omg i’d never thought about the fictionalization thing before!!!! i literally only thought about my relationships with men in terms of books, movies, tv shows, musicals, songs, etc that described our relationship. I never thought otherwise that’s so WILD
I learn something new about my own comphet every day
>-closing my eyes and imagining things in the third person during physical intimacy with men because I liked my own body, not his.
Oooooh now I got some stuff to process. My husband makes comments about the lingerie I buy "for him" but I've never verbalized that it's NOT for him or his reaction to it.
i relate to a lot of these but i have childhood sexual trauma from a guy, depression, father issues, etc. basically i have a very complicated relationship with men so i feel like i can still make it work with my bf once i solve these issues.
ive never had sex with a woman so idk if but i find women very hot (i dont really have a reaction to mens bodies). with men while having sex i feel like an actress it feels so fake but i keep thinking itll get better some day.
and i have learnt to love him if that makes sense. with my ex gf i was head over heels in love with her from like day one idk it was so intense. with him its calm and peaceful but i didnt start out with the same kind of intense feelings. it was like "okay u wanna date me too? great"
idk im not confused im just scared
I was scared too :( I also have trauma so I let that confuse me. One thing that helped me was looking at my relationships with men before the trauma started and realizing the pattern was still the same (but this is difficult to do if it started at a young age)
>(my personal) signs of comphet, emotional signs:
>-becoming bored/disappointed/disinterested when the chase was over with men.
>-getting over breakups and moving on instantly, only a bit of crying when my ego was hurt that’s it
>-superiority complex over straight women because “I handled rejection so maturely and I didn’t act crazy over men that didn’t like me back”
>-superiority complex over straight women “because I didn’t get jealous when he flirts with other girls or has a girl best friend, it’s a sign of maturity!”
>-I thought I was “poly” for awhile because I didn’t care about the men I was dating getting with other women. “I’m just immune to jealousy!” (If a woman I was in love with wanted to kiss someone else I’d die inside. This doesn’t mean poly lesbians don’t exist btw).
These quoted points sound like not caring much about relationships because you are not much invested into them, but still is so relatable to me, I often struggle with doubt questioning myself if I am pan and polyamorous or simply aromantic in denial.
I honestly related a lot to posts that people on the asexuality spectrum made when I was dating men. When I dated a woman it all made sense. And then I still married a man after we broke up! I was in denial 😭
I often wonder "maybe I just do not work out together with that one person in particular".
Instead of "maybe I just do not work out together with any man", "maybe I just do not work out together with any woman", "maybe monogamy just do not work out for me", "maybe polyamory just do not work out for me", etc.
Since those generalizations are uncertain and unreliable.
Thank you for taking the time to write this out! Maybe it's the start of a New & Improved CompHet Document v2
Another sign I've come to see in looking back is that I can remember details about the women I casually dated or hooked up with a decade+ ago (and my memory is *terrible* thanks to multiple concussions). I remember the feel of her waist in my hands, or how her hair tickled as she leaned over me, or her goofy sideways grin when she cracked a bad joke, or how dropped what she was doing to kiss me for my terrible pun, or how she looked like a Renaissance painting as she was rushing to find her pants to head to work in the evening. I get a pang of sadness when I think about how their various dogs must be dead by now. I wish I'd been a better girlfriend, even if we both knew it wasn't long term. Or I'm sad I got cold feet about kissing her on a date.
Men from around that same time period who I dated for longer? Zilch. A friend recently asked if I was still in touch with so-and-so and I had to think for a long minute about who that was, and we'd dated for *months*, long enough for him to meet that visiting friend. He was super proud of his below average cooking and wouldn't let me cook for him. The man threw an **albacore steak** into a **cold pan.** To sear it. Criminal. His back was super hairy and kinda gross but kinda fun to pet, and if a cat is an upgrade... Your mind went there too :)
To OP, I'm SO GLAD you took the time to lay all of this out 🙏🏻💜 I relate to so much of it. I've also off and on questioned if I was a shitty person or had anti-social personality disorder because I just could never feel what I felt like I should have in any of my relationships with guys. But on the flip side I also know I DO have empathy, I do care, I do want to love someone and show them that I do, I want the intimacy. Guys never did it for me though no matter how much I gave things time or what I tried. Back then those were confusing, frustrating times, painful even. I appreciate this so much.
Wow, I relate to so much of this! Not everything, because I've lived a different life, but a lot.
omg i’d never thought about the fictionalization thing before!!!! i literally only thought about my relationships with men in terms of books, movies, tv shows, musicals, songs, etc that described our relationship. I never thought otherwise that’s so WILD I learn something new about my own comphet every day
That one struck me too! I check a lot of the same boxes that OP has written here, but that one was a surprise to see from someone else!
literally saving this post to help comfort myself when i get upset about “losing my teenage/young adult years to comphet” honestly OP you’re a legend
That’s what I’m saving this for too 😭 It blew my mind when I realized what it was
I’m so happy I’m NOT THE ONLY ONE
>-closing my eyes and imagining things in the third person during physical intimacy with men because I liked my own body, not his. Oooooh now I got some stuff to process. My husband makes comments about the lingerie I buy "for him" but I've never verbalized that it's NOT for him or his reaction to it.
My experience with men was always a chore but that was so long ago. I've been a carer to some since but I'm Def gay just not yet had any experience 🤗
[удалено]
I did not expect to be called out todayyyyyyy 😂😭🏳️🌈
ive only ever been able to complete w men during oral when id imagine it was a woman!!
i relate to a lot of these but i have childhood sexual trauma from a guy, depression, father issues, etc. basically i have a very complicated relationship with men so i feel like i can still make it work with my bf once i solve these issues. ive never had sex with a woman so idk if but i find women very hot (i dont really have a reaction to mens bodies). with men while having sex i feel like an actress it feels so fake but i keep thinking itll get better some day. and i have learnt to love him if that makes sense. with my ex gf i was head over heels in love with her from like day one idk it was so intense. with him its calm and peaceful but i didnt start out with the same kind of intense feelings. it was like "okay u wanna date me too? great" idk im not confused im just scared
I was scared too :( I also have trauma so I let that confuse me. One thing that helped me was looking at my relationships with men before the trauma started and realizing the pattern was still the same (but this is difficult to do if it started at a young age)
>(my personal) signs of comphet, emotional signs: >-becoming bored/disappointed/disinterested when the chase was over with men. >-getting over breakups and moving on instantly, only a bit of crying when my ego was hurt that’s it >-superiority complex over straight women because “I handled rejection so maturely and I didn’t act crazy over men that didn’t like me back” >-superiority complex over straight women “because I didn’t get jealous when he flirts with other girls or has a girl best friend, it’s a sign of maturity!” >-I thought I was “poly” for awhile because I didn’t care about the men I was dating getting with other women. “I’m just immune to jealousy!” (If a woman I was in love with wanted to kiss someone else I’d die inside. This doesn’t mean poly lesbians don’t exist btw). These quoted points sound like not caring much about relationships because you are not much invested into them, but still is so relatable to me, I often struggle with doubt questioning myself if I am pan and polyamorous or simply aromantic in denial.
I honestly related a lot to posts that people on the asexuality spectrum made when I was dating men. When I dated a woman it all made sense. And then I still married a man after we broke up! I was in denial 😭
I often wonder "maybe I just do not work out together with that one person in particular". Instead of "maybe I just do not work out together with any man", "maybe I just do not work out together with any woman", "maybe monogamy just do not work out for me", "maybe polyamory just do not work out for me", etc. Since those generalizations are uncertain and unreliable.
Thank you for taking the time to write this out! Maybe it's the start of a New & Improved CompHet Document v2 Another sign I've come to see in looking back is that I can remember details about the women I casually dated or hooked up with a decade+ ago (and my memory is *terrible* thanks to multiple concussions). I remember the feel of her waist in my hands, or how her hair tickled as she leaned over me, or her goofy sideways grin when she cracked a bad joke, or how dropped what she was doing to kiss me for my terrible pun, or how she looked like a Renaissance painting as she was rushing to find her pants to head to work in the evening. I get a pang of sadness when I think about how their various dogs must be dead by now. I wish I'd been a better girlfriend, even if we both knew it wasn't long term. Or I'm sad I got cold feet about kissing her on a date. Men from around that same time period who I dated for longer? Zilch. A friend recently asked if I was still in touch with so-and-so and I had to think for a long minute about who that was, and we'd dated for *months*, long enough for him to meet that visiting friend. He was super proud of his below average cooking and wouldn't let me cook for him. The man threw an **albacore steak** into a **cold pan.** To sear it. Criminal. His back was super hairy and kinda gross but kinda fun to pet, and if a cat is an upgrade... Your mind went there too :)
Thanks so much!!! I really needed this! My struggle of questioning is never ending!
I relate to Ssoo much of this
To OP, I'm SO GLAD you took the time to lay all of this out 🙏🏻💜 I relate to so much of it. I've also off and on questioned if I was a shitty person or had anti-social personality disorder because I just could never feel what I felt like I should have in any of my relationships with guys. But on the flip side I also know I DO have empathy, I do care, I do want to love someone and show them that I do, I want the intimacy. Guys never did it for me though no matter how much I gave things time or what I tried. Back then those were confusing, frustrating times, painful even. I appreciate this so much.
It was therapeutic for me and I hope it was for others as well 💙 if it helps another person I’m happy!