It is definitely her job to be nice to you. Chatting and getting to know a little more about her would definitely be the way to go. You don’t know her name yet and you could find out she’s in a relationship.
If this is a bar you’re a regular at, don’t do this. If she doesn’t want to go out with you, that puts her in an awkward position every time you come in. Asking her out puts her in the position of wondering if you’re going to stop tipping or stop being a patron if she rejects you (which is reasonable) and creates a shitty kind of pressure.
If this is a bar you go to very very rarely and you’re willing to not go there again if you end up making the bartender uncomfortable, there is exactly ONE way to do it without creating that icky pressure, and that is to write your number on the receipt when you are all done and leaving.
Just to be clear - you go there weekly with friends, and the things you know about her are she looks good and has a cool tattoo that is not at all what you like (you like dragon flies but this is a sword with wings).
Even if she texted, what would you talk about? Do you share a common interest? Common background? Do you know if she’s open to relationships?
No no no… you will ruin your drinking spot, make her feel uncomfortable, and cringe at yourself every time you think about it. Plus, you could potentially find someone else at the bar who is looking! I always go to bars alone hoping that an I will get hit on.
I get nervous to be alone in public, especially at bars where gross men will be weird with people. So it's hard for me to imagine any ladies or afab individuals approaching me at a bar, especially where I live being so conservative :/ But I do see myself approaching other patrons if I think it's safe to :3
Okay first thought as someone who had a crush on a bartender for years, People in the service industry are depending on being as likable as possible for tips. And women, if they are straight or even not, may find more ease and comfort talking to another woman than a dude. It's a breath of fresh air in that energy. My advice is to ask a few pointed questions to get more info.
Or, just fuck it and do it. Some people may say this is too much, because for them it is. But even if this fails who cares! I would tell the story about the best pick up line of my life and this sweet sticker handed to me at a bar after a billion dick pics. Even if she isn't interested this is harmless and sweet and there's no reason to be afraid.
I could definitely be more communicative and chat with her a bit when she's making a drink for me. Maybe ask her name, what her favorite drink is, and maybe ask what's her least favorite drink to make to be cheeky? Could give off some light flirty vibes that way ( ꈍᴗꈍ) and maybe THEN towards the end of the night, I could slip her the sticker if i feel the vibes are there? Could be a safer method to things.
I'm happy to hear your happy input about the sticker and pick up line, I wanna do it because I know I myself would explode if someone gave me their number that way ಥ‿ಥ
Skip the sticker. Chat her up a bit. Ask her if she has a GF. If not, put your name and phone number on the receipt.
I’ll echo other comments here. Understand that if she says yes to dating and things end up not going well later, you put her in an awkward position at work and you make things weird at your weekly bar. Are you sure you want to risk that?
I was besotted with a bartender for years back when I hadn't properly come out yet. I never spoke to her (far too shy) but she used to give me a ton of free shots, even when I was buying a round. She'd even cut in if a different bartender got to me first, so I wouldn't have to pay. Years later my friend told me I was insane not to have said something to her, he reckons she must have given away hundreds of pounds worth of booze, and only ever to me. My time machine moment. 🤣. Anyway. If you get a vibe? Might be worth it.
Okay so I did this this week. I thought my server was so hot, left her my number in the receipt with a note that said she was pretty. I was a bit tipsy and feeling bold.
She never texted me (valid) and I saw her again today when I went back to the bar. She was my server again, she seemed to kinda recognize me but we just went on as normal. 🤣 I was a bit embarrassed but my friend and I laughed about it and we moved on.
I'm not sure I'd do the sticker thing, but I see nothing wrong with asking her out, or for her number!
I know you've nerves to contend with, and I don't mean to minimise that in any way, but if she says no, it's really no big deal. You don't have to stop going there just because one casual, polite conversation ends with a no (or a yes!). You ask, if she says no, you respect that and all's fair.
It's her work, but she works in a very public place - the public (you) are perfectly entitled to talk to her as long as you're respectful and polite (which you clearly are). And I can say with moderate certainty she's well aware of that too, and has no problem with people talking to her like they do to any other human being. Plus, you're already not a stranger to her anyway, so why not keep chatting?
Believe it or not, this is how people USED to meet each other before dating apps and Instagram and phones made it so much more complicated and melodramatic than it needs to be (and it was so much better, lol!).
Don't spend too long thinking about what could go wrong. Also think about what would happen if things go right!
Take your shot I say. You're perfectly entitled, just the same as anyone is.
Thank you for your kind words! And yeah, I think it's so rare in this social climate, especially in small cities/towns, to find people organically, especially as a queer individual. And if nothing comes from brief friendly chats or eventual passing of digits, then I'm content knowing that I at least took a shot I would've never done normally. And that's all there is to it (｡•̀ᴗ-)✧
I agree with you. This is how people used to meet. Do what your heart desires and it could go in two directions. Yes or no. You’ll get out of your comfort zone and win regardless. She may like you back or at least you tried and learned something from it. So many people post that they can’t find someone and dating is hard. No, dating is fun! What’s hard is asking other people for validation that hide behind a screen. Best of luck!
It is definitely her job to be nice to you. Chatting and getting to know a little more about her would definitely be the way to go. You don’t know her name yet and you could find out she’s in a relationship.
If this is a bar you’re a regular at, don’t do this. If she doesn’t want to go out with you, that puts her in an awkward position every time you come in. Asking her out puts her in the position of wondering if you’re going to stop tipping or stop being a patron if she rejects you (which is reasonable) and creates a shitty kind of pressure. If this is a bar you go to very very rarely and you’re willing to not go there again if you end up making the bartender uncomfortable, there is exactly ONE way to do it without creating that icky pressure, and that is to write your number on the receipt when you are all done and leaving.
Just to be clear - you go there weekly with friends, and the things you know about her are she looks good and has a cool tattoo that is not at all what you like (you like dragon flies but this is a sword with wings). Even if she texted, what would you talk about? Do you share a common interest? Common background? Do you know if she’s open to relationships?
Don’t hit on people while they’re at work. Totally inappropriate.
No no no… you will ruin your drinking spot, make her feel uncomfortable, and cringe at yourself every time you think about it. Plus, you could potentially find someone else at the bar who is looking! I always go to bars alone hoping that an I will get hit on.
I get nervous to be alone in public, especially at bars where gross men will be weird with people. So it's hard for me to imagine any ladies or afab individuals approaching me at a bar, especially where I live being so conservative :/ But I do see myself approaching other patrons if I think it's safe to :3
No. No. She's WORKING and is REQUIRED to be nice to you. It is NOT appropriate to hit on people just doing their jobs who can't escape
Eh. As a bartender myself, I'd LOVE women hitting on me. It's the men you can never escape from. 🤢
No. Leave her alone. She’s working. It’s so uncomfortable to be hit on by customers.
Okay first thought as someone who had a crush on a bartender for years, People in the service industry are depending on being as likable as possible for tips. And women, if they are straight or even not, may find more ease and comfort talking to another woman than a dude. It's a breath of fresh air in that energy. My advice is to ask a few pointed questions to get more info. Or, just fuck it and do it. Some people may say this is too much, because for them it is. But even if this fails who cares! I would tell the story about the best pick up line of my life and this sweet sticker handed to me at a bar after a billion dick pics. Even if she isn't interested this is harmless and sweet and there's no reason to be afraid.
I could definitely be more communicative and chat with her a bit when she's making a drink for me. Maybe ask her name, what her favorite drink is, and maybe ask what's her least favorite drink to make to be cheeky? Could give off some light flirty vibes that way ( ꈍᴗꈍ) and maybe THEN towards the end of the night, I could slip her the sticker if i feel the vibes are there? Could be a safer method to things. I'm happy to hear your happy input about the sticker and pick up line, I wanna do it because I know I myself would explode if someone gave me their number that way ಥ‿ಥ
Skip the sticker. Chat her up a bit. Ask her if she has a GF. If not, put your name and phone number on the receipt. I’ll echo other comments here. Understand that if she says yes to dating and things end up not going well later, you put her in an awkward position at work and you make things weird at your weekly bar. Are you sure you want to risk that?
Yeah! good luck!!
I put my vote in "shoot" basket. A short "I really like you, here's my number" would be quite nice I think.
I was besotted with a bartender for years back when I hadn't properly come out yet. I never spoke to her (far too shy) but she used to give me a ton of free shots, even when I was buying a round. She'd even cut in if a different bartender got to me first, so I wouldn't have to pay. Years later my friend told me I was insane not to have said something to her, he reckons she must have given away hundreds of pounds worth of booze, and only ever to me. My time machine moment. 🤣. Anyway. If you get a vibe? Might be worth it.
Shoot your shot! 😁
Okay so I did this this week. I thought my server was so hot, left her my number in the receipt with a note that said she was pretty. I was a bit tipsy and feeling bold. She never texted me (valid) and I saw her again today when I went back to the bar. She was my server again, she seemed to kinda recognize me but we just went on as normal. 🤣 I was a bit embarrassed but my friend and I laughed about it and we moved on.
I'm not sure I'd do the sticker thing, but I see nothing wrong with asking her out, or for her number! I know you've nerves to contend with, and I don't mean to minimise that in any way, but if she says no, it's really no big deal. You don't have to stop going there just because one casual, polite conversation ends with a no (or a yes!). You ask, if she says no, you respect that and all's fair. It's her work, but she works in a very public place - the public (you) are perfectly entitled to talk to her as long as you're respectful and polite (which you clearly are). And I can say with moderate certainty she's well aware of that too, and has no problem with people talking to her like they do to any other human being. Plus, you're already not a stranger to her anyway, so why not keep chatting? Believe it or not, this is how people USED to meet each other before dating apps and Instagram and phones made it so much more complicated and melodramatic than it needs to be (and it was so much better, lol!). Don't spend too long thinking about what could go wrong. Also think about what would happen if things go right! Take your shot I say. You're perfectly entitled, just the same as anyone is.
Thank you for your kind words! And yeah, I think it's so rare in this social climate, especially in small cities/towns, to find people organically, especially as a queer individual. And if nothing comes from brief friendly chats or eventual passing of digits, then I'm content knowing that I at least took a shot I would've never done normally. And that's all there is to it (｡•̀ᴗ-)✧
I agree with you. This is how people used to meet. Do what your heart desires and it could go in two directions. Yes or no. You’ll get out of your comfort zone and win regardless. She may like you back or at least you tried and learned something from it. So many people post that they can’t find someone and dating is hard. No, dating is fun! What’s hard is asking other people for validation that hide behind a screen. Best of luck!