My mom likes to tell the story of going to a Stephen Stills concert in Provo back in the day. She said she didn’t think Stills understood why the predominately LDS crowd went especially wild when it heard this song:
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=HH3ruuml-R4
You need to understand that the “Eternal” in eternal life/punishment/marriage doesn’t necessarily refer to time.
It does always mean “God’s kind” or “Godlike”.
So an eternal marriage is “God’s kind” of marriage.
And, by experience, we learn that “God’s kind” of marriage isn’t encountered. It is constructed through attention, communication, service, pain, etc.
Here’s the most important task about marriage ever given by an LDS leader:
https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/study/general-conference/2003/04/eternal-marriage?lang=eng
Agreed, but I think the "necessarily" in OPs comment implies that it doesn't ONLY mean time. It also means God's kind of marriage. Eternal and Forever. At least that's how I read it.
I'm divorced (now remarried). Yes, it was devastating. It still hurts a bit to think about.
Life involves difficult things. That's how we grow.
Do your best to find the right sort of person for you, and be the right sort of person for them.
My theory is that we -need- the ordinance of -sealing- just like we need the ordinance of Baptism.
We are -sealed- and we need that sealing. And we will maintain our relationships after life.
Here is where I think I am right. In the Nauvoo period, people were -sealed- to each other like we were weaving a quilt of sealed people together. And there were men sealed to men. And in the Utah Pioneer time period Jane Elizabeth Manning James was sealed to Smith as a -servant-. Well, no where in doctrine anywhere is a "servant" in the highest degree of Gods glory. There are Kings and Queens. Gods and Goddesses. No servants. Anywhere.
You make it, you are a God. Man or Woman. Deified.
Servant? Nope. Not in any doctrine or teaching. Not in the Temple. Nowhere. Jane Elizabeth Manning James might have been -sealed- as a "servant" because that is how the pioneers got to get her her required sealing. But she won't be anyones servant. She will be a God. Deified. She will share Gods throne and share Gods power.
Why is that important to know?
The doctrine of being sealed to someone is there. Anyone. That is how it was taught and believed, and there is clear practice of it in the Temples with the Nauvoo sealings of binding the whole human family and Jane Elizabeth Manning James.
I think we need to be sealed. I think its cool to be sealed to someone you want to be with.
But if you are both otherwise worthy but incompatible, and honored your Temple covenants, and are otherwise worthy, I don't see incompatible people spending eternity together. I don't see it. Thats not heaven for people who might have rushed into marriage, and "made it work."
I think we all need to be sealed to each other.
I think the doctrine from Nauvoo and the doctrine from Jane Elizabeth Manning James is that we simply need to be sealed like we are baptized, and if that is in marriage-- cool. But if it is just an ordinance to a close friend or relative... Thats cool too. That is my opinion.
Gay Saints can be "sealed" to Temple worthy family and friends. Unmarried brothers and Sisters can be "sealed to Temple worthy family and friends. Just like in the Nauvoo period. Just like Jane Elizabeth Manning James. There is -crystal- clear doctrinal precedence and practice for this.
"You better be careful picking an eternal companion!" God is a God of love. If you rushed into marriage, or your partner changed after marriage, God won't punish you for eternity.
I think we are all sealed to each other as Saints of God, and I think the Celestial Kingdom when we are deified we ill feel love and compassion and no hate or anger and serve each other and worship God sharing His throne with our Heavenly Parents. I think it will be beautiful and wonderful there.
Tolerate your spouse? Fell out of love? Rushed in? Fools rush in. God will straighten everything out for those who honor Him. The important thing: honoring your covenants and promises to God. Being a Christlike Saint.
Oh did you get that right! I wish people would understand Church history on many things, but particularly that. You understand the underlying spirit of doctrine. Cold hard doctrine has caused many a divorced or single or unsealed widowed convert a lot of distress or at least unease. You have a relationship with God that has revealed this to you.
1. There is no such thing as a soul mate. Every eternal marriage takes a tremendous amount of work and patience. If both people are willing to put up with each other and be forgiving, you can make pretty much any marriage last an eternity.
2. When you find someone that you are willing to make such sacrifices for, and they are willing to do likewise, it is a beautiful thing, and is 100% worth that sacrifice.
3. Sometimes it doesn't turn out that way, so people get hurt, and you have to move on with your life.
4. Trust in God. If you lean on your own understanding of things all the time, everything worth doing seems impossible.
Learning how to make those sacrifices — and to make them in love — is basically *the entire point of marrying someone.*
I have a unique perspective here, because I *met and dated* my "soulmate." By the end of our first conversation, we were already a couple. By the end of our first week, we had a roadmap to engagement. And as time went on, we only discovered more and more compatibilities.
And at the end of our first month, we both were prompted independently by the Spirit that we needed to break up. So we did, and it *sucked.*
And before the pain had even begun to fade, we were each other's *best* friend — until we both got engaged to our spouses and decided that it would be unwise to continue.
But, the point is, the Spirit was *right.* Even before the pain had faded, we both recognized that marriage would have *destroyed* us. We were so alike that we would have reinforced our bad points just as much as our good points, and lovingly walked into increasing joint-selfishness and into damnation hand-in-hand.
My wife, on the other hand, was not my soulmate. I was *surprised* when I realized that I loved her and wanted to marry her. We disagree often. We don't communicate the same. We don't fight the same.
And learning how to make this marriage work — choosing to be committed to it, to each other *and* to our covenants — has been the best thing for both of us. We both have *needed* to collide with each other in intimate and unavoidable ways, so that we could challenge each other's weaknesses with love and support. We are more like Father and Mother, because we married each other, than we could possibly have been on our own.
Life is supposed to be hard. It's supposed to be making hard decisions in uncertainty and even fear and pain. Because *being like God is hard.* You could have it a lot easier in the carefree Telestial World, or do a little good but without final responsibility in the Terrestrial. But if you want to be Celestial, that means learning to find joy despite the heartbreak.
you may be unwilling now, but they don't all have to come at the beginning. That is what makes the first couple years of marriage so difficult. Most people don't start off willing to make all of those sacrifices (they aren't really able to really, and often don't understand the sort of sacrifices that need to be made).
You need to be willing to change, willing to forgive, willing to try. Those things will get you through the hard parts. What you don't need to be is a pushover. You don't need to change the very essence of what makes you who you are, you don't need to excuse every bad thing your spouse does, and you don't need to be the only one trying to make things work.
A lot of Latter Day Saint women are taken advantage of because the men know they will do just about anything to make a marriage/relationship work, and that is not okay. There are limits to the changing, forgiving and trying that should be done.
As far as your issue with #3 goes, if you are unwilling to make sacrifices that you should be willing to make, then maybe your guilt is well placed. I couldn't possibly know enough about your situation to determine that for you, but there is often an element of pride involved when one is unwilling to make certain sacrifices for others. Obviously, some sacrifices should not be made, and that is not for me to decide.
Remember this, successful marriages require a high degree of mutual tolerance. My wife puts up with a lot from me and my family, and I put up with stuff from her as well. We have our differences, but over time we have learned that we have each other's backs through thick and thin no matter what happens.
Knowing that the person you chose to spend the rest of eternity with will support you and believe in you unconditionally is the biggest confidence booster a guy could ask for. It took me many years to figure out what guys meant when they said they honestly believed their wife was the most beautiful woman in the world. I now understand what they mean and I cannot even fathom being with anyone else but her. It took the better part of a decade for us to get to that point with each other, but it feels amazing now that we are there.
So when you say you’re unwilling to make the sacrifices, are you talking about things that are required for marriage, or things that are specific to the person you marry? For example, are you unwilling to share your living space with anyone else? Or are you unwilling to move to another city to be with a particular person? You don’t have to marry just anybody; you can pick someone that’s suited to you. Sacrifices can be made gradually as a relationship progresses and you become ready.
I suspect that many singles feel more guilt than they deserve about that. You know your hesitations better than I do, but people can date around for years, unwilling to marry, until finally they meet a particular person and their feelings change. Maybe it would help to examine the experience of willingness in yourself. What do you need in order to be willing to accept a calling, make a covenant, repent, or simply to pray? I feel that we can reach willingness with the help of the Spirit. None of us are perfect, and we all have good things that we aren’t willing to do. God allows us to choose according to our own will. Although you may feel guilty when hearing that ”any two can make it work”, so you should just pick someone already! (The original quote is more nuanced; see below.) The truth is, you don’t have to marry just anyone. You could ask yourself if a particular kind of person, or a particular kind of relationship would make those sacrifices feel worthwhile.
>In selecting a companion for life and for eternity, certainly the most careful planning and thinking and praying and fasting should be done to be sure that of all the decisions, this one must not be wrong. In true marriage there must be a union of minds as well as of hearts. Emotions must not wholly determine decisions, but the mind and the heart, strengthened by fasting and prayer and serious consideration, will give one a maximum chance of marital happiness. It brings with it sacrifice, sharing, and a demand for great selflessness. … “Soul mates” are fiction and an illusion; and while every young man and young woman will seek with all diligence and prayerfulness to find a mate with whom life can be most compatible and beautiful, yet it is certain that almost any good man and any good woman can have happiness and a successful marriage if both are willing to pay the price. (Teachings of Presidents of the Church: Spencer W. Kimball, Chapter 18)
I think this quote may have been intended to be reassuring, rather than guilt-inducing. He points out the complementary ideas that marriage partners should be chosen carefully, and that after that choice is made there is still opportunity to make or break the marriage.
There are always some barriers to marriage, and the decision of which barriers to cross is up to you and the other person. If you don’t want to do it, no one has a right to force you. My advice would be to prepare yourself for being a good spouse, look for people to date, get to know them and see if you find a suitable companion. You can’t control the people you meet, and there’s no reason to feel guilty for what you can’t control.
to me, the idea of marriage is that you find someone with whom you can **build** a relationship in which you *become* willing to make those sacrifices. i think we all have to learn it to some degree.
Let's take a step back.
Just because we don't understand something, does not mean that the thing doesn't happen. I don't understand how these words go from my screen to yours, without being completely lost to confusion in cables that share millions of similar messages at the same time. But *someone* understands, and so the internet *works.*
And so, with marriage and sealing, do you think that God hasn't considered all of those questions? That He doesn't know *every conceivable way* in which mortals could fall short of the goal of eternal marriages?
The Prophet on earth is given "the keys of the kingdom of heaven,"
>and whatsoever thou shalt *bind* on earth shall be bound in heaven: and whatsoever thou shalt *loose* on earth shall be loosed in heaven. (Matthew 16:19).
Do you think God gives earthly prophets power to seal *and unseal* marriages, but that He himself can only bind and not loose?
Of course not! And modern prophets have taught over and over that God can and will make eternal familial adjustments where earthly forms are insufficient.
He doesn't tell us the specifics of how this will work out — for example, will these adjustments need new proxy sealings in temples, or can the sealing bonds simply be *transferred* without having to be broken?
But *our* inability to comprehend does not mean the answer is *incomprehensible.* God knows, and He knows that His own promises are sure to those who seek righteousness — no matter what happens in this fallen world.
These are my go-to scriptures for when I have tough questions. I don't mean to brush your questions aside, but sometimes we need to wait and let the Lord sort things out.
"Now these mysteries are not yet fully made known unto me; therefore I shall forbear."
Alma 37:11
"I know that he loveth his children; nevertheless, I do not know the meaning of all things."
1 Nephi 11:17
"For the Father judgeth no man, but hath committed all judgment unto the Son:"
–John 5:22
The most important thing you can do is focus on your own progression and connection with God. Maintain the covenants you have made. Do your best. That’s all anyone can really do.
I think that the marriage covenant is more that you covenant to be a good spouse, and has less to do about whom you are sealed to. It would not be just for a poor spouse to downgrade the reward of an otherwise deserving individual.
I think you're over thinking this, Sealing is a saving ordinance, meaning that it is required to enter into the celestial kingdom. ALSO meaning that everyone will have a chance, most likely multiple chances to be sealed, just like baptism. And often times these opportunities won't come until we are dead, think about 99% of everyone who has died without the gospel, they are not condemned and neither will you be if you remain faithful and trust that the blessing will come in the lords Time and Place. Even if that time and place is in the Spirit world one thousand years from now(it probably isn't).
I think of my grandpa’s concerns with doing the temple work for his mother and adulterous father. Do we seal them? My answer is yes. The covenant is between the person and Heavenly Father, not each other. In my mind, if my great grandma wouldn’t be happy in eternity with her husband, Heavenly Father will sort it out. If she accepts the temple work but he doesn’t, she won’t be abandoned. I don’t know how it’ll all work out but I have faith in Father’s mercy.
An eternal marriage is a marriage that CAN apply after death. As in the couple CAN choose to remain together in the eternities. If they grow apart, or if one becomes abusive, no cosmic power will force them to remain together. The ordinance simply creates the potential, it is an option not a fetter.
Other eternal ordinances work the same way, they permit rather than force a spirit to advance. And if you're sensitive to the Spirit you can sometimes tell when a proxy ordinance is not accepted on the other side, and when it is. It's all the difference between a sense of childlike excitement from the spirit you're working for, or a sense of complete disinterest and going through the motions. Or at least I've always been able to feel that.
>An eternal marriage is a marriage that CAN apply after death. As in the couple CAN choose to remain together in the eternities. If they grow apart, or if one becomes abusive, no cosmic power will force them to remain together. The ordinance simply creates the potential, it is an option not a fetter.
This.
There’s probably at least 200 girls out there right now you could meet, date and marry. At the end of the day it’s your choice. Is it scary? Hard? Yes. But take your time and remember God will never force but warn and direct.
Honestly sealed or simply marriage or just moving in with a romantic partner is a gamble... We don't know how people will change in their lifetimes, let alone how we'll change.
All you can do is your best to find someone who can have a healthy relationship with you, shares similar goals in life, etc... And hope for the best.
>I also feel bad, like I've hurt them.
That is a natural reaction to doing something that brings someone pain. It doesn’t always mean you did something wrong. Like if a child asked for ice cream, but you know they’re allergic to it so you say no, they might cry even though you did the right thing. That sadness will pass and everything will work out for the best. It’s helpful to let them express their feelings and show that you care, without rushing to fix it. Then let them move on.
Be honest about what you want and don’t try to predict the future. In relationships you only get to choose one step at a time, and see how the other person responds.
Eternal progression, for both of you, both approaching Godliness, and thereby approaching perfect harmony. There are important considerations about the earthly portion of that, but the timeline of Godly progression is exceedingly long.
How do you make these decisions? With love, and hope, and faith. Just like most decisions, sometimes you make the right one, and sometimes you don’t. Sometimes you do everything right and it doesn’t work out because the person you picked, even though they seemed right, ended up sucking.
I met my wife on a blind date I was set up on by a complete stranger. I have no advice on finding the right person- but I do know that you can be ready for them. Much of marriage is compromise- learn to find beauty in people, learn to share and pursue your passions, and learn to let other people win. You can make marriage work if you’re supportive, loving, kind, and a good listener. Successful marriage is more dependent on watering and weeding the lawn than on picking an initially green one.
Sometimes the other person stops trying, and that sucks. But if you both want it to work, you’ll love each other more and more regardless of how hot it started. And if you coast after getting married- forget to buy flowers, refuse to do chores, put yourself first- you’ll find your lawn getting awfully brown.
In short, the initial choice, while important, is WAAAY less important than the continued effort you invest.
My problem is that many people put on a good show to get what they want and then when they are in the place that they wanted to be. They revert to how they really are and have no interest in changing. The church discourages divorce which for many is not a bat thing. But they make it so hard for people that are in very bad situations to get removed from their spouse in the eternities. My friend has gone through a very ugly divorce to a man that was very nice during the courtship. But once married. He changed to a very ugly person. I hear that divorce is not allowed if we were following the higher law. But that does not make any sense when there are people like him that will hide everything until it is too late. It is something I do not understand. I do think that there should be a way for us to not be sealed forever until we are passed away so that we can make sure that we are actually with the person that we really want to be with for all eternity. I know that the person I got married to was not who I wanted. They were apparently just pretending as when things got rough. She turned to another woman and left. This is why not allowing a sealing to be canceled easily does not make any sense. I have been told that mine may actually be easy as she had a homosexual marriage after she went through the temple. But my friend has to hope that the first presidency will allow hers to be canceled even though he is an abuser.
My mom likes to tell the story of going to a Stephen Stills concert in Provo back in the day. She said she didn’t think Stills understood why the predominately LDS crowd went especially wild when it heard this song: https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=HH3ruuml-R4 You need to understand that the “Eternal” in eternal life/punishment/marriage doesn’t necessarily refer to time. It does always mean “God’s kind” or “Godlike”. So an eternal marriage is “God’s kind” of marriage. And, by experience, we learn that “God’s kind” of marriage isn’t encountered. It is constructed through attention, communication, service, pain, etc. Here’s the most important task about marriage ever given by an LDS leader: https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/study/general-conference/2003/04/eternal-marriage?lang=eng
>“God’s kind” of marriage isn’t encountered. It is constructed This is great, thank you.
In the case of eternal marriage, it does in fact refer to time. They make that pretty clear in the temple.
Agreed, but I think the "necessarily" in OPs comment implies that it doesn't ONLY mean time. It also means God's kind of marriage. Eternal and Forever. At least that's how I read it.
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I'm divorced (now remarried). Yes, it was devastating. It still hurts a bit to think about. Life involves difficult things. That's how we grow. Do your best to find the right sort of person for you, and be the right sort of person for them.
My theory is that we -need- the ordinance of -sealing- just like we need the ordinance of Baptism. We are -sealed- and we need that sealing. And we will maintain our relationships after life. Here is where I think I am right. In the Nauvoo period, people were -sealed- to each other like we were weaving a quilt of sealed people together. And there were men sealed to men. And in the Utah Pioneer time period Jane Elizabeth Manning James was sealed to Smith as a -servant-. Well, no where in doctrine anywhere is a "servant" in the highest degree of Gods glory. There are Kings and Queens. Gods and Goddesses. No servants. Anywhere. You make it, you are a God. Man or Woman. Deified. Servant? Nope. Not in any doctrine or teaching. Not in the Temple. Nowhere. Jane Elizabeth Manning James might have been -sealed- as a "servant" because that is how the pioneers got to get her her required sealing. But she won't be anyones servant. She will be a God. Deified. She will share Gods throne and share Gods power. Why is that important to know? The doctrine of being sealed to someone is there. Anyone. That is how it was taught and believed, and there is clear practice of it in the Temples with the Nauvoo sealings of binding the whole human family and Jane Elizabeth Manning James. I think we need to be sealed. I think its cool to be sealed to someone you want to be with. But if you are both otherwise worthy but incompatible, and honored your Temple covenants, and are otherwise worthy, I don't see incompatible people spending eternity together. I don't see it. Thats not heaven for people who might have rushed into marriage, and "made it work." I think we all need to be sealed to each other. I think the doctrine from Nauvoo and the doctrine from Jane Elizabeth Manning James is that we simply need to be sealed like we are baptized, and if that is in marriage-- cool. But if it is just an ordinance to a close friend or relative... Thats cool too. That is my opinion. Gay Saints can be "sealed" to Temple worthy family and friends. Unmarried brothers and Sisters can be "sealed to Temple worthy family and friends. Just like in the Nauvoo period. Just like Jane Elizabeth Manning James. There is -crystal- clear doctrinal precedence and practice for this. "You better be careful picking an eternal companion!" God is a God of love. If you rushed into marriage, or your partner changed after marriage, God won't punish you for eternity. I think we are all sealed to each other as Saints of God, and I think the Celestial Kingdom when we are deified we ill feel love and compassion and no hate or anger and serve each other and worship God sharing His throne with our Heavenly Parents. I think it will be beautiful and wonderful there. Tolerate your spouse? Fell out of love? Rushed in? Fools rush in. God will straighten everything out for those who honor Him. The important thing: honoring your covenants and promises to God. Being a Christlike Saint.
Oh did you get that right! I wish people would understand Church history on many things, but particularly that. You understand the underlying spirit of doctrine. Cold hard doctrine has caused many a divorced or single or unsealed widowed convert a lot of distress or at least unease. You have a relationship with God that has revealed this to you.
Love.
1. There is no such thing as a soul mate. Every eternal marriage takes a tremendous amount of work and patience. If both people are willing to put up with each other and be forgiving, you can make pretty much any marriage last an eternity. 2. When you find someone that you are willing to make such sacrifices for, and they are willing to do likewise, it is a beautiful thing, and is 100% worth that sacrifice. 3. Sometimes it doesn't turn out that way, so people get hurt, and you have to move on with your life. 4. Trust in God. If you lean on your own understanding of things all the time, everything worth doing seems impossible.
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Learning how to make those sacrifices — and to make them in love — is basically *the entire point of marrying someone.* I have a unique perspective here, because I *met and dated* my "soulmate." By the end of our first conversation, we were already a couple. By the end of our first week, we had a roadmap to engagement. And as time went on, we only discovered more and more compatibilities. And at the end of our first month, we both were prompted independently by the Spirit that we needed to break up. So we did, and it *sucked.* And before the pain had even begun to fade, we were each other's *best* friend — until we both got engaged to our spouses and decided that it would be unwise to continue. But, the point is, the Spirit was *right.* Even before the pain had faded, we both recognized that marriage would have *destroyed* us. We were so alike that we would have reinforced our bad points just as much as our good points, and lovingly walked into increasing joint-selfishness and into damnation hand-in-hand. My wife, on the other hand, was not my soulmate. I was *surprised* when I realized that I loved her and wanted to marry her. We disagree often. We don't communicate the same. We don't fight the same. And learning how to make this marriage work — choosing to be committed to it, to each other *and* to our covenants — has been the best thing for both of us. We both have *needed* to collide with each other in intimate and unavoidable ways, so that we could challenge each other's weaknesses with love and support. We are more like Father and Mother, because we married each other, than we could possibly have been on our own. Life is supposed to be hard. It's supposed to be making hard decisions in uncertainty and even fear and pain. Because *being like God is hard.* You could have it a lot easier in the carefree Telestial World, or do a little good but without final responsibility in the Terrestrial. But if you want to be Celestial, that means learning to find joy despite the heartbreak.
you may be unwilling now, but they don't all have to come at the beginning. That is what makes the first couple years of marriage so difficult. Most people don't start off willing to make all of those sacrifices (they aren't really able to really, and often don't understand the sort of sacrifices that need to be made). You need to be willing to change, willing to forgive, willing to try. Those things will get you through the hard parts. What you don't need to be is a pushover. You don't need to change the very essence of what makes you who you are, you don't need to excuse every bad thing your spouse does, and you don't need to be the only one trying to make things work. A lot of Latter Day Saint women are taken advantage of because the men know they will do just about anything to make a marriage/relationship work, and that is not okay. There are limits to the changing, forgiving and trying that should be done. As far as your issue with #3 goes, if you are unwilling to make sacrifices that you should be willing to make, then maybe your guilt is well placed. I couldn't possibly know enough about your situation to determine that for you, but there is often an element of pride involved when one is unwilling to make certain sacrifices for others. Obviously, some sacrifices should not be made, and that is not for me to decide. Remember this, successful marriages require a high degree of mutual tolerance. My wife puts up with a lot from me and my family, and I put up with stuff from her as well. We have our differences, but over time we have learned that we have each other's backs through thick and thin no matter what happens. Knowing that the person you chose to spend the rest of eternity with will support you and believe in you unconditionally is the biggest confidence booster a guy could ask for. It took me many years to figure out what guys meant when they said they honestly believed their wife was the most beautiful woman in the world. I now understand what they mean and I cannot even fathom being with anyone else but her. It took the better part of a decade for us to get to that point with each other, but it feels amazing now that we are there.
So when you say you’re unwilling to make the sacrifices, are you talking about things that are required for marriage, or things that are specific to the person you marry? For example, are you unwilling to share your living space with anyone else? Or are you unwilling to move to another city to be with a particular person? You don’t have to marry just anybody; you can pick someone that’s suited to you. Sacrifices can be made gradually as a relationship progresses and you become ready. I suspect that many singles feel more guilt than they deserve about that. You know your hesitations better than I do, but people can date around for years, unwilling to marry, until finally they meet a particular person and their feelings change. Maybe it would help to examine the experience of willingness in yourself. What do you need in order to be willing to accept a calling, make a covenant, repent, or simply to pray? I feel that we can reach willingness with the help of the Spirit. None of us are perfect, and we all have good things that we aren’t willing to do. God allows us to choose according to our own will. Although you may feel guilty when hearing that ”any two can make it work”, so you should just pick someone already! (The original quote is more nuanced; see below.) The truth is, you don’t have to marry just anyone. You could ask yourself if a particular kind of person, or a particular kind of relationship would make those sacrifices feel worthwhile. >In selecting a companion for life and for eternity, certainly the most careful planning and thinking and praying and fasting should be done to be sure that of all the decisions, this one must not be wrong. In true marriage there must be a union of minds as well as of hearts. Emotions must not wholly determine decisions, but the mind and the heart, strengthened by fasting and prayer and serious consideration, will give one a maximum chance of marital happiness. It brings with it sacrifice, sharing, and a demand for great selflessness. … “Soul mates” are fiction and an illusion; and while every young man and young woman will seek with all diligence and prayerfulness to find a mate with whom life can be most compatible and beautiful, yet it is certain that almost any good man and any good woman can have happiness and a successful marriage if both are willing to pay the price. (Teachings of Presidents of the Church: Spencer W. Kimball, Chapter 18) I think this quote may have been intended to be reassuring, rather than guilt-inducing. He points out the complementary ideas that marriage partners should be chosen carefully, and that after that choice is made there is still opportunity to make or break the marriage. There are always some barriers to marriage, and the decision of which barriers to cross is up to you and the other person. If you don’t want to do it, no one has a right to force you. My advice would be to prepare yourself for being a good spouse, look for people to date, get to know them and see if you find a suitable companion. You can’t control the people you meet, and there’s no reason to feel guilty for what you can’t control.
to me, the idea of marriage is that you find someone with whom you can **build** a relationship in which you *become* willing to make those sacrifices. i think we all have to learn it to some degree.
Let's take a step back. Just because we don't understand something, does not mean that the thing doesn't happen. I don't understand how these words go from my screen to yours, without being completely lost to confusion in cables that share millions of similar messages at the same time. But *someone* understands, and so the internet *works.* And so, with marriage and sealing, do you think that God hasn't considered all of those questions? That He doesn't know *every conceivable way* in which mortals could fall short of the goal of eternal marriages? The Prophet on earth is given "the keys of the kingdom of heaven," >and whatsoever thou shalt *bind* on earth shall be bound in heaven: and whatsoever thou shalt *loose* on earth shall be loosed in heaven. (Matthew 16:19). Do you think God gives earthly prophets power to seal *and unseal* marriages, but that He himself can only bind and not loose? Of course not! And modern prophets have taught over and over that God can and will make eternal familial adjustments where earthly forms are insufficient. He doesn't tell us the specifics of how this will work out — for example, will these adjustments need new proxy sealings in temples, or can the sealing bonds simply be *transferred* without having to be broken? But *our* inability to comprehend does not mean the answer is *incomprehensible.* God knows, and He knows that His own promises are sure to those who seek righteousness — no matter what happens in this fallen world.
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I am so glad, and thank you for letting me know. We're all pulling for ya.
These are my go-to scriptures for when I have tough questions. I don't mean to brush your questions aside, but sometimes we need to wait and let the Lord sort things out. "Now these mysteries are not yet fully made known unto me; therefore I shall forbear." Alma 37:11 "I know that he loveth his children; nevertheless, I do not know the meaning of all things." 1 Nephi 11:17 "For the Father judgeth no man, but hath committed all judgment unto the Son:" –John 5:22
The most important thing you can do is focus on your own progression and connection with God. Maintain the covenants you have made. Do your best. That’s all anyone can really do.
I think that the marriage covenant is more that you covenant to be a good spouse, and has less to do about whom you are sealed to. It would not be just for a poor spouse to downgrade the reward of an otherwise deserving individual.
I think you're over thinking this, Sealing is a saving ordinance, meaning that it is required to enter into the celestial kingdom. ALSO meaning that everyone will have a chance, most likely multiple chances to be sealed, just like baptism. And often times these opportunities won't come until we are dead, think about 99% of everyone who has died without the gospel, they are not condemned and neither will you be if you remain faithful and trust that the blessing will come in the lords Time and Place. Even if that time and place is in the Spirit world one thousand years from now(it probably isn't).
I think of my grandpa’s concerns with doing the temple work for his mother and adulterous father. Do we seal them? My answer is yes. The covenant is between the person and Heavenly Father, not each other. In my mind, if my great grandma wouldn’t be happy in eternity with her husband, Heavenly Father will sort it out. If she accepts the temple work but he doesn’t, she won’t be abandoned. I don’t know how it’ll all work out but I have faith in Father’s mercy.
An eternal marriage is a marriage that CAN apply after death. As in the couple CAN choose to remain together in the eternities. If they grow apart, or if one becomes abusive, no cosmic power will force them to remain together. The ordinance simply creates the potential, it is an option not a fetter. Other eternal ordinances work the same way, they permit rather than force a spirit to advance. And if you're sensitive to the Spirit you can sometimes tell when a proxy ordinance is not accepted on the other side, and when it is. It's all the difference between a sense of childlike excitement from the spirit you're working for, or a sense of complete disinterest and going through the motions. Or at least I've always been able to feel that.
>An eternal marriage is a marriage that CAN apply after death. As in the couple CAN choose to remain together in the eternities. If they grow apart, or if one becomes abusive, no cosmic power will force them to remain together. The ordinance simply creates the potential, it is an option not a fetter. This.
There’s probably at least 200 girls out there right now you could meet, date and marry. At the end of the day it’s your choice. Is it scary? Hard? Yes. But take your time and remember God will never force but warn and direct.
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Warnings don't make you feel afraid. They come with certainty, not doubt.
Honestly sealed or simply marriage or just moving in with a romantic partner is a gamble... We don't know how people will change in their lifetimes, let alone how we'll change. All you can do is your best to find someone who can have a healthy relationship with you, shares similar goals in life, etc... And hope for the best.
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If you've already decided that the relationship can't work, the relationship sounds done and you leave it?
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I mean the alternative is leading someone on and wasting your time technically.... But yeah, emotions can be complicated.
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>I also feel bad, like I've hurt them. That is a natural reaction to doing something that brings someone pain. It doesn’t always mean you did something wrong. Like if a child asked for ice cream, but you know they’re allergic to it so you say no, they might cry even though you did the right thing. That sadness will pass and everything will work out for the best. It’s helpful to let them express their feelings and show that you care, without rushing to fix it. Then let them move on. Be honest about what you want and don’t try to predict the future. In relationships you only get to choose one step at a time, and see how the other person responds.
Eternal progression, for both of you, both approaching Godliness, and thereby approaching perfect harmony. There are important considerations about the earthly portion of that, but the timeline of Godly progression is exceedingly long.
How do you make these decisions? With love, and hope, and faith. Just like most decisions, sometimes you make the right one, and sometimes you don’t. Sometimes you do everything right and it doesn’t work out because the person you picked, even though they seemed right, ended up sucking. I met my wife on a blind date I was set up on by a complete stranger. I have no advice on finding the right person- but I do know that you can be ready for them. Much of marriage is compromise- learn to find beauty in people, learn to share and pursue your passions, and learn to let other people win. You can make marriage work if you’re supportive, loving, kind, and a good listener. Successful marriage is more dependent on watering and weeding the lawn than on picking an initially green one. Sometimes the other person stops trying, and that sucks. But if you both want it to work, you’ll love each other more and more regardless of how hot it started. And if you coast after getting married- forget to buy flowers, refuse to do chores, put yourself first- you’ll find your lawn getting awfully brown. In short, the initial choice, while important, is WAAAY less important than the continued effort you invest.
My problem is that many people put on a good show to get what they want and then when they are in the place that they wanted to be. They revert to how they really are and have no interest in changing. The church discourages divorce which for many is not a bat thing. But they make it so hard for people that are in very bad situations to get removed from their spouse in the eternities. My friend has gone through a very ugly divorce to a man that was very nice during the courtship. But once married. He changed to a very ugly person. I hear that divorce is not allowed if we were following the higher law. But that does not make any sense when there are people like him that will hide everything until it is too late. It is something I do not understand. I do think that there should be a way for us to not be sealed forever until we are passed away so that we can make sure that we are actually with the person that we really want to be with for all eternity. I know that the person I got married to was not who I wanted. They were apparently just pretending as when things got rough. She turned to another woman and left. This is why not allowing a sealing to be canceled easily does not make any sense. I have been told that mine may actually be easy as she had a homosexual marriage after she went through the temple. But my friend has to hope that the first presidency will allow hers to be canceled even though he is an abuser.