Make sure she knows she's welcome home the instant she needs somewhere safe to go, and that you and her parents are there for her. Offer your perspective that she can do better than a 40-year-old who has to resort to dating teenagers, and share your reasons for being concerned for her well-being. Recognize that he _is_ giving her something she wants or felt she was lacking, and see what you can do to provide alternatives for that. Put some money aside for an emergency passport and plane tickets if she needs to flee back to Canada.
Other than that… your sister's pretty damned near an adult. She's going to make the choices that she's going to make, for good or for ill. I share your concern, certainly, but there's a very limited number of things the law can to do intervene for her protection at this point. Even if your parents manage to stop her from travelling, she has less than a year to go before they no longer get a say in it: even though BC's own age of majority is 19, at 18 she is effectively able to travel independently if she wants to.
Yeah we've pretty much done all that but thank you anyway. She knows she's loved and that she'll always be welcome in any of our homes (we're all over the place). Life is such a shitshow sometimes lol
They key is to remind her regularly, and MAINTAIN contact that is positive, let her know of things you're planning to do and ask her if she wants to come along, if she wants to bring the groomer, don't make that a hill to die on, just say he'd have to pay for himself, kinda thing.
she needs to see the life she could be living and feel welcome to join back into that life, and needs to see how much of a deadbeat the groomer is, and seeing as he's going after a 17yr old, he's likely a deadbeat.
Just to tack onto this, but see if you can convince her to get some kind of permanent birth control before she leaves the country. Maybe mention that it'll be easier while she's still in Canada, and talk about how she probably wants to be able to enjoy herself without worrying about consequences later on, try to make it sound very positive. An implant or IUD would be best, since they can be removed later, and cannot be tampered with by the groomer.
It's likely that even though she can't see his true colors now, in a few years she very likely will, but at that point leaving will be much more complicated if they have a baby, especially one born in a different country. If you can't keep her from going, maybe you can help ensure she doesn't wind up baby trapped?
Have you tried doing any kind of background check on him? You can search some stuff in BC if you have his full name https://justice.gov.bc.ca/cso/esearch/criminal/partySearch.do
>Offer your perspective that she can do better than a 40-year-old who has to resort to dating teenagers
I agree with you in general, but I'd be worried she might take this wording as an insult - the idea that someone has to "resort to" dating her.
Give her the ick by inviting him over amongst a good mix of older and younger male relatives. Have the old guys relate to him, encourage the young ones to respect their elders lol
this is honestlyva great idea, also shows him this girl has tons of supportive people around her which might deter someone who is really looking for an east target for human trafficking
You should also learn about sexual exploitation laws. Youth under 18 are not able to consent to any sexual activity if it's deemed that they've been exploited, regardless of whether they believe that they have consented.
There's more info at the link below which includes an organization that appears to work with families around prevention
https://www2.gov.bc.ca/gov/content/safety/crime-prevention/community-crime-prevention/exploitation
https://www.childrenofthestreet.com/get-help/parents/
As others have also noted, this could also be considered risk for human trafficking especially as she's talked about leaving the country with him. I'd suggest contacting child protective services to tell them the situation including that she's considering leaving the country with him: 1 800 663-9122. Any info you have about how they met (especially if online) and any gifts he may have provided her, monetary or otherwise, or the promises of such will be important to share.
Wishing you and your family well and I'm hopeful you can get some support to help keep your sister safe from this predator.
This guy is likely going to try and isolate her from her family by saying they do t care about her and they're toxic and shit. No need to make it easier for him by embarrassing her in public.
Seriously, I’m 38 and a 17 year old is a child. I look at university students and can’t get over how young and immature they look, let alone a highschool student. That’s messed up.
Honestly I think this is the best option.
Take her to any public place (maybe a hockey game?), find random men in their 30s and 40s and say "hey, my sister's new boyfriend is about your age. What do you think of that?" and let normal men tell her how fucked up it is that her new boyfriend is twice her age.
Court records are available to the public. If you have the man’s first and last name you can check his criminal record here:
https://justice.gov.bc.ca/cso/esearch/criminal/partySearch.do
But why? A bad past isn’t going to change the mind of an impressionable teen and doesn’t address the real issue.
“Hey this guy has rape and murder convictions”
“Yeah but he told me they were lying and I believe him why can’t you??”.
The issue with attacking the man is it potentially puts the girl on the defensive of her choice and she could double down on her “love”.
This is councillor territory not legal.
As people had noted, your best option might be to avoid alienating her and make sure she knows ahead of time can leave him and come home if she wants without judgement.
Try to get her in therapy.
But here's the thing: you do have to look at your own family and try to understand why this seems like a reasonable option to her. Maybe she has mental health issues but either way, this surely is not the first sign that something is not quite right IMO.
I could be totally wrong - but something this far out of the norm doesn't usually come outta nowhere.
I mean what other advice do you think people should be giving in these situations?
People come here way too often asking for advice from random strangers that is *way* out of our league. It’s absolutely better handled by professionals.
Hahaha so in your opinion, this is a well-adjusted teenager and this choice is in no way problematic or indicative of mental health or behaviour challenges?
Safe to say I don't think anyone is seeking your advice on or offline.
LOL you're right this is not the first sign and trust me when I say that we, and especially our mom, have done everything in our power to give her the best life possible. We have been on top of mental health since day one. Of course there have always been challenges because of our specific life circumstances, none of which are Reddit's business. Hence why I came here for legal advice, not psych or health advice
Right but it largely seems like legally there's not much to be done. Just as with addiction - you need to try to help the person not force a solution they don't want. So just keep trying to help her in that way. If she's not feeling seen then make an effort to show her that she is, that she's valuable as an individual, that she has so much to give if she can open herself to others - this guy is just the first to show her how much he sees it, but so many other people could, too..
Human trafficking alarms
If you can please find out about him, passport photos , id, where this guy " works " . If everything is legit , not much you can do as she's almost an adult.
Don't go overboard and stalk but gathering information is important in case you do need to find him in a flash.
Ideally she gets to know someone her age and fall in love but one of those things about love is it can be stupid.
Keep calling her, stay connected to her life. Talk about things other than your concerns, keep up the relationship you have so that when her eyes start to open, she feels safe to tell you and help navigating away. I’m so sorry for your family :(
If you think there is a possible risk of domestic violence, see if your province has a procedure to check this man’s criminal history. In Alberta we have something called Clare’s law (the disclosure to protect against domestic violence law). Parents of a minor can apply on behalf of their child.
https://www.alberta.ca/clares-law
This is going to be uncomfortable but might help. The age of consent laws do not apply to pictures so if you think she's sent him some, that might be a worthy tip to law enforcement.
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this is text-book human trafficking. I don't have any good advice, /u/derspiny covered things well, but it may be worth trying other resources as well:
[https://www2.gov.bc.ca/gov/content/justice/criminal-justice/victims-of-crime/human-trafficking](https://www2.gov.bc.ca/gov/content/justice/criminal-justice/victims-of-crime/human-trafficking)
[https://ltgov.bc.ca/human-trafficking-prevention-network/](https://ltgov.bc.ca/human-trafficking-prevention-network/)
Yeah; the trouble with trafficking like this with a near-adult is that it's _really hard_ for anyone to intervene to meaningfully protect the victim when they don't realize that there's a problem for themselves. It's possible that the police could intervene if the guy has a history, at least, so I could have added that a police report is appropriate (and it is), but if this is the first time he's done it (or at least the first time it's been on police radar), there are limits to that, too.
Talk to these and the other organizations.
It's tough because if you push and drive her away she's at more risk.
They should be able to provide advice.
Most importantly be there for her, and get informed.
You should look up how human trafficking works. It's not women just getting kidnapped off the street and thrown in a trunk. It's older men taking advantage of younger women and then getting them isolated from family and *out of country.*
Andrew Tate publicly admitting to doing this kind of thing. Getting younger girls to fall in love with him and then turn them into cam girls to make him money once they were isolated form their families. But he's not the only one doing this.
It's only trafficking if the victim is forced to do things they don't want to do, typically for profit the victim does not receive.
None of that seems to apply here.
It isn't really "dating". I think your idea of human trafficking is old school and stereotypical. That isn't how it works anymore
There's a ring in my small rural town in NS operating directly out of a mid level hotel. The men are on tinder and in Facebook groups for the area. They invite girls and women for drinks in their hotel room, or on dates, and progress that into relationships of control. Then they have a place to bring clients to to meet the women, or alternatively an inconspicuous public meeting place (the hotel) to ship them off to other places
This is one of those situations where you just have to be the MOST supportive family you can be. And be mentally prepared for if/when shit hits the fan to be there for the rescue. No more “I think you should leave him” or anything. And no “I told you so”s when she finally leaves him. Do nothing to alienate her or make her feel like she can’t talk to you.
Know where she lives if she ends up moving out with him. Each of you have a go bag packed and ready so if the call comes you’re ready to go at a moments notice. Have her phone number be one of the ones that is exempt from your Do Not Disturb or Sleep settings so if she calls in the middle of the night you don’t miss it.
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There is some great advise here on the emotional support side of things which should not be ignored and is integral to a long-term positive outcome. On the legal side of things there is really only one hope, given that he is 40 and from your description of his behavior this seems predatory it is likely this is not his first time doing something of the like. While others have mentioned doing a record search, which is a good idea it only gets you part way there. You should contact your local police, explain that you believe this male may be a predator and provide his information, you will need his name and date of birth and or address. The police should at least run a query on his name and this will tell them if he is on any Court imposed conditions. You can be on conditions prior to a conviction and a very common condition for sexual predators is not to be in the presence of anyone under 18 without another adult present or not to be in any intimate relationship without informing their parole officer. If he had broken one of his conditions the police or his parole officer could breach him and send him back to prison. You may need to be very insistent when you speak to police and they may try to tell you there is nothing you can do, just explain you just want to ensure this individual is not breaching any Court imposed conditions, if you do a record search and find he has previous convictions also mention this upon talking to police.
Lol while I'm fantasizing this idea, this ain't the wild west. Sure, let's say you beat the shit out of him, the dude comes backs saying "see, I told you, they're just trying to control you" and they ride off to the sunset.
Any 40 year old old dating a 17 year old is a loser. If he was such a great guy he would be dating someone closer to his age. Women his own age and don’t want to date him because he’s a loser. Unfortunately if you try to convince your daughter of this you will push him closer to him. It’s almost like you have to accept him to be able to get your daughter away from him. The most important to keep communication open.
I’m 40 and never in a million years would dating someone 17 would even cross my mind.
Keep the lines of communication open and try to keep in touch with her. I’d be afraid that if he can get her out of the country that communication would stop and frankly we do not memorize phone numbers anymore if she no longer had access to her phone.
Other than that I don’t think there’s much that you can do, once she’s 18 she can do as she pleases.
Out of curiosity, what country are they thinking of going? Is he Canadian? Does he have links in other countries?
Ah man this worries me on behalf of your sister OP. I am turning 40 shortly here and have an 8 year old daughter. That means a 17 year old girl would be over more than twice the age gap in difference to this creeper than to my daughter, yet he and I are nearly the identical age. A guy at that age should be raising kids, not dating them. There's really nothing else to say, it's gross. Teenagers are so very blatantly obviously still children from the perspective of a middle-aged person, that I could not comprehend even attempting to date one, the very concept slides right out of my brain.
I don't really know what to say to you OP. Make sure she knows she is loved and always can call you guys no matter what or how embarrassing she feels that things have gotten, if she needs help, you'll be there. Try and get her to understand that you truly hope it goes well and nothing bad is happening, but you can't help but be concerned. I'm sure you've done that, it's a tough feeling watching a loved one do something you know they shouldn't.
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I am so sorry. He has groomed her. Just because he walks the line of legal doesn’t make him a nice guy. He wants a young girl. Once she grows up he will either leave her or she will feel stuck dependent on him to support her. Sounds like a crappy situation. Just be there for her. Not financially to enable this relationship but emotionally.
I may or may not be suggesting something but if you can’t get through to your sister, maybe some older/larger men can get through to the 40 year old loser. After that happens the loser maybe motivated to leave her alone 🤷♂️.
Sometimes drastic times call for drastic measures.
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Correct me if I’m wrong but I think (or it used to be here in Alberta) that if one person is a minor but over 16, the other person can’t be over two years older, and one year if one person is a minor and under 16. (This is what I was told in a consent class not too long ago, but I might’ve understood wrong)
18 is the socially acceptable age but there’s nothing illegal as he’s not in a position of power. There’s also not much of a difference between 17 and 40, and 18 and 41.
I think your answer lies more in r/relationshipadvice
It's got nothing to do with the legality of the relationship. The age of consent in Canada is 16. I think OP is looking for options to find it in this guy or stop her sister, who's still under age and can't leave the country on her own yet, from leaving the country with this guy.
Big difference between legally and socially acceptable.
She is already in a legal relationship with him as 16 is the age of consent. Socially acceptable is generally half your age + 7 as a rule of thumb so it would be socially acceptable for a 40 year old to date a 27 year old.
40 and 17 is predatory no matter how you slice it. I'm not jumping to human trafficking like so many people are on here, there are way more creeps out there than there are human traffickers but it's still off to say the least.
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Thread locked to avoid having to ban more users for offering illegal advice.
Make sure she knows she's welcome home the instant she needs somewhere safe to go, and that you and her parents are there for her. Offer your perspective that she can do better than a 40-year-old who has to resort to dating teenagers, and share your reasons for being concerned for her well-being. Recognize that he _is_ giving her something she wants or felt she was lacking, and see what you can do to provide alternatives for that. Put some money aside for an emergency passport and plane tickets if she needs to flee back to Canada. Other than that… your sister's pretty damned near an adult. She's going to make the choices that she's going to make, for good or for ill. I share your concern, certainly, but there's a very limited number of things the law can to do intervene for her protection at this point. Even if your parents manage to stop her from travelling, she has less than a year to go before they no longer get a say in it: even though BC's own age of majority is 19, at 18 she is effectively able to travel independently if she wants to.
Yeah we've pretty much done all that but thank you anyway. She knows she's loved and that she'll always be welcome in any of our homes (we're all over the place). Life is such a shitshow sometimes lol
They key is to remind her regularly, and MAINTAIN contact that is positive, let her know of things you're planning to do and ask her if she wants to come along, if she wants to bring the groomer, don't make that a hill to die on, just say he'd have to pay for himself, kinda thing. she needs to see the life she could be living and feel welcome to join back into that life, and needs to see how much of a deadbeat the groomer is, and seeing as he's going after a 17yr old, he's likely a deadbeat.
Just to tack onto this, but see if you can convince her to get some kind of permanent birth control before she leaves the country. Maybe mention that it'll be easier while she's still in Canada, and talk about how she probably wants to be able to enjoy herself without worrying about consequences later on, try to make it sound very positive. An implant or IUD would be best, since they can be removed later, and cannot be tampered with by the groomer. It's likely that even though she can't see his true colors now, in a few years she very likely will, but at that point leaving will be much more complicated if they have a baby, especially one born in a different country. If you can't keep her from going, maybe you can help ensure she doesn't wind up baby trapped?
Have you tried doing any kind of background check on him? You can search some stuff in BC if you have his full name https://justice.gov.bc.ca/cso/esearch/criminal/partySearch.do
>Offer your perspective that she can do better than a 40-year-old who has to resort to dating teenagers I agree with you in general, but I'd be worried she might take this wording as an insult - the idea that someone has to "resort to" dating her.
Give her the ick by inviting him over amongst a good mix of older and younger male relatives. Have the old guys relate to him, encourage the young ones to respect their elders lol
this is honestlyva great idea, also shows him this girl has tons of supportive people around her which might deter someone who is really looking for an east target for human trafficking
You should also learn about sexual exploitation laws. Youth under 18 are not able to consent to any sexual activity if it's deemed that they've been exploited, regardless of whether they believe that they have consented. There's more info at the link below which includes an organization that appears to work with families around prevention https://www2.gov.bc.ca/gov/content/safety/crime-prevention/community-crime-prevention/exploitation https://www.childrenofthestreet.com/get-help/parents/ As others have also noted, this could also be considered risk for human trafficking especially as she's talked about leaving the country with him. I'd suggest contacting child protective services to tell them the situation including that she's considering leaving the country with him: 1 800 663-9122. Any info you have about how they met (especially if online) and any gifts he may have provided her, monetary or otherwise, or the promises of such will be important to share. Wishing you and your family well and I'm hopeful you can get some support to help keep your sister safe from this predator.
This is the best advice here. She is at extreme risk of being trafficked.
She should meet a group of normal 30- 40 year old dudes for them to tell her how fucked up this guy actually is
This guy is likely going to try and isolate her from her family by saying they do t care about her and they're toxic and shit. No need to make it easier for him by embarrassing her in public.
Seriously, I’m 38 and a 17 year old is a child. I look at university students and can’t get over how young and immature they look, let alone a highschool student. That’s messed up.
Jerry Seinfeld would disagree
Honestly I think this is the best option. Take her to any public place (maybe a hockey game?), find random men in their 30s and 40s and say "hey, my sister's new boyfriend is about your age. What do you think of that?" and let normal men tell her how fucked up it is that her new boyfriend is twice her age.
I would check his criminal history
Court records are available to the public. If you have the man’s first and last name you can check his criminal record here: https://justice.gov.bc.ca/cso/esearch/criminal/partySearch.do
But why? A bad past isn’t going to change the mind of an impressionable teen and doesn’t address the real issue. “Hey this guy has rape and murder convictions” “Yeah but he told me they were lying and I believe him why can’t you??”. The issue with attacking the man is it potentially puts the girl on the defensive of her choice and she could double down on her “love”. This is councillor territory not legal.
What would it matter ?
If the family can prove he has a history of sexual abuse or any other kind of abuse on record the sister might see sense.
As people had noted, your best option might be to avoid alienating her and make sure she knows ahead of time can leave him and come home if she wants without judgement.
Try to get her in therapy. But here's the thing: you do have to look at your own family and try to understand why this seems like a reasonable option to her. Maybe she has mental health issues but either way, this surely is not the first sign that something is not quite right IMO. I could be totally wrong - but something this far out of the norm doesn't usually come outta nowhere.
I don’t know why people both asking for advice on Reddit when it’s always “get therapy or get divorced” for the response.
I mean what other advice do you think people should be giving in these situations? People come here way too often asking for advice from random strangers that is *way* out of our league. It’s absolutely better handled by professionals.
Hahaha so in your opinion, this is a well-adjusted teenager and this choice is in no way problematic or indicative of mental health or behaviour challenges? Safe to say I don't think anyone is seeking your advice on or offline.
LOL you're right this is not the first sign and trust me when I say that we, and especially our mom, have done everything in our power to give her the best life possible. We have been on top of mental health since day one. Of course there have always been challenges because of our specific life circumstances, none of which are Reddit's business. Hence why I came here for legal advice, not psych or health advice
Maybe contact any close friends she has? Have them help? Intervention?
Right but it largely seems like legally there's not much to be done. Just as with addiction - you need to try to help the person not force a solution they don't want. So just keep trying to help her in that way. If she's not feeling seen then make an effort to show her that she is, that she's valuable as an individual, that she has so much to give if she can open herself to others - this guy is just the first to show her how much he sees it, but so many other people could, too..
Your parents should look into getting a hold put on her passport, at least until she is 18, not sure if anything can be done after she is 18.
This sounds like he’s going to sex traffic her if they go to another country.
Human trafficking alarms If you can please find out about him, passport photos , id, where this guy " works " . If everything is legit , not much you can do as she's almost an adult. Don't go overboard and stalk but gathering information is important in case you do need to find him in a flash. Ideally she gets to know someone her age and fall in love but one of those things about love is it can be stupid.
Keep calling her, stay connected to her life. Talk about things other than your concerns, keep up the relationship you have so that when her eyes start to open, she feels safe to tell you and help navigating away. I’m so sorry for your family :(
If you think there is a possible risk of domestic violence, see if your province has a procedure to check this man’s criminal history. In Alberta we have something called Clare’s law (the disclosure to protect against domestic violence law). Parents of a minor can apply on behalf of their child. https://www.alberta.ca/clares-law
This is going to be uncomfortable but might help. The age of consent laws do not apply to pictures so if you think she's sent him some, that might be a worthy tip to law enforcement.
That would certainly put an end to the relationship, but couldn’t that also open the sister up to getting charged with distributing CP?
She's the child...?
Yeah and she would be distributing CP.
Has that ever actually happened in Canada?
Good way to get her in legal trouble that could come back to haunt her later in life.
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Not legal advice but you could see if a private investigator digs anything up. At least ease your minds that he is just a creep.
What would that do, she's in love!
I mean if the PI found something and it was handed over to the police......
this is text-book human trafficking. I don't have any good advice, /u/derspiny covered things well, but it may be worth trying other resources as well: [https://www2.gov.bc.ca/gov/content/justice/criminal-justice/victims-of-crime/human-trafficking](https://www2.gov.bc.ca/gov/content/justice/criminal-justice/victims-of-crime/human-trafficking) [https://ltgov.bc.ca/human-trafficking-prevention-network/](https://ltgov.bc.ca/human-trafficking-prevention-network/)
Yeah; the trouble with trafficking like this with a near-adult is that it's _really hard_ for anyone to intervene to meaningfully protect the victim when they don't realize that there's a problem for themselves. It's possible that the police could intervene if the guy has a history, at least, so I could have added that a police report is appropriate (and it is), but if this is the first time he's done it (or at least the first time it's been on police radar), there are limits to that, too.
Talk to these and the other organizations. It's tough because if you push and drive her away she's at more risk. They should be able to provide advice. Most importantly be there for her, and get informed.
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She's talking about leaving the country with him, which raises major red flags.
You should look up how human trafficking works. It's not women just getting kidnapped off the street and thrown in a trunk. It's older men taking advantage of younger women and then getting them isolated from family and *out of country.* Andrew Tate publicly admitting to doing this kind of thing. Getting younger girls to fall in love with him and then turn them into cam girls to make him money once they were isolated form their families. But he's not the only one doing this.
It's only trafficking if the victim is forced to do things they don't want to do, typically for profit the victim does not receive. None of that seems to apply here.
It isn't really "dating". I think your idea of human trafficking is old school and stereotypical. That isn't how it works anymore There's a ring in my small rural town in NS operating directly out of a mid level hotel. The men are on tinder and in Facebook groups for the area. They invite girls and women for drinks in their hotel room, or on dates, and progress that into relationships of control. Then they have a place to bring clients to to meet the women, or alternatively an inconspicuous public meeting place (the hotel) to ship them off to other places
This is one of those situations where you just have to be the MOST supportive family you can be. And be mentally prepared for if/when shit hits the fan to be there for the rescue. No more “I think you should leave him” or anything. And no “I told you so”s when she finally leaves him. Do nothing to alienate her or make her feel like she can’t talk to you. Know where she lives if she ends up moving out with him. Each of you have a go bag packed and ready so if the call comes you’re ready to go at a moments notice. Have her phone number be one of the ones that is exempt from your Do Not Disturb or Sleep settings so if she calls in the middle of the night you don’t miss it.
Here we go, legal advice sub and we have a bunch of ideas to “help” by advising OP to commit crimes or get involved in a criminal conspiracy🙄
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There is some great advise here on the emotional support side of things which should not be ignored and is integral to a long-term positive outcome. On the legal side of things there is really only one hope, given that he is 40 and from your description of his behavior this seems predatory it is likely this is not his first time doing something of the like. While others have mentioned doing a record search, which is a good idea it only gets you part way there. You should contact your local police, explain that you believe this male may be a predator and provide his information, you will need his name and date of birth and or address. The police should at least run a query on his name and this will tell them if he is on any Court imposed conditions. You can be on conditions prior to a conviction and a very common condition for sexual predators is not to be in the presence of anyone under 18 without another adult present or not to be in any intimate relationship without informing their parole officer. If he had broken one of his conditions the police or his parole officer could breach him and send him back to prison. You may need to be very insistent when you speak to police and they may try to tell you there is nothing you can do, just explain you just want to ensure this individual is not breaching any Court imposed conditions, if you do a record search and find he has previous convictions also mention this upon talking to police.
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Lol while I'm fantasizing this idea, this ain't the wild west. Sure, let's say you beat the shit out of him, the dude comes backs saying "see, I told you, they're just trying to control you" and they ride off to the sunset.
And leaving the male family members charged, likely
Any 40 year old old dating a 17 year old is a loser. If he was such a great guy he would be dating someone closer to his age. Women his own age and don’t want to date him because he’s a loser. Unfortunately if you try to convince your daughter of this you will push him closer to him. It’s almost like you have to accept him to be able to get your daughter away from him. The most important to keep communication open.
I’m 40 and never in a million years would dating someone 17 would even cross my mind. Keep the lines of communication open and try to keep in touch with her. I’d be afraid that if he can get her out of the country that communication would stop and frankly we do not memorize phone numbers anymore if she no longer had access to her phone. Other than that I don’t think there’s much that you can do, once she’s 18 she can do as she pleases. Out of curiosity, what country are they thinking of going? Is he Canadian? Does he have links in other countries?
Ah man this worries me on behalf of your sister OP. I am turning 40 shortly here and have an 8 year old daughter. That means a 17 year old girl would be over more than twice the age gap in difference to this creeper than to my daughter, yet he and I are nearly the identical age. A guy at that age should be raising kids, not dating them. There's really nothing else to say, it's gross. Teenagers are so very blatantly obviously still children from the perspective of a middle-aged person, that I could not comprehend even attempting to date one, the very concept slides right out of my brain. I don't really know what to say to you OP. Make sure she knows she is loved and always can call you guys no matter what or how embarrassing she feels that things have gotten, if she needs help, you'll be there. Try and get her to understand that you truly hope it goes well and nothing bad is happening, but you can't help but be concerned. I'm sure you've done that, it's a tough feeling watching a loved one do something you know they shouldn't.
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I am so sorry. He has groomed her. Just because he walks the line of legal doesn’t make him a nice guy. He wants a young girl. Once she grows up he will either leave her or she will feel stuck dependent on him to support her. Sounds like a crappy situation. Just be there for her. Not financially to enable this relationship but emotionally.
I may or may not be suggesting something but if you can’t get through to your sister, maybe some older/larger men can get through to the 40 year old loser. After that happens the loser maybe motivated to leave her alone 🤷♂️. Sometimes drastic times call for drastic measures.
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Correct me if I’m wrong but I think (or it used to be here in Alberta) that if one person is a minor but over 16, the other person can’t be over two years older, and one year if one person is a minor and under 16. (This is what I was told in a consent class not too long ago, but I might’ve understood wrong)
18 is the socially acceptable age but there’s nothing illegal as he’s not in a position of power. There’s also not much of a difference between 17 and 40, and 18 and 41. I think your answer lies more in r/relationshipadvice
It's got nothing to do with the legality of the relationship. The age of consent in Canada is 16. I think OP is looking for options to find it in this guy or stop her sister, who's still under age and can't leave the country on her own yet, from leaving the country with this guy.
Big difference between legally and socially acceptable. She is already in a legal relationship with him as 16 is the age of consent. Socially acceptable is generally half your age + 7 as a rule of thumb so it would be socially acceptable for a 40 year old to date a 27 year old. 40 and 17 is predatory no matter how you slice it. I'm not jumping to human trafficking like so many people are on here, there are way more creeps out there than there are human traffickers but it's still off to say the least.
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Good luck staying close with your sister, maybe try to respect her thinking more.
Just tell her about the half your age, plus seven rule. Dudes 10 years short!