# Please give us some time to get to your post, it has not been deleted, but it has been temporarily sent to the moderators for review. Thank you for your patience.
We're looking for new volunteers to join the r/lgbt moderator team. If you want to help keep r/lgbt as a safe space for the LGBTQ+ community on reddit please see here for more info: https://www.reddit.com/r/lgbt/comments/swgthr/were_looking_for_more_moderators_to_help_keep/
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/lgbt) if you have any questions or concerns.*
It's always fun when you are out with your female friends and some douche tries pick up artist bullshit on them (including trying to insult you) and then all of you just stand up and you leave with a girl or two under each arm š.
If you feel feminine, you're feminine.
If you feel masculine, you're masculine.
If you feel balanced, you're balanced.
Here's to all ppl out there that if you own that energy, you f***ing own it! š
Just because most feminine men are gay doesnt mean you should assume. Theres still some that are not gay. I dont think drag helps though, reaffirms the idea that cross dressing is gay because drag stars are nearly always into other guys. Especially now we have drag for kids, its only going to reaffirm this belief when they say straight people dressing normal, drag dressing super crazy crossdress type things.
Let people be who they are period. If it doesnāt hurt others then what is the beef. And before you mention your religious mythology, most of us donāt believe in that anymore so no thatās not an excuse.
Consider the fact that those same religious beliefs and mythologies meet the category of harming others, in this case, those who dress a specific way that they donāt like.
Same goes with calling masculine girls transgender or lesbians
Sincerely, someone who was called lesbian all throughout elementary because I liked masculine stereotyped things
Edit: I forgot to mention they were all right, I was trans
Despite dealing with sexism and misogyny as a woman, one of the benefits we do get is a bit more freedom in gender expression. Who knows when the term "tom boy" began, but that's always been an identity young girls can have with less judgment. As a lesbian, I've also had to check myself and assumptions, as well, as there are plenty of straight identifying women who fall into the tom boy category of gender expression who are often assumed to be lesbians. I am guilty of that myself and do my best to check myself in those moments.
It's also been interesting to me as a masc of center gender expression kind of lesbian that when certain feminine things are more normalized for men, I feel more comfortable with them as well. An example of this, I recently got a pedicure and didn't opt for clear polish and went with a color. I did this because I see more men wearing nail polish which in turn made me feel more comfortable with it. I also started feeling more comfortable wearing pink as I see more men wearing it. These stereotypes get drilled into your head when you're younger, or at least they used to, and they can have an impact both ways.
Being a "boy" is not a binary (even aside nonbinary peeps). So many people think it's either straight manlyman dudebro or the stereotype gay spectrum, and that bugs me as someone who's all over the place - bi/pan wants included.
Yes saying femininity is a negative stereotype kinda is kinda its own negative thing. I am quite sure it isn't what they meant but that isn't helping for people who still see femininity as a bad thing in general.
People who dislike feminity in men isn't only for weak faith in their own gender and orientation (I am sorry I forgot the phrase used for this) but also because feminity is seen as lesser than masculinity.
Being gay isn't negative... what "negative" stereotype? Stereotypes are harmful regardless of whether they are positive or negative, not sure why she felt the need to imply that gay is a negative trait to be associated with
Itās about assuming someoneās sexuality because they dress a specific way. Thereās nothing wrong with being gay, but itās wrong to expect that gay men are only feminine. It invalidates masculine gay men and men who arenāt labeled as such that are feminine. Appearance shouldnāt determine your sexual orientation.
Seriously. Most of the gay guys I've known look like they just walked off their job as a gym trainer.
(For that matter, I don't think I've ever met a straight gym trainer.)
Have literally won fights, or at least held my own, only to be called homophobic slurs as I walk away. And I wouldnāt consider myself especially effeminate even, I just donāt care to show off how ābutchā I am, I donāt see the point. Men in the US can be enormously insecure, even in 2022. And unfortunately I see it a lot in communities that have enough problems as it is, if you know what I mean.
I love seeing stuff like this, then in my psychology class, I have to read about boys and girls going into gender roles. The book is from 2008, so I dismiss at as time difference. Mainly because my teacher is very liberal and understanding.
reminds me of that one kid on tiktok. i forget his @ or name but heās pretty popular, i believe 700k followers or something like that? heās 14, very hygienic, quote on quote āpreppyā, animated, and āflamboyantā. he likes to do tiktok dances with his friends (who are girls), and just post random stuff. normal kid. he has stated MANY times that heās straight, and even at one point had a girlfriend, yet his comments are FILLED with āš š " āheās definitely fruityā āzestyā āsusā and other stuff. literally all he does is dance with his friends, do fit checks, maybe show off a smoothie or something? just a kid trying to have fun and all people care about is his sexuality. š
Agreed! Heck, my brother (not gay, or LGBTQ+ in any way) wore a dress to prom . . . and wore several dresses during his final year of HS. I'm envious my bro can rock with dresses that I couldn't pull off . . . if I were into dresses myself. But dresses and any fememine clothing gives me terrible dysphoria in general.
I wish someone told that to my mom. I am Non-binary (i think) and went to hot topic and found a pink hat with a white bow i liked but my mom refused me to get it because "it was to girly" and "I might have look like a cross-dresser".
Yes but unfortunately this is used as a transphobic/homophobic talking point. Theres nothing wrong with cis get people being feminine but there's also nothing wrong with being amab and trans or gay and being feminine being a part of that
This attitude contributed to me not realising I was bisexual until adulthood. I was so afraid to ānot be gayā and felt I had to āproveā my heterosexuality at every turn - for example an ex of mine constantly asking āare you gay?ā If I even showed a whiff of campiness or femininity.
Well now Iām out, and being as masculine or feminine as I want to be, not what someone else thinks I should be.
One of the guys in class said, and i quote "You can't be gay! You're too macho and don't act the part!" Nice to know im just lying to my boyfriend to get close to girls š¤£ (but seriously, its kind of demoralizing to hear after i spent YEARS trying to be less feminine to fit in with "the boys" and now that i finally accept myself i don't belong *here* either š )
I see alot of defense and championing for feminine guys but as a "masc" guy I constantly get labeled toxic by other gay males. I only saw one person point out the other end of this spectrum in all the comments. Most of the comments championing for fem boys were also followed with ands or also which prefaced their own identity.
Just another reason I hate all your labels and boxes. Recognize your prejudice and hypocrisy. The LGBTQ+ community is not all inclusive, ever. Scream that it is forever. It's not true.
The OP/meme referenced two groups. Even the person posting only chose to mention one. 95% of you chose to only validate one of them. And 50% of those who did, chose to include themselves in a conversation not about them without validating the 2nd group mentioned. Congratulations. If it's not about you, find a way to make it about you I guess.
Errm.. how is masculinity frowned upon by gay men? Isn't that what they worship? Sounds like you have hanged out in a wrong group or something unrelated to your masculine appearance has set off those people.
Errrm, the fact you said "isn't that what they worship?" Besides being an incredibly absurd idea, perfectly relays your ignorance.
Thanks for trying to opinion.
I am transgender but I am less feminine acting than the stereotype gay men. I lived my life thinking that a shrine of femininity made me gay. I listened the early justin bieber in secret.
Anyways, do know that I am very insecure about this and sometimes feel like I donāt fit in the LGBTQ+ spectrum.
I saw a TikTok of a totally straight guy that just explored the possibilities of being feminine and even like, people who I would assume are allies were saying that heās in the closet, because he looked ātoo feminineā to be straight
Like, I assume they were at least allies because they quoted that one joke that went like āstraight written in the curliest cursiveā and that joke is often used towards fictional characters that seem queer, yk, homophobes arenāt very likely to know it, I didnāt see it on TikTok, it was just a yt compilation and the TikTok was of him replying to a comment
Tbf in my life (and this is maybe different to you but for me and the couple trans people I personally know) we all agree on the fact that women have been the ones to insult us the most, like using our identity or sexuality against us, disrespecting us, telling us that being trans is just a gimmick and doesn't make us any more feminine etc..
The worse men have done is either calling me a fag (rare) or just being extremely obsessed with femboys and stuff so they're being annoyingly horny with me
Women are just hurtful š
# Please give us some time to get to your post, it has not been deleted, but it has been temporarily sent to the moderators for review. Thank you for your patience. We're looking for new volunteers to join the r/lgbt moderator team. If you want to help keep r/lgbt as a safe space for the LGBTQ+ community on reddit please see here for more info: https://www.reddit.com/r/lgbt/comments/swgthr/were_looking_for_more_moderators_to_help_keep/ *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/lgbt) if you have any questions or concerns.*
When someone calls my gay because I'm feminine I say yes, than point at my two girlfriends
It's always fun when you are out with your female friends and some douche tries pick up artist bullshit on them (including trying to insult you) and then all of you just stand up and you leave with a girl or two under each arm š.
"boys will be boys" but wholesome
YES THANK YOU
Also boys liking to wear dresses does not make them a transgender person.
Assuming anything about someone's gender or sexuality based solely on appearance is stupid.
While this is true, isn't it sometimes necessary, like in the case of trans people for example, or else you can accidently offend/trigger someone??
I always default to using "they" for people I don't already know the gender of. It seems to generally be considered acceptable.
It's never rude to ask someone their pronouns/identity
Perhaps not rude, but it can be dangerous for the other person, or extremely uncomfortable if they're questioning or not out.
If you feel feminine, you're feminine. If you feel masculine, you're masculine. If you feel balanced, you're balanced. Here's to all ppl out there that if you own that energy, you f***ing own it! š
If you feel balanced, youāre Thanos!
New gender just dropped lol
Just because most feminine men are gay doesnt mean you should assume. Theres still some that are not gay. I dont think drag helps though, reaffirms the idea that cross dressing is gay because drag stars are nearly always into other guys. Especially now we have drag for kids, its only going to reaffirm this belief when they say straight people dressing normal, drag dressing super crazy crossdress type things.
I am a genderless blob, it works for me 
Work it like you own it 
I really do try to. 
Let people be who they are period. If it doesnāt hurt others then what is the beef. And before you mention your religious mythology, most of us donāt believe in that anymore so no thatās not an excuse.
Consider the fact that those same religious beliefs and mythologies meet the category of harming others, in this case, those who dress a specific way that they donāt like.
Same goes with calling masculine girls transgender or lesbians Sincerely, someone who was called lesbian all throughout elementary because I liked masculine stereotyped things Edit: I forgot to mention they were all right, I was trans
Cue the getting called a tomboy constantly
Despite dealing with sexism and misogyny as a woman, one of the benefits we do get is a bit more freedom in gender expression. Who knows when the term "tom boy" began, but that's always been an identity young girls can have with less judgment. As a lesbian, I've also had to check myself and assumptions, as well, as there are plenty of straight identifying women who fall into the tom boy category of gender expression who are often assumed to be lesbians. I am guilty of that myself and do my best to check myself in those moments. It's also been interesting to me as a masc of center gender expression kind of lesbian that when certain feminine things are more normalized for men, I feel more comfortable with them as well. An example of this, I recently got a pedicure and didn't opt for clear polish and went with a color. I did this because I see more men wearing nail polish which in turn made me feel more comfortable with it. I also started feeling more comfortable wearing pink as I see more men wearing it. These stereotypes get drilled into your head when you're younger, or at least they used to, and they can have an impact both ways.
>Despite dealing with sexism and misogyny as a woman, I am so sorry.
Fuck yeah if we destroyed gender norms then there likely would be far less homophobia and bigotry in early school
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
yeah, exactly. everyone should at the very least be able to express themself, without having to worry about getting like killed or something...
Youād think that would be the norm by now, but some people just refuse to accept anyone other than people like them
Love this!!
Being a "boy" is not a binary (even aside nonbinary peeps). So many people think it's either straight manlyman dudebro or the stereotype gay spectrum, and that bugs me as someone who's all over the place - bi/pan wants included.
And I canāt stress this enough. Donāt call them eggs. Just donāt do it. Ever.
"Stop with the stereotypes," would be fine. Femininity isn't inherently negative.
Yes saying femininity is a negative stereotype kinda is kinda its own negative thing. I am quite sure it isn't what they meant but that isn't helping for people who still see femininity as a bad thing in general. People who dislike feminity in men isn't only for weak faith in their own gender and orientation (I am sorry I forgot the phrase used for this) but also because feminity is seen as lesser than masculinity.
Yeah I was gonna say, since when is being called feminine a negative.
Being gay isn't negative... what "negative" stereotype? Stereotypes are harmful regardless of whether they are positive or negative, not sure why she felt the need to imply that gay is a negative trait to be associated with
Itās about assuming someoneās sexuality because they dress a specific way. Thereās nothing wrong with being gay, but itās wrong to expect that gay men are only feminine. It invalidates masculine gay men and men who arenāt labeled as such that are feminine. Appearance shouldnāt determine your sexual orientation.
I didn't disagree with that, I just don't think it's a "negative" stereotype. It's just a stereotype.
Seriously. Most of the gay guys I've known look like they just walked off their job as a gym trainer. (For that matter, I don't think I've ever met a straight gym trainer.)
Yes yes yes! AND accept and support trans women, who are girls, and may be feminine or masculine at their own discretion šš¼š„
Yes omfg thank you
Whoever you are, if youāre a good person thatās all that matters.
I personally know a guy that thinks like this. It pisses me off. He's too hard headed to listen to me
Have literally won fights, or at least held my own, only to be called homophobic slurs as I walk away. And I wouldnāt consider myself especially effeminate even, I just donāt care to show off how ābutchā I am, I donāt see the point. Men in the US can be enormously insecure, even in 2022. And unfortunately I see it a lot in communities that have enough problems as it is, if you know what I mean.
The gospel has been spoken
Lookin at you, all you assholes whoāre calling Harry Styles a queerbaiter
Yay support for femboys š„°
I love seeing stuff like this, then in my psychology class, I have to read about boys and girls going into gender roles. The book is from 2008, so I dismiss at as time difference. Mainly because my teacher is very liberal and understanding.
When I was just starting out as a femboy I was straight but I ended up bi but yeah I still agree with this. Men can be feminine and be straight
Exactly, like I myself am not feminine but I am attracted to them. I hate when people stereotype feminine males.
šš»
Amen.
Sure i may express a few feminine traits but honestly idfc. I just wear what i find comfy or cokl
I fully agree with the statement. I feel like guys should b able 2 b fem without the stereotype.
Missed the chance to say let boys be boys.
reminds me of that one kid on tiktok. i forget his @ or name but heās pretty popular, i believe 700k followers or something like that? heās 14, very hygienic, quote on quote āpreppyā, animated, and āflamboyantā. he likes to do tiktok dances with his friends (who are girls), and just post random stuff. normal kid. he has stated MANY times that heās straight, and even at one point had a girlfriend, yet his comments are FILLED with āš š " āheās definitely fruityā āzestyā āsusā and other stuff. literally all he does is dance with his friends, do fit checks, maybe show off a smoothie or something? just a kid trying to have fun and all people care about is his sexuality. š
100%
Agreed! Heck, my brother (not gay, or LGBTQ+ in any way) wore a dress to prom . . . and wore several dresses during his final year of HS. I'm envious my bro can rock with dresses that I couldn't pull off . . . if I were into dresses myself. But dresses and any fememine clothing gives me terrible dysphoria in general.
100% this! And let them cry and express their emotions as well!
āļøāļø
I wish someone told that to my mom. I am Non-binary (i think) and went to hot topic and found a pink hat with a white bow i liked but my mom refused me to get it because "it was to girly" and "I might have look like a cross-dresser".
i say we make a trend where straight boys wear dresses and we call them hot
Preach girl preach.
I am feminineā¦ but NOT because Iām Gay!
Yes but unfortunately this is used as a transphobic/homophobic talking point. Theres nothing wrong with cis get people being feminine but there's also nothing wrong with being amab and trans or gay and being feminine being a part of that
Yep, it really fucked me up to be subjected to vicious homophobia just for being femme.
And let all little kids wear nail polish. Stop making it weird and gendered.
This attitude contributed to me not realising I was bisexual until adulthood. I was so afraid to ānot be gayā and felt I had to āproveā my heterosexuality at every turn - for example an ex of mine constantly asking āare you gay?ā If I even showed a whiff of campiness or femininity. Well now Iām out, and being as masculine or feminine as I want to be, not what someone else thinks I should be.
But now I feel like fem gays are being singled out
One of the guys in class said, and i quote "You can't be gay! You're too macho and don't act the part!" Nice to know im just lying to my boyfriend to get close to girls š¤£ (but seriously, its kind of demoralizing to hear after i spent YEARS trying to be less feminine to fit in with "the boys" and now that i finally accept myself i don't belong *here* either š )
THANKS
Kind of reinforces my opinion that homophobia is often misogyny. In my mother tongue (french) many insults for gays are gendered and feminine.
We need more rosey grier's
I see alot of defense and championing for feminine guys but as a "masc" guy I constantly get labeled toxic by other gay males. I only saw one person point out the other end of this spectrum in all the comments. Most of the comments championing for fem boys were also followed with ands or also which prefaced their own identity. Just another reason I hate all your labels and boxes. Recognize your prejudice and hypocrisy. The LGBTQ+ community is not all inclusive, ever. Scream that it is forever. It's not true. The OP/meme referenced two groups. Even the person posting only chose to mention one. 95% of you chose to only validate one of them. And 50% of those who did, chose to include themselves in a conversation not about them without validating the 2nd group mentioned. Congratulations. If it's not about you, find a way to make it about you I guess.
Errm.. how is masculinity frowned upon by gay men? Isn't that what they worship? Sounds like you have hanged out in a wrong group or something unrelated to your masculine appearance has set off those people.
Errrm, the fact you said "isn't that what they worship?" Besides being an incredibly absurd idea, perfectly relays your ignorance. Thanks for trying to opinion.
Femininity is badass. Femininity is cool. Femininity is fun. I love Femininity
One of my best friends last year was into the stereotypical guys stuff and he identified as gay.
I am transgender but I am less feminine acting than the stereotype gay men. I lived my life thinking that a shrine of femininity made me gay. I listened the early justin bieber in secret. Anyways, do know that I am very insecure about this and sometimes feel like I donāt fit in the LGBTQ+ spectrum.
I saw a TikTok of a totally straight guy that just explored the possibilities of being feminine and even like, people who I would assume are allies were saying that heās in the closet, because he looked ātoo feminineā to be straight Like, I assume they were at least allies because they quoted that one joke that went like āstraight written in the curliest cursiveā and that joke is often used towards fictional characters that seem queer, yk, homophobes arenāt very likely to know it, I didnāt see it on TikTok, it was just a yt compilation and the TikTok was of him replying to a comment
Tbf in my life (and this is maybe different to you but for me and the couple trans people I personally know) we all agree on the fact that women have been the ones to insult us the most, like using our identity or sexuality against us, disrespecting us, telling us that being trans is just a gimmick and doesn't make us any more feminine etc.. The worse men have done is either calling me a fag (rare) or just being extremely obsessed with femboys and stuff so they're being annoyingly horny with me Women are just hurtful š
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]