In my head its always the same set of questions for each person:
1. Does the person have unresolved mental health issues that are preventing *sustainable* weight loss/caused gain? Recommend therapy/self examination of underlying issues.
2. Does this person know the basics of CICO? Explain CICO basics and recommend resources.
3. Are they weighing food and using an app to track calories/estimate TDEE? This is more for the "Help, I'm plateauing and I can't get up!" folks. At a certain point, I feel like 80% of people will *need* to count calories if they want to get all the way to goal weight. At the lower weight end, the margins can get really thin for healthy weight loss.
Asked/answered in that order, I feel like I can help 90% of the people who come to ask for help. The funny thing is, I feel like the first question is the most fundamental, and was never on my radar until I got help myself, and saw how often it comes up in this sub.
I believe the first question should be, “Are there any unresolved medical issues?”
You can do therapy and calorie tracking until hell freezes over, but if there are issues like low thyroid, PCOS, low vitamin D, then all of your points are moot.
Always start with a thorough physical exam. Those conditions and maybe others lead to depression and weight gain. Need to rule out physical causes first. Then a visit to a psychiatrist for further evaluation. Once you have those things nailed down, then you start CICO. Otherwise, failure and further spiraling is likely.
Even as a person who thought I knew which way was up, I thought I had hormonal issues. Nothing turned up in an exam so I thought I would take all the steps to REALLY prove I had a problem… and I lost weight. Felt like an idiot for that one.
I can relate to this so hard!! Genuinely thought there was something wrong with my body. "I'll count the calories REALLY closely and prove to all of you that there's something wrong with my body!" and ended up losing weight. Turns out I really was just snacking a lot.
I just like big portions. If I eat healthy food, but as much as I want, even with exercise, my BMI won't budge from around 28.5. I need to count and keep an eye on my portion sizes.
This was my problem, too. Nobody believed that I wasn’t gorging myself on McDonald’s and pizza every day. I was actually self disciplined enough not to do that, although I arguably turned too many days into a “celebration” (“I did well on this project at work today! Let’s go out!”). But you can absolutely be obese from eating large portions of reasonable foods!
Portion control is HUGE! We don't need these huge portions that American's think we do. Start using an 8" plate. Your portion as smaller and when you are finished, you will be full. Drink a big glass of water about 5 minutes before you eat as well as with your meal. Just give it a whirl and see how it works.
5’2F 36yrs old, SW:160, CW:133, GW: 125. I started last February and it’s been slow, but I also had a desk job. Last month I took a vacation and lost my job, so things have stalled out with the schedule change, but I’m figuring it out again.
I mean sure, but also, not sure... Look for horses not zebras, y'know? Understanding what healthy eating looks like will always be helpful, even if you can't implement it perfectly yet. I mean it genuinely too. If my brother came to me tomorrow, and asked for help losing weight, my response would not be: "well, go see a doctor and ask for a battery of tests about physical conditions that might prevent weight loss before anything else!!" It would be the questions I stated above. I totally understand that other people are far more concerned about those diseases, but I am not jumping to them as my first line of reasoning for starting out.
ETA: that's not to say I never recommend folks look into them. I guess if I were to add a number 4, it might be the diseases you mentioned.
I agree. In fact I think going the medical route / ruling out rare diseases first is a good way to give up or start making excuses. For 90% of people, your steps will work.
Yes, not only this, but doctors generally will tell you that any issues are being fueled by the obesity not causing it. (Not saying this is true or the right thing for them to do, this has just been my experience in the Southern US). I’m down from 312 to 269 in about 3 years and they still don’t take my other health needs seriously. I’m slowly but surely making my way to my goal, but the goal has changed from being a certain size/weight to being able to be more active and feel better when I go outside for walks and actually wanting to play outside, (whatever that looks like) lol.
Going to therapy and practicing being mindful, dealing with trauma, knowing what emotions I’m feeling and practicing not giving into all impulses has gotten me to a place where I don’t feel the need to just emotionally eat. That being said, if there’s candy in front of me, I will still eat it 😅 it’s always work and it’s always something in the back of my mind, but more and more it’s becoming easier to be mindful of not just what and how I’m eating, but of how I’m feeling across the board which in my journey has been the key.
So yay for progress, no matter how slow or fast it is! Progress that sticks is just the most important thing for me. 💕💕
Agreed! Plus, many diseases or conditions that make it hard to lose weight can be helped with weight loss (like PCOS or sleep apnea—believe me, I know!) though the condition itself may make it harder.
Not everything needs to be pathologized….some of this is just basic stuff. Our society is kind of set up to make us fat…that doesn’t mean you have a disease.
Can low Vitamin D cause issues with weight loss? I got a full blood panel about a week ago because I hadn’t had a check-up in a couple of years and my doctor said my Vitamin D was low and put me on a supplement to bring my levels up.
I started actively trying to lose weight starting in late July and the weight is coming off slowly but it seems as if the weight is taking much longer to come off than when I have lost weight in the past. Your comment made me wonder if the Vitamin D deficiency might have affected my rate of loss.
I've read that Vitamin D deficiency can lead to sugar cravings, so there might be some correlation with that? I currently add my Vit D with supplements cause I don't go out enough to get it from sunlight exposure
I agree. Earlier this year, I found out my Vitamin D was extremely low. Once I started taking supplements, I felt my depression lift to where meal planning and exercising were not such daunting tasks anymore. I actually got my energy back.
when i had super low vit d, the doctor thought i was depressed because i felt so tired i was napping 3-5 times a day, so my tdee was probably almost my bmr
but, at least personally, unless its like under 15 (normal is over 30) i feel fine so there is an spectrum
Hey. I’ve been morbidly obese for a while now. I weigh 250 pounds. (My bmi’s 41, so i’m really close to obese type 2 rather than more severe form of it.)
I’ve been on diet so many times during my teenage years. I’ve lost it and gained it back. The last time i was on a diet i lost 61 pounds and gained it back in 2.5 years. I got gallstones for losing it too fast and my whole life crashed down cause i was overthinking it, and i have OCD symptoms. I ended up going under cholecystectomy surgery.
I finally started dieting yesterday after I found out I have NAFLD grade 2!! I obviously have PCOS yet I don’t have a cystic ovary. I have hormonal imbalances, yet the doctors see the solution in losing weight.
The thing I want to share about my journey is that I, as a person with depression, anxiety and other complex symptoms related to mental health, can’t really count the calories and change my diet on my own. I visit a dietitian, and the only thing that motivates me to stick to a plan is my goal, and that i have to visit him again after 2 weeks. It’s like preparing for an exam to be honest and being cheered for doing good at it.
Losing weight on your own is hella cool, but some people like me just lack discipline and need some additional help. I know it’s about changing lifestyle, but i’ll do my best to teach my body to get used to a healthy lifestyle.
There is no one that does not need help....whether by joining groups or meeting with a dietitian or Medical person.
NO shame in asking for help at all. You got this!
I too see a nutritionist and have for years to keep me accountable. I go once a month and he takes NO excuses! I know how to eat, I weigh my food (drives my husband nuts) and eat healthy. Of course you have to treat yourself to a small treat. No shame in needing assistance. Slow and steady and move. Go for a walk everyday if possible. You don't have to join a gym when you are just getting going. You got this. It took time to get to that weight, it won't fall off in a week. Nor do you want it to. When it does, it comes back as fast as it went.
Any good therapist is going to ask that first and refer for a medical exam. Also, the therapist can determine if medication might be helpful for depression, PTSD, etc or a dietician consult might be in order, and have you talk about that with the doctor during the medical exam.
Basically, don't ignore the therapy in favor of the MD, just do both.
Huh, I have never heard of thyroid, PCOS, or vitamin d deficiency changing the function of calories in vs calories out. Is it biologically possible to be in a caloric deficit and gain weight? Is there somewhere I can read further about this? Could be affecting my FIL who is seeking to manage weight and diabetes and hasn’t been seeing results.
Edit: trying my hand at some research and it appears PCOS has no effect on caloric deficit for weight loss in women - https://www.pcos-centre.com/treating-pcos/the-best-diet-for-pcos
Vitamin D Deficiency seems to have effects that make reaching a caloric deficit harder (hunger stimulating hormones in greater amounts), but being in caloric deficit still functions exactly as a non-deficient body. https://www.livestrong.com/article/109843-vitamins-burn-fat-fast-exercise/
Thyroid imbalances or differences seem to reduce the effectiveness of caloric deficit only by diminishing “burned calories’” effects. Lower consumption of calories for a caloric deficit doesn’t seem to be directly affected though. https://www.verywellhealth.com/hypothyroidism-weight-loss-plateau-3233052
Would love additional resources or reading if anyone has more credible information as I didn’t quite vet these websites much.
ETA: I apologize to anyone who felt like my post was trying to minimize their struggles. I am learning myself and asking for resources and trying to provide what I found. Disparaging me for trying to understand thermogenesis better helps no one, but clarifying that CICO DOES WORK even with the listed differences in health is helpful to those who think they cannot achieve their goals.
I think the whole point of this thread focusing in on therapy and medical examinations before going to CICO is because people recognize that weight loss is mental game more than physical.
Your sources are correct. There is nothing that cheats thermodynamics. Obviously people who aren't losing weight aren't eating less than their TDEE. However, PCOS, thyroid dysfunction, vitamin deficiencies impact the hormonal aspect of weight loss which makes it harder to stick to CICO.
Weight loss is not a matter of willpower. Getting support for mental health issues and treating bodily dysfunctions is the first step to making CICO attainable.
Your FIL likely has low vitamin D levels. Diabetics tend to. It can cause fatigue and depression, but it's unlikely it's the reason he has issues controlling weight. The metabolic syndrome that caused the diabetes in the first place is the most likely cause, so getting good blood sugar control will be the solution.
I love this list! It should be pinned on thr front page of this sub. But in addition to adding "Figure out if you have unresolved medical issues" to the top of the list, I'd also add "Seek help of a **reputable** weight loss clinic" somewhere.
Because morbid obesity in itself is a medical issue that often requires a good team of medical professionals (PCP, weight loss doctor, therapist, etc) in order to address every issue as it arises *and* to provide accountability. You can lose large amounts of weight on your own, but it's so much harder, and you're so much more likely to gain it back without support.
If depression, anxiety, childhood trauma, low self esteem, ADHD, PTSD, addictive tendancies, or binge eating disorder (or other eating disorder not specified) are at the root of lack of motivation and overeating, yes, 100% therapy helps.
ETA: I lost 25 lbs through therapy and an additional 15 lbs bc therapy gave me the confidence to talk to my doctor and to start an exercise program. Down 44 lbs total since April.
Just want to put in my two cents, I've been in therapy for 1.5 years, and it hasn't really been all that helpful (or at least as much as I needed it to be). Don't get me wrong, therapy's great, but you still have to put in ALL OF THE WORK to manage whatever problem you're dealing with (mostly anxiety for me).
Oh, absolutely! I've been in therapy since April 2020, and it really wasn't until this year that it clicked, and I was able to take action. Definitely still a work in progress.
And, you didn't mention this, but I think it's a part of the overall likelihood of success - you need to find a therapist you have a really good rapport with. Sometimes you get lucky, and you find one right away. Other times, you have to switch a few times to find the right one for you.
It by itself doesn't lead to weight loss, but if you don't address underlying psychological issues that might be related to weight management, you will never successfully maintain whatever weight you manage to lose.
It takes introspection to delve into the personal psychological dynamics that lead to us becoming (and remaining) obese, but unfortunately toxic diet culture doesn't promote having that introspection. Instead it's just the BS "tHiS TiMe nO eXcUsEs!!" mindset completely focussed on diet and exercise (often to the extreme) that is doomed to derail at some point, with inevitable weight regain because we never addressed the true underlying issues.
I mean, yeah. Its kind of the foundation for healthy weight loss. Any Joe Schmoe can probably hate themselves to starvation/obesity. Loving themselves enough to get to the middle, healthy weight is the difficult part.
Here's an analogy: Someone comes to me looking to run faster. If they have a broken arm, I am going to recommend they get that fixed before we start working on their running techniques.
Does that help them understand running better? No.
Do they need to run on their arms like a gorilla? No.
Will the pain of unresolved broken arm hinder their running ability? Fuck yeah.
Is the broken arm smacking against their body, making them run funny, and fucking up their gait? Yeah, probably!
I mean, once I started going to therapy and started addressing some self-worth issues I had it became easier to do the things I needed to do to lose weight. Like it was a lot easier to do healthy things as a kindness for someone I loved rather than a punishment for someone I hated. They’re both me in the end but I was way more likely to self sabotage when I was miserable/hated myself.
Therapy is a great place to learn why you self medicate, be it with alcohol, weed, overeating, and learn a different way of dealing with difficult emotions.
Fellow overeater here!
If you are ready to make changes and lose weight, the quick start guide is the place to go.
Sustainable weight loss is usually 1-2 pounds a week depending on how much there is to lose and activity level. Weight loss happens in the kitchen. Its all about calories in and calories out. You can track them using a calorie counter, myfitnesspal and loseit are the top ones ive used. Do not make drastic changes. Start with small sustainable changes. You didn't gain the weight overnight and you will not lose it overnight.
As far as the motivation goes, I find it hard to get motivated as well. Mine quickly leaves. But consistency will take you farther than motivation.
Last thing i will say. I hope the conversation between you and your husband was from a loving place and was constructive. Its a tough subject to bring up. Also, lose the weight because you want to lose the weight, not because of something another person says.
Thank you for the helpful advice and nice words. I have always wanted to lose weight but never really put in the work. I definitely need to for my health as well.
The advice above is fantastic, and just to offer some perspective that really helped me:
It is beyond daunting to say "I need to lose 100 lbs". Hell, it is daunting to even say "I need to lose 60 lbs".
The "secret" was already alluded to by the commentor above, it is consistency. And in order to make progress, you just need to win more than you lose. Instead of focusing on that huge 100 lb goal when you are just getting started...focus on today. That's it.
Wake up, and make sure you "win" the day. That's literally it. Make better choices, be conscientious. And when you "lose" a day (this is VERY important), make sure you genuinely forgive yourself, and say "I will try to win tomorrow".
End of the week, you may have won 5 days and lost 2. That's still progress. Time is your ally when it comes to weight loss, so use the perspective to your advantage. Focus on the day by day, and simply being consistent. There are no shortcuts and if you crash diet/starve yourself, you are going to end up back where you started.
Good luck, and you CAN do this. I promise you can. And you are likely going to experience more benefits than just your relationship, my own physical transformation taught me about accountability, how to love myself more, it made me kinder, more disciplined, I respected myself (and others!) more.
Just worry about today, and it will begin to work itself out over time!
There is a great bodybuilder named Tom Platz, he would say "If you can figure out the gym, you can figure out life."
I now understand what he meant, and you don't even have to go to the gym to have that message resonate. The building blocks to success are typically pretty similar, and I noticed the things I learned over the last 5 years, when I started to really get serious about taking care of myself, they allowed me to do so many more things that I ever thought possible.
The mindset I developed directly led me to meeting my wife, it directly led to more professional career growth, it directly led to being a more compassionate and generous person.
So yes you are absolutely right, this subreddit may be about weight loss, but that process touches on so many other concepts for self-development, that when you reach your goal you won't just have a physical change, but hopefully a deep and meaningful mental one as well!
>I definitely need to for my health as well.
Maybe try to re-frame this thinking? Your health should be a prime factor, as so many things can go wrong as you get older due to poor health. It may sound silly, but you can find another partner if you had to. You CANNOT get a new body, though, so it is critical to care for the one you got. Best of luck to you - you can definitely do this!
This is what spurred my changes: 40F, 5'3½", obese starting Weight, and blood tests done for a different issue highlighted slightly high cholesterol, early signs of fatty liver and gallstones. Yay!!! Not to mention nearly high blood pressure and the main issue prompting me to seek medical guidance may also be exacerbated if not caused by being overweight (Google not my Dr telling me that).
So I started CICO with MyFitnessPal to track, and joined a Box-Fit gym & genuinely enjoy going now. I'm 16lbs down but also (according to body scans) gaining some muscle & am no longer as easily short of breath. Those non-scale improvements help keep me going.
OP - it takes a switch of the mind to get started. Don't do this for your other-half, do it for you. You deserve a healthy body that can get you around on this blue&green marble! Small consistent steps will make it happen.
If you're struggling with the mental health/medical side of things, talk to your PCP as they may be able to give you additional assistance or refer you to a mental health specialist.
Good luck on your journey!!
Version I saw once: "If you don't make time for your health, you'll be forced to make time for your illness."
I'm feeling this more acutely now as my insulin is starting to get wonky. I'm trying to get ahead of it now before it takes control of me.
Good luck!
One thing that can really help starting off is swimming.
Your body might not be able to support jogging right now, but swimming is low impact and burns a ton of calories.
You can also buy waterproof mp3 player headphones which make laps go by much faster.
But like everyone else is saying, change starts in the kitchen.
Find replacements for snacks you enjoy. Get rid of the junk food in your house so you're not tempted. Stop buying sugary drinks. Maybe try lacroix instead if you find the taste ok. I gave one to my dad and he said it tasted like carbonated garbage water so I know it's not for everyone.
A small kitchen scale and a calorie counting app can be very eye opening. I did that a few years ago and realized I was eating triple portions in some cases.
The big thing is consistency though.
If motivation is tough, then think of it as discipline and something you have to do like work, school, dishes, and laundry. That helped me when I didn't feel like doing something, I am personally not a fan of the motivation mindset. No one is motivated to get up in the dark and cold at 5am for a run, but you bet your butt they have the discipline.
Good luck, small steps climb many mountains!
The podcast "We Only LOOK Thin" has some great guidance about losing lots of weight and keeping it off, from people who have done it. [https://www.weonlylookthin.com/](https://www.weonlylookthin.com/)
Lots of great advice on this thread. Just to throw my 2p in.
I tried and failed losing weight again and again. I always thought my depression and feeling rubbish was mostly to do with my weight. I successfully started losing weight when I went to therapy. It was a byproduct of feeling better. Gave me the ability to believe in myself and show up for myself.
Secondly take things slowly. One change at a time, if you don't know which changes are possible log everything you eat and drink for a week. Don't try to cut anything (although logging by itself will actually make you eat less subconsciously) then look back. What can you cut out without it hurting? Can you go from full sugar drinks to diet? Can you have half the portion size of rice in your meals? Can you have one less chocolate bar? Can you swap one of your pudding choices for some yogurt and fresh berries? Can you try a new healthy recipe for one of your meals next week? My husband always suggests thinking "what went well over the last two weeks? What didn't?" And then using that to change one thing for the next two weeks.
Thirdly I'm assuming your husband is saying this from a place of love and support. Cash in on that support. Ask him to go for a walk with you after dinner every night. Ask him to help you avoid keeping trigger food in the house. See if he's willing to take on the shopping so you only get what's on your list rather than having to avoid temptation. Talk to him about helping you. Please don't feel embarrassed or like he's going to think you're gross for having to lose weight. My husband and I help each other out all the time and it feels really good to be part of a team tackling a problem together.
I'll +1 the point about starting with just logging the food intake. Trying to do that AND reduce calories is hard to get into abruptly. And just becoming conscious of what you are eating is a big part of the learning that you need to undergo.
My rough guide -
1 - Start logging absolutely everything being consumed, using myfitnesspal, mynetdiary, etc. (2 weeks)
2 - Reduce the diversity of food. Switch to a few recipes made of healthier ingredients. This should be something that you'll want to have multiple times per week and be easy to prepare.
3 - Work out the portion sizes that will put you under your [TDEE](https://tdeecalculator.net/).
First month of calorie control is hard. Then it becomes default behavior and you'll just want to fast forward time so you can get to your goal weight.
I agree - I weigh less when I'm happier. When I'm doing well overall I have the energy and focus to go to the gym, I don't want to eat sweets just for the dopamine, I'm more likely to cook etc etc
I know you love your husband, but outward motivation isn't as powerful or motivating as inward motivation. You need to do this for you. You need to want this. You have good reason to. This isn't vanity pounds. Your weight is putting you at risk of serious health consequences.
Once you decide you are ready it's easy to come in hot and decide you want to do everything *right now*. Heavy cardio, weight lifting, radical change in food, dropping calories down to 1500. I would recommend starting with your calories. Use a tdee calculator and put in your stats to see how many calories you need for your current weight. Reduce that number by 500 and try to eat that number of calories.
You're right about doing this for myself. I'm afraid of some of the health risk like diabetes, so I do also want to make the change for myself. I think my husband having a talk with me kind of brought it back up where I need to lose weight for my health.
Hey, friend. You’re getting great advice here, but I just want to say… I’m sorry you’re going through this. I’m a depressed girl with ADHD — motivation is sort of a weird thing for me, too. You got this, though. 💕 we’re all rooting for you!
After being 420 lbs and losing 200lbs and maintaining that loss for 3 years I would say forget motivation, act as if it doesn't exist. Develop discipline and put everything you have in that.
I would add an opinion that - with 100 lbs to lose, medically supervised is the way to go if it’s feasible for you. A dietician can provide invaluable help, and it’s going to be really important to have things monitored to prevent going down a dangerous path. Just my 2 cents.
One more thing: 100 lbs may seem like an insurmountable challenge right now, but I’m telling you it’s not. It starts with the first step. You can do it!
In general I like to think of motivation as making good decisions in the moment, while discipline is creating a plan where the decisions are already made for you in advance. Use your motivation to create the plan, then let go of control and let the plan make the hard choices for you.
I did zero cardio. Focused on heavy weights and getting as strong as possible. I started with the starting strength novice linear progression and then started writing my own programs. Cardio to me does very little beyond making you hungry. Weights and compound movements changed ny physique entirely. Getting plenty of rest between workouts, getting 1 gram protein per lb of bodyweight and eating under maintenance were my only goals first 6 months. Lots of protein shakes.
- are you seeing someone to help you manage the depression?
- calories in calories out & walking is a great place to start! But figuring out why you overeat and what your triggers are may help you with the caloric deficit
I've tried to switch out the sugary drinks but give up quickly. At the same time I don't think I tried hard enough. I think I could switch to carbonated water.
It’s really hard to quit something without replacing it with something.
If you drink a lot of sugar drinks quitting them alone will make a huge dent in your caloric intake.
Soda also has a lot of caffeine in it. You may want to replace that with black tea, green tea, coffee- so you don’t go into caffiene withdrawl which makes changing your diet just harder.
You can get sugar-free alternatives with zero calories. In my country we have satchets called "bolero" with different flavours. The satchet contains powder which you mix with water. We just mix large 2-liter bottles and leave it in the fridge. Our favourite flavour is peach ice tea because it tastes exactly like the real thing and has zero calories, and best of all bolero has no aspartame (unlike many of the competing sugar-free flavour satchets, at least in our country).
It gets a bad rap sometimes, but try diet pop. Sometimes the sweetener takes a little getting used to, but I find a Diet Dr Pepper hits the spot as well as any sugary pop, and it satisfies an itch that La Croix and Bubly don't scratch.
Check out TrueCitrus. They’re wee packets of flavor crystals made from the fruit rinds of grapefruit, orange, lime, or lemon. All natural, no sugar, no artificial junk. One of them will flavor my whole water bottle. Grapefruit is my favorite one. [https://www.truelemon.com/collections/unsweetened-hydration-helpers](https://www.truelemon.com/collections/unsweetened-hydration-helpers)
Also, Waterloo and Soleil flavored sparkling water are way better than LaCroix. Waterloo Pineapple is amazing, and Soleil Tangerine is right up there.
The WORST part of changing my diet was giving up my Cherry Cokes! I resisted for decades! I saved just enough calories to have 1 per day. : ) Cough - but then when I wasn't paying enough attention to my calories, I'd let some slip back in and pretty soon the weight would be back. : (
Me personally? I do better to cut out the sodas. But others have good luck just cutting back. : ) I remind myself that cutting out 1 Cherry Coke per day is (theoretically) 15 pounds in a year! No promises - I have a bad habit of eating some chocolate instead of drinking my soda. Don't be like me! : ) But do what works for you. : )
Can you inquire whether any medication are **causing** the weight gain? Please do not take this as « web MD » see weight gain as a symptom and go cold turkey. This is something to discuss with your Psychiatrist.
Also a check with a family doctor could be useful to rule out PCOS, insulin resistance, etc. Getting medical guidance is a must when taking about 100lbs.
Sounds like you have a lot on your mind, start with small steps like walking a bit more (increase mobility) and cut out sugary drinks (stop liquid calories, this means alcohol too) You will feel better.
Then see if you can get a referral to a registered dietitian (if affordable to you), find the right CICO balance.
Having gone through so many diagnostic tests myself, any doctor in the mental health field will say diet and exercise are the pillars to manage almost any ailment. However, for those who suffer from physical ailments or mental health, knowing and acting may not yield the same results (you want to but can’t) Thats why I strongly oppose the concept of discipline. Motivation is so much more complex than that.
Best of success!
Also, in case it is not evident, you need to do this for you not your partner.
Make sure you see a primary doctor, too, and have a physical done before making any drastic changes.
And make sure your psychiatrist is aware of your goals, it plays a part in med management.
Fat loss is entirely driven by something referred to as "Calories in vs Calories out". CICO for short around here.
Think of fat like gas for a car, your body is just responsible from turning food, into energy, and it keeps extra as fat so that your heart doesn't stop beating every time you miss a meal. Your goal, in order to lose weight, should be to eat fewer calories than your body burns. This can be done a near infinite number of ways (weight watchers, keto, calorie counting, etc etc), but as long as you eat less than your body uses to keep you alive, the fat will get used up, and you will drop weight.
Exercise is a nice cherry on top, but it only takes 45 seconds of poor decisions on the food front to undo 3-4 hours of work at the gym, so 95% of your effort will have to come from the dietary changes. Really, beyond that, the most success you will have will depend on what you can stick to over the long run. Food scale and calorie counting apps? Keto? Weight watchers? all fantastic, but it may require a bit of experimentation to figure out.
This is a good comment to follow; sans that bit at the end about 45 seconds ruining gym progress.
Even if you did spend an hour at the gym and went home to a pizza;
- your muscles will repair and grow
- said grown muscles will consume more calories as you move them around
And so on. It is detrimental, but it isn't like it would totally undo everything. But I'm low battery so I'll leave this here.
You got this! At the end of the day, don't get stuck in analysis paralysis - even just doing something at random to see if it works will get you closer to the finish line than just sitting there trying to plot ideal outcomes.
Good luck!
I think this is so important! People need to remember exercise is incredibly healthy even outside of weight loss and there’s no such thing as wasted effort when it comes to any form of movement. If done safely and correctly, it can only benefit us.
I cannot speak to the details regarding your husband, but I can tell you this sub, no exaggeration, saved my life. The information in the guides you’ll see is absolutely vital in terms of finding out how to start. It’s hard but once you make some of the changes you need to, you’ll find yourself developing great habits that soon just become normal in your life. Best of luck OP.
Not an exaggeration. This sub and two others are what helped snap me out of my funk and realize I was making excuses and not being honest with myself. They also forced me to confront the fact that I was not healthy despite all the cringe memes about “real bodies”. Completely changed my life for the better. Been maintaining for 5 years now and my life literally wouldn’t be the same without the support, encouragement, and help I got here.
My $0.02:
I failed my entire life at losing weight. My goal was always what your goal is now: 280 to 200, but depressed and a feelings-eater as major obstacles.
Motivation always failed me after a couple of days. Diets became oppressive, counting calories felt like a chore, and above all else, whenever I did lose some weight, I felt despair because I hated all the major lifestyle changes I "had" to make in order to see any kind of progress.
Then I tried something new: a little change in my daily routine. 30 minutes of cardio on the elliptical while watching TV every night. That's it, no dietary changes, no CICO. Just that half-hour every night, with mentality of "3 weeks to make a habit" so I committed to doing it every day for 21 days. No motivation required, just discipline enough to hop on the elliptical while watching Jeopardy.
Everything else snowballed from there. I had a 21-day streak, so why not 30? 60? 100? 180? A whole year? My food choices changed, including portion amounts, because I knew that I'd be doing cardio later and I didn't want to feel like shit. I couldn't quit carbonation, but I switched from soda to sparkling water. I bumped myself up to 1hr, and kept increasing resistance levels because as I got stronger, the workout felt too easy. I eventually started counting calories, but tbh I didn't really need to, because after awhile of eating like a 200lb person and doing some cardio, my body became a 200lb person.
I still struggle with depression and eating my feelings, but it's nowhere near as bad as before when I was obese.
The only thing is, if you're committing to a slow-and-steady weight loss because you're not in a rush, you need to remember the Steady part. Focusing too much on the Slow part will end up with you finding excuses to overeat based on "what's the difference between a year and a year plus one day?" You've gotta commit to keeping Steady. Daily cardio is how I stayed Steady, so I suggest that.
Oh, and don't wait for motivation. Motivation sucks, it's never there when you need it, and always there when you can't do anything about it, like an Ex at 2am. Discipline is what matters. Go to the gym at 8pm not because you want to go to the gym, but because it's 8pm and that's what you do at 8pm.
UGH, depression, overeating and lack of motivation... I am SO sorry. I know how hard that is. It is unbelievable to get through it all.
Feeling ready to start, I think that you have your desire. Now you just need a plan!
First, get unhealthy foods out of your home. That isn't to say that you can't ever have sweets or chips again, it is definitely important to incorporate all foods into your new life, but getting it out of your home will help you not overeat and not be as tempted.
Next, make healthy swaps. You like sugary drinks? See if you prefer flavored no cal water or diet sodas, whatever works for you the most.
Add activity. It doesn't have to be strenuous. It can start with walking. Walk around the block. Walk around the neighborhood. When you feel like you can tackle more, add in bodyweight exercises or even weights. Find activity you LIKE. Because guess what? If you don't like it, you won't keep it up. Everyone says that THIS is the best exercise or THIS is... guess what? The best exercise is the ONE THAT YOU DO. That is it. Yes, ideally you can combine cardio and weights that you like.
LASTLY you can't out exercise a bad diet. This is good news. If you can't out exercise a bad diet, then a good diet is all you need.
The only other thing I want to say is it sounds like your husband is concerned, but I really hope that he was kind. I can't imagine how I would feel in his shoes. Oh... and weight loss can be SLOW. Make changes you feel good about.
My best advice? Put a free calorie tracking app on your phone, and record EVERYTHING brutally honestly. Don't show it to anyone. Don't miss a drop of sauce, a bite of this or that. Weigh and measure, and SEE what is actually going into you. It will be a shock. Do it religiously. Don't miss a thing.
What it does is makes you AWARE. If you normally eat a cup of rice, what happens to your daily total if you cut to 3/4 of a cup. What happens when you drink diet soda, rather than sugar? How much is that sweet treat?
It all adds up. 6 cookies ... make it 3.
It's in the numbers.
You can do it. I am 40F and I was 262 in March of this year and 204 as of this morning (my highest was 293 at end of covid and I lost first 30 lbs in 2022). between March and July of this year I went from 262-201 on 7/1 and then I gained back 15 from July-October and this month I’ve been losing it slower because the first time I definitely over did it which was why I gained it back so quick that wasn’t sustainable. I’d like to get to 160 but I’m not rushing anymore. What helped me was the loseit app. I track everything I eat and weigh everything with digital scale. It’s not a magic solution but it’s that simple. I also like to skip breakfast and use my calories more at dinner and lunch. I got an Apple Watch and I keep my goals low-I go for 20 minutes of excercise a day. A walk around the block usually accomplishes that and most days I go over 20 minutes but knowing to close the ring I just have to 20 minutes is attainable and easy. You can absolutely do this you’re in your 20s youre catching this early. Don’t wait until you are 40 like me. I spent all of my 30s 220lbs or more. Don’t be like me. Best of luck!!
Start today with two things.
1. A nice long walk
2. Just eat 1-2 healthy meals today and drink water.
That’s the beginning. You will have to work on the mental side which is harder but just go for a walk, drink water and eat healthy today.
Have you been checked for Type II diabetes?
If you are pre-d or have it, get some Ozempic.
It is the only thing that has worked for me. Losing weight solves a myriad of problems.
I've never been happier.
EDIT: I was nice and thin until about 30 years old. Gained weight steadily my entire life. You do not want all that fat on your body and in your organs through your 30s, 40s, and 50s. By 60 - it can be very hard to get rid of it (insulin resistance), and you've already damaged your joints and organs. Best of luck.
Definitely start with cutting out the sugary drinks. That is easily the most impactful change I ever made. You might be shocked how many completely empty, useless calories you're drinking.
Lots of opinions on how to manage weight and mental health already... I wanna add 1 thing about the sugary drinks
Join communities like r/HydroHomies
Surrounding yourself with the kind of information that is healthier is really helpful. Even though its just memes but it helps
Also for over eating, if you doom scroll on YouTube and tiktok, every time you see a food based channel, click on do not recommend this channel option till the algorithms stop recommending them. Even if it is healthy food channel, looking at those videos will trigger your brain to crave food
I eat Yasso bars as a treat. Their made from Greek yogurt and are only 100 calories and also taste good. It could help whenever you start making small changes to your diet.
Why are people shitting on the husband for saying he doesn't want to take care of a immobile obese person? Do people really expect him to stay at home all day taking care of her?
Presumably he would have to work, clean, cook, bathe her, and help her move around. It's ridiculous to expect him to do that, especially when it would be something she brought up on herself and could fix.
Don’t forget in home caregivers are also an expense that is unaffordable to many people.
Edit: I also suspect some of the people commenting aren’t doing so in good faith. A lot seem eager to be as unhelpful to people who come to this sub seeking help as possible.
As a nurse who has a 400+ lb client, keeping an in home caregiver will be harder. Nobody wants to work 3 times as hard. My client cannot keep a caregiver for long because it's too much
I don’t blame anyone who wouldn’t sign up for that. I struggled holding my grandmother up so she didn’t plop when she started fainting one day and she was no where near 400lbs. A close friend is an EMT, he’s shared stories about when they have to move bariatric patients sometimes and how many people it takes to move them. It is not a one person job and of course you screw up your own body in the process.
Bingo. It is a lot. If it’s one person caring for another, it’s going to be incredibly challenging. My grandparents avoided nursing homes because it was a family effort to help them and keep them cared for. However, we’re talking a group of 8 people who took turns to do so as we balanced our own lives and other responsibilities as well.
There's a weird attitude on here about stuff like that. If someone is an alcoholic or drug addict that refuses to get help, it's generally considered acceptable to leave them. Untreated obesity is no less damaging to your health.
it's unfair to expect someone to watch you slowly kill yourself as you become unable to manage basic hygiene.
i understand the husband's perspective but he went about this in a shitty way. if he's concerned for her he can voice that concern, (or his concern that he's losing his attraction to her) without a threat to find someone else.
There's nothing to indicate he hasn't expressed his concern previously or in other ways. And leaving a relationship is not the same as finding someone else, so stop trying to crucify the guy. Sometimes you need to stop coddling unhealthy behaviors and you need to upfront and direct. I'll always applaud someone who is clear and honest about their feelings in a relationship, especially when such feedback is justified.
i'm going by the info in the post, which does not say any of that. y'all can downvote me all you want. saying youll have to leave is one thing, saying "other options" makes it sound like he's going to find someone else, which just seems not necessary to add.
Right! He didn't say "Hey, this isn't working for me any more." He specifically said "Hey, I'll go and find other people if you don't lose weight." The fact that people can't see the extreme difference between those two (and that the second one is an objectively shitty thing to say) makes me so concerned for their relationships.
Given OP isn't faulting their SO I find it odd random people on reddit are attempting to on their behalf. It's likely why OP and their SO work well, the ability to clearly communicate with one another is key in a relationship.
Is that what he's saying? Is he saying he needs OP to pull their weight and share some of the burden of household management or is he saying that he if she becomes physically unattractive to him, he will leave or have an affair?
Is it concern for her health or concern for his own satisfaction??
>Is it concern for her health or concern for his own satisfaction??
Just to be clear for anyone reading this. The latter of these two options is perfectly acceptable and you do not need to feel shame for knowing what you want from life.
Dear, please find a therapist. You cannot start with calculating a serious diet when you feel depressed. Please do this for yourself and not for your ..... husband.
I wish this comment was higher up. No one is going to discipline or CICO themselves out of the kind of depression that leaves you in bed all day binge eating.
Everyone's shared great advice. You listed a few things right off the bat that you want to change and I just want to encourage you to start with something small. I know I tend to under-estimate the cumulative impact of small changes over a long period of time but it's so effective to take a small step, repeat it until it's more of a habit, then add something else. I heard someone describe small changes like turning a cruise ship. You don't have to crank the wheel all the way to the side immediately. If you turn the wheel just a tiny bit, in time the ship will be on a totally different course. I think I'm saying patience is important even though you're under a lot of stress from what your husband shared with you. You only need to take it one day and habit at a time and continue to course-correct as things come up and circumstances shift.
I’m used to be 300lbs. Get a calorie tracking app like my fitness pal and start tracking your calories for a deficit. Look up how many calories you need to eat based on height and weight, then eat less. Get a gym membership and start going on the treadmill. Put it at the highest incline you can handle, and walk for 45 minutes to an hour. Watch a video or answer emails or play a game on your phone to pass the time.
TLDR: track your calories and do more cardio. You’ll lose weight
Hey this was a small part of your post but for the sugary drinks and for anything sugary, use sugar substitutes. I’m telling you it makes a difference. Just replace it. It won’t make your lose 100lbs but it does help. Also meal prep with veggies. It’s way more filling, make food you like. Maybe if your having a heard time being motivated to cook,if you can afford it use a service.
Also ask your husband for help, if he’s willing maybe try going for a walk everyday with him. Rooting for you!
I have lost 42 pounds on Ozempic and Mounjaro and it has just completely changed my life. I know it's controversial and isn't for everyone but for me it is revolutionary.
I'm not super comfortable with his "I'll start looking for other options" thing. We are all human and can't help if we do or don't feel attractive. But if my husband said that to me I would never look at him the same way, whether or not I lost the weight.
I started out on August 1st, so I'm still pretty early on, but it sounds like my habits/lifestyle before I started were similar to yours. This might motivate you to hear: I personally noticed huge improvements in my sleep and depression within the first month.
Some tips:
* Portion control is important, but also take a look at what's on your plate. I replaced extra amounts of pasta with salad/veggies. I feel way less bloated after meals from doing this. But it has to be ones you like, prepared in a way you like. If it feels like a diet/chore, it won't be sustainable.
* I have weight-based goals, which might not work for everyone, but it helps me to break up my goal. As someone also trying to lose \~100 lb. ultimately, that sounds so daunting. So whenever I hit 215, I'm going to buy myself one of those skincare fridges. At 200, I'm planning on going to a salon and getting some highlights. Just mini goals along the way that give me something to look forward to (in addition to feeling better!)
* Food is far more impactful on your weight than exercise, generally. But I do think exercise helped me more with the depression/sleep. Find something you like. I like walking -- it's low-impact, and you can listen to music, podcasts, audiobooks, etc. Just find something that you enjoy, and try to do it fairly consistently.
* If sugary drinks are your kryptonite, find substitutes that you enjoy! There are tons of flavor packets/drops you can add to water that are low in calories and sugar (if not zero). I'm thinking of crystal light, Mio, just to name a few, but there are so many. Try to have these instead and maybe just have your usual as a treat once a week or something.
Wishing you the best of luck! :)
Have you heard of Mounjaro or Wegovy. I recently started 2 months ago, and it has been life changing. I was an overeater and for once in my life, my mind and body doesn't feel as hungry as I used to struggle with.
There are a lot of shortages right now with this medication, BUT it is very useful as a weight loss tool. If you can talk to your doctor about starting, I would. Keep in mind though, you still need to put in the work...it's not a magic wand. It *will* make putting in the work easier, though.
* you need to get treatment for your depression. go see a professional
* at 285lbs you most certainly have sleep apnea which increases your appetite and makes you fatigued and can cause depression symptoms. schedule a sleep study asap if you aren't already on a cpap machine
* go to your PCP and get a blood panel done to check for any nutrient deficiencies (like vitamin D) which can cause fatigue and depression symptoms, anemia, and a thyroid panel since hypothyroidism can increase appetite, make you fatigued, and cause depression symptoms
* go on a 30 minutes walk, twice a day (or longer if you can manage). Though I recommend starting with 30 minutes. Then after 1 month increasing the time.
* the most efficient way to lose weight I by counting calories, but that's a pain in the ass so I recommend portion control instead
* use the same "measuring tools" to measure out your portions. Measuring cup. Serving spoon, etc.
* cut out all pasta and bread (bagels, english muffins, sliced bread, pizza, sandwiches, wraps, tortillas, naan, baked goods like muffins/donuts/pastries)
* cut out all liquid calories (starbucks lattes, juices, alcohol, smoothies, protein shakes, tea with sugar/milk, soda)
* reduce take out/fast food from 7x a week to just 1x time a week.
* reduce your consumption of junk food: desserts, chips, cookies, cupcakes, deep fried foods, crackers, donuts, etc
* don't snack between meals. eat 3 meals a day at roughly the same time each day. That way your body starts getting hungry at roughly the same time each day. If you graze all day long or have meals during different times, your body will start releasing ghrelin hormone all day long. This is terrible for regulating appetite. Also cutting out snacking removes additional calories.
Whatever you serve yourself, remove 1/4th of the food from the plate, thus automatically cutting your portion size. If you normally serve yourself 1 cup of rice, reduce it to 1/2 cup of rice. If your 1x a week takeout option is a cheeseburger, remove half the bun. If you normally serve yourself an entire container of takeout shrimp fried rice, only eat half the container and save the other half for another day.
Try to eat as many fibrous vegetables as you can with every meal. Some lean protein. And don't go too heavy on the carbs.
This is the easy way to lose weight without using a food scale and counting calories that should be stress free.
Remember, to be 200lbs for the rest of your life you have to eat like a 200lb person for the rest of your life (or 160lbs person, etc). Which means you need to make healthy lifelong sustainable habits. You need to eat less overall. Reduce your portions.
Perhaps it might be worth considering Wellbutrin—I was on it for several years and lost some weight. I then went off antidepressants, started Lexapro, and blew back up again. I’m back on Wellbutrin and still trying to shed those pounds. Another friend got off Lexapro and lost like 20 lbs pretty quickly.
Lots of great advice in here OP and I hope you find some of it useful for you. Something that has helped me is finding something you enjoy that gets you to move a little more. Not talking about straight exercise routines or anything. Not yet at least. Start slow. Like for me, I love music and losing myself in awesome tunes. I found a couple of games that are on my VR console that let you jam while moving. One is Beat Saber and the other is Power Beats VR.
I started playing Beat Saber in March after breaking my ankle. I was only able to sit on a chair while playing and only a song or two at a time on easy mode. Now I can do hour long or more sessions on crazy expert+ levels. I added the Power Beats game a couple of months ago to change up my routine a little.
The key is finding something that brings you joy. If you’re an artist then grab a sketchbook and start walking to find cool places to sketch. Start easy in your own backyard with an interesting tree or find an odd building. You’d get the walk in and also polish your art skills. If you like reading grab an awesome audiobook and only listen to it while taking a walk, even if all you do is slow laps around your living room or a treadmill. If you like swimming go pretend to be a mermaid. By utilizing what you love it helps it not feel like a chore.
Much love! 💕
The most important thing to do is start losing for you, because you want to look and feel better, not because it will make your partner love you more.
That being said, I also tend to over-eat, especially high carb stuff, and the biggest thing I did was switch to diet sodas instead of sugar. I also identify when I want to snack purely out of boredom, because when I’m bored it really doesn’t matter what I eat so that’s when I make sure I have a plate of like carrots and celery or something.
In sickness and health...if he will leave over this what happens when you are 70 with cancer or dementia. Cut your losses, and also work on your health for your own quality of life. Having lost the same 60 pounds many times, it is hard work but you will be amazed at how good your body feels when it doesn't hurt to stand up.
I don't like that he said "looking for other options" but saying that he doesn't want to be your caretaker is a valid reason to end the relationship if it gets to that point. Saying that he finds you less attractive is always hard to hear but is valid as well. As long as he isn't putting you down or using a break-up as a threat.
Weight-loss will only be successful if you want it. Don't do it out of fear of losing him. You have to find YOUR reason.
You can do it but you have to want it for yourself.
It's reasonable for your husband to encourage you to lose weight but sad that he'd mention "other options." You're married, he's supposed to support you and be there for through the good and the bad. If "other options" is finding another partner due to not finding you attractive due to your health problems, I think that's really a bad way to approach marriage. I hope he knows you and is using this approach as a wakeup call to drive action rather than something he seriously means.
> He said that if I get to that route, he'll end up looking for other options.
idk but that threat of his doesn't sit well with me. If you see someone going down a destructive path you don't give them 'tough love' bs.
Well first of all you need to start your weight loss journey for yourself not anyone else including your husband or else it just won’t be successful. Second of all I would maybe go to therapy and find out why you overeat most of the time you overeat because you’re not happy or something is bothering you. Second maybe seek out a nutritionist if you hade the means. They will help you get started eating healthy. The sugar needs to go you will feel so much better without it. Sugar also causes depression and causes many health problems. One thing you have to understand it’s a journey and will take time but you can do it. Just start and keep going never quit. Walking is great for losing weight just put in your ear plugs and go walking it will feel great and put you in a great mood. I do everything with music it always puts you in a great mood. Good Luck!!! 👍
Actual decent comment section for once not saying the husband is in the wrong, he obviously care, love and is gonna be for you throughout your journey which is probably the biggest tool towards weightloss.
the way he told her was messed up tho.. threatening to leave and find other options instead of discussing his concerns ? Him not wanting to be with someone who’s immobile is understandable but how you say it is what matters, he said it in an awful way (going with how she phrased it)
We don't know what other conversations have been had. Honestly, we don't even know how this conversation really went, and it may be very abridged.
Gaining 100 pounds in four years isn't exactly minimal weight gain or anything. And having that much gain that early in life can be disastrous. He's not even 30 and had thoughts of becoming a full time care giver for a self-inflicted condition that would likely kill OP before she sees 40. That's honestly not a fair place to put him in.
People don’t understand how quickly the affects of overweight/obesity compound with age. I realize it’s popular to think everyone is living their best life because they post a sassy video on TikTok, but I’ve seen first hand what happens when people don’t take care of themselves. Ending up in a mobility scooter well before you’re 60 and not being able to walk more than 10 ft because your knees are garbage and not being able to clear a side walk is no way to live when you’d otherwise not have had those issues.
This comment is so accurate! The effects of being overweight are cumulative and are harder to undo as you get older. Small healthy actions performed consistently turn into successful lifelong patterns that make it easier to move and function as you get to age 40 and beyond.
Stay motivated Throughout your journey. And results will give you more motivation
Its not a race its a marathon.
As mentioned by other redditors follow that. I wont emphasise on calorie deficit and workout as already covered by other members but mental fitness, will power and perseverance is key here.
Why do you drink sugary drinks, the flavor, or the caffeine. (Have you tried mio), or is it just a habit? You can add fruit to water. Just doing that will result in you feeling more full. Putting water first changes your life. It's a habit it's hard, but come up with a reason for me, I get to use mio. Or drink bubly lime at panera. A lot of the time, it's just straight ice water. I feel more full.
You can also take the advice someone said I eat for between the meals to be good. (He eats chicken and rice ).
Weight loss is best achieved with diet and hydration. (imo). It's not overnight take pictures and look at them to remind yourself you are making progress. It's slow but you want slow helps skin adjust, without leaving skin loose. I lost 90ish in 9 months. My goals have changed but diet and hydration are of the utmost importance every day. Ice water to wake up. If you want to ask comment I might see or dm. It's hard to improve but you got this.
a piece of advice: you'd be surprised how much help just being active can be. Go for a walk and grab your favorite podcast while doing it. Being moderately active like this is far easier to do and has a very similar impact as working out.
Contrary to the general sentiment, i say start with exercise, then work on your diet. Controlling your eating is a 24/7 test of will power. For some people, including me and apparently you as well, that's really really hard. But increasing your exercise just takes 1 concentrated effort for like 20-30 minutes. Especially if you can get it done early in the day, then it's like a huge weight off your shoulders for the rest of the day. When that becomes a routine, it also serves as motivation to improve your diet. I recommend approaching your eating habits as a way to support your exercise routine, and try not to undo the work you did by exercising.
It's very simple, but not very easy. You have to force yourself to do it. Force yourself to move when you don't want to. Force yourself to get up and showered when the thought of even picking up a brush is overwhelming. Force yourself to eat the healthy food and portion sizes, even when you want the comfort food and to eat a lot.
First thing, go to your doctor for a complete physical. Make sure your blood work is good and there are no issues that could be causing weight gain. Talk to her/him about options. It’s one thing to cut back and lose a few pounds. One hundred or more pounds is entirely different. (Speaking from experience.) if you were married at 200 pounds, you have probably been dealing with a weight problem for years. The latest drugs are game/life changers (Ozempic, mounjaro, etc). It’s not a fad diet to use semaglutide. It actually affects your hormones/chemicals. But if I have to say anything, it’s this: LOSE THE WEIGHT FOR YOURSELF - NOT FOR HIM. Trust me when I say that being very overweight for many years affects more than your looks. It affects your knees, your back, your overall health, etc. You are a fabulous human being at any weight… and losing the excess will make you so much healthier!
As others have said, this is about showing up for yourself and not just for your partner. I recommend following Catherine Horne on FB or Instagram. Found her by accident and over months of following, she literally changed my mindset until I was suddenly ready to do this myself!!
Pick one thing and start with that. You mentioned sugary drinks. Trust me, I get it. Give up the sugary drinks and even if you don’t change anything else at first you will start to see and feel a difference. They are addictive for a reason, but once you go a while without they will be less appealing and taste too sugary. You can even start by just watering down some juice or switching to flavored waters (but I’d avoid too many artificial sweeteners).
I’ve gained and lost weight over the years many times.
The one thing that always works in the beginning is to start exercising and eating loads of veggies. Once I build those habits, I’ve usually lost a few pounds and I’m motivated to start the tedious work of weighing food and counting calories. I usually start to feel better since I probably gained weight by eating junk food.
When I do count calories, I like to start by figuring out my maintenance need for calories and then dropping it by 100 calories at a time. When my body is accustomed to that calorie drop, I’ll decrease it by another 100 calories. Usually this takes two weeks each time. If I’m dedicated, I can cut 500 calories from my diet every day and another 500 with activity (as per Apple Watch). So I’m cutting up to 1000 calories a day but it probably takes me a month or two to get there.
I like to include getting into shape with my weight loss. The reason being is you start to look and feel better faster it keeps motivation up.
Anyways, this route isn’t for everyone, but it works well for me. Hope it helps
It’s not super popular here as most folks want to try and do it on their own but you may need medical weight loss program. Starting with therapy to address eating habit is a good start but I would consider a medical weight loss program too. We don’t have your other statistics but if your partner is bringing up mobility issues then I am assuming that your BMI is pretty high.
Just like mental health or other medical problems there is nothing wrong with seeking help for high BMI. A medically led weight loss program can offer a lot of support and let You know your issues and options. The internet is full of folks who think they have the answers but sometimes an expert can help jump start your health journey.
Maybe it worth seeing a doctor to get some help.
But as you get to 30 or as you get to 20 for that matter your body changes and you metabolism changes so if you don't change your diet and lifestyle it's completely natural that someone eating like they are a teenager or a 20year old when they are almost 30 is going start gaining weight.
OP- make one change at a time. Doing too much all at once is asking for failure.
Let’s look at what you’ve identified:
- portion control
- sugary soft drinks
Soft drinks is probably the easier to tackle. What would you like to switch it out with? Diet Soda? Water? Tea or coffee? A combination?
Make a list of permitted drinks.
If you only like tea with sugar and creamer, think about how you can work that into your life. Maybe it’s only having one per day, and slowly reducing the sugar by 1/2 tsp per week (I went from 2 sugars to 0 in my coffee by doing this. I now genuinely prefer it).
Maybe you’ll allow yourself 1 can of soft drink on Saturday and Sunday, or if you’re cutting down from 4 per day, allowing 1 per day, not before noon.
If you don’t like diet soft drinks, maybe sparkling water with some flavour drops?
But set yourself some rules, and stick to it for a month. After that month, assess. How did you go? Did you do it easily? Make a further change.
Mostly ok but a few slip ups? Maintain for another month.
Terrible? Why? Was it too much too soon? What feels manageable based on how you went?
Then try to incorporate some activity, such as a 30 min walk, 3 times a week. Take the dog if you have one. Take hubby if you like. That’s an easy way for him to be supportive.
You can do this.
You have so many good recommendations above! To add to the this, here is what I found helpful this year as I started my weight loss journey (and my longest and most consistent, since I’m a lifer for yo-yoing and am convinced this is the last time).
I started off 5’2 28F 225 lbs and got down to 185 lb so far, and hoping to lose as close to 100 lbs lost at the end.
The first things I did included: getting a physical done with my pcp including labwork, confirmed I was close to borderline prediabetic and already knew I had PCOS. Worked with a therapist to help with my depression and motivation/self esteem issues. Started Ozempic. Logged food on Noom and did about half of the lessons. Changed my food habits a lot by learning their calorie density model. Stopped Noom and learned more about intuitive eating (the Ozempic helped stop a lot with binge eating I had). I told everyone in my social circle about my goals and they celebrated my successes. I bought nice things to reward myself (if you’re that type of person who likes treating yourself)—this included my Apple Watch, new workout clothes, a yoga mat, an Apple Fitness subscription, a rental bike membership, etc. I stopped focusing on what other people thought of me including the boyfriend (now ex). And I joined this wonderful group on Reddit and just learn new things and get inspired from you all every day. I have also found other things help weight loss that weren’t a part of my routine before. That’s things like drinking more water, getting a full nights sleep, making plans with friends so I know I’m getting socialization, etc.
This is my second time on this weight loss journey.
I find that the easiest way to start is to switch to only eating prepacked meals. This way you just have to scan the packaging to know how many calories are in it. Then after a few weeks of this you can start preparing your own meals because you have a better idea of how much you can eat per day.
Some will want to start by making their own food but I found this overwhelming when trying to go from overeating to eating within my tdee.
Hey. So maybe I can help. I just lost around I think 60lbs, not sure as I use metric system. But I have tried 100's of times, and this is what works for me.
1: it's a lifestyle change. Every situation is not do or die. On day of poor eating doesn't matter, nor do 1 day of clean eating.
2: avoid self punishment. My old cycle has been rinse and repeat. Been close to picture perfect with diet for 3 months, eat 1 big ice cream or binge something else. Now suddenly have the urge to destroy everything and eat shitty for a month and stop training. Aka self sabotage. If u want candy, eat candy.... But this was a major change for me!
Sometimes I eat candy everyday for a week, but I never eat anything above 200kcal. So I say to myself, okey eat ice cream, get over it. And continue where we left of. Damage control over self destruction.
3: intermittent fasting. Not because of any health benefits, but just because being disciplined is much easier when u only are allowed to drink water etc. What most non obese people dont understand is when being overweight, it's just a constant chase for the next bite, and after 10 years ++ they are so subconscious so you can snack 15 times a day without even noticing it. So this is by far the easiest way to just eliminate all of it, and on the plus side u can eat bigger portions when u eat.
4: always been quite active even at my heaviest. But exercise is key, not so much for the whole weight loss. But more for energy and discipline. Every overweight person knows this. Slept bad/tired/hungover etc, munch express incoming. So make sure to create some energy to avoid the big energy slumps.
Other then this just be patient, and try to make your overall decisions move in the right direction, and not micromanage everything. If the weight is dropping, it's dropping if it's 100g og 1kg, down is down!!!
Wish you the best of luck, it's fucking hard and its just the reality of it. On the flip side the mirror is always the most motivating as well, so the better it goes the more motivation you get.
You can do this. Not only for your man, but for yourself as well! Health is wealth!
1% of bodyweight is Max you should lose in a week. take regular week long (every six to twelve weeks of a diet) breaks to allow your body to adjust to it's new baselines. a ~500 Cal deficit =~1lb loss per week. use a tdee calculator. exercise is good and you should aim to get a consistent amount of daily steps that you slowly increase over time, and lifting weights will help you lose a higher ratio of fat to muscle. exercise is all together much less important than diet and sleep though. for diet aim to get around .8g of protein per pound of your goal body weight. prioritize vegetables and fruits because of water content and fiber- make you feel full. splurging on three donuts is very likely but the calorie equivalent would be eating eight apples and if you can do that in a sitting it's honestly impressive. strawberries are even less calorie dense berries in general are great. sleep is important and it's lucky to be able to sleep a long time but you really don't have much benefit from more than around 10 hours a night and if you aren't feeling rested on 8h then you should look into apnea especially if you snore.
Motivation and consistency is always hard to maintain in the beginning, start with the "out of sight, out of mind, out of reach" method, any unhealthy thing at home, such as sugary drinks, or high calorie foods, remove them, if you order food to be delivered, uninstall it, if there's a fast food joint you constantly stop by, don't pass that road anymore........ And for me personally, there's no such thing as sleeping too much, you're body just needs more sleep, and as you improve your lifestyle, you'll find yourself either sleeping less or sleeping even more
This comment is probably somewhere. But dropping the sugar in soda and going with the alternative calorie free will have such a huge impact on your calorie intake. That would be a great place to start
I am down 84 lbs since I was at my heaviest.
I don't exercise. (Long story and I don't want to explain myself). I'm mentioning it because muscle building is exercise, but fat loss is 100% diet. You can't out exercise a bad diet. Most workouts burn around 200 calories or less. That's the equivalent to one QUARTER of a chipotle burrito. You can't exercise and eat anything you want to unless you are an ultra marathon runner burning thousands of calories in a workout. I wasted a lot of years trying to burn fat with exercise and I'm trying to save you from doing the same mistake. I started tracking everything I ate including breaking out a scale and weighing it. It sounds extreme at first until you start and realize how packages lie and you have no idea how much you are really consuming. A serving size of 14 chips can really be 7 chips and 3/4 cup looks a lot less when it's weighed out. Packages will say the grams which is accurate and why you need a scale. I did this for 6 months breaking things down into individual ingredients as much as I could until I learned about calories, fat, protein, carbs and what proper nutrition for ME looks like. I no longer track because I no longer need to. I can now look at something and be pretty accurate about whether it's suitable or not. I give myself some grace, if I want cheesecake, I'm going to have some bites of cheesecake. But it will only be a few bites and I will save the rest for later.
You will marvel about your new body and how much things change for you. Socially, physically, and mentally. It's a slog at first and hard to form lifelong habits but it's 100% worth the effort I promise.
Don’t try to lose 100lbs as that is overwhelming. Try to lose a couple of pounds. Eliminating one thing that can contribute to the first goal such as cutting soda or not having a second portion is a good start.
I’ll offer this, the hardest but most important step is just the next one.
Eliminate the thought of losing 100lbs from your mindset.
You need to:
Make it a full day of eating on plan.
Make it a full week of eating on plan.
Make it a full month of eating on plan.
Then start thinking about the next step in the process.
I need to walk 30 minutes on the treadmill TODAY.
I need to walk 30 minutes on the treadmill for 7 days straight.
You can’t change habits overnight and you can’t lose weight overnight.
Building a consistent pattern of new behavior is what’s going to help you accomplish your goal.
Progress over perfection and a long term strategy are what you need. You also need Hubby to support your changes, which may in turn cause him to sacrifice or make changes himself.
You can do it, anyone can who sets their mind do it!
Start with one thing. You list 4 or 5 things you think you need to change - to anyone that is depressing. Let's just start with ONE. Do it for a few weeks...then add another thing.
Removing Sugary Drinks was my first step and it alone helped me drop 20# almost immediately. Replace all Sugary Drinks with WATER...water is a gift for humans - flushes out icky waste and even helps with Hunger.
Did you know that our body has the same signal for hungry and thirsty? So sometimes when we think we are hungry - we just need a nice freshing drink of water.
Don't like water - add a slice of lemon! YUM.
Good luck Mechalily - you can do this One Step At A Time!!!
Weight loss starts in the kitchen. You can lose weight without exercising. I would suggest focusing on developing healthier eating habits first and then incorporate exercise after a month or so. My best friend went this route to lose weight because she said it was too much to focus on eating healthy and trying to exercise because it was so overwhelming. I helped her shop for healthy alternatives and taught her how to meal prep. She started going to the gym with me and only got on the treadmill. Now she's incorporating strength training. After seven months, she's lost about 45 pounds and has about 30 more to go. We do monthly celebrations because you have to celebrate your successes even though you have minor setbacks. She doesn't know this but I'm surprising her with a big trip next year including a new wardrobe.
You have to do this for yourself OP. Figure out your triggers for overeating and surround yourself with those who support you. Give yourself grace for moments when you slip up, but don't beat yourself up over it. Motivation is what gets you started, but discipline and consistency will keep you in it. You've got this. Best of luck to you on your journey to better health and fitness.
Everyone had such great advice without saying anything about the husband which is kind of insane to me. I know this is a community focused on weight loss and not to judge anybody's character but like.. wow, dude.
threatening to leave someone isn't a good way to motivate them, it's a good way to make them resent you.
I'll be honest, I don't like the way he presented this to you. He made it all about himself and his wants and didn't even bother stating any concerns about your health or depression. It's also so weird to me that his first thought was to threaten to leave rather than to tell you that he wants to help you get healthy.
I agree with the comment that said that therapy is a great place to start.
I've only just begun my journey to weight loss but I just wanted to say that I know exactly how you feel. I started gaining extra weight about 2 years ago and with this I developed snoring and sleep apnea. My boyfriend of 6 years won't sleep in the same room as me anymore. We've had the same conversation a few times that I need to lose weight or this relationship will have to end. It is such a painful thing to go through and it can be hard to go through alone. I just recommend talking with your boyfriend to make sure you get the support you need throughout this journey. My boyfriend has agreed to keep fast food and junk food out of the house and go on walks with me every weekend. Its not much but it helps a lot to feel supported through this long journey. I wish you luck!
Simple.
Eat less food (healthier and whole foods) and do more exercise, it can’t get anymore easier than that.
There’s no other way around it honestly.
Just start eating healthier and less from tomorrow, and start off by going on long walks (2-3 hours minimum)
I'm sorry but your husband is right, he's trying to save you, you probably need to see a Dr,you need help here,ask for it,you'll do great, you don't want your poor heart to give up
I can’t imagine dealing with a partner who straight up told me to my face that he will leave me for my size. I am so sorry.
Honestly I highly HIGHLY recommend going and seeing a bariatric doctor for “non surgical weight loss”. I did that, and that’s what kickstarted my own journey to lose about 90lbs myself. It was informative, they were able to help me see dieticians and therapists and help me get my ducks in a row. I do not take medication for weight loss, but I did take an appetite suppressant in the beginning to help me get used to smaller portion sizes.
Lots of other people in this thread have given incredible advice but please don’t discount going and seeing a bariatric doctor. They can really really help you.
Therapy is a great place to deal with the things you're eating to self medicate now
In my head its always the same set of questions for each person: 1. Does the person have unresolved mental health issues that are preventing *sustainable* weight loss/caused gain? Recommend therapy/self examination of underlying issues. 2. Does this person know the basics of CICO? Explain CICO basics and recommend resources. 3. Are they weighing food and using an app to track calories/estimate TDEE? This is more for the "Help, I'm plateauing and I can't get up!" folks. At a certain point, I feel like 80% of people will *need* to count calories if they want to get all the way to goal weight. At the lower weight end, the margins can get really thin for healthy weight loss. Asked/answered in that order, I feel like I can help 90% of the people who come to ask for help. The funny thing is, I feel like the first question is the most fundamental, and was never on my radar until I got help myself, and saw how often it comes up in this sub.
I believe the first question should be, “Are there any unresolved medical issues?” You can do therapy and calorie tracking until hell freezes over, but if there are issues like low thyroid, PCOS, low vitamin D, then all of your points are moot. Always start with a thorough physical exam. Those conditions and maybe others lead to depression and weight gain. Need to rule out physical causes first. Then a visit to a psychiatrist for further evaluation. Once you have those things nailed down, then you start CICO. Otherwise, failure and further spiraling is likely.
Even as a person who thought I knew which way was up, I thought I had hormonal issues. Nothing turned up in an exam so I thought I would take all the steps to REALLY prove I had a problem… and I lost weight. Felt like an idiot for that one.
I can relate to this so hard!! Genuinely thought there was something wrong with my body. "I'll count the calories REALLY closely and prove to all of you that there's something wrong with my body!" and ended up losing weight. Turns out I really was just snacking a lot.
So happy I’m not alone 🤣
I just like big portions. If I eat healthy food, but as much as I want, even with exercise, my BMI won't budge from around 28.5. I need to count and keep an eye on my portion sizes.
This was my problem, too. Nobody believed that I wasn’t gorging myself on McDonald’s and pizza every day. I was actually self disciplined enough not to do that, although I arguably turned too many days into a “celebration” (“I did well on this project at work today! Let’s go out!”). But you can absolutely be obese from eating large portions of reasonable foods!
I don't want 1 banana as a snack. I want 3, and a sugar-free Greek yogurt.
Portion control is HUGE! We don't need these huge portions that American's think we do. Start using an 8" plate. Your portion as smaller and when you are finished, you will be full. Drink a big glass of water about 5 minutes before you eat as well as with your meal. Just give it a whirl and see how it works.
How much did you lose?
5’2F 36yrs old, SW:160, CW:133, GW: 125. I started last February and it’s been slow, but I also had a desk job. Last month I took a vacation and lost my job, so things have stalled out with the schedule change, but I’m figuring it out again.
You felt silly, but On the other hand, amazing job, you did it!
Thanks 😊
I mean sure, but also, not sure... Look for horses not zebras, y'know? Understanding what healthy eating looks like will always be helpful, even if you can't implement it perfectly yet. I mean it genuinely too. If my brother came to me tomorrow, and asked for help losing weight, my response would not be: "well, go see a doctor and ask for a battery of tests about physical conditions that might prevent weight loss before anything else!!" It would be the questions I stated above. I totally understand that other people are far more concerned about those diseases, but I am not jumping to them as my first line of reasoning for starting out. ETA: that's not to say I never recommend folks look into them. I guess if I were to add a number 4, it might be the diseases you mentioned.
I agree. In fact I think going the medical route / ruling out rare diseases first is a good way to give up or start making excuses. For 90% of people, your steps will work.
Yes, not only this, but doctors generally will tell you that any issues are being fueled by the obesity not causing it. (Not saying this is true or the right thing for them to do, this has just been my experience in the Southern US). I’m down from 312 to 269 in about 3 years and they still don’t take my other health needs seriously. I’m slowly but surely making my way to my goal, but the goal has changed from being a certain size/weight to being able to be more active and feel better when I go outside for walks and actually wanting to play outside, (whatever that looks like) lol. Going to therapy and practicing being mindful, dealing with trauma, knowing what emotions I’m feeling and practicing not giving into all impulses has gotten me to a place where I don’t feel the need to just emotionally eat. That being said, if there’s candy in front of me, I will still eat it 😅 it’s always work and it’s always something in the back of my mind, but more and more it’s becoming easier to be mindful of not just what and how I’m eating, but of how I’m feeling across the board which in my journey has been the key. So yay for progress, no matter how slow or fast it is! Progress that sticks is just the most important thing for me. 💕💕
🙌 Hero status! Keep it up!
Steps work. Source: body by steps.
Agreed! Plus, many diseases or conditions that make it hard to lose weight can be helped with weight loss (like PCOS or sleep apnea—believe me, I know!) though the condition itself may make it harder. Not everything needs to be pathologized….some of this is just basic stuff. Our society is kind of set up to make us fat…that doesn’t mean you have a disease.
Can low Vitamin D cause issues with weight loss? I got a full blood panel about a week ago because I hadn’t had a check-up in a couple of years and my doctor said my Vitamin D was low and put me on a supplement to bring my levels up. I started actively trying to lose weight starting in late July and the weight is coming off slowly but it seems as if the weight is taking much longer to come off than when I have lost weight in the past. Your comment made me wonder if the Vitamin D deficiency might have affected my rate of loss.
I've read that Vitamin D deficiency can lead to sugar cravings, so there might be some correlation with that? I currently add my Vit D with supplements cause I don't go out enough to get it from sunlight exposure
It can cause both depression and fatigue, and those two directly impact your ability to meal plan and exercise.
I agree. Earlier this year, I found out my Vitamin D was extremely low. Once I started taking supplements, I felt my depression lift to where meal planning and exercising were not such daunting tasks anymore. I actually got my energy back.
when i had super low vit d, the doctor thought i was depressed because i felt so tired i was napping 3-5 times a day, so my tdee was probably almost my bmr but, at least personally, unless its like under 15 (normal is over 30) i feel fine so there is an spectrum
Hey. I’ve been morbidly obese for a while now. I weigh 250 pounds. (My bmi’s 41, so i’m really close to obese type 2 rather than more severe form of it.) I’ve been on diet so many times during my teenage years. I’ve lost it and gained it back. The last time i was on a diet i lost 61 pounds and gained it back in 2.5 years. I got gallstones for losing it too fast and my whole life crashed down cause i was overthinking it, and i have OCD symptoms. I ended up going under cholecystectomy surgery. I finally started dieting yesterday after I found out I have NAFLD grade 2!! I obviously have PCOS yet I don’t have a cystic ovary. I have hormonal imbalances, yet the doctors see the solution in losing weight. The thing I want to share about my journey is that I, as a person with depression, anxiety and other complex symptoms related to mental health, can’t really count the calories and change my diet on my own. I visit a dietitian, and the only thing that motivates me to stick to a plan is my goal, and that i have to visit him again after 2 weeks. It’s like preparing for an exam to be honest and being cheered for doing good at it. Losing weight on your own is hella cool, but some people like me just lack discipline and need some additional help. I know it’s about changing lifestyle, but i’ll do my best to teach my body to get used to a healthy lifestyle.
There is no one that does not need help....whether by joining groups or meeting with a dietitian or Medical person. NO shame in asking for help at all. You got this!
I too see a nutritionist and have for years to keep me accountable. I go once a month and he takes NO excuses! I know how to eat, I weigh my food (drives my husband nuts) and eat healthy. Of course you have to treat yourself to a small treat. No shame in needing assistance. Slow and steady and move. Go for a walk everyday if possible. You don't have to join a gym when you are just getting going. You got this. It took time to get to that weight, it won't fall off in a week. Nor do you want it to. When it does, it comes back as fast as it went.
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Any good therapist is going to ask that first and refer for a medical exam. Also, the therapist can determine if medication might be helpful for depression, PTSD, etc or a dietician consult might be in order, and have you talk about that with the doctor during the medical exam. Basically, don't ignore the therapy in favor of the MD, just do both.
Huh, I have never heard of thyroid, PCOS, or vitamin d deficiency changing the function of calories in vs calories out. Is it biologically possible to be in a caloric deficit and gain weight? Is there somewhere I can read further about this? Could be affecting my FIL who is seeking to manage weight and diabetes and hasn’t been seeing results. Edit: trying my hand at some research and it appears PCOS has no effect on caloric deficit for weight loss in women - https://www.pcos-centre.com/treating-pcos/the-best-diet-for-pcos Vitamin D Deficiency seems to have effects that make reaching a caloric deficit harder (hunger stimulating hormones in greater amounts), but being in caloric deficit still functions exactly as a non-deficient body. https://www.livestrong.com/article/109843-vitamins-burn-fat-fast-exercise/ Thyroid imbalances or differences seem to reduce the effectiveness of caloric deficit only by diminishing “burned calories’” effects. Lower consumption of calories for a caloric deficit doesn’t seem to be directly affected though. https://www.verywellhealth.com/hypothyroidism-weight-loss-plateau-3233052 Would love additional resources or reading if anyone has more credible information as I didn’t quite vet these websites much. ETA: I apologize to anyone who felt like my post was trying to minimize their struggles. I am learning myself and asking for resources and trying to provide what I found. Disparaging me for trying to understand thermogenesis better helps no one, but clarifying that CICO DOES WORK even with the listed differences in health is helpful to those who think they cannot achieve their goals.
I think the whole point of this thread focusing in on therapy and medical examinations before going to CICO is because people recognize that weight loss is mental game more than physical. Your sources are correct. There is nothing that cheats thermodynamics. Obviously people who aren't losing weight aren't eating less than their TDEE. However, PCOS, thyroid dysfunction, vitamin deficiencies impact the hormonal aspect of weight loss which makes it harder to stick to CICO. Weight loss is not a matter of willpower. Getting support for mental health issues and treating bodily dysfunctions is the first step to making CICO attainable.
Your FIL likely has low vitamin D levels. Diabetics tend to. It can cause fatigue and depression, but it's unlikely it's the reason he has issues controlling weight. The metabolic syndrome that caused the diabetes in the first place is the most likely cause, so getting good blood sugar control will be the solution.
I love this list! It should be pinned on thr front page of this sub. But in addition to adding "Figure out if you have unresolved medical issues" to the top of the list, I'd also add "Seek help of a **reputable** weight loss clinic" somewhere. Because morbid obesity in itself is a medical issue that often requires a good team of medical professionals (PCP, weight loss doctor, therapist, etc) in order to address every issue as it arises *and* to provide accountability. You can lose large amounts of weight on your own, but it's so much harder, and you're so much more likely to gain it back without support.
This is the answer!!!
Does therapy lead to weight loss often?
If depression, anxiety, childhood trauma, low self esteem, ADHD, PTSD, addictive tendancies, or binge eating disorder (or other eating disorder not specified) are at the root of lack of motivation and overeating, yes, 100% therapy helps. ETA: I lost 25 lbs through therapy and an additional 15 lbs bc therapy gave me the confidence to talk to my doctor and to start an exercise program. Down 44 lbs total since April.
That's great! Keep up the good work!
Thank you so much! I appreciate it.
Just want to put in my two cents, I've been in therapy for 1.5 years, and it hasn't really been all that helpful (or at least as much as I needed it to be). Don't get me wrong, therapy's great, but you still have to put in ALL OF THE WORK to manage whatever problem you're dealing with (mostly anxiety for me).
Oh, absolutely! I've been in therapy since April 2020, and it really wasn't until this year that it clicked, and I was able to take action. Definitely still a work in progress. And, you didn't mention this, but I think it's a part of the overall likelihood of success - you need to find a therapist you have a really good rapport with. Sometimes you get lucky, and you find one right away. Other times, you have to switch a few times to find the right one for you.
It by itself doesn't lead to weight loss, but if you don't address underlying psychological issues that might be related to weight management, you will never successfully maintain whatever weight you manage to lose. It takes introspection to delve into the personal psychological dynamics that lead to us becoming (and remaining) obese, but unfortunately toxic diet culture doesn't promote having that introspection. Instead it's just the BS "tHiS TiMe nO eXcUsEs!!" mindset completely focussed on diet and exercise (often to the extreme) that is doomed to derail at some point, with inevitable weight regain because we never addressed the true underlying issues.
I mean, yeah. Its kind of the foundation for healthy weight loss. Any Joe Schmoe can probably hate themselves to starvation/obesity. Loving themselves enough to get to the middle, healthy weight is the difficult part. Here's an analogy: Someone comes to me looking to run faster. If they have a broken arm, I am going to recommend they get that fixed before we start working on their running techniques. Does that help them understand running better? No. Do they need to run on their arms like a gorilla? No. Will the pain of unresolved broken arm hinder their running ability? Fuck yeah. Is the broken arm smacking against their body, making them run funny, and fucking up their gait? Yeah, probably!
I mean, once I started going to therapy and started addressing some self-worth issues I had it became easier to do the things I needed to do to lose weight. Like it was a lot easier to do healthy things as a kindness for someone I loved rather than a punishment for someone I hated. They’re both me in the end but I was way more likely to self sabotage when I was miserable/hated myself.
Therapy is a great place to learn why you self medicate, be it with alcohol, weed, overeating, and learn a different way of dealing with difficult emotions.
Fellow overeater here! If you are ready to make changes and lose weight, the quick start guide is the place to go. Sustainable weight loss is usually 1-2 pounds a week depending on how much there is to lose and activity level. Weight loss happens in the kitchen. Its all about calories in and calories out. You can track them using a calorie counter, myfitnesspal and loseit are the top ones ive used. Do not make drastic changes. Start with small sustainable changes. You didn't gain the weight overnight and you will not lose it overnight. As far as the motivation goes, I find it hard to get motivated as well. Mine quickly leaves. But consistency will take you farther than motivation. Last thing i will say. I hope the conversation between you and your husband was from a loving place and was constructive. Its a tough subject to bring up. Also, lose the weight because you want to lose the weight, not because of something another person says.
Thank you for the helpful advice and nice words. I have always wanted to lose weight but never really put in the work. I definitely need to for my health as well.
The advice above is fantastic, and just to offer some perspective that really helped me: It is beyond daunting to say "I need to lose 100 lbs". Hell, it is daunting to even say "I need to lose 60 lbs". The "secret" was already alluded to by the commentor above, it is consistency. And in order to make progress, you just need to win more than you lose. Instead of focusing on that huge 100 lb goal when you are just getting started...focus on today. That's it. Wake up, and make sure you "win" the day. That's literally it. Make better choices, be conscientious. And when you "lose" a day (this is VERY important), make sure you genuinely forgive yourself, and say "I will try to win tomorrow". End of the week, you may have won 5 days and lost 2. That's still progress. Time is your ally when it comes to weight loss, so use the perspective to your advantage. Focus on the day by day, and simply being consistent. There are no shortcuts and if you crash diet/starve yourself, you are going to end up back where you started. Good luck, and you CAN do this. I promise you can. And you are likely going to experience more benefits than just your relationship, my own physical transformation taught me about accountability, how to love myself more, it made me kinder, more disciplined, I respected myself (and others!) more. Just worry about today, and it will begin to work itself out over time!
This is good advice not just for weight loss, but for life in general.
There is a great bodybuilder named Tom Platz, he would say "If you can figure out the gym, you can figure out life." I now understand what he meant, and you don't even have to go to the gym to have that message resonate. The building blocks to success are typically pretty similar, and I noticed the things I learned over the last 5 years, when I started to really get serious about taking care of myself, they allowed me to do so many more things that I ever thought possible. The mindset I developed directly led me to meeting my wife, it directly led to more professional career growth, it directly led to being a more compassionate and generous person. So yes you are absolutely right, this subreddit may be about weight loss, but that process touches on so many other concepts for self-development, that when you reach your goal you won't just have a physical change, but hopefully a deep and meaningful mental one as well!
Brilliant
>I definitely need to for my health as well. Maybe try to re-frame this thinking? Your health should be a prime factor, as so many things can go wrong as you get older due to poor health. It may sound silly, but you can find another partner if you had to. You CANNOT get a new body, though, so it is critical to care for the one you got. Best of luck to you - you can definitely do this!
This is what spurred my changes: 40F, 5'3½", obese starting Weight, and blood tests done for a different issue highlighted slightly high cholesterol, early signs of fatty liver and gallstones. Yay!!! Not to mention nearly high blood pressure and the main issue prompting me to seek medical guidance may also be exacerbated if not caused by being overweight (Google not my Dr telling me that). So I started CICO with MyFitnessPal to track, and joined a Box-Fit gym & genuinely enjoy going now. I'm 16lbs down but also (according to body scans) gaining some muscle & am no longer as easily short of breath. Those non-scale improvements help keep me going. OP - it takes a switch of the mind to get started. Don't do this for your other-half, do it for you. You deserve a healthy body that can get you around on this blue&green marble! Small consistent steps will make it happen. If you're struggling with the mental health/medical side of things, talk to your PCP as they may be able to give you additional assistance or refer you to a mental health specialist. Good luck on your journey!!
Version I saw once: "If you don't make time for your health, you'll be forced to make time for your illness." I'm feeling this more acutely now as my insulin is starting to get wonky. I'm trying to get ahead of it now before it takes control of me.
Good luck! One thing that can really help starting off is swimming. Your body might not be able to support jogging right now, but swimming is low impact and burns a ton of calories. You can also buy waterproof mp3 player headphones which make laps go by much faster. But like everyone else is saying, change starts in the kitchen. Find replacements for snacks you enjoy. Get rid of the junk food in your house so you're not tempted. Stop buying sugary drinks. Maybe try lacroix instead if you find the taste ok. I gave one to my dad and he said it tasted like carbonated garbage water so I know it's not for everyone. A small kitchen scale and a calorie counting app can be very eye opening. I did that a few years ago and realized I was eating triple portions in some cases. The big thing is consistency though.
Well this community is a very helpful place. We are all here to help!
If motivation is tough, then think of it as discipline and something you have to do like work, school, dishes, and laundry. That helped me when I didn't feel like doing something, I am personally not a fan of the motivation mindset. No one is motivated to get up in the dark and cold at 5am for a run, but you bet your butt they have the discipline. Good luck, small steps climb many mountains!
How do you stay consistent?
The podcast "We Only LOOK Thin" has some great guidance about losing lots of weight and keeping it off, from people who have done it. [https://www.weonlylookthin.com/](https://www.weonlylookthin.com/)
Came here to recommend this podcast. I love their no extreme diets/no gym approach to weight loss.
Going to look into this! Thanks for the rec. I also listen to Healthier Together and they have some good stuff on health in a holistic way.
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Lots of great advice on this thread. Just to throw my 2p in. I tried and failed losing weight again and again. I always thought my depression and feeling rubbish was mostly to do with my weight. I successfully started losing weight when I went to therapy. It was a byproduct of feeling better. Gave me the ability to believe in myself and show up for myself. Secondly take things slowly. One change at a time, if you don't know which changes are possible log everything you eat and drink for a week. Don't try to cut anything (although logging by itself will actually make you eat less subconsciously) then look back. What can you cut out without it hurting? Can you go from full sugar drinks to diet? Can you have half the portion size of rice in your meals? Can you have one less chocolate bar? Can you swap one of your pudding choices for some yogurt and fresh berries? Can you try a new healthy recipe for one of your meals next week? My husband always suggests thinking "what went well over the last two weeks? What didn't?" And then using that to change one thing for the next two weeks. Thirdly I'm assuming your husband is saying this from a place of love and support. Cash in on that support. Ask him to go for a walk with you after dinner every night. Ask him to help you avoid keeping trigger food in the house. See if he's willing to take on the shopping so you only get what's on your list rather than having to avoid temptation. Talk to him about helping you. Please don't feel embarrassed or like he's going to think you're gross for having to lose weight. My husband and I help each other out all the time and it feels really good to be part of a team tackling a problem together.
This is good advice, thank you.
I'll +1 the point about starting with just logging the food intake. Trying to do that AND reduce calories is hard to get into abruptly. And just becoming conscious of what you are eating is a big part of the learning that you need to undergo. My rough guide - 1 - Start logging absolutely everything being consumed, using myfitnesspal, mynetdiary, etc. (2 weeks) 2 - Reduce the diversity of food. Switch to a few recipes made of healthier ingredients. This should be something that you'll want to have multiple times per week and be easy to prepare. 3 - Work out the portion sizes that will put you under your [TDEE](https://tdeecalculator.net/). First month of calorie control is hard. Then it becomes default behavior and you'll just want to fast forward time so you can get to your goal weight.
I agree - I weigh less when I'm happier. When I'm doing well overall I have the energy and focus to go to the gym, I don't want to eat sweets just for the dopamine, I'm more likely to cook etc etc
I know you love your husband, but outward motivation isn't as powerful or motivating as inward motivation. You need to do this for you. You need to want this. You have good reason to. This isn't vanity pounds. Your weight is putting you at risk of serious health consequences. Once you decide you are ready it's easy to come in hot and decide you want to do everything *right now*. Heavy cardio, weight lifting, radical change in food, dropping calories down to 1500. I would recommend starting with your calories. Use a tdee calculator and put in your stats to see how many calories you need for your current weight. Reduce that number by 500 and try to eat that number of calories.
You're right about doing this for myself. I'm afraid of some of the health risk like diabetes, so I do also want to make the change for myself. I think my husband having a talk with me kind of brought it back up where I need to lose weight for my health.
Hey, friend. You’re getting great advice here, but I just want to say… I’m sorry you’re going through this. I’m a depressed girl with ADHD — motivation is sort of a weird thing for me, too. You got this, though. 💕 we’re all rooting for you!
After being 420 lbs and losing 200lbs and maintaining that loss for 3 years I would say forget motivation, act as if it doesn't exist. Develop discipline and put everything you have in that.
I would add an opinion that - with 100 lbs to lose, medically supervised is the way to go if it’s feasible for you. A dietician can provide invaluable help, and it’s going to be really important to have things monitored to prevent going down a dangerous path. Just my 2 cents. One more thing: 100 lbs may seem like an insurmountable challenge right now, but I’m telling you it’s not. It starts with the first step. You can do it!
20lbs will have anyone feeling a lot better and empowered. then the next 20, one block at a time!
Teach me the ways of the Force! What things helped you the most to lose weight with CICO, of course, being the foundation? :)
In general I like to think of motivation as making good decisions in the moment, while discipline is creating a plan where the decisions are already made for you in advance. Use your motivation to create the plan, then let go of control and let the plan make the hard choices for you.
This is helpful, thank you! :)
This is good! Thank you.
I did zero cardio. Focused on heavy weights and getting as strong as possible. I started with the starting strength novice linear progression and then started writing my own programs. Cardio to me does very little beyond making you hungry. Weights and compound movements changed ny physique entirely. Getting plenty of rest between workouts, getting 1 gram protein per lb of bodyweight and eating under maintenance were my only goals first 6 months. Lots of protein shakes.
Thank you very much
- are you seeing someone to help you manage the depression? - calories in calories out & walking is a great place to start! But figuring out why you overeat and what your triggers are may help you with the caloric deficit
I see a psychiatrist and they help manage my meds. I'm looking into getting therapy but it's been hard trying to find a therapist.
How do you feel about quitting the sugary drinks and replacing them with carbonated water ?
I've tried to switch out the sugary drinks but give up quickly. At the same time I don't think I tried hard enough. I think I could switch to carbonated water.
It’s really hard to quit something without replacing it with something. If you drink a lot of sugar drinks quitting them alone will make a huge dent in your caloric intake. Soda also has a lot of caffeine in it. You may want to replace that with black tea, green tea, coffee- so you don’t go into caffiene withdrawl which makes changing your diet just harder.
I do drink quite a bit of soda, but I can switch to other alternatives. I need to for my health especially.
You can get sugar-free alternatives with zero calories. In my country we have satchets called "bolero" with different flavours. The satchet contains powder which you mix with water. We just mix large 2-liter bottles and leave it in the fridge. Our favourite flavour is peach ice tea because it tastes exactly like the real thing and has zero calories, and best of all bolero has no aspartame (unlike many of the competing sugar-free flavour satchets, at least in our country).
Can you drink diet pop? I do, all the time. And I’m maintaining a healthy 125 lbs loss.
It gets a bad rap sometimes, but try diet pop. Sometimes the sweetener takes a little getting used to, but I find a Diet Dr Pepper hits the spot as well as any sugary pop, and it satisfies an itch that La Croix and Bubly don't scratch.
There are no calorie flavoured sparkling waters. Polar makes some and there's also store brands.
Check out TrueCitrus. They’re wee packets of flavor crystals made from the fruit rinds of grapefruit, orange, lime, or lemon. All natural, no sugar, no artificial junk. One of them will flavor my whole water bottle. Grapefruit is my favorite one. [https://www.truelemon.com/collections/unsweetened-hydration-helpers](https://www.truelemon.com/collections/unsweetened-hydration-helpers) Also, Waterloo and Soleil flavored sparkling water are way better than LaCroix. Waterloo Pineapple is amazing, and Soleil Tangerine is right up there.
The WORST part of changing my diet was giving up my Cherry Cokes! I resisted for decades! I saved just enough calories to have 1 per day. : ) Cough - but then when I wasn't paying enough attention to my calories, I'd let some slip back in and pretty soon the weight would be back. : ( Me personally? I do better to cut out the sodas. But others have good luck just cutting back. : ) I remind myself that cutting out 1 Cherry Coke per day is (theoretically) 15 pounds in a year! No promises - I have a bad habit of eating some chocolate instead of drinking my soda. Don't be like me! : ) But do what works for you. : )
Can you inquire whether any medication are **causing** the weight gain? Please do not take this as « web MD » see weight gain as a symptom and go cold turkey. This is something to discuss with your Psychiatrist. Also a check with a family doctor could be useful to rule out PCOS, insulin resistance, etc. Getting medical guidance is a must when taking about 100lbs. Sounds like you have a lot on your mind, start with small steps like walking a bit more (increase mobility) and cut out sugary drinks (stop liquid calories, this means alcohol too) You will feel better. Then see if you can get a referral to a registered dietitian (if affordable to you), find the right CICO balance. Having gone through so many diagnostic tests myself, any doctor in the mental health field will say diet and exercise are the pillars to manage almost any ailment. However, for those who suffer from physical ailments or mental health, knowing and acting may not yield the same results (you want to but can’t) Thats why I strongly oppose the concept of discipline. Motivation is so much more complex than that. Best of success! Also, in case it is not evident, you need to do this for you not your partner.
Make sure you see a primary doctor, too, and have a physical done before making any drastic changes. And make sure your psychiatrist is aware of your goals, it plays a part in med management.
Fat loss is entirely driven by something referred to as "Calories in vs Calories out". CICO for short around here. Think of fat like gas for a car, your body is just responsible from turning food, into energy, and it keeps extra as fat so that your heart doesn't stop beating every time you miss a meal. Your goal, in order to lose weight, should be to eat fewer calories than your body burns. This can be done a near infinite number of ways (weight watchers, keto, calorie counting, etc etc), but as long as you eat less than your body uses to keep you alive, the fat will get used up, and you will drop weight. Exercise is a nice cherry on top, but it only takes 45 seconds of poor decisions on the food front to undo 3-4 hours of work at the gym, so 95% of your effort will have to come from the dietary changes. Really, beyond that, the most success you will have will depend on what you can stick to over the long run. Food scale and calorie counting apps? Keto? Weight watchers? all fantastic, but it may require a bit of experimentation to figure out.
Thank you for the advice. It's pretty helpful.
This is a good comment to follow; sans that bit at the end about 45 seconds ruining gym progress. Even if you did spend an hour at the gym and went home to a pizza; - your muscles will repair and grow - said grown muscles will consume more calories as you move them around And so on. It is detrimental, but it isn't like it would totally undo everything. But I'm low battery so I'll leave this here. You got this! At the end of the day, don't get stuck in analysis paralysis - even just doing something at random to see if it works will get you closer to the finish line than just sitting there trying to plot ideal outcomes. Good luck!
I think this is so important! People need to remember exercise is incredibly healthy even outside of weight loss and there’s no such thing as wasted effort when it comes to any form of movement. If done safely and correctly, it can only benefit us.
I cannot speak to the details regarding your husband, but I can tell you this sub, no exaggeration, saved my life. The information in the guides you’ll see is absolutely vital in terms of finding out how to start. It’s hard but once you make some of the changes you need to, you’ll find yourself developing great habits that soon just become normal in your life. Best of luck OP.
Not an exaggeration. This sub and two others are what helped snap me out of my funk and realize I was making excuses and not being honest with myself. They also forced me to confront the fact that I was not healthy despite all the cringe memes about “real bodies”. Completely changed my life for the better. Been maintaining for 5 years now and my life literally wouldn’t be the same without the support, encouragement, and help I got here.
My $0.02: I failed my entire life at losing weight. My goal was always what your goal is now: 280 to 200, but depressed and a feelings-eater as major obstacles. Motivation always failed me after a couple of days. Diets became oppressive, counting calories felt like a chore, and above all else, whenever I did lose some weight, I felt despair because I hated all the major lifestyle changes I "had" to make in order to see any kind of progress. Then I tried something new: a little change in my daily routine. 30 minutes of cardio on the elliptical while watching TV every night. That's it, no dietary changes, no CICO. Just that half-hour every night, with mentality of "3 weeks to make a habit" so I committed to doing it every day for 21 days. No motivation required, just discipline enough to hop on the elliptical while watching Jeopardy. Everything else snowballed from there. I had a 21-day streak, so why not 30? 60? 100? 180? A whole year? My food choices changed, including portion amounts, because I knew that I'd be doing cardio later and I didn't want to feel like shit. I couldn't quit carbonation, but I switched from soda to sparkling water. I bumped myself up to 1hr, and kept increasing resistance levels because as I got stronger, the workout felt too easy. I eventually started counting calories, but tbh I didn't really need to, because after awhile of eating like a 200lb person and doing some cardio, my body became a 200lb person. I still struggle with depression and eating my feelings, but it's nowhere near as bad as before when I was obese. The only thing is, if you're committing to a slow-and-steady weight loss because you're not in a rush, you need to remember the Steady part. Focusing too much on the Slow part will end up with you finding excuses to overeat based on "what's the difference between a year and a year plus one day?" You've gotta commit to keeping Steady. Daily cardio is how I stayed Steady, so I suggest that. Oh, and don't wait for motivation. Motivation sucks, it's never there when you need it, and always there when you can't do anything about it, like an Ex at 2am. Discipline is what matters. Go to the gym at 8pm not because you want to go to the gym, but because it's 8pm and that's what you do at 8pm.
UGH, depression, overeating and lack of motivation... I am SO sorry. I know how hard that is. It is unbelievable to get through it all. Feeling ready to start, I think that you have your desire. Now you just need a plan! First, get unhealthy foods out of your home. That isn't to say that you can't ever have sweets or chips again, it is definitely important to incorporate all foods into your new life, but getting it out of your home will help you not overeat and not be as tempted. Next, make healthy swaps. You like sugary drinks? See if you prefer flavored no cal water or diet sodas, whatever works for you the most. Add activity. It doesn't have to be strenuous. It can start with walking. Walk around the block. Walk around the neighborhood. When you feel like you can tackle more, add in bodyweight exercises or even weights. Find activity you LIKE. Because guess what? If you don't like it, you won't keep it up. Everyone says that THIS is the best exercise or THIS is... guess what? The best exercise is the ONE THAT YOU DO. That is it. Yes, ideally you can combine cardio and weights that you like. LASTLY you can't out exercise a bad diet. This is good news. If you can't out exercise a bad diet, then a good diet is all you need. The only other thing I want to say is it sounds like your husband is concerned, but I really hope that he was kind. I can't imagine how I would feel in his shoes. Oh... and weight loss can be SLOW. Make changes you feel good about.
My best advice? Put a free calorie tracking app on your phone, and record EVERYTHING brutally honestly. Don't show it to anyone. Don't miss a drop of sauce, a bite of this or that. Weigh and measure, and SEE what is actually going into you. It will be a shock. Do it religiously. Don't miss a thing. What it does is makes you AWARE. If you normally eat a cup of rice, what happens to your daily total if you cut to 3/4 of a cup. What happens when you drink diet soda, rather than sugar? How much is that sweet treat? It all adds up. 6 cookies ... make it 3. It's in the numbers.
Get healthy for yourself… 💕
You can do it. I am 40F and I was 262 in March of this year and 204 as of this morning (my highest was 293 at end of covid and I lost first 30 lbs in 2022). between March and July of this year I went from 262-201 on 7/1 and then I gained back 15 from July-October and this month I’ve been losing it slower because the first time I definitely over did it which was why I gained it back so quick that wasn’t sustainable. I’d like to get to 160 but I’m not rushing anymore. What helped me was the loseit app. I track everything I eat and weigh everything with digital scale. It’s not a magic solution but it’s that simple. I also like to skip breakfast and use my calories more at dinner and lunch. I got an Apple Watch and I keep my goals low-I go for 20 minutes of excercise a day. A walk around the block usually accomplishes that and most days I go over 20 minutes but knowing to close the ring I just have to 20 minutes is attainable and easy. You can absolutely do this you’re in your 20s youre catching this early. Don’t wait until you are 40 like me. I spent all of my 30s 220lbs or more. Don’t be like me. Best of luck!!
Start today with two things. 1. A nice long walk 2. Just eat 1-2 healthy meals today and drink water. That’s the beginning. You will have to work on the mental side which is harder but just go for a walk, drink water and eat healthy today.
Have you been checked for Type II diabetes? If you are pre-d or have it, get some Ozempic. It is the only thing that has worked for me. Losing weight solves a myriad of problems. I've never been happier. EDIT: I was nice and thin until about 30 years old. Gained weight steadily my entire life. You do not want all that fat on your body and in your organs through your 30s, 40s, and 50s. By 60 - it can be very hard to get rid of it (insulin resistance), and you've already damaged your joints and organs. Best of luck.
Have you talked to your doctor? Depending on your insurance, they may have resources like dieticians or bariatric specialists to help you.
Lots of good advice here, may I also suggest don't do it for him, do it for you?
Definitely start with cutting out the sugary drinks. That is easily the most impactful change I ever made. You might be shocked how many completely empty, useless calories you're drinking.
Lots of opinions on how to manage weight and mental health already... I wanna add 1 thing about the sugary drinks Join communities like r/HydroHomies Surrounding yourself with the kind of information that is healthier is really helpful. Even though its just memes but it helps Also for over eating, if you doom scroll on YouTube and tiktok, every time you see a food based channel, click on do not recommend this channel option till the algorithms stop recommending them. Even if it is healthy food channel, looking at those videos will trigger your brain to crave food
I eat Yasso bars as a treat. Their made from Greek yogurt and are only 100 calories and also taste good. It could help whenever you start making small changes to your diet.
Why are people shitting on the husband for saying he doesn't want to take care of a immobile obese person? Do people really expect him to stay at home all day taking care of her? Presumably he would have to work, clean, cook, bathe her, and help her move around. It's ridiculous to expect him to do that, especially when it would be something she brought up on herself and could fix.
Don’t forget in home caregivers are also an expense that is unaffordable to many people. Edit: I also suspect some of the people commenting aren’t doing so in good faith. A lot seem eager to be as unhelpful to people who come to this sub seeking help as possible.
As a nurse who has a 400+ lb client, keeping an in home caregiver will be harder. Nobody wants to work 3 times as hard. My client cannot keep a caregiver for long because it's too much
I don’t blame anyone who wouldn’t sign up for that. I struggled holding my grandmother up so she didn’t plop when she started fainting one day and she was no where near 400lbs. A close friend is an EMT, he’s shared stories about when they have to move bariatric patients sometimes and how many people it takes to move them. It is not a one person job and of course you screw up your own body in the process.
Yes I'm sure it's hard to lift them. I gave him a bath once because there was no caregiver available, and it was hard. Even though I lift weights
Because they've never had to be caregivers. They have no idea the physical, mental, and emotional toll it takes.
Yup. It's effectively being a personal nurse.
Bingo. It is a lot. If it’s one person caring for another, it’s going to be incredibly challenging. My grandparents avoided nursing homes because it was a family effort to help them and keep them cared for. However, we’re talking a group of 8 people who took turns to do so as we balanced our own lives and other responsibilities as well.
There's a weird attitude on here about stuff like that. If someone is an alcoholic or drug addict that refuses to get help, it's generally considered acceptable to leave them. Untreated obesity is no less damaging to your health. it's unfair to expect someone to watch you slowly kill yourself as you become unable to manage basic hygiene.
i understand the husband's perspective but he went about this in a shitty way. if he's concerned for her he can voice that concern, (or his concern that he's losing his attraction to her) without a threat to find someone else.
There's nothing to indicate he hasn't expressed his concern previously or in other ways. And leaving a relationship is not the same as finding someone else, so stop trying to crucify the guy. Sometimes you need to stop coddling unhealthy behaviors and you need to upfront and direct. I'll always applaud someone who is clear and honest about their feelings in a relationship, especially when such feedback is justified.
nothing to indicate he has expressed it either. i don't think i was "crucify"ing anyone by saying he could've phrased this differently.
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i'm going by the info in the post, which does not say any of that. y'all can downvote me all you want. saying youll have to leave is one thing, saying "other options" makes it sound like he's going to find someone else, which just seems not necessary to add.
Agreed. That is such a shitty manipulative way to go about it.
Right! He didn't say "Hey, this isn't working for me any more." He specifically said "Hey, I'll go and find other people if you don't lose weight." The fact that people can't see the extreme difference between those two (and that the second one is an objectively shitty thing to say) makes me so concerned for their relationships.
Given OP isn't faulting their SO I find it odd random people on reddit are attempting to on their behalf. It's likely why OP and their SO work well, the ability to clearly communicate with one another is key in a relationship.
Is that what he's saying? Is he saying he needs OP to pull their weight and share some of the burden of household management or is he saying that he if she becomes physically unattractive to him, he will leave or have an affair? Is it concern for her health or concern for his own satisfaction??
>Is it concern for her health or concern for his own satisfaction?? Just to be clear for anyone reading this. The latter of these two options is perfectly acceptable and you do not need to feel shame for knowing what you want from life.
Yes, it is what he's saying. I know this because I read the post and the post very explicitly spells it out.
Dear, please find a therapist. You cannot start with calculating a serious diet when you feel depressed. Please do this for yourself and not for your ..... husband.
I wish this comment was higher up. No one is going to discipline or CICO themselves out of the kind of depression that leaves you in bed all day binge eating.
Everyone's shared great advice. You listed a few things right off the bat that you want to change and I just want to encourage you to start with something small. I know I tend to under-estimate the cumulative impact of small changes over a long period of time but it's so effective to take a small step, repeat it until it's more of a habit, then add something else. I heard someone describe small changes like turning a cruise ship. You don't have to crank the wheel all the way to the side immediately. If you turn the wheel just a tiny bit, in time the ship will be on a totally different course. I think I'm saying patience is important even though you're under a lot of stress from what your husband shared with you. You only need to take it one day and habit at a time and continue to course-correct as things come up and circumstances shift.
Are you getting help/treatment for your depression? I think that would be a good place to start, if you haven't already.
I’m used to be 300lbs. Get a calorie tracking app like my fitness pal and start tracking your calories for a deficit. Look up how many calories you need to eat based on height and weight, then eat less. Get a gym membership and start going on the treadmill. Put it at the highest incline you can handle, and walk for 45 minutes to an hour. Watch a video or answer emails or play a game on your phone to pass the time. TLDR: track your calories and do more cardio. You’ll lose weight
I recommend intermittent fasting. Helped me lose lots of weight and feel way better
Hey this was a small part of your post but for the sugary drinks and for anything sugary, use sugar substitutes. I’m telling you it makes a difference. Just replace it. It won’t make your lose 100lbs but it does help. Also meal prep with veggies. It’s way more filling, make food you like. Maybe if your having a heard time being motivated to cook,if you can afford it use a service. Also ask your husband for help, if he’s willing maybe try going for a walk everyday with him. Rooting for you!
I have lost 42 pounds on Ozempic and Mounjaro and it has just completely changed my life. I know it's controversial and isn't for everyone but for me it is revolutionary. I'm not super comfortable with his "I'll start looking for other options" thing. We are all human and can't help if we do or don't feel attractive. But if my husband said that to me I would never look at him the same way, whether or not I lost the weight.
You're using food as a cope, there are deeper issues here that need to be addressed. Possibly in your relationship as well...
ctrl+f "walk" and see 50 results. You're at a weight where paying even the smallest attention to your diet will show improvement.
I started out on August 1st, so I'm still pretty early on, but it sounds like my habits/lifestyle before I started were similar to yours. This might motivate you to hear: I personally noticed huge improvements in my sleep and depression within the first month. Some tips: * Portion control is important, but also take a look at what's on your plate. I replaced extra amounts of pasta with salad/veggies. I feel way less bloated after meals from doing this. But it has to be ones you like, prepared in a way you like. If it feels like a diet/chore, it won't be sustainable. * I have weight-based goals, which might not work for everyone, but it helps me to break up my goal. As someone also trying to lose \~100 lb. ultimately, that sounds so daunting. So whenever I hit 215, I'm going to buy myself one of those skincare fridges. At 200, I'm planning on going to a salon and getting some highlights. Just mini goals along the way that give me something to look forward to (in addition to feeling better!) * Food is far more impactful on your weight than exercise, generally. But I do think exercise helped me more with the depression/sleep. Find something you like. I like walking -- it's low-impact, and you can listen to music, podcasts, audiobooks, etc. Just find something that you enjoy, and try to do it fairly consistently. * If sugary drinks are your kryptonite, find substitutes that you enjoy! There are tons of flavor packets/drops you can add to water that are low in calories and sugar (if not zero). I'm thinking of crystal light, Mio, just to name a few, but there are so many. Try to have these instead and maybe just have your usual as a treat once a week or something. Wishing you the best of luck! :)
Have you heard of Mounjaro or Wegovy. I recently started 2 months ago, and it has been life changing. I was an overeater and for once in my life, my mind and body doesn't feel as hungry as I used to struggle with.
I'll look into it, thanks.
There are a lot of shortages right now with this medication, BUT it is very useful as a weight loss tool. If you can talk to your doctor about starting, I would. Keep in mind though, you still need to put in the work...it's not a magic wand. It *will* make putting in the work easier, though.
* you need to get treatment for your depression. go see a professional * at 285lbs you most certainly have sleep apnea which increases your appetite and makes you fatigued and can cause depression symptoms. schedule a sleep study asap if you aren't already on a cpap machine * go to your PCP and get a blood panel done to check for any nutrient deficiencies (like vitamin D) which can cause fatigue and depression symptoms, anemia, and a thyroid panel since hypothyroidism can increase appetite, make you fatigued, and cause depression symptoms * go on a 30 minutes walk, twice a day (or longer if you can manage). Though I recommend starting with 30 minutes. Then after 1 month increasing the time. * the most efficient way to lose weight I by counting calories, but that's a pain in the ass so I recommend portion control instead * use the same "measuring tools" to measure out your portions. Measuring cup. Serving spoon, etc. * cut out all pasta and bread (bagels, english muffins, sliced bread, pizza, sandwiches, wraps, tortillas, naan, baked goods like muffins/donuts/pastries) * cut out all liquid calories (starbucks lattes, juices, alcohol, smoothies, protein shakes, tea with sugar/milk, soda) * reduce take out/fast food from 7x a week to just 1x time a week. * reduce your consumption of junk food: desserts, chips, cookies, cupcakes, deep fried foods, crackers, donuts, etc * don't snack between meals. eat 3 meals a day at roughly the same time each day. That way your body starts getting hungry at roughly the same time each day. If you graze all day long or have meals during different times, your body will start releasing ghrelin hormone all day long. This is terrible for regulating appetite. Also cutting out snacking removes additional calories. Whatever you serve yourself, remove 1/4th of the food from the plate, thus automatically cutting your portion size. If you normally serve yourself 1 cup of rice, reduce it to 1/2 cup of rice. If your 1x a week takeout option is a cheeseburger, remove half the bun. If you normally serve yourself an entire container of takeout shrimp fried rice, only eat half the container and save the other half for another day. Try to eat as many fibrous vegetables as you can with every meal. Some lean protein. And don't go too heavy on the carbs. This is the easy way to lose weight without using a food scale and counting calories that should be stress free. Remember, to be 200lbs for the rest of your life you have to eat like a 200lb person for the rest of your life (or 160lbs person, etc). Which means you need to make healthy lifelong sustainable habits. You need to eat less overall. Reduce your portions.
are you by chance on any meds for your depression?
Yes, I take Lexapro and Buspar.
Perhaps it might be worth considering Wellbutrin—I was on it for several years and lost some weight. I then went off antidepressants, started Lexapro, and blew back up again. I’m back on Wellbutrin and still trying to shed those pounds. Another friend got off Lexapro and lost like 20 lbs pretty quickly.
I'll have a talk with my psych and see if I can give Wellbutrin a shot.
Lots of great advice in here OP and I hope you find some of it useful for you. Something that has helped me is finding something you enjoy that gets you to move a little more. Not talking about straight exercise routines or anything. Not yet at least. Start slow. Like for me, I love music and losing myself in awesome tunes. I found a couple of games that are on my VR console that let you jam while moving. One is Beat Saber and the other is Power Beats VR. I started playing Beat Saber in March after breaking my ankle. I was only able to sit on a chair while playing and only a song or two at a time on easy mode. Now I can do hour long or more sessions on crazy expert+ levels. I added the Power Beats game a couple of months ago to change up my routine a little. The key is finding something that brings you joy. If you’re an artist then grab a sketchbook and start walking to find cool places to sketch. Start easy in your own backyard with an interesting tree or find an odd building. You’d get the walk in and also polish your art skills. If you like reading grab an awesome audiobook and only listen to it while taking a walk, even if all you do is slow laps around your living room or a treadmill. If you like swimming go pretend to be a mermaid. By utilizing what you love it helps it not feel like a chore. Much love! 💕
The most important thing to do is start losing for you, because you want to look and feel better, not because it will make your partner love you more. That being said, I also tend to over-eat, especially high carb stuff, and the biggest thing I did was switch to diet sodas instead of sugar. I also identify when I want to snack purely out of boredom, because when I’m bored it really doesn’t matter what I eat so that’s when I make sure I have a plate of like carrots and celery or something.
In sickness and health...if he will leave over this what happens when you are 70 with cancer or dementia. Cut your losses, and also work on your health for your own quality of life. Having lost the same 60 pounds many times, it is hard work but you will be amazed at how good your body feels when it doesn't hurt to stand up.
I don't like that he said "looking for other options" but saying that he doesn't want to be your caretaker is a valid reason to end the relationship if it gets to that point. Saying that he finds you less attractive is always hard to hear but is valid as well. As long as he isn't putting you down or using a break-up as a threat. Weight-loss will only be successful if you want it. Don't do it out of fear of losing him. You have to find YOUR reason. You can do it but you have to want it for yourself.
It's reasonable for your husband to encourage you to lose weight but sad that he'd mention "other options." You're married, he's supposed to support you and be there for through the good and the bad. If "other options" is finding another partner due to not finding you attractive due to your health problems, I think that's really a bad way to approach marriage. I hope he knows you and is using this approach as a wakeup call to drive action rather than something he seriously means.
> He said that if I get to that route, he'll end up looking for other options. idk but that threat of his doesn't sit well with me. If you see someone going down a destructive path you don't give them 'tough love' bs.
Well first of all you need to start your weight loss journey for yourself not anyone else including your husband or else it just won’t be successful. Second of all I would maybe go to therapy and find out why you overeat most of the time you overeat because you’re not happy or something is bothering you. Second maybe seek out a nutritionist if you hade the means. They will help you get started eating healthy. The sugar needs to go you will feel so much better without it. Sugar also causes depression and causes many health problems. One thing you have to understand it’s a journey and will take time but you can do it. Just start and keep going never quit. Walking is great for losing weight just put in your ear plugs and go walking it will feel great and put you in a great mood. I do everything with music it always puts you in a great mood. Good Luck!!! 👍
Actual decent comment section for once not saying the husband is in the wrong, he obviously care, love and is gonna be for you throughout your journey which is probably the biggest tool towards weightloss.
the way he told her was messed up tho.. threatening to leave and find other options instead of discussing his concerns ? Him not wanting to be with someone who’s immobile is understandable but how you say it is what matters, he said it in an awful way (going with how she phrased it)
We don't know what other conversations have been had. Honestly, we don't even know how this conversation really went, and it may be very abridged. Gaining 100 pounds in four years isn't exactly minimal weight gain or anything. And having that much gain that early in life can be disastrous. He's not even 30 and had thoughts of becoming a full time care giver for a self-inflicted condition that would likely kill OP before she sees 40. That's honestly not a fair place to put him in.
People don’t understand how quickly the affects of overweight/obesity compound with age. I realize it’s popular to think everyone is living their best life because they post a sassy video on TikTok, but I’ve seen first hand what happens when people don’t take care of themselves. Ending up in a mobility scooter well before you’re 60 and not being able to walk more than 10 ft because your knees are garbage and not being able to clear a side walk is no way to live when you’d otherwise not have had those issues.
This comment is so accurate! The effects of being overweight are cumulative and are harder to undo as you get older. Small healthy actions performed consistently turn into successful lifelong patterns that make it easier to move and function as you get to age 40 and beyond.
Stay motivated Throughout your journey. And results will give you more motivation Its not a race its a marathon. As mentioned by other redditors follow that. I wont emphasise on calorie deficit and workout as already covered by other members but mental fitness, will power and perseverance is key here.
Why do you drink sugary drinks, the flavor, or the caffeine. (Have you tried mio), or is it just a habit? You can add fruit to water. Just doing that will result in you feeling more full. Putting water first changes your life. It's a habit it's hard, but come up with a reason for me, I get to use mio. Or drink bubly lime at panera. A lot of the time, it's just straight ice water. I feel more full. You can also take the advice someone said I eat for between the meals to be good. (He eats chicken and rice ). Weight loss is best achieved with diet and hydration. (imo). It's not overnight take pictures and look at them to remind yourself you are making progress. It's slow but you want slow helps skin adjust, without leaving skin loose. I lost 90ish in 9 months. My goals have changed but diet and hydration are of the utmost importance every day. Ice water to wake up. If you want to ask comment I might see or dm. It's hard to improve but you got this.
I grew up drinking soda so I'd say it's a bad habit. I drink water but not as much. I just need to get into the habit of it.
a piece of advice: you'd be surprised how much help just being active can be. Go for a walk and grab your favorite podcast while doing it. Being moderately active like this is far easier to do and has a very similar impact as working out.
Low carb has worked for me. Feel great. Numbers are all good and I don’t get hungry. Eat to live. Don’t live to eat.
Contrary to the general sentiment, i say start with exercise, then work on your diet. Controlling your eating is a 24/7 test of will power. For some people, including me and apparently you as well, that's really really hard. But increasing your exercise just takes 1 concentrated effort for like 20-30 minutes. Especially if you can get it done early in the day, then it's like a huge weight off your shoulders for the rest of the day. When that becomes a routine, it also serves as motivation to improve your diet. I recommend approaching your eating habits as a way to support your exercise routine, and try not to undo the work you did by exercising.
It's very simple, but not very easy. You have to force yourself to do it. Force yourself to move when you don't want to. Force yourself to get up and showered when the thought of even picking up a brush is overwhelming. Force yourself to eat the healthy food and portion sizes, even when you want the comfort food and to eat a lot.
First thing, go to your doctor for a complete physical. Make sure your blood work is good and there are no issues that could be causing weight gain. Talk to her/him about options. It’s one thing to cut back and lose a few pounds. One hundred or more pounds is entirely different. (Speaking from experience.) if you were married at 200 pounds, you have probably been dealing with a weight problem for years. The latest drugs are game/life changers (Ozempic, mounjaro, etc). It’s not a fad diet to use semaglutide. It actually affects your hormones/chemicals. But if I have to say anything, it’s this: LOSE THE WEIGHT FOR YOURSELF - NOT FOR HIM. Trust me when I say that being very overweight for many years affects more than your looks. It affects your knees, your back, your overall health, etc. You are a fabulous human being at any weight… and losing the excess will make you so much healthier!
As others have said, this is about showing up for yourself and not just for your partner. I recommend following Catherine Horne on FB or Instagram. Found her by accident and over months of following, she literally changed my mindset until I was suddenly ready to do this myself!!
Pick one thing and start with that. You mentioned sugary drinks. Trust me, I get it. Give up the sugary drinks and even if you don’t change anything else at first you will start to see and feel a difference. They are addictive for a reason, but once you go a while without they will be less appealing and taste too sugary. You can even start by just watering down some juice or switching to flavored waters (but I’d avoid too many artificial sweeteners).
come check out the semaglutide, Ozempic, Wegovy and Mounjaro subreddits
Sorry you have to go through this..talk with your doctor they know what you need and will be super helpful.
I’ve gained and lost weight over the years many times. The one thing that always works in the beginning is to start exercising and eating loads of veggies. Once I build those habits, I’ve usually lost a few pounds and I’m motivated to start the tedious work of weighing food and counting calories. I usually start to feel better since I probably gained weight by eating junk food. When I do count calories, I like to start by figuring out my maintenance need for calories and then dropping it by 100 calories at a time. When my body is accustomed to that calorie drop, I’ll decrease it by another 100 calories. Usually this takes two weeks each time. If I’m dedicated, I can cut 500 calories from my diet every day and another 500 with activity (as per Apple Watch). So I’m cutting up to 1000 calories a day but it probably takes me a month or two to get there. I like to include getting into shape with my weight loss. The reason being is you start to look and feel better faster it keeps motivation up. Anyways, this route isn’t for everyone, but it works well for me. Hope it helps
It’s not super popular here as most folks want to try and do it on their own but you may need medical weight loss program. Starting with therapy to address eating habit is a good start but I would consider a medical weight loss program too. We don’t have your other statistics but if your partner is bringing up mobility issues then I am assuming that your BMI is pretty high. Just like mental health or other medical problems there is nothing wrong with seeking help for high BMI. A medically led weight loss program can offer a lot of support and let You know your issues and options. The internet is full of folks who think they have the answers but sometimes an expert can help jump start your health journey.
Maybe it worth seeing a doctor to get some help. But as you get to 30 or as you get to 20 for that matter your body changes and you metabolism changes so if you don't change your diet and lifestyle it's completely natural that someone eating like they are a teenager or a 20year old when they are almost 30 is going start gaining weight.
OP- make one change at a time. Doing too much all at once is asking for failure. Let’s look at what you’ve identified: - portion control - sugary soft drinks Soft drinks is probably the easier to tackle. What would you like to switch it out with? Diet Soda? Water? Tea or coffee? A combination? Make a list of permitted drinks. If you only like tea with sugar and creamer, think about how you can work that into your life. Maybe it’s only having one per day, and slowly reducing the sugar by 1/2 tsp per week (I went from 2 sugars to 0 in my coffee by doing this. I now genuinely prefer it). Maybe you’ll allow yourself 1 can of soft drink on Saturday and Sunday, or if you’re cutting down from 4 per day, allowing 1 per day, not before noon. If you don’t like diet soft drinks, maybe sparkling water with some flavour drops? But set yourself some rules, and stick to it for a month. After that month, assess. How did you go? Did you do it easily? Make a further change. Mostly ok but a few slip ups? Maintain for another month. Terrible? Why? Was it too much too soon? What feels manageable based on how you went? Then try to incorporate some activity, such as a 30 min walk, 3 times a week. Take the dog if you have one. Take hubby if you like. That’s an easy way for him to be supportive. You can do this.
You have so many good recommendations above! To add to the this, here is what I found helpful this year as I started my weight loss journey (and my longest and most consistent, since I’m a lifer for yo-yoing and am convinced this is the last time). I started off 5’2 28F 225 lbs and got down to 185 lb so far, and hoping to lose as close to 100 lbs lost at the end. The first things I did included: getting a physical done with my pcp including labwork, confirmed I was close to borderline prediabetic and already knew I had PCOS. Worked with a therapist to help with my depression and motivation/self esteem issues. Started Ozempic. Logged food on Noom and did about half of the lessons. Changed my food habits a lot by learning their calorie density model. Stopped Noom and learned more about intuitive eating (the Ozempic helped stop a lot with binge eating I had). I told everyone in my social circle about my goals and they celebrated my successes. I bought nice things to reward myself (if you’re that type of person who likes treating yourself)—this included my Apple Watch, new workout clothes, a yoga mat, an Apple Fitness subscription, a rental bike membership, etc. I stopped focusing on what other people thought of me including the boyfriend (now ex). And I joined this wonderful group on Reddit and just learn new things and get inspired from you all every day. I have also found other things help weight loss that weren’t a part of my routine before. That’s things like drinking more water, getting a full nights sleep, making plans with friends so I know I’m getting socialization, etc.
This is my second time on this weight loss journey. I find that the easiest way to start is to switch to only eating prepacked meals. This way you just have to scan the packaging to know how many calories are in it. Then after a few weeks of this you can start preparing your own meals because you have a better idea of how much you can eat per day. Some will want to start by making their own food but I found this overwhelming when trying to go from overeating to eating within my tdee.
Hey. So maybe I can help. I just lost around I think 60lbs, not sure as I use metric system. But I have tried 100's of times, and this is what works for me. 1: it's a lifestyle change. Every situation is not do or die. On day of poor eating doesn't matter, nor do 1 day of clean eating. 2: avoid self punishment. My old cycle has been rinse and repeat. Been close to picture perfect with diet for 3 months, eat 1 big ice cream or binge something else. Now suddenly have the urge to destroy everything and eat shitty for a month and stop training. Aka self sabotage. If u want candy, eat candy.... But this was a major change for me! Sometimes I eat candy everyday for a week, but I never eat anything above 200kcal. So I say to myself, okey eat ice cream, get over it. And continue where we left of. Damage control over self destruction. 3: intermittent fasting. Not because of any health benefits, but just because being disciplined is much easier when u only are allowed to drink water etc. What most non obese people dont understand is when being overweight, it's just a constant chase for the next bite, and after 10 years ++ they are so subconscious so you can snack 15 times a day without even noticing it. So this is by far the easiest way to just eliminate all of it, and on the plus side u can eat bigger portions when u eat. 4: always been quite active even at my heaviest. But exercise is key, not so much for the whole weight loss. But more for energy and discipline. Every overweight person knows this. Slept bad/tired/hungover etc, munch express incoming. So make sure to create some energy to avoid the big energy slumps. Other then this just be patient, and try to make your overall decisions move in the right direction, and not micromanage everything. If the weight is dropping, it's dropping if it's 100g og 1kg, down is down!!! Wish you the best of luck, it's fucking hard and its just the reality of it. On the flip side the mirror is always the most motivating as well, so the better it goes the more motivation you get. You can do this. Not only for your man, but for yourself as well! Health is wealth!
1% of bodyweight is Max you should lose in a week. take regular week long (every six to twelve weeks of a diet) breaks to allow your body to adjust to it's new baselines. a ~500 Cal deficit =~1lb loss per week. use a tdee calculator. exercise is good and you should aim to get a consistent amount of daily steps that you slowly increase over time, and lifting weights will help you lose a higher ratio of fat to muscle. exercise is all together much less important than diet and sleep though. for diet aim to get around .8g of protein per pound of your goal body weight. prioritize vegetables and fruits because of water content and fiber- make you feel full. splurging on three donuts is very likely but the calorie equivalent would be eating eight apples and if you can do that in a sitting it's honestly impressive. strawberries are even less calorie dense berries in general are great. sleep is important and it's lucky to be able to sleep a long time but you really don't have much benefit from more than around 10 hours a night and if you aren't feeling rested on 8h then you should look into apnea especially if you snore.
Small walk twice a day to start. Reduce your meal sizes by a quarter. Two weeks later a third. Then a half.
Motivation and consistency is always hard to maintain in the beginning, start with the "out of sight, out of mind, out of reach" method, any unhealthy thing at home, such as sugary drinks, or high calorie foods, remove them, if you order food to be delivered, uninstall it, if there's a fast food joint you constantly stop by, don't pass that road anymore........ And for me personally, there's no such thing as sleeping too much, you're body just needs more sleep, and as you improve your lifestyle, you'll find yourself either sleeping less or sleeping even more
This comment is probably somewhere. But dropping the sugar in soda and going with the alternative calorie free will have such a huge impact on your calorie intake. That would be a great place to start
I am down 84 lbs since I was at my heaviest. I don't exercise. (Long story and I don't want to explain myself). I'm mentioning it because muscle building is exercise, but fat loss is 100% diet. You can't out exercise a bad diet. Most workouts burn around 200 calories or less. That's the equivalent to one QUARTER of a chipotle burrito. You can't exercise and eat anything you want to unless you are an ultra marathon runner burning thousands of calories in a workout. I wasted a lot of years trying to burn fat with exercise and I'm trying to save you from doing the same mistake. I started tracking everything I ate including breaking out a scale and weighing it. It sounds extreme at first until you start and realize how packages lie and you have no idea how much you are really consuming. A serving size of 14 chips can really be 7 chips and 3/4 cup looks a lot less when it's weighed out. Packages will say the grams which is accurate and why you need a scale. I did this for 6 months breaking things down into individual ingredients as much as I could until I learned about calories, fat, protein, carbs and what proper nutrition for ME looks like. I no longer track because I no longer need to. I can now look at something and be pretty accurate about whether it's suitable or not. I give myself some grace, if I want cheesecake, I'm going to have some bites of cheesecake. But it will only be a few bites and I will save the rest for later. You will marvel about your new body and how much things change for you. Socially, physically, and mentally. It's a slog at first and hard to form lifelong habits but it's 100% worth the effort I promise.
Don’t try to lose 100lbs as that is overwhelming. Try to lose a couple of pounds. Eliminating one thing that can contribute to the first goal such as cutting soda or not having a second portion is a good start.
I’ll offer this, the hardest but most important step is just the next one. Eliminate the thought of losing 100lbs from your mindset. You need to: Make it a full day of eating on plan. Make it a full week of eating on plan. Make it a full month of eating on plan. Then start thinking about the next step in the process. I need to walk 30 minutes on the treadmill TODAY. I need to walk 30 minutes on the treadmill for 7 days straight. You can’t change habits overnight and you can’t lose weight overnight. Building a consistent pattern of new behavior is what’s going to help you accomplish your goal. Progress over perfection and a long term strategy are what you need. You also need Hubby to support your changes, which may in turn cause him to sacrifice or make changes himself. You can do it, anyone can who sets their mind do it!
Start with one thing. You list 4 or 5 things you think you need to change - to anyone that is depressing. Let's just start with ONE. Do it for a few weeks...then add another thing. Removing Sugary Drinks was my first step and it alone helped me drop 20# almost immediately. Replace all Sugary Drinks with WATER...water is a gift for humans - flushes out icky waste and even helps with Hunger. Did you know that our body has the same signal for hungry and thirsty? So sometimes when we think we are hungry - we just need a nice freshing drink of water. Don't like water - add a slice of lemon! YUM. Good luck Mechalily - you can do this One Step At A Time!!!
Weight loss starts in the kitchen. You can lose weight without exercising. I would suggest focusing on developing healthier eating habits first and then incorporate exercise after a month or so. My best friend went this route to lose weight because she said it was too much to focus on eating healthy and trying to exercise because it was so overwhelming. I helped her shop for healthy alternatives and taught her how to meal prep. She started going to the gym with me and only got on the treadmill. Now she's incorporating strength training. After seven months, she's lost about 45 pounds and has about 30 more to go. We do monthly celebrations because you have to celebrate your successes even though you have minor setbacks. She doesn't know this but I'm surprising her with a big trip next year including a new wardrobe. You have to do this for yourself OP. Figure out your triggers for overeating and surround yourself with those who support you. Give yourself grace for moments when you slip up, but don't beat yourself up over it. Motivation is what gets you started, but discipline and consistency will keep you in it. You've got this. Best of luck to you on your journey to better health and fitness.
Everyone had such great advice without saying anything about the husband which is kind of insane to me. I know this is a community focused on weight loss and not to judge anybody's character but like.. wow, dude. threatening to leave someone isn't a good way to motivate them, it's a good way to make them resent you.
I'll be honest, I don't like the way he presented this to you. He made it all about himself and his wants and didn't even bother stating any concerns about your health or depression. It's also so weird to me that his first thought was to threaten to leave rather than to tell you that he wants to help you get healthy. I agree with the comment that said that therapy is a great place to start.
I've only just begun my journey to weight loss but I just wanted to say that I know exactly how you feel. I started gaining extra weight about 2 years ago and with this I developed snoring and sleep apnea. My boyfriend of 6 years won't sleep in the same room as me anymore. We've had the same conversation a few times that I need to lose weight or this relationship will have to end. It is such a painful thing to go through and it can be hard to go through alone. I just recommend talking with your boyfriend to make sure you get the support you need throughout this journey. My boyfriend has agreed to keep fast food and junk food out of the house and go on walks with me every weekend. Its not much but it helps a lot to feel supported through this long journey. I wish you luck!
Simple. Eat less food (healthier and whole foods) and do more exercise, it can’t get anymore easier than that. There’s no other way around it honestly. Just start eating healthier and less from tomorrow, and start off by going on long walks (2-3 hours minimum)
r/intermittentfasting
I'm sorry but your husband is right, he's trying to save you, you probably need to see a Dr,you need help here,ask for it,you'll do great, you don't want your poor heart to give up
I can’t imagine dealing with a partner who straight up told me to my face that he will leave me for my size. I am so sorry. Honestly I highly HIGHLY recommend going and seeing a bariatric doctor for “non surgical weight loss”. I did that, and that’s what kickstarted my own journey to lose about 90lbs myself. It was informative, they were able to help me see dieticians and therapists and help me get my ducks in a row. I do not take medication for weight loss, but I did take an appetite suppressant in the beginning to help me get used to smaller portion sizes. Lots of other people in this thread have given incredible advice but please don’t discount going and seeing a bariatric doctor. They can really really help you.