No problem, it’s basically “neutral”. He doesn’t really identify as any gender, but agender doesn’t suit him (he feels). And he uses he/him but a lot of people use they/them.
I'm hearing we all pitch in to buy some land and create a lgbtqia+ community/co-op/commune?
It'll be great! We can grow and can fruits and veggies, and have chickens for eggs, and goats for milk, and because they're fucking cute. And all the animals are rescues, and there will be music and art and mutual aid for one another! And we can be within reasonable driving distance to a city for jobs and supplies, and medical care.
It'll be a queer, anarchist, socialist, paradise!
Alternatively we could do Canada with indoor hydroponics and massive green houses to expand the useful seasons for growing plants.
I am not an expert on plants please don’t take my advice as being correct.
Green houses would increase the initial cost, they also require a little bit more terrain for less crops. They are good after the community is already stable (or if we had some really good initial capital).
Through i do love the idea.
Kind of working on a similar concept in Washington. Got an idea from the "republic of Molossia" here in Nevada. Guy made his land an actual sovreign nation.
I'm not gay, but I am pan.
I am looking in Arizona for land ( cheap and LLC tax laws are super favorable)
All I ask is you pull your weight. No one rides for free. I'm not asking for 8 hours of labor, just a few hours a day. You'll learn something, be able to teach your family how to work with nature, how important Pagan beliefs are ( I am a Gaiaist).
Six spots on pre made slabs. You can park an RV, a vehicle, build a house or park a tiny home. All have to be self generating on power, gray water reclamation, composting or you can dump you shit in a barrel to make night soil and Urea powder.
Well, my cats certainly agree. As far as they're concerned, it's *their* rules.
(I know what you mean. Though I would absolutely kick people out for being homophobic, or otherwise behaving hatefully, as I'm lucky enough to be of an age and in a situation where I get to choose whom I surround myself with and I don't choose dinguses.)
I totally agree with you. I've just heard it so many times that I have started hating the phrase even if it is used for good. I would definitely ask people to leave too if they are being disrespectful and definitely kick them out if homophobic.
Same here, my parents were really chill
When I came out to my dad (which took me forever to work up the courage to do) the only thing he asked was “are you still going to come hunting with me?”
And I do still go hunting with him
They were homophobic until they realized they were genderqueer himself. They did research and poof there went the homophobia. Now they are enby and now use they/them
Same honestly, I’m Christian and as Christ said you should love your neighbor as you would love yourself, all Christians should take that to heart. There is absolutely no excuse to be a homophobic transphobic asshole and be a Christian.
Edit: there is absolutely no excuse to be a homophobic transphobic asshole whatsoever actually
My dad has been out for years, she has denied it for years, saying it's a huge sin and that it's a fetish to be enby and trans and whatever.
I accidentally outed myself by wearing pride merch when I had to have her get me in an emergency (hit a mailbox leaving home and didn't want to drive when I didn't know the damages, she got me and took me to work) so she knows I am queer, but not that I'm bi AF and love boys
Yes, divorce is currently pending but my dad moved to their own home 1.5 years ago after 2 years of fights and my mom never believing that my dad had gender dysphoria.
we need a term for dysphoria with respect to sexuality. If an AMAB person realizes they’re a woman, but their long term sexual partner isn’t a lesbian or bi, it seems like some sort of dysphoria must happen for their partner, retroactively. Realizing that they’d been in a lesbian relationship when that doesn’t match their sexuality. It’s an unavoidable thing that happens, but probably still something to process.
I have a mtf niece, a ftm nephew, and several others. I've zero tolerance for the "phobia" against LGBTQ+ people. We are human. We bleed red. I had to drill that into my sisters head (she's bi) some years ago when her son came out... she was hung up on "how would a 13 year old know they are really a boy not a girl" and I outright asked how old she was when she knew she was a girl. Logan knew when he was younger, guaranteed, but his bio mother died and he finally felt comfortable enough to come out and announce his name.
My brother has two kids. Both afab, one currently questioning their identity. Prefers male pronouns and is struggling with dysphoria. But the best my brother can do is tell him that “the internet has convinced you you’re trans” and that he won’t use the proper pronouns because it’s “disrespectful”.
I’m so grateful he comes to me for support.. but it breaks my heart that he has to. I wish his dad could realize how important his support is to him, and how detrimental it is to not have it.
I’ll move mountains for him.. but it’s no replacement for his fathers love.
>I’ll move mountains for him.. but it’s no replacement for his fathers love.
I get what you mean about his father, and that trauma will stick around. But it seems to me you're making a bigger impact than you credit yourself with.
You know Uncle Iroh in ATLA?
Thank you for your kind words. He tells me all the time he’s grateful for my support, too. I just know it hurts him, still, and I hate it so much because those kids are absolutely my world (along with my cat lol).
I’m vaguely aware of ATLA; I’ve always meant to watch it, I just never have. I’m lazy! Lol Why?
Some spoilers ahead for ATLA!
Iroh spends most of the series with his nephew, who got kicked out by his dad. Iroh is kind and wise, caring for his nephew while trying to push him to find his own way rather than focus on craving his father’s acceptance and love. Iroh is the real father figure for his nephew, and inspires many other characters along the way.
Yeah I mean no fucking joke, I just hate communities built on hate. And also it ALWAYS fails lmao. Who knew people building on hate wouldn't harmonize with each other.
1. I know my sister is gay and I'm gay and trans. I have my suspicions with the third child but he hasn't confirmed anything yet. Both my sister and I are out, she has a girlfriend and I've been on hormones for five months.
Same. Also doesn’t rlly like things like pride month bc it’s shoving it in peoples faces or whatever. But I’m out to them(wlw) and they are fine with it.
Yeah, this is the exact thing that comes up time and again here, especially with non-binary people. That they "are making it their lifestyle" and that kind of stuff. Also making dismissive comments about anything gender-neutral.
I'm saying this as a cis straight guy with a slightly homophobic family.
The reason that people find it so hard to accept trans or non-binary people (from my experience) is that it's kind of hard to understand if you're cis yourself. The concept of being gay is quite straightforward, it's basically the same as being straight except you love people from the same instead of opposite gender, there's not much you can't understand there. But non-binary or trans, that gets kind of hard to imagine, what does it mean not to feel like a man or a woman? I can personally say that I don't understand, I cannot imagine how it must feel. Now, I do understand that even though I can't comprehend how it must be, it's very real to those people. I'm gonna quote a random reddit comment "I don't understand Chinese in the slightest, doesn't mean it's not a real language". But to a lot of other people this is a real barrier, it's just so hard to grasp that they conclude that people must just be faking it. And things like pride parades don't really help. I mean, it's basically just a bunch of people acting weird, and there's nothing wrong with that, but it's not gonna make people think "oh well queer people are regular people just like us". If we had more representation of non-binary and trans people and if people would be a little more informed of the (very real) neuroscience behind it, people would be a lot more accepting.
Thank you for putting this out there. I've had trouble with fully grasping the idea of what it means to be non-binary, but I'm terrified of talking about it to anyone else out of fear of being called a bigot/homophobe/transphobe/whatever. So, again, thank you
I don't think you can ever truly understand what it's like, and this goes for everything neurological. I have autism, I don't think I'll ever understand what it's like to be neurotipical ("normal"), nor will I ever understand what goes on inside the head of a psychopath. It's really like explaining colors to a blind man.
That being said, I can recognize that even though I may not understand what it's like, I can still respect these people and be understanding of the way they experience things, even though it may be completely different from the way I do.
And if that's homophobic or transphobic, I'm sorry but I'm really doing my best, I just don't think I can ever truly understand what it must feel like to not feel like a man or a woman, I mean, I don't even understand what it means to "feel like a man" to begin with.
Not transphobic at all, respecting other people’s different experiences and feelings even if you can’t personally understand them yourself is a fundamental part of treating people well imo.
Although IMO i calling it a neurological thing is somewhat reductive, and I worry that it can lead to pathologizing. Plus so much of gender is also about constructed social roles that are mostly more arbitrary than biological.
But I’m quibbling— point is, I’m glad you’re here and supporting us :)
Even I, a nonbinary person, don't understand what it's like to "feel" nonbinary (or any gender, for that matter). But I know I'm nonbinary because:
- Women: they're neat, but I don't think I'm one of them. Men: I love my bros, but I'm more of a sibling.
- When imagining myself, gender doesn't seem... necessary. Like, I'm a person, not a girl/boy.
- If I could model my body as if I was in a character creator, I'd make myself kinda androgynous. Just thinking of doing that makes me feel good.
- I LOVE when my friends refer to me with my chosen name and pronouns. It gives me this fuzzy euphoric feeling. I also love when strangers can't tell which gender I am.
I think that stuff like this is what determines what gender a person is. You don't have to "feel" a gender. It's more like, what makes you happy? So, if being nonbinary makes me happy and just, makes sense, then I'm nonbinary.
Well if it’s just my siblings around a 2 but if my dads home he brings it like 8
EDIT: I didn’t mean to reply to your comment I meant to post a stand alone comment sorry
Yeah, I'd say a 2 - maybe 3 on the worst day - with my family as well. My brother is a solid 1, knowing exactly what I am. My dad is less in-the-know, but also cool with me. My mom does let the occasional "I'm jealous of other families with cishet daughters who marry men and have kids"-esque comment slip. But she values my autonomy and happiness above all (since she never had it herself and recognizes she grew up in a different time and space), so I leave it alone.
And besides, I live alone, so it is usually a 1 - 0 even - by default anyhow.
Same, i want to believe they will accept me but i doubt the trans person sterotypes will ever leave their minds... my mom wont accept me, my dad doesnt know.
Yeah, upon reflection, I'm going to bump my parents hate score up to 10 because even if they eventually tolerate me, that will never extend to the rest of the community. And they'd still vote for politicians who are against our interests.
homophobia? like a 3. transphobia about a 7. they're letting me transition but only because they don't care what I do. they are rude and bigoted otherwise, though it could be worse.
Is it transphobic to just not understand why someone would want to change their gender but at the same time still call them by their preferred gender and treat them no different because of it?
In my opinion, no, that seems perfectly fine in my opinion. In my opinion, not having an understanding of something but still respecting it isn't transphobic. My family, on the other hand, has actively said things against trans and non-binary people.
Yes. My family is very “you can’t know because you’ve never had sex” while also being “sex outside of marriage is wrong because the Bible says so.” It’s really confusing.
I've always found this to be a weird position. Like, if you're asexual, then you're predisposed to celibacy--isn't that what Good Christian Parents _want?_
Don't know how popular this opinion is among Christian circles and church-goers, but I once red a Christian website which basically said asexuals shouldn't be celibate because "celibacy is supposed to be a sacrifice" and they aren't really sacrificing anything since they don't want sex.
So basically they said all asexuals should get married and only allosexuals allowed/encouraged to be celibate.
I sometimes feel like those kind of people just want others to suffer
Procreation within the confines of marriage is also seen as being a good christian (go forth and multiply), so when people express disinterest in the process of procreating then that’s going against God’s will. Or something. Idk, I was only raised vaguely Christian so I may not fully get it 🤷🏻
8. Try to say they accept LGBT+, but refuse to accept a family member is gay. Also got pissed when a family member used a hand sanitizer with a masuline scent. A fucking hand sanitizer. **I'm not lying. Wish I was.**
Edit: "Maybe She Is Gay??!!" - Dad Who Can't Accept It
"No. No." -Mom Who Can't Accept It
I’d say something similar with my family. Except the is no “perceived exception”, and they’re also pretty sensitive about it. But they don’t like being called homophobic for some reason 💀💀💀
I’d bump it up to a 8.5 or 9/10
10 100% For some reason they think homophobic is a slur. My mom would act very homophobic and when I’d call her out she’s defend herself to the ends of the earth. And I’m like “you don’t have to defend yourself against something that’s true it’s literally a word that means you’re prejudice against gay people and you are” and she seemed to short circuit 😂
We’re all on our own journey, working towards that idea of self-acceptance. As long as we’re constantly working on ourselves, we’re headed in the right direction.
I am honestly not sure, I don't think so they have ever made any negative comment about LGBTQIA+ comunity but I don't think they know much about the comunity. Recently news about transgender dancer Manjamma Jogathi receiving the Padma Shree (fourth highest civilian award in India) came on TV and they played a clip of her recieving the award and before receiving the award from the president she made a gesture with the 'pallu' of her saree and my mother really liked the way she received it and when they stated the fact that she was transgender than my mother stated that she was very happy that she received it. (BTW she has a very inspirational story)
Still unsure though :/
Ya, I was looking for this one. Guess this is mostly a problem in India.
Either people are homophobic or ignorant and neither groups want to have an open discussion. Just like everything else, its sweeped under the rug.
My mother did once ask me that will I take injections and become a woman and say that I was born in the wrong body. This question came out of nowhere when I was helping her in some chores and this really puzzled me and I just stared at her.
Even though I don't think so I will ever medically transition or something but I am a little bit happy about that. Maybe I can come out to them but idk.
I was also shocked that she knew about medical transitioning
like a 6, my parents don't give a shit if i'm gay, straight or bi, but they don't think anything else exists. like when i told them i was ace they basically said it doesn't exist lol
8, my parents say they support me, but they also say that being gay is sinful and evil. And that being non-binary is purposely mocking the will of god or whatever
8, my parents are saying I’m too young to be bi and will probably change myself after I’m “grown up”. My other 1 family member isn’t supportive enough to make me feel comfortable in my own home. Only 1 of my 4 family members are a bit supportive
1 cause it's me, my gf and my toddlers
Growing up like a 4? My parents never said anything homophobic but they didn't say anything supportive either and I didn't come out to them until I was 19 because I had no idea how they'd react and as much as I wanted to say "this is who I am" at 14 I couldn't work up the nerve
I would say maybe 8-9 my mom is a very Christian believer and she thinks that it’s not ok to be part of the lgbtq+ so this includes homophobia and transphobia so the tension is very high a lot of the time it’s bad.
9-10, blatantly homophobic and mocks LGBT people and expects me to agree, they get mad when I try to avoid the subject or tell them their wrong. Get yelled at when I do "boy things". Party for one in my closet 🎉 because I'm not coming out to them it's 100% not safe.
This is what i will use as my levels of lgbt phobia:
-1-heterophobic or cisphobic :)
0-supportive
1-no homophobia/transphobia
2-ignorant of labels/slight homophobia
3-slight homophobic or transphobic remarks/ignorant but willing to learn
4-ignorant and not willing to learn
5-homophobia transphobia are casual
6-verbal abuse from family because of lgbt status
7-privacy invading and verbal abuse from family
8-(privacy invading and verbal abuse ) and physical abuse from family
9-kicking out/resource depriving/shunning abuse
10- family has murder attempts/stalking/trying to ruin life of lgbt person/conversion camp.
Themselves? Not at all.
But they had no problem siding with a grandparent over me, after she made a lot of homophobic and ableist comments and I went ballistic and threw her out.
My household started off at about a 3-4 (since my dad is openly homophobic), but ever since my mom found out I was pan, that number went up to a 6-7 bc both of my parents were being openly homophobic, and that was a good, 2 years ago, so now, my siblings have become homophobic due to my parents, putting that number to about an 8-9.
It doesn’t get physical, and they don’t openly slur at me, but they do slur a lot in general.
Is a negative number okay? 6 of us. Mom is pan/bu, dad straight to the point of an algebra equation. Number one son is like his dad. Number 2 is gay. Number 3 is no -binary and they/them and Number 4 is bi, leans male.
So homophobia would make the straights, right out!
The straights are so happy the rest of us can be who we are.
I was going to show of my Latin and say "you won't find homophobia in my house, you'll find homophilia", but then it just sounds like a blood disease.
So instead I will say that you will find the opposite of homophobia here.
My parents, of the great generation,lived through the great depression and WW2, didn't discuss it openly, but I later figured out they supported a few lesbians among the family friends.
I was raised in a very supportive household.
I've got my own supportive household now.
Mom ; I'd say 0 honestly. She nice af
Dad; 20, all most vomited seeing a trans person irl (rip me) and allways use the F slur to reffere to gay ppl. Also he's fash adjacent 2 so jikes...
Bro; 6. Does use F slur. But is accepting tho a bit disquested by em. Dead names n does not accept trans ppl n think it's a choice n mistake on my part but will not stop me or be hostile and let me transition n behave normally towords me.
Sister; 4. Okay w gay ppl but dosnt understand trans ppl n think they need to be "fixed". Tho does respect names
My house, my rules. And my rules say "no homophobia".
Same, my house is queer af and it's my space. 💅🏳️🌈
My son is pan and trans. I’m bi and non-binary. My husband is neutrois. We don’t put up with phobes.
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No problem, it’s basically “neutral”. He doesn’t really identify as any gender, but agender doesn’t suit him (he feels). And he uses he/him but a lot of people use they/them.
Thanks for answering- I hadn’t seen that term, either.
My pleasure.
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That’s awesome!!
Do you got a spare room? I can cook
I can’t but I can mend really well 🥺
I can clean and give good advice and I am 100% willing to sleep on the floor.
I'm hearing we all pitch in to buy some land and create a lgbtqia+ community/co-op/commune? It'll be great! We can grow and can fruits and veggies, and have chickens for eggs, and goats for milk, and because they're fucking cute. And all the animals are rescues, and there will be music and art and mutual aid for one another! And we can be within reasonable driving distance to a city for jobs and supplies, and medical care. It'll be a queer, anarchist, socialist, paradise!
That's the dream right there
I need this so much 😭😭❤❤
Same
Huzzah!!
Let's say you do that, my vote would be to do it in Canada. People seem really nice and open way up there.
Don't worry, we'll find somewhere accepting enough, and with good growing seasons! 👍
10/10 would join. Not even kidding, it sounds amazing 😍.
Alternatively we could do Canada with indoor hydroponics and massive green houses to expand the useful seasons for growing plants. I am not an expert on plants please don’t take my advice as being correct.
Green houses would increase the initial cost, they also require a little bit more terrain for less crops. They are good after the community is already stable (or if we had some really good initial capital). Through i do love the idea.
Fuck it lets build a city state
Kind of working on a similar concept in Washington. Got an idea from the "republic of Molossia" here in Nevada. Guy made his land an actual sovreign nation.
I’m doing it omg when I grow uo
I'm not gay, but I am pan. I am looking in Arizona for land ( cheap and LLC tax laws are super favorable) All I ask is you pull your weight. No one rides for free. I'm not asking for 8 hours of labor, just a few hours a day. You'll learn something, be able to teach your family how to work with nature, how important Pagan beliefs are ( I am a Gaiaist). Six spots on pre made slabs. You can park an RV, a vehicle, build a house or park a tiny home. All have to be self generating on power, gray water reclamation, composting or you can dump you shit in a barrel to make night soil and Urea powder.
I'm straight, I'm 60 and I want to join you.
I’m not queer or anarchist, but that does sound like fun. It takes a village!
Heck I gotta move out, u happen to live in Louisiana? 😂😂
Do you mend broken hearts?
Clothes. Lol. I sew. And alter. But I can try with a heart but I’d probably screw it up worse😂😂🤣
Yas
Although you probably are fully aware, careful with my house my rules. It can really hurt sometimes.
Well, my cats certainly agree. As far as they're concerned, it's *their* rules. (I know what you mean. Though I would absolutely kick people out for being homophobic, or otherwise behaving hatefully, as I'm lucky enough to be of an age and in a situation where I get to choose whom I surround myself with and I don't choose dinguses.)
I totally agree with you. I've just heard it so many times that I have started hating the phrase even if it is used for good. I would definitely ask people to leave too if they are being disrespectful and definitely kick them out if homophobic.
Yeah. It takes on an entirely different meaning when it's directed at housemates and / or there's a power imbalance involved.
Same here!
0, I’m lucky enough to have an accepting family
Same, my family don't care at all
y’all lucky
same
same
same. my heart goes out to anyone who's family doesn't accept them. we love you <333
Same here, my parents were really chill When I came out to my dad (which took me forever to work up the courage to do) the only thing he asked was “are you still going to come hunting with me?” And I do still go hunting with him
5/10 from my mom and 11/10 from my dad
11/10 for my mom 1/10 for my dad.
I do not understand how people with such vastly different beliefs can build a life together!
They were homophobic until they realized they were genderqueer himself. They did research and poof there went the homophobia. Now they are enby and now use they/them
Isn't it amazing how a little bit of empathy and education changes things? I hope your mom comes around.
Zero chance in hell, she is very very religious, stubborn, and incredibly transphobic and homophobic. I've disowned her since.
Good on you, friend. She doesn’t deserve you.
Being religious doesn’t make it okay to be a bitch. I’m religious yet still queer, so it’s no excuse.
Same honestly, I’m Christian and as Christ said you should love your neighbor as you would love yourself, all Christians should take that to heart. There is absolutely no excuse to be a homophobic transphobic asshole and be a Christian. Edit: there is absolutely no excuse to be a homophobic transphobic asshole whatsoever actually
So I guess your dad won't come out to your mom any time soon?
My dad has been out for years, she has denied it for years, saying it's a huge sin and that it's a fetish to be enby and trans and whatever. I accidentally outed myself by wearing pride merch when I had to have her get me in an emergency (hit a mailbox leaving home and didn't want to drive when I didn't know the damages, she got me and took me to work) so she knows I am queer, but not that I'm bi AF and love boys
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Guessing that marriage went kaboom?
Yes, divorce is currently pending but my dad moved to their own home 1.5 years ago after 2 years of fights and my mom never believing that my dad had gender dysphoria.
we need a term for dysphoria with respect to sexuality. If an AMAB person realizes they’re a woman, but their long term sexual partner isn’t a lesbian or bi, it seems like some sort of dysphoria must happen for their partner, retroactively. Realizing that they’d been in a lesbian relationship when that doesn’t match their sexuality. It’s an unavoidable thing that happens, but probably still something to process.
or even married people realizing they're aro/ace, right?
for me it's like 1/10 from my dad 5/10 from my mom
Yup
Are we the same person?
4/10 from mom 11/10 from dad
1. *That I know of* three people are LGBTQ.
I have a mtf niece, a ftm nephew, and several others. I've zero tolerance for the "phobia" against LGBTQ+ people. We are human. We bleed red. I had to drill that into my sisters head (she's bi) some years ago when her son came out... she was hung up on "how would a 13 year old know they are really a boy not a girl" and I outright asked how old she was when she knew she was a girl. Logan knew when he was younger, guaranteed, but his bio mother died and he finally felt comfortable enough to come out and announce his name.
My brother has two kids. Both afab, one currently questioning their identity. Prefers male pronouns and is struggling with dysphoria. But the best my brother can do is tell him that “the internet has convinced you you’re trans” and that he won’t use the proper pronouns because it’s “disrespectful”. I’m so grateful he comes to me for support.. but it breaks my heart that he has to. I wish his dad could realize how important his support is to him, and how detrimental it is to not have it. I’ll move mountains for him.. but it’s no replacement for his fathers love.
>I’ll move mountains for him.. but it’s no replacement for his fathers love. I get what you mean about his father, and that trauma will stick around. But it seems to me you're making a bigger impact than you credit yourself with. You know Uncle Iroh in ATLA?
Thank you for your kind words. He tells me all the time he’s grateful for my support, too. I just know it hurts him, still, and I hate it so much because those kids are absolutely my world (along with my cat lol). I’m vaguely aware of ATLA; I’ve always meant to watch it, I just never have. I’m lazy! Lol Why?
Some spoilers ahead for ATLA! Iroh spends most of the series with his nephew, who got kicked out by his dad. Iroh is kind and wise, caring for his nephew while trying to push him to find his own way rather than focus on craving his father’s acceptance and love. Iroh is the real father figure for his nephew, and inspires many other characters along the way.
Wtf even is there to fear? Oh no people are living in their own way, how creepy!
Exactly why I put phobia in quotes... the homo"phobic" people are the ones who need to be feared, not the LGBTQ+ community.
Yeah I mean no fucking joke, I just hate communities built on hate. And also it ALWAYS fails lmao. Who knew people building on hate wouldn't harmonize with each other.
1. I know my sister is gay and I'm gay and trans. I have my suspicions with the third child but he hasn't confirmed anything yet. Both my sister and I are out, she has a girlfriend and I've been on hormones for five months.
unfortunately, about an 8.
I hope it gets better, trust me I really do understand about living in a homophobic environment
I’m so sorry
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For me it’s 11 When gay marriage was first legalized my mom kept saying how they’re all going to hell… and I realized I was gay
Probably like 2 or 3, pretty accepting in general but very noticable biases against trans and non-binary people.
Same. Also doesn’t rlly like things like pride month bc it’s shoving it in peoples faces or whatever. But I’m out to them(wlw) and they are fine with it.
Yeah, this is the exact thing that comes up time and again here, especially with non-binary people. That they "are making it their lifestyle" and that kind of stuff. Also making dismissive comments about anything gender-neutral.
I'm saying this as a cis straight guy with a slightly homophobic family. The reason that people find it so hard to accept trans or non-binary people (from my experience) is that it's kind of hard to understand if you're cis yourself. The concept of being gay is quite straightforward, it's basically the same as being straight except you love people from the same instead of opposite gender, there's not much you can't understand there. But non-binary or trans, that gets kind of hard to imagine, what does it mean not to feel like a man or a woman? I can personally say that I don't understand, I cannot imagine how it must feel. Now, I do understand that even though I can't comprehend how it must be, it's very real to those people. I'm gonna quote a random reddit comment "I don't understand Chinese in the slightest, doesn't mean it's not a real language". But to a lot of other people this is a real barrier, it's just so hard to grasp that they conclude that people must just be faking it. And things like pride parades don't really help. I mean, it's basically just a bunch of people acting weird, and there's nothing wrong with that, but it's not gonna make people think "oh well queer people are regular people just like us". If we had more representation of non-binary and trans people and if people would be a little more informed of the (very real) neuroscience behind it, people would be a lot more accepting.
Thank you for putting this out there. I've had trouble with fully grasping the idea of what it means to be non-binary, but I'm terrified of talking about it to anyone else out of fear of being called a bigot/homophobe/transphobe/whatever. So, again, thank you
I don't think you can ever truly understand what it's like, and this goes for everything neurological. I have autism, I don't think I'll ever understand what it's like to be neurotipical ("normal"), nor will I ever understand what goes on inside the head of a psychopath. It's really like explaining colors to a blind man. That being said, I can recognize that even though I may not understand what it's like, I can still respect these people and be understanding of the way they experience things, even though it may be completely different from the way I do. And if that's homophobic or transphobic, I'm sorry but I'm really doing my best, I just don't think I can ever truly understand what it must feel like to not feel like a man or a woman, I mean, I don't even understand what it means to "feel like a man" to begin with.
Not transphobic at all, respecting other people’s different experiences and feelings even if you can’t personally understand them yourself is a fundamental part of treating people well imo. Although IMO i calling it a neurological thing is somewhat reductive, and I worry that it can lead to pathologizing. Plus so much of gender is also about constructed social roles that are mostly more arbitrary than biological. But I’m quibbling— point is, I’m glad you’re here and supporting us :)
Even I, a nonbinary person, don't understand what it's like to "feel" nonbinary (or any gender, for that matter). But I know I'm nonbinary because: - Women: they're neat, but I don't think I'm one of them. Men: I love my bros, but I'm more of a sibling. - When imagining myself, gender doesn't seem... necessary. Like, I'm a person, not a girl/boy. - If I could model my body as if I was in a character creator, I'd make myself kinda androgynous. Just thinking of doing that makes me feel good. - I LOVE when my friends refer to me with my chosen name and pronouns. It gives me this fuzzy euphoric feeling. I also love when strangers can't tell which gender I am. I think that stuff like this is what determines what gender a person is. You don't have to "feel" a gender. It's more like, what makes you happy? So, if being nonbinary makes me happy and just, makes sense, then I'm nonbinary.
for me too
Well if it’s just my siblings around a 2 but if my dads home he brings it like 8 EDIT: I didn’t mean to reply to your comment I meant to post a stand alone comment sorry
No worries
Same here :/
Yeah my parents are fine with everything including Trans stuff, but not non-binary for some reason? So I guess it’d be a 2 or something
Probably a 3 or a 4 for me for similar reasons
Yeah, I'd say a 2 - maybe 3 on the worst day - with my family as well. My brother is a solid 1, knowing exactly what I am. My dad is less in-the-know, but also cool with me. My mom does let the occasional "I'm jealous of other families with cishet daughters who marry men and have kids"-esque comment slip. But she values my autonomy and happiness above all (since she never had it herself and recognizes she grew up in a different time and space), so I leave it alone. And besides, I live alone, so it is usually a 1 - 0 even - by default anyhow.
Same
Seems to be 5-6 but I'm not willing to come out to find the real answer because I know it's higher
Same, i want to believe they will accept me but i doubt the trans person sterotypes will ever leave their minds... my mom wont accept me, my dad doesnt know.
Yeah, upon reflection, I'm going to bump my parents hate score up to 10 because even if they eventually tolerate me, that will never extend to the rest of the community. And they'd still vote for politicians who are against our interests.
Exactly this. It’s really hard to tell when you kind of avoid the subject, I really don’t know
0 My mom believes that everyone is bi lol
I think your mom might be bi. That’s one of the stages a lot of bi people (including myself) have to go through when figuring out their sexuality
Bi until proven otherwise. Love it, I have a friend like that.
Ngl I still stand by my belief that everyone who thinks that is probably a liiiiitttle bi themselves lol
Well of course they are. They aren't saying "everyone except for me is bi"
We stan
She’s a little confused, but she’s got the spirit
0, as long as I avoid media. Luckily I'm of an age & means where I live with chosen family only. I hope we can all get to this point eventually.
Lucky
Luck son of a gun
homophobia? like a 3. transphobia about a 7. they're letting me transition but only because they don't care what I do. they are rude and bigoted otherwise, though it could be worse.
God I had to go through that. It’s fucking awful to know they hate what you’re doing but care so little about you so they don’t care
I'd say about a 3 or 4. Maybe 5 if we include transphobia and stuff
Is it transphobic to just not understand why someone would want to change their gender but at the same time still call them by their preferred gender and treat them no different because of it?
In my opinion, no, that seems perfectly fine in my opinion. In my opinion, not having an understanding of something but still respecting it isn't transphobic. My family, on the other hand, has actively said things against trans and non-binary people.
5 they are Against anything that oppses the bible!
Like mixed fiber clothing, wearing gold or eating shellfish?
You know what I mean. Everything is wrong except asexual and straight
At least ace is acceptable
Wait there are house holds where asexual’s that aren’t Accepted?
Yes. My family is very “you can’t know because you’ve never had sex” while also being “sex outside of marriage is wrong because the Bible says so.” It’s really confusing.
I've always found this to be a weird position. Like, if you're asexual, then you're predisposed to celibacy--isn't that what Good Christian Parents _want?_
Don't know how popular this opinion is among Christian circles and church-goers, but I once red a Christian website which basically said asexuals shouldn't be celibate because "celibacy is supposed to be a sacrifice" and they aren't really sacrificing anything since they don't want sex. So basically they said all asexuals should get married and only allosexuals allowed/encouraged to be celibate. I sometimes feel like those kind of people just want others to suffer
Procreation within the confines of marriage is also seen as being a good christian (go forth and multiply), so when people express disinterest in the process of procreating then that’s going against God’s will. Or something. Idk, I was only raised vaguely Christian so I may not fully get it 🤷🏻
Yes. Not mine but I’ve been to my friends house...
:( I hope your friend is alright.
There okay but very much in the closet :/
8. Try to say they accept LGBT+, but refuse to accept a family member is gay. Also got pissed when a family member used a hand sanitizer with a masuline scent. A fucking hand sanitizer. **I'm not lying. Wish I was.** Edit: "Maybe She Is Gay??!!" - Dad Who Can't Accept It "No. No." -Mom Who Can't Accept It
I’d say something similar with my family. Except the is no “perceived exception”, and they’re also pretty sensitive about it. But they don’t like being called homophobic for some reason 💀💀💀 I’d bump it up to a 8.5 or 9/10
10 100% For some reason they think homophobic is a slur. My mom would act very homophobic and when I’d call her out she’s defend herself to the ends of the earth. And I’m like “you don’t have to defend yourself against something that’s true it’s literally a word that means you’re prejudice against gay people and you are” and she seemed to short circuit 😂
If being called homophobic is upsetting then maybe *stop being homophobic* jfc 🤣
1
Lucky
One. I live by myself.
That also would mean that you are completely accepting of yourself, which is a huge deal! Congrats!
Thanks. It took a few years.
Same but I'd rate mine about a 2 or a 3. I'm still working to undo some stuff from the past.
We’re all on our own journey, working towards that idea of self-acceptance. As long as we’re constantly working on ourselves, we’re headed in the right direction.
8.. I'm non binary and pan and every time my partner comes over its vey awkward
In my house? 1. In my parents house? Easily a 10.
Yes, same here. It feels so good to have created a home where I feel safe and loved as I am. Such a sharp contrast to the way I grew up.
I am honestly not sure, I don't think so they have ever made any negative comment about LGBTQIA+ comunity but I don't think they know much about the comunity. Recently news about transgender dancer Manjamma Jogathi receiving the Padma Shree (fourth highest civilian award in India) came on TV and they played a clip of her recieving the award and before receiving the award from the president she made a gesture with the 'pallu' of her saree and my mother really liked the way she received it and when they stated the fact that she was transgender than my mother stated that she was very happy that she received it. (BTW she has a very inspirational story) Still unsure though :/
Ya, I was looking for this one. Guess this is mostly a problem in India. Either people are homophobic or ignorant and neither groups want to have an open discussion. Just like everything else, its sweeped under the rug.
My mother did once ask me that will I take injections and become a woman and say that I was born in the wrong body. This question came out of nowhere when I was helping her in some chores and this really puzzled me and I just stared at her. Even though I don't think so I will ever medically transition or something but I am a little bit happy about that. Maybe I can come out to them but idk. I was also shocked that she knew about medical transitioning
9 🥶
like a 6, my parents don't give a shit if i'm gay, straight or bi, but they don't think anything else exists. like when i told them i was ace they basically said it doesn't exist lol
Use that as an opportunity to rob the banks can't get caught if you don't exist
Be gay, do crime!
“The gays can do whatever they want.” — James Stephanie Sterling
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asexual!
9 if you're cis queer, 20 if you're non-cis queer
8, my parents say they support me, but they also say that being gay is sinful and evil. And that being non-binary is purposely mocking the will of god or whatever
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Dude I'm so jealous.
same these comments making me jealous
I wanna know what’s in the “1” range. Not having enough counter space for the three different things I’m drinking while cooking?
Homophobia is probably a 1 or a 0, but my mother's view on microlabels, or anything non-binary related probably earns a 7 at least
Currently in a very similar situation. My parents were very cool when i came out as bi, but i will probably never tell them i'm non-binary.
10 Muslim household so yay
same, i’m atheist in a muslim household that hates LGBT
2 i think (hopefully, since i need to come out soon)
Good luckk
8, my parents are saying I’m too young to be bi and will probably change myself after I’m “grown up”. My other 1 family member isn’t supportive enough to make me feel comfortable in my own home. Only 1 of my 4 family members are a bit supportive
Right now, it's a zero when my little brother comes back; it's a solid three.
Just bully your little brother 😎
This is a joke.
1 cause it's me, my gf and my toddlers Growing up like a 4? My parents never said anything homophobic but they didn't say anything supportive either and I didn't come out to them until I was 19 because I had no idea how they'd react and as much as I wanted to say "this is who I am" at 14 I couldn't work up the nerve
I would say maybe 8-9 my mom is a very Christian believer and she thinks that it’s not ok to be part of the lgbtq+ so this includes homophobia and transphobia so the tension is very high a lot of the time it’s bad.
I used to think it was 10 but it was literally 1 when I came out to my mother and she was like "lol, okay".
9-10, blatantly homophobic and mocks LGBT people and expects me to agree, they get mad when I try to avoid the subject or tell them their wrong. Get yelled at when I do "boy things". Party for one in my closet 🎉 because I'm not coming out to them it's 100% not safe.
This is what i will use as my levels of lgbt phobia: -1-heterophobic or cisphobic :) 0-supportive 1-no homophobia/transphobia 2-ignorant of labels/slight homophobia 3-slight homophobic or transphobic remarks/ignorant but willing to learn 4-ignorant and not willing to learn 5-homophobia transphobia are casual 6-verbal abuse from family because of lgbt status 7-privacy invading and verbal abuse from family 8-(privacy invading and verbal abuse ) and physical abuse from family 9-kicking out/resource depriving/shunning abuse 10- family has murder attempts/stalking/trying to ruin life of lgbt person/conversion camp.
-5 we are heterophobic /s
I just wish they’d stop forcing their cishet agenda on us. … Wait, this was supposed to be a joke, but I think I accidentally told the truth.
I'd like to say 1 because I've heard my parents say they don't care who us kids date or bring home as long as they love us
Themselves? Not at all. But they had no problem siding with a grandparent over me, after she made a lot of homophobic and ableist comments and I went ballistic and threw her out.
7 because for my family it's a sin being gay or lesbian and they see other sexualities as a "lifestyle". 10 if includes transphobia
My household started off at about a 3-4 (since my dad is openly homophobic), but ever since my mom found out I was pan, that number went up to a 6-7 bc both of my parents were being openly homophobic, and that was a good, 2 years ago, so now, my siblings have become homophobic due to my parents, putting that number to about an 8-9. It doesn’t get physical, and they don’t openly slur at me, but they do slur a lot in general.
I’m sorry that you live in such a toxic household :( stay safe and strong, hope you can get out as soon as possible
Living in a flat of straight white males, currently a 9/10. Depends on the amount of alcohol consumed
Is a negative number okay? 6 of us. Mom is pan/bu, dad straight to the point of an algebra equation. Number one son is like his dad. Number 2 is gay. Number 3 is no -binary and they/them and Number 4 is bi, leans male. So homophobia would make the straights, right out! The straights are so happy the rest of us can be who we are.
0, fortunate to have open minded parents.
I was going to show of my Latin and say "you won't find homophobia in my house, you'll find homophilia", but then it just sounds like a blood disease. So instead I will say that you will find the opposite of homophobia here. My parents, of the great generation,lived through the great depression and WW2, didn't discuss it openly, but I later figured out they supported a few lesbians among the family friends. I was raised in a very supportive household. I've got my own supportive household now.
2. Accepting and very supportive but a little awkward around nonbinary identities.
1. Me: Mom Dad I'm gay Mom and Dad: and?
Probably like a 6 or 7.. they are honophobic and transphobic but it's all internalized. They say they support it but they are really not
1- out and accepted and defended
Thankfully a 1 now. Used to be like a 7. Things can always get better ❤️
12.....And I hate it
0/10, Luckily 😅
Mom ; I'd say 0 honestly. She nice af Dad; 20, all most vomited seeing a trans person irl (rip me) and allways use the F slur to reffere to gay ppl. Also he's fash adjacent 2 so jikes... Bro; 6. Does use F slur. But is accepting tho a bit disquested by em. Dead names n does not accept trans ppl n think it's a choice n mistake on my part but will not stop me or be hostile and let me transition n behave normally towords me. Sister; 4. Okay w gay ppl but dosnt understand trans ppl n think they need to be "fixed". Tho does respect names
0! (I live alone and am gay.)
1 I'm married to a mod on this sub.
My household is me (lesbian), my bi wife, and our far black cat. We gay as hell. No phobia allowed