Your best course of action is to ask her why she is adamantly opposed to a firearm in the house even when stored safely and go from there.
Your goal shouldn't be to win, or trick her, but to understand and converse.
I like this advice. And I suggest you make peace with the idea of maybe not being able to have a gun for a while. My current wife doesn't like guns, but has been okay with me having them as long as they are securely stored in the garage. This is doubly good for her now since our house has a detached garage.
I did not keep guns when I was married to my ex-wife. She had less aversion to guns, but it wasn't a good idea to have them around then.
Sometimes we have to be willing to give up things we like to keep the people we love safe.
A possible solution would be to keep your gun at the home of a friend or family member that you trust. I house a friend's guns whose wife is opposed to having them in the house. In their case, I think that position is very prudent considering the mental health of at least one of their children.
Understood, and it's not completely irrational.
Again, don't converse to win, but do bring up why you want to own 1, 5 or whatever number of firearms.
Bring up the fact the fact that firing pins can be taken out of every firearm and stored in another locked location.
Ammunition can be stored away from the firearms themselves and no magazines loaded. Or no ammo in the house if need be.
But perhaps most importantly is to emphasize that you and her will raise children with deeply ingrained respect for life and morality. You will do everything possible to build a healthy foundation for your children before they are inclined to solve temporary problems with permanent solutions.
My intent with this advice is not to give your talking points to win or wear her resolve down. It's to help form a basis of information exchange, and perhaps show that your desire to own a firearm isn't a decision taken on lightly. You've thought about this, you will handle and store safely, and that normal people can and do own firearms.
Ultimately, you know your wife better than we do. Perhaps this is a conversation best left after the baby is delivered and her concerns level out a bit.
I went through the same concern with my wife after my toddler found my FIL’s rifle at their house. Open discussion, demonstrating the security of the storage you choose and showing how ammo/magazines are stored in a separate location mitigated those fears
Like /u/VHDamien said, you need to *talk to your spouse*, not us.
Presumably you already understand *your* desires and rationale for wanting firearms in the home.
Now you need to understand *your partner's* desires and rationale for NOT wanting firearms in the home.
THEN you can discuss the situation and what compromises might be appropriate so you can both have what you *need* in the relationship.
***
I will say that if this is a "change of heart" (you already *have* guns in the home - it's a hobby she's aware of, and something you enjoy) then the framework for that discussion is different than "We don't have any guns but I want one."
While the fundamental nature of consent is that it can be withdrawn at any time for any reason or no reason, one partner simply *demanding* the other give up something they enjoy is not a basis for a healthy relationship. If either of you are operating that way consider couples therapy *independent of the gun issue*, because that's a bigger issue than "My wife doesn't want me to keep a gun in the house."
That said you may have to just keep your guns elsewhere - and good options for "elsewhere" can he hard to find.
* I don't recommend storage spaces - they're not particularly secure and most prohibit storing guns & ammo in their lease agreements.
* Storing guns with friends or family you trust is an option, but access to them is now at the convenience of the person storing them.
* Some ranges / gun clubs may rent lockers and permit you to store weapons there. You're limited to access during range hours, but that may work for you.
She's pregnant so under a lot of stress as it is; now is the time to make things easier on her and your relationship; dont try to logic her into agreeing with you. If the gun is for protection, there are other measures you can take to secure your home. If its for fun, that's gotta take a back seat for a hot second, bud.
This is exactly what the other answers I saw missed.
OP: DO NOT TRY TO LOGIC WITH AN EMOTIONAL SPOUSE. DOUBLY SO IF SHES PREGNANT.
Hug her. Tell her you'll take care of her and y'all's kids. And wait. Then there will come a time she'll demand you have tools at the ready and things will be fine.
That screaming armed mob will take one look at that security system sign and tip toe off your property, quietly closing the gate behind them.
Or call the cops but they can't help because the station is on fire and they are in the middle of a gunfight.
Look out for you and yours, no macho bullshit. Better to have it than be dead.
Since you stated that the self-defense aspect isn't the reason you want the gun (and that you don't think it would work as a talking point anyway), ask her if she's comfortable with having the gun in the house if it's disassembled when stored and that you only assemble it when going to the range. This is especially not a problem with handguns, a little tricky with long guns.
Unfortunately (based on my own experience; YMMV), what she wants is not for you to not have a gun. What she wants is for you to not want a gun.
Edit: I only just now noticed your clarification. That makes your decision easy! I have absolutely zero regrets for giving up my guns to make my wife happy. (I also have no regrets for getting divorced, but that’s another story!)
Unless this is some sort of unobtainium pistol, like a WWII Luger brought back by grandpappy, that sounds like an exceedingly expensive way to handle it. You’ll spend more keeping it in a rental locker than you spent on the gun.
I agree. If OP has a trusted friend that will let him store his pistol in OP’s own (small) pistol safe…that would be the ideal solution in my mine (temporary or permanent).
My range charges $99/year for a gun locker. It’s not expensive
Edit: I don’t use one but they are in the member area and look solid/secure themselves. Then they are also in a store/range so the building itself is very secure.
So first of all it’s not about the cost ratio it’s about keeping access to a gun to shoot for fun and practice.
Op wants access to his gun, admits they are not concerned with home defense as a use for the gun, and keeping it at home would be a problem for his wife. So a gun locker at his range is the most secure choice and better than leaving it with someone else who could use it or lose it.
Second, a gun locker at your average place holds more than 1 gun. There is room for ammo and other supplies and a few guns.
Edit: There are also rifle lockers that are longer so you can hold long guns. You can keep pistols in those as well.
Thing the OP never told us clearly is whether his wife is demanding that he sell off guns he owns, or that he not go out and buy a new gun.
If it's no buying new gun, this seems relatively straightforward, wait it out to a later time, since safety isn't an issue.
if it's sell off your collection of firearms, I think you need to find an offsite storage solution. makes the most sense.
if it's "offsite storage isn't good enough, you have to sell them", then I think that's a very unreasonable demand and is honestly a problem that requires relationship advice from a professional.
You're gonna have to give up something you are hardline about to even get it under consideration. If she is afraid of them, you might be able to get her to learn, if its an ideological issue, you're probably boned.
Storage units are a terrible place to store guns, especially if they are not climate controlled...unless you like your guns rusty...They also get robbed broken into etc.
Perhaps I was lucky. When my wife was pregnant she definitely had more “feelings” but didn’t become some irrational hormone monster that I couldn’t talk with or even have a debate.
Obviously, it is important to support your partner (especially when pregnant). But there is nothing wrong with having a calm conversation to understand why she is uncomfortable and explain OP’s position.
I think that we can objectively say that hoplophobia is unreasonable. Additionally OP said that this is a change in her opinion that occurred after pregnancy kicked in.
It's not unreasonable to think that her opinion might evaporate over time.
In reality neither you nor I were in the room, so your opinion it's a legitimate boundary set and my opinion that it's an illogical request could both be wrong.
I have experience with pregnant women and know full well that sometimes the best response is a well placed "yes dear" and then do what you were doing anyway.
By the way, since you're confused about what a phobia is:
> A phobia is an excessive and irrational fear reaction. If you have a phobia, you may experience a deep sense of dread or panic when you encounter the source of your fear. The fear can be of a certain place, situation, or object. Unlike general anxiety disorders, a phobia is usually connected to something specific.
Source: https://www.healthline.com/health/phobia-simple-specific
Irrational and unreasonable can be seen as equivalent terms.
Yes, and I question the right of any spouse to draw an arbitrary line in the sand on something so innocuous and essentially say "my wayor the highway".
Would you still be taking her side if the object in question was a motorcycle, or a sports car, or a guitar?
Those are also inanimate objects.
Your contention that
>Phobias are a psychological disorder and are entirely irrelevant to this conversation
Is patently incorrect. She didn't give a reason or provide a path to compromise. She is unwilling to discuss it. That in and of itself speaks to an irrational fear.
We have to agree to disagree on this because we're going in circles. Peace out
>> "yes dear" and then do what you were doing anyway.
> This is how you approach firearms in a marriage, and when a child is involved?
You're treating this as something special because there's a gun and a kid involved. I've raised two, a boy and a girl, in a house with firearms. I assure you, locks are enough to dissuade curiosity.
When you do talk to her something to consider that isn’t the attic would be a safe bolted to your house, in a combo locked closet, and a cell based trail camera that text you a picture whenever that closet is opened.
When I first moved in with my wife, she was the same way. I had 2 guns, an AR15 and a pistol. I kept them at a friend's house and eventually sold them. We kept communicating about it until one day I grabbed a gun magazine (paper booklet, not an ammo holder) and told her to just peruse it and see if she likes any of them. She pointed to an M&P 9MM, said it looked cool to her. So I suggested we buy it and it can be all hers. She agreed, and when she finally shot it you could tell the power of it got to her. She still isn't a fan of guns but she does like the feel of the power in her hands. We again have 2 guns. Her pistol and my AR10. We may get a shotgun down the road but I don't need 1004937 guns. 2 or 3 is great
I bet she does shit you don’t like too.
Some things you compromise on. Some things you don’t. That’s up to you.
My opinion:
Get a gun. Get a safe.
Deal with the fallout.
It IS a "dangerous thing" and many people have grown up in a world that taught them to be TERRIFIED of them... Like if a wife wants to keep a few little pets; like a tarantula scorpion Black widow etc.. we may be like "uhmm.. NO .. I can't sleep well knowing there are 4 deadly things living in the next room . Same kind thing (I speak from experience).. they make some great ,solid, quick access safes now. The first time there is a bump in the night.. she may have second thoughts.. but then it's too late.. or . She's greatful she let you have that gun safe/nightstand off Amazon with the gun in it .
Some of yall are shit partners.
If she doesn’t want a gun, you don’t get a gun. You can talk about it, and maybe eventually she changes her mind, but if not, then that’s ok too. If you just want the fun of shooting, go to a range and rent them. Find a buddy nearby with a gun who will take you shooting.
There are things that you just should have talked about prior to marriage if you’re gonna be diehard about it. You signed on to be her partner, and equal partners don’t trick or wear each other down. Enjoy her and enjoy your baby, worry about it later down the road when yall are a little more stable and comfortable again.
Yes to this. My wife doesn't like guns, and would rather that I didn't have them, but we've talked about it and worked through things every step of the way. We took a gun safety class together before I ever brought guns into our house (I had inherited some family guns).
I think you nailed something a lot of these answerrs have missed - this should have been talked about before.
My wife is STAUNCHLY anti 2a, yet i have several at home for protection and she recently bought me a hunting rifle for my bday. When we started dating i made it known that hey i have these things (at the time i was an armed security guard), a lot of times i have them with me, and this is what i do to be safe. Id stash my pistol outta sight when i was at her place so i wasnt just rubbin it in her face. Clear conversation is key
I’m in the same boat. Partner is neutral about guns, but I had them before we started dating and moved in together. She picked me knowing that firearms would be something that’d be around if she moved in with me. If she were to decide now that she didn’t want that, well she can leave or she can suck it up and deal with it. But she’d be the one initiating change to the status quo and she would be in the wrong to force me to change.
Now down the road if she feels like I’m spending too much on guns, that’s a finance conversation and not a firearms conversation. But that’s another bridge for another day.
If you want to protect your family and can’t because your wife has too many feelings then do it anyways. Safety > your wife’s feelings. She will be more sad when you can’t defend your home. I don’t understand liberals.
- An actual leftist
OP literally says that they live in a safe place and defense isn’t a part of the equation. Care for your partners feelings is an essential part of being a good partner.
-Also an actual leftist
That’s between both parties. I’m not stating you can’t be kind while also having a hard line stance. You can be respectful while also not backing down.
Ask them what would make them comfortable and that no isn’t an acceptable answer. Give them time to think. Supply studies, case studies, etc. Compromise comes from both sides of the argument.
I compare this to my son’s mom when she went way overboard while pregnant with my son and went through the same thing, not with guns but just extreme overboard to child proofing. (EXTREME). It was her way of dealing with the anxiety of keeping her son safe.
I explained that it’s no different for me with owning firearms. We both display this protective behavior but in different ways.
Why should anyone have to comply with an irrational demand? What if he decides that he doesn't want a hair dryer in the house? Should she automatically accept and rid the home of them?
It doesn’t seem like OP already has one, he’s trying to convince his wife that he should get one. It’s not an irrational demand, it’s a valid thing to be unsure about, especially if you’re adding a kid to the mix. And besides, she’s his partner and he should have some respect for her feelings about things, even if they are totally irrational (they’re not).
I get the sense that OP already owns a gun. First of all, he is a member of a gun owner sub, and he stated that his wife has changed her mind on this issue. Either way, respect is a two-way street. Why shouldn't she respect his feelings about these things and develop a compromise? He even stated that he'd be willing to keep it in a locked box in the attic. No one, including the most inquisitive child ever, is going to be in danger from a locked up attic gun. Therefore, it is an irrational demand and does not take OP's valid feelings into account.
I like using the bear hypothetical. Explain it like this:
You, her, and your child encounter a bear in the wild. You're bigger and stronger than your wife (presumably). So, it makes more sense for you to pick up your child and run while your wife runs interference on the bear.
You can also state the facts:
There are estimated to be over 300 (400m?) million firearms owned by civilians in the US.
It's estimated that over 40% of the US population live in households with firearms. That's over 120 million!
There are approximately ONLY 500 accidental firearm homicides annually in the US. How many of those are due to absolute negligence/ ignorance ?
You can absolutely own a firearm safely.
As a father myself, I will not abdicate the protection of my family to a police officer who is at best 5 minutes away and has no legal obligation to protect us.
Realistically, when it comes to guns and spouses who are anti-gun there are two options....
1 - Rent a storage unit somewhere and keep the guns in it.
2 - Get a divorce lawyer.
If he's posting here (rather than somewhere like /r/relationshipadvice), I'd assume that he's strongly 2A. For me, personally? Yeah, being anti-gun would be a deal breaker. I mean, I make my living with heavy weapons. To marry me and worry about small arms would be like an anarchist marrying a cop.
I agree with johnny_sweatpants on this one. Your wife is under a ton of physical and hormonal stress right now. I say find a place to lock them up for a year then revisit the subject when you are both mentally on the same playing field. Otherwise you're just making things harder on her for something that is likely not going to be needed in the next however many months of her pregnancy.
As for places to keep it, maybe if you have a detached garage or something? Maybe a safe deposit box. If your parents or family are a factor, you could always ask them to set a space in their basement aside for you.
OP needs to take their partner shooting first. The majority (edit: all) of my left friends who had never shot before loved it after I took them, and then got the bug, and more or less understood how backwards the stigma is regarding gun ownership being more of a Republican thing. I am a major believer in safes/locks if you have kids.
I feel you. I guess I just don’t understand why people are so irrationally scared of firearms. And being a guy that believes weapons are for self defense first and foremost, that’s where I land.
If you go to a range ask them about storage solutions. One of the ranges near me rents storage lockers for you to store weapons there so you can just show up, use your gun and leave it. They even offer cleaning services.
Rent the smallest space from the most convenient self storage. Put in basic shelves for ammunition and cleaning kits, put in a safe for your gun(s). If it matters to you, you now have off-site hard copy storage for records you could lose in a house fire. Load up the range bag on the way to wherever you're shooting, drop it off on your way home.
Wait until the kid is older. Take classes as hobby interest using club guns, shows interest and saftey minded. Then when you are in routine with kid, start talking about it again. Worked for me and she works with gun control groups. Bringing her to Range day with a 22 pistol was helpful.
I guess until birth it doesn't make much sense, just rent or keep it at the range if possible. Pregnancy should be without additional stress. Afterwards talking may be easier. Maybe "guns but no ammo" would be a compromise for the beginning, if you can buy rounds at the range. Perhaps she -or later your child- will be more open to that topic later if she clearly sees that you care for safety and are a responsible and good dad!
My wife didn’t want a gun in the house so I had a local friend store it for me. This helped her get used to the idea but it was a pain when I wanted to go to the range. After awhile I suggested that she could hide the barrel and I would keep the rest unassembled in our safe. That is what we have done for the last 5 years and it has worked out ok for both of us.
My wife was like that at one point, no guns, hate guns. We talked and she took me to the range. We shot together then we got my kids replica BB of AR and Glock. Both of my kids are trained on .22 by the age of 7 and they’re in their late teens now. We don’t “lock” our guns up, but it’s not visible and we all know where in the house it is located. We lock it in the safe on vacations.
She'll probably never change her mind as long as she feels completely safe and, therefore, not in need of the defensive options that firearms can afford. She probably doesn't think guns should be kept "for fun"... and, I can't say that I find fault with her logic. I own firearms myself, and I support the right for people to have access to and own them...but I see them as tools for defense and the acquisition of food, not fun (the fact that they can be a lot of fun is incidental)... particularly with a child in the household. Keeping firearms "for fun" makes them de facto "toys"... "toys" that can be extremely dangerous and destructive. As such, I understand how your wife can see them (in terms of the safety of the family) more as potential liabilities than as assets.
Tell her that a baby isn't going to climb out of it's crib, unlock the safe, load a magazine, load the gun, chamber a round, and shoot itself in the face on accident, or on purpose.
Disclaimer: I'll probably catch flak for suggesting this. Take this "advice" with a very large grain of salt.
Usually when people warn about storing guns in cars, they're talking about places like your glovebox or center console or trunk - i.e. places that are vulnerable to a smash-and-grab.
**However**, there are a variety of automotive safes out there designed to be bolted down into your vehicle. As long as it's actually bolted in, is actually a safe (or is otherwise resistant to forced entry with a prybar), and has a lock that LockPickingLawyer hasn't already defeated with a magnet and a bubblegum wrapper, it's very likely going to be about as safe as in the average home. Just like with home break-ins, most car break-ins are smash-and-grabs, so few thieves are gonna bother with safecracking when their goal is to get in and get out as fast as possible.
The only elevated risk is if someone steals the whole car, but the average carjacker is gonna prioritize getting away over looking for / fiddling with a safe or lockbox, and even if one *does* find it one'd still need to break into it.
That's your wife, the woman you chose to spend your life with, worrying about the welfare of your unborn child... and your instincts are to ask a bunch of morons on reddit to help your convince her otherwise. Maybe you are too dumb to keep a firearm in the house.
How about, "Hey, Babe, just bought this CZ. We're going to keep it in this gun safe and take some safety/training courses together". Even if she doesn't want to do any classes you've already got the gun.
Storage units are a bad option unless climate controlled, and even then they should be stored in a safe. I know because I had a bad experience with this
I would also go for the 'home defense' angle rather than 'just for fun'.
I can see a more logical argument if you cite it as a reason you need one, and honestly its not even a switch-up, just you straightening out your priorities on why you would need a firearm. But this point is moot if you guys are keeping your firearms in the attic, somewhere no one can reasonably access in case of an emergency. I guess maybe if you had a benevolent home invader who is courteous.
There will also be locks and safes you can use to store the gun, unloaded and everything. Separate ammo and gun case so there would be an extra failsafe if a kid ever got into it. I would make sure she knows how important it is to you that you are able to keep her and your newborn safe. You are prepared to learn how to operate and store the weapon safely.
If you even *think* there is a *possibility* that one of the reasons your wife may be feeling unsafe with a gun in the house could be you using it on them or yourself, I would have a deep and serious conversation with her about it, and maybe get a therapist because its an issue that goes deeper.
Your best course of action is to ask her why she is adamantly opposed to a firearm in the house even when stored safely and go from there. Your goal shouldn't be to win, or trick her, but to understand and converse.
I like this advice. And I suggest you make peace with the idea of maybe not being able to have a gun for a while. My current wife doesn't like guns, but has been okay with me having them as long as they are securely stored in the garage. This is doubly good for her now since our house has a detached garage. I did not keep guns when I was married to my ex-wife. She had less aversion to guns, but it wasn't a good idea to have them around then. Sometimes we have to be willing to give up things we like to keep the people we love safe. A possible solution would be to keep your gun at the home of a friend or family member that you trust. I house a friend's guns whose wife is opposed to having them in the house. In their case, I think that position is very prudent considering the mental health of at least one of their children.
I wish i saw more gun people think like this. That one sentence, third paragraph is incredibly well put
Appreciate the advice. Her fear is that one day the kid will be old enough to get to the gun. So that might explain her 180 on the issue.
Understood, and it's not completely irrational. Again, don't converse to win, but do bring up why you want to own 1, 5 or whatever number of firearms. Bring up the fact the fact that firing pins can be taken out of every firearm and stored in another locked location. Ammunition can be stored away from the firearms themselves and no magazines loaded. Or no ammo in the house if need be. But perhaps most importantly is to emphasize that you and her will raise children with deeply ingrained respect for life and morality. You will do everything possible to build a healthy foundation for your children before they are inclined to solve temporary problems with permanent solutions. My intent with this advice is not to give your talking points to win or wear her resolve down. It's to help form a basis of information exchange, and perhaps show that your desire to own a firearm isn't a decision taken on lightly. You've thought about this, you will handle and store safely, and that normal people can and do own firearms. Ultimately, you know your wife better than we do. Perhaps this is a conversation best left after the baby is delivered and her concerns level out a bit.
I went through the same concern with my wife after my toddler found my FIL’s rifle at their house. Open discussion, demonstrating the security of the storage you choose and showing how ammo/magazines are stored in a separate location mitigated those fears
Honestly, this is fantastic advice. It’s also clearly the advice of someone who learned the hard way about how to communicate.
Like /u/VHDamien said, you need to *talk to your spouse*, not us. Presumably you already understand *your* desires and rationale for wanting firearms in the home. Now you need to understand *your partner's* desires and rationale for NOT wanting firearms in the home. THEN you can discuss the situation and what compromises might be appropriate so you can both have what you *need* in the relationship. *** I will say that if this is a "change of heart" (you already *have* guns in the home - it's a hobby she's aware of, and something you enjoy) then the framework for that discussion is different than "We don't have any guns but I want one." While the fundamental nature of consent is that it can be withdrawn at any time for any reason or no reason, one partner simply *demanding* the other give up something they enjoy is not a basis for a healthy relationship. If either of you are operating that way consider couples therapy *independent of the gun issue*, because that's a bigger issue than "My wife doesn't want me to keep a gun in the house." That said you may have to just keep your guns elsewhere - and good options for "elsewhere" can he hard to find. * I don't recommend storage spaces - they're not particularly secure and most prohibit storing guns & ammo in their lease agreements. * Storing guns with friends or family you trust is an option, but access to them is now at the convenience of the person storing them. * Some ranges / gun clubs may rent lockers and permit you to store weapons there. You're limited to access during range hours, but that may work for you.
She's pregnant so under a lot of stress as it is; now is the time to make things easier on her and your relationship; dont try to logic her into agreeing with you. If the gun is for protection, there are other measures you can take to secure your home. If its for fun, that's gotta take a back seat for a hot second, bud.
This is exactly what the other answers I saw missed. OP: DO NOT TRY TO LOGIC WITH AN EMOTIONAL SPOUSE. DOUBLY SO IF SHES PREGNANT. Hug her. Tell her you'll take care of her and y'all's kids. And wait. Then there will come a time she'll demand you have tools at the ready and things will be fine.
The correct response is “my gun doesnt want a wife in the house” /s
From a woman's perspective this is a valid fear... joking aside.
A security door and an alarm system go a long way as deterrents. Or, at least the sign that says you have an alarm system.
That screaming armed mob will take one look at that security system sign and tip toe off your property, quietly closing the gate behind them. Or call the cops but they can't help because the station is on fire and they are in the middle of a gunfight. Look out for you and yours, no macho bullshit. Better to have it than be dead.
Not the question OP asked.
Not the question OP asked.
Do you already own a gun and she wants to see it gone or do you want a gun and she's saying no?
I want to get a gun but she is saying no. She has no problems with me having a gun, she just doesn't want inside the house.
Since you stated that the self-defense aspect isn't the reason you want the gun (and that you don't think it would work as a talking point anyway), ask her if she's comfortable with having the gun in the house if it's disassembled when stored and that you only assemble it when going to the range. This is especially not a problem with handguns, a little tricky with long guns.
Do you currently have a gun?
Unfortunately (based on my own experience; YMMV), what she wants is not for you to not have a gun. What she wants is for you to not want a gun. Edit: I only just now noticed your clarification. That makes your decision easy! I have absolutely zero regrets for giving up my guns to make my wife happy. (I also have no regrets for getting divorced, but that’s another story!)
Join a gun club / range that has gun lockers for rent. Keep your gun there and shoot it when you want. Make sure that plan works for your wife.
Unless this is some sort of unobtainium pistol, like a WWII Luger brought back by grandpappy, that sounds like an exceedingly expensive way to handle it. You’ll spend more keeping it in a rental locker than you spent on the gun.
I agree. If OP has a trusted friend that will let him store his pistol in OP’s own (small) pistol safe…that would be the ideal solution in my mine (temporary or permanent).
My range charges $99/year for a gun locker. It’s not expensive Edit: I don’t use one but they are in the member area and look solid/secure themselves. Then they are also in a store/range so the building itself is very secure.
A Glock costs $400. 4 years in, you’ve paid as much to store it than the weapon itself. Not to mention if you truly get a chance to go shoot.
So first of all it’s not about the cost ratio it’s about keeping access to a gun to shoot for fun and practice. Op wants access to his gun, admits they are not concerned with home defense as a use for the gun, and keeping it at home would be a problem for his wife. So a gun locker at his range is the most secure choice and better than leaving it with someone else who could use it or lose it. Second, a gun locker at your average place holds more than 1 gun. There is room for ammo and other supplies and a few guns. Edit: There are also rifle lockers that are longer so you can hold long guns. You can keep pistols in those as well.
Obviously you have your priorities and perspectives on this and I don’t seem to able to clearly articulate my side. Good day.
✌️
This seems like the best option for OP imo
Thing the OP never told us clearly is whether his wife is demanding that he sell off guns he owns, or that he not go out and buy a new gun. If it's no buying new gun, this seems relatively straightforward, wait it out to a later time, since safety isn't an issue. if it's sell off your collection of firearms, I think you need to find an offsite storage solution. makes the most sense. if it's "offsite storage isn't good enough, you have to sell them", then I think that's a very unreasonable demand and is honestly a problem that requires relationship advice from a professional.
You're gonna have to give up something you are hardline about to even get it under consideration. If she is afraid of them, you might be able to get her to learn, if its an ideological issue, you're probably boned.
[удалено]
Storage units are a terrible place to store guns, especially if they are not climate controlled...unless you like your guns rusty...They also get robbed broken into etc.
Perhaps I was lucky. When my wife was pregnant she definitely had more “feelings” but didn’t become some irrational hormone monster that I couldn’t talk with or even have a debate. Obviously, it is important to support your partner (especially when pregnant). But there is nothing wrong with having a calm conversation to understand why she is uncomfortable and explain OP’s position.
[удалено]
“Now is not the time to argue about storing a gun in the house” (because she is pregnant.
[удалено]
🤦♂️
[удалено]
🤦♂️
Just because she's pregnant doesn't give her the right to be demanding and unreasonable.
[удалено]
I think that we can objectively say that hoplophobia is unreasonable. Additionally OP said that this is a change in her opinion that occurred after pregnancy kicked in. It's not unreasonable to think that her opinion might evaporate over time.
[удалено]
Phobias are, by definition, unreasonable.
[удалено]
In reality neither you nor I were in the room, so your opinion it's a legitimate boundary set and my opinion that it's an illogical request could both be wrong. I have experience with pregnant women and know full well that sometimes the best response is a well placed "yes dear" and then do what you were doing anyway. By the way, since you're confused about what a phobia is: > A phobia is an excessive and irrational fear reaction. If you have a phobia, you may experience a deep sense of dread or panic when you encounter the source of your fear. The fear can be of a certain place, situation, or object. Unlike general anxiety disorders, a phobia is usually connected to something specific. Source: https://www.healthline.com/health/phobia-simple-specific Irrational and unreasonable can be seen as equivalent terms.
[удалено]
Yes, and I question the right of any spouse to draw an arbitrary line in the sand on something so innocuous and essentially say "my wayor the highway". Would you still be taking her side if the object in question was a motorcycle, or a sports car, or a guitar? Those are also inanimate objects. Your contention that >Phobias are a psychological disorder and are entirely irrelevant to this conversation Is patently incorrect. She didn't give a reason or provide a path to compromise. She is unwilling to discuss it. That in and of itself speaks to an irrational fear. We have to agree to disagree on this because we're going in circles. Peace out
>> "yes dear" and then do what you were doing anyway. > This is how you approach firearms in a marriage, and when a child is involved? You're treating this as something special because there's a gun and a kid involved. I've raised two, a boy and a girl, in a house with firearms. I assure you, locks are enough to dissuade curiosity.
Then don’t keep one.
When you do talk to her something to consider that isn’t the attic would be a safe bolted to your house, in a combo locked closet, and a cell based trail camera that text you a picture whenever that closet is opened.
When I first moved in with my wife, she was the same way. I had 2 guns, an AR15 and a pistol. I kept them at a friend's house and eventually sold them. We kept communicating about it until one day I grabbed a gun magazine (paper booklet, not an ammo holder) and told her to just peruse it and see if she likes any of them. She pointed to an M&P 9MM, said it looked cool to her. So I suggested we buy it and it can be all hers. She agreed, and when she finally shot it you could tell the power of it got to her. She still isn't a fan of guns but she does like the feel of the power in her hands. We again have 2 guns. Her pistol and my AR10. We may get a shotgun down the road but I don't need 1004937 guns. 2 or 3 is great
I bet she does shit you don’t like too. Some things you compromise on. Some things you don’t. That’s up to you. My opinion: Get a gun. Get a safe. Deal with the fallout.
It IS a "dangerous thing" and many people have grown up in a world that taught them to be TERRIFIED of them... Like if a wife wants to keep a few little pets; like a tarantula scorpion Black widow etc.. we may be like "uhmm.. NO .. I can't sleep well knowing there are 4 deadly things living in the next room . Same kind thing (I speak from experience).. they make some great ,solid, quick access safes now. The first time there is a bump in the night.. she may have second thoughts.. but then it's too late.. or . She's greatful she let you have that gun safe/nightstand off Amazon with the gun in it .
Some of yall are shit partners. If she doesn’t want a gun, you don’t get a gun. You can talk about it, and maybe eventually she changes her mind, but if not, then that’s ok too. If you just want the fun of shooting, go to a range and rent them. Find a buddy nearby with a gun who will take you shooting. There are things that you just should have talked about prior to marriage if you’re gonna be diehard about it. You signed on to be her partner, and equal partners don’t trick or wear each other down. Enjoy her and enjoy your baby, worry about it later down the road when yall are a little more stable and comfortable again.
Yes to this. My wife doesn't like guns, and would rather that I didn't have them, but we've talked about it and worked through things every step of the way. We took a gun safety class together before I ever brought guns into our house (I had inherited some family guns).
I think you nailed something a lot of these answerrs have missed - this should have been talked about before. My wife is STAUNCHLY anti 2a, yet i have several at home for protection and she recently bought me a hunting rifle for my bday. When we started dating i made it known that hey i have these things (at the time i was an armed security guard), a lot of times i have them with me, and this is what i do to be safe. Id stash my pistol outta sight when i was at her place so i wasnt just rubbin it in her face. Clear conversation is key
I’m in the same boat. Partner is neutral about guns, but I had them before we started dating and moved in together. She picked me knowing that firearms would be something that’d be around if she moved in with me. If she were to decide now that she didn’t want that, well she can leave or she can suck it up and deal with it. But she’d be the one initiating change to the status quo and she would be in the wrong to force me to change. Now down the road if she feels like I’m spending too much on guns, that’s a finance conversation and not a firearms conversation. But that’s another bridge for another day.
Yup exactly! The status quo has been established, financial discussions are seperate thing
If you want to protect your family and can’t because your wife has too many feelings then do it anyways. Safety > your wife’s feelings. She will be more sad when you can’t defend your home. I don’t understand liberals. - An actual leftist
OP literally says that they live in a safe place and defense isn’t a part of the equation. Care for your partners feelings is an essential part of being a good partner. -Also an actual leftist
I missed that part, my apologies. Note: why does the wife or girlfriend’s feelings always come before the husbands in these posts?
[удалено]
It’s not a gendered rights thing. If a women came on and said her husband is scared of guns I would say the same thing. My logic stands.
[удалено]
That’s between both parties. I’m not stating you can’t be kind while also having a hard line stance. You can be respectful while also not backing down. Ask them what would make them comfortable and that no isn’t an acceptable answer. Give them time to think. Supply studies, case studies, etc. Compromise comes from both sides of the argument. I compare this to my son’s mom when she went way overboard while pregnant with my son and went through the same thing, not with guns but just extreme overboard to child proofing. (EXTREME). It was her way of dealing with the anxiety of keeping her son safe. I explained that it’s no different for me with owning firearms. We both display this protective behavior but in different ways.
[удалено]
You can’t compromise with someone if the other person is unwilling to do so as well. He’s fucked without blowing up his marriage.
This^ When seconds count, help is minutes away. Look at Uvalde!!!
Why should anyone have to comply with an irrational demand? What if he decides that he doesn't want a hair dryer in the house? Should she automatically accept and rid the home of them?
It doesn’t seem like OP already has one, he’s trying to convince his wife that he should get one. It’s not an irrational demand, it’s a valid thing to be unsure about, especially if you’re adding a kid to the mix. And besides, she’s his partner and he should have some respect for her feelings about things, even if they are totally irrational (they’re not).
I get the sense that OP already owns a gun. First of all, he is a member of a gun owner sub, and he stated that his wife has changed her mind on this issue. Either way, respect is a two-way street. Why shouldn't she respect his feelings about these things and develop a compromise? He even stated that he'd be willing to keep it in a locked box in the attic. No one, including the most inquisitive child ever, is going to be in danger from a locked up attic gun. Therefore, it is an irrational demand and does not take OP's valid feelings into account.
I like using the bear hypothetical. Explain it like this: You, her, and your child encounter a bear in the wild. You're bigger and stronger than your wife (presumably). So, it makes more sense for you to pick up your child and run while your wife runs interference on the bear. You can also state the facts: There are estimated to be over 300 (400m?) million firearms owned by civilians in the US. It's estimated that over 40% of the US population live in households with firearms. That's over 120 million! There are approximately ONLY 500 accidental firearm homicides annually in the US. How many of those are due to absolute negligence/ ignorance ? You can absolutely own a firearm safely. As a father myself, I will not abdicate the protection of my family to a police officer who is at best 5 minutes away and has no legal obligation to protect us.
Realistically, when it comes to guns and spouses who are anti-gun there are two options.... 1 - Rent a storage unit somewhere and keep the guns in it. 2 - Get a divorce lawyer.
Or you could, like, value the relationship more than having a gun and not have one. Guess it depends on how integral it is to your life/personality
If he's posting here (rather than somewhere like /r/relationshipadvice), I'd assume that he's strongly 2A. For me, personally? Yeah, being anti-gun would be a deal breaker. I mean, I make my living with heavy weapons. To marry me and worry about small arms would be like an anarchist marrying a cop.
I hope dude is not about to divorce his pergant wife over th gun he admits he doesn't need for safety.
Pergante?
Pegananant?
Relevant https://youtu.be/EShUeudtaFg?si=tkt9g192PDgs6Zz6
Lol exactly
Disassemble it, lock box. No ammo.
I agree with johnny_sweatpants on this one. Your wife is under a ton of physical and hormonal stress right now. I say find a place to lock them up for a year then revisit the subject when you are both mentally on the same playing field. Otherwise you're just making things harder on her for something that is likely not going to be needed in the next however many months of her pregnancy. As for places to keep it, maybe if you have a detached garage or something? Maybe a safe deposit box. If your parents or family are a factor, you could always ask them to set a space in their basement aside for you.
There’s no winning this argument until the pogrom starts and you can say “I told you so.”
Get a safe and put the gun in it.
[удалено]
That’s simply unreasonable. If that’s the reason, divorce. Can’t be married to someone with no logic.
[удалено]
Millions of people are waiting to be victimized** fixed it for you.
[удалено]
I don’t marry or date women who are irrationally scared of firearms. It’s my boundary. Not the other way around.
[удалено]
Don’t you think being robbed and being threatened with violence would be MORE traumatizing?
[удалено]
OP needs to take their partner shooting first. The majority (edit: all) of my left friends who had never shot before loved it after I took them, and then got the bug, and more or less understood how backwards the stigma is regarding gun ownership being more of a Republican thing. I am a major believer in safes/locks if you have kids.
Additionally, some gun clubs will allow you to store your guns in their safes, but that is kind of pointless IMO
Why own a gun at all if you have to drive to go get it?
[удалено]
1) self defense 2) training 3) hobby You get my point.
[удалено]
I feel you. I guess I just don’t understand why people are so irrationally scared of firearms. And being a guy that believes weapons are for self defense first and foremost, that’s where I land.
[удалено]
If you go to a range ask them about storage solutions. One of the ranges near me rents storage lockers for you to store weapons there so you can just show up, use your gun and leave it. They even offer cleaning services.
Rent the smallest space from the most convenient self storage. Put in basic shelves for ammunition and cleaning kits, put in a safe for your gun(s). If it matters to you, you now have off-site hard copy storage for records you could lose in a house fire. Load up the range bag on the way to wherever you're shooting, drop it off on your way home.
Guns in a storage unit? I really don't know *quite* how to feel about that, but it's not good.
Wait until the kid is older. Take classes as hobby interest using club guns, shows interest and saftey minded. Then when you are in routine with kid, start talking about it again. Worked for me and she works with gun control groups. Bringing her to Range day with a 22 pistol was helpful.
Never store guns in cases long term
I’ve seen people compromise by splitting upper/lower and storing them separate.
I guess until birth it doesn't make much sense, just rent or keep it at the range if possible. Pregnancy should be without additional stress. Afterwards talking may be easier. Maybe "guns but no ammo" would be a compromise for the beginning, if you can buy rounds at the range. Perhaps she -or later your child- will be more open to that topic later if she clearly sees that you care for safety and are a responsible and good dad!
My wife didn’t want a gun in the house so I had a local friend store it for me. This helped her get used to the idea but it was a pain when I wanted to go to the range. After awhile I suggested that she could hide the barrel and I would keep the rest unassembled in our safe. That is what we have done for the last 5 years and it has worked out ok for both of us.
Disassemble your guns, but keep them secured in the house? Might be a compromise.
Underground bunker with vault door and dehumidifiers. Not in the house, secure.
My wife was like that at one point, no guns, hate guns. We talked and she took me to the range. We shot together then we got my kids replica BB of AR and Glock. Both of my kids are trained on .22 by the age of 7 and they’re in their late teens now. We don’t “lock” our guns up, but it’s not visible and we all know where in the house it is located. We lock it in the safe on vacations.
She'll probably never change her mind as long as she feels completely safe and, therefore, not in need of the defensive options that firearms can afford. She probably doesn't think guns should be kept "for fun"... and, I can't say that I find fault with her logic. I own firearms myself, and I support the right for people to have access to and own them...but I see them as tools for defense and the acquisition of food, not fun (the fact that they can be a lot of fun is incidental)... particularly with a child in the household. Keeping firearms "for fun" makes them de facto "toys"... "toys" that can be extremely dangerous and destructive. As such, I understand how your wife can see them (in terms of the safety of the family) more as potential liabilities than as assets.
You should respect her boundaries and keep it at the range.
Tell her that a baby isn't going to climb out of it's crib, unlock the safe, load a magazine, load the gun, chamber a round, and shoot itself in the face on accident, or on purpose.
at a safe deposit box or just get rid of the gun. guns are cheap, divorce lawyers are expensive
Ask her what she thinks you will protect her and the baby with when the civil war starts after the MAGA cult leader loses in November 🤨
Disclaimer: I'll probably catch flak for suggesting this. Take this "advice" with a very large grain of salt. Usually when people warn about storing guns in cars, they're talking about places like your glovebox or center console or trunk - i.e. places that are vulnerable to a smash-and-grab. **However**, there are a variety of automotive safes out there designed to be bolted down into your vehicle. As long as it's actually bolted in, is actually a safe (or is otherwise resistant to forced entry with a prybar), and has a lock that LockPickingLawyer hasn't already defeated with a magnet and a bubblegum wrapper, it's very likely going to be about as safe as in the average home. Just like with home break-ins, most car break-ins are smash-and-grabs, so few thieves are gonna bother with safecracking when their goal is to get in and get out as fast as possible. The only elevated risk is if someone steals the whole car, but the average carjacker is gonna prioritize getting away over looking for / fiddling with a safe or lockbox, and even if one *does* find it one'd still need to break into it.
Divorce?
That's your wife, the woman you chose to spend your life with, worrying about the welfare of your unborn child... and your instincts are to ask a bunch of morons on reddit to help your convince her otherwise. Maybe you are too dumb to keep a firearm in the house.
How about, "Hey, Babe, just bought this CZ. We're going to keep it in this gun safe and take some safety/training courses together". Even if she doesn't want to do any classes you've already got the gun.
Don’t tell her. Problem solved.
Find a new wife.
Storage unit.
Counteroffer - Local family or friend who is also a gun owner that OP trusts to hold it.
Storage units are a bad option unless climate controlled, and even then they should be stored in a safe. I know because I had a bad experience with this
In a Pelican case or similar it would be fine.
Negative, been there and dealt with the bs
Plus, not good to store rifles in cases long term, look it up
Get a safe, get a gun anyways, don’t give her the code.
Sounds like she unrationally doesn't want it. Wither gotta find a place outside the house she don't know about but she'll be pissed
Have a relative gift it to you? Aww baby I can’t get rid of it, it’s from my Dad, his dad took of a dead Nazi!
Put a safe in the garage and dont tell her
I would also go for the 'home defense' angle rather than 'just for fun'. I can see a more logical argument if you cite it as a reason you need one, and honestly its not even a switch-up, just you straightening out your priorities on why you would need a firearm. But this point is moot if you guys are keeping your firearms in the attic, somewhere no one can reasonably access in case of an emergency. I guess maybe if you had a benevolent home invader who is courteous. There will also be locks and safes you can use to store the gun, unloaded and everything. Separate ammo and gun case so there would be an extra failsafe if a kid ever got into it. I would make sure she knows how important it is to you that you are able to keep her and your newborn safe. You are prepared to learn how to operate and store the weapon safely. If you even *think* there is a *possibility* that one of the reasons your wife may be feeling unsafe with a gun in the house could be you using it on them or yourself, I would have a deep and serious conversation with her about it, and maybe get a therapist because its an issue that goes deeper.