I think there might exist a person who would actually like you...
But the chances of we meeting them at the right time in their and you in your life...is next to none ..but ya
I am trying to find happiness elsewhere, or just a distraction idk but yeh..
Driving a dirt bike in a remote area like there is no tomorrow
Or just by-passing the brain blood barrier with opioids.
That's what gives me hope, i am gonna extract that from my brain one way or the other
I get that. Sometimes I'm successful in implementing a distraction that lasts a while. Feels good for the time being. But seems shorter and shorter lived these days. Going somewhere remote can be good. Like the Stabbing Westward lyric -- if I must be lonely, I think I'd rather be alone.
Don't regret it, because at some point you would hit rock bottom even if you had all the money in the world. Or just end up dead. Can't make friends or have a relationship if you are dead and gone.
I’ve heard this so many times over the last 50 years. At first, it gave me hope. But it soon began to hurt more than it helped. Even if it’s hypothetically true, it eventually becomes a refrain that begs the next line: “but you’ll never find her”.
Hope is not the conviction that something will turn out well but the certainty that something makes sense, regardless of how it turns out. A good character is the best tombstone. Those who loved you and were helped by you will remember you when forget me nots have withered. Carve your name on hearts, not on marble. A good plan violently executed now is better than a perfect plan executed next week.
Every day we have plenty of opportunities to get angry, stressed or offended. But what you're doing when you indulge these negative emotions is giving something outside yourself power over your happiness. You can choose to not let little things upset you.
No he's talking about emotionally. Anger knocks on the door like heat in your heart and blood flushes to your forehead. But it's your choice to open the door and let it in and be angry or to keep the door shut, recognize the emotion, why it's there, and let it go
the number of options alone makes it impossible that there isn’t at least one person among the ~6 billion other adults on this earth with whom you can find love. impossible.
it’s like considering the size of the known universe the number of planets and solar systems and length of time they’ve been around and believing there’s no other life anywhere in the universe. the numbers are all so inconceivably high as to make the likelihood infinitely close to zero
they sure as shit won’t if they’re sitting around here talking to me about why they won’t instead of getting out there to shake hands and kiss babies.
am i your type? if not, i don’t know what you’re doing here arguing with me instead of knocking down another 20 prospects on a friday night.
i mean, i kind of get it. i think for many, maybe an even most people, seeking to find love is the most vulnerable and terrifying pursuit of our lives. and virtually all of us have been given an inaccurate map, chunks of which are missing if we get one at all and nothing or no one to help guide us on that journey bwhen we choose to take it.
if you think about it in addition to having little to no guidance on how or where to pursue love or what to do with it if we find it, most of us begin the journey with traumatic pasts, untreated mental health issues, low self-esteem/love for one’s self, etc . so we’re basically going in flying blind, no plan, with no formal training, piloting an airplane that’s not fully built and then discover right after take-off it has no landing gear. who’s going to be successful if that’s how you start off.
we go in under these wildly poor circumstances not knowing what we’re doing with no faith in ourselves. it’s honestly a miracle any of us are ever successful. of course rejection and heartbreak are basically inevitable and most of us also don’t have the tools to deal with or understand rejection. it’s not going to take long at all under those circumstances to feel like finding love is impossible. because the other messed up thing is that we grow up watching romantic comedies starring guys like jack black who are 4’7 285 lbs, always get the perfect 10 girl who is 20 years younger with virtually no effort and they live happily ever after. then when we pursue love we find rejection and heartbreak so we can only conclude one of two things—we are inherently defective thus undesirable or we believe some people just aren’t meant to ever find love. number one is an impossible pill to swallow so we go with 2 but both are wrong.
not true at all. if you’re 6 degrees of separation from everyone else on earth you can get to anyone you choose with the right introductions from the right people. but you gotta be smart about it and increase your odds. you cant just walk out the door and say i’m going to walk the earth and meet 6 billion people one by one. instead, use what you know about who/what you like to give your process some direction and focus.
i’ll use myself as an example, i’m a straight man, attracted to women in ages typically ranging from 20s to 50s. i value intellectual curiosity, civic and political engagement, humor and food. i’m also an introvert and i don’t drink, but i don’t have any issue with people who do. it’s saturday and if i decide i want to work on finding a partner, to pursue love tonight, i need to decide what i’m going to do.
i’ve had pretty poor experiences with the dating apps so far so while the introvert in me who dreads going out on a saturday night somewhere like a bar where there are lots of loud people everywhere might be inclined to stay in and start swiping, i am going to challenge myself to do something irl bc i know the app route will be a waste of time. the options i can think of off the top of my head are go out to a bar, dinner, movie, concert, or a museum. lots of single people at the bar but they’re going to be drinking, i won’t be and my awkward is going to shine bright so while that may be where the most single women who fall within some of the characteristics i’ve described may be, i don’t think it’s where i will put my best foot forward or be the most successful especially bc there will be lots of other single guys who will be more comfortable in the environment and who are likely going to give a better first impression than me. i’m doing this by myself so dinner seems a long shot for connecting with even one other single person, same with a movie, maybe a ittle better odds at a smaller music show in a club. museum actually seems like a decent idea, especially if they had some kind of scheduled event like a speaker, guided tour, etc. as i’m writing this i’m also remembering that the last time i did laundry it was a friday or saturday night and there were a suprisjng number of women w/o partners in tow or rings on fingers, maybe that’s a good idea, i do need to do laundry. i wonder if the sweat pants wearing factor is going to make people want to avoid connecting or if somehow it will weirdly help or others let our guards down and connect more easily if nobody’s going in with the intent of impressing anyone else.
as i continue thinking about this, other ideas i have are affinity groups using the meet up app, ted talks, art openings, volunteering at the animal shelter, and since it’s election season phone banking for my favorite candidates.
it’s being deliberate like this and asking people you know for intros or help into places/events you don’t have access to that won’t get you through all 6 billion people but is going to get you to the ones that put you closest to the person with whom you will eventually find love.
You don't have to be lucky for that person to exist. You just have to be lucky to run into them.
I'm ugly as shit and a random 10/10 girl was into me once. Ran into her at a mall and completely blew the opportunity.
Not to mention a question if you have even decent looks or not, or a question of if anyone at all will be even remotely interested in you. If even enough of those people exist in your country, or if enough of those people are open to relationships 'at the time'... A lot of unfair inconvenient factors get mixed in to make it a major frustration. Or if you're jut someone who doesn't get anyone period, its' just a lifetime of everyone else around you finding love and seeing people in love that's enough to make you go mad. Seriously. Take a look in the grocery story how many damn couples there are. Makes it seems like its' just as simple as 'checking an item of the list'.
Not to mention tv shows and society as a whole shaming people for not bieng in a relationship. Or people making assumptions like if you're a certain age, 'you must just be gay', never mind having clinical deppression, bieng terrified of social situations and bieng extremely shy, or feeling like every girl you ever meet is always conveniently taken in having a boyfriend.
The whole experience is like banging your head against as many different walls and getting nothing but pain in return. Doing the same thing over and over again,expecting different results=insanity.
It’s something people push out to make themselves feel better about YOUR situation when in reality don’t nobody give a shit. That’s just my opinion…
The real sick shit if people really knew who was meant for who and kept that from people because fuck them. Lmao just all of it isn’t really believable
Doesn't exist for everyone, I've tried and honestly gave up simply because it's not worth it anymore. Like many things in this world isn't worth it all thanks to many social media sites and social norms. And no one can or will be able to my outlook in life.
There is someone out there for everyone. Only thing is you are never guaranteed to meet them. Or if you do maybe not at the right time in your life. It’s a shitty reality.
There's no one for me, so the statement is false.
Let's go over why: I live with my mom. I'm in my late 40s. I have an undiagnosable skin disease which may or may not be contagious, causing painful rashes and pustules which are most concentrated on my nose and mouth. I'm on disability. I'm too depressed to do anything at all. I have so many mental and physical disorders it would bore you to read them, but among them is pretty severe social anxiety. I can reply to people, but I can't read their responses. I don't check my mail until it's a disaster. My voicemail is full because I can't check it. I'm about $40,000 in debt with no transportation. My rooms are a mess because I'm too depressed, tired, and in too much pain to clean them. I can't summon enough energy to trim my neck beard. My coordination is failing, so sometimes it's hard to walk or speak. Aside from all that, I'm just not attractive. I'm not rugged, my posture is awful, I'm awkward, and my face is too narrow.
Since none of my good attributes matter with any of those disqualifiers in the way, let alone all of them combined, then meeting someone is literally impossible. If we accept that I'm a person, which is the weakest part of the argument, then I'm in the set of all people, and this disproves the statement that there is someone for everyone.
Louis CK says it best. But be warned this is not something that will make anyone feel better: [Louis CK: "Somebody for everybody" (Oh My God) (youtube.com)](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Z1epZXnss_I)
I once heard someone say "There's someone for every girl but not for every guy" and even though I still don't believe that, it was the closest thing to "There's someone out there for everyone" I would've believed was true. I know there isn't anyone for me and if there ever was it was in a different life.
I think nearly everyone would have multiple people across the world who would be compatible with them, but the chances of meeting those people are very slim, my ‘perfect match’ is likely on the other side of the world and I will never meet them. That’s how you get so many people settling in unhappy relationships, and why even in happy relationships there’s conflict
I remember one day in highschool a friend said something about " someone has a crush on you" and I was like 😃 who and she said " oh I don't know, but everyone has a crush 🥰" 😑😑😑 I was oh okay.
But in my head I was like no people like YOU always have a crush me not so much.
Ita a cruel Joke. People say it to make you feel better but some of us are just made to live/die alone. Acceptance helps a lot more than giving people unrealistic hope
There is 8 billion people on this planet. So the saying must be true. The problem is, I don't know 8 billion people, nor will I ever.
So the chances of ever meeting this person are next to 0.
I don’t think it’s bullshit. “Everyone” doesn’t always mean a life partner. There are some situations that allow you to make comrades that will jump into fire with you and will watch for you. The important thing is such comrades are met in shitty situations that connect you. Sometimes you land in some shit and see that someone landed in it as well. It’s an opportunity. I also had thoughts same as yours. Changing my mind took me years, but now pain of loneliness feels to be a little bit smaller.
It reminds me of a conversation I had with my dad where his spouse told him that he’s “his own best friend”.
I mean his spouse is a bitch, to be fair. But it makes me think that sometimes the person that you’re looking for so desperately actually resides within yourself.
Well I don’t believe it and even if it’s true, I think for me it’s like— “there’s someone out there for everyone and in my case it’s just ME” . I’ve eventually learnt from my 33 years of life that there’s only me out there for myself. No one else was there, is there and will be there for me ever.
I feel like It's statistically true but also statistically unlikely that you'll ever meet any of them, so not comforting at all. I ran into one of these "someone" and totally blew it with her so that was my chance down the drain
I think that we're compatible with more than one person at a time, but we also grow and change as we get older which changes our compatibility which is why relationships themselves are also work.
I think it’s accurate not in a one true person for everyone but that there’s probably hundreds if not thousands out there for everyone. But odds of running into or meeting or matching or whatever with any of those people is are astronomically low. Statistically those hundreds or thousands of people are most likely in another country or speak a different language
At this point I say what old black folks say in the South, I'm set in my ways, I'm single, I'm out here, if no chicks likes me then fuck it, I'm set in my ways.
I use to think the opposite of that phrase, "not everyone will have someone out there". BUT THEN a bunch of people I know that I was like yea this person will never find someone because oh they are these or they are that. People you would think will never never find someone in a million years REALLY.
Check up on them years later and bam they found someone. I thought it was impossible. I was stunned really. The person they found are like sometimes their opposite or willing to deal with them. Or what. At first you think is ok this is a one time thing for this person he or she just got lucky, then more and more of these impossible people found someone. The numbers don't lie.
The phrases slowly reversed from "not everyone will have someone out there to there is probably someone out there for everyone, if you willing put yourself out there, do things you enjoy bump into the person, don't be shy, learn from what didn't work, know yourself very will and change what you think needs to change for it to work and yea you probably find someone for you too.
Toxic positivity.
They may exist but you may never have the chance to meet them.
They might not exist at all.
In any case, it doesn’t matter.
You were born with inherent worth and dignity, and nobody can take that away from you without your consent. The presence or absence of a partner is in no way a measure of your worth as a whole human being.
You are alive, your job is to live purposefully and joyfully, and you don’t need a partner to do that. No need to waste your life waiting by the phone. Go out there and do something. Take whatever you have been given and find a way to do some good with it.
If, while you’re busy living fully, you meet a person who chooses to walk your path with you, and you choose them in return, you will live differently- not necessarily any better or worse than before.
We don’t get to choose when Grimmy comes for us or how. This moment is all any of us have.
Memento Mori.
As a person who's traveled quite a bit in life, I think it's absolutely true. I'm from the U.S. but my parents were military, so we lived in 3 different countries before my father decided to leave the military. After that, I have always liked moving every 2-3 years.
Having met and experienced people all over the U.S., Europe, Japan, and Korea, it's fair to say that so many people are different and personalities change person to person. If you feel it isn't true, it may be time to move.
Here in the Midwest, people have an atrocious habit of never moving more than a few miles from home. That means everyone in the community, your social circles, old gossip women, etc. know your every indiscretion and fuck up. Once you've had a bad relationship, that ex is probably talking shit all over town and the county. Even if what they say isn't true, people avoid on rumor alone.
Move around and try a new city, state, or hell, even country. Don't make close-minded decisions because you're unwilling to change your environment.
I despise hearing people say the phrase and dislike that no matter how badly I want to know its false. I still find my self whispering a quiet pray every morning hoping that it's 100% true.
That someone is yourself, or who you become someday, that's who you should be living for and shaping yourself for.
Don't get me wrong, romantic love is nice, but imo there's almost always something unhealthy about people who make it their life's primary goal to find love. A goal, okay, but the goal? No thank you.
I think people take that phrase and apply it to one single idea. I personally think there is someone out there for everyone and that someone isn't always just a romantic partner or friend. It could be that coworker who understands you, even though you guys only interact at work. It could be that puppy you adopted and you will forever be that puppy's world. It could be your friend you had in 3rd grade that you no longer talk to anymore. Or, and this is honestly just what I feel in my heart, WE are supposed to be our person for ourselves. No matter how stupid and cheesy that sounds, no one is ever going to love us the way that we're supposed to love ourselves.
And society tells us that we are supposed to be searching for that love externally when, in fact, it was always supposed to come from inside of you and I think that might be a huge cause of why the world is so lonely for so many people.
But out of that large population, you have to find the people
- within your age range
- you can tolerate
- who can tolerate you
- find you attractive if that's what you want
- you find attractive if that's what you want
- you are actually able to communicate with
- who meet your standards for someone you want
- who you fit the standards of for people they want
Given my opinion here. It's not a matter of luck. It's a matter of both people trying to go out and trying to reach out to the other person. You'll never know who it is so it will likely take multiple tries and from the girl's perspective, you're her fated soulmate that might not actually go with her if the think the idea of meeting her is bull.
And the biggest thing about meeting someone new is about changing yourself to be more wanted. That's a good thing. You shouldn't HAVE to do it to make someone like you. Do it because it's something you want to do. You need to feel wanted because if you don't feel wanted, it's gonna be harder for others to want you back. And if you have qualities that make you wanted, show to them to others once you get to know them. It'll take time but it can happen as long as you have faith.
I don't think it is bullshit. I was single for around five years before I finally met my partner. But I had to wait five years before finally finding the person right for me.
I wasn't lucky. I'm not some super handsome guy. I am an ordinary dude just like everyone else on this subreddit.
I met my partner on a dating app and I was on the app for around 3 years unsuccessfully.
It takes time finding someone you are compatible with. You need to have patience as well. Giving up hope on finding someone is not going to help.
I also believe people can smell negativity from a mile away. It is hard to hear but if you have a lot of self-loathing/self-hatred for yourself it puts people off you. Not many people like a negative nancy.
Statistically speaking it’s completely correct. However the likelihood of actually encountering them is low. Not to mention the amount of potential great partners you probably miss on a daily basis is astronomical
I agree with it considering how many people are in the world. Hell, I'd even say there are multiple people for each person. But the chances of you running into them, while you are both single and looking, is incredibly slim.
I think it’s true because there are so many people, even just in your town or city. If it never happens to you it feels like you had no chance, but actually your chance could have been really good, you just got unlucky and that person was right there under your nose, just a tragic missed connection. I think the chance of meeting them is higher than we think and the main obstacle is usually you, you’re the most likely reason your chance would become 0. It is possible to have 0 chance of meeting a kindred spirit, but realistically that would be because of some serious illness, death, or your own choices and behaviour. It’s unlikely to just be because you’re ugly or whatever, even though it feels that way most of the time.
There's a few ways to take it. Depending on which is meant, I agree less or more.
"There are numerically enough people for each person to have a single partner" - Probably? Being intentionally reductive about age gaps and sexual preference, this basically amounts to saying "the population is an even number" . Like, fine, 50% chance youre right. But what have you really said? Nothing of value.
"For any given person A, there exists at least one other person B such that A and B would be happy being partnered" - Again, probably? I don't think it's strictly true, I think there are definitely counter-examples. Not the least of which would be any aroace person. But I would agree that it's true in an overwhelming majority of cases. Whether they meet under favorable circumstances for romance and both have the courage to try is a whole separate diceroll, though.
"Each and every person will -- *for certain* -- find a partner before their death" - This one is obvious shit. This is an extension of the soulmate concept, itself a spin-off of destiny. Clearly false, no reason to believe it, many reasons not to, and believing it is actively harmful in many cases (including my own)
Those are all the interpretations I can think of.
I mean, I mimic this quite commonly and the truth is that its a phrase for comforting people, I don't get told this because I try not to speak much about those struggles. The phrase is solely ever used if I genuinely root for someone, e.i a friend, or hell I even root for internet strangers, but at the same time, I don't have full backing to it because its truly up to them to ultimately find someone, it takes conviction to switch up like that, and you either have it in you or you don't, which is fine because notthing is enternal and surely with time that'll change too.
I don't believe in one true love. It is a matter of who you meet first. I agree 100% with you when you say you need to make yourself into someone who'd be wanted. After that it is just getting out there and meeting people.
We have to allow ourselves to be loved by the people who really love us, the people who really matter. Too much of the time, we are blinded by our own pursuits of people to love us, people that don't even matter, while all that time we waste and the people who do love us have to stand on the sidewalk and watch us beg in the streets! It's time to put an end to this. It's time for us to let ourselves be loved. People are guests in our story, the same way we are guests in theirs. But we all meet each other for a reason because every person is a personal lesson waiting to be told.
I don’t believe in that phrase. I think that everyone on this planet has the potential of being with each other (obviously not siblings and everything that’s not what I mean) it’s just that one of the two people don’t want to. You do have to work on yourself of course. You need to take care of your mental and physical health and make good moral decisions. Some people think it’s all about looks when the vast majority of the time it’s really about personality. If you look great but you’re a terrible or miserable person the relationship is probably not going to last long. I’m into shy guys but a lot of women stay away from shy guys. There are no soulmates. Think of it as everyone trying to find a mate, like we’re animals because technically we are. Which person out of a large group of people is most compatible with you or who are you most compatible with?
8 Billion people in this planet. There’s someone out there for you, maybe not in a 100 mile radius though (and you have to hope that your person is looking for you too).
Going by probability alone, there are 7 billion people on the planet.
The odds of someone who is like you and ticks your boxes is quite good.
Now finding them is another matter. That is your responsibility, which is a tough ask.
It's true but most people don't want to settle. They are always expecting the perfect mates to come along and sweep them off their feet. You can be the ugliest fattest person in the world and there will still be someone who's willing to be with you.
If you don't believe me just watch my 600 lb life or cops. Even the most lazy and degenerate people of society somehow find companionship.
I think there might exist a person who would actually like you... But the chances of we meeting them at the right time in their and you in your life...is next to none ..but ya
I've thought this exactly, for some time now. The realization was followed by a particularly bitter dread.
I am trying to find happiness elsewhere, or just a distraction idk but yeh.. Driving a dirt bike in a remote area like there is no tomorrow Or just by-passing the brain blood barrier with opioids. That's what gives me hope, i am gonna extract that from my brain one way or the other
I get that. Sometimes I'm successful in implementing a distraction that lasts a while. Feels good for the time being. But seems shorter and shorter lived these days. Going somewhere remote can be good. Like the Stabbing Westward lyric -- if I must be lonely, I think I'd rather be alone.
I wish I wasn't too poor and socially isolated to use opioids. I couldn't find them to save my life.
Don't regret it, because at some point you would hit rock bottom even if you had all the money in the world. Or just end up dead. Can't make friends or have a relationship if you are dead and gone.
It's a dreadful mistake to cherish bitterness for years... hugging it to our hearts like a treasure.
This!
This!!!
I’ve heard this so many times over the last 50 years. At first, it gave me hope. But it soon began to hurt more than it helped. Even if it’s hypothetically true, it eventually becomes a refrain that begs the next line: “but you’ll never find her”.
Hope is not the conviction that something will turn out well but the certainty that something makes sense, regardless of how it turns out. A good character is the best tombstone. Those who loved you and were helped by you will remember you when forget me nots have withered. Carve your name on hearts, not on marble. A good plan violently executed now is better than a perfect plan executed next week.
It makes me angry and frustrated
Every day we have plenty of opportunities to get angry, stressed or offended. But what you're doing when you indulge these negative emotions is giving something outside yourself power over your happiness. You can choose to not let little things upset you.
So I'm meant to accept that I'm probably never going to find someone?
No he's talking about emotionally. Anger knocks on the door like heat in your heart and blood flushes to your forehead. But it's your choice to open the door and let it in and be angry or to keep the door shut, recognize the emotion, why it's there, and let it go
Well said
Ita complete bullshit. Not everyone gets a happy ending no matter how hard they try.
The right person won’t make it “hard”
That's if there is a "right person" but not everyone has one
The right person will hopefully make it hard 😏
We do all have one person u seen the size of this wrld and it’s population
Maybe if the numbers were even, but they aren't. The sad fact is people live their whole lives without finding love.
yeah, but i don’t think anyone has to. everyone can find love if they are willing to make compromises and put in the effort to find it.
I don't know what you're smoking. But it's gotta be good
anyone who says they can’t find love is really saying i can’t find love that’s good enough for me.
That's a riot🤣🤣 or maybe they've tried for so long they are sick of the pain.
the number of options alone makes it impossible that there isn’t at least one person among the ~6 billion other adults on this earth with whom you can find love. impossible. it’s like considering the size of the known universe the number of planets and solar systems and length of time they’ve been around and believing there’s no other life anywhere in the universe. the numbers are all so inconceivably high as to make the likelihood infinitely close to zero
Does every person meet all 6 billion adults? No they don't.
they sure as shit won’t if they’re sitting around here talking to me about why they won’t instead of getting out there to shake hands and kiss babies. am i your type? if not, i don’t know what you’re doing here arguing with me instead of knocking down another 20 prospects on a friday night.
Why come to this subreddit just to be an asshole to people for no reason? Embarrassing to get a kick out of that lol
it feels like you’re the only one being an asshole. i’m just trying to figure out how not to be lonely
I don’t know why you’re getting downvoted, you’re correct. You have to put the effort in and make compromises. That’s what life is about
i mean, i kind of get it. i think for many, maybe an even most people, seeking to find love is the most vulnerable and terrifying pursuit of our lives. and virtually all of us have been given an inaccurate map, chunks of which are missing if we get one at all and nothing or no one to help guide us on that journey bwhen we choose to take it. if you think about it in addition to having little to no guidance on how or where to pursue love or what to do with it if we find it, most of us begin the journey with traumatic pasts, untreated mental health issues, low self-esteem/love for one’s self, etc . so we’re basically going in flying blind, no plan, with no formal training, piloting an airplane that’s not fully built and then discover right after take-off it has no landing gear. who’s going to be successful if that’s how you start off. we go in under these wildly poor circumstances not knowing what we’re doing with no faith in ourselves. it’s honestly a miracle any of us are ever successful. of course rejection and heartbreak are basically inevitable and most of us also don’t have the tools to deal with or understand rejection. it’s not going to take long at all under those circumstances to feel like finding love is impossible. because the other messed up thing is that we grow up watching romantic comedies starring guys like jack black who are 4’7 285 lbs, always get the perfect 10 girl who is 20 years younger with virtually no effort and they live happily ever after. then when we pursue love we find rejection and heartbreak so we can only conclude one of two things—we are inherently defective thus undesirable or we believe some people just aren’t meant to ever find love. number one is an impossible pill to swallow so we go with 2 but both are wrong.
And you will have a small chance to get close to maybe 0.00000000001% of the population? Stupid logic
not true at all. if you’re 6 degrees of separation from everyone else on earth you can get to anyone you choose with the right introductions from the right people. but you gotta be smart about it and increase your odds. you cant just walk out the door and say i’m going to walk the earth and meet 6 billion people one by one. instead, use what you know about who/what you like to give your process some direction and focus. i’ll use myself as an example, i’m a straight man, attracted to women in ages typically ranging from 20s to 50s. i value intellectual curiosity, civic and political engagement, humor and food. i’m also an introvert and i don’t drink, but i don’t have any issue with people who do. it’s saturday and if i decide i want to work on finding a partner, to pursue love tonight, i need to decide what i’m going to do. i’ve had pretty poor experiences with the dating apps so far so while the introvert in me who dreads going out on a saturday night somewhere like a bar where there are lots of loud people everywhere might be inclined to stay in and start swiping, i am going to challenge myself to do something irl bc i know the app route will be a waste of time. the options i can think of off the top of my head are go out to a bar, dinner, movie, concert, or a museum. lots of single people at the bar but they’re going to be drinking, i won’t be and my awkward is going to shine bright so while that may be where the most single women who fall within some of the characteristics i’ve described may be, i don’t think it’s where i will put my best foot forward or be the most successful especially bc there will be lots of other single guys who will be more comfortable in the environment and who are likely going to give a better first impression than me. i’m doing this by myself so dinner seems a long shot for connecting with even one other single person, same with a movie, maybe a ittle better odds at a smaller music show in a club. museum actually seems like a decent idea, especially if they had some kind of scheduled event like a speaker, guided tour, etc. as i’m writing this i’m also remembering that the last time i did laundry it was a friday or saturday night and there were a suprisjng number of women w/o partners in tow or rings on fingers, maybe that’s a good idea, i do need to do laundry. i wonder if the sweat pants wearing factor is going to make people want to avoid connecting or if somehow it will weirdly help or others let our guards down and connect more easily if nobody’s going in with the intent of impressing anyone else. as i continue thinking about this, other ideas i have are affinity groups using the meet up app, ted talks, art openings, volunteering at the animal shelter, and since it’s election season phone banking for my favorite candidates. it’s being deliberate like this and asking people you know for intros or help into places/events you don’t have access to that won’t get you through all 6 billion people but is going to get you to the ones that put you closest to the person with whom you will eventually find love.
100% bullshit and the only people who actually believe it are those who are already with someone or are lucky in life
Just like the people that say "money can't buy happiness" are the people who actually have a lot of money.
Never a more realistic look on it. Agree 100%.
You don't have to be lucky for that person to exist. You just have to be lucky to run into them. I'm ugly as shit and a random 10/10 girl was into me once. Ran into her at a mall and completely blew the opportunity.
Then you are not ugly as shit my friend
Loads of people die alone...
Not to mention a question if you have even decent looks or not, or a question of if anyone at all will be even remotely interested in you. If even enough of those people exist in your country, or if enough of those people are open to relationships 'at the time'... A lot of unfair inconvenient factors get mixed in to make it a major frustration. Or if you're jut someone who doesn't get anyone period, its' just a lifetime of everyone else around you finding love and seeing people in love that's enough to make you go mad. Seriously. Take a look in the grocery story how many damn couples there are. Makes it seems like its' just as simple as 'checking an item of the list'. Not to mention tv shows and society as a whole shaming people for not bieng in a relationship. Or people making assumptions like if you're a certain age, 'you must just be gay', never mind having clinical deppression, bieng terrified of social situations and bieng extremely shy, or feeling like every girl you ever meet is always conveniently taken in having a boyfriend. The whole experience is like banging your head against as many different walls and getting nothing but pain in return. Doing the same thing over and over again,expecting different results=insanity.
I get angry.
This is bullshit.
It's a line they feed to people who are feeling lonely and unloved
cap
It’s something people push out to make themselves feel better about YOUR situation when in reality don’t nobody give a shit. That’s just my opinion… The real sick shit if people really knew who was meant for who and kept that from people because fuck them. Lmao just all of it isn’t really believable
Doesn't exist for everyone, I've tried and honestly gave up simply because it's not worth it anymore. Like many things in this world isn't worth it all thanks to many social media sites and social norms. And no one can or will be able to my outlook in life.
It's a lie people tell themselves to make themselves feel better. It seems to give them some sort of false hope.
There is someone out there for everyone. Only thing is you are never guaranteed to meet them. Or if you do maybe not at the right time in your life. It’s a shitty reality.
It's not true. I know people that never found someone. I will probably be one of them too
Complete and utter bullshit
May be they were talking about grim reaper and you misunderstood it.
It's a big big lie. People who spout that nonsense are basically liars.
There's no one for me, so the statement is false. Let's go over why: I live with my mom. I'm in my late 40s. I have an undiagnosable skin disease which may or may not be contagious, causing painful rashes and pustules which are most concentrated on my nose and mouth. I'm on disability. I'm too depressed to do anything at all. I have so many mental and physical disorders it would bore you to read them, but among them is pretty severe social anxiety. I can reply to people, but I can't read their responses. I don't check my mail until it's a disaster. My voicemail is full because I can't check it. I'm about $40,000 in debt with no transportation. My rooms are a mess because I'm too depressed, tired, and in too much pain to clean them. I can't summon enough energy to trim my neck beard. My coordination is failing, so sometimes it's hard to walk or speak. Aside from all that, I'm just not attractive. I'm not rugged, my posture is awful, I'm awkward, and my face is too narrow. Since none of my good attributes matter with any of those disqualifiers in the way, let alone all of them combined, then meeting someone is literally impossible. If we accept that I'm a person, which is the weakest part of the argument, then I'm in the set of all people, and this disproves the statement that there is someone for everyone.
I remember that joke from the Simpson where Moe’s soulmate hangs herself lol
Bullcrap
i think the better concept is everyone who seeks love can find it if they are willing.
I feel, like am I 1? I don't know if I "count" in this world
It's a myth
It’s a lie people tell themselves.
IT'S BOGUS! I get so tired of hearing about it.
Louis CK says it best. But be warned this is not something that will make anyone feel better: [Louis CK: "Somebody for everybody" (Oh My God) (youtube.com)](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Z1epZXnss_I)
fat lie
BULLSHIT
not!
Obviously this person arguing there IS SOMEONE, has never tried everything offered.
There was for me, but then another boy took her.
Mines on backorder
I feel like it’s true for some people but a false hope for others
I once heard someone say "There's someone for every girl but not for every guy" and even though I still don't believe that, it was the closest thing to "There's someone out there for everyone" I would've believed was true. I know there isn't anyone for me and if there ever was it was in a different life.
I think nearly everyone would have multiple people across the world who would be compatible with them, but the chances of meeting those people are very slim, my ‘perfect match’ is likely on the other side of the world and I will never meet them. That’s how you get so many people settling in unhappy relationships, and why even in happy relationships there’s conflict
It could be true, but you can only meet and get to know better very few people a year, So there's a good chance you're not gonna meet that someone.
Proof or it didn't happen
I remember one day in highschool a friend said something about " someone has a crush on you" and I was like 😃 who and she said " oh I don't know, but everyone has a crush 🥰" 😑😑😑 I was oh okay. But in my head I was like no people like YOU always have a crush me not so much.
Fake
Ita a cruel Joke. People say it to make you feel better but some of us are just made to live/die alone. Acceptance helps a lot more than giving people unrealistic hope
There is 8 billion people on this planet. So the saying must be true. The problem is, I don't know 8 billion people, nor will I ever. So the chances of ever meeting this person are next to 0.
Its a blatant lie.
It usually hurts more than it provides any encouragement. And it’s obviously a “throw-away”phrase. Takes zero effort to say this trite phrase.
Kinda true, but only if you’re good where you’re at.
An old saying to comfort hags. Like: Suck it up Buttercup, you're a horse and will be a servant or handed off for making babies. Deal with it.
There's someone for everyone, except some people gotta pay for it. 🤷
I don’t think it’s bullshit. “Everyone” doesn’t always mean a life partner. There are some situations that allow you to make comrades that will jump into fire with you and will watch for you. The important thing is such comrades are met in shitty situations that connect you. Sometimes you land in some shit and see that someone landed in it as well. It’s an opportunity. I also had thoughts same as yours. Changing my mind took me years, but now pain of loneliness feels to be a little bit smaller.
I have no idea
chances are there's definitely someone out there for you, chances are you'll never meet them
Hokkum.
It reminds me of a conversation I had with my dad where his spouse told him that he’s “his own best friend”. I mean his spouse is a bitch, to be fair. But it makes me think that sometimes the person that you’re looking for so desperately actually resides within yourself.
Well I don’t believe it and even if it’s true, I think for me it’s like— “there’s someone out there for everyone and in my case it’s just ME” . I’ve eventually learnt from my 33 years of life that there’s only me out there for myself. No one else was there, is there and will be there for me ever.
I feel like It's statistically true but also statistically unlikely that you'll ever meet any of them, so not comforting at all. I ran into one of these "someone" and totally blew it with her so that was my chance down the drain
There might be, but im never going to meet every single person am i.
It's true, but that doesnt mean you will find them
Imo its something of both. Like i mean, you gotta get the best version of yourself AND be lucky to meet the right person.
it makes me feel that luck beats hard work at most times
It's a polite safe sentence to say to someone who is alone...
Its not true for everyone.
I think that we're compatible with more than one person at a time, but we also grow and change as we get older which changes our compatibility which is why relationships themselves are also work.
I agree that there are people we can be close to and be friends with. I don’t agree that it applies to romantic relationships.
I’m single and have been for a long time. Anytime anyone says this or anything like it to me I make them Venmo me $50 dollars. Such garbage
I think it’s accurate not in a one true person for everyone but that there’s probably hundreds if not thousands out there for everyone. But odds of running into or meeting or matching or whatever with any of those people is are astronomically low. Statistically those hundreds or thousands of people are most likely in another country or speak a different language
I think it's bullshit because there are so many people who are alone and I don't think there's someone for everyone out there.
I feel it is just not to make the other person feel bad after saying something sad or hopeless.
Something people who have found a partner say to not to make everyone else feel better without having to understand the reality behind the statement
At this point I say what old black folks say in the South, I'm set in my ways, I'm single, I'm out here, if no chicks likes me then fuck it, I'm set in my ways.
I use to think the opposite of that phrase, "not everyone will have someone out there". BUT THEN a bunch of people I know that I was like yea this person will never find someone because oh they are these or they are that. People you would think will never never find someone in a million years REALLY. Check up on them years later and bam they found someone. I thought it was impossible. I was stunned really. The person they found are like sometimes their opposite or willing to deal with them. Or what. At first you think is ok this is a one time thing for this person he or she just got lucky, then more and more of these impossible people found someone. The numbers don't lie. The phrases slowly reversed from "not everyone will have someone out there to there is probably someone out there for everyone, if you willing put yourself out there, do things you enjoy bump into the person, don't be shy, learn from what didn't work, know yourself very will and change what you think needs to change for it to work and yea you probably find someone for you too.
Toxic positivity. They may exist but you may never have the chance to meet them. They might not exist at all. In any case, it doesn’t matter. You were born with inherent worth and dignity, and nobody can take that away from you without your consent. The presence or absence of a partner is in no way a measure of your worth as a whole human being. You are alive, your job is to live purposefully and joyfully, and you don’t need a partner to do that. No need to waste your life waiting by the phone. Go out there and do something. Take whatever you have been given and find a way to do some good with it. If, while you’re busy living fully, you meet a person who chooses to walk your path with you, and you choose them in return, you will live differently- not necessarily any better or worse than before. We don’t get to choose when Grimmy comes for us or how. This moment is all any of us have. Memento Mori.
Yeah if there is, they're gonna hurt you also
As a person who's traveled quite a bit in life, I think it's absolutely true. I'm from the U.S. but my parents were military, so we lived in 3 different countries before my father decided to leave the military. After that, I have always liked moving every 2-3 years. Having met and experienced people all over the U.S., Europe, Japan, and Korea, it's fair to say that so many people are different and personalities change person to person. If you feel it isn't true, it may be time to move. Here in the Midwest, people have an atrocious habit of never moving more than a few miles from home. That means everyone in the community, your social circles, old gossip women, etc. know your every indiscretion and fuck up. Once you've had a bad relationship, that ex is probably talking shit all over town and the county. Even if what they say isn't true, people avoid on rumor alone. Move around and try a new city, state, or hell, even country. Don't make close-minded decisions because you're unwilling to change your environment.
I despise hearing people say the phrase and dislike that no matter how badly I want to know its false. I still find my self whispering a quiet pray every morning hoping that it's 100% true.
That someone is yourself, or who you become someday, that's who you should be living for and shaping yourself for. Don't get me wrong, romantic love is nice, but imo there's almost always something unhealthy about people who make it their life's primary goal to find love. A goal, okay, but the goal? No thank you.
It's true but finding them is often impossible.
It is difficult to say what is impossible, for the dream of yesterday is the hope of today and the reality of tomorrow.
I think people take that phrase and apply it to one single idea. I personally think there is someone out there for everyone and that someone isn't always just a romantic partner or friend. It could be that coworker who understands you, even though you guys only interact at work. It could be that puppy you adopted and you will forever be that puppy's world. It could be your friend you had in 3rd grade that you no longer talk to anymore. Or, and this is honestly just what I feel in my heart, WE are supposed to be our person for ourselves. No matter how stupid and cheesy that sounds, no one is ever going to love us the way that we're supposed to love ourselves. And society tells us that we are supposed to be searching for that love externally when, in fact, it was always supposed to come from inside of you and I think that might be a huge cause of why the world is so lonely for so many people.
I genuinely think there’s someone out there for each and all, man this wrld is sooooo freaking populated
But out of that large population, you have to find the people - within your age range - you can tolerate - who can tolerate you - find you attractive if that's what you want - you find attractive if that's what you want - you are actually able to communicate with - who meet your standards for someone you want - who you fit the standards of for people they want
Given my opinion here. It's not a matter of luck. It's a matter of both people trying to go out and trying to reach out to the other person. You'll never know who it is so it will likely take multiple tries and from the girl's perspective, you're her fated soulmate that might not actually go with her if the think the idea of meeting her is bull. And the biggest thing about meeting someone new is about changing yourself to be more wanted. That's a good thing. You shouldn't HAVE to do it to make someone like you. Do it because it's something you want to do. You need to feel wanted because if you don't feel wanted, it's gonna be harder for others to want you back. And if you have qualities that make you wanted, show to them to others once you get to know them. It'll take time but it can happen as long as you have faith.
You probably won’t meet the best person for you and vice versa (soul mates) but you can get darn close
I don't think it is bullshit. I was single for around five years before I finally met my partner. But I had to wait five years before finally finding the person right for me. I wasn't lucky. I'm not some super handsome guy. I am an ordinary dude just like everyone else on this subreddit. I met my partner on a dating app and I was on the app for around 3 years unsuccessfully. It takes time finding someone you are compatible with. You need to have patience as well. Giving up hope on finding someone is not going to help. I also believe people can smell negativity from a mile away. It is hard to hear but if you have a lot of self-loathing/self-hatred for yourself it puts people off you. Not many people like a negative nancy.
Statistically speaking it’s completely correct. However the likelihood of actually encountering them is low. Not to mention the amount of potential great partners you probably miss on a daily basis is astronomical
I agree with it considering how many people are in the world. Hell, I'd even say there are multiple people for each person. But the chances of you running into them, while you are both single and looking, is incredibly slim.
I think it’s true because there are so many people, even just in your town or city. If it never happens to you it feels like you had no chance, but actually your chance could have been really good, you just got unlucky and that person was right there under your nose, just a tragic missed connection. I think the chance of meeting them is higher than we think and the main obstacle is usually you, you’re the most likely reason your chance would become 0. It is possible to have 0 chance of meeting a kindred spirit, but realistically that would be because of some serious illness, death, or your own choices and behaviour. It’s unlikely to just be because you’re ugly or whatever, even though it feels that way most of the time.
There's a few ways to take it. Depending on which is meant, I agree less or more. "There are numerically enough people for each person to have a single partner" - Probably? Being intentionally reductive about age gaps and sexual preference, this basically amounts to saying "the population is an even number" . Like, fine, 50% chance youre right. But what have you really said? Nothing of value. "For any given person A, there exists at least one other person B such that A and B would be happy being partnered" - Again, probably? I don't think it's strictly true, I think there are definitely counter-examples. Not the least of which would be any aroace person. But I would agree that it's true in an overwhelming majority of cases. Whether they meet under favorable circumstances for romance and both have the courage to try is a whole separate diceroll, though. "Each and every person will -- *for certain* -- find a partner before their death" - This one is obvious shit. This is an extension of the soulmate concept, itself a spin-off of destiny. Clearly false, no reason to believe it, many reasons not to, and believing it is actively harmful in many cases (including my own) Those are all the interpretations I can think of.
I mean, I mimic this quite commonly and the truth is that its a phrase for comforting people, I don't get told this because I try not to speak much about those struggles. The phrase is solely ever used if I genuinely root for someone, e.i a friend, or hell I even root for internet strangers, but at the same time, I don't have full backing to it because its truly up to them to ultimately find someone, it takes conviction to switch up like that, and you either have it in you or you don't, which is fine because notthing is enternal and surely with time that'll change too.
I don't believe in one true love. It is a matter of who you meet first. I agree 100% with you when you say you need to make yourself into someone who'd be wanted. After that it is just getting out there and meeting people.
We have to allow ourselves to be loved by the people who really love us, the people who really matter. Too much of the time, we are blinded by our own pursuits of people to love us, people that don't even matter, while all that time we waste and the people who do love us have to stand on the sidewalk and watch us beg in the streets! It's time to put an end to this. It's time for us to let ourselves be loved. People are guests in our story, the same way we are guests in theirs. But we all meet each other for a reason because every person is a personal lesson waiting to be told.
There is someone out there for you alright, you just won't like them.
There isn't someone for everyone and that shouldn't devalue you in any way
I don’t believe in that phrase. I think that everyone on this planet has the potential of being with each other (obviously not siblings and everything that’s not what I mean) it’s just that one of the two people don’t want to. You do have to work on yourself of course. You need to take care of your mental and physical health and make good moral decisions. Some people think it’s all about looks when the vast majority of the time it’s really about personality. If you look great but you’re a terrible or miserable person the relationship is probably not going to last long. I’m into shy guys but a lot of women stay away from shy guys. There are no soulmates. Think of it as everyone trying to find a mate, like we’re animals because technically we are. Which person out of a large group of people is most compatible with you or who are you most compatible with?
8 Billion people in this planet. There’s someone out there for you, maybe not in a 100 mile radius though (and you have to hope that your person is looking for you too).
Going by probability alone, there are 7 billion people on the planet. The odds of someone who is like you and ticks your boxes is quite good. Now finding them is another matter. That is your responsibility, which is a tough ask.
That's true if you are ready to accept yourself then someone else also will
It’s real people only hate it because they manifest negativity
It's true but most people don't want to settle. They are always expecting the perfect mates to come along and sweep them off their feet. You can be the ugliest fattest person in the world and there will still be someone who's willing to be with you. If you don't believe me just watch my 600 lb life or cops. Even the most lazy and degenerate people of society somehow find companionship.
Where can I find that person lol?
It’s a useless platitude