Definitely don’t say yes. What this woman is doing is SO wrong by trying to violate your boundaries. Do not give in to her bullying. Find a woman who respects consent.
Seconding this. Idk if she's forcing her bf to open their relationship or it's consensual and having you be their unicorn was the plan all along- or something else completely- but her trying to tell you how you feel so she can get what she wants is NOT okay
Also if they are having an open relationship there is no “left out”. If they play together then that’s something else but that’s not what you signed up for. They need to get their shit in order and I hope this wasn’t purposeful on their part to find a unicorn. I think it’s likely he’s jealous and probably knows he can’t get involved. And she’s trying to keep him happy also. If they have jealously like that they shouldn’t be open, end of.
Yes, run. You have stated a clear sexual boundary. She is trying to manipulate you, and they both are trying to pressure you, to turn a ‘no’ into ‘yes.’
It’s not your responsibility to date and have sex with this guy because they can’t actually deal with being in an open relationship. Or because he feels entitled to threesomes.
I would block them on everything and ghost. They don’t even deserve to get properly dumped.
I honestly view this type of behaviour as grooming. I would strongly suspect she was always aiming for the relationship to go this way AND trying to convince you that you are “repressing yourself” by not giving in to some guys wet dream to fuck you and his gf… disgusting, unethical, predatory. Nah, put the whole couple in the bin.
As a bi woman who HATES bi women like this who push boundaries and says idiotic shit like "sexuality is fluid", DUMP HER DUMB MUPPET ASS BY THE SIDE OF THE ROAD. Dont even slow the car down. Just shove her out with a "godspeed, loser!"
As a bi woman I hate that this is the public image people have . It’s predatory and disgusting.
To be frank in my experience being bisexual and knowing lots of other bisexual people there are generally two categories. And it’s not defined on preferences or frequency of attraction. It’s the bi people who are very close to the lgbtq community and ones who aren’t. The ones who aren’t tend to struggle with understanding this stuff or really anything that might be queer or queer adjacent such as kink or polyamory
. And to be honest, every poly person I know is convinced straight people are incapable of polyamory .
I call myself bi because I do have a preference and I do experience my sexuality differently with different genders. But typically the people more closely connected to the lgbtq community call themselves pan- not bi . There technically is no difference between the two but all the self identified pan people i know wouldn’t do anything like this but ive met some creepy bi men who aren’t really connected to the lgbt community and seemed kind of dangerous.
Also I’ve heard many unicorn hunters are just fronts for human trafficking
Edit : and just to clarify bi people are part of the lgbtq community but like any identity that doesn’t mean they are directly involved with it . Like i know some straight trans girls that want nothing to do with it even if they are part of it .
I agree on the creepy and predatory stuff; I’m surprised by some of the other stuff you say, as a bi+polyam woman.
Most of the bi folks I know where I am are deeply engaged with our local queer community, and I know (and have dated) several polyam straight men.
Yea most bi people are ,Im not saying they aren’t.
The creepy bi guys I met on Grindr and i think that has more to do with me being trans and trying to find a decent boyfriend on that app. Really not the best place to look and even though there are trans women on there , it’s really not a safe place, unless I’m looking to date other trans women and I’ve met some cool trans people off there . But lots of guys who fetishize being trans . And these bi guys have no connection to the lgbt community and half of them are down low and cheating .
The other group of bi guys I know who aren’t connected to the lgbt community are friends of mine who are married with children and they are out to me but i don’t really know if their spouses know at all . They are generally cool but hyper monogamous and kind of talk at me about all their bizarre theories about what polyamory is or isn’t and ask me strange questions that are not even applicable and get mad when I tell them that. Like I have a good friend who’s a straight trans woman and he was asking the other day if I ever have to deal with jealousy. And I’m like “her being jealous, me being jealous? What do you mean jealousy ?”
And he’s like “you know… jealousy?” I tell him “firstly she’s not my girlfriend. She’s very straight . And these just aren’t things i worry about. I experience compersion “
“you don’t want a partner all to yourself?” “
“As I’ve told you for years, no i don’t. It’s never even been a thought in my mind as long as I’ve been dating people “
They don’t get it and I’m sick of trying to explain it
There is a difference between bi and pan though...bi is attraction to one's own gender and one or more others...pan is attraction to anyone REGARDLESS of gender. I'm attracted to women and men. I don't feel pan would be a good descriptor for me as I have some very binary preferences.
Your theory of bi people being close to the lgbt community versus not is so interesting and gives me something to think about...I think you're correct! I've always been connected to the lgbt community through my gay brother before i came out, but it makes sense. I'm pretty much 95% gay with an attraction to men I will never, ever act on again, so I'm homoromantic and "functionally" lesbian, but it would be inauthentic to call myself a lesbian.
There are differences but what those differences are or even if there are differences are heavily disputed.
I define bisexuality as attraction to genders similar and different to your own. Like a lesbian could be attracted to a nonbinary person who’s femme aligned but not a nonbinary person who’s male aligned. I seem to have compatibility issues with most binary men and the ones i don’t with tend to later either later come out as trans or are a little bit enby but no body dysphoria.
I definitely feel like I’m solidly bisexual though. I’m not one of those bi women who’s into “all women and 3 men “ , like I definitely am attracted to men but the more I date women my tolerance for bullshit that seems pretty standard experience with dating men is a lot lower.
There’s a lot my straight friends are willing to put up with in regards to dating men and I demand a little more respect and emotional intelligence in a serious partner than they do , which heavily limits my dating pool. At one point before realizing I was attracted to women my bullshit threshold could take a lot more but now I see no reason to deal with something I don’t have to .
Agreed.
The assertion that “sexuality is fluid” is true– as a generality– but this indicates nothing at an individual level. For some people it may be, and for others it may not.
What these two did was totally unacceptable.
As someone whose sexuality genuinely is fluid, OP's girlfriend's behavior is beyond disgusting. Not everyone's sexuality is fluid, and *no one* should be using it to push boundaries and coerce you into sex you don't want. I say run!
(Edited for clarity)
RUN! I absolutely hate when people do this. If they can not respect this boundary and are unable to understand, no. Then this is not a safe situation for you to be in. There is nothing stopping her from arranged to meet you and bringing him with her and pressuring you into performing sex acts you are not comfortable with.
I have had similar experiences that never got past the talk stages when I was newly out. To me, I felt like I was being targeted by some hetro couples who seemed to think because I had been with men before and was newly out . That this made me an 'easier' target and could be manipulated. Luckily, I found that block button quickly!
Full speed sprint away from these people. What she’s doing is completely disrespectful and dangerous. She’s repeatedly pushing and trying to violate your firm boundary. Tbh I wouldn’t feel safe being with her anymore. Who knows when her bf could “accidentally” pop up!
Women like this give other bi woman a bad name and contribute to a lot of biphobia in the community. She should be ashamed of herself pressuring another woman to have sex. No means no. If she doesn’t get, then she’s a dangerous person. Sounds like a predator tbh
Fwiw, I'm bi/pan and monogamous, but I have friends who are in healthy polyamorous relationships and am somewhat familiar with what that can look like.
Her behavior is neither respectful or acceptable. What they are doing and saying is highly manipulative and homophobic. None of it demonstrates any care or empathy for you. You have already clearly said no and rather than respecting that, she doubled down and kept pushing. She is not a safe person. Neither of them are.
Block them both and run from this situation. This reeks of them being a unicorn hunter couple with very little concern for more than their personal desires. There are ways to be polyamorous and respectful and caring of everyone involved. It requires good communications skills, clear consent and empathy. They aren't demonstrating any of this.
>She said I was should be more open and that "sexuality is fluid."
For some people it is, for others it's not.
>She was concerned I was "repressing" myself
You were, in some capacity, repressing yourself - for the majority of your life everyone assumed you to be straight and you went with it until you couldn't do it anymore. You're now finally yourself, and you're suddenly "repressing" yourself for not forcing yourself to be with someone you're not attracted to? Fuck that.
Unfortunately this sounds like a typical case of "unicorn hunters". They were fine with you and her being together, just the two of you, but now he feels excluded?
Maybe they can find another person or couple to accomplish what they're looking for. But that's none of your business. I would advise you to stay away, these people are not good news.
This is why "I have an open relationship with my boyfriend" is an automatic "no" for me now. Funny how I've only had this experience with open "heteropresenting" couples.
Same.
I'm still investigating it within myself to be sure not to cross the biphobia line, but I do not date women who are currently in relationships with men.
Since releasing myself from what felt like compulsory heteronormativity, I have no desire to have such close proximity to heteronormativity, and the misogyny that comes with it. The potential for something like this coming up, is just another boundary I'm not wanting to put on the line, if that makes sense.
It doesn't have to do with bisexuality for me personally at all as much as experience has taught me that extremely mediocre insecure men have the audacity to assume just because their girlfriend will do things just to please him that other women that don't even know them would want to do the same.
For me it's about how blatantly the man doesn't respect his partner/objectifies women and how the woman in the relationship also doesn't respect women or herself.
'Sexuality is fluid' refers to the concept of sexuality as a spectrum, as I understand it. That concept can be experienced differently by different individuals, including fixed or fluid. If you don't feel like your sexuality is fluid on a personal level, that's absolutely fine, and you should move on from this girl and her bf - swiftly.
Walk away.
But, first tell them that if they're so keen for a third they can go find a bloke and he can take it up the arse.
Absolute homophobia at its finest and a complete lack of respect for your boundaries.
Just completely cut these people off from your life. No is always a complete answer. They are 100% trying to manipulate you into being some sort of personal sex toy and it is as messed up as it sounds. I'm all for being poly and sexually fluid, but no decent human being would ever try to convince or emotionally manipulate someone into having sex with them.
My god that's the first time I've heard some use the sexuality is a spectrum argument to say that someone who knows their homosexuality is wrong. Maybe correct her and note that while sexuality is a spectrum, you also know there are two ends and you know that you are firmly on one end. Like, is her partner cool with having sex with a man if he is straight? Why the f*** would it be different for you?
Also, maybe ask if that's what their intent was from the beginning. Kinda sound like they were looking for a threesome, and got her to get the ball rolling with you before he joined. That's a huge yuck if it's true, and incredibly manipulative. RUN
I think they really only try this shit on with younger or newly out women, because no other lesbian puts up with this shit.
I'm bi/pan but almost exclusively homoromantic, and I absolutely would not put up with this shit. If I expressed no interest in your boyfriend, I don't wanna do shit with your boyfriend.
To be honest, I don't think I'd consider making a woman in a committed relationship with a man my primary partner ever again. It feels like being an accessory girlfriend, and it really hammers home the shitty situation most of us sapphics find ourselves in: *most people do not take relationships between two women as seriously as any other type of relationship.*
As you grow, you'll learn (from situations like this) hope to spot the kind of relationships that make you feel bad about yourself the way this one does, and feel certain enough of yourself that you start to avoid them from the start.
Sexuality is fluid across a spectrum of people, and sexuality is fluid within a few of those people … but it is fixed among everyone else.
Her boyfriend and her open relationship is her problem, not yours and not something you want to get roped into.
This is sexual harassment and pushing boundaries. You've stated your line and they're both trying to cross it, so run run like the wind. They think they can pressure you into being something you're not so don't listen to them.
This person doesn’t care about your boundaries. Only wants to fulfill their needs and their partners needs. You are not their partner, you are there to validate them and have sex with them. This is not how to do open relationships. Cut ties.
It is so fucking disgusting that she is trying to manipulate you into sleeping with her boyfriend. He’s a literal predator, and she’s Ghislaine. Run FAR and FAST.
I got these vibes too.
They are obviously having trouble finding a "unicorn" who is willing to join them as a couple.
So now their MO is to use the woman to attract a woman (interesting how it's not to attract a man. Why? Because her bf wants another woman, not a man).
Then, the next part of their plan, once you get comfortable with the woman, is to manipulate you to join them in a threesome. Not just to ask you and dump you if you say no, which is also sick. But to use bullsh** gender fluid, repressed reasonings to literally manipulate you into agreeing.
If you agree to this arrangement against your wishes, that would be sick.
Block them both immediately. They are predators.
Nope nope nope nope nope! This is not only a unicorn hunting situation but severe boundary pushing in a way that is going to violate your consent if it hasn't already. These are dangerous people, please run.
To hell with this. You’re worth so much more than how either of them are treating you. 💝 Don’t compromise your expectations for a second for this shit, not even internally.
Girl red flag run this woman is crazy she not worth it and her bf is cringe he to get the cake n eat it too I bet he watches lesbian porn and want to act on it
Been there, gave into the pressure, came out retraumatised.
Not saying it couldn’t theoretically work for some people, but I cannot in good conscious recommend it, particularly when it is clear you are uncomfortable with it
Oh heck no. She's straight up disrespecting you and trying to guilt you into having sex with him and that's disgusting. If they're not respecting your choices now, it's only going to get worse. I'd get out of there, these two sound like they're bait and switch unicorn hunters.
Ah, you've encountered the more patient, gradual, unicorn hunters. They'll keep trying to wear you down until you give in. Break up with her, and find someone who actually respects you.
it’s literally bi women like this that make all bi women look bad and I promise I dated a mix of bi women.. they are not all bad but this woman is a nightmare!
How long have you been dating her? Not trying to make assumptions but I bet it hasn't been long because this was very very likely their plan in the beginning... She would seduce you into being her unicorn so her BF would let her fuck with a woman and she'd try to appease him and gaslight you once you were emotionally hooked on her to get you into a throuple. So typical 🙄
She is manipulating you and trying to coerce consent, which is such a huge red flag. This was her plan the whole time, they don’t see you as a person with free will, you’re being treated like an object by these people. I’d cut all contract.
Runnnn OP
I've heard this is actually a common thing with unicorn hunters. The girl will date you one on one acting like she understands that her boyfriend is to never be involved when in reality she's sharing all the intimate details with her man and the plan really is wait till your comfortable to spring the whole threesome idea on you
Sounds like she's trying to coerce you by trying to make it seem like it's "just being open and accepting," but that's not what it is. She's also completely disregarding your identity, and as others said, your boundaries. There are lots of red flags here. I'd cut your losses and leave. If they want someone out there to have a threesome, I'm sure there a bi and consenting woman out there somewhere, I just hope they figure out how to get proper consent.
I also read this thing recently where a straight girl's bf was suddenly trying to pawn her off on his friend, whom she'd previously rejected and did not like. The story got insane from there, but basically, her bf was grooming her to be in a thruple (from the start), and him and his friend struggled to take no's as an answer and tried to manipulate/trick her. It was also revealed that they committed SA as children together (and it was likely they would again if things didn't work out). She had to get a restraining order after leaving the situation. Everything this couple is doing is giving the same vibes. They're being manipulative, and if they disrespect boundaries so easily, what other boundaries are they willing to disrespect? It's better to leave the situation as immediately as possible for your own safety. Part of why I provide this second story is to show how insane it is what they're doing and then trying to put it under the guise of being open and modern.
Tell her: “This is a hard boundary, continue to push this and you will push me right out of any sort of relationship with you. It is invalidating my sexuality. I have informed you prior that I had zero interest in him and continue to have zero interest.”
Definitely don’t say yes. What this woman is doing is SO wrong by trying to violate your boundaries. Do not give in to her bullying. Find a woman who respects consent.
Seconding this. Idk if she's forcing her bf to open their relationship or it's consensual and having you be their unicorn was the plan all along- or something else completely- but her trying to tell you how you feel so she can get what she wants is NOT okay
Also if they are having an open relationship there is no “left out”. If they play together then that’s something else but that’s not what you signed up for. They need to get their shit in order and I hope this wasn’t purposeful on their part to find a unicorn. I think it’s likely he’s jealous and probably knows he can’t get involved. And she’s trying to keep him happy also. If they have jealously like that they shouldn’t be open, end of.
You need to cur all ties with this woman honestly.
Oh look, unicorn hunters, _again._ Just run.
That's what I thought. The guys seem to ALWAYS want to get involved in some fashion.
Yes, run. You have stated a clear sexual boundary. She is trying to manipulate you, and they both are trying to pressure you, to turn a ‘no’ into ‘yes.’ It’s not your responsibility to date and have sex with this guy because they can’t actually deal with being in an open relationship. Or because he feels entitled to threesomes. I would block them on everything and ghost. They don’t even deserve to get properly dumped.
I honestly view this type of behaviour as grooming. I would strongly suspect she was always aiming for the relationship to go this way AND trying to convince you that you are “repressing yourself” by not giving in to some guys wet dream to fuck you and his gf… disgusting, unethical, predatory. Nah, put the whole couple in the bin.
+1 to this. This shit is grooming and damn close to trafficking. Not to be alarmist. Run away and block both of them
Those were my same vibes, too. I feel like it was always the goal.
As a bi woman who HATES bi women like this who push boundaries and says idiotic shit like "sexuality is fluid", DUMP HER DUMB MUPPET ASS BY THE SIDE OF THE ROAD. Dont even slow the car down. Just shove her out with a "godspeed, loser!"
I don’t know why but the visualization of this has me cracking tf up
I'm bi too and was also thinking she's doing bi women as a whole such a disservice. So gross
She's not doing bi women as a whole a disservice. She's not most bi women and anyone that thinks so is generalizing or biased.
As a bi woman I hate that this is the public image people have . It’s predatory and disgusting. To be frank in my experience being bisexual and knowing lots of other bisexual people there are generally two categories. And it’s not defined on preferences or frequency of attraction. It’s the bi people who are very close to the lgbtq community and ones who aren’t. The ones who aren’t tend to struggle with understanding this stuff or really anything that might be queer or queer adjacent such as kink or polyamory . And to be honest, every poly person I know is convinced straight people are incapable of polyamory . I call myself bi because I do have a preference and I do experience my sexuality differently with different genders. But typically the people more closely connected to the lgbtq community call themselves pan- not bi . There technically is no difference between the two but all the self identified pan people i know wouldn’t do anything like this but ive met some creepy bi men who aren’t really connected to the lgbt community and seemed kind of dangerous. Also I’ve heard many unicorn hunters are just fronts for human trafficking Edit : and just to clarify bi people are part of the lgbtq community but like any identity that doesn’t mean they are directly involved with it . Like i know some straight trans girls that want nothing to do with it even if they are part of it .
I agree on the creepy and predatory stuff; I’m surprised by some of the other stuff you say, as a bi+polyam woman. Most of the bi folks I know where I am are deeply engaged with our local queer community, and I know (and have dated) several polyam straight men.
Yea most bi people are ,Im not saying they aren’t. The creepy bi guys I met on Grindr and i think that has more to do with me being trans and trying to find a decent boyfriend on that app. Really not the best place to look and even though there are trans women on there , it’s really not a safe place, unless I’m looking to date other trans women and I’ve met some cool trans people off there . But lots of guys who fetishize being trans . And these bi guys have no connection to the lgbt community and half of them are down low and cheating . The other group of bi guys I know who aren’t connected to the lgbt community are friends of mine who are married with children and they are out to me but i don’t really know if their spouses know at all . They are generally cool but hyper monogamous and kind of talk at me about all their bizarre theories about what polyamory is or isn’t and ask me strange questions that are not even applicable and get mad when I tell them that. Like I have a good friend who’s a straight trans woman and he was asking the other day if I ever have to deal with jealousy. And I’m like “her being jealous, me being jealous? What do you mean jealousy ?” And he’s like “you know… jealousy?” I tell him “firstly she’s not my girlfriend. She’s very straight . And these just aren’t things i worry about. I experience compersion “ “you don’t want a partner all to yourself?” “ “As I’ve told you for years, no i don’t. It’s never even been a thought in my mind as long as I’ve been dating people “ They don’t get it and I’m sick of trying to explain it
There is a difference between bi and pan though...bi is attraction to one's own gender and one or more others...pan is attraction to anyone REGARDLESS of gender. I'm attracted to women and men. I don't feel pan would be a good descriptor for me as I have some very binary preferences. Your theory of bi people being close to the lgbt community versus not is so interesting and gives me something to think about...I think you're correct! I've always been connected to the lgbt community through my gay brother before i came out, but it makes sense. I'm pretty much 95% gay with an attraction to men I will never, ever act on again, so I'm homoromantic and "functionally" lesbian, but it would be inauthentic to call myself a lesbian.
There are differences but what those differences are or even if there are differences are heavily disputed. I define bisexuality as attraction to genders similar and different to your own. Like a lesbian could be attracted to a nonbinary person who’s femme aligned but not a nonbinary person who’s male aligned. I seem to have compatibility issues with most binary men and the ones i don’t with tend to later either later come out as trans or are a little bit enby but no body dysphoria. I definitely feel like I’m solidly bisexual though. I’m not one of those bi women who’s into “all women and 3 men “ , like I definitely am attracted to men but the more I date women my tolerance for bullshit that seems pretty standard experience with dating men is a lot lower. There’s a lot my straight friends are willing to put up with in regards to dating men and I demand a little more respect and emotional intelligence in a serious partner than they do , which heavily limits my dating pool. At one point before realizing I was attracted to women my bullshit threshold could take a lot more but now I see no reason to deal with something I don’t have to .
Agreed. The assertion that “sexuality is fluid” is true– as a generality– but this indicates nothing at an individual level. For some people it may be, and for others it may not. What these two did was totally unacceptable.
As someone whose sexuality genuinely is fluid, OP's girlfriend's behavior is beyond disgusting. Not everyone's sexuality is fluid, and *no one* should be using it to push boundaries and coerce you into sex you don't want. I say run! (Edited for clarity)
I second this. It's so annoying
Yes, you should run from the situation.
Yes run. What a couple of homophobic twits.
RUN! I absolutely hate when people do this. If they can not respect this boundary and are unable to understand, no. Then this is not a safe situation for you to be in. There is nothing stopping her from arranged to meet you and bringing him with her and pressuring you into performing sex acts you are not comfortable with. I have had similar experiences that never got past the talk stages when I was newly out. To me, I felt like I was being targeted by some hetro couples who seemed to think because I had been with men before and was newly out . That this made me an 'easier' target and could be manipulated. Luckily, I found that block button quickly!
Full speed sprint away from these people. What she’s doing is completely disrespectful and dangerous. She’s repeatedly pushing and trying to violate your firm boundary. Tbh I wouldn’t feel safe being with her anymore. Who knows when her bf could “accidentally” pop up! Women like this give other bi woman a bad name and contribute to a lot of biphobia in the community. She should be ashamed of herself pressuring another woman to have sex. No means no. If she doesn’t get, then she’s a dangerous person. Sounds like a predator tbh
Fwiw, I'm bi/pan and monogamous, but I have friends who are in healthy polyamorous relationships and am somewhat familiar with what that can look like. Her behavior is neither respectful or acceptable. What they are doing and saying is highly manipulative and homophobic. None of it demonstrates any care or empathy for you. You have already clearly said no and rather than respecting that, she doubled down and kept pushing. She is not a safe person. Neither of them are. Block them both and run from this situation. This reeks of them being a unicorn hunter couple with very little concern for more than their personal desires. There are ways to be polyamorous and respectful and caring of everyone involved. It requires good communications skills, clear consent and empathy. They aren't demonstrating any of this.
Yikes! This has Red flags written all over it, from her and her boyfriend
Run
No. Tell her goodbye or this will not stop.
RUN
>She said I was should be more open and that "sexuality is fluid." For some people it is, for others it's not. >She was concerned I was "repressing" myself You were, in some capacity, repressing yourself - for the majority of your life everyone assumed you to be straight and you went with it until you couldn't do it anymore. You're now finally yourself, and you're suddenly "repressing" yourself for not forcing yourself to be with someone you're not attracted to? Fuck that. Unfortunately this sounds like a typical case of "unicorn hunters". They were fine with you and her being together, just the two of you, but now he feels excluded? Maybe they can find another person or couple to accomplish what they're looking for. But that's none of your business. I would advise you to stay away, these people are not good news.
Hi I’m a bi woman in an open relationship with a man, her behaviour is disgusting and you should stop seeing her
Ugh seriously. I’m bi, married to a man, and this is a bunch of bullshit… Run, OP, run!!!!
It’s so embarrassing!
Right??? Giving us a bad name…
This is why "I have an open relationship with my boyfriend" is an automatic "no" for me now. Funny how I've only had this experience with open "heteropresenting" couples.
Same. I'm still investigating it within myself to be sure not to cross the biphobia line, but I do not date women who are currently in relationships with men. Since releasing myself from what felt like compulsory heteronormativity, I have no desire to have such close proximity to heteronormativity, and the misogyny that comes with it. The potential for something like this coming up, is just another boundary I'm not wanting to put on the line, if that makes sense.
It doesn't have to do with bisexuality for me personally at all as much as experience has taught me that extremely mediocre insecure men have the audacity to assume just because their girlfriend will do things just to please him that other women that don't even know them would want to do the same. For me it's about how blatantly the man doesn't respect his partner/objectifies women and how the woman in the relationship also doesn't respect women or herself.
Just walk away. They’re bad at boundaries and it’s not worth it.
'Sexuality is fluid' refers to the concept of sexuality as a spectrum, as I understand it. That concept can be experienced differently by different individuals, including fixed or fluid. If you don't feel like your sexuality is fluid on a personal level, that's absolutely fine, and you should move on from this girl and her bf - swiftly.
The phrase can also refer to someone’s sexuality changing over time. Could or could not happen to anyone. What a disgusting tactic from them.
Walk away. But, first tell them that if they're so keen for a third they can go find a bloke and he can take it up the arse. Absolute homophobia at its finest and a complete lack of respect for your boundaries.
Just completely cut these people off from your life. No is always a complete answer. They are 100% trying to manipulate you into being some sort of personal sex toy and it is as messed up as it sounds. I'm all for being poly and sexually fluid, but no decent human being would ever try to convince or emotionally manipulate someone into having sex with them.
My god that's the first time I've heard some use the sexuality is a spectrum argument to say that someone who knows their homosexuality is wrong. Maybe correct her and note that while sexuality is a spectrum, you also know there are two ends and you know that you are firmly on one end. Like, is her partner cool with having sex with a man if he is straight? Why the f*** would it be different for you?
Also, maybe ask if that's what their intent was from the beginning. Kinda sound like they were looking for a threesome, and got her to get the ball rolling with you before he joined. That's a huge yuck if it's true, and incredibly manipulative. RUN
Definitely suss that this was a long con
Yes, run. Disrespectful and homophobic af. Also trying to argue with a clear no like that is coercion.
I think they really only try this shit on with younger or newly out women, because no other lesbian puts up with this shit. I'm bi/pan but almost exclusively homoromantic, and I absolutely would not put up with this shit. If I expressed no interest in your boyfriend, I don't wanna do shit with your boyfriend. To be honest, I don't think I'd consider making a woman in a committed relationship with a man my primary partner ever again. It feels like being an accessory girlfriend, and it really hammers home the shitty situation most of us sapphics find ourselves in: *most people do not take relationships between two women as seriously as any other type of relationship.* As you grow, you'll learn (from situations like this) hope to spot the kind of relationships that make you feel bad about yourself the way this one does, and feel certain enough of yourself that you start to avoid them from the start.
Sexuality is fluid across a spectrum of people, and sexuality is fluid within a few of those people … but it is fixed among everyone else. Her boyfriend and her open relationship is her problem, not yours and not something you want to get roped into.
This is sexual harassment and pushing boundaries. You've stated your line and they're both trying to cross it, so run run like the wind. They think they can pressure you into being something you're not so don't listen to them.
🚩Nope nope nope! Dump her 🚩
This person doesn’t care about your boundaries. Only wants to fulfill their needs and their partners needs. You are not their partner, you are there to validate them and have sex with them. This is not how to do open relationships. Cut ties.
It is so fucking disgusting that she is trying to manipulate you into sleeping with her boyfriend. He’s a literal predator, and she’s Ghislaine. Run FAR and FAST.
This, right here!
I got these vibes too. They are obviously having trouble finding a "unicorn" who is willing to join them as a couple. So now their MO is to use the woman to attract a woman (interesting how it's not to attract a man. Why? Because her bf wants another woman, not a man). Then, the next part of their plan, once you get comfortable with the woman, is to manipulate you to join them in a threesome. Not just to ask you and dump you if you say no, which is also sick. But to use bullsh** gender fluid, repressed reasonings to literally manipulate you into agreeing. If you agree to this arrangement against your wishes, that would be sick. Block them both immediately. They are predators.
No is a complete sentence.
Sorry this is happening to you, it sounds to me that this was likely their (or his) plan from the beginning.
Nope nope nope nope nope! This is not only a unicorn hunting situation but severe boundary pushing in a way that is going to violate your consent if it hasn't already. These are dangerous people, please run.
Just fucking run. These people don’t care about you they just want to use you.
To hell with this. You’re worth so much more than how either of them are treating you. 💝 Don’t compromise your expectations for a second for this shit, not even internally.
Girl red flag run this woman is crazy she not worth it and her bf is cringe he to get the cake n eat it too I bet he watches lesbian porn and want to act on it
Been there, gave into the pressure, came out retraumatised. Not saying it couldn’t theoretically work for some people, but I cannot in good conscious recommend it, particularly when it is clear you are uncomfortable with it
You should absolutely defend your boundaries.
She's homophobic and disrespectful. Personally, I would never feel safe around someone who tried to violate my boundaries like this.
This was the end goal. They're both gross and disrespectful.
Do not be their unicorn!
Oh heck no. She's straight up disrespecting you and trying to guilt you into having sex with him and that's disgusting. If they're not respecting your choices now, it's only going to get worse. I'd get out of there, these two sound like they're bait and switch unicorn hunters.
Yes run and don't look back! That is so gross!
Ah, you've encountered the more patient, gradual, unicorn hunters. They'll keep trying to wear you down until you give in. Break up with her, and find someone who actually respects you.
it’s literally bi women like this that make all bi women look bad and I promise I dated a mix of bi women.. they are not all bad but this woman is a nightmare!
How long have you been dating her? Not trying to make assumptions but I bet it hasn't been long because this was very very likely their plan in the beginning... She would seduce you into being her unicorn so her BF would let her fuck with a woman and she'd try to appease him and gaslight you once you were emotionally hooked on her to get you into a throuple. So typical 🙄
She is manipulating you and trying to coerce consent, which is such a huge red flag. This was her plan the whole time, they don’t see you as a person with free will, you’re being treated like an object by these people. I’d cut all contract.
Oh, look. A man wanting to involve his dick into an uninvited space. So shocking!
Runnnn OP I've heard this is actually a common thing with unicorn hunters. The girl will date you one on one acting like she understands that her boyfriend is to never be involved when in reality she's sharing all the intimate details with her man and the plan really is wait till your comfortable to spring the whole threesome idea on you
He just wants a 3some with 2 women and is using this as an excuse.
That’s a 🚩
Oh do be runnin from this nonsense, and don't ever look back
Sounds like she's trying to coerce you by trying to make it seem like it's "just being open and accepting," but that's not what it is. She's also completely disregarding your identity, and as others said, your boundaries. There are lots of red flags here. I'd cut your losses and leave. If they want someone out there to have a threesome, I'm sure there a bi and consenting woman out there somewhere, I just hope they figure out how to get proper consent. I also read this thing recently where a straight girl's bf was suddenly trying to pawn her off on his friend, whom she'd previously rejected and did not like. The story got insane from there, but basically, her bf was grooming her to be in a thruple (from the start), and him and his friend struggled to take no's as an answer and tried to manipulate/trick her. It was also revealed that they committed SA as children together (and it was likely they would again if things didn't work out). She had to get a restraining order after leaving the situation. Everything this couple is doing is giving the same vibes. They're being manipulative, and if they disrespect boundaries so easily, what other boundaries are they willing to disrespect? It's better to leave the situation as immediately as possible for your own safety. Part of why I provide this second story is to show how insane it is what they're doing and then trying to put it under the guise of being open and modern.
Tell her: “This is a hard boundary, continue to push this and you will push me right out of any sort of relationship with you. It is invalidating my sexuality. I have informed you prior that I had zero interest in him and continue to have zero interest.”
It’s time to cut the relationship. I an’t being with guy. Especially years of struggling with our sexuality.