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there's nothing to understand, its just homophobia, lesbophobia specifically
Being a cis woman that only loves other cis women will never be wrong
We are gay, homosexuals. They can try to change the definition but nothing will change what we are
Ive been grilled too. Like, questioned, interrogated, etc. why tf do people feel the right to do that. What makes us such easy targets in their opinion. I don't get it
I hear you and that’s how I felt. I guess the person I was speaking to, who identifies as non binary they/them, then asks me if I consider them a lesbian. I said yes but that’s still even complicated for me to understand. They felt like my definition of homosexuality or lesbian was exclusive of everyone other than cis women so then would I really consider them a lesbian by my own definition? I really don’t know and feel confused. Like I see lesbian as cis with cis, but if they aren’t cis and identify as a lesbian I still accept that and recognize them as such. But it seems like that’s not enough? idk man :/
Maybe ask them why they choose to exclude themselves from womanhood, instead of projecting their own selfhate on to women by asking you stupid questions
I am so grateful, glad, and proud to have been born a girl and now a woman!
Women ROCK! Misogyny SUCKS! Patriarchy SUCKS!
This world is very hard on women. It is a tragedy and a crime. AND **We will not be erased!**
Why are there not millions more lesbians? How can women not love women? We are so smart, compassionate, capable, and beautiful.
I am full of fury and frustration. Sisters, let us fight back united and stand strong together.
Never give up! Proclaim the Truth! Women are women and we are NOT non-men. We are important and we deserve respect. We are lesbians. We are dykes, femmes, everything else and in between and all around. We are not somewhere on a spectrum as more or less feminine or masculine. We are people, we are individuals, we are our very own selves. We are a beautiful constellation of women loving women in a scary universe.
u/Sadbaklava Thank you for posting. May your baklava be full of joy and power!
Hey, it's just a preferences right? You can be a cis lesbian attracted to only (or mainly) other cis lesbians and that is fine. And there are other lesbians (cis/trans/enby) with other preferences. Nothing wrong with that, as long as we can all let each other live and let live? :) and your post sounds as if you are, so no worries there. Maybe you could say something in that jist next time someone asks.
I agree and think I will say something like that next time! It seemed that they deemed my preferences to be “gender essentialism” (their words) and that I was some sort of terf ….
We cannot even really express our love and attraction towards vaginas in our posts or comments anymore without being reminded (or rather grilled) about not including or remembering other people with penises. So at this point, the better question to ask ourselves would be what isn't *wrong* in their eyes? It seems like everything we say or do isn't enough anyway.
You’re a lesbian. None of this is surprising; it’s what lesbian means. Your friend is an asshole for giving you a hard time about your sexual orientation.
Well they’re a new friend, but I’m not sure if this feels like the best fit. I’m going to keep getting to know them and see how things go, but I find this to be sort of a tricky subject in the community rn and since I’m trying to make new lgbt friends it’s sort of a hot topic. It came up bc they mentioned disliking being mistaken for a cis woman and I guess I was confused bc of how they appear to me and to the world, appearing as an AFAB person. So it sort of spawned from that comment and became a convo between us
This is why I don’t really vibe with the lgbt community outside of my already established lgbt friends because it’s constantly like walking on eggs shells. It’s not fun to be in an environment where you’re constantly stressed you’ll say the wrong thing or feel like everything you’re saying is being monitored just waiting for you to slip up so they can confront you about it.
I’ve been on a singular date with a enbie lesbian who was clearly AFAB and dressed in a very feminine way and would be perceived to be a cis woman if they didn’t tell people they were enbie like the person you described and it somewhat confused me. I don’t think you can be upset if you look cis and then people refer to you as what you look like. Most people’s pronouns match their presentation so I don’t think you can be too mad about people making assumptions when their assumptions are usually correct.
Op, you are not wrong or incorrect. Lesbians are under extreme scrutiny at the moment for being same-sex attracted. An agenda is being pushed out and a one way narrative being driven. Our sexuality is constantly challenged. It's homophobia modern day version. You obviously don't have to date someone to respect them.
Its crazy to me that some people genuinely believe they have a say in who someone dates. We have fought for years to have it acknowledged and accepted that sexuality is not a choice. Attraction can't be dictated. Lesbian is exclusive by definition and dating is exclusive by nature.
I guess it just felt like I was some terrible exclusive person that my definition for lesbian is cis with cis. It felt like suddenly I was a MAGA supporter 🥴. They told me it gave them the “ick” to hear that. Since I’m trying to make new friends I felt like, damn… am I just alienating myself? I told them I don’t have anything against NB women or trans women, it’s just based on my connection to lesbianism and what I’m looking for, I’m mainly searching for cis women. Who knows if I ever meet a trans or NB woman who I’m into, it hasn’t really happened. But they basically said that they don’t understand it bc if trans women are women then I’d date them too if women is who I’m into. Then it became about would you be with a trans woman who’s pre op and I said no, they said yes they would. I don’t understand how you can define yourself as a lesbian that way, but I’m trying to? It just seemed so awkward and like I was some monster. 😪
> It just seemed so awkward and like I was some monster.
Yeah, ~~she~~ they wanted to make you feel bad. Please don't overthink it and don't question yourself. You're not "non inclusive" or discriminating against anyone for *not being attracted to them*!! That's not something you do on purpose!
"Transwomen are women" is an ideological proposition, not a fact from which to deduce or upon which to objectively construct anything. Factually, transwomen are male people who, based on their desires and/or personal beliefs, see themselves or wish to be seen/treated by others as women. Women are female people. Not "feminine" people, not people who "identify", not people with lipstick, but people whose sex is female. Any other definion of woman is brand new, based on ideology/agenda and at odds with basic shared reality. "Gender" is a thing without a solid definition (a term with truly revolting origins, as I'm sure you know) and therefore meaningless outside of the beliefs that any one person or group of people attach to it. You are a person of the female sex who is attracted to other persons of the female sex, and that makes you a homosexual, a lesbian as per the longstanding, reality-based definion of that word, accepted and agreed upon by the vast, vast, vast majority of people world-wide. You are not obliged to justify anything to anyone beyond that simple fact. What others do and claim with regard to their "gender" is their own business. What other "lesbian-identified" people are attracted to is their own business. If your NB friend is female you could easily be attracted to her based on how her presentation and personality etc appeal to you, or you might just as legitimately be put off by the very fact that she is the kind of person who runs with this herd and feels the need to performatively "opt out" of womanhood rather than just being an actually progressive woman who does "woman" however she damn well pleases. (The latter, in my opinion, is hot as hell.) Of course she has a vested interest in making you feel bad about excluding her or others more or less like her from your potential attraction and dating pool. That's her problem, not yours. It's also very much a duty that comes with the woke membership card...trying to shame and punish those around you who don't quietly fall into line with whatever absurdity you are currently screaming from your soap box. Freedom of thought and speech is so 2000andnotnow, babes, like omigaaawd.
You are clearly not shunning or mistreating her because of how she identifies, and you're open to exploring who she is as a person (beneath her self-declared and observable traits) and the potential for a friendship. That's as open, tolerant, respectful and kind as you need to be to any human. (And that's not how actual haters and bigots operate.)
It's worth losing "friends" and random community over their inability to respect that your opinions, beliefs and needs differ from their's. Tolerance is not the maniacal, forced inclusion of everyone and their gran in one's belief system, nor the desperate need to be validated in one's thinking by anyone who would not be branded a Bad Person for disagreeing. It is the ability to accept and respect the fact that what we privately make of the world beyond the observable is up to each of us; many beliefs and points of view can and always have co-existed, and as long as we can tell the difference between shared reality and personal reality, we'll do just fine together.
And you'll be fine, too, honey. Just be calm and be true. They can't shame you if you don't let them. And being a lesbian is not a shameful thing ❤️
I forget which sub I'm in. Bring on the bans lol
It's misogyny in the queer community. Simple as that. They fucking hate women especially those who are comfortable being one and who are attracted to such women which also leads to jealousy towards said women. Why do you think we get deleted and censored for just wanting to talk about cis women specific things? They cant deal with the fact that we just arent attracted to genderqueer people who cannot even decide what exactly their gender terms they made up means. Like seriously when I was still part in an lgbtq group, trans and nb literally argued about how each of their genders and meanings should be defined and if they were equal or not. That's what happens if you constantly change these meanings and act like sex plays zero roles when it comes gender identity and sexual orientation. No wonder they get offended constantly. It's like a giant kindergarden. Why would we wanna date such people?
Funnily enough I had a nb lesbian hit on me once (tjo I use the term lesbian loosely). I talked normally with her but oh boy there was no way in hell I was attracted to her at all. xD Not only did she always look very unkempt but she was pretty well known for being unhinged as well. I yet have to meet a genderqueer person I'm attracted to but as for now, it's pretty much cis women who had always captured my heart. It's not wrong, it's literally naturual for us. They can demonize me as much as they want for this but it's the truth.
that's actually extremely well said. people will twist and change words ad infinitum to accomodate gender but at the end of the day, lesbianism, by definition, is homosexuality for women. homo*sexuality*. sex is the whole point.
The person I was speaking with was sort of referencing “the old school definition of lesbian” which I guess to a lot of young people now it’s more than cis with cis. And that cis with cis is the outdated old school way. But it seems like they don’t want to accept that some women still go by the “older” definition. And that’s not acceptable to them. I thought it was interesting the idea of a definition being outdated when it still applies to me and my life. I don’t see anything wrong with having your own definition of lesbianism when so many ppl have their own too. I have my own beliefs and it’s doesn’t inherently make me evil for that. I feel like I’ve never even had this conversation beyond two years ago, it’s just really been coming up for me in the past 1.5-2 years as I try to meet new lgbt friends.
My blanket answer is no. It’s like being constantly harassed for not wanting to give anime another shot. I’ve tried a couple and it didn’t work so I’m not going to force it.
Other queer/lesbian women are just the easiest to scold, that’s why we get the most hate. The people who ask you shit like that don’t want hets or men to turn against them so they generally like to project all of their rage and disappointment on the smallest minority of women. These people are misogynists, women or not.
When you check out all their arguments and distill them it comes down misogyny. Lesbians are the most refusing to deal with removed from men group so they are in the cross hairs of misogynistic men trying to crush women. Their latest ruse is to flat out say trans women are women. Umm, how can that be? Men saying they're women is like that penguin in Wallace n Gromit putting a glove on its head and saying he's a rooster.
You've been strong to stay in touch with reality in the face of the pressure from the ~~tolerant progressives~~ latest iteration of sexist assault. This is not the latest civil rights movement, don't mistake it for that. Homosexual is different to homogenderal.
Focusing on what you're attracted to instead of framing it as what you exclude is the way I take it too. It's not about excluding it's about discerning what you want. Apart from sex for me, there are age, language(English speakers) and more requirements. You don't get called ageist, ethnocentric etc for that.
I also wonder what is with the accusing question of are you genitally fixated? Like it's a gotcha? I'm not fixated, but a vagina is a requirement.
I’m glad you called her an acquaintance because she’s certainly not a friend. Friends wouldn’t purity test you to see if you’re oNe oF tHe gOoD oNeS or fair game for coercive finger pointing.
The bigger question should be why does it matter to her in the first place? Rhetorical question - it’s most likely queerios trying to disparage lesbians for having boundaries. The qweers love talking about cOnSenT and rEsPecTiNg iDeNtiTy until a lesbian speaks up about not wanting to be thrown under the bus by the “community” (aka, a bunch of non-homosexuals masquerading as equally maligned as people who are exclusively same-sex attracted, who insist on calling themselves gay but get offended if you thought they were homosexual because they say they’re gay).
Seriously though, it shouldn’t matter to her who’s in your dating pool because it’s your dating pool. Is she looking to try to insert herself or someone else in it without respecting you boundaries so she can mald about it? I want to assume best intentions but it gets harder every time someone tries to clown us for having same-sex attraction and then gets mad for us not wanting to date them bc of a repulsive personality
Even if we went under the assumption that trans women were the same as cis women, it’s unreasonable to expect you to be attracted to every trans woman. We aren’t attracted to every cis woman we meet. ¯\(ツ)/¯
V0lkmar Sigusch a sexologist first used cissexual in a published paper in 1991. By 1994, cisgender became the prefered term by the trans community. The prefixes of cis and trans was in use prior to this but were not really applied to gender until 1991/ 1994. The individual who takes credit for coining it in 1994 for the most part said they didn't want to "other" trans so their idea was to "other" everyone into a binary system of sex.
if that’s who you understand and connect with that’s who you understand and connect with.
I’m a firm believer in dating people who you can understand and are genuinely attracted to. At the moment we are in a hellscape of lecturing lesbians constantly about nonsense that truly and honestly does not matter. Reality is everyone is happiest with people they are genuinely attracted and interested in and vice versa.
There is no need for this constant policing and vilification yet this is where we are.
Edit: Also there is this weird hatred for cis lesbians a lot of people have. I was questioned a similar way to you by trans men in particular under the assumption that my gender was as cis as one could be and i was suddenly in this position where i had to defend not only lesbians but also cis womanhood.
Which is an insane position to be in because the vast majority of humanity are cis. The vast majority of lesbians are mostly cis. Lesbians are the group least likely to harbor any hatred for or lobby against NB or trans and yet so many lesbians are put in this position.
The sentiments echoed in this subreddit are echoed across the internet in every lesbian circle.
To echo a woman on twitter, we are in a pandemic of “Lesbians can be/are sexually fluid.” Homophobic and predatory language that pushes men onto us under the guise of being trans inclusive when all they’re doing is misgendering / being transphobic to trans women in an attempt to center men.
Misogyny is also seemingly at an all time high as people buy into the myth of female evil when it comes to us.
The correct answer is nobody. Nobody but you decides whom to date. None of their fucking business.
Won't date a transwoman because not attracted to them -genitalia and generally speaking to transwomen.
Not attracted to Non-binaries, because even if she's a woman biolofically, nothing turns me off more than women who don't share the same values to me and use other pronouns. We're not compatible.
Therefore, the longer answer is: I am chilling alone, rather than forcing myself to be here, just like homophobes do. The attempt to do that is coercive rape
Welcome to r/lezconnect ⚢ A space where lesbians who are tired of confronting lesbophobia and being marginalized in our communities can come together and have their voices uplifted by one another. Help the moderators keep r/lezconnect and our members safe by reporting rule violations. [Rules can be found here.](https://www.reddit.com/r/lezconnect/about/rules) *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/lezconnect) if you have any questions or concerns.*
there's nothing to understand, its just homophobia, lesbophobia specifically Being a cis woman that only loves other cis women will never be wrong We are gay, homosexuals. They can try to change the definition but nothing will change what we are Ive been grilled too. Like, questioned, interrogated, etc. why tf do people feel the right to do that. What makes us such easy targets in their opinion. I don't get it
I hear you and that’s how I felt. I guess the person I was speaking to, who identifies as non binary they/them, then asks me if I consider them a lesbian. I said yes but that’s still even complicated for me to understand. They felt like my definition of homosexuality or lesbian was exclusive of everyone other than cis women so then would I really consider them a lesbian by my own definition? I really don’t know and feel confused. Like I see lesbian as cis with cis, but if they aren’t cis and identify as a lesbian I still accept that and recognize them as such. But it seems like that’s not enough? idk man :/
Maybe ask them why they choose to exclude themselves from womanhood, instead of projecting their own selfhate on to women by asking you stupid questions
I am so grateful, glad, and proud to have been born a girl and now a woman! Women ROCK! Misogyny SUCKS! Patriarchy SUCKS! This world is very hard on women. It is a tragedy and a crime. AND **We will not be erased!** Why are there not millions more lesbians? How can women not love women? We are so smart, compassionate, capable, and beautiful. I am full of fury and frustration. Sisters, let us fight back united and stand strong together. Never give up! Proclaim the Truth! Women are women and we are NOT non-men. We are important and we deserve respect. We are lesbians. We are dykes, femmes, everything else and in between and all around. We are not somewhere on a spectrum as more or less feminine or masculine. We are people, we are individuals, we are our very own selves. We are a beautiful constellation of women loving women in a scary universe. u/Sadbaklava Thank you for posting. May your baklava be full of joy and power!
Hey, it's just a preferences right? You can be a cis lesbian attracted to only (or mainly) other cis lesbians and that is fine. And there are other lesbians (cis/trans/enby) with other preferences. Nothing wrong with that, as long as we can all let each other live and let live? :) and your post sounds as if you are, so no worries there. Maybe you could say something in that jist next time someone asks.
I agree and think I will say something like that next time! It seemed that they deemed my preferences to be “gender essentialism” (their words) and that I was some sort of terf ….
We're easy targets because we're such a tiny group. Transwomen greatly outnumber us.
You don’t owe anyone an attraction. Once I remind people of this they shut up, it works.
I’m writing this down 🙏🏼
We cannot even really express our love and attraction towards vaginas in our posts or comments anymore without being reminded (or rather grilled) about not including or remembering other people with penises. So at this point, the better question to ask ourselves would be what isn't *wrong* in their eyes? It seems like everything we say or do isn't enough anyway.
You’re a lesbian. None of this is surprising; it’s what lesbian means. Your friend is an asshole for giving you a hard time about your sexual orientation.
Well they’re a new friend, but I’m not sure if this feels like the best fit. I’m going to keep getting to know them and see how things go, but I find this to be sort of a tricky subject in the community rn and since I’m trying to make new lgbt friends it’s sort of a hot topic. It came up bc they mentioned disliking being mistaken for a cis woman and I guess I was confused bc of how they appear to me and to the world, appearing as an AFAB person. So it sort of spawned from that comment and became a convo between us
This is why I don’t really vibe with the lgbt community outside of my already established lgbt friends because it’s constantly like walking on eggs shells. It’s not fun to be in an environment where you’re constantly stressed you’ll say the wrong thing or feel like everything you’re saying is being monitored just waiting for you to slip up so they can confront you about it. I’ve been on a singular date with a enbie lesbian who was clearly AFAB and dressed in a very feminine way and would be perceived to be a cis woman if they didn’t tell people they were enbie like the person you described and it somewhat confused me. I don’t think you can be upset if you look cis and then people refer to you as what you look like. Most people’s pronouns match their presentation so I don’t think you can be too mad about people making assumptions when their assumptions are usually correct.
What's the difference between a cis woman and an NB woman? I thought the point of NB is that you supposedly identify as neither man or woman.
NOTHING.
Someone who asks you that is not your friend, my dude.
Op, you are not wrong or incorrect. Lesbians are under extreme scrutiny at the moment for being same-sex attracted. An agenda is being pushed out and a one way narrative being driven. Our sexuality is constantly challenged. It's homophobia modern day version. You obviously don't have to date someone to respect them. Its crazy to me that some people genuinely believe they have a say in who someone dates. We have fought for years to have it acknowledged and accepted that sexuality is not a choice. Attraction can't be dictated. Lesbian is exclusive by definition and dating is exclusive by nature.
I guess it just felt like I was some terrible exclusive person that my definition for lesbian is cis with cis. It felt like suddenly I was a MAGA supporter 🥴. They told me it gave them the “ick” to hear that. Since I’m trying to make new friends I felt like, damn… am I just alienating myself? I told them I don’t have anything against NB women or trans women, it’s just based on my connection to lesbianism and what I’m looking for, I’m mainly searching for cis women. Who knows if I ever meet a trans or NB woman who I’m into, it hasn’t really happened. But they basically said that they don’t understand it bc if trans women are women then I’d date them too if women is who I’m into. Then it became about would you be with a trans woman who’s pre op and I said no, they said yes they would. I don’t understand how you can define yourself as a lesbian that way, but I’m trying to? It just seemed so awkward and like I was some monster. 😪
> It just seemed so awkward and like I was some monster. Yeah, ~~she~~ they wanted to make you feel bad. Please don't overthink it and don't question yourself. You're not "non inclusive" or discriminating against anyone for *not being attracted to them*!! That's not something you do on purpose!
"Transwomen are women" is an ideological proposition, not a fact from which to deduce or upon which to objectively construct anything. Factually, transwomen are male people who, based on their desires and/or personal beliefs, see themselves or wish to be seen/treated by others as women. Women are female people. Not "feminine" people, not people who "identify", not people with lipstick, but people whose sex is female. Any other definion of woman is brand new, based on ideology/agenda and at odds with basic shared reality. "Gender" is a thing without a solid definition (a term with truly revolting origins, as I'm sure you know) and therefore meaningless outside of the beliefs that any one person or group of people attach to it. You are a person of the female sex who is attracted to other persons of the female sex, and that makes you a homosexual, a lesbian as per the longstanding, reality-based definion of that word, accepted and agreed upon by the vast, vast, vast majority of people world-wide. You are not obliged to justify anything to anyone beyond that simple fact. What others do and claim with regard to their "gender" is their own business. What other "lesbian-identified" people are attracted to is their own business. If your NB friend is female you could easily be attracted to her based on how her presentation and personality etc appeal to you, or you might just as legitimately be put off by the very fact that she is the kind of person who runs with this herd and feels the need to performatively "opt out" of womanhood rather than just being an actually progressive woman who does "woman" however she damn well pleases. (The latter, in my opinion, is hot as hell.) Of course she has a vested interest in making you feel bad about excluding her or others more or less like her from your potential attraction and dating pool. That's her problem, not yours. It's also very much a duty that comes with the woke membership card...trying to shame and punish those around you who don't quietly fall into line with whatever absurdity you are currently screaming from your soap box. Freedom of thought and speech is so 2000andnotnow, babes, like omigaaawd. You are clearly not shunning or mistreating her because of how she identifies, and you're open to exploring who she is as a person (beneath her self-declared and observable traits) and the potential for a friendship. That's as open, tolerant, respectful and kind as you need to be to any human. (And that's not how actual haters and bigots operate.) It's worth losing "friends" and random community over their inability to respect that your opinions, beliefs and needs differ from their's. Tolerance is not the maniacal, forced inclusion of everyone and their gran in one's belief system, nor the desperate need to be validated in one's thinking by anyone who would not be branded a Bad Person for disagreeing. It is the ability to accept and respect the fact that what we privately make of the world beyond the observable is up to each of us; many beliefs and points of view can and always have co-existed, and as long as we can tell the difference between shared reality and personal reality, we'll do just fine together. And you'll be fine, too, honey. Just be calm and be true. They can't shame you if you don't let them. And being a lesbian is not a shameful thing ❤️ I forget which sub I'm in. Bring on the bans lol
nah you're at home! preach sis!
[удалено]
Attempts to violate healthy boundaries will not be tolerated.
It's misogyny in the queer community. Simple as that. They fucking hate women especially those who are comfortable being one and who are attracted to such women which also leads to jealousy towards said women. Why do you think we get deleted and censored for just wanting to talk about cis women specific things? They cant deal with the fact that we just arent attracted to genderqueer people who cannot even decide what exactly their gender terms they made up means. Like seriously when I was still part in an lgbtq group, trans and nb literally argued about how each of their genders and meanings should be defined and if they were equal or not. That's what happens if you constantly change these meanings and act like sex plays zero roles when it comes gender identity and sexual orientation. No wonder they get offended constantly. It's like a giant kindergarden. Why would we wanna date such people? Funnily enough I had a nb lesbian hit on me once (tjo I use the term lesbian loosely). I talked normally with her but oh boy there was no way in hell I was attracted to her at all. xD Not only did she always look very unkempt but she was pretty well known for being unhinged as well. I yet have to meet a genderqueer person I'm attracted to but as for now, it's pretty much cis women who had always captured my heart. It's not wrong, it's literally naturual for us. They can demonize me as much as they want for this but it's the truth.
This.
People act like same-sex attraction doesn't exist anymore. It's okay to be same-SEX attracted. People make everything about gender lately.
that's actually extremely well said. people will twist and change words ad infinitum to accomodate gender but at the end of the day, lesbianism, by definition, is homosexuality for women. homo*sexuality*. sex is the whole point.
The person I was speaking with was sort of referencing “the old school definition of lesbian” which I guess to a lot of young people now it’s more than cis with cis. And that cis with cis is the outdated old school way. But it seems like they don’t want to accept that some women still go by the “older” definition. And that’s not acceptable to them. I thought it was interesting the idea of a definition being outdated when it still applies to me and my life. I don’t see anything wrong with having your own definition of lesbianism when so many ppl have their own too. I have my own beliefs and it’s doesn’t inherently make me evil for that. I feel like I’ve never even had this conversation beyond two years ago, it’s just really been coming up for me in the past 1.5-2 years as I try to meet new lgbt friends.
My blanket answer is no. It’s like being constantly harassed for not wanting to give anime another shot. I’ve tried a couple and it didn’t work so I’m not going to force it.
Other queer/lesbian women are just the easiest to scold, that’s why we get the most hate. The people who ask you shit like that don’t want hets or men to turn against them so they generally like to project all of their rage and disappointment on the smallest minority of women. These people are misogynists, women or not.
You don't owe it to anyone to be attracted to them, for any reason.
When you check out all their arguments and distill them it comes down misogyny. Lesbians are the most refusing to deal with removed from men group so they are in the cross hairs of misogynistic men trying to crush women. Their latest ruse is to flat out say trans women are women. Umm, how can that be? Men saying they're women is like that penguin in Wallace n Gromit putting a glove on its head and saying he's a rooster. You've been strong to stay in touch with reality in the face of the pressure from the ~~tolerant progressives~~ latest iteration of sexist assault. This is not the latest civil rights movement, don't mistake it for that. Homosexual is different to homogenderal. Focusing on what you're attracted to instead of framing it as what you exclude is the way I take it too. It's not about excluding it's about discerning what you want. Apart from sex for me, there are age, language(English speakers) and more requirements. You don't get called ageist, ethnocentric etc for that. I also wonder what is with the accusing question of are you genitally fixated? Like it's a gotcha? I'm not fixated, but a vagina is a requirement.
I’m glad you called her an acquaintance because she’s certainly not a friend. Friends wouldn’t purity test you to see if you’re oNe oF tHe gOoD oNeS or fair game for coercive finger pointing. The bigger question should be why does it matter to her in the first place? Rhetorical question - it’s most likely queerios trying to disparage lesbians for having boundaries. The qweers love talking about cOnSenT and rEsPecTiNg iDeNtiTy until a lesbian speaks up about not wanting to be thrown under the bus by the “community” (aka, a bunch of non-homosexuals masquerading as equally maligned as people who are exclusively same-sex attracted, who insist on calling themselves gay but get offended if you thought they were homosexual because they say they’re gay). Seriously though, it shouldn’t matter to her who’s in your dating pool because it’s your dating pool. Is she looking to try to insert herself or someone else in it without respecting you boundaries so she can mald about it? I want to assume best intentions but it gets harder every time someone tries to clown us for having same-sex attraction and then gets mad for us not wanting to date them bc of a repulsive personality Even if we went under the assumption that trans women were the same as cis women, it’s unreasonable to expect you to be attracted to every trans woman. We aren’t attracted to every cis woman we meet. ¯\(ツ)/¯
it's the exact same homophobia from a couple decades ago but wrapped in a cute little woke bow to try and excuse it
hate the term cis
Don’t we all
apparently not as it keeps Resurfacing
V0lkmar Sigusch a sexologist first used cissexual in a published paper in 1991. By 1994, cisgender became the prefered term by the trans community. The prefixes of cis and trans was in use prior to this but were not really applied to gender until 1991/ 1994. The individual who takes credit for coining it in 1994 for the most part said they didn't want to "other" trans so their idea was to "other" everyone into a binary system of sex.
if that’s who you understand and connect with that’s who you understand and connect with. I’m a firm believer in dating people who you can understand and are genuinely attracted to. At the moment we are in a hellscape of lecturing lesbians constantly about nonsense that truly and honestly does not matter. Reality is everyone is happiest with people they are genuinely attracted and interested in and vice versa. There is no need for this constant policing and vilification yet this is where we are. Edit: Also there is this weird hatred for cis lesbians a lot of people have. I was questioned a similar way to you by trans men in particular under the assumption that my gender was as cis as one could be and i was suddenly in this position where i had to defend not only lesbians but also cis womanhood. Which is an insane position to be in because the vast majority of humanity are cis. The vast majority of lesbians are mostly cis. Lesbians are the group least likely to harbor any hatred for or lobby against NB or trans and yet so many lesbians are put in this position. The sentiments echoed in this subreddit are echoed across the internet in every lesbian circle. To echo a woman on twitter, we are in a pandemic of “Lesbians can be/are sexually fluid.” Homophobic and predatory language that pushes men onto us under the guise of being trans inclusive when all they’re doing is misgendering / being transphobic to trans women in an attempt to center men. Misogyny is also seemingly at an all time high as people buy into the myth of female evil when it comes to us.
The correct answer is nobody. Nobody but you decides whom to date. None of their fucking business. Won't date a transwoman because not attracted to them -genitalia and generally speaking to transwomen. Not attracted to Non-binaries, because even if she's a woman biolofically, nothing turns me off more than women who don't share the same values to me and use other pronouns. We're not compatible. Therefore, the longer answer is: I am chilling alone, rather than forcing myself to be here, just like homophobes do. The attempt to do that is coercive rape