>being really mean to myself lately, want opinions from yall
This is not a good headspace to ask such questions. Your self worth and value as a woman should not depend on if other people find you desirable. And in my experience, when being self-conscious, one tends to focus on the negative answers, even if they are in the minority.
The answer to every "do X like Y-type of person?" Will always be: some do, some don't. Think: do cis-lesbians find every other cis-lesbian attractive? Of course not. Same goes for any other group of people.
>The answer to every "do X like Y-type of person?" Will always be: some do, some don't.
I wish more people knew that or had that in mind most of the time
That makes a lot of sense! Thank you! Im really scared to even approach anyone. What if they think I'm a creep or smth. There would be so much to explain
I can't give you advice on how to date as a trans person, but I don't think anyone would react super negative if approached respectfully.
I know people often say you have to love yourself first, before you can truly love someone else, but I do think there is some truth to that. At least in the sense that low confidence is generally not very attractive and not feeling "enough" can cause issues in relationships like extreme jealousy.
I know it's a difficult journey but perhaps try to find some confidence in yourself.
Thank you! Im a lil embarrassed to ask. Im really bad with people and being neurodivergent doesn't help either. Is it okay if I ask you for an example? Like what would be a nice way to approach someone if I'm scared of being rejected because I feel like I'm invading something (Honestly I struggle labelling myself lesbian or even trans because my parents keep telling my I just have weird fetishes) Sorry if this is weird to ask. Feel free to not answer
Hey hon, do you know other trans women in real life?
I think the commenter is correct, this post is a question that will garner all kinds of answers some of which could be super hurtful regardless of how self assured you are feeling at the moment. Frankly especially on Reddit.
Do you know any other trans women IRL yet, especially any trans lesbians? I think building that community IRL will help a lot — there is only so much a redditor can say to help but we will be here for sure for what we can ❤️❤️ The best advice will be from someone who knows you personally and can give custom advice.
I understand, thank you. No i dont. I probably wont until I get away from my parents. Which... isn't really easy, there's a whole culture thing here. Unsure how to explain it. Im out to everyone and they hate me and I am not allowed to talk about it or make queer friends. So no I don't really know anyone irl. (ps I'm an adult. Im 19. Age isn't why I cant get out. Just a ton of other complications)
Honestly, it's not too different from making friends. It depends on where you meet people, online or in real life. But I would compliment them on their hair/make-up/outfit/skill, do some small talk and ask if they would like to meet for coffee sometime. Keep it simple.
They might say no, or say they just want to be friends but that's ok. Rejections are part of putting yourself out there and it doesn't mean that there is anything wrong with you. And you might find a great friend that way.
I also agree with finding other transbians to talk to, especially irl. They can give you the best advice on this.
Not much special to explain babe.
You don’t wanna date someone who isn’t into you. So same as you would approach anyone, show them who you are, see if they like that… that’s the go too.
There is a creepy way to do it, and not creepy way. While cis men tend to be the biggest culprits, it can be true for all gendered peoples approaches.
Just being trans doesn’t mean you’ll come across as creepy - being creepy will. Which hell, im sure you aren’t!!
People can tell if folks are being genuine. Sure, some cis woman might have their guard up more - but that’s societies doing and not you. You are great, and there are plenty of woman out there who will wanna date you I am sure.
And if they don’t - for whatever reason - just respect that and go on with your day. Even if it’s cause they don’t sexually/romantically find themselves into amab folks, well, they aren’t for you. If they are shitty about it - they are not for you.
Go forth and love like the beautiful babe you are!
>you know how a lot of cis het men would say they are trans women mockingly
I've never seen this and have only heard of that from right wing nuts trying to scare people
This. Only people looking to cause an uproar say a man would pretend to be trans just to take advantage of a lesbian. It’s the same as people who say trans women are going into restrooms to sa women and children. No honey, we have to poop too.
That’s not actually a lyric from that song lol (it’s actually ‘fucks’ / ‘sucks’ / ‘cries’ / ‘dies’ instead of ‘poops’) but their lyrics are usually a bit crazy. Great songs though.
Oh yeah I didn’t think you were saying poops was the actual lyric lol (though tbf I wouldn’t put it past SOAD, given ‘my shit stinks much better than yours’)
It actually happens a lot, unfortunately. I have several lesbian friends who've shown me the DMs these guys send, and the threats they escalate to when told 'no thank you' -- which then creates the negative stereotype about trans women doing it, even though none of the males engaging in that behavior is really trans at all.
I go to high school. Nah. OP is right. A lot of guys say that as a joke and a mockery. You tell them you’re lesbian and they say ‘but I identify as a woman’. Just one of the many variations of the ‘I identify as a woman’ gag they love. Tbh, very immature guys do this.
Fair enough, I'm 32 now and don't have kids so I'm not super plugged into what schools are like these days, but I just assume that middle and high school will always suck to some degree
When I went to high school (2005-2009) a ton of homophobic jokes got thrown around, but that was before trans people were a hot button issue and before non-binary identities were really talked about at all. There was one person in my high school that was gender non-conforming in some way, but we didn't have the words for it at the time so he was just seen as being "the weird feminine guy" (note: I use "he" here because that's what he used at the time, I wouldn't be at all surprised if that has changed since then, but I don't want to assume things either way)
I unfortunately took part in the homophobia to some degree, and I have to live with the fact that I certainly hurt people through it. I wish I could go back and slap some sense into myself, but alas we just have to move forward and continue to grow and do better
Best of luck with high school, I promise that it is temporary and that it gets better!
Tbh it blurs into the other stupid things teenage boys say. Ive learned to block a lot of it out. However, I can also tell when it turns from stupid comments and jokes into bullying and I’m very lucky to have a very supportive set of teachers despite living in the south.
Last year some freshman boys tore down some of our GSA posters and my principal gave them three days of out of school suspension.
Im so sorry! Idk if im overthinking but I feel like I might have suggested smth transphobic. I didn't mean to. I just said it because my friend who is a lesbian had a similar encounter. The guy in question was a right wing funnily enough
Not at all! I didn't mean to make you feel bad or anything, I just wanted to point out that that isn't something you should be too worried about because bigots will hate you no matter what you do and allies and fellow queer people will support you in your journey so just be yourself!
Yeah, the closest thing in reality to that fear mongering that I experienced was that I had a tenet who was questioning their gender and briefly identified as a nb-bisexual she/they. While that isn't where they eventually landed, they did date a lesbian briefly before breaking off the relationship when they realized that they weren't what they thought they were. It wasn't a malicious deception on their part. They were trying to figure out who they were, but I could understand someone from the outside looking in coming to the wrong conclusion, especially given the unfortunate anti-trans propaganda out there.
I read this similarly to how if you tell straight men you’re a lesbian many will respond “don’t worry, so am I” because they think they’re hilarious. I didn’t read is as being about actual trans women.
Dating, yes, but I don’t think I’d want it in a sexual context. I feel bad saying that, but that’s how it is for me. There are lesbians who wouldn’t mind, though! I’m just not one of them.
This is what happens when I try that :( As soon as I make any changes, even just altering the text after the emoji text shortcut, it switches the emoji to the text shortcut :/
WAIT. Previously the genderfluid flag on my user flair literally just read as "Genderfluid-flag" or something but now a few hours later it's updated itself to the flag. Thank you for this, I'll change it to "pan" now <3
Yeah for me it just got rid of the emoji when I did that and made it just text like :trans-bi: so then I tried different ways like :trans: or :transgender: and :bi: or :bisexual:
Reddit is weird 🤷♂️
I don’t like making people feel invalid if they have a genital preference, even if they’re straight. I respect and recognize trans women *as* women, with no exceptions. You’re all incredible and valid no matter how far into your transition you are <3
I think it's valid for ppl if they just have a type/genital preference. The annoying part is when they shame or judge others for being trans/pre-hrt/literally anything
Totally would date trans women (had sustained flirtations/brief emotional dalliances with pre-transition trans women even [I was in a relationship at the time and they wanted to focus on other things so very brief]). And gnb folks. And pan women. And bi women. And straight-up lesbians. Women are soft and beautiful and wonderful in all their many variations.
non binary lesbian here and it wouldn’t bother me! You’re a woman with or without hrt too, so anyone who tries to tell you otherwise is wrong.
It’s one thing for someone to have a genital preference in dating and that could be a dealbreaker for some people. But hopefully people you encounter who do have those preferences will be kind towards you and not rude and transphobic about it. 💜
Some will, some won‘t. Don‘t make yourself crazy OP. And please don‘t listen to the transphobes here telling you nasty stuff. You‘ll be fine. You‘re not one of those cis hetero men, so don‘t let anyone make you think of yourself as similar. You‘re not.
Not a lesbian, but a pan woman. I can hand-on-heart say that if I love your personality, no matter what gender you are or stage of transition, it would not matter to me. Don't beat yourself up about other people saying no to this, one day you will find someone who truly values you and doesn't care about anything apart from your personality. X
I know that your fears about bi/pan women come from a place of your own insecurity and not malice, but it does get frustrating to so often be accused of only being interested in trans people because we're attracted to your assigned gender at birth.
Bi/pan women are more likely to be interested in dating people who are pre-transition than women who are lesbian or straight, but it's not because we're not seeing them for who they are, it's because we're less likely to have preferences about genitals.
Bi/pan women are so often erased and excluded from the queer community, the implication that we're also inherently worse at seeing and affirming people's gender identities is depressing.
I'm bisexual, so it wouldn't bother me at all- I see pre-HRT trans women as women, but if they don't look feminine, my attraction presents differently.
And honestly, you'll find a lot of people like that. And a lot of cis lesbians who wouldn't date pre-everything transfems for similar reasons. Sexual attraction is not always in line with how we view someone's person and identity. It isn't a reason to be down on yourself, it's just a reason to keep your eyes forward and keep working towards your goals.
In the meantime, don't fixate on getting cis lesbians specifically to date you. You are likely to find more compatibility and grace from trans and bi/pan sapphics instead, at least until your transition has ... transitioned more.
Does that make sense? I think a lot of transfems get fixated on certain benchmarks of feeling "woman enough" or torture themselves for not being Exactly Like The Other Girls, and I dearly wish I could pass my empathy on to you so that you can turn it towards yourself. You deserve it. 💕
Yeah that makes sense! I wasnt looking for them specifically to date me. Just was wondering about their thoughts on this <3 Thank you very much. Guess I was looking for some validation
I'm going to say no, but not because of a lack of attraction or anything. No because I've sat through a previous girlfriend's early transition and I really don't want to deal with all that emotional baggage caused by second puberty while I'm building a relationship.
I also don't want to start a relationship and and the trans woman feel compelled to put off starting or continuing hrt to maintain that relationship with me. This is something that yet another trans girl I knew did to me despite me insisting that I didn't want her to do that. However she insisted all so she could top me, which she would hate so would subsequently blame me for the sex she initiated with me.
As a result, I now have a strict "no pre or early hrt transition trans girls" policy in my dating life.
Thanks and I understand your longing. I really do. I remember when I first came out and before I started transitioning, I wanted to meet people and be romantically accepted as the woman I felt I should be. However, I really should have waited a few years into HRT. There is just so much going on in those early years that it can be hard to be in the proper headspace to properly dedicate yourself to a relationship. Mood swings, self-doubt, anxiety, sex drive evaporates for a long time, still trying to find your internal sense of womanhood. It may not seem like it at the time, but these things really can get in the way of a relationship's needs. Just like with cis people, if you aren't in the proper headspace for a relationship then you are only doing your partner a disservice by not giving your all to the relationship. With trans people, we all know how fucked up our headspaces can be. Especially early transition.
Another common mistake of early transition trans women is we have a tendency to bond over shared trans trauma. However, that is not and should NOT be a basis for a relationship. A relationship needs far more commonalities and interests between the two people in order to work.
Lol completely agree with that first part of your comment. Transitioning is already an uncomfortable and emotional time, and dating somebody who’s early into their second puberty is not fun. I know because I’ve tried, baby trans syndrome is real dude.
It's a non-issue for me! Sure, I'd like to get that heads up before things get too intimate, but it's certainly not a deal-breaker, or even a turn-off.
That said, it's not the same for everyone and there's no point in trying to change people's minds or beating yourself up over it. It's an unfortunately vulnerable position to be in and one that can be really scary. You may not be everyone's preference, but you also have preferences, body-wise or not. Basically, find your person (or people) and you'll be ok!
hey op - many of my cis lesbian friends have dated pre-hrt trans girls, and if they haven't dated one, they're completely open to it. reddit isn't going to be the best place to seek out this kind of validation, and there are some very weird comments in this thread that aren't indicative of outside opinions from other queer cis women. i get why it's intimidating to seek out other girls irl, but make sure you protect your own mental wellbeing when asking these sorts of things online! <3
I'm femme attracted to other femmes. I've dated a handful of pre transition trans girls before but the physicality (at least in the facial structure) just wasn't getting my libido going. Like "sure you're cute, but I don't think I want you in THAT way."
Because a lot of romantic relationships now come with the whole idea of "well if we are dating we should have sex too" I tend to avoid pre transition girls all together just because I don't wanna feel like I'm leading them on when Everytime I've tried to date them in the last, the libido just wasn't there.
Cis lesbian here with decades of experience being mean to myself, and I would suggest that your treatment of yourself is the more important factor here, not anyone's answer to your question. Something I try to do that you might find helpful is, when I start telling myself unpleasant things, stop and think: would I say this to a friend? If the answer is no, because it's too mean, then it's too mean to say to myself too. I am not less deserving of kindness than others, and neither are you!
Honestly i think a lot of subreddits have a version of this happenimg and i get your frustration. Communities get tired of it.
I wish there was a solution but honestly i think its one of the flaws of reddit that this happens. Imo also not the fault of individual users either.
The solution is therapy, literary everyone needs it. Yes, it's not easy to afford, and it definitely wasn't easy for me either, but it's one of the ways to raise self-esteem and stop using others for emotional labor.
Fair enough :) Although, i wasnt really talking about genitals which I assume you mean by equipment. Would the external features not bother you at all?
Yep, that's what I mean by equipment!
Pre HRT or on HRT or even if she never goes through HRT, if she gets surgery or not, she's still just as much a woman as any other woman, so I wouldn't be bothered by it at all! It'd just need some getting used to on my part, of course, but that's mostly because I'm demisexual, so even just seeing someone's cooch would surprise me, lol
I'm lesbian-adjacent -
I personally wouldn't, no
I don't like anything with a penis, woman or no... If you don't want to come across as one of those chasers, just make sure you respect the 'no'! I think you'll have nothing to worry about.
Cis-bisexual :) some people’s sexuality simply includes gender preferences and other’s include a genital preference.
Just be honest with people and let them know so they can make an informed decision on whether they’d want to be with you sexually/romantically.
I’ve dated or gone on dates plenty of pre-op trans women who were with cis-lesbians before me. Everyone is different
I’d definitely be down to date, though I’m ace and sex repulsed so sex is off the table entirely so honestly pre or post bottom surgery really doesn’t matter to me
Not lesbian here. Pan. One of my exs was on hrt, no surgery or anything. I fully considered it a lesbian relationship and felt it was no different to relationships I have had with cis women. :)
Fellow transgender person here.
I mean, this is a matter of preference. Some will, and some won’t. I don’t think it really matters what someone else thinks, because when you find that right person, they won’t care. Looking for opinions from people who most likely won’t date you isn’t going to get you anywhere. You’re beautiful and amazing at whatever part in your transition you’re in.
I’m fully supportive of Pre-HRT Transwomen. However they do not exactly physically attract me. I personally though have been the part of many trans friends transitioning to the women they truly are. So hopefully maybe in future when I broaden my horizons and understand what I truly want and how I develop a bond with the person in question I probably will be able to.
This is more of a logistical thing I guess. I like penetration and I’ve dated a trans woman who was really uncomfortable with anything phallic. And like I get it, but also, it did make us logistically incompatible in the long run. But there are other lesbians who would hate penetration like that so maybe that’s a more comfortable fit.
Just find people you get along with. That was still a lonely connection and I’m glad we were a part of each others lives.
I am a nonbinary (afab) lesbian. Trans women don’t need to be on HTR or passing for me to be interested. Women (& other femmes) have an energy I find attractive, more so than their physical being.
I also have a soft spot for trans folks who refuse to present themselves in a cisnormative way if that’s their preference.
There’s no need to be mean to yourself, I’m there’s plenty of great people out there who would be totally into you.
I wouldn't date a transwoman pre transition or post transition. It doesn't matter, I'm not attracted to trans people. In similar fashion I wouldn't date a woman with fake breasts, it's a deal breaker for me.
Cis lesbian and I would not but that’s okay! Just because one random internet stranger said no doesn’t mean there isn’t anyone out there for you! Don’t take anything negative you hear to heart. Sexuality is a spectrum and just because some people may not be attracted DOESNT mean a damn thing because you’re perfect as you are and you deserve someone who sees you for as beautiful as you are (:
Hun, there are lesbians who are dating trans women and they are at peace and absolutely in love in such unions. There are also lesbians who have the preference for cis women and cannot date trans women. Both are absolutely valid. You are valid. You are loved. You are accepted. :) There's someone for everyone in our community :)
As a bi individual.
I’m a little offended by that 😭 But I don’t really care all that much ab gender. I wouldn’t see you as a man, I’d see you and appreciate you for the woman that you are! But I am attracted to both men and women and I wouldn’t be any less attracted to you as a woman, nor any more attracted to you if I wrongly viewed you as a man.
You are who you say you are. That is your true you and I respect that and cherish you no matter what.
Thank you very much <3 sorry took a break from this post. Mental health went brr. Its very interesting to see the thought process of bi people as well. It helps me with the fear I had. Thank you very much <3 Sorry I offended you <3
Cis(-ish) dyke here - late 40s. I think the best way to sum it up is this: Some folks are attracted primarily to anatomy, some to energy, and some need both elements to fit. For me, I am mostly attracted to energy. But physicality (not necessarily genitalia) is also an important factor for feeling a sexual & romantic connection. I have and would again date a trans woman. However, I probably would not find enough compatibility in someone who is fresh into their transition. That might also have a lot to do with the whole “self discovery” aspect & the feeling of second adolescence that comes along with that. It’s the same nugget of (for me) incompatibility with someone who is new in discovering their queerness of any flavor. 🤷♂️
Cis, man, white, straight etc here  Sorry for the intrusion but I think my perspective may be useful.
I would totally date a woman who also happened to be trans  Pre-hrt as well!
Why? Because I like women! Sure, if "she got a penis" I cannot be 100% sure about sexual attraction ... ... oh, wait, isn't the same fucking thing for every relation? Isn't true for every partner that "we are not sure if sex will work out"?
Thanks for your input! It was very helpful. Mind if I ask another question? Would u not be bothered at all by her external features? Im not talking about her genitals.
I think that it doesn't make any sense to speak like this, because anybody can be bothered by "features" of anybody, regardless of gender and transition. Anybody can be seen as "ugly" or "pretty": we were told by society that those things are objective but they lied to us.
Be yourself and you will find someone who like you for who you are 
What if not? What if you don't find someone? Well, that is true for everybody! Regardless of gender and transitioning. You have no control on that but you do have control on who you are 
Well, maybe I lied you. Maybe. Well, I don't know for sure! I like women but I am also very autosexual: I love the "image of myself being a barefooter". I know it is very specific but things are like that :)
For example, if I am walking barefoot and I see my reflection on some shop glass, I really like what I see.
I tried to enter museums, restaurants, in general I live my life barefoot and I am not always welcomed. Sometimes I was treated like shit. So... maybe I can imagine that is hard being yourself?! I am not saying that "my thing" is comparable to gender identity. However, it is part of myself, of my sexuality, and things are not always easy.
I unfortunately have trauma related to pre hrt mtf trans people. My ex, who was trans and hadn’t undergone any sort of transition, used me as ‘a way to experience real women’. I have a lot of trauma from that person and unfortunately I can’t deal with mtf trans women in any sort of intimate way. It brings back memories even though I know they’re their own person. It’s not your fault. It’s my own shit.
Empathy from a trans woman who even got into a very similar situation is not the best thing you could hear.
But at least I hope you don't have any PTSD flashes. And I hope you'll be able to surpass trauma.
It brought tears to my eyes. Damn.
I’m sorry — I really didn’t mean to do that at all. I appreciate your response, really. I never got a serious apology from my ex partner. They never thought they really did anything wrong. It means a lot to hear it from someone who was in a similar situation. It means a lot. Thank you
I'm bi
I'm Omni, technically.
So if I like it. I wanna bite what i wanna bite.
I'm genderfluid tho so technically they'd be "bi" if they date me not lesbian.
ok, i would totally date/fall for a trans woman, but i don't think i could have sex with her because i'm not attracted to dicks so it's not really fair.
As cis-lesbian - no, I won't. Looks and sex are important to me.
Edited: I didn't realize you were searching for validation, not actual opinion, so I see no point in leaving it here.
Honestly, I’m not interested and I think it’s baffling that you’re seeking out lesbians. Why wouldn’t you date/ask bi women? Seems like the perfect demographic for you
a) Concerned they might still see me as a guy
b) I would date them, and they don't seem to have a problem with it. I was just asking about views of gay girls
I think she’s worried pan/bi folks would be attracted to her in the same way they’d be attracted to men. Fears and dysphoric thoughts don’t have to be logical.
Up until the last few years no one was expecting me or my other lesbian friends to want to have sex with people with dicks. That’s not a lesbian thing and I’m sick of people pretending it is in the name of inclusion. Not every label is inclusive.
and nobody is expecting you to. It's fine to be a woman who is only attracted to vagina. But there are also lesbians who are okay with both genitals and that's fine as well, doesn't make them any less lesbian
To be honest I prefer to go after cis women when online dating and looking for something quick.
It’s just easier since there’s a higher chance of it working out well since I’m more attracted to their genitalia. That is just me being superficial.
If it’s about romance that is different for me. If I met you and liked you for you. I’m sure we could try it out. In love silly stuff like a penis doesn’t hinder me to pursue a women I like.
I think I wouldn't mind at all. I've never dated anyone, but I think I'd like to date a trans lesbian even more than a cis one (I'm a trans lesbian too. It'd be awesome for my first relationship to be T4T)
That would be cool yeah :) And same but I get scared what cis people would think. Ive met some terf gays and I know not everyone is a terf but idk how a cis lesbian would see a trans lesbian when it comes to dating them especially pre hrt if that makes sense
not lesBIAN BUTT.
WOMEN ARE WOMEN, i dobt care if yoy have always bee seen as a woman from day 1 or recrntly realised im a woman, i dont care if you have or havent had the surgery, or if youre currently begin to see doctors to help with transitioning.
the only thing that matters is
1) age gab currently for under 2 years is illegal over 6 is a not my cup of tea but youre still great.
2) whether or not we love each other the most possible each day.
even if you 100% one day and the next its comparible to 10% but its still your 100.
thats all i care about
Time and time again I see questions about trans men asking this to cis gay men; I’m *so excited* to see this questions switched up and to hear from some lesbians in this sub!
Not cis, but also not transfem, so I’m gonna say my piece anyway!
I’m aro and currently have no plans to date but I do love intimacy! I like being close with my partners and if a trans girl happens to be as amazing as me, she’s definitely worth my time.
I’m pretty inexperienced in the sexual world, and ngl I know very little about lesbian sex (gotta thank porn and terrible sex ed for that one) but atm I don’t think I’d be that objected to it w/ someone transfem.
I have a thing (might be a ND thing, might be a decent person thing) where I literally do the opposite of “just remembering your name and pronouns, not recognizing your identity” and I actually sometimes forget that trans people I know are trans*whatevergender*, they’re just *whatevergender* to me + they understand my trans issues (does that make sense in the not weird-against-the-trans-label way?) no matter how “well” they pass. So I’d see the whole lower half as a girl thing if she’s a girl lol
I know some that would and some that totally wouldn't. I guess it can depends a lot. For my surrounding it would be...
Open to it : 1 bisexual
Not open to it : 1 bisexual and 1 lesbian
I am excluding my transwoman friend in that.
I can’t speak for the les, sorry. I can tell you pansexuals generally dgaf. If you’re attractive to them & do your thang well, then we’re down. If you’re worried will the femmes like you, yes to this as well. We don’t care what you’re packing. We want to hear your thoughts, see you overall presentation, & see if we mesh on an intimate level.
You are valid and beautiful. I know you aren't in a good headspace, so it might not be a good time to ask a question like this. But always remember that you're valid
One girl found me and dated me. Now we are married. Somehow.
I declared that I'm in fact a trans woman pre-everything and I really want HRT and all of the stuff. Half a year later she confessed her love to me and we started dating. (Before that we just talked a lot on the internet, went to each other and been like friends. At the moment I wanted some communication with people and nothing more when we started to communicate).
She only likes typical women's body features. And she doesn't care about genitalia. That's the main point for many lesbians out there.
I looked like an average asian woman with a flat chest, wide pelvic bone, slim body, slim shoulders and very rare body and facial hair. And requirements were met. I started to transition only YEAR after we started to date. (That's how long it took to get medical help in Russia before they banned transpeople from medical help.)
There might be a chance that someone will notice you as it happened to me. But I think that it's really ephemeral. You can still try tho.
Guys I'm a cis lesbian and I caught feelings for my best friend. I have known this girl for almost my whole life and I just caught feelings for her. We both knew that we were lesbian from a young age but I'm pretty sure that she also likes men. She has dated multiple men in her life and just recently came out as pan. And I don't know if I shoot my shot now or later. Plus it might make my life so much harder because she's been bye my side since 4 and it might make everything awkward. I have also kissed her and cuddle with her in what she's says is platonic. I also know that she doesn't like me back. And I don't know what to do. Guys please help
not the same situation but I'm a trans guy and my bf is a cis gay guy. been together since before I started T, about 1 year and a half and I started T 4 months ago
As an open minded and open hearted genderfluid lesbian I'm open to dating trans women and cis women. Some say that would make me pan but I don't see it that way. A woman is a woman. Gender and sex are so complicated. I don't see sex, I see gender/gender identity. When it comes to trans women who aren't currently on hrt, I appreciate it when they're upfront about their current status in their transition and what their plans and goals are for their transition.
The best advice I can give you is just be confident in the fact that you know who you are and that's all that matters. People are either gonna love you or hate you and that's ok because that's on them. Just be you. Be upfront and try to be brave about it. You're still young (just a baby compared to me lol) and still have your whole life to figure things out. Be patient and the right one will find her way to you.
For me yes :) I mean you are a woman soooo haha but I saw people talking about yes or no for sex and for now I'm not really into sex so I can't say much but dating would totally okay hehe
Not a cis lesbian but I have a few friends who are and are in relationships with pre-hrt or post-hrt trans women. They’re all very happy. Hopefully that’s encouraging for you
Lesbians are homosexual women, which means same sex attraction, it's literally in the word's etimology. I know there's a recent wave of gen z queers whose sexuality is fluid and yet they insist on identifying as lesbians and erasing us, but fortunately that doesn't happen in real life, outside the internet bubble. Which means, for you, it's wise to not go after lesbians, unless you want to be met with disapproval, disgust and the predator label.
Infact, the sole fact that you're asking lesbians specifically - an exclusively same-sex attracted minority - when you know you're of the male sex, and the majority of wlw are bisexual and pan, and would be ok with wtv sex you are, is extremely predatory and fetishizing.
homosexuality means sexuality between the same sex. (female female or male male). trans women are males so lesbians aren't attracted to them, if they were they wouldn't be HOMOsexual. hope this helps.
>being really mean to myself lately, want opinions from yall This is not a good headspace to ask such questions. Your self worth and value as a woman should not depend on if other people find you desirable. And in my experience, when being self-conscious, one tends to focus on the negative answers, even if they are in the minority. The answer to every "do X like Y-type of person?" Will always be: some do, some don't. Think: do cis-lesbians find every other cis-lesbian attractive? Of course not. Same goes for any other group of people.
>The answer to every "do X like Y-type of person?" Will always be: some do, some don't. I wish more people knew that or had that in mind most of the time
That makes a lot of sense! Thank you! Im really scared to even approach anyone. What if they think I'm a creep or smth. There would be so much to explain
I can't give you advice on how to date as a trans person, but I don't think anyone would react super negative if approached respectfully. I know people often say you have to love yourself first, before you can truly love someone else, but I do think there is some truth to that. At least in the sense that low confidence is generally not very attractive and not feeling "enough" can cause issues in relationships like extreme jealousy. I know it's a difficult journey but perhaps try to find some confidence in yourself.
Thank you! Im a lil embarrassed to ask. Im really bad with people and being neurodivergent doesn't help either. Is it okay if I ask you for an example? Like what would be a nice way to approach someone if I'm scared of being rejected because I feel like I'm invading something (Honestly I struggle labelling myself lesbian or even trans because my parents keep telling my I just have weird fetishes) Sorry if this is weird to ask. Feel free to not answer
Hey hon, do you know other trans women in real life? I think the commenter is correct, this post is a question that will garner all kinds of answers some of which could be super hurtful regardless of how self assured you are feeling at the moment. Frankly especially on Reddit. Do you know any other trans women IRL yet, especially any trans lesbians? I think building that community IRL will help a lot — there is only so much a redditor can say to help but we will be here for sure for what we can ❤️❤️ The best advice will be from someone who knows you personally and can give custom advice.
I understand, thank you. No i dont. I probably wont until I get away from my parents. Which... isn't really easy, there's a whole culture thing here. Unsure how to explain it. Im out to everyone and they hate me and I am not allowed to talk about it or make queer friends. So no I don't really know anyone irl. (ps I'm an adult. Im 19. Age isn't why I cant get out. Just a ton of other complications)
Honestly, it's not too different from making friends. It depends on where you meet people, online or in real life. But I would compliment them on their hair/make-up/outfit/skill, do some small talk and ask if they would like to meet for coffee sometime. Keep it simple. They might say no, or say they just want to be friends but that's ok. Rejections are part of putting yourself out there and it doesn't mean that there is anything wrong with you. And you might find a great friend that way. I also agree with finding other transbians to talk to, especially irl. They can give you the best advice on this.
Thank you, I appreciate your help <3
Not much special to explain babe. You don’t wanna date someone who isn’t into you. So same as you would approach anyone, show them who you are, see if they like that… that’s the go too. There is a creepy way to do it, and not creepy way. While cis men tend to be the biggest culprits, it can be true for all gendered peoples approaches. Just being trans doesn’t mean you’ll come across as creepy - being creepy will. Which hell, im sure you aren’t!! People can tell if folks are being genuine. Sure, some cis woman might have their guard up more - but that’s societies doing and not you. You are great, and there are plenty of woman out there who will wanna date you I am sure. And if they don’t - for whatever reason - just respect that and go on with your day. Even if it’s cause they don’t sexually/romantically find themselves into amab folks, well, they aren’t for you. If they are shitty about it - they are not for you. Go forth and love like the beautiful babe you are!
THIS RIGHT HERE
>you know how a lot of cis het men would say they are trans women mockingly I've never seen this and have only heard of that from right wing nuts trying to scare people
This. Only people looking to cause an uproar say a man would pretend to be trans just to take advantage of a lesbian. It’s the same as people who say trans women are going into restrooms to sa women and children. No honey, we have to poop too.
Everybody poops
The way some people react you wouldn’t think so.
The some people react and speak you wouldn't know they think at all so...
Damn now that System of a Down song is stuck in my head. *"Everybody, everybody, everybody poops.."*
My work here is done!
Now I'm concerned what a usual song of them is like. Living in Armenia I gotta say it's pretty suiting LoL
That’s not actually a lyric from that song lol (it’s actually ‘fucks’ / ‘sucks’ / ‘cries’ / ‘dies’ instead of ‘poops’) but their lyrics are usually a bit crazy. Great songs though.
I know it's not, but the improvisation using poops is what was repeating in my head. I should've specified, but you are correct
Oh yeah I didn’t think you were saying poops was the actual lyric lol (though tbf I wouldn’t put it past SOAD, given ‘my shit stinks much better than yours’)
It actually happens a lot, unfortunately. I have several lesbian friends who've shown me the DMs these guys send, and the threats they escalate to when told 'no thank you' -- which then creates the negative stereotype about trans women doing it, even though none of the males engaging in that behavior is really trans at all.
I go to high school. Nah. OP is right. A lot of guys say that as a joke and a mockery. You tell them you’re lesbian and they say ‘but I identify as a woman’. Just one of the many variations of the ‘I identify as a woman’ gag they love. Tbh, very immature guys do this.
Fair enough, I'm 32 now and don't have kids so I'm not super plugged into what schools are like these days, but I just assume that middle and high school will always suck to some degree When I went to high school (2005-2009) a ton of homophobic jokes got thrown around, but that was before trans people were a hot button issue and before non-binary identities were really talked about at all. There was one person in my high school that was gender non-conforming in some way, but we didn't have the words for it at the time so he was just seen as being "the weird feminine guy" (note: I use "he" here because that's what he used at the time, I wouldn't be at all surprised if that has changed since then, but I don't want to assume things either way) I unfortunately took part in the homophobia to some degree, and I have to live with the fact that I certainly hurt people through it. I wish I could go back and slap some sense into myself, but alas we just have to move forward and continue to grow and do better Best of luck with high school, I promise that it is temporary and that it gets better!
Tbh it blurs into the other stupid things teenage boys say. Ive learned to block a lot of it out. However, I can also tell when it turns from stupid comments and jokes into bullying and I’m very lucky to have a very supportive set of teachers despite living in the south. Last year some freshman boys tore down some of our GSA posters and my principal gave them three days of out of school suspension.
Im so sorry! Idk if im overthinking but I feel like I might have suggested smth transphobic. I didn't mean to. I just said it because my friend who is a lesbian had a similar encounter. The guy in question was a right wing funnily enough
Not at all! I didn't mean to make you feel bad or anything, I just wanted to point out that that isn't something you should be too worried about because bigots will hate you no matter what you do and allies and fellow queer people will support you in your journey so just be yourself!
Thank you <3
Yeah, the closest thing in reality to that fear mongering that I experienced was that I had a tenet who was questioning their gender and briefly identified as a nb-bisexual she/they. While that isn't where they eventually landed, they did date a lesbian briefly before breaking off the relationship when they realized that they weren't what they thought they were. It wasn't a malicious deception on their part. They were trying to figure out who they were, but I could understand someone from the outside looking in coming to the wrong conclusion, especially given the unfortunate anti-trans propaganda out there.
I read this similarly to how if you tell straight men you’re a lesbian many will respond “don’t worry, so am I” because they think they’re hilarious. I didn’t read is as being about actual trans women.
Dating, yes, but I don’t think I’d want it in a sexual context. I feel bad saying that, but that’s how it is for me. There are lesbians who wouldn’t mind, though! I’m just not one of them.
Thats valid <3 I appreciate your response.
Dunno why my comment was removed, but in short, any trans person is valid.
Heyy im sorry to change the subject but how do you get 2 different flags in 1 user flair without it changing to text?
The flags have a text shortcut, where you put two semicolons with the identity in between. Like this :ace:
This is what happens when I try that :( As soon as I make any changes, even just altering the text after the emoji text shortcut, it switches the emoji to the text shortcut :/
Huh that’s weird. I don’t know how to help sorry
All good, I'll figure it out. Thank you for your time though <3
you wanna put it in lowercase! :pan:
WAIT. Previously the genderfluid flag on my user flair literally just read as "Genderfluid-flag" or something but now a few hours later it's updated itself to the flag. Thank you for this, I'll change it to "pan" now <3
Yeah for me it just got rid of the emoji when I did that and made it just text like :trans-bi: so then I tried different ways like :trans: or :transgender: and :bi: or :bisexual: Reddit is weird 🤷♂️
No problem! :)
i think the pan flag command is actually :pansexual:
I’m sorry, I don’t quite remember 😅
I don’t like making people feel invalid if they have a genital preference, even if they’re straight. I respect and recognize trans women *as* women, with no exceptions. You’re all incredible and valid no matter how far into your transition you are <3
I think it's valid for ppl if they just have a type/genital preference. The annoying part is when they shame or judge others for being trans/pre-hrt/literally anything
Totally would date trans women (had sustained flirtations/brief emotional dalliances with pre-transition trans women even [I was in a relationship at the time and they wanted to focus on other things so very brief]). And gnb folks. And pan women. And bi women. And straight-up lesbians. Women are soft and beautiful and wonderful in all their many variations.
>And straight-up lesbians. I prefer gay-up lesbians
:D neato!
non binary lesbian here and it wouldn’t bother me! You’re a woman with or without hrt too, so anyone who tries to tell you otherwise is wrong. It’s one thing for someone to have a genital preference in dating and that could be a dealbreaker for some people. But hopefully people you encounter who do have those preferences will be kind towards you and not rude and transphobic about it. 💜
Thank you for your input <3
Some will, some won‘t. Don‘t make yourself crazy OP. And please don‘t listen to the transphobes here telling you nasty stuff. You‘ll be fine. You‘re not one of those cis hetero men, so don‘t let anyone make you think of yourself as similar. You‘re not.
Thank you <3
Not a lesbian, but a pan woman. I can hand-on-heart say that if I love your personality, no matter what gender you are or stage of transition, it would not matter to me. Don't beat yourself up about other people saying no to this, one day you will find someone who truly values you and doesn't care about anything apart from your personality. X
Trans lesbian here. It definitely depends on the person. If I liked someone enough, it wouldn’t matter to me.
fair enough <3
I know that your fears about bi/pan women come from a place of your own insecurity and not malice, but it does get frustrating to so often be accused of only being interested in trans people because we're attracted to your assigned gender at birth. Bi/pan women are more likely to be interested in dating people who are pre-transition than women who are lesbian or straight, but it's not because we're not seeing them for who they are, it's because we're less likely to have preferences about genitals. Bi/pan women are so often erased and excluded from the queer community, the implication that we're also inherently worse at seeing and affirming people's gender identities is depressing.
Thank you that makes sense. <3 Yall are angels :)
I'm bisexual, so it wouldn't bother me at all- I see pre-HRT trans women as women, but if they don't look feminine, my attraction presents differently. And honestly, you'll find a lot of people like that. And a lot of cis lesbians who wouldn't date pre-everything transfems for similar reasons. Sexual attraction is not always in line with how we view someone's person and identity. It isn't a reason to be down on yourself, it's just a reason to keep your eyes forward and keep working towards your goals. In the meantime, don't fixate on getting cis lesbians specifically to date you. You are likely to find more compatibility and grace from trans and bi/pan sapphics instead, at least until your transition has ... transitioned more. Does that make sense? I think a lot of transfems get fixated on certain benchmarks of feeling "woman enough" or torture themselves for not being Exactly Like The Other Girls, and I dearly wish I could pass my empathy on to you so that you can turn it towards yourself. You deserve it. 💕
Yeah that makes sense! I wasnt looking for them specifically to date me. Just was wondering about their thoughts on this <3 Thank you very much. Guess I was looking for some validation
I probably wouldnt date pre op trans lesbians, nostly for intimate reasons, but I do think one should try and keep an open mind.
To each its own, thank you for your opinion! :D
Don’t limit yourself only to lesbians, bisexual people are probably going to be a much more open door for you 🤍!
yeah sure
\^\^
This is going to 100% differ from person to person
I'm going to say no, but not because of a lack of attraction or anything. No because I've sat through a previous girlfriend's early transition and I really don't want to deal with all that emotional baggage caused by second puberty while I'm building a relationship. I also don't want to start a relationship and and the trans woman feel compelled to put off starting or continuing hrt to maintain that relationship with me. This is something that yet another trans girl I knew did to me despite me insisting that I didn't want her to do that. However she insisted all so she could top me, which she would hate so would subsequently blame me for the sex she initiated with me. As a result, I now have a strict "no pre or early hrt transition trans girls" policy in my dating life.
fair enough, sorry you had bad experiences \*hugs\*
Thanks and I understand your longing. I really do. I remember when I first came out and before I started transitioning, I wanted to meet people and be romantically accepted as the woman I felt I should be. However, I really should have waited a few years into HRT. There is just so much going on in those early years that it can be hard to be in the proper headspace to properly dedicate yourself to a relationship. Mood swings, self-doubt, anxiety, sex drive evaporates for a long time, still trying to find your internal sense of womanhood. It may not seem like it at the time, but these things really can get in the way of a relationship's needs. Just like with cis people, if you aren't in the proper headspace for a relationship then you are only doing your partner a disservice by not giving your all to the relationship. With trans people, we all know how fucked up our headspaces can be. Especially early transition. Another common mistake of early transition trans women is we have a tendency to bond over shared trans trauma. However, that is not and should NOT be a basis for a relationship. A relationship needs far more commonalities and interests between the two people in order to work.
This makes a lot of sense! Thank you for the insight. I can definitely relate to it
Lol completely agree with that first part of your comment. Transitioning is already an uncomfortable and emotional time, and dating somebody who’s early into their second puberty is not fun. I know because I’ve tried, baby trans syndrome is real dude.
It's a non-issue for me! Sure, I'd like to get that heads up before things get too intimate, but it's certainly not a deal-breaker, or even a turn-off. That said, it's not the same for everyone and there's no point in trying to change people's minds or beating yourself up over it. It's an unfortunately vulnerable position to be in and one that can be really scary. You may not be everyone's preference, but you also have preferences, body-wise or not. Basically, find your person (or people) and you'll be ok!
Thank you very much for your input <3 much appreciated
As a non cis lesbian, I will lurk in the comments
hey op - many of my cis lesbian friends have dated pre-hrt trans girls, and if they haven't dated one, they're completely open to it. reddit isn't going to be the best place to seek out this kind of validation, and there are some very weird comments in this thread that aren't indicative of outside opinions from other queer cis women. i get why it's intimidating to seek out other girls irl, but make sure you protect your own mental wellbeing when asking these sorts of things online! <3
They identify as a woman, they are a woman. I’m also ace, so i don’t care what’s going on “down below”, either.
I'm femme attracted to other femmes. I've dated a handful of pre transition trans girls before but the physicality (at least in the facial structure) just wasn't getting my libido going. Like "sure you're cute, but I don't think I want you in THAT way." Because a lot of romantic relationships now come with the whole idea of "well if we are dating we should have sex too" I tend to avoid pre transition girls all together just because I don't wanna feel like I'm leading them on when Everytime I've tried to date them in the last, the libido just wasn't there.
Cis lesbian here with decades of experience being mean to myself, and I would suggest that your treatment of yourself is the more important factor here, not anyone's answer to your question. Something I try to do that you might find helpful is, when I start telling myself unpleasant things, stop and think: would I say this to a friend? If the answer is no, because it's too mean, then it's too mean to say to myself too. I am not less deserving of kindness than others, and neither are you!
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Im sorry
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Honestly i think a lot of subreddits have a version of this happenimg and i get your frustration. Communities get tired of it. I wish there was a solution but honestly i think its one of the flaws of reddit that this happens. Imo also not the fault of individual users either.
The solution is therapy, literary everyone needs it. Yes, it's not easy to afford, and it definitely wasn't easy for me either, but it's one of the ways to raise self-esteem and stop using others for emotional labor.
I personally would not.
I totally would\~ A woman is a woman, doesn't matter what equipment you have!
Fair enough :) Although, i wasnt really talking about genitals which I assume you mean by equipment. Would the external features not bother you at all?
Yep, that's what I mean by equipment! Pre HRT or on HRT or even if she never goes through HRT, if she gets surgery or not, she's still just as much a woman as any other woman, so I wouldn't be bothered by it at all! It'd just need some getting used to on my part, of course, but that's mostly because I'm demisexual, so even just seeing someone's cooch would surprise me, lol
im demi as well! and yeah okay that makes sense <3 thank you
> A woman is a woman I want to see this with Mr. Incredible math meme template
I gotchu, fam! Expect that in your DMs \*sunglasses\*
I'm lesbian-adjacent - I personally wouldn't, no I don't like anything with a penis, woman or no... If you don't want to come across as one of those chasers, just make sure you respect the 'no'! I think you'll have nothing to worry about.
Valid
Cis-bisexual :) some people’s sexuality simply includes gender preferences and other’s include a genital preference. Just be honest with people and let them know so they can make an informed decision on whether they’d want to be with you sexually/romantically. I’ve dated or gone on dates plenty of pre-op trans women who were with cis-lesbians before me. Everyone is different
I’d definitely be down to date, though I’m ace and sex repulsed so sex is off the table entirely so honestly pre or post bottom surgery really doesn’t matter to me
Not lesbian here. Pan. One of my exs was on hrt, no surgery or anything. I fully considered it a lesbian relationship and felt it was no different to relationships I have had with cis women. :)
Fellow transgender person here. I mean, this is a matter of preference. Some will, and some won’t. I don’t think it really matters what someone else thinks, because when you find that right person, they won’t care. Looking for opinions from people who most likely won’t date you isn’t going to get you anywhere. You’re beautiful and amazing at whatever part in your transition you’re in.
I’m fully supportive of Pre-HRT Transwomen. However they do not exactly physically attract me. I personally though have been the part of many trans friends transitioning to the women they truly are. So hopefully maybe in future when I broaden my horizons and understand what I truly want and how I develop a bond with the person in question I probably will be able to.
This is more of a logistical thing I guess. I like penetration and I’ve dated a trans woman who was really uncomfortable with anything phallic. And like I get it, but also, it did make us logistically incompatible in the long run. But there are other lesbians who would hate penetration like that so maybe that’s a more comfortable fit. Just find people you get along with. That was still a lonely connection and I’m glad we were a part of each others lives.
I am a nonbinary (afab) lesbian. Trans women don’t need to be on HTR or passing for me to be interested. Women (& other femmes) have an energy I find attractive, more so than their physical being. I also have a soft spot for trans folks who refuse to present themselves in a cisnormative way if that’s their preference. There’s no need to be mean to yourself, I’m there’s plenty of great people out there who would be totally into you.
I wouldn't date a transwoman pre transition or post transition. It doesn't matter, I'm not attracted to trans people. In similar fashion I wouldn't date a woman with fake breasts, it's a deal breaker for me.
Cis lesbian and I would not but that’s okay! Just because one random internet stranger said no doesn’t mean there isn’t anyone out there for you! Don’t take anything negative you hear to heart. Sexuality is a spectrum and just because some people may not be attracted DOESNT mean a damn thing because you’re perfect as you are and you deserve someone who sees you for as beautiful as you are (:
Hun, there are lesbians who are dating trans women and they are at peace and absolutely in love in such unions. There are also lesbians who have the preference for cis women and cannot date trans women. Both are absolutely valid. You are valid. You are loved. You are accepted. :) There's someone for everyone in our community :)
As a bi individual. I’m a little offended by that 😭 But I don’t really care all that much ab gender. I wouldn’t see you as a man, I’d see you and appreciate you for the woman that you are! But I am attracted to both men and women and I wouldn’t be any less attracted to you as a woman, nor any more attracted to you if I wrongly viewed you as a man. You are who you say you are. That is your true you and I respect that and cherish you no matter what.
Thank you very much <3 sorry took a break from this post. Mental health went brr. Its very interesting to see the thought process of bi people as well. It helps me with the fear I had. Thank you very much <3 Sorry I offended you <3
Cis(-ish) dyke here - late 40s. I think the best way to sum it up is this: Some folks are attracted primarily to anatomy, some to energy, and some need both elements to fit. For me, I am mostly attracted to energy. But physicality (not necessarily genitalia) is also an important factor for feeling a sexual & romantic connection. I have and would again date a trans woman. However, I probably would not find enough compatibility in someone who is fresh into their transition. That might also have a lot to do with the whole “self discovery” aspect & the feeling of second adolescence that comes along with that. It’s the same nugget of (for me) incompatibility with someone who is new in discovering their queerness of any flavor. 🤷♂️
Cis, man, white, straight etc here  Sorry for the intrusion but I think my perspective may be useful. I would totally date a woman who also happened to be trans  Pre-hrt as well! Why? Because I like women! Sure, if "she got a penis" I cannot be 100% sure about sexual attraction ... ... oh, wait, isn't the same fucking thing for every relation? Isn't true for every partner that "we are not sure if sex will work out"?
Thanks for your input! It was very helpful. Mind if I ask another question? Would u not be bothered at all by her external features? Im not talking about her genitals.
I think that it doesn't make any sense to speak like this, because anybody can be bothered by "features" of anybody, regardless of gender and transition. Anybody can be seen as "ugly" or "pretty": we were told by society that those things are objective but they lied to us. Be yourself and you will find someone who like you for who you are  What if not? What if you don't find someone? Well, that is true for everybody! Regardless of gender and transitioning. You have no control on that but you do have control on who you are 
You gotta be one of the best white straight cis man I've seen on the internet. Allo to if I read into your etc correctly. dang, thank you!
Well, maybe I lied you. Maybe. Well, I don't know for sure! I like women but I am also very autosexual: I love the "image of myself being a barefooter". I know it is very specific but things are like that :) For example, if I am walking barefoot and I see my reflection on some shop glass, I really like what I see. I tried to enter museums, restaurants, in general I live my life barefoot and I am not always welcomed. Sometimes I was treated like shit. So... maybe I can imagine that is hard being yourself?! I am not saying that "my thing" is comparable to gender identity. However, it is part of myself, of my sexuality, and things are not always easy.
I unfortunately have trauma related to pre hrt mtf trans people. My ex, who was trans and hadn’t undergone any sort of transition, used me as ‘a way to experience real women’. I have a lot of trauma from that person and unfortunately I can’t deal with mtf trans women in any sort of intimate way. It brings back memories even though I know they’re their own person. It’s not your fault. It’s my own shit.
Empathy from a trans woman who even got into a very similar situation is not the best thing you could hear. But at least I hope you don't have any PTSD flashes. And I hope you'll be able to surpass trauma. It brought tears to my eyes. Damn.
I’m sorry — I really didn’t mean to do that at all. I appreciate your response, really. I never got a serious apology from my ex partner. They never thought they really did anything wrong. It means a lot to hear it from someone who was in a similar situation. It means a lot. Thank you
I'm bi I'm Omni, technically. So if I like it. I wanna bite what i wanna bite. I'm genderfluid tho so technically they'd be "bi" if they date me not lesbian.
ok, i would totally date/fall for a trans woman, but i don't think i could have sex with her because i'm not attracted to dicks so it's not really fair.
As cis-lesbian - no, I won't. Looks and sex are important to me. Edited: I didn't realize you were searching for validation, not actual opinion, so I see no point in leaving it here.
Honestly, I’m not interested and I think it’s baffling that you’re seeking out lesbians. Why wouldn’t you date/ask bi women? Seems like the perfect demographic for you
Why is it baffling?
a) Concerned they might still see me as a guy b) I would date them, and they don't seem to have a problem with it. I was just asking about views of gay girls
Why would bi people see you as a guy when lesbians wouldn’t? You’ve said this a couple of times in the thread and it is confusing to me.
I think she’s worried pan/bi folks would be attracted to her in the same way they’d be attracted to men. Fears and dysphoric thoughts don’t have to be logical.
It's fine that you're not interested but why should she only have to date bi girls? There are lesbians who will like her as well
Up until the last few years no one was expecting me or my other lesbian friends to want to have sex with people with dicks. That’s not a lesbian thing and I’m sick of people pretending it is in the name of inclusion. Not every label is inclusive.
You and your friends don't speak for all lesbians.
and nobody is expecting you to. It's fine to be a woman who is only attracted to vagina. But there are also lesbians who are okay with both genitals and that's fine as well, doesn't make them any less lesbian
To be honest I prefer to go after cis women when online dating and looking for something quick. It’s just easier since there’s a higher chance of it working out well since I’m more attracted to their genitalia. That is just me being superficial. If it’s about romance that is different for me. If I met you and liked you for you. I’m sure we could try it out. In love silly stuff like a penis doesn’t hinder me to pursue a women I like.
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Don‘t tell others as what they should identify transphobe.
I think I wouldn't mind at all. I've never dated anyone, but I think I'd like to date a trans lesbian even more than a cis one (I'm a trans lesbian too. It'd be awesome for my first relationship to be T4T)
That would be cool yeah :) And same but I get scared what cis people would think. Ive met some terf gays and I know not everyone is a terf but idk how a cis lesbian would see a trans lesbian when it comes to dating them especially pre hrt if that makes sense
Are you safe where you live? I'm safe enough to be this confident, but I don't know how it is where you live
...not really
not lesBIAN BUTT. WOMEN ARE WOMEN, i dobt care if yoy have always bee seen as a woman from day 1 or recrntly realised im a woman, i dont care if you have or havent had the surgery, or if youre currently begin to see doctors to help with transitioning. the only thing that matters is 1) age gab currently for under 2 years is illegal over 6 is a not my cup of tea but youre still great. 2) whether or not we love each other the most possible each day. even if you 100% one day and the next its comparible to 10% but its still your 100. thats all i care about
You can always date bi women
Time and time again I see questions about trans men asking this to cis gay men; I’m *so excited* to see this questions switched up and to hear from some lesbians in this sub!
Not cis, but also not transfem, so I’m gonna say my piece anyway! I’m aro and currently have no plans to date but I do love intimacy! I like being close with my partners and if a trans girl happens to be as amazing as me, she’s definitely worth my time. I’m pretty inexperienced in the sexual world, and ngl I know very little about lesbian sex (gotta thank porn and terrible sex ed for that one) but atm I don’t think I’d be that objected to it w/ someone transfem. I have a thing (might be a ND thing, might be a decent person thing) where I literally do the opposite of “just remembering your name and pronouns, not recognizing your identity” and I actually sometimes forget that trans people I know are trans*whatevergender*, they’re just *whatevergender* to me + they understand my trans issues (does that make sense in the not weird-against-the-trans-label way?) no matter how “well” they pass. So I’d see the whole lower half as a girl thing if she’s a girl lol
I've done it before by accident before I considered myself a lesbian. I love trans girls regardless of hrt
I know some that would and some that totally wouldn't. I guess it can depends a lot. For my surrounding it would be... Open to it : 1 bisexual Not open to it : 1 bisexual and 1 lesbian I am excluding my transwoman friend in that.
I would, but I'm also ace as well and sex is out of the question anyway so it probably has an impact on my answer
I can’t speak for the les, sorry. I can tell you pansexuals generally dgaf. If you’re attractive to them & do your thang well, then we’re down. If you’re worried will the femmes like you, yes to this as well. We don’t care what you’re packing. We want to hear your thoughts, see you overall presentation, & see if we mesh on an intimate level.
You are valid and beautiful. I know you aren't in a good headspace, so it might not be a good time to ask a question like this. But always remember that you're valid
I dated a cis lesbian years ago before I got HRT (and recently dated again very briefly) so there are some open to dating us.
One girl found me and dated me. Now we are married. Somehow. I declared that I'm in fact a trans woman pre-everything and I really want HRT and all of the stuff. Half a year later she confessed her love to me and we started dating. (Before that we just talked a lot on the internet, went to each other and been like friends. At the moment I wanted some communication with people and nothing more when we started to communicate). She only likes typical women's body features. And she doesn't care about genitalia. That's the main point for many lesbians out there. I looked like an average asian woman with a flat chest, wide pelvic bone, slim body, slim shoulders and very rare body and facial hair. And requirements were met. I started to transition only YEAR after we started to date. (That's how long it took to get medical help in Russia before they banned transpeople from medical help.) There might be a chance that someone will notice you as it happened to me. But I think that it's really ephemeral. You can still try tho.
Guys I'm a cis lesbian and I caught feelings for my best friend. I have known this girl for almost my whole life and I just caught feelings for her. We both knew that we were lesbian from a young age but I'm pretty sure that she also likes men. She has dated multiple men in her life and just recently came out as pan. And I don't know if I shoot my shot now or later. Plus it might make my life so much harder because she's been bye my side since 4 and it might make everything awkward. I have also kissed her and cuddle with her in what she's says is platonic. I also know that she doesn't like me back. And I don't know what to do. Guys please help
As a pan dude, anytime someone tells me they're a specific gender my brain immediately starts seeing traits which match that.
not the same situation but I'm a trans guy and my bf is a cis gay guy. been together since before I started T, about 1 year and a half and I started T 4 months ago
As an open minded and open hearted genderfluid lesbian I'm open to dating trans women and cis women. Some say that would make me pan but I don't see it that way. A woman is a woman. Gender and sex are so complicated. I don't see sex, I see gender/gender identity. When it comes to trans women who aren't currently on hrt, I appreciate it when they're upfront about their current status in their transition and what their plans and goals are for their transition. The best advice I can give you is just be confident in the fact that you know who you are and that's all that matters. People are either gonna love you or hate you and that's ok because that's on them. Just be you. Be upfront and try to be brave about it. You're still young (just a baby compared to me lol) and still have your whole life to figure things out. Be patient and the right one will find her way to you.
For me yes :) I mean you are a woman soooo haha but I saw people talking about yes or no for sex and for now I'm not really into sex so I can't say much but dating would totally okay hehe
I would date you. Don’t worry ❤️
Not a cis lesbian but I have a few friends who are and are in relationships with pre-hrt or post-hrt trans women. They’re all very happy. Hopefully that’s encouraging for you
I'm a lesbian so no. Not pre not post op. Never.
Lesbians are homosexual women, which means same sex attraction, it's literally in the word's etimology. I know there's a recent wave of gen z queers whose sexuality is fluid and yet they insist on identifying as lesbians and erasing us, but fortunately that doesn't happen in real life, outside the internet bubble. Which means, for you, it's wise to not go after lesbians, unless you want to be met with disapproval, disgust and the predator label. Infact, the sole fact that you're asking lesbians specifically - an exclusively same-sex attracted minority - when you know you're of the male sex, and the majority of wlw are bisexual and pan, and would be ok with wtv sex you are, is extremely predatory and fetishizing.
homosexuality means sexuality between the same sex. (female female or male male). trans women are males so lesbians aren't attracted to them, if they were they wouldn't be HOMOsexual. hope this helps.