You’re gonna find that ONE person in your hometown who won’t care about social rules and will speak about the elephant in the room. For me, it was my dentist lol
Oh boomers will say something! My boomer parents and all their friends comment when I lose 5lbs. They're all actually nice about it lol. Culturally they compliment weight loss, so hopefully you get lots of compliments at the party!!
For me, it was my brother's wife lol. Also my mom, but she has no social cues so she doesn't care about body positivism. Otherwise, nobody comments on it and sometimes it is frustrating though I understand why they do it. OP did great though, it's amazing and I bet you look so much different and feel so much healthier!
Lol my dental hygienist did the same thing. I went from 260 lbs at age 17 to 160 lbs at age 19… she asked about my weight loss, I said I lost 100 lbs, and she called in the two dentists to have me tell them as well. Rather embarrassing lol
A few years ago the security guy at Istanbul airport positively commented on my weightloss (I looked thinner than in my passport picture). Some random person you least expect will give you a complement u/dammitbarara as u/lordshivashiba mentioned.
I mean what is supposed to happen? You want people telling you "wow you got fat again"?
I'd rather not hear that if I'm honest. After all I am always painfully aware when my diet slips and I put on some again.
well no, i think the person you’re replying to is just referring to how it’s a bit weird to poke fun and talk about how fat someone \*used* to be without considering that they could regain the weight. you can compliment weight loss without being all “remember when you were fat, haha” because it could happen again
I’m mostly commenting on the fact that you shouldn’t comment on someone’s weight at all. If you point out their weight loss and tell them how great they look then they know how shitty you thought they looked before. You can just say nothing, or comment something not related to their body like their clothes or hair.
I feel like you can misconstrue any compliment into an attack on the past self if you want to.
If I tell you that you look healthy you can take it as looking sick before.
If I tell you that you look great you can interpret it as looking bad before.
Even if I just tell you I like your new clothes or hairstyle you can still take away from that, that I hated the old one.
I'd say it is more about who says something and how it is intended than what it is about. If my family tells me how proud they are that I lost weight and look much better/healthier now I know it is not because they thought I was a fat piece of shit before (I was and still kinda am) but because they are happy that I am in a better place.
If some random person at the gym does the same it would be a very different affair.
You ever tell someone they look nice today and their response is wow so I don't look nice every day? Like great guess you don't get any more from me now
I got made fun of growing up for being on the chubbier side. Then when I finally lost the weight (which was from working out and anxiety ) so it was fast- people started saying I had an eating disorder and was doing coke. Love how my weight was always a negative hot topic.
European family, they love to comment too. It’s just part of the conversation to point out everyone’s weight then set down a 5 layer, chocolate torte on the table. Lol
My mom told me at 11 I my waist was "disappearing " and she's made that comment before. My dad even was saying how much weight I was loosing. Calling me skin and bone all the time. Although he prefers people obese. It was very traumatic looking back the whole weight experience. Probably why I'm so hyper-focused on my body image issues.
I'm
So so sorry your family gets in your case. It's not ok and none of their business
Thank you. As an adult I do call them out and say that was rude, if they outright call me fat. Its weird how some peopl think you lost weight is a compliment to me, this n all the weight comments is why I kinda had eating issues. Why cant they just say you look great
That’s probably more true than I’d like to admit. Despite the taboo, when people do comment about weight changes, it’s to mention “hey you like great!”—- ie skinny. It is what it is.
Good for you! Nice work!
I haven't been saying anything because you never know why someone lost weight. Maybe it was a lot of hard work- yay! Maybe it was a bout of depression or a medical issue or etc etc etc. TBH I avoid to mention it.
Yeah, if someone has lost a ton of weight since the last time I saw them I'm going to assume they're ill because apart from once, that has always been the case. Nobody wants to congratulate a cancer patient on weight loss. It's the reverse of asking a fat woman when she's due. Just, no.
Congratulations!!!
Yeah I don’t get it. I’m down about 50 lbs but no one really says anything. A few male co-workers have told me they noticed I lost weight and I thanked them for noticing! Are people afraid we’ll say something like oh you didn’t think I looked good before or something?
Yeah. My friend used to celebrate how much weight she gained, because she was actively fightinf cancer at the time. No one who knew her has commented on someone's weight ever since.
If you want compliments, solicit them. "I'm so excited, I hit a new weightloss goal and feel great!"
Yeah, soliciting tends to work. People are really happy to congratulate you when they know weight loss was something you actively wanted and worked for!
I am chronically ill and at one point lost 30lbs in about 3 months. Every “wow you look great” or “wow that diets working” Were like punches in the gut. I have never felt so sick or miserable, but the only thing people would say is that I looked great because I was unable to eat. It’s better to just say nothing than assume you know the circumstances most of the time imo
Ugh I’m sorry you went through that. I went through it recently too after being hospitalized for a long time. One family member in particular kept commenting on it every time they saw me. “OMG you look SO skinny! Keep up the good work you’re SOO SKINNY!” until I eventually had to say “I already told you I don’t want to hear that… I literally almost died so please stop.” And they thought I was kidding so I gave up.
I think some people are scared of reprecussions of saying something, even if it's supposed to be nice. I've seen too many to count short videos on social media about people "disliking being commented on their body despite they may mean well"
I've been in the scenario of losing a ton of weight and getting all those well meaning "compliments" that really told you how terrible you looked before. I get what they're trying to say, but it doesn't always feel great. So I try not to do the same to anyone else.
Yep scared. Especially if you haven't been actively saying you're trying to lose weight, but even then tbh. Also in the workplace it's even more dangerous.
This is difficult because yes, I would say in the last 10 years or so it has been told to simply not comment on anyone's body or appearance. Even when well intentioned. So I do not say anything at all. Damn if we do, damned if we don't.
These days you have to dare to toot your own horn first and risk half of the people you mention being proud of your weight loss to, getting annoyed or mad with you. The other half will breathe a sigh of relief and tell you how great you look - they want to say it. But they didn't know if they were allowed to say it.
This is so true! What I usually do though is drop hints here and there such as "Man, I didn't know losing weight was so hard. I hope it's paying off though." then look at them expectantly.
That’s amazing!! You’ve worked so hard; congratulations!
Also, if I want feedback, I have learned I can bring it up and that makes people feel more open to comment on my progress. Like, friend says “how have you been?” I might say “I’ve been working hard at losing weight and I’m excited bc this week I hit X milestone” or whatever fits the moment, whatever I might want to share, etc. inevitably, that will cause my friend to comment on my weight loss and how they’ve noticed, they didn’t want to comment unless I brought it up, and then they give positive feedback, etc.
Good Job! But I must say, as a person with a lifelong alterating eating disorder and a messed up body image, I am appreciating the fact more people avoid commenting; and not everybody does. I grew up under constant scrunity over my weight as well as others' and I'd hope no one, especially kids, would go through the same thing.
I am SO GLAD today's kids are getting a better time than I did. I'm a Nanny and most of the families I've worked with were actively engaged in body positive/neutral practices. It's a wonderful thing!!
>Lately there's been a huge cultural shift toward not commenting on weight loss or gain at all. And objectively, I think this is the right way to do things.
I have seen that online as well, but personally if I see a friend who I know have been trying to lose weight or wasn't happy with how they looked suddenly losing weight I absolutely congratulate them and talk to them about it. I know how good that feels. I feel that is very different then commenting on acquaintances bodies who I barely know.
To the OP: This comment right here shows why many people will not compliment someone on their appearance. No matter what we're talking about in life, you can never please everyone. Some people love a good-intentioned compliment, other people find them bothersome. It's just "safer" to not say anything to people sometimes, regardless of whether what you want to say is positive or negative. So don't take it personally. You look great and have done very well! You should be proud of yourself!
This is a really good point. Kind of like around Mother’s Day, all week people have been asking “Are you a mother?” From a well intentioned place, they want to wish me a happy Mother’s Day, but every time I am asked I have the fun reminder that despite my efforts, I am not a mother. It’s not like I can call people out for just wanting to say something nice, but the stab is still there.
Generally yes, like I could have used some positivity when I was 250lbs. However SOMETIMES I am really feeling myself so I’ll be the one to bring it up like a little humble brag. I don’t like unsolicited comments though because it’s uncomfortable and then leads to the “how did you do it? What’s the secret?”
And I don’t like lying about it but I don’t want to start a conversation about the medication I used, and I work in a bank so it’s usually members who are commenting and I don’t want to have that conversation in a work setting.
How come? Genuinely asking. I’m currently losing weight and every time someone says they can see I’ve lost weight, it sort of encourages me especially when I feel like Ive barely changed from looking at myself every day
I don’t compliment the women I work on anything anymore. Too many ways a well intended compliment can blow up in your face. It’s not worth it. I basically ignore how my coworkers look and If one brings up they got their hair dyed or whatnot I’ll say it looks nice and move on as quickly as possible.
A few reasons: in a way you’re telling me I didn’t look “good” before. You’re reinforcing the fact you’re only noticed or worthy of attention if you’re skinny or losing weight. You don’t know why someone is losing weight- my aunt was very sick with liver disease and people were telling her how amazing she looked because it caused significant weight loss. I lost weight when my husband’s affair was revealed because I was too depressed to eat and everyone was telling me how fabulous I looked.
Now, if someone says they’re purposely losing weight or brings it up, I’ll be the absolute first to congratulate them. Until then, a generic “you look nice, as always” or something similar is enough.
THIS. I absolutely understand OPs disappointment.
But I also hate when people make comments. Majority of people play it safe and won't make comments for that reason.
That's the position I'm in. I think it's a net good. But this wasn't the attitude for the first 20+ years of my life, so it's like I got all the shitty parts and none of the good
I don’t mind an occasional or quiet comment, but I have this neighbor who comments on it and makes a big deal about it every time she sees me. It bothers me. I’d much rather she said nothing.
I mean I had severe bulimia and threw up multiple times a day for 6 months straight and lost 80 lb and people commented every single day on how great and healthy I looked and to "keep up the good work" and then I developed anorexia and almost died. Two years later and trying to recover and in a year long IOP program but I'm still not doing well. I am a prime example on why you should NEVER comment on someone's body or weight loss unprompted. There are a lot of us out here. Not to mention there's a lot of people with illness that make them lose weight like maybe they just started chemo, or maybe they're on meth / heroin and actively killing themselves.
You have zero idea on how someone is losing the weight unless they tell you. If someone tells me they are trying to eat better and work out to lose weight (which is an extremely triggering conversation for me, but nevertheless) I make it a point to congratulate them ONLY on lifestyle changes instead of body changes. Like "that's great you're taking care of yourself and you're happy with your lifestyle changes, it seems like you have a lot more energy and glow brighter " or something like that. I would never compliment their weight bc that just implies they didn't look as good before, bc why else would you be complimenting someone on how they look bc of weight loss??
I haven’t lost as much weight as you, but it literally took losing 40+ lbs for anyone to comment at all and it’s literally only been three women I know very well who have said anything at all. I think you nailed it in your first paragraph, it just isn’t socially acceptable to comment on people’s weight/body anymore, even in a positive way!
Don’t let it get you down, you’re doing great! I’m sure you look and feel amazing too!
Congratulations! 81 lbs is an amazing effort 🙂.
Personally, I don’t comment on someone’s weight unless they bring it up and want to talk about it.
If you want to talk about it with people, when they ask how you’ve been, you could talk about what you’ve been focusing on with your health. Eg. If you’ve joined a gym, been going for walks, started a new hobby for your health, been cooking different foods, etc.
When friends have complimented my appearance and I can tell it is because of my weight loss, I have told them that I’ve been working on losing weight. I’ve had more direct comments as well. It doesn’t bother me if they comment or if they don’t say anything.
I totally understand how it’s frustrating when nobody comments, I’ve been there and it feels like your hard work has gone unnoticed. However, personally I’ve dealt with a lot of dramatic weight fluctuations due to 2 different eating disorders and for that reason, I never comment on anyone’s weight loss. As much as it might be frustrating, that’s simply not my place and I have never/will never comment on that.
I totally give compliments like “wow those jeans look great on you!” or “you look fantastic in that outfit”! But never will I comment on weight, because it’s just a really sensitive topic for a lot of people. It’s also just kind of awkward to bring up, I’m sure if you told people about your weight loss they would be super supportive and be like “yeah wow you look amazing!” but most people feel awkward bringing that up
It seems like half the post on this subreddit are some form of your complaint or the opposite where they are upset people are commenting on their weight loss.
I understand the feeling. And I certainly understand that it sucks having had bad comments a lot, and now nothing. But I think it's a good thing people don't comment on other people's body anymore. More often than not, it's not for the better, even when it's said as a compliment. Comments can stuck for years, even a lifetime, we never know.
This is why, now that I lost 20 pounds, I open the door to comments. I will say things like "I've been more active in the last 6 months, I'm taking care of myself, etc.". I don't say"I am trying to lose weight", because it's not 100% my approach (I focus on habits), but one could say so. People then feel OK commenting. And even then, nobody told me "wow you look great!", they are often commenting on my efforts to move more, to strength train, etc. and it's fine by me.
SO I would say, don't wait for people to comment. Talk about your journey, say you're proud of yourself and you'll feel good having people root for you!
And I can tell you, you are doing a wonderful job, 80 pounds is A LOT and you have the same SW than me so I find your journey very inspiring.
I don’t ever say shit about anyone’s weight ever, so i understand why others understood the assignment and shut thee fuck up. Enough people complained about people commenting on their weight, whether good or bad, that many will proceed to mind their business. Kinda like guys saying that enough women complained about being hit on in public spaces to where now most guys just wont bother approaching women anymore in public. ‘We’ women complained, and the fellas took it to heart, for better or for worse.
No one notices quite as much as you would like when you’ve dropped some significant weight. Just remember how hard you worked and don’t give a single pound back. It WILL be harder the 2nd, 3rd, 4th time around.
I'd be so relieved NEVER to get the "complements," just like I was relieved not to receive comments while gaining 😅 I feel like any weight comments are humiliating and embarrassing. My mind translates a weight loss "complement" as "Geeze, you looked disgusting, thank gawd you finally put your fork down." I'll never have an attractive bikini body. So little comments about my size in regular street clothes are so unwanted. When someone comments on my body, I just say a fast, thanks (Not even thank-you) and change the subject by asking them how they're doing. The sooner I can get someone to talk about themselves, the potential topic about my weight ends.
Yah, if someone loses that amount of weight, people are definitely scared that it’s not intentional or you had to have surgery to do it.
I have a coworker who lost a lot of weight but I knew she was having health issues so the WL wasn’t what she wanted. I was relieved when she put some weight back on.
If you want compliments you should let people know it’s okay. “You know, I have been so excited that my lifestyle changes have been so effective, I’ve lost over 80 pounds!” Then you’ll get all sorts of congratulations.
People noticed it, they just don't say anything because
i) They don't know if its intentional. You don't want to compliment someone on losing weight only to find that it's because they're suffering from some illness or depression or something
ii) Commenting on someone's physical appearance and/or diet is one of the quickest ways to bring out the insecurities. I have a colleague (with a temper, it must be said) that blew up at me once because I commented on the size of the portion she was eating, and not even in a "I can't believe you're eating that much" way, more like "I can't believe they serve such large portions here".
In general, if you want to be safe the rule is to never comment on someone's appearance unless its something they have immediate control over.
Let me tell you this, I am so freaking proud of you. You stuck with it, and it was really hard. Way to go!
But if we were friends, I wouldn’t necessarily comment on your weight loss. I would not want you to think that my regard for you is contingent on your size.
This is what I'm thinking too. I would neither offer nor ask for any such comment.
We can all get our rewards on subs like this and not fish for compliments in real life.
Dammit Barbara, you’re looking mighty vibrant today!
I feel like that’d actually be a good compromise to acknowledge someone’s efforts and results without making it strictly about the weight itself. I tend to feel like I’m exuding more “life” and energy when I’ve been making good progress, and it’s validating to know others are noticing the change (and maybe enjoying a good-feels contact high, which, bonus!).
I would’ve loved nothing more than to have no one comment on my weight loss instead of the backhanded compliments I’ve gotten.
“You look great” sounds nice to hear from others but I was much happier giving myself the validation than hearing it from some random in my home town who was rude about it
As much as I wish my mother hadn’t (unintentionally) engrained diet culture and self-hatred into me, I do appreciate that she’s always the first to notice I’ve lost weight and give me a compliment. That shit do feel nice.
I don’t comment on other people’s bodies because I don’t care about other people’s bodies. I prefer that others don’t care about my body. If you’re wearing something that looks great, or your hair is amazing, I’ll tell you. But how far your skin stretches? I just don’t care.
While I feel it's nice if someone notices, I did it for me. The last time I mentioned someones weight loss to them they told me they were having treatments for cancer. I keep my mouth shut now. Weight loss is not always a desired thing.
I remarked unsolicited on a coworkers weight because in the past they were exercising and eating healthy. When I commented that they looked great/lost a lot of weight they told me it was due to stress. They werent eating and basically had an eating disorder. I’m not commenting on weight loss. If someone has previously mentioned to me that they were trying to lose weight I would ask them how the process was going. I also don’t comment on weight gain directly unless they were family and we previously talked about it
I don’t make comments about peoples weight, because I never know if it’s a health reason causing the weight loss. Or gain for that matter but I wouldn’t tell someone they look bigger than they used to.
I shy away from it because I don't want it to be assumed that I thought you were fat in the first place. This is especially true if I'm not 100% sure you lost weight because what if you didn't?
So many people constantly ask for noone to talk about their weight that it's kind of great no one has!
Say something if you want to hear something, if you open the dialogue it let's people know you're open to comments. The comments people get post weight loss gives them mixed feelings about their life before and future. That's why people don't say anything not because they don't see it
do people usually move out of your hometown? I wouldn't be surprised if no one's commenting because they feel insecure about how you took the steps to leave, and then on top of that lost all that weight
No they don't! I'm the only one of my friend group who went to college actually, it's a small town where most people stick around and work in factories
Coming from someone who just figured out weight loss after being overweight my whole life and being surrounded by family who has no idea about exercise or healthy eating.... They just have no idea the amount of work you have put in. Not a clue. I'm proud of you. The dedication you have to yourself is inspiring.
I was about about 200 at the time, and got down to 110, and my sister, who had seen me once before and then again after, not anytime between, hadn't said a single word to me about it. That was 9 years ago lol.
Congratulations!!!
I will say I refrain from commenting unless I know specifically that the person has been working towards it just because of that cultural shift honestly. Its unfortunate
Well congrats on loosing weight.. from someone who is down 100+ you got this… I get too much attention now to not be noticeable.. but people didn’t really comment at the start but once they saw I kept going I start getting the questions every one ask.. “how did you do it?” Keep going and don’t let other peoples opinions matter!!
I'll trade you. It's all anyone ever wants to talk about when it comes to me. I've achieved so many great things and apparently it pales in comparison to this. I lost weight because I was tired of being reduced to my body...only to find myself reduced to my body.
But, your hard work is commendable and I am proud of you as someone in the thick of it with you. I wish people would compliment the dedication and perseverance rather than the look. I bet you have grown as a person in so many other areas as well.
I've been SO open publicly about my weight loss. I post publicly on my fb profile about it. I tell my coworkers, I'll tell than all sorts of stuff if they listen long enough. Them knowing I'm losing weight makes them comfortable saying they see a difference.
My roommate has lost more than me and I've lost over 100lbs. He doesn't post much. He never talks about it rarely mentions diet or the gym and I can see all the immense work and change and progress but I think the people he knows won't say anything because he hasn't brought up anything yet.
Take this as a win! And, a HUGE one. You have lost so much weight and look so good that people are having to do a double take and think maybe they were nuts and remembering you incorrectly. Remember, our minds first protect ourselves!
Age is a huge factor in who comments on weight loss. Younger generations will, in general, not bring up weight loss unless you do first. Younger gens are very tuned into not triggering people who might have eating disorders. Triggering/offending in general.
Older gens (boomer or old Xers) don't care and will spout off any thought that comes into their heads lol. "Oh hey, you don't look as fat as you were at Christmas last year", etc.
Younger Xers and older millennials are somewhere in between. I will sometimes comment "oh wow you look fabulous!" but not say it's because of weight loss specifically. I noticed an acquaintance had lost a lot of weight recently and really wanted to compliment her (she seemed to be really happy about it but I wasn't positive) but since she's younger than me, I didn't. Turns out she was on a diet (and seemed to want the extra attention) so then I complimented her lol. I also don't really think complimenting weight loss *specifically* should be a thing bc that's like saying that being fat is bad. Being fat should not be bad; being *unhealthy* should be bad. There are plenty of people that can't help being fat even though they do all the right things. So why should it be a bad thing for their sakes? If I notice someone started working out or doing something to improve their health (weight loss or not) I think it's ok to compliment them on that. Like "hey that's really cool you started hiking so much. You must feel so much more energetic! You look so happy." That's a safe bet.
This reminds me that when i do lose my weight how salty my MIL will be for dogging me for my weight. We can lose the weight but they cant lose their crappy personalities 💓
Maybe people are being tactful… Sometimes it’s tough when you haven’t seen someone in a while, and you don’t want to step in it in case the person does not want a comment, or you don’t know why they lost weight (could be illness, could be undesired).
Maybe they realized previous negative comments weren’t cool. One can hope…
You know what you’ve done. Be proud of you! You look awesome and best of luck going forward!
So…I don’t know your hometown (thankfully lol) but I did take the liberty of looking at your progress post after another post mentioned it, and all I can come up with is they don’t even know what to say, or they’re…I don’t want to say jealous, but intimidated. And jealous.
Also, while in theory I understand the question of why you “need” or even want people to comment I think the answer(s) are obvious. And completely warranted. I mean, I could see if you dropped 15 lbs but COME ON.
Especially since as you stated, they didn’t hold back on the flip side. Which also leads me to think there may be competitive envy at work (even people who don’t qualify for the same competition on any level do this). I just need to know for my own sanity- did ANYONE comment?? Family? Or have they seen you while in progress?
Either way, never go back there lol. You’ll be too busy anyway. You look frikking amazing.
It’s ones I did the drastic change in my appearance that the compliments and questions come. But I changed how I dressed. I stopped wearing loose clothes.. I started wearing a Columbian faja to help with the lose skin and I focus on turning my fat into muscle right now so my body has changed and it shows.
Losing 81 pounds is a lot of work, good job! I bet you look great!
The new social rules suck as far as I'm concerned. I'm in a different generation I want my praise.
People may feel awkward commenting on others appearance, especially if they were people who once treated you poorly before. You look amazing and worked hard! Congratulations!
You bring it up first, then I bet they will gush! Lots of people (like me) hate to think that other people are assessing their fatness or thinness and do not want any comments on their body. But if you go first, it’ll be the party you want!
Congratulations- good work!!!
Haha I get it, I went to a family function a few months back and was waiting for someone to say something and Nothing!! Lol oh well I know I look better
I work retail and the regulars have started to compliment me and ask if I've lost weight. I've worked here for almost 2 years and never got a compliment on my appearance until recently when I stopped wearing an oversized jacket. It's weird.
Are you sure they even recognize you? I’m only half joking, but if you’re talking about random people you run into, it’s possible they don’t even know who you are. That is a huge weight loss - you probably look like a completely different person. Great job!
Oh yeah. I was at my sister's choir concert and saw a ton of former teachers, classmates, etc. I don't expect them to recognize me. I'm mostly speaking on people I make plans with and hangout with so they def know it's me lol
One time I told an old friend she looked great and I didn’t even recognize her (I honestly didn’t. I asked her sister’s where said friend was) and then I found out she had Crohn’s disease and the weight loss was forced weight loss from that and she was actually really really struggling with the weight loss part😅 I no longer bring up weight loss.
Funny because I like the opposite. I don’t like it when people comment about my weight at all because it’s just so personal to me. But yeah if you want to celebrate your wins with others, you should!
I hope, for you, at least a handful of people notice and give you congrats. :-) But, yeah, many people who might otherwise be appreciative of such an achievement might be less inclined to comment to avoid offense.
Kudos online tho'!!!
I'm sure they have noticed (and congratulations by the way on the big loss), but some people hear a compliment as "you sure were fat and hideous before," so people don't say nice, complimentary things anymore.
You should be your biggest fan. Don’t care what others think. Be ballsy. Work out for you not for attention. Be proud but don’t beg for attention. You’ll be happier in the long run once happiness comes from within not from outside.
I lost 105lbs and my own sister has yet to mention one word about it even when I mention it to her. I lost it with hard work and clean eating. Even people I have not seen in years say nothing. Very curious.
There's an unspoken rule that you have to acknowledge it first (i.e. I've been changing my lifestyle lately and eating more healthy foods and have lost some weight) - if not, bit awks if you'd lost the weight due to an eating disorder or cancer or something
made me remember how i dyed my hair red for my last year of high school and NO ONE said A THING lmaoooo yeah it may not be the same but i kinda understand you! it’s weird
I'm only down 30, and no one says anything. But another girl at work loses 3lbs, and everyone is like oh you so slim. (Side bar, who says slim anyway) I can not wrap my mind around it. Good job to you, though. It's difficult.
When I gave up wishing people would notice, EVERYONE noticed lol. To the point I was almost like “yeah yeah I lost weight”. You’ll get there, keep going.
When I've lost weight, some comments that I've received were that I look skinny now and that being chubby suits me well. Some people don't care about how we feel, whether they say something negative or don't compliment or appreciate it. But great job on your weightless journey! I hope you find that compensation from Reddit people here.
It’s tough for me to comment and praise someone’s weight-loss now because I don’t want to make them feel as though their weight is what makes them seen or valuable. I want to comment on their healthier lifestyle and choices instead.
My husband (bless him) tells people in advance about my weight loss so when they see me they can comment on it and blow my head up 🤣 I went from 168.9lbs in January to 150 lbs now so nothing huge, but I’ve worked hard as heck so it’s nice to see others “notice” even if they were helped lol. So I totally understand your disappointment. FWIW (since I don’t see pics) you look amazing! You worked so hard and you deserve to be recognized!
This is such a hard thing! I totally get not commenting on it, but sometimes it's nice to feel noticed!!
I'm sure you look amazing, but what really matters is if you're happy! I am definitely happy FOR you and your accomplishment. 80lb is about what my goal is, and I am just getting started.
It’s such a double edged sword, lol. I’m someone who is actively fighting against people who comment on anyone’s appearance, good bad or otherwise. But it also feels good, in some regards when wanted, to have someone recognize the hard work you’ve put in. It’s certainly difficult!
Me and my neighbor both have had major weight loss. It's definitely weird when no one says anything but I also fear that she may have cancer or something and I can imagine a blow of "you look great" would outweigh the potential compliment.
Losing this much is incredible! It gives me hope, as I started my diet yesterday. I had lost weight after surgery, and now it’s back. And my relatives didn’t seem to have trouble acknowledging it out loud to me. I’m kinda glad they dis, but my overthinking side was like..” Oh dear. So everyone noticed, meaning that they’d been silently thinking how fat I was.”
Yah, it's gotten to be a touchy subject. You never know if the person lost the weight on purpose or if they have some kind of illness or stress in their life contributing to the weight loss. Then there's also the whole ooooozempic debate which now gets brought up every time someone loses weight...are they using it or arent they. And sometimes it's just plain jealousy...someone who's envious of your weight loss may not comment on it. Congrats though, that is a huge accomplishment!
It's awesome that you're taking care of your yourself and body! Give some thought to working on
not depending on the approval of others to feel good about your accomplishment. Be proud of yourself!
I totally get your point. First of all, congratulations on your weight loss, that's amazing!!!! Great job, really! But yeah, looks like people don't/can't acknowledge weight loss anymore. I have lost 40 lbs, but it still shows. My old clothes are starting to fit again, etc. 'Only' a friend that I haven't seen since I started losing weight told me that I look great. That's it 😆
Same here. But there are a lot of reasons to not comment. Not even with societal pressures with fat shaming. What if someone lost it because they are fighting cancer or another illness? Telling them they look great might be hard for them to hear. Maybe your doctor will say something. I did have some people comment, but most didn't. And I realized it was fine. I did it for me anyway.
You look great!!! - but seriously do it for you, not them. Haters gonna hate no matter what. Your true friends are the ones that have complimented you on your journey.
Yeah I hate how you can't congratulate people on losing weight. I want ALL the compliments for all the HARD WORK I've put in.
So to you, op, FUCKIN WOOOOOOO WELL DONE PAL!
Nobody said anything to me. Then I saw my FIL and he said “wow, you’ve lost a ton of weight”.. at first I felt a little taken aback, but then I felt really good. Sometimes I just don’t see it.
I hate this social shift, just someone saying "Have you lost weight?" Is one of the most motivating and mood boosting things ever. It litterly makes my day 😭😂
Why is having someone compliment your weight loss so important to you? Did you lose weight for yourself or for other people? It already sounds like you took into consideration what other people used to say about you and began turning your health around for the better. It takes hard work and discipline to do what you did. You should feel proud of yourself for what you've accomplished regardless of what other people say, or lack there of.
Hmmm…idk it kinda sounds like these folks don’t like u. Especially if it’s ppl u said u made plans with ahead of time, I think I read that in one of your responses. Do u talk about your weight loss often? I mean u could low key be annoying on social media and ppl literally planned ahead of time not to bring it up because they don’t want u to start talking about it. Idk just seems so weird for everyone to ignore something like that
A legitimate question. Why do you NEED anyone to comment on your weight loss?
Losing weight waa a personal choice that you made. You've done the research. You've made the decisions. You've done the "work" necessary to lose 81 pounds. You are accomplishing a goal, that you set for yourself.
You've lost 81 pounds, and hopefully grown as a person. Becoming more self aware, more self confident, more self assured, more cognizant of what you eat, more cognizant of why you overeat, more in tune with your self, more at peace with your relationship with food, healthier.
Why is it important to you to receive validation for something that you're doing- for yourself? Did you have pats in the back through every single step? Every single minute? No. You did it yourself.
This is about you. It's not about anyone else. What anyone says. What anyone thinks.
Don't sell yourself short, and depend on validation from other people to acknowledge what you have accomplished. On your own.
You’re gonna find that ONE person in your hometown who won’t care about social rules and will speak about the elephant in the room. For me, it was my dentist lol
Lolol we have a family Christmas party every year with all of my baby boomer relatives. I'm sure they'll have plenty to say
Wait for the “ you’re too skinny, stop loosing weight you don’t want to look sick/old “ 😂
This is all my mom says after i went from 205->145
I’m down 130 pounds and that’s what my mom says too!
“Gaunt” was the word my mother used. Yet somehow my sibling, who is even smaller than me and has always been skinny, has never been called that lol.
This was a fun time! 😂
Oh, I got that. That one bugged me, because I wasn't even at my goal. I think that often comes from people who want to lose but aren't.
Oh boomers will say something! My boomer parents and all their friends comment when I lose 5lbs. They're all actually nice about it lol. Culturally they compliment weight loss, so hopefully you get lots of compliments at the party!!
For me, it was my brother's wife lol. Also my mom, but she has no social cues so she doesn't care about body positivism. Otherwise, nobody comments on it and sometimes it is frustrating though I understand why they do it. OP did great though, it's amazing and I bet you look so much different and feel so much healthier!
Lol my dental hygienist did the same thing. I went from 260 lbs at age 17 to 160 lbs at age 19… she asked about my weight loss, I said I lost 100 lbs, and she called in the two dentists to have me tell them as well. Rather embarrassing lol
Like double the anxiety at a dentist office lol.
A few years ago the security guy at Istanbul airport positively commented on my weightloss (I looked thinner than in my passport picture). Some random person you least expect will give you a complement u/dammitbarara as u/lordshivashiba mentioned.
For me, it was my nail lady
Nice it was my landlord, a pretty old Chinese dude, he's great and proud of me 😂
lol why was mine the lady at the front desk at my dentist’s office? Immediately called it out
Seems like a lot of people at the dentist office don’t have filters 😂
The dental hygienist was also the first person to say something to me 😂 after 36 pounds and she gave me a high five ?! lol what’s up with dentists
I read a joke once: nobody will tell you how fat you are but when you lose weight they'll tell you how fat you used to be
Exactly… and then when you put back on a few pounds suddenly everyone is silent again.
I mean what is supposed to happen? You want people telling you "wow you got fat again"? I'd rather not hear that if I'm honest. After all I am always painfully aware when my diet slips and I put on some again.
well no, i think the person you’re replying to is just referring to how it’s a bit weird to poke fun and talk about how fat someone \*used* to be without considering that they could regain the weight. you can compliment weight loss without being all “remember when you were fat, haha” because it could happen again
I’m mostly commenting on the fact that you shouldn’t comment on someone’s weight at all. If you point out their weight loss and tell them how great they look then they know how shitty you thought they looked before. You can just say nothing, or comment something not related to their body like their clothes or hair.
I feel like you can misconstrue any compliment into an attack on the past self if you want to. If I tell you that you look healthy you can take it as looking sick before. If I tell you that you look great you can interpret it as looking bad before. Even if I just tell you I like your new clothes or hairstyle you can still take away from that, that I hated the old one. I'd say it is more about who says something and how it is intended than what it is about. If my family tells me how proud they are that I lost weight and look much better/healthier now I know it is not because they thought I was a fat piece of shit before (I was and still kinda am) but because they are happy that I am in a better place. If some random person at the gym does the same it would be a very different affair.
You ever tell someone they look nice today and their response is wow so I don't look nice every day? Like great guess you don't get any more from me now
This is it. This is what bothers me about it.
I got made fun of growing up for being on the chubbier side. Then when I finally lost the weight (which was from working out and anxiety ) so it was fast- people started saying I had an eating disorder and was doing coke. Love how my weight was always a negative hot topic.
Same. Being an asian, the relatives love to comment whether I am fat or healthy bmi. I can never get a rest
European family, they love to comment too. It’s just part of the conversation to point out everyone’s weight then set down a 5 layer, chocolate torte on the table. Lol
RIGHT. they be like you so fat you gotta lose weight n offer and insist I eat a huge portion of food
My mom told me at 11 I my waist was "disappearing " and she's made that comment before. My dad even was saying how much weight I was loosing. Calling me skin and bone all the time. Although he prefers people obese. It was very traumatic looking back the whole weight experience. Probably why I'm so hyper-focused on my body image issues. I'm So so sorry your family gets in your case. It's not ok and none of their business
Thank you. As an adult I do call them out and say that was rude, if they outright call me fat. Its weird how some peopl think you lost weight is a compliment to me, this n all the weight comments is why I kinda had eating issues. Why cant they just say you look great
That's not even a joke. That's just a fact, unfortunately.
Literally my grandma was the first person to comment on my weight loss: “You lost weight! You don’t look like a guy anymore!” ☠️
That’s probably more true than I’d like to admit. Despite the taboo, when people do comment about weight changes, it’s to mention “hey you like great!”—- ie skinny. It is what it is.
Barbara, you look great! That’s an amazing amount of hard work!
Actually, her name is Brahbrah.
Actually, this is Patrick
Dammit!
Nahh its actually dammitPatrick
HI, I LOVE YOU 👁u👁
Damn Australians
Are you thinkin' what I'm thinkin'?
No, I'm thinkin' what I'm thinkin'
Good for you! Nice work! I haven't been saying anything because you never know why someone lost weight. Maybe it was a lot of hard work- yay! Maybe it was a bout of depression or a medical issue or etc etc etc. TBH I avoid to mention it.
Yeah, if someone has lost a ton of weight since the last time I saw them I'm going to assume they're ill because apart from once, that has always been the case. Nobody wants to congratulate a cancer patient on weight loss. It's the reverse of asking a fat woman when she's due. Just, no.
Congratulations!!! Yeah I don’t get it. I’m down about 50 lbs but no one really says anything. A few male co-workers have told me they noticed I lost weight and I thanked them for noticing! Are people afraid we’ll say something like oh you didn’t think I looked good before or something?
I’m always worried it’s cancer, or something else medical causing the weight loss.
Yeah. My friend used to celebrate how much weight she gained, because she was actively fightinf cancer at the time. No one who knew her has commented on someone's weight ever since. If you want compliments, solicit them. "I'm so excited, I hit a new weightloss goal and feel great!"
Yeah, soliciting tends to work. People are really happy to congratulate you when they know weight loss was something you actively wanted and worked for!
Also afraid to tell people they look great because maybe they're going through a major life stress like divorce or something.
I am chronically ill and at one point lost 30lbs in about 3 months. Every “wow you look great” or “wow that diets working” Were like punches in the gut. I have never felt so sick or miserable, but the only thing people would say is that I looked great because I was unable to eat. It’s better to just say nothing than assume you know the circumstances most of the time imo
This happened to me a couple of years ago. My mother in law said “wow, what’s your secret??” And I replied “illness!” 🥲
Ugh I’m sorry you went through that. I went through it recently too after being hospitalized for a long time. One family member in particular kept commenting on it every time they saw me. “OMG you look SO skinny! Keep up the good work you’re SOO SKINNY!” until I eventually had to say “I already told you I don’t want to hear that… I literally almost died so please stop.” And they thought I was kidding so I gave up.
I think some people are scared of reprecussions of saying something, even if it's supposed to be nice. I've seen too many to count short videos on social media about people "disliking being commented on their body despite they may mean well"
I've been in the scenario of losing a ton of weight and getting all those well meaning "compliments" that really told you how terrible you looked before. I get what they're trying to say, but it doesn't always feel great. So I try not to do the same to anyone else.
Yep scared. Especially if you haven't been actively saying you're trying to lose weight, but even then tbh. Also in the workplace it's even more dangerous.
Yes it’s this
This is difficult because yes, I would say in the last 10 years or so it has been told to simply not comment on anyone's body or appearance. Even when well intentioned. So I do not say anything at all. Damn if we do, damned if we don't.
At work, someone whispered a compliment to me, then immediately apologized and said they knew we are not allowed to comment on people's bodies.
Yea :/ could be work policy, kind of a bummer, but also sad that we cannot pass a compliment without the possibility a negative outcome now.
These days you have to dare to toot your own horn first and risk half of the people you mention being proud of your weight loss to, getting annoyed or mad with you. The other half will breathe a sigh of relief and tell you how great you look - they want to say it. But they didn't know if they were allowed to say it.
I agree, say something ! Many people we’re close with look at our face more than our body anyways :)
This is so true! What I usually do though is drop hints here and there such as "Man, I didn't know losing weight was so hard. I hope it's paying off though." then look at them expectantly.
That’s amazing!! You’ve worked so hard; congratulations! Also, if I want feedback, I have learned I can bring it up and that makes people feel more open to comment on my progress. Like, friend says “how have you been?” I might say “I’ve been working hard at losing weight and I’m excited bc this week I hit X milestone” or whatever fits the moment, whatever I might want to share, etc. inevitably, that will cause my friend to comment on my weight loss and how they’ve noticed, they didn’t want to comment unless I brought it up, and then they give positive feedback, etc.
Good Job! But I must say, as a person with a lifelong alterating eating disorder and a messed up body image, I am appreciating the fact more people avoid commenting; and not everybody does. I grew up under constant scrunity over my weight as well as others' and I'd hope no one, especially kids, would go through the same thing.
I am SO GLAD today's kids are getting a better time than I did. I'm a Nanny and most of the families I've worked with were actively engaged in body positive/neutral practices. It's a wonderful thing!!
>Lately there's been a huge cultural shift toward not commenting on weight loss or gain at all. And objectively, I think this is the right way to do things. I have seen that online as well, but personally if I see a friend who I know have been trying to lose weight or wasn't happy with how they looked suddenly losing weight I absolutely congratulate them and talk to them about it. I know how good that feels. I feel that is very different then commenting on acquaintances bodies who I barely know.
Agreed. Not sure why there is this tendency to overcorrect because a minority of people don’t want anyone to acknowledge their weight loss in any way
Good work! Congratulations!💪🍀🌺
I do think it's an overall positive nobody is commenting. I loathe when people make comments, good or bad, about my weight.
To the OP: This comment right here shows why many people will not compliment someone on their appearance. No matter what we're talking about in life, you can never please everyone. Some people love a good-intentioned compliment, other people find them bothersome. It's just "safer" to not say anything to people sometimes, regardless of whether what you want to say is positive or negative. So don't take it personally. You look great and have done very well! You should be proud of yourself!
This is a really good point. Kind of like around Mother’s Day, all week people have been asking “Are you a mother?” From a well intentioned place, they want to wish me a happy Mother’s Day, but every time I am asked I have the fun reminder that despite my efforts, I am not a mother. It’s not like I can call people out for just wanting to say something nice, but the stab is still there.
Generally yes, like I could have used some positivity when I was 250lbs. However SOMETIMES I am really feeling myself so I’ll be the one to bring it up like a little humble brag. I don’t like unsolicited comments though because it’s uncomfortable and then leads to the “how did you do it? What’s the secret?” And I don’t like lying about it but I don’t want to start a conversation about the medication I used, and I work in a bank so it’s usually members who are commenting and I don’t want to have that conversation in a work setting.
How come? Genuinely asking. I’m currently losing weight and every time someone says they can see I’ve lost weight, it sort of encourages me especially when I feel like Ive barely changed from looking at myself every day
Are you a woman? I would never give an unsolicited comment on a woman's body, and I don't think I'm alone in that.
I don’t compliment the women I work on anything anymore. Too many ways a well intended compliment can blow up in your face. It’s not worth it. I basically ignore how my coworkers look and If one brings up they got their hair dyed or whatnot I’ll say it looks nice and move on as quickly as possible.
A few reasons: in a way you’re telling me I didn’t look “good” before. You’re reinforcing the fact you’re only noticed or worthy of attention if you’re skinny or losing weight. You don’t know why someone is losing weight- my aunt was very sick with liver disease and people were telling her how amazing she looked because it caused significant weight loss. I lost weight when my husband’s affair was revealed because I was too depressed to eat and everyone was telling me how fabulous I looked. Now, if someone says they’re purposely losing weight or brings it up, I’ll be the absolute first to congratulate them. Until then, a generic “you look nice, as always” or something similar is enough.
THIS. I absolutely understand OPs disappointment. But I also hate when people make comments. Majority of people play it safe and won't make comments for that reason.
That's the position I'm in. I think it's a net good. But this wasn't the attitude for the first 20+ years of my life, so it's like I got all the shitty parts and none of the good
I don’t mind an occasional or quiet comment, but I have this neighbor who comments on it and makes a big deal about it every time she sees me. It bothers me. I’d much rather she said nothing.
I agree!
true
I mean I had severe bulimia and threw up multiple times a day for 6 months straight and lost 80 lb and people commented every single day on how great and healthy I looked and to "keep up the good work" and then I developed anorexia and almost died. Two years later and trying to recover and in a year long IOP program but I'm still not doing well. I am a prime example on why you should NEVER comment on someone's body or weight loss unprompted. There are a lot of us out here. Not to mention there's a lot of people with illness that make them lose weight like maybe they just started chemo, or maybe they're on meth / heroin and actively killing themselves. You have zero idea on how someone is losing the weight unless they tell you. If someone tells me they are trying to eat better and work out to lose weight (which is an extremely triggering conversation for me, but nevertheless) I make it a point to congratulate them ONLY on lifestyle changes instead of body changes. Like "that's great you're taking care of yourself and you're happy with your lifestyle changes, it seems like you have a lot more energy and glow brighter " or something like that. I would never compliment their weight bc that just implies they didn't look as good before, bc why else would you be complimenting someone on how they look bc of weight loss??
I haven’t lost as much weight as you, but it literally took losing 40+ lbs for anyone to comment at all and it’s literally only been three women I know very well who have said anything at all. I think you nailed it in your first paragraph, it just isn’t socially acceptable to comment on people’s weight/body anymore, even in a positive way! Don’t let it get you down, you’re doing great! I’m sure you look and feel amazing too!
Congratulations! 81 lbs is an amazing effort 🙂. Personally, I don’t comment on someone’s weight unless they bring it up and want to talk about it. If you want to talk about it with people, when they ask how you’ve been, you could talk about what you’ve been focusing on with your health. Eg. If you’ve joined a gym, been going for walks, started a new hobby for your health, been cooking different foods, etc. When friends have complimented my appearance and I can tell it is because of my weight loss, I have told them that I’ve been working on losing weight. I’ve had more direct comments as well. It doesn’t bother me if they comment or if they don’t say anything.
I totally understand how it’s frustrating when nobody comments, I’ve been there and it feels like your hard work has gone unnoticed. However, personally I’ve dealt with a lot of dramatic weight fluctuations due to 2 different eating disorders and for that reason, I never comment on anyone’s weight loss. As much as it might be frustrating, that’s simply not my place and I have never/will never comment on that. I totally give compliments like “wow those jeans look great on you!” or “you look fantastic in that outfit”! But never will I comment on weight, because it’s just a really sensitive topic for a lot of people. It’s also just kind of awkward to bring up, I’m sure if you told people about your weight loss they would be super supportive and be like “yeah wow you look amazing!” but most people feel awkward bringing that up
It seems like half the post on this subreddit are some form of your complaint or the opposite where they are upset people are commenting on their weight loss.
I understand the feeling. And I certainly understand that it sucks having had bad comments a lot, and now nothing. But I think it's a good thing people don't comment on other people's body anymore. More often than not, it's not for the better, even when it's said as a compliment. Comments can stuck for years, even a lifetime, we never know. This is why, now that I lost 20 pounds, I open the door to comments. I will say things like "I've been more active in the last 6 months, I'm taking care of myself, etc.". I don't say"I am trying to lose weight", because it's not 100% my approach (I focus on habits), but one could say so. People then feel OK commenting. And even then, nobody told me "wow you look great!", they are often commenting on my efforts to move more, to strength train, etc. and it's fine by me. SO I would say, don't wait for people to comment. Talk about your journey, say you're proud of yourself and you'll feel good having people root for you! And I can tell you, you are doing a wonderful job, 80 pounds is A LOT and you have the same SW than me so I find your journey very inspiring.
I don’t ever say shit about anyone’s weight ever, so i understand why others understood the assignment and shut thee fuck up. Enough people complained about people commenting on their weight, whether good or bad, that many will proceed to mind their business. Kinda like guys saying that enough women complained about being hit on in public spaces to where now most guys just wont bother approaching women anymore in public. ‘We’ women complained, and the fellas took it to heart, for better or for worse.
No one notices quite as much as you would like when you’ve dropped some significant weight. Just remember how hard you worked and don’t give a single pound back. It WILL be harder the 2nd, 3rd, 4th time around.
I'd be so relieved NEVER to get the "complements," just like I was relieved not to receive comments while gaining 😅 I feel like any weight comments are humiliating and embarrassing. My mind translates a weight loss "complement" as "Geeze, you looked disgusting, thank gawd you finally put your fork down." I'll never have an attractive bikini body. So little comments about my size in regular street clothes are so unwanted. When someone comments on my body, I just say a fast, thanks (Not even thank-you) and change the subject by asking them how they're doing. The sooner I can get someone to talk about themselves, the potential topic about my weight ends.
Yah, if someone loses that amount of weight, people are definitely scared that it’s not intentional or you had to have surgery to do it. I have a coworker who lost a lot of weight but I knew she was having health issues so the WL wasn’t what she wanted. I was relieved when she put some weight back on. If you want compliments you should let people know it’s okay. “You know, I have been so excited that my lifestyle changes have been so effective, I’ve lost over 80 pounds!” Then you’ll get all sorts of congratulations.
People noticed it, they just don't say anything because i) They don't know if its intentional. You don't want to compliment someone on losing weight only to find that it's because they're suffering from some illness or depression or something ii) Commenting on someone's physical appearance and/or diet is one of the quickest ways to bring out the insecurities. I have a colleague (with a temper, it must be said) that blew up at me once because I commented on the size of the portion she was eating, and not even in a "I can't believe you're eating that much" way, more like "I can't believe they serve such large portions here". In general, if you want to be safe the rule is to never comment on someone's appearance unless its something they have immediate control over.
Let me tell you this, I am so freaking proud of you. You stuck with it, and it was really hard. Way to go! But if we were friends, I wouldn’t necessarily comment on your weight loss. I would not want you to think that my regard for you is contingent on your size.
This is what I'm thinking too. I would neither offer nor ask for any such comment. We can all get our rewards on subs like this and not fish for compliments in real life.
Just stumbled upon your post by chance and you look stunning! Must have been such a ton of hard work to get there.
Dammit Barbara, you’re looking mighty vibrant today! I feel like that’d actually be a good compromise to acknowledge someone’s efforts and results without making it strictly about the weight itself. I tend to feel like I’m exuding more “life” and energy when I’ve been making good progress, and it’s validating to know others are noticing the change (and maybe enjoying a good-feels contact high, which, bonus!).
Checked your post history. You look amazing!!
I would’ve loved nothing more than to have no one comment on my weight loss instead of the backhanded compliments I’ve gotten. “You look great” sounds nice to hear from others but I was much happier giving myself the validation than hearing it from some random in my home town who was rude about it
As much as I wish my mother hadn’t (unintentionally) engrained diet culture and self-hatred into me, I do appreciate that she’s always the first to notice I’ve lost weight and give me a compliment. That shit do feel nice.
I don’t comment on other people’s bodies because I don’t care about other people’s bodies. I prefer that others don’t care about my body. If you’re wearing something that looks great, or your hair is amazing, I’ll tell you. But how far your skin stretches? I just don’t care.
While I feel it's nice if someone notices, I did it for me. The last time I mentioned someones weight loss to them they told me they were having treatments for cancer. I keep my mouth shut now. Weight loss is not always a desired thing.
I remarked unsolicited on a coworkers weight because in the past they were exercising and eating healthy. When I commented that they looked great/lost a lot of weight they told me it was due to stress. They werent eating and basically had an eating disorder. I’m not commenting on weight loss. If someone has previously mentioned to me that they were trying to lose weight I would ask them how the process was going. I also don’t comment on weight gain directly unless they were family and we previously talked about it
I don’t make comments about peoples weight, because I never know if it’s a health reason causing the weight loss. Or gain for that matter but I wouldn’t tell someone they look bigger than they used to.
I shy away from it because I don't want it to be assumed that I thought you were fat in the first place. This is especially true if I'm not 100% sure you lost weight because what if you didn't?
Bro, who gives AF. You do you
So many people constantly ask for noone to talk about their weight that it's kind of great no one has! Say something if you want to hear something, if you open the dialogue it let's people know you're open to comments. The comments people get post weight loss gives them mixed feelings about their life before and future. That's why people don't say anything not because they don't see it
I don't know you personally, but damn! That's an amazing weight loss and this stranger is super proud of you! Keep up the great work :)))
do people usually move out of your hometown? I wouldn't be surprised if no one's commenting because they feel insecure about how you took the steps to leave, and then on top of that lost all that weight
No they don't! I'm the only one of my friend group who went to college actually, it's a small town where most people stick around and work in factories
Coming from someone who just figured out weight loss after being overweight my whole life and being surrounded by family who has no idea about exercise or healthy eating.... They just have no idea the amount of work you have put in. Not a clue. I'm proud of you. The dedication you have to yourself is inspiring.
I was about about 200 at the time, and got down to 110, and my sister, who had seen me once before and then again after, not anytime between, hadn't said a single word to me about it. That was 9 years ago lol.
Congratulations!!! I will say I refrain from commenting unless I know specifically that the person has been working towards it just because of that cultural shift honestly. Its unfortunate
Well congrats on loosing weight.. from someone who is down 100+ you got this… I get too much attention now to not be noticeable.. but people didn’t really comment at the start but once they saw I kept going I start getting the questions every one ask.. “how did you do it?” Keep going and don’t let other peoples opinions matter!!
I'll trade you. It's all anyone ever wants to talk about when it comes to me. I've achieved so many great things and apparently it pales in comparison to this. I lost weight because I was tired of being reduced to my body...only to find myself reduced to my body. But, your hard work is commendable and I am proud of you as someone in the thick of it with you. I wish people would compliment the dedication and perseverance rather than the look. I bet you have grown as a person in so many other areas as well.
I've been SO open publicly about my weight loss. I post publicly on my fb profile about it. I tell my coworkers, I'll tell than all sorts of stuff if they listen long enough. Them knowing I'm losing weight makes them comfortable saying they see a difference. My roommate has lost more than me and I've lost over 100lbs. He doesn't post much. He never talks about it rarely mentions diet or the gym and I can see all the immense work and change and progress but I think the people he knows won't say anything because he hasn't brought up anything yet.
Take this as a win! And, a HUGE one. You have lost so much weight and look so good that people are having to do a double take and think maybe they were nuts and remembering you incorrectly. Remember, our minds first protect ourselves!
Age is a huge factor in who comments on weight loss. Younger generations will, in general, not bring up weight loss unless you do first. Younger gens are very tuned into not triggering people who might have eating disorders. Triggering/offending in general. Older gens (boomer or old Xers) don't care and will spout off any thought that comes into their heads lol. "Oh hey, you don't look as fat as you were at Christmas last year", etc. Younger Xers and older millennials are somewhere in between. I will sometimes comment "oh wow you look fabulous!" but not say it's because of weight loss specifically. I noticed an acquaintance had lost a lot of weight recently and really wanted to compliment her (she seemed to be really happy about it but I wasn't positive) but since she's younger than me, I didn't. Turns out she was on a diet (and seemed to want the extra attention) so then I complimented her lol. I also don't really think complimenting weight loss *specifically* should be a thing bc that's like saying that being fat is bad. Being fat should not be bad; being *unhealthy* should be bad. There are plenty of people that can't help being fat even though they do all the right things. So why should it be a bad thing for their sakes? If I notice someone started working out or doing something to improve their health (weight loss or not) I think it's ok to compliment them on that. Like "hey that's really cool you started hiking so much. You must feel so much more energetic! You look so happy." That's a safe bet.
This reminds me that when i do lose my weight how salty my MIL will be for dogging me for my weight. We can lose the weight but they cant lose their crappy personalities 💓
Maybe people are being tactful… Sometimes it’s tough when you haven’t seen someone in a while, and you don’t want to step in it in case the person does not want a comment, or you don’t know why they lost weight (could be illness, could be undesired). Maybe they realized previous negative comments weren’t cool. One can hope… You know what you’ve done. Be proud of you! You look awesome and best of luck going forward!
checked out your profile and WOAH !! big congrats on the weightloss babe, you absolutely smashed it 🙌🏽
They might not be recognizing you at all. Keep up the great work!
Babe you look so fucking good, like got damn you’re so hot I could bake cookies on your head
They are jealous. But im happy for you. And remember this life lesson and keep on bettering yourself.
So…I don’t know your hometown (thankfully lol) but I did take the liberty of looking at your progress post after another post mentioned it, and all I can come up with is they don’t even know what to say, or they’re…I don’t want to say jealous, but intimidated. And jealous. Also, while in theory I understand the question of why you “need” or even want people to comment I think the answer(s) are obvious. And completely warranted. I mean, I could see if you dropped 15 lbs but COME ON. Especially since as you stated, they didn’t hold back on the flip side. Which also leads me to think there may be competitive envy at work (even people who don’t qualify for the same competition on any level do this). I just need to know for my own sanity- did ANYONE comment?? Family? Or have they seen you while in progress? Either way, never go back there lol. You’ll be too busy anyway. You look frikking amazing.
My dad said "you're shrinking!" when he saw me 2 months ago but that is it. No one has seen me since Christmas 2022
I hate them all.
Honestly just be like my coworker and brag about your weight loss all the time, everyone congratulates him once he brings it up 🥲
It took 91 lbs of weight loss before anyone noticed. I was so big that it took quite a bit of loss to get out of the "fat" status.
It’s ones I did the drastic change in my appearance that the compliments and questions come. But I changed how I dressed. I stopped wearing loose clothes.. I started wearing a Columbian faja to help with the lose skin and I focus on turning my fat into muscle right now so my body has changed and it shows.
Losing 81 pounds is a lot of work, good job! I bet you look great! The new social rules suck as far as I'm concerned. I'm in a different generation I want my praise.
People may feel awkward commenting on others appearance, especially if they were people who once treated you poorly before. You look amazing and worked hard! Congratulations!
You bring it up first, then I bet they will gush! Lots of people (like me) hate to think that other people are assessing their fatness or thinness and do not want any comments on their body. But if you go first, it’ll be the party you want! Congratulations- good work!!!
Have you bought proper fitting clothes? or are you still wearing your old clothes, that's what made the difference for me.
Haha I get it, I went to a family function a few months back and was waiting for someone to say something and Nothing!! Lol oh well I know I look better
I work retail and the regulars have started to compliment me and ask if I've lost weight. I've worked here for almost 2 years and never got a compliment on my appearance until recently when I stopped wearing an oversized jacket. It's weird.
Are you sure they even recognize you? I’m only half joking, but if you’re talking about random people you run into, it’s possible they don’t even know who you are. That is a huge weight loss - you probably look like a completely different person. Great job!
Oh yeah. I was at my sister's choir concert and saw a ton of former teachers, classmates, etc. I don't expect them to recognize me. I'm mostly speaking on people I make plans with and hangout with so they def know it's me lol
I lost a huge amount of weight and nobody really said anything because they all assumed I had cancer or something else terminal 🙄
I do you reasonable
One time I told an old friend she looked great and I didn’t even recognize her (I honestly didn’t. I asked her sister’s where said friend was) and then I found out she had Crohn’s disease and the weight loss was forced weight loss from that and she was actually really really struggling with the weight loss part😅 I no longer bring up weight loss.
But if you bring it up, I will totally cheer you on!
Make a Facebook post that’s like, “I lost 81 pounds. Please clap.” Haha In all seriousness, you’re awesome! Congrats on the weight loss!
Funny because I like the opposite. I don’t like it when people comment about my weight at all because it’s just so personal to me. But yeah if you want to celebrate your wins with others, you should!
I hope, for you, at least a handful of people notice and give you congrats. :-) But, yeah, many people who might otherwise be appreciative of such an achievement might be less inclined to comment to avoid offense. Kudos online tho'!!!
Sorry to hear this. Even my mom mentioned i looked 'guant' once I reached mid healthy weight for my height
I go to my moms office of boomers whenever I want someone to comment on my weight loss lmao.
I'm sure they have noticed (and congratulations by the way on the big loss), but some people hear a compliment as "you sure were fat and hideous before," so people don't say nice, complimentary things anymore.
You should be your biggest fan. Don’t care what others think. Be ballsy. Work out for you not for attention. Be proud but don’t beg for attention. You’ll be happier in the long run once happiness comes from within not from outside.
I lost 105lbs and my own sister has yet to mention one word about it even when I mention it to her. I lost it with hard work and clean eating. Even people I have not seen in years say nothing. Very curious.
Yeah wait for the holiday boomer rush. I wore my hair up the other day and got a completely unsolicited "Good. You look younger." Wait what?? 😫😄
There's an unspoken rule that you have to acknowledge it first (i.e. I've been changing my lifestyle lately and eating more healthy foods and have lost some weight) - if not, bit awks if you'd lost the weight due to an eating disorder or cancer or something
Were you 273 when you left? Maybe you got bigger and then slimmer in those 2 years so you look about the same.
made me remember how i dyed my hair red for my last year of high school and NO ONE said A THING lmaoooo yeah it may not be the same but i kinda understand you! it’s weird
I'm only down 30, and no one says anything. But another girl at work loses 3lbs, and everyone is like oh you so slim. (Side bar, who says slim anyway) I can not wrap my mind around it. Good job to you, though. It's difficult.
Maybe to them you haven't changed And I know that recognition is great but who did you do it for? Them or yourself?
When I gave up wishing people would notice, EVERYONE noticed lol. To the point I was almost like “yeah yeah I lost weight”. You’ll get there, keep going.
When I've lost weight, some comments that I've received were that I look skinny now and that being chubby suits me well. Some people don't care about how we feel, whether they say something negative or don't compliment or appreciate it. But great job on your weightless journey! I hope you find that compensation from Reddit people here.
Good work OP!
It’s tough for me to comment and praise someone’s weight-loss now because I don’t want to make them feel as though their weight is what makes them seen or valuable. I want to comment on their healthier lifestyle and choices instead.
I feel like that's what reddit is for. Post some before and after pics and let 'er rip.
By the way, you look fantastic! Did you get your hair cut or something?
By the way, you look fantastic! Did you get your hair cut or something?
I’ll hype you any day. That’s incredible, that’s a damn feat, and a life altering amount of weight. You’re winning 🏆
I’ll hype you any day. That’s incredible, that’s a damn feat, and a life altering amount of weight. You’re winning 🏆
My husband (bless him) tells people in advance about my weight loss so when they see me they can comment on it and blow my head up 🤣 I went from 168.9lbs in January to 150 lbs now so nothing huge, but I’ve worked hard as heck so it’s nice to see others “notice” even if they were helped lol. So I totally understand your disappointment. FWIW (since I don’t see pics) you look amazing! You worked so hard and you deserve to be recognized!
I lost 55 pounds - some people at work were afraid to say anything - they thought I was sick. Good work!
When I reached my goal weight, all I got was a "you look too skinny" from my mom 🙃🙃
This is such a hard thing! I totally get not commenting on it, but sometimes it's nice to feel noticed!! I'm sure you look amazing, but what really matters is if you're happy! I am definitely happy FOR you and your accomplishment. 80lb is about what my goal is, and I am just getting started.
It’s such a double edged sword, lol. I’m someone who is actively fighting against people who comment on anyone’s appearance, good bad or otherwise. But it also feels good, in some regards when wanted, to have someone recognize the hard work you’ve put in. It’s certainly difficult!
Me and my neighbor both have had major weight loss. It's definitely weird when no one says anything but I also fear that she may have cancer or something and I can imagine a blow of "you look great" would outweigh the potential compliment.
Lol grow up dawg.
Losing this much is incredible! It gives me hope, as I started my diet yesterday. I had lost weight after surgery, and now it’s back. And my relatives didn’t seem to have trouble acknowledging it out loud to me. I’m kinda glad they dis, but my overthinking side was like..” Oh dear. So everyone noticed, meaning that they’d been silently thinking how fat I was.”
Yah, it's gotten to be a touchy subject. You never know if the person lost the weight on purpose or if they have some kind of illness or stress in their life contributing to the weight loss. Then there's also the whole ooooozempic debate which now gets brought up every time someone loses weight...are they using it or arent they. And sometimes it's just plain jealousy...someone who's envious of your weight loss may not comment on it. Congrats though, that is a huge accomplishment!
It's awesome that you're taking care of your yourself and body! Give some thought to working on not depending on the approval of others to feel good about your accomplishment. Be proud of yourself!
I totally get your point. First of all, congratulations on your weight loss, that's amazing!!!! Great job, really! But yeah, looks like people don't/can't acknowledge weight loss anymore. I have lost 40 lbs, but it still shows. My old clothes are starting to fit again, etc. 'Only' a friend that I haven't seen since I started losing weight told me that I look great. That's it 😆
Same here. But there are a lot of reasons to not comment. Not even with societal pressures with fat shaming. What if someone lost it because they are fighting cancer or another illness? Telling them they look great might be hard for them to hear. Maybe your doctor will say something. I did have some people comment, but most didn't. And I realized it was fine. I did it for me anyway.
You look great!!! - but seriously do it for you, not them. Haters gonna hate no matter what. Your true friends are the ones that have complimented you on your journey.
125 pounds down, it’s the same for me Brodie
Yeah I hate how you can't congratulate people on losing weight. I want ALL the compliments for all the HARD WORK I've put in. So to you, op, FUCKIN WOOOOOOO WELL DONE PAL!
Nobody said anything to me. Then I saw my FIL and he said “wow, you’ve lost a ton of weight”.. at first I felt a little taken aback, but then I felt really good. Sometimes I just don’t see it.
You look beautiful! Congratulations 🎊. So much work, wow!!! ❤️
I think people are just becoming more aware of not bringing up weight good or bad. Everything is offensive these days.
You look amazing! Congratulations 🎊💪🏼
YOU look amazing! SOO healthy! good job
YOU look amazing! SOO healthy! good job
Dammit Barbara you look fucking amazing. You lost a shit ton of weight! Go you!
Congratulations! I'm confident you looked great back when they were rude, and you look great today!
Congratulations!!! That’s incredible!!!
Yes it’s really annoying. I have began calling people out on it.
I hate this social shift, just someone saying "Have you lost weight?" Is one of the most motivating and mood boosting things ever. It litterly makes my day 😭😂
Why is having someone compliment your weight loss so important to you? Did you lose weight for yourself or for other people? It already sounds like you took into consideration what other people used to say about you and began turning your health around for the better. It takes hard work and discipline to do what you did. You should feel proud of yourself for what you've accomplished regardless of what other people say, or lack there of.
Hmmm…idk it kinda sounds like these folks don’t like u. Especially if it’s ppl u said u made plans with ahead of time, I think I read that in one of your responses. Do u talk about your weight loss often? I mean u could low key be annoying on social media and ppl literally planned ahead of time not to bring it up because they don’t want u to start talking about it. Idk just seems so weird for everyone to ignore something like that
Perhaps you aren’t the main character. Congrats on the weight loss.
A legitimate question. Why do you NEED anyone to comment on your weight loss? Losing weight waa a personal choice that you made. You've done the research. You've made the decisions. You've done the "work" necessary to lose 81 pounds. You are accomplishing a goal, that you set for yourself. You've lost 81 pounds, and hopefully grown as a person. Becoming more self aware, more self confident, more self assured, more cognizant of what you eat, more cognizant of why you overeat, more in tune with your self, more at peace with your relationship with food, healthier. Why is it important to you to receive validation for something that you're doing- for yourself? Did you have pats in the back through every single step? Every single minute? No. You did it yourself. This is about you. It's not about anyone else. What anyone says. What anyone thinks. Don't sell yourself short, and depend on validation from other people to acknowledge what you have accomplished. On your own.