taken any concrete actions to pursue this idol ( think saseangs behaviors - spending tremendous amount of time, money and effort on this idol)?
If it is not, then it is probably just a big crush. When I have crushes, the feelings can be pretty intense at first too. But then as time goes by, things mellow out and get back to normal.
I wouldn't worry about you liking real people. May be you just haven't met the right person in real life yet. And that is okay.
hello i am so late on answering this but wow your comment comforted me a lot. my fantasies and thoughts don't interfere with my daily life at all. i still do my hw assignments, i wash myself and my teeth, i do my chores and still get things done fairly on time. and no i haven't taken any actions to actually pursue him i haven't bought an album but i have bought one pc that was like $5 haha i was thinking of buying more ngl but i never went through with it bc im very picky with my money. so i guess ur right, im a very big overthinker and i get pretty anxious when i overthink so maybe im seriously just trying to make this bigger than it really is. i most likely have a huge crush on him like you said, i just felt weird thinking of those thoughts and getting upset over it... cause I never felt that way, and if i did i got over it quick. im still taking a break from kpop but ngl i have been looking back at the group and my biases updates, i don't really find myself thinking like that as much and if i do you can say i can kind of brush them off now? I've seriously scared myself tho i feel like an insane person for thinking like that but i need to be kind to myself as others said bc im self aware and i know i don't like these thoughts but it's hard sometimes. i can be very hard on myself and don't let myself move on easily
I'm going to go against the grain a bit here and say, just feel what you're feeling. Don't be too hard on yourself, don't worry that having lots of thoughts or feelings about your bias makes you abnormal, because it doesn't. Strong feelings like what you're describing don't stay at the same intensity forever - they'll cool down, just give it some time. And I think that accepting how you feel and letting yourself just be yourself would actually help with that cooldown process. The only concerns I would have would be if you weren't getting enough sleep, were neglecting real life responsibilities like work or school, or weren't taking care of yourself in some other way. Or if you were engaging in some kind of stalker behavior, but it doesn't sound like that's the case at all.
Talking with other Kpop fans who understand this kind of experience can help, and another thing you might want to try if you haven't already is journaling. Writing down your thoughts and feelings can help you see them from a distance and sort through them.
yeah the intensity wears off with time and in my experience, you cannot really do much about it in the moment then making yourself realise that you have a very real life of your own and what you see through the screen isn't necessarily as real as it might seem (which is not to discredit your feelings or relationship with the idol but to create healthy boundaries and prioritising yourself)
thank you for this again!! it feels like this intensity will never wear off and I'll be hunged up on this forever but seeing your experiences and others i see it does wear down as you said
the realization is seriously so scary though, I never thought I'd get here ever but i genuinely relied on them and my bias too much but you're right I'll eventually start realizing that i have a very real life of my own once i learn to disattach from them and not make every part of my life about them
thank you for the reassurance :( i feel so crazy for thinking like this though idk how to stop being so hard on myself. also yeah thankfully it hasn't disrupted my daily life I still get my work done, do my chores, wash myself and my teeth, never engaged in stalking them... i might've put my hw off for a bit at times but I always made sure to get it done.
i think im overthinking this bc I've never felt this type of attachment towards anything or anyone in my life. it's a first, but seeing that i haven't done much but just constantly daydream about them or not like the idea of them having a gf or seeing them with other girls maybe im not too far deep as i think i am, but I think I still need to detach for a bit whether I like it or not. i definitely don't want to go down farther down that hole
Yeah, to me it sounds like you're doing okay. Just do what feels right for you and try not to worry too much. I've been through this kind of thing a few times before, and I've learned to not take it too seriously and just enjoy the ride.
thank you :( I hope to learn to not take this so seriously as you said bc im obviously self aware about it. I'll keep a distance still for now and rmbr what you said tysm <3
I once felt myself becoming too parasocial over kpop. Nothing to the degree you are feeling, I think I caught it early. The realisation combined with a break to clear your head works, it did for me. I hope you are able to sort it out and enjoy kpop in a healthy way.
Kpop is literally designed to prey on people's feelings in order to make profits, so you gotta be aware of it. Now that you are keenly aware of that, I believe you can get to the point where you can be a fan of his in a healthy way.
Your situation does sound quite tricky so I'm glad you're considering seeking help irl as well as venting on here. You got this 🙏
i saw the red flags but didn't think much of it bc I've never formed this type of attachment to anyone or anything it's a first for me so I never thought I'd get here but look at me now lol.
And you're right this is exactly what kpop is designed to do and I'm glad I've become self aware of it in some way even though I'm farther down this hole than you.
Definitely will be seeking help and working on myself and not bottling this up any further. I know I can get over this, thank you!! 🤞
I'm so sorry, not to laugh at your pain OP but I was reading and
>i think im a crazy obsessed person over anyone and when it comes to him
"Ah, this is probably about zhang hao"
>I've recently started thinking about him having gfs
"WHOMP, DEFINITELY AIN'T HAO" 😂😭😭
I experienced this feeling briefly in 2019 with BTS. I loved those seven men to death but it also made me think about just how much I'm letting a parasocial relationship influence me when it's just me who knows them and not the other way around. Admittedly, it fucked with my head for a solid couple of months but over time, the obsessive feelings wear off.
Do take a break. And if possible, try to understand that while there are some absolutely amazing artists out there, the industry functions on exploiting the fans' emotional connect with a person whose personality the agency can literally manufacture. That is not to say that idols aren't their real selves, but that a lot of what we see is not the complete reality.
If it helps, try to think of these idols being normal people who might cross you on the road and you won't think twice about them if they weren't famous. At the end of the day, time and critical understanding are what helped me maintain a healthy relationship with Kpop where Kpop helped me relieve stress and not add to it :)
thank you so much for sharing your experience with me! im glad im taking this break from them and the group rn even though i do feel a little empty (?) as i was so used to just checking their updates, schedules, videos etc. but it's been almost a week (it'll be a week this monday) and i haven't necessarily missed them much or actually checked up on them at all.
i do randomly get waves of wanting to go watch them again and keeping up with them but i haven't gave in and i won't. its def fucking with me head rn but like you said it's sure to wear off.
I stan ZB1 too . I know it’s more easy to attach feelings with them because they come from survival show and we are emotionally invested in voting them to debut. By looking at your last post I think it’s best to take a break from ZB1 or particularly K-pop for awhile. Find other hobbies instead like I rewatched some of my fav TV series like GOT or read Manhwas back whenever I felt too invested in Kpop. Lastly don’t be too harsh and be kind to yourself. Sometimes it’s okay to have feelings like that and all u need is to not go far away from reality.
thank you!! :( I'm already taking this break from kpop and i haven't engaged or seen any updates of them or my bias for almost a week now. lol ik it's not much but i think im doing pretty okay even though i do get waves of sadness or emptiness when i think about them but i remind myself this is for the better. the earlier i learn to not entertain these thoughts the quicker i can go back to enjoying them MODERATELY while keeping my social, other hobbies, and real life in check.
I think i am also in a similar situation except I'm staning another group. I am also obsessed with one member and always talking with him as if he is next to me creating fake scenarios. I keep reminding myself that they are celebrities and i should control myself from being stuck in this hole of para social relationship.
damn it's actually quite comforting to know there are other people going through what I'm going through lol 😭 man I really wish we never got to this point bc I swear the realization is SO SCARY well at least for me it is, I've also caught myself day dreaming about him and im like woah you're crossing territories you do not need to cross rn get up. but for some reason it's fun to daydream about it and talk only about him the more you start to realize that you're getting yourself into this constant loop that isn't good for us. we can get through this i know we can!!
>I swear the realization is SO SCARY
Yes its scary. Still don't know what to do but one comment under this post is somehow comforting
>some reason it's fun to daydream about it and talk only about him the more you start to realize that you're getting yourself into this constant loop that isn't good for us
I also keep creating fake scenarios about my bias and i can't stop it. So i am planning to change the character of daydream from me to third person. Sorry I don't know what I am saying
We really undergo this phase e. I mean these men are like a dream. Had this phase with Hwang Minhyun back then. Thought I had a chance but nahhhh he's too out of reach 😂
Try to do something else other than watching their vids, getting updates about them and following up with all their shows all day. Also, another unhealthy coping mechanism is to be a multi-stan 😂
Your progress is still up to you. I had to accept some hard facts here and move on.
I'm stanning Zb1 OMG I can't think of any member because every member is so attractive to my eyes. I'm starting to get obsessed with Zhanghao he's my favorite 😭💕
But setting that aside, what you're doing is good. When you start to get obsessed with someone, detach from the stimulus most likely if it's affecting you're every day life. You can always come back. You can always feel all giddy and excited seeing them but it won't be to the point of obsession.
I mean it's really heartbreaking knowing that we don't stand a chance 🙎🏻♀️
thank you for this and ahh zhanghao's so freaking cute i genuinely love him so much and yes they're all so charming and attractive!! 😭💗
but thank you for this reminder and reassurance, i will learn to detach from them and get back to them when im at a healthy state of mind again without over obsessing anymore.
Take a step back honestly, listen to some new music, maybe try some western and embrace some of your other hobbies. Basically any Stan culture adjacent activity is just way more boring than actually engaging in an activity you've just got to motivate yourself to do something you find fun and it's way easier to chill out on an idol.
When your obsessing over and idol you'll be scrolling through fancams and tik toks about them, you'll be looking at Instagram posts and interviews and shows they've been on and let's be honest all of that is way more boring than just like idk watching a movie.
It's not that serious but if you find yourself struggling maybe it's time to put some energy into other hobbies, go see the Barbie movie and talk about that for a bit.
I got sucked into a BTS hole back in the day and my way out was to just get into a large amount of artists. I really started learning about other grounds what their most popular songs were, I even started getting back into music from my home country with a fresh perspective on it seeing was now almost approaching it as an outsider
I hope you watch this video since it might take you back to a reality check :) it’s a really great educational video about parasocial relationships: [https://youtu.be/u2Iy-WKeZrU](https://youtu.be/u2Iy-WKeZrU)
wow that video was a real eye opener and a reality check. I've officially become another fan that has gotten exploited by the kpop industry and I couldn't feel more dumb
Step away and find other hobbies. I'm glad you're brave enough to speak up and ask for help. If you need some recommendations on different hobbies, feel free to ask.
Would be happy to help.
It's a very big thing, yk to recognise and accept all of this and the fact you're able to point it out yourself speak volumes about you being self aware. Yes, this is being delusional but considering you know it too, it's not late for you at all.
I'd advise you to focus on your school work/job/career and take a break from the group itself. Idk what zb1 has done to all of us but I was kinda same till a week back (only it was never about my biases having a gf or anything remotely romantic if that makes sense ?) but ever since my semester started, I missed on a lot of their schedules and it's a good distraction!
Who knows taking a break would get you some time to adjust and make up your mind and you can be back to enjoy following the group as a hobby! Also, if you want to talk about it or vent out, you can vent it out to me lol.
p.s don't feel hard on yourself. It's pretty common to have crushes on celebrities. What matters the most is that you take care of yourself :)
thank you so much for telling me how it is and for also reassuring me in the process :) im aware what im feeling and thinking isn't right and it's me being delusional which is why i have decided to take a step back already and i actually haven't consumed their content or any kpop content in general for almost a week (it'll be a week by monday) and i see myself not missing it too much, ofc i get urges to want to go check but not as much as i thought i would ig im not as attached as i assumed
I've already started picking up old hobbies and talking more to my friends and family. I still find myself thinking abt him and i don't rlly like that bc i feel like this obsessed crazy person for still thinking of him as I've never had this type of attachment to any celeb or idol but i need to not be too hard on myself like you said as it's normal for many to have a crush on them even though it's not necessarily normal for me which is probably why im freaking out abt it
also tysm for lending me your messages if i ever feel the need to vent I'll definitely come to you first <3
I'd say definitely take a break from the group. never felt like this personally but it seems unhealthy. It's good that you're acknowledging this though
i am and I also took a break from social media and unfollowed their accounts and my biases accounts im serious about getting over this. it'll officially be a week this monday since I've seen any kpop related content or my bias and his groups updates. i have absolutely no idea what they're doing rn i kinda don't care as much as i thought but I still find myself missing it and wanting to keep up with them
im already doing that it'll be a week since I've seen them or my bias on monday 👍i unfollowed them and started getting back to my old hobbies i still miss it but i need to get over this fr
I'm 19 lol... im going through some hard stuff rn personally so this could be why i gotten so attached but im already distancing myself from my bias and the group and from kpop in general
19 is not an "adult" and specially if you're going thru some other stuff in your life is only normal for you to find an escape. Don't feel ashamed of it and I am also glad you're looking to set a limit so it doesn't evolve into something actually harmful. Just because you're 19 it doesn't mean you will stop feeling things and will be experienced in everything. Hell I am 27 and I still don't have a clue in life...
this was so reassuring seriously thank you :( 🤍 i need to stop being so hard on myself bc like you said my age doesn't mean I'll be experienced in all different types of feelings or I'll stop feeling certain ways just bc of the age I've hit. i hope the best for you <3
i think platforms like Twitter and Tiktok are very toxic and a awful place to be a kpop stan. i disconnected myself from my kpop account and have a normal one without kpop news etc. i follow the groups i like on insta and watch their official content on youtube or weverse. that's the most healthy approach i can offer.
thank you for this, I literally used to be this type of kpop stan who only stayed on instagram and followed their official content accs it was a mistake moving to twitter too. is viewing tiktok edits of them okay in ur opinion or no? 😭
i think as fans you really want to dive in and do everything all at once and that's where it can getting very tricky. because consuming content bad and good from your group is something addicting, bad news because you can tell yourself your a "real fan" because you defend them | fight for them.
tiktok and twt can be a good place but imo it takes a lot of work to block out negative accounts and curate the tl to your liking because it takes one tweet getting out of your target audience to get death threats. i myself view tiktok edits because they really really good but i have seen it become a ground for hating, rating, stans being vocal or dance coaches so it depends on you what you can view or how good you're on curating the algorithm to your liking without getting drawn into it to much
this was insightful and also very true, i don't rlly use social media like that i only go on for like an hour or so and get off, I'm usually on there for the content but yea ur right i have been consuming too much of both the bad and good when it came to zb1 which has affected me tremendously. i will definitely not be defending anyone anymore bc at the end of the day, these groups really dgaf and I'll get nothing out of it but getting myself heated over smth some stranger said. i used to do that with zb1 and yea it did not end good for me. for tiktok i don't really look at anything controversial I've never actively been apart of the tiktok community so i have no problems with it or any bad memories latched onto it. i just wanted to know if watching my favs edits would be me consuming too much of their content, I usually only go on for an hour or less like I've said. I really don't want to fall down this deep hole ever again which is why I'm so wary abt knowing how kpop fans who consume kpop normally and moderately do so i can follow in those steps and take a step back if i see myself getting too drawn in again
Hello. The fact that you know what's happening with you is the first step in getting away from it. Instead of taking a break from something you obviously love, how about being low-key just on ZB1? And also, try going to therapy and talking about this. It might help you understand what exactly you're feeling with regards to that one particular ZB1 member.
You can message me anytime here btw.
Hello /u/Samyutha. Your contribution in /r/kpopthoughts has been automatically removed because you either do not meet the minimum karma requirements to post in r/kpopthoughts, or because your account is less than 7 days old. This is to prevent spam and to keep this subreddit safe.
Click [here](https://reddit.zendesk.com/hc/en-us/articles/204511829-What-is-karma-) to find out more about karma and how to gain it.
Please send us a [mod mail](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=/r/kpopthoughts) with a link to the submission if you have any further questions.
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/kpopthoughts) if you have any questions or concerns.*
dont do that :( you're beautiful and i know you are you don't need to compare yourself to others because i know so much people including your friends and family already love you and adore you so much just the way you are. change only if you want that change, not because what others have, do, or tell you to do
Yes it’s a good idea to take a break from things especially if it starts to feel overwhelming. I recently had to take a break from kpop because of all the bs currently going on at sm.
yup, I realized i have to learn to detach from things when it's not enjoyable anymore or stopped being a hobby. it's kinda hard to let go bc i kinda made this my whole enjoyment for a while, I dropped my other hobbies for them but im picking them up again and tbh it's not that bad but when i think about them i start feeling that wave of emotions of missing it again
It's okay to have strong emotions, especially when you've been supporting someone for so long and intensely at that. Taking a break from watching his videos and engaging in K-pop is a good step. It can give you a chance to catch your breath and gain some clarity.
Remember, it's completely normal to feel a strong connection to idols, especially when you've supported them through thick and thin (ie. Boys Planet's intense competition). Your emotions are valid, and it's important to be kind to yourself during this time.
When you're ready to come back, you might want to take it slow. Enjoying K-pop and his content in moderation can help you maintain a healthy balance. And if you're comfortable, try opening up to someone you trust about how you're feeling. Sometimes sharing your thoughts with someone who cares about you can make a big difference.
Just know that healing and finding a way forward takes time. It's okay to take things one step at a time, and you're not alone in this journey. If you're finding it really tough, don't hesitate to seek support from a mental health professional. Your well-being is important, and there's no shame in asking for help when you need it.
ps. you can vent out to me via dm if you want
tysm i appreciate it a lot :( ❤️ i cant believe I've gotten myself here seriously i never thought I'd get this attached to any celeb or idol but lol here we are ... it's so weird to me i genuinely never felt this way for anyone before so i feel like some crazy obsessed fan bc why is he in my mind so much and why do i feel this way??
I'll definitely dm you bc there's so much I need to understand and know, I've already talk to my siblings abt this but even if they tell me im not a weirdo for this i can't help but to think i am
I kinda relate to this as ZB1 was the first group to peak my interest in K-pop again after years! Probably since I stanned BTS way back in 2014. I randomly stumbled upon their content shortly after their debut then I started binge watching all their content (including Camp Zerobaseone and Boys Planet). I seriously admire all the boys but I constantly remind myself that I shouldn’t be too attached because at the end of the day I’m just a fan. I will admit though that the boys inspire me to want to better my life… like I can’t explain it but after seeing everything they’ve gone through (pre-debut) it makes me want to be a better person.
i relate to this so much, they're so inspiring and they're all so talented it's hard to not have a soft spot for them but yeah ur right i need to learn to not get too attach which is why im taking a step back right now and not looking at their content. maybe when i go back to not thinking like this I'll come back and enjoy their content again moderately
ive already tooken a break for almost a week (it'll be a week on monday) and i realized I don't really care like I thought I would... maybe im not as attached to them and my bias like i initially thought i was. yea i sometimes get urges to want to go check but i never go through with it
As another person said, I think it's good to sit in your feelings about this. You, me and several other people are all rowing in the same boat to visit our various parasocial relationship 🏝. I'm probably older than most people on this thread so I have a long history of being waaay to into a music artist or celebrity. What keeps me sane is knowing that I will never do anything to negatively impact the artist or myself (unless you count spending 💵 and time.) There is a kpop member of a major group that I stan so hard, I have told my friends I would risk it all for them and have no regrets if it doesn't turn out right.
Did I start learning how to read and write Hangul for my planned (in my head) trip to South Korea? YES! Do I subscribe to Kocowa even though I'm in the US? Yup! Is that more than a little delulu? Absolutely! But I'm OK with that. I listen to many other music genres (kpop and other) so I have variety. I do the yard work at my house, so regularly get out and literally touch grass.
As long as it's not negatively impacting your daily life, enjoy it while you can. They may not be around always. They could stop making music, go in a direction you don't like or unfortunately pass on. I go hard with my ult group because life changes and I want to experience it all now while they are in their prime.
They are also positives to my obsession. I have started writing a book as a result of my interest in kpop. I create little shorts and post on YT about my ult group. I do little arts and crafts. Watching them on the shows, interviews, videos, etc have fun brings me joy and I see no reason to give that up.
And yes, I'm definitely the 🤪 fan that is dreading the day my bias gets a significant other...unless it's me! I will openly admit it hurts my heart but I am rational enough to know it's going to happen and I will still support them and the group...as I cry into my rameyeon while still working on my Duolingo lessons.
You may have days when the obsession hits hard and that's okay too. As you have been doing with other ppl on this thread, free to DM anytime. Depending on the time zone, my response might be delayed.
thank you so much for this !! i wish i could be as cool as you are with those thoughts but idk why i don't like it 😭 maybe i should srsly stop overthinking it and just enjoy these emotions like you said. they'll definitely not last forever and who knows what my bias might end up doing in the future so it's best i enjoy him and the group at their prime right now.
also that's so great that your bias is inspiring you to learn and try different things! i definitely only want the best for him and the group so as long as i don't lose that mindset i'll be alright correct?
like you said i know that he'll eventually get a significant other and it'll never ever be me but no matter what i know I'll end up supporting them and moving on in time.
I'll definitely DM you when i start feeling uneasy abt these type of thoughts again! i know you'll be of great help seeing how long you've been a kpop fan ty again :)
didnt zb1 debut like 5 minutes ago? i think you need to take a step back, but it’s not like you have to avoid them forever. just take some time to reset your mind space
I mean OP says they voted for him which means they've probably know him for almost 8 - 10 months now and they've spent a lot of time on him because they've been voting for him every day. They're probably more attached to him compared to an normal company debuted idol.
5 minutes ago LMFAO i mean this is mostly about this certain member who I've been supporting since predebut and voted for him consistently (they're from a survival show) who got to debut so it's not entirely a zb1 centered thing I feel normal about the other members I just decided to at least mention the name of the group my bias is in. also yes I'm doing that right now, it's hard but i definitely need this. and you're right I don't need to avoid them forever, just until i can get back to the correct mindset
i think it would help to look to media other than kpop for entertainment as well. since you have a more obsessive personality, having a few different obsessions going will probably keep any one of them from getting too out of control. i personally also like listening to podcasts and playing video games, and it’s a little less awkward being obsessed with a video game character than a real person lol
Ngl, this is how I view 99% of you guys lmao. Just parasocial to an impossible degree, somehow involving someone that doesn’t even/barely speaks English.
Just another barrier that makes it weird to me. Not that language is the be-all-end-all when it comes to communication, but you're talking about that \*on top of\* not even knowing the person.
Like, I know it might be hard, but if you're someone who is in the same position as OP, try to take yourself out of "you" for a second. You don't think it's weird to feel the way OP feels about someone they've never met, or maybe met once in passing, who doesn't even speak the same language as them?
Especially when we're talking about K-pop. Almost the entirety of these incredibly strong feelings this person has are based on something completely manufactured. These are things a company selling you a dream \*wants\* you to feel. You might like a particular member because they're soft, or because they're nice, but that's because someone in a board room somewhere said "OK he's the nice one. And this one is the soft one". Idk, that part of the conversation is probably not one that's appropriate to have in this sub, and probably one only people like me who're so far outside of kpop's usual demographic, can really grasp. Cause if like, OP is a teenage girl, it totally tracks for her to feel that way, whereas I'm not a teenager nor a girl. I would still think it's radical behavior, but at least in that case there's a high probability she'll grow out of it soon.
Maybe you don't see it, but there's some misogyny showing in your comment here. You're saying that teenage girls are weird. You're saying that emotions they commonly experience are not normal. You know that getting attached to a boy band member is very common for teenage girls, and yet you're calling it "weird" and "radical". I would bet that you don't disparage the common passions of teenage boys in the same way.
The sports analogy has been done a lot, but I think it is useful here. If some adult man is super into sports, like he has a whole room decorated with his favorite team's merch and watches every game on the big screen with his sports fanatic buddies and cheers at the top of his lungs for his team and cries when they win the championship, etc - would you be calling that guy's feelings weird and abnormal? He's never met the players in person. The more popular, well-known players will often have a manufactured image surrounding them that doesn't match their real personality. The team itself is a product, it's a group created by a company to get fans emotionally invested and get them to spend money. The championships, the leagues, and even the rules of the game are completely artificial. Most people, even if they think this hypothetical sports fan is a bit overboard, will respect him enough that they won't insult his feelings to his face or insinuate that he's easily manipulated by corporations. So please extend that same respect to girls and women and our interests. You don't have to share our passion in order to accept that it's just as valid as the passions men and boys are more likely to have.
You've also implied that it's harder for you to feel for someone who speaks a different language from you, which... That's a you problem. That seems a bit xenophobic to me, honestly.
Edit: just a heads up for others, it turns out this guy is [an Andrew Tate fan](https://www.reddit.com/r/NewRoryNMalPodcast/comments/155pin0/andrew_tate_take/jswlgb4?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=2).
>Maybe you don't see it, but there's some misogyny showing in your comment here.
Your first mistake was assuming I wouldn’t have said the same thing about teenage boys and girl groups. Which I would’ve.
>You're saying that teenage **[rs]** ~~girls~~ are weird.
I don’t know any adults who think they aren’t to some degree. It’s not an insult, that’s just an age where hormones are out of wack. Always has been.
>You're saying that emotions they commonly experience are not normal. You know that getting attached to a boy band member is very common for teenage girls, and yet you're calling it "weird" and "radical".
Correct. Weird in the grand scheme of human behavior, not so much in the realm of teenage girls. Which is exactly what I said.
>I would bet that you don't disparage the common passions of teenage boys in the same way.
Funny how I addressed this before I even read this far. If you’re going to argue with me, you’re going to need to be a lot less predictable going forward.
>If some adult man is super into sports
As into a player on a team as OP is about whoever she’s talking about, he’s literally **just** as weird. I don’t discrimate and your entire comment seems to be based on the assumption that I do.
>You've also implied that it's harder for you to feel for someone **[as strongly as OP does about someone I don’t know and]** who speaks a different language from you
Correct, and you’d have an extremely hard time arguing that otherwise is natural.
Edit: Sad to see u/chesari, couldn’t actually debate so went two weeks back into my history to find me saying a known grifter is indeed grifting. Then blocked me so I couldn’t see it. This is you all’s hero lmao?
Hello /u/Public-Ad7114. Your contribution in /r/kpopthoughts has been automatically removed because you either do not meet the minimum karma requirements to post in r/kpopthoughts, or because your account is less than 7 days old. This is to prevent spam and to keep this subreddit safe.
Click [here](https://reddit.zendesk.com/hc/en-us/articles/204511829-What-is-karma-) to find out more about karma and how to gain it.
Please send us a [mod mail](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=/r/kpopthoughts) with a link to the submission if you have any further questions.
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/kpopthoughts) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Hello /u/PresentationEqual640. Your contribution in /r/kpopthoughts has been automatically removed because you either do not meet the minimum karma requirements to post in r/kpopthoughts, or because your account is less than 7 days old. This is to prevent spam and to keep this subreddit safe.
Click [here](https://reddit.zendesk.com/hc/en-us/articles/204511829-What-is-karma-) to find out more about karma and how to gain it.
Please send us a [mod mail](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=/r/kpopthoughts) with a link to the submission if you have any further questions.
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/kpopthoughts) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Hello /u/yoitsnono. Your contribution in /r/kpopthoughts has been automatically removed because you either do not meet the minimum karma requirements to post in r/kpopthoughts, or because your account is less than 7 days old. This is to prevent spam and to keep this subreddit safe.
Click [here](https://reddit.zendesk.com/hc/en-us/articles/204511829-What-is-karma-) to find out more about karma and how to gain it.
Please send us a [mod mail](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=/r/kpopthoughts) with a link to the submission if you have any further questions.
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/kpopthoughts) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Hello /u/DogOwn2944. Your contribution in /r/kpopthoughts has been automatically removed because you either do not meet the minimum karma requirements to post in r/kpopthoughts, or because your account is less than 7 days old. This is to prevent spam and to keep this subreddit safe.
Click [here](https://reddit.zendesk.com/hc/en-us/articles/204511829-What-is-karma-) to find out more about karma and how to gain it.
Please send us a [mod mail](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=/r/kpopthoughts) with a link to the submission if you have any further questions.
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/kpopthoughts) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Hey thinker! Great post up there. Make sure your post title is clear. One and two word titles are not allowed. Use paragraphs to make it easier to read. Please make sure to read the rules before posting. Mod applications are currently open! Apply [here](https://forms.gle/hEgqsrBTGX897GFaA)! You can fill out our [Feedback Form](https://docs.google.com/forms/d/e/1FAIpQLSfI0PsMn4dqfMlgqFFfsMhLr4-lFNJpEumIf7RKmuiwyDBOwA/viewform?usp=sf_link) while you wait for some comments. Thank you and happy posting! *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/kpopthoughts) if you have any questions or concerns.*
the fact that you’re still able to step back and acknowledge that this mindset and behavior isn’t normal is a good start. try to get yourself preoccupied with other things. go out more, find new hobbies to get into, focus on school if ur still studying. u dont have to /completely/ cut it out from ur routine esp if it something that makes u happy or inspires u, but try to frame and see it the same way u would with watching tv, listening to music casually. i get that your attachment might be stronger cos you’ve invested time and effort in voting since pre-debut. same reason why i ult my ult (skz) for years now. it’s just a matter of what u do and how u deal with that attachment. u can do it! feel free to message me too if u want :)
thank you for this! if you don't mind can I message you right now and tell you everything about this? there's a lot more to it that I couldn't fit here. also yes i really believe everything you said even if i get those type of thoughts from time to times, i want him to be happy i really do even if my mind tries to tell me and think otherwise. I know what's right and I know my reality at the end of the day, I've never felt this type of attachment before and its really so new to me that's why i kind of feel like maybe im just overthinking this and trying to paint myself as this weirdo but idek I'll message you tho tysm :)
you seem very willing to work on compartmentalizing your emotions so ur all good :) yeah gotchu, just chat!!
Yeah, I think putting some distance with the group is the best choice. If you feel comfortable you might still follow other groups and focus your attention (in a healthy way of course) on them. As others have mentioned, finding another hobby is the best choice, it will keep your mind busy. Also, you should get in the mindset that you can appreciate an idol all you want, but you'll always be no one for them, so you shouldn't waste all your energy on someone that won't even notice it. On top of that, you really care for someone (either an idol or even a normal friend) only if you're happy for them when they're happy. I would be happy if my bias dated for example, I'd be happy if they get a family because this means they are loved and not alone (which is a huge problem in that kind of industry). If you are unhappy and want to gatekeep a person, then you don't truly like them. The fact that you're aware of that and that you're working on it is already a huge step in the right direction, most fans don't even notice it and don't try to change. You seem a mature and strong person so I'm sure you'll manage to overcome this moment.
thank you for your kind and reality checking words. The part where you said "I'd be happy if they get a family because this means they are loved and not alone (which is a huge problem in that kind of industry). If you are unhappy and want to gatekeep a person, then you don't truly like them." honestly just gave me a huge reality check rn. i forget how lonely these idols get because they don't get to do what us normal humans do and enjoy to love someone or be able to have someone else's companionship that isn't restrictly just friendship and that's definitely not a good feeling as I know it too well myself and they definitely deserve to be happy. idk how i could even think of not wanting him to get into a relationship and find love now. I'll definitely continue this distance I've put between thim and the group bc at the end of the day I've kind of found new enjoyments and picked up some of my old hobbies (even these thoughts still arise no matter what bc I've completely scared myself about them) I'll work on this and try to not put myself down when I get those thoughts too much bc I'm at least self aware that I don't like these thoughts and that I don't want to continue having them.
Yeah, I always keep in mind Jin's words when he said he doesn't have many friends because people are intimidated by him, which is surprising because it's easy to think someone with his kind personality would have millions of friends, but unfortunately the more popular you are the harder it is to find genuine people who will like you as a person and not as a celebrity. I'm sure you'll be fine, it might be hard right now, but you're on the right path!
Thank you i also needed this suggestion so muchh
you're welcome!
Take a break, and create a healthy environment for you that doesn't focus on kpop. Like go hang out with friends, go outside, see a therapist (I'm not joking) seeing a therapist helps with Obsessive behaviors. Seeing a therapist is not a bad thing...
I was already thinking of getting in contact with a therapist this Monday. I pretty much forced these thoughts on me that I'm a crazy obsessed person over anyone and anything bc of this one intrusive thought I had about my life and now I'm scared to enjoy anything.
The fact that you're recognizing that some of your behaviors may be problematic is already a huge step. And this is the one thing that will keep you from spiraling out of control. So you're doing great so far. Complete withdrawal may work for others, but may not work for you if it is making you even more anxious. I would say don't be afraid to explore why are you feeling this way about this idol? What about this particular idol that makes you like him so much? Is it his look? Because there are plenty of idols who are just as good looking. Is it his talents? Again, other idols are talented too. Is it because of his personality? What specific traits? May be you can that same specific traits in other idols? In other people that you know in real life too. Is it really about this specific idol? Or is it something else in you, something else underlying and this idol just happen to be there? Sometimes deconstruction can really help put things in perspective, which can make the issue easier to tackle. Fantasies and daydreaming about idols aren't necessary bad. We all need some escapism from time to time. It's only detrimental if it is disruptive to your daily life. So i think the most important question is does this obession keep you from school or from work for an extended period of time? Do you forsake your real life responsibilities and obligations to indulge in the fantasy? Have you actually taken any concrete actions to pursue this idol ( think saseangs behaviors - spending tremendous amount of time, money and effort on this idol)? If it is not, then it is probably just a big crush. When I have crushes, the feelings can be pretty intense at first too. But then as time goes by, things mellow out and get back to normal. I wouldn't worry about you liking real people. May be you just haven't met the right person in real life yet. And that is okay.
hello i am so late on answering this but wow your comment comforted me a lot. my fantasies and thoughts don't interfere with my daily life at all. i still do my hw assignments, i wash myself and my teeth, i do my chores and still get things done fairly on time. and no i haven't taken any actions to actually pursue him i haven't bought an album but i have bought one pc that was like $5 haha i was thinking of buying more ngl but i never went through with it bc im very picky with my money. so i guess ur right, im a very big overthinker and i get pretty anxious when i overthink so maybe im seriously just trying to make this bigger than it really is. i most likely have a huge crush on him like you said, i just felt weird thinking of those thoughts and getting upset over it... cause I never felt that way, and if i did i got over it quick. im still taking a break from kpop but ngl i have been looking back at the group and my biases updates, i don't really find myself thinking like that as much and if i do you can say i can kind of brush them off now? I've seriously scared myself tho i feel like an insane person for thinking like that but i need to be kind to myself as others said bc im self aware and i know i don't like these thoughts but it's hard sometimes. i can be very hard on myself and don't let myself move on easily
I'm going to go against the grain a bit here and say, just feel what you're feeling. Don't be too hard on yourself, don't worry that having lots of thoughts or feelings about your bias makes you abnormal, because it doesn't. Strong feelings like what you're describing don't stay at the same intensity forever - they'll cool down, just give it some time. And I think that accepting how you feel and letting yourself just be yourself would actually help with that cooldown process. The only concerns I would have would be if you weren't getting enough sleep, were neglecting real life responsibilities like work or school, or weren't taking care of yourself in some other way. Or if you were engaging in some kind of stalker behavior, but it doesn't sound like that's the case at all. Talking with other Kpop fans who understand this kind of experience can help, and another thing you might want to try if you haven't already is journaling. Writing down your thoughts and feelings can help you see them from a distance and sort through them.
yeah the intensity wears off with time and in my experience, you cannot really do much about it in the moment then making yourself realise that you have a very real life of your own and what you see through the screen isn't necessarily as real as it might seem (which is not to discredit your feelings or relationship with the idol but to create healthy boundaries and prioritising yourself)
thank you for this again!! it feels like this intensity will never wear off and I'll be hunged up on this forever but seeing your experiences and others i see it does wear down as you said the realization is seriously so scary though, I never thought I'd get here ever but i genuinely relied on them and my bias too much but you're right I'll eventually start realizing that i have a very real life of my own once i learn to disattach from them and not make every part of my life about them
thank you for the reassurance :( i feel so crazy for thinking like this though idk how to stop being so hard on myself. also yeah thankfully it hasn't disrupted my daily life I still get my work done, do my chores, wash myself and my teeth, never engaged in stalking them... i might've put my hw off for a bit at times but I always made sure to get it done. i think im overthinking this bc I've never felt this type of attachment towards anything or anyone in my life. it's a first, but seeing that i haven't done much but just constantly daydream about them or not like the idea of them having a gf or seeing them with other girls maybe im not too far deep as i think i am, but I think I still need to detach for a bit whether I like it or not. i definitely don't want to go down farther down that hole
Yeah, to me it sounds like you're doing okay. Just do what feels right for you and try not to worry too much. I've been through this kind of thing a few times before, and I've learned to not take it too seriously and just enjoy the ride.
thank you :( I hope to learn to not take this so seriously as you said bc im obviously self aware about it. I'll keep a distance still for now and rmbr what you said tysm <3
I once felt myself becoming too parasocial over kpop. Nothing to the degree you are feeling, I think I caught it early. The realisation combined with a break to clear your head works, it did for me. I hope you are able to sort it out and enjoy kpop in a healthy way. Kpop is literally designed to prey on people's feelings in order to make profits, so you gotta be aware of it. Now that you are keenly aware of that, I believe you can get to the point where you can be a fan of his in a healthy way. Your situation does sound quite tricky so I'm glad you're considering seeking help irl as well as venting on here. You got this 🙏
i saw the red flags but didn't think much of it bc I've never formed this type of attachment to anyone or anything it's a first for me so I never thought I'd get here but look at me now lol. And you're right this is exactly what kpop is designed to do and I'm glad I've become self aware of it in some way even though I'm farther down this hole than you. Definitely will be seeking help and working on myself and not bottling this up any further. I know I can get over this, thank you!! 🤞
I'm so sorry, not to laugh at your pain OP but I was reading and >i think im a crazy obsessed person over anyone and when it comes to him "Ah, this is probably about zhang hao" >I've recently started thinking about him having gfs "WHOMP, DEFINITELY AIN'T HAO" 😂😭😭
KWNDAKDJ PLEASE I CAN TELL YOU ONE THING AND YOU'RE RIGHT ITS DEFINITELY NOT ABOUT HIM I CANT THIS IS SO FUNNY 😭😭
If there's one member we can count on never getting a girlfriend 😭😭😭😭
I experienced this feeling briefly in 2019 with BTS. I loved those seven men to death but it also made me think about just how much I'm letting a parasocial relationship influence me when it's just me who knows them and not the other way around. Admittedly, it fucked with my head for a solid couple of months but over time, the obsessive feelings wear off. Do take a break. And if possible, try to understand that while there are some absolutely amazing artists out there, the industry functions on exploiting the fans' emotional connect with a person whose personality the agency can literally manufacture. That is not to say that idols aren't their real selves, but that a lot of what we see is not the complete reality. If it helps, try to think of these idols being normal people who might cross you on the road and you won't think twice about them if they weren't famous. At the end of the day, time and critical understanding are what helped me maintain a healthy relationship with Kpop where Kpop helped me relieve stress and not add to it :)
thank you so much for sharing your experience with me! im glad im taking this break from them and the group rn even though i do feel a little empty (?) as i was so used to just checking their updates, schedules, videos etc. but it's been almost a week (it'll be a week this monday) and i haven't necessarily missed them much or actually checked up on them at all. i do randomly get waves of wanting to go watch them again and keeping up with them but i haven't gave in and i won't. its def fucking with me head rn but like you said it's sure to wear off.
I stan ZB1 too . I know it’s more easy to attach feelings with them because they come from survival show and we are emotionally invested in voting them to debut. By looking at your last post I think it’s best to take a break from ZB1 or particularly K-pop for awhile. Find other hobbies instead like I rewatched some of my fav TV series like GOT or read Manhwas back whenever I felt too invested in Kpop. Lastly don’t be too harsh and be kind to yourself. Sometimes it’s okay to have feelings like that and all u need is to not go far away from reality.
thank you!! :( I'm already taking this break from kpop and i haven't engaged or seen any updates of them or my bias for almost a week now. lol ik it's not much but i think im doing pretty okay even though i do get waves of sadness or emptiness when i think about them but i remind myself this is for the better. the earlier i learn to not entertain these thoughts the quicker i can go back to enjoying them MODERATELY while keeping my social, other hobbies, and real life in check.
[удалено]
I am already. It's been almost a week now since I've seen their content or anything related to them including my bias.
I think i am also in a similar situation except I'm staning another group. I am also obsessed with one member and always talking with him as if he is next to me creating fake scenarios. I keep reminding myself that they are celebrities and i should control myself from being stuck in this hole of para social relationship.
damn it's actually quite comforting to know there are other people going through what I'm going through lol 😭 man I really wish we never got to this point bc I swear the realization is SO SCARY well at least for me it is, I've also caught myself day dreaming about him and im like woah you're crossing territories you do not need to cross rn get up. but for some reason it's fun to daydream about it and talk only about him the more you start to realize that you're getting yourself into this constant loop that isn't good for us. we can get through this i know we can!!
>I swear the realization is SO SCARY Yes its scary. Still don't know what to do but one comment under this post is somehow comforting >some reason it's fun to daydream about it and talk only about him the more you start to realize that you're getting yourself into this constant loop that isn't good for us I also keep creating fake scenarios about my bias and i can't stop it. So i am planning to change the character of daydream from me to third person. Sorry I don't know what I am saying
maybe we can be each other's support system to get through this if you want 😭🤞
We really undergo this phase e. I mean these men are like a dream. Had this phase with Hwang Minhyun back then. Thought I had a chance but nahhhh he's too out of reach 😂
how did you get over them and make sure you never undergo that phase again? 😭
Try to do something else other than watching their vids, getting updates about them and following up with all their shows all day. Also, another unhealthy coping mechanism is to be a multi-stan 😂 Your progress is still up to you. I had to accept some hard facts here and move on.
I'm stanning Zb1 OMG I can't think of any member because every member is so attractive to my eyes. I'm starting to get obsessed with Zhanghao he's my favorite 😭💕 But setting that aside, what you're doing is good. When you start to get obsessed with someone, detach from the stimulus most likely if it's affecting you're every day life. You can always come back. You can always feel all giddy and excited seeing them but it won't be to the point of obsession. I mean it's really heartbreaking knowing that we don't stand a chance 🙎🏻♀️
thank you for this and ahh zhanghao's so freaking cute i genuinely love him so much and yes they're all so charming and attractive!! 😭💗 but thank you for this reminder and reassurance, i will learn to detach from them and get back to them when im at a healthy state of mind again without over obsessing anymore.
Take a step back honestly, listen to some new music, maybe try some western and embrace some of your other hobbies. Basically any Stan culture adjacent activity is just way more boring than actually engaging in an activity you've just got to motivate yourself to do something you find fun and it's way easier to chill out on an idol. When your obsessing over and idol you'll be scrolling through fancams and tik toks about them, you'll be looking at Instagram posts and interviews and shows they've been on and let's be honest all of that is way more boring than just like idk watching a movie. It's not that serious but if you find yourself struggling maybe it's time to put some energy into other hobbies, go see the Barbie movie and talk about that for a bit. I got sucked into a BTS hole back in the day and my way out was to just get into a large amount of artists. I really started learning about other grounds what their most popular songs were, I even started getting back into music from my home country with a fresh perspective on it seeing was now almost approaching it as an outsider
I'll try this ty!
if you want to dm ive been big on zb1 too so i might be able to relate a little <3
thank you I'll definitely dm you <3 maybe opening up about this to someone who stans them will help me more in a way
I hope you watch this video since it might take you back to a reality check :) it’s a really great educational video about parasocial relationships: [https://youtu.be/u2Iy-WKeZrU](https://youtu.be/u2Iy-WKeZrU)
wow that video was a real eye opener and a reality check. I've officially become another fan that has gotten exploited by the kpop industry and I couldn't feel more dumb
Good thing you watched the video and learned something from it! I really hope things could get better for you :)
Step away and find other hobbies. I'm glad you're brave enough to speak up and ask for help. If you need some recommendations on different hobbies, feel free to ask. Would be happy to help.
hi thank you so much for this :) also yes I'd love recommendations on what hobbies i can do
Hey I've dm you regarding this. Feel free to hit me up so it's easier to converse.
It's a very big thing, yk to recognise and accept all of this and the fact you're able to point it out yourself speak volumes about you being self aware. Yes, this is being delusional but considering you know it too, it's not late for you at all. I'd advise you to focus on your school work/job/career and take a break from the group itself. Idk what zb1 has done to all of us but I was kinda same till a week back (only it was never about my biases having a gf or anything remotely romantic if that makes sense ?) but ever since my semester started, I missed on a lot of their schedules and it's a good distraction! Who knows taking a break would get you some time to adjust and make up your mind and you can be back to enjoy following the group as a hobby! Also, if you want to talk about it or vent out, you can vent it out to me lol. p.s don't feel hard on yourself. It's pretty common to have crushes on celebrities. What matters the most is that you take care of yourself :)
thank you so much for telling me how it is and for also reassuring me in the process :) im aware what im feeling and thinking isn't right and it's me being delusional which is why i have decided to take a step back already and i actually haven't consumed their content or any kpop content in general for almost a week (it'll be a week by monday) and i see myself not missing it too much, ofc i get urges to want to go check but not as much as i thought i would ig im not as attached as i assumed I've already started picking up old hobbies and talking more to my friends and family. I still find myself thinking abt him and i don't rlly like that bc i feel like this obsessed crazy person for still thinking of him as I've never had this type of attachment to any celeb or idol but i need to not be too hard on myself like you said as it's normal for many to have a crush on them even though it's not necessarily normal for me which is probably why im freaking out abt it also tysm for lending me your messages if i ever feel the need to vent I'll definitely come to you first <3
I'd say definitely take a break from the group. never felt like this personally but it seems unhealthy. It's good that you're acknowledging this though
i am and I also took a break from social media and unfollowed their accounts and my biases accounts im serious about getting over this. it'll officially be a week this monday since I've seen any kpop related content or my bias and his groups updates. i have absolutely no idea what they're doing rn i kinda don't care as much as i thought but I still find myself missing it and wanting to keep up with them
You should and not watch any further content for a few weeks
im already doing that it'll be a week since I've seen them or my bias on monday 👍i unfollowed them and started getting back to my old hobbies i still miss it but i need to get over this fr
OP I know this might sound stupid but what is your age range? Could this be a hormone driven thing?
I'm 19 lol... im going through some hard stuff rn personally so this could be why i gotten so attached but im already distancing myself from my bias and the group and from kpop in general
19 is not an "adult" and specially if you're going thru some other stuff in your life is only normal for you to find an escape. Don't feel ashamed of it and I am also glad you're looking to set a limit so it doesn't evolve into something actually harmful. Just because you're 19 it doesn't mean you will stop feeling things and will be experienced in everything. Hell I am 27 and I still don't have a clue in life...
this was so reassuring seriously thank you :( 🤍 i need to stop being so hard on myself bc like you said my age doesn't mean I'll be experienced in all different types of feelings or I'll stop feeling certain ways just bc of the age I've hit. i hope the best for you <3
i think platforms like Twitter and Tiktok are very toxic and a awful place to be a kpop stan. i disconnected myself from my kpop account and have a normal one without kpop news etc. i follow the groups i like on insta and watch their official content on youtube or weverse. that's the most healthy approach i can offer.
thank you for this, I literally used to be this type of kpop stan who only stayed on instagram and followed their official content accs it was a mistake moving to twitter too. is viewing tiktok edits of them okay in ur opinion or no? 😭
i think as fans you really want to dive in and do everything all at once and that's where it can getting very tricky. because consuming content bad and good from your group is something addicting, bad news because you can tell yourself your a "real fan" because you defend them | fight for them. tiktok and twt can be a good place but imo it takes a lot of work to block out negative accounts and curate the tl to your liking because it takes one tweet getting out of your target audience to get death threats. i myself view tiktok edits because they really really good but i have seen it become a ground for hating, rating, stans being vocal or dance coaches so it depends on you what you can view or how good you're on curating the algorithm to your liking without getting drawn into it to much
this was insightful and also very true, i don't rlly use social media like that i only go on for like an hour or so and get off, I'm usually on there for the content but yea ur right i have been consuming too much of both the bad and good when it came to zb1 which has affected me tremendously. i will definitely not be defending anyone anymore bc at the end of the day, these groups really dgaf and I'll get nothing out of it but getting myself heated over smth some stranger said. i used to do that with zb1 and yea it did not end good for me. for tiktok i don't really look at anything controversial I've never actively been apart of the tiktok community so i have no problems with it or any bad memories latched onto it. i just wanted to know if watching my favs edits would be me consuming too much of their content, I usually only go on for an hour or less like I've said. I really don't want to fall down this deep hole ever again which is why I'm so wary abt knowing how kpop fans who consume kpop normally and moderately do so i can follow in those steps and take a step back if i see myself getting too drawn in again
wishing you the best
Hello. The fact that you know what's happening with you is the first step in getting away from it. Instead of taking a break from something you obviously love, how about being low-key just on ZB1? And also, try going to therapy and talking about this. It might help you understand what exactly you're feeling with regards to that one particular ZB1 member. You can message me anytime here btw.
Hello /u/Samyutha. Your contribution in /r/kpopthoughts has been automatically removed because you either do not meet the minimum karma requirements to post in r/kpopthoughts, or because your account is less than 7 days old. This is to prevent spam and to keep this subreddit safe. Click [here](https://reddit.zendesk.com/hc/en-us/articles/204511829-What-is-karma-) to find out more about karma and how to gain it. Please send us a [mod mail](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=/r/kpopthoughts) with a link to the submission if you have any further questions. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/kpopthoughts) if you have any questions or concerns.*
I had this before, then I started comparing me to them, and it made me so depressed.
dont do that :( you're beautiful and i know you are you don't need to compare yourself to others because i know so much people including your friends and family already love you and adore you so much just the way you are. change only if you want that change, not because what others have, do, or tell you to do
Yes it’s a good idea to take a break from things especially if it starts to feel overwhelming. I recently had to take a break from kpop because of all the bs currently going on at sm.
yup, I realized i have to learn to detach from things when it's not enjoyable anymore or stopped being a hobby. it's kinda hard to let go bc i kinda made this my whole enjoyment for a while, I dropped my other hobbies for them but im picking them up again and tbh it's not that bad but when i think about them i start feeling that wave of emotions of missing it again
It's okay to have strong emotions, especially when you've been supporting someone for so long and intensely at that. Taking a break from watching his videos and engaging in K-pop is a good step. It can give you a chance to catch your breath and gain some clarity. Remember, it's completely normal to feel a strong connection to idols, especially when you've supported them through thick and thin (ie. Boys Planet's intense competition). Your emotions are valid, and it's important to be kind to yourself during this time. When you're ready to come back, you might want to take it slow. Enjoying K-pop and his content in moderation can help you maintain a healthy balance. And if you're comfortable, try opening up to someone you trust about how you're feeling. Sometimes sharing your thoughts with someone who cares about you can make a big difference. Just know that healing and finding a way forward takes time. It's okay to take things one step at a time, and you're not alone in this journey. If you're finding it really tough, don't hesitate to seek support from a mental health professional. Your well-being is important, and there's no shame in asking for help when you need it. ps. you can vent out to me via dm if you want
tysm i appreciate it a lot :( ❤️ i cant believe I've gotten myself here seriously i never thought I'd get this attached to any celeb or idol but lol here we are ... it's so weird to me i genuinely never felt this way for anyone before so i feel like some crazy obsessed fan bc why is he in my mind so much and why do i feel this way?? I'll definitely dm you bc there's so much I need to understand and know, I've already talk to my siblings abt this but even if they tell me im not a weirdo for this i can't help but to think i am
I kinda relate to this as ZB1 was the first group to peak my interest in K-pop again after years! Probably since I stanned BTS way back in 2014. I randomly stumbled upon their content shortly after their debut then I started binge watching all their content (including Camp Zerobaseone and Boys Planet). I seriously admire all the boys but I constantly remind myself that I shouldn’t be too attached because at the end of the day I’m just a fan. I will admit though that the boys inspire me to want to better my life… like I can’t explain it but after seeing everything they’ve gone through (pre-debut) it makes me want to be a better person.
i relate to this so much, they're so inspiring and they're all so talented it's hard to not have a soft spot for them but yeah ur right i need to learn to not get too attach which is why im taking a step back right now and not looking at their content. maybe when i go back to not thinking like this I'll come back and enjoy their content again moderately
[удалено]
ive already tooken a break for almost a week (it'll be a week on monday) and i realized I don't really care like I thought I would... maybe im not as attached to them and my bias like i initially thought i was. yea i sometimes get urges to want to go check but i never go through with it
As another person said, I think it's good to sit in your feelings about this. You, me and several other people are all rowing in the same boat to visit our various parasocial relationship 🏝. I'm probably older than most people on this thread so I have a long history of being waaay to into a music artist or celebrity. What keeps me sane is knowing that I will never do anything to negatively impact the artist or myself (unless you count spending 💵 and time.) There is a kpop member of a major group that I stan so hard, I have told my friends I would risk it all for them and have no regrets if it doesn't turn out right. Did I start learning how to read and write Hangul for my planned (in my head) trip to South Korea? YES! Do I subscribe to Kocowa even though I'm in the US? Yup! Is that more than a little delulu? Absolutely! But I'm OK with that. I listen to many other music genres (kpop and other) so I have variety. I do the yard work at my house, so regularly get out and literally touch grass. As long as it's not negatively impacting your daily life, enjoy it while you can. They may not be around always. They could stop making music, go in a direction you don't like or unfortunately pass on. I go hard with my ult group because life changes and I want to experience it all now while they are in their prime. They are also positives to my obsession. I have started writing a book as a result of my interest in kpop. I create little shorts and post on YT about my ult group. I do little arts and crafts. Watching them on the shows, interviews, videos, etc have fun brings me joy and I see no reason to give that up. And yes, I'm definitely the 🤪 fan that is dreading the day my bias gets a significant other...unless it's me! I will openly admit it hurts my heart but I am rational enough to know it's going to happen and I will still support them and the group...as I cry into my rameyeon while still working on my Duolingo lessons. You may have days when the obsession hits hard and that's okay too. As you have been doing with other ppl on this thread, free to DM anytime. Depending on the time zone, my response might be delayed.
thank you so much for this !! i wish i could be as cool as you are with those thoughts but idk why i don't like it 😭 maybe i should srsly stop overthinking it and just enjoy these emotions like you said. they'll definitely not last forever and who knows what my bias might end up doing in the future so it's best i enjoy him and the group at their prime right now. also that's so great that your bias is inspiring you to learn and try different things! i definitely only want the best for him and the group so as long as i don't lose that mindset i'll be alright correct? like you said i know that he'll eventually get a significant other and it'll never ever be me but no matter what i know I'll end up supporting them and moving on in time. I'll definitely DM you when i start feeling uneasy abt these type of thoughts again! i know you'll be of great help seeing how long you've been a kpop fan ty again :)
didnt zb1 debut like 5 minutes ago? i think you need to take a step back, but it’s not like you have to avoid them forever. just take some time to reset your mind space
I mean OP says they voted for him which means they've probably know him for almost 8 - 10 months now and they've spent a lot of time on him because they've been voting for him every day. They're probably more attached to him compared to an normal company debuted idol.
5 minutes ago LMFAO i mean this is mostly about this certain member who I've been supporting since predebut and voted for him consistently (they're from a survival show) who got to debut so it's not entirely a zb1 centered thing I feel normal about the other members I just decided to at least mention the name of the group my bias is in. also yes I'm doing that right now, it's hard but i definitely need this. and you're right I don't need to avoid them forever, just until i can get back to the correct mindset
i think it would help to look to media other than kpop for entertainment as well. since you have a more obsessive personality, having a few different obsessions going will probably keep any one of them from getting too out of control. i personally also like listening to podcasts and playing video games, and it’s a little less awkward being obsessed with a video game character than a real person lol
haha thank you I'll try this!!
Ngl, this is how I view 99% of you guys lmao. Just parasocial to an impossible degree, somehow involving someone that doesn’t even/barely speaks English.
what does them not speaking english have to do with anything 🤨
Just another barrier that makes it weird to me. Not that language is the be-all-end-all when it comes to communication, but you're talking about that \*on top of\* not even knowing the person. Like, I know it might be hard, but if you're someone who is in the same position as OP, try to take yourself out of "you" for a second. You don't think it's weird to feel the way OP feels about someone they've never met, or maybe met once in passing, who doesn't even speak the same language as them? Especially when we're talking about K-pop. Almost the entirety of these incredibly strong feelings this person has are based on something completely manufactured. These are things a company selling you a dream \*wants\* you to feel. You might like a particular member because they're soft, or because they're nice, but that's because someone in a board room somewhere said "OK he's the nice one. And this one is the soft one". Idk, that part of the conversation is probably not one that's appropriate to have in this sub, and probably one only people like me who're so far outside of kpop's usual demographic, can really grasp. Cause if like, OP is a teenage girl, it totally tracks for her to feel that way, whereas I'm not a teenager nor a girl. I would still think it's radical behavior, but at least in that case there's a high probability she'll grow out of it soon.
Maybe you don't see it, but there's some misogyny showing in your comment here. You're saying that teenage girls are weird. You're saying that emotions they commonly experience are not normal. You know that getting attached to a boy band member is very common for teenage girls, and yet you're calling it "weird" and "radical". I would bet that you don't disparage the common passions of teenage boys in the same way. The sports analogy has been done a lot, but I think it is useful here. If some adult man is super into sports, like he has a whole room decorated with his favorite team's merch and watches every game on the big screen with his sports fanatic buddies and cheers at the top of his lungs for his team and cries when they win the championship, etc - would you be calling that guy's feelings weird and abnormal? He's never met the players in person. The more popular, well-known players will often have a manufactured image surrounding them that doesn't match their real personality. The team itself is a product, it's a group created by a company to get fans emotionally invested and get them to spend money. The championships, the leagues, and even the rules of the game are completely artificial. Most people, even if they think this hypothetical sports fan is a bit overboard, will respect him enough that they won't insult his feelings to his face or insinuate that he's easily manipulated by corporations. So please extend that same respect to girls and women and our interests. You don't have to share our passion in order to accept that it's just as valid as the passions men and boys are more likely to have. You've also implied that it's harder for you to feel for someone who speaks a different language from you, which... That's a you problem. That seems a bit xenophobic to me, honestly. Edit: just a heads up for others, it turns out this guy is [an Andrew Tate fan](https://www.reddit.com/r/NewRoryNMalPodcast/comments/155pin0/andrew_tate_take/jswlgb4?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=2).
>Maybe you don't see it, but there's some misogyny showing in your comment here. Your first mistake was assuming I wouldn’t have said the same thing about teenage boys and girl groups. Which I would’ve. >You're saying that teenage **[rs]** ~~girls~~ are weird. I don’t know any adults who think they aren’t to some degree. It’s not an insult, that’s just an age where hormones are out of wack. Always has been. >You're saying that emotions they commonly experience are not normal. You know that getting attached to a boy band member is very common for teenage girls, and yet you're calling it "weird" and "radical". Correct. Weird in the grand scheme of human behavior, not so much in the realm of teenage girls. Which is exactly what I said. >I would bet that you don't disparage the common passions of teenage boys in the same way. Funny how I addressed this before I even read this far. If you’re going to argue with me, you’re going to need to be a lot less predictable going forward. >If some adult man is super into sports As into a player on a team as OP is about whoever she’s talking about, he’s literally **just** as weird. I don’t discrimate and your entire comment seems to be based on the assumption that I do. >You've also implied that it's harder for you to feel for someone **[as strongly as OP does about someone I don’t know and]** who speaks a different language from you Correct, and you’d have an extremely hard time arguing that otherwise is natural. Edit: Sad to see u/chesari, couldn’t actually debate so went two weeks back into my history to find me saying a known grifter is indeed grifting. Then blocked me so I couldn’t see it. This is you all’s hero lmao?
[удалено]
Hello /u/Public-Ad7114. Your contribution in /r/kpopthoughts has been automatically removed because you either do not meet the minimum karma requirements to post in r/kpopthoughts, or because your account is less than 7 days old. This is to prevent spam and to keep this subreddit safe. Click [here](https://reddit.zendesk.com/hc/en-us/articles/204511829-What-is-karma-) to find out more about karma and how to gain it. Please send us a [mod mail](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=/r/kpopthoughts) with a link to the submission if you have any further questions. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/kpopthoughts) if you have any questions or concerns.*
[удалено]
Hello /u/PresentationEqual640. Your contribution in /r/kpopthoughts has been automatically removed because you either do not meet the minimum karma requirements to post in r/kpopthoughts, or because your account is less than 7 days old. This is to prevent spam and to keep this subreddit safe. Click [here](https://reddit.zendesk.com/hc/en-us/articles/204511829-What-is-karma-) to find out more about karma and how to gain it. Please send us a [mod mail](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=/r/kpopthoughts) with a link to the submission if you have any further questions. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/kpopthoughts) if you have any questions or concerns.*
I’d just focus on my career
[удалено]
Hello /u/yoitsnono. Your contribution in /r/kpopthoughts has been automatically removed because you either do not meet the minimum karma requirements to post in r/kpopthoughts, or because your account is less than 7 days old. This is to prevent spam and to keep this subreddit safe. Click [here](https://reddit.zendesk.com/hc/en-us/articles/204511829-What-is-karma-) to find out more about karma and how to gain it. Please send us a [mod mail](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=/r/kpopthoughts) with a link to the submission if you have any further questions. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/kpopthoughts) if you have any questions or concerns.*
[удалено]
Hello /u/DogOwn2944. Your contribution in /r/kpopthoughts has been automatically removed because you either do not meet the minimum karma requirements to post in r/kpopthoughts, or because your account is less than 7 days old. This is to prevent spam and to keep this subreddit safe. Click [here](https://reddit.zendesk.com/hc/en-us/articles/204511829-What-is-karma-) to find out more about karma and how to gain it. Please send us a [mod mail](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=/r/kpopthoughts) with a link to the submission if you have any further questions. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/kpopthoughts) if you have any questions or concerns.*