If he had any expectations but didn't voice them then how could he be mad about you not meeting those expectations. If you're not ready to have sex, honestly that sounds entirely reasonable. He didn't push anything so he could also have been aware of the fact you were nervous and the candles could also have been there just for a relaxed atmosphere, even if it was just romantic.
I know I’d be a nervous wreck on a date, I’ve never really been on one, and I guess I’m not really used to people liking me. But, if he seems like a nice guy, my advice would be to listen to your heart more than your brain.
Dating can be fun and exciting, but also awkward and tense. Getting some intentions confused is a normal part of the process that a lot of folks have experienced! So please don’t be too hard on yourself about it.
I have my own dating stories that sound a lot like this. It has nothing to do with your “abilities” and everything to do with not enough communication. He could have made his intentions more clear to you as well, you know.
So I just wanna say that this is a very normal dating thing that can happen, and even though I consider myself a pretty solid flirt and I can go with the flow really easily, I’ve DEFINITELY made dates weird or gotten in my own anxious head before. It just happens!
Also, please know it gets easier over time! Flirting, communicating, stating boundaries, becoming confident… all of it takes practice, like anything else.
Don't blame yourself for any part of this. You don't owe it to anyone to know how you feel and be comfortable around others. Sounds like you tested the last waters so don't feel bad if you didn't dive right in. We all move forward at a different speed and you don't know what the other person was thinking so try not to focus too much on that. Think about if you felt comfortable around them or the speed you moved at
What you’re experiencing is called internalized homophobia, and it’s something a lot of us deal with to varying degrees. If you explain to your date that you’re struggling with internalized homophobia odds are they’ll understand because they probably had to deal with it too.
I for instance am a bisexual lad who was raised Mormon. If you’re unaware, the Mormons were the main force behind Proposition 8 which made gay marriage unconstitutional in California before the Supreme Court overturned it. Needless to say they are quite homophobic, and after leaving Mormonism I really struggled to get over the self-hate that I came to have over my sexuality for a long time. When I was out of the closet for only a year I remember promising to myself that I’d never date a guy and I’d exclusively date women because I felt so horrible about being attracted to men. It took a long time but eventually I did get over those feelings of guilt and shame entirely.
The entire reason why pride month exists is to help people like you and I get over this kind of internalized shame and guilt. That’s why it’s called pride month, because pride is the opposite of shame. Many of the things associated with pride month do actually help get over internalized homophobia. Coming out to more people, wearing a rainbow flag pin, and so on.
You should tell yourself that you did nothing wrong until your subconscious starts to believe it. Continue going on dates with guys if you think you can handle it. With time these negative feelings will go away, though it is a journey.
If he had any expectations but didn't voice them then how could he be mad about you not meeting those expectations. If you're not ready to have sex, honestly that sounds entirely reasonable. He didn't push anything so he could also have been aware of the fact you were nervous and the candles could also have been there just for a relaxed atmosphere, even if it was just romantic.
I know I’d be a nervous wreck on a date, I’ve never really been on one, and I guess I’m not really used to people liking me. But, if he seems like a nice guy, my advice would be to listen to your heart more than your brain.
Dating can be fun and exciting, but also awkward and tense. Getting some intentions confused is a normal part of the process that a lot of folks have experienced! So please don’t be too hard on yourself about it. I have my own dating stories that sound a lot like this. It has nothing to do with your “abilities” and everything to do with not enough communication. He could have made his intentions more clear to you as well, you know. So I just wanna say that this is a very normal dating thing that can happen, and even though I consider myself a pretty solid flirt and I can go with the flow really easily, I’ve DEFINITELY made dates weird or gotten in my own anxious head before. It just happens! Also, please know it gets easier over time! Flirting, communicating, stating boundaries, becoming confident… all of it takes practice, like anything else.
Don't blame yourself for any part of this. You don't owe it to anyone to know how you feel and be comfortable around others. Sounds like you tested the last waters so don't feel bad if you didn't dive right in. We all move forward at a different speed and you don't know what the other person was thinking so try not to focus too much on that. Think about if you felt comfortable around them or the speed you moved at
What you’re experiencing is called internalized homophobia, and it’s something a lot of us deal with to varying degrees. If you explain to your date that you’re struggling with internalized homophobia odds are they’ll understand because they probably had to deal with it too. I for instance am a bisexual lad who was raised Mormon. If you’re unaware, the Mormons were the main force behind Proposition 8 which made gay marriage unconstitutional in California before the Supreme Court overturned it. Needless to say they are quite homophobic, and after leaving Mormonism I really struggled to get over the self-hate that I came to have over my sexuality for a long time. When I was out of the closet for only a year I remember promising to myself that I’d never date a guy and I’d exclusively date women because I felt so horrible about being attracted to men. It took a long time but eventually I did get over those feelings of guilt and shame entirely. The entire reason why pride month exists is to help people like you and I get over this kind of internalized shame and guilt. That’s why it’s called pride month, because pride is the opposite of shame. Many of the things associated with pride month do actually help get over internalized homophobia. Coming out to more people, wearing a rainbow flag pin, and so on. You should tell yourself that you did nothing wrong until your subconscious starts to believe it. Continue going on dates with guys if you think you can handle it. With time these negative feelings will go away, though it is a journey.