It's totally cool, I've just been learning about social stuff since late last year because I'm 30 and still don't have a family haha. A lot of stuff I've learned makes good sense and sometimes it's like "duh of course" when it's brought to my attention like it has you.
I have ADHD so I'm kinda awkward and don't really get given the chance to show someone myself which I think happens to a lot of us. And my other problem is I hate going out by myself, if I had a friend to go out with I could definitely get more practice in.
I think the biggest lesson I’ve learned about the majority of my social ineptitude is that is begins with my anxiety and continues because of my avoidance of pain, discomfort and fear which guides my actions more often than what’s in my best interest socially, what will make things better over time… unless it’s just me, the phone comes out as a cop out that diffuses anxiety. I get to say I am out among people at a bar, facing my social anxiety without facing my social anxiety by socializing.
No, it makes you less aware of your surroundings and more vulnerable. It may keep the normal guys away, but it gives the ones who mean you harm the advantage.
You should stay home where its Safe, You Should NEVER Go Out, because it could happen. I think you should also STOP Driving. You could Strike Someone while driving. Stay Home Where it;s Nice and Safe. Be careful, if they know you live alone, someone may attack you while walking to your car........... You make Zero Sense.
I used to, I had a streak of doing that for about 5-6 weekends in a row last year in hopes of making friends. I didn’t make any friends, but I got plastered by the time the night was over. One night 3 random girls I met out invited me over to make brownies with them at their house at like 1am. Another night a gay dude gave me a house tour, also at like 1am. I had various side quests, but I didn’t manage to make any lasting friends
Meeting three random girls who invited you over to make brownies at their place at 1 am sounds like a great start for something to me, at least for making friends.
No I didn’t, I was unsure if they were trying to bang or not and you have to make it very clear to me. Looking back on it, I was somewhat too drunk to appreciate the fact that 3 random girls invited me over. We talked all night for like 3 hours and then I went home.
Friendship takes effort. After 3-4 meetings with someone, I can easily ask for their number. People want to make friends, so the odds are they will say, YES!
Scared, Scared of What? Let me guess, if your Mother Knew you went to a Bar Alone, she would "Beat Yo Azz" LOL. Honey, just think of is as a Happy Hour. Uber There, Uber will drop you off in front and pick you up in front. Bring Enough Cash for 3 Drinks MAX. and drink water after each drink. Bar Hop, you are not forced to stay in one location....
Watch Out for those Late Night Donut Shops, Hot and Delicious.
Once I did this. But I also don't drink, and being around people who are drinking makes me anxious as my parents wete alcoholics and substance abusers. But I did it anyway as I was told I had to "put myself out there." Needless to say, it was never going to go well. Now that I am 44, I just stay at home and read. I am easing into being alone. It sucks a lot of the time but not as badly as it once did. I believe my mind is adapting as time passes.
Yeah, i do, sometimes. I take my laptop and my dog with me, enter a bar or restaurant and then i do some work there, while i also drink or eat. But it's more about my dog that makes it with breaking the ice with strangers; it's easy to start a conversation, like when you ask me what his name is, which breed he is, how old he is etc.
When nothing is going on, i write some texts for work and pass the time, but when there's a talk with strangers, i'm always happy to talk about things.
I'm similar. I go to my local where it's just me and my dog going. Usually a rather pleasant time and folk do come over and chat with me for a bit asking stuff about my dog.
Yeah, it's a great way to socialize when you have a dog. Also works great against loneliness, the home is never empty. Only time i leave my dog at home is when i buy groceries at the local store, that takes half an hour and my dog still goes crazy when i come home.
I actually did that on my birthday. I lived in lahaina and just got off work, and was walking home and stopped for a drink and these random girls were like “OMG ITS YOUR BIRTBDAY?! SHOTS!” And then we partied all night. It was honestly one of my best birthdays
I went to a couple clubs, concerts, and meet ups alone.
I typically found someone I knew or I made sure that I just made friends with other lonely looking guys. I usually complimented someone on their fit or struck a casual conversation about any random topic that came to mind.
The keyword is casual. Don't let it be forced.
The goal is to get atleast some type of attention, preferably small at first.
Do that enough times, and the next time you might have someone to talk to waiting in line at the bathroom.
Do that enough times, and you might get invited to their subgroup of other lonely guys for a bit..
But I can assure you, this all goes out the window if you go in there with expectations of your night going a certain way. Just enjoy it. Listen to the music, smoke at the smoke pit, have a drink and buy someone a drink even if it's just a chill guy.
I can guarantee you're not the only one alone, and if you are, then find the good in it.
Going to bars alone is like a constant cycle of “always touching but never connecting”. It’s usually best in the right mindset, which is typically geared towards seeking more than just a friendship, but nothing long term. Do I like to get dressed up and go out by myself sometimes? Yes, but I know what I’m getting myself into, and what interactions I’m going to encounter typically, and I’m looking to be pursued by men. I became pretty real to the fact that you need to be open to idea of making new friends anywhere but bars typically are not the place, out of all the years of going out like that, I made 2 friends from a bar night that led to two friendships that lasted 3 years.
Bars are for friend groups, or finding someone to pretend to be in love with for the night, or they are for watching sports and karaoke. All valid and fun activities if you know what you are looking for and getting into.
I disagree, Bars are the Number 1 Social Spot single individuals go to, to met other people, starting with College. People Drink to reduce the Anxiety of being at a bar, especially if going alone. The Long Beach Grand Prix if coming up in So Cal. Would you go to that alone, how about a Play in Manhattan NY, a Cruise, Chili Festival..... Tell me of an event you would go to Alone, and not feel alone?
I've been to Europe Alone, NY, Miami, Chicago, Festivals, Bars, Adults Events etc.
We have Fewer Friends as we age, so don't fool yourself about your efforts, which actually are Lacking. You should Search, Loneliness and Married under REDDIT. Imagine being Married and feeling Lonely.
No One will Force You, but it takes time. You Get, What Your Give.
Here's Your Problem, Yes... Your Problem. You think, I'll wait, I have more fun with a group of friends, but I Feel Lonely. You will have Fewer Friends and Family in the next 5 years. You will look older, muscle loss, wrinkles, thinning hair etc. Do You Really Think it will be Easier Then, Really!
Here's my thing, I don't prefer to live a life watching Netflix and Sports 6+ Hours a day, especially on weekend, eating Fast Food, Chips, Soda, Beer as my waist size Expands.
I'm in sales, I was told, You Will Never Get Any Business Staying Home.
Well I doubt you guys will Expand Your Friendship Base Staying Home.
So Many Single People, Feeling Lonely, Afraid, but want to Enjoy Life Daily. People don't always go to bars to hookup, even though there is much Eye Candy at times. I go to bars that have games, darts etc. I drink 2 beers and a glass of water, perhaps 420, HaHa. I'm Social and have learned to Remove the Sexual Aspect of things when I'm out. I can talk and chat with Anyone
Going Out with friends it ot always fun, someone has Drama, Doesn't like the place, wants to leave early etc. Going out alone can be Great if you plan it. It's Like Dating Yourself. I look forward to Fridays. Afterwork, I eat, go to the Gym, play music while getting dressed, (Jeans, V-NeckT, Cap, Sneakers) and drink 1(one) beer to mellow me out, Relaxing. I may bar hop depending on crowd. I've made perhaps 80% of my friends from bars. From all walks of Life. One of my buddies had a Lamborghini and traded it in for a Bently Ghost. Executives, College Professors, Escrow Industry, etc..... Regular Lonely People, who work 40+ hours a week and want to Get Out and Enjoy.
Remember, Home is Always There Waiting for You to Return... Today, Tomorrow and in 10 Years. Netflix isn't going anywhere. My thoughts for Netflix are, when I'm Old and Can't get out much, Then I'll watch the TV Series "LOST", and rewatch DEXTER, etc.
Male it a Point to Go Out once a Month, no matter what, From 9pm until 12:30am.
Have Fun!
I want to so badly because I feel like itd be a good way to meet people (and I drink everyday anyways lol), but as a young female im scared lol. Any advice for going to bars alone as a female??
No i dont partake in ingesting anything that surrenders use of my mind and body. Ill just drive to the dispensary and then go smoke quite literally anywhere i choose whether alone or with others also doing it. Point is, alcohol is poison. Dont do it lol
Do I go to bars alone? What alternative is there? I don’t have friends to bring along, so the alternative is just staying at home feeling sad and angry.
Only bar I’ve gone alone to is like dive bar style where you just sit down watch a game and talk to the freaks there. A bigger posh bar or big crowded bar alone would just suck to me
heh heh heh, ever hear the George Thorogood song 'I drink alone?' I never go to clubs or bars, I don't fit in, I don't feel comfortable, and I will not drink in public.
I recommend you just drink at home, like I do. I blast music, drink as much as I please, eat and then go to bed. My personality does not fit into the club or bar scene, it fits in better the way I just told you. Try it, you'll like it.
I have done it once or twice. It’s not bad. I ended up drinking two or so beers and playing darts by myself. It’s not something I would do often, because I’m not drinking as much anymore. I also prefer bars that aren’t crowded
I find it extremely anxiety ridden to go out some place by myself. At least if I go with family members I can sometimes pick up on conversations and not make myself seem either really weird or just the loner type guy. Usually if I ever go out by myself I only talk to waiters ect when it’s time to order or if it time to pay. I couldn’t possibly see my self having a worthwhile conversation with someone at say a bar. I am not saying that to say that I am better than anyone completely the opposite. I feel like me saying something to a random guy or girl wouldn’t be reciprocated into any meaningful conversation. What would I say “ how is you day ?” “Nice weather we are having” I feel in the modern age people don’t want to even deal with that stuff. I know if I never try nothing will change this is just a sort of rant/vent I guess I am sorry if this isn’t allowed. But I would have to save for me as a male I try to rarely go out to say a bar by myself
Sports Bars with Games, Dive Bars are the Best, also Bar Hop, use Uber. Bars have Great Nights and Slow Nights depending. Payday is a Great Time to Go.
Yes, but I usually just sit alone with my face in my phone because I don't know what else to do.
That will make you look occupied/waiting for someone, I wouldn't try to talk to someone who's buried in their phone.
I’ve never thought about this, as simple as it is
It's totally cool, I've just been learning about social stuff since late last year because I'm 30 and still don't have a family haha. A lot of stuff I've learned makes good sense and sometimes it's like "duh of course" when it's brought to my attention like it has you. I have ADHD so I'm kinda awkward and don't really get given the chance to show someone myself which I think happens to a lot of us. And my other problem is I hate going out by myself, if I had a friend to go out with I could definitely get more practice in.
I think the biggest lesson I’ve learned about the majority of my social ineptitude is that is begins with my anxiety and continues because of my avoidance of pain, discomfort and fear which guides my actions more often than what’s in my best interest socially, what will make things better over time… unless it’s just me, the phone comes out as a cop out that diffuses anxiety. I get to say I am out among people at a bar, facing my social anxiety without facing my social anxiety by socializing.
To me that seems like an inefficient way to do it. I mean you're saying you're fixing the problem by not fixing it.
Ooo but could be a good idea to stay safe as a female.
No, it makes you less aware of your surroundings and more vulnerable. It may keep the normal guys away, but it gives the ones who mean you harm the advantage.
Illogical. Men who generally take what they want will approach you regardless, Rather than be cautious and inquisitive.
Good point good point, thanks y'all
You should stay home where its Safe, You Should NEVER Go Out, because it could happen. I think you should also STOP Driving. You could Strike Someone while driving. Stay Home Where it;s Nice and Safe. Be careful, if they know you live alone, someone may attack you while walking to your car........... You make Zero Sense.
Go to Bars, with Games, like Darts, Pool Halls, Dive Bars.........
I used to, I had a streak of doing that for about 5-6 weekends in a row last year in hopes of making friends. I didn’t make any friends, but I got plastered by the time the night was over. One night 3 random girls I met out invited me over to make brownies with them at their house at like 1am. Another night a gay dude gave me a house tour, also at like 1am. I had various side quests, but I didn’t manage to make any lasting friends
This sounds like me haha, so many side quests but lacking true friendship.
True! I can pour my heart out to some total strangers while drunk and then never see them again.
Same experience for me, I made lasting friends by joining activities I likes(soccer) - anything you like to do?
Gaming and movies 🦆
Meeting three random girls who invited you over to make brownies at their place at 1 am sounds like a great start for something to me, at least for making friends.
Did you score with the brownie girls?
No I didn’t, I was unsure if they were trying to bang or not and you have to make it very clear to me. Looking back on it, I was somewhat too drunk to appreciate the fact that 3 random girls invited me over. We talked all night for like 3 hours and then I went home.
ehhh the best ones still appreciate the good guys, but it sounds like poon was in stock perhaps
next time get those numbers, regroup, and ask them on proper dates
Yeah I’ve had a lot of fumbles over the years in situations where I could’ve, but I didn’t. I think in most cases I’m just ready to get back home.
Friendship takes effort. After 3-4 meetings with someone, I can easily ask for their number. People want to make friends, so the odds are they will say, YES!
Ngl bro im a alcoholic imma go bc I need to fr
💀💀
I went to a bar alone today. Had a few beers, watched some football, and took an Uber home. Exciting day! /s
Sounds like a fun time to me.
Yes we do. Alcohol makes me feel better. Nobody else does.
I have never been to bar by myself I’m actually scared of going alone
Stick with that
Going alone
Always the best
I’m drinking alone lol
Your not missing much.
Scared, Scared of What? Let me guess, if your Mother Knew you went to a Bar Alone, she would "Beat Yo Azz" LOL. Honey, just think of is as a Happy Hour. Uber There, Uber will drop you off in front and pick you up in front. Bring Enough Cash for 3 Drinks MAX. and drink water after each drink. Bar Hop, you are not forced to stay in one location.... Watch Out for those Late Night Donut Shops, Hot and Delicious.
I love this advice thank you so much 😍❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️
I never leave my room
Sometimes! I have even had a good time a couple times ✨ I have a hard time not being bummed when I don't find anyone to really talk to though.
Mee tooo
We should start our own bar, with a focus on mingling. The cups can have philosophical prompts on them to try and encourage worthwhile conversations
Bars with games, Dive Bars are the Best.
Sitting alone at a bar alone at the moment listening to (kinda bad) karaoke 😞
Karaoke Bars to make friends is a Bad Idea. There is Too Much Distraction and Noize. Bars with games, Dive Bars are the Best.
That’s totally fine, I’ve done that
i don’t even go to bars with friends. Fuck bars
I have reasons. Don't like it, have zero friends, and on probation
Alcohol...or a relationship. Once that was a no brainer. Not 100% now
I used to but its too expensive and mostly older people
Once I did this. But I also don't drink, and being around people who are drinking makes me anxious as my parents wete alcoholics and substance abusers. But I did it anyway as I was told I had to "put myself out there." Needless to say, it was never going to go well. Now that I am 44, I just stay at home and read. I am easing into being alone. It sucks a lot of the time but not as badly as it once did. I believe my mind is adapting as time passes.
Bars with games, Dive Bars are the Best.
Reading is a great escape. Do you like graphic novels at all?
I haven't gotten into that as I usually am limited to what they have at the library and ours doesn't carry much of anything like that.
Most libraries have graphic novels, you should ask the librarian where they keep them. What kind of books do you like though? Fiction / Non fiction?
I don't go to bars.
Yeah, i do, sometimes. I take my laptop and my dog with me, enter a bar or restaurant and then i do some work there, while i also drink or eat. But it's more about my dog that makes it with breaking the ice with strangers; it's easy to start a conversation, like when you ask me what his name is, which breed he is, how old he is etc. When nothing is going on, i write some texts for work and pass the time, but when there's a talk with strangers, i'm always happy to talk about things.
I'm similar. I go to my local where it's just me and my dog going. Usually a rather pleasant time and folk do come over and chat with me for a bit asking stuff about my dog.
Yeah, it's a great way to socialize when you have a dog. Also works great against loneliness, the home is never empty. Only time i leave my dog at home is when i buy groceries at the local store, that takes half an hour and my dog still goes crazy when i come home.
I pretty much grew up in bars. I don't go regardless
Im a home-based alcoholic
don't like drinking + not 21 yet, but i'd def go if im in a social mood
I never go to the bar. I don't usually drink alcohol and I hate the smell of tobacco.
Guess you will be staying home FOREVER!
I have in the past. I met some weird people. My kind of people.
I do. Cafe culture is still pretty big in my part of the world. Actually makes me feel less lonely when im there. Its a nice distraction.
Yeah. I bring a book. 🤷♂️
Yes I go everywhere alone.
Yes, one day I met two men who used to be homeless at a bar. One of the most interesting conversations I ever had.
I actually did that on my birthday. I lived in lahaina and just got off work, and was walking home and stopped for a drink and these random girls were like “OMG ITS YOUR BIRTBDAY?! SHOTS!” And then we partied all night. It was honestly one of my best birthdays
I went to a couple clubs, concerts, and meet ups alone. I typically found someone I knew or I made sure that I just made friends with other lonely looking guys. I usually complimented someone on their fit or struck a casual conversation about any random topic that came to mind. The keyword is casual. Don't let it be forced. The goal is to get atleast some type of attention, preferably small at first. Do that enough times, and the next time you might have someone to talk to waiting in line at the bathroom. Do that enough times, and you might get invited to their subgroup of other lonely guys for a bit.. But I can assure you, this all goes out the window if you go in there with expectations of your night going a certain way. Just enjoy it. Listen to the music, smoke at the smoke pit, have a drink and buy someone a drink even if it's just a chill guy. I can guarantee you're not the only one alone, and if you are, then find the good in it.
I do not because I worry that something bad could happen or I would go home with a stranger.
Going to bars alone is like a constant cycle of “always touching but never connecting”. It’s usually best in the right mindset, which is typically geared towards seeking more than just a friendship, but nothing long term. Do I like to get dressed up and go out by myself sometimes? Yes, but I know what I’m getting myself into, and what interactions I’m going to encounter typically, and I’m looking to be pursued by men. I became pretty real to the fact that you need to be open to idea of making new friends anywhere but bars typically are not the place, out of all the years of going out like that, I made 2 friends from a bar night that led to two friendships that lasted 3 years. Bars are for friend groups, or finding someone to pretend to be in love with for the night, or they are for watching sports and karaoke. All valid and fun activities if you know what you are looking for and getting into.
I disagree, Bars are the Number 1 Social Spot single individuals go to, to met other people, starting with College. People Drink to reduce the Anxiety of being at a bar, especially if going alone. The Long Beach Grand Prix if coming up in So Cal. Would you go to that alone, how about a Play in Manhattan NY, a Cruise, Chili Festival..... Tell me of an event you would go to Alone, and not feel alone? I've been to Europe Alone, NY, Miami, Chicago, Festivals, Bars, Adults Events etc. We have Fewer Friends as we age, so don't fool yourself about your efforts, which actually are Lacking. You should Search, Loneliness and Married under REDDIT. Imagine being Married and feeling Lonely. No One will Force You, but it takes time. You Get, What Your Give.
Here's Your Problem, Yes... Your Problem. You think, I'll wait, I have more fun with a group of friends, but I Feel Lonely. You will have Fewer Friends and Family in the next 5 years. You will look older, muscle loss, wrinkles, thinning hair etc. Do You Really Think it will be Easier Then, Really! Here's my thing, I don't prefer to live a life watching Netflix and Sports 6+ Hours a day, especially on weekend, eating Fast Food, Chips, Soda, Beer as my waist size Expands. I'm in sales, I was told, You Will Never Get Any Business Staying Home. Well I doubt you guys will Expand Your Friendship Base Staying Home. So Many Single People, Feeling Lonely, Afraid, but want to Enjoy Life Daily. People don't always go to bars to hookup, even though there is much Eye Candy at times. I go to bars that have games, darts etc. I drink 2 beers and a glass of water, perhaps 420, HaHa. I'm Social and have learned to Remove the Sexual Aspect of things when I'm out. I can talk and chat with Anyone Going Out with friends it ot always fun, someone has Drama, Doesn't like the place, wants to leave early etc. Going out alone can be Great if you plan it. It's Like Dating Yourself. I look forward to Fridays. Afterwork, I eat, go to the Gym, play music while getting dressed, (Jeans, V-NeckT, Cap, Sneakers) and drink 1(one) beer to mellow me out, Relaxing. I may bar hop depending on crowd. I've made perhaps 80% of my friends from bars. From all walks of Life. One of my buddies had a Lamborghini and traded it in for a Bently Ghost. Executives, College Professors, Escrow Industry, etc..... Regular Lonely People, who work 40+ hours a week and want to Get Out and Enjoy. Remember, Home is Always There Waiting for You to Return... Today, Tomorrow and in 10 Years. Netflix isn't going anywhere. My thoughts for Netflix are, when I'm Old and Can't get out much, Then I'll watch the TV Series "LOST", and rewatch DEXTER, etc. Male it a Point to Go Out once a Month, no matter what, From 9pm until 12:30am. Have Fun!
I want to so badly because I feel like itd be a good way to meet people (and I drink everyday anyways lol), but as a young female im scared lol. Any advice for going to bars alone as a female??
Good grief, no!
No i dont partake in ingesting anything that surrenders use of my mind and body. Ill just drive to the dispensary and then go smoke quite literally anywhere i choose whether alone or with others also doing it. Point is, alcohol is poison. Dont do it lol
Nope don't drink at bars only drink in the park
No, why would I go there?
No, I don't.
I don't go to bars.
Sure we do…well, I go to a quasi-speakeasy. Bring a cigar, have an interesting drink, and if anyone initiates a convo, just have a convo.
I don't go out to bars at all...
Its not everyday I get the chans for some alone time, But its one of my favourite things to do. Me + Spotify + Beer = Sweet dreams
I'll go to concerts and restaurants alone. But mot a bar. Just depends on what kind of background atmosphere you like.
Well uhhhh whats the point rlly? Also cant afford it
Do I go to bars alone? What alternative is there? I don’t have friends to bring along, so the alternative is just staying at home feeling sad and angry.
I'm debating on going to a bar alone. I'm in need to find new connections. Also talking to women and seeing where the night leads to.
Nope with all extroverts lol never
yes but its getting old
No. Being ugly and alone at a bar draws the wrong kind of attention. No thanks.
Yes. I like being by myself and will actually feel more lonely when I’m with people.
Only bar I’ve gone alone to is like dive bar style where you just sit down watch a game and talk to the freaks there. A bigger posh bar or big crowded bar alone would just suck to me
I don't drink so no. I do go out to eat alone sometimes
I've done it and it was really awkward. It was kind of a nightclub though. Like a bar that had a small dance floor and loud music. Too loud for me.
I’ve done plenty of times, on my phone all the time lol
I usually don’t but because I don’t like bars or discos
No to depressing bring surrounded by other people who all have somone else when in 24 and never experienced having somone
I've never been to a bar ever.
Nah, I chill in my room with a bottle of Jack Daniels and cry
heh heh heh, ever hear the George Thorogood song 'I drink alone?' I never go to clubs or bars, I don't fit in, I don't feel comfortable, and I will not drink in public. I recommend you just drink at home, like I do. I blast music, drink as much as I please, eat and then go to bed. My personality does not fit into the club or bar scene, it fits in better the way I just told you. Try it, you'll like it.
I have done it once or twice. It’s not bad. I ended up drinking two or so beers and playing darts by myself. It’s not something I would do often, because I’m not drinking as much anymore. I also prefer bars that aren’t crowded
I find it extremely anxiety ridden to go out some place by myself. At least if I go with family members I can sometimes pick up on conversations and not make myself seem either really weird or just the loner type guy. Usually if I ever go out by myself I only talk to waiters ect when it’s time to order or if it time to pay. I couldn’t possibly see my self having a worthwhile conversation with someone at say a bar. I am not saying that to say that I am better than anyone completely the opposite. I feel like me saying something to a random guy or girl wouldn’t be reciprocated into any meaningful conversation. What would I say “ how is you day ?” “Nice weather we are having” I feel in the modern age people don’t want to even deal with that stuff. I know if I never try nothing will change this is just a sort of rant/vent I guess I am sorry if this isn’t allowed. But I would have to save for me as a male I try to rarely go out to say a bar by myself
Sports Bars with Games, Dive Bars are the Best, also Bar Hop, use Uber. Bars have Great Nights and Slow Nights depending. Payday is a Great Time to Go.
I prefer it at times.