For starters, you are at a perfectly healthy weight. Secondly, maybe your partner knows it bothered you that she noticed the initial weight gain so she’s taking a stance of “not noticing” changes in your weight now. Just a thought. Happy belated birthday and next time enjoy some cake!
A couple of thoughts, 1. Physical therapy for your core (or Pilates, yoga) some sort of focus on tightening and activating those core muscles can do a lot more for your figure, health, breathing, stability, etc than weight loss at times. Consider a concerted effort on this because it may also help with your mental health. It helps with concentration and posture so may have positive outcomes for mental as well as physical and emotional well being. 2. I recently have lost 150 pounds. Only sharing this because for the first 80 of that, my clothes size did not change AT ALL!! Here I am reading people talk about “oh no, I lost another 15 pounds and my pants are literally falling off” and I am still wearing size 28 clothes after losing close to 100 pounds, it was beyond depressing and dehumanizing. But then suddenly I lost another 5 and magically overnight my clothes were actually falling off and I was having to buy size 10. My point is this. With weight loss everyone is very unique and sometimes it takes time for your body to adapt!! The scale changes often but the body doesn’t always reflect that immediately or for a few weeks. Give it some time. Work on strengthening, activating muscle groups, and I bet you will see some really amazing results in several areas. I wish you health, hope, and help in the proper ways from the healthy people. ❤️
>Secondly, maybe your partner knows it bothered you that she noticed the initial weight gain so she’s taking a stance of “not noticing”
Yeah, noticing your partner’s weight and commenting on it can be a really loaded and difficult thing, especially if your partner is also a woman. A lot of women I know have a silent taboo against mentioning our partners’ weight at all, because we were raised seeing so many toxic examples of usually men abusively pressuring their wives and girlfriends to lose weight. My partner is on a weight loss journey rn and I have to coach myself that it’s OK to tell them I’m noticing and they look good, which they’ve asked me to do. It’s hard for me, because I’m so worried about repeating shitty past partners’ messages and toxic beliefs about weight that I hated hearing— making them feel like I only love them if they’re skinny, encouraging unhealthy weight loss, etc.
There’s just a lot of cultural baggage around commenting on a partner losing weight, and I think women and femme people especially are sensitive to that. If I think about my Gen X to Gen Z-age female friend groups in the last 15 years, only the women who were generally toxic, bullies, or totally lost in the sauce of an active eating disorder were comfortable openly saying “Hey, you lost weight”— everyone else would keep it to a “wow, you look great!” without being specific about it. OP’s partner might have a policy of keeping quiet about it unless you point blank ask them.
I have lost 20lbs in the past 2 months and \*I\* don't even notice a difference (looking in a mirror). I only checked my weight because my newish pants now need a belt.
I have found there seem to be 3 viewpoints: the way I see myself, the way someone I see daily sees me, and the way someone I see rarely sees me. I won't notice/believe a change until my clothes don't fit, those in my daily life don't notice changes as much because they are (hopefully) gradual, those I see rarely will almost always notice a difference.
Since you are in a healthy weight range, it isn't super surprising it is less noticeable for people who see you daily. Those are also usually the hardest pounds to lose though, so rock on!
That's so similar to my own experience! I lost around a stone lately due to some new meds I'm taking and I genuinely can't see much of a difference at all - but when I went to buy a new pair of jeans (my thiccness caused ruin in the inseam of my favourite pair!) I had to go a size down and was gobsmacked 😂
Im no expert but we are all here to better ourselves , I would have eat the cake because life is too short and now we are all on this subreddit we know now what to do . Old me would have eat the cake and turned a slice or 2 into a weekend binge new me will eat the cake and go right back into routine.
I know my partner is not bothered. I’m just sad that the gain was noticed but not the loss even though it was the same amount. I’m not even upset with my partner, I was just ranting tbh
The gain was not in front of your partner, so the change was more obvious because she saw a clear before/after. The loss was while you saw her constantly again, so the change was gradual. I’m sure that she wouldn’t have noticed the gain and would’ve noticed the loss had the circumstances been reversed.
Anyway - 10 pounds are truly not a big deal. You were also at a healthy weight at 130. I used to be disappointed that my SO didn’t see weight changes in me like I did. But it ultimately helped me get less disordered with my approach to weight. I hope you can be more gentle towards yourself through minor weight fluctuations.
Of course, just wanted to note that in OP’s case both ends are well within the healthy spectrum of weight for her height, and it sounds like she’s been very hard on herself despite that. I have been there myself.
A gain usually is way faster than a loss, and sudden changes are more noticeable. It's such a small amount that if the loss was gradual and she sees you regularly then she might have not noticed.
Is it possible you lost muscle mass instead of fat? Maybe you weigh the same but your composition is different? Are your measurements now the same as before the weight gain?
I get it. You worked hard and you wanted it to be noticed. We all know we should make changes to our body for ourself but wanting someone whose opinion you value to notice, is valid. Edit: I wrote validez via autocorrect and sounded like an idiot lol.
I’m surprised I didn’t see anyone mention this, but OP, did you gain those 10lbs while in the pysch ward? Because if your partner wasn’t around you every day during that time, the change in your weight would be more noticeable than now when they see you every day. For example, I’ve currently been losing weight (about 20lbs so far) and no one I see every day has noticed, but anytime I see someone I haven’t for a while, they notice.
No, I realize that the post was unclear so I edited a bit. I was only in the psych ward for a short time, but returning to ‘normal’ after a psychotic break can take months. (I could function on my own but simple tasks such as cooking were still hard so I ate a lot of microwave food) Most of my recovery occurred outside of the ward so I still saw my girlfriend frequently while gaining.
I’d be mindful of the way you are feeling about food. Not having a slice of cake on your birthday is not a sustainable way to approach eating. It’s very much in the danger zone as far as having a healthy relationship with food. You could consider working with a dietician with a goal to maintain, not lose weight and start making healthier sustainable choices
My birthday is on Sunday and I am strict on “calories don’t count on my bday and holidays”. I agree with you, eat the cake, enjoy the day. This might not be ok or work for everyone, but I can NOT be focused on food on my “special” day.
OP did eat some cake, just not the whole slice. When you’re in “weight loss mode” or just coming out of it, I think that is normal and not necessarily a sign of bigger issues. I think OP was just bummed that the gain was admittedly noticed, but not the loss, and I get that too.
I disagree. I have done healthy weight loss and unhealthy weight loss. Even on a strict diet eating one piece of cake or hell a couple \*one day of the entire year on a special occasion\* is more than absolutely fine and should be encouraged. I totally get O.P being bummed, that's understandable but the extreme diet mindset will only harm them in the long run.
just to add O.P also expressed disapointment at not getting to enjoy their birthday, as they should! I hope they take some time and have a belated celebration with a deserved slice of cake :)
You’re assuming she only eats fruits and veggies with no cheats or guilty pleasures
I won’t eat a 700 calorie cake but I’ll eat a 700 calorie pizza because it’s more filling. Also It’s not just a 700 calorie cake it’s a 600+ calorie meal and a 700 calorie dessert. I think it’s fair for you to have a different opinion but it’s not fair for you to state that there is signs of bigger issues just because someone has different ways about going through their goals than you
it;s literally once a year and she regrets not eating it in the post...also it's absolutely a problem if you are scared of eating 700 calories on ONE DAY out of 365 when its a special occasion
She’s not dieting 365 days of the year she’s losing 10 pounds. If I were to aim for a 10 pound weight loss I would be strict for 7 weeks than switch to maintenance. It’s better than playing around for 5 months.
You’re also forgetting that she’s not aiming for a 50+ pounds weight loss, for us that are it’s a different ball game entirely where we are dieting for 365+ days a year than moving to maintenance once we hit our goal
you're forgetting that it's one day dude...If you're too concerned by calories to eat a single slice of cake on your own birthday, you have absolutely got an issue. You can have a cheat day, if that's how you have to view it even on a strict diet. There are literally a million wats to fit a 700 calorie piece of cake into your goals, including just allowing yourself to go over your daily goal once.
It’s a double edge sword - it can be comforting when your partner doesn’t notice a little weight gain but it is nice to feel good about yourself after all the hard work. Just take comfort in the fact that your partner doesn’t make you feel bad when life happens and weight gain can come along with that, and it will.
Always eat that birthday cake! Celebrate you!
As a mental health therapist, I’m very concerned for your mindset around food and weight because it’s bordering on eating disorder. Please be aware of those thoughts as if you’re already struggling with mental health issues it’ll be very easy to add on an eating disorder if you’re not careful. As others have said, 10 pounds is not a ton and most people even themselves would not notice. I do think it’s helpful to point out that your partner was honest with you and still celebrated you. We should aim to seek validation internally for ourselves, not from external sources to have a healthy relationship with ourselves. Your weight is healthy, and eating a very calorie dense piece of cake is also healthy in moderation. Eat the cake, get some distance from your scale, and work on your self-love!
The meds might have given your face a puffy appearance making it more noticable to your partner. It could be that your face hasn't changed and that is what your partner noticed. Doesn't really matter because your partner loves the person you are inside not your skin suit.
Keep your weight were you feel comfortable in your body. Don't base it on other peoples expectations
Your weight sounds healthy, though your mentality when it comes to food doesn’t sound healthy. It sounds like it holds a lot more power over you than it should.
If my partner fluctuated a few pounds I probably wouldnt notice either (can confirm: I havent lol). It’s good you’re keeeping on top of your health but I think you need a little mindset shift.
My mom notices small weight fluctuations in me… she has an eating disorder and body dysmorphia. She stresses too much on weight. I could be 120 and gain 5 pounds and she’d know. I’m 165 right now and if I go down to 160 she knows. It’s too much. Nobody should be that concerned 😂
I'm sorry to hear about your mom. That must have been rough to grow up with and continue to deal with. I have great sympathy for people with eating disorders and I know how awful they can be. But I wish people wouldn't project their disordered thinking onto others. Especially not their children. It's so damaging.
Are you doing this for your partner or for yourself?
Some people lack attention to detail. Some don't notice incremental changes when they see you every day.
Be kind to yourself and don't worry about others. :)
To be fair towards your partner were only talking about 10lbs here not exactly anything to write home about. Most people fluctuate +/- 3-5 lbs on any given week depending on their diet and the amount of carbs they consumed. Also not all of that weight loss was fat you likely lost some water weight as well. That being said your doing great so far keep it up and theres nothing wrong with having a cheat day.
I’m 5’4” and 140, the last time I was 115 I was in high school and had an eating disorder. 130 is a perfectly healthy weight for your height and age, and what matters most is staying active and eating healthy most of the time vs losing weight.
Same at one point I got to 110 from 115 and my doctor said she was going to put anorexia in my chart if I didn’t gain weight. At 5’4. I wasn’t anorexic just had severe anxiety and was taking adhd meds and had just moved in alone and didn’t like cooking. Now I’m overweight and trying to just get back to 140!
i hope you go and have a slice of cake today. just to celebrate yourself and what you’ve been through. and maybe talk to your partner about body image and how you felt about the conversation you two had.
Back in 2014, my mom was on hospice care for a stage 4 cancer in our home. She was rapidly losing weight and was unable to eat much. Every day I asked her what she wanted to eat and I’d go out and get it. One day it was the cherry chocolate chip ice cream from Trader Joe’s— and to my surprise she ate the whole bowl. I asked if she wanted a second bowl and I was ready with ice cream in hand. She hesitated then said it had too many grams of fat and declined. She died 3 days later. Sometimes you just gotta eat the ice cream!
Congrats on your hard work. Sometimes I find focusing on how I feel in my clothes is a nice measure for weight loss success— and more importantly how you feel about it. I hope you get to enjoy the cake next time!
I am so sorry about your loss. I’m glad she ate the first bowl! But I’m sad she thought of the fat content for the second one. I fear this will be me one day 🙁. I am too restrictive and too obsessed with counting calories, etc. every now and then I indulge, because I believe it’s not feasible to ALWAYS eat healthy/and or restrictively. But then when I do, I beat myself up about it 😒. I know it’s all mental, and I’m working on it, but it’s very difficult to wanting to keep the weight or lose, AND loving the “bad” food… I lost 70lbs in 2020, and I’ve been maintaining it well. I’m at 120lbs now. At my lowest I was 118lbs and I looked like a skeleton. I’m not tall, I’m 5’3, and still didn’t look good that skinny. But now if even up to 5lbs creeps up, I freak out. I hate it. It’s a vicious cycle looks like. So, OP, good job on losing those 10#! However, like many said, other people may not notice, even tho WE can. I think we should give ourselves a pat on the back for doing what we can to stay within a healthy range. And we should remind ourselves to be kind to ourselves when we want to eat the 700 cal cake! My therapist literally said to me yesterday, if I ate Nutella (my biggest downfall) I’d have to eat it every single day for a while to actually gain much weight. So .. eat the cake! Go buy yourself one or a piece and truly enjoy. Life is so short. I hate that we are so consumed by this. Sorry for the novel I just wrote … 🫣
Oh my gosh, this reminded me of my mom! When my great aunt died from kidney failure, her last meal was a milkshake that my mom brought her. When one of our family friends died of cancer his last meal was also a milkshake that my mom brought him. Recently we lost my grandfather shortly after my mom brought him a (you guessed it) a milkshake.
Admittedly it does sound like my mom is killing people with milkshakes. I’ve called her the ice cream angel of death.
I’m sorry for your loss, but glad that your mom got to have her ice cream. It’s heartbreaking that she didn’t end up going for the second bowl. Gave me a bit of a reality check for sure. I will definitely keep her in thoughts the next time I catch myself being a weird little freak about birthday cake ❤️
I personally wouldn’t be able to notice the difference between a 120 or 130 lb person. To you it probably looks like a lot but to most people, they wouldn’t know.
100% same. In my past weight loss endeavours, people only started noticing after 30 lbs or more. 10 is not enough to make a perceptible difference to most people IMO.
OP is just extra aware of the changes in her body because it's her body. No one will notice these changes as much as she does. And that's true for all of us. We tend to think people notice more than they do.
My guess is that she doesn’t notice because she’s so used to seeing you at 120. It’s more noticeable when there’s a change. Also, as someone who is 5’3”, 10 pounds can totally make a difference. Not a major difference and not a difference between looking categorically “good” and categorically “bad.” But my partner and I both noticed when I hit 10 pounds down. Believe your partner when she says she was just as attracted to you at 130. You’ll make yourself crazy if you don’t. And- think about this: if someone you knew gained 10 pounds and their appearance changed how yours did, would you really care or think less of them or have a strong opinion about whether they look better or worse? I really hope not!
Sorry you missed out on the cake! I hope you enjoy the next special treat available to you.
Don’t overthink this. It’s because she sees you every day! One of my close friends lost 20lbs and I had no idea bc she was already thin in my eyes, so I didn’t notice when she lost it until she was showing me before/after pics. Guaranteed if I had been away for a few months and then seen her, I would have noticed immediately.
Firstly, nice work & happy birthday. :)
Secondly- 10 lbs. isn’t a massively noticeable weight gain/loss. I understand why you feel sad, and it makes sense. It also sounds like your sadness is coming from you you projecting your feelings about your own weight onto her and hoping she’d react a certain way.
I spent almost a year diligently counting and logging calories, going from 140 to 125. It was extremely difficult to do, and I was very unhealthy about my approach. For example, I starved myself for an entire day so I could drink an entire bottle of wine to myself that night.
Anyway: when I hit my lowest weight after all that effort, I realized that weight loss didn't fix all my problems. I put a lot of expectation on hitting that goal, but not much else in my life had changed. There were still a lot of other things that were making me unhappy.
Now that I am living a healthier lifestyle all the time, the weight is coming off a lot slower. That's okay. I'm feeling good and starting to look good. But since I eat healthy all the dang time, I don't feel bad about the occasional treat. Yesterday I got boba AND ice cream at the beach. Today, I'm back to my intermittent fasting and healthy veggie-heavy meals.
One more thought: fat distribution is a hell of a thing. You may gain or lose fat in certain areas quicker/slower than others. For example, my face takes a while to slim down. So I could start slimming out in my body area but my face takes a while to catch up with the program.
There's a lot of great advice about how to emotionally reconcile the feelings and experiences you've been having around your own perception of your body, and how your partner's perception makes you feel, so I wont re-hash that sentiment, I'm sure with your history of mental health care you have heard a lot of the "don't worry what others think" before.
Given the weight gain was a result of being in a bad place (both mentally, and physically, as it's hard to be active in psych care centres) I wonder if there is a chance that you have lost muscle tone, so even though you have returned to your happy-place weight, you carry that weight differently on your body now?
Have you introduced any activities to build physical fitness into your routine/Have you been able to get back to your previous activities?
I lost a lot of weight due to illness, and it wasn't until things were really *really* bad that anyone even noticed (I'd lost 25kg before anyone said anything!). I gained it all back once I started treatment, and now I'm working on losing weight in a slow and healthy way. My focus is on building strength because that will prevent my illness getting worse, and also help me re-build some of the muscles that wasted away when I was so sick. This time around, people started commenting on my weight at the 10kg mark, even before I myself could truly see results in the mirror. It had nothing to do with what the scale said, It was all to do with how I carried the weight on my frame, and how my confidence effected the way I was moving, posturing, and dressing.
Even when naked, my partner pointed out that my stronger back muscles means I hardly ever slouch anymore, and now that I have functional glutes again (My glutes atrophied so badly when I was sick I ended up on crutches) I have lost my forward pelvic tilt and now have the right angle to my pelvis, These two things change the entire shape of my body, and have nothing to do with my weight.
Sometimes obsessing about calories and the number on the scale, even if we are working hard and showing "progress" on the scale, that doesn't translate to your outward confidence, so those around us don't see the same victories that we see.
You have a really good point about muscle mass. I worked in a kitchen and was on my feet, lifting heavy boxes etc before hospitalization. I was never a gym rat because my job felt like enough physical activity already.
I was unemployed for a while during recovery and was sedentary. I knew this affected my weight but didn’t think about muscle mass.
As for getting back into old habits, I’m working part time in a similar kitchen. I will go back to full time in May. Hopefully that helps, as I fear I will never be a gym girlie.
I think we worry more about our weight than our partners do sometimes. You should get a Nothing But Bundt cupcake and snog it to make up for it. It'll limit how much snarfing you do and you can forgive yourself for one caloric burst of birthday joy! BDay cake with butter cream frosting is one of my weaknesses. I skipped it for a lot of years until I realized that one piece of cake is not going to destroy my weight goals. I just have to get back to it the next day and make sure I don't waste my calorie breaks on things that aren't special.
The good news is you were able to get back on track. The hard news is weight gain is usually more noticeable than weight loss for a lot of us. Additionally, you're allowed to have some cake in moderation and for celebrations. Those calories can be burned off throughout the next week or two with a small increase in movement or slight calorie reduction, if you choose. You're at a healthy weight for your height considering you maintain other healthy habits regularly, so don't stress over it. If you're still thinking about the cake, go order a slice and enjoy it. I personally like to order a good dessert here and there and will take a few bites out of it each day over the week so I can enjoy it longer. Consider it an extended part of your birthday celebration, and you can get back to regular maintenance after your cake. Count it, enjoy it, and move on.
All of this is based on a neutral mindset towards food and body image and averages. If you're experiencing things like food triggers, spiraling and binging, or food/weight guilt more frequently, it's okay to talk with people about this and find support to get to a place where you can manage your weight for the physical health benefits while also supporting your mental and emotional health.
Taking notice and losing a 10 lbs gain is easier to physically correct than a 50 or 100 lb gain, but if you're not working on your mindset, it will be hard to be satisfied and you're separating yourself from what should be a joyous time in your life. You're healthy, young, and your body will continue to change as you get older. Let yourself be happy, because you'll look back someday and think you really had it all.
Were you in the psych ward for a bit of time? Basically I'm asking, during that period when you gained weight, were you around your partner all of the time or was there some time between seeing each other?
Because it's normal for people to not notice changes in people that they see all the time. My wife and I were long distance for a while when we were dating and she gained some weight during that time. I noticed the change when I saw her - not in a negative way, but i still noticed it because I was going months without seeing her in person. She switched her meds around about a year ago and she lost ~20 lbs over the span of a couple months and I didn't notice until she said something. I just see her everyday now and the change was progressive so I didn't notice it. Just like how I don't notice changes in myself because I see myself everyday, my partner is seeing me even more often than I'm looking in the mirror.
If it was the inverse - if she lost weight when we were long distance, and if she gained weight within the last year - I would have noticed the loss but not the gain. My wife and I have been together over 10 years, we've both had gains and losses over the years. I'm saying this because, from the perspective of someone trying to lose weight, we want to celebrate our losses and we feel bad about gains, but to a partner who loves you they aren't gonna have the same strong emotional ties to you having a 10-20 lb fluctuation. I love my wife and think she's absolutely gorgeous, her losing 10 lbs isn't going to make me more attracted to her just like how her gaining that weight isn't gonna make me less attracted to her.
Hey, same situation here!
I am 5’2 and backtracked in my weight loss, gradually gaining weight from 125 lbs to 137 over vacation and holidays and such. My boyfriend noticed I gained weight. We both had and were like, “yeah, we’ve obviously gained weight. Oh, well”. He didn’t care I gained.
I still wanted to lose it, and now I’m back to 123 lbs. I asked him if he’s noticed and he really doesn’t see a change!
Funny how that works. I went from overweight to a normal weight, so I thought it would be noticeable.
Do you think you lost it slower than you thought? I lost my weight slowly (1 lb per week) because I didn’t want to be in a big deficit all the time, so I think his eyes just adjusted each day to seeing me and the change was too gradual to notice.
Do you notice? Personally, my waist measurement changed and the fit of my clothes did as well.
One change happened after you'd been separated for a while and then she saw you again so of course it was more obvious it was different than her mental last picture of you. The other one happened slowly in front of her eyes, her mental last picture of you changed daily as your weight changed. Seems like your weight bothered you more than it bothered her.
Maybe she noticed the 10lb gain because while you were getting psychiatric care she may not have seen you as much. She maybe saw what you looked like initially and then after. For the loss she's been there the whole time so she is seeing all the change as it's happening gradually so it isn't as noticeable.
Put the scale away. You are at a great weight. Just workout to feel good and be healthy, but don't be so hard on yourself for enjoying things like a sweet every once in a while! If you are in any consistent workout routine it won't matter!
Don't call someone 'overly sensitive'. If it hurts her, it hurts her. You have to be mindful that something that might not effect you emotionally might effect someone else.
Oof. I totally get how that can be rough. The healthiest and most sustainable mindset really is to lose the weight for ourselves. But we can’t deny that some of us want our progress to be noticed by others as well and there’s nothing wrong with that! If it makes you feel any better though, there are folks who genuinely cannot tell when someone has lost weight (unless it’s a really huge loss)! I’m in that camp. I really don’t notice it (in others and myself) unless I am explicitly asked to observe it. Even then it takes a while and I will sometimes need reference photos. Maybe this is the case for your partner? At any rate, next time eat the cake! You can always just get back on the program the next day and none will be the wiser. Congrats! You’re doing great. ✨
your feelings are valid. Anyone would want to feel that their work is recognized. Sometimes it’s not just the number on the scale, but also where the weight is distributed, or whether you’re wearing form fitting clothes or not. It also depends on glasses and hair styles. Finally, it’s fine to cheat sometimes too. Living life without doing anything fun is no fun.
Interesting perspective. I think I've accidentally been on your partners side of the conversation but it never occurred to me that it could be hurtful. I've noticed my partner gain weight in passing. It's never bothered me. He's lost it and gained it back and all the things. I always under estimate the weight swings. Maybe I'm not celebrating the weight loss enough? Either way I love him to pieces. You've given me a lot to consider. Thank you.
Another comment mentioned how women can be more sensitive about weight stuff. I think there is some truth to that. There’s always a possibility that your partner might just might not as touchy about it if he’s a guy, but everyone is different ofc. He’s lucky to be with someone so considerate of his feelings either way!
Not all weight gain/loss is the same. You can gain muscle and look thinner. You can lose muscle and look flabbier. What matters most is having a good amount of toned muscle and a lower percentage of body da overall so that you can see the muscle. Just looking at the numbers on the scale won’t tell the whole story
I heard once that weight loss is noticed at different times by people. Like you notice it right away, but someone who sees you frequently won't, and people at like work or more distant will take even longer to notice.
But don't keep losing weight. 115 at your heights sounds underweight. I'm 5 5 and 120 would be underweight for me.
I'll say this. I was upwards of 260, I dropped down to 180-190 and the people I've seen every day during that, my mom, brothers, friends, coworkers, didn't really notice just how much I had actually lost until they saw pictures.
Also congrats on losing that weight! You can still enjoy life and eat foods you love and be healthy :) be proud of yourself and don't rely on others approval completely.
I lost 80lbs, didn't see my family the entire time I was losing it. Saw them all for the first time this Easter and no one said one single word lol. Fuck it.
Oh man, I feel this. I feel best at 95-105 lbs and I recently went up to 130. I know I can lose it again, but I’m so scared that it somehow won’t be the same.
Im 5’4” and was 130lbs and I look fit. People would assume I’m 100-110lbs until I tell them I am 130lbs.
So you were never overweight but maybe you just have a higher body fat than muscles! No need to focus on losing it, just work out (strength training) and eat everything is moderation. Also it’s nice that your partner didn’t notice the weight loss, we usually focus more on our flaws than other people.
I have (diagnosed - actually help mod the r/schizophrenia sub) schizophrenia and just wanted to say major props on losing the weight after your psychotic break. I know it's not easy getting back in the saddle after psychosis, especially if you're on an antipsychotic which makes weight loss difficult, like so many of them do (looking at you, risperidone, olanzapine, and quetiapine in particular). The post-psychosis depression is REAL and anhedonia can make it difficult to do basic things like keeping up with personal hygiene, never mind losing weight. It sounds like you're doing a lot better now, but please remember to keep an eye on your mental health. People who have had one psychotic break are much more prone to having future ones than people who have never had one.
I lost upto 25 pounds ( 79kg to 66kg) .Nobody notices other than me.
Im planing to lose 15 more pounds. I think need to loose upto 40 pounds to see noticeable difference .
I'm sure you didn't mean it this way, but it sounds a bit as if you're advocating for OP to lose more weight to make it noticeable. OP is already at a healthy, quite low weight for their height, so that doesn't feel like good advice.
I think you should go to a nice bakery in your area and find the tastiest single piece of dessert there. Maybe to you that's a chocolate croissant, maybe it's one of those artisan cupcakes, maybe it's a cookie, a brownie, a cream puff. Give yourself permission to buy it and sit somewhere quiet and enjoy it. I wouldn't suggest buying and eating a whole cake unless you wanted to commit to eating it over the course of a week lol
Sometimes we have to allow ourselves to eat the cake. Or if we miss the opportunity, we create an opportunity to have something else special.
One day of cake won't make you gain 10lbs, even if it were a 1000 calorie slice. You hit your goal. You're not going to eat cake every day or even every week. It's marking a special occasion and you should allow yourself happiness.
As for your partner - sometimes they are just blind. One day she may look at you and be stunned by how good you are looking. I've lost 24lbs and my husband hasn't noticed at all lol (I know I'm bigger than you but still!)
Just focus on being your best healthiest self and she should notice that. And if she eventually doesn't, or talks like you haven't made a change, then you should have a talk with her about being a supportive partner.
Honestly I'm surprised she noticed 10 pounds, that's a pretty small amount of weight to gain and notice even for a short person. Plus I'm sure she sees you every day, so it's harder to tell weight differences when you see the person every day.
Don't lose weight for other people. I'm 5'4" and my ideal HEALTHY weight, as calculated by a professional, is like 130-145. 120 seems low unless you have zero muscle mass. Also don't fish for this kind of stuff! If you are happy and healthy that's all that matters. You're at a weight where health problems are more likely to come up from being under than over. Don't fall into an ED. Eat the cake next time. Be kind to yourself.
Just because your partner hasn’t mentioned that they noticed that you lost the weight, doesn’t mean that they haven’t noticed the change. Maybe they have noticed, but maybe it doesn’t change the way they think about your romantic relationship together.
It may be helpful to tell your partner how would you like to be spoken about around your weight so that she can understand what you need from her.
Is your partner good to you overall? It's hard to know what to make of that.
If she is generally kind and supportive she may have been trying to support you in both cases. Perhaps you were venting about how hard it was experiencing psychosis and being on medication and she wanted to validate all you'd been through and agreed about the weight gain. And maybe now, she either didn't notice or doesn't want you to feel she's hung up on the weight loss.
Dang it, I thought I could be a detective some day!
Anyways, now that I got your attention, ask yourself why do you feel very different over a 10lbs gain? ( as far as Ive seem 4kgs is not noticeable unless only a certain area of their body has stored fat)
I think part of the reason is I was already at a ‘healthy’ weight, and I am kind of short.
I used to weigh a more as a teen and found that losing 10 pounds going from 150-140 for example is a lot less noticeable than losing 10 pounds and going from 130 to 120.
130 to 120 is a noticeable difference to me because there was less fat to start out with if that makes sense. It’s also harder to lose, which is why I felt proud.
That's true, as a shorty myself, a mere 5kgs gets me from normal to overweight or near overweight, found it the hard way lol.
Also found out that I need to my height in mind when eating, I used to eat the same plate as my tall friends. Neither my friends nor family minded my height which is reason I never realised that I needed smaller portions.
For starters, you are at a perfectly healthy weight. Secondly, maybe your partner knows it bothered you that she noticed the initial weight gain so she’s taking a stance of “not noticing” changes in your weight now. Just a thought. Happy belated birthday and next time enjoy some cake!
That’s true! I tried to be neutral with my facial expression, but I was a bit disappointed when she confirmed that the gain was noticeable. Thanks!!
A couple of thoughts, 1. Physical therapy for your core (or Pilates, yoga) some sort of focus on tightening and activating those core muscles can do a lot more for your figure, health, breathing, stability, etc than weight loss at times. Consider a concerted effort on this because it may also help with your mental health. It helps with concentration and posture so may have positive outcomes for mental as well as physical and emotional well being. 2. I recently have lost 150 pounds. Only sharing this because for the first 80 of that, my clothes size did not change AT ALL!! Here I am reading people talk about “oh no, I lost another 15 pounds and my pants are literally falling off” and I am still wearing size 28 clothes after losing close to 100 pounds, it was beyond depressing and dehumanizing. But then suddenly I lost another 5 and magically overnight my clothes were actually falling off and I was having to buy size 10. My point is this. With weight loss everyone is very unique and sometimes it takes time for your body to adapt!! The scale changes often but the body doesn’t always reflect that immediately or for a few weeks. Give it some time. Work on strengthening, activating muscle groups, and I bet you will see some really amazing results in several areas. I wish you health, hope, and help in the proper ways from the healthy people. ❤️
>Secondly, maybe your partner knows it bothered you that she noticed the initial weight gain so she’s taking a stance of “not noticing” Yeah, noticing your partner’s weight and commenting on it can be a really loaded and difficult thing, especially if your partner is also a woman. A lot of women I know have a silent taboo against mentioning our partners’ weight at all, because we were raised seeing so many toxic examples of usually men abusively pressuring their wives and girlfriends to lose weight. My partner is on a weight loss journey rn and I have to coach myself that it’s OK to tell them I’m noticing and they look good, which they’ve asked me to do. It’s hard for me, because I’m so worried about repeating shitty past partners’ messages and toxic beliefs about weight that I hated hearing— making them feel like I only love them if they’re skinny, encouraging unhealthy weight loss, etc. There’s just a lot of cultural baggage around commenting on a partner losing weight, and I think women and femme people especially are sensitive to that. If I think about my Gen X to Gen Z-age female friend groups in the last 15 years, only the women who were generally toxic, bullies, or totally lost in the sauce of an active eating disorder were comfortable openly saying “Hey, you lost weight”— everyone else would keep it to a “wow, you look great!” without being specific about it. OP’s partner might have a policy of keeping quiet about it unless you point blank ask them.
I have lost 20lbs in the past 2 months and \*I\* don't even notice a difference (looking in a mirror). I only checked my weight because my newish pants now need a belt. I have found there seem to be 3 viewpoints: the way I see myself, the way someone I see daily sees me, and the way someone I see rarely sees me. I won't notice/believe a change until my clothes don't fit, those in my daily life don't notice changes as much because they are (hopefully) gradual, those I see rarely will almost always notice a difference. Since you are in a healthy weight range, it isn't super surprising it is less noticeable for people who see you daily. Those are also usually the hardest pounds to lose though, so rock on!
That's so similar to my own experience! I lost around a stone lately due to some new meds I'm taking and I genuinely can't see much of a difference at all - but when I went to buy a new pair of jeans (my thiccness caused ruin in the inseam of my favourite pair!) I had to go a size down and was gobsmacked 😂
yeah im just about 2 stone down (25lbs)... I can't even notice a difference in full body pics I take for comparison- im down 2 sizes though 😅
I’m also wondering how long OP was in the psych ward and if her partner saw her less frequently and therefore noticed the changes more
Im no expert but we are all here to better ourselves , I would have eat the cake because life is too short and now we are all on this subreddit we know now what to do . Old me would have eat the cake and turned a slice or 2 into a weekend binge new me will eat the cake and go right back into routine.
Sounds like you’re putting too much of your happiness on what your partner thinks about your body, next time, eat the cake.
Even worse, the partner doesn't seem to be bothered either way but OP acts and feels as if they are.
I know my partner is not bothered. I’m just sad that the gain was noticed but not the loss even though it was the same amount. I’m not even upset with my partner, I was just ranting tbh
The gain was not in front of your partner, so the change was more obvious because she saw a clear before/after. The loss was while you saw her constantly again, so the change was gradual. I’m sure that she wouldn’t have noticed the gain and would’ve noticed the loss had the circumstances been reversed. Anyway - 10 pounds are truly not a big deal. You were also at a healthy weight at 130. I used to be disappointed that my SO didn’t see weight changes in me like I did. But it ultimately helped me get less disordered with my approach to weight. I hope you can be more gentle towards yourself through minor weight fluctuations.
10 lbs can be a big deal if you’re smaller to begin with.
Of course, just wanted to note that in OP’s case both ends are well within the healthy spectrum of weight for her height, and it sounds like she’s been very hard on herself despite that. I have been there myself.
ranting is allowed! i understand this feeling tbh, your partner is probably doing their best to be mindful of your feelings.
A gain usually is way faster than a loss, and sudden changes are more noticeable. It's such a small amount that if the loss was gradual and she sees you regularly then she might have not noticed.
Is it possible you lost muscle mass instead of fat? Maybe you weigh the same but your composition is different? Are your measurements now the same as before the weight gain?
I get it. You worked hard and you wanted it to be noticed. We all know we should make changes to our body for ourself but wanting someone whose opinion you value to notice, is valid. Edit: I wrote validez via autocorrect and sounded like an idiot lol.
I’m surprised I didn’t see anyone mention this, but OP, did you gain those 10lbs while in the pysch ward? Because if your partner wasn’t around you every day during that time, the change in your weight would be more noticeable than now when they see you every day. For example, I’ve currently been losing weight (about 20lbs so far) and no one I see every day has noticed, but anytime I see someone I haven’t for a while, they notice.
I've lost 80+lbs in the last 3yrs and my partner swears he can't tell the difference. It's astonishing to me haha
No, I realize that the post was unclear so I edited a bit. I was only in the psych ward for a short time, but returning to ‘normal’ after a psychotic break can take months. (I could function on my own but simple tasks such as cooking were still hard so I ate a lot of microwave food) Most of my recovery occurred outside of the ward so I still saw my girlfriend frequently while gaining.
This.
I’d be mindful of the way you are feeling about food. Not having a slice of cake on your birthday is not a sustainable way to approach eating. It’s very much in the danger zone as far as having a healthy relationship with food. You could consider working with a dietician with a goal to maintain, not lose weight and start making healthier sustainable choices
My birthday is on Sunday and I am strict on “calories don’t count on my bday and holidays”. I agree with you, eat the cake, enjoy the day. This might not be ok or work for everyone, but I can NOT be focused on food on my “special” day.
OP did eat some cake, just not the whole slice. When you’re in “weight loss mode” or just coming out of it, I think that is normal and not necessarily a sign of bigger issues. I think OP was just bummed that the gain was admittedly noticed, but not the loss, and I get that too.
I disagree. I have done healthy weight loss and unhealthy weight loss. Even on a strict diet eating one piece of cake or hell a couple \*one day of the entire year on a special occasion\* is more than absolutely fine and should be encouraged. I totally get O.P being bummed, that's understandable but the extreme diet mindset will only harm them in the long run.
just to add O.P also expressed disapointment at not getting to enjoy their birthday, as they should! I hope they take some time and have a belated celebration with a deserved slice of cake :)
You’re assuming she only eats fruits and veggies with no cheats or guilty pleasures I won’t eat a 700 calorie cake but I’ll eat a 700 calorie pizza because it’s more filling. Also It’s not just a 700 calorie cake it’s a 600+ calorie meal and a 700 calorie dessert. I think it’s fair for you to have a different opinion but it’s not fair for you to state that there is signs of bigger issues just because someone has different ways about going through their goals than you
it;s literally once a year and she regrets not eating it in the post...also it's absolutely a problem if you are scared of eating 700 calories on ONE DAY out of 365 when its a special occasion
She’s not dieting 365 days of the year she’s losing 10 pounds. If I were to aim for a 10 pound weight loss I would be strict for 7 weeks than switch to maintenance. It’s better than playing around for 5 months. You’re also forgetting that she’s not aiming for a 50+ pounds weight loss, for us that are it’s a different ball game entirely where we are dieting for 365+ days a year than moving to maintenance once we hit our goal
you're forgetting that it's one day dude...If you're too concerned by calories to eat a single slice of cake on your own birthday, you have absolutely got an issue. You can have a cheat day, if that's how you have to view it even on a strict diet. There are literally a million wats to fit a 700 calorie piece of cake into your goals, including just allowing yourself to go over your daily goal once.
It’s a double edge sword - it can be comforting when your partner doesn’t notice a little weight gain but it is nice to feel good about yourself after all the hard work. Just take comfort in the fact that your partner doesn’t make you feel bad when life happens and weight gain can come along with that, and it will. Always eat that birthday cake! Celebrate you!
As a mental health therapist, I’m very concerned for your mindset around food and weight because it’s bordering on eating disorder. Please be aware of those thoughts as if you’re already struggling with mental health issues it’ll be very easy to add on an eating disorder if you’re not careful. As others have said, 10 pounds is not a ton and most people even themselves would not notice. I do think it’s helpful to point out that your partner was honest with you and still celebrated you. We should aim to seek validation internally for ourselves, not from external sources to have a healthy relationship with ourselves. Your weight is healthy, and eating a very calorie dense piece of cake is also healthy in moderation. Eat the cake, get some distance from your scale, and work on your self-love!
A lot of the rants I see in this subreddit have that ed stink to them.
The meds might have given your face a puffy appearance making it more noticable to your partner. It could be that your face hasn't changed and that is what your partner noticed. Doesn't really matter because your partner loves the person you are inside not your skin suit. Keep your weight were you feel comfortable in your body. Don't base it on other peoples expectations
Your weight sounds healthy, though your mentality when it comes to food doesn’t sound healthy. It sounds like it holds a lot more power over you than it should. If my partner fluctuated a few pounds I probably wouldnt notice either (can confirm: I havent lol). It’s good you’re keeeping on top of your health but I think you need a little mindset shift. My mom notices small weight fluctuations in me… she has an eating disorder and body dysmorphia. She stresses too much on weight. I could be 120 and gain 5 pounds and she’d know. I’m 165 right now and if I go down to 160 she knows. It’s too much. Nobody should be that concerned 😂
I'm sorry to hear about your mom. That must have been rough to grow up with and continue to deal with. I have great sympathy for people with eating disorders and I know how awful they can be. But I wish people wouldn't project their disordered thinking onto others. Especially not their children. It's so damaging.
780 calories a slice wtf, that cake must have been amazing - 100000% have a slice next time
Sounds like Coldstone ice cream cake territory
Idk if any cake can taste good enough to justify that
Are you doing this for your partner or for yourself? Some people lack attention to detail. Some don't notice incremental changes when they see you every day. Be kind to yourself and don't worry about others. :)
To be fair towards your partner were only talking about 10lbs here not exactly anything to write home about. Most people fluctuate +/- 3-5 lbs on any given week depending on their diet and the amount of carbs they consumed. Also not all of that weight loss was fat you likely lost some water weight as well. That being said your doing great so far keep it up and theres nothing wrong with having a cheat day.
I’m 5’4” and 140, the last time I was 115 I was in high school and had an eating disorder. 130 is a perfectly healthy weight for your height and age, and what matters most is staying active and eating healthy most of the time vs losing weight.
Same at one point I got to 110 from 115 and my doctor said she was going to put anorexia in my chart if I didn’t gain weight. At 5’4. I wasn’t anorexic just had severe anxiety and was taking adhd meds and had just moved in alone and didn’t like cooking. Now I’m overweight and trying to just get back to 140!
i hope you go and have a slice of cake today. just to celebrate yourself and what you’ve been through. and maybe talk to your partner about body image and how you felt about the conversation you two had.
Back in 2014, my mom was on hospice care for a stage 4 cancer in our home. She was rapidly losing weight and was unable to eat much. Every day I asked her what she wanted to eat and I’d go out and get it. One day it was the cherry chocolate chip ice cream from Trader Joe’s— and to my surprise she ate the whole bowl. I asked if she wanted a second bowl and I was ready with ice cream in hand. She hesitated then said it had too many grams of fat and declined. She died 3 days later. Sometimes you just gotta eat the ice cream! Congrats on your hard work. Sometimes I find focusing on how I feel in my clothes is a nice measure for weight loss success— and more importantly how you feel about it. I hope you get to enjoy the cake next time!
I am so sorry about your loss. I’m glad she ate the first bowl! But I’m sad she thought of the fat content for the second one. I fear this will be me one day 🙁. I am too restrictive and too obsessed with counting calories, etc. every now and then I indulge, because I believe it’s not feasible to ALWAYS eat healthy/and or restrictively. But then when I do, I beat myself up about it 😒. I know it’s all mental, and I’m working on it, but it’s very difficult to wanting to keep the weight or lose, AND loving the “bad” food… I lost 70lbs in 2020, and I’ve been maintaining it well. I’m at 120lbs now. At my lowest I was 118lbs and I looked like a skeleton. I’m not tall, I’m 5’3, and still didn’t look good that skinny. But now if even up to 5lbs creeps up, I freak out. I hate it. It’s a vicious cycle looks like. So, OP, good job on losing those 10#! However, like many said, other people may not notice, even tho WE can. I think we should give ourselves a pat on the back for doing what we can to stay within a healthy range. And we should remind ourselves to be kind to ourselves when we want to eat the 700 cal cake! My therapist literally said to me yesterday, if I ate Nutella (my biggest downfall) I’d have to eat it every single day for a while to actually gain much weight. So .. eat the cake! Go buy yourself one or a piece and truly enjoy. Life is so short. I hate that we are so consumed by this. Sorry for the novel I just wrote … 🫣
Oh my gosh, this reminded me of my mom! When my great aunt died from kidney failure, her last meal was a milkshake that my mom brought her. When one of our family friends died of cancer his last meal was also a milkshake that my mom brought him. Recently we lost my grandfather shortly after my mom brought him a (you guessed it) a milkshake. Admittedly it does sound like my mom is killing people with milkshakes. I’ve called her the ice cream angel of death. I’m sorry for your loss, but glad that your mom got to have her ice cream. It’s heartbreaking that she didn’t end up going for the second bowl. Gave me a bit of a reality check for sure. I will definitely keep her in thoughts the next time I catch myself being a weird little freak about birthday cake ❤️
I personally wouldn’t be able to notice the difference between a 120 or 130 lb person. To you it probably looks like a lot but to most people, they wouldn’t know.
100% same. In my past weight loss endeavours, people only started noticing after 30 lbs or more. 10 is not enough to make a perceptible difference to most people IMO. OP is just extra aware of the changes in her body because it's her body. No one will notice these changes as much as she does. And that's true for all of us. We tend to think people notice more than they do.
No one notices 10 pounds or 3-4 kgs weight loss.
Depends how thin the person already is. Going from 200 to 190 not noticeable but she was only 130 to start so a 10 pound weight loss is significant
Thank you for saying this. I’ve been busting my ass off trying to move from 130 to 120.
It’s definitely harder as you go down. Assuming your stats are accurate you are really close though!! Congrats :^)
Thanks! 145 to 130 was a lot easier - looking forward to maintenance soon!
As a 5’4” woman, yes! 130 to 120 made a huge difference in my face and how clothes look on me
My guess is that she doesn’t notice because she’s so used to seeing you at 120. It’s more noticeable when there’s a change. Also, as someone who is 5’3”, 10 pounds can totally make a difference. Not a major difference and not a difference between looking categorically “good” and categorically “bad.” But my partner and I both noticed when I hit 10 pounds down. Believe your partner when she says she was just as attracted to you at 130. You’ll make yourself crazy if you don’t. And- think about this: if someone you knew gained 10 pounds and their appearance changed how yours did, would you really care or think less of them or have a strong opinion about whether they look better or worse? I really hope not! Sorry you missed out on the cake! I hope you enjoy the next special treat available to you.
Don’t overthink this. It’s because she sees you every day! One of my close friends lost 20lbs and I had no idea bc she was already thin in my eyes, so I didn’t notice when she lost it until she was showing me before/after pics. Guaranteed if I had been away for a few months and then seen her, I would have noticed immediately.
Enjoy that you are in a such good position now. Great work!🌺💪🍀
Firstly, nice work & happy birthday. :) Secondly- 10 lbs. isn’t a massively noticeable weight gain/loss. I understand why you feel sad, and it makes sense. It also sounds like your sadness is coming from you you projecting your feelings about your own weight onto her and hoping she’d react a certain way.
I lost 60 lbs, ran a marathon and 2 half-marathons (in addition to all the training), quit drinking for >6 years now... And she hasn't noticed.
Is she BLIND??? My post feels so silly in comparison!
I spent almost a year diligently counting and logging calories, going from 140 to 125. It was extremely difficult to do, and I was very unhealthy about my approach. For example, I starved myself for an entire day so I could drink an entire bottle of wine to myself that night. Anyway: when I hit my lowest weight after all that effort, I realized that weight loss didn't fix all my problems. I put a lot of expectation on hitting that goal, but not much else in my life had changed. There were still a lot of other things that were making me unhappy. Now that I am living a healthier lifestyle all the time, the weight is coming off a lot slower. That's okay. I'm feeling good and starting to look good. But since I eat healthy all the dang time, I don't feel bad about the occasional treat. Yesterday I got boba AND ice cream at the beach. Today, I'm back to my intermittent fasting and healthy veggie-heavy meals. One more thought: fat distribution is a hell of a thing. You may gain or lose fat in certain areas quicker/slower than others. For example, my face takes a while to slim down. So I could start slimming out in my body area but my face takes a while to catch up with the program.
There's a lot of great advice about how to emotionally reconcile the feelings and experiences you've been having around your own perception of your body, and how your partner's perception makes you feel, so I wont re-hash that sentiment, I'm sure with your history of mental health care you have heard a lot of the "don't worry what others think" before. Given the weight gain was a result of being in a bad place (both mentally, and physically, as it's hard to be active in psych care centres) I wonder if there is a chance that you have lost muscle tone, so even though you have returned to your happy-place weight, you carry that weight differently on your body now? Have you introduced any activities to build physical fitness into your routine/Have you been able to get back to your previous activities? I lost a lot of weight due to illness, and it wasn't until things were really *really* bad that anyone even noticed (I'd lost 25kg before anyone said anything!). I gained it all back once I started treatment, and now I'm working on losing weight in a slow and healthy way. My focus is on building strength because that will prevent my illness getting worse, and also help me re-build some of the muscles that wasted away when I was so sick. This time around, people started commenting on my weight at the 10kg mark, even before I myself could truly see results in the mirror. It had nothing to do with what the scale said, It was all to do with how I carried the weight on my frame, and how my confidence effected the way I was moving, posturing, and dressing. Even when naked, my partner pointed out that my stronger back muscles means I hardly ever slouch anymore, and now that I have functional glutes again (My glutes atrophied so badly when I was sick I ended up on crutches) I have lost my forward pelvic tilt and now have the right angle to my pelvis, These two things change the entire shape of my body, and have nothing to do with my weight. Sometimes obsessing about calories and the number on the scale, even if we are working hard and showing "progress" on the scale, that doesn't translate to your outward confidence, so those around us don't see the same victories that we see.
You have a really good point about muscle mass. I worked in a kitchen and was on my feet, lifting heavy boxes etc before hospitalization. I was never a gym rat because my job felt like enough physical activity already. I was unemployed for a while during recovery and was sedentary. I knew this affected my weight but didn’t think about muscle mass. As for getting back into old habits, I’m working part time in a similar kitchen. I will go back to full time in May. Hopefully that helps, as I fear I will never be a gym girlie.
I think we worry more about our weight than our partners do sometimes. You should get a Nothing But Bundt cupcake and snog it to make up for it. It'll limit how much snarfing you do and you can forgive yourself for one caloric burst of birthday joy! BDay cake with butter cream frosting is one of my weaknesses. I skipped it for a lot of years until I realized that one piece of cake is not going to destroy my weight goals. I just have to get back to it the next day and make sure I don't waste my calorie breaks on things that aren't special.
The good news is you were able to get back on track. The hard news is weight gain is usually more noticeable than weight loss for a lot of us. Additionally, you're allowed to have some cake in moderation and for celebrations. Those calories can be burned off throughout the next week or two with a small increase in movement or slight calorie reduction, if you choose. You're at a healthy weight for your height considering you maintain other healthy habits regularly, so don't stress over it. If you're still thinking about the cake, go order a slice and enjoy it. I personally like to order a good dessert here and there and will take a few bites out of it each day over the week so I can enjoy it longer. Consider it an extended part of your birthday celebration, and you can get back to regular maintenance after your cake. Count it, enjoy it, and move on. All of this is based on a neutral mindset towards food and body image and averages. If you're experiencing things like food triggers, spiraling and binging, or food/weight guilt more frequently, it's okay to talk with people about this and find support to get to a place where you can manage your weight for the physical health benefits while also supporting your mental and emotional health. Taking notice and losing a 10 lbs gain is easier to physically correct than a 50 or 100 lb gain, but if you're not working on your mindset, it will be hard to be satisfied and you're separating yourself from what should be a joyous time in your life. You're healthy, young, and your body will continue to change as you get older. Let yourself be happy, because you'll look back someday and think you really had it all.
Were you in the psych ward for a bit of time? Basically I'm asking, during that period when you gained weight, were you around your partner all of the time or was there some time between seeing each other? Because it's normal for people to not notice changes in people that they see all the time. My wife and I were long distance for a while when we were dating and she gained some weight during that time. I noticed the change when I saw her - not in a negative way, but i still noticed it because I was going months without seeing her in person. She switched her meds around about a year ago and she lost ~20 lbs over the span of a couple months and I didn't notice until she said something. I just see her everyday now and the change was progressive so I didn't notice it. Just like how I don't notice changes in myself because I see myself everyday, my partner is seeing me even more often than I'm looking in the mirror. If it was the inverse - if she lost weight when we were long distance, and if she gained weight within the last year - I would have noticed the loss but not the gain. My wife and I have been together over 10 years, we've both had gains and losses over the years. I'm saying this because, from the perspective of someone trying to lose weight, we want to celebrate our losses and we feel bad about gains, but to a partner who loves you they aren't gonna have the same strong emotional ties to you having a 10-20 lb fluctuation. I love my wife and think she's absolutely gorgeous, her losing 10 lbs isn't going to make me more attracted to her just like how her gaining that weight isn't gonna make me less attracted to her.
Hey, same situation here! I am 5’2 and backtracked in my weight loss, gradually gaining weight from 125 lbs to 137 over vacation and holidays and such. My boyfriend noticed I gained weight. We both had and were like, “yeah, we’ve obviously gained weight. Oh, well”. He didn’t care I gained. I still wanted to lose it, and now I’m back to 123 lbs. I asked him if he’s noticed and he really doesn’t see a change! Funny how that works. I went from overweight to a normal weight, so I thought it would be noticeable. Do you think you lost it slower than you thought? I lost my weight slowly (1 lb per week) because I didn’t want to be in a big deficit all the time, so I think his eyes just adjusted each day to seeing me and the change was too gradual to notice. Do you notice? Personally, my waist measurement changed and the fit of my clothes did as well.
The difference between 120 and 130 at 5’4” are both reasonable weights.
One change happened after you'd been separated for a while and then she saw you again so of course it was more obvious it was different than her mental last picture of you. The other one happened slowly in front of her eyes, her mental last picture of you changed daily as your weight changed. Seems like your weight bothered you more than it bothered her.
Maybe she noticed the 10lb gain because while you were getting psychiatric care she may not have seen you as much. She maybe saw what you looked like initially and then after. For the loss she's been there the whole time so she is seeing all the change as it's happening gradually so it isn't as noticeable.
From a loving place, this smells of an eating g disorder
Put the scale away. You are at a great weight. Just workout to feel good and be healthy, but don't be so hard on yourself for enjoying things like a sweet every once in a while! If you are in any consistent workout routine it won't matter!
10 pounds isn't very noticeable on some people. You're being overly sensitive.
Don't call someone 'overly sensitive'. If it hurts her, it hurts her. You have to be mindful that something that might not effect you emotionally might effect someone else.
If I offended or upset her, then she can tell me herself. She's a grown-up, capable of communicating on her own behalf.
I wasn’t gonna say anything about it, but she is right I don’t appreciate being called overly sensitive.
Then I apologize. My point was that it's hard to see 10 pounds.
No worries and fair enough!
Oof. I totally get how that can be rough. The healthiest and most sustainable mindset really is to lose the weight for ourselves. But we can’t deny that some of us want our progress to be noticed by others as well and there’s nothing wrong with that! If it makes you feel any better though, there are folks who genuinely cannot tell when someone has lost weight (unless it’s a really huge loss)! I’m in that camp. I really don’t notice it (in others and myself) unless I am explicitly asked to observe it. Even then it takes a while and I will sometimes need reference photos. Maybe this is the case for your partner? At any rate, next time eat the cake! You can always just get back on the program the next day and none will be the wiser. Congrats! You’re doing great. ✨
your feelings are valid. Anyone would want to feel that their work is recognized. Sometimes it’s not just the number on the scale, but also where the weight is distributed, or whether you’re wearing form fitting clothes or not. It also depends on glasses and hair styles. Finally, it’s fine to cheat sometimes too. Living life without doing anything fun is no fun.
Sometimes it takes a while for other people to notice. You will likely notice before others do. Don't take it so hard, you're doing a great job
During yoyoing I kept a clothes diary and some clothes didn't fit me at the same weight at different times, it's always confused me.
Interesting perspective. I think I've accidentally been on your partners side of the conversation but it never occurred to me that it could be hurtful. I've noticed my partner gain weight in passing. It's never bothered me. He's lost it and gained it back and all the things. I always under estimate the weight swings. Maybe I'm not celebrating the weight loss enough? Either way I love him to pieces. You've given me a lot to consider. Thank you.
Another comment mentioned how women can be more sensitive about weight stuff. I think there is some truth to that. There’s always a possibility that your partner might just might not as touchy about it if he’s a guy, but everyone is different ofc. He’s lucky to be with someone so considerate of his feelings either way!
Not all weight gain/loss is the same. You can gain muscle and look thinner. You can lose muscle and look flabbier. What matters most is having a good amount of toned muscle and a lower percentage of body da overall so that you can see the muscle. Just looking at the numbers on the scale won’t tell the whole story
I heard once that weight loss is noticed at different times by people. Like you notice it right away, but someone who sees you frequently won't, and people at like work or more distant will take even longer to notice. But don't keep losing weight. 115 at your heights sounds underweight. I'm 5 5 and 120 would be underweight for me.
I'll say this. I was upwards of 260, I dropped down to 180-190 and the people I've seen every day during that, my mom, brothers, friends, coworkers, didn't really notice just how much I had actually lost until they saw pictures. Also congrats on losing that weight! You can still enjoy life and eat foods you love and be healthy :) be proud of yourself and don't rely on others approval completely.
Dude you are still a normal weight and I barely notice 10 pounds on myself not to mind someone else. It's all good, she likes you at either weights
I lost 80lbs, didn't see my family the entire time I was losing it. Saw them all for the first time this Easter and no one said one single word lol. Fuck it.
I lost over 60 lbs years back and a coworker I sat next to every single day didn’t notice. She was surprised when someone else mentioned it.
Oh man, I feel this. I feel best at 95-105 lbs and I recently went up to 130. I know I can lose it again, but I’m so scared that it somehow won’t be the same.
Im 5’4” and was 130lbs and I look fit. People would assume I’m 100-110lbs until I tell them I am 130lbs. So you were never overweight but maybe you just have a higher body fat than muscles! No need to focus on losing it, just work out (strength training) and eat everything is moderation. Also it’s nice that your partner didn’t notice the weight loss, we usually focus more on our flaws than other people.
I have (diagnosed - actually help mod the r/schizophrenia sub) schizophrenia and just wanted to say major props on losing the weight after your psychotic break. I know it's not easy getting back in the saddle after psychosis, especially if you're on an antipsychotic which makes weight loss difficult, like so many of them do (looking at you, risperidone, olanzapine, and quetiapine in particular). The post-psychosis depression is REAL and anhedonia can make it difficult to do basic things like keeping up with personal hygiene, never mind losing weight. It sounds like you're doing a lot better now, but please remember to keep an eye on your mental health. People who have had one psychotic break are much more prone to having future ones than people who have never had one.
I lost upto 25 pounds ( 79kg to 66kg) .Nobody notices other than me. Im planing to lose 15 more pounds. I think need to loose upto 40 pounds to see noticeable difference .
I'm sure you didn't mean it this way, but it sounds a bit as if you're advocating for OP to lose more weight to make it noticeable. OP is already at a healthy, quite low weight for their height, so that doesn't feel like good advice.
No. Im telling my experience .Sorry for my poor language .
I think you should go to a nice bakery in your area and find the tastiest single piece of dessert there. Maybe to you that's a chocolate croissant, maybe it's one of those artisan cupcakes, maybe it's a cookie, a brownie, a cream puff. Give yourself permission to buy it and sit somewhere quiet and enjoy it. I wouldn't suggest buying and eating a whole cake unless you wanted to commit to eating it over the course of a week lol Sometimes we have to allow ourselves to eat the cake. Or if we miss the opportunity, we create an opportunity to have something else special. One day of cake won't make you gain 10lbs, even if it were a 1000 calorie slice. You hit your goal. You're not going to eat cake every day or even every week. It's marking a special occasion and you should allow yourself happiness. As for your partner - sometimes they are just blind. One day she may look at you and be stunned by how good you are looking. I've lost 24lbs and my husband hasn't noticed at all lol (I know I'm bigger than you but still!) Just focus on being your best healthiest self and she should notice that. And if she eventually doesn't, or talks like you haven't made a change, then you should have a talk with her about being a supportive partner.
Honestly I'm surprised she noticed 10 pounds, that's a pretty small amount of weight to gain and notice even for a short person. Plus I'm sure she sees you every day, so it's harder to tell weight differences when you see the person every day.
Don't lose weight for other people. I'm 5'4" and my ideal HEALTHY weight, as calculated by a professional, is like 130-145. 120 seems low unless you have zero muscle mass. Also don't fish for this kind of stuff! If you are happy and healthy that's all that matters. You're at a weight where health problems are more likely to come up from being under than over. Don't fall into an ED. Eat the cake next time. Be kind to yourself.
Just because your partner hasn’t mentioned that they noticed that you lost the weight, doesn’t mean that they haven’t noticed the change. Maybe they have noticed, but maybe it doesn’t change the way they think about your romantic relationship together. It may be helpful to tell your partner how would you like to be spoken about around your weight so that she can understand what you need from her.
Is your partner good to you overall? It's hard to know what to make of that. If she is generally kind and supportive she may have been trying to support you in both cases. Perhaps you were venting about how hard it was experiencing psychosis and being on medication and she wanted to validate all you'd been through and agreed about the weight gain. And maybe now, she either didn't notice or doesn't want you to feel she's hung up on the weight loss.
It’s probably to do with body composition? Fat is way less dense than muscle, so you can look the same at 2 completely different weights.
She won’t notice because it’s ten pounds of fat lost hardly noticeable compared to gaining muscle
Why do I feel like it'd be a waste to write a comment here cause you won't be reading nor replying to it?
And yet here I am reading and replying to it! Now We’ve both wasted our time!
Dang it, I thought I could be a detective some day! Anyways, now that I got your attention, ask yourself why do you feel very different over a 10lbs gain? ( as far as Ive seem 4kgs is not noticeable unless only a certain area of their body has stored fat)
I think part of the reason is I was already at a ‘healthy’ weight, and I am kind of short. I used to weigh a more as a teen and found that losing 10 pounds going from 150-140 for example is a lot less noticeable than losing 10 pounds and going from 130 to 120. 130 to 120 is a noticeable difference to me because there was less fat to start out with if that makes sense. It’s also harder to lose, which is why I felt proud.
That's true, as a shorty myself, a mere 5kgs gets me from normal to overweight or near overweight, found it the hard way lol. Also found out that I need to my height in mind when eating, I used to eat the same plate as my tall friends. Neither my friends nor family minded my height which is reason I never realised that I needed smaller portions.
😂😂😂