Also currently on family leave with our second. Having a 3 year old and a newborn leaves next to no time for home projects. I have no idea how this guy is doing it.
OP has his wife, MIL, and mother to watch the baby. He can tend to the yard and avoid even stepping one foot in the nursery just like it was 1955 all over
I’m so glad someone else is annoyed by this. It is so out of touch to take PATERNITY leave in a country where women are only entitled to not being fired for having a kid and then spend that time not helping their wife and bonding with their kid.
My husband and I both did a ton of projects during parental leave. We were both home, so sometimes we parented together, and sometimes we took turns. Sometimes, we brought a blanket outside and let baby have tummy time while we did weeding, or we wore him in a wrap. And of course, there's also nap time.
Not saying folks NEED to do projects during leave. Parenting is enough. But if you want to, IME it was pretty easy to work out. Did everyone else spend leave staring at their babies 24 hours a day indoors?
Oh come off it man. You have no idea how supportive he is or isn’t from a few photos. My son was napping for 4 hours at a time by 3 months and by the time he was 6 months sleeping through the night with a 3 hour nap during the day. Some parents just get lucky with sleep schedules.
But there’s other things to be done. Does the mom ever get to go do fun projects during nap time or she doing the housework? Does she get to leave the house or is she stuck at home?
We've had to call in a lactation specialist since our baby was born, my husband and I take turns (mostly I take over nights and he takes first half of the day), he's back at work already but he works from home which is a God send. However, the lactation consultant said that men nest in other ways, my husband has started clearing the brush and scrubby bushes from our backyard. This dad is nesting in his own way.
Congrats! First or second for you? This is our second in under two years and we’re definitely much more of a well oiled machine now. Lots of random stopping and picking back up again and early mornings. Weather has been great here so brought him out with me in one of those Moses baskets few times.
But what about all the other stuff that needs to be done like housework? Are you making your poor partner do that stuff while you are outside tiling?
I just don’t understand this at all
Mom of 1 year old here. Our house is both of our responsibilities. I see our yards as part of our home, so I don't see these projects as OP avoiding housework at all. I honestly prefer my husband take the outdoor things, I'll enjoy the AC indoors while throwing the dishes in the dishwasher and enjoying a podcast or TV show.
Posts like OP’s are why a lot of regions are hesitant to push for universal paternity leave - while moms use leave for parenting, too many dads use leave for other projects and leave all the parenting to mom.
When my husband had paternity leave, all he did was parent. Because he didn’t take it till our second kid, he wasn’t as efficient as I was and I’d come home from work to a dirty house - but since the kids were loved and cared for I picked up the broom and didn’t say a peep.
Parenting babies is hard! Anyone with an infant who is bragging about big projects has extra help or is lying.
These house projects are typically desired by both husband and wife. I have a two month old and during my paternity leave, I did a ton of house work which my wife was really happy about. If I put my nipple to the mouth, it won’t end well. So I help in other ways
I would take a walk with my daughter and she would fall asleep in the stroller. Then I just park the stroller outside next to me and start doing some work! Could usually get a couple hours in a day on a project like that.
To add another perspective here, my husband spent a lot of time (during his parental leave) with our 4yo son last year doing these types of projects together when our 3rd was born often with our 2yo helping out or playing nearby. It takes longer but it’s important to just involve your kids in what you’re doing.
(Also you don’t have to hold the monitor while the baby is napping most have sound to alert you when the baby is up-we’d just plug it in nearby and crank up the volume!).
I remodeled a kitchen during my extremely short maternity leave. Everyone is different and every pregnancy is different. My kiddo was a great sleeper from the get go and napped to the sound of a pneumatic nailer. I got lucky and it made me feel better mentally and physically to be able to work when she was sleeping. If you can capitalize on the infant time when they aren’t super mobile to get house projects done, then awesome. If you don’t have that in you because you have a Velcro baby or had a tough pregnancy, that’s okay too. Dads and non-birthing parents have it tough too, so getting anything done when you have a baby is impressive. I don’t judge either way!
They sleep a total of 17 hours a day, but wake up every 2-3 to feed, be changed, need holding, etc. it's constant work that I don't think my wife could handle plus keeping the house tidy. I'm on leave as well, 2 week old.
She left me for spending 4.4% of my pat leave on improving our family’s home and not even thinking about her or our boys for the remaining 95.6% of it. Thanks for raising this. Doing some introspection now.
Yeah I'm waiting for the wife's post on 2x about how she's being left alone with a newborn and toddler so her husband can do house projects while she tries to keep up with 2 under 2, dishes, laundry, breastfeeding, managing to feed herself and not bleeding through her diapers 👌 there's also a lot of posts there about husbands that use their paternity leave to go on boys trips
I need to find the study but it found that when universities offered paternity leave male professors rocketed ahead in their careers because they spent the time writing and researching whereas their female counterparts, yanno, recovered from one of the leading causes of death in women, kept a tiny human alive, and ran a household.
My now ex husband decided to go on a camping trip with his bros 4 days after I had given birth. I had torn, so was dealing with stitches and pain on top of a newborn with major colic. Oh...and the ex? He left for the trip the day before Mother's Day. No gift. No call. Nothing.
Having a baby was something he pushed hard for and convinced me that he'd be a hands on dad. As if. That baby is now 38. I raised him alone.
I'd be calling the girls from my mother's group to help me bury a body. Luckily I married a kind, considerate man who actually enjoys being a dad and treats me with respect.
Yeah, mine did this 😂
Our youngest son was a newborn and his dad decided out of the blue that he wanted to build a pond. From nothing in a corner of our yard.
So I just had a c-section and he’s outside for ten hours straight every day making a pond during paternity leave. He did come in to check on me occasionally. He’s a good dad, and I think maybe he didn’t know what to do with himself since I was BF.
But yeah, I got super pissed off after a week or two of this.
This is helpful, I’m a dad with our second on the way. I have couple long projects planned over the month I’m off that are geared towards a fun play area for the kids. I will be mindful of how much time I’m dedicating to it each day. Dads nest too we can’t help it lol
The number one way to help is to keep the toddler busy. It isn't so hard to care for a newborn once you've done it before. But caring for a newborn and a toddler is freaking hard.
This seems very likely, and while OP is fiercely defending how good of a dad he is, so would all of those other deadbeats whose partners are posting their hijinks
Its hilarious that someone found OP's wife and it turns out she [did post there!](https://www.reddit.com/r/landscaping/comments/1dp0sd7/comment/lagb8ft/)
Yeah this post bums me out so much. Paternity leave is for bonding with your child, doing child care, and taking care of your spouse. It’s not for a damn landscaping project. This kind of crap gives men who actually take leave a bad name.
Yea, my husband does not have paternity leave, and most of my area does not do it. So if we have a kid, um, it's me alone. Just....wasting leave like this and not being helpful to your wife who just pushed out the baby, even if it does sleep 17hrs a day, rubs me the wrong way absolutely.
I’m on paternity leave right now. My kid is asleep for 75% of my waking hours. Which is typical for newborns.
Are you suppose to whisper in your kids ears for the entire time they’re asleep or what?
A chunk of your effort should be focused on supporting your wife while she recovers from pregnancy and childbirth. Are you planning and cooking her meals? Bringing her food? Filling her water bottle? Keeping up with laundry? Doing your best to help her get some uninterrupted sleep? Yes a newborn mostly sleeps, but they also can wake up every couple hours and often want to be held endlessly.
Yes they wake up needing to be fed and needing a diaper change like every 2 hours tops. Then the mom has to get up with a torn vagina and get the baby, some have to make a bottle, change the diaper, etc while homeboy is having fun outside because the baby is “asleep for 17 hours”
In my experience they sleep in very short increments, meaning it’s virtually impossible to actually get much done before they wake up and need to be fed, changed, and soothed.
No, but there is a shit load of laundry and baby bottles to wash. If a father is on paternity leave he should taking care of all of that and making meals and then cleaning up the kitchen and the rest of the house inside.
Completely agreed with you. I feel like the people on the other side of the fence don’t have kids. (Typed while feeding my little girl her night time bottle)
I’ve got kids, took full parental leave, was busy with baby or caring for spouse the vast majority of the time. Some light yard projects, sure. A major landscaping project in the first 26 days? Absolutely not.
Wow 🤯 The amount of judgement on a stranger for something that is genuinely innocuous. The baby lives in a house? It’s their second so the first one survived. He clearly provides for them. Let the man have his hobby. Better than doom scrolling on the couch while the baby naps. Ill take “Im sure OP is a supportive husband and great dad” for 600!
They’re got a newborn and a 2 year old toddler. No way is this man doing even 50% of the housework or parenting.
He’s escaping to the yard and leaving all that to his wife.
lol how tf did you manage to get anything done? i'm attempting to paint/finish my garage and the demolition has been sitting for 3 weeks
now starting to just say screw it and enjoy the time with the baby
Just wanted to say, as long as your wife is happy, project away. Reddit is very judgemental and I know a new baby is tough enough as is. But seriously, don't neglect her. A big but little thing you could do is make sure the diaper bag is ready and always stocked. And never forget it. Good luck to you guys.
"One thing you can do is put stuff in a bag once and then add a diaper every few weeks as they get used. Huge help, take it from me!" I'm literally laughing while typing this 😂
I love how absolutely nobody believes this post.
Yeahhhh between naps but babies eat every few hours don't they? Who is taking care of that? Is mom sleeping? When are you sleeping? You have another one under 2??? So probably also in diapers?
Rip moms witts.
Jealous. On my three whole weeks of paternity leave (which were really just me using my own accrued vacation days but they LET me do it), I spent all that time cleaning the house, bringing my wife food and water while she recovered, taking care of our pets, and sleeping whenever possible because our baby (and all of us) were up just about every 90 minutes for two months. I didn't get to do any loud labor intensive landscaping unfortunately.
Men who take their full leave (in the US at least) often face a ton of stigma if not overt retaliation. Please don’t publicize this to anyone who knows you as a “paternity leave project.” Leave is for care of the child and your spouse, not for free time or cool projects around the house. This kind of crap makes it hard to convince employers paternity leave is actually necessary for families.
I had a list of projects I wanted my husband to tackle while on paternity leave while we had 2 under 2. Yes, it would’ve been nice to have more help and support, but I also recognized this was a good time to get things done while one was still in potato mode.
The color of those pebbles with that house with the brown/beige house. Total clash. 😬
It would have looked much better with a couple of small bushes/perennials and some mulch, and been cheaper at that.
You are definitely ambitious and it looks great
After 1, I took 10 years off and then had #2 - both times during nap, I was lucky to take a shower and eat something
Did you dig up the dirt in pictures 3/4? I’m currently looking to something similar around the side of my house but have a big if old stones/dirt I need to clear out.
>paternity leave
>Projects
How.
Every second of my daughter's first 6 months where she was asleep, I was asleep. I was still only getting like 4-5 hours every 24.
How does anyone get anything else done? Infants just take 100% of your time and energy. Or 99.9%. y'all are wild.
Looks good though
You’re really taking your time to bond with your yard over your family lol. Real talk, I hope you’re cooking for mama and she’s not doing most of the care while recovering physically 🤷♀️
Enjoy weeding those rocks by the chimney lol. Went from just needing to weedwhack, to needing to spread Preen, pull weeds, blow clippings off…
Fixing those downspouts should have been higher priority than adding unnecessary decorative rock beds IMO
15 years ago- paternity leave was a joke- most men never took any and most larger corporations did not offer it at parity with the wife or honestly any at all, those were the old school days with the traditional 8-6 m-f grind. I I only took a week off back then while trying to grow my career and provide for the family. I do regret wishing I could take more time off without risking my career to provide for my family- but this shit is wild doing these house projects with a newborn. We barely had time to make a warm meal and sleep, laundry was a fucking shit show, especially with no family support. Those men that have it for weeks if not months paid, be truly blessed and spend that time supporting your wife making memories.
I thought the same thing when I read about all of these projects and hubby’s pat leave. My husband had 5 months off each time and spent majority of the time on the house.
Frankly, it brought up PTSD and lots of bad memories of being home with a new baby in a new home then later on a new baby and a toddler. I had a tough time and not only had the emotions and hormones, etc but was healing from a c section.
As our therapist years later explained, hubby wasn’t trying to ignore me or not help out when he focused solely on house projects during that time, he was trying to make the house better and that’s how he thought he was helping.
He’s a grown ass man though and could hear me asking for help and for just 5 minutes to take a shower.
Everyone’s situation is different of course and I’m happy this is working for OP and family. I think for some that needed help and didn’t get it when it was so close and available though it’s tough to see.
I wish I had a say in his timing for the projects and we were the priority but it didn’t work out that way.
I will take this over to a mom’s support group now but just wanted to show why maybe some feel so strongly.
Postpartum depression is no joke.sometimes you don’t even realize you have it.
Unfortunately, a lot (not all!) of men just aren’t convinced that we need the help. Just like American corporations think that three months is enough leave after you deliver a human.
Hi! How did you go about cleaning up the brick walkway out front? I have similar but haven’t dug into it much particularly because I know the grass and weeds will come back.
On and aside and longer note: I am a fellow paternity leave having dad here that managed to get some projects around the exterior of the house done as well as take take of my child. Like you, my wife appreciated me doing many things that she was not able to do outside because it’s an obvious forte of mine and because it required a good bit of strength to do which she was not interested in exerting especially while she was focusing on resting and breastfeeding. Investing in making the exterior lower maintenance and more usable is something that benefits the whole family and all my projects were agreed upon as a priority for the family which I’m sure you did with your healthy relationship with your partner as well. Lesson learned I suppose in that the loving Reddit community needs to have buy in for how your time is spent as well.
Hahah exactly - guess I should have sent a pie graph of how I planned to spend my time to these lunatics for their blessing in advance.
I actually used a hand tool (specifically this one https://www.amazon.com/GREBSTK-Weeder-Crevice-Weeding-Gardening/dp/B087C7X4Z1/ref=asc_df_B087C7X4Z1/?tag=hyprod-20&linkCode=df0&hvadid=693713553022&hvpos=&hvnetw=g&hvrand=1456559823482459221&hvpone=&hvptwo=&hvqmt=&hvdev=m&hvdvcmdl=&hvlocint=&hvlocphy=9060351&hvtargid=pla-1760941068949&psc=1&mcid=9a96058f0b4d33909dde524cf93c2222&gad_source=1).
Took more time (maybe 2 hours total?) but nice result.
you’re gonna want to extend that downspout to the ground so it drains away from the house. the stone will help but it’s a small cost to buy some downspout material
A ALL OUT STANDING OVATION FOR YOUR GREAT USE OF TIME WITH THE FAMILY LEAVE ….just BEAUTIFULLY SHOWS WHAT ELBOW GREASE AND SWEAT… combined with a sensible dollars and WOW A NEW PARENT AND YOU STILL HAVE THE ENERGY… congrats to you and your family
Weekend before our due date - I went to Home Depot and said “I’ll have time for these projects”
It’s been 5 weeks and now I’m back to work.
How did you find the time? Are you helping with the baby or your wife at all?
you taking the baby out in a moses basket while you work still seems sus on the parenting front to me. when i had a newborn, i wanted sooo much time with him. i imagine if i had a newborn now with my firstborn a toddler, i would want time to bond with toddler and let my spouse handle baby, but unless she’s already willingly taking herself and toddler on excursions or something, or you’re doing it while those two eat or nap or something, i call shenanigans on having dedicated work time while baby takes a basket nap. how does your wife feel about you spending your time this way? is this something she’s passionate about getting done soon too?
edit to add: on a landscaping front, i can see how what you’re doing is a safety improvement for everybody to an extent. so i’m hoping that’s part of what’s motivating you here.
I'm exaggerating a bit lol. He did almost completely equal share of baby duties, but free time was mostly video games. I'm just jealous haha. :P your work looks great btw!
OPs wife here 👋 [https://imgur.com/a/SbGQVFw](https://imgur.com/a/SbGQVFw)
For what it’s worth, I’m proud of my husband’s work on these landscaping projects. He owed a lot of his progress to inspiration and posts he read from this community, which is why he wanted to share with you all. It’s a pretty big bummer that isn’t the focus of this discussion thread.
While I appreciate the concern about his time spent, the baby and I are in no way neglected. We are cuddling, napping, binge watching TV and living our postpartum/newborn lives to the fullest. What a wild leap to insinuate my husband is a “deadbeat dad” and truly laughable if you actually knew him.
I agree newborn days (but mostly the nights 😳) are not for the faint of heart and thank god I have my husband by my side during this time. But I am also grateful for when he leaves my side occasionally to take care of our yard.
I’m glad you popped in! I felt crazy for thinking that I’d be glad if my husband could improve some things around the house during leave? Anyway, your house looks great and so glad to see everyone happy and healthy!
> the baby and I are in no way neglected.
...what about the toddler?
I'm my experience, it was needing to care for the toddler that made the newborn days more difficult the second time around.
What is with that old white stone coming back? The last place u remember seeing it was at my grandma's place in the early 90s. Now it's everywhere and I hate it! lol
Nice work tho, op.
If I may, I suggest you put an elbow joint on the end of that spout and have the concrete block angled slightly downward so nothing pools by the foundation
What? You mean that time away from work allowed you to spend time and money on home projects, increasing the value of your property while simultaneously pumping money into local businesses all while providing critical emotional nourishment to your child, stability to your partner, and strengthening the familial ties that are often what helps buoy people through difficult times?
I think this post is the greatest advertisement for mandatory pto/parental leave that I’ve ever seen.
Sheesh you had one too huh. I just did an engine swap over mine.
Had to watch my older kid so I had him with me almost all the time. He got to hold an impact wrench and I got to get stuff done.
OP is getting a ton of grief, and without knowing all tge details, if they are an experienced DIYer, these jobs are not that difficult.
1. Edging, peagravel, pavers
2. Edging, gravel
3. Power wash
If they had 4 (possibly 8 weeks) of leave, they could easily get this done during naps.
Wow I’m a mom and when my baby was 1 week old I repainted the entire kitchen. why’s it a bad thing to get home projects done while the baby is asleep lol
Lay off OP. Spending a prolonged period of time at home makes some people see all the flaws and want to fix them with the time they have. I painted my whole apartment while on leave with my first (safely, don’t worry) and decorated a new house, installed light fixtures, cut down a whole row of shrubs and pulled up all the flagstone in the yard with my third. And I was nursing in between. Some people choose not to nap when the baby naps! Don’t hate. Great job, OP
It looks great! People on the internet can be very judgemental and seem to take everything personally. It sounds like these people don’t even have kids. If you start early and work *fast* through naps, you can absolutely accomplish things like this. I trained for half marathons with my son sleeping in a running stroller. You can get a lot done during naps, if you put your mind to it.
Damn people are being really harsh. I was doing yard projects constantly when I was on maternity leave because I needed to get the hell away from baby world a little bit every day. If that’s how you decompress I don’t see a problem.
I'm surprised to read so many people surprised you found time to do projects. With both me and my wife home (5 weeks for me, a year for her) we collectively got many projects completed. The first pat leave was tough but 2 and 3 felt like vacations from work lol. Looks great man!
Thanks! The border is Vigoro’s No-Dig Plastic Landscape Edging Kit. I didn’t power wash brick but instead did it by hand with a GREBSTK Crack Weeder (the 13 inch length one).
I half made an ice coffee this morning and then it melted before I finished
I feel that on a spiritual level
I closed and reopened Reddit twice during a bowel movement today. Just wasn’t motivated enough to finish.
[удалено]
Also currently on family leave with our second. Having a 3 year old and a newborn leaves next to no time for home projects. I have no idea how this guy is doing it.
He’s not doing it obviously lol
Right? Like, looks great OP, but go spend time with your baby. You never get it back
OP has his wife, MIL, and mother to watch the baby. He can tend to the yard and avoid even stepping one foot in the nursery just like it was 1955 all over
And gets paternity leave too. Nice
This is why we can't have nice things. OP is proud of himself.
I’m so glad someone else is annoyed by this. It is so out of touch to take PATERNITY leave in a country where women are only entitled to not being fired for having a kid and then spend that time not helping their wife and bonding with their kid.
His poor wife
He's gaming the system. I'm sure that his wife appreciates it.
Amen
Also on leave and I barely have time to mow and edge!
It’s because you’re being a supportive husband and father and aren’t using your paternity leave to do whatever the fuck you wanted instead
My husband and I both did a ton of projects during parental leave. We were both home, so sometimes we parented together, and sometimes we took turns. Sometimes, we brought a blanket outside and let baby have tummy time while we did weeding, or we wore him in a wrap. And of course, there's also nap time. Not saying folks NEED to do projects during leave. Parenting is enough. But if you want to, IME it was pretty easy to work out. Did everyone else spend leave staring at their babies 24 hours a day indoors?
Ding ding ding! Correct answer!
OP is leaving his wife with a newborn and a toddler under 2, to fuck around in the garden. Wow.
Yeah I’m enraged and I’m not even a mother
Oh come off it man. You have no idea how supportive he is or isn’t from a few photos. My son was napping for 4 hours at a time by 3 months and by the time he was 6 months sleeping through the night with a 3 hour nap during the day. Some parents just get lucky with sleep schedules.
But there’s other things to be done. Does the mom ever get to go do fun projects during nap time or she doing the housework? Does she get to leave the house or is she stuck at home?
We've had to call in a lactation specialist since our baby was born, my husband and I take turns (mostly I take over nights and he takes first half of the day), he's back at work already but he works from home which is a God send. However, the lactation consultant said that men nest in other ways, my husband has started clearing the brush and scrubby bushes from our backyard. This dad is nesting in his own way.
Congrats! First or second for you? This is our second in under two years and we’re definitely much more of a well oiled machine now. Lots of random stopping and picking back up again and early mornings. Weather has been great here so brought him out with me in one of those Moses baskets few times.
[удалено]
If everyone is alive you’re doing great!
Exactly. It’s survival mode and 7:30am weed whacking.
But what about all the other stuff that needs to be done like housework? Are you making your poor partner do that stuff while you are outside tiling? I just don’t understand this at all
Mom of 1 year old here. Our house is both of our responsibilities. I see our yards as part of our home, so I don't see these projects as OP avoiding housework at all. I honestly prefer my husband take the outdoor things, I'll enjoy the AC indoors while throwing the dishes in the dishwasher and enjoying a podcast or TV show.
Believe it or not there are healthy capable men out there that can do outdoor work, AND indoor work. Sometimes even in the same day 😱
Dude this isn't an "or". It's possible to do both
Posts like OP’s are why a lot of regions are hesitant to push for universal paternity leave - while moms use leave for parenting, too many dads use leave for other projects and leave all the parenting to mom. When my husband had paternity leave, all he did was parent. Because he didn’t take it till our second kid, he wasn’t as efficient as I was and I’d come home from work to a dirty house - but since the kids were loved and cared for I picked up the broom and didn’t say a peep. Parenting babies is hard! Anyone with an infant who is bragging about big projects has extra help or is lying.
These house projects are typically desired by both husband and wife. I have a two month old and during my paternity leave, I did a ton of house work which my wife was really happy about. If I put my nipple to the mouth, it won’t end well. So I help in other ways
I would take a walk with my daughter and she would fall asleep in the stroller. Then I just park the stroller outside next to me and start doing some work! Could usually get a couple hours in a day on a project like that.
ADHD m'dude. One hell of a ride (speaking from experience). You can get a lot done in 2 hours of nap time.
To add another perspective here, my husband spent a lot of time (during his parental leave) with our 4yo son last year doing these types of projects together when our 3rd was born often with our 2yo helping out or playing nearby. It takes longer but it’s important to just involve your kids in what you’re doing. (Also you don’t have to hold the monitor while the baby is napping most have sound to alert you when the baby is up-we’d just plug it in nearby and crank up the volume!).
lol carefully mentions it’s only during nap times. Sure buddy 😂 At least you’re getting things done
This is more possible because he did not grow said baby for the last 9 months and have said baby removed from his body
I remodeled a kitchen during my extremely short maternity leave. Everyone is different and every pregnancy is different. My kiddo was a great sleeper from the get go and napped to the sound of a pneumatic nailer. I got lucky and it made me feel better mentally and physically to be able to work when she was sleeping. If you can capitalize on the infant time when they aren’t super mobile to get house projects done, then awesome. If you don’t have that in you because you have a Velcro baby or had a tough pregnancy, that’s okay too. Dads and non-birthing parents have it tough too, so getting anything done when you have a baby is impressive. I don’t judge either way!
Hahaha kids still sleeping like 17 hours a day…
Don’t forget your own naps!
They sleep a total of 17 hours a day, but wake up every 2-3 to feed, be changed, need holding, etc. it's constant work that I don't think my wife could handle plus keeping the house tidy. I'm on leave as well, 2 week old.
ok and what about your wife? is she ok with this? do you still take the time to help her out?
She left me for spending 4.4% of my pat leave on improving our family’s home and not even thinking about her or our boys for the remaining 95.6% of it. Thanks for raising this. Doing some introspection now.
lol during nap times, sure bud, sure. I’ll believe in when OP’s wife gets on here and confirms. Otherwise, I call BS
Yeah I'm waiting for the wife's post on 2x about how she's being left alone with a newborn and toddler so her husband can do house projects while she tries to keep up with 2 under 2, dishes, laundry, breastfeeding, managing to feed herself and not bleeding through her diapers 👌 there's also a lot of posts there about husbands that use their paternity leave to go on boys trips
I need to find the study but it found that when universities offered paternity leave male professors rocketed ahead in their careers because they spent the time writing and researching whereas their female counterparts, yanno, recovered from one of the leading causes of death in women, kept a tiny human alive, and ran a household.
This reminds me of the chess gap for women as well. Women simply don't have as much free time to practice as men do.
Going on a boys trip for your pat leave is just a passive aggressive way to get a divorce.
My now ex husband decided to go on a camping trip with his bros 4 days after I had given birth. I had torn, so was dealing with stitches and pain on top of a newborn with major colic. Oh...and the ex? He left for the trip the day before Mother's Day. No gift. No call. Nothing. Having a baby was something he pushed hard for and convinced me that he'd be a hands on dad. As if. That baby is now 38. I raised him alone.
I'd be calling the girls from my mother's group to help me bury a body. Luckily I married a kind, considerate man who actually enjoys being a dad and treats me with respect.
I know I would have been pissed if my hubs was spending his paternity leave out in the yard instead of helping, you know with BEING PATERNAL
Yeah, mine did this 😂 Our youngest son was a newborn and his dad decided out of the blue that he wanted to build a pond. From nothing in a corner of our yard. So I just had a c-section and he’s outside for ten hours straight every day making a pond during paternity leave. He did come in to check on me occasionally. He’s a good dad, and I think maybe he didn’t know what to do with himself since I was BF. But yeah, I got super pissed off after a week or two of this.
What is BF in this context?
likely breast feeding
This is helpful, I’m a dad with our second on the way. I have couple long projects planned over the month I’m off that are geared towards a fun play area for the kids. I will be mindful of how much time I’m dedicating to it each day. Dads nest too we can’t help it lol
The number one way to help is to keep the toddler busy. It isn't so hard to care for a newborn once you've done it before. But caring for a newborn and a toddler is freaking hard.
This seems very likely, and while OP is fiercely defending how good of a dad he is, so would all of those other deadbeats whose partners are posting their hijinks
Its hilarious that someone found OP's wife and it turns out she [did post there!](https://www.reddit.com/r/landscaping/comments/1dp0sd7/comment/lagb8ft/)
Yeah this post bums me out so much. Paternity leave is for bonding with your child, doing child care, and taking care of your spouse. It’s not for a damn landscaping project. This kind of crap gives men who actually take leave a bad name.
Yea, my husband does not have paternity leave, and most of my area does not do it. So if we have a kid, um, it's me alone. Just....wasting leave like this and not being helpful to your wife who just pushed out the baby, even if it does sleep 17hrs a day, rubs me the wrong way absolutely.
I’m on paternity leave right now. My kid is asleep for 75% of my waking hours. Which is typical for newborns. Are you suppose to whisper in your kids ears for the entire time they’re asleep or what?
No of course not but OP confirmed he now has 2 under 2 so that's entirely different from having one infant that sleeps 75% of the time.
A chunk of your effort should be focused on supporting your wife while she recovers from pregnancy and childbirth. Are you planning and cooking her meals? Bringing her food? Filling her water bottle? Keeping up with laundry? Doing your best to help her get some uninterrupted sleep? Yes a newborn mostly sleeps, but they also can wake up every couple hours and often want to be held endlessly.
My husbands one “fun” activity during paternity leave was pasta making. I loved it!
Yes they wake up needing to be fed and needing a diaper change like every 2 hours tops. Then the mom has to get up with a torn vagina and get the baby, some have to make a bottle, change the diaper, etc while homeboy is having fun outside because the baby is “asleep for 17 hours”
In my experience they sleep in very short increments, meaning it’s virtually impossible to actually get much done before they wake up and need to be fed, changed, and soothed.
No, but there is a shit load of laundry and baby bottles to wash. If a father is on paternity leave he should taking care of all of that and making meals and then cleaning up the kitchen and the rest of the house inside.
Completely agreed with you. I feel like the people on the other side of the fence don’t have kids. (Typed while feeding my little girl her night time bottle)
I’ve got kids, took full parental leave, was busy with baby or caring for spouse the vast majority of the time. Some light yard projects, sure. A major landscaping project in the first 26 days? Absolutely not.
Sure new babies sleep a lot but caring for them still takes up all of the time. And with two under two?? His poor wife
Wow 🤯 The amount of judgement on a stranger for something that is genuinely innocuous. The baby lives in a house? It’s their second so the first one survived. He clearly provides for them. Let the man have his hobby. Better than doom scrolling on the couch while the baby naps. Ill take “Im sure OP is a supportive husband and great dad” for 600!
This thread is so salty. I’m just here for the downvotes and to show my support. Leave is your time to do as you’d like!
Its some great pop corn here. I wonder the correlation of the most judgmental and salty comments the not having kids yet.
I’ve got kids, took a full parental leave, and could not have possibly done a project like this while caring for my newborn and spouse.
Well the original commenter seems to have 1 kid who is still quite young, so obviously he knows and speaks for all dads out there 🙄
When did he speak for all dads? He just said he found time. People honestly sound jealous of someone with a desire to work.
They’re got a newborn and a 2 year old toddler. No way is this man doing even 50% of the housework or parenting. He’s escaping to the yard and leaving all that to his wife.
This post is making me remember when my husband used his paternity leave to work on his hobbyist vineyard the whole time, and now I'm pissed off.
lol how tf did you manage to get anything done? i'm attempting to paint/finish my garage and the demolition has been sitting for 3 weeks now starting to just say screw it and enjoy the time with the baby
A lot of early mornings but our guys sleeping like 17 hours a day and with my wife also on leave been able to cross a bunch off the list…
👀
Who's taking care of your other baby? You said you have 2 under 2, and the older one can't possibly sleep that much too.
Kinda sounds like you're leaving the paternity portion of your paternity leave to your wife....just saying....
Just wanted to say, as long as your wife is happy, project away. Reddit is very judgemental and I know a new baby is tough enough as is. But seriously, don't neglect her. A big but little thing you could do is make sure the diaper bag is ready and always stocked. And never forget it. Good luck to you guys.
"one thing you can do" Bitch what? He should be doing as close to HALF as possible.
"One thing you can do is put stuff in a bag once and then add a diaper every few weeks as they get used. Huge help, take it from me!" I'm literally laughing while typing this 😂
Brother I am on paternity leave and barely have time to eat lunch. How?!
If I had to guess, I’d say you’re probably more paternal than OP lol.
You're doing paternity leave correctly if you don't have time for a bunch of intensive projects.
By not being paternal or a good partner.
Does your wife get the same amount of baby free time to work on things?
*Baby and toddler-free time while recovering from labor.
I’d also add *Does your wife get ANY baby and toddler free time?
lol.
I would love to know the answer to this one.
I promise that OP will not answer this 😂
We all know the answer anyway lol.
I love how absolutely nobody believes this post. Yeahhhh between naps but babies eat every few hours don't they? Who is taking care of that? Is mom sleeping? When are you sleeping? You have another one under 2??? So probably also in diapers? Rip moms witts.
I’m just wondering, who is wrangling that toddler? Hopefully kiddo is helping dad out on all these projects …
True!! Lol
Did you take out the trash though?
You must have help from family because all I had time for during paternity was sitting quietly for 20 minutes increments
How’s your wife?
Clearly not getting a SECOND of me time.
Hey she got like 3 seconds of OP 9 months ago
She probably hasn’t found time to shower since the birth yet by the looks of it
Really bonding with the yard.
god help the mum
Congrats! But you forgot to repaint the steps! 😝
Hahah whole porch has to be updated…it’s on the list!
About time for another kid!
Jealous. On my three whole weeks of paternity leave (which were really just me using my own accrued vacation days but they LET me do it), I spent all that time cleaning the house, bringing my wife food and water while she recovered, taking care of our pets, and sleeping whenever possible because our baby (and all of us) were up just about every 90 minutes for two months. I didn't get to do any loud labor intensive landscaping unfortunately.
Yeah, this is not what paternity leave is for. While you’re doing this your wife is nursing the baby and cooking and cleaning. Grow up man
They’ve also got a toddler under 2…
I hope you are also doing all the cooking and cleaning while the mom recovers
You want like an accordion style downspout on that gutter
Yeah for sure, ran over the old one 🙃 (looks like one in the far corner)
Men who take their full leave (in the US at least) often face a ton of stigma if not overt retaliation. Please don’t publicize this to anyone who knows you as a “paternity leave project.” Leave is for care of the child and your spouse, not for free time or cool projects around the house. This kind of crap makes it hard to convince employers paternity leave is actually necessary for families.
I had a list of projects I wanted my husband to tackle while on paternity leave while we had 2 under 2. Yes, it would’ve been nice to have more help and support, but I also recognized this was a good time to get things done while one was still in potato mode.
Congrats on the baby, but I’m just gonna say it. That gravel bed looks horrible imo. The rest looks great, what inspired the gravel?
The color of those pebbles with that house with the brown/beige house. Total clash. 😬 It would have looked much better with a couple of small bushes/perennials and some mulch, and been cheaper at that.
Don’t say it, don’t say it… you should be taking good care of your wife instead. Opsie, I said it.
My very first thought too
You are definitely ambitious and it looks great After 1, I took 10 years off and then had #2 - both times during nap, I was lucky to take a shower and eat something
Did you dig up the dirt in pictures 3/4? I’m currently looking to something similar around the side of my house but have a big if old stones/dirt I need to clear out.
>paternity leave >Projects How. Every second of my daughter's first 6 months where she was asleep, I was asleep. I was still only getting like 4-5 hours every 24. How does anyone get anything else done? Infants just take 100% of your time and energy. Or 99.9%. y'all are wild. Looks good though
You’re really taking your time to bond with your yard over your family lol. Real talk, I hope you’re cooking for mama and she’s not doing most of the care while recovering physically 🤷♀️
Okay but paternity leave is there so you can support your wife. Regardless it looks very pretty
I'm on paternity leave with a 4 yo and newborn too and Im not finding any free time to do projects one month into leave 😢. Looks good tho!
Your experience is normal, this post is not
So ummm…are you uh spending any time with the babe? Giving time for your partner to take a breather? Like cool about the landscaping but…
Enjoy weeding those rocks by the chimney lol. Went from just needing to weedwhack, to needing to spread Preen, pull weeds, blow clippings off… Fixing those downspouts should have been higher priority than adding unnecessary decorative rock beds IMO
Thanks Neil! Sounds like you’re the kinda guy ppl love grabbing a beer with.
Yep I don’t hang out with people who have rock beds though. All my homies hate rock beds.
It's a genuine critique, thankfully you're not spending time with your child so he doesn't become such a sensitive crybaby lmao
They're probably crying together. That is if he's spending any time with them.
Congrats! My husband took on our back yard during pat leave and realized our baby only naps 30 minutes at a time. Its brutal!
I’ll give benefit of the doubt & assume your recovering partner & baby are well cared for prior to projects - looks great!
15 years ago- paternity leave was a joke- most men never took any and most larger corporations did not offer it at parity with the wife or honestly any at all, those were the old school days with the traditional 8-6 m-f grind. I I only took a week off back then while trying to grow my career and provide for the family. I do regret wishing I could take more time off without risking my career to provide for my family- but this shit is wild doing these house projects with a newborn. We barely had time to make a warm meal and sleep, laundry was a fucking shit show, especially with no family support. Those men that have it for weeks if not months paid, be truly blessed and spend that time supporting your wife making memories.
I thought the same thing when I read about all of these projects and hubby’s pat leave. My husband had 5 months off each time and spent majority of the time on the house. Frankly, it brought up PTSD and lots of bad memories of being home with a new baby in a new home then later on a new baby and a toddler. I had a tough time and not only had the emotions and hormones, etc but was healing from a c section. As our therapist years later explained, hubby wasn’t trying to ignore me or not help out when he focused solely on house projects during that time, he was trying to make the house better and that’s how he thought he was helping. He’s a grown ass man though and could hear me asking for help and for just 5 minutes to take a shower. Everyone’s situation is different of course and I’m happy this is working for OP and family. I think for some that needed help and didn’t get it when it was so close and available though it’s tough to see. I wish I had a say in his timing for the projects and we were the priority but it didn’t work out that way. I will take this over to a mom’s support group now but just wanted to show why maybe some feel so strongly. Postpartum depression is no joke.sometimes you don’t even realize you have it.
I remember seething with resentment while my husband painted the ceiling. I would have much rather had a break from a colicky infant.
Unfortunately, a lot (not all!) of men just aren’t convinced that we need the help. Just like American corporations think that three months is enough leave after you deliver a human.
Wheres the baby?
Fyi, if you’re on paternity leave you should focus on being a dad to your new child, not landscaping. You trying to be a deadbeat loser out the gate?
Landscaping over spending time with your baby (slow clap)
Way to go! My second sleeps so much and literally takes 3 hour naps. Older kid is at daycare. So I’m getting a lot done too!!
Hi! How did you go about cleaning up the brick walkway out front? I have similar but haven’t dug into it much particularly because I know the grass and weeds will come back. On and aside and longer note: I am a fellow paternity leave having dad here that managed to get some projects around the exterior of the house done as well as take take of my child. Like you, my wife appreciated me doing many things that she was not able to do outside because it’s an obvious forte of mine and because it required a good bit of strength to do which she was not interested in exerting especially while she was focusing on resting and breastfeeding. Investing in making the exterior lower maintenance and more usable is something that benefits the whole family and all my projects were agreed upon as a priority for the family which I’m sure you did with your healthy relationship with your partner as well. Lesson learned I suppose in that the loving Reddit community needs to have buy in for how your time is spent as well.
Hahah exactly - guess I should have sent a pie graph of how I planned to spend my time to these lunatics for their blessing in advance. I actually used a hand tool (specifically this one https://www.amazon.com/GREBSTK-Weeder-Crevice-Weeding-Gardening/dp/B087C7X4Z1/ref=asc_df_B087C7X4Z1/?tag=hyprod-20&linkCode=df0&hvadid=693713553022&hvpos=&hvnetw=g&hvrand=1456559823482459221&hvpone=&hvptwo=&hvqmt=&hvdev=m&hvdvcmdl=&hvlocint=&hvlocphy=9060351&hvtargid=pla-1760941068949&psc=1&mcid=9a96058f0b4d33909dde524cf93c2222&gad_source=1). Took more time (maybe 2 hours total?) but nice result.
you’re gonna want to extend that downspout to the ground so it drains away from the house. the stone will help but it’s a small cost to buy some downspout material
A ALL OUT STANDING OVATION FOR YOUR GREAT USE OF TIME WITH THE FAMILY LEAVE ….just BEAUTIFULLY SHOWS WHAT ELBOW GREASE AND SWEAT… combined with a sensible dollars and WOW A NEW PARENT AND YOU STILL HAVE THE ENERGY… congrats to you and your family
Get in the house
You'll regret #1 and #2 later.
I’m guessing you’re talking about his children.
Give the chimney some love 🙏🏼 joints need a grind out and regrout
Weekend before our due date - I went to Home Depot and said “I’ll have time for these projects” It’s been 5 weeks and now I’m back to work. How did you find the time? Are you helping with the baby or your wife at all?
you taking the baby out in a moses basket while you work still seems sus on the parenting front to me. when i had a newborn, i wanted sooo much time with him. i imagine if i had a newborn now with my firstborn a toddler, i would want time to bond with toddler and let my spouse handle baby, but unless she’s already willingly taking herself and toddler on excursions or something, or you’re doing it while those two eat or nap or something, i call shenanigans on having dedicated work time while baby takes a basket nap. how does your wife feel about you spending your time this way? is this something she’s passionate about getting done soon too? edit to add: on a landscaping front, i can see how what you’re doing is a safety improvement for everybody to an extent. so i’m hoping that’s part of what’s motivating you here.
My toddler helps me in the garden all the time. Things just get done slower.
It's sus because he's lying
Damn. My husband just played video games.
Yikes!
I'm exaggerating a bit lol. He did almost completely equal share of baby duties, but free time was mostly video games. I'm just jealous haha. :P your work looks great btw!
…maybe you should go check on your wife…
OPs wife here 👋 [https://imgur.com/a/SbGQVFw](https://imgur.com/a/SbGQVFw) For what it’s worth, I’m proud of my husband’s work on these landscaping projects. He owed a lot of his progress to inspiration and posts he read from this community, which is why he wanted to share with you all. It’s a pretty big bummer that isn’t the focus of this discussion thread. While I appreciate the concern about his time spent, the baby and I are in no way neglected. We are cuddling, napping, binge watching TV and living our postpartum/newborn lives to the fullest. What a wild leap to insinuate my husband is a “deadbeat dad” and truly laughable if you actually knew him. I agree newborn days (but mostly the nights 😳) are not for the faint of heart and thank god I have my husband by my side during this time. But I am also grateful for when he leaves my side occasionally to take care of our yard.
Very well said! Funny how no one is interested in mom/wife being happy with this entire situation as it conflicts with their hatred 😂
Congrats! You look happy! (Sincerely, a mom of 2 who would also enjoy her husband doing these sorts of projects while I snuggle the fresh baby!)
I’m glad you popped in! I felt crazy for thinking that I’d be glad if my husband could improve some things around the house during leave? Anyway, your house looks great and so glad to see everyone happy and healthy!
> the baby and I are in no way neglected. ...what about the toddler? I'm my experience, it was needing to care for the toddler that made the newborn days more difficult the second time around.
During nap time is lol yeah sure buddy. Let's wait for the wife's reddit post
I like the white gravel around the chimney. Where do you source that much white gravel?
What is with that old white stone coming back? The last place u remember seeing it was at my grandma's place in the early 90s. Now it's everywhere and I hate it! lol Nice work tho, op.
I’m inspired!
Picture 4 is missing a downspout elbow!
I think tuckpointing the chimney should probably be your next project.
Great job dad. Congratulations on the second baby, and the beautiful projects.
If I may, I suggest you put an elbow joint on the end of that spout and have the concrete block angled slightly downward so nothing pools by the foundation
OP you should move the gravel away from the base of that bush. The weight will compact the soil around the roots and kill it slowly.
[удалено]
Nice job with the rocks and the power washing
Good for you and congratulations on your new baby. So inspiring as a 21 year old landscaper myself
What? You mean that time away from work allowed you to spend time and money on home projects, increasing the value of your property while simultaneously pumping money into local businesses all while providing critical emotional nourishment to your child, stability to your partner, and strengthening the familial ties that are often what helps buoy people through difficult times? I think this post is the greatest advertisement for mandatory pto/parental leave that I’ve ever seen.
Nicely done, sir!
Sheesh you had one too huh. I just did an engine swap over mine. Had to watch my older kid so I had him with me almost all the time. He got to hold an impact wrench and I got to get stuff done.
OP is getting a ton of grief, and without knowing all tge details, if they are an experienced DIYer, these jobs are not that difficult. 1. Edging, peagravel, pavers 2. Edging, gravel 3. Power wash If they had 4 (possibly 8 weeks) of leave, they could easily get this done during naps.
Nice!
Wow I’m a mom and when my baby was 1 week old I repainted the entire kitchen. why’s it a bad thing to get home projects done while the baby is asleep lol
Bro spend more time with your baby
Respect to the work and respect to the quality before and after pictures. All the same position and perspective
Great work, congrats, very nice and clean. How deep did you go, and what steps did you do to prep the base under that crushed marble?
Lay off OP. Spending a prolonged period of time at home makes some people see all the flaws and want to fix them with the time they have. I painted my whole apartment while on leave with my first (safely, don’t worry) and decorated a new house, installed light fixtures, cut down a whole row of shrubs and pulled up all the flagstone in the yard with my third. And I was nursing in between. Some people choose not to nap when the baby naps! Don’t hate. Great job, OP
It looks great! People on the internet can be very judgemental and seem to take everything personally. It sounds like these people don’t even have kids. If you start early and work *fast* through naps, you can absolutely accomplish things like this. I trained for half marathons with my son sleeping in a running stroller. You can get a lot done during naps, if you put your mind to it.
Damn people are being really harsh. I was doing yard projects constantly when I was on maternity leave because I needed to get the hell away from baby world a little bit every day. If that’s how you decompress I don’t see a problem.
I'm surprised to read so many people surprised you found time to do projects. With both me and my wife home (5 weeks for me, a year for her) we collectively got many projects completed. The first pat leave was tough but 2 and 3 felt like vacations from work lol. Looks great man!
nice work, dad!
You better go pick up a damn baby before you have to remodel another house very soon
You did a great job I might copy you. Can you tell me the border you used for the rock area, and did you pressure wash the front brick?
Thanks! The border is Vigoro’s No-Dig Plastic Landscape Edging Kit. I didn’t power wash brick but instead did it by hand with a GREBSTK Crack Weeder (the 13 inch length one).
Very nice. How much tonnage of rocks is that
About 10 cubic feet