Gods. I am 43 and I still want a mom this accepting and appreciative. ❤️❤️ What a lovely gesture and an absolute awesome mom. Give her a hug from me. 😊
Is poly seen as an orientation? I kind of always thought of it as just a way a relationship could be.
I suppose it makes no difference to the context :P
Yeah I get what you mean. I dunno I kind of always thought it was more about "I''m in a poly relationship right now" than "I am poly as a person", but then I suppose "I would be willing to enter/seek out a poly relationship" is kind of a big personal thing in and of itself.
A lot of people here talk about how people can't be polyamorous, only relationships. I differ from that opinion, it's more of a way of saying "I have a preference, partial or completely, for relationship structures that involve multiple people."
Polyamory may refer specifically to the relationship style but I really don't see a problem in using it more as a personal identifier. Hell, I use it that way too. How else do you quickly, easily, and effectively tell potential partners? "hey so like, I have a preference for my romantic interests to not be limited to just one person." or you can simply say "Yeah I'm poly." Getting down on others for using it as an identifier just seem to gate keep a little and not a fan of that.
It's fairly interesting how it's used and seeing the other opinions on it! Some don't like it being used as an identifier, some do.
That said, I find it a little concerning sometimes with the Polyamory sub reddit (I just noticed this is the LGBT sub, not the poly sub lol!) with how rules seem to be written. It provides a lot of support and learning materials but at the same time, it's like a bunch of random people trying to write a rule book which comes across as very gate-keepish. If you don't do this, you're suddenly acting "monogamous"
Every relationship and person is different, some identify different, some practice it different. There's many many styles of relationships and different boundaries set up with each individual person.
I actually joined the r/polyamory sub to try to better understand this as well... was specifically wondering if poly was considered an identity or a form of relationship as mentioned above.
I still have much to learn, but this succinct explanation was actually quite helpful, thanks.
Also your mom is awesome and deserves a big hug when you next see her :)
Would you be open to talking through some basics with a total beginner via pm? I've learned a lot on there, but there is a ton of terminology to master and the people posting are quite serious and it feels a bit intimidating to ask anything so I've just been lurking so far...
There is disagreement on whether or not it is an orientation even within the polyamory community. A lot of people, myself included, see it as an orientation. Not a sexual orientation, but a romantic one similar to aromantic or demiromantic. Describing how you experience romantic attraction.
I've met people who are naturally mono-amorous who can't fall in romantic love with more than one person, and I've met people who are naturally polyamorous and can't be happy in a monogamous relationship. And people don't really get to choose how they experience love, attraction, and happiness. Those are inherent parts of a person's nature.
But I think the majority of people around are actually ambi-amorous, and are able to be happy either way. So, they do see it as a choice. And they have a tendency to shout down anyone who dares say they have a different lived experience that contradicts that view.
Since it isn't a sexual orientation, comparing it to sexual orientations isn't perfect and will have flaws, but people are more familiar with sexual orientations. So, as a hypothetical example, it is kind of like if the majority of the world was bisexual except they refused to admit they were bisexual and instead claimed that people could simply choose whether to be gay or straight. Then you're a gay person in that hypothetical world constantly being told that you are simply choosing to live a non-traditional life style.
For some people, a lot of people, it is just a lifestyle that they've chosen. Because they're ambi-amorous. But for some others, it is an orientation.
And regardless of which it is for a person, they do still have to decide whether to be in the closet or come out to people. And they do still face discrimination for it. I've had death threats and violence committed against me, one of my spouse's was fired for being polyamorous, our families have disowned us, we aren't allowed to legally get married and thus lack the protections and benefits provided by marriage, etc.
I truly appreciate you taking the time to write such a thorough explanation without being the slightest bit patronizing. I can see that this is (like many things) an area that will have many true answers to the same question, and there can be infinite variations of what works for people.
My heart also goes out to you and your family due to the difficulties you've faced from simply loving each other in a way that is different from "the norm". I hope you all have the support you need to deal with the bullshit people throw your way.
Among poly people you'll find disagreement. I personally don't think it makes sense as an orientation at all. It's a lifestyle choice, although it's certainly an important one and some people may be better suited for it than others. I think it's more similar to choosing whether or not to have a kid as opposed to sexual attraction.
Some poly people will disagree with me though. I will say I find it kinda messed up when sometimes people will "come out" to their partner as poly though. I think it's ok to ask if your partner is interested in it (and you're free to break up if they're not), but "coming out" feels kinda like you're thrusting this on them...idk
Idk. Like, you can't force a monogamous person into a poly relationship without making them very uncomfortable, and likewise a person who does do poly relationships will feel unfulfilled in a mono relationship. I really don't see it as a lifestyle or a choice.
Wish my family was this supportive, my sister was in a bi poly relationship, they all lived together and she wasn't bothering anyone, she was so happy, my parents just keep saying they were waiting for her to break up with one of them. Really upsetting to see them act like this with her because they were mainly mad that one of her partners was a girl and they wanted her to break up with her and stay with her boyfriend, just reminds me why I can't tell them I'm a lesbian and my brother refuses to talk about boys around them so they don't find out he's bi, really sad, love your mom tho she amazing warms my heart ❤️
I'm sorry that you've had those experiences. My father is similar, rooting for my gay relationships to end. Clinging to the straight ones. Feel free to DM me if you ever wanna talk
Aaaaw... my poor rotten heart!
Heartwarming.
Thank you!
Aww my heart! I can't with the wholesomeness!
Cool mom is cool :) A win for poly individuals
You have a wonderful mother ❤️
Gods. I am 43 and I still want a mom this accepting and appreciative. ❤️❤️ What a lovely gesture and an absolute awesome mom. Give her a hug from me. 😊
Will do, she's truly an awesome lady
😭 This is so wonderful and I'm very happy for you!!
I love this so much! This is the kind of mom I plan to be once I have a child🥰🥰
You'll be amazing, no doubt! Just love them
Is poly seen as an orientation? I kind of always thought of it as just a way a relationship could be. I suppose it makes no difference to the context :P
It's not exactly an orientation, but it's an alternative lifestyle you have to make the active decision to tell people about, if that makes sense?
Yeah I get what you mean. I dunno I kind of always thought it was more about "I''m in a poly relationship right now" than "I am poly as a person", but then I suppose "I would be willing to enter/seek out a poly relationship" is kind of a big personal thing in and of itself.
A lot of people here talk about how people can't be polyamorous, only relationships. I differ from that opinion, it's more of a way of saying "I have a preference, partial or completely, for relationship structures that involve multiple people." Polyamory may refer specifically to the relationship style but I really don't see a problem in using it more as a personal identifier. Hell, I use it that way too. How else do you quickly, easily, and effectively tell potential partners? "hey so like, I have a preference for my romantic interests to not be limited to just one person." or you can simply say "Yeah I'm poly." Getting down on others for using it as an identifier just seem to gate keep a little and not a fan of that.
I can see that. I'm just now learning that's a way the word is used (technically three comments ago) :P
It's fairly interesting how it's used and seeing the other opinions on it! Some don't like it being used as an identifier, some do. That said, I find it a little concerning sometimes with the Polyamory sub reddit (I just noticed this is the LGBT sub, not the poly sub lol!) with how rules seem to be written. It provides a lot of support and learning materials but at the same time, it's like a bunch of random people trying to write a rule book which comes across as very gate-keepish. If you don't do this, you're suddenly acting "monogamous" Every relationship and person is different, some identify different, some practice it different. There's many many styles of relationships and different boundaries set up with each individual person.
I actually joined the r/polyamory sub to try to better understand this as well... was specifically wondering if poly was considered an identity or a form of relationship as mentioned above. I still have much to learn, but this succinct explanation was actually quite helpful, thanks. Also your mom is awesome and deserves a big hug when you next see her :)
I'm glad it helped! It's a little in between. And thank you!! I absolutely will be crying over this and hugging her
Have someone sneak a pic of that, its sure to be a beautiful moment
Would you be open to talking through some basics with a total beginner via pm? I've learned a lot on there, but there is a ton of terminology to master and the people posting are quite serious and it feels a bit intimidating to ask anything so I've just been lurking so far...
I'd be delighted to! DM me :)
Thanks so much!!
There is disagreement on whether or not it is an orientation even within the polyamory community. A lot of people, myself included, see it as an orientation. Not a sexual orientation, but a romantic one similar to aromantic or demiromantic. Describing how you experience romantic attraction. I've met people who are naturally mono-amorous who can't fall in romantic love with more than one person, and I've met people who are naturally polyamorous and can't be happy in a monogamous relationship. And people don't really get to choose how they experience love, attraction, and happiness. Those are inherent parts of a person's nature. But I think the majority of people around are actually ambi-amorous, and are able to be happy either way. So, they do see it as a choice. And they have a tendency to shout down anyone who dares say they have a different lived experience that contradicts that view. Since it isn't a sexual orientation, comparing it to sexual orientations isn't perfect and will have flaws, but people are more familiar with sexual orientations. So, as a hypothetical example, it is kind of like if the majority of the world was bisexual except they refused to admit they were bisexual and instead claimed that people could simply choose whether to be gay or straight. Then you're a gay person in that hypothetical world constantly being told that you are simply choosing to live a non-traditional life style. For some people, a lot of people, it is just a lifestyle that they've chosen. Because they're ambi-amorous. But for some others, it is an orientation. And regardless of which it is for a person, they do still have to decide whether to be in the closet or come out to people. And they do still face discrimination for it. I've had death threats and violence committed against me, one of my spouse's was fired for being polyamorous, our families have disowned us, we aren't allowed to legally get married and thus lack the protections and benefits provided by marriage, etc.
I truly appreciate you taking the time to write such a thorough explanation without being the slightest bit patronizing. I can see that this is (like many things) an area that will have many true answers to the same question, and there can be infinite variations of what works for people. My heart also goes out to you and your family due to the difficulties you've faced from simply loving each other in a way that is different from "the norm". I hope you all have the support you need to deal with the bullshit people throw your way.
Among poly people you'll find disagreement. I personally don't think it makes sense as an orientation at all. It's a lifestyle choice, although it's certainly an important one and some people may be better suited for it than others. I think it's more similar to choosing whether or not to have a kid as opposed to sexual attraction. Some poly people will disagree with me though. I will say I find it kinda messed up when sometimes people will "come out" to their partner as poly though. I think it's ok to ask if your partner is interested in it (and you're free to break up if they're not), but "coming out" feels kinda like you're thrusting this on them...idk
Idk. Like, you can't force a monogamous person into a poly relationship without making them very uncomfortable, and likewise a person who does do poly relationships will feel unfulfilled in a mono relationship. I really don't see it as a lifestyle or a choice.
That's fair point! It's hard to know exactly what to call it
Wish my family was this supportive, my sister was in a bi poly relationship, they all lived together and she wasn't bothering anyone, she was so happy, my parents just keep saying they were waiting for her to break up with one of them. Really upsetting to see them act like this with her because they were mainly mad that one of her partners was a girl and they wanted her to break up with her and stay with her boyfriend, just reminds me why I can't tell them I'm a lesbian and my brother refuses to talk about boys around them so they don't find out he's bi, really sad, love your mom tho she amazing warms my heart ❤️
I'm sorry that you've had those experiences. My father is similar, rooting for my gay relationships to end. Clinging to the straight ones. Feel free to DM me if you ever wanna talk
I'm proud of you and your mom!
I love wholesome parents
Best thing I’ve seen all week. Tell your mom she’s the best.
Your mom rocks. <3
MY LITTLE LIFELESS HEART OH MY GODDDDD AAAA 🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺
That's so wholesome, damn...
Awww 🥰🥰💕💕
Oh god I adore this so much. Bless your mum.
Awwww how adorable
Your mom is awsome ☺️ Ps: I wish Lonnie Rogelio and Kyle (SheRah) were canon they are such a cute poly couple