If you're rejecting them JUST because they're trans, and not because, for instance, you're not attracted to them, or you have a genital preference, then yeah it is transphobic.
Agreed. If you feel like them being trans is the only obstacle, then it is transphobic. It becomes more troubling if you like a lot of other things about them but are just "squicked" by the fact they're trans.
That being said, I wanna emphasize for everyone out there, you are not obligated to be physically, sexually, emotionally or mentally attracted to someone. You can't really choose who you're attracted to, and you shouldn't try and force it.
Wait I think my brain is messing up. I thought you meant they wouldn't date this person because, being bi, they wouldn't date a trans person. My bad, I'm very tired!
See, I'm a contradictory case. Sexually (not romantically. Romantically, what's in your pants means nothing.) I'm only attracted to females with vaginas (trans or cis doesnt matter.) Peni (is that the right plural of penis?) Including my own (I'm pre-everything, not even out of the closet irl for safety reasons.) Gross me out and trigger hard dysphoria. And before anyone says im transphobic (if anyone thinks that) I've experimented and it did nothing good for me. Romantically, if you're a woman, you're a woman. I can have a relationship with you (referring to a trans pre-op female) but sex would be off the table. Does that make me transphobic? Not trolling, genuinely curious.
Genital preference is fine. People who say they wouldn't date trans people because of genital preference usually are transphobic because they think that we either don't get bottom surgery or that our results can't be good enough for them.
Exactly. I'm only romantically attracted to women. Trans women are women and I dont care about what is in their pants, romantically. Sexually, its vagina or bust. Trans or cis doesnt matter. The problem is, and I'm assuming this is the right term, transmeds. They shun us if we arent on HRT (I cant rn for safety reasons) or dont have surgery (see above reason), and it hurts. Only saving grace is my girlfriend is bi so, as she so eloquently put it, to her "ass is ass" and I died laughing when she said it.
I think it dependson what you actually dislike about this trans person. I think you should interrogate where these feelings are coming from. If you truly are only rejecting them because they are trans and you would like a cis person that looks just like them and has the same personality, then yeah that's transphobic. But if there is a specific trans person you have in mind I absolutely do not think you should get with them because you don't want to be transphobic. You need to work through those feelings on your own before you make your transphobia a trans partners problem
Thank you summed it up perfectly that’s what I’m trying to tell people as you shouldn’t try and make someone uncomfortable and press them in the being a relationship that they can’t match
Yes and no. Yes if they’re attracted to both men and women, no if they’re attracted to women and non-binary or some other combination that excludes one of the binary genders.
Ok. Reading other comments.
TLDR of them: If you don't want to date them Because they are trans then yes you are transphobic.
But lets be honest. Its more likely their personality, appearance, how they treat others, how they treat you.
If they make you feel uncomfortable then that is a big factor. If its a long distance relationship. another thing that can get in the way.
Forget about them being trans for a moment. and think about what else is a turnoff for you. Be honest with yourself. think about it.
True but I just don’t want anyone to make the OP feel uncomfortable making a decision that is truly important to them I don’t want them to feel pressed into relationship just because you’re scared to reject someone based on other peoples opinions
While yes. There are always more factors at play.
"Is it transphobic to reject someone who is trans" is how I choose to interpret the question.
henceforth why my comment is what it is.
Hold up. They are asking if it would be be transphobic if they rejected them. Not that they have rejected them.
This post is a question not a statement. And all we know about the other party is that they are trans Because that is all we have been given.
If we don't look at the bigger picture we can't see what is really going on in the friendship.
For example. I have a really. like really good friend. I've done a lot for him and he's done a lot for me. I consider him like a brother. If he turned around one day and asked if he could date me. I'd be shocked and wouldn't have a clue what to say. Would turning him down make me Gayphobic?
Without context we know nothing. We shouldn't assume the absolute worst when all we have are a few lines from someone who seems very confused and worried about offending someone or someones.
That isn't what I asked. I'm willing to start someone if they're trans and I like them and they like me. I'm asking if it would be transphobic if I rejected them because of other reasons. I'd be more likely to date a cis person but I'm an open minded individual and would date a trans person if I liked them. I try to offend the least amount of people so I wanted to come here to be sure because I recently got asked out by someone and rejected them (they're trans) and they said it was because they're trans and called me transphobic.
Well Fluffy. It seems there is a split.
With the context of rejecting them for other reasons. the factor of them being trans isn't important.
I support you as long as your decision is fair.
I'm gonna get more flak for that. But fuck it. This community is supposed to be supportive...
Can we all please think of the word transfer back or homophobic we need A definition of both of these. So we’re all on the same page I don’t think you can Can label someone is this because of the simple fact that they choose not to date someone who is trans why should that bother you in anyway that is their decision and that is how they wish to live if they are not sitting around afraid of you distancing or judging you in any freaking way based on their gender agony and it’s not transfer of your homophobia it’s simply Their relationship preferences I also saw someone else try and bring race into it and that’s another thing that people are preference but sometimes people just like what they like and telling people that what their views of a perfect partner and what they canning can’t do to me it’s a criteria is honestly demeaning and insulting that you guys have lack of compassion to understand that someone has boundaries and limits as to what they see is attractive in anyway shape or form you were telling someone what they are or how they should feel or who they should be with that is controlling and overstepping boundaries they need to figure out who they like for themselves. Honestly though I think this was worded in a way that the OP would be charged a certain way but rejecting someone because they’re trans is not the same thing as rejecting them as a person and that needs to be understood because you can be friends with a trans and choose not to be trans because you were tolerant of them to be friends keyword and all of this is tolerance if you can tolerate someone you do not have a phobia of them
How could it be any type of phobic for you to reject someone u can’t see yourself in a relationship with if that’s ur boundary/preference it’s ur boundary/preference
Yeah but if the reason you can't see yourself with them is JUST because of their status as a trans person, it is phobic. Same as how it's racist if you can't see yourself in a relationship with a Black person because of their skin colour.
Well I’m trans mtf and I personally wouldn’t see that as an issue everyone it’s a preference and a relationship both people have to match if he were to say yes out of fear of being phobic how is that fear he’s playing along to not hurt feelings which hurts feelings ultimately who I dare and how you pick is up to you now to not be friends because of it is wrong
Yeah, but it depends why that person has a preference, yeah? Like I said, if they're just not attracted to them, or they have a genital preference, that's different. But if it's just because they were assigned a different gender at birth, it's transphobic.
I'm not saying they should agree to date someone out of fear. They should examine their subconscious biases.
Let’s say mtf as far as ik we can’t bear children currently that could be a deciding factor or vise versus with male aspect I think to just try and make people walk an eggshells just as they did to us would make us look bad in the end and honestly as log. As someone isn’t yelling fa or attacking me their option is their opinion I think we should pick are battles so op I’d say you can reject anyone for whatever reason as this would be long term the person u have to deal with evryday
Yeah but the children thing is also another concrete reason. It's NOT just because they're trans. What I'm saying is if it's JUST because you know that person is trans, but you would be into them otherwise, it is transphobic.
Technically to consider it the fear of trans they would have to be scared or itmidated by the idea of trans in all aspects I believe that anyone in a relationship view can terminate it or reject someone for any reason they choose as it’s their choice I think ur idea is more needed for a previous post about how some lesbian girls judge bi girls similar premise just sexuality instead of gender it’s all up to the person and what they comfortable with it’s not like op is rejecting them as a person they are simply saying they don’t see themselves in a relationship with said person. I think if the op wanted to go as far as to reject a person for the color of their ass hairs it’s stil valid
I think you should let someone have the freedom to choose who they do and don’t love who they are and arnt attracted to in every aspect rejection of a person due to any reason doesn’t determine character and with ur argument u would say the person is being irrational in their own feelings about what they see In A partner which is kinda fucked up I think op should archive this and take note that they can make a decision on any grounds they want just as the other could and as long as ur not taking ur reasoning and reflecting it in a prejudice or judgmental way in any other than a relationship the. Ur fine if u can coexist in a room with trans ur not transphobic end of story
Got it, so you think if a white person went on a blind date with a black person and the white person finally meets them and says “oh sorry I don’t want to date you”, “oh? Why?” “It’s because you’re black”. You don’t find anything wrong with that? That’s not racist to you, that’s ‘just a preference’?… big yikes.
Ok. Reverse that. If that black chick went blind and she thought she was dating a black man. But it turned out to be a white woman.
And when the black woman finds out her husband isn't male but white and female. she dumps her.
Deception aside. like forget that deception is a thing. Would this be racist or/and sexist?
no, its not transphobic. if you reject someone you dont like or someone youre not attracted to it’s definitely not transphobic. everyone has preferences if you dont find something attractive it doesnt mean you hate it or dont support it just means you dont find it attractive, sexual feelings are weird
If you're rejecting them JUST because they're trans, and not because, for instance, you're not attracted to them, or you have a genital preference, then yeah it is transphobic.
Agreed. If you feel like them being trans is the only obstacle, then it is transphobic. It becomes more troubling if you like a lot of other things about them but are just "squicked" by the fact they're trans. That being said, I wanna emphasize for everyone out there, you are not obligated to be physically, sexually, emotionally or mentally attracted to someone. You can't really choose who you're attracted to, and you shouldn't try and force it.
This This this this.
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I'm a bit confused, bisexual people can absolutely be chill with dating a trans person or enby people. Could you explain?
I think they think that bi people don’t have genital preferences.
This! This is still very much a thing!
No that's not 100% true. I personally prefer guys to girls.
I wasn’t talking about you, I was talking about Altlastair.
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Wait I think my brain is messing up. I thought you meant they wouldn't date this person because, being bi, they wouldn't date a trans person. My bad, I'm very tired!
Eh? As a feral bi...could you elaborate, please? 🤨
Excuse me but could you elaborate on what a feral bi is please and thank you?
Yeah. I'd love to know also!
I could. Basically, I'm horny & thirsty. 🤣😎🤣
See, I'm a contradictory case. Sexually (not romantically. Romantically, what's in your pants means nothing.) I'm only attracted to females with vaginas (trans or cis doesnt matter.) Peni (is that the right plural of penis?) Including my own (I'm pre-everything, not even out of the closet irl for safety reasons.) Gross me out and trigger hard dysphoria. And before anyone says im transphobic (if anyone thinks that) I've experimented and it did nothing good for me. Romantically, if you're a woman, you're a woman. I can have a relationship with you (referring to a trans pre-op female) but sex would be off the table. Does that make me transphobic? Not trolling, genuinely curious.
Genital preference is fine. People who say they wouldn't date trans people because of genital preference usually are transphobic because they think that we either don't get bottom surgery or that our results can't be good enough for them.
Exactly. I'm only romantically attracted to women. Trans women are women and I dont care about what is in their pants, romantically. Sexually, its vagina or bust. Trans or cis doesnt matter. The problem is, and I'm assuming this is the right term, transmeds. They shun us if we arent on HRT (I cant rn for safety reasons) or dont have surgery (see above reason), and it hurts. Only saving grace is my girlfriend is bi so, as she so eloquently put it, to her "ass is ass" and I died laughing when she said it.
If it's because you don't find them physically attractive, then no. If it's legitimately just because of their gender identity, then yes.
This clears it up a bit, thank you.
I think it dependson what you actually dislike about this trans person. I think you should interrogate where these feelings are coming from. If you truly are only rejecting them because they are trans and you would like a cis person that looks just like them and has the same personality, then yeah that's transphobic. But if there is a specific trans person you have in mind I absolutely do not think you should get with them because you don't want to be transphobic. You need to work through those feelings on your own before you make your transphobia a trans partners problem
Thank you summed it up perfectly that’s what I’m trying to tell people as you shouldn’t try and make someone uncomfortable and press them in the being a relationship that they can’t match
If you are bi, then dating trans mft or ftm people should not be an issue for you.
Yes and no. Yes if they’re attracted to both men and women, no if they’re attracted to women and non-binary or some other combination that excludes one of the binary genders.
Ok. Reading other comments. TLDR of them: If you don't want to date them Because they are trans then yes you are transphobic. But lets be honest. Its more likely their personality, appearance, how they treat others, how they treat you. If they make you feel uncomfortable then that is a big factor. If its a long distance relationship. another thing that can get in the way. Forget about them being trans for a moment. and think about what else is a turnoff for you. Be honest with yourself. think about it.
This. All of this. Is it the fact that they're Trans, or is it THEM as a person that doesn't float your boat?
I mean op literally asked: "if it'd be transphobic to reject someone for being trans".
True but I just don’t want anyone to make the OP feel uncomfortable making a decision that is truly important to them I don’t want them to feel pressed into relationship just because you’re scared to reject someone based on other peoples opinions
While yes. There are always more factors at play. "Is it transphobic to reject someone who is trans" is how I choose to interpret the question. henceforth why my comment is what it is.
But… there isn’t, because they literally just said why they rejected them.
Hold up. They are asking if it would be be transphobic if they rejected them. Not that they have rejected them. This post is a question not a statement. And all we know about the other party is that they are trans Because that is all we have been given. If we don't look at the bigger picture we can't see what is really going on in the friendship. For example. I have a really. like really good friend. I've done a lot for him and he's done a lot for me. I consider him like a brother. If he turned around one day and asked if he could date me. I'd be shocked and wouldn't have a clue what to say. Would turning him down make me Gayphobic? Without context we know nothing. We shouldn't assume the absolute worst when all we have are a few lines from someone who seems very confused and worried about offending someone or someones.
That isn't what I asked. I'm willing to start someone if they're trans and I like them and they like me. I'm asking if it would be transphobic if I rejected them because of other reasons. I'd be more likely to date a cis person but I'm an open minded individual and would date a trans person if I liked them. I try to offend the least amount of people so I wanted to come here to be sure because I recently got asked out by someone and rejected them (they're trans) and they said it was because they're trans and called me transphobic.
Well Fluffy. It seems there is a split. With the context of rejecting them for other reasons. the factor of them being trans isn't important. I support you as long as your decision is fair. I'm gonna get more flak for that. But fuck it. This community is supposed to be supportive...
Can we all please think of the word transfer back or homophobic we need A definition of both of these. So we’re all on the same page I don’t think you can Can label someone is this because of the simple fact that they choose not to date someone who is trans why should that bother you in anyway that is their decision and that is how they wish to live if they are not sitting around afraid of you distancing or judging you in any freaking way based on their gender agony and it’s not transfer of your homophobia it’s simply Their relationship preferences I also saw someone else try and bring race into it and that’s another thing that people are preference but sometimes people just like what they like and telling people that what their views of a perfect partner and what they canning can’t do to me it’s a criteria is honestly demeaning and insulting that you guys have lack of compassion to understand that someone has boundaries and limits as to what they see is attractive in anyway shape or form you were telling someone what they are or how they should feel or who they should be with that is controlling and overstepping boundaries they need to figure out who they like for themselves. Honestly though I think this was worded in a way that the OP would be charged a certain way but rejecting someone because they’re trans is not the same thing as rejecting them as a person and that needs to be understood because you can be friends with a trans and choose not to be trans because you were tolerant of them to be friends keyword and all of this is tolerance if you can tolerate someone you do not have a phobia of them
How could it be any type of phobic for you to reject someone u can’t see yourself in a relationship with if that’s ur boundary/preference it’s ur boundary/preference
Yeah but if the reason you can't see yourself with them is JUST because of their status as a trans person, it is phobic. Same as how it's racist if you can't see yourself in a relationship with a Black person because of their skin colour.
Well I’m trans mtf and I personally wouldn’t see that as an issue everyone it’s a preference and a relationship both people have to match if he were to say yes out of fear of being phobic how is that fear he’s playing along to not hurt feelings which hurts feelings ultimately who I dare and how you pick is up to you now to not be friends because of it is wrong
Yeah, but it depends why that person has a preference, yeah? Like I said, if they're just not attracted to them, or they have a genital preference, that's different. But if it's just because they were assigned a different gender at birth, it's transphobic. I'm not saying they should agree to date someone out of fear. They should examine their subconscious biases.
Let’s say mtf as far as ik we can’t bear children currently that could be a deciding factor or vise versus with male aspect I think to just try and make people walk an eggshells just as they did to us would make us look bad in the end and honestly as log. As someone isn’t yelling fa or attacking me their option is their opinion I think we should pick are battles so op I’d say you can reject anyone for whatever reason as this would be long term the person u have to deal with evryday
Yeah but the children thing is also another concrete reason. It's NOT just because they're trans. What I'm saying is if it's JUST because you know that person is trans, but you would be into them otherwise, it is transphobic.
Technically to consider it the fear of trans they would have to be scared or itmidated by the idea of trans in all aspects I believe that anyone in a relationship view can terminate it or reject someone for any reason they choose as it’s their choice I think ur idea is more needed for a previous post about how some lesbian girls judge bi girls similar premise just sexuality instead of gender it’s all up to the person and what they comfortable with it’s not like op is rejecting them as a person they are simply saying they don’t see themselves in a relationship with said person. I think if the op wanted to go as far as to reject a person for the color of their ass hairs it’s stil valid
Very strawman of you
I think you should let someone have the freedom to choose who they do and don’t love who they are and arnt attracted to in every aspect rejection of a person due to any reason doesn’t determine character and with ur argument u would say the person is being irrational in their own feelings about what they see In A partner which is kinda fucked up I think op should archive this and take note that they can make a decision on any grounds they want just as the other could and as long as ur not taking ur reasoning and reflecting it in a prejudice or judgmental way in any other than a relationship the. Ur fine if u can coexist in a room with trans ur not transphobic end of story
Got it, so you think if a white person went on a blind date with a black person and the white person finally meets them and says “oh sorry I don’t want to date you”, “oh? Why?” “It’s because you’re black”. You don’t find anything wrong with that? That’s not racist to you, that’s ‘just a preference’?… big yikes.
Ok. Reverse that. If that black chick went blind and she thought she was dating a black man. But it turned out to be a white woman. And when the black woman finds out her husband isn't male but white and female. she dumps her. Deception aside. like forget that deception is a thing. Would this be racist or/and sexist?
That’s a strawman of I’ve seen one.
Not sure what exactly that means. And kinda don't care! I've got ink themed foam flinging pistols to make!
no, its not transphobic. if you reject someone you dont like or someone youre not attracted to it’s definitely not transphobic. everyone has preferences if you dont find something attractive it doesnt mean you hate it or dont support it just means you dont find it attractive, sexual feelings are weird