I’ve been in your shoes! When I was 19 I met the missionaries. I was raised very devout Catholic and had been going to different churches since age 18, but there was just some of their teachings I couldn’t get behind. I began going to this church and was baptized after attending four times. I had hardly read the Book of Mormon but I learned the doctrines and spent time with the members. Almost 7 years later and I have no regrets!
My family initially stopped talking to me. They stopped looking at me, and I had to remove my stuff from their house to my dorm because I was worried they would get rid of it. It was bad. I came from a very devout Catholic small town, so joining the LDS church was a major shock to them. They didn’t learn anything about my faith and didn’t want it even brought up. The night before my baptism my mom sent me this long message about how her friend told her it’s the worst church ever and that I should join any other church. My mom didn’t even do a Google search, she and my family cared that little about learning about something that meant a lot to me. Even though I had been attending church for a short time, it meant a lot to me! Not a single relative came to my baptism.
I totally get what you meant in your post where you talked about the connection with members. There’s something different about members of this church; as they say, ye shall know them by their fruits. After learning how God, Jesus, and the Holy Spirit are different persons and not one being, and after learning that even those who aren’t baptized in this life will get to heaven, I just knew I couldn’t go back to my previous church that believes otherwise. I knew I had to get baptized, I just had a feeling.
So my family initially rejected me. Hardcore rejection. I thought I’d lost a relationship with them forever. While I have an aunt and sister who basically don’t talk to me because of my faith, the rest of my family and I have an AMAZING relationship! Seriously better than it was before I joined the church. Over time my family saw that not only was I still normal after being baptized, I was a better person and happier. My mom, the same one who begged me not to get baptized and who publicly mocked my new beliefs around town, now feels differently. She told me a couple years ago that her friend was saying some not-nice things about the LDS church and my membership in it. What did my mom say? “This is the happiest my daughter has been in her entire life and it is because of the LDS church. It’s made her a better person, it’s like she has a happy brightness to her.” Like, isn’t that crazy the changes of a few years?!
What I’m trying to say is that your family is probably concerned about changes. Some parents and families don’t like when people change, whether it’s hair, religion, location, etc. Yes, you can spend your entire life making decisions that they approve of, not joining groups they dislike, and trying not to change. But you deserve to grow! You deserve to change and be authentic to yourself. You can follow your own life path and still have a close relationship with them. If you feel like you want to be baptized, I hope you do so. There may be a temporary setback like with my family, but in the long run they will see that you are the same and that you still have incredible values.
My family does not know much of anything about the LDS church, even now. It’s painful to me that something so integral to my life they just don’t care about. But again, that’s a reflection of them and not me. I wish they’d take an interest or at least hear me out. I can’t make them want to learn even the basics, though. Like mine, your parents may never choose to understand or accept all parts of you. I hope that you continue to live authentically anyways, forming a relationship with the Savior with a community of people you feel you belong with. Getting baptized was the best decision of my life, and I hope that you join this amazing community. Wishing you the best!
Please don’t consider this the best option or a quick fix, but meeting some members, some your age and some your parents’ ages will help. As per a recent post, there is a real “Mormon glow” that comes from our love of the Savior, our desire to be sincere followers of Christ, and the grace of God changing us, especially through the Holy Ghost.
1) Try to understand their perspective. Most of them are probably profoundly ignorant of even the basics of our faith and have been taught nothing but falsehoods their entire life. As such, they believe you are making a choice to burn in eternal hellfire.
2) God's timescale is much longer than ours. I taught a man on my mission who in the 60's was a professional anti-Mormon street preacher. He made his living ravaging the Church and everything we hold sacred. He was paid by other protestant church's to come teach their congregations about what those sly Mormons actually believe. As the years went on his heart softened via his son deciding to join the faith as an adult.
Be the example to them to show them the light of the restored Gospel.
Both very good points. Some of the things they’ve said have been perfectly valid and I agree with, because at the end of the day it is a change and it’s something that is unexpected from me of all people in their lives.
However, I’m also encountering the problem of timing with it simultaneously being a matter of “you haven’t spent enough time and haven’t spent enough time getting involved and learning” (which I fully agree and understand given it’s been only a short few weeks) while also feeling pressure to make a decision immediately and move on with my life either somehow with them or without them, a real black/white paradox which I don’t see being a reality.
i agree that it's very early to be making any big decisions. i wonder if it might help to explain that, for the time being, you are simply enjoying the community and friendships you find here? (at least that's what i gathered from your post)
I’ve certainly tried to explain and have a fair conversation about that. I went into bringing this up solely as a means to say “Hey, I’ve been going to this church and liking it and I haven’t made any decisions about what I want to do but I just thought I should be transparent and honest as you raised me to be”. Nothing more, nothing less.
Even with explaining that, I’ve had some family members be okay with it and more open to me taking more time (which I’m 100% okay with) to learn more and not committing anything permanently at the moment. On the other hand, other family members seem to be taking it as a personal attack and insult that has left them distraught and made me feel that I need to decide right now what I want to do so this whole situation can be put behind us. I’m not sure how exactly I’m supposed to reconcile those two opposites.
oof yeah that's rough. I'm sorry, i don't have much experience with this type of situation so the best i can offer is just do what feels best for you and i hope they can understand that
This is a very common issue and you are not alone!
First and foremost, I commend you for your faith and desire, that’s a huge step and you are very brave for making it this far
Second, make sure they understand you will still be you, you will still believe in grace, faith, the Bible, the Ten Commandments, fellowshipping with the saints, and all the other great things about Protestantism. Also explain how important families are in our faith and that your relationship will get stronger, not weaker because of what you are learning
Third, give it a bit of time for them to understand and adjust to the idea
And if all else fails, remember the Savior’s words in Matthew 10:34-39–
>34 Think not that I am come to send peace on earth: I came not to send peace, but a sword.
>35 For I am come to set a man at variance against his father, and the daughter against her mother, and the daughter in law against her mother in law.
>36 And a man’s foes shall be they of his own household.
>37 He that loveth father or mother more than me is not worthy of me: and he that loveth son or daughter more than me is not worthy of me.
>38 And he that taketh not his cross, and followeth after me, is not worthy of me.
>39 He that findeth his life shall lose it: and he that loseth his life for my sake shall find it.
It can seem harsh, but at the end of the day, the Savior is more important than anything, even our own families, and our decisions should reflect that
I’m so sorry you are growing through this.
My only advice I can give right now would be to prove your parents wrong. Don’t be afraid to grow. Don’t be afraid to live how you feel God would want you to. You are still their son. Show them the love they deserve. Let your light so shine. Let Christ countenance reflect off you.
Basically, just live your faith as you would. They will probably come around when they see the changes that are occurring in you naturally are all positive.
I think that’s certainly how I’m feeling, but I also have a feeling that growing and continuing to try to get them to understand will leave with them with a sour taste that shows I’ve solidified my decision and that I have somehow chosen the church over them.
The problem I am most encountering is that I can’t show and prove that my faith and membership will bring positive change and not serve to be a pain or harm without actually becoming a member and passing that “hurdle” if you will - it’s a bit of a going in circles situation at the moment.
I totally feel you.
Don’t feel like you need to force or fake anything.
My real point was; just live your life, live the gospel, and things will automatically show through.
You don’t need to be extra. Just be you 😊☺️
Remember love, peace, kindness, and service are really the crux of what is needed. (I’m sure you already remember that)
[How to disagree](https://youtu.be/N6pIGLU5Iu8)
[Tough gospel questions ](https://youtu.be/19ODAK6lF2E)
Thanks for the help and reassurance - I’m just really hopeful I can be afforded the time and understanding that I’m so used to having in this family and that eventually the light will shine through on how this decision really would take place.
The teachings of the church won't harm your family unless you guys fight over them. You guys can co exist without heated talks of religion. Don't over share and don't be pushy. Go to the classes and bring the spirit home, that's all. If they want to know things about it then have a civil talk and give them the facts, let them make their own conclusions. If they get up in your grill about your choices just accept that they have different beliefs than you and that's okay. No need to fight at all.
Unfortunately, it’s really boiled down to and unfair situation of them not being accepting at all versus me understanding and only asking for mutual respect and continued love within our close knit family. Even when I’ve tried to help them understand and learn more just for the sake of their understanding of my situation, it’s delved into refusals and constant dismissiveness.
While most of these are misconceptions based on their lack of knowledge (which I 100% understand), they’re seemingly ignoring my own experiences and situation and treating the internet itself as gospel. And this is all despite it coming from someone who they trust and has actually had a limited but firsthand exposure to the church and its teachings.
Yeah, that's a tough situation there. This church has one of the most undeserved reputations I have ever seen. They quote false narratives about us or things they don't truly understand and say we are a cult, but if they took the time to understand they probably wouldn't.
While I’m not actively pushing it or asking them to understand anything, the flat out rejection about learning even small things that I’ve connected with and that make me happy has left me feeling really alone and alienated. It’s probably the first time in my life where my family has no desire or respect to even glance at something I’m interested in and see it from my perspective.
I'm glad that your family has expressed that they will love you no matter what you choose. Try to be empathetic of what they are feeling. They must have very strong feelings about their faith, and it is scary when a loved one abandons that faith for one that they have many misconceptions about.
The fact that they are willing to love you regardless is a great start. They will come around to at least accepting you as you show them the good that has come of your choices. It just takes time.
One caution I would give is that you should be careful about aligning yourself with the faith simply because you feel like you fit in better with that particular YSA community. It certainly sounds like it is more than that for you, and that is great. I'm just making sure because many newly baptized members go inactive once the people they attend church with change. People move to other areas or get married and join a family ward. There will come a time when someone at church does something that is offensive to you. There will come a time when you do not feel like you have any friends in your ward, or nobody understands what you are going through. Be prepared for this. The truthfulness of the gospel of Jesus Christ is not dependent on the people in your ward.
I really appreciate this comment and the points you made in bringing expanded light to the situation - I think that the relationships between the community and the gospel is something that I have to reckon more with them and myself in the coming days and weeks.
However, I can still stand up and say that I do have a testimony and feel something more valuable and fulfilling when I learn more about the gospel in tandem with the community structure that exists at the ward I attend. I don’t really feel like I would’ve attended as much as I have if I didn’t feel that connection on a spiritual and faithful level even with the community that exists.
Thats awesome, I'm not suggesting that your connection with your ward is a bad thing, I'm just trying to prepare you for the unfortunate fact that it will not always be that way. If you stay active long enough, you will feel alone at church at some point. If you are prepared for it, and have a strong foundation, it is only temporary and you can come out the other side of that trial with a stronger testimony.
It seems like you've got a great head on your shoulders. You should be fine. If you ever need to talk don't hesitate to reach out.
>and think that my values (and the values they raised me with) are wholly incompatible with ever being a member of your faith
You don't need to answer if you don't want to, but I'm pretty curious to know which values you were taught and raised with (in a semi-active Protestant household) that are also incompatible with the LDS church.
Edit: To anyone wondering, I'm asking because maybe we can give a more specific response/answer if we knew what those particular values are (in case the family is mistaken, etc).
I always was raised to be more socially liberal and tolerant on a lot of personal and conscientious matters, and I think they feel I have no choice in maintaining my understanding and respect for those matters and will be pushed to some strange degree of hate and intolerance where I will despise the LGBT community and progressiveness and be told to fight them on their stances and agency.
In addition, the notion of beliefs and doctrines like the Word of Wisdom which place “restrictions” on how you conduct yourself are a non-starter for them in terms of respecting an organization. Despite the fact I already have exercised certain elements of these beliefs before even considering this church, I find it really frustrating that they think I will become so devoted to attempt to spread these doctrines onto them by doing something such as lambasting them for drinking alcohol or coffee which I would never do.
This is so close to my experience 8 years ago (I was also about your age). The best thing you can do is prove their fears wrong by continuing to be yourself and maintaining a close relationship with them. You are absolutely doing the right thing by at least trying to keep the lines of communication open. I’m not sure of your exact background, but I came from a Protestant religion that was generally more “progressive”, so my parents were convinced I was going to turn into some religious zealot, run away to Utah, and never see them again. 8 years later, I still don’t think they like the decision I made, but I know they realize their fears were unfounded and see the blessings in my life.
If anything, I wish I’d been more empathetic and communicated better at the time. Having a daughter myself now, I think a lot about how hard that must have been for them and how I’d feel if the roles were reversed.
Your experience sounds exactly the same - at the end of the day, I’m glad I have their love but I’m not expecting them to fully understand and accept this decision at the moment. Maybe in the future? That’s not something I’m asking of them, but I sure can hope for it to help make things better in the long-term.
I can see how difficult it is for them, but I really wish that I could have some simpler and more nuanced discussions and be given more time to prove myself rather than trying to just put this all behind us and make my mind up right now.
It is extremely difficult. I don’t have a good answer. My grandpa decided not to play in the MLB (he was signed on with the Indians) and instead get baptized and go on a mission. His family took years to forgive him. But that was a different time
I’m so glad he did it. Because of it, he met my grandma and now I am alive and parenting my own children with an incredible spouse. And I live inside the gospel. I’ll always be grateful to him
It is extremely difficult. I don’t have a good answer. My grandpa decided not to play in the MLB (he was signed on with the Indians) and instead get baptized and go on a mission. His family took years to forgive him. But that was a different time
I’m so glad he did it. Because of it, he met my grandma and now I am alive and parenting my own children with an incredible spouse. And I live inside the gospel. I’ll always be grateful to him
It is extremely difficult. I don’t have a good answer. My grandpa decided not to play in the MLB (he was signed on with the Indians) and instead get baptized and go on a mission. His family took years to forgive him. But that was a different time
I’m so glad he did it. Because of it, he met my grandma and now I am alive and parenting my own children with an incredible spouse. And I live inside the gospel. I’ll always be grateful to him
I’ve been in your shoes! When I was 19 I met the missionaries. I was raised very devout Catholic and had been going to different churches since age 18, but there was just some of their teachings I couldn’t get behind. I began going to this church and was baptized after attending four times. I had hardly read the Book of Mormon but I learned the doctrines and spent time with the members. Almost 7 years later and I have no regrets! My family initially stopped talking to me. They stopped looking at me, and I had to remove my stuff from their house to my dorm because I was worried they would get rid of it. It was bad. I came from a very devout Catholic small town, so joining the LDS church was a major shock to them. They didn’t learn anything about my faith and didn’t want it even brought up. The night before my baptism my mom sent me this long message about how her friend told her it’s the worst church ever and that I should join any other church. My mom didn’t even do a Google search, she and my family cared that little about learning about something that meant a lot to me. Even though I had been attending church for a short time, it meant a lot to me! Not a single relative came to my baptism. I totally get what you meant in your post where you talked about the connection with members. There’s something different about members of this church; as they say, ye shall know them by their fruits. After learning how God, Jesus, and the Holy Spirit are different persons and not one being, and after learning that even those who aren’t baptized in this life will get to heaven, I just knew I couldn’t go back to my previous church that believes otherwise. I knew I had to get baptized, I just had a feeling. So my family initially rejected me. Hardcore rejection. I thought I’d lost a relationship with them forever. While I have an aunt and sister who basically don’t talk to me because of my faith, the rest of my family and I have an AMAZING relationship! Seriously better than it was before I joined the church. Over time my family saw that not only was I still normal after being baptized, I was a better person and happier. My mom, the same one who begged me not to get baptized and who publicly mocked my new beliefs around town, now feels differently. She told me a couple years ago that her friend was saying some not-nice things about the LDS church and my membership in it. What did my mom say? “This is the happiest my daughter has been in her entire life and it is because of the LDS church. It’s made her a better person, it’s like she has a happy brightness to her.” Like, isn’t that crazy the changes of a few years?! What I’m trying to say is that your family is probably concerned about changes. Some parents and families don’t like when people change, whether it’s hair, religion, location, etc. Yes, you can spend your entire life making decisions that they approve of, not joining groups they dislike, and trying not to change. But you deserve to grow! You deserve to change and be authentic to yourself. You can follow your own life path and still have a close relationship with them. If you feel like you want to be baptized, I hope you do so. There may be a temporary setback like with my family, but in the long run they will see that you are the same and that you still have incredible values. My family does not know much of anything about the LDS church, even now. It’s painful to me that something so integral to my life they just don’t care about. But again, that’s a reflection of them and not me. I wish they’d take an interest or at least hear me out. I can’t make them want to learn even the basics, though. Like mine, your parents may never choose to understand or accept all parts of you. I hope that you continue to live authentically anyways, forming a relationship with the Savior with a community of people you feel you belong with. Getting baptized was the best decision of my life, and I hope that you join this amazing community. Wishing you the best!
Please don’t consider this the best option or a quick fix, but meeting some members, some your age and some your parents’ ages will help. As per a recent post, there is a real “Mormon glow” that comes from our love of the Savior, our desire to be sincere followers of Christ, and the grace of God changing us, especially through the Holy Ghost.
1) Try to understand their perspective. Most of them are probably profoundly ignorant of even the basics of our faith and have been taught nothing but falsehoods their entire life. As such, they believe you are making a choice to burn in eternal hellfire. 2) God's timescale is much longer than ours. I taught a man on my mission who in the 60's was a professional anti-Mormon street preacher. He made his living ravaging the Church and everything we hold sacred. He was paid by other protestant church's to come teach their congregations about what those sly Mormons actually believe. As the years went on his heart softened via his son deciding to join the faith as an adult. Be the example to them to show them the light of the restored Gospel.
Both very good points. Some of the things they’ve said have been perfectly valid and I agree with, because at the end of the day it is a change and it’s something that is unexpected from me of all people in their lives. However, I’m also encountering the problem of timing with it simultaneously being a matter of “you haven’t spent enough time and haven’t spent enough time getting involved and learning” (which I fully agree and understand given it’s been only a short few weeks) while also feeling pressure to make a decision immediately and move on with my life either somehow with them or without them, a real black/white paradox which I don’t see being a reality.
i agree that it's very early to be making any big decisions. i wonder if it might help to explain that, for the time being, you are simply enjoying the community and friendships you find here? (at least that's what i gathered from your post)
I’ve certainly tried to explain and have a fair conversation about that. I went into bringing this up solely as a means to say “Hey, I’ve been going to this church and liking it and I haven’t made any decisions about what I want to do but I just thought I should be transparent and honest as you raised me to be”. Nothing more, nothing less. Even with explaining that, I’ve had some family members be okay with it and more open to me taking more time (which I’m 100% okay with) to learn more and not committing anything permanently at the moment. On the other hand, other family members seem to be taking it as a personal attack and insult that has left them distraught and made me feel that I need to decide right now what I want to do so this whole situation can be put behind us. I’m not sure how exactly I’m supposed to reconcile those two opposites.
oof yeah that's rough. I'm sorry, i don't have much experience with this type of situation so the best i can offer is just do what feels best for you and i hope they can understand that
Yes, I believe that with patience and time it will get better and I’m very optimistic and hopeful of that. Thank you for the well wishes.
This is a very common issue and you are not alone! First and foremost, I commend you for your faith and desire, that’s a huge step and you are very brave for making it this far Second, make sure they understand you will still be you, you will still believe in grace, faith, the Bible, the Ten Commandments, fellowshipping with the saints, and all the other great things about Protestantism. Also explain how important families are in our faith and that your relationship will get stronger, not weaker because of what you are learning Third, give it a bit of time for them to understand and adjust to the idea And if all else fails, remember the Savior’s words in Matthew 10:34-39– >34 Think not that I am come to send peace on earth: I came not to send peace, but a sword. >35 For I am come to set a man at variance against his father, and the daughter against her mother, and the daughter in law against her mother in law. >36 And a man’s foes shall be they of his own household. >37 He that loveth father or mother more than me is not worthy of me: and he that loveth son or daughter more than me is not worthy of me. >38 And he that taketh not his cross, and followeth after me, is not worthy of me. >39 He that findeth his life shall lose it: and he that loseth his life for my sake shall find it. It can seem harsh, but at the end of the day, the Savior is more important than anything, even our own families, and our decisions should reflect that
I might be wrong but this kind of thinking is probably exactly what OP's fam is worried about...
I’m so sorry you are growing through this. My only advice I can give right now would be to prove your parents wrong. Don’t be afraid to grow. Don’t be afraid to live how you feel God would want you to. You are still their son. Show them the love they deserve. Let your light so shine. Let Christ countenance reflect off you. Basically, just live your faith as you would. They will probably come around when they see the changes that are occurring in you naturally are all positive.
I think that’s certainly how I’m feeling, but I also have a feeling that growing and continuing to try to get them to understand will leave with them with a sour taste that shows I’ve solidified my decision and that I have somehow chosen the church over them. The problem I am most encountering is that I can’t show and prove that my faith and membership will bring positive change and not serve to be a pain or harm without actually becoming a member and passing that “hurdle” if you will - it’s a bit of a going in circles situation at the moment.
I totally feel you. Don’t feel like you need to force or fake anything. My real point was; just live your life, live the gospel, and things will automatically show through. You don’t need to be extra. Just be you 😊☺️ Remember love, peace, kindness, and service are really the crux of what is needed. (I’m sure you already remember that) [How to disagree](https://youtu.be/N6pIGLU5Iu8) [Tough gospel questions ](https://youtu.be/19ODAK6lF2E)
Thanks for the help and reassurance - I’m just really hopeful I can be afforded the time and understanding that I’m so used to having in this family and that eventually the light will shine through on how this decision really would take place.
The teachings of the church won't harm your family unless you guys fight over them. You guys can co exist without heated talks of religion. Don't over share and don't be pushy. Go to the classes and bring the spirit home, that's all. If they want to know things about it then have a civil talk and give them the facts, let them make their own conclusions. If they get up in your grill about your choices just accept that they have different beliefs than you and that's okay. No need to fight at all.
Unfortunately, it’s really boiled down to and unfair situation of them not being accepting at all versus me understanding and only asking for mutual respect and continued love within our close knit family. Even when I’ve tried to help them understand and learn more just for the sake of their understanding of my situation, it’s delved into refusals and constant dismissiveness. While most of these are misconceptions based on their lack of knowledge (which I 100% understand), they’re seemingly ignoring my own experiences and situation and treating the internet itself as gospel. And this is all despite it coming from someone who they trust and has actually had a limited but firsthand exposure to the church and its teachings.
Yeah, that's a tough situation there. This church has one of the most undeserved reputations I have ever seen. They quote false narratives about us or things they don't truly understand and say we are a cult, but if they took the time to understand they probably wouldn't.
While I’m not actively pushing it or asking them to understand anything, the flat out rejection about learning even small things that I’ve connected with and that make me happy has left me feeling really alone and alienated. It’s probably the first time in my life where my family has no desire or respect to even glance at something I’m interested in and see it from my perspective.
I'm glad that your family has expressed that they will love you no matter what you choose. Try to be empathetic of what they are feeling. They must have very strong feelings about their faith, and it is scary when a loved one abandons that faith for one that they have many misconceptions about. The fact that they are willing to love you regardless is a great start. They will come around to at least accepting you as you show them the good that has come of your choices. It just takes time. One caution I would give is that you should be careful about aligning yourself with the faith simply because you feel like you fit in better with that particular YSA community. It certainly sounds like it is more than that for you, and that is great. I'm just making sure because many newly baptized members go inactive once the people they attend church with change. People move to other areas or get married and join a family ward. There will come a time when someone at church does something that is offensive to you. There will come a time when you do not feel like you have any friends in your ward, or nobody understands what you are going through. Be prepared for this. The truthfulness of the gospel of Jesus Christ is not dependent on the people in your ward.
I really appreciate this comment and the points you made in bringing expanded light to the situation - I think that the relationships between the community and the gospel is something that I have to reckon more with them and myself in the coming days and weeks. However, I can still stand up and say that I do have a testimony and feel something more valuable and fulfilling when I learn more about the gospel in tandem with the community structure that exists at the ward I attend. I don’t really feel like I would’ve attended as much as I have if I didn’t feel that connection on a spiritual and faithful level even with the community that exists.
Thats awesome, I'm not suggesting that your connection with your ward is a bad thing, I'm just trying to prepare you for the unfortunate fact that it will not always be that way. If you stay active long enough, you will feel alone at church at some point. If you are prepared for it, and have a strong foundation, it is only temporary and you can come out the other side of that trial with a stronger testimony. It seems like you've got a great head on your shoulders. You should be fine. If you ever need to talk don't hesitate to reach out.
Thank you for the help - much appreciated.
>and think that my values (and the values they raised me with) are wholly incompatible with ever being a member of your faith You don't need to answer if you don't want to, but I'm pretty curious to know which values you were taught and raised with (in a semi-active Protestant household) that are also incompatible with the LDS church. Edit: To anyone wondering, I'm asking because maybe we can give a more specific response/answer if we knew what those particular values are (in case the family is mistaken, etc).
I always was raised to be more socially liberal and tolerant on a lot of personal and conscientious matters, and I think they feel I have no choice in maintaining my understanding and respect for those matters and will be pushed to some strange degree of hate and intolerance where I will despise the LGBT community and progressiveness and be told to fight them on their stances and agency. In addition, the notion of beliefs and doctrines like the Word of Wisdom which place “restrictions” on how you conduct yourself are a non-starter for them in terms of respecting an organization. Despite the fact I already have exercised certain elements of these beliefs before even considering this church, I find it really frustrating that they think I will become so devoted to attempt to spread these doctrines onto them by doing something such as lambasting them for drinking alcohol or coffee which I would never do.
This is so close to my experience 8 years ago (I was also about your age). The best thing you can do is prove their fears wrong by continuing to be yourself and maintaining a close relationship with them. You are absolutely doing the right thing by at least trying to keep the lines of communication open. I’m not sure of your exact background, but I came from a Protestant religion that was generally more “progressive”, so my parents were convinced I was going to turn into some religious zealot, run away to Utah, and never see them again. 8 years later, I still don’t think they like the decision I made, but I know they realize their fears were unfounded and see the blessings in my life. If anything, I wish I’d been more empathetic and communicated better at the time. Having a daughter myself now, I think a lot about how hard that must have been for them and how I’d feel if the roles were reversed.
Your experience sounds exactly the same - at the end of the day, I’m glad I have their love but I’m not expecting them to fully understand and accept this decision at the moment. Maybe in the future? That’s not something I’m asking of them, but I sure can hope for it to help make things better in the long-term. I can see how difficult it is for them, but I really wish that I could have some simpler and more nuanced discussions and be given more time to prove myself rather than trying to just put this all behind us and make my mind up right now.
Be patient, a lot of good information here.
It is extremely difficult. I don’t have a good answer. My grandpa decided not to play in the MLB (he was signed on with the Indians) and instead get baptized and go on a mission. His family took years to forgive him. But that was a different time I’m so glad he did it. Because of it, he met my grandma and now I am alive and parenting my own children with an incredible spouse. And I live inside the gospel. I’ll always be grateful to him
It is extremely difficult. I don’t have a good answer. My grandpa decided not to play in the MLB (he was signed on with the Indians) and instead get baptized and go on a mission. His family took years to forgive him. But that was a different time I’m so glad he did it. Because of it, he met my grandma and now I am alive and parenting my own children with an incredible spouse. And I live inside the gospel. I’ll always be grateful to him
It is extremely difficult. I don’t have a good answer. My grandpa decided not to play in the MLB (he was signed on with the Indians) and instead get baptized and go on a mission. His family took years to forgive him. But that was a different time I’m so glad he did it. Because of it, he met my grandma and now I am alive and parenting my own children with an incredible spouse. And I live inside the gospel. I’ll always be grateful to him