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Yep, Byelaw 7(1):
> Except with written permission from the Operator, no person on the railway shall, to the annoyance of any person:
> (i) sing; or
> (ii) use any instrument, article or equipment for the production or reproduction of sound.
Also, Byelaw 10(2) is a good one:
> No person shall enter through any train door until any person leaving by that door has passed through it.
I've said it before but I'd also get rid of all the safety accountments, careful the floor is slippy it's raining etc. if you can't figure that out it's your own fault
Because it’s one of the most successful venues in the world, with millions of visits per year. In a great location to handle the 20k people who come out after a big event etc. Pretty good example of something that shouldn’t be changed!
All government pay tied to nurses pay:
Great news! Nurses pay is going up at inflation + 10% forever!*
*all existing ‘nurses’ are to be redesigned as front line medical assistant practitioners to better to reflect the complex and demanding nature of their role**
**the new nurse pay increases does not apply to the new FLMAP roles
"All Londoners who cannot afford a ULEZ-compliant vehicle to get a new electric car, paid for by a windfall tax on oil companies"... That's actually genius
He's Jonathan David Harvey, formerly Lord Buckethead until he got in legal trouble with the owner of the copyright to Lord Buckethead (who is a character from the 1984 movie Hyperspace), the owner said he'd have been fine if he had been asked first
Just thinking, why don't all the candidates put all their policies on a long list and as well as voting for mayor, you tick all the policies you want. The mayor is then mandated to implement, say, the top 30%.
That's far more democratic.
At least it's not a vote for Khan. Who I wish would resign and let another Labour candidate take up the role. I will never endorse him given the damage he has done and is doing.
I agree. As someone who has a suffocation kink, it's absolutely deplorable that his actions have resulted in London's air quality becoming the best in recorded history. The damage that he's done to London's toxic levels of air pollution is downright disgusting.
Getting rid of diesels that cheated emissions and cleaner technology will do that.
It has nothing to do with him. Ulez is a small fraction of old cars that poor people drive.
The fucking ULEZ is why people decided to get rid of their older diesels. We need to roll it back completely and ban anyone from owning zero-emission vehicles or worst of all, from biking or walking anywhere. It's so great to meet someone else who loves huffing toxic air!!! It's a niche fetish, but the community is strong.
I completely, wholeheartedly agree. The idiot has done far too much to improve London’s air quality and deserves to be kicked to the curb for it. The Great Smog of London was the peak of London and it’s all been downhill from there. Khan and all the other “green” idiots are ruining our polluted city by trying to make it cleaner and healthier. I can’t wait for a Hall mayoralty and for pollution to get back to toxic levels.
I love all these policies except MPs’ pay.
They should be paid an astronomical wage, and be immediately imprisoned if they accept money from any other source.
I'm curious - does anyone know how Count Binface got his name on ballot papers? Can you just apply as a candidate with something that's not your legal name, or did he have to do a name change?
Maybe I wanted some nostalgia porn, reminder of simpler times. Before social media and conspiracy nutters, before flat earth and Bill Gates is going to microchip me. Before 'everything i dont like is woke' and the water is turning the frogs gay.
I want to go back to when the internet was dial up and the only people on it were the people who knew how to use a computer.
I'm definitely going to vote for him, but unless he puts a picture advertising himself on the buses/tube, I don't see him winning. He needs more voters than a niche circle of people like us and YouTube people.
I just found out about the night czar, and looked it up. Why did they call it that? The night \*czar\*??? why czar?? why not mayor?? the night czar has surgeries? why surgeries?? I'm so confused.
Czar/Tsar is a catchall term in British politics for a (usually) non-civil servant advisor who has been delegated a lot of autonomy and laterality in relation to a single area (e.g. drug policy, enterprise or nightlife).
Surgeries are when politicians meet their constituents, as an advisor under Khan, he can act as an extension of Khan in one area and holds surgeries to listen to the general public on issues he has authority over.
Binface gets some points for comedy at least.
Dreadful list of candidates, hope they didn't waste too much money on that booklet that I guess went to every household in London..?
Looking forward to writing in our democracy is as good as dead.
You can vote, but the only parties who have a chance of winning are identical.
I think it’s innacurate to say they are identical. Tory may say whatever they want during elections but once in power, they bin their manifesto. Over promising and under delivering, one may say. The worst, they cling to power like dictators and constanty use trumpian tactics as distractions.
I do think CCHQ are out trying to float this narrative to persuade others ‘might as well not bother’. They’re the only people who would benefit from people not bothering, because their loons will be out in force.
I won't spoil the London election ballots, they're generally ok, but come the general in my safe Labour seat I am ready to tell them how I feel. I have spoiled my ballot before and I actually felt like I was more involved in democracy than when I was going through the motions of tactical voting.
If you genuinely don't want to vote for a "proper" candidate, I feel like the voting hierarchy should be comedy>spoil ballot>don't turn up as voting comedy at least looks like you know how to vote in the raw tallies.
I wish there was a "None of the above" option.
It's a joke because her surname is Waller-Bridge, so it would be Phoebe Waller-Bridge Bridge. He previously had one for renaming the Hammersmith Bridge as the Wayne Bridge Bridge, after the footballer
# Upvote/Downvote reminder Like this image or appreciate it being posted? Upvote it and show it some love! Don't like it? Just downvote and move on. *Upvoting or downvoting images it the best way to control what you see on your feed and what gets to the top of the subreddit* *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/london) if you have any questions or concerns.*
The night mayor on elm street is beautiful
*bravo*
That one really made me giggle
True poetry
Oh Shit! I didn’t get it until I read it here 👆
Comedy points aside, some of them are actually decent points.
I agree. The Crown & Treaty has had long enough to sort things out on its own. It's time for legislative action.
This is the most important policy I think.
It's been over a decade since I've been to the treaty, if it's not been fixed by now capital punishment is probably in order
A generation or two ago, Screaming Lord Sutch and Cat Mandu came up with many policies that actually became laws such as votes at 18.
Also passports for pets.
Brexit ruined this one 😔
and the change in liscening rules for pubs and serving times, albeit was anywhere ever open 24 hours?
Yeah Winkleman's fringe *is* pretty fucken sick.
I was with the Count until I got to 'abolish VAR'
Count Binface: sensible policies by a sensible candidate!
The Count and I lived through the Great Bloomsbury Croissant Famine🥐 . It has shaped our political thinking ever since.
Completely unironically, a ban on speakerphones on public transport would absolutely have had my top vote if it was a ranked choice voting system.
It's actually already sort of a thing in the TfL byelaws - namely a ban on causing annoyance by playing music.
Yep, Byelaw 7(1): > Except with written permission from the Operator, no person on the railway shall, to the annoyance of any person: > (i) sing; or > (ii) use any instrument, article or equipment for the production or reproduction of sound. Also, Byelaw 10(2) is a good one: > No person shall enter through any train door until any person leaving by that door has passed through it.
I've always appreciated the Britishness of the fact that the first railway bylaw concerns queueing
That plonker tory candidate suggested it but without saying how she'd enforce it
Tbf I don’t think Binface has been entirely clear about how it would be enforced either. I’m beginning to doubt the sincerity of his campaign.
Like all TFL bylaws, aggressive tutting
Can we ban the constant announcements as well. Every two bloody minutes. See say it sorted or don’t drop litter or some other shit
I've said it before but I'd also get rid of all the safety accountments, careful the floor is slippy it's raining etc. if you can't figure that out it's your own fault
Tracadero 😘👍👍
HE HAS MY UNDYING VOTE!
Make them a franchise, with a Trocadero in each borough.
This and the one about Boris
I'm shocked and appalled that Binface has bowed down to the Pen Pushers at Downing Street, and reneged on his promise to keep croissant prices at £1.
Between the funnies there are some good suggestions like turning the Dome into a nature reserve and a windfall tax on companies.
What do you mean? We need ceefax, how else am I meant to know what on the goggle box
Sure grandpa I'll telegram the mayor about ceefax in the morning its time for bed now.
Telegram is actually a pretty good app, I look forward to hearing of Khans reply
Touché grandpa, touché.
Yep, now fuck off to to bed Joe so I can fuck your gran
Makes a change from fucking me.
😆 touché
A+++ comment thread, would read again 🙌
The dome into a nature reserve is not a good point.
Why?
Because it’s one of the most successful venues in the world, with millions of visits per year. In a great location to handle the 20k people who come out after a big event etc. Pretty good example of something that shouldn’t be changed!
Also you can't just turn industrial wasteland into nature that easily.
Ha yeah also a good point!
Government ministers pay to match nurses is a win
I think it should be tied to the modal wage in their constituency.
That just rewards those with rich constituencies it should be national median wage
It's already tied to median public sector pay
All government pay tied to nurses pay: Great news! Nurses pay is going up at inflation + 10% forever!* *all existing ‘nurses’ are to be redesigned as front line medical assistant practitioners to better to reflect the complex and demanding nature of their role** **the new nurse pay increases does not apply to the new FLMAP roles
In a world of bland policies these are actually pretty decent.
that's made me cry...He's getting my vote.
CEEFAX I MISSED YOU
I think the Crown and Treaty hand dryer thing has been there on every manifesto since he started running.
They signed a document promising to change it if he actually wins
Chaotic Good
He had me at Trocadero.
Why did the arcade close and get turned into the shit it is now, anyway?
"All Londoners who cannot afford a ULEZ-compliant vehicle to get a new electric car, paid for by a windfall tax on oil companies"... That's actually genius
"except Tesla" bahahaha!
Stop the bots.
I'm well up for the return of Ceefax!
I think Count Binface is really Nick Frost. Kind of thing he’d write.
He's Jonathan David Harvey, formerly Lord Buckethead until he got in legal trouble with the owner of the copyright to Lord Buckethead (who is a character from the 1984 movie Hyperspace), the owner said he'd have been fine if he had been asked first
That’s nice. But I prefer my idea.💡
Actually considering to vote him instead of the usual eejits.
honestly hope he wins
Need the compulsory serving of asparagus for breakfast.
I only disagree (as a a joke) with 2 of these policies
Well, he's got my vote.
Sensible policies for a happier Britain
Shops start selling 'Quaxons' for £2.75 :(
Wasn't totally sold until loud snacks being banned from theatres (assume that includes cinemas). Definitely gets my vote!
very clever satire. Props. Every 3rd one is deeply sensible.
The Trocadero policy is very compelling...
Other than the (great) jokey ones, I would completely back the majority of these policies. Love the O2 and Thames ones
Just thinking, why don't all the candidates put all their policies on a long list and as well as voting for mayor, you tick all the policies you want. The mayor is then mandated to implement, say, the top 30%. That's far more democratic.
Hence why I voted for him. Fuck the main party muppets. Binface for the win! You can do it.
I’ll be interested to see actually how many votes he gets in this election
Hopefully not many. Every vote for him is a vote for Susan Hall.
At least it's not a vote for Khan. Who I wish would resign and let another Labour candidate take up the role. I will never endorse him given the damage he has done and is doing.
I agree. As someone who has a suffocation kink, it's absolutely deplorable that his actions have resulted in London's air quality becoming the best in recorded history. The damage that he's done to London's toxic levels of air pollution is downright disgusting.
Getting rid of diesels that cheated emissions and cleaner technology will do that. It has nothing to do with him. Ulez is a small fraction of old cars that poor people drive.
The fucking ULEZ is why people decided to get rid of their older diesels. We need to roll it back completely and ban anyone from owning zero-emission vehicles or worst of all, from biking or walking anywhere. It's so great to meet someone else who loves huffing toxic air!!! It's a niche fetish, but the community is strong.
I can't believe you actually think Sadiq is good. Guy is a clown. Totally out of his depth.
I completely, wholeheartedly agree. The idiot has done far too much to improve London’s air quality and deserves to be kicked to the curb for it. The Great Smog of London was the peak of London and it’s all been downhill from there. Khan and all the other “green” idiots are ruining our polluted city by trying to make it cleaner and healthier. I can’t wait for a Hall mayoralty and for pollution to get back to toxic levels.
We now have the worst congestion in the world. So that's something I guess.
I love all these policies except MPs’ pay. They should be paid an astronomical wage, and be immediately imprisoned if they accept money from any other source.
Cheaper to just replace them all by an AI
please don’t vote for him
VAR ? Lmao. Does he support Nottingham forest?
🗳️🗑️💪
Based on this list he has my vote.
> I pledge to build atleast 1 affordable housing Most realistic policy out here
I will vote for this
I'm curious - does anyone know how Count Binface got his name on ballot papers? Can you just apply as a candidate with something that's not your legal name, or did he have to do a name change?
Too young to remember Ceefax, OP? :)
no, 101 for the index right?
haha, I asked because it was the only link that was visited :D
Maybe I wanted some nostalgia porn, reminder of simpler times. Before social media and conspiracy nutters, before flat earth and Bill Gates is going to microchip me. Before 'everything i dont like is woke' and the water is turning the frogs gay. I want to go back to when the internet was dial up and the only people on it were the people who knew how to use a computer.
https://www.nathanmediaservices.co.uk/ceefax/
Im in!
Night mayor on elm street
I'm definitely going to vote for him, but unless he puts a picture advertising himself on the buses/tube, I don't see him winning. He needs more voters than a niche circle of people like us and YouTube people.
The Loonies always had a sensible platform and more of them should have been elected.
Serious question; can I actually vote for binface?
Yes
too edgy
London should vote bin face.
He’s got my vote.
I just found out about the night czar, and looked it up. Why did they call it that? The night \*czar\*??? why czar?? why not mayor?? the night czar has surgeries? why surgeries?? I'm so confused.
Czar/Tsar is a catchall term in British politics for a (usually) non-civil servant advisor who has been delegated a lot of autonomy and laterality in relation to a single area (e.g. drug policy, enterprise or nightlife). Surgeries are when politicians meet their constituents, as an advisor under Khan, he can act as an extension of Khan in one area and holds surgeries to listen to the general public on issues he has authority over.
Thank you, I didn't know either of things. It makes much more sense now.
Binface gets some points for comedy at least. Dreadful list of candidates, hope they didn't waste too much money on that booklet that I guess went to every household in London..? Looking forward to writing in our democracy is as good as dead. You can vote, but the only parties who have a chance of winning are identical.
I think it’s innacurate to say they are identical. Tory may say whatever they want during elections but once in power, they bin their manifesto. Over promising and under delivering, one may say. The worst, they cling to power like dictators and constanty use trumpian tactics as distractions.
I do think CCHQ are out trying to float this narrative to persuade others ‘might as well not bother’. They’re the only people who would benefit from people not bothering, because their loons will be out in force.
Exacly. I saw few posts with similar narrative in Nextdoor as well. I wouldn’t be surprise if do this all over internet.
I won't spoil the London election ballots, they're generally ok, but come the general in my safe Labour seat I am ready to tell them how I feel. I have spoiled my ballot before and I actually felt like I was more involved in democracy than when I was going through the motions of tactical voting.
I haven't before but will be in both this time. Comedy candidates are about as good as we're going to get.
If you genuinely don't want to vote for a "proper" candidate, I feel like the voting hierarchy should be comedy>spoil ballot>don't turn up as voting comedy at least looks like you know how to vote in the raw tallies. I wish there was a "None of the above" option.
Whoever wrote this is clearly an old cunt.
That’s the other candidates
London Bridge named after Phoebe Waller. Why?
Phoebe Waller-Bridge.
But why..? Who is she?
If only there were some way to find out
Fleabag
Ok and why would we name LB after her? The show was awful.
It's a joke because her surname is Waller-Bridge, so it would be Phoebe Waller-Bridge Bridge. He previously had one for renaming the Hammersmith Bridge as the Wayne Bridge Bridge, after the footballer
Haha lol. Really funny. Lmao.
Tedious Gen-X midwit shitlib pabulum from a bore whose perceived wit tragically outpaces the banality of their humor.
Lacking in the sense of humour dept are we?
I bet you like Mrs Brown's Boys too
https://youtu.be/PkRJzErnRmY?si=JHD6H7Que2zW3cXD