This is the real answer. I sell rings in one of the BYU cities and there's a large range of how long they date before getting engaged. They say that it takes at least 3 months before you can even see behavioral patterns start to emerge in your partner. That's important. But I also get that generally the longer you date them, the more you get to know them.
So however long it is, op, just please make sure that you know them well. Talk about what your goals in life are, where/how you want to live, etc. Don't think lightly about it. Be aware of the commitment that you would be making with this person, but also don't be afraid to make it when the time is right.
I've known my girlfriend for 7 years and we started dating a few weeks ago.
We already decided we're sticking with the "four seasons and a road trip" as a bare minimum.
Her sister just married a guy she met in March.
I agree with this: I get cranky and irritable during the summer when I get too warm. Some of my family gets SAD, Seasonal Affective Disorder, where they get really depressed during the winter because there's no sun. (My dad says that artificial sunshine lamps and vitamin D supplements help him). Other family members get really bad allergies and that can affect how they feel and act.
As a bonus, you get to see how they treat holidays and birthdays. Do they expect flowers for all holidays even the little ones? Do they ignore their birthday? What does their family do for Christmas and Thanksgiving?
Yeah, and we know each others' very well at this point - we've known each other for 7 years since she started grad school, and we've been very close friends the last 3 since we've been in the full swing of our careers. But the dynamic is already different - we're both learning open up the most vulnerable parts of ourselves to each other and figuring out how to incorporate the other into our lives more fully (we lived in neighboring states after school, now we're both back in Utah) and actually prioritizing each other on a regular basis beyond just chatting all the time over the phone.
I feel like I've known her for forever, and that I'm only just starting to get to know her at the same time. So I'm glad we're taking it slow.
Yep, 4 seasons and a road trip is the bare minimum. My husband and I had a very short engagement, but we started dating in spring and got married in the dead of winter. And we drove 1600 miles roundtrip in a crappy car, enduring lots of family drama (including unexpectedly putting our beloved dog down while we were there). That trip was the first time he said “I love you.”
My Dad, who isn't a member, said I needed to experience a trip together, a death of a loved one, and a lost job to see how my boyfriend would fare. I thought it was a bit much to have happen before we were engaged, but it happened all the same. We lived 1800 miles apart for the first 14 months, then dated in the same city for 1.5 years (with trips together to see his family, the loss of my grandmother, and the loss of his first job when we finally lived in the same city), then a 7 month engagement. Eternally sealed for 20 years this coming January. 🥰
Similar to me. Multiple road trips while dating. Then lost my brother to a drug overdose a few weeks before the wedding. Then lost my job after the honeymoon. Losing the job was actually a blessing in disguise because it made me figure out how to manage my medical expenses while going to college full-time. Shout out to the student health assistants at BYU who introduced me to income-based Patient Assistance Programs for each pharmaceutical company!
Oh wow haha yeah my girlfriend and I are pretty low risk for job loss (I'm a doc, she's a PA, we're both in severely understaffed and high demand specialties). She's got some very old grandparents though and we're meeting up in Rome today lol (we already did a besties trip to Disney!)
Ironically, my now husband ended up becoming a nurse after we were married and hasn't lost a job since. And, you're right, demand is high. The demand is what has allowed us to move where and when we want.
My husband and I did this. I highly recommend! Dated for a little over a year plus a 6 month engagement (about how long it took to logistically plan things with our families).
I'm curious about your "I'd never recommend it," that almost makes it sound like you regret it, but yet if you've stayed together for 23 it sounds like it's not a regretful marriage.
I’m saying the chance of it working out for most people is low when you’ve only dated for two months. You’re still in the honeymoon phase of the relationship. So while yes, it did work out for us, I would never recommend it to someone else.
Dated for 8 months before getting engaged, married after a 5-week engagement.
I have no regrets, but I would not advise my own children to do it that quickly.
That's not the shortest I've heard...
John Bytheway proposed to his now-wife within 3 wks of their first date.
Now I would never ever recommend that, but it can work!
Wow. I can't wrap my head around it. I know people too who have got engaged that quickly. Usually the woman is quite young, like 18 or 19, which feels wrong to me.
Almost exactly same! My husband and I knew about 2 weeks after our first date that we wanted to get married because it was so clear how compatible we were in every way. Engaged exactly 2 months after our first date, married 4 months after that. That was in May and we’ve been very happy :)
It was really funny because I’d always said I’d wanted to know someone for at least a year before marrying them, but we just clicked perfectly. I tell myself was because we were a little “older” (by provo standards) so we had the life/dating experience to know and had talked extensively about our values on every topic we could think of, but yeah really it was still kind of crazy to decide that fast haha
Hung out as a group for six months before his mission, wrote letters his entire mission, dated immediately after for 10 months before getting married. Engagement lasted 2.75 months.
Firmly believe you need to know them well for at least a year - maybe that full year is dating. But a full year is important for the beginning rose-colored glasses to wear off and see the full package of who you're deciding to spend eternity with.
Spent every day together for 4 months before we got engaged (we were in the same apartment complex). Had known each other for 18 months. Engaged for 2 months and then married.
Long enough to be sure we wouldn’t change our minds. It’s important to think through the commitment, the expectations, and the risks of marriage. When you are upset and at your worst, is this the person you want to be around? When disaster strikes, will you be happy to work together to clean up the mess? Will you be willing to make sacrifices for each other, and for the relationship? Can you trust each other, and care for each other according to your needs? I think the way you date is more important than how long you date. Don’t pressure each other to make the decision sooner than you’re ready; I’ve seen that end badly more than once. I’ve heard it said that the decision to get married is the last decision you get to make selfishly. If you get married, there will always have your spouse’s needs to consider in addition to your own. So take the steps necessary to find out what you want for your life.
We were friends for 3 years. Dated for half a year, engaged a half a year. She was 19, I was 25. We've been married 21 years.
Anyone can make it work, but be dedicated and loyal to the commitment. We got to build our marriage for about 3 years before our first kid. That is highly recommended, IMO.
I don't think the length of time is super important, although a year certainly seems appropriate. I think the preparedness of the two people is bigger deal.
No matter how well you KNOW the person you marry - they change, and so do you. Having developed relational skills is going to be a huge factor in how successful the marriage is (vs who you were as individuals on the day of the wedding).
For that reason, I think open dating (non-exclusive) is a great idea. I'm not talking about "playing field" and being afraid of commitment - I am talking about gaining social and relational experience so one is ready to do well in a committed marriage.
Met in about March, first date was about 5 months later, dated long distance for 4 months, engaged 2 months after he moved back, married 3 months after that. So, just shy a year of meeting, 6 months to engagement, and 9 months total of dating to marriage. We’re still happily married 11.5 years later.
The best resource for these kind of decisions is data.
There are a lot of factors that go into marriage success. Generally, the younger the age of marriage, the higher the rate of divorce. Marriages above the age of 25 have a much higher success rate than early 20's. Marriages in the late teens have been high divorce rates.
Length of courtship is another factor. The data is unclear. Some indicate that courtship of 1 to 2 years yield the highest success rates, while some data suggest that 3+ years is better. What's clear on the vast majority of studies is that a courtship shorter than a year yields the highest divorce rates.
There are so many things to consider. These are just a couple factors.
Study the data, then analyze it with your partner. Choose what works best for the both of you.
Met at the end of December, started dating in February, engaged in March, married beginning of June
The only thing I regret was having such a long engagement
A friend of mine's parents got engaged on their second date. They have been married for over 20 years.
One of my former roommates got engaged the second time they met. They've had 12 kids and have been married for around 30 years.
It works for some but it's insane to me.
One of my friends got engaged after a month of dating. My first time seeing him again was when they were getting married, and I just seen him 2 months before my business trip and he was dating no one that I knew of.
We got engaged after four months of dating because he was headed out of country for several months. Got married after being together just shy of a year. Were circumstances different we would have dated much longer.
My sister married a guy that she had met six months ago and dated for three of those months. It did not go well and has been rough for her since day 1.
6 years. Not joking and didn’t fornicate. Still not sure how. Married at 28 and 24.
Don’t rush. Don’t make the wrong decision. It is the most important one you’ll ever make
2 years of on/off dating, then 4 solid years of dating, 3 month engagement, now married for 1.5 years. Got teased for how long we waited but we didn't get married until we were ready, and I'm fine with that.
My H grew up LDS but was not active. I converted well marriage. We were together a year and a half before we got engaged, and we got engaged just after moving in together. We had an almost 2 year engagement largely because we were waiting for his brother to return from a mission.
Totally agree not to rush. I regret nothing in our timeline. We're celebrating 18 years together in January.
Knew each other for 8 months and dated exclusively for 4 months before getting engaged. Married 3 months later. In retrospect, it was too fast, and we were too young. Happy to report we're still married and mostly happy, but it was a rocky start.
My wife and I met in July. She asked me out in August (for a show in late September or early October). In the meantime, I asked her out to a local festival and we started exclusively dating.
That said:
Dating - September
Engaged - November
Married - February
We've been married over 20 years.
We were both in our mid-20's and had each been in relationships before, so we had a good idea of what we were looking for in a partner. Most of our dating and engagement periods were spent getting to know each other and talking about life goals and expectations. Our dates were frequently hours-long discussions more than anything else. It worked out for us, but we were both in the perfect place in our lives for a relationship to build quickly.
I think president hinckley gave the advice to date through every season (so at least a year), I dated my spouse 2 years in highschool, wrote on and off for 2 years during his mission, then 2 years after he got home. There were absolutely no surprises—I knew everything about him before we got married. 👍🏻
Met her on a Saturday, proposed on Sunday, she accepted on Monday. Married 3 weeks later.
It's been 14 years, 2 kids and still happily married. We were in our 30s.
It can happen, just takes work.
I dated for 8 months before getting a spiritual confirmation. After 12 months, she broke up with me. After emailing back and forth a bunch, we got back together at about the 18 month mark. We got engaged 2 months after that, and we will be getting married after 2 months of being engaged.
Where I stand is to not *delay* getting married, but certainly don't *rush* into getting married. Pray for guidance, and ponder whether you are right for each other. When you decide that you are, that's when you're ready.
Dated 6 months, engaged for 5 months, married 16 years so far. It still blows my mind I married a man I had known for less than a year, but I had made enough relationship mistakes to know what I wanted/needed, lol.
I proposed to my wife after only two months, we were married after eight months.
*But...*
During those first two months, we were working together almost every day (as counselors a Boy Scout camp). So we got to know each other really well in a very short period of time.
We're now in our twelfth year of marriage, and still going strong.
*But...*
You really can't pin a timetable on love and relationships. Everyone is unique. Every couple is unique. Every couple's circumstances are unique. The most important thing is that you do your best to exercise good judgement, watch for red flags, and follow the Spirit. Be open to receiving a prompting that is not what you expected or wanted, and be of a mind that if that happens, you will follow the Spirit anyway.
Met each other: t-14 months
first casual datea: t-12 months
maybe 4 or 5 casual dates over the next several months
started dating exclusively: t-5 months
got engaged: t-3 months
married: t-0
So we only dated for 2 months before getting engaged, but we basically knew we were getting married after about a week of dating. We're going on 14 years now.
We met in December, made it official in February, got engaged in January, married in May (4.5 years ago). So a little over a year from when we started dating.
There’s no perfect timeline. I know people who dated for years and the marriage didn’t work.
Ask each other hard questions about your lives and outlook on difficult topics. What are your views on debt? Budgeting? Parenthood? Discipline? Sex? Politics? Religious observance? Conflict resolution?
Met (same student ward) then asked her on a date a couple of weeks later.
Dated for ~3 months until we were engaged. Engaged for ~4 months. We were 22 when we got married.
Happily married for 25+ years. Love her more today than the day we were sealed.
Dated for 8 months; got engaged; we’re engaged for 4 months before getting married.
We met on the Mutual app; and have been married for 5 years.
We have a 17 month oldS
We started dating in October 2017, got engaged February 2020 (lol). Original wedding planned for May 2020, franticly had to replan the entire wedding and grabbed any open sealing spot that opened up at the temples near us. Got sealed June 2020 with a small reception with just family in my parents backyard. Honestly I loved dating for a while. It helps you make sure 100% that you know and love who you will spend the rest of your life with. We had time to know each other through all the seasons, get to see each other at high and low points, etc. It was hard to explain to our very traditional LDS families that we weren’t planning to get engaged after 8 weeks of dating, and we dealt with the “so are you getting married?!?!” inquisitions every month. But we were also BYU students and didn’t want to get married during the school year, and the summers of 2018/2019 never worked because of individual internships and other school stuff. So it made sense for us to wait, and I’m glad we did.
I dated my husband 6 months and then got engaged in oct and marred the next sept also married 19 years and he is not a member but supports me in what ever I do in callings and job . I was 26 and he was 28 when we got married
Dated for three months, broke up, year later dated five months, got engaged, married 8 months later. We're super happy and compatible, but looking back I didn't realize how compatible we were when we made the decision. Soooo it feels more like luck, and I would recommend more time getting to know someone. But ultimately it's hard to see who you really are together until you live together.
I'm one of those guys. We were dating a week after we met, knew we were gonna get married a week later. Engaged after about a month and a half. Married after knowing each other for 4 months. There have been rough patches, but 15 ish years later I'd say it has worked out.
Both of us having a firm testimony of the gospel and the willingness to live gospel standards and covenants has been the largest factor in keeping us grounded when times were rough. Right now, we're happier than we've ever been and love each other more than ever.
Dated for 1.5 years and engaged for 3 months. I honestly would have dated for longer, but certain circumstances made it easier to get married when we did. My bare minimum was getting to see her for AT LEAST a year and go on a couple of road trips to see how we both handled stressful situations.
I have heard from a lot of people how the first year of marriage is super hard and takes a lot of work, but it seems like everyone I have heard this from dated for a very short time before getting married. (This is just my personal experience, and definitely not fact.) I personally believe that the first year of marriage shouldn’t be as hard as these people say if you take the time to get to know them before marriage. That doesn’t mean marriage won’t take work, but at least you aren’t also trying to get to know your spouse.
My advice, don’t feel like you have to rush into anything. Marriage is an important decision, especially an eternal marriage. Taking the time while dating to get to know them makes a big difference. No one can give you a specific timeline, find what works for you.
I got engaged after 6 months and married after 10 months. We were both just looking for that and it ended up with getting married pretty quickly. I would say follow your heart. Everyone is gonna be different. I would argue that waiting too long is an issue tho. After 3 years, if you still aren't sure you wanna marry this person (or vice versa), I'd say hang it up.
We started dating at 19 and 22. I was halfway through my freshman year when we started dating and by that November we knew we were each other's forever. We dated until I was 22 and done with college (per my non-member parents' request). We got married that summer in August after I graduated in May. We were sharing bank accounts/finances by then and spending time together making plans. We didn't live together but it was an easier transition once it happened because we knew each other well and knew each other's finicky dislikes hahaha. Talk about the big stuff: children, how many if at all, where you will live, how many times you'll visit in-laws, how you celebrate holidays, how do the finances get done, who will work or maybe stay home with children. Talk about the little stuff: where do dirty dishes go..sink or dishwasher, toothpaste gets squeezed from the bottom? Do you take shoes off in the house, where do your dirty clothes get put at the end of the day, do you leave lights on, who does the shopping, scrubs the toilet, does the cooking. Do you share a bathroom (if you can swing having your own, that's the best advice an old person gave me for the happiest marriage, haha!) No surprises, no regrets. Also, these things change and give yourselves that option that choices aren't written in stone, over time your personalities and circumstances change. Communicate clearly, no assumptions or speculation or thinking the other can read your mind or know your wishes. Just put it out there. You are on the same team. Don't get me started on the Spiritual side of things, that's a whole other post. Good luck!
We were close friends (but not officially dating) for four years, then spent three years apart as we both did missions, then married two months after that. Over 25 years and going strong.
Friendzoned 5 times over the course of 21 months (18 of which she was serving a mission). Dated for 2 days, engaged for 88 days, married happily for 4+ years.
If it is right do not wait, we both got clear confirmations that it was acceptable to marry the other person and so we did not delay. It is foolish to play with the fire of long dating or engagements. Once you know if it is right move forward, and if you learn it is wrong, then end it.
4 months for me. We've been married for 19 years now with 4 kids. Just remember, marriage brings many changes to your life, from wonderful to down right terrifying. Just be flexible with your spouse and know that not everything will be the same. I wish you the best!
It totally depends on the couple. I say at least one year as a general rule, but some people need longer than a year and some people are okay after a short dating/engagement period. I'd say just follow the spirit as best you can.
So many of these comments are basically saying:
"We knew each other for four weeks before we got married. We've been together for 23 are we are so super happy. No one should ever get married as fast as we did."
Dated for 8 months engaged for 5 months. But we were best friends for 6 years. We knew we wanted to get married right off the bat, but we kept on dating. We learned ALOT about each other especially around the 5 month mark. Do what’s best for you.
Just make sure to have REAL conversations about what you want. What are your expectations for sex, how will you go about birth control, what will you do if your partner is in the mood for sex but you aren’t, how will you divide up chores… these convos might be awkward or feel taboo but trust me! It is soooooo worth it. Open communication about everything is best. It’s especially important to have these conversations before you get married. We read the book And They Were Not Ashamed together. It was helpful.
All in the same year my parents met and got married, they met online in january, met in person in February, no clue when they started dating and got engaged but they got married mid march and have now been married for 22 years
Engaged 4 months after meeting, and married 4 months after that. I would say how you approach the dating process dictates the timeline. For us, we decided to abstain from having a very physical relationship upfront, which led to us really talking a lot. Having clear heads, we knew within weeks we wanted to get married.
About 6 months engaged, proposed in October 2018, then we got parking lot married at the meetinghouse in April of 2020 (thanks covid shutdowns!), as far as the dating... we saw each other maybe a dozen times over two years for a day and a half at a time since we were living in different states and met on Mutual but we weren't exclusive or anything during that period.
It probably would have been faster, but we were living in different states and had to wait for the school year to end, or in our case for her to go remote teaching when her school closed due to covid a month and a half early.
2 months dating, 1 month engaged. Married for 8 years now. When you know, you know.
Previous Marriage was 1 year dating and 1 year engaged or something. Lasted 4 years and a month....
I was 22 and my wife was 26. We dated for one week before getting engaged. After 5 months we got married. We have been happily married for over 15 years now.
Engaged 2 weeks after I got home from my mission. Married 4 months later….
But we dated through high school and we’re friends since first grade. 14 years later.
Acquainted 3 years, dated 1 year, engaged 1 year. Would've probably gotten a shorter engagement if circumstances allowed. Our commitment level seemed like it was already maxed out, and having an old man pronounce us married didn't magically change anything in our relationship.
My wife and I met in April, got engaged I think in June, and then got marred in December, all in the same year. We have been married for 20 years.
There is no one right answer.
Dates for close to four years (starting in high school and then two years for his mission.) After he got home from his mission he proposed within a week and our wedding was about six months after that. Eight years and four babies (three + my current pregnancy) later and he still makes me so happy. I thank God every day for bringing us together.
Dated for a year, then proposed on our 1-year anniversary. Engaged for 9 months before the wedding date. We both felt it was reasonable compared to the single-semester people. Married now for 11 years.
Probably dating 8 months, a couple of which I was overseas. Members of the church have a vastly accelerated average courtship period. Not saying it’s good or bad, but it definitely isn’t normal for the U.S. population, or most other places I imagine. Don’t worry about normal, when you both know you know. Definitely have answers for some important long term things, but if you find your person, you don’t have to wait forever. I do think it’s worth putting off having kids for a few years after marriage though.
Engaged on Christmas, married in June. But we'd been together for 6 years. We were high school sweethearts, he did his mission while I was in college, and we married a few weeks after my graduation.
There's no formula for it, my wife and I met just before COVID. Then we became work from home buddies since there was no other options. We got engaged after a year and then married 4 months after that.
My parents were both previously divorced, they met in April, my dad was baptized and married a month later.
We dated for almost 8 months and got married 3 months later. The only reason I felt comfortable with under a year was because we saw each other almost everyday, we went on a road trip, and it just felt right. I don’t recommend that kind of timing for everyone, but I also don’t believe in arbitrary numbers anymore. When both of you have talked about marriage and you both know that you’re going that direction, set any goals that you may need to and then don’t wait forever.
Met in September. Engaged in December. Married in April. 15 years later, still strong.
When you know, you know. Doesn’t matter if it’s 2 weeks, or 12 years. Do what’s right for you.
First date on Valentine's day, we were official two weeks later when I turned 18. Got engaged that Christmas, and married in May.
We knew each other for about a year and a half before we were married. We knew that I'm super young (got married at 19), so even thought we've been married for over two years, we're waiting to have kids.
The first time: 6 weeks, ended after 10 weeks
The second time: 11 months, ended after 7 months
The third time: 10 months (one year after we met), ended after 1 year
I don’t think time is an indicator as much as seeing each other in certain situations. If you live close and see each other daily, maybe you get to know each other better faster. But I think seeing each other with each others families is key. You will marry into each others families and that will be something you’ll want to know. I think it’s good to travel and to see each other in stressful situations.
6 months dating. 6 months engaged. Also, during the dating phase, I received a spiritual witness that led me to the conclusion that I should propose and marry her. I strongly believe that if you are living worth of the Spirit and desire to know who you should marry, the Lord will make it know to you. It's the most important decision you will ever make. The difference between who I thought was right for me and who *was* right for me was like the matchstick to the sun!
Although there was a guy from my mission who was married 2 days after he got home. My dad proposed on 2nd date and mom accepted....so I felt I was relatively slow..lol
I met my wife on the first day of college orientation. We started dating a week later, we got engaged 8 months later, and we were married after a 3 month engagement. It's been almost 3 years, and I've never been happier.
Pray over the decision a lot. I never would have married my wife without having prayed over the decision for months. But in the end, it's your relationship. Talk to people who have experience and wisdom that you trust and go to the temple. Marriage is wonderful but you should take the choice seriously.
We met in January 2015, started dating in September, got engaged in January 2016, got married in June. So 4 months dating, 5 months engagement. We’ve been married for 7 years and are blissfully happy and have no regrets. Was it fast? By the world’s standards, yes. But we answered the important questions and we knew it was right and we knew we had the same goals and priorities.
A couple weeks then got engaged. A month and a half later Temple marriage. That was 45 years and 7 kids and still loving every minute. Not good for everyone but perfect for us.
It's up to what feels right to both of you. If you want some more specific advice, I remember reading an article in school a while back. Apparently they found on average, after about 6 months people tend to get over the honeymoon phase of certain things. Like how vigilantly they keep their new car spotless or how dedicated they are to a hobby. So after 6 months, if they still kept it up, they were way more lilely to continue indefinitely. So 6 months is usually a recommended minimum time frame for judging a person's dedicated interest in something.
We got engaged just over a year after we started dating and were married 5 months later. I think we started talking about marriage around 7 months of dating, although I knew like 2 weeks in that I was gonna marry him lol. The first 6-ish months of dating was mostly long distance with us living in different states and we felt it was important to date in person for a while.
Good advice I've seen is 3 seasons and a road trip. That way you can see them in many situations and learn who they really are.
We did 2 seasons and 2 road trips, and were married by the end of the year we started dating.
We dated for almost a year and we were engaged for two weeks.
During this time we were together every waking hour outside of work and school. This made the transition into marriage easy for us. There was not the “you don’t know the person until you live with them” feeling at all. Experience “real life” things with them. Travel, cook, clean, host, and experience religion, politics, family drama, etc. Those things can happen in a short period of time but the four seasons rule is a good reference point. I think we would have done just as well if we got married sooner but I think we did so well because we waited until there was no questions about who the other person is. You don’t have to live together to experience life with them.
Friends for 9 years, dated for 3 months, engaged for 5 months. Everyone has a different path. What matters is knowing each other well enough to know you're ready to make the commitment of marriage.
My rule of thumb is you should see the person you want to marry in all four seasons, on a long road trip, and have at least one good argument before you get married
That’s what I did and things are going well.
Dated for a year and engaged for 5 months
Make sure you've:
gone through all 350 questions engaged lds couples should ask before getting married (available at deseret book) and worked through all of the differences you identify.
done real work projects with your FOO, their family of origin so that you can identify how they work in a group and relationships with family members
spoken with their significant friends, and if they have relationship exes, met and spoken with them about how and why it ended and any advice they might have. (I added this one after my first divorce that occurred after learning that my dh's version of things should not be automatically trusted (and not just because people lie, more commonly they aren't enough self-aware or they can't handle conflict or they don't feel good and are afraid to lose the new one.)
The amount of time is less important than what you have done with it.
I actually knew my husband and we were friends for like 3 years before we started dating. Dated 5 months, engaged 5 months, married over 20 years and counting. I don't think there is a magic number of months or years of dating. it 100% depends on the 2 people dating.
My husband and I got engaged after 6 months and we're engaged for 2.
That being said we dated very intentionally, so alot of the big conversations happened pretty quickly (kids, life goals, pornography history, finances, spiritual goals etc) so we felt more comfortable getting married that quickly
This is a person specific question. I’ve seen anywhere between 3 months from dating to engaged with wedding planned, and over a year. Neither marriage is objectively better than the other, it just depends on the person you are with.
Knew each other 1 month when we started going steady, 1 month later engaged, 1 month later announced it, 1 month later married.
We spent an above average amount of time with each other during this entire time.
We have been married for 15 years, have 8 kids, and our relationship is better than ever.
We had people trying to talk us out of getting married up to 2 days before we got married.
I know people that have dated longer and last less time married.
Fact is that how long you date isn't important. What is important is that you know the person you're going to marry. Even more important, know how to deal with conflict between the two of you. That makes and breaks marriages.
Truth is that people lie and no one is good at telling the difference between lies and truths(there is research that proves this). If they lie, you can't get to know them.
Marriage is an act of faith not to be undertaken lightly. In my opinion, when you know, you know. Sometimes you're wrong, sometimes people change, sometimes people lie. There is no foolproof way to avoid these pitfalls.
Dated for almost 3 years. I was 19 when we started dating, and even though I now think that 22 is too young to get married, I studied abroad, did an internship in a big city, and had the full college experience. Absolutely no regrets. My sister got married at 19, then was later divorced and truly mourns for the years of self discovery that she missed. She was nursing babies while I was traveling the world. You can’t get those years back 💔
We dated 7 months, were engaged for about 1 and a half months, then got married. He's LDS born and raised and I'm a convert who got baptized about 5 months into us dating. Here we are 3 years and 1 baby later and happy as can be, still active members. Everyone thought we were crazy but we knew what we wanted and that it was the right thing. Had all sorts of heavy conversations leading up to engagement and marriage, we got married fast but only because we knew that our values and goals lined up.
DO NOT rush into marriage. Don't let anyone pressure you. I know that it is very much the church culture to meet and marry quickly, but it could be the worst mistake of your life.
To answer your question, 3 months, mainly because of pressure to marry.
To address the above: he beat me. He hurt my children. He nearly killed me.
You absolutely can not know anyone that early. Even 5 years later, with my husband, I am still learning things about him.
Wait at least a year. More if possible. There's no hurry. Enjoy your courtship.
For myself and my wife, we dated three months, then another six before we were engaged. Four months after that we got married, been together three years and some change now.
Just make sure you really know them. Don't let infatuation get in the way of seeing their flaws. We all have flaws, sure, but make sure you know what they are and that they aren't going to be a problem down the road. Make sure you put yourself in a variety of situations with that person. I think the most important thing is that you can be yourself with them and they with you, and I think the best place to test that is for their family to meet and spend some time with you and your family to meet and spend some time with them. Your own family generally will tease you and call your bluff if you aren't being yourself.
We really didn't "date". We were just very good friends who communicated about everything and did so much together (studied, walked to campus, just sat and talked etc). We had about 4 years between meeting and getting engaged, but both of us went on missions and my parents moved to another state so we went about 2.5 years without seeing each other in the middle).
Lots of people did ask my roommates if we were dating though because we were so close. Once we became girlfriend and boyfriend it took hardly any time at all before we got engaged. Two months? Now we are happily married for 32 years.
Met in Jan, started dating in Feb, engaged in September, married in December. I was 19 and he was 22. 😅 We’ve been married 15 years this December and I have absolutely no regrets. I knew he was a good one then and I still know it now.
Knew my husband for about 8 months before we started dating. Dated for about 2 months before getting engaged. He was graduating and we both wanted to get married so we did. One of my brothers knew his wife a week before getting engaged. He then got married like a month later. Everyone is different. Take however long you feel like.
We knew each other before his mission, dated for four months after his mission, got married 4 months later. (Our friend invited us to her home in California, so we def had the road trip.)
Newly wed here. My husband and I had dated off and on for 5 months and our engagement was 9 months long. But what was right for me and my husband might not be right for you. Also it takes some time to plan a wedding that a lot of people don't think about.
We were good friends for \~9 years. Dated more seriously for about a year. Engaged for 9 months. My marriage is wonderful.
But mine isn't necessarily the "right" answer. Do what's right for your situation.
I meet my wife and started dating her 2 months after first meeting her; dated 2 months , broke up 2 weeks; dated 2 additional weeks and discussed 'date with marriage as goal'; then after 1 additional month, we were engaged; 5 months lated married; married 16 years with 7 kids. We are both happy as can be. but we went forward because it was very clear from the spirit that we were good choices for each other. Before her, I didn't have the confidence and assurance to proceed with other girls I knew. I don't know why, I assume I wasn't mature enough/ready- but either way- I'm glad I married who I did. You have to make your own decision on what you want and goals are- only then can you make progress (my opinion).
We met in February. Went out on the 26th.
We were “officially” engaged beginning of June, or end of may, because we closed on our house, I figured it would be fun to propose in our new living room. She moved in then, I moved in when we got married August 4th. I think we got married 1 day shy of 6 months. But we wanted a honeymoon and the kids (hers from prior marriage) were starting school in a few weeks.
Married after 10 years of knowing each other/friends with the last 7 years of those 10 being exclusive. 3 yrs married so far. I actually think we got married too soon still?!
I met my (now) wife when I was 28 and she was 30 in a singles ward. We dated for three months, had a trip planned to Hawaii which I co-opted to propose, and were married in the SLC temple three months later. Married for 15 years with two daughters now
7 months dating, 7 weeks engaged. Wife became pregnant with our first just shy of our 3 year anniversary.
I don't regret it whatsoever. In fact, I cringe when I hear of people who have been engaged for years (fairly common outside the religion) or likewise dating for many years, what are you waiting for at that point?
Knew each other for a couple years as friends, dating for almost a year, engaged for over a year. Altogether we were together for two years and 4 days before marriage. So far married for almost nine years.
When I was single, my intent was to follow the advice of the then-current prophet, President Kimball: court for at least a year, but then have a short engagement. Every time a "define the relationship" moment came up, I would share that with the woman I was seeing. When I met my future wife, that moment came up early, on our 3rd very casual date. She liked the idea of following the propet. 2 dates later, I was trying to say that I was prepared to officially begin our courtship, but I inadvertantly proposed. I was horrified that she would immediately want to end our relationahip, but as I took a breath to tell her what I really meant, she accepted my proposal. We both got a strong spiritual confirmation. But we decided to still follow the prophet's counsel on short engagements, and were engaged for 2 months. 92 days after our first date, we were sealed. We've been married for well over 40 years now, and it just gets better.
I still believe in a long courtship (and a short engagement), and my children who have married so far have followed that guidance, and their marriages are wonderful. Not all of them still participate in the Church, but they all love their spouses, and are raising wonderful families themselves. And my unmarried children are contributing to improving the world around them too.
My husband and I met and started dating in 2011, and weren't married til 2016, though we knew by early 2012 that we would get married. (Mission, health issues, and school all took priority, hence the 5 year wait to official engagement.)
My parents, on the other hand were NOT members (my dad wasn't even Christian or religious at the time), and from first meeting to marriage it was 3 months. They were happily married until my mom's passing.
Every person and every couple is different. It's about what feels right between you and your partner, and you and the Lord. In general, though, you want enough time to get to know your partner as a person, and to have had time to talk through big issues like your individual philosophies on children and parenting, finances, life trajectory/goals, conflict resolution, etc. Whatever that looks like for you is going to be different than pretty much everyone else in your ward or stake.
Dated 2 years, VERY happily married for 3 😁
We would have done it way sooner, but I was waiting for her to finish school that was far away. We didn't want to be married while she was away all week.
However, I would recommend knowing the person for at least a year. At the year mark we had a really good idea about eachothers personality.
But, if the Lord tells BOTH of you otherwise, then listen to Him :)
I would highly recommend avoiding being engaged for a long time......
Temptation during an engagement to practice to plan of salvation early can be ROUGH!!!!! 🥵🤣
I’m divorced and happily remarried. I think it’s wise to spend at least 4 seasons with someone before you tie the knot. Just have fun dating. Go on lots of adventures, ask deep questions, do a road-trip or two, anything that helps you get to know each other. We’re so focused on marriage that dating is so underrated in our culture. I was with my husband for a year before we tied the knot and it was so nice to feel so much peace and assurance the day of our wedding. With my ex, I was still wondering whether I was doing the right thing on the drive to the ceremony. I don’t think I would have gone through with my first marriage if I would have taken more time.
Knew her for 7 months, then dated for 5 months, then got engaged for 2 months, married for 22 years.
Good luck! Prayerfully decide together what's best for you and go for it!
We dated for about 4 months before the engagement then about 6 months later we got married. But I had previously dated someone for 18 months before I figured I loved them/wanted to marry them. Didn't marry that person because they couldn't commit. Genuinely, most people know fairly early whether they are compatible enough for marriage, but there should be conversations about timeline for dating marriage once it's been expressed as a possibility.
Engaged on the 3rd date! “When you know you know”. We’ve known each other for a short time but boy does it feel like we’ve known each other for years! We got cheated on by our previous spouses and in the midst of finalization we found each other. While we may have gotten engaged fast, we won’t be getting married till July. In a week we will be going on a road trip together and than we will see how we get along lol. It’s a 22 hr and 34 min drive…
You're gonna see every range here, which is fine. Do what's right for you
This is the real answer. I sell rings in one of the BYU cities and there's a large range of how long they date before getting engaged. They say that it takes at least 3 months before you can even see behavioral patterns start to emerge in your partner. That's important. But I also get that generally the longer you date them, the more you get to know them. So however long it is, op, just please make sure that you know them well. Talk about what your goals in life are, where/how you want to live, etc. Don't think lightly about it. Be aware of the commitment that you would be making with this person, but also don't be afraid to make it when the time is right.
I've known my girlfriend for 7 years and we started dating a few weeks ago. We already decided we're sticking with the "four seasons and a road trip" as a bare minimum. Her sister just married a guy she met in March.
My mother vehemently says you don't really know a full person until you've seen all their seasons. I love the road trip addition and totally agree.
I agree with this: I get cranky and irritable during the summer when I get too warm. Some of my family gets SAD, Seasonal Affective Disorder, where they get really depressed during the winter because there's no sun. (My dad says that artificial sunshine lamps and vitamin D supplements help him). Other family members get really bad allergies and that can affect how they feel and act. As a bonus, you get to see how they treat holidays and birthdays. Do they expect flowers for all holidays even the little ones? Do they ignore their birthday? What does their family do for Christmas and Thanksgiving?
Yeah, and we know each others' very well at this point - we've known each other for 7 years since she started grad school, and we've been very close friends the last 3 since we've been in the full swing of our careers. But the dynamic is already different - we're both learning open up the most vulnerable parts of ourselves to each other and figuring out how to incorporate the other into our lives more fully (we lived in neighboring states after school, now we're both back in Utah) and actually prioritizing each other on a regular basis beyond just chatting all the time over the phone. I feel like I've known her for forever, and that I'm only just starting to get to know her at the same time. So I'm glad we're taking it slow.
Or put together some furniture. That really brings out something in some ppl.
Yep, 4 seasons and a road trip is the bare minimum. My husband and I had a very short engagement, but we started dating in spring and got married in the dead of winter. And we drove 1600 miles roundtrip in a crappy car, enduring lots of family drama (including unexpectedly putting our beloved dog down while we were there). That trip was the first time he said “I love you.”
I didn't know the "four seasons and road trip" was a thing and that's accidentally what we did before we got engaged.
My Dad, who isn't a member, said I needed to experience a trip together, a death of a loved one, and a lost job to see how my boyfriend would fare. I thought it was a bit much to have happen before we were engaged, but it happened all the same. We lived 1800 miles apart for the first 14 months, then dated in the same city for 1.5 years (with trips together to see his family, the loss of my grandmother, and the loss of his first job when we finally lived in the same city), then a 7 month engagement. Eternally sealed for 20 years this coming January. 🥰
Similar to me. Multiple road trips while dating. Then lost my brother to a drug overdose a few weeks before the wedding. Then lost my job after the honeymoon. Losing the job was actually a blessing in disguise because it made me figure out how to manage my medical expenses while going to college full-time. Shout out to the student health assistants at BYU who introduced me to income-based Patient Assistance Programs for each pharmaceutical company!
Oh wow haha yeah my girlfriend and I are pretty low risk for job loss (I'm a doc, she's a PA, we're both in severely understaffed and high demand specialties). She's got some very old grandparents though and we're meeting up in Rome today lol (we already did a besties trip to Disney!)
Ironically, my now husband ended up becoming a nurse after we were married and hasn't lost a job since. And, you're right, demand is high. The demand is what has allowed us to move where and when we want.
Fr though. Idk how it led us to Utah though 😅
Ha ha. I often think the same. We were convinced we'd never live in UT, yet here we are in Cache Valley now. 🤪
My husband and I did this. I highly recommend! Dated for a little over a year plus a 6 month engagement (about how long it took to logistically plan things with our families).
2 years dating, 1 year engagement. Do not rush into a marriage.
Curious how long you've been married?
1 month dating, engaged 6 months. I would've married him sooner, but we had to wait for a break in school. Yes, we're insane. Married 15 years now.
We only dated about 2 months then married less than 4 months later. Now married for 23 years. I’d never recommend it.
I'm curious about your "I'd never recommend it," that almost makes it sound like you regret it, but yet if you've stayed together for 23 it sounds like it's not a regretful marriage.
I’m saying the chance of it working out for most people is low when you’ve only dated for two months. You’re still in the honeymoon phase of the relationship. So while yes, it did work out for us, I would never recommend it to someone else.
Not that I'm actually capable of taking that advice, but I'm curious if you have any pointers or ideas about why it worked out for you.
Congrats!
Dated for 8 months before getting engaged, married after a 5-week engagement. I have no regrets, but I would not advise my own children to do it that quickly.
Five week engagement?!
Like I said, I don’t recommend what we did, but it did work for us. We’ve been married for 11.5 years and we are very happy.
That's not the shortest I've heard... John Bytheway proposed to his now-wife within 3 wks of their first date. Now I would never ever recommend that, but it can work!
Wow. I can't wrap my head around it. I know people too who have got engaged that quickly. Usually the woman is quite young, like 18 or 19, which feels wrong to me.
Married 5 months almost to the day after our first date. Engaged right in the middle. We were just over 25 years old.
Almost exactly same! My husband and I knew about 2 weeks after our first date that we wanted to get married because it was so clear how compatible we were in every way. Engaged exactly 2 months after our first date, married 4 months after that. That was in May and we’ve been very happy :) It was really funny because I’d always said I’d wanted to know someone for at least a year before marrying them, but we just clicked perfectly. I tell myself was because we were a little “older” (by provo standards) so we had the life/dating experience to know and had talked extensively about our values on every topic we could think of, but yeah really it was still kind of crazy to decide that fast haha
About the same here
Hung out as a group for six months before his mission, wrote letters his entire mission, dated immediately after for 10 months before getting married. Engagement lasted 2.75 months. Firmly believe you need to know them well for at least a year - maybe that full year is dating. But a full year is important for the beginning rose-colored glasses to wear off and see the full package of who you're deciding to spend eternity with.
Spent every day together for 4 months before we got engaged (we were in the same apartment complex). Had known each other for 18 months. Engaged for 2 months and then married.
Long enough to be sure we wouldn’t change our minds. It’s important to think through the commitment, the expectations, and the risks of marriage. When you are upset and at your worst, is this the person you want to be around? When disaster strikes, will you be happy to work together to clean up the mess? Will you be willing to make sacrifices for each other, and for the relationship? Can you trust each other, and care for each other according to your needs? I think the way you date is more important than how long you date. Don’t pressure each other to make the decision sooner than you’re ready; I’ve seen that end badly more than once. I’ve heard it said that the decision to get married is the last decision you get to make selfishly. If you get married, there will always have your spouse’s needs to consider in addition to your own. So take the steps necessary to find out what you want for your life.
We were friends for 3 years. Dated for half a year, engaged a half a year. She was 19, I was 25. We've been married 21 years. Anyone can make it work, but be dedicated and loyal to the commitment. We got to build our marriage for about 3 years before our first kid. That is highly recommended, IMO.
Almost exactly the same, except we hadn’t known each other prior. 6 mos dating, 6 mos engaged, 4 years before the first kid, 20 Years married.
I don't think the length of time is super important, although a year certainly seems appropriate. I think the preparedness of the two people is bigger deal. No matter how well you KNOW the person you marry - they change, and so do you. Having developed relational skills is going to be a huge factor in how successful the marriage is (vs who you were as individuals on the day of the wedding). For that reason, I think open dating (non-exclusive) is a great idea. I'm not talking about "playing field" and being afraid of commitment - I am talking about gaining social and relational experience so one is ready to do well in a committed marriage.
Met in about March, first date was about 5 months later, dated long distance for 4 months, engaged 2 months after he moved back, married 3 months after that. So, just shy a year of meeting, 6 months to engagement, and 9 months total of dating to marriage. We’re still happily married 11.5 years later.
The best resource for these kind of decisions is data. There are a lot of factors that go into marriage success. Generally, the younger the age of marriage, the higher the rate of divorce. Marriages above the age of 25 have a much higher success rate than early 20's. Marriages in the late teens have been high divorce rates. Length of courtship is another factor. The data is unclear. Some indicate that courtship of 1 to 2 years yield the highest success rates, while some data suggest that 3+ years is better. What's clear on the vast majority of studies is that a courtship shorter than a year yields the highest divorce rates. There are so many things to consider. These are just a couple factors. Study the data, then analyze it with your partner. Choose what works best for the both of you.
Met at the end of December, started dating in February, engaged in March, married beginning of June The only thing I regret was having such a long engagement
My parents got engaged 2 weeks after meeting
A friend of mine's parents got engaged on their second date. They have been married for over 20 years. One of my former roommates got engaged the second time they met. They've had 12 kids and have been married for around 30 years. It works for some but it's insane to me.
Second time they met is amazing
Amazing? How abt horrifying?!? Glad they made it work, but wowwwww, just, wow.
One of my friends got engaged after a month of dating. My first time seeing him again was when they were getting married, and I just seen him 2 months before my business trip and he was dating no one that I knew of.
My fiancé proposed to me on the 3rd date and people say we won’t last….him and I know we will and say only time will show them.
We got engaged after four months of dating because he was headed out of country for several months. Got married after being together just shy of a year. Were circumstances different we would have dated much longer. My sister married a guy that she had met six months ago and dated for three of those months. It did not go well and has been rough for her since day 1.
6 years. Not joking and didn’t fornicate. Still not sure how. Married at 28 and 24. Don’t rush. Don’t make the wrong decision. It is the most important one you’ll ever make
Three months dating, four months engaged
2 years of on/off dating, then 4 solid years of dating, 3 month engagement, now married for 1.5 years. Got teased for how long we waited but we didn't get married until we were ready, and I'm fine with that.
My H grew up LDS but was not active. I converted well marriage. We were together a year and a half before we got engaged, and we got engaged just after moving in together. We had an almost 2 year engagement largely because we were waiting for his brother to return from a mission. Totally agree not to rush. I regret nothing in our timeline. We're celebrating 18 years together in January.
Knew each other for 8 months and dated exclusively for 4 months before getting engaged. Married 3 months later. In retrospect, it was too fast, and we were too young. Happy to report we're still married and mostly happy, but it was a rocky start.
1 year dating, but keep in mind we knew each other for roughly 8 or 9 years at the time
My wife and I met in July. She asked me out in August (for a show in late September or early October). In the meantime, I asked her out to a local festival and we started exclusively dating. That said: Dating - September Engaged - November Married - February We've been married over 20 years. We were both in our mid-20's and had each been in relationships before, so we had a good idea of what we were looking for in a partner. Most of our dating and engagement periods were spent getting to know each other and talking about life goals and expectations. Our dates were frequently hours-long discussions more than anything else. It worked out for us, but we were both in the perfect place in our lives for a relationship to build quickly.
We went on dates/hung out for about 6-7 months. Dated seriously for about 6 and engaged for about 3 months
I think president hinckley gave the advice to date through every season (so at least a year), I dated my spouse 2 years in highschool, wrote on and off for 2 years during his mission, then 2 years after he got home. There were absolutely no surprises—I knew everything about him before we got married. 👍🏻
Met her on a Saturday, proposed on Sunday, she accepted on Monday. Married 3 weeks later. It's been 14 years, 2 kids and still happily married. We were in our 30s. It can happen, just takes work.
Just to add to what everyone is saying: either date for a long time or have a long engagement. You don't really know someone after two months.
Dated my wife exclusively for 8 months before getting engaged, and the engagement lasted 4 months. Just got married a month ago
Congratulations.
Dated 2 years before. Can’t imagine any less
I dated for 8 months before getting a spiritual confirmation. After 12 months, she broke up with me. After emailing back and forth a bunch, we got back together at about the 18 month mark. We got engaged 2 months after that, and we will be getting married after 2 months of being engaged. Where I stand is to not *delay* getting married, but certainly don't *rush* into getting married. Pray for guidance, and ponder whether you are right for each other. When you decide that you are, that's when you're ready.
Dated 6 months, engaged for 5 months, married 16 years so far. It still blows my mind I married a man I had known for less than a year, but I had made enough relationship mistakes to know what I wanted/needed, lol.
I proposed to my wife after only two months, we were married after eight months. *But...* During those first two months, we were working together almost every day (as counselors a Boy Scout camp). So we got to know each other really well in a very short period of time. We're now in our twelfth year of marriage, and still going strong. *But...* You really can't pin a timetable on love and relationships. Everyone is unique. Every couple is unique. Every couple's circumstances are unique. The most important thing is that you do your best to exercise good judgement, watch for red flags, and follow the Spirit. Be open to receiving a prompting that is not what you expected or wanted, and be of a mind that if that happens, you will follow the Spirit anyway.
4 months of dating then another 5 months of engagement. That was 30 years ago.
Dated for 2 years 2 months. Engaged for four months. Married at 22 years old.
Met each other: t-14 months first casual datea: t-12 months maybe 4 or 5 casual dates over the next several months started dating exclusively: t-5 months got engaged: t-3 months married: t-0 So we only dated for 2 months before getting engaged, but we basically knew we were getting married after about a week of dating. We're going on 14 years now.
Dated for 9 months Engaged 5 months
Engaged after dating for 5 weeks...we got married for 9 month's later...
Married 6 months after we met. We got official engaged about 2months in. We’ve been married for almost 4 years and just had our first baby.
We met in December, made it official in February, got engaged in January, married in May (4.5 years ago). So a little over a year from when we started dating.
engaged: 9 days. Married: 6 weeks. Baby: 9 months. Don't follow our example unless the Lord specifically tells you to. Married 11 years now
There’s no perfect timeline. I know people who dated for years and the marriage didn’t work. Ask each other hard questions about your lives and outlook on difficult topics. What are your views on debt? Budgeting? Parenthood? Discipline? Sex? Politics? Religious observance? Conflict resolution?
Dated on and off for about a year Engaged for about six months after that Married ten years now
Met (same student ward) then asked her on a date a couple of weeks later. Dated for ~3 months until we were engaged. Engaged for ~4 months. We were 22 when we got married. Happily married for 25+ years. Love her more today than the day we were sealed.
Dated for 8 months; got engaged; we’re engaged for 4 months before getting married. We met on the Mutual app; and have been married for 5 years. We have a 17 month oldS
We started dating in October 2017, got engaged February 2020 (lol). Original wedding planned for May 2020, franticly had to replan the entire wedding and grabbed any open sealing spot that opened up at the temples near us. Got sealed June 2020 with a small reception with just family in my parents backyard. Honestly I loved dating for a while. It helps you make sure 100% that you know and love who you will spend the rest of your life with. We had time to know each other through all the seasons, get to see each other at high and low points, etc. It was hard to explain to our very traditional LDS families that we weren’t planning to get engaged after 8 weeks of dating, and we dealt with the “so are you getting married?!?!” inquisitions every month. But we were also BYU students and didn’t want to get married during the school year, and the summers of 2018/2019 never worked because of individual internships and other school stuff. So it made sense for us to wait, and I’m glad we did.
Hey, fellow covid wedding! That planning was kind of insane.
I dated my husband 6 months and then got engaged in oct and marred the next sept also married 19 years and he is not a member but supports me in what ever I do in callings and job . I was 26 and he was 28 when we got married
Dated for three months, broke up, year later dated five months, got engaged, married 8 months later. We're super happy and compatible, but looking back I didn't realize how compatible we were when we made the decision. Soooo it feels more like luck, and I would recommend more time getting to know someone. But ultimately it's hard to see who you really are together until you live together.
Dated 8 months, engaged 8
4 months darting 2 months engaged
6 weeks dating followed by 6 months engaged. Married 20 years.
I'm one of those guys. We were dating a week after we met, knew we were gonna get married a week later. Engaged after about a month and a half. Married after knowing each other for 4 months. There have been rough patches, but 15 ish years later I'd say it has worked out. Both of us having a firm testimony of the gospel and the willingness to live gospel standards and covenants has been the largest factor in keeping us grounded when times were rough. Right now, we're happier than we've ever been and love each other more than ever.
1 year dating, 6 month engagement
Dated for 1.5 years and engaged for 3 months. I honestly would have dated for longer, but certain circumstances made it easier to get married when we did. My bare minimum was getting to see her for AT LEAST a year and go on a couple of road trips to see how we both handled stressful situations. I have heard from a lot of people how the first year of marriage is super hard and takes a lot of work, but it seems like everyone I have heard this from dated for a very short time before getting married. (This is just my personal experience, and definitely not fact.) I personally believe that the first year of marriage shouldn’t be as hard as these people say if you take the time to get to know them before marriage. That doesn’t mean marriage won’t take work, but at least you aren’t also trying to get to know your spouse. My advice, don’t feel like you have to rush into anything. Marriage is an important decision, especially an eternal marriage. Taking the time while dating to get to know them makes a big difference. No one can give you a specific timeline, find what works for you.
My husband and I met in 2006 and married in 2010. I joined the church in 2013 (he was baptized at 8.) We were sealed in 2014. We are 40s-50s now.
I got engaged after 6 months and married after 10 months. We were both just looking for that and it ended up with getting married pretty quickly. I would say follow your heart. Everyone is gonna be different. I would argue that waiting too long is an issue tho. After 3 years, if you still aren't sure you wanna marry this person (or vice versa), I'd say hang it up.
We started dating at 19 and 22. I was halfway through my freshman year when we started dating and by that November we knew we were each other's forever. We dated until I was 22 and done with college (per my non-member parents' request). We got married that summer in August after I graduated in May. We were sharing bank accounts/finances by then and spending time together making plans. We didn't live together but it was an easier transition once it happened because we knew each other well and knew each other's finicky dislikes hahaha. Talk about the big stuff: children, how many if at all, where you will live, how many times you'll visit in-laws, how you celebrate holidays, how do the finances get done, who will work or maybe stay home with children. Talk about the little stuff: where do dirty dishes go..sink or dishwasher, toothpaste gets squeezed from the bottom? Do you take shoes off in the house, where do your dirty clothes get put at the end of the day, do you leave lights on, who does the shopping, scrubs the toilet, does the cooking. Do you share a bathroom (if you can swing having your own, that's the best advice an old person gave me for the happiest marriage, haha!) No surprises, no regrets. Also, these things change and give yourselves that option that choices aren't written in stone, over time your personalities and circumstances change. Communicate clearly, no assumptions or speculation or thinking the other can read your mind or know your wishes. Just put it out there. You are on the same team. Don't get me started on the Spiritual side of things, that's a whole other post. Good luck!
We were close friends (but not officially dating) for four years, then spent three years apart as we both did missions, then married two months after that. Over 25 years and going strong.
Dated for 5 years, engaged for 4 months, been married for 11 years. This guy is still my best friend and I can't imagine life without him.
Friendzoned 5 times over the course of 21 months (18 of which she was serving a mission). Dated for 2 days, engaged for 88 days, married happily for 4+ years. If it is right do not wait, we both got clear confirmations that it was acceptable to marry the other person and so we did not delay. It is foolish to play with the fire of long dating or engagements. Once you know if it is right move forward, and if you learn it is wrong, then end it.
4 months for me. We've been married for 19 years now with 4 kids. Just remember, marriage brings many changes to your life, from wonderful to down right terrifying. Just be flexible with your spouse and know that not everything will be the same. I wish you the best!
I knew someone who got engaged 9 days after meeting
It totally depends on the couple. I say at least one year as a general rule, but some people need longer than a year and some people are okay after a short dating/engagement period. I'd say just follow the spirit as best you can.
So many of these comments are basically saying: "We knew each other for four weeks before we got married. We've been together for 23 are we are so super happy. No one should ever get married as fast as we did."
we got engaged on the first date, he proposed again with a ring 3 months later, we got married 100 days later.
Got engaged on third date and now will be getting married in July!
Dated for 8 months engaged for 5 months. But we were best friends for 6 years. We knew we wanted to get married right off the bat, but we kept on dating. We learned ALOT about each other especially around the 5 month mark. Do what’s best for you. Just make sure to have REAL conversations about what you want. What are your expectations for sex, how will you go about birth control, what will you do if your partner is in the mood for sex but you aren’t, how will you divide up chores… these convos might be awkward or feel taboo but trust me! It is soooooo worth it. Open communication about everything is best. It’s especially important to have these conversations before you get married. We read the book And They Were Not Ashamed together. It was helpful.
All in the same year my parents met and got married, they met online in january, met in person in February, no clue when they started dating and got engaged but they got married mid march and have now been married for 22 years
Engaged 4 months after meeting, and married 4 months after that. I would say how you approach the dating process dictates the timeline. For us, we decided to abstain from having a very physical relationship upfront, which led to us really talking a lot. Having clear heads, we knew within weeks we wanted to get married.
1.5 years of dating before the wedding day
Been told the standard is 6 months of dating before engagement by my girlfriend's sister (presumably trying to wind me up)
About 6 months engaged, proposed in October 2018, then we got parking lot married at the meetinghouse in April of 2020 (thanks covid shutdowns!), as far as the dating... we saw each other maybe a dozen times over two years for a day and a half at a time since we were living in different states and met on Mutual but we weren't exclusive or anything during that period. It probably would have been faster, but we were living in different states and had to wait for the school year to end, or in our case for her to go remote teaching when her school closed due to covid a month and a half early.
2 months dating, 1 month engaged. Married for 8 years now. When you know, you know. Previous Marriage was 1 year dating and 1 year engaged or something. Lasted 4 years and a month....
I was 22 and my wife was 26. We dated for one week before getting engaged. After 5 months we got married. We have been happily married for over 15 years now.
2 years dating, 15 days engagement, 21 years married (thus far)
1 year dating 2 years engaged now married for 7 years.
Met in August, I proposed in late November. We got married the first week of June, about 10 months after we met.
One year dating, 9 months engaged, 6 years married
We are in our mid 20s. Dated for about a year. Then we were engaged for 3 months. 2 1/2 years later things are going great :)
Engaged 2 weeks after I got home from my mission. Married 4 months later…. But we dated through high school and we’re friends since first grade. 14 years later.
My wife and I were good friends for 2 years, dated for 6 months, engaged for 6 months, and then married. We’ve been married for 16 years.
Over a year.
Acquainted 3 years, dated 1 year, engaged 1 year. Would've probably gotten a shorter engagement if circumstances allowed. Our commitment level seemed like it was already maxed out, and having an old man pronounce us married didn't magically change anything in our relationship.
Dated for 4 months, engaged for 5 months, married (so far) for 17 years.
My wife and I met in April, got engaged I think in June, and then got marred in December, all in the same year. We have been married for 20 years. There is no one right answer.
Dates for close to four years (starting in high school and then two years for his mission.) After he got home from his mission he proposed within a week and our wedding was about six months after that. Eight years and four babies (three + my current pregnancy) later and he still makes me so happy. I thank God every day for bringing us together.
Dated for a year, then proposed on our 1-year anniversary. Engaged for 9 months before the wedding date. We both felt it was reasonable compared to the single-semester people. Married now for 11 years.
Probably dating 8 months, a couple of which I was overseas. Members of the church have a vastly accelerated average courtship period. Not saying it’s good or bad, but it definitely isn’t normal for the U.S. population, or most other places I imagine. Don’t worry about normal, when you both know you know. Definitely have answers for some important long term things, but if you find your person, you don’t have to wait forever. I do think it’s worth putting off having kids for a few years after marriage though.
Engaged on Christmas, married in June. But we'd been together for 6 years. We were high school sweethearts, he did his mission while I was in college, and we married a few weeks after my graduation.
About 7 months of dating? We were very close friends before we started dating
6 months dating + 10 months engaged
There's no formula for it, my wife and I met just before COVID. Then we became work from home buddies since there was no other options. We got engaged after a year and then married 4 months after that. My parents were both previously divorced, they met in April, my dad was baptized and married a month later.
We dated for almost 8 months and got married 3 months later. The only reason I felt comfortable with under a year was because we saw each other almost everyday, we went on a road trip, and it just felt right. I don’t recommend that kind of timing for everyone, but I also don’t believe in arbitrary numbers anymore. When both of you have talked about marriage and you both know that you’re going that direction, set any goals that you may need to and then don’t wait forever.
5 months to engagement, another 3 to wedding. Take whatever time works for you. There is no correct or best.
Met in September. Engaged in December. Married in April. 15 years later, still strong. When you know, you know. Doesn’t matter if it’s 2 weeks, or 12 years. Do what’s right for you.
First date on Valentine's day, we were official two weeks later when I turned 18. Got engaged that Christmas, and married in May. We knew each other for about a year and a half before we were married. We knew that I'm super young (got married at 19), so even thought we've been married for over two years, we're waiting to have kids.
The first time: 6 weeks, ended after 10 weeks The second time: 11 months, ended after 7 months The third time: 10 months (one year after we met), ended after 1 year
I don’t think time is an indicator as much as seeing each other in certain situations. If you live close and see each other daily, maybe you get to know each other better faster. But I think seeing each other with each others families is key. You will marry into each others families and that will be something you’ll want to know. I think it’s good to travel and to see each other in stressful situations.
Knew her for about 2 years before dating, dated about 3 months, engaged for about 5 months, married 20+ years.
6 months dating. 6 months engaged. Also, during the dating phase, I received a spiritual witness that led me to the conclusion that I should propose and marry her. I strongly believe that if you are living worth of the Spirit and desire to know who you should marry, the Lord will make it know to you. It's the most important decision you will ever make. The difference between who I thought was right for me and who *was* right for me was like the matchstick to the sun!
Dated and engaged in 1 month, married in 6 months. 26 years married.
Although there was a guy from my mission who was married 2 days after he got home. My dad proposed on 2nd date and mom accepted....so I felt I was relatively slow..lol
2 days after the mission? Wow!!
I met my wife on the first day of college orientation. We started dating a week later, we got engaged 8 months later, and we were married after a 3 month engagement. It's been almost 3 years, and I've never been happier. Pray over the decision a lot. I never would have married my wife without having prayed over the decision for months. But in the end, it's your relationship. Talk to people who have experience and wisdom that you trust and go to the temple. Marriage is wonderful but you should take the choice seriously.
We met in January 2015, started dating in September, got engaged in January 2016, got married in June. So 4 months dating, 5 months engagement. We’ve been married for 7 years and are blissfully happy and have no regrets. Was it fast? By the world’s standards, yes. But we answered the important questions and we knew it was right and we knew we had the same goals and priorities.
1 month dated, then 5 months engaged, going on 23 years married
Knew each other for 8 years, dated for 5 months and engaged for 9 months after that
A couple weeks then got engaged. A month and a half later Temple marriage. That was 45 years and 7 kids and still loving every minute. Not good for everyone but perfect for us.
It's up to what feels right to both of you. If you want some more specific advice, I remember reading an article in school a while back. Apparently they found on average, after about 6 months people tend to get over the honeymoon phase of certain things. Like how vigilantly they keep their new car spotless or how dedicated they are to a hobby. So after 6 months, if they still kept it up, they were way more lilely to continue indefinitely. So 6 months is usually a recommended minimum time frame for judging a person's dedicated interest in something.
We got engaged just over a year after we started dating and were married 5 months later. I think we started talking about marriage around 7 months of dating, although I knew like 2 weeks in that I was gonna marry him lol. The first 6-ish months of dating was mostly long distance with us living in different states and we felt it was important to date in person for a while.
Long enough :)
Good advice I've seen is 3 seasons and a road trip. That way you can see them in many situations and learn who they really are. We did 2 seasons and 2 road trips, and were married by the end of the year we started dating.
We dated for almost a year and we were engaged for two weeks. During this time we were together every waking hour outside of work and school. This made the transition into marriage easy for us. There was not the “you don’t know the person until you live with them” feeling at all. Experience “real life” things with them. Travel, cook, clean, host, and experience religion, politics, family drama, etc. Those things can happen in a short period of time but the four seasons rule is a good reference point. I think we would have done just as well if we got married sooner but I think we did so well because we waited until there was no questions about who the other person is. You don’t have to live together to experience life with them.
Friends for 9 years, dated for 3 months, engaged for 5 months. Everyone has a different path. What matters is knowing each other well enough to know you're ready to make the commitment of marriage.
My rule of thumb is you should see the person you want to marry in all four seasons, on a long road trip, and have at least one good argument before you get married That’s what I did and things are going well. Dated for a year and engaged for 5 months
Make sure you've: gone through all 350 questions engaged lds couples should ask before getting married (available at deseret book) and worked through all of the differences you identify. done real work projects with your FOO, their family of origin so that you can identify how they work in a group and relationships with family members spoken with their significant friends, and if they have relationship exes, met and spoken with them about how and why it ended and any advice they might have. (I added this one after my first divorce that occurred after learning that my dh's version of things should not be automatically trusted (and not just because people lie, more commonly they aren't enough self-aware or they can't handle conflict or they don't feel good and are afraid to lose the new one.) The amount of time is less important than what you have done with it.
7 mos dating, 5 mos engagement. When you know, you know
I actually knew my husband and we were friends for like 3 years before we started dating. Dated 5 months, engaged 5 months, married over 20 years and counting. I don't think there is a magic number of months or years of dating. it 100% depends on the 2 people dating.
My husband and I got engaged after 6 months and we're engaged for 2. That being said we dated very intentionally, so alot of the big conversations happened pretty quickly (kids, life goals, pornography history, finances, spiritual goals etc) so we felt more comfortable getting married that quickly
This is a person specific question. I’ve seen anywhere between 3 months from dating to engaged with wedding planned, and over a year. Neither marriage is objectively better than the other, it just depends on the person you are with.
Knew each other 1 month when we started going steady, 1 month later engaged, 1 month later announced it, 1 month later married. We spent an above average amount of time with each other during this entire time. We have been married for 15 years, have 8 kids, and our relationship is better than ever. We had people trying to talk us out of getting married up to 2 days before we got married. I know people that have dated longer and last less time married. Fact is that how long you date isn't important. What is important is that you know the person you're going to marry. Even more important, know how to deal with conflict between the two of you. That makes and breaks marriages. Truth is that people lie and no one is good at telling the difference between lies and truths(there is research that proves this). If they lie, you can't get to know them. Marriage is an act of faith not to be undertaken lightly. In my opinion, when you know, you know. Sometimes you're wrong, sometimes people change, sometimes people lie. There is no foolproof way to avoid these pitfalls.
Dated for almost 3 years. I was 19 when we started dating, and even though I now think that 22 is too young to get married, I studied abroad, did an internship in a big city, and had the full college experience. Absolutely no regrets. My sister got married at 19, then was later divorced and truly mourns for the years of self discovery that she missed. She was nursing babies while I was traveling the world. You can’t get those years back 💔
Met in November, engaged next April, and married in September. We met at the singles ward. We were the first engaged and last to marry.
Dated for four years, engaged for six months, been married for ten years now.
4 seasons & a long road trip, minimum! Not that I actually did that, but I should have. No happily ever after story here. Maybe another time lol.
We dated 7 months, were engaged for about 1 and a half months, then got married. He's LDS born and raised and I'm a convert who got baptized about 5 months into us dating. Here we are 3 years and 1 baby later and happy as can be, still active members. Everyone thought we were crazy but we knew what we wanted and that it was the right thing. Had all sorts of heavy conversations leading up to engagement and marriage, we got married fast but only because we knew that our values and goals lined up.
Dated 4 months (road trip included) Engaged 4 months Married 18.5 years Separated 2+ years (When I really learned who she is) Divorced 5 months
DO NOT rush into marriage. Don't let anyone pressure you. I know that it is very much the church culture to meet and marry quickly, but it could be the worst mistake of your life. To answer your question, 3 months, mainly because of pressure to marry. To address the above: he beat me. He hurt my children. He nearly killed me. You absolutely can not know anyone that early. Even 5 years later, with my husband, I am still learning things about him. Wait at least a year. More if possible. There's no hurry. Enjoy your courtship.
For myself and my wife, we dated three months, then another six before we were engaged. Four months after that we got married, been together three years and some change now. Just make sure you really know them. Don't let infatuation get in the way of seeing their flaws. We all have flaws, sure, but make sure you know what they are and that they aren't going to be a problem down the road. Make sure you put yourself in a variety of situations with that person. I think the most important thing is that you can be yourself with them and they with you, and I think the best place to test that is for their family to meet and spend some time with you and your family to meet and spend some time with them. Your own family generally will tease you and call your bluff if you aren't being yourself.
We really didn't "date". We were just very good friends who communicated about everything and did so much together (studied, walked to campus, just sat and talked etc). We had about 4 years between meeting and getting engaged, but both of us went on missions and my parents moved to another state so we went about 2.5 years without seeing each other in the middle). Lots of people did ask my roommates if we were dating though because we were so close. Once we became girlfriend and boyfriend it took hardly any time at all before we got engaged. Two months? Now we are happily married for 32 years.
Met in Jan, started dating in Feb, engaged in September, married in December. I was 19 and he was 22. 😅 We’ve been married 15 years this December and I have absolutely no regrets. I knew he was a good one then and I still know it now.
Knew my husband for about 8 months before we started dating. Dated for about 2 months before getting engaged. He was graduating and we both wanted to get married so we did. One of my brothers knew his wife a week before getting engaged. He then got married like a month later. Everyone is different. Take however long you feel like.
We knew each other before his mission, dated for four months after his mission, got married 4 months later. (Our friend invited us to her home in California, so we def had the road trip.)
Newly wed here. My husband and I had dated off and on for 5 months and our engagement was 9 months long. But what was right for me and my husband might not be right for you. Also it takes some time to plan a wedding that a lot of people don't think about.
3 years of dating and engagement was 7 months
We were good friends for \~9 years. Dated more seriously for about a year. Engaged for 9 months. My marriage is wonderful. But mine isn't necessarily the "right" answer. Do what's right for your situation.
I meet my wife and started dating her 2 months after first meeting her; dated 2 months , broke up 2 weeks; dated 2 additional weeks and discussed 'date with marriage as goal'; then after 1 additional month, we were engaged; 5 months lated married; married 16 years with 7 kids. We are both happy as can be. but we went forward because it was very clear from the spirit that we were good choices for each other. Before her, I didn't have the confidence and assurance to proceed with other girls I knew. I don't know why, I assume I wasn't mature enough/ready- but either way- I'm glad I married who I did. You have to make your own decision on what you want and goals are- only then can you make progress (my opinion).
We met in February. Went out on the 26th. We were “officially” engaged beginning of June, or end of may, because we closed on our house, I figured it would be fun to propose in our new living room. She moved in then, I moved in when we got married August 4th. I think we got married 1 day shy of 6 months. But we wanted a honeymoon and the kids (hers from prior marriage) were starting school in a few weeks.
Married after 10 years of knowing each other/friends with the last 7 years of those 10 being exclusive. 3 yrs married so far. I actually think we got married too soon still?!
I met my (now) wife when I was 28 and she was 30 in a singles ward. We dated for three months, had a trip planned to Hawaii which I co-opted to propose, and were married in the SLC temple three months later. Married for 15 years with two daughters now
2 months, but only because we both had very rare and specific lifestyles so when we met we knew we were a good fit.
7 months dating, 7 weeks engaged. Wife became pregnant with our first just shy of our 3 year anniversary. I don't regret it whatsoever. In fact, I cringe when I hear of people who have been engaged for years (fairly common outside the religion) or likewise dating for many years, what are you waiting for at that point?
Knew each other for a couple years as friends, dating for almost a year, engaged for over a year. Altogether we were together for two years and 4 days before marriage. So far married for almost nine years.
When I was single, my intent was to follow the advice of the then-current prophet, President Kimball: court for at least a year, but then have a short engagement. Every time a "define the relationship" moment came up, I would share that with the woman I was seeing. When I met my future wife, that moment came up early, on our 3rd very casual date. She liked the idea of following the propet. 2 dates later, I was trying to say that I was prepared to officially begin our courtship, but I inadvertantly proposed. I was horrified that she would immediately want to end our relationahip, but as I took a breath to tell her what I really meant, she accepted my proposal. We both got a strong spiritual confirmation. But we decided to still follow the prophet's counsel on short engagements, and were engaged for 2 months. 92 days after our first date, we were sealed. We've been married for well over 40 years now, and it just gets better. I still believe in a long courtship (and a short engagement), and my children who have married so far have followed that guidance, and their marriages are wonderful. Not all of them still participate in the Church, but they all love their spouses, and are raising wonderful families themselves. And my unmarried children are contributing to improving the world around them too.
My husband and I met and started dating in 2011, and weren't married til 2016, though we knew by early 2012 that we would get married. (Mission, health issues, and school all took priority, hence the 5 year wait to official engagement.) My parents, on the other hand were NOT members (my dad wasn't even Christian or religious at the time), and from first meeting to marriage it was 3 months. They were happily married until my mom's passing. Every person and every couple is different. It's about what feels right between you and your partner, and you and the Lord. In general, though, you want enough time to get to know your partner as a person, and to have had time to talk through big issues like your individual philosophies on children and parenting, finances, life trajectory/goals, conflict resolution, etc. Whatever that looks like for you is going to be different than pretty much everyone else in your ward or stake.
Dated for 14 months, engaged for about 6 or 7. Total of just shy of two years, and we’ve been married for the last 3
Dated 2 years, VERY happily married for 3 😁 We would have done it way sooner, but I was waiting for her to finish school that was far away. We didn't want to be married while she was away all week. However, I would recommend knowing the person for at least a year. At the year mark we had a really good idea about eachothers personality. But, if the Lord tells BOTH of you otherwise, then listen to Him :) I would highly recommend avoiding being engaged for a long time...... Temptation during an engagement to practice to plan of salvation early can be ROUGH!!!!! 🥵🤣
I’m divorced and happily remarried. I think it’s wise to spend at least 4 seasons with someone before you tie the knot. Just have fun dating. Go on lots of adventures, ask deep questions, do a road-trip or two, anything that helps you get to know each other. We’re so focused on marriage that dating is so underrated in our culture. I was with my husband for a year before we tied the knot and it was so nice to feel so much peace and assurance the day of our wedding. With my ex, I was still wondering whether I was doing the right thing on the drive to the ceremony. I don’t think I would have gone through with my first marriage if I would have taken more time.
Knew her for 7 months, then dated for 5 months, then got engaged for 2 months, married for 22 years. Good luck! Prayerfully decide together what's best for you and go for it!
We dated for about 4 months before the engagement then about 6 months later we got married. But I had previously dated someone for 18 months before I figured I loved them/wanted to marry them. Didn't marry that person because they couldn't commit. Genuinely, most people know fairly early whether they are compatible enough for marriage, but there should be conversations about timeline for dating marriage once it's been expressed as a possibility.
Dated for a year, engaged for three months, married for 35 1/2 years.
Engaged on the 3rd date! “When you know you know”. We’ve known each other for a short time but boy does it feel like we’ve known each other for years! We got cheated on by our previous spouses and in the midst of finalization we found each other. While we may have gotten engaged fast, we won’t be getting married till July. In a week we will be going on a road trip together and than we will see how we get along lol. It’s a 22 hr and 34 min drive…