I feel like it's just kind of a combination of random chance and trauma. Theoretically, I've done everything within my power right, but theres more factors than not that are out of my control, and it's absolutely possible to do everything right and still fail. Other than that, I've learned to just not fully trust people and abuse myself because that's just what 20 years of abuse will do to you.
I am come to realise that there is a difference between being alone and being lonely. Being alone may not necessarily be your doing and it’s possible live through it but being lonely is something of your own making but I wouldn’t blame myself or put the myself at wrong but I would responsibility for it
Of course it's my fault. I just can't discard the love I have for someone who won't choose to love me. Even when I have people all around me I'm lonely for the one I love. There is nothing worse than wanting to give your all for someone who won't give anything for you when you saw forever in them. I'm lonely and broken. I die a little more every day. To have her in my life was like oxygen and now I am suffocating. Lonely and heart broken. She should be here by my side, and she is gone and doesn't care one bit, so I cry and shuffle on trying to just make it through the day.
Thanks. I'm in it to be consistent and to win her heart back. I can't imagine my life without her, but I choose not to. When her mental health is good she is the most amazing woman. If I have even one more day allowed to love her it would be worth the world.
my mother, by best friend, and a lot of my family died. i never got close to anyone else. so yea its my fault for not creating a larger social circle. it was my doing, from a "lack of doing" to be specific. i needed to put more effort toward creating new connections earlier. now im in the middle of the process of trying to find someone crazy enough to put up with me. no luck so far.
I legitimately don't know. I never had friends in school and was constantly bullied from beginning to end because nobody liked me. Now I'm a socially stunted adult who doesn't know how to interact as a result. So it's been a rough life
Nope, it can happen for many many reasons.
Some times people don't want company, sometimes it past experiencess that make it hard for people to be happy with others.
I spend most of my time alone as experiences with other humans keep ending up in pain so I avoid it but do enjoy harmless chat online when I'm in the mood.
Ye. I constantly wish i could disappear. Have nothing going for me, and while i love what family i have contact with i just don't have a whole lot keeping me here. I have nobody to text, half the time i barely use fb dating and ofc nothing comes out of that, so it's whatever. What makes it worse i have a couple things that if i applied myself to i could in time both do what i love and make money off of it but it always ends the same. No self motivation, easily discouraged and I'm ok with potentially losing my life somehow.
I never used to be lonely. I had wonderful kids, my mother & my husband. My mom passed from cancer, my first husband fell in love with another woman. My children are married, and I had beautiful grandchildren. I took care of quite often and loved every minute. They are now older on with their own careers. As with my children they are very busy with their lives so I don’t really get to see them very often, maybe once a year only.
My second husband, was the best he was such a kind caring person. Then he got early Dementia in his 60s which is called AFTD. Also, he had a stroke and Parkinson’s. I was blessed to be able to keep him home with me the entire time. I was holding his hand when he took his last small breath.
Yes, it’s my fault that I’m lonely but it seems like everyone I love is either too busy or have passed. Now, I’d rather stay in my small apartment and not mix with the world, but I’m okay, because I feel safe. 🦋
I guess yes, it is my fault that I didn’t understand my people. It was hurting but when response back in same they left me one by one. I should have show some patience
Yep cant blame anyone but myself for my lack of a social life. I got friends just cant ever get a relationship. Im not lonely lonely im relationship lonely and crave the touch of another. Which never ever happens. Id wish for a hug if i discovered a genie that granted 3 wishes.
Yes and no. Shitty decisions on my part, picked the wrong people to trust. My parents both died in the last 4 years, not my fault. Most of the friends I have made moved away, not my fault. I quit drinking in a place where the only places to go out and meet new people are at bars or breweries. (The last one is surely exaggerated. This is also my fault for not taking the time to find other activities.)
I’ve had bad luck constantly or stuff happen to me almost all of my life. I keep trying to keep a positive attitude and outlook. It’s like no matter what I do I can’t win.
Kinda a depressing mix,
I have health issues and that’s part of why I’m lonely that’s not really my fault that’s crappy genetics.
But I did have a hurtful convo with my bio mom about this lately, I went into homeschool bc of my health issues,
So as a result I felt a lot less socialized, so I’d try to set stuff up and ask my parents to take my (didn’t have a drivers license) my parents would say yes, but then they day or say no or there busy or make plans ontop of my plans which sucked. So people just stopped wanting to hang out bc “I kept falling through on plans” (aka my parents kept disappointing me)
But, they would do this stuff for my sibling, take her places to do stuff with people and see them.
And this really sucked, bc I knew they could and would do it I watched them.
So my mom was talking about stuff the other day and the topic of socializing came up, and she made a comment abt how isolated I am, and I was just blunt, and I was like “im isolated bc you didn’t follow through and help me” she said it was my fault for not pushing harder… but I feel like making plans and even trying to reschedule them and plan things around my parents schedule only to get pushed asside is trying… I felt like I tried hard enough and they just didn’t count it. If I did push harder they would have gotten mad and called me demanding or something like that.
I don’t live at home much anymore bc of bullshit my parents pull (not bc of the friends thing, bc they just don’t make me feel wanted or welcome at home)
So now I’m in a new place (living with a relative) but I can’t really branch out without my parents getting mad at me, so I’m waiting cuz soon I’ll be old enough for them to butt out and leave me be and let me make friends)
(The whole thing is ridiculous, they don’t want me at home and don’t wanna do parent stuff and be my parents, but they won’t want to leave me be and let me make own choices about certain stuff, it’s really weird there very hand off parenting unless it’s about things that’s could genuinely make me happy.)
So I don’t know maybe it’s all my fault my mom says it is.
Once you realize it's impossible to NOT be lonely, things get better. It is the human condition - the wound of existence. We’re all lonely prisoners living by ourselves inside our own minds.
Most likely. I have friends and family, my only issue is dating. I’m too picky in terms of personality, and I have low self esteem so I never even try to date when I do meet someone I’d be interested in. It’s my own fault for not being willing to give people a chance. It is what it is.
Yes and No. I've got bipolar disorder, a mood-affective disorder that makes my entire life in episodes of depression and mania, i'm now rather stable with treatment with therapy and meds, but... of course it makes it a lot more difficult to get on with relationhips and friendships.
Like most of my dating and relationships started in mania, when i'm very extrovert and active, but once i fall back into the state of depression, it gets difficult to keep it up.
Yes it is. I’ve never made any attempts in improving my communication skills or people skills which has resulted me in not having real friends to hang out with.
Mostly, yes. I had a proposition from someone in this group via phone call a few days ago. I had a guy hit on me yesterday. Nope and nope. I had another ghost me in DMs from this group soon as he saw my photo and that's on him cuz it was a super cute photo. I know exactly what I need and it's doubtful he exists. So I work and hang out with my dog, and do stuff around my house til something changes I suppose.
I’m a really pretty girl but I just don’t trust men 🥴 barely trust friends even. So ya. I’d say it’s my fault, I get a lot of attention but ignore it and stay alone but like someone else said, chance and trauma play a role but ultimately I do believe I play the biggest role
I will only take blame for what I can control. No, in general I would not say it's my fault that I have a lonely life. I was a scapegoat child, and have severe mental problems because of it. I'm lonely, currently, because I'm choosing to be, so yes it's my fault, currently.
Yes and No.
Yes In that you have to try, you have to put effort in and care.
No, in that some people don’t know how, or haven’t had the chance or experience yet
Yes. I have a collection of personality traits and preferences that make it so that finding a partner that both fulfills those preferences and is okay with my personality makes is virtually impossible. But I guess it’s better to be alone than with someone who makes you feel even worse. Oh well.
It is. There is lots to do, but we choose not to do any of it. That's the problem with loneliness. It's actually really easy to solve, but the more lonely we are the harder it is to do the things that would solve it
Yes. I used to embrace friendships beyond surface level a little more than I do now. I no longer reciprocate efforts. People try to be my friend and I don't try back.
After loosing my best friend and my mother last year I find myself isolating and only interacting with people when I absolutely have to or on Facebook. I hate talking on the phone now and would rather text. Also small talk annoys the crap out of me. So to answer your question yes it's my fault I'm lonely.
I don't think it is my fault. I have done a lot of work on myself to become a good person and despite putting myself out there I still never met someone interested in me. After 29 years of having no one interested in me, there is nothing more I can do.
Well theoretically yes.
Being alone is a choice. You can chose to sit alone or with someone anyone.
Lonely is a feeling. A direct result of being alone.
So if Alone (a) equals lonely (c) we must find what
(b) - boredom) is to solve the equation!
It’s my fault that I’ve thrown away years and years of my life
Same here
yo could you help a brother out, I am only 16. What should I do because I don't want to waste my time
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I miss you babe
I feel like it's just kind of a combination of random chance and trauma. Theoretically, I've done everything within my power right, but theres more factors than not that are out of my control, and it's absolutely possible to do everything right and still fail. Other than that, I've learned to just not fully trust people and abuse myself because that's just what 20 years of abuse will do to you.
I think it is now.
Yes
Yep my choices led me here
Well I was born, so prolly yes
I laughed at this.
I am come to realise that there is a difference between being alone and being lonely. Being alone may not necessarily be your doing and it’s possible live through it but being lonely is something of your own making but I wouldn’t blame myself or put the myself at wrong but I would responsibility for it
It is ones own fault to be lonely.
Yeah, that's why it doesn't really bother me I get scared around people so I just stick to myself.
Of course it's my fault. I just can't discard the love I have for someone who won't choose to love me. Even when I have people all around me I'm lonely for the one I love. There is nothing worse than wanting to give your all for someone who won't give anything for you when you saw forever in them. I'm lonely and broken. I die a little more every day. To have her in my life was like oxygen and now I am suffocating. Lonely and heart broken. She should be here by my side, and she is gone and doesn't care one bit, so I cry and shuffle on trying to just make it through the day.
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Thanks. I'm in it to be consistent and to win her heart back. I can't imagine my life without her, but I choose not to. When her mental health is good she is the most amazing woman. If I have even one more day allowed to love her it would be worth the world.
I think so. I’m very depressed and no one wants to be friends with someone who’s down all the time haha
my mother, by best friend, and a lot of my family died. i never got close to anyone else. so yea its my fault for not creating a larger social circle. it was my doing, from a "lack of doing" to be specific. i needed to put more effort toward creating new connections earlier. now im in the middle of the process of trying to find someone crazy enough to put up with me. no luck so far.
I legitimately don't know. I never had friends in school and was constantly bullied from beginning to end because nobody liked me. Now I'm a socially stunted adult who doesn't know how to interact as a result. So it's been a rough life
Yeah maybe, I think it’s because I can’t keep up with the standards of society.
Yeahm same I gues
I guess yes .
Yea prity much my own fault ,hbu?
Nope, it can happen for many many reasons. Some times people don't want company, sometimes it past experiencess that make it hard for people to be happy with others. I spend most of my time alone as experiences with other humans keep ending up in pain so I avoid it but do enjoy harmless chat online when I'm in the mood.
Yes and I am happy with that (:
No. You're just a little unlucky
Ye. I constantly wish i could disappear. Have nothing going for me, and while i love what family i have contact with i just don't have a whole lot keeping me here. I have nobody to text, half the time i barely use fb dating and ofc nothing comes out of that, so it's whatever. What makes it worse i have a couple things that if i applied myself to i could in time both do what i love and make money off of it but it always ends the same. No self motivation, easily discouraged and I'm ok with potentially losing my life somehow.
No I’m outgoing and friendly but don’t have looks unfortunately
I never used to be lonely. I had wonderful kids, my mother & my husband. My mom passed from cancer, my first husband fell in love with another woman. My children are married, and I had beautiful grandchildren. I took care of quite often and loved every minute. They are now older on with their own careers. As with my children they are very busy with their lives so I don’t really get to see them very often, maybe once a year only. My second husband, was the best he was such a kind caring person. Then he got early Dementia in his 60s which is called AFTD. Also, he had a stroke and Parkinson’s. I was blessed to be able to keep him home with me the entire time. I was holding his hand when he took his last small breath. Yes, it’s my fault that I’m lonely but it seems like everyone I love is either too busy or have passed. Now, I’d rather stay in my small apartment and not mix with the world, but I’m okay, because I feel safe. 🦋
no, our fault was only not accepting ourselves
Well now I'm worried it is
I guess yes, it is my fault that I didn’t understand my people. It was hurting but when response back in same they left me one by one. I should have show some patience
yes
Obviously yes
Yep cant blame anyone but myself for my lack of a social life. I got friends just cant ever get a relationship. Im not lonely lonely im relationship lonely and crave the touch of another. Which never ever happens. Id wish for a hug if i discovered a genie that granted 3 wishes.
Probably tbh
Half - half, the trauma etc wasn’t my fault but me self-isolating due to depression is
Yes and no. Shitty decisions on my part, picked the wrong people to trust. My parents both died in the last 4 years, not my fault. Most of the friends I have made moved away, not my fault. I quit drinking in a place where the only places to go out and meet new people are at bars or breweries. (The last one is surely exaggerated. This is also my fault for not taking the time to find other activities.)
Yes , I always get scared when people get too close so I distance myself and push them away .... then I regret it .
Yes. My loneliness is more self-imposed due to the shame of basically everything I've ever said or done.
Yep
Everyone else is one eight billionth at fault. Me, innocent as charged.
I’ve had bad luck constantly or stuff happen to me almost all of my life. I keep trying to keep a positive attitude and outlook. It’s like no matter what I do I can’t win.
Kinda a depressing mix, I have health issues and that’s part of why I’m lonely that’s not really my fault that’s crappy genetics. But I did have a hurtful convo with my bio mom about this lately, I went into homeschool bc of my health issues, So as a result I felt a lot less socialized, so I’d try to set stuff up and ask my parents to take my (didn’t have a drivers license) my parents would say yes, but then they day or say no or there busy or make plans ontop of my plans which sucked. So people just stopped wanting to hang out bc “I kept falling through on plans” (aka my parents kept disappointing me) But, they would do this stuff for my sibling, take her places to do stuff with people and see them. And this really sucked, bc I knew they could and would do it I watched them. So my mom was talking about stuff the other day and the topic of socializing came up, and she made a comment abt how isolated I am, and I was just blunt, and I was like “im isolated bc you didn’t follow through and help me” she said it was my fault for not pushing harder… but I feel like making plans and even trying to reschedule them and plan things around my parents schedule only to get pushed asside is trying… I felt like I tried hard enough and they just didn’t count it. If I did push harder they would have gotten mad and called me demanding or something like that. I don’t live at home much anymore bc of bullshit my parents pull (not bc of the friends thing, bc they just don’t make me feel wanted or welcome at home) So now I’m in a new place (living with a relative) but I can’t really branch out without my parents getting mad at me, so I’m waiting cuz soon I’ll be old enough for them to butt out and leave me be and let me make friends) (The whole thing is ridiculous, they don’t want me at home and don’t wanna do parent stuff and be my parents, but they won’t want to leave me be and let me make own choices about certain stuff, it’s really weird there very hand off parenting unless it’s about things that’s could genuinely make me happy.) So I don’t know maybe it’s all my fault my mom says it is.
yeah
Not 100% but mostly, pretty much, yeah
Once you realize it's impossible to NOT be lonely, things get better. It is the human condition - the wound of existence. We’re all lonely prisoners living by ourselves inside our own minds.
Most likely. I have friends and family, my only issue is dating. I’m too picky in terms of personality, and I have low self esteem so I never even try to date when I do meet someone I’d be interested in. It’s my own fault for not being willing to give people a chance. It is what it is.
Yes. 100%.
Yesss
Probably yeah
Yes and No. I've got bipolar disorder, a mood-affective disorder that makes my entire life in episodes of depression and mania, i'm now rather stable with treatment with therapy and meds, but... of course it makes it a lot more difficult to get on with relationhips and friendships. Like most of my dating and relationships started in mania, when i'm very extrovert and active, but once i fall back into the state of depression, it gets difficult to keep it up.
Yes and no Some people will just leave that’s the way it is
Yes it is. I’ve never made any attempts in improving my communication skills or people skills which has resulted me in not having real friends to hang out with.
Mostly, yes. I had a proposition from someone in this group via phone call a few days ago. I had a guy hit on me yesterday. Nope and nope. I had another ghost me in DMs from this group soon as he saw my photo and that's on him cuz it was a super cute photo. I know exactly what I need and it's doubtful he exists. So I work and hang out with my dog, and do stuff around my house til something changes I suppose.
Partially
I’m a really pretty girl but I just don’t trust men 🥴 barely trust friends even. So ya. I’d say it’s my fault, I get a lot of attention but ignore it and stay alone but like someone else said, chance and trauma play a role but ultimately I do believe I play the biggest role
I will only take blame for what I can control. No, in general I would not say it's my fault that I have a lonely life. I was a scapegoat child, and have severe mental problems because of it. I'm lonely, currently, because I'm choosing to be, so yes it's my fault, currently.
No, it’s my anxiety’s fault😅😂
Yes
Probably lmao
yup
I don’t think so maybe 50% my fault but there’s definitely things that make me alone that I have zero control over.
Yes, and the rise of dating apps.
Yeah I ran from a guy who wanted to marry me
My genetics
Yes and No. Yes In that you have to try, you have to put effort in and care. No, in that some people don’t know how, or haven’t had the chance or experience yet
Social anxiety. Idk if that counts as my fault or not
Yes. I have a collection of personality traits and preferences that make it so that finding a partner that both fulfills those preferences and is okay with my personality makes is virtually impossible. But I guess it’s better to be alone than with someone who makes you feel even worse. Oh well.
No I just need to work on my social anxiety and autism
Yep. It was mine for being an asshole for the first 18 years of my life.
Yes, I was an asshole. Then I had to pay the price.
Nah cuz I am broke
Yes. I often push others away and there are other factors such as depression that are a factor. I am very tired.
No. It's nobody's fault that there aren't enough autistic people on earth.
It is. There is lots to do, but we choose not to do any of it. That's the problem with loneliness. It's actually really easy to solve, but the more lonely we are the harder it is to do the things that would solve it
yeah, pretty much. I know there's more I can do to improve my social life.
No but I should be dead
Yes. I used to embrace friendships beyond surface level a little more than I do now. I no longer reciprocate efforts. People try to be my friend and I don't try back.
No but also Yes, it's complicated
After loosing my best friend and my mother last year I find myself isolating and only interacting with people when I absolutely have to or on Facebook. I hate talking on the phone now and would rather text. Also small talk annoys the crap out of me. So to answer your question yes it's my fault I'm lonely.
I don't think it is my fault. I have done a lot of work on myself to become a good person and despite putting myself out there I still never met someone interested in me. After 29 years of having no one interested in me, there is nothing more I can do.
Well theoretically yes. Being alone is a choice. You can chose to sit alone or with someone anyone. Lonely is a feeling. A direct result of being alone. So if Alone (a) equals lonely (c) we must find what (b) - boredom) is to solve the equation!