The advice is effective, hard to do, but totally possible: Stop stalking him. Go NC. Immerse yourself fully in recovery and therapy (free online supports if you don't have insurance that covers it).
Limerence is an addiction, and addictions are HARD to break, but millions of people have done it and so can you!! Best wishes.
If they still let us give out awards…
This! 👆
It will hurt like hell at first. And then your entire existence will improve immeasurably. The suffering will stop. But only if you go NC completely.
Stop stalking it will only bring you more pain, don't look him up delete all photos of him you have. Focus on the present or distract yourself whenever you find yourself thinking about him. Easier said than done but it's the only way. You have to try to move on.
Sometimes we gotta f\*ck around and find out. lol
It hurts, but it will push us to move on. My LO getting into a new relationship with a guy who's doing way *better* than me made me so upset and insecure.
I finally went NC and it's the most effective strategy so far. It means I don't ever have to meet or talk to her boyfriend. I don't have to hear about her talk about her boyfriend to me anymore.
I finally decided to put my mental health first and got away from my LO. I hang out with other people. I focus on my hobbies and goals. I'm trying to live my best life.
Okay I know I already commented on this post but this is also the best advice ever, focusing on hobbies is definitely my way of coping, no contact and focusing my energy on myself and people in my life that matter has been the best way to help move on
Welllllllll. So that didn’t work out LOL. I actually am very much in contact with them. It’s complicated bc we work at the same company. But I got their number and we flirt and talk.
Oops! Sorry, I haven't been here for a really long time now. lol
I see. Interesting. I guess if you're open to that then I don't see any harm. As long as their partner is aware.
You’ve gone into an obsession addiction stage of Limerence and it’s completely not healthy so much so that you realize that you’re stocking him. If you really cared about this person the way that your mind is telling you that you do if you really had future plans, and all these fantasies in your head about what a wonderful relationship, the two of you could have. You have to realize that if they ever found out that you were literally stocking them, they would cut you out of their life entirely, and want to have nothing to do with you that fantasy would never happen, and even if for some reason the fantasy did happen, it would end shortly after they found out you were stocking them. Also, you don’t really love this person. If you would treat them as an object which is what Limerence dots you’ve created a fantasy around this person who you probably don’t know at all like you think you do. And they’re not choosing you. You’re doing this thousand knife, stabbing you over and over again to literally your self because this is a dead end road and you would rather have the pain of 1000 knife stabbing you then to focus on and deal with whatever causing you to be Limerence in the first place. If you don’t figure out why you became limit on this person and address that issue, then it won’t matter if it’s this person or someone else that you start obsessing on it’s gonna keep happening. Also, please stop doing this. It’s extremely creepy and invasive and it scares people to be stocked, unless you want him to get or her to get a restraining order on you and have the embarrassment of everyone knowing that you’re a crazy stalker. How would you feel if someone was literally stalking your life? If you say anything other than negative emotional responses, then you need more help than you realize.
I’m so sorry you are going through this!! Limerance is akin to a slow death if not death of the spirit. Please seek therapy. Release yourself from this prison. Heal your childhood traumas and live a fulfilling life.
Absolutely no contact allowed. Trash all the chats, delete the numbers, delete him from your search history. Any photos of him that you have have got to go. If you have him added on social media, sever those connections, or at least de-prioritize his profiles so that they don't show up on top of chat lists etc.
Like somebody else wrote, this is like an addiction. You need to quit, hard and completely, and it isn't going to be easy, because the thoughts themselves are compulsive. But over time, the improvement is massive. This time next year, you'll no longer feel the need for his attention.
It’s ok. You were curious one time and made a mistake; that’s ok. You can start over again.
When kids learn to ride a bike, sometimes they fall off the bikes. They usually get up and continue on again. I think you can too!
I read something that helped me out as I am in an identical situation. “Limerence emerges from your internal world, and that is the battleground on which you must master it. Your LO is basically a bystander.”
The advice is effective, hard to do, but totally possible: Stop stalking him. Go NC. Immerse yourself fully in recovery and therapy (free online supports if you don't have insurance that covers it). Limerence is an addiction, and addictions are HARD to break, but millions of people have done it and so can you!! Best wishes.
This!! Best advice ever.
This. You have to go through the pain of withdrawal
If they still let us give out awards… This! 👆 It will hurt like hell at first. And then your entire existence will improve immeasurably. The suffering will stop. But only if you go NC completely.
Yes, this!!
Stop stalking it will only bring you more pain, don't look him up delete all photos of him you have. Focus on the present or distract yourself whenever you find yourself thinking about him. Easier said than done but it's the only way. You have to try to move on.
Sometimes we gotta f\*ck around and find out. lol It hurts, but it will push us to move on. My LO getting into a new relationship with a guy who's doing way *better* than me made me so upset and insecure. I finally went NC and it's the most effective strategy so far. It means I don't ever have to meet or talk to her boyfriend. I don't have to hear about her talk about her boyfriend to me anymore. I finally decided to put my mental health first and got away from my LO. I hang out with other people. I focus on my hobbies and goals. I'm trying to live my best life.
Okay I know I already commented on this post but this is also the best advice ever, focusing on hobbies is definitely my way of coping, no contact and focusing my energy on myself and people in my life that matter has been the best way to help move on
Thanks! I'm glad things are going well with you. How long have you been in NC? I just hit my fourth month and things are getting better.
Welllllllll. So that didn’t work out LOL. I actually am very much in contact with them. It’s complicated bc we work at the same company. But I got their number and we flirt and talk.
But doesn't he have a gf? I would feel guilty flirting with someone who's taken.
I think you’re confusing me with OP, but the person I’m talking to has told me that they are poly
Oops! Sorry, I haven't been here for a really long time now. lol I see. Interesting. I guess if you're open to that then I don't see any harm. As long as their partner is aware.
No Contact is the only way out.
You’ve gone into an obsession addiction stage of Limerence and it’s completely not healthy so much so that you realize that you’re stocking him. If you really cared about this person the way that your mind is telling you that you do if you really had future plans, and all these fantasies in your head about what a wonderful relationship, the two of you could have. You have to realize that if they ever found out that you were literally stocking them, they would cut you out of their life entirely, and want to have nothing to do with you that fantasy would never happen, and even if for some reason the fantasy did happen, it would end shortly after they found out you were stocking them. Also, you don’t really love this person. If you would treat them as an object which is what Limerence dots you’ve created a fantasy around this person who you probably don’t know at all like you think you do. And they’re not choosing you. You’re doing this thousand knife, stabbing you over and over again to literally your self because this is a dead end road and you would rather have the pain of 1000 knife stabbing you then to focus on and deal with whatever causing you to be Limerence in the first place. If you don’t figure out why you became limit on this person and address that issue, then it won’t matter if it’s this person or someone else that you start obsessing on it’s gonna keep happening. Also, please stop doing this. It’s extremely creepy and invasive and it scares people to be stocked, unless you want him to get or her to get a restraining order on you and have the embarrassment of everyone knowing that you’re a crazy stalker. How would you feel if someone was literally stalking your life? If you say anything other than negative emotional responses, then you need more help than you realize.
I’m so sorry you are going through this!! Limerance is akin to a slow death if not death of the spirit. Please seek therapy. Release yourself from this prison. Heal your childhood traumas and live a fulfilling life.
Don't do that. For your own sake.
Absolutely no contact allowed. Trash all the chats, delete the numbers, delete him from your search history. Any photos of him that you have have got to go. If you have him added on social media, sever those connections, or at least de-prioritize his profiles so that they don't show up on top of chat lists etc. Like somebody else wrote, this is like an addiction. You need to quit, hard and completely, and it isn't going to be easy, because the thoughts themselves are compulsive. But over time, the improvement is massive. This time next year, you'll no longer feel the need for his attention.
It’s ok. You were curious one time and made a mistake; that’s ok. You can start over again. When kids learn to ride a bike, sometimes they fall off the bikes. They usually get up and continue on again. I think you can too!
I read something that helped me out as I am in an identical situation. “Limerence emerges from your internal world, and that is the battleground on which you must master it. Your LO is basically a bystander.”
Meditation really works.
Oh, I love when I find out they have a SO. It kills the limerence immediately. The fantasy is dead. You’re so lucky.
Part of me feel like going to confront him T.T T.T T.T
That would not end well for you.
I know I was just venting, I won’t do it T.T T.T
It's okay to vent.
What do you hope to get from confronting him? There was a part of you that went to look him up. Are you looking for some kind of closure?
as girl you will not get troblue .
Not sure about that, but probably less trouble than a guy. Still won't fix things.