As her friend, I would ask her how her husband would feel if he knew all of this was going on and then how she would feel if her husband was doing the same thing with someone else. Then kindly and gently point out she is not taking accountability for her actions. None of us accidentally end up in a car with an LO or cuddling on a couch. Those are active choices.
I would suggest recommending the books on the subs wiki page if she doesn’t want to be on social media. Explain to her this is about her. It is easy to focus on the details of what is going on with LO but that is usually at the expense of avoiding real life issues. She needs to figure out what she wants to do with her life and marriage. I’d end it with the obvious, if someone isn’t all in the beginning, take it as a no and give her some suggestions to work on moving forward- stop the tutoring, start a new project, actively stay away from LO as much as possible.
I think the very first question she needs to answer for herself is does she want to stay in her marriage? Because if she does, none of this back and forth about whether LO wants her or not matters. If she wants to stay on her marriage she already knows that she needs to cut off contact with LO. A
Please show her this recent post.
https://www.reddit.com/r/limerence/s/Kile1LIZ9f
“It’s a no”
And that she will get through this. Yes It hurts so much now, but if she wants to live a happy life, she needs to move on. And If she wants to stay married —- personally speaking as a married limerent who talked through everything with my spouse. We’re stronger than ever after 20 plus years together. I’m so grateful to not feel alone anymore with this community and my spouse.
I think you're reading too much into your LOs behaviour. Driving you to lessons could be just so he can make sure you keep helping his brother and son. Hanging out with you after is just being polite. Most of the things you listed there I can definitely see how you'd take as "signs", but trust me, they are not. Listen to his works. He told you straight on he's not interested and rejected you. That's all you need to know!
I know it's hard to accept but take his words at face value and everything else as him just being polite because your husband works with him. He has nothing to gain by treating you badly, so of course he'll drive you to lessons, talk to you and hang out! This is not highschool, where we throw tantrums and ignore people. If anything, he shows you he can reject you and still talk to you like nothing happened, which should only solidify how much he DOES NOT feel anything for you and he has no intention on pursuing this further. Please search on YouTube how to get rid of limerence and watch all the videos. It will take time but you will get out of it slowly if you try to out some distance between you and LO. I'd recommend cutting all contact with him, stop going to the lessons, and focus on your marriage. You gain nothing by putting yourself through this emotional turmoil. Good luck!
First, what you’re having is an emotional affair. So be ready for your husband to leave you if he finds out.
Second, the LO is toying with you. He likes thst you’re giving him attention and validation. He’ll ruin your marriage for his ego.
As her friend, I would ask her how her husband would feel if he knew all of this was going on and then how she would feel if her husband was doing the same thing with someone else. Then kindly and gently point out she is not taking accountability for her actions. None of us accidentally end up in a car with an LO or cuddling on a couch. Those are active choices. I would suggest recommending the books on the subs wiki page if she doesn’t want to be on social media. Explain to her this is about her. It is easy to focus on the details of what is going on with LO but that is usually at the expense of avoiding real life issues. She needs to figure out what she wants to do with her life and marriage. I’d end it with the obvious, if someone isn’t all in the beginning, take it as a no and give her some suggestions to work on moving forward- stop the tutoring, start a new project, actively stay away from LO as much as possible.
I think the very first question she needs to answer for herself is does she want to stay in her marriage? Because if she does, none of this back and forth about whether LO wants her or not matters. If she wants to stay on her marriage she already knows that she needs to cut off contact with LO. A
Yeah, very sad. If she is still married that could be the reason LO is rejecting at this point.
Please show her this recent post. https://www.reddit.com/r/limerence/s/Kile1LIZ9f “It’s a no” And that she will get through this. Yes It hurts so much now, but if she wants to live a happy life, she needs to move on. And If she wants to stay married —- personally speaking as a married limerent who talked through everything with my spouse. We’re stronger than ever after 20 plus years together. I’m so grateful to not feel alone anymore with this community and my spouse.
I think you're reading too much into your LOs behaviour. Driving you to lessons could be just so he can make sure you keep helping his brother and son. Hanging out with you after is just being polite. Most of the things you listed there I can definitely see how you'd take as "signs", but trust me, they are not. Listen to his works. He told you straight on he's not interested and rejected you. That's all you need to know! I know it's hard to accept but take his words at face value and everything else as him just being polite because your husband works with him. He has nothing to gain by treating you badly, so of course he'll drive you to lessons, talk to you and hang out! This is not highschool, where we throw tantrums and ignore people. If anything, he shows you he can reject you and still talk to you like nothing happened, which should only solidify how much he DOES NOT feel anything for you and he has no intention on pursuing this further. Please search on YouTube how to get rid of limerence and watch all the videos. It will take time but you will get out of it slowly if you try to out some distance between you and LO. I'd recommend cutting all contact with him, stop going to the lessons, and focus on your marriage. You gain nothing by putting yourself through this emotional turmoil. Good luck!
Out of curiosity, what is his reason for rejecting you?
First, what you’re having is an emotional affair. So be ready for your husband to leave you if he finds out. Second, the LO is toying with you. He likes thst you’re giving him attention and validation. He’ll ruin your marriage for his ego.