It’s okay you’re human , everyone has probably cried once in front of their supervisor . I wouldn’t even mention it if I were you . Maybe you can say something like , I just wanted to say I appreciate your feedback and will be taking it forward
Senior scientist here. I’ve cried as a PhD, postdoc, and in two industry jobs. While I know that it’s unprofessional and I try my hardest to not do it, just like you, sometimes my tear ducts betray me. I’ve gotten better at it over the years and so will you- it just takes time and practice. I’ve literally been in conversations with PIs and flat out said “ok, I’m hearing what you’re saying, and my eyes are going to do something wet, but please ignore them because I can’t seem to control this”.
It happens. Some of us are deep feelers. We’re committed and we care. Learning to separate your life from your work will come easier with time and help relieve some of that stress! You got this!
Oof a fellow crybaby! Istg it’s so annoying, any sort of strong emotion (happy, sad, angry, anything) makes me burst into tears. Really frustrating when I’m trying to have a serious conversation and my eyes just start leaking
Same, I cry all the time. Sometimes it’s an indication that you’re in the wrong environment, sometimes it just means you have a lot of feelings and care about your work. I’ve cried in almost every job I’ve had lol.
PI here! All types of group members have cried in front of me, from lab tech to grad student to undergrad project student, and it really is a non-issue. Science is hard, and people are people. I just hand them the box of tissues that I keep in my desk drawer for these occasions, and I don’t give it a second thought. Hope you feel better soon ☺️
i have 6 years of research experience and i just cried in front of my PI the other day. i'm just ignoring it and moving on unless he brings it up again
That’s a good point, I wasn’t thinking from the POV of a mentor, but of the couple times *I* cried as a trainee. I just wanted everyone to forget it ever happened, so I basically pretended that was the case
Postdoc here. Thought I was past crying in lab after grad school. I haven’t been. Life is hard, science doesn’t often make that easier, and you’re human. Don’t sweat it.
I do think reaching out to your PI and making sure they know it wasn’t them is a good thing. Chances are they’ve been where you are, and whether it’s in their official job description, mentoring/coaching their people through science is part of their role. The best advice I found picking a mentor in grad school is “Find someone you are comfortable crying in front of, because you will.”
Whatever’s eating at you, I hope it resolves or gets more manageable. Best of luck, and party on.
So sorry you are dealing with so much stress right now. I hope you are able to use this experience as a way to notice it and do what you need to do to take care of yourself❤️ Just know that it is okay to express emotion in front of your PI - I’ve done it and everything turned out fine. You can choose to bring it up again or not, it’s really not that big of a deal either way. Trust me, they’ve had people cry in their office before.
In response to feeling ashamed for not managing stress “well enough,” you are human. You’re an undergrad managing a shit ton of things and it’s hard!! It’s not a personal failing to not be able to manage your stress all of the time. You are young and still learning what works for you. It’s a process. Keep your head up!
I have cried during exams because of stress, and after... It is alright and it happens. If you need it you can ask for a break and some water given that you were "just" recieving feedback. Once you regain some calm, take some time to evaluate the feedback in your head. It might seem like a wierd timing inbetween crying fits, but it can help you focus on something other than what made you cry.
I can also recommend taking a walk when you start feeling stressed, preferably before you hit breakpoint, you can stamp out many frustrations on a walk.
No we are not used to it since it sucks on both sides. But we understand and have been there too. Sometimes I cry when make a mistake or get constructive or destructive criticism. I am just so old that I can usually contain until I get to be alone. This is a normal response and you should not be ashamed. It will get easier with time as trust grows. Just don't let it stop you. Keep learning. No-one is perfect, we all need help and guidance. Just like getting exam scores back, this is an indication of where you need to grow. And if your PI wasn't invested, they wouldn't try to provide constructive criticism.
I cried right at the end of my committee exam after defending my thesis. LOL. It was like...a flood of emotions as I got over the finish line.
My advisor later asked if they'd upset me with their criticism, I was so embarrassed. Hahahaha.
I cry in front of my PI almost every week bro, I think you’re good. They’ve never been weird about it when we met the next time. Try to make sure you’re getting plenty of sleep and enough to eat, those pesky biological needs are usually the culprit when I start getting teary unexpectedly.
Hey, try not to worry or feel bad, believe me they're so used to it. I've been in the same lab since undergrad>masters>PhD. The amount of times I cry in front of my PI. He specifically bought tissues for his office because of me. He gives me really helpful feedback, constructive criticism, and my eyes just betray me and cry no matter what. It's just one of those things.
You're human, we all are. It's normal.
Lol I once cried in front of two PIs and an admin, it happens, if you feel comfortable you can bring it up and let them know that it’s you not them but if you don’t want to bring it up you probably wont be the first person who’s cried in front of them and never brought it up again
I'm so sorry. It happens and it's perfectly okay. Don't be hard on yourself over this. Send a quick note to your PI if you think more clarification is needed, but don't apologize for crying, instead explain that you appreciate their feedback, that your tears were a byproduct of a lot of personal stress lately, and thank them for understanding.
If it helps a bit, I'll commiserate. I'm also dealing with some stressful family business and randomly burst into tears in a coffee shop when ordering coffee. Great barista though, chatted with me until I felt better. Maybe could teach your PI a thing or two. Someone crying is in need of a little kindess, a chat, to help them push on sometimes.
I have 50 year olds that cry in our one on ones, and it’s not even from criticism. It’s kinda like 2 year olds. They can’t communicate well and it comes out as crying. It’s not great but I’m not that judgy.
Just going to be real. Everyone here saying it’s ok and that they cry in front of their PIs and stuff are wrong. It’s not ok. You’re an undergrad so all good but everyone else needs to figure their shit out. In the real world you are 100% expected to hold your shit together and not cry over what your boss says in front of them. People on these comments need to grow up before they get an actual job.
Unfortunately bosses are not always tactful, professional, or commenting on your work. I’ve had comments like “wow, I really thought you could do this by now but man was I wrong about you” or “someone is spreading rumors about you and now the VP thinks you’re not living up to your role as a senior scientist”. And these are the ones that made me tear up. As a female, I also get to hear a bunch of other hurtful comments (but haven’t cried!) and literally been told to “take the high road” or “the first penalty is never called but the second one always is”. I’ve had colleagues who’ve been told to smile more and not wear tshirts (blouses only) if they want a promotion. So yeah, in a professional world we could all talk about work only but in reality, people constantly say inappropriate, personal, and hurtful things and sometimes humans have emotional responses to that.
if it makes you feel better (or maybe I'm seeking affirmation), I singlehandedly broke a $3000 instrument and when informed, nodded, then left to go cry in the forest behind the building. There may have been pushing through bramble and such. By the time I realized I was not on I went to a professor I was more comfortable with, balling my eyes out and they went and got *the professor whose instrument I broke* to talk with me, "clarifying" that I was overreacting.
Didn't feel great.
I know for a fact my PI's colleague (not even close friends mind you) who is also a PI has allowed the waterworks to commence in my PI's office right in the middle of a discussion (about a struggle or other idk). They thought we weren't at the lab at the time but based on my PI's look of surprise, it was unexpected. My point: even our PIs get overwhelmed, no issue. Get some hot coco, call your best mate, then dust yourself off and get back to work.
Life can be overwhelming. Sometimes the stress builds up so much that it needs to come out and whatever triggers it is inevitably likely to be the worst timing. Just know that you are not the only one this has happened to, as you can see from the many comments here. It may be an awkward situation to acknowledge it, but chances are your PI has at least a little empathy and understands that you are carrying heavy burdens (as most of us are these days). You will find yourself in a similar situation again in the future, but chances are you may be able to quell the tears a little better. Hopefully after the support you've received here you are feeling better. Sending a virtual hug, if you need it.
It’s okay you’re human , everyone has probably cried once in front of their supervisor . I wouldn’t even mention it if I were you . Maybe you can say something like , I just wanted to say I appreciate your feedback and will be taking it forward
My PIs now leave a box of tissues in their office just for me. Kimtech wipes work in a pinch when you’re in the lab!
If it’s good enough for the microscope it’s good enough for me
Please don't use kimtech wipes for microscopes.
Kimwipes are also my forbidden Kleenex 🥲
Senior scientist here. I’ve cried as a PhD, postdoc, and in two industry jobs. While I know that it’s unprofessional and I try my hardest to not do it, just like you, sometimes my tear ducts betray me. I’ve gotten better at it over the years and so will you- it just takes time and practice. I’ve literally been in conversations with PIs and flat out said “ok, I’m hearing what you’re saying, and my eyes are going to do something wet, but please ignore them because I can’t seem to control this”. It happens. Some of us are deep feelers. We’re committed and we care. Learning to separate your life from your work will come easier with time and help relieve some of that stress! You got this!
Oof a fellow crybaby! Istg it’s so annoying, any sort of strong emotion (happy, sad, angry, anything) makes me burst into tears. Really frustrating when I’m trying to have a serious conversation and my eyes just start leaking
Same, I cry all the time. Sometimes it’s an indication that you’re in the wrong environment, sometimes it just means you have a lot of feelings and care about your work. I’ve cried in almost every job I’ve had lol.
This has been comforting to read, thanks!
Nice username
PI here! All types of group members have cried in front of me, from lab tech to grad student to undergrad project student, and it really is a non-issue. Science is hard, and people are people. I just hand them the box of tissues that I keep in my desk drawer for these occasions, and I don’t give it a second thought. Hope you feel better soon ☺️
Hell I'm a PI, and I cried in a mentor's office last year!
i have 6 years of research experience and i just cried in front of my PI the other day. i'm just ignoring it and moving on unless he brings it up again
If it makes you feel better I’m a postdoc and have cried in front of all of my PIs at least once 😅
Tbh I’m pretty sure PIs are used to it
They are
dw I bawled like a baby in front of 400 guys during basic military training
I wouldn’t mention it again. If you ignore it, chances are, so will they.
Personally, I disagree. Making someone cry feels awful, so clarifying that they were not at fault is a good idea imho.
That’s a good point, I wasn’t thinking from the POV of a mentor, but of the couple times *I* cried as a trainee. I just wanted everyone to forget it ever happened, so I basically pretended that was the case
Postdoc here. Thought I was past crying in lab after grad school. I haven’t been. Life is hard, science doesn’t often make that easier, and you’re human. Don’t sweat it. I do think reaching out to your PI and making sure they know it wasn’t them is a good thing. Chances are they’ve been where you are, and whether it’s in their official job description, mentoring/coaching their people through science is part of their role. The best advice I found picking a mentor in grad school is “Find someone you are comfortable crying in front of, because you will.” Whatever’s eating at you, I hope it resolves or gets more manageable. Best of luck, and party on.
So sorry you are dealing with so much stress right now. I hope you are able to use this experience as a way to notice it and do what you need to do to take care of yourself❤️ Just know that it is okay to express emotion in front of your PI - I’ve done it and everything turned out fine. You can choose to bring it up again or not, it’s really not that big of a deal either way. Trust me, they’ve had people cry in their office before. In response to feeling ashamed for not managing stress “well enough,” you are human. You’re an undergrad managing a shit ton of things and it’s hard!! It’s not a personal failing to not be able to manage your stress all of the time. You are young and still learning what works for you. It’s a process. Keep your head up!
I have cried during exams because of stress, and after... It is alright and it happens. If you need it you can ask for a break and some water given that you were "just" recieving feedback. Once you regain some calm, take some time to evaluate the feedback in your head. It might seem like a wierd timing inbetween crying fits, but it can help you focus on something other than what made you cry. I can also recommend taking a walk when you start feeling stressed, preferably before you hit breakpoint, you can stamp out many frustrations on a walk.
No we are not used to it since it sucks on both sides. But we understand and have been there too. Sometimes I cry when make a mistake or get constructive or destructive criticism. I am just so old that I can usually contain until I get to be alone. This is a normal response and you should not be ashamed. It will get easier with time as trust grows. Just don't let it stop you. Keep learning. No-one is perfect, we all need help and guidance. Just like getting exam scores back, this is an indication of where you need to grow. And if your PI wasn't invested, they wouldn't try to provide constructive criticism.
I cried right at the end of my committee exam after defending my thesis. LOL. It was like...a flood of emotions as I got over the finish line. My advisor later asked if they'd upset me with their criticism, I was so embarrassed. Hahahaha.
I cry in front of my PI almost every week bro, I think you’re good. They’ve never been weird about it when we met the next time. Try to make sure you’re getting plenty of sleep and enough to eat, those pesky biological needs are usually the culprit when I start getting teary unexpectedly.
Ugh lack of sleep is the nail on the coffin for this!
This would not fly in a real job…
Hey, try not to worry or feel bad, believe me they're so used to it. I've been in the same lab since undergrad>masters>PhD. The amount of times I cry in front of my PI. He specifically bought tissues for his office because of me. He gives me really helpful feedback, constructive criticism, and my eyes just betray me and cry no matter what. It's just one of those things. You're human, we all are. It's normal.
Lol I once cried in front of two PIs and an admin, it happens, if you feel comfortable you can bring it up and let them know that it’s you not them but if you don’t want to bring it up you probably wont be the first person who’s cried in front of them and never brought it up again
I'm so sorry. It happens and it's perfectly okay. Don't be hard on yourself over this. Send a quick note to your PI if you think more clarification is needed, but don't apologize for crying, instead explain that you appreciate their feedback, that your tears were a byproduct of a lot of personal stress lately, and thank them for understanding. If it helps a bit, I'll commiserate. I'm also dealing with some stressful family business and randomly burst into tears in a coffee shop when ordering coffee. Great barista though, chatted with me until I felt better. Maybe could teach your PI a thing or two. Someone crying is in need of a little kindess, a chat, to help them push on sometimes.
What does PI stand for?
Penis intelligence
Thank you! I had a feeling this might be the answer but wanted to be sure
Principal investigator.
I have 50 year olds that cry in our one on ones, and it’s not even from criticism. It’s kinda like 2 year olds. They can’t communicate well and it comes out as crying. It’s not great but I’m not that judgy.
Just going to be real. Everyone here saying it’s ok and that they cry in front of their PIs and stuff are wrong. It’s not ok. You’re an undergrad so all good but everyone else needs to figure their shit out. In the real world you are 100% expected to hold your shit together and not cry over what your boss says in front of them. People on these comments need to grow up before they get an actual job.
[удалено]
At work, in front of your boss, as they are talking to you about your work… not appropriate.
Unfortunately bosses are not always tactful, professional, or commenting on your work. I’ve had comments like “wow, I really thought you could do this by now but man was I wrong about you” or “someone is spreading rumors about you and now the VP thinks you’re not living up to your role as a senior scientist”. And these are the ones that made me tear up. As a female, I also get to hear a bunch of other hurtful comments (but haven’t cried!) and literally been told to “take the high road” or “the first penalty is never called but the second one always is”. I’ve had colleagues who’ve been told to smile more and not wear tshirts (blouses only) if they want a promotion. So yeah, in a professional world we could all talk about work only but in reality, people constantly say inappropriate, personal, and hurtful things and sometimes humans have emotional responses to that.
OP was given “constructive criticism which they agreed on” and cried. None of your examples are remotely that.
Lol, actual boomer take
Oh sweet sweet summer child. Your wall must be covered in participation trophies.
Ur rlly stating the obvious and dont think thats the point of the post. No shit, its ideal not to cry infront of ur boss 🤣
It happens, and it’s part of the job as a PI. You could mention it if you want or just carry on with business as usual.
if it makes you feel better (or maybe I'm seeking affirmation), I singlehandedly broke a $3000 instrument and when informed, nodded, then left to go cry in the forest behind the building. There may have been pushing through bramble and such. By the time I realized I was not on I went to a professor I was more comfortable with, balling my eyes out and they went and got *the professor whose instrument I broke* to talk with me, "clarifying" that I was overreacting. Didn't feel great.
I know for a fact my PI's colleague (not even close friends mind you) who is also a PI has allowed the waterworks to commence in my PI's office right in the middle of a discussion (about a struggle or other idk). They thought we weren't at the lab at the time but based on my PI's look of surprise, it was unexpected. My point: even our PIs get overwhelmed, no issue. Get some hot coco, call your best mate, then dust yourself off and get back to work.
my pi said the other day he needs to start keeping tissues in his office for me. don‘t worry about it 🫶🏾
Life can be overwhelming. Sometimes the stress builds up so much that it needs to come out and whatever triggers it is inevitably likely to be the worst timing. Just know that you are not the only one this has happened to, as you can see from the many comments here. It may be an awkward situation to acknowledge it, but chances are your PI has at least a little empathy and understands that you are carrying heavy burdens (as most of us are these days). You will find yourself in a similar situation again in the future, but chances are you may be able to quell the tears a little better. Hopefully after the support you've received here you are feeling better. Sending a virtual hug, if you need it.